The Pyrenees
29-03-2004, 23:38
I got angry at my essay title. But remember, don't get angry, get ironic!
So here is my essay for you all.
Construct a reasoned case to persuade the government that there should be regulation of the Internet
The internet has changed our lives forever. We are on the brink of a new era of human civilization, where our system of economy, trade of knowledge, system of leadership and even choice of leaders will change forever. Many see this as an exciting new world for humanity. They are wrong. The internet is the greatest threat to Western Civilization since Islam. It is a threat to our children, spreading its perverted tidal wave or moral free filth. It is a threat to the great tradition or ownership, where (can you believe it) people can access beauty and art WITHOUT PAYING! Most importantly, Mr Blair, it is a threat to your glorious leadership! Its despicable theory of of Peer-to-Peer (isn't that communism? Boo hiss!) data transferal will let anyone say anything about you, Tony, and you won't be able to stop them!
What we need to do, Mr Bliar, is to restrict (sorry, regulate) our citizens internet usage. Enough of this pinko leftist 'Peer-to-Peer (P2P) nonsense. We need to return to a system of Master-Slave (thats more like it) programming systems. Client-Server (I love the smell of capitalism in the morning) data transferal by controlled companies (like those lovely people at America Online) is the way to protect our children (and your Premiership, O Enlightened One).
Uncontrolled Free Speech is a danger to our children. As well as the burgeoning trade in child porn, the internet leaves children open to 'grooming' by paedophiles. Parents no longer control who their child speaks to. Two-thirds of parents don't know whether their children have online friends, according to the Sunday Times. The same survey shows that a third of parents are concerned about the sexual nature of their childrens online chats. I think we can all agree that its wrong that young people have sexual emotions, can we not? A fifth of all children visit pornographic websites or adult-chat. The obvious answer to our childrens burgeoning sexuality is to ruthlessly prohibit the exploration of those feelings. After all, this is why the Rt. Hon. David Blunkett MP is trying to ban children kissing. We would be hypocritical if we let them indulge their filthy habits online, would we not?
You know it makes sense, Sir Blari.
BUt the problems don't stop there. Uncontrolled Free Speech is a danger to our wealth of knowledge. Or rather your control of that knowledge. Imagine if, during the Spycatcher affair, any of your citizens could have found out what you were really like? Well, it just doesn't bear thinking about. In his article on P2P networking in New Scientist (10 March 2001) Kurt Kleiner highlights the danger of the evil P2P. He talks about 'stolen nuclear secrets', and he is quite right to do so. Unless we stop P2P networking people will be able to organise terror attacks, dirty bombs and other such unsavoury acts and be untraceable.
This isn't the only uncontrolled information they (by which I mean terrorists/ peadophiles/internet users/ the French) will be able to trade music without paying for it. Chief Balir, we all know the state our music industry is in thanks to the damage these barbarians have already reaped! Record Executives have had their salaries slashed from half a million to a measly two million! How can our great artists like Robbie Williams be expected to survive on their eighty million pittance? Mr Bliar, it's alright for all those lucky bleeders on the dole. All they do is sit around all day. It's a dogs life for them. But for everyday popstars, well, they have cocaine habits to support. And that classic car collection isn't going to collect itself.
No, Rev. Balri, you must stop copyright theft now. Video really did kill the radio star, and who heeded the warning of the Bangles? And yes, home-taping killed music. I wonder where music is now? No where. You see. And, well, P2P... it doesn't bear thinking about.
Uncontrolled Free Speech is also an affront to moral decency, Lord Labir. Decca Aitkenhead, in her fascinating article 'Sad, lonely? Log off and get out!' writes candidly about how the internet user (or 'freaks' to use their technical collective noun) can become depressed and lonely, lacking social skills. And friends. In this excellent New Statesman (I know, I know, but give it a chance) article she shows how the net isn't all its cracked up to be. For example, 80% of all internet 'hits' are to pornographic sites. This moral decay will surely lead to a plummeting birth-rate, President Ilrab. And more gays, I bet.
So it is clear that the only answer to the problems of peadophilia, terrorism, copyright theft and libel is to have state regulation of the internet. Say its about the War on Terror, or, even better, that history will exonerate you. Everyone likes the self righteous, your Majesty.
So here is my essay for you all.
Construct a reasoned case to persuade the government that there should be regulation of the Internet
The internet has changed our lives forever. We are on the brink of a new era of human civilization, where our system of economy, trade of knowledge, system of leadership and even choice of leaders will change forever. Many see this as an exciting new world for humanity. They are wrong. The internet is the greatest threat to Western Civilization since Islam. It is a threat to our children, spreading its perverted tidal wave or moral free filth. It is a threat to the great tradition or ownership, where (can you believe it) people can access beauty and art WITHOUT PAYING! Most importantly, Mr Blair, it is a threat to your glorious leadership! Its despicable theory of of Peer-to-Peer (isn't that communism? Boo hiss!) data transferal will let anyone say anything about you, Tony, and you won't be able to stop them!
What we need to do, Mr Bliar, is to restrict (sorry, regulate) our citizens internet usage. Enough of this pinko leftist 'Peer-to-Peer (P2P) nonsense. We need to return to a system of Master-Slave (thats more like it) programming systems. Client-Server (I love the smell of capitalism in the morning) data transferal by controlled companies (like those lovely people at America Online) is the way to protect our children (and your Premiership, O Enlightened One).
Uncontrolled Free Speech is a danger to our children. As well as the burgeoning trade in child porn, the internet leaves children open to 'grooming' by paedophiles. Parents no longer control who their child speaks to. Two-thirds of parents don't know whether their children have online friends, according to the Sunday Times. The same survey shows that a third of parents are concerned about the sexual nature of their childrens online chats. I think we can all agree that its wrong that young people have sexual emotions, can we not? A fifth of all children visit pornographic websites or adult-chat. The obvious answer to our childrens burgeoning sexuality is to ruthlessly prohibit the exploration of those feelings. After all, this is why the Rt. Hon. David Blunkett MP is trying to ban children kissing. We would be hypocritical if we let them indulge their filthy habits online, would we not?
You know it makes sense, Sir Blari.
BUt the problems don't stop there. Uncontrolled Free Speech is a danger to our wealth of knowledge. Or rather your control of that knowledge. Imagine if, during the Spycatcher affair, any of your citizens could have found out what you were really like? Well, it just doesn't bear thinking about. In his article on P2P networking in New Scientist (10 March 2001) Kurt Kleiner highlights the danger of the evil P2P. He talks about 'stolen nuclear secrets', and he is quite right to do so. Unless we stop P2P networking people will be able to organise terror attacks, dirty bombs and other such unsavoury acts and be untraceable.
This isn't the only uncontrolled information they (by which I mean terrorists/ peadophiles/internet users/ the French) will be able to trade music without paying for it. Chief Balir, we all know the state our music industry is in thanks to the damage these barbarians have already reaped! Record Executives have had their salaries slashed from half a million to a measly two million! How can our great artists like Robbie Williams be expected to survive on their eighty million pittance? Mr Bliar, it's alright for all those lucky bleeders on the dole. All they do is sit around all day. It's a dogs life for them. But for everyday popstars, well, they have cocaine habits to support. And that classic car collection isn't going to collect itself.
No, Rev. Balri, you must stop copyright theft now. Video really did kill the radio star, and who heeded the warning of the Bangles? And yes, home-taping killed music. I wonder where music is now? No where. You see. And, well, P2P... it doesn't bear thinking about.
Uncontrolled Free Speech is also an affront to moral decency, Lord Labir. Decca Aitkenhead, in her fascinating article 'Sad, lonely? Log off and get out!' writes candidly about how the internet user (or 'freaks' to use their technical collective noun) can become depressed and lonely, lacking social skills. And friends. In this excellent New Statesman (I know, I know, but give it a chance) article she shows how the net isn't all its cracked up to be. For example, 80% of all internet 'hits' are to pornographic sites. This moral decay will surely lead to a plummeting birth-rate, President Ilrab. And more gays, I bet.
So it is clear that the only answer to the problems of peadophilia, terrorism, copyright theft and libel is to have state regulation of the internet. Say its about the War on Terror, or, even better, that history will exonerate you. Everyone likes the self righteous, your Majesty.