The Katholik Kingdom
30-05-2004, 16:42
Here's the other one...
The Nutshell– Romeo=Macintosh User (belongs to Macintogues®)
Geekulet=Windows User (belongs to Microapulets©)
The companies both of them work for don’t like each other for this. Next is what I just said in poetic terms. Nerdeo finds Geekulet after an office party. He likes her, but she just brushed him off with a hug, which he took as a sign of mutual love. Later, Geekulet tries to get on Control Alts (character equating to Tybalt) and see why he got so mad at Microgue (Montageu) however she walks into the wrong cubicle, and finds it’s a Macintosh, which she cannot use. Romeo takes what she says symbolically, and believes she’s saying this symbolically as how she’s feeling about him, and how it separates them, instead of at face value, which she means. He says he doesn’t like the OS because she doesn’t, and offers to change it. She says she’ll let him, further drawing him into the belief that she truly does like him. Sorry, buddy.
Nerdeo and Geekulet
The Prologue
[enter Chorus]
Chorus: Two companies, both alike in GDP,
In Silicon Valley, where we lay our scene,
From OS differences break to new fighting,
Where watercooler squabbles make programmer hands unclean,
From forth this office space there brings,
Two overclocked lovers, with a burnout nearing,
Doth with there firing lay off there ex-employers fight,
Which, would otherwise be settled in court or accounting,
Is now the two hours play time of this non-electronic screen,
Which if you don’t pay attention, shall wonder about it’s meaning.
Act II scene 2
[enter Romeo]
Nerdeo: He jests at bugs that never felt a breakdown.
[enter Geekulet, into a cubicle, taking no notice of Nerdeo]
But software! What light through yonder cubicle breaks?
It is the computer plagued with woe, and Geekulet is the Norton Antivirus Program™!
Arise, fair program, and kill the envious virus,
Who is already decrepit and surpassed three weeks ago by a superior update,
Thou art (currently) a fairer operating system than she,
Oh, all the other computers turn to a blue screen compared to thee,
But your skin doth glow with all the health of a new monitor,
She types, yet about nothing,
Her screen e-mails, shall I respond?
I am to forward in spirit, or will I forward,
and speak again of this to a friend?
Compared to here a plasma screen is mere black and white,
HDTV a sham,
Oh! How she rests her cheek upon her hand,
If only I could conjure the bravery,
To merely IM her,
That I might connect to her, if merely over the LAN cables!
Geekulet: Work, you piece of crap!
Nerdeo:She speaks!
O, speak again, webmaster of my heart! For thou art,
A light brighter than the fluorescents o’er my head,
As is a yellowed memo of our overseer,
Speaking of the deliverance of a day unto ourselves,
Filled with leisure and fulfillment,
When one’s mind can graze where it will,
Like a cow let loose from a pasture,
To graze on sweeter fields!
Geekulet: Stupid iMac!
I may deny my father company and refuse your systems!
Or if you won’t, I may just switch over to Windows!
Nerdeo: Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?
Geekulet: Tis not just thy name that is my enemy,
Thou art what thou twas made to be,
What’s Macintosh? Tis not mouse nor keyboard,
Nor monitor nor tower, nor any other part
Belonging to a machine, o, but thou art some other thing named!
What’s in a name?
Letters, for sooth, but other than that
That which we call a speaker would sound the same hooked to any machine,
So Macintosh would act the same put on any other machine,
Retain the infernal complexity which by thou art known,
Without that title. Mac, I doff thy name, thou art now no part of my machine,
And look for a Windows.
Nerdeo: Look no farther, my master,
Call me but now, and I’ll be thou’s troubleshooter,
And be glad to change operating systems, lacking that
Geekulet: Who’s there? Don’t make me call security, you eavesdropping perv!
Nerdeo: By a word,
I know not how to tell thee what I use,
My OS is as hateful to me as thou’s is to thine,
Had I made it, it would hence be residing in the recycle bin.
Geekulet: I’ve barely heard you,
Yet I realize whom thou art.
Art thou Nerdeo, and a Macintosh?
Nerdeo: Neither, my mistress of machinations,
I would delete both if thou wished it.
Geekulet: How came you here, answer please, and wherefrom?
The doors are locked and the windows sealed,
Albeit thou does work here,
If you were found after hours with a women in thou’s cubicle,
It would be the death of a e-salesman for thee.
Nerdeo: With love’s light fire escape I dead breach the windows,
For a carelessly forgotten window cannot keep one’s wishes at bay,
And what wishes can do, if one dares attempt,
And my co-workers have oft found me late at my cell,
And I care not of their thoughts.
Geekulet: Though I do, as I am hence associated by sight with thee.
Nerdeo: There is more danger in thine’s machine,
Than in twenty rumor full e-mails!
Merely being in thou’s presence,
And I am ever protected.
Geekulet: I would not for the world they found thou with me.
Nerdeo: I have overtime’s cloak to hid me from their gazes.
And but thou be in my sight, let them find us.
I would rather have a career ended by their hate,
Than the loss of the lack of you can cause.
Geekulet: This is kind of freaky. Who told you I was here?
Nerdeo: By mere want of thee,
Led me to follow thee to where thou now stands,
It was my pilot, and would have led me through constant turbulence to find thee.
Geekulet: Thou can see plainly by the fluorescent light my cheek change to crimson,
For what I hath said for this colors them,
If the knowledge of thou laying on the outside of these walls was lent to me,
Mine words would have been fairer,
Thy’s desire to help is a great one,
Dost thou help me? I know thou wish to,
And I will take thee at thy word.
But I know not for how long,
As computers hardships drive men mad,
If thou wishest to assist me, I surrender my hard drive to thee.
Or if thou thinks I am too quick to come forward and ask for help,
But I have more need of thee than those who ask not.
I should have been less forward, I’ll acquiesce,
But had thoust not been stalking me, I’d treat thee kinder.
Therefore, pardon me, and I entreat thine’s tech support.
Nerdeo: I swear by my very self-
Geekulet: O, swear not by thine self,
As I wish thee not to be constant.
I would merely like thee to be seen at my most dire technical moments,
As I would not have you constantly with me.
Nerdeo: If that’s how thee’d have me-
Geekulet: Well, mind it not then. As I enjoy thee’s services,
I have as much joy as you have of it.
This machines problems, though bad,
Will only be used once,
Like lightning, never striking the same twice,
Nerdeo: Your words merely give me dedication,
And a black hope your machine may die
so I may speak again to thee
Geekulet: Someone’s coming! Crap!
[Exit Geekulet quickly]
Nerdeo: Geekulet!
[Enter Geekulet]
Nerdeo: When shalt I see thou again?
Geekulet– Oh, yeah, listen, I’ll send my secretary to thine’s break room, give her the disk of what we have wish.
[Exeunt]
Act II, scene 5
Geekulet’s office
[enter Geekulet]
Geekulet: The clock struck nine when I did send the secretary,
In half an hour she promised to return.
Perhaps she could not meet him. That’s not so.
O, what a lame-o! Her thoughts should be email,
Which ten times faster than the speed of light they art,
Speeding through cables and fiberoptic lines,
Therefore solve my problems as a statue draws pigeons,
And therefore, unlike pigeons,
Not depositing burdens onto my shoulders,
Relieve them hence!
It has been three hours and she is still unseen,
Were she not old nor fat,
She would be faster than a message of instant,
But those who spend all there time on computers may as well be dead,
Than fat, heavy, and lazy and pale as lead.
[enter Secretary]
O, God she’s here! O sweet secretary, what news?
Did you find him?
Now, nimble fingered secretary– O, lord, why do you look so sad?
Though the message, be bad, at least act glad,
If it is good, then you do me a disservice by acting as such,
And I may file a harassment complaint with the boss.
Secretary: I am tired, bother me not,
The distance between our neighboring cubicles is quite a trot!
Geekulet: I would if it were me, but you are not,
So sit up, speak up, and rest you not.
Secretary: Jesus, you’re in a hurry! You’ve got the time!
Can’t you see I’m out of breath?
Geekulet: You’re not out of breath,
You have breath to say you’re out of breath!
You’re making excuses,
I’ll dock your pay!
If you do not cease this delay.
You’re complaining is longer than you’re tale
Now tell me if the news is bad or well,
Say either, and you’re paycheck is back
If you speak if news is white or black?
Secretary: Well, you’ve done a stupid thing, you know,
To choose an OS like windows.
Though it’s logo well known, it’s truly bad,
It’s mass of coding is bug laden,
The programs included are truly craven,
The best of which is solitaire,
For it is used most beyond compare.
But tis’ thy choice, I’ll bug you not,
As you computer will do to you, I’ll warrant
Geekulet: Look, look, I know, alright? Did you get it the program or not?
Secretary: Lord, how my head aches! What a migraine I have!
It beats as if it would crash as your computer surely will!
Oh I ache all over. Curse you for making me walk such a long ways.
I bet I’ll have a heart attack o’er such strains.
Geekulet: Alright, I’m sorry you're not feeling well, Oh nimble-fingered secretary, what does Nerdeo have for me?
Secretary: He had true sorrow for my aching feet, that gentleman, he is courteous, and kind, and handsome, and I warrant, a computer wiz, says– Where is your mouse?
Geekulet: Where is my mouse? Why, he went up the clock,
Why, what’s up doc?
How you seem to talk!
“What mean you by where is your mouse?”
Secretary: O, god, Lady!
Are you so eager? System switch, I bet.
Is this the Advil for my aching bones?
Next time, you attempt your errands.
Geekulet: Here’s some Midol instead, you sound like you need it. Come on, what did Nerdeo have?
Secretary:Have you gone to church today?
Geekulet: Ummm… maybe. Oh, yeah, I got communion at the drive-thru window. Why?
Secretary: Then run thee to the Little White Wedding chapel,
There stays a husband to make you a wife.
Why do you blush? Surely thou knew?
Geekulet: That idiot! I’ll need to go set him straight!
In light of this it seems I cannot wait!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What'd you think of this one?
The Nutshell– Romeo=Macintosh User (belongs to Macintogues®)
Geekulet=Windows User (belongs to Microapulets©)
The companies both of them work for don’t like each other for this. Next is what I just said in poetic terms. Nerdeo finds Geekulet after an office party. He likes her, but she just brushed him off with a hug, which he took as a sign of mutual love. Later, Geekulet tries to get on Control Alts (character equating to Tybalt) and see why he got so mad at Microgue (Montageu) however she walks into the wrong cubicle, and finds it’s a Macintosh, which she cannot use. Romeo takes what she says symbolically, and believes she’s saying this symbolically as how she’s feeling about him, and how it separates them, instead of at face value, which she means. He says he doesn’t like the OS because she doesn’t, and offers to change it. She says she’ll let him, further drawing him into the belief that she truly does like him. Sorry, buddy.
Nerdeo and Geekulet
The Prologue
[enter Chorus]
Chorus: Two companies, both alike in GDP,
In Silicon Valley, where we lay our scene,
From OS differences break to new fighting,
Where watercooler squabbles make programmer hands unclean,
From forth this office space there brings,
Two overclocked lovers, with a burnout nearing,
Doth with there firing lay off there ex-employers fight,
Which, would otherwise be settled in court or accounting,
Is now the two hours play time of this non-electronic screen,
Which if you don’t pay attention, shall wonder about it’s meaning.
Act II scene 2
[enter Romeo]
Nerdeo: He jests at bugs that never felt a breakdown.
[enter Geekulet, into a cubicle, taking no notice of Nerdeo]
But software! What light through yonder cubicle breaks?
It is the computer plagued with woe, and Geekulet is the Norton Antivirus Program™!
Arise, fair program, and kill the envious virus,
Who is already decrepit and surpassed three weeks ago by a superior update,
Thou art (currently) a fairer operating system than she,
Oh, all the other computers turn to a blue screen compared to thee,
But your skin doth glow with all the health of a new monitor,
She types, yet about nothing,
Her screen e-mails, shall I respond?
I am to forward in spirit, or will I forward,
and speak again of this to a friend?
Compared to here a plasma screen is mere black and white,
HDTV a sham,
Oh! How she rests her cheek upon her hand,
If only I could conjure the bravery,
To merely IM her,
That I might connect to her, if merely over the LAN cables!
Geekulet: Work, you piece of crap!
Nerdeo:She speaks!
O, speak again, webmaster of my heart! For thou art,
A light brighter than the fluorescents o’er my head,
As is a yellowed memo of our overseer,
Speaking of the deliverance of a day unto ourselves,
Filled with leisure and fulfillment,
When one’s mind can graze where it will,
Like a cow let loose from a pasture,
To graze on sweeter fields!
Geekulet: Stupid iMac!
I may deny my father company and refuse your systems!
Or if you won’t, I may just switch over to Windows!
Nerdeo: Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?
Geekulet: Tis not just thy name that is my enemy,
Thou art what thou twas made to be,
What’s Macintosh? Tis not mouse nor keyboard,
Nor monitor nor tower, nor any other part
Belonging to a machine, o, but thou art some other thing named!
What’s in a name?
Letters, for sooth, but other than that
That which we call a speaker would sound the same hooked to any machine,
So Macintosh would act the same put on any other machine,
Retain the infernal complexity which by thou art known,
Without that title. Mac, I doff thy name, thou art now no part of my machine,
And look for a Windows.
Nerdeo: Look no farther, my master,
Call me but now, and I’ll be thou’s troubleshooter,
And be glad to change operating systems, lacking that
Geekulet: Who’s there? Don’t make me call security, you eavesdropping perv!
Nerdeo: By a word,
I know not how to tell thee what I use,
My OS is as hateful to me as thou’s is to thine,
Had I made it, it would hence be residing in the recycle bin.
Geekulet: I’ve barely heard you,
Yet I realize whom thou art.
Art thou Nerdeo, and a Macintosh?
Nerdeo: Neither, my mistress of machinations,
I would delete both if thou wished it.
Geekulet: How came you here, answer please, and wherefrom?
The doors are locked and the windows sealed,
Albeit thou does work here,
If you were found after hours with a women in thou’s cubicle,
It would be the death of a e-salesman for thee.
Nerdeo: With love’s light fire escape I dead breach the windows,
For a carelessly forgotten window cannot keep one’s wishes at bay,
And what wishes can do, if one dares attempt,
And my co-workers have oft found me late at my cell,
And I care not of their thoughts.
Geekulet: Though I do, as I am hence associated by sight with thee.
Nerdeo: There is more danger in thine’s machine,
Than in twenty rumor full e-mails!
Merely being in thou’s presence,
And I am ever protected.
Geekulet: I would not for the world they found thou with me.
Nerdeo: I have overtime’s cloak to hid me from their gazes.
And but thou be in my sight, let them find us.
I would rather have a career ended by their hate,
Than the loss of the lack of you can cause.
Geekulet: This is kind of freaky. Who told you I was here?
Nerdeo: By mere want of thee,
Led me to follow thee to where thou now stands,
It was my pilot, and would have led me through constant turbulence to find thee.
Geekulet: Thou can see plainly by the fluorescent light my cheek change to crimson,
For what I hath said for this colors them,
If the knowledge of thou laying on the outside of these walls was lent to me,
Mine words would have been fairer,
Thy’s desire to help is a great one,
Dost thou help me? I know thou wish to,
And I will take thee at thy word.
But I know not for how long,
As computers hardships drive men mad,
If thou wishest to assist me, I surrender my hard drive to thee.
Or if thou thinks I am too quick to come forward and ask for help,
But I have more need of thee than those who ask not.
I should have been less forward, I’ll acquiesce,
But had thoust not been stalking me, I’d treat thee kinder.
Therefore, pardon me, and I entreat thine’s tech support.
Nerdeo: I swear by my very self-
Geekulet: O, swear not by thine self,
As I wish thee not to be constant.
I would merely like thee to be seen at my most dire technical moments,
As I would not have you constantly with me.
Nerdeo: If that’s how thee’d have me-
Geekulet: Well, mind it not then. As I enjoy thee’s services,
I have as much joy as you have of it.
This machines problems, though bad,
Will only be used once,
Like lightning, never striking the same twice,
Nerdeo: Your words merely give me dedication,
And a black hope your machine may die
so I may speak again to thee
Geekulet: Someone’s coming! Crap!
[Exit Geekulet quickly]
Nerdeo: Geekulet!
[Enter Geekulet]
Nerdeo: When shalt I see thou again?
Geekulet– Oh, yeah, listen, I’ll send my secretary to thine’s break room, give her the disk of what we have wish.
[Exeunt]
Act II, scene 5
Geekulet’s office
[enter Geekulet]
Geekulet: The clock struck nine when I did send the secretary,
In half an hour she promised to return.
Perhaps she could not meet him. That’s not so.
O, what a lame-o! Her thoughts should be email,
Which ten times faster than the speed of light they art,
Speeding through cables and fiberoptic lines,
Therefore solve my problems as a statue draws pigeons,
And therefore, unlike pigeons,
Not depositing burdens onto my shoulders,
Relieve them hence!
It has been three hours and she is still unseen,
Were she not old nor fat,
She would be faster than a message of instant,
But those who spend all there time on computers may as well be dead,
Than fat, heavy, and lazy and pale as lead.
[enter Secretary]
O, God she’s here! O sweet secretary, what news?
Did you find him?
Now, nimble fingered secretary– O, lord, why do you look so sad?
Though the message, be bad, at least act glad,
If it is good, then you do me a disservice by acting as such,
And I may file a harassment complaint with the boss.
Secretary: I am tired, bother me not,
The distance between our neighboring cubicles is quite a trot!
Geekulet: I would if it were me, but you are not,
So sit up, speak up, and rest you not.
Secretary: Jesus, you’re in a hurry! You’ve got the time!
Can’t you see I’m out of breath?
Geekulet: You’re not out of breath,
You have breath to say you’re out of breath!
You’re making excuses,
I’ll dock your pay!
If you do not cease this delay.
You’re complaining is longer than you’re tale
Now tell me if the news is bad or well,
Say either, and you’re paycheck is back
If you speak if news is white or black?
Secretary: Well, you’ve done a stupid thing, you know,
To choose an OS like windows.
Though it’s logo well known, it’s truly bad,
It’s mass of coding is bug laden,
The programs included are truly craven,
The best of which is solitaire,
For it is used most beyond compare.
But tis’ thy choice, I’ll bug you not,
As you computer will do to you, I’ll warrant
Geekulet: Look, look, I know, alright? Did you get it the program or not?
Secretary: Lord, how my head aches! What a migraine I have!
It beats as if it would crash as your computer surely will!
Oh I ache all over. Curse you for making me walk such a long ways.
I bet I’ll have a heart attack o’er such strains.
Geekulet: Alright, I’m sorry you're not feeling well, Oh nimble-fingered secretary, what does Nerdeo have for me?
Secretary: He had true sorrow for my aching feet, that gentleman, he is courteous, and kind, and handsome, and I warrant, a computer wiz, says– Where is your mouse?
Geekulet: Where is my mouse? Why, he went up the clock,
Why, what’s up doc?
How you seem to talk!
“What mean you by where is your mouse?”
Secretary: O, god, Lady!
Are you so eager? System switch, I bet.
Is this the Advil for my aching bones?
Next time, you attempt your errands.
Geekulet: Here’s some Midol instead, you sound like you need it. Come on, what did Nerdeo have?
Secretary:Have you gone to church today?
Geekulet: Ummm… maybe. Oh, yeah, I got communion at the drive-thru window. Why?
Secretary: Then run thee to the Little White Wedding chapel,
There stays a husband to make you a wife.
Why do you blush? Surely thou knew?
Geekulet: That idiot! I’ll need to go set him straight!
In light of this it seems I cannot wait!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What'd you think of this one?