NationStates Jolt Archive

I hurt a friend and her mother very badly tonight. I was inconsiderate, insensative, overbearing, and stubborn. They both pretty much hate me right now. I want to make amends with them. They are both very important to me. I don't know what to do, though. So what have you done to make it up to someone you have wronged?

Ummm...

Apologize?

I hurt a friend and her mother very badly tonight. I was inconsiderate, insensative, overbearing, and stubborn. They both pretty much hate me right now. I want to make amends with them. They are both very important to me. I don't know what to do, though. So what have you done to make it up to someone you have wronged?is this your girlfriend we are talking about.. or just a friend.


ring them right away and apologise. explain yourself. then it is pretyy much up to them. if its your GF, buy her somthing nice.

I'd probably say something along the lines of... "Look, I just wanted to apologize for me behaving like a total ass. I can't tell you how bad I feel right now and if you want to take the next five minutes to curse me to hell -- not only can I understand that, you also have my permission to do so."

Often this alone is enough to receive at least partial forgiveness. I noticed that people rarely carry ill-will for a long duration of time.

Whatever you do, don't keep what you just said to yourself and act like nothing has happened next time you're with them. In that case they probably think you don't feel bad about your behaviour towards them at all.

What exactly did you do

Ummm...

Apologize?

That's all one can do.. they either believe you or they don't, they either accept it or they don't. You either mean it or you don't..

Ah, the circle of life.. 8)

kill them all! :twisted:

Ummm...

Apologize?

That's all one can do.. they either believe you or they don't, they either accept it or they don't. You either mean it or you don't..

Yes, apologising when you've treated someone shabbily is the most adult & classy thing to do isn't it? It shows you're a big enough person to own up to your misjudgements and prejudices.

My concern is that simply apologizing and explaining won't be enough.

What happened is recently my parents spend the weekend out of town, so I finally had free reign of a car (being home from college doesn’t lead to me getting a car very often except for work) so spent a lot out enjoying relative freedom. Saturday I was invited to have dinner at my friend’s house Sunday evening. When I came home from work on Sunday, my brother told me that my parents had called the night before while I was out and they were very upset that I hadn’t been home to talk to them yet that weekend and wanted me to be around when they called on Sunday. The problem was that they didn’t say when they didn’t say when they would be calling. So I called my friend up immediately and told her what happened and that I wouldn’t be able to make it to dinner. She only seemed concerned that I not get in trouble with my parents, so I thought that everything was all right.

A couple days later, when we were talking she started to tell me that I had caused a great deal of trouble for her and her mother by not coming to dinner. This continued a couple more times, each time she seemed more upset and angry with me for it. So last night we had a big fight about it and her mom got involved. I think the misinterpretation came on me thinking that she meant I had asked for dinner when I had asked for fish after her mom offered to make dinner, and her thinking I was denying asking for fish when I said her mom was the one who offered to make dinner. So basically I came off as an insensitive, ungrateful, and self-centered ass. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize this until after I had offended both my friend and her mom greatly.

I apologized to my friend last night and I am planning on apologizing and explaining myself to her mom as soon as possible, and I think that my friend’s mom will accept the apology. I don’t think that it will be enough, though. I need to make up for how badly I treated them last night and work on gaining their friendship back, but I don’t know what to do.

Someone asked if the friend is my girlfriend. No, she isn’t. I’m not with anyone right now.

Thanks for the advice so far, everyone. More insight would be much appreciated.

I can totally help if you tell me what you did. I need more details.

did you apologize all along the way when things were accelerating?

if things are as you discribed them, and you have apologized every time it came up, your friend and her mother are both out of line.

keep being nice, but an apology is enough and they need to drop it.
it should blow over soon but if it doesnt, its not your fault, they are psycho

Apologise. Explain what happened. Apologise again.
Specifically tell her mother what happened. Apologise some more.
Flowers for both - nothing too fancy - nice, but simple.
Accept any invitation an you get from them again (the sooner the better), and bring a small gift (again - nice but not too much.)

Don't overly apologise.

Apologise. Explain what happened. Apologise again.
Specifically tell her mother what happened. Apologise some more.
Flowers for both - nothing too fancy - nice, but simple.
Accept any invitation an you get from them again (the sooner the better), and bring a small gift (again - nice but not too much.)

Don't overly apologise.

That is a good idea. Make sure the flowers aren't cheap though. Don't exactly get red roses I'm not saying that, but don't get anything cheap. Make it a nice creative arrangement they would like.

Apologize conservatively, waiting for their responses. Do not argue and if they begin attacking you, just agree to it.

Apologize, give gifts, and accept it if they hate you forever. Continue trying to apologize and then wait a few months if they hate you after the first apology.

i usually just apologise profusely and if that fails cry

i usually just apologise profusely and if that fails cry

I'm assuming this is a guy asking advice. And guys wouldn't cry.

Some guys do cry Cuneo very sensative guys.

Most of us don't fall into the very sensitive range.

why don't you offer to cook them a very special meal of whatever they want

Apologise. Explain what happened. Apologise again.
Specifically tell her mother what happened. Apologise some more.
Flowers for both - nothing too fancy - nice, but simple.
Accept any invitation an you get from them again (the sooner the better), and bring a small gift (again - nice but not too much.)

Don't overly apologise.

That is a good idea. Make sure the flowers aren't cheap though. Don't exactly get red roses I'm not saying that, but don't get anything cheap. Make it a nice creative arrangement they would like.

Apologize conservatively, waiting for their responses. Do not argue and if they begin attacking you, just agree to it.

After the initial surge of strong emotion has somewhat subsided then,

why don't you offer to cook them a very special meal of whatever they want

A good combination with a decent chance of success. If nothing else you have made every effort and then the onus is on them. If they still hold a grudge then there is nothing you can do that will help. Additionally, if they still hold a grudge and won't let it go then they are not the friends you thought they were.

Good luck. I hope it all works out.

SHL

I'm out of advice :(

Thanks everyone. This has helped