Ascensia
20-05-2004, 09:14
Sometimes I just sit and let my thoughts consume me. My consciousness ignores my body, gets lost inside it, just drifting. I feel like everything around me is translucent, and that i'm seeing from every angle at once. From here until eternity, I see things bouncing off one another, rays of light playing among shards of broken glass. I start to feel like I don't belong in my own body, I feel... a yearning. Sometimes it's predictable, whenever I watch the ending credits from the first few episodes of Inuyasha I get the feeling. Other times I just drift away out of nowhere and into the realm of imagination. It's not daydreaming, because there aren't any dreams. My mind just sets itself into a mode in which everything is different. My body, my senses, they all feel different. It's not a good feeling. It's unnatural, I don't enjoy it at all. I'm not sure, but I may have pinned it down. The girl in the credits, she's always traveling or doing something, alone. Never with someone, never answering to someone. She's free, or she seems that way. I want to be free. I want to be able to live by my own choices and according to my own will, but it just won't happen. Everywhere I look, my choices, my options are being stolen from me. My mother, my brother, my hostess, my instructors... my whole life. This whole state. I desire so very badly an escape from this place and everything in it. Forever would I curse the name of this land and everyone who lives here. As I lay my head upon my pillow, I utter my prayers. I ask for forgiveness, I ask for grace, I ask for death...
Anyone else? Sharing time and all that...
Anyone else? Sharing time and all that...