NationStates Jolt Archive

And God said, Let there be light. And there was light.
And God was lonely, resting on the seventh day,
He was so lonely. So God said,
Let there be cable, and there was cable.
Let there be DirecTV and PrimeStar
and Pay-Per-View so that my children
will have something to watch while worshiping me.

Let there be Satin, so my children don'y blame everything on me.
And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satin.

And God Said, let there be wars and famine and disease, and terrorist attacks, floods, hurricanes earthquakes and volcanoes and other natural disasters.
Because my children took that 'be fruitful and multiply' thing way too seriously.

And god said let there be calculators for the stupid,
Toupes for the bald with money,
And paint for the bald with none.

And god Said let the good times roll.

Let it out and let all in.

Hey Jude, Begin.

'John Wing', comedian

my dad had nothing to do with satin, fabric creation was left entirely to human hands(well except velcro which was reverse engineered from grey alien cabinet door fasteners)

Hey don't jump on my back.
Notise the quote at the botom.
This bit was done by John Wing at the Montreal Just For Laughs Festival back in the 90's.

Hey don't jump on my back.
Notise the quote at the botom.
This bit was done by John Wing at the Montreal Just For Laughs Festival back in the 90's.

who shall burn forever in the lake of fire, along side those who choose to quote his foul blasphemies :twisted: :evil: :twisted: :evil: :twisted: :evil: :twisted:

who shall burn forever in the lake of fire, along side those who choose to quote his foul blasphemies :twisted: :evil: :twisted: :evil: :twisted: :evil: :twisted:

What is so blasphemous about it?
I think it is closer to truth than anything I have heard in a long time.
Plus the funniest dambed thing I have heared in a while as well.

Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The Things I Cannot Change,
The Courage To Change The Things I Can,
And The Wisdom To Hide The Bodies Of Those People I Had To Kill Because They Pissed Me Off.

Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The Things I Cannot Change,
The Courage To Change The Things I Can,
And The Wisdom To Hide The Bodies Of Those People I Had To Kill Because They Pissed Me Off.

:mrgreen:

You mentioned Primestar. I thought Primestar went out of business ,or became Dish. :)
You're a pretty old country.

ROFL!

and god said "go away and quit pestering me with all this worship nonsense and using names you invent for me as excuses to beat each other over the head which i have never authorised anyone to do nor anyone to say that i authorised them to say that i did!"

(a truely bennevolent god would 'hate' all fanatics equaly, and just maybe very well might does)

=^^=
.../\...

ROFL!

Ditto.

'bumpage'

I thought for a second this was a serious religous debate thread :roll:. Silly me. :lol:

and god said "go away and quit pestering me with all this worship nonsense and using names you invent for me as excuses to beat each other over the head which i have never authorised anyone to do nor anyone to say that i authorised them to say that i did!"

(a truely bennevolent god would 'hate' all fanatics equaly, and just maybe very well might does)

=^^=
.../\...
I'm afraid not; hating people doesn't fit too well into the scheme of loving everyone.

I'm afraid not; hating people doesn't fit too well into the scheme of loving everyone.

makes Sense

I'm afraid not; hating people doesn't fit too well into the scheme of loving everyone.

makes Sense

we hate the naughtiness not the naughty. of course that doesn't stop us from casting them into the lake o' fire.

Hey CannibalChrist, earlier you were talking about Blasphomy.
If you despise it so, THEN WHY IS YOUR NAME CANNIBALCHRIST?

Hey {b}CannibalChrist[/b], earlier you were talking about Blasphomy.
If you despise it so, THEN WHY IS YOUR NAME CANNIBALCHRIST?


because i am the christ, and you must eat me to be saved silly. drink my blood, consume my flesh, recieve everlasting life, i'll make more.

I don't think tha... never mind.
This is not a religious debate thread.
I don't really care about Blasphomy.

How about we agree to disagree?

Listen To Me!!!
'Let's Agree to Disagree'?
I sound like a f***ing diplomat!
I'm supose to be a Father Knows Best nation?

*rips off off face, puts on proper mask*

ALL NATIONS WILL BOW BEFORE
THE SUPREME IMPERIUM OF GIDJAJJH!

OOps DP..

Mr Jones?

Yes?

Your served..

What? *reads*, dag nammit god is suing me for inventing another name for him and starting a holy war..


Now THAT is a vengeful god :D

*bump 'dat sheeite*

Big Arsed BUMP!!

Big Arsed BUMP!!

More bump (just for posture ;) )

Hey people's I just found the completed version of that God Prayer I started this with (the original one was what I could remember off the top of my head)

Enjoy :D

And God said, Let there be light
and there was light.

And God was lonely resting on the seventh day,
he was so lonley and God said,
Let there be cable.

Let there be DirecTV, and Primestar, and Pay-Per-View
so my children have something to watch while worshiping me.

Let there be ratings in news magazines,
and scandles in tabloids, and ragtime, and rap, and Spam.
Let my children taste the Spam,
and resolve never to touch it again.
For it is unclean.

Let one percent of the people own ninety percent of the wealth
and let the rest have me for their comfort.
Let there be food for some and none for others.

And God said, let the good times roll.

Let there be the Spice Girls, and the Backstreet Boys, and Hanson
because every generation needs it's Partridge family.

Let there be Self-esteem, and Spell check, and Calculators
so their brains become lazy and believe in me all the more.

Let there be assassinations, and natural disasters, and executions,
and mass suicides, and abortions, and plane crashes, and nuclear accidents
because my people took that "be fruitfull and multiply" thing
WAY too seriously.

And God said, let there be Satan
so people don't blame everything on me.
And let there be lawyers
so people don't blame everything on Satan.

Let there be toupees for the bald with money,
and paint for the bald with none.

And God said, let the blind lead the blind,
let the deaf sing to the deaf,
and let the dumb become spokes-models.

Let there be war and famine and pestilence on CNN and Primetime.
And let there be celebrities, and celebrity golf tournements, and celebrity Jeopardy.
But make the questions so easy, a dog could answer them.

Let there be Vegetarians, and Vegans, and Romulans, and Vulcans, and Trekkies, and Moonies, and circus freaks, and dominatrixes, and harlets, and habberdashers, and hooked on phonics, and David Bowie.
Let there be David Bowie.

And God said, lets dance.

Let's put on our red shoes and dance the blues.
Let there be art for the starving,
pornography for the fat,
and dogs playing poker for everyone else.

And God said, let my people go.
And God said, let my people come.
Now let them go again.

And God said, let me entertain you,
Let me say this about that,
Let it alone or it will never heal,
Let your love flow like a mountain stream,
Let a smile be your umbrella on a rainy, rainy day,
Let it out and let it in,
Hey Jude, Begin.

John Wing, comedian

bump

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:)
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:o
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:D

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... Sorry, It just had to be said. :lol: