NationStates Jolt Archive

I got this from someone who got it from someone else, so I can't take credit for it. I present for your entertainment
mens rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON
PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to most every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

What a beautiful world it would truly be if women would heed this very fine advice... :)

Again, excellent advice for the ladies :)

If they were at least to follow rule 1, it would be progress!
:D

If they were at least to follow rule 1, it would be progress!
:D

Right on!! A small effort on their part that has BIG returns! :lol:

this is the third time this thread has come up. what took ya'll so long to get this?

I've never seen it before.
Thats why I posted it.

1. Smashing things to bits is fun; you should try it sometime.
1.If you wanted more steak (because now you want to "taste" mine), you should not have ordered the petite.
1.Talking for "a few minutes" does not create $300.00 phone bills.
1. Yes, I want your body. You never have to ask.
1.The heavier the item, the better it looks where we just placed it.
1.I do not have moods. When I have a mood, I will let you know. If it looks like I have a mood, I probably have to scratch somewhere and can't.
1. If I am sitting watching TV I am not an idle resource being wasted; I am a depleted resource that is recharging.
1. Is this really the worst you have ever felt? What about the last six times you felt the worst you have ever felt? Are you on some slippery slope of pain or something?
1. The flowers, cards, trips, movies and kisses were supposed to say "I love you"; do you need an interpreter?
1. Of course you still look as lovely as ever. For one thing, I honestly think so! For another, I'm not a complete fool.

I'd think of some of my own, but I have no imagination.

- If I was interested in Susan's new haircut, I would have asked. Who the hell is Susan?

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

I am a male and I always put both seats down. I hate it when people leave them up. Big males can put it down just as big girls can put it up.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

*sigh* I do not watch sports, so females do not have to worry about this one with me.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

It could be considered one, depending on your reference. So you seem rather closed-minded to this.

1. Crying is blackmail.

But it works...

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

This one I agree with 100%! Damn, just say it. I cannot get a hint, and I think most males cannot get a hint either.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to most every question.

There are grey areas, so yes and no are not perfectly acceptable answers for most every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

I can do both.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

No comment.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

There is some truth to this one...

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Again, truth to this one...

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

But if you love her you can try to make her feel better about it, about who she is.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Or she could ask and you could explain.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Yeah, you have to give males some freedom on how they do things. I would generally agree with this one.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Hehe. True...

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

Are any of you males Christopher Columbus? And he also knew what he was doing, unlike most males.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

*nods head*

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

Somewhat agree.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

Yeah. You should say a little more. If a guy asks again, tell him a little and then you will open up.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Common sense.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

True.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

For me, none of those...

1. You have enough clothes.

Yes.

1. You have too many shoes.

Yes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

All a matter of your reference point. :wink:

Nice, Soviet Democracy! Being a female, I'd have to say you'd be quite agreeable to be around. However, I'm not hardly feminine at all (I like to watch football/baseball with my dad, refuse makeup/eyebrow tweezing and the rest of it, drive and ride snowmachines and motorcycles, play all sorts of video games, shun social gatherings, and the list goes on and on), so I can tolerate most guys if I actually try to be their friends (which is not often). I wouldn't want to actually DATE one, though, and never have.

for the headache point, i would like to say that if all guys knew the meaning of foreplay, then a girl wouldn't have a 17 month long headache.

Are any of you males Christopher Columbus? And he also knew what he was doing, unlike most males.

Not likely. Wasn't he trying to get to India?

uh oh. I just realised something. When I took this from the person who posted it up elsewhere (as I said in my first post) I forgot to change the spellings from the American spelling, to the correct spellings. D'oh!

Nice, Soviet Democracy! Being a female, I'd have to say you'd be quite agreeable to be around. However, I'm not hardly feminine at all (I like to watch football/baseball with my dad, refuse makeup/eyebrow tweezing and the rest of it, drive and ride snowmachines and motorcycles, play all sorts of video games, shun social gatherings, and the list goes on and on), so I can tolerate most guys if I actually try to be their friends (which is not often). I wouldn't want to actually DATE one, though, and never have.
Dating isn't really what guys are interested in :wink:

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Or she could ask and you could explain.



:roll:
That's precisely the point, we're not meant to explain ourselves, partially because we're not good at it.