NationStates Jolt Archive

Fifteen Ways To Avoid A Good Southern Ass Whuppin'

Avoid a Good Southern Ass Whuppin... Issued by the
Southern Tourism Bureau to ALL visiting Northerners,
Northeasterners, Northwesterners, Westerners and
Southwestern Urbanites and Canukians.

1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at
Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve
breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they
know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.

2) Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Luther,
Tammy Lynn, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.) or
we will just HAVE to kick your ass.

3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down
here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a
flying rat's patootie whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr.
Pepper, 7-Up or whatever... it's still a Coke.
Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.

4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate
than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also
better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer
to us as a bunch of hillbillies or we'll kick your
ass.

5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith
of Fed Ex, Sam Walton, Turner Broadcasting, MCI
WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes,
have small lapses in judgment (e.g. John Edwards, Al
Gore, Bill Clinton, David Duke). We don't care if you
think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to let
someone move to our state in order to run for the
Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick
his/her ass.

6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had
listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg
instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be
paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you
visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving,
we'll kick your ass.

7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so
shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the
hell out of here, or we'll kick your ass.

8) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone
will instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your
biscuits like God intended with gravy. And don't put
sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass.

9) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a
riot, and you will get your ass kicked.

10) Don't talk about how much better things are at
home because we know better. Many of us have visited
Northern hellholes like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and
we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it
here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on
home before it gets kicked.

11) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk
this way because we don't want to sound like you. We
don't care if you don't understand what we are saying.
All other Southerners understand what we are saying,
and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us
alone, or we'll kick your ass.

12) Don't complain that the South is dirty and
polluted. None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire
recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll
kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.

13) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir
and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our
seats to old folks because such things are expected of
civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet
little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some
manners into your ass just like they did ours.

14) So you think we're quaint, or losers, because most
of us live in the countryside? That's because we
have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime
infested cesspools like New York, Baltimore or
Boston. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick
your ass.

15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here
and tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your
ass shot (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we
let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbecue,
and you will go home in a pine box... minus your ass.

6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had
listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg
instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be
paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington.Ha ha, losers.

all very true, very true 8)

ROFLMFAO! :lol: Wait a minute...aren't we too nice to do those thing to the Northerners. They don't know any better...

well, now they do. northerners be warned.

Mind if I add number 16?

Refering to Bill Clintons having come from Arkansas will git u'all an ass wupp'in

cool. if anyone else comes up with anything else to be added, feel free to speak up

17) posting pictures of old pickups, trailer parks etc with anti southern captions

Heres your Wup'in

The best way to avoid a Southern beat-down is to come from Idaho. We're much more pleasant than southerners, so we don't fight often. That being said, when it comes to scrapping, an Idahoan is easily worth two Texans.

The best way to avoid a Southern beat-down is to come from Idaho. We're much more pleasant than southerners, so we don't fight often. That being said, when it comes to scrapping, an Idahoan is easily worth two Texans.

Huh? In what universe?

18) never claim to be a better fighter than a southerner. ever. doing so will lead to ur ass being challenged, then being placed on your head as a hat.


patato farmer vs. cowboy. who is most likly to win

18) never claim to be a better fighter than a southerner. ever. doing so will lead to ur ass being challenged, then being placed on your head as a hat.


patato farmer vs. cowboy. who is most likly to win

Depends on the abilities of each as a fighter.

I'll beat any southerner.

ur ruining the rant man. its a joke, no need to get technical with it

I'll beat any southerner.

Thats quite a claim CI. It sounds like you have a Texas sized ego, or Cali sized, whichever.

he aint no texan. we dont fight our own.

16th way

You beat them all down.

The best way to avoid a Southern beat-down is to come from Idaho. We're much more pleasant than southerners, so we don't fight often. That being said, when it comes to scrapping, an Idahoan is easily worth two Texans.

Huh? In what universe?

Unfortunately for Texans, this one. Your standard Idahoan spends his days getting hardened by some of the most volatile weather in the lower '48, and tends to do a lot of manual labor. Your average Texan spends his days talking about how tough he is while doubling up on the deep-fried stuff. You tell me who's tougher? :wink:

I'll beat any southerner.

Thats quite a claim CI. It sounds like you have a Texas sized ego, or Cali sized, whichever.

That would be Cali sized.

he aint no texan. we dont fight our own.

I wasn't saying hes a Texan, just that his ego is big.

Actually I'm Italian.

The best way to avoid a Southern beat-down is to come from Idaho. We're much more pleasant than southerners, so we don't fight often. That being said, when it comes to scrapping, an Idahoan is easily worth two Texans.

Huh? In what universe?

Unfortunately for Texans, this one. Your standard Idahoan spends his days getting hardened by some of the most volatile weather in the lower '48, and tends to do a lot of manual labor. Your average Texan spends his days talking about how tough he is while doubling up on the deep-fried stuff. You tell me who's tougher? :wink:

hey, just cuz those pigs down in houston cant manage to find a tredmill every once in a while doesnt mean us texans are fat. all it means is that the bums down in houston are sloppy fruits who dont even qualify as texans. out here in the sticks we get our fair share of labor AND we can actually use a lasso to cat sumthing other than air.
...
houstonians are a disgrace

true enough. no offense ment to the cali boy. or girl.

indeed, good words!

i try

The best way to avoid a Southern beat-down is to come from Idaho. We're much more pleasant than southerners, so we don't fight often. That being said, when it comes to scrapping, an Idahoan is easily worth two Texans.

Huh? In what universe?

Unfortunately for Texans, this one. Your standard Idahoan spends his days getting hardened by some of the most volatile weather in the lower '48, and tends to do a lot of manual labor. Your average Texan spends his days talking about how tough he is while doubling up on the deep-fried stuff. You tell me who's tougher? :wink:

hey, just cuz those pigs down in houston cant manage to find a tredmill every once in a while doesnt mean us texans are fat. all it means is that the bums down in houston are sloppy fruits who dont even qualify as texans. out here in the sticks we get our fair share of labor AND we can actually use a lasso to cat sumthing other than air.
...
houstonians are a disgrace

Ahem. MOST Houstonians *are* a disgrace in that respect, true, but I actually keep myself in shape, unlike my record-setting obese fellow Houstonians. Most of them need to learn how to do something other than sit inside in the AC all day. Playing street ball is quite a workout, and I am no stranger to manual labor. I spent this past summer digging ditches and shoveling gravel, and many summers before that doing similar work. Also, martial arts training tends to give me a distinct advantage in a fight. But like I said earlier in the thread, whether the Idahoan or Texan would win comes down to their individual abilities, not the state they grew up/live in.

ah
a thousand and one pardons HR. i used to live in houston and it kinda sucked while i was there, so the family moved. guess i still hold sumwhat of a grudge against the place

ah
a thousand and one pardons HR. i used to live in houston and it kinda sucked while i was there, so the family moved. guess i still hold sumwhat of a grudge against the place

Understandable. Houston can suck at times. Like any place, it has some really good points and really bad points. One of the bad points being that people tend to get fat on the Mexican food and BBQ.

Hehe, this is great.

North Carolina Rules! :D

Hehe, this is great.

North Carolina Rules! :D

Thats better. Feel free to affirm your Southern heritage.

ya, take the spotlight off texas for a minute.

Well, we have to best of all worlds. The mountains, the beach, and it's in the south...

ya, take the spotlight off texas for a minute.

Get out of the US. Italy is where it's awesome.

I've never been, though I'd like to go sometime.

hey, just cuz those pigs down in houston cant manage to find a tredmill every once in a while doesnt mean us texans are fat. all it means is that the bums down in houston are sloppy fruits who dont even qualify as texans. out here in the sticks we get our fair share of labor AND we can actually use a lasso to cat sumthing other than air.
...
houstonians are a disgrace

. . .And us Idahoans do the same thing, only in sub-zero weather. You just wouldn't know it because we tend to be so quiet and congenial.:wink:

Ahem. MOST Houstonians *are* a disgrace in that respect, true, but I actually keep myself in shape, unlike my record-setting obese fellow Houstonians. Most of them need to learn how to do something other than sit inside in the AC all day. Playing street ball is quite a workout, and I am no stranger to manual labor. I spent this past summer digging ditches and shoveling gravel, and many summers before that doing similar work. Also, martial arts training tends to give me a distinct advantage in a fight. But like I said earlier in the thread, whether the Idahoan or Texan would win comes down to their individual abilities, not the state they grew up/live in.

Point partially taken--a well-trained Texan would beat an untrained Idahoan. That being said, given equal levels of training (and mind you, wrestling is a very common hobby for kids here, so your average Idahoan is going to better-than-average at hand-to-hand), I'd still give the Idahoan the advantage. In terms of strength, I can easily lift far more than my body weight on just about any particular exercise you chose, and I'd get the smack laid down on me if I messed with some of the other farm kids. In terms of toughness, I know only a few people who were able to walk off broken limbs, getting hit by trucks, or getting their legs crushed in a hay baler (some of the injuries catalogued among myself and my friends). None of them are Texans. And as far as the natural environ goes, we're conditioned to think nothing of weather that can kill people, and we like nothing more than humping up and down some of the roughest terrain anywhere in the lower '48. So yeah, I think we're a pretty tough bunch. I'm not sure whether it's the food, the environment, or maybe just the inbreeding.

hey, no need for hate here. italy is a tight country. good wine. but let us southerners show some pride too.

and im sure idaho is great too. but this is southern time

I'm not sure whether it's the food, the environment, or maybe just the inbreeding.

and as for that, way too much information.

Wadda ya get when you have thirty-two hillbillies in one room?

A full set of teeth.

How do you circumsize a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the chin.

whats the definition of a hillbilly virgin?

A girl who can run faster than her brothers can.

I'd like to see a hundred drunk rednecks beat up your average L.A. street gang anyday. (Just for kicks, let's pretend that the rednecks used the N-word and has lotsa money that they refuse to pay up to the gangs)


Anyday...

wouldnt take a hundred. more like 20. drunk rednecks are like, one of the most dangerous animals on the planet.
and yes
i refer to them as animals on purpose.
"violent little buggers"

Meh...what if just a couple of the gang members took that one drug that turned you into a killing machines? I forgot the name of it...speed? acid?

then god help us all if the rednecks get a hold of it.
no offense to any religions

then god help us all if the rednecks get a hold of it.
no offense to any religions

Agreed on that point. :wink:

or a hostile New Yorkers ether way you get to see some one catch a beat down

any way....North Carolina and New York rocks! ( the state I live in and the state I'm born in can't represent one and not the other.)... crap I shouldn't take so long to post

ooooo. there'd be a good match.
a new york cab driver vs. a southern redneck vs. an la street ganger.
all we need now is an irishmen and we got ourselves an evening

ooooo. there'd be a good match.
a new york cab driver vs. a southern redneck vs. an la street ganger.
all we need now is an irishmen and we got ourselves an evening

boom! there ya go! Best of our nation in a deathmatch.

LOL! :lol:

nicely said. :lol: :P

ooooo. there'd be a good match.
a new york cab driver vs. a southern redneck vs. an la street ganger.
all we need now is an irishmen and we got ourselves an evening

boom! there ya go! Best of our nation in a deathmatch.

:lol: throw them all in a park in the projects and sit back and watch

do we get a popcorn vender i wonder

. . .And us Idahoans do the same thing, only in sub-zero weather. You just wouldn't know it because we tend to be so quiet and congenial.:wink:

Yes, but can you do it in 105 degree weather with the relative humidity over 100% every day? It seems to me that the advantage gained by acclimatization would only present itself in that climate. Yes, you are indeed quiet and congenial. Those are two of my best qualities IRL, despite being Texan. :wink:

Point partially taken--a well-trained Texan would beat an untrained Idahoan. That being said, given equal levels of training (and mind you, wrestling is a very common hobby for kids here, so your average Idahoan is going to better-than-average at hand-to-hand), I'd still give the Idahoan the advantage. In terms of strength, I can easily lift far more than my body weight on just about any particular exercise you chose, and I'd get the smack laid down on me if I messed with some of the other farm kids.

Do you honestly think the farm kids in rural Texas are'nt doing the same things, or at least activities that would have an equivalent effect in terms of fighting ability?

In terms of toughness, I know only a few people who were able to walk off broken limbs, getting hit by trucks, or getting their legs crushed in a hay baler (some of the injuries catalogued among myself and my friends). None of them are Texans.

You better have met just as many Texans in rural areas of Texas as you have Idahoans or your point here is moot.

And as far as the natural environ goes, we're conditioned to think nothing of weather that can kill people, and we like nothing more than humping up and down some of the roughest terrain anywhere in the lower '48.

See above comment on acclimatization.

So yeah, I think we're a pretty tough bunch. I'm not sure whether it's the food, the environment, or maybe just the inbreeding.

I'm sure you're quite tough, as are most of those who grow up in rural areas all over the world. You are probably stronger than I am. I don't think I'm going to touch that last bit.

I still maintain that it would depend on the individual characteristics of the fighters and not the state they grew up/live in (at least not to any significant degree, in this case).

Nice chatting with you Xeno. Goodnight.

1) Don't loudly and publicly complain about not getting free refills of your unsweetened ice tea in an upscale diner. Otherwise, you will get thrown onto the street, and the po-lice will come over and beat your ass.

2) Don't laugh at our Northern names (Shabazz, Latiqua, Al-Shareem, Bu Zhi, Schlomo, Goldberg) or we will just have to come down there and give you a good ol' multicultural ass-beating.

3) If you're ordering a Coke, make sure it's the Coke made by Atlantans. Otherwise, it's soda- or, if you're outside of the city, occasionally pop. Yelling at the foreign-born waiter because he brought you a Coke instead of a Dr. Pepper will earn you an ass-kicking.

4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate and learned than you (the best you can do is Duke? Please), and our school systems actually rank somewhere outside of the bottom ten. Don't refer to us as a bunch of "iggerant Northerners" or we will beat your ass with a set of encyclopedias.

5) We've been doing the whole international business thing longer than you have, and we've gotten pretty damned good at it (AOL-Time Warner, NASDAQ, New York Stock Exchange, the Big Three Automakers, AT&T, General Electric, Citigroup, Verizon, etc.). We have our own political mistakes- Rick Santorum, Gov. Pataki, Ted Kennedy, the Bushes (by education), but are generally pretty good about not doing the whole homophobic, woman-hating, racist bigot thing like the "good ol' boy" network. We don't care if you think we're a bunch of corrupt northerners. We are not dumb enough to let a senator that ran for President on a segregationist platform stay in office until he was 100- if he tried we would surely tie him up in mid-Harlem and, lo, there would be a great ass-kicking.

6) Do not come up here and try to justify the Civil War on the basis of states' rights, for, indeed, the ancestors of many of our people were the victims of said "states' rights" and will administer a good and armed ass-kicking, as well as a number of poppings-of-caps-in-the-ass, amongst other places.

7) We are fully aware of how cold it gets in the winters and are sick about hearing about it. Pay up for a damned coat and suck it up or get the hell out, or we will pop a cap in your ass. It's always tourist season up here... be careful of the hunters.

8 ) Don't order grits at the Hilton. Everyone will instantly know you're a redneck. Get your damned wheat toast with butter and jam like God intended, and don't dare asking for gravy, or we will surely administer an ass-kicking.

9) Don't fake a ghetto accent. This will incite a riot and will surely get your ass a cap popped in it, as well as kicked.

10) Don't spout off about how much better things are at home. Most of us have visited the hellholes that are Florida, and seen enough of South Carolina and Alabama to send us running- and we have the Confederate flags to prove it. If you don't like it, your pickup is running- get your ass on home before it gets kicked.

11) Yes, we can speak proper English, and usually at least one other language as well. We don't care if you can't understand what we're saying. All other Northerners and English-speaking foreigners understand what we're saying, and that's all what matters. Now, go back to school and learn some English or we will kick your ass.

12) Don't complain that the North is filled with concrete and pollution. We don't get smog, and last I checked "geysers of pig s***" and oil barons left us alone. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty (seen the Allegheny Mountains lately? Or the leaves turning in fall?) we will dismiss you as uncultured cretins and kick your ass back home.

13) Okay, so, yeah, your manners are better. We could use some learning. You've owned us here.

14) We have parks, we have zoos, we have the best damned botanical gardens in the United States. Our cities do not smell- we have the good sense not to leave human waste in cesspools or leaky septic tanks that don't get pumped. Make fun of our urban planning and our parks and we will kick your ass Central Park-jogger style.

15) Last, but not least, do not come up here and tell us how to cook a steak. There's a reason New York Strips are the most popular steak cut in the South- you're lucky we clued you in on that part of the cow and taught you how to season it. Do not tell us how to cook our steaks or we'll drop you into the Hudson River to have a nice walk with the fishes... minus your ass.

/Southern culture is overrated

whoa, is that what we where talking about awhile ago?

hot damn, we got us a northern spoof here.

hot damn, we got us a northern spoof here.

Damn right.

Bah. New York gangs...lol...pockets dripping with cash, ready for the harvesting by the Californians. Yep.....

ooooo. there'd be a good match.
a new york cab driver vs. a southern redneck vs. an la street ganger.
all we need now is an irishmen and we got ourselves an evening

Ever tried not paying a fare in New York? Man, he will have his hands around your neck so quick...

While we're at it, I'll do a little something as a warning for the Yanks and Rednecks when they come to the West. Gimmie a min.

. . .And us Idahoans do the same thing, only in sub-zero weather. You just wouldn't know it because we tend to be so quiet and congenial.:wink:

Yes, but can you do it in 105 degree weather with the relative humidity over 100% every day? It seems to me that the advantage gained by acclimatization would only present itself in that climate. Yes, you are indeed quiet and congenial. Those are two of my best qualities IRL, despite being Texan. :wink:

Not quite. I had to come to college in Las Vegas to learn that. Nevertheless, 90 degree weather with 60-70% humidity isn't uncommon, and given the elevation discrepancy, I'd say we have a lot more lung capacity than a Texan would. As I said, our weather is quite volatile, with a 150-170-degree swing between the high in the summer and the low in the winter not unheard of.


Point partially taken--a well-trained Texan would beat an untrained Idahoan. That being said, given equal levels of training (and mind you, wrestling is a very common hobby for kids here, so your average Idahoan is going to better-than-average at hand-to-hand), I'd still give the Idahoan the advantage. In terms of strength, I can easily lift far more than my body weight on just about any particular exercise you chose, and I'd get the smack laid down on me if I messed with some of the other farm kids.

Do you honestly think the farm kids in rural Texas are'nt doing the same things, or at least activities that would have an equivalent effect in terms of fighting ability?


Possibly. I'd have to know what you were farming to be sure (potatoes require a lot of legwork with lifting and carrying hundred-pound sections of portable-irrigation units).


In terms of toughness, I know only a few people who were able to walk off broken limbs, getting hit by trucks, or getting their legs crushed in a hay baler (some of the injuries catalogued among myself and my friends). None of them are Texans.

You better have met just as many Texans in rural areas of Texas as you have Idahoans or your point here is moot.


Almost, but most of them are from Houston, so that may color my thinking. :wink:

Nice chatting with you too, HotRodia.

wonderful. we'l have the east coast, the west coast and cowboy conry covered. all we need now is sum canukian to put in his 2 cents and we'l have covered the contenent

I just realized my Northern parody was full of grammatical errors. Damn.

/spent way too much time living in Florida

two things:

1. If you want rough, go to hell's kitchen in New York.
2. If you want to avoid a southern ass womp'n, laugh at them from the North. Its just easier.

HI to all southerners!

. . .And us Idahoans do the same thing, only in sub-zero weather. You just wouldn't know it because we tend to be so quiet and congenial.:wink:

Yes, but can you do it in 105 degree weather with the relative humidity over 100% every day? It seems to me that the advantage gained by acclimatization would only present itself in that climate. Yes, you are indeed quiet and congenial. Those are two of my best qualities IRL, despite being Texan. :wink:

Not quite. I had to come to college in Las Vegas to learn that. Nevertheless, 90 degree weather with 60-70% humidity isn't uncommon, and given the elevation discrepancy, I'd say we have a lot more lung capacity than a Texan would. As I said, our weather is quite volatile, with a 150-170-degree swing between the high in the summer and the low in the winter not unheard of.


Point partially taken--a well-trained Texan would beat an untrained Idahoan. That being said, given equal levels of training (and mind you, wrestling is a very common hobby for kids here, so your average Idahoan is going to better-than-average at hand-to-hand), I'd still give the Idahoan the advantage. In terms of strength, I can easily lift far more than my body weight on just about any particular exercise you chose, and I'd get the smack laid down on me if I messed with some of the other farm kids.

Do you honestly think the farm kids in rural Texas are'nt doing the same things, or at least activities that would have an equivalent effect in terms of fighting ability?


Possibly. I'd have to know what you were farming to be sure (potatoes require a lot of legwork with lifting and carrying hundred-pound sections of portable-irrigation units).


In terms of toughness, I know only a few people who were able to walk off broken limbs, getting hit by trucks, or getting their legs crushed in a hay baler (some of the injuries catalogued among myself and my friends). None of them are Texans.

You better have met just as many Texans in rural areas of Texas as you have Idahoans or your point here is moot.


Almost, but most of them are from Houston, so that may color my thinking. :wink:

Nice chatting with you too, HotRodia.


i guess thats my cue to pick up the slack.
1st, lets just agree to disagree on the the whole weather issue. it bites in both places.
2nd we got hay, cotton, rice, patatoes (believe it or not), carrots/radishes, and corn. other than growing stuff we heard cattle and goats. theres the occational sheep far, but thats kinda inhumane around here.
3rd houston bites and is a poor example of texas dont use them as an excuse to rag on the rest of us

How to prevent a good ol fashioned Western ass-whoopin


1 - Don't bother complaining about service here. Here in California, we're expecianced with whiners. The Manager himself will be all over your ass should you say **** about his steak

2 - Don't laugh at the Mexicans. They are becoming the majority race here, and your in their territory now. Either respect the Hispanics or get your ass whooped.

3 - Just order a damn soda and get it over with. it's not pop, not coke, it's not pepsi. IT'S A FRIGGIN SODA! RB, Dr. Peper, Coke, Pepsi, 7Up, Just order!

4 - We dont care about your heritage. We dont wanna know. We got our own. If you have a special heritage, we don't wanna hear. Or we'll kick your ass

5. We got smog. Lotsa smog. If your lungs cant take a little bit of smog, and you wheeze a liiiiitle bit...we're forced to kick your ass to put you out of your misery

6. Don't laugh at our Californian Governor. Or the GOVERNOR HIMSELF WILL KICK YOUR ASS!

7. It's hot here. There's no snow in the average parts of the West. Shut up, put on your 50 lb. clothes, and look cool. Or we'll kick your ass!

8. Eat your food dammit. Or we'll kick your ass

9. Don't DARE fake a Hispanic accent. Or you'll get your ass kicked all the way to Canada.

10. You won't bother talking about how great your "North" or your "South" is...because you'll be intimidated by the 3 gangs that follow you for what's left of your teeth

11. We speak English. If your white, and DARE try to speak Spanish, we'll kick your ass

12. Again, don't whine about the smog. Or we'll put you out of your misery

13. We don't know what manners are. Open a door for anyone but your girl and we'll kick your ass

14. So you think we're losers because we came from Mexico? I'd like to see you cross the border with nothing but some water. Oh wait, you'd probably use it all for your toothbrush.

15. Try not to get jailed. When you drop the soap, you do NOT want the world's largest....things....coming your way!

--

I'm bored and I'm rushing cuz I gotta do homework, yet lack the motivation!

howdy BLARG

i guess thats my cue to pick up the slack.
1st, lets just agree to disagree on the the whole weather issue. it bites in both places.
2nd we got hay, cotton, rice, patatoes (believe it or not), carrots/radishes, and corn. other than growing stuff we heard cattle and g0at. theres the occational sheep far, but thats kinda inhumane around here.
3rd houston bites and is a poor example of texas dont use them as an excuse to rag on the rest of us

Sounds reasonable (as I said, we're a congenial lot).

good enough
any canadian takers?

alrite then X. good debatin ya for that one little second there

15. Try not to get jailed. When you drop the soap, you do NOT want the world's largest....things....coming your way!

never EVER go after the prison soap. rule for all areas

15. Try not to get jailed. When you drop the soap, you do NOT want the world's largest....things....coming your way!

never EVER go after the prison soap. rule for all areas

yeah but we got the biggest things :P

RAWR! I HAEV TEH BGIGEST STEEL PENIS!

Seriously though, being a suthun boy myself, I'd like to add one thing.

Florida is not part of the South. Yes, it's further in the direction south than other states, but it it not "The South." It's a cultural thing. Bloody yankies.

[quote="Colodia"]
2 - Don't laugh at the Mexicans. They are becoming the majority race here, and your in their territory now. Either respect the Hispanics or get your ass whooped.

quote]

mess with the Hispanics any where or your bound to you'll get your ass whiped its a fact of life where I've lived so far.

alrite. we'l call florida the east-western north-south
hows that

alrite. we'l call florida the east-western north-south
hows that

No, the Eastern Northern South

don't bring us into it!

[quote="Colodia"]
2 - Don't laugh at the Mexicans. They are becoming the majority race here, and your in their territory now. Either respect the Hispanics or get your ass whooped.[quote]

mess with the Hispanics any where or your bound to you'll get your ass whiped its a fact of life where I've lived so far.


good point

alrite. we'l call florida the east-western north-south
hows that

No, the Eastern Northern South

don't bring us into it!


same dif. alright no western

alrite. we'l call florida the east-western north-south
hows that

How about we call it "Florida", yeah?

Trans-Atlantic perspective:

Don't go into a Catholic Republican bar in Northern Ireland and leave "God Save the Queen" on as the ringtone for your mobile (sorry 'cell') phone.

(That's a true story too)

ya that works too

owch. that would suck

Id feel bad for the phone

If you just moved up North please I'm tell'in you don't yell "It's a gun!" and set off a fire cracker at your school it is not funny and the whole school will take turns kicking your ass.(It happens at my school way to often its start'in to piss me off)

Florida is not part of the South. Yes, it's further in the direction south than other states, but it it not "The South." It's a cultural thing. Bloody yankies.

though the panhandle is.

RAWR! I HAEV TEH BGIGEST STEEL PENIS!

Seriously though, being a suthun boy myself, I'd like to add one thing.

Florida is not part of the South. Yes, it's further in the direction south than other states, but it it not "The South." It's a cultural thing. Bloody yankies.

Would you call Ocala, the Florida Panhandle, and Polk County not Southern? Because aside from the plants I see no difference between those areas and the worst pigsties of the rest of the South.

You've got a point with Miami and the Orlando Area, and to a lesser extent Tampa, but rural/northern Florida is just as Southern as any place else.

good enough
any canadian takers?

I'll take a go :)

1.) Do not complain about our beer in Canada, we are very prideful of ours frosty barley poops and will gladly give a lumberjack-style ass kicking to anyone caught complaining about our beer.

2.) Do not make fun of our names like Jacques, Jean, Pierre, or uhm... John, Bill, and Bob. If you do you will have a tag-team bilingual ass kicking

3.) uhh it's pop, sometimes soda, you drink it. If you order "a beer" in a bar you will have your ass beaten with bottles of Canadian, Kokanee, and Sleeman's.

4.) We love being Canadians. We've got McGill Univeristy. We are quite literate (Robertson Davies, Margaret Atwood, Robert W. Service)

5.) Be have business sense believe it or not. We've got Nortel, Tim Horton's, and the Hudon Bay Company (oldest corporation in the world). Sure we've got our political mistakes like Brian Mulroney and Ralph Klein.

By the way if you mention that Dunkin' Donuts is better than Tim Horton's, ass-kicking will begin.

6.) Uhm our civil war was like a hundred and fifty years before America's, sooo most nobody says much about it, and that was really two colonial powers in a pissing contest.

7.) It's Canada. It's cold. Stating the obvious will get your ass kicked.

8.) If you do not eat maple syrup on your ENTIRE breakfast you will get your ass kicked.

9.) Don't say "no doot aboot it" we hate that, saying it will get your ass kicked.

10.) Canadians are afraid of being shot (some kind of hot lead allergy). We tend to avoid the states a lot.

11.) We have two national languages, and speak neither of them well. Bringing it up will earn you a bilingual ass-kicking.

12.) Canada polluted? we will laugh while kicking your ass.

13.) Canadians are world renowned for their manners. Say otherwise and be prepared for "I'm sorry sir we don't take kindly to those kinda words" right before having your ass kicked.

(Still working on 14 and 15)

good enough
any canadian takers?

I'll take a go :)

1.) Do not complain about our beer in Canada, we are very prideful of ours frosty barley poops and will gladly give a lumberjack-style ass kicking to anyone caught complaining about our beer.

2.) Do not make fun of our names like Jacques, Jean, Pierre, or uhm... John, Bill, and Bob. If you do you will have a tag-team bilingual ass kicking

3.) uhh it's pop, sometimes soda, you drink it. If you order "a beer" in a bar you will have your ass beaten with bottles of Canadian, Kokanee, and Sleeman's.

4.) We love being Canadians. We've got McGill Univeristy. We are quite literate (Robertson Davies, Margaret Atwood, Robert W. Service)

5.) Be have business sense believe it or not. We've got Nortel, Tim Horton's, and the Hudon Bay Company (oldest corporation in the world). Sure we've got our political mistakes like Brian Mulroney and Ralph Klein.

By the way if you mention that Dunkin' Donuts is better than Tim Horton's, ass-kicking will begin.

6.) Uhm our civil war was like a hundred and fifty years before America's, sooo most nobody says much about it, and that was really two colonial powers in a pissing contest.

7.) It's Canada. It's cold. Stating the obvious will get your ass kicked.

8.) If you do not eat maple syrup on your ENTIRE breakfast you will get your ass kicked.

9.) Don't say "no doot aboot it" we hate that, saying it will get your ass kicked.

10.) Canadians are afraid of being shot (some kind of hot lead allergy). We tend to avoid the states a lot.

11.) We have two national languages, and speak neither of them well. Bringing it up will earn you a bilingual ass-kicking.

12.) Canada polluted? we will laugh while kicking your ass.

13.) Canadians are world renowned for their manners. Say otherwise and be prepared for "I'm sorry sir we don't take kindly to those kinda words" right before having your ass kicked.

(Still working on 14 and 15)

alrite, nice job Kanteletar.

Trans-Atlantic perspective:

Don't go into a Catholic Republican bar in Northern Ireland and leave "God Save the Queen" on as the ringtone for your mobile (sorry 'cell') phone.

(That's a true story too)

I must mention that to my co-worker tomorrow. He should get a kick out of it. (He used to work in an anti-terror police unit in the North.)

LMFAO. And my GFs a yankee. :lol:

Jim

Alright, I just want to note here that California represents only California. If you want to call California "the west", then "the west" is nowhere but California.

Alright, I just want to note here that California represents only California. If you want to call California "the west", then "the west" is nowhere but California.

Meh. I'm Texan. Ya'll are just outlying territories.

:lol:

Jim SC *Southern Comfort*

Alright, I just want to note here that California represents only California. If you want to call California "the west", then "the west" is nowhere but California.

Meh. I'm Texan. Ya'll are just outlying territories.

:lol:

Jim SC *Southern Comfort*


hot damn, so there are some fellow texans reading this. tight

Alright, I just want to note here that California represents only California. If you want to call California "the west", then "the west" is nowhere but California.

Meh. I'm Texan. Ya'll are just outlying territories.

:lol:

Jim SC *Southern Comfort*


hot damn, so there are some fellow texans reading this. tight

Yes And my GF is a New Yorker. How funny is this?

There are other Texans here too *whos name shall remain a public secret.
:lol: *

JimSC

I don't agree with the phrase "Southern Hospitality". Mainly because whenever I walk into a convenience store down south, I always here the phrase, "HEY WHY DO YOU NORTHERNERS LIKE THEM DICK-SUCKIN FAGGOTS."

cause they'r not called convience stores down here. they'r 7-11's and tipically, the owners dont care wether ur southern norther or forien, they'l be a bitch to u no matter what

cause they'r not called convience stores down here. they'r 7-11's and tipically, the owners dont care wether ur southern norther or forien, they'l be a bitch to u no matter what

I must say: Ammusing.

Jim

i do my best

Yins are all too funny! :lol:

it is soda till I DIE! btw
and anyone named tammy jo is asking to be made fun of regardless
barbecue I will not touch, I know better
Education, welll there are dumb asses everywhere
pollution- again debatable BUT at least we dont have fish here that you need to SHOOT in order to kill, or rats the size of cats (well we hide them better)
as far as everything being bigger- good things come in small packages, and bigger isnt ALWAYS better ;)

PS Big Jim - Guess Who?

Yins are all too funny! :lol:

it is soda till I DIE! btw
and anyone named tammy jo is asking to be made fun of regardless
barbecue I will not touch, I know better
Education, welll there are dumb asses everywhere
pollution- again debatable BUT at least we dont have fish here that you need to SHOOT in order to kill, or rats the size of cats (well we hide them better)
as far as everything being bigger- good things come in small packages, and bigger isnt ALWAYS better ;)

PS Big Jim - Guess Who?

Umm...who?

jim

http://www.emailbliss.com/clip%20of%20the%20week/palmpilot.jpg

Redneck Palmpilot

ive lived down in fort lauderdale florida my whole life. yea fort lauderdales a paved wasteland. im just as southern as anyone in the panhandle. dunno why espeically when im surrounded by gheto speakin asswipes. i have just as much discontent for northerners as anyone. ive almost gotten hit by new yorkers 3 times in brand new lincons and that was just me trying to get my mail! i mean come on these northerners gave us ted kenedy and john kerry. im a southerner, im conserveative got the bush cheney 04 sticker on the bumper of my truck and an NRA one next to it, and i keep a rife in the back window and i get rode on everyday for bein a red neck, damn them i say.

oh yes, send another cold one down here.. preferably budwiser, miller... HELL JUST GIMMIE A BEER

Make it a Shiner... Nothing like a good texas beer

oh yes, send another cold one down here.. preferably budwiser, miller... HELL JUST GIMMIE A BEER

*One bottle arrogant bastard Ale*


http://www.angelfire.com/tx6/jimp/images/jim1004a.jpg
Ave Satanis!
Rege Satanis!
Hail Satan!

Big Jim P!
SC!

http://www.magickalshadow.com/daca/

http://www.shelterfordarkness.com/dadv/index.html

ah good ol' AB Ale. pride of the overly fat and pompus southerner who thinks hes better than the rest of us.

ah good ol' AB Ale. pride of the overly fat and pompus southerner who thinks hes better than the rest of us.

I am better.


http://www.angelfire.com/tx6/jimp/images/jim1004a.jpg
Ave Satanis!
Rege Satanis!
Hail Satan!

Big Jim P!
SC!

http://www.magickalshadow.com/daca/

http://www.shelterfordarkness.com/dadv/index.html

course u are. so am i. we be texans and we are better than all

course u are. so am i. we be texans and we are better than all

Except for anyone with proper grammar.

We ARE Texans, and we are better than all.

better?

I find this disgusting. I am Canadian, not "Cunickian". In fact, I find that vey insulting. What I see here is a bunch of people simply making a big fact of steriotypes. I'm sure not all Texians are like any of you describe, and the same goes for everyone else. I can say for sure that Canadians are not really as they have been represented here. In Canada, everyone is accepted as they are, no matter their background, culture or other factor.

We're not even all that polite. The thing I find most fun to do when I go to the States, is when they commend my politness, is to tell them to fuck off. The look on their faces is the best reward. And no one would beat me down. The entire matter of talking about beating others down for stupid reasons makes us neaderthals.

Canada is a peaceful place. The worst place we have is Scarbourough, where numerous shootings have taken place over the past weeks, but it is still safe enough for my freaking GRANDPARENTS to live in. Say that about any of the "ghettos" in the States.

Stop with the ego shit. We don't care any more.

hey dude, relax. its just a long string of jokes. take a hint already.
i swear u could almost be a yankee.

fyi, thats another joke

We ARE Texans, and we are better than all.

better?

Much.

But, no..your not.

6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had
listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg
instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be
paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington.Even if this has already been said, guess what? You're wrong. The South merely wanted to separate from the USA, not conquer it. Now, if you lived in the South, yeah, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond. But if you lived in the North, nah, you'd still be payin' to Good Ol' Uncle Sam in D.C.

hey dude, relax. its just a long string of jokes. take a hint already.
i swear u could almost be a yankee.

fyi, thats another joke

Jokes are supposed to be funny. None of this is funny at all. This is all steriotypical crap.

You could probably ASSUME I was American, because your limited expance of thinking would tell you that, because you don't have the knowledge nor the insight to make correct assumptions.

Damn I'm pissed now. :evil:

I find this disgusting. I am Canadian, not "Cunickian". In fact, I find that vey insulting. What I see here is a bunch of people simply making a big fact of steriotypes. I'm sure not all Texians are like any of you describe, and the same goes for everyone else. I can say for sure that Canadians are not really as they have been represented here. In Canada, everyone is accepted as they are, no matter their background, culture or other factor.

We're not even all that polite. The thing I find most fun to do when I go to the States, is when they commend my politness, is to tell them to f--- off. The look on their faces is the best reward. And no one would beat me down. The entire matter of talking about beating others down for stupid reasons makes us neaderthals.

Canada is a peaceful place. The worst place we have is Scarbourough, where numerous shootings have taken place over the past weeks, but it is still safe enough for my freaking GRANDPARENTS to live in. Say that about any of the "ghettos" in the States.

Stop with the ego shit. We don't care any more.

You must be one of those "Love-hippies" I hear so much about on FOX...

ya, Skager, its steriotypical and i really dont care
your entitled to ur opinion and so am i.
my opinion is you need to pull that stick out of your ass and go beat yourself with it.

ya, Skager, its steriotypical and i really dont care
your entitled to ur opinion and so am i.
my opinion is you need to pull that stick out of your ass and go beat yourself with it.Consider this a warning: Watch it, or the mods will go down hard on your ass for flaming.

thanx for the heads up

I find this disgusting. I am Canadian, not "Cunickian". In fact, I find that vey insulting. What I see here is a bunch of people simply making a big fact of steriotypes. I'm sure not all Texians are like any of you describe, and the same goes for everyone else. I can say for sure that Canadians are not really as they have been represented here. In Canada, everyone is accepted as they are, no matter their background, culture or other factor.

We're not even all that polite. The thing I find most fun to do when I go to the States, is when they commend my politness, is to tell them to f--- off. The look on their faces is the best reward. And no one would beat me down. The entire matter of talking about beating others down for stupid reasons makes us neaderthals.

Canada is a peaceful place. The worst place we have is Scarbourough, where numerous shootings have taken place over the past weeks, but it is still safe enough for my freaking GRANDPARENTS to live in. Say that about any of the "ghettos" in the States.

Stop with the ego shit. We don't care any more.

You must be one of those "Love-hippies" I hear so much about on FOX...

What is that supposed to mean?

And there is no stick in my ass. There is nothing resembling a stick in my ass. Its also nothing personal, you understand. I'm in a arguing/ranting mood.

ya, nothing personal to u either.
and sry about the insult thing. im a bit hot blooded and have had a bad day

ya, nothing personal to u either.
and sry about the insult thing. im a bit hot blooded and have had a bad day

Same here. No hard feelings?

I find this disgusting. I am Canadian, not "Cunickian". In fact, I find that vey insulting. What I see here is a bunch of people simply making a big fact of steriotypes. I'm sure not all Texians are like any of you describe, and the same goes for everyone else. I can say for sure that Canadians are not really as they have been represented here. In Canada, everyone is accepted as they are, no matter their background, culture or other factor.

We're not even all that polite. The thing I find most fun to do when I go to the States, is when they commend my politness, is to tell them to f--- off. The look on their faces is the best reward. And no one would beat me down. The entire matter of talking about beating others down for stupid reasons makes us neaderthals.

Canada is a peaceful place. The worst place we have is Scarbourough, where numerous shootings have taken place over the past weeks, but it is still safe enough for my freaking GRANDPARENTS to live in. Say that about any of the "ghettos" in the States.

Stop with the ego shit. We don't care any more.

You must be one of those "Love-hippies" I hear so much about on FOX...

What is that supposed to mean?

And there is no stick in my ass. There is nothing resembling a stick in my ass. Its also nothing personal, you understand. I'm in a arguing/ranting mood.
Bug? Spider? Lizard? Hampster? Man ring? I'm sure they can remove it, whatever it is.

sure
no hard feelings Skager

I find this disgusting. I am Canadian, not "Cunickian". In fact, I find that vey insulting. What I see here is a bunch of people simply making a big fact of steriotypes. I'm sure not all Texians are like any of you describe, and the same goes for everyone else. I can say for sure that Canadians are not really as they have been represented here. In Canada, everyone is accepted as they are, no matter their background, culture or other factor.

We're not even all that polite. The thing I find most fun to do when I go to the States, is when they commend my politness, is to tell them to f--- off. The look on their faces is the best reward. And no one would beat me down. The entire matter of talking about beating others down for stupid reasons makes us neaderthals.

Canada is a peaceful place. The worst place we have is Scarbourough, where numerous shootings have taken place over the past weeks, but it is still safe enough for my freaking GRANDPARENTS to live in. Say that about any of the "ghettos" in the States.

Stop with the ego shit. We don't care any more.

You must be one of those "Love-hippies" I hear so much about on FOX...

What is that supposed to mean?

And there is no stick in my ass. There is nothing resembling a stick in my ass. Its also nothing personal, you understand. I'm in a arguing/ranting mood.
Bug? Spider? Lizard? Hampster? Man ring? I'm sure they can remove it, whatever it is.

Enough. There is nothing in my ass that shouldn't be there.

ya lay off. hes just debatin stuff

freedorandack,
dude, i just saw this and you're a genius; what part of the south do you come from?

I find this disgusting. I am Canadian, not "Cunickian". In fact, I find that vey insulting. What I see here is a bunch of people simply making a big fact of steriotypes. I'm sure not all Texians are like any of you describe, and the same goes for everyone else. I can say for sure that Canadians are not really as they have been represented here. In Canada, everyone is accepted as they are, no matter their background, culture or other factor.

We're not even all that polite. The thing I find most fun to do when I go to the States, is when they commend my politness, is to tell them to f--- off. The look on their faces is the best reward. And no one would beat me down. The entire matter of talking about beating others down for stupid reasons makes us neaderthals.

Canada is a peaceful place. The worst place we have is Scarbourough, where numerous shootings have taken place over the past weeks, but it is still safe enough for my freaking GRANDPARENTS to live in. Say that about any of the "ghettos" in the States.

Stop with the ego shit. We don't care any more.

You must be one of those "Love-hippies" I hear so much about on FOX...

What is that supposed to mean?

And there is no stick in my ass. There is nothing resembling a stick in my ass. Its also nothing personal, you understand. I'm in a arguing/ranting mood.

:shock:
Stick in your ass? Where did that come from? Let's say you were discussing gardening with someone and out of the blue he says: "I don't have a small penis! Whatever you may have heard is a dirty lie!"
What's the first thing that goes through your head?

psssst... I know this doctor that can remove things from "uncomfortable" places and nobody has to know about it...Very discrete.

freedorandack,
dude, i just saw this and you're a genius; what part of the south do you come from?

texas. and i cant take all the credit tho. couple friends and i cooked this up one weekend.
it gets really boring down here sumtimes, wut can i say

The stick in the ass reference came as a reply to Freedorandack that wasn't quoted. I understand the confusion. I didn't need to know about the doctor either. I find that insulting.

But don't skip the point. I asked what you meant by calling me a hippy. I am no such thing.

freedorandack,
dude, i just saw this and you're a genius; what part of the south do you come from?

texas. and i cant take all the credit tho. couple friends and i cooked this up one weekend.
it gets really boring down here sumtimes, wut can i say
texas, eh? my parents live there, very nice but hot and dry. i come from chattanooga tennessee(woot!) but am living in atlanta right now.

freedorandack,
dude, i just saw this and you're a genius; what part of the south do you come from?

texas. and i cant take all the credit tho. couple friends and i cooked this up one weekend.
it gets really boring down here sumtimes, wut can i say
texas, eh? my parents live there, very nice but hot and dry. i come from chattanooga tennessee(woot!) but am living in atlanta right now.


dry my foot. maybe out in elpaso, but down here near houston we're luck to see an 80% humidity

What is that supposed to mean?

And there is no stick in my ass. There is nothing resembling a stick in my ass. Its also nothing personal, you understand. I'm in a arguing/ranting mood.
Bug? Spider? Lizard? Hampster? Man ring? I'm sure they can remove it, whatever it is.

Enough. There is nothing in my ass that shouldn't be there.
I'm not judging you or anything you do, i'm just advising you to seek medical attention.

I don't need you or anyone else to judge me, nor do I need medical attention. Get it through your think-assed skull and move on.

hey, lets not get rough now. at least, not in my thread. i dont need it getting locked or sumthing

Calm down there fella, aparently you're in more pain than we thought, i'm sorry for upsetting you, and I hope your condition improves.

The stick in the ass reference came as a reply to Freedorandack that wasn't quoted. I understand the confusion. I didn't need to know about the doctor either. I find that insulting.

But don't skip the point. I asked what you meant by calling me a hippy. I am no such thing.

I was only trying to help.

Well, you're a Canadian, logic dictates that you must be a hippie

I don't need you or anyone else to judge me, nor do I need medical attention. Get it through your think-assed skull and move on.

You seem so hostile...'

do you need to share something with us?

I don't need you or anyone else to judge me, nor do I need medical attention. Get it through your think-assed skull and move on.

Don't be afraid, this doctor I spoke of is very gentle.

freedorandack,
dude, i just saw this and you're a genius; what part of the south do you come from?

texas. and i cant take all the credit tho. couple friends and i cooked this up one weekend.
it gets really boring down here sumtimes, wut can i say
texas, eh? my parents live there, very nice but hot and dry. i come from chattanooga tennessee(woot!) but am living in atlanta right now.


dry my foot. maybe out in elpaso, but down here near houston we're luck to see an 80% humidity

haha, i've only been to dallas maybe thats why; but you dont know what humidity is, in chattanooga, the lowest it ever got for us was 94%

freedorandack,
dude, i just saw this and you're a genius; what part of the south do you come from?

texas. and i cant take all the credit tho. couple friends and i cooked this up one weekend.
it gets really boring down here sumtimes, wut can i say
texas, eh? my parents live there, very nice but hot and dry. i come from chattanooga tennessee(woot!) but am living in atlanta right now.


dry my foot. maybe out in elpaso, but down here near houston we're luck to see an 80% humidity

haha, i've only been to dallas maybe thats why; but you dont know what humidity is, in chattanooga, the lowest it ever got for us was 94%

dang, that does bite. still plenty humid hear tho. and all those mesquitos dont help. bout 100 miles north of here its nice tho

alrite, thus far iv gotten people from florida, texas, missisippi and tennesee to reply to this. anyone from alabama or georga?

alrite, thus far iv gotten people from florida, texas, missisippi and tennesee to reply to this. anyone from alabama or georga?im living in georgia

ah hah. bi-statal. that'l work

The stick in the ass reference came as a reply to Freedorandack that wasn't quoted. I understand the confusion. I didn't need to know about the doctor either. I find that insulting.

But don't skip the point. I asked what you meant by calling me a hippy. I am no such thing.

I was only trying to help.

Well, you're a Canadian, logic dictates that you must be a hippie

No, that is not logic. I am not a hippy. In fact, I really don't like hippys or tree-huggers.
And again, I have no medical condition or anything else that would qualify for medical attention.

[quote=Skager]Skager wrote:
I don't need you or anyone else to judge me, nor do I need medical attention. Get it through your think-assed skull and move on.


You seem so hostile...'

do you need to share something with us?

Perhaps I am hostile, but it is simply from putting up with fools such as yourself. I do not suffer fools gladly. I would never share something with you, and am ashamed to even have to share the planet with the likes of you.

alrite, thus far iv gotten people from florida, texas, missisippi and tennesee to reply to this. anyone from alabama or georga?

Don't forget about Kentucky! Once you get outside of Louisville, most Kentuckians are as Southern as anyone.

Since the only Northern list was a New York list, I felt obliged.

Fifteen Ways To Avoid A Good Boston Ass Beating

1. Don't bother looking for Krispy Kreme. Up here, it's Dunkin' Donuts. That's right, without the G. Learn to love it. Their coffee kicks all ass.

2. Don't laugh at our Irish names (Yancey, Clancy, Miles, etc.) or the entire neighborhood will beat your ass.

3. Don't order a pop. Pop is your dad. If order a Coke, don't be surprised when you get Coke. If you want a different kind of soda, say so.

4. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g., Emerson, Thoreau). We are also better educated (e.g. Harvard, MIT). Don't call us stupid Northerners. And don't DARE call us Yankees. Yes, we realize that's what you Southerners call all Northerners, but call a Sox fan a Yankee and be prepared to run all the way to Atlanta like the Braves did.

5. We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Prudential, Fleet). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g. Michael Dukakis). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We were the only ones in the country to realize what an ass Nixon was.

6. Don't laugh at all our American Revolution monuments. We gave all you jerks your freedom. If we didn't do what we did, you'd all be paying your taxes to London instead of Washington.

7. 40 degrees is not cold. An inch of snow is not a blizzard. If you are complaining about the cold, stop, and realize you're IN NEW ENGLAND.

8. Budweiser is not beer. Miller is not beer. Guinness is beer. Budweiser and Miller are like having sex in a canoe, it's f*cking to close to water.

9. Don't fake a Boston accent. It's more than just dropping your Rs. And don't bother trying to use the words "wicked" or "pissah, unless you want to get a wicked beating. You don't use them correctly.

10. Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because it's easier. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Bostonians understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your ass.

11. Yes, we realize the Red Sox haven't won the World Series since 1918. When's the last time the Rangers or the Astros won? Or how about the teams from Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky, North Carolina, South Carolina, or Virginia? When did they last win?

13. Don't ridicule our driving. Just because you don't know how to drive doesn't mean you should call us assholes. We know how to drive. We're battle tested. You don't like it, walk.

14. Yes, the leaves change color. Get over it. Stop driving 15 miles per hour down Route 1. Some of us have things to do.

15. And last, but not least, do not come up here and tell us how much better the food is down South. The North End has better cuisine than any of you will ever taste in your entire lives.[/quote]

yay for reserecting long dead threads
*bump*

With minor cosmetic changes, Fifteen Ways To Avoid A Good Boston Ass Beating becomes...


Fifteen Ways To Avoid A Good Rhode Island Ass Beating

1. Don't bother looking for Krispy Kreme. Up here, it's Dunkin' Donuts. That's right, without the G. Learn to love it. Their coffee kicks all ass.

2. Don't laugh at our Portugese names (Costa, Silveira, etc.) or the entire neighborhood will beat your ass.

3. Don't order a pop. Pop is your dad. If order a Coke, don't be surprised when you get Coke. If you want a different kind of soda, say so.

4. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g., Lovecraft). We are also better educated (e.g. Brown). Don't call us stupid Northerners. And don't DARE call us Yankees. Yes, we realize that's what you Southerners call all Northerners, but call a Sox fan a Yankee and be prepared to run all the way to Atlanta like the Braves did.

5. We have plenty of business sense (e.g., General Dynamics). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We were the only ones in the country to realize what an ass Nixon was.

6. Don't laugh at all our American Revolution monuments. We gave all you jerks your freedom. If we didn't do what we did, you'd all be paying your taxes to London instead of Washington.

7. 40 degrees is not cold. An inch of snow is not a blizzard. If you are complaining about the cold, stop, and realize you're IN NEW ENGLAND.

8. Budweiser is not beer. Miller is not beer. Guinness is beer. Budweiser and Miller are like having sex in a canoe, it's f*cking to close to water.

9. Don't fake a Rhode Island accent. It's more than just dropping your Rs. And don't bother trying to use the words "wicked" or "pissah, unless you want to get a wicked beating. You don't use them correctly.

10. Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because it's easier. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Bostonians understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your ass.

11. Yes, we realize the Red Sox haven't won the World Series since 1918. When's the last time the Rangers or the Astros won? Or how about the teams from Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky, North Carolina, South Carolina, or Virginia? When did they last win?

13. Don't ridicule our driving. Just because you don't know how to drive doesn't mean you should call us assholes. We know how to drive. We're battle tested. You don't like it, walk.

14. Yes, the leaves change color. Get over it. Stop driving 15 miles per hour down Route 95. Some of us have things to do.

15. And last, but not least, do not come up here and tell us how much better the food is down South. The North End has better cuisine than any of you will ever taste in your entire lives.

what fun! theres still people posting here

Since the only Northern list was a New York list, I felt obliged.

Fifteen Ways To Avoid A Good Boston Ass Beating

1. Don't bother looking for Krispy Kreme. Up here, it's Dunkin' Donuts. That's right, without the G. Learn to love it. Their coffee kicks all ass.

2. Don't laugh at our Irish names (Yancey, Clancy, Miles, etc.) or the entire neighborhood will beat your ass.

3. Don't order a pop. Pop is your dad. If order a Coke, don't be surprised when you get Coke. If you want a different kind of soda, say so.

4. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g., Emerson, Thoreau). We are also better educated (e.g. Harvard, MIT). Don't call us stupid Northerners. And don't DARE call us Yankees. Yes, we realize that's what you Southerners call all Northerners, but call a Sox fan a Yankee and be prepared to run all the way to Atlanta like the Braves did.

5. We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Prudential, Fleet). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g. Michael Dukakis). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We were the only ones in the country to realize what an ass Nixon was.

6. Don't laugh at all our American Revolution monuments. We gave all you jerks your freedom. If we didn't do what we did, you'd all be paying your taxes to London instead of Washington.

7. 40 degrees is not cold. An inch of snow is not a blizzard. If you are complaining about the cold, stop, and realize you're IN NEW ENGLAND.

8. Budweiser is not beer. Miller is not beer. Guinness is beer. Budweiser and Miller are like having sex in a canoe, it's f*cking to close to water.

9. Don't fake a Boston accent. It's more than just dropping your Rs. And don't bother trying to use the words "wicked" or "pissah, unless you want to get a wicked beating. You don't use them correctly.

10. Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because it's easier. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Bostonians understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your ass.

11. Yes, we realize the Red Sox haven't won the World Series since 1918. When's the last time the Rangers or the Astros won? Or how about the teams from Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, Kentucky, North Carolina, South Carolina, or Virginia? When did they last win?

13. Don't ridicule our driving. Just because you don't know how to drive doesn't mean you should call us assholes. We know how to drive. We're battle tested. You don't like it, walk.

14. Yes, the leaves change color. Get over it. Stop driving 15 miles per hour down Route 1. Some of us have things to do.

15. And last, but not least, do not come up here and tell us how much better the food is down South. The North End has better cuisine than any of you will ever taste in your entire lives.[/quote]
ok... FYI, we have irish people down here and dunkin donuts. You can keep your money grubbing insurance and investment companies.

Fifteen ways not to catch a foot up your ass for talking smack in my black, Georgian neighborhood.

1.)Hell nah I ain't changing the way I talk so kiss my a*s.
2.)Don't claim nuthin' you ain't ready to get shot over.
3.)If it ain't happen to you, you ain't seen sh*t.
4.)Kool-Aid, not sweet tea, not unsweeten tea, not no damn pop.
5.)Beer? B*tch please you better get some damn Alazai, m*thaf*ckin' Chrystal.
6.)If you don't speak it, don't try it.
7.)Don't touch none of my sh*t!
8.)Nah I ain't clean nuthin' up. Say somthin' now! Catch foot up your f*ckin' a*s.
9.)My name betta' not come out yo' mouth boi!
10.)You don't know me, ain't no damn way you can judge me!
11.)Go look on t.v. them be rich black folk ya' see.
12.)Shut...yo...a*s...up.
13.)If ya ain't got a gun, and ya' ain't got a crew, turn around and walk away.
14.)Diabetes type two and obesity be damned!!!
15.)Don't act like ya' can't get touched!

Nah, I don't bloody well give a damn what you think. And I don't know how ta' bold, nor do I give a damn.

The best way to avoid a Southern beatdown is to point out that shooting you before a fight is a pretty pussy-assed thing to do.
The ones stupid enough to actually think they can do something usually have some high-minded concepts of "honor" and will agree, meaning that your average six year old could whoop their ass. If they try and shoot you anyway, well, I'd figure I've still got a 50/50 chance against a little twerp with a .257 in me.

Thought I'd share too:

North and South and Football

WOMEN'S ACCESSORIES

North: Chapstick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
South: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, water-proof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.

STADIUM SIZE

North: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people
South: High School football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

FATHERS

North: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath
South: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

ATTIRE

North: Male and female alike: wooly sweater or sweatshirt and jeans.
South: Male - pressed khakis, oxford shirt, cap with frat logo.
Female - ankle-length skirt, coordinated cardigan, flat riding boots.

ALUMNI

North: Take prospects on sailing trips before they join the law firm.
South: Take prospects on fishing trip so they don't leave for NFL before their senior year.

CAMPUS DECOR

North: Statues of founding fathers.
South: Statues of Heisman Trophy winners.

HOMECOMING QUEEN

North: Also a physics major.
South: Also Miss USA

HEROES

North: Mario Cuomo
South: Paul "Bear" Bryant

GETTING TICKETS

North: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
South: 5 months before the game walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets.

FRIDAY CLASSES AFTER A THURSDAY NIGHT GAME

North: Students and teacher are not sure if they are going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
South: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hungover students that might actually make it to class.

PARKING

North: An hour before game time the University opens the campus for game parking.
South: RV's sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

GAME DAY

North: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
South: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up North who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.

TAILGATING

North: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local
radio station with truck tailgate down.
South: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Hootie and the Blowfish," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

GETTING TO THE STADIUM

North: You ask "Where's the stadium?". When you find it, you walk right in.
South: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

CONCESSIONS

North: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
South: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it. Filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

WHEN NATIONAL ANTHEM IS PLAYED

North: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
South: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect 3-part harmony.

THE SMELL IN THE AIR AFTER THE FIRST SCORE

North: Nothing changes.
South: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

COMMENTARY (MALE)

North: "Nice play."
South: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs ! !"

COMMENTARY (FEMALE)

North: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
South: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs ! !"

ANNOUNCERS

North: Neutral and paid.
South: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

AFTER THE GAME

North: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
South: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week's game.

How to avoid an Osaka beat down:

1) Osaka is better than Tokyo or Kyoto. Never say otherwise.
2) Do Not Ever mess with the guy with the "punch perm", loud suit, and sunglasses. Especially if he has short pinkies and/or tatoos. He won't give you a beat down, but 20-50 of his Yakuza underlings will sereiously kill your ass dead. (And that really, truely is no joke. :( It happens all too often.)
3) Don't say nasty things about Koreans in the South-Eastern neighborhoods.
4) Eat the octopus balls.
5) The Yomiuri Giant sux. Root for either the Hanshin Tigers or the Kintetsu Buffaloes, but never root for Yomiuri.
6) Osaka dialect is funny, but only when it really is. Laughing at anyone for just speaking it is grounds for a beat down. Correcting my Osaka dialect for Tokyo Japanese just makes the beat down harder.
7) Osaka girls will let you know what's what. Trying to tell them is asking for a verbal beat down.
8) In Taisho-ku it is a very, very bad idea to say anuthing negative about Okinawa.
9) Remembering that the Naniwa capital pre-dates Kyoto gets bonus points.
10) The silly wimpy wanna be punk ass kids on scooters who are totally annoying, and you could eat 10 for breakfast, have lots of friends, and 50+ punk ass kids will hand you your ass, no matter how wimpy they are individually...


(Born down South, raised in Texas, lived in Osaka too long.)

---Post deleted by NationStates Moderators---

Now I'm not exactly from New Orleans, simply a suburb of New Orleans called Metairie. You French-speakers, doesn't that mean "little farm"? I remember hearing that from somewhere but never bothered to look it up.

Anyway, I'm sure we all agree... Ain't no place like home.

Or, for better grammar and to quote Dorothy, "There's no place like home!"

[quote=Skager]The stick in the ass reference came as a reply to Freedorandack that wasn't quoted. I understand the confusion. I didn't need to know about the doctor either. I find that insulting.

But don't skip the point. I asked what you meant by calling me a hippy. I am no such thing.

I was only trying to help.

Well, you're a Canadian, logic dictates that you must be a hippie

No, that is not logic. I am not a hippy. In fact, I really don't like hippys or tree-huggers.
And again, I have no medical condition or anything else that would qualify for medical attention.

Skager wrote:
I don't need you or anyone else to judge me, nor do I need medical attention. Get it through your think-assed skull and move on.


You seem so hostile...'

do you need to share something with us?

Perhaps I am hostile, but it is simply from putting up with fools such as yourself. I do not suffer fools gladly. I would never share something with you, and am ashamed to even have to share the planet with the likes of you.

Look man..we can except you for who you are.....its ok.

How you really feel....

What not to do in order to avoid a Redding, California ass kicking

1) If you come here expecting us to be like the hippies in San Francisco, we'll kick your ass.
2) Don't ask us if we surf, cause we'll kick your ass.
3) Don't talk about how much more exciting it is in the hellholes to the south of us (i.e. San Francisco and L.A.), because your idea of exciting is crime, pollution, and protestors. Redding is quiet, and we like it that way. If you complain about the peacefulness here, we'll kick your ass.
4) If you move here, and your militant rebellious teens set about trying to change Redding into a hellhole like the ones south of us, you'd better believe that the local football players and cowboys will kick your punk kid's ass.
5) If you come up here with an uppity southern California (by which I mean anything south of the 39th parallel) "I'm better than you because I'm from an urban hellhole" attitude, we'll kick your ass, then throw you in the Sacramento River and let you float downstream to where you came from.
6) If you come up here to protest any kind of blue-collar industry, you're going to get a severe ass kicking from angry blue-collar union members. Unemployment is bad enough up here, and we don't need a bunch of hippies trying to drive industry out of town.
7) If you are a Nazi, you're going to disappear. We don't like people who try to disturb the peace of our city, and we don't like fascists. We kicked your ass in WWII, and we'll do it again.
8.) If you badmouth the USA or the US military, you're going to get your ass kicked by everybody from preschool on up.
9) If you commit a hit and run, we'll shoot at you as you're driving away. (Seriously, this one happened)
10) Basically, if you act like a dickhead while you're in Redding, you're going to get your ass kicked.How to avoid a Redding, California ass kicking.

What not to do in order to avoid a Redding, California ass kicking

1) If you come here expecting us to be like the hippies in San Francisco, we'll kick your ass.
2) Don't ask us if we surf, cause we'll kick your ass.
3) Don't talk about how much more exciting it is in the hellholes to the south of us (i.e. San Francisco and L.A.), because your idea of exciting is crime, pollution, and protestors. Redding is quiet, and we like it that way. If you complain about the peacefulness here, we'll kick your ass.
4) If you move here, and your militant rebellious teens set about trying to change Redding into a hellhole like the ones south of us, you'd better believe that the local football players and cowboys will kick your punk kid's ass.
5) If you come up here with an uppity southern California (by which I mean anything south of the 39th parallel) "I'm better than you because I'm from an urban hellhole" attitude, we'll kick your ass, then throw you in the Sacramento River and let you float downstream to where you came from.
6) If you come up here to protest any kind of blue-collar industry, you're going to get a severe ass kicking from angry blue-collar union members. Unemployment is bad enough up here, and we don't need a bunch of hippies trying to drive industry out of town.
7) If you are a Nazi, you're going to disappear. We don't like people who try to disturb the peace of our city, and we don't like fascists. We kicked your ass in WWII, and we'll do it again.
8.) If you badmouth the USA or the US military, you're going to get your ass kicked by everybody from preschool on up.
9) If you commit a hit and run, we'll shoot at you as you're driving away. (Seriously, this one happened)
10) Basically, if you act like a dickhead while you're in Redding, you're going to get your ass kicked.How to avoid a Redding, California ass kicking.

Spent the summer working for the forest service in your neck of the woods many moons ago. (Big Bar, if you know it.)

15 ways to avoid a good California Ass Stompin'

1. Don't diss the sourdough bread. We happen to like it here. Any wiseass remarks about it will get your ass stomped.

2. Don't laugh at our Californian names, (Bambi, Justice, and other names forced on us by hippie parents), we're sensitive about it, and we'll stomp your ass.

3. Don't order a goddamn pop. If you order a coke, you get a coke. It's Soda over here, because it's made of soda water you hicks! If you insist on calling it something improper, we'll stomp your ass to simplify the situation.

4. We know our heritage, most of us sit and discuss Californian history on a daily basis (mostly cause Mexico is trying to take it away), if you try to debate us on it, we'll make you look like an idiot and stomp your ass.

5. We have plenty of business sense (Silicon Valley, Not to mention we get you hicks to pack yourselves into San Francisco tourist traps). Naturally, we sometimes have small lapses in judgement (PG&E, Gray Davis, Diane Feinstein). Calling us a bunch of ignorant playboys will get your ass stomped.

6. Don't laugh at our Mexican street and city names. We kicked their asses all the way to the border, and we like to be reminded that the land where we sit used to belong to those weak fools. If you bring it up, we'll stomp your ass like we did Mexico's.

7. We are fully aware that it is 110 degrees, and that the blacktop is melting. Get over it. If you whine about the heat we will stomp your ass and toss you out a car window in Death Valley.

8. It's Krispy Kreme around here. Not Dunkin' Donuts, not Tim Hortons, or any of those crappy establishments. We like quality. Diss the donuts and we'll stomp your ass.

9. We don't have accents. Comment on that and we'll stomp your ass until you stop talking funny.

10. Don't talk to us about how much better things are at home cause we know better. We get cheap oranges, avacados, cherries, and strawberries year round. You people are damn lucky we share our produce with you. If you think San Francisco is fruity, try Miami sometime.

11. We speak proper English, and we enjoy it. Drop your R's, connect "all" and "you", or call us "Buddy", and we'll stomp your ass.

12. Don't complain that California is full of Mexicans. We get cheap fruit, cheap labor, and the best damn Mexican food money can buy. Insult our wage slaves and we'll stomp your ass.

13. Don't ridicule our "lack of manners". We're in a goddamned hurry, unlike the rest of you lazy bastards. Confront us when we're in a hurry about being polite, and we'll take the time to stomp your ass even if it means being late.

14. You think we're a bunch of spoiled rich airheads, Mexicans, and surfers because we live in California? That's because we own the entertainment industry, and we get entertained by shipping you movies about spoiled rich airheads, Mexicans, and surfers living in California to see you lap it up like the hicks you are. Come here expecting that to be real, and we'll stomp your ass and hammer you into the ground with a surfboard.

15. Last but not least, do not DARE come over here and complain about our Governor. He's made and managed more money than you'll ever be within 100 yards of, and he's a damn sight better than Bustamante or Davis. Insult him and we'll stomp your ass, then terminate you with extreme prejudice.

Netscape? Your claim to fame is Netscape?! You can keep your mosquito infested swamps... infact I'll pay to stay away from people who associate themselves with Netscape.

alrite, thus far iv gotten people from florida, texas, missisippi and tennesee to reply to this. anyone from alabama or georga?

Yeah, I'm from Georgia. It's a nice place. Better than the rest of the states.