NationStates Jolt Archive

Do not message if you are not serious.

I have a friend who is in desperate need of help. I will not specify his name or it is a dead give away who it is. We will leave him unknown at this time.

My friend has lost himself. He really does need some help. He has been corresponding with some very helpful people, and I am proud of the job they have done keeping him from another incident.

I need advice on what I should do. This person is living with me as of the moment. I will not let him home because I fear his life.

He wants to get help, and is trying his hardest. The problem is he fears institutions and refuses to take any more pills.

Any advice at all.

Why does he want to commit suicide?

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Correction:
Why did he attempt and nearly succeed to end his life?


Answer:
I do not think I am the one who could answer that, being that I was not the one to do the act. I do know that he was severly depressed and feeling helpless.

There are many matters, some of which I do not know if I should share, but I will tell you that he lost two people who were really close to him, and I believe that is what triggered all of this.

So many people don't realize that suicide isn't about them. A 21 year old that worked with my younger sister this summer drowned himself in Februrary. The funeral this past weekend was one of the most emotionally taxing experiences I have even known, and I had never even met the kid. The poor mother made anguished sounds I never knew a human could make.

I don't know if understanding how utterly selfish this act is will help your friend or not, but try to find a way to motivate him. ie, if he is usually competetive, show him that this is quitting, and giving in, and weak.

That's the best I can do without knowing his reasoning.

Thank you for your advice.

If anyone is truly serious about talking with my friend and helping him then telegram me and I will see about giving you his nation. I will not however, make the mistake of posting it, only to find some impudent person harrass him about it.

I do not think he even understands why he did it. He told me the other day about the one loss that has dramatically impacted him, and he believes that loss had a lot to do with his actions, but I cannot speak for him upon why he did it.

I'm not trying to belittle your friends situation in any way by saying this, but everyone goes through this kind of experience at least once in their life. Call it a mid-life crisis, call it severe depression, call it whatever you want, it happens to all of us. I've been there before... standing infront of the medicine cabinet weighing the pro's and con's of living, and I have to say, the con's outnumbered the pro's by far.

There was only one thing on the pro side: Family. In the end, it was the thought of what my suicide would do to my parents that stopped me. As you said, suicide is one of the most selfish acts any human being can partake in. If you havent already, try to convince your friend of what his suicide will do to others; his family and friends. Tell him how you, personally, will feel if hes never around anymore. This is what I would do if I were in your position. However, to quote a phrase, I am not a doctor.

I must tell you, I do not envy anyone in your position, or his position for that matter, cause Ive been there. All I can tell you is that when it came to me, I decided that if life wasnt worth living for myself, then I should at least try live it for others. Thats what I've been doing since that time, trying to help others. Thats whats kept me going, and now I can truely, honestly say I'm happy with my life.

As to the descision that he made, whats done is done. I know this is a cliche, but its true: You cannot change the past. Whats done is done. All you can do is try to make things better for your future

Do not message if you are not serious.

I have a friend who is in desperate need of help. I will not specify his name or it is a dead give away who it is. We will leave him unknown at this time.

My friend has lost himself. He really does need some help. He has been corresponding with some very helpful people, and I am proud of the job they have done keeping him from another incident.

I need advice on what I should do. This person is living with me as of the moment. I will not let him home because I fear his life.

He wants to get help, and is trying his hardest. The problem is he fears institutions and refuses to take any more pills.

Any advice at all.

His fear of Institutions, and his fear of medication, makes the job double-plus hard. You need to be supportive, you need to be a good friend, and you need to keep a sharp eye for the symptoms. Sometimes you can head someone off at the point between decision and action, and sometimes you can head it off between stimulus and decision.
I presume you've talked to councillors about his problem, and the ache his problem causes you. (HEART Ache, folks.)
These things have roots, and working at the root of the problems can sometimes eliminate it. There are no easy, one-paragraph, ways to deal with a suicidal friend.

I dont mean this as belittling your friend or the contributions others have made in this thread- however if he is suicidal he may need psychiatric help//medication rather than just "someone to talk to".
There is a lot to be said for talking through problems but there is also a lot to be said for letting medical professionals do their job.
The single best course of action your friend can take is to seek professional help- I dont know what country you are in but if its the UK your GP can see your friend and quickly decide wether to prescribe medication //refer your friend to a psychiatrist .

I know you do not mean to belittle my friend, as you have stated, but do remember this, he attempted the deed, and had not just thought about it. Moreover, he had no prior intentions. It was more or less a sporadic event.

Let me explain my friend more so that perhaps you could understand why I am begging for advice.

My friend has never been one to turn to. He has no immediate family, and the last one of this family passed away not too long ago. He never knew who to turn to and how to turn to others in need of help, until now.

He knows he needs serious professional help. He has told me numerous times. He just intensly fears institutions. Counselors or the goal we are reaching to obtain here. However, medication is seeming inevitable and he hates pills. He was not too long ago on many pills, which placed him in such a sad state that I would never wish to see him in it again.

My friend had always been active. Those pills made him stare for countless hours at the same object, as if he thought any moment it would move. It is sad to see the closet person to you in that state.

Furthermore, you must understand that he never intended on doing this. That is the hardest fact to grasp for me. He never wanted to do this to himself. It just happened. Like I said, it was sporadic.

Additionally, it is easy to say someone needs to be committed when you are not there with him, feeling his every emotion, and reliving that night over and over again in your sleep.

I was the one who found him. I go to bed every night seeing all that blood. I cannot help thinking of him and seeing that blood. I never thought a person had so much blood in them.

How could I commit the person who I watched nearly die? Who I held in my hands as I dialed the phone for help?

It is so much easier said than done my friends. I know you mean well and are just telling the obvious, but I just need other options than an institution. I could never put him there, and he would never willingly go.

We have contacted counselors already. Some do not appear to promising because they appear to be to medication and shot happy. I want someone who will work to the roots of his problem with the minimal use of medication possible. That is seemigly impossible to find, but then again, we have not looked thoroughly yet.

Until then, I would like your advice. Maybe there is something that we have overlooked. Sometimes, the best solutions are found through outside help.

TM

I'm not a genius, but, maybe instead of trying to convince him n ot to kill himself, try to get him to talk to you about what's bugging you. Show him that you really do care (which you seem to) about what's he's doing through at the moment. Reach out to him and offer him a shoulder to cry on; give him reason to trust you.

TM

Hi,

Suicidal thoughts and deeds are really difficult when it's happening to someone close, but there's always hope.

If you ignore everything else then remember this: You can't make someone more suicidal by talking to them. Talk to your friend. Ask him what's really happening and what's really bothering him. It may seem fairly obvious, but for a lot of people the problems they face seem insurmountable until they talk to someone else about them and clarify them. It also shows that someone really does care, which might something your friend is missing now more than ever.

The other really important thing is to look after yourself. Make sure that you have people to talk to (even if it's only on this board) because looking after a suicidal person really is one of the most difficult things you can do. Ideally you should seek professional help, but depending where you are that can be difficult and/or expensive.

These things take patience, and you've probably already been through a lot. Make sure that you can help your friend continue to work through it and be prepared that it may take a long time. If you feel frustrated, or angry or guilty then that's perfectly natural and it's okay. Just make sure that you channel it to somewhere else where it won't make thigns worse.

I once received some advice to keep a few phone numbers for helplines near the phone. That might be a good way to make sure that your friend has someone to talk to when he's alone or when he suddenly has an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness or suicidal thoughts. Otherwise it can be very easy for your friend to find himself trying to cope with these feelings alone and that can be very intimidating.

I hope this helps.

Aidan

Do not message if you are not serious.

Gosh darn it. Good thing you said this or else I would have had a saddistic, smart-ass comment to make.

Elvandair, I do not believe anything you could have said would have compared to the one message my friend was sent before concerning that. Do not worry though, I am sure we could all use our imaginations on what you would have said.



Thank you all for your advice, no matter how small it is.

I have began to lose sight in what I was trying to accomplish and needed something to place me back on the road again. Working with my friend is increasingly difficult.......not to mention that he is good at messing with one's mind.

I really do appreciate all advice given, and I will continue to use this thread as a periodical. I will probably be coming to you all for more help as the time progresses.

Check your telegrams.

Already have, and responded!

:wink:

Already have, and responded!

:wink:
Check again.

I'd try my hardest to get your friend help, by either getting him to attend therapy or getting him to open up somehow about how he's feeling.

1. Get him to see a psychologist. That is prolly the most important step, if you can get him there and get him talking with the shrink, he should start to get better.
2. Be supportive, make sure he is not lonely or insecure
3. do not leave him alone, no matter how "ok" he says he is.
4. Give him some candy and soda (I'm serious) it makes people feel better.
5. Get him around as many friends as possible for as long as possible.
6. Last thing you could do - intervention.

Hey,

I remember a time when I was actually in the act of suicide. I had written a note, and laid on my bed. The note was on my chest, so that someone would find it easily, and as I put the blade to my wrist, the phone rang. of course, I got really angry, because i just wanted to lay down and die (I had been disturbed every time I went to slit my wrists). Anyway, I picked up the phone, and it was a mate of mine from church, just seeing how everything was going. I lied and said everything was fine, and he asked if I was going to church that week.

What happened right there, was the vital act. My mate, forced me to make a commitment to a future, which wouldnt exist for me if I had suicided. It gave me a hope, that maybe some future did exist. So i didnt kill myself. I went to church that week, and I started a new life.

Your friend needs to start a new life. Only then will he be satisfied with what he has. but first, you need to encourage him to believe that he has a future that exists. Show him that you truly care about him, and that life will turn upwards. I dont know, you have to give him something to look forward to, just to get him through the next day. And then the next, and the next. Eventually, he will make the desision to start afresh, perhaps with a bit of encouragement. Thats what happened with me anyway. i hope it helps at all...

bump...

BLARGistania, you do bring up good points, and as I saw it, with humor attached. It made me smile and laugh, whether that was the intention or not. Do not take that the wrong way though. It was very good to get me to laugh and smile!

My friend has just started a SOBE addiction to take his mind of his other addiction, by far only impairing his already terrible problem. To be honest, my friend is a binge drinker on the verge of trying to quit. He has not had a drink for three days now, which is a major accomplishment.


Austar Union, I am trying my hardest to make him realize that, but the truth is he is having a hard time seeing a future. I took him to chruch with me. That seemed to not help, because he felt guilty for telling lies to old people in church. They asked him what happened, and he had a hard time speaking of it. He is wreary of going back to church, although he definately believes there is a greater force out there. He says there is becuase if there was not, he would have been dead. I agree with him.

I took my friend to work with me Friday. That ended terribly, but overall it did do him some good. He nearly got arrested for fighting with a minor. However, a nearby security officer witnessed the event, and he was let off. That in its own is a long story. These younger generations have no respect for anyone older than themselves.

I guess, what I am trying to say is, I am putting my hardest effort in to helping him. I am trying my hardest to help him get his life back.

Austar Union, I am trying my hardest to make him realize that, but the truth is he is having a hard time seeing a future. I took him to chruch with me. That seemed to not help, because he felt guilty for telling lies to old people in church. They asked him what happened, and he had a hard time speaking of it. He is wreary of going back to church, although he definately believes there is a greater force out there. He says there is becuase if there was not, he would have been dead. I agree with him.


Well you're doing a good job already. Basically, he needs to find his own course. For example, instead of actually saying something along the lines of "You have a great future", let him realise the future. For example, promise to take him somewhere he would like to go to. If he's always wanted to go paintballing, them say to him, "hey, do you wanna come paintballing in a months or so?"

That'll make him look forward to it. Or maybe something needs to happen in his life. For example, maybe he can find a girl he likes, so he looks forward to seeing her every day.

They're both pretty similar. BTW: if you dont mind me asking, are you a male or female?

Oh, I am so sorry, I have not properly introduced myself.

I am a female, just so you all know, if you could not have told already. Do not let the name distract you. The name in itself is a long story.

Alright, I will talk with him tonight and find out if he wants to do anything.

I do not want to press him so much on the situation itself. I have been gradually working on that. Perodically I will nonchalantly bring it up to see if he is willing to talk about it. I want to move at his pace during this. I do not want to thrust him into any conversations he cannot mentally handle.

Of Course.

The last thing you want is for him to withdraw from you. If he does that, then there is nothing you can do.

Maybe, I suggest, is that you take him to dinner or something, to show that you appreciate his friendship, and that you love him (as a mate).

I agree that the younger generation doesnt respect their superiors, although I dont know what you determine as younger. I'm turning 17 in two months, so....

I have already taken him to dinner, which in the end was terrible and I forced us to leave the resturant. To make a long story short, I would not let him go to the bathroom alone because at this time he was heavy on his medications, which I hated terribly, and he was more dangerous on them then off. Yes, an old lady complained because I forced him into the woman's bathroom. What was I to do though? I do not think men would appreciate me waltzing in to make sure my friend goes to the bathroom without a problem.

The younger generation is anyone younger than 15-16. People of the age 17 still appear to be tolerable, and by the way you responded, you have proved that. It is just those younger ones that have no respect for people at all.

Considering they picked a fight with my friend who looks like he just came out of the Marines. I mean, seriously, what were they thinking? My friend is not someone you walk up to a pick a fight with, considering he was so much older and larger than them. Honestly, he is built where he is actually intimidating. I know I would not want to piss him off that bad that he would strike me, although I know he never would. It is just the thought. Sorry, ranting again.......

I have already taken him to dinner, which in the end was terrible and I forced us to leave the resturant. To make a long story short, I would not let him go to the bathroom alone because at this time he was heavy on his medications, which I hated terribly, and he was more dangerous on them then off. Yes, an old lady complained because I forced him into the woman's bathroom. What was I to do though? I do not think men would appreciate me waltzing in to make sure my friend goes to the bathroom without a problem.

The younger generation is anyone younger than 15-16. People of the age 17 still appear to be tolerable, and by the way you responded, you have proved that. It is just those younger ones that have no respect for people at all.

Considering they picked a fight with my friend who looks like he just came out of the Marines. I mean, seriously, what were they thinking? My friend is not someone you walk up to a pick a fight with, considering he was so much older and larger than them. Honestly, he is built where he is actually intimidating. I know I would not want to piss him off that bad that he would strike me, although I know he never would. It is just the thought. Sorry, ranting again.......

Hmmm, I see why you would be worried about your mate. However, maybe you should trust him a bit. I know he is depressed, but the chances of him going out to dinner, then suiciding in the bathroom are pretty low. i think maybe he will believe you have more respect for him.

I know you are worried, but you have to be careful not to be over-protective. I have a tendancy to be like that too though...

Yesh, this is one sticky situation. Well, although there is a sucessful way to get by this without tragedy, it will be hard to find that path.

Let's first establish the basics:
Suicidal people usualy hve completely given up on life and believe they have nothing to live for, and (or) they believe the world would be better off with them dead.

The first thing I would try to do is to try to make the person feel better. Make him or her feel like something of value. Make sure they know hoy much you care for them and want to help them. That might delay any action to kill themselves. Also, have them see a phycologist or a doctor or something...a trained professional would be the best option, for they understand how the human mind works.

I'm not much of a psychologist, nor have I ever had the misfortune of having any suicidal friends. I once slit my wrist, but that was because I fell and scraped it across a particularly sinister ribbon of metal protruding from an old video camera.

Anyhow, I'm going to make a shot at helping. Your friend is another human being, and as such, we should all feel somewhat obligated to help.

I myself have been going through a mildly depressive state, though nothing serious. I have never even contemplated suicide. While life can, at times, throw rotten lemons at you, it can also throw very tasty ones as well.

1.) I'd guess something provoked it. A death in the family, perhaps?

2.) Maybe life itself is seemingly hopeless. It sometimes seems that way to me, maybe it always seems like that to him/her. I would try to do something that takes his/her mind off of the monotony of life and bring to light the beauty that can result from a long, fruitful life.

I hope I've been some help. If nothing else, you've simply got to get him/her to simply shut the door on all fears of the professionals. They know this out of instinct, more than anything, though a masters degree or PhD in psychology helps innumerably.

My sincere hopes,

-- Tom

Well everyone can read my story, I came from the brink of suicide, and dude, its such a crap feeling. You feel so hopeless, like you are worth nothing, and that you have no future past that day. Your only belief is that this is the peak of your life, where everything past that point will be a reflection on the depressive thing that happened. You feel so empty, that you have no will to live anymore, and the only thing holding you back are the people around you. All you want to do is die, because you believe that you have no role in the world, or that you have stuffed your role up, and so the rest of your life will be filled with saddness and depression.

Like I said, it sucks.

Make sure he knows how much you care about him. I'm sure you're already spending quite a bit of time with him, but make sure he's not lonely. You do not always need to talk, listening is more important. Make sure he knows he can talk to you. He needs to see a reason that life is worth living, he needs to see that life, although it does have it's downsides, can be a beautiful, wonderful thing. Whatever the problems he face are, they're not the end of the world. It will seem like they are to him, though. Always stick by him, he will make your life extremely difficult and worrisome, but you are his friend, and a friend's character is measured not when things are going well, but in the worst of times. He may not admit it, or he may, I don't know him personally, so of course everything I say is general, but he needs you. He needs a friend he can trust absolutely.
I have a good idea who he is, poor guy. Good luck, I hope things improve. I can understand the hell he must be going through. I've been in similar circumstances myself.

This happened to my cousin Jay Jay. He is my favorite cousin and always talked to me about killing himself. I thought it was a joke but he did attempt to by stabbing himself. I remeber even when he was in the hospital and I was sitting next to him crying( yes I said it im a man and i had tears in my eyes). he looked at me as clear as day and told me to unplug his life support. When he finally did get out of the hospital he attempted to do it again. When I saw him in the hospitol a second time he looked miserable. Well one day i was walking and met a bunch of kids who needed a soccer coach for there team. Jay was a big soccer fanatic and once was good enough to play on the NY NJ Metrostars but he turned thrm down. I asked him if he would like to coach the kids. At first he was pissy about it but I persauded him to at least try it. I dont know if it was the felling that he was helping the kids or the emotion of the children but ever since he was coaching those kids he has been happier then I have ever seen. My adice kind of go's with Austar Union but sometimes it helps if he knows he is doing something that is helping other popel let it be volunterring at a senior citezin home or helping kids.

Correction:
Why did he attempt and nearly succeed to end his life?


Answer:
I do not think I am the one who could answer that, being that I was not the one to do the act. I do know that he was severly depressed and feeling helpless.

There are many matters, some of which I do not know if I should share, but I will tell you that he lost two people who were really close to him, and I believe that is what triggered all of this.

One way might be to encourage him to accept the pain he is going through, it will eventually recede (though never disappear) and become tolerable. You should also ask him to think about that he would be inflicting the same pain upon the people who love him, if he really wants to kill himself. Does he want to be responible for that?
There is no easy route for your friend, it may be that he needs to discuss this and possibly other issues with a trained counsellor.

Well, as far as I know I have to deal with that kind of situation several times. I usually try laughing as the cure for all mental diseases. I play the clown with everybody who is highly depressed. For us here, I usually try dancing too, it's a good therapy, although I know that's more localist than anything...Laughing and having fun distracts you and makes you feel better, always!.

About the therapy and the pills, well, he should keep with them, even if sometimes that just makes him feel worst...

Well, as far as I know I have to deal with that kind of situation several times. I usually try laughing as the cure for all mental diseases. I play the clown with everybody who is highly depressed. For us here, I usually try dancing too, it's a good therapy, although I know that's more localist than anything...Laughing and having fun distracts you and makes you feel better, always!.

About the therapy and the pills, well, he should keep with them, even if sometimes that just makes him feel worst...

Tag. I'm going to think about this situation and post a little later, when I have time.

Tag. I'm going to think about this situation and post a little later, when I have time.

Tag. I'm going to think about this situation and post a little later, when I have time. Just to let you know I'm here, Fuhrer.

-- :evil: DP :evil: --

Tag. I'm going to think about this situation and post a little later, when I have time. Just to let you know I'm here, Fuhrer.

Do not message if you are not serious.

SNIPPED

He wants to get help, and is trying his hardest. The problem is he fears institutions and refuses to take any more pills.

Any advice at all.

YOU cannot take responsibility for you friends getting well. YOU cannot be responsible for any actions taken or those not taken. HE IS ULTIMATELY RESPONSIBLE, although at the moment perhaps incapable of making the correct decision.

Unipolar or bipolar depression is interesting in that it creates in those caught in it's throes the aversion to the very things that will break it's back. While depression may start out as a response to life events it can quickly become an overwhelming neuro-chemical disorder. A chemical imbalance in the brain causes the mind to experience a very narrow spectrum of emotion, most of it extremely painful. The thought process itself turns the survival instinct inside out. The only thing whose survival is fought for is the depression itself. Soon everything is perceived through this dim, distorted view.

A decent place to get some guidance is at Winds of Change (http://www.thewindsofchange.org) ask for Josie or Jenny. Tell them Howling One referred you to them. They'll be a HUGE help.

All the best,
:shock:

One person's experience with depression is expressed in poetry at Howling One's Den (http://www.expage.com/howlingone) especially good is "The Liar"

Dr. Ivan's Depression Central (http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.html) is a gold mine of information from a psychopharmacologist who is well thought of by both professionals and non-professionals.

Another I have heard of is Trapped Minds (http://www.trappedminds.org/)

All the best,
:shock:

As someone who has attempted suicide several times before, I can offer this important piece of advice. Don't just tell him "everything's going to be all right." Suicidal people hate that stuff. Instead, try to make him happy. Not through encouragement or positive reinforcement or whatnot. I mean make him happy, really happy. Get some friends. Take him out to the movies. Take him to parties. Sporting events. Take him bowling. To the mall. Laser tag. Whatever.

You see, suicidal and depressed people are the biggest threats to themselves when they are idle: Sitting around at home, with nothing to do.

True story: My friend Mark was ready to put a gun in his mouth when his girlfriend of three years dumped him at a party, in front of everyone. So me and my friends Matt and Rielly took him to a strip club, that night, right then. I've never seen the guy happier. I'm serious.

So, show him a good time. Get a bunch of friends to help you out. It will help your friend, trust me. Good luck, and godspeed.

-Emperor Jim.

As someone who has attempted suicide several times before, I can offer this important piece of advice. Don't just tell him "everything's going to be all right." Suicidal people hate that stuff. Instead, try to make him happy. Not through encouragement or positive reinforcement or whatnot. I mean make him happy, really happy. Get some friends. Take him out to the movies. Take him to parties. Sporting events. Take him bowling. To the mall. Laser tag. Whatever.

You see, suicidal and depressed people are the biggest threats to themselves when they are idle: Sitting around at home, with nothing to do.

True story: My friend Mark was ready to put a gun in his mouth when his girlfriend of three years dumped him at a party, in front of everyone. So me and my friends Matt and Rielly took him to a strip club, that night, right then. I've never seen the guy happier. I'm serious.

So, show him a good time. Get a bunch of friends to help you out. It will help your friend, trust me. Good luck, and godspeed.

-Emperor Jim.

i couldn't explain it better, for me this is the best course of action too...

Sorry it has taken me so long to respond. I am planning for a mini vacation, in which I will more than likely take my friend with me for a change of atmosphere.

He is on the verge of a breakdown. He has done nothing but rock back and forth, complain about things crawling all over him, and playing with small objects like pens and the remote. Although, this is his withdrawl speaking, it is still a worriesome sight. He was a binge drinker. I swear he only ever drank alcohol, but he stopped, hopefully for good. He keeps complaining for something to drink, but finds that nothing satisfies his urge. I have been desperately trying get his mind of it, but he is in love with his alcohol.

Many of you have given me very useful information, and I would like to thank you. The littlest bit helps alot.

I have been talking with my friend this morning. Last night, I was by no means capable of talking with him. I am still highly wreary of doing this, but I am considering it. Understand before I continue with my plan, that I am trying to protect him, and hence why I am unsure.

My friend has agreed to talk with other people. I feel that it is best if he opens up to more and more people, whether it is over the net or in person, although I am pushing for in person with him. However, he may be on tonight to talk with you, because you all appear to be here to help him and not make him feel worse than he already is.

Remember, the thought is not definate, but he has already agreed he would try and talk about it. He will be under my nation if by chance we do follow that course.

Please, if he does come on, understand he had two great loses, one which he is having an impossible time trying to overcome, and he is going through withdrawl, so he might seem to dwell much on the whole alcohol perspective. Just keep him off those thoughts. The more he thinks about it, the worse it is for him.

Thank you kindly. Tonight, approximately 9:00 PM (EST) is the planned time, although nothing is guarenteed and it is likely to change.

Try and help him, not just for himself, but for me. Thank you.

There are so many reasons to live, to choose life. They are hard to see when negative thoughts get the better of me. But I always snap out. I know that there is always hope. This person is lucky to have you as a friend. You need to take care of yourself and you need to be involved in this person's life, from what I have read so far. This is not an easy situation you are in but if you can hold onto hope then I think that you will be all right. But it may be harder for your friend to have hope. If he is clinically depressed he may feel powerless over his situation.
But if you have hope, be innovative and give your friend all the reasons you can think of to hold onto life.

There is a book by Melodie Beatie entitled "A Reason To Live", I have found it a useful book.
The one thing I think that could be most helpfull for your friend is to get him into some kind of support group, where he will meet others who can understand what he is going through.

All I can say is that I have compassion for you and your friend, even though I know very little about you. I can always empathasize with those going through a difficult time.

Peace.

Thank you.

See the problem with me is that I have focused more on him, neglecting the fact that I need to care for myself as well. It is just really hard to do that when your friend is in desperate need of help.

This vacation I hope does miracles for us both.

Well, I hope you will get back to us when you get back and let us know how things are going.
Have a good time.

Best Wishes to you and your friend.

Everyone, I will be away for the rest of the week. My friend will be as well. We will return on Monday. There, I am thinking he will talk with you personally. Have your talks ready then!

Please help him! That is all I am asking! Please help him!

I'm not overly religious, but I'm praying for you both. I've been down the road of living with people with neuro-chemical imbalances (though admittedly none this severe), it isn't pretty. Just remember, you've got a forum full of people here for ya. (And just ignore the stupid jack*BLEEP*es who may post nasty spiteful things for the sake of being mean =F)

Everybody has posted excellent advice, I don't think I can add anything that hasn't already been suggested. Definately keep him away from the booze though- that junk's a depressant, and most certainly won't help your friend any.

~Reppy

Well, thank you very much! Even the simplest comments have helped me out so much, and gave me the strength to realize what it was I was fighting for again. I am fighting for my best friend's life, and although he does anger me, I have come to realize that I have to tolerate it if I want to see him smile again.

My friend would appreciate all of this as well. He is just not open in showing his gratitude. He does it in subtle ways, a typical male. :wink:

I will keep him away from all alcohol. It is no good for him, but he still insists on trying to drink away his problems. I dumped what I had, and since he is staying with me, he has nothing to satisfy his nasty habit of drinking himself to sleep. I poured away a large sum of money, but in the long run, I will be very glad I did.

Again, thank you for your advice! It means alot to us both, even though my friend may not admit it.

You know, I am surprised that the immature flammers did not attack this. I was flinching at the possibly of them hitting this thread and making rude comments, only for my friend to decide to come onto the forum, see this, and read it.

However, I have been fortunate, although I am still crossing my fingers and praying to God that they stay out of this thread.

Well, if the dregs of the forum do pop in and make stupid remarks, as soon as I see it I'll clean it out. Mod's honor!

DFD-

One other thing I'd forgotten in my TM--if you can, get your friend writing. A friend of mine was considering and then attempting suicide, and two things brought him back to (near) reality: A) new girlfriend, which helped, even though she's gone now, which worries me, and B) writing down nearly everything he thinks.

A friend of mine was a graphology freak, and was teaching me a bit, so he let us read a bit of them. While I will under no circumstance repeat what he had written, he allowed us to see about twenty or so pages. This was "about five percent" of his writings. That's about 400 pages.

Oh, and a note for the 'younger genereation'. I am a member of said generation, just near the top end. Even so, as I've said, I have dealt with friends in a similiar situation.

DFD-

One other thing I'd forgotten in my TM--if you can, get your friend writing. A friend of mine was considering and then attempting suicide, and two things brought him back to (near) reality: A) new girlfriend, which helped, even though she's gone now, which worries me, and B) writing down nearly everything he thinks.

A friend of mine was a graphology freak, and was teaching me a bit, so he let us read a bit of them. While I will under no circumstance repeat what he had written, he allowed us to see about twenty or so pages. This was "about five percent" of his writings. That's about 400 pages.

Oh, and a note for the 'younger genereation'. I am a member of said generation, just near the top end. Even so, as I've said, I have dealt with friends in a similiar situation.

I agree; writing always helps.

If anyone is still here I need your help now more than ever!

This person I have told you about had an arguement with me. It ended where he said he was tired of being a burden on me and walked away. He did not even sit near me on the way home and when he did get home, he took his spare key which I had, and went and locked himself within his house.

He disconnected the phone line and I have no means of contacting him.

Moreover, I believe I told you of his alcohol addiction. Well, his house is a haven for alcohol. I never purged the place because he was staying with me, and I did not expect that he would go back there.

I need advice, help, anything! Someone please help!

Do what a dear friend did for me when I had this problem:

Get your ass off the computer, go to his house, break a window, and just be there with him.

Believe it or not, that's all it took. I bawled like a baby, but I dropped the knife when I saw how mutch my friend cared.

If your still reading this post - you shouldn't be! Get your ass in gear and get round there and get in. Don't just yell, smash a window, kick in the door. Get to your mate before he does something stupid.

And by reading this thread, sounds like he may be as bad as I was.

Waiting is the wrong thing to do.

Can his parents help? or does he come from one of those dysfunctional families which tend to hinder things?

No, he has no immediate family. His parents were a joke. They left him by his self and his grandfather took him in. His grandfather long since passed, and the last person, his uncle, died a few months ago. He has no sibilings that he is aware of. And if he has, he has never mentioned them to me.

Well, waiting is all I could do right now. I am in no power to just leave right now. I cannot just walk out and get to his house from my current position, but I will be up there as soon as I could.

I'll pray it's not too late, my friend.

Best of luck.

~Hollo

Alright everyone, in a few moments I will be going to his house to force him out. In the mean time, I need advice on what to say.

I tend to lose myself in my emotions when talking with him, which upsets or angers him more.

Any advice on what I should say. I know I should just listen, but if resorts to other means I cannot sit by and listen when he refuses to talk.

I called his "sister" today. It is not really his sister, but they are that close that they call each other sister and brother. She and her daughter will be coming over to talk with him.

I hope this step works and that she did not come all this way for nothing.

Definately get some fire support on this one. Much as he hates the idea of an institution, at this point I would be seriously inclined to say that an all-out intervention is in order, or this is going to become a neverending cycle of destructive behavior.

Hopefully he hasn't done anything immediately harmful (if he's as bad an alcoholic as you've indicated, he may just be doing like what a friend's psycho ex-husband did and trying to drink himself to death- not any better than wrist slitting or whatever, but at least it's not as immediately fatal.) Get over there ASAP, I would suggest calling the paramedics or fire deptartment as well when you go over there, and make sure they are filled in on the situation. And like the others have said- you may very likely need to smash a window to get in or kick in a door to get to your friend.

Best of luck, we're all hoping for the best.

~Rep

I hope things are okay by the time this gets read. Anyway, I'm Reploid Productions sister, and she directed me here, as I have been around a couple of these blocks before.

At this point, he NEEDS to be in a hospital, you cannot handle it all alone, doing so will only negatively affect you both. Somebody also needs to explain to him that medications will help, but they take a few weeks to get into your system and start working. Also, it may take a few tries to find the one that works for him. Having been on meds before for depression, I know, it's not easy, the idea of taking them isn't fun. But it's not really any different than taking something for allergies or anything. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. The pills are to help correct the balance, and eventually break the cycle of depression. Make sure he knows he won't have to be on them for life. I stopped taking mine years ago, and I'm still good.

He needs to know you'd rather he be burden to you, than be dead. Make sure he knows how much it'd hurt you and others if he succeeds at committing suicide. Unfortunately, there probably isn't a way you can force him into the hospital psych ward... And he obviously needs counseling to help him with his addiction, as well as his depression. He probably doesn't know why he feels the way he does. I didn't. That's what the counseling is for. When you can understand how and why you feel certain ways, you can better understand yourself and what's wrong, which is a big step in the right direction.

On a final note for the moment, not to be a downer or anything... It really is true that you can't help someone until they decide to help themself.

{{{}One Amahira, player behind Dosei.{}}}

Well everyone, after a most uneventful fright, I am back.

Mr. Carbonis did stop my heart. I hate his odd ways of dealing with his alcohol addition. I thought he was dead again. However, to make a long long long story short, he is alright and that he just took a freezing cold bath.

I wish there was a way I could force him to an institution or counselor. He is so stubborn, talking with him is like talking to a brick wall. It cannot hear and if it does it cannot do anything about it.

This person is here right now, willing only to talk with some of you. Dosei, he would really like to talk with you. I told him about the medications and he wishes to talk with you about it.

I am trying to organize something where he could talk with you all (well those that have showed concern and are willing to talk with him), but I do not want to have it open for annoying immature children to comment. Dante is easily set off and if some ignorant poster comments on his mental state then he would surely be banned for excessive use of rash language and threats.

Fair warning, his mood alters greatly. During a trusting mood, he will divulge alot of information. He has already to someone. Just try not to prejudge him, although I know you will not.

i have dealt with people in similar situations before. they really need someone to be with them and be able to talk them down. they need close friends to stick by them. i can see why he doesnt want to take pills, becuase they subtly change who you are.
the most important idea is for you to never lose hope in him and to encourage others to do the same. the fact that he wants help proves that he really does not want to end his life and that he has that much to stick around for.
just bear with him through the tough times ahead and things will turn out alrite.

> im not reading any of this...just posting this under dfds nation. This is her business not mine...just here is where to talk with me...

http://www.nationstates.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=2978844#2978844