NationStates Jolt Archive


Urgent Urchin Dispatches

Felis Lux
02-06-2004, 20:14
A cloned small grubby CGIed urchin has just pushed this e-mail into my hands.

To: Fox News <fiction@lies.org>
From: Gee Willikins Bush <goerge.bush@yahoo.de>
Cc: Tonie-wony <tblair@parliament.org.uk>
Subj: Wot i did on mye holy days- new kabinet

Deer Presses of the wold,
My fellow Anthropic Principles, recent weaks have seen many allegrovations levelled at this administration and the military presents in Iraquistan concerning the sectional abuse and nastiness at the Abu Hamza prison in Australia.
Because of thisistan, we in Americistan have to bee seenified to be acting.

In a manor witch is beyond all accusifying, y'hear. So, my best pal in all the world, Donny Rumsfeld, has felt that it is time for him to be retirified to spend more time with his family on his home planet of Skaro.

I am very sad. I am saddened and shockulated to here of these crimes and would like to thank Jeremy Beadle for bringing them to our attention.

Many of my fellow citroens of this great and nobless county, the Unitarian Skates of Aviary will be wonderificating how in these troubled times I will be able to finderise a new headmaster for the Department of Offense.

Don't worry, y'all, cos an all I've found the very man. He's got all the qualities ol' Donny had- in spades. There's only one person for this post, only one guy who can lead America's armed farces the way Donny did, and that man is HE-MAN's Skeletor, Lord of Destruction.

Heh-heh, I tell y'all, lookin' at him and looking at my framed photo of Donny holding the skinned black slave from our last klan meetin' together... it's like you're seein' one guy lookin' in a mirror.

Yee-haw!

With Donny gone, who was entirely innocenterised of all criminals, we can move on to our next target in the Axis of evil.

I put the world on notificatories, that because of the Eurovision missile crisis and Bernard Matthew's turkey's of Homosexual Mass Destruction, and abortion, the systemic slaughter of unconceived babies, and the kidnapping of the Pope's army of topless teenage nuns, unless we see regime change in the next few weeks US forces will have no choice but to enter and liberate Toytown from Mr. Plod's totalitarian regime.

Love and kisses,
GWB.

P.S. Sorry, gotta cut this short- some decorators working for a guy named Kerry wanna measure my office for new carpet. I only threw up on it the once!

P.P.S. Hey, cool! Mr. Kerry's just sent me the name of a place I could go for a new job. He says it'd be just right for me. McDonalds... you guys know if this is anything to do with Donny?