Gaspode the Wonder Dog
05-04-2004, 17:24
The Player and the Moderator (Not By Lewis Carroll)
The mod was posting on the forum,
Posting with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The threads calm and polite--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.
The admin was posting sulkily,
Because she thought the mod
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done--
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"
The spam was moist as moist could be,
The wit was dry as dry.
You could not see a post, unless
The server let you try:
No insults were flying overhead--
There were no insults to fly.
The Player and the Moderator
Were watching close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of spam:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would be grand!"
"If seven Mods with magical powers
Deated for half a year.
Do you suppose," the Player said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Moderator,
And shed a bitter tear.
"O Spammers, come and walk with us!"
The Player did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the forum index:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give each thread its checks."
The eldest Spammer looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Spammer winked his eye,
And shook his IC head--
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the nonsense threads.
But four young Noobies hurried up,
All eager for the thread:
Their regions were active, their issues done,
The stickies were tagged and read-
And this was odd, because, you know,
They very rarely did.
Four other Spammers followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hopping through the frothy threads,
And scrambling to the shore.
The Player and the Moderator
Posted on apace,
And then they refreshed a page
Conveniently placed:
And all the little Spammers stood
And waited for a space.
"The time has come," the Player said,
"To talk of all the news:
Of trolls--and noobs--and emoticons--
Of role-players--and j00s--
And why the flames are burning hot--
And whether spam has use."
"But wait a bit," the Spammers cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of ideas,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Moderator.
They thanked him much for that.
"The Reploid sword,” the Player said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Warnings and locked threads besides
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, Spammers dear,
We can begin the deed."
"Not our nations!" the Spammers cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
An evil thing to do!"
"The game is fine," the Player said.
"Do you admire the view?
"It was so kind of you to play!
And you are very new!"
The Moderator said nothing but
"Find me another noob:
I wish you were not quite so deaf--
I've had to warn you too!"
"It seems a shame," the Player said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them post so quick!"
The Moderator said nothing but
"The smilies are too thick!"
"I weep for you," the Player said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With keyboard strokes he sorted out
Post counts of the largest size,
Pushing his computer screen
Away from his streaming eyes.
"O Spammers," said the Moderator,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd deated every one.
The mod was posting on the forum,
Posting with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The threads calm and polite--
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.
The admin was posting sulkily,
Because she thought the mod
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done--
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun!"
The spam was moist as moist could be,
The wit was dry as dry.
You could not see a post, unless
The server let you try:
No insults were flying overhead--
There were no insults to fly.
The Player and the Moderator
Were watching close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of spam:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would be grand!"
"If seven Mods with magical powers
Deated for half a year.
Do you suppose," the Player said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Moderator,
And shed a bitter tear.
"O Spammers, come and walk with us!"
The Player did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the forum index:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give each thread its checks."
The eldest Spammer looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Spammer winked his eye,
And shook his IC head--
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the nonsense threads.
But four young Noobies hurried up,
All eager for the thread:
Their regions were active, their issues done,
The stickies were tagged and read-
And this was odd, because, you know,
They very rarely did.
Four other Spammers followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hopping through the frothy threads,
And scrambling to the shore.
The Player and the Moderator
Posted on apace,
And then they refreshed a page
Conveniently placed:
And all the little Spammers stood
And waited for a space.
"The time has come," the Player said,
"To talk of all the news:
Of trolls--and noobs--and emoticons--
Of role-players--and j00s--
And why the flames are burning hot--
And whether spam has use."
"But wait a bit," the Spammers cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of ideas,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Moderator.
They thanked him much for that.
"The Reploid sword,” the Player said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Warnings and locked threads besides
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, Spammers dear,
We can begin the deed."
"Not our nations!" the Spammers cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
An evil thing to do!"
"The game is fine," the Player said.
"Do you admire the view?
"It was so kind of you to play!
And you are very new!"
The Moderator said nothing but
"Find me another noob:
I wish you were not quite so deaf--
I've had to warn you too!"
"It seems a shame," the Player said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them post so quick!"
The Moderator said nothing but
"The smilies are too thick!"
"I weep for you," the Player said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With keyboard strokes he sorted out
Post counts of the largest size,
Pushing his computer screen
Away from his streaming eyes.
"O Spammers," said the Moderator,
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd deated every one.