LordaeronII
05-06-2004, 02:26
Sure some of you have seen this before, I just stole it off another website *nods*...
The first part probably won't be too amusing if your Republican, and the second part probably won't be too amusing if your Democratic, but one or the other will be amusing :)
On Becoming a Republican
1) You have to believe that the nation's 8-year prosperity prior to W's
administration was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George H. Bush, but that
today's growing deficit and rising gas prices are all Clinton's fault.
2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on
their own.
3) You have to be against government programs, except Social Security checks on
time.
4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet
you want government to regulate only opposite-gender marriages, your personal
sexual and reproductive decisions and what your official language should be.
5) You have to believe that pollution is OK, so long as it makes a profit.
6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah
or Buddha.
7) You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.
8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her
own body, but that large multinational corporations should have no regulation or
interference whatsoever.
9) You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred
of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and ex-President Clinton.
10) You have to believe that society is colorblind and growing up black in
America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan
Keyes.
11) You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50 million
dollars to attack Clinton because no other US presidents have ever been
unfaithful to their wives.
12) You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad
because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all Americans.
13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we
all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.
14) You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the
Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.
15) You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere, and that Europe
doesn't exist.
16) You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve
federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public
doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it, it will go
away.
17) You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of 6th
graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible, which
is full of sex and violence, is good reading and right on the mark.
18) You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more
Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.
19) You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts for
5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid for by
governments, our government should shun any such support. After all, the rich
can afford to buy their own art and the poor doesn't need any.
20) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth
US forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the extinction of
the several species of plants and animals therein.
21) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich, Henry
Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that bastard
Clinton should have been impeached.
21 Steps to Becoming a Democrat
Virtually anyone can be a Democrat. Just simply quit thinking (about it) and
vote that way. If you want to be a GOOD Democrat, however, there are some
prerequisites you must have first. Compare them below and see how you rate...
1.You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of Federal funding.
2.You have to believe that the same school system that can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow the best qualified to teach those same kids all about sex.
3.You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists.
4.You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5.You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by Americans driving SUVs'!
6.You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7.You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.
8.You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
9.You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.
10.You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11.You have to believe the U.S. military, not evil, tyrannical regimes, start wars.
12.You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the constitution.
13.You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14.You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
15.You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
16.You have to believe Hillary Clinton is all about "progress" and not power. She just wants to help us out of the archaic system of governing that we've been subjected to since our founding.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.
18.You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in jail, but a cheat, liar and sex offender belongs in the White House and you would vote him back in there in a New York minute (if you could).
19.You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and beastiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
20.You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
21.You have to believe that the vociferous minorities who protest against prayer and saluting the flag in school have far more rights than the majority who believe in God and country and want these values to be instilled in our young children.
The first part probably won't be too amusing if your Republican, and the second part probably won't be too amusing if your Democratic, but one or the other will be amusing :)
On Becoming a Republican
1) You have to believe that the nation's 8-year prosperity prior to W's
administration was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George H. Bush, but that
today's growing deficit and rising gas prices are all Clinton's fault.
2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on
their own.
3) You have to be against government programs, except Social Security checks on
time.
4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet
you want government to regulate only opposite-gender marriages, your personal
sexual and reproductive decisions and what your official language should be.
5) You have to believe that pollution is OK, so long as it makes a profit.
6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah
or Buddha.
7) You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.
8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her
own body, but that large multinational corporations should have no regulation or
interference whatsoever.
9) You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and, by the way, Jesus shares your hatred
of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and ex-President Clinton.
10) You have to believe that society is colorblind and growing up black in
America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote for Alan
Keyes.
11) You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50 million
dollars to attack Clinton because no other US presidents have ever been
unfaithful to their wives.
12) You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad
because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all Americans.
13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we
all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.
14) You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the
Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.
15) You have to believe that socialism hasn't worked anywhere, and that Europe
doesn't exist.
16) You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve
federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public
doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it, it will go
away.
17) You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of 6th
graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible, which
is full of sex and violence, is good reading and right on the mark.
18) You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more
Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.
19) You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts for
5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid for by
governments, our government should shun any such support. After all, the rich
can afford to buy their own art and the poor doesn't need any.
20) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth
US forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the extinction of
the several species of plants and animals therein.
21) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich, Henry
Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that bastard
Clinton should have been impeached.
21 Steps to Becoming a Democrat
Virtually anyone can be a Democrat. Just simply quit thinking (about it) and
vote that way. If you want to be a GOOD Democrat, however, there are some
prerequisites you must have first. Compare them below and see how you rate...
1.You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of Federal funding.
2.You have to believe that the same school system that can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow the best qualified to teach those same kids all about sex.
3.You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists.
4.You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5.You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by Americans driving SUVs'!
6.You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7.You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.
8.You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
9.You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.
10.You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11.You have to believe the U.S. military, not evil, tyrannical regimes, start wars.
12.You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the constitution.
13.You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14.You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
15.You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
16.You have to believe Hillary Clinton is all about "progress" and not power. She just wants to help us out of the archaic system of governing that we've been subjected to since our founding.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.
18.You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in jail, but a cheat, liar and sex offender belongs in the White House and you would vote him back in there in a New York minute (if you could).
19.You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and beastiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
20.You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
21.You have to believe that the vociferous minorities who protest against prayer and saluting the flag in school have far more rights than the majority who believe in God and country and want these values to be instilled in our young children.