NationStates Jolt Archive

64 ways to piss off a cop

25-03-2004, 01:04
64 Ways to Piss off a Cop

1) When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, officer, there's
no blood in my alcohol?"

2) When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to

3) When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.

4) If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my
speedometer doesn't go that high.

5) Touch him.

6) When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a

7) Ask him where he bought his cool hat.

8) Refer to him by his first name.

9) Pretend you are gay and ask him out.

10) When he says no, cry.

11) If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.

12) If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a
nice way.

13) If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw
yourself on the hood.

14) When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that

15) When he puts handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me
dinner first"

16) Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink
on your fingers.

17) After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops!
That's the wrong name."

18) Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I
just ate the last one.

19) When he comes up to the car, say "License and registration,
please" right when he says it.

20) When he goes to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I
can't hear you!"

21) Trip and fall into him.

22) Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes you away.

23) Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to use
his pen.

24) Chew on the pen, nervously.

25) Clean your ear with the pen.

26) If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.

27) Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought your
name sounded familiar....

28) Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask
him how the plumbing was.

29) Act like you are retarded.

30) When he is telling you what you did wrong, start repeating
him, quietly.

31) Or mumble to yourself.

32) When he tells you to stop, say what are you talking about,

33) Drive to Dunkin Donuts and say hmmm....only 5 of you here

34) Ask if they know how to make the donuts.

35) When he comes to the car, say I have a badge just like

36) Ask if he watches Cops.

37) Ask if ever watched Cop Rock.

38) Giggle if he did.

39) Talk to your hand.

40) Ask if he knows someone named Rosy Palm and he Five Favorite

41) Accuse him of sexual harassment if he does.

42) When he frisks you, say You missed a spot, and grin.

43) When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in
my car, the last cop got it.

44) Try to sell him your car.

45) Ask if you can buy his car.

46) If he takes you to the station, Ask to sit in the front.

47) Play with the siren.

48) If you know him, say you had his wife for dinner.

49) If you don't know him, ask if you can have his wife for

50) Oops...I meant OVER for dinner.

51) Ask if he ever had pu-tang.

52) If he asks what it is, point at him and giggle.

53) If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in

54) When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him and laugh.

55) When you are in the back, touch his neck through the

56) Turn your head and whistle.

57) When he pulls out his night stick, say what you gonna do
with that.

58) If you are female, say I don't do that on the first date.

59) If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the
corner, suck your thumb, and whine.

60) Ask if you can see his gun.

61) When he says you aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to
see if mine was bigger.

62) Stare at the lights and say "Look at the pretty colors!"

63) Tell him you like men in uniform.

64) Ask if you can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party.
25-03-2004, 01:15
The New Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The
monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on
the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I
start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the
beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He
proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after
mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,
don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10.We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11.When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take
this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."

12.The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the

13.The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub,
thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally...

14.Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at
St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
25-03-2004, 01:19
25-03-2004, 01:20
25-03-2004, 01:34
64 Ways to Piss off a Cop

Disclaimer: NationStates is not held responsible for any bodily or legal injury which may occur as a result of actually trying these out.
Tuesday Heights
25-03-2004, 05:56
LOL! :lol:
Soviet Haaregrad
25-03-2004, 06:09
For cops, ask what type of gun he has, he'll probably say "a 9mm Smith and Wessen/Berretta/Heckler and Koch/Colt". Reply, that's not bad, but nowhere near my .50 cal Desert Eagle.
25-03-2004, 06:10
You forgot "Correct their grammer." ... I did that today... ouch!
25-03-2004, 06:31
When the officer gives you a ticket, ask: "Hey, can I pay with sex?" and then if they happen too....drop their trousers, immediatelly pull out a camera, take a picture, and threaten to show it to the cops. THey should take the ticket back, or they'll beat the living hell out of you and your camera with a night stick.
Cuneo Island
25-03-2004, 06:32
Dude I know more ways than that.
25-03-2004, 06:55
Another way. When asked if you have any open alcohol containers reply with: "Yeah but it's okay cuz they're empty" (slurring while saying this probably helps.)
25-03-2004, 12:27
Speaking as someone who has been pulled over and had their car searched for drugs I wouldn't recommend doing anything stupid.
25-03-2004, 12:36
25-03-2004, 12:41
First: tag

- act like fat bastard out of austin powers to him/her
- when you are in th back seat of their car, get your girlfriend/boyfriend in there and start going at it
- If your girlfriend/boyfriend isnt there, pleasure yourself
- give him the used condom
- start complaining that you have to go to the toilet until he stops
- complain again after you hyave started
- and again...
- and again...
- kick his seat
- start trying to hook him/her up with your friends
- start gnawing on the door hangle
- fart
- complain that its too cold in the car until he turns the heater all the way up, then complain itys too hot.
- ask if you can have drive through macdonalds
- Spill your coke all over the back seat.
31-03-2004, 16:31
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was
empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze
in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward
again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened.
Frantically,he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a
bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching

"Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then asked the parrot,
"What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot", sneered the burglar. "What
idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot replied, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler
31-03-2004, 16:33
64 Ways to Piss off a Cop

Disclaimer: NationStates is not held responsible for any bodily or legal injury which may occur as a result of actually trying these out.
lol, thanks but if you do get an injury, post the pic :lol: