Dontgonearthere
24-06-2004, 07:45
Ok, you may or may not know this, but the country is ruled by donkies. Not Democrats, but donkies. But they arent really donkies, theyre actually some sort of monkey. Anyway, I know this because I had a headache earlier today...well, it may have been the massive amounts of alchahol but that doesnt matter, anyway, I saw this donky on this guys shoulder, and the guy was talking about thermodynamics, and I was like 'Woah, its a massive conspiracy', because obviosly the donkey was controlling his mind through the nachos, because donkies know lots about thermodynamical thingies. Back on topic, chicken is good. I really like it, except McDonalds chicken which is actually dogs and donkies, real donkies, not megalomaniac cyber-donkies such as the above mentioned, anyway, people eat chicken and thent he chickens get angry, theyre like 'Well, you ate our kids, so we eat yours!' and then they eat peoples babies, and, well y'know, they said it was good so I figured Id try it, but it was really dry and carbonized, I wont go into details, but later I ate the chickens leader, thus saving the Earth from domination by a race of two inch tall political commentators who live under Cleaveland and argue with each other all the time. So later I went home and turned on my TV and there was this donkey, and he was like 'Ohhh, now you done it biz-atch, now you gonna die, foo!' and pulled out this knife and I was like 'Woah! Its a gangsta donkey! Gangstas are taking over the world!' so I found this gothic kid and the gothic kid was like 'whatever' and I was like 'Do it or no mascara!' and then he said 'No! I need that to be cool!' and he strangled the donkey with the fishnet stockings he was wearing on his arms and I gave him powdered cyanide and he put it on and was like 'Ohhh! it burns! MY FACE IS BURNING!' and then I laughed and threw a rock at him and he fell over and I laughed. After that I assassinated the leader of Kyrgistan, except he wasnt the leader yet because he had just killed the previous leader and was being inaguarted but I shot him anyway because I was impatient, but then I had to go kill that Kim Jong Il guy because I wanted to assassinate a real president-type-guy so now Im happy and I ate these pills I found on the subway and now Im REALLY happy and I forgot how to make paragraphs which is obviously a conspiracy because my keyboard is missing its enter key...no...wait...there it is.
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That was fun, but yeah, after the donkies and goths and stuff I went and played Hitman 2 and I killed some more people only it wasnt real at the time, so I was like; 'Yes, this beats the real thing any day!' mostly because I got tired running from the cops especialy in North Korea, boy those Asian dudes can run fast, especialy in that damn heat. AND ANOTHER THING, Y'know what really annoys me? Birds. Theyre so useless and they sit around going 'tweet tweet tweet' all day and then I shoot them and the cops come and theyre like 'OMG! U KILLED TEH CROW! CROWS R PROTEKTED!' and fine me, so then I shot a seagull and they came back and were like 'FOOL! SEAGULSS R PROTEKTEED AZ WEL! U R DIE!' and then I strangled them with a piece of soft copper tubing and ripped of their skin and wore it as a coat but it rained and the skin leaked so I gave it to a passing kid and told him it was a realistic halloween costume and he was like 'YEs!' and I was like 'Yeah, its an Aztec thing' and he ran off and then the cops shot him 'cause they thought he was Hannibals kid, except Im Hannibals kid and I am behind you right now with a knife and I plan to eat your liver with that wine stuff and those one bean thingies and then I will rip off your face and wear it so the cops think that Im you and still alive and then I will kill them and steal their truck and run over people possessed by donkies.
So after my killing spree I was thirsty and went to McDonalds after finding out that the blood of virgins just makes you thirsty and dries out your skin, and I got a coke and then this guy gave me this wierd brown liquid and I said 'WTF, you got diareiha?' and he said to shove it so I gave him an enema mostly consisting of oil from the friers. After that I ate his skin, it wasnt very good, but it was better than the so called 'coke', after that I bought some real coke and then I was 'Woah, those damn donkies are back." So I flew to Cuba and the donkies were there except they were shredded and on plates and I ate them and said 'Ha! Revenge tastes like crap! Ill go in for more random violence!' and then I killed Castro by means similar to his name and I am now wearing his beard as a wig, though there is still some skin attached to it and I think its bleeding on me. After killing half the world dictators I found out that they were all robots controlled by a super-computer manned by a crew of Star Goats (10,000 mile long goats with millions of eyes, hundred mile long teeth and that sort of thing) that were bent on the destruction of the part of the galaxy that refused to import Xuherghergfb's, God knows what that is, but I killed the Star Goats and I am now living inside ones head controlling it by prodding nerve endings with a high-voltage electrical line. The computer is connected to its eyeballs which make perfect high-speed modems because of some wierd sciency thing which absolutly proves that God is the chief of some conspiracy that nobody has really noticed.
So, in conclusion lobster is way overpriced and someobody should do something about it.
The above is pure fantasy off-the-top-of-my-head BS, if you try to do any of this its you own fault whatever happens to you. Stop looking at me
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That was fun, but yeah, after the donkies and goths and stuff I went and played Hitman 2 and I killed some more people only it wasnt real at the time, so I was like; 'Yes, this beats the real thing any day!' mostly because I got tired running from the cops especialy in North Korea, boy those Asian dudes can run fast, especialy in that damn heat. AND ANOTHER THING, Y'know what really annoys me? Birds. Theyre so useless and they sit around going 'tweet tweet tweet' all day and then I shoot them and the cops come and theyre like 'OMG! U KILLED TEH CROW! CROWS R PROTEKTED!' and fine me, so then I shot a seagull and they came back and were like 'FOOL! SEAGULSS R PROTEKTEED AZ WEL! U R DIE!' and then I strangled them with a piece of soft copper tubing and ripped of their skin and wore it as a coat but it rained and the skin leaked so I gave it to a passing kid and told him it was a realistic halloween costume and he was like 'YEs!' and I was like 'Yeah, its an Aztec thing' and he ran off and then the cops shot him 'cause they thought he was Hannibals kid, except Im Hannibals kid and I am behind you right now with a knife and I plan to eat your liver with that wine stuff and those one bean thingies and then I will rip off your face and wear it so the cops think that Im you and still alive and then I will kill them and steal their truck and run over people possessed by donkies.
So after my killing spree I was thirsty and went to McDonalds after finding out that the blood of virgins just makes you thirsty and dries out your skin, and I got a coke and then this guy gave me this wierd brown liquid and I said 'WTF, you got diareiha?' and he said to shove it so I gave him an enema mostly consisting of oil from the friers. After that I ate his skin, it wasnt very good, but it was better than the so called 'coke', after that I bought some real coke and then I was 'Woah, those damn donkies are back." So I flew to Cuba and the donkies were there except they were shredded and on plates and I ate them and said 'Ha! Revenge tastes like crap! Ill go in for more random violence!' and then I killed Castro by means similar to his name and I am now wearing his beard as a wig, though there is still some skin attached to it and I think its bleeding on me. After killing half the world dictators I found out that they were all robots controlled by a super-computer manned by a crew of Star Goats (10,000 mile long goats with millions of eyes, hundred mile long teeth and that sort of thing) that were bent on the destruction of the part of the galaxy that refused to import Xuherghergfb's, God knows what that is, but I killed the Star Goats and I am now living inside ones head controlling it by prodding nerve endings with a high-voltage electrical line. The computer is connected to its eyeballs which make perfect high-speed modems because of some wierd sciency thing which absolutly proves that God is the chief of some conspiracy that nobody has really noticed.
So, in conclusion lobster is way overpriced and someobody should do something about it.
The above is pure fantasy off-the-top-of-my-head BS, if you try to do any of this its you own fault whatever happens to you. Stop looking at me