Felis Lux
10-04-2004, 10:17
Dear Homo Sapiens,
I am writing to express my client, viz. God's sincerest regret that He now feel compelled to cease His vigil over you, to cancel your Direct Debit on forgiveness and amazing grace, and to advise you that He is seeking legal advise preparatory to officially disinheriting you from the position of Children of God. The King of Heaven, the ultimate judge, the Ruler of the Universe and Word is deeply sorry for any inconvenience this may cause, but He no longer feels able to act as your deity given your recurrent behaviour, tu whit:
1. Quibbles over whose administrative minutes from His various meetings with you are to be taken as the most accurate version of the Word of God, which have resulted in thousands of years of unrest and bloody civil war. You have also repeatedly taken messages of peace, hope, and ideologies of love, compassion, and fellow-feeling, and re-interpreted them in order to provide justification for murder, genocide, mutilation, torture, and extortion. For Heaven's sake, mankind, use a bit of initiative!
2. A series of wars and smaller conflicts for trivial grounds ranging from "That tree's mine!" and "This foul-smelling black slime made out of decomposed plankton is mine, because I want to burn it to make poisonous fumes!" to "Your great-great grandfather may have once looked down his nose at mine! Prepare to die!". The fact that you are willing to kill one another with glee and gay abandon over the ownership rights of narcotic chemicals which kill you, and super-decomposed fishmeal which kills your planet, lead the Lord to the conclusion that you are, frankly, a bunch of mindless jerks.
3. Vandalism. See (2). Your misuse of the facilities and general rendering of much of the surface of your planet to a state wherein it is largely unusable by many of your cousin species is evidence of gross inconsideration. We are uncertain whether this is to be considered as malicious damage or simple incompetence on your part, but the unhelpful attitude of certain of your citizens, namely that you can cause whatever damage you like because Divine power will protect you, restore the planet, and preserve your species from extinction (whether you consider this Divine power to be a conscious agency or pure chance and physics), indicates that, in fact, you are unprepared to act in a responsible manner. If you continue to abuse the facilities they will be withdrawn without further notice.
Please be advised that these points apply equally whether you consider the Author of these complaints to be a personalised and individual Creator or Guardian Deity of whichever description your faith of choice prefers, or a conscious function of the Universe at large, or simply as the invisible clockwork of quantum mechanics. Continuing to act in this self-destructive and inconsiderate manner will yield the inevitable consequence.
Thank you for your time,
Yours faithfully,
Me.
I am writing to express my client, viz. God's sincerest regret that He now feel compelled to cease His vigil over you, to cancel your Direct Debit on forgiveness and amazing grace, and to advise you that He is seeking legal advise preparatory to officially disinheriting you from the position of Children of God. The King of Heaven, the ultimate judge, the Ruler of the Universe and Word is deeply sorry for any inconvenience this may cause, but He no longer feels able to act as your deity given your recurrent behaviour, tu whit:
1. Quibbles over whose administrative minutes from His various meetings with you are to be taken as the most accurate version of the Word of God, which have resulted in thousands of years of unrest and bloody civil war. You have also repeatedly taken messages of peace, hope, and ideologies of love, compassion, and fellow-feeling, and re-interpreted them in order to provide justification for murder, genocide, mutilation, torture, and extortion. For Heaven's sake, mankind, use a bit of initiative!
2. A series of wars and smaller conflicts for trivial grounds ranging from "That tree's mine!" and "This foul-smelling black slime made out of decomposed plankton is mine, because I want to burn it to make poisonous fumes!" to "Your great-great grandfather may have once looked down his nose at mine! Prepare to die!". The fact that you are willing to kill one another with glee and gay abandon over the ownership rights of narcotic chemicals which kill you, and super-decomposed fishmeal which kills your planet, lead the Lord to the conclusion that you are, frankly, a bunch of mindless jerks.
3. Vandalism. See (2). Your misuse of the facilities and general rendering of much of the surface of your planet to a state wherein it is largely unusable by many of your cousin species is evidence of gross inconsideration. We are uncertain whether this is to be considered as malicious damage or simple incompetence on your part, but the unhelpful attitude of certain of your citizens, namely that you can cause whatever damage you like because Divine power will protect you, restore the planet, and preserve your species from extinction (whether you consider this Divine power to be a conscious agency or pure chance and physics), indicates that, in fact, you are unprepared to act in a responsible manner. If you continue to abuse the facilities they will be withdrawn without further notice.
Please be advised that these points apply equally whether you consider the Author of these complaints to be a personalised and individual Creator or Guardian Deity of whichever description your faith of choice prefers, or a conscious function of the Universe at large, or simply as the invisible clockwork of quantum mechanics. Continuing to act in this self-destructive and inconsiderate manner will yield the inevitable consequence.
Thank you for your time,
Yours faithfully,
Me.