02-04-2004, 01:34
The proud ruler of the Principality of Crabcake Stands before a crowd of spectators in the center of Crabcake Colosseum.
Crabcake: Certain frustrations have finally gotten to the point where I can stand no more. This will be my final post.
The Crowd gasps and begins to talks among themselves.
Crabcake: Today the server problem was relentless, so I’m not going to post here anymore. Rather than just stand down however I have one last task that I wish to accomplish. Today our DCM has captured the leader of the Lobster Cult.
The crowd cheers
Crabcake: We have decided the punishment most befitting a ruthless manipulator such as himself.
Crabcake hods his arms up and the floor to the Colosseum begins to open up. A large complicated apparatus begins to rise to the surface. The Red Lobster is tied to a chair at the end of the apparatus.
Crabcake: This complicated piece of machinery is the ultimate in death dealing devices. Now let me show you how it works.
He moves to end opposite of the Red Lobster.
Crabcake: First I pull this lever, which releases the large ball over head. The ball will roll down through each of the inclines until it reaches the giant funnel. The ball will drop straight down and land on the foot of the sleeping Scotsman. The sleeping Scotsman will immediately react by getting off the chair to roll around in agony. Probably swearing and cursing too but that’s not important. What is important is that the chair he was sitting on was on a lever. The other side of the lever will drop a log into a pool of water. The cats in the basket next to the pool will get wet from the splash and immediately jump out. The dogs will see the cats and try to chase after them but will be tied to the catapult. The Dogs will pull on their ropes and launch the bucket containing Michael Jackson’s old noses. The bucket will land on the flap and spin the oversized boot to kick the Red Lobster in the head knocking him down and landing on the lion. The lion will react and attack the Red Lobster, hopefully killing him. If that doesn’t work I still have my trusty FADBAGS. Alright, who want to see some death?
The crowd cheers with an enormous uproar and utter delight.
Crabcake: Alright, five, four, three, two, oh to hell with it yank.
Crabcake pulls the lever. The ball begins its decent working its way down level by level. Finally it reaches the funnel. After spinning around in the funnel it lands on the sleepy Scotsman’s foot. Writhing in agony the Scotsman gets off his chair. The log rolls and splashes into the water getting al of the cats wet. As they jump out of the basket they spot the dogs who have already spotted them and begin to give chase pulling on the catapult and launching the bucket of noses. The bucket lands on the flap and spins the boot kicking the Red Lobster in the Head. The Red Lobster falls down and lands on the lion who viciously attacks him. The lion tears at his flesh and rips his claws into the former lobster leader who’s screaming all the way. The crowd is screaming too, only for them it’s screams of enjoyment.
Crabcake: oh would you listen to that. All the pain and suffer that he’s caused, you’d think he’d be able to take some back.
The lion finishes with his mauling and walks away to clean off the blood.
Crabcake: Lets go see if he’s still alive.
Crabcake walks over to the maimed and bloody Red Lobster and sees that blood is still pouring profusely out of his wounds.
Crabcake: Well he’s not quite dead yet. I guess you can’t quite trust a lion to do a crabs job.
Crabcake reaches for his FADBAGS and lets loose, smiling all the way. He extinguishes his ammo and looks upon what is no longer recognizably human. He walks over to there the red one lay. He reaches down and picks up a huge chunk of flesh and takes a bite.
Crabcake: Well, he wasn’t red before, but he is now. Well there’s an after execution reception and you’re all invited to join. I wont be there of course because I’ll be...
*Fades from existence*
Crabcake: Certain frustrations have finally gotten to the point where I can stand no more. This will be my final post.
The Crowd gasps and begins to talks among themselves.
Crabcake: Today the server problem was relentless, so I’m not going to post here anymore. Rather than just stand down however I have one last task that I wish to accomplish. Today our DCM has captured the leader of the Lobster Cult.
The crowd cheers
Crabcake: We have decided the punishment most befitting a ruthless manipulator such as himself.
Crabcake hods his arms up and the floor to the Colosseum begins to open up. A large complicated apparatus begins to rise to the surface. The Red Lobster is tied to a chair at the end of the apparatus.
Crabcake: This complicated piece of machinery is the ultimate in death dealing devices. Now let me show you how it works.
He moves to end opposite of the Red Lobster.
Crabcake: First I pull this lever, which releases the large ball over head. The ball will roll down through each of the inclines until it reaches the giant funnel. The ball will drop straight down and land on the foot of the sleeping Scotsman. The sleeping Scotsman will immediately react by getting off the chair to roll around in agony. Probably swearing and cursing too but that’s not important. What is important is that the chair he was sitting on was on a lever. The other side of the lever will drop a log into a pool of water. The cats in the basket next to the pool will get wet from the splash and immediately jump out. The dogs will see the cats and try to chase after them but will be tied to the catapult. The Dogs will pull on their ropes and launch the bucket containing Michael Jackson’s old noses. The bucket will land on the flap and spin the oversized boot to kick the Red Lobster in the head knocking him down and landing on the lion. The lion will react and attack the Red Lobster, hopefully killing him. If that doesn’t work I still have my trusty FADBAGS. Alright, who want to see some death?
The crowd cheers with an enormous uproar and utter delight.
Crabcake: Alright, five, four, three, two, oh to hell with it yank.
Crabcake pulls the lever. The ball begins its decent working its way down level by level. Finally it reaches the funnel. After spinning around in the funnel it lands on the sleepy Scotsman’s foot. Writhing in agony the Scotsman gets off his chair. The log rolls and splashes into the water getting al of the cats wet. As they jump out of the basket they spot the dogs who have already spotted them and begin to give chase pulling on the catapult and launching the bucket of noses. The bucket lands on the flap and spins the boot kicking the Red Lobster in the Head. The Red Lobster falls down and lands on the lion who viciously attacks him. The lion tears at his flesh and rips his claws into the former lobster leader who’s screaming all the way. The crowd is screaming too, only for them it’s screams of enjoyment.
Crabcake: oh would you listen to that. All the pain and suffer that he’s caused, you’d think he’d be able to take some back.
The lion finishes with his mauling and walks away to clean off the blood.
Crabcake: Lets go see if he’s still alive.
Crabcake walks over to the maimed and bloody Red Lobster and sees that blood is still pouring profusely out of his wounds.
Crabcake: Well he’s not quite dead yet. I guess you can’t quite trust a lion to do a crabs job.
Crabcake reaches for his FADBAGS and lets loose, smiling all the way. He extinguishes his ammo and looks upon what is no longer recognizably human. He walks over to there the red one lay. He reaches down and picks up a huge chunk of flesh and takes a bite.
Crabcake: Well, he wasn’t red before, but he is now. Well there’s an after execution reception and you’re all invited to join. I wont be there of course because I’ll be...
*Fades from existence*