NationStates Jolt Archive

Should sex wait for marriage or not? or if you are a really strange person should sex even be legal. God forbid it ever becomes illegal.

i personally believe it is wrong to marry without having had sex with your (future) spouse. to do otherwise is to say that you require commitment before full disclosure, and you think it's more important to wait for sex than to wait for love...i think that is a disservice to both you and your partner.

i personally believe it is wrong to marry without having had sex with your (future) spouse. to do otherwise is to say that you require commitment before full disclosure, and you think it's more important to wait for sex than to wait for love...i think that is a disservice to both you and your partner.
to have sex before marriage makes you evil.

to have sex before marriage makes you evil.

Says who? Christians?

to have sex before marriage makes you evil.

Evil? thats a little harsh. I dont really agree with sex before marriage but it dosn't make the person evil

Says who? Christians?
Says me. The all important authority on the matter. And says the holy word of the only true, living God.

Says me. The all important authority on the matter. And says the holy word of the only true, living God.

Jennifer Governement says that?

eh. whatever. its a personal decision. whether u find yoruself ready or not, or want to. nothing wrong with premarital, but, if you believe there to be, then wait. no biggy

_=*AMZ*=_

It's none of my business, bonk away for all I care.

i personally believe it is wrong to marry without having had sex with your (future) spouse. to do otherwise is to say that you require commitment before full disclosure, and you think it's more important to wait for sex than to wait for love...i think that is a disservice to both you and your partner.
...I can never say anything original with you around... :p

You could just say something really absurd like "oral sex and anal sex before marriage are okay, but not intercourse." That's pretty standard procedure a lot of places though.

Personnally, I'd rather have sex before *and* after marriage :-D


Jokes aside, I think it's more important to wait to be with someone you love before you have your time, than mindlessly follow a tradition that is nothing more than remnants of masculine control over women. Waiting before marriage to have sex was historically a mean of keeping the girl a virgin, while not really bothering what the boy was doing as long as wasn't stealing another girl's virginity.

Besides, like Bottle said, to ask for commitment before you have fully experienced that with your partner is kind of walking blind in an unfamiliar locale. Sex life is an important aspect of conjugal life, and it's good to know where you're headed with that.

Yes.

If SHE wanted to, I'd go at fiance. If she wanted to, I'd also wait until marrige.

But I'm not to into random sex, so I wouldn't do it if we were just dating.

Keep in mind, that before or after the actual marrige would be up to her ;)

I don't think it matters at all.

If SHE wanted to, I'd go at fiance. If she wanted to, I'd also wait until marrige.

What is random about having sex with a person you're dating? If you're familiar and intimate how is that any different than having a piece of paper and a priest decreeing that you're in love and can now exchange fluids.

What is random about having sex with a person you're dating? If you're familiar and intimate how is that any different than having a piece of paper and a priest decreeing that you're in love and can now exchange fluids.

I agree. If you're dating(well, we're talking more or less steadily, not one date-sex-then-goodbye) it's not random.

Random sex happens when guy strolls in the bar, spots chick with big breasts, pretend to be interested by what chick with big breasts say, and ask "Your place or mine?". Now that I call random sex.

You'd better get sex before you get married, because it becomes virtually non-existent afterwards!

(Just kidding...sort of) :p

I think you have to decide for yourself what exactly sex is. The meaning most derive from it (as a way of showing affection or whatever) is purely conceptual. We make of it what we want –whether or not its meaningful or just something as commonplace as a peck on the lips is completely up to you. Some people decide what sex is based on their religious beliefs. Others base it on what they’re told in school –“When you have sex with someone, you leave a piece of yourself with them.” That can’t really be true, for you don’t actually leave a piece of yourself with them (in the literal sense). Therefore, even that description of sex becomes as abstract as all the others. (You leave something mental with them.) We’re born a solid piece of clay, unmolded and untouched, so how can something as convoluted as sex be defined for us?

That was far off the point, and for that, I apologize. The point is, sex doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t let it mean anything. The same is true for it to mean everything, which is just as noble in my eyes as the former. Sex before marriage? If it means that much to you, then don’t do it, wait until you’re with someone you love. But if you decide sex is nothing more then uh… fulfilling your physical desires, then go for that.

My personal opinion is well, rather liberal. Then again, I am a college student... *chants Toga! Toga! Toga!*

If we were seriously dating, I'd asssume that marrige would be discussed sooner or later :p

Waiting until then is just a sorta "safety measure," I guess you could call it.


In short, I wanna save myself for one person :p.

For me both with lots of protection. For you eh… whatever

"Sex before or after marriage?"
And what is about sex during marriage???
Well: I think it is a personal choice. I would however recomend a bit of abstention. But again: it is everybody´s choice. However: people have a responsibility not to spread sexually transmitted diseases. A promisque lifestyle is dangerous for the person itself and for the people they are having contact with.

Says me. The all important authority on the matter. And says the holy word of the only true, living God.


Yes, but a recent poll of false, dead gods gave an 85% approval to "have fun, but play safe"

You'd better get sex before you get married, because it becomes virtually non-existent afterwards!

(Just kidding...sort of) :p

I hate people with that much experience :sniper: :mp5:

Should sex wait for marriage or not? or if you are a really strange person should sex even be legal. God forbid it ever becomes illegal.

Marriage? Bollix.

Vas.

to have sex before marriage makes you evil.

meh. i'm already going to Hell for rejecting the Christian God, the Muslim God, and the Jewish God, and i'm stuck having to be reborn as a cockroach for failing to progress toward enlightenment...at this point, what's a little evil between friends?

Don't see why sex should wait.
Who here would buy a car without test-driving it first?

i personally believe it is wrong to marry without having had sex with your (future) spouse. to do otherwise is to say that you require commitment before full disclosure, and you think it's more important to wait for sex than to wait for love...i think that is a disservice to both you and your partner.

I agree with this... you wouldn't buy a car without a little test drive ;)

:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

I don't mind sex before marriage.

"My dad says, "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?"

"Did you just call my Girlfriend a cow?"

"I think he called her a slught!"

/Red vs Blue reference

now keep in mind that im a 47 year old woman; ive been married for 20.5 years

FOR GODS SAKE HAVE SEX BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED

sex is not the end all and be all of marriage. you dont marry a person because they are the best sex you ever had. but there are several very practical reasons why you and your intended should know yourself and each other sexually before getting married.

some people are just not sexually compatible. some people have sexual "kinks". some people have extremely high sex drives, some have extremely low sex drives.

you need to know this stuff

there are things that, if you knew about it, you wouldnt marry that person but once you are married, your committment means you put up with it.

who wants to find out on their honeymoon that your new husband can only enjoy himself if you take a cold bath then lie very still? you dont divorce a man for that but JEEEEZ if you knew it you would have sent him on his way a long time ago.

now keep in mind that im a 47 year old woman; ive been married for 20.5 years

That's not true, there are no girls on Nationstates!


FOR GODS SAKE HAVE SEX BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED



Now that just made me laugh :D

Sheesh... all this talk about sex and marriage.... makes me remember why we put that lock on the bedroom door.


Honey?



HONEY?




Now where did my wife go....

it's sunday, she must be at church

after

whores

it's sunday, she must be at church

Stephi's an avowed atheist. She can be kinky anytime she wants. :fluffle:

Just look at the Male Genitalia topic ;)

Should sex wait for marriage or not? or if you are a really strange person should sex even be legal. God forbid it ever becomes illegal.

I know most people won't agree with me, but I feel it should wait until after marriage.

Meh, if you wanna screw then screw. It's not our buisness what goes on in some one elses relationship. If you really care enough to speak against it, then you're a sad indivisual. Keep your personal beliefs to your self.

Before, After, During.. Anythings cool.. Just be safe.

Should sex wait for marriage or not?

Um yes, hehehe, I think it is a personal choice. I know people who do not believe in the legal idea of marriage so they don't believe in waiting to be married to have sex. There have been cultures throughout history and religions that had people married off as young as 7 or 8 some even younger. So I think this concept of marriage and sex is I little off. Again, I think it is a personal decision.

nothin wrong with sex before marriage

Yes, but a recent poll of false, dead gods gave an 85% approval to "have fun, but play safe"
LOL!

Before, After, During.. Anythings cool.. Just be safe.
During?! That might raise an eyebrow from the minister.

ah, never mind. He's a pro

Don't see why sex should wait.
Who here would buy a car without test-driving it first?

I agree with this... you wouldn't buy a car without a little test drive ;)

Is is an odd coincidence that you used the same metaphor?

I'm going to go a little farther with this discussion--not only do I think it's a poor idea to wait until marriage to have sex, I think it's generally a bad idea to marry the person you lose your virginity to. Obviously there are plenty of exceptions to this statement--couples who have been happily married for years who have never had other partners--but I think as a general rule, it's a good idea.

Why? In too many societies, sex is looked upon as this dirty, sinful act that should be limited to people in particular circumstances (married people) for certain purposes (procreation). Meantime, as adolescents (especially males), our sex drive is so strong that we're bumping into walls if we're not careful. How many times were any of you in true love between age 14 and 19? Dozens? Hundreds? At one time I think I was in love with the entire female population of the western hemisphere. Was I really in love or was I just desperately horny?

So what happens is you mistake hormonal overdrive for love, and because of the strictures placed upon sexual behavior by the church, you wind up married. You have no real idea if your personalities are compatible, you're likely not even fully matured or developed psychologically yet, and yet you've bound yourself to another in a compact that society says includes monogamy. And why? Because you're ether so desperate to lose your virginity or you've already lost it and are mistaking sexual orgasm for love.

So sow those wild oats--safely--and figure out what the difference between love and sex is, and then get married if you so desire.

I agree with Incertonia on that point.

**raises hand** some people can be in control of their hormones.

I had a long distance relationship for a year, and ended it the month before she was comming over to visit me. If I were simply driven by hormones, trust me-I wouldn't have ended it :p. Especially BEFORE she visited. Eheh, for the sake of decency and whatnot, I won't go further.


But the fact is, I ended it because we honestly weren't good for each other. Way different personalities and other such things.

Sex before marriage is wrong.

When you have sex with someone, it creates a very deep and lasting emotional bond.

Also:

-Pregnancy
-STD's
-If the sexual ethics are lax before marriage, what will they be after marriage?

And for the test drive argument:

All you do with a car is drive it. So it's okay to take it for a test run. However, there's more to marriage than sex. Marriage is a commitment emotionally, financially, physically, and spiritually.

sex is fun, i dont see any real reason to abstain.

So is drag racing. It's fun, but someone's bound to get hurt.

You cant live life with your head under the sand, running in fear of anything that might hurt you.

No, but you can't take foolish risks either.

Okay, say you're walking on a road by a cliff. There's a fence that will keep you from falling off. Now, suppose I said, "That fence is restricting me. I'm not going to heed the fence," and I climbed it. What do you suppose would happen?

if you climbed the fence then you would be at the top of the fence. What you did when you got there is another matter entirely.

I was assuming you got over the fence and were on the other side of it.

Sex before marriage is wrong.

When you have sex with someone, it creates a very deep and lasting emotional bond.

Also:

-Pregnancy
-STD's
-If the sexual ethics are lax before marriage, what will they be after marriage?

And for the test drive argument:

All you do with a car is drive it. So it's okay to take it for a test run. However, there's more to marriage than sex. Marriage is a commitment emotionally, financially, physically, and spiritually.Ummm--sex doesn't create a deep and lasting emotional bond. It creates sweat and other bodily fluids, a great deal of physocal pleasure if done correctly, and if done without protection, can create a baby or an STD.

What creates a deep and lasting emotional bond is the building of a relationship which may or may not include sex.

I have found it quite easy to avoid babies and stds and i have been sexually active for quite a while now.

After.

Actually I've tried it before and after marriage (different girls) and I have to say sex before marriage is better, after marriage you have to get up and paint the celling the next day

Preferably sex should be after marriage, but when you're the result of sex before marriage (teen sex no less) then you can't really comment.

Should sex wait for marriage or not? or if you are a really strange person should sex even be legal. God forbid it ever becomes illegal.

What about during marriage? It would make for more interesting weddings.

I say, if you want to have sex, have sex, and if you don't want to, then don't. It's quite simple, really. Just do what you believe is right.

And for the test drive argument:

All you do with a car is drive it. So it's okay to take it for a test run. However, there's more to marriage than sex. Marriage is a commitment emotionally, financially, physically, and spiritually.


......................................



So is drag racing. It's fun, but someone's bound to get hurt.

might i point out, that both those arguments are about cars? all you do is drive them :P


its your body, do whatever you want with it. for now, im waiting, if not for marriage, then for someone i feel completely comfortable in having sex with.

Agreed ... have fun ... whatever makes you happy

Live life to the fullist

Really, people are able to live thier lives any way they choose to. Whatever they see fit, the person could make a choice and follow it through. But, if there is any consequence, good or bad, the person will also have to be responsible for their actions.

There's something special about waiting for that one special person you're going to spend your life with.

Imagine what it would be like on your wedding night, comparing your spouse to previous sexual partners. Imagine knowing you were being compared.

GIRL'S OPINION!!
i'll probably wait until after the stinkin wedding, but trust me, it's going to be a short reception with a hotel down the road. :fluffle: just don't outlaw french kissing and petting until then.

If the question is "Sex before or after the WEDDING?", I say 'after'. I am looking forward to having lots of sex DURING marriage with the woman to whom I will be married, if I ever get married. 'Til then, I wanna wait.

i personally believe it is wrong to marry without having had sex with your (future) spouse. to do otherwise is to say that you require commitment before full disclosure, and you think it's more important to wait for sex than to wait for love...i think that is a disservice to both you and your partner.

Bottle, could you explain your statement, "you think it's more important to wait for sex than to wait for love" in more detail? I don't understand what you're saying.
More generally on the question of finding out about your affianced's sexual preferences, what happened to talking about it? My church runs marriage preparation courses for couples planning to get married, with the intention of examining compatability in many areas of life, including sex. Most couples realise that they really are suited for each other, and go into marriage with eyes open. About 10% realise they're not a match; they don't have to be told, they realise for themselves through the discussion process, so they avoid a painful marriage and likely divorce.

listen to your mother

DON'T WAIT

im not saying be promiscuous. that carries its own obvious dangers.

people today get married at what? 28?

you think you should be ignorant of your own sexuality for your first 3 decades of life?

it really only works for 2 people who both have pretty much no sex drive. people who have no problem abstaining before marriage may well decide to abstain afterwards too.

you really dont want to save yourself for your own true love soul mate only to find out on your honeymoon that he's some kind of sexual freak. these things are best discovered before you say I DO, before you book the hall, before you buy the dress, before you go shopping for a ring.

if he turns out to be sexual dynamite, you havent lost anything. just gained an extra year of great sex (while you are planning the wedding, these things take time)

Well, then, you may want some premarital counselling in this area.

You say, "Don't be promiscuous." But if you can't find someone to date or whatever, then how can you find your own sexuality?

Says me. The all important authority on the matter. And says the holy word of the only true, living God.

um why is it that christians are ignorant fools? i mean, cant you accept the fact that there are other religions out there? im atheist but i hate how chrisitans are so full of themselves... be more like the buddhas and chill out... or the satanists, they're cool. ^.^

ps. sex before marriage is great !

There are too girls on Nationstates.. a couple. lol. I gues I don't share the opinion of a lot of girls, but I think sex is just something people are born to do and holding back until marriage (unless you get married when you're like 15.. which I don't advise) is against nature and is just plain crazy. I agree with the person who said that waiting for marriage is bad because SOME people might jump into marriage just so they can have sex. I also agree that you should know what kind of physical compatability you and your partener have before you get married.. and TALKING about it is not good enough. Waiting until you get married could result in an unhappy marriage, and will definately result in a boring life before that. Sex is fun, so just be careful and do what you feel is right. If you want to wait, go for it. It's just not for me.

Well, then, you may want some premarital counselling in this area.

You say, "Don't be promiscuous." But if you can't find someone to date or whatever, then how can you find your own sexuality?

well id recommend that you have sex with a person that you are considering marrying. or at least one that if you ended up having a baby with it woudlnt be a total embarrassment ( you dont want to end up on jerry springer on one of those "its you or 5 other guys" segments)

and yes you can learn alot about your sexuality all by yourself

There's something special about waiting for that one special person you're going to spend your life with.

Imagine what it would be like on your wedding night, comparing your spouse to previous sexual partners. Imagine knowing you were being compared.

Ahhh so you have never been married.

Well some info

Many people are too damned tired to "perform" or really think about it.

I for one did not think of my previous partners and I can say neither did she.

As to being compared? MEH! If they were better then why is she with me? A fear of being compared is nothing more then a lack of confidence.....

More generally on the question of finding out about your affianced's sexual preferences, what happened to talking about it? My church runs marriage preparation courses for couples planning to get married, with the intention of examining compatability in many areas of life, including sex. Most couples realise that they really are suited for each other, and go into marriage with eyes open. About 10% realise they're not a match; they don't have to be told, they realise for themselves through the discussion process, so they avoid a painful marriage and likely divorce.

Sorry but I have to ask what's the churches stand on divorse? Many people in bad marriages stay in bad marriages because of Relgious Dogma. I knew of a couple cases where the man was beating the crap out of the woman and the Church just keep trying to "help" them work it through. Both women finally got the courage to leave and their "brothers and sisters" of their church treated them like they were some kind of whore.

I have seen some of the "preperation" courses and took them as my church recommended. Sex class was the rhythm method :rolleyes: The majority was common sense stuff(money and communication).

There is nothing wrong with sex before marriage. In fact I wanted my spouse to have had experience so she would not have an preconsived fantasy notions of what it was going to be like.

You talk about it all you want but the mind really can't imagine what it is like until you do it.

I think there's a lot to be said for celibacy, because it helps to develop self-discipline, but there is a lot which makes it suspect when you're looking at it from a traditional point of view.

One way of looking at it is that women, and I think essentially we are talking about women here, are merchandise. We are supposed to come totally unused until we are married. It's a reproductive control thing.

The same thing, with just a little twist, becomes the mindset of a sex-offender. It's the mindset of men who are afraid that they might marry a demanding woman, one who asks for something in sex. Rapists don't care about what their victim wants, and the men who have an unhealthy obsession with virginity are kind of the same. They don't want a woman who knows what she wants, they want one who has no idea that she is supposed to want anything.

/my two cents.

Sorry but I have to ask what's the churches stand on divorse? Many people in bad marriages stay in bad marriages because of Relgious Dogma. I knew of a couple cases where the man was beating the crap out of the woman and the Church just keep trying to "help" them work it through. Both women finally got the courage to leave and their "brothers and sisters" of their church treated them like they were some kind of whore.

I have seen some of the "preperation" courses and took them as my church recommended. Sex class was the rhythm method :rolleyes: The majority was common sense stuff(money and communication).

There is nothing wrong with sex before marriage. In fact I wanted my spouse to have had experience so she would not have an preconsived fantasy notions of what it was going to be like.

You talk about it all you want but the mind really can't imagine what it is like until you do it.

The church does not have one coherent stance on divorce. Some denominations ban it completely, some allow it only in extreme circumstances, some seem to say it's basically O.K. The following is therefore pretty much my viewpoint, which may be shared by quite a few Christians.

To disagree with some other posters, sex does create a bond between those who do it together, a bond that exists on emotional and spiritual levels. Marriage is intended to be a lifelong relationship of committed love in which sex plays a major role in forming and reinforcing the bond between the man and the woman. The Bible describes marriage as being like the formation of one new person out of two, which is why divorce is more like major surgery than a casual economic realignment.
I see two scenarios in which the Bible permits divorce. The first is one partner having sex outside the marriage, i.e. adultery (Matthew 5:32, Matthew 19:9), in which case the marriage bond has already been broken; the second is if a non-Christian wants to leave their Christian spouse (1 Corinthians 7:12-16), but not the other way round.

In the case of wife-beating, I'd say the husband has broken his promise before God to love his wife.

Ah, the tribulations of being heterosexual! :-) For us homosexuals, this is a give-away: we can't get married, so the question is moot.

Wait: I live in the Netherlands! I CAN get married! **PANIC!!** Luckily, this question is no longer relevant to me....

I think there's a lot to be said for celibacy, because it helps to develop self-discipline, but there is a lot which makes it suspect when you're looking at it from a traditional point of view.


If it developing self discipline or is it the fact they probably can't pick up a girl/guy? ;)


One way of looking at it is that women, and I think essentially we are talking about women here, are merchandise. We are supposed to come totally unused until we are married. It's a reproductive control thing.


Merchandise? Well women are still property in some parts of the world but for a guy(and that is speaking for me only ;) ), its a case of being the first. Discovering virgin territory(sorry ;) ).

Rapists don't care about what their victim wants,

Rape is about sex???????

and the men who have an unhealthy obsession with virginity are kind of the same. They don't want a woman who knows what she wants, they want one who has no idea that she is supposed to want anything.

/my two cents.

again. I raise an eyebrow on that. A guy who want's a woman that does not know anything is probably a confidence issue.

I am overly confident(shock) and the fact that some of my ex-girlfriends and even my wife have been with more men is no issue to me.

It's none of my business, bonk away for all I care.

aye cheers to tat

If it developing self discipline or is it the fact they probably can't pick up a girl/guy? ;)



Merchandise? Well women are still property in some parts of the world but for a guy(and that is speaking for me only ;) ), its a case of being the first. Discovering virgin territory(sorry ;) ).


Rape is about sex???????



again. I raise an eyebrow on that. A guy who want's a woman that does not know anything is probably a confidence issue.

I am overly confident(shock) and the fact that some of my ex-girlfriends and even my wife have been with more men is no issue to me.

My point about the sex-offender mentality is that it's a power and control issue.

A controversial issue, as are most in this forum. Many people see sex before marriage as wrong or at least indeent, where as waiting is practically endearing. I admit I kind of share that veiw, but I remember reading about one woman who endorsed sex before marriage.
She was brought up in a highly religious background and had remained a faithfull virgin till marriage but on the day of the concecration she felt so nervous and self conscious it all was a bit uncomfortable. Parhaps its because having sex with someone is to know a different part of them, and only once you have seen that part can you know and understand that person comlpetely, so how could you make a commitment to someone you didn't know completely?

Am I making any sence here?

Anyways, her marriage didn't last, but now she is gaining confidence with a long term partner who she trusts and loves but hasn't married.

I'm still undecided on the issue, there are so many factors....... argh!

um why is it that christians are ignorant fools? i mean, cant you accept the fact that there are other religions out there? im atheist but i hate how chrisitans are so full of themselves... be more like the buddhas and chill out... or the satanists, they're cool. ^.^

ps. sex before marriage is great !

And why is it that atheists try to claim that all Christians are like all Christains? Or belive that buddhism is about chilling out? Some buddhists I've met are much more strict than Christians. And as the the sex thing, I'm probably gonna wait *though you never know*, but I don't really care if you do. It is not like I think you are going to Hell if you have premarital sex.

look people...haven't ya' heard of carpe diem?

do what ya want as long as it hurts no one....so if you both consent....theres no prob :fluffle:

ps there are girls on Nation States, I know this because I am a girl. :)

look people...haven't ya' heard of carpe diem?

do what ya want as long as it hurts no one....so if you both consent....theres no prob :fluffle:

What if it does hurt you? Does the fact that both consent mean that no-one gets hurt? What if it's someone else that gets hurt?

What if it does hurt you? Does the fact that both consent mean that no-one gets hurt? What if it's someone else that gets hurt?

as long as everyone is happy.....everything is good (this is in an utopian society, bear in mind) :D :fluffle: :D

Meh, if you wanna screw then screw. It's not our buisness what goes on in some one elses relationship. If you really care enough to speak against it, then you're a sad indivisual. Keep your personal beliefs to your self.


So you had to make sure to share your personal beliefs about not sharing personal beliefs...interesting.

Also if everyone were to keep their personal beliefs to themselves this world would be sad a place to be. If you are so closed minded that you don't ever want to hear what someone else has to say how will you ever learn or expand your mind...or even find truth. To think that you have all the answers already and that it is a waste of time to listen to others is ridiculous. This life is going to be a very long and disappointing ride for you unless you find a way to pull your head out of your rear and open up your mind a little.

as long as everyone is happy.....everything is good (this is in an utopian society, bear in mind) :D :fluffle: :D

As long as everyone is happy, everything is good? Everyone is not happy, in case you hadn't noticed.

How does it help to discuss a utopian society? 'Utopia' means 'nowhere', it doesn't exist.

I know you were probably joking (I HOPE you were joking!), but this kind of saccharine hippy crap has done enough damage to Western society already.

I hate people with that much experience :sniper: :mp5:

:fluffle:

What about the old joke that you better have sex before you get married because you certainly won't be having any once you're hitched?

meh. to each his or her own, really. i haven't waited, nor do i really see the point. i wait for love and that's really what matters, not some piece of paper or a promise to stay together for life.

Just follow the teachings of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh! :fluffle:

;)

Do what you feel. Just don't be judgemental about your beliefs. If someone has sex before marriage, it doesn't make them evil in my opinion. I don't believe in god, let alone one who is so unforgiving and punishing.

I'm still trying to figure out where in any version of the Bible that premarital sex is against the law of "God". Maybe it's somewhere in the NT apocraphy. *shrug*

As for sex before or after marriage, well, sex during marriage is nice too.

I'm still trying to figure out where in any version of the Bible that premarital sex is against the law of "God". Maybe it's somewhere in the NT apocraphy. *shrug*

As for sex before or after marriage, well, sex during marriage is nice too.

You're right, it's never written down explicitly in those words.
There's some stuff speaking against fornication (Matthew 15:19, Acts 15:29, 1 Corinthians 6:9, Hebrews 13:4),
LOADS of stuff speaking against adultery (Exodus 20:14 (the 7th commandment of the 10), Job 24:15, 2 Peter 2:14, 1 Corinthians 6:9 again, Hebrews 13:4 again, I could go on a lot longer!),
and marriage is given as an analogy for the relationship between God and His people (Isaiah 54:5-8, Hosea 2:19-20, Revelation 19:7-9), which is why adultery is used as an analogy for God's people turning away from Him (Jeremiah 3:8, Ezekiel 23)

You're right, it's never written down explicitly in those words.
There's some stuff speaking against fornication (Matthew 15:19, Acts 15:29, 1 Corinthians 6:9, Hebrews 13:4),


Yeah, fornication, sure ... but fornication isn't premarital sex ... well ... in English it may be ... but I'm pretty sure no part of the Bible was written in English and I'm also pretty sure the words used in the mentioned versus are words for adultery, not premarital sex.

saying sex before marraige makes you evil is one of the most ridiculous statements I've ever seen or heard in my entire life. evil is Hitler...evil is Gacy...Albert Fish...Ed Gein...Abba...Overzealous Political correctness...and the stalking pedophile next to the Junior High...consentual sex without wedlock is not evil..it can't even be compared

Abba

That made me laugh .... long and loud and clear

:headbang:

That made me laugh .... long and loud and clear

I was applauding. it was a nice touch.

saying sex before marraige makes you evil is one of the most ridiculous statements I've ever seen or heard in my entire life. evil is Hitler...evil is Gacy...Albert Fish...Ed Gein...Abba...Overzealous Political correctness...and the stalking pedophile next to the Junior High...consentual sex without wedlock is not evil..it can't even be compared

Unfortunately, some qould beg to differ.

Yeah, fornication, sure ... but fornication isn't premarital sex ... well ... in English it may be ... but I'm pretty sure no part of the Bible was written in English and I'm also pretty sure the words used in the mentioned versus are words for adultery, not premarital sex.

I'm pretty sure there are different words both in Ancient Hebrew (most of the Old Testamant was written in Hebrew) and 1st century Greek (the original language of the New Testament) for fornication and adultery, as both Hebrew and Greek society had the concept of marriage, so both had separate concepts for fornication and adultery. The Bible translation I use most (the New American Standard) aims for literal translation over flow, which makes it a little hard to read sometimes, but does bring out a lot of the subtleties of the original languages.
Of course, there's no real substitute for learning the original languages, but this is pretty close.

How do you stop your girlfriend giving you a b.j ?

Marry her ;)

Sex before marriage is up to the individual, but I feel partners will be better prepared to satisfy there mate if they have at least a basic working knowledge of what to do :)

Should sex wait for marriage or not? or if you are a really strange person should sex even be legal. God forbid it ever becomes illegal.
I go by the belief that marriage shouldn't dictate when you first have sex. Marriage is not a factor at all. I believe it can be a spiritually enhancing experience if done when you feel it'll do you good.

As a married guy, all I can say is you better have some sex BEFORE marriage, because you ain't getting any AFTER.

As a married guy, all I can say is you better have some sex BEFORE marriage, because you ain't getting any AFTER.
Probably because she knows she doesn't have to put out any more ;)

I'm pretty sure there are different words both in Ancient Hebrew (most of the Old Testamant was written in Hebrew) and 1st century Greek (the original language of the New Testament) for fornication and adultery, as both Hebrew and Greek society had the concept of marriage, so both had separate concepts for fornication and adultery.

I can't really speak for Greek as it's a language I'm unfamiliar with, but as for Hebrew ....

There really isn't a concept of "premarital sex" in the ancient Hebrew language. It was simply called "sex" and it wasn't a sin unless you were having sex with your child (or any child), your parent, your sibling, an animal, or extramarital affairs (adultery).

I don't know when it was decided that premarital sex was a sin. Talmudic commentary has a lot of very zealous Rabbis screaming against it, but there's nothing in the 613 laws given at Sinai against it.

It's really a tough call from a Judaic standpoint, which is why the very famous Rabbi Hillel said about Torah, "What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow man. This is the entire Torah, all of it; the rest is commentary."

As a married guy, all I can say is you better have some sex BEFORE marriage, because you ain't getting any AFTER.

Maybe you should re-examine your marriage. I've been married for nearly 8 years, have three children, and there's nothing wrong with our sex life.

I can't really speak for Greek as it's a language I'm unfamiliar with, but as for Hebrew ....

There really isn't a concept of "premarital sex" in the ancient Hebrew language. It was simply called "sex" and it wasn't a sin unless you were having sex with your child (or any child), your parent, your sibling, an animal, or extramarital affairs (adultery).

I don't know when it was decided that premarital sex was a sin. Talmudic commentary has a lot of very zealous Rabbis screaming against it, but there's nothing in the 613 laws given at Sinai against it.

It's really a tough call from a Judaic standpoint, which is why the very famous Rabbi Hillel said about Torah, "What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow man. This is the entire Torah, all of it; the rest is commentary."

It's a sin because the Christians, or rather the original Christians (the Catholics) decided that because there was some form of pleasure in it that it must be the work of the devil so they decided that rather than ignore it that they had to sin-ify (word?) it!

I want to have sex with Jennifer Government.

I don't think there is anything wrong with sex before marriage.

I can't really speak for Greek as it's a language I'm unfamiliar with, but as for Hebrew ....

There really isn't a concept of "premarital sex" in the ancient Hebrew language. It was simply called "sex" and it wasn't a sin unless you were having sex with your child (or any child), your parent, your sibling, an animal, or extramarital affairs (adultery).

I don't know when it was decided that premarital sex was a sin. Talmudic commentary has a lot of very zealous Rabbis screaming against it, but there's nothing in the 613 laws given at Sinai against it.

It's really a tough call from a Judaic standpoint, which is why the very famous Rabbi Hillel said about Torah, "What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow man. This is the entire Torah, all of it; the rest is commentary."

That was a very enlightening and well-informed response. Thank you. I learned a great deal.

As for Rabbi Hillel's comment, I think that's a very sound foundation for an ethical code. Simple but profound.

It's a sin because the Christians, or rather the original Christians (the Catholics) decided that because there was some form of pleasure in it that it must be the work of the devil so they decided that rather than ignore it that they had to sin-ify (word?) it!

Well, when you're selling salvation, it's hard to make money unless everything is a sin.

Well I think sex; before, during or after marriage is really a matter of opinion, what if you don't beleive in marriage? Oh damn! that's probably a sin too.
I tell you, people are screwing all over the place all of the time, (even right oh oh now!) and right at that moment of ejaculation and before, I don't think marriage is a big issue.. I think the real question should be weather the fruit of your intercourse will be merely satisfaction or DNA, as this can have an impact on mother earth, (which sustains all of us) and needs to for a while longer. So let's focus on the realities instead of archaic ideologies.
God or no God, honesty is divine, and, sin or no sin, sex is fun.

And remember anal is forever.

I can't really speak for Greek as it's a language I'm unfamiliar with, but as for Hebrew ....

There really isn't a concept of "premarital sex" in the ancient Hebrew language. It was simply called "sex" and it wasn't a sin unless you were having sex with your child (or any child), your parent, your sibling, an animal, or extramarital affairs (adultery).

I don't know when it was decided that premarital sex was a sin. Talmudic commentary has a lot of very zealous Rabbis screaming against it, but there's nothing in the 613 laws given at Sinai against it.

It's really a tough call from a Judaic standpoint, which is why the very famous Rabbi Hillel said about Torah, "What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow man. This is the entire Torah, all of it; the rest is commentary."

One verse I can find for now is Deuteronomy 23:18, a commandment not to use the wages of a prostitute as an offering in the temple, but I accept this is a specialised case. Also, in Deut. 23:2, persons of illegitimate birth were prohibited from entering the assembly of the LORD, implying opposition to extramarital sex.

It's a sin because the Christians, or rather the original Christians (the Catholics) decided that because there was some form of pleasure in it that it must be the work of the devil so they decided that rather than ignore it that they had to sin-ify (word?) it!

First of all, the Catholics weren't the original Christians, the roots of denominations like the Syrian Orthodox go back much further.
Secondly, the attitude towards sex taken by the church down the centuries is a real departure from original Hebrew understanding. Sex is a gift from God, to be enjoyed in appropriate context. It's not bad, or sinful, or dirty, but it is misused, like any of the good things in life. Read Song of Songs, an erotic love poem in the Old Testament, the Hebrew bible, to see what God's view of sex is.

Sure, sex is nice thing, misused and misinterpreted by humans and therefore leaves a mark saying: "Dirty! Don't touch!". Of course, it's not the first thing to be misused and/or misinterpreted. Religion is another big thing distorted by certain humans.

Well, when you're selling salvation, it's hard to make money unless everything is a sin.

Of course it is! It is because the church says so! :p ;) And, that is a good way to sell it.

One verse I can find for now is Deuteronomy 23:18, a commandment not to use the wages of a prostitute as an offering in the temple, but I accept this is a specialised case. Also, in Deut. 23:2, persons of illegitimate birth were prohibited from entering the assembly of the LORD, implying opposition to extramarital sex.

Deut. 23:2 uses the word "mamzer" meaning "misbegotten". Mamzerim are offspring of adultery or incest. Children of premarital sex were perfectly accepted (Kid. 4.1,2; Yev. 100b).

As for 23:18, you have to look also at 23:17 and you'll see that the verse talks about the fees of a "cult prostitute" or, in short, a gentile prostitute.

In the law, it does talk about if a man has sex with a woman before marriage, he has to marry her, and cannot divorce her.

I would only ever have sex with someone I had been in a close relationship with for a while, someone I trusted.

Rape is about sex???????


Rape is about power and control, not about sex.

Most social scientists confirm that It is better to wait until you are grown, educated, and married before having kids.

But we know there are measures to prevent b@stards.

this is about premarital sex
http://www.layhands.com/IsPremaritalSexASin.htm

It may be a dumb comparison, but who buys a car without a test drive?
...and... I am strongly in favour of Sex DURING the marriage :D

...about the attachment. I am new to this and still learning.

It may be a dumb comparison, but who buys a car without a test drive?
...and... I am strongly in favour of Sex DURING the marriage :D

if you were gonna buy a Ferrari would you give a shit about the test drive

Should sex wait for marriage or not? or if you are a really strange person should sex even be legal. God forbid it ever becomes illegal.

WHy not during? It'd sure spice up an otherwise dull ceremony. ;)

You have to test drive it before you buy it.

if you want it to not suck and to be fun, before.
if, however, you are masochistic in that you like sucky things, wait.

if you want it to not suck and to be fun, before.
if, however, you are masochistic in that you like sucky things, wait.

What the hell are you talking about?

its rather simple really:

people have a choice of doing it when they want to

and for their choice, they shouldn't be made fun of or stereotyped

me personally: i believe sex is something you do with someone you love.. i take more of that side of it.. so i save that for a person i love not because there is a party in my panties and everyone is invited

I'm a little sick of this sanctity of marraige bull. With the majority of unions destined to end up in divorce (just quoting statistics), it's not like getting married gains you entrance into a club with any sort of membership that makes me want to join. Which is probably why my partner and I had four children and lived happily in sin for fourteen years before we finally married, purely for practical and financial reasons. Have sex if you truly love someone, leave the marraige crap out of it.

as far as sex goes, if a good time was had by all then there's nothing wrong with it. for me, love doesn't even have to enter the equation.

heh

the true question should be why is it more acceptable for guys to have more sex partners then girls?

I would say that sex should wait until after marriage. After all, your spouse can decide at the last second to not get married. But this comes from a 15 year old virgin, so sue me.

heh

the true question should be why is it more acceptable for guys to have more sex partners then girls?


dunno. as a girl i do feel a bit put-out by that. hell, we have hormones too. raging ones.

listen to your mother

DON'T WAIT

im not saying be promiscuous. that carries its own obvious dangers.

people today get married at what? 28?

you think you should be ignorant of your own sexuality for your first 3 decades of life?

it really only works for 2 people who both have pretty much no sex drive. people who have no problem abstaining before marriage may well decide to abstain afterwards too.

you really dont want to save yourself for your own true love soul mate only to find out on your honeymoon that he's some kind of sexual freak. these things are best discovered before you say I DO, before you book the hall, before you buy the dress, before you go shopping for a ring.

if he turns out to be sexual dynamite, you havent lost anything. just gained an extra year of great sex (while you are planning the wedding, these things take time)

I was in my 30's when I got married. I even already had a son from a past relationship *GASP*

I think sex & marriage don't really have a lot to do with each other, you certainly don't have to get married to have sex or children. Those are not really good reasons to get married. I had sex long before I met my husband.

I got married because I love him, because he makes me laugh, because every time he walks into a room my heart skips a beat. I got married because my husband and I have the same interests and hobbies.. we share the same point of view, we have the same dreams and hopes. Sex, yup, love it, but that was just an added bonus.

There is an old saying, goes some thing like this, If you have good sex in your marriage it only makes up 10% of a marriage, if you don't have good sex in your marriage, then sex makes up 80% of your marriage. So, while sex is certainly not the most important thing about marriage, it does matter. If you end up with some one you've never even had sex with before making a promise for life, you best know what your partner likes and expects and if that's kewl with you.

Also, if you save it for marriage you will always wonder, because you'll have zero frame of reference. I think people who wait for marriage and only ever have one sex partner in their life is the making of a marriage that will have cheating in it sooner or later, because one of you will wonder, it's normal, it's natural.

I know I will never cheat on my husband and he won't on me, because he's first and fore most my best friend.. and we do okay in the bedroom and we know what is out there. So, we don't wonder.

Ok, long rant over.. :fluffle:

I was in my 30's when I got married. I even already had a son from a past relationship *GASP*

I think sex & marriage don't really have a lot to do with each other, you certainly don't have to get married to have sex or children. Those are not really good reasons to get married. I had sex long before I met my husband.

I got married because I love him, because he makes me laugh, because every time he walks into a room my heart skips a beat. I got married because my husband and I have the same interests and hobbies.. we share the same point of view, we have the same dreams and hopes. Sex, yup, love it, but that was just an added bonus.

There is an old saying, goes some thing like this, If you have good sex in your marriage it only makes up 10% of a marriage, if you don't have good sex in your marriage, then sex makes up 80% of your marriage. So, while sex is certainly not the most important thing about marriage, it does matter. If you end up with some one you've never even had sex with before making a promise for life, you best know what your partner likes and expects and if that's kewl with you.

Also, if you save it for marriage you will always wonder, because you'll have zero frame of reference. I think people who wait for marriage and only ever have one sex partner in their life is the making of a marriage that will have cheating in it sooner or later, because one of you will wonder, it's normal, it's natural.

I know I will never cheat on my husband and he won't on me, because he's first and fore most my best friend.. and we do okay in the bedroom and we know what is out there. So, we don't wonder.

Ok, long rant over.. :fluffle:


Agreed, sin is normal and natural. We're called to higher standards than that of our own flesh however.

I guess the way I see it, my ex-husband didn't deserve a virgin, so I was glad I'd had sex before marrying him. He didn't care about making an effort at it at all. It was sort of like it wouldn't have mattered to him whether I was dead or alive, so long as my body was warm. I didn't really need to participate, because to him, women were just live blow-up dolls. Maybe it's the british attitude of, "lay back and think of England."

As for my fiancee, on the other hand, I'm glad I know what I'm doing for him, because I like to be able to do things with him to show that I care. I'm happy to focus what I've learned on him, and him alone.

both

I personnally am saving my self for one person. I believe this is right. I dont think sex before marriage is wrong but i dont want to take the chance that something will go wrong even if the men does where protection. I some times feel sorry for my friends who have sex and they are still in high school they are taking an huge risk. I dont want to have sex in high school or untill i feel i have time for a serious relation that came move on the marrige.

I think, Kaili, that you're taking your time to be ready for it. I'd never make you feel bad for thinking about something, and making sure it is what you want before doing it. I only wish more kids your age would think about it, instead of letting go and getting swept away by their out-of-control hormones. It's not exactly as if it's easy to see reason at your age, with so many things coming at you for the first time.

Jewish women don't believe in sex after marriage.





God I wish I had the exact Woody Allen quote.