NewXmen
06-04-2004, 06:42
Stolen from another forum
"Existentialists would claim that we are only staving off the screaming
hysteria of an uncaring universe by role-playing."
"True, but my wizard's level 7, so I get Cloudkill."
-------
The Tao that can be named is not the true Tao.
The Brujah that can learn Celerity is not the True Brujah.
------
A GM must plan for every possible outcome knowing that he will use none of them.
-------
A GM is lord of his universe, essence of every living thing, and is less important than a first level wizard PC.
------
The demands of every player is for this game to be the same, but different.
-------
Everything that the PC hate and loathe is provided by the GM, and he is loved because of it.
------
There is only one 'true' Way of gaming
The Way of the Asshat
------
If wearing a trenchcoat is cool, and everyone's wearing trenchcoats, who is cool?
* * *
A thousand orcs kill a village of humans to defend their tribe.
Four human adventurers kill a hundred orcs to defend their village.
Who knows the path of enlightenment?
* * *
A Chaotic Neutral half-orc barbarian slaughtered his fellow adventurers after an encounter with a wight weakened them. When questioned later, he said, "They had learned the secret of my fighting style, so I had to slay them. Note that I did not use their magical swords after I ransacked their corpses, thus preserving their honor."
* * *
A great spirit in the Celestial Bureaucracy praised a woman who ran a tea shop in the heart of the Empire, saying that she had mastered the most perfect combination of Sidereal charms. The Exalted who studied with this spirit refused to believe him, so they visited her themselves.
Whenever the woman saw them coming, she could tell at once whether they had come for tea or to look into her knowledge of charms. In the former case, she would serve them graciously. In the latter case, she would give them a piece of flawed jade to give to their master.
Whenever the great spirit received a piece of jade, he would laugh for a week and a day. This is why he is called Great-Spirit-Who-Condemns-Foolishness-With-Continuous-Laughter.
* * *
Attachment leads to suffering, and your players will remind you of this every chance that they can get.
------
Zen masters have found enlightenment after meditating alone before a wall for years. Enlightenment cannot be found with your rulebooks alone.
-------
If the GM plans for X number of contingencies, then the players will devise X+1 stratagems.
------
A paradox worthy of a Master. Which deserves to be repeated in bold.
-----
The great Game Designer asked a GM, "Tell me what is the greatest enemy of creativity."
The GM answered, "A lack of boundaries."
The Game Designer said, "Here is one who has reached enlightenment."
------
Shigong asked a younger master, Xitang "Can you grab a hold of emptiness?" to which the younger master replied, "Of course, just reach into this Portable Hole"
-----
The stuff that must be taken first is the stuff of life itself, only then may other stuff be truly taken.
-----
In the days when Borgstrom was a novice, she asked her players to create characters for her game.
"What sort of character should we make?" asked Achilli.
"I'm afraid that I can't tell you, so make whatever you wish," Borgstrom replied.
"Why can't you tell me?" asked Achilli.
"I do not want you to have preconceptions about the game I will run," Borgstrom said.
Achilli then shut his eyes.
"Why do you close your eyes?" Borgstrom asked her teacher.
"So that the room will be empty."
At that moment, Borgstrom was enlightened.
-------
There are no unrailroaded games, just visible and invisible rails.
------
The bad GM ignores the plotholes. The good GM tries to stop up the plotholes. The enlightened GM pretends the plotholes are intentional, and part of his plan.
-------
Vampire is a storytelling game of personal horror; what is the damage of a jury-rigged flamethrower?
-------
Which is a sadder thing to behold: A character loved by no one at all, or a character loved only by his player?
-------
If a character is killed and no one is near to hear it, does he scream at all?
-------
Is a glorious character death preferable to dying of old age in retirement?
--------
Anything can be found in a 10' by 10' room.
---------
The student asking the master "Do we round up or down?"
And the master answered: "That depends on the game you are currently playing."
Upon hearing this, the student was enlightened.
-------
What is the game and whom does it serve?
-------
Orc and Pie
Master GM: You enter a 10'x10' room. In the room is a pie, guarded by an Orc."
PC Disciple: I kill the Orc and take the Pie! What flavor is it?
Master GM: Gelatinous Cube!
SATORI!
------
The student said, "I wish to make an impassioned speech. What should I roll?"
The master replied, "Roleplay it."
The student balked. "But I am terrible at speeches, even though my character has a high Charisma."
Angered, the master said, "This is my game."
So the student killed him and took his stuff.
------
The novice complained bitterly to the master. "I am so tired of all these systems! Here is one good for superheroes, and here is one for gritty fantasy, and here is one for psionic hermaphrodites! Each has different ways of doing the same thing, and as I move from game to game, I grow confused, rolling d10 when I should roll d20, or adding when I should subtract."
-------
"What do you propose to do?" asked the master.
"I will create a NEW system!", said the novice. "One which will replace all the others!"
The master hurled his dice bag (which was very heavy) at the novice.
"Why did you do that?" asked the novice.
"I do not wish to learn a new system." said the Master.
And the novice was enlightened.
=================================
The master sat behing his GM screen when he saw the novice enter.
"Tell me of the games you know.", said the Master.
"I know D&D, AD&D, D20, GURPS, Hero, Rolemaster, Runequest, Amber, Nobilis, BESM, Traveller (all versions), Call of Cthulu, Deadlands, Vampire, and many more!" replied the novice.
The master nodded, impressed. "Clearly, you should be behind this screen, not me. Let me pack up my dice, and you may run the game."
The novice watched as the master put dice into his bag. Soon, the bag was full, but the master kept putting dice on top, where they rolled off onto the table and the floor. The master continued to gather them up and place them on the overstuffed bag.
Finally, the novice grew impatient. "You cannot put more dice into that bag! It is too full!"
The master smiled. "It is your mind which is too full."
And the novice was enlightened.
-----
If an orc dies from a trap in a dungeon with no one around to loot the body, does anyone get experience from it?
------
Before Cthulhu, chop wood and 10d100 sanity loss.
After Cthulhu, chop wood and 10d100 sanity loss.
------
The student and the master sat together before the game.
The student said "I demand realism in my games, and i want it supported with the rules. The more realistic the better, I say."
The master nodded and said "Describe to me your character."
And the student was enlightened.
Thereafter he grew content.
----
The master and the student sat together at the game.
Everything depended on the student making a single, pivotal roll. Failure meant great ill would befall the companions.
As he took up the dice, the student said "Anything but a 1."
The groans of dismay at the student's botch subsided.
The master swung into action with a brilliant plan that turned the failure into resounding success, easily overcoming the opposition.
When the session concluded, the student turned to the master and asked,
"How did you put such a flawless plan together so quickly?"
The master replied,
"You quoted the mantra of failure. I began planning at that moment, even before the roll."
And the student was enlightened.
Thereafter he could glimpse the future.
------
All games of tactics are paper-rock-scissors, but some are more paper-rock-scissors than others
------
As the student and master roleplayed, their circumstances came down to a single roll. The master botched, but through clever roleplaying saved the situation. For the rest of the game, the student was cranky and snippy. After the evening was over, the student turned on the master "You had enough bonuses to make that roll easily," he protested.
"I picked up the dice and kept playing after that roll," the master said, "but the dice still seem to be on the table in front of you."
-------
A man had three sons. When they came of age, each went in a different way to study the ways of roleplaying. When their studies were complete, they each returned to the home of their father.
"What is the most important thing in a role-playing game?" asked the father.
The eldest son, who had travelled to the north, said, "Consistency in the setting and a feeling of immersion -- this is of the greatest importance."
"No," said the second son, who had travelled to the west, "The most important thing is that the players and GM combine to form a compelling story."
The yougest son, who had travelled to the south, said "The most important thing is that all players have an equal chance to succeed in their goals."
Their father was concerned, and did not understand. But although these three ways are all different, are they not indeed all roleplaying?
---
The master said: A GM is not merely a vessel.
----
The master said: Treat with game designers, but keep them at a distance.
----
Wargaming gave birth to D&D. D&D gave birth to Champions, and Traveler, and GURPS. Now there are ten thousand systems.
Each system has its purpose, however humble. Each system expresses the Yin and Yang of gaming. Each system has its place within the Tao.
But do not use the Palladium system if you can avoid it.
****
The wise gamer is told about Tao and follows it. The average gamer is told about Tao and searches for it. The foolish gamer is told about Tao and laughs at it.
If it were not for laughter, there would be no Tao.
-----
The highest sounds are hardest to hear.
Going forward is a way to retreat.
Great talent shows itself late in life.
Even a perfect system still has problems.
****
A publisher went to the master game designer and showed him an idea for an ambitious new game line. The publisher asked the master: "How long will it take to design this system if I assign writers to it?"
"It will take one year," said the master promptly.
"But we need this game immediately or even sooner! How long will it take if I assign ten writers to it?"
The master designer frowned. "In that case, it will take two years."
"And what if I assign a hundred writers to it?"
The master designer shrugged. "Then the game will never be completed," he said.
****
In a game of Nobilis, the PCs were trapped in an underground dungeon, in a room sealed by a bizarre puzzle trap. They spent most of the evening's session trying to figure out the puzzle.
Afterwards, in much consternation, one of the players confronted the GM. "Nobilis is a game of narrative and storytelling," he cried. "We are not Gamists! Why did you put us in that dungeon puzzle?"
"Your character escaped the trap," the GM replied. "Why are you still there?"
----
If a warrior only manages to defeat a opponent due to his +5 sword, which of the two should get the experience?
-----
Around the table, all are equal until the dice stop spinning.
---
The beginning GM knows the rules.
The experienced GM knows the game.
The enlightened GM knows the players.
------
If a student has not found a meaning in a Koan, does that mean the Koan has no meaning or does that mean the Student has no enlightenment?
All things hold meaning for someone, student. All things are Koan for he who needs it. Such is the nature of Tao.
-------
Two players compared their characters for Friday's game.
The first player said, "My character is a half-dragon weaponmaster. In melee combat, he is capable of dealing over a hundred points of damage in a single attack, or can make multiple attacks, attacking eight times a round. He is a powerful character."
The second player said, "Your character is weak. My character is a halfling Rogue with Skill Focus (basket-weaving)."
"Your character could not defeat opponents who can barely scratch my character," said the first player. "Your design is sup-optimal, and your hit points are below average for a character of your level."
"Your character cannot afford a room at the inn," replied the second. "He has no livelihood but war, and no disguise will serve him but magic. Mine will never starve so long as he is among people who need baskets, and will never be recognized for himself when he is among halflings."
Later, the halfling backstabbed the half-dragon, killing him instantly.
-----
A novice GM was running a game and saw that the players were chatting out of character and not putting a lot of effort into their roles. "Aha," she said to herself, "I will show them the way, and they will become enlightened!"
So the GM role-played harder, introducing dramatic characters, deep plots, and conflicting motivations. The players continued to chat amongst themselves and killed the Prince whose history the GM worked out up to three generations back.
So the GM role-played harder still, crafting a plot worthy of great authors and characters with more detail than those in any published module. The players packed their dicebags, picked up their books, and left, for they were already enlightened.
"Existentialists would claim that we are only staving off the screaming
hysteria of an uncaring universe by role-playing."
"True, but my wizard's level 7, so I get Cloudkill."
-------
The Tao that can be named is not the true Tao.
The Brujah that can learn Celerity is not the True Brujah.
------
A GM must plan for every possible outcome knowing that he will use none of them.
-------
A GM is lord of his universe, essence of every living thing, and is less important than a first level wizard PC.
------
The demands of every player is for this game to be the same, but different.
-------
Everything that the PC hate and loathe is provided by the GM, and he is loved because of it.
------
There is only one 'true' Way of gaming
The Way of the Asshat
------
If wearing a trenchcoat is cool, and everyone's wearing trenchcoats, who is cool?
* * *
A thousand orcs kill a village of humans to defend their tribe.
Four human adventurers kill a hundred orcs to defend their village.
Who knows the path of enlightenment?
* * *
A Chaotic Neutral half-orc barbarian slaughtered his fellow adventurers after an encounter with a wight weakened them. When questioned later, he said, "They had learned the secret of my fighting style, so I had to slay them. Note that I did not use their magical swords after I ransacked their corpses, thus preserving their honor."
* * *
A great spirit in the Celestial Bureaucracy praised a woman who ran a tea shop in the heart of the Empire, saying that she had mastered the most perfect combination of Sidereal charms. The Exalted who studied with this spirit refused to believe him, so they visited her themselves.
Whenever the woman saw them coming, she could tell at once whether they had come for tea or to look into her knowledge of charms. In the former case, she would serve them graciously. In the latter case, she would give them a piece of flawed jade to give to their master.
Whenever the great spirit received a piece of jade, he would laugh for a week and a day. This is why he is called Great-Spirit-Who-Condemns-Foolishness-With-Continuous-Laughter.
* * *
Attachment leads to suffering, and your players will remind you of this every chance that they can get.
------
Zen masters have found enlightenment after meditating alone before a wall for years. Enlightenment cannot be found with your rulebooks alone.
-------
If the GM plans for X number of contingencies, then the players will devise X+1 stratagems.
------
A paradox worthy of a Master. Which deserves to be repeated in bold.
-----
The great Game Designer asked a GM, "Tell me what is the greatest enemy of creativity."
The GM answered, "A lack of boundaries."
The Game Designer said, "Here is one who has reached enlightenment."
------
Shigong asked a younger master, Xitang "Can you grab a hold of emptiness?" to which the younger master replied, "Of course, just reach into this Portable Hole"
-----
The stuff that must be taken first is the stuff of life itself, only then may other stuff be truly taken.
-----
In the days when Borgstrom was a novice, she asked her players to create characters for her game.
"What sort of character should we make?" asked Achilli.
"I'm afraid that I can't tell you, so make whatever you wish," Borgstrom replied.
"Why can't you tell me?" asked Achilli.
"I do not want you to have preconceptions about the game I will run," Borgstrom said.
Achilli then shut his eyes.
"Why do you close your eyes?" Borgstrom asked her teacher.
"So that the room will be empty."
At that moment, Borgstrom was enlightened.
-------
There are no unrailroaded games, just visible and invisible rails.
------
The bad GM ignores the plotholes. The good GM tries to stop up the plotholes. The enlightened GM pretends the plotholes are intentional, and part of his plan.
-------
Vampire is a storytelling game of personal horror; what is the damage of a jury-rigged flamethrower?
-------
Which is a sadder thing to behold: A character loved by no one at all, or a character loved only by his player?
-------
If a character is killed and no one is near to hear it, does he scream at all?
-------
Is a glorious character death preferable to dying of old age in retirement?
--------
Anything can be found in a 10' by 10' room.
---------
The student asking the master "Do we round up or down?"
And the master answered: "That depends on the game you are currently playing."
Upon hearing this, the student was enlightened.
-------
What is the game and whom does it serve?
-------
Orc and Pie
Master GM: You enter a 10'x10' room. In the room is a pie, guarded by an Orc."
PC Disciple: I kill the Orc and take the Pie! What flavor is it?
Master GM: Gelatinous Cube!
SATORI!
------
The student said, "I wish to make an impassioned speech. What should I roll?"
The master replied, "Roleplay it."
The student balked. "But I am terrible at speeches, even though my character has a high Charisma."
Angered, the master said, "This is my game."
So the student killed him and took his stuff.
------
The novice complained bitterly to the master. "I am so tired of all these systems! Here is one good for superheroes, and here is one for gritty fantasy, and here is one for psionic hermaphrodites! Each has different ways of doing the same thing, and as I move from game to game, I grow confused, rolling d10 when I should roll d20, or adding when I should subtract."
-------
"What do you propose to do?" asked the master.
"I will create a NEW system!", said the novice. "One which will replace all the others!"
The master hurled his dice bag (which was very heavy) at the novice.
"Why did you do that?" asked the novice.
"I do not wish to learn a new system." said the Master.
And the novice was enlightened.
=================================
The master sat behing his GM screen when he saw the novice enter.
"Tell me of the games you know.", said the Master.
"I know D&D, AD&D, D20, GURPS, Hero, Rolemaster, Runequest, Amber, Nobilis, BESM, Traveller (all versions), Call of Cthulu, Deadlands, Vampire, and many more!" replied the novice.
The master nodded, impressed. "Clearly, you should be behind this screen, not me. Let me pack up my dice, and you may run the game."
The novice watched as the master put dice into his bag. Soon, the bag was full, but the master kept putting dice on top, where they rolled off onto the table and the floor. The master continued to gather them up and place them on the overstuffed bag.
Finally, the novice grew impatient. "You cannot put more dice into that bag! It is too full!"
The master smiled. "It is your mind which is too full."
And the novice was enlightened.
-----
If an orc dies from a trap in a dungeon with no one around to loot the body, does anyone get experience from it?
------
Before Cthulhu, chop wood and 10d100 sanity loss.
After Cthulhu, chop wood and 10d100 sanity loss.
------
The student and the master sat together before the game.
The student said "I demand realism in my games, and i want it supported with the rules. The more realistic the better, I say."
The master nodded and said "Describe to me your character."
And the student was enlightened.
Thereafter he grew content.
----
The master and the student sat together at the game.
Everything depended on the student making a single, pivotal roll. Failure meant great ill would befall the companions.
As he took up the dice, the student said "Anything but a 1."
The groans of dismay at the student's botch subsided.
The master swung into action with a brilliant plan that turned the failure into resounding success, easily overcoming the opposition.
When the session concluded, the student turned to the master and asked,
"How did you put such a flawless plan together so quickly?"
The master replied,
"You quoted the mantra of failure. I began planning at that moment, even before the roll."
And the student was enlightened.
Thereafter he could glimpse the future.
------
All games of tactics are paper-rock-scissors, but some are more paper-rock-scissors than others
------
As the student and master roleplayed, their circumstances came down to a single roll. The master botched, but through clever roleplaying saved the situation. For the rest of the game, the student was cranky and snippy. After the evening was over, the student turned on the master "You had enough bonuses to make that roll easily," he protested.
"I picked up the dice and kept playing after that roll," the master said, "but the dice still seem to be on the table in front of you."
-------
A man had three sons. When they came of age, each went in a different way to study the ways of roleplaying. When their studies were complete, they each returned to the home of their father.
"What is the most important thing in a role-playing game?" asked the father.
The eldest son, who had travelled to the north, said, "Consistency in the setting and a feeling of immersion -- this is of the greatest importance."
"No," said the second son, who had travelled to the west, "The most important thing is that the players and GM combine to form a compelling story."
The yougest son, who had travelled to the south, said "The most important thing is that all players have an equal chance to succeed in their goals."
Their father was concerned, and did not understand. But although these three ways are all different, are they not indeed all roleplaying?
---
The master said: A GM is not merely a vessel.
----
The master said: Treat with game designers, but keep them at a distance.
----
Wargaming gave birth to D&D. D&D gave birth to Champions, and Traveler, and GURPS. Now there are ten thousand systems.
Each system has its purpose, however humble. Each system expresses the Yin and Yang of gaming. Each system has its place within the Tao.
But do not use the Palladium system if you can avoid it.
****
The wise gamer is told about Tao and follows it. The average gamer is told about Tao and searches for it. The foolish gamer is told about Tao and laughs at it.
If it were not for laughter, there would be no Tao.
-----
The highest sounds are hardest to hear.
Going forward is a way to retreat.
Great talent shows itself late in life.
Even a perfect system still has problems.
****
A publisher went to the master game designer and showed him an idea for an ambitious new game line. The publisher asked the master: "How long will it take to design this system if I assign writers to it?"
"It will take one year," said the master promptly.
"But we need this game immediately or even sooner! How long will it take if I assign ten writers to it?"
The master designer frowned. "In that case, it will take two years."
"And what if I assign a hundred writers to it?"
The master designer shrugged. "Then the game will never be completed," he said.
****
In a game of Nobilis, the PCs were trapped in an underground dungeon, in a room sealed by a bizarre puzzle trap. They spent most of the evening's session trying to figure out the puzzle.
Afterwards, in much consternation, one of the players confronted the GM. "Nobilis is a game of narrative and storytelling," he cried. "We are not Gamists! Why did you put us in that dungeon puzzle?"
"Your character escaped the trap," the GM replied. "Why are you still there?"
----
If a warrior only manages to defeat a opponent due to his +5 sword, which of the two should get the experience?
-----
Around the table, all are equal until the dice stop spinning.
---
The beginning GM knows the rules.
The experienced GM knows the game.
The enlightened GM knows the players.
------
If a student has not found a meaning in a Koan, does that mean the Koan has no meaning or does that mean the Student has no enlightenment?
All things hold meaning for someone, student. All things are Koan for he who needs it. Such is the nature of Tao.
-------
Two players compared their characters for Friday's game.
The first player said, "My character is a half-dragon weaponmaster. In melee combat, he is capable of dealing over a hundred points of damage in a single attack, or can make multiple attacks, attacking eight times a round. He is a powerful character."
The second player said, "Your character is weak. My character is a halfling Rogue with Skill Focus (basket-weaving)."
"Your character could not defeat opponents who can barely scratch my character," said the first player. "Your design is sup-optimal, and your hit points are below average for a character of your level."
"Your character cannot afford a room at the inn," replied the second. "He has no livelihood but war, and no disguise will serve him but magic. Mine will never starve so long as he is among people who need baskets, and will never be recognized for himself when he is among halflings."
Later, the halfling backstabbed the half-dragon, killing him instantly.
-----
A novice GM was running a game and saw that the players were chatting out of character and not putting a lot of effort into their roles. "Aha," she said to herself, "I will show them the way, and they will become enlightened!"
So the GM role-played harder, introducing dramatic characters, deep plots, and conflicting motivations. The players continued to chat amongst themselves and killed the Prince whose history the GM worked out up to three generations back.
So the GM role-played harder still, crafting a plot worthy of great authors and characters with more detail than those in any published module. The players packed their dicebags, picked up their books, and left, for they were already enlightened.