NationStates Jolt Archive

http://www.geo.ed.ac.uk/icons/scotland.gif The Free Lands of Scotland

"Gonnae no dae that!"

UN Category: Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Civil Rights: Above average
Economy: Developing
Political Freedoms: Some

Location: Great Britain

The Free Lands of Scotland is a tiny, culturally powerful nation, remarkable for its Irn Bru consumption. Its hard-nosed, hard-working population of 5.4 million have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend as little of their money as they like, to a point, and take part in open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government is mainly concerned with a large unfinished parliament building, while politics and rugby are secondary priorities. Citizens pay an income tax when they can’t avoid it. Private enterprise is dominated by the finance and tourism sectors, and for those in the know there is a slick and highly efficient black market in Cardhu malt smuggling.

The nation is experiencing a severe shortage of sporting successes, the English are forced into slavery for their crimes, and the government is attempting to impose traffic congestion fees on the public. Scotland’s national animal is the red squirrel, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its currency is the dram.

Scotland is ranked 1st in the region and 1st in the world for Most Intelligent Citizens.

You have 2004 telegrams mainly complaining about the weather!
You have 2 outstanding issues because Westminster dealt with the rest!

:lol:

Now that, I like!

*Does a little jig*

:D

*is happy to make people smile*

:D

where are you from Sydia?

Aye Right ya beauties, that'll do!

The nation is experiencing a severe shortage of sporting successes

ROFLMAO! Sad, but true.

The nation is experiencing a severe shortage of sporting successes

ROFLMAO! Sad, but true.

yeah. *sighs*

*looks up the thread*

3 nations have posted here I haven't talked to before. are you all Scottish then?

Wha's like us?

It's "Talk Scots Week" in the United Nations Strangers Bar, and the bar is serving hauf an' a haufs, Heavy, an' drams o single malt Scotch only.

On the buffet there will be a selection of foods - Stovies, Killi pies, Nae Haggis!, Tatties an' Neeps, a battered chocolate confection fondue, and o' course deep fried pizza!

Aye, that'll be right!

Ma hat's off tae you Gaspode, ye bloody wunner!

The nation is experiencing a severe shortage of sporting successes

ROFLMAO! Sad, but true.

yeah. *sighs*

*looks up the thread*

3 nations have posted here I haven't talked to before. are you all Scottish then?

Us an' Joccia are Ayrshire, does that count?

:shock:

Ayrshire! ooh, dunno....

:P

The nation is experiencing a severe shortage of sporting successes

ROFLMAO! Sad, but true.

yeah. *sighs*

*looks up the thread*

3 nations have posted here I haven't talked to before. are you all Scottish then?

Us an' Joccia are Ayrshire, does that count?

*Hears a faint bar of "duelling banjos" in the background*

:shock:

The nation is experiencing a severe shortage of sporting successes

ROFLMAO! Sad, but true.

yeah. *sighs*

*looks up the thread*

3 nations have posted here I haven't talked to before. are you all Scottish then?

Us an' Joccia are Ayrshire, does that count?



*Hears a faint bar of "duelling banjos" in the background*

:shock:

Aye, Right! whit's playin' in yoor bit like? Mousepipes??? :?

Mousepipes?

Hey you, Jimmy... See's anuther glass o rat wine!

3 nations have posted here I haven't talked to before. are you all Scottish then?

I'm Italian-Canadian...but I do admit to a liking of the Scottish soccer team (not one of my favourites) and of Rangers. I admit, part of my pulling for Scotland is that they do so badly. What's wrong?

What's wrong with Scottish sport, you mean?

Lack of investment.

bah.

3 nations have posted here I haven't talked to before. are you all Scottish then?

I'm Italian-Canadian...but I do admit to a liking of the Scottish soccer team (not one of my favourites) and of Rangers. I admit, part of my pulling for Scotland is that they do so badly. What's wrong?

Rangers.........Get out of this thread

Go on. GET OUT!

*sneaks into the thread wearing a big red wig and matching false beard, along with a fetching skirt*

ock eye the new!!!

*sneaks into the thread wearing a big red wig and matching false beard, along with a fetching skirt*

ock eye the new!!!

You didnt even spell it right :roll:


Would you like us to go into Morris Dancing?

Somone should do france...

*sneaks into the thread wearing a big red wig and matching false beard, along with a fetching skirt*

ock eye the new!!!

Would you like us to go into Morris Dancing?

Morris dancing?!? Noooooooo!! That's for those wee English sasenacks....

<ooc>

You didnt even spell it right :roll:

That was kind of the point!! :P

OI! Pet!

No messing up my nice thread with your horrid stereotypes!

:evil: :evil:

Heh.
Technically I'm actually English, but I've lived in Scotland for most of my life, and I can say, it's better than England.

*Ponders greeting Pet with a Glasgow Kiss*

Oh do, do

DoDoDoDo!

OI! Pet!

No messing up my nice thread with your horrid stereotypes!

:(

*backs slowly out of thread*

No, you can stay. just... behave.

*Ponders greeting Pet with a Glasgow Kiss*

*doesn't want to kiss Jet* :P

<and yes, I DO know what it means!> :P

Oh do, do

DoDoDoDo!

:(

*knows when he's not wanted*

I didnae realise how many Scot's we have here.

Good to see there's a lot of us.
Any weird Higlanders about?

*Ponders greeting Pet with a Glasgow Kiss*

*doesn't want to kiss Jet* :P

<and yes, I DO know what it means!> :P


:cry:

*Headbutts Pet anyways*

:twisted:

Mousepipes?

Pratchett - The Wee Free Men...

*Does a little jig*

:D

Hmmm sounds Irish...

GET HIM!

Somone should do france...

In what way do you mean 'do' France?

We're up fer gi'in' 'em a guid doin'

"You didnt even spell it right"


I think that was his little joke.

Obviously english :D

Wha cannae spell 'it'?

*sneaks into the thread wearing a big red wig and matching false beard, along with a fetching skirt*

ock eye the new!!!

Would you like us to go into Morris Dancing?

Morris dancing?!? Noooooooo!! That's for those wee English sasenacks....

<ooc>

You didnt even spell it right :roll:

That was kind of the point!! :P

I did see it.

I knew he was being a smart arse.

Mousepipes?

Pratchett - The Wee Free Men...

*hasn't read that one*

:oops:

Mousepipes?

Pratchett - The Wee Free Men...

*hasn't read that one*

:oops:

*Has....Twice*

:P

Mousepipes?

Pratchett - The Wee Free Men...

*hasn't read that one*

:oops:

*Has....Twice*

:P

Och Mon! ye'll hev me greetin' wi' yer ignerence! The Wee Free Men made up fer the twaddle that was 'Monstrous Regiment'!!!

Mousepipes?

Pratchett - The Wee Free Men...

*hasn't read that one*

:oops:

*Has....Twice*

:P

can i borrow it?

My brother has it just now, he's a slow reader. I'll give you a shout when I get it back.

... pòg mo thòin ... :twisted:

Mousepipes?

Pratchett - The Wee Free Men...

*hasn't read that one*

:oops:

*Has....Twice*

:P

Och Mon! ye'll hev me greetin' wi' yer ignerence! The Wee Free Men made up fer the twaddle that was 'Monstrous Regiment'!!!
*hasn't yet had an oppurtunity to aquire it, but looks forward to doing so*

... pòg mo thòin ... :twisted:

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:Sfr7IlWtrHgJ:www.tellytunes.com/wallpapers/dstrokes_800.jpg

Mousepipes?

Pratchett - The Wee Free Men...

*hasn't read that one*

:oops:

*Has....Twice*

:P

Och Mon! ye'll hev me greetin' wi' yer ignerence! The Wee Free Men made up fer the twaddle that was 'Monstrous Regiment'!!!
*hasn't yet had an oppurtunity to aquire it, but looks forward to doing so*

Quote Pyramid! W00t!

Talking about one of the most beautiful countries on this G*d forsaken planet... Scotland!!!

...and ... pòg mo thòin ... was for the thread hijackers...

*Hijacks the thread and holds it hostage*

I want an end to bag pipes and haggis, give me that and i'll give the thread back :P

What's wrong with haggis?

*plays bagpipes in KN's ear*

*Hijacks the thread and holds it hostage*

I want an end to bag pipes and haggis, give me that and i'll give the thread back :P

:roll:

Oh shut up you filthy Viking!


:P

*sneaks in and releases the thread while KN isn't watching*

What's wrong with haggis?

*plays bagpipes in KN's ear*

Haggis is against all sane food stuff :P

*Scritches Gaspode and bonks Easy Jet on the head with an elk*

What's wrong with haggis?

*plays bagpipes in KN's ear*

*arrives to declare Haggis and Bagpipes as officially bad things tm*

What's wrong with haggis?

*plays bagpipes in KN's ear*
Haggis. Nice.
Bag pipes ok at a distance.
Northumbrian pipes nicer up close. Not as effective marching across a battle field though.
What is with putting pies in the fat at the chippie?

*sneaks in and releases the thread while KN isn't watching*

*Is oblivious to Gaspodes doing, distratcted by a red haird beauty*

What's wrong with haggis?

*plays bagpipes in KN's ear*

*arrives to declare Haggis and Bagpipes as officially bad things tm*

eh, is that 'tm' for TradeMark or 'tm' for Telegram?

Mousepipes?

Pratchett - The Wee Free Men...

*hasn't read that one*

:oops:

*Has....Twice*

:P

Och Mon! ye'll hev me greetin' wi' yer ignerence! The Wee Free Men made up fer the twaddle that was 'Monstrous Regiment'!!!
*hasn't yet had an oppurtunity to aquire it, but looks forward to doing so*

Quote Pyramid! W00t!
Bwahahahahahahaha!!
Aha! Thought you wouldn't be noticed, did you?

What's wrong with haggis?

*plays bagpipes in KN's ear*
Haggis. Nice.
Bag pipes ok at a distance.
Northumbrian pipes nicer up close. Not as effective marching across a battle field though.
What is with putting pies in the fat at the chippie?

Why no'? everything else is better for a good dose o' hot Beef Dripping!

Did you know that the Fortean Times reported the "deep fried Mars Bar" thing as an urban myth :roll: . I guess they don't get out much :lol:

Did you know that the Fortean Times reported the "deep fried Mars Bar" thing as an urban myth :roll: . I guess they don't get out much :lol:

What!?!?! FT is usually pretty damn hot on the ol' truth business. Although, an increasing amount of chippies refuse to do Deep-fried mars bars. Something about buggering up the frier...

What the deuce is a "deep fried Mars bar"?! I assume it would be exactly as it states, but ... but ... WHY? :shock:

What's wrong with haggis?

*plays bagpipes in KN's ear*

*arrives to declare Haggis and Bagpipes as officially bad things tm*

eh, is that 'tm' for TradeMark or 'tm' for Telegram?

The former :wink:

mmmHaggismmm

What the deuce is a "deep fried Mars bar"?! I assume it would be exactly as it states, but ... but ... WHY? :shock:

It's yummy is what it is

mmmHaggismmm

*is hungry*

Is it breaded and fried like chicken bits? I guess that would make the mars bar all wonderful gooey-like inside ... The things you learn.
:D

Good fishing in the land of the S socks. Generally friendly people especially to people from my neck of the woods.
But you can’t get a stotty for love nor money.
At least some chippies will do a splash for ya chips tho!

*sneaks in and releases the thread while KN isn't watching*

*Is oblivious to Gaspodes doing, distratcted by a red haird beauty*

*waves coyly to KN*

Yay :wink: , Scots! I've been living here for four years now, and I still can't get enough of that beautiful, sexy-as-hell accent. Mmmmm.....that's why I snagged me an angry wee Glaswegian boyfriend.

*sneaks in and releases the thread while KN isn't watching*

*Is oblivious to Gaspodes doing, distratcted by a red haird beauty*

*waves coyly to KN*

I meant the other one, get out of the way Pet your obstructing the view :P

Is it breaded and fried like chicken bits? I guess that would make the mars bar all wonderful gooey-like inside ... The things you learn.
:D

No, it's dipped in batter and the chocolate sort of soaks into the batter and , yeah its all sort of gooey-like inside. Cadbury Creme Eggs work better though!

In most places you can choose any choc bar you like! :?

:lol:

mmmmm think of that done to dove truffles ..... holy jeezly crow. I have to go to scotland now for more than just the hiking and climbing and scenery and bonny braw men and etc. ... ;P

Yay :wink: , Scots! I've been living here for four years now, and I still can't get enough of that beautiful, sexy-as-hell accent. Mmmmm.....that's why I snagged me an angry wee Glaswegian boyfriend.

Yup, gotta love that accent. :wink:

Yay :wink: , Scots! I've been living here for four years now, and I still can't get enough of that beautiful, sexy-as-hell accent. Mmmmm.....that's why I snagged me an angry wee Glaswegian boyfriend.

Yup, gotta love that accent. :wink:
Which accent?
Glasgow. Talk nearly as fast as Geordies
Edinburgh. Posh beggars the most part, neo Sloan rangers
West coast, nice.
North and east coast, like the weather, variable.
Shetlands. Once got told off by a Shetlander for saying they were Scottish, apparently she was a Shetlander! But the accent is soft even if the sentiments aren’t.

scotland's 2 greatest exports are shirley manson and irvine welsh. true story.

Yup, gotta love that accent. :wink:
Which accent?
Glasgow. Talk nearly as fast as Geordies
Edinburgh. Posh beggars the most part, neo Sloan rangers
West coast, nice.
North and east coast, like the weather, variable.
Shetlands. Once got told off by a Shetlander for saying they were Scottish, apparently she was a Shetlander! But the accent is soft even if the sentiments aren’t.

yeah, i like the west coast accent, & the western isles. 8)

but not Glasgow.

oh no.

Yay :wink: , Scots! I've been living here for four years now, and I still can't get enough of that beautiful, sexy-as-hell accent. Mmmmm.....that's why I snagged me an angry wee Glaswegian boyfriend.

Yup, gotta love that accent. :wink:
Which accent?
Glasgow. Talk nearly as fast as Geordies
Edinburgh. Posh beggars the most part, neo Sloan rangers
West coast, nice.
North and east coast, like the weather, variable.
Shetlands. Once got told off by a Shetlander for saying they were Scottish, apparently she was a Shetlander! But the accent is soft even if the sentiments aren’t.

Pretty much the easiest (to understand) spoken english in the world.


Take it your from the West Coast then.

Yay :wink: , Scots! I've been living here for four years now, and I still can't get enough of that beautiful, sexy-as-hell accent. Mmmmm.....that's why I snagged me an angry wee Glaswegian boyfriend.

Yup, gotta love that accent. :wink:
Which accent?
Glasgow. Talk nearly as fast as Geordies
Edinburgh. Posh beggars the most part, neo Sloan rangers
West coast, nice.
North and east coast, like the weather, variable.
Shetlands. Once got told off by a Shetlander for saying they were Scottish, apparently she was a Shetlander! But the accent is soft even if the sentiments aren’t.

Pretty much the easiest (to understand) spoken english in the world.


Take it your from the West Coast then.
Not from Scotland.
Just over the border though. So get up there a fair bit.
I love the Glasgow accent, just to see other peoples faces go blank when a Glaswegian starts to get going.
Just wish there was a bit less anti English sentiment in some quarters.

I don't think there's as much anti-english sentiment as the english think there is.

I'm too lazy otherwise I'd post something about Italy as a NS.

The Republic of France
UN Category: Offensive Centrist Democracy

"Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite"

Civil Rights: Below Average
Economy: Powerhouse
Political Freedoms: Average

The Republic of France is a large, nation, renowned for its terrible popular music. Its cultured, racist population of 60 million are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social inequality; they tend to view other, equally capitalistic countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The sprawling, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Commerce, Social Equality and Germany. The average income tax rate is 20%, but up to 54% for the wealthy. A substantial private sector is led by the Arms Manufacturing, Cheese Exports and Beef-Based Agriculture industries.

Four-year-olds are regularly seen consuming vin ordinaire, the country enjoys international acclaim in the arts, Nazi-sympathising politicians regularly flout assault laws, hip-hop in the national language is a worldwide hit despite nobody understanding it, and the nation's stake in the Middle East consists of a kebab stand outside Basra. France's national animal is the cock, which is also the nation's favourite main course, and its currency is the Euro.

France is ranked 1st in the region and 3rd in the world for Most Appealing Accents.

Hmmm...I'd say the stats should be Good/Strong/Good. And what accent is more appealing than French?

s/appealing/appalling/g;

The Auld Alliance eh?

Niver did what they promised

Niver sent the support we needed

Aye stitched us up or sold us doon the river tae the English

Ho, an' wait on! wasnae Edward the First a froggie king?

Aye that's the Auld Alliance, aye right!

The Auld Alliance eh?

Niver did what they promised

Niver sent the support we needed

Aye stitched us up or sold us doon the river tae the English

Ho, an' wait on! wasnae Edward the First a froggie king?

Aye that's the Auld Alliance, aye right!


Oi!

They let the Scottish merchants buy and sell the best French wine...no other country was allowed that except Scotland.


That's about it....

Yay :wink: , Scots! I've been living here for four years now, and I still can't get enough of that beautiful, sexy-as-hell accent. Mmmmm.....that's why I snagged me an angry wee Glaswegian boyfriend.

Yup, gotta love that accent. :wink:
Which accent?
Glasgow. Talk nearly as fast as Geordies
Edinburgh. Posh beggars the most part, neo Sloan rangers
West coast, nice.
North and east coast, like the weather, variable.
Shetlands. Once got told off by a Shetlander for saying they were Scottish, apparently she was a Shetlander! But the accent is soft even if the sentiments aren’t.


Well, the boyfriend is actually from Troon...he calls himself Glaswegian because apparently no one knows where Troon is. I personally like the West Coast and the Shetland accents.

Troon, TROON! Why that's South Ayrshire!, are ye sure he's frae Troon an' no Barrassie, or Loans, or, Heaven Forbid Cumnock!!!!!!!
(No wait, if he was frae Cumnock, that'd make you his sister - don't go there :shock: )

Hey bigjob,

Cumnock's better than New Cumnock, she'd be his brother there! :shock:

here's a funny story.

I saw a friend of mine last night, and asked her if I could borrow The Wee Free Men.

Unfortunately, her boyfriend was there, and it turned out the book belonged to him - she had defaced it by scrawling 'B*stard!' all over it when they split up, then when they got back together she threw it away and told him she'd lent it to me!

so i kind of dropped her in it there. :oops: :P

What a friend you are!

I don't think there's as much anti-english sentiment as the english think there is. :lol: So glad to hear that.My sister lives in Stirling and next weekend Im going to visit for the first time . I am really looking forward to seeing Scotland as I have never been there before. Dont know if I will try haggis tho :shock: But I will be trying the whisky :D

There's nae 'Anti-English sentiment" at a'. There's nae sentiment aboot it!
We just know, an' love ye fer the scunners that ye are!

here's a funny story.

I saw a friend of mine last night, and asked her if I could borrow The Wee Free Men.

Unfortunately, her boyfriend was there, and it turned out the book belonged to him - she had defaced it by scrawling 'B*stard!' all over it when they split up, then when they got back together she threw it away and told him she'd lent it to me!

so i kind of dropped her in it there. :oops: :P

Och brother, ye'll just have tae face up tae the torment, get yer purse oot o' your sporran, kiss the pennies goodbye, one by one, [b] and buy it! [b/]

There's nae 'Anti-English sentiment" at a'. There's nae sentiment aboot it!
We just know, an' love ye fer the scunners that ye are!

*suspects the terms 'scunners' isn't complimentary* :P

There's nae 'Anti-English sentiment" at a'. There's nae sentiment aboot it!
We just know, an' love ye fer the scunners that ye are!

*suspects the terms 'scunners' isn't complimentary* :P

Oh now, what gives you that impression?? :roll:

But as our Patron Saint says:

"It's shite being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low! The scum of the fucking Earth! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization! Some people hate English. I don't! They're just wankers! We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers! Can't even find a decent culture to be colonized by! We're ruled by effete arseholes! It's a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy! And all the fresh air in the world won't make any fucking difference."

But as our Patron Saint says:

"It's shite being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low! The scum of the f--- Earth! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization! Some people hate English. I don't! They're just wankers! We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers! Can't even find a decent culture to be colonized by! We're ruled by effete arseholes! It's a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy! And all the fresh air in the world won't make any f--- difference."

*Bows to these humble words*

Did I here someone mention Troon??? What a lovely quiet town, full of old people and golfers, oh and terribly posh people trying desperately to escape thier Glaswiegan backgrounds. The comments on Cumnock (and new Cumnock) were harsh, but fair. On the other hand anyone been to or know anyone frae Patna??? I knew someone who went there once, just passing through, haven't heard from them since...



P.S. Anyone going out with a Finnish bird, I highly recommend them.

P.S. Anyone going out with a Finnish bird, I highly recommend them.

No.... but I know a bloke who is. Davie T, is that you???

But as our Patron Saint says:

"It's shite being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low! The scum of the f--- Earth! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization! Some people hate English. I don't! They're just wankers! We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers! Can't even find a decent culture to be colonized by! We're ruled by effete arseholes! It's a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy! And all the fresh air in the world won't make any f--- difference."
Not a trace of anti English undercurrents there then.
Experience quite a lot of it up near Fraserburgh, but a fair few friendly faces as well.

Not a trace of anti English undercurrents there then.
Experience quite a lot of it up near Fraserburgh, but a fair few friendly faces as well.

My family comes from near Fraserburgh. Well, Buckie. Along a bit. More Moray than Aberdeenshire. I would say it's one of the more freindlier places in Scotland (although I am Scottish, maybe that helps).

I think only a few idiotic skinhead neds have any real anti-English sentiment, the rest of us just get a kick from watching our southern neighbours get in such a tizz.

St. Ewan summed it up. We don't hate you, your just a bunch of wankers, thats all. :wink:

Not a trace of anti English undercurrents there then.
Experience quite a lot of it up near Fraserburgh, but a fair few friendly faces as well.

My family comes from near Fraserburgh. Well, Buckie. Along a bit. More Moray than Aberdeenshire.
My Dad lived in Rosehearty for about ten years. Fantastic coastline, the loveleist clear water I've seen in the UK.

My Dad lived in Rosehearty for about ten years. Fantastic coastline, the loveleist clear water I've seen in the UK.

The best beaches I've seen in Britain. And the weather - it's usually better than the majority of the UK! Many a summer day/night has been spent chilling in and around Burghead Bay, walking through Roseisle forest.

Ahhhhhhhhh, sumer days.

*eyes go misty*

I don't think there's as much anti-english sentiment as the english think there is. :lol: So glad to hear that.My sister lives in Stirling and next weekend Im going to visit for the first time . I am really looking forward to seeing Scotland as I have never been there before. Dont know if I will try haggis tho :shock: But I will be trying the whisky :D

Stirling's nice. you should go visit a distillery 8) (tho can't think what's near there right now)

My Dad lived in Rosehearty for about ten years. Fantastic coastline, the loveleist clear water I've seen in the UK.

The best beaches I've seen in Britain. And the weather - it's usually better than the majority of the UK! Many a summer day/night has been spent chilling in and around Burghead Bay, walking through Roseisle forest.

Ahhhhhhhhh, sumer days.

*eyes go misty*

8)

ever been to Harris? the Harris beaches/ water are the best i've ever seen myself.

The Wallace Monument is pretty good. Fantastic view from the top...if you dont mind all the stairs.

Probably best to go there before the distillery..

ever been to Harris? the Harris beaches/ water are the best i've ever seen myself.

Unfortunately, I've only seen the Western Isles briefly as a very wee boy. I plan to rectify that situation damn soon.

The Ayrshire coast now, there's a coast, clear sparkling water with all manner of beasties to be seen.

gets nudged in the ribs

Oh, well I suppose clear glowing water is probably more accurate, what with Hunterston 'B' just up by Largs. And the jelly fish are a bit on the big side....

I went to Portpatrick for a hen night once. that was fun. not really Ayrshire, but we drove through Ayrshire to get there...

I went to Portpatrick for a hen night once. that was fun. not really Ayrshire, but we drove through Ayrshire to get there...

The best way to see Ayrshire....out the window of a fast moving vehicle...

I went to Portpatrick for a hen night once. that was fun. not really Ayrshire, but we drove through Ayrshire to get there...

The best way to see Ayrshire....out the window of a fast moving vehicle...

Just like how a dog sees everything ...

Just like how a dog sees everything ...

*Pulls out a Megaphone*

~Czzk~

PUT THE CRACK PIPE DOWN!!

~Czzk~

Oooooooooooooooooh, megaphone!

*nicks megaphone from Jet*

~Czzk~

Hellllooooo?

~Czzk~

I never know what to say in these things...

Somone should do france...

No, leave France alone. There have been enough numbnuts in America having a go at France. Let's stick with Scotland.

But why be so down-hearted? The stupid building has cost too much money, but in the long run the existence of a Scottish parliament will be good for Scotland, especially if more power is devolved from Westminster.

Just like how a dog sees everything ...

*Pulls out a Megaphone*

~Czzk~

PUT THE CRACK PIPE DOWN!!

~Czzk~

I know your secrets Jet Li ...

Or should I say, Ititiok...

Well, my little contribution to this thread. Apologies to those who've seen this one many times before. Viva stereotypes! :D
-------------


What would happen if Star Wars was set in Glasgow.......


Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he'd only be about 5 feet tall, from Blackhill, and called Shug. He'd have the same amount of body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink, and would invariably sport either a Rangers or Celtic top.

Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin by his cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would address him as Wanky-Nobby.

Darth Vader would be referred to as "Auld Helmet Heid" or in moments of stress "That Dome-Heided Basturd".

R2D2 would refuse to go out on the streets after 10 PM because of the number of drunks who would try to stuff chip papers in his head casing or piss on him. He would also refuse to go near groups of wee boys at any time because of the high risk of being spray painted, dumped in front of a speeding train, or set on fire.

Although proficient in over 6 million languages, C3P0 would still be unable to understand anything anyone from the East End of Glasgow said. He would regularly get beaten up for being a "greetin-faced poof fae Milngavie".

The Millennium Falcon would have static strips, tinted windscreens and extra-flared exhaust ports. It would have a Daily Record "I Love Scotland" sticker in the back window and a saltire bumper sticker.

Princess Leia would get captured by Darth Vader because it's hard to run very fast when you're wearing 5 inch heels and a tiny silver mini-skirt which keeps hiking up over your butt every two steps, and you've been a heavy smoker since you were six.

The best way to destroy the Death Star would not necessarily be a desperate all out attack. Two easy ways would be:
(1) Alter its orbit so it passes through Bridgeton, and tell the locals it's full of Catholics.
(2) Leave it unattended in Easterhouse.


Translated lines from the film:

Han Solo:
"I've got a real bad feeling about this."
"Ah'm shitin' ma sel' here boy."

"Bring 'em on! I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around."
"Come ahead then! Ah'll tak' on the f***ing lot o' ye! Ah've bin dyin' furra square go."

"There's no mystical energy field controls my destiny."
"The Force?!! D'youse think ah came doon wae the rain?"

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."
"Nae messin aboot wae the god squad and auld rubbish, wee man. Get yersel' a decent shooter."

Darth Vader trying to shoot down Luke Skywalker:
"The Force is strong in this one."
"Stop shooglin' aboot, ya wee basturd!"

Princess Leia:
"You're a little short for a Storm-trooper aren't you?"
"Ah didnae think they took short-erses in the polis."

"This bucket of bolts is never going to get us past that blockade."
"Wuv goat NAE chance in this pile o' shite."

Admiral Motti:
"Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader."
"You think you're that hard, Vader. Well we're no feart ay you!"

Luke to the Emperor:
"Your overconfidence is your weakness."
"Ye'r a cocky wee shite."

Obi Wan:
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force."
"F*** me! Whit wiz that?"

Just like how a dog sees everything ...

*Pulls out a Megaphone*

~Czzk~

PUT THE CRACK PIPE DOWN!!

~Czzk~

I know your secrets Jet Li ...

Or should I say, Ititiok...

Eh? Your mental. :?

STOP SMOKING CRACK

Long-live Scotland!!!!

I don't think there's as much anti-english sentiment as the english think there is. :lol: So glad to hear that.My sister lives in Stirling and next weekend Im going to visit for the first time . I am really looking forward to seeing Scotland as I have never been there before. Dont know if I will try haggis tho :shock: But I will be trying the whisky :D

Stirling's nice. you should go visit a distillery 8) (tho can't think what's near there right now) :D I believe there is a Safari park near there but I think I will put the distillery on the top of my list :lol:

I believe there is a Safari park near there...

Aye, there is indeed, and it's a nice place to visit for a day, although it's much better when sunny (obviously). I had a blast going there as a wee kid, but also recently.

Click here (http://www.safari-park.co.uk/) for info on it.

[/plug]

Anyone been to the Rannoch area? Beautiful loch and forests, plus Schiehallion, the oddest shaped mountain I've ever seen.

Ahhh, it's been too long since I was last there.

cue waves of nostalgia and morose glaring at current surroundings

I think you get to see more of Scotland if you live somewhere else, than if you live there! Every morning I drive to work looking at the mountains of Arran well, on the mornings you can see it through the driech, the sea fog, or the low cloud but I've never been there. It's mad, I've travelled all over the world but I've never been to Arran :shock:

I've been to Arran. Lovely.

I've been to Schiehallion too... though i think Stac Polaidh gets my vote for the oddest shaped mountain!

Anyone been to Knoydart?

Excellent work!

Somone should do france...

No, leave France alone. There have been enough numbnuts in America having a go at France. Let's stick with Scotland.

But why be so down-hearted? The stupid building has cost too much money, but in the long run the existence of a Scottish parliament will be good for Scotland, especially if more power is devolved from Westminster.

Are you a scot?? :shock:

Are you really talking about the load of elitist, self-serving, corrupt anglophiles who are part of the same 'nobles' class that has always sold the scots out to the highest bidder. The ones who believe that 'poverty is a sign of God's displeasure' and who would be much happier returning to 18th century values?????? :evil:

I believe there is a Safari park near there...

Aye, there is indeed, and it's a nice place to visit for a day, although it's much better when sunny (obviously). I had a blast going there as a wee kid, but also recently.

Click here (http://www.safari-park.co.uk/) for info on it.

[/plug] :D Thank you for that link UTOPIO :D I have popped it into my favourites and will have a good look around later......As I said before I have never been to Scotland and I am really looking forward to seeing as much as I can when I am there.My Sister has told me how beautiful it is and how friendly the people are in her bit of the highlands.....

Wha's like us?

It's "Talk Scots Week" in the United Nations Strangers Bar, and the bar is serving hauf an' a haufs, Heavy, an' drams o single malt Scotch only.

On the buffet there will be a selection of foods - Stovies, Killi pies, Nae Haggis!, Tatties an' Neeps, a battered chocolate confection fondue, and o' course deep fried pizza!

Aye, that'll be right!

Ma hat's off tae you Gaspode, ye bloody wunner!

Battered choco fondue being yer basic deep fried Snickers bar? Mmmm!

IrnBru, elixir, nectar! And too cursed expensive in the US, demmit! grrrrrr

dp............................................ BUM

Wha's like us?

It's "Talk Scots Week" in the United Nations Strangers Bar, and the bar is serving hauf an' a haufs, Heavy, an' drams o single malt Scotch only.

On the buffet there will be a selection of foods - Stovies, Killi pies, Nae Haggis!, Tatties an' Neeps, a battered chocolate confection fondue, and o' course deep fried pizza!

Aye, that'll be right!

Ma hat's off tae you Gaspode, ye bloody wunner!

Battered choco fondue being yer basic deep fried Snickers bar? Mmmm!

Och y'wee slicket... Ok y'got me :oops:

IrnBru, elixir, nectar! And too cursed expensive in the US, demmit! grrrrrr

you mean it's actually possible to GET it in the US?? wow, one day Irn Bru will defeat cocacola the world over!

I was surprised when I could get Irn Bru in England!
You still cannae get decent tattie scones though... but you can get nougat wafers, only in the supermarkets though, and they're approaching their sell by dates... and nae macaroon or homemade tablet either.
I'm going to make my own. Dan likes it... won't believe that macaroon is made with potatoes though.

:D Thank you for that link UTOPIO :D I have popped it into my favourites and will have a good look around later......As I said before I have never been to Scotland and I am really looking forward to seeing as much as I can when I am there.My Sister has told me how beautiful it is and how friendly the people are in her bit of the highlands.....

Tis cool, hope you enjoy your visit. The highlands are beautiful - landscapes that you can feast your eyes on - but don't forget the lowlands! Obviously it depends on your plans and preferred route, but a trip to either Edinburgh or Glasgow is well worth it, the same with East Lothian (were I'm at).

Whatever you do, I'm sure you'll ave a good time.

I feel I should be getting some money from the tourist board for doing so much plugging...

yes, you did a good job! and you seemed unable to choose which bit of Scotland to recommend the most highly! :lol:

Just shows how flippin' ace our whole country is. 8)

Even Ayrshire? :?

yup, even Ayrshire! :wink:

it has a very fast road going through it...

Stirling Castle is nice, you should def go up Wallace Monument to get the views, you can see all the way down the Forth to Edinburgh on a clear day... and even my home town of Grangemouth!!
And Callendar is lovely in the summer for chips and an ice cream. Walk around and feed the duckies then head up to Oban for a nice day at the seaside! I'm definately doing a world tour of Scotland this summer... couldn't do it last year coz I didn't have the holidays! :)

yes, you did a good job! and you seemed unable to choose which bit of Scotland to recommend the most highly! :lol:

Just shows how flippin' ace our whole country is. 8)

Were just sooooooooooooooooooooooo amazing.


Woah! Got to stop. Feeling to much like an American.
j/k! j/k! here come da pain!

interesting...

someone should do france

I'm an Englishman, I've been living and working in East Ayrshire for around five years, I've married into a Scottish family and I realised, about 4 and a half years ago, that Scotland is a different country.

That may sound daft, but I'd always considered myself (like most English) as British, and I thought that Scotland and Wales were merely extensions of England - like counties really.

It's only since I've lived here that I have become English. There is no real anti-English sentiment on a personal level around here. There is a dyed-in-the-wool anti-English historical thing, and there's an extension of the same "fed up with everything on TV etc being geared towards the bloody SE corner of England" thing that is found everywhere in Britain, north of Watford.

The countryside is beautiful, the beaches are clean, and empty by English standards, the morality is generally far better than in England, Eating and Drinking out are far cheaper, some laws are weird, the police are more arrogant, and property is cheaper.

Best of all, I live 20 miles from my work, I have to go through a major town to get there, and in the RUSH HOUR it takes 25 MINUTES to get there!!! 8)

Righty-ho, the question that every true Scot debates constantly:

Which is the best chippie in Scotland?

I'd like to put forward the Anstruther Fish Bar (although the queues are 'orrible). Nothing like after a nice days sailing the Forth to nip over to the East Neuk and get a fish supper from Anstruther.

*mouth begins to water*

Hmmmmm, 15 mins to lunch break, might have to get me a chippy....

dp............................................ BUM

Give me your sexy body, please, baby, PLEASE, i feel the need to caress you. :twisted: ...It's just i love bums and i want to love your bum too.

Righty-ho, the question that every true Scot debates constantly:

Which is the best chippie in Scotland?

I'd like to put forward the Anstruther Fish Bar (although the queues are 'orrible). Nothing like after a nice days sailing the Forth to nip over to the East Neuk and get a fish supper from Anstruther.

*mouth begins to water*

Hmmmmm, 15 mins to lunch break, might have to get me a chippy....

Hmmmm...Utopio, your true personality (old fifty-something man who was a sailor in a past life- i see you, there is no denying it) is really showing through on this site. You are rather aggressive in argumentative threads and a silly, titty grabber. Can i comfort you as you weep at my harsh realistic view on your life?

But as our Patron Saint says:

"It's shite being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low! The scum of the f--- Earth! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization! Some people hate English. I don't! They're just wankers! We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers! Can't even find a decent culture to be colonized by! We're ruled by effete arseholes! It's a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy! And all the fresh air in the world won't make any f--- difference."

Fuck off. I am damn proud to be scottish and no quote from some fictional, junkie character is going to change that. Scotland is a brilliant country it may not have great weather or a great football team but its full of people that care about their country. Fair enough there is the odd wanker (NOT TO MENTION THE NEDS) but what country doesnt have them? CHOOSE LIFE CHOOSE SCOTLAND!

But as our Patron Saint says:

"It's shite being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low! The scum of the f--- Earth! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization! Some people hate English. I don't! They're just wankers! We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers! Can't even find a decent culture to be colonized by! We're ruled by effete arseholes! It's a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy! And all the fresh air in the world won't make any f--- difference."

*Bows to these humble words*

Ehh...NO!

But as our Patron Saint says:

"It's shite being Scottish! We're the lowest of the low! The scum of the f--- Earth! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever shat into civilization! Some people hate English. I don't! They're just wankers! We, on the other hand, are colonized by wankers! Can't even find a decent culture to be colonized by! We're ruled by effete arseholes! It's a shite state of affairs to be in, Tommy! And all the fresh air in the world won't make any f--- difference."

*Bows to these humble words*

Ehh...NO!

Hmmmm...Utopio, your true personality (old fifty-something man who was a sailor in a past life- i see you, there is no denying it) is really showing through on this site. You are rather aggressive in argumentative threads and a silly, titty grabber. Can i comfort you as you weep at my harsh realistic view on your life?

K.........whatever...Bloody trolls

F--- off. I am damn proud to be scottish and no quote from some fictional, junkie character is going to change that. Scotland is a brilliant country it may not have great weather or a great football team but its full of people that care about their country. Fair enough there is the odd wanker (NOT TO MENTION THE NEDS) but what country doesnt have them? CHOOSE LIFE CHOOSE SCOTLAND!

Righty-ho. See above answer. You are also welcome to come to the world Jet and I live in, where sarcasm and comedy aren't so far away....

The answer is above.

K.........whatever...Bloody trolls

Righty-ho. See above answer. You are also welcome to come to the world Jet and I live in, where sarcasm and comedy aren't so far away....[/quote]

No I invite you to a world of comedy, Sarcasim and not taking everthing so damn seriously!!!!
And what kind of come back is K......whatever what are you from clueless or something. And TROLLS hunney I'm a FHM model.

http://www.geo.ed.ac.uk/icons/scotland.gif The Free Lands of Scotland

"Gonnae no dae that!"

UN Category: Inoffensive Centrist Democracy

Civil Rights: Above average
Economy: Developing
Political Freedoms: Some

Location: Great Britain

The Free Lands of Scotland is a tiny, culturally powerful nation, remarkable for its Irn Bru consumption. Its hard-nosed, hard-working population of 5.4 million have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend as little of their money as they like, to a point, and take part in open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government is mainly concerned with a large unfinished parliament building, while politics and rugby are secondary priorities. Citizens pay an income tax when they can’t avoid it. Private enterprise is dominated by the finance and tourism sectors, and for those in the know there is a slick and highly efficient black market in Cardhu malt smuggling.

The nation is experiencing a severe shortage of sporting successes, the English are forced into slavery for their crimes, and the government is attempting to impose traffic congestion fees on the public. Scotland’s national animal is the red squirrel, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its currency is the dram.

Scotland is ranked 1st in the region and 1st in the world for Most Intelligent Citizens.

You have 1707 telegrams!
You have 2 outstanding issues because Westminster dealt with the rest!

Good stuff.

Even down to the irn-bru consumption, And westminster lol ..

The english as slaves now ye ken wits happening min :twisted:

Awwww, Utopio man, you seem to be under fire by this lovely Nikkiass. I think they are rather diverse and are actually trying to be humourous despite what you think. I personally love the line 'May i comfort you as you as you weep at my harsh realistic view on your life?' By saying this, using my psycho analysis theory, i determine that this Nikkiass is trying to seduce you by using wit and apparent humour. You should be flattered with that cute little blush lighting up your smile :D xx

Awwww, Utopio man, you seem to be under fire by this lovely Nikkiass. I think they are rather diverse and are actually trying to be humourous despite what you think. I personally love the line 'May i comfort you as you as you weep at my harsh realistic view on your life?' By saying this, using my psycho analysis theory, i determine that this Nikkiass is trying to seduce you by using wit and apparent humour. You should be flattered with that cute little blush lighting up your smile :D xx

Damn. So that's really Nikki and not an evil troll? Probably should have guessed with the whole 'Nikki' in the name thing... S'not fair if you double-team me, I'm outnumbered :wink:

Good stuff.

Even down to the irn-bru consumption, And westminster lol ..

The english as slaves now ye ken wits happening min :twisted:

:P It'll be a while before they catch on that's happening.

bump. when will Sirocco post here?

*considers the first post*

I should have put in a bit about the weather... :x

*considers the first post*

I should have put in a bit about the weather... :x

Aye, especially considering today - it's pissing it down!

Aye, o'er the last four hoors we've had Snow, Sleet, Freezing Rain, and Rain - it's good tae get some decent weather for a change :D

And Nikkiass - WILL YE NO' LEAVE OOR WEE BUMS ALANE?

OK it is included 8)

Aye, o'er the last four hoors we've had Snow, Sleet, Freezing Rain, and Rain - it's good tae get some decent weather for a change :D


*pipes up*

thought that WAS considered decent weather in Scotland!! :wink: :P

Aye, o'er the last four hoors we've had Snow, Sleet, Freezing Rain, and Rain - it's good tae get some decent weather for a change :D


*pipes up*

thought that WAS considered decent weather in Scotland!! :wink: :P

No, apparently the whole of Scotland should traditionally be buried under a 500M thick glacier ice cap at this time of year.

Huh, Global Warming :twisted:

See you pal!

See you pal!

Aye Raight!!!

See you pal!

Aye Raight!!!

Whit you lookin at, paal?

See you pal!

Aye Raight!!!

Whit you lookin at, paal?

how am I ment tae ken....the labels fallen off.

how am I ment tae ken....the labels fallen off.

Are ye f***in startin, ye wee raj?!? I'll f***in kill ye!!!!!

how am I ment tae ken....the labels fallen off.

Are ye f***in startin, ye wee raj?!? I'll f***in kill ye!!!!!

Moan then big man! Am no feart o you ya scunner...

Ye ken whit...yur gettin it ya bassa!

Moan then big man! Am no feart o you ya scunner...

Ye ken whit...yur gettin it ya bassa!

*makes sure Nike cap is at the correct 45 degree angle*

*puts on extra sovvies*

*stuffs Kappa trousers further into socks*

*does best Begbie impression*

*headbuts Jet*

http://www.bbc.co.uk/scotland/tv/chewinthefat/images/downloads/wallpaper/chewin_the_wallpaper_7_tn.jpg

Get yer Ned name ya bunch ay tubes:

:arrow: Ned Name (http://www.bbc.co.uk/scotland/tv/chewinthefat/neds/ned_names.shtml)

Get yer Ned name ya bunch ay tubes:

:arrow: Ned Name (http://www.bbc.co.uk/scotland/tv/chewinthefat/neds/ned_names.shtml)

Doughboy!?!

That's harsh!!

My Ned name is:

Stoater

I'm Radgeman

:shock:

Mockit features

:shock: Aw, well. Can't win 'em all

I'm Radgeman

:shock:

Radgeman, Stoater and Doughboy... we're starting to sound like an Irvine Welsh book!

*thinks Pet has a lot to learn about Scots*

Och, A'm Minger, no' fair ye barms!!

So did anyone watch the rugby on Sunday?

Imagine a dog wearing a kilt ... :?

Yes? seems good to me.

Aye, nae worse than a rat in a kilt!

Get yer Ned name ya bunch ay tubes:

:arrow: Ned Name (http://www.bbc.co.uk/scotland/tv/chewinthefat/neds/ned_names.shtml)

Stonner :?

Get yer Ned name ya bunch ay tubes:

:arrow: Ned Name (http://www.bbc.co.uk/scotland/tv/chewinthefat/neds/ned_names.shtml)

Stonner :?


:shock: ............

Get yer Ned name ya bunch ay tubes:

:arrow: Ned Name (http://www.bbc.co.uk/scotland/tv/chewinthefat/neds/ned_names.shtml)

Stonner :?


:shock: ............

What?

f'it like a day mon?

f'it like a day mon?

Really what?

Ooooh ... I see whats going on here

*Sniffs

f'it like a day mon?

Aye chavvin'

f'it like a day mon?

Really what?

How is your health/happiness/demeanor this fine day

haw's it hangin' dude

'Good day to you sir'

f'it like a day mon?

Really what?

How is your health/happiness/demeanor this fine day

haw's it hangin' dude

'Good day to you sir'

Thanx

Ho! Joccia ya scunner. Wit y'deein' blabbin tae a foreigner, the dummy cuid be English fer a' ye know, mon!

may yer breeks never leak. 8)

d'ye ken, mon?

may yer breeks never leak. 8)

Pardon?

Would you care to rephrase that disgusting turn of phrase.

Bloody savage.


Now dae it properly afore a come over there and smack ye silly, radgepelt. :x

may yer breeks never leak. 8)

We dinnae wanna ken how bowfin' y'r breeks are but."

soasayssoadid, bytheway, ha ye got the price o a wee swallee, bytheway, but.

Aye it's like lookin' fer a sausage

aye right ya weegie fok, git a grip o ye breeks stinkin pants mingin n aw, wit keep this going ya bockled fok min jeez geez a brake min. Cuntz

wiznae me

Basher says whisht ye sweatys, or a'll Bash ye...hehe..

Scotland is ranked 1st in the region and 1st in the world for Most Intelligent Citizens.

Most Delusional Citizens, perhaps. :P

Nooooo!

Scots have a good and accurate understanding of our place in the hierarchy of the world :P

Scotland is ranked 1st in the region and 1st in the world for Most Intelligent Citizens.

Most Delusional Citizens, perhaps. :P

hmm perhaps NOT :P