Akilliam
22-04-2004, 07:35
Yes, I use that phrase far too much, but I don't care at this point. We've got all these people here arguing the issues, getting upset, not realizing that the vein in their foreheads is starting to pop. It would seem to me that the lot of you haven't studied history, or haven't really studied it enough. If you have, and you still care, well, then you're just a hippy. I'll point out the most notable historical bursts of insanity I can think of.
1) Octavian [AKA Augustus Caesar] "conquered Egypt for their sake." Sound familiar GW?
2) Nero plays the fiddle while Rome burns... when they didn't even have fiddles at that time!
3) The entire Eastern Empire.
4) In their zealousy, the Visigoths defeat the Western Empire and plunge the western world into a thousand years of stupidity. Thanks you bloody...
5) Russia chooses a religion around the 10th Century, if memory serves. "Hmm... that one has a good Blue Book value."
6) While the west is developing artillery, the Central American empires have nice calenders... and still sacrifice humans.
7) Joan of Arc proves that no Frenchman can lead the French to victory.
8) Vienna - the gateway to the west - is saved from the Ottoman Empire... by a man from Poland.
9) Poland, Lithuania, Sweden, and a few others are dominant Eastern European powers. It simply boggles the mind.
10) In 1588 one of the largest fleets of all time is defeated by a Privateer who sets his ships on fire.
11) Newton, arguably one of the most brilliant men of all time, is obsessed with alchamy.
12) Henry VIII wants to divorce his wife. Pope says no. Religious turmoil ensues.
13) Russia, in a campaign under Alexander II, is so massive that the myth of foreign invaders not being able to reach Moscow actually works both ways - Russian armies can't advance into the Crimea because of over extended supply lines.
14) A stocky Corsican [though he is actually taller than the average Corsican] uses artillery to break up a crowd. The people love him for it.
15) Aforementioned Corsican reaffirms the thought that no Frenchman can ever lead the French to victory.
16) Voltaire hatches famous phrase that "France is a nation with an army, Prussia is an army with a nation"
17) France decapitates her King. Then his wife. Then his lawyer. People establish new government. Decapitation of new government. Third government established. More guillotine work. Doubly aforementioned Corsican returns from Egypt to save the day... sort of.
18) Peace breaks out in Europe.
19) Otto von Bismarck, arguably one of the most brilliant politicians of his time and ever, "uses alliances to cause wars, and wars to build alliances." Rather circular, eh? Well it worked.
20) Perhaps referring back to Voltaire, Clemenceau states "Prussia was hatched from a cannon ball."
21) A 19 year old college student with a ten dollar pistol perforates a pushy Austro-Hungarian Arch Duke. Four years later eight million people are dead. Communism rises in Russian, and thanks to WWII and Stalin's purges, the casualty count rises to something like 74,000,000. Add in Mao and his damned dam project and the total jumps up to a conservative 174,000,000 - one shot kills nearly two hundred million people. How's that for accuracy?
22) During WWI the British and Germans fought over a huge cavern that contained huge stores of champagne - and the Champagne War is born. Eventually an uneasy truce is reached between the Tommies and Bosche to split access to the cavern on a night/day schedule.
23) December 25, 1914. The Germans and British have a rather spontaneous football game. Most sources indicate the Brits won it 3-2.
24) The British often start an offensive by kicking a football. Thus the term 'kick the offensive off' is born.
25) The Treaty of Versailles.
26) As a result of #25, you get two dangerous political parties - Communists and National Socialists. Some historians have dubbed them "Homicidal Librarians" and "Homicidal Carnies".
I'll stop there.
Now all of that makes me laugh, and more importantly, question the sanity of the entire planet. Surely the world can't be sane. But now I have proof that it isn't.
Someone once invented a device to... warm the prostate gland. That's right folks. "On those cold mornings when your prostate just won't stay warm... stick this middle poker in your anus and get that warm fuzzy feeling inside - literally!" I'm not making this up folks. You can't make this stuff up.
- - - - - -
Disclaimer: My apologies to the mods if this is deemed offensive. It really was meant in the best way and is an historical fact.
1) Octavian [AKA Augustus Caesar] "conquered Egypt for their sake." Sound familiar GW?
2) Nero plays the fiddle while Rome burns... when they didn't even have fiddles at that time!
3) The entire Eastern Empire.
4) In their zealousy, the Visigoths defeat the Western Empire and plunge the western world into a thousand years of stupidity. Thanks you bloody...
5) Russia chooses a religion around the 10th Century, if memory serves. "Hmm... that one has a good Blue Book value."
6) While the west is developing artillery, the Central American empires have nice calenders... and still sacrifice humans.
7) Joan of Arc proves that no Frenchman can lead the French to victory.
8) Vienna - the gateway to the west - is saved from the Ottoman Empire... by a man from Poland.
9) Poland, Lithuania, Sweden, and a few others are dominant Eastern European powers. It simply boggles the mind.
10) In 1588 one of the largest fleets of all time is defeated by a Privateer who sets his ships on fire.
11) Newton, arguably one of the most brilliant men of all time, is obsessed with alchamy.
12) Henry VIII wants to divorce his wife. Pope says no. Religious turmoil ensues.
13) Russia, in a campaign under Alexander II, is so massive that the myth of foreign invaders not being able to reach Moscow actually works both ways - Russian armies can't advance into the Crimea because of over extended supply lines.
14) A stocky Corsican [though he is actually taller than the average Corsican] uses artillery to break up a crowd. The people love him for it.
15) Aforementioned Corsican reaffirms the thought that no Frenchman can ever lead the French to victory.
16) Voltaire hatches famous phrase that "France is a nation with an army, Prussia is an army with a nation"
17) France decapitates her King. Then his wife. Then his lawyer. People establish new government. Decapitation of new government. Third government established. More guillotine work. Doubly aforementioned Corsican returns from Egypt to save the day... sort of.
18) Peace breaks out in Europe.
19) Otto von Bismarck, arguably one of the most brilliant politicians of his time and ever, "uses alliances to cause wars, and wars to build alliances." Rather circular, eh? Well it worked.
20) Perhaps referring back to Voltaire, Clemenceau states "Prussia was hatched from a cannon ball."
21) A 19 year old college student with a ten dollar pistol perforates a pushy Austro-Hungarian Arch Duke. Four years later eight million people are dead. Communism rises in Russian, and thanks to WWII and Stalin's purges, the casualty count rises to something like 74,000,000. Add in Mao and his damned dam project and the total jumps up to a conservative 174,000,000 - one shot kills nearly two hundred million people. How's that for accuracy?
22) During WWI the British and Germans fought over a huge cavern that contained huge stores of champagne - and the Champagne War is born. Eventually an uneasy truce is reached between the Tommies and Bosche to split access to the cavern on a night/day schedule.
23) December 25, 1914. The Germans and British have a rather spontaneous football game. Most sources indicate the Brits won it 3-2.
24) The British often start an offensive by kicking a football. Thus the term 'kick the offensive off' is born.
25) The Treaty of Versailles.
26) As a result of #25, you get two dangerous political parties - Communists and National Socialists. Some historians have dubbed them "Homicidal Librarians" and "Homicidal Carnies".
I'll stop there.
Now all of that makes me laugh, and more importantly, question the sanity of the entire planet. Surely the world can't be sane. But now I have proof that it isn't.
Someone once invented a device to... warm the prostate gland. That's right folks. "On those cold mornings when your prostate just won't stay warm... stick this middle poker in your anus and get that warm fuzzy feeling inside - literally!" I'm not making this up folks. You can't make this stuff up.
- - - - - -
Disclaimer: My apologies to the mods if this is deemed offensive. It really was meant in the best way and is an historical fact.