NationStates Jolt Archive

Sad news from Tatzikistan [56k and other warnings inside]

12-11-2003, 17:30
Don't read this if you are under 18. This post contains no pictures but there are written references to adult material. I would also strongly recommend that people unfamiliar with words such as satire, irony, parody, humor and laughing skip this topic. Come to think of it, this probably shouldn't be read by anyone. Have fun reading another topic instead!

I'm just so happy I don't live in Tatzikistan! :wink:

The latest news from the officials in Tatzikistan (former soviet republic, ruled by a despot and the sometimes secret police) made the foreign reporters shake their head in misbelief and the local reporters started to weep. Apparently, the oppressive regime has outlawed all animals unless they wear proper clothing hiding their more private parts. Any owner of an animal found without such shielding clothes will immediatly be executed.

The reason for these drastic actions are not entirely clear, but according to a rumor it has something to do with the dangers of the biology subject, indoctrinating children all over Tatzikistan not to believe in the stork as the one who brings puppys and and other mamals of infante age into this world. "We couldn't have that." said an unofficial source within the trojka. "I have children myself and I wouldn't want to answer questions about, ehh, reproduction. The stork worked out just fine for me. That and some foreign hardcore porno I found on the internet of course. Good stuff too I might add. Very natural proportions, good for children everywhere. When they are old enough to question the stork theory that is. Like, when they are twelve or so."

Some animals won't get away with just clothes though. The Beaver is one animal that is no longer welcome in Tatzikistan and will be shot on sight along with all other wildlife and it is strictly forbidden to serve pork or ham in every restaurants. More civilized monkeys have signed a treaty, saying that they can keep on going with their business, but the day they allow anyone to spank them, they're history as well.

Not all people are sad to hear about the latest turn of events though: "Great times we live in! Great!" says official movie censor Dalt Wisney. "Imagine how many films there are showing cows in all their beauty! Classic ones like Ferdinand the Bull, where Ferdinand's mother walks along dangling her bell as the only nude protection! Although I'm a bit surprised since I though that particular movie was made for children in the first place? Anyway, I don't have the time talking to you anymore, I have so much filth to edit away! In the transition period I'll just have to X-rate every Lassie film or any other film that shows animals before I can finish editing them all."

Former dog owners, who can't afford clothing their pets, have been seen opening short time hot dog stands, weeping as they keep the grill going.

Edit 1: Found some spelling errors... :/
Edit 2: Changed the title due to thread development
HC Eredivisie
12-11-2003, 17:32
bwhahahaahaa LOL

*smells an issue*
12-11-2003, 17:38
Phew, I'm glad you put that warning on else I'd have been worried :wink:
The Basenji
12-11-2003, 17:43

That was pretty funny.
12-11-2003, 17:44
:lol: Very good :lol:
12-11-2003, 18:04
12-11-2003, 18:04

Thanks, but no. I wrote that... :oops:
12-11-2003, 18:07
Well, in that case,
bloody brilliant.. :lol:
12-11-2003, 18:45
8) awesomeness
12-11-2003, 18:46
weird....... :shock: :shock:
12-11-2003, 18:49
Like it very much... :D
12-11-2003, 18:51

Thanks, but no. I wrote that... :oops:I was thinking an RP.
12-11-2003, 20:27
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Catholic Europe
12-11-2003, 20:34
By the way - it's Tajikistan!
12-11-2003, 20:55
Highly amusing. :lol:

Not sure how you would make it into an RP though...if you come up with an idea let me know, cause it has some potential.

Edit** an idea of my own. I'll pick up the RP if you're interested.
12-11-2003, 20:55

no thanks, ive just eaten :)
12-11-2003, 21:44
By the way - it's Tajikistan!

No, not in this case... :wink:
12-11-2003, 23:22
Edit** an idea of my own. I'll pick up the RP if you're interested.

Send me a tm!
13-11-2003, 00:28
We just had our pup spayed so she would not have to wear diapers.
Changing a dog's butt is demeaning, demoralizing, and plain hard work.

Funny stuff, BMV.

(I do notice that this time there are no photos, however! :wink: )
13-11-2003, 17:08
We just had our pup spayed so she would not have to wear diapers.
Changing a dog's butt is demeaning, demoralizing, and plain hard work.

Funny stuff, BMV.

(I do notice that this time there are no photos, however! :wink: )

The journalists from BMV attending at this press conference in Tatzikistan did try to get some pics for the local papers, but it proved impossible. On the contrary, one of the journalists got robbed in a dark alley when he was slightly intoxicated and on his way home. He wasn't too upset about it afterwards though, since the robbers left all his creditcards and money. The picture of the (undressed) family dog was all they took and it could easily be replaced. Apparently, the price on such dirty pics went through the roof on the black market the very same day.
13-11-2003, 17:18
We just had our pup spayed so she would not have to wear diapers.
Changing a dog's butt is demeaning, demoralizing, and plain hard work.

Funny stuff, BMV.

(I do notice that this time there are no photos, however! :wink: )

The journalists from BMV attending at this press conference in Tatzikistan did try to get some pics for the local papers, but it proved impossible. On the contrary, one of the journalists got robbed in a dark alley when he was slightly intoxicated and on his way home. He wasn't too upset about it afterwards though, since the robbers left all his creditcards and money. The picture of the (undressed) family dog was all they took and it could easily be replaced. Apparently, the price on such dirty pics went through the roof on the black market the very same day.


No! Not a naked dog!

*is horrified* :P
14-11-2003, 00:41
To the government of Tatzikistan:

Greetings. The people of Gaeltach respectfully demand that you lift the sanctions regarding the display of animal genitalia. Due to these new laws, many environmental activists in Gaeltach have been smuggling animals into our country with help from activists in your nation. This is causing a gross overpoplation for our land, which is hardly spacious to begin with. This cannont continue. One way or another, we must come to a common consensus regarding this matter.

-Sovereigness Siobhan Kelley
14-11-2003, 05:08
By the way - it's Tajikistan!Tatziki

Nah -- Tatziki is that white sauce you get on gyros!
14-11-2003, 14:41
To the government of Tatzikistan:

Greetings. The people of Gaeltach respectfully demand that you lift the sanctions regarding the display of animal genitalia. Due to these new laws, many environmental activists in Gaeltach have been smuggling animals into our country with help from activists in your nation. This is causing a gross overpoplation for our land, which is hardly spacious to begin with. This cannont continue. One way or another, we must come to a common consensus regarding this matter.

-Sovereigness Siobhan Kelley

Two rednosed redwine drinking journalists from BMV, sitting in the hotell bar and discussing the the latest turn of events between Tatzikistan and Gaeltach as the following indtroductory announcement on the tv interrupts their conversation:

...and due to the new situation between Tatzikistan and Gaeltach that has emerged after our leaders so wisely decided to ban naked animals, the magnificent leader of Tatzikistan is now adressing the proud nation live on the only allowed state controlled TV-channel, TTV. So you better listen and listen good. :twisted:

*the tv is now showing a man with a mustache and a military uniform*

Dear, dear people of Tatzikistan! There seem to be no end to the stupididty that some people possess. I have just recieved a most threatening threat from our neighbours, the pathetic and ludicrous nation of Gaeltach. THEY DARE TO CHALLENGE OUR INFINITE WISDOM! Not only that, they DEMAND that we change our constitution! Of course, this cannot continue. We, the good and fair people of Tatzikistan, the salt of the earth, never NEED to think twice! Our decicions are always right!

*gets an evil look in his eyes*

You better remember that and remember it good, because if you don't, it might be hazardous to your health. There is not yet a cure for heavy lead poisoning!

*gets back on track*

Anyway, our decision stands. I don't want to see a single crab within these borders! I don't won't to see a picture of a stallion and that has absolutely nothing to do with one envy or the other. WE CARE ABOUT OUR CHILDREN! As long as we can prohibit the children's eyes from looking at these monstrous creaturs, w-e, kn-o-w, th-a-t, w-e, a-r-e, r-i-ght!

*slams fist down*

*sucks on a knuckle for a second or so*

Of course, there are some utterly disturbing news from Gaeltach regarding our own citizens as well. Any person found within these borders, smuggling animals or helping smugglers will be shot, no questions asked. In fact, from now on, any person with long hair will be shot. Man or woman, citizen or foreigner, no questions will be asked. We all know how these long-haired idiots want to pervert our youth by spreading images of naked, almost certain big balled hedgehogs. The army is now ordered to round up every suspect citizen and to patroll the borders as well. Our children come first and we will stop at nothing to save them from devastaing experiences such as ANIMALS WITH GE-NI-TAAAAALS!

*lots of applauds and cheerings can be heard*

V (*o*) V

:shock: -Man, he's serious?
:shock: -Sure looks so. Btw, here.
*hands over a scissor*
-But I don't have long hair?
-No, but a goat beard. You want to wait for him to outlaw that or?
14-11-2003, 15:10
The TV clicked off in the War room. The Sovereigness and her war council sat in stunned silence at the blatant disrespect and unspoken delcaration of hostility toward her nation.
"What now?" questioned Secretary of War, Sean O'Connor.
The Sovereigness was silent a moment, contemplating her options. "We give them one more chance. Our nation is on the brink of a potentially serious confrontation...a decision I will not make in haste. Send them a message."
"Yes, Ma'am."
"Oh, and one more thing, Sean...let's not bring the UOHN into this quite yet...I would like to not call on them so early in the game."

Minutes later, the message was quickly relayed to the wire room where it was dispatched to officials of the offending nation.

The hostile and armed nation of Gaeltach makes a second respectful demand to lift the sanctions regarding the public appearance of animals. We also advise that you be very careful when executing smugglers. We will deal with our people by our laws. Please do not begin a conflict by executing one of our citizens in your nation. You will not be pleased with the result.
The nation of Gaeltach once again offers to work with the government of Tatzikistan in finding a solution to this issue.

Sean O'Connor
Gaeltach Secretary of War
Earth II
14-11-2003, 15:18
By the way - it's Tajikistan!Tatziki

Nah -- Tatziki is that white sauce you get on gyros!

Isn't it Tzatziki?

BMV: roflmfao
14-11-2003, 16:43
As the blindfold we're taken off, the BMV ambassador looked around, but didn't believe what he saw at first. In the room, which more looked like a dungeon cell, sat three persons. One he recognized immediately as the despot himself, mr Killjoy. The other two, he remembered from an old intelligence document, was Butchy Hang-'em-High-no-questions-asked Woodsaw, the chief of the feared sometimes secret police, the SSP, and a senior advicer only known as the Father Figure. He had expected a meeting with a the core of the regime, but he hadn't expected the top dogs (properly dressed of course). But the thing that really surprised him was that there where lots of animals there as well. Dogs, cats, an aquarium etc.

-Don't look so sheepish mr Ambassador. Have you never seen animals before?
-Ehm, well, of... course mr Killjoy, hrm mr President I mean , but...
-Oh for heavens sake! We love animals! We've all had animals since we we're kids!
-Really mr President?
-Yes, really. Dogs with balls, cats without, etc.
-But mr President, your recent actions...?
-I know, I know. I had my reasons for doing what I did. Seems like no one understands it though and that's why you're here.
-To help convincing others that the Tatzikistan way of life is superior, mr President?
-No no no, you misunderstand us. interrupted the Father Figure. But the recent developements between Tatzikistan and Gaeltach isn't very promising. There is no way we can back down on our decisions, but we do not desire to go to war over them, especially not against our neighbours. As the relations are a bit "frosty", we need you as a middleman.
-Ah, I see.
-No you don't, not just yet. The delicacy here is extrem. We will continue on our path. Animals and pictures of them are and will be outlawed here in Tatzikistan. We, the wise rulers of Tatzikistan, can never afford to loose face by admitting that we we're wrong or even worse, that our decisions were extremely ridiculous. But we need the mutual understanding and the free given cooperation from the Gaeltachs.
-Is it possible?
-It better be, for your own health...
-Now, now Butchy. The Ambassador is our friend here, right?
-Yes Killjoy.
-Mr Ambassador, you are our friend here, right?
-Eh, yes, yes I am. Of course... mr... ?
-Good. So i thought. Now, we need you to do the following. You will open up a communication link between us and Gaeltach. You will convince them that no one of their citizens will come to any harm but doing so, you need to get their promise that they won't tell anyone.
-But how mr eh?
-F will do, mr F. Simple. All Gaeltachs found within our borders will silently be deported to Gaeltach. However, they are not to sing in the press or anything like that, understood? The price they pay for crossing our border isn't their life this time but eternal silence. We don't care how it will be done, just that it is done. That should make the rulers of Gaeltech reliefed enough not to wage war against us tomorrow. An other option is that we keep those trespassers here, put them on "trial" for espionage and throw them in a locked bunker full of sterilized poison snakes and dressed scorpions.
-We're convinced that we also can come to some sort of understanding regarding the animal issue. That is, that you can create a deal that's accepteble from all points of view. Or at least from our point of view. Those Gaeltachs are just a weak bunch of hippies anyway. Run over them if you have to but make this deal our way!

The ambassador left the building blindfolded as he came and thoughts we're spinning in his head. Why didn't I become a carpenter instead? How did I got dragged into this madness? What we're the reasons for outlawing animals in the first place? ...
14-11-2003, 18:12
OOC: HIPPIES??! I **&#^$ hate hippies. You shall pay... :twisted:
15-11-2003, 16:54
The War room was a moderate flurry of activity. The Sovereigness sat patiently at the head of a long polished table, signing authorization forms, and reading Readiness Assessment Reports.
"Commander Von Ranke, I am missing this week's RAR," she prompted cooly.
"My apologies, m'Lady. With added preparation for the possible conflict, I thought it best to hold it off for a day or so to reflect the garrisons' progress."
"Very well." She was annoyed, and growing weary of this. "Sean...any news?"
"None yet, your Grace." Somehow he always managed to look completely calm no matter the situation. Part of the reason she appointed him...

"Here's the deal, gentlemen. They claim they will not harm any of our citizens, however I do not trust them whatsoever. These people are arrogant beyond justification. Von Ranke...I want your troops ready for anything. And I want a full intelligence report on their geography, military strength, and anything else you can find. You know the drill by now. Sean, continue negotiations. I could care less what they feel is right about their animals, but something must be done so that these tree-hugging environmantalists don't feel the need to bring them all here. And get our citizens out of there. I will deal with them personally..."

The two men scurried off to complete their respective tasks. She stood and retired to her chambers. Siobhan was beginning to get impatient, and completely wiping these people out of existence was sounding more and more like a better idea.
15-11-2003, 18:51
*The same two journalists from BMV sitting in the same hotel bar, following the latest tragedy in Tatzikistan on the TV*

...and early this very morning a young man was executed on the spot for saying the words "Dogs Bottom" in public. The gangster, who up until this incident had a clean record, was obviously unaware of his incredible inapprorate behaviour. The semisecret police who held the gun had not much to say about it except "That should teach him a good lesson not to use harsh language amongst all these children!"

:shock: -I feel sick...
:shock: -This is getting worser every day. What kind of pompous selfrighteous evil madman runs this country?
15-11-2003, 19:49
Several men in black coats and black hats are standing behind a pillar behind the two reporters.
Man#1 whispers: They could become a problem.
#2: Maybe we should...
#3: ... arrange a little accident.
#1: Nobody makes fun ...
#3: ... about our great leader ...
#2: ... and survives.
Catholic Europe
15-11-2003, 20:16
By the way - it's Tajikistan!

No, not in this case... :wink:

Okay! :wink: :lol:
17-11-2003, 01:21
"Well?" Siobhan asked of the War Secretary as he entered her office for the fifth time in as many minutes.
"Nothing. Nothing at all."
"Send them a message," she breathed, relieved that perhaps this was finally de-escalating.

Leaders of Tajikistan
Our requests have remained unanswered and presumedly unaddressed to this point. Activists have continued to smuggle animals into our nation, the complications of which have become exponentially problematic. We have tried simply killing off the activists, however they inexplicably multiply. We have repeatedly laid out respectful demands of your government. And You have continually ignored us. This disrespect will end. You have 24 hours to work with our demands. At this point, our consequences should not have to be explained. We anticipate your response.

The Undisputed Sovereigness of Gaeltach, Siobhan Kelley
17-11-2003, 17:16
(BMV, I hope you don't mind if I respond?)

Morality tells us to keep the animals clothed and we will listen to morality. Everything else would be immoral.
We will not allow any animals to be unclothed.
But we also don't want to begin a conflict. Simply keep your citizens off from illegaly entering our country and there will be no further problems.

Finish 'EmAll, chairman of the Tatzikistanian High Council

(this is the offical message. The ambassador of BMV carries the inofficial but nevertheless more important message)
17-11-2003, 17:36
OOC: I have nothing at all against it! :D

IC-post coming up...
17-11-2003, 17:46
We are panting for updates.
Don't slack off, or skirt the issue!
This situation requires redress.
17-11-2003, 18:32
The ambassador from BMV wiped the sweat from his forehead as he walked down the hallway. The flue, (or possibly the deliberate food poisoning) that had kept him in bed or the bathroom for the latest 48 hours hadn't quite given up yet. Once again he pondered the upcoming events. He reached the door to his office where everything was set for the satellite conference. 'This is no time to show weakness!' he thought to himself. 'I hope my cute secretary as found an even cuter girl for the make-up...'

---30 minutes later and an ambassador with not only unnatural red colored cheeks---

-Camera ready?
-When you are Mr. Ambassador.
-Are we online or whatever you techies call it?
-Rolling.... Now!
-Ahem. Dear Sovereigness Sioban Kelley and other Gaeltachs. The burden of establish a most secret bridge between Tatzikistan and your truly great nation has somewhat unfortunately fallen on my shoulders. As I only function as an ambassador in Tatzikistan, I, more than anyone realize how inadequate I might be for this task. However, as appointed middleman there isn't so much I can do about it at the moment, unless I long for standing against a wall, blindfolded with or without a cigarette. I give you my word that I will try my best to relax the tension between you and the ruling bastards, eh, I mean, the enlightened regime of Tatzikistan.

*drinks water*

Now, if I understand the situation correctly, both sides are shooting animal smuggling activists around the borders. I can't say I blame either of you for doing so, but if my information is correct, the problem hasn't ceased to exist. I want to point out and make it perfectly clear, that there are no undercover activists from the Tatzikistans side, hoping to take a bullet in order to build up aggression. Only one or two dissidents and others to the regime not-so-very-useful people. They will not be missed by anyone and the only reason that they are there in the first place is a recent shortage of bullets.

*another sip of water*
*turns to the right side*

-What's this crap anyway? Someone bring me a glass of Vodka, ok?

*turns back to the camera*

-Sorry about the interception. Almost impossible to work under these conditions... Where was I? Oh yes, the shooting around and over the border. Now, I have come up with two different solutions. The first is not a fast solution, but a 100% success will follow. Basicly, the idea is to breed animals with no visibility regarding their genitals. Take the maggot as an example. No one has ever seen a maggot's genitals. If both nations could perhaps put some funds into genetics research, the problem with animals showing their genitals in public, despite the unbelievable nastiness of such a deed, would cease to exist. The reason I say both nations is of course that mammals in the wildlife have rarely respect for unnatural borders. I'm not sure that Tatzikistan would accept this solution though, but I'd like to hear your opinion even so.

The second solution is also a bit expensive to begin with, but will also eradicate the problem and might even give a profit at the end for your Nation. Here's what: You need to castrate every animal in Gaeltech. And I don't mean chemically. You need to cut. After that you have a choice to let the animal go back into the forest. That won't earn you anything though, except for the pleasure of having happy neighbors. I mentioned profit before and here's my idea: I'm not sure, but it could be a rather huge profit for you if you take it one step further and instead of castrating the animals you could simply butcher them. The trade of meat and fur might do your economy well. Especially, if you could export fur pants that conceal all genitalia for dogs, cats and other animals to less poor Tatzikistanians? Wouldn't that be a great idea? Political correct I'd say, "let the animals keep the fur on" and so on?

*takes a sip of the new glass*



-I urge you to think about it. You can reach me on this hotline whenever you need to. I'm looking forward to your responds. Peace, love and bureaucracy.
17-11-2003, 19:12
Ambassador. While we appreciate your attempts for peace, your solutions are unacceptable. We refuse to butcher our animals for any reason. The people of Gaeltach share a strong ancient bond with the land and its inhabitants, tracing our ties back to the time of Druids. Besides, all animals would die out, having no way to reproduce.
However, our concerns have nothing to do with animal genitalia. Our concerns lie within the sanctions imposed in Tatzikistan. As I will outline, yet again, we could care less what they chose to do regarding their animals. Our problem is that they chose to execute animals and people who do not abide by these rules. Activists in Gaeltach and in Tatzikistan have been smuggling animals into our country to avoid their execution. Recently, there has been an increasing stream of refugees as well. We are most seriously displeased with both situations. We have set up military posts along our borders to detain and refuse entry to these refugees, but they are finding other ways in.
We would like to reiterate that the utmost care should be taken in Tatzikistan to avoid an ...incident. Should one of our Gaels be executed, there will be hell to pay, and we will not hesitate to call on our alliance with the UOHN, should that eventuality occur.

17-11-2003, 20:06
Several dozens of animals living in a forest near the Tatzikistanian/Gaeltachian border have been shot to state an example to all the other animals in this forest because two of these animals refused to wear clothes and tried to escape.
A nearby parking car with gaeltachian numbers had been confiscated. The passengers escaped and propably returned to Gaeltach.

OOC: Now I'm confused...why are my people killing animals...? Tatzikistan...have you been making acolytes of my Gaels again? :?
17-11-2003, 20:06
Several dozens of animals living in a forest near the Tatzikistanian/Gaeltachian border have been shot to state an example to all the other animals in this forest because two of these animals refused to wear clothes and tried to escape.
A nearby parking car with gaeltachian numbers had been confiscated. The passengers escaped and propably returned to Gaeltach.

Two reporters from BMV died in an car accident. On a long straight road they must have lost control over their car and crashed into the only visible tree.
Police says this is a tragedy.

Back to top
17-11-2003, 20:08
Err ... no, tatzikistanian soldiers killed these animals.
I should have been more exactly, sorry
17-11-2003, 20:08
In the meantime, as the tension grows between Gaeltach and Tatzikistan, some of the animals lurking around have decided that enough is enough. "Now, is the time to strike back!" a bat told me as he striked his wings down on the table. "I've had it up to my neck with this BS!" said a giraffe I met in a pub. But the most impressive performance was displayed by the local prairie dogs, whom have developed a guerilla band under the codename Golfers Holes Are For Our Balls, Ghafob. I spoke with subcomandante Hasta Luigi as he drilled his battalion:

"Well, if their bloody godalmighty created us this bloody way, then we're going to fight to stay this way!" he sneered. "We're gonna show'em who's got the balls around here! GHAFOB!" Literary hundreds of prairie dogs answered the battle cry with an ear piercing "GHAFOB!!!"

Sir David Affenburg, for your independent newsbroadcast, AR
Average Reporters
17-11-2003, 20:27
-Does anyone suspect our "neutrality" in this conflict?
-No, we're clean. Our pirate transmitters are functioning. GHAFOB!
-Good. Carry on, soldier.
-Yes sir! GHAFOB!
17-11-2003, 20:44
Bo Ram, Master Chief Commander of the SSP special unit "Only clothed animals are good animals" OCAGA rushes through the corridors of the SSP main building, heading towards Butchy Hang-'em-High-no-questions-asked Woodsaw's office. He knocks once and enters the room. Before Woodsaw can react Ram reaches out some papers.

"Sir, this are the latest news about animal resitance against clothing. It seems as if they are forming up an organized opposition."

He opens the second page of the file

"It seems as if they are armed."

"Armed animals!?! That's impossible. And this animal is not even clothed. Who made this pornographic picture? I want him executed!"

"Aye, Sir."
Catholic Europe
17-11-2003, 20:49
Lol, funny pic Average Reporters! :D
17-11-2003, 20:54
from the newswire at the Daily Slacker ("once a week, every week")-

-Company insiders from defence contractors Interdynamegahyperlongwinded Corporation (largest in Karsilvania) have reported a suprisingly large increase in orders for laser weapons. Along with the order came a special request for "underwater mounting systems". The order is to be delievered to an undisclosed sea between Gaeltach and Tatzikistan. When questioned about the order CEO Mr. Somethingorother said: "We're not in the business of telling who or what animal has been purchasing weapons and where we're shipping them. Shit, i shouldn't have said anything about weapons. Shit! i shouldn't have said anything about where they're going. SHIT! i certainly shouldn't have said that they're going to animals. Oh well. Its to hot today."

Neither nation has been reached for comment citing "the usual war type stuff, you know how it is."
17-11-2003, 21:02
Disguised SSP death squadrons are searching for any AR reporters to let them have some accident (like the BMV reporters; but everybody knows that that was a real accident and no operation of the SSP. Everybody knows this. And who knows something different will have an accident).
17-11-2003, 21:28
Disguised SSP death squadrons are searching for any AR reporters to let them have some accident (like the BMV reporters; but everybody knows that that was a real accident and no operation of the SSP. Everybody knows this. And who knows something different will have an accident).

((OOC: Hmm...death squads...this remind anyone else of El Salvador?))


Patrick and Shane dodged through the underbrush, seeking sanctuary in the woods. Just under an hour ago, they had left a pub in Tatzikistan where they had been visiting an old friend. As they approached their car, they noticed two Tatzikistani "police" milling about. Once the two Gaels were identified as the owners of the vehicle, the "police" pulled semi-automatic weapons on them, and shouted commands for them to get on their knees. Terrified, the two lads ran for it, ducking behind cars to avoid wild and poorly-aimed shots.
"Bloody hell," panted Patrick, "Did you see those lads?"
"But why, Patrick? What've we done?"
"Nothing but enjoy the craic with our mates, as far as I can tell...over here." He grabbed Shane and pulled him into an alley off to their right. "We'll be safe for a while, anyway."
The two sat and attempted to catch their breath. That accomplished, they stood and crept to the end of the alley and poked their heads out into the street.
"Well, me boy, we need to worry about getting home. Any idea how to get past all of them?"
He gestured down the street to a patrolling band of SSP.
Average Reporters
17-11-2003, 21:35
~~~Latest news from the brave under covered reporters of AR~~~

"Ever thought that sheep we're nice fluffy bags of wool? Minding their own business oblivious about what goes on in the world? Think again. The sheep of Tatzikistan are craving revenge ever since their icon and national ruminator champion Bahaharry lost his jewels in a "freaky accident" involving a pair of tongs. As the proud sheep Beheherthold told me: "We hahave shaharpened our theheeth. Next one I see with a tohool I'll bite in the kneehee!"
17-11-2003, 21:59
SSP main building

"Sir, there had been a shooting at the corner Brorislava/Hecklovitcz."

"Smugglers or AR reporters?"

"Errmm...none of them. Just some guys from Gaeltach."

*Woodsaw's head turns red*
"Damn! Tell the patrols they mustn't shoot everyone; only animal smugglers and AR reporters! And if they kill reporters it has to look like an accident! An car accident or something like that if possible!"

"Err...aye, Sir. Oh, and we've got some other bad news. You'd ... You'd better see this."

*~~~Latest news from the brave under covered reporters of AR~~~ ...*

"Shit! We need muzzles for every animal I think. But I'm sure they can be integrated into the clothes. And from now on every person who dresses an animal has to be secured by some soldiers. We sould not risk anything.
And control every dentist if he helps those damn animals to sharpen their theheeth ... eerrr teeth."

"Aye, aye, Sir."
17-11-2003, 23:15
"Well," began Patrick, "it doesn't look like they've seen us."
"That's lucky. But it doesn't explain how we're getting home."
"Nae so fast, mate. think I have an idea..."
"Oh? Now what might that be..?"
Patrick got that mischeivious shimmer in his eyes...the one Shane hated tremendously, and hated even more when the big Gael was drunk (and he was, just a bit, having brought a bottle of whiskey with him from the pub.)
Patrick gazed into the nearby shadows, watching a furry, scruffy heap dig through the refuse. "You know, its funny, but I have nae seen even one animal since we've been here."
"Patrick...whatever you are scheming...stop. Just stop."
"Ah, but Shane, me boy, we're just two lads out to take the dog for a walk."
Average Reporters
18-11-2003, 17:13
~~~ Live! Exlusive from AR! Live! And Live!! ~~~

"Luxury problems or consequences of a bizarre definition of obscenity? That is the question we ask on tonight‘s show. Pet owner, pet breeder, corrupt multibillionaire and part time expert on moral and ethics from Tatzikistan, Mrs Habzuvielgeld, is with us here today. Now, the recent instituted rules about pet dresses in Tatzikistan really bugs you if I understand it correctly?" "You can say that again! Hwhat leading hypocrite ever came up with the idea of banning animal because of their common lack of shyness regarding their genitalia? And to blame it on "protecting the children"? The nerves! Every child knows what happens when a dog lift it's leg. If they want to make this nation a fine nation for children to live in, they should outlaw...// 5 minutes commercial break during rant //...and violence too! I just get so maaaad when I think of the stupidity some people express! Hmpf!"


"...well, yes I see. And also, if I understand it correctly, you're not happy with the current dresses available in the stores? For pets that is?" "Heavens, no! Just look at him!" "Ehh, who?" "Lord King Mouse Buster Evangelion the III of course! The Cat I brought with me!" "Oh, oh yes, him. Cute little thing hehehe..." "Cute?!? In this dress? He looks like a bum, that's what he looks like! His fur is famous for it's beauty but can you see it? Noooo. And why is that? Because of our supreme leaders, that's why! Oh, if I only could by him a decent fur or something equal worthy, lederhosen perhaps...
19-11-2003, 18:25
Live on GTV--

"...and in other news, Garda sprung into action today as a Tatzikistani truck barreled through a border checkpoint. Soldiers were able to shoot out the tires and stop the vehicle. The driver fled on foot, but was eventually stopped as well.
Authorities were at first baffled by the man's cargo, but an update into the international turmoil surrounding Gaeltach and its neighbor revealed a motive. The truck was carrying dozens of cats and dogs, 53 squirrels, 5 sheep, some ferrets, 3 horses, and a llama. The individual was presumedly attempting to save the animals from certain death or castration in Tatzikisatn, but how none of them were trampeled or otherwise injured remains a mystery.
A few soldiers sustained minor injuries during the incident, and the suspect suffered a broken collarbone from being tackled.
Authorities all holding all the animals, as well as the suspect in custody in the Gaeltach Federal Prison. All other information was not disclosed."
19-11-2003, 18:58
A letter from E. X. Sessive and C. Ensorship, Ministers of Public Information of Tatzikistan to the editor's office of GTV.

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen of GTV,
.....(flatteries, deleted to save readers from getting bored or loosing their last meal)
.....(more flatteries)
.....(even more flatteries)
...but I ask you, dear .... (and more flatteries), to correct your last information regarding our policy of treating animals: we don NOT castrate them.
....(and again flatteries)
....(and again)

sincerly yours
E. X. Sessive & C. Ensorship,
Ministers of Public Information of Tatzikistan
19-11-2003, 19:33
Live on GTV-

"Welcome, Gaels, and thank you for choosing GTV for your afternoon updates. In a follow up to our earlier story of animal smugging, we have a received a wire from officials in Tatzikistan. In a sickening display of censorship and pitiful attempt to save face, they wish for us to convey that they in fact do not castrate their animals. We do not believe them, of course. So as soon as we find a volenteer... ::pointed look to a very flustered co-anchor:: we'll get someone out in the field to investigate this personally. They did not, however, deny or dispute bringing swift and brutal death upon animals who are caught de-pantsed. Stay tuned to GTV, the nation's only accurate news network."
19-11-2003, 19:53
The Ambassador from BMV had lost his marbles completely and his temper shortly after. He was on a rampage but very secretly so. The reason for his state of mind could easily be explained by the pressure upon him from both sides of the border, but he had managed to survive that thin ice and was somewhat proud of that when a piano from a higher altitude thoroughly cracked the ice of the entire lake. "The Piano" consisted of a letter from the Clan Chief in BMV and was short enough to avoid any misunderstandings:

Two Journalists from BMV missing. Find them. Now. Demand knowledge about their whereabouts by the local authority, an explanation and an apology. Btw, I will not pay you until you succeed. Happy Christmas.

"Who do they think they are?!?" he thought to himself. "Pushing me around like a pawn! ... I'll show them! I'll show them all!" He went down another dark corridor, taking care neither to be seen nor heard. "I'm going to 'fix' all problems just like that? Morons! Dipwits! Arrogant sheep loving inbred all of them! But they thought wrong, didn't they my precious? Oooohh yes. Hihihi!" He suddenly realized that he wasn't only thinking anymore, but rather speaking. He froze and looked around. No one there. "Good!" He kicked himself for speaking out loud again and put some tape over his own mouth and continued sneaking...

20-11-2003, 12:40
Extract from Television, Newspapers and Radio:

Today the great and beloved government of Tatzikistan has decided to take further actions against unclothed animals to prevent bad influences on children who might be shocked when they see naked animals and their genitals, maybe in promiscuitive situations.
As animals which don't want to be clothed are already executed the government does not see any problems in selling those executed animals as dinner.
Five-Star-and-a-tiny-moon Restaurant owner and gourmet Frisst Bisplatzt says:"That's great. Finally we can eat the nearly extincted Goldfeather Catdoghorse if they are unclothed. I'm looking forward to this delicious dinner."
A man on the street agrees:"Yes, that's great." The soldiers standing behind him say: "Yeah."
Snub Nose 38
20-11-2003, 16:47
*we hear a shot, and a puff of gunsmoke rises from the hedge to our left. then we hear twigs snapping, leaves rustling. after a moment, two figures in hunting togs step into the clearing. they each carry a shotgun. one barrel is still smoking*

- Missed! Dammit!
- That's okay, sir. We've bagged a few - and there's always tomorrow.
- You've bagged a few. I didn't hit anything all day.
- Well...your just having an off day, boss.
- And yesterday?
- ...ummm...
- Never mind. Say, what about that prairie dog army thing?
- You mean the issue of clothed animals in...
- Yeah, that. Have they straightened that nonsense out yet?
- Our operatives in the area tell us they have not, sir.
- Good.
- There are some signs they may start some meaningful dialogue towards resolution, though, chief.
- What! We can't have that. It they solve that mess, it could mean a decline in exports for our Animal Clothing industry. To say nothing of munitions, weaponry, and what not.
- True. But it's really a long shot, boss. They're at each other pretty fierce - shooting at almost anything that moves in some places. There's border issues, and refugee issues, moral questions, ethical dilemas - we're set for life with the Animal Clothing thing.
- Can't take any chances, Harry. Get somebody over in Decentralized Intelligence to send a team of operatives in there with orders to keep stirring the pot. Shoot somebody, or something. Make sure they really tick somebody off - either side will do.
- I'll get right on it, chief.
- Good. Here, take my shotgun and have it cleaned. And we'll meet here tomorrow morning, same time, and have another go.
Crap! Please read this as posted by The Argumentative Republic of Stubby. That is all.
20-11-2003, 16:55
The Argumentative Republic of Stubby apologizes for any confusion caused by the above scenario having been reported by our agents in Snub Nose 38.
(that's pretty weak, isn't it?) :wink:
20-11-2003, 18:35
A wired message directly to Tatzikistani officials:

"As you are undoubtedly aware at this point, we have intercepted a smuggler from your country. He and his cargo are all being held at one of our federal prisons. In order to remain on somewhat peaceful terms, we are prepared to hand the individual over to your authorities, to be dealt with according to your laws. We ask that should you choose to execute the animals...please do not make a public show of it. The last thing either of us needs is to get these damned activists riled up. However, the more public and severe the punishment for the suspect, the better. It might discourage a few people. Please respond promtply, or we will have to deal with the issue ourselves.

Sovereigness Siobhan Kelley"
20-11-2003, 18:35
The Argumentative Republic of Stubby apologizes for any confusion caused by the above scenario having been reported by our agents in Snub Nose 38.
(that's pretty weak, isn't it?) :wink:

OOC: It's alright Stubby. =)
20-11-2003, 20:02
Dear Sovereigness Kelly,
I thank you very much for your generous offer to extradite the smuggler to our security authorities.
You may rest assured of that he will get his punishment.
As you asked, we will not execute the animals public or talk much about it.

Again I thank you for your support and hope that this will mean a new begining for the relationship between our countries.

Sincerly Yours
Mr. Killjoy,
Desp[badly deleted with white ink] President of Tatzikistan

While this letter is beeing written, on real pergamentum and not on paper of course, a group of underground activists sits in a badly enlighted cellar. Posters of Chehehe Guevara and Fido Castro* are clunged to the wall.

A man in old army dress reads a the copied wired message. Finally he looks up and says:" Smitty!"
Smitty: "Damn, don't call me Smitty, No. 4! No names! I'm No. 1, understood?"
No. 4:"Alright, alright. No. 1, the Gaels got Mar...No. 6. He is in one of their federal prisons. And the want to extradite him."
No. 1: "Sh**. The government will kill him. We have to free him before he is extradited."

The members of the guerilla group (8 16-19 years old students) are making plans to rescue Marvin err.. No. 6.

*(OOC: For those who don't know the name 'Fido', it's a very common name for small dogs in germany)
20-11-2003, 20:45
In Gaeltach, preparations are underway to arrange the safe and discreet transportation of the suspect and his cargo. An RV pulls up to the prison, and is admitted to a back lot.

"The area is secure, sir."
"Thank you Seifer. Begin loading the animals."
The soldier briskly saluted and jogged off to carry out his orders. Commander Von Ranke sauntered into the prison. Inside, he reflexively removed his cover and sought out the prison doctor. He entered the doctor's office, to find him preparing an injection.
"We're ready, Dr. Brennan."
The doctor nodded, and followed the Commander down the hallway. They were joined by three prison guards who escorted them to a cell at the end of the cooridor. With guns drawn, the guards opened the cell, and entered to restrain the prisoner. The man fought valiently, but once the handcuffs were clasped behind his back, all serious chance for escape was gone. The guards held him down at gunpoint while the doctor entered and administered the injection.
Within a matter of minutes, the prisoner was out cold. Two guards lifted him by the arms (still handcuffed) and carried him down the hall and out to the parking lot.
"The anesthesia will keep him quiet until they reach the Tatzikistani consulate."
"Very good, Brennan."
Seconds later, Seifer approached and addressed the commander. "All the animals are loaded and secured, sir."
"Wonderful job, Seifer. Take your squad, and escort them to the Tatzikistani's."
Shouting commands, the soldiers boarded the RV and began tension-filled drive to the Tatzikistan border.
21-11-2003, 17:40
Before they reached the border the road became worser. Not many people use this border-crossing.
Behind a curve the driver suddenly saw a woman lieing on the ground in the middle of the road. She seemed to be unconscious.
21-11-2003, 18:12
"Sir," the driver called back over his shoulder. "I think you should come up here and have a look at this."
Slightly concerned and irritated, Seifer crawled up between the front seats of the RV. "Well?"
"Look up ahead...looks like someone needs help."
Seifer growled softly, annoyed with this new development. "Damn highwaymen and their theivery. Remind me to place more patrols along our side of this road."
"Your orders, sir?"
"...pull over."
"With all due respect, sir, we are extremely tight on time."
"I said, PULL OVER. Now don't argue with me again or you'll be doing KP for the next 5 assignments."
With that, the Captian irritably made his way back to the other men and their prisoner.
"Something doesn't feel right about this..." the driver said to the soldier in the passengers seat. "Woman all alone up on this old road..."
"If you are so d*mned concerned, private, we'll just stop long enough to leave someone with her until help arrives," the Captian barked, hearing but misinterpreting their hushed conversation.
Reluctantly, the driver pulled the RV over and stopped, warily clicking off the safety to his M9.
21-11-2003, 19:17
As soon as the vehicle stopped the woman pulled a gun she had hidden under her body and shot. A dull sound came out of the gun and a cartrige filled with narcotic gas broke through the window. A second later another dull sound sounded from the bushes next to the road and a second cartrige flew into the drivers cabine.
While the narcotic gas filled the inside of the vehicle some masked men approached the car.
21-11-2003, 19:36
The soldiers sprung into action when the gas cartridge flew into the main part of the RV. Those with portable gas masks quickly donned them and took up defensive positions, ready to fire if anyone opened the door. Those without gas masks tore strips of cloth from the curtains and any other available source with which to cover their mouths. It would not work well, but they could hold out for a little while anyway. Seifer silently cursed himself for his innate good will. In the cab, the driver squeezed off a few shots through the windsheild at the woman and the assailants, covering his mouth with his arm. The passenger struggled to unholster his weapon, but only managed to make three shots before collapsing. It was unclear if he had passed out from the gas or if he had been shot.
"Get us out of here!" yelled Seifer.
Coughing violently, and vision blurring, the driver mashed down on the gas pedal, praying to make it out of this in one piece.
22-11-2003, 19:18
No 1 had been sure that the narcotic gas would neutralize the soldiers and was surprised when they shot and tried to escape. Fortunatly No 2 had seen enough military and action movies to be prepared. He threw a greased stocking filled with C4 explosives and a small detonator at the left front tire of the RV and yelled: "Long live Private Ryan!". Seconds later the stocking exploded and rent the tire to pieces.

No 1 looked at No 2, even more surprised than before, thought for a moment and yelled: "GERONIMO!" and run after the RV.
22-11-2003, 21:24
The driver never saw it coming. There was an flash of light and an explosion, then nothing else. In the rear of the RV, Seifer had been shouting into a radio when the explosion rocked the vehicle. The RV screeched and skidded a few feet before finally pitching onto its right side and spinning to a stop. The occupants of the cabin had somehow been spared the brunt of the explosion, but all were violently thrown to the right side of the vehicle. Seifer dropped the radio as a horse slid and pinned his leg against the wall.
Armed with assault rifles and M9's, the soldiers who were still able, kicked out a window on the rear left side of the vehicle, which was now directly overhead, and piled out, shooting at the oncoming attackers.


Von Ranke sat grim faced across a table from Siobhan. His radio lay on the table in front of him, turned up so they could both here the transmission.
"Commander, I am calling in to request immediate support. I repeat, I am requesting support for the transport. We are under attack *cough* by unknown enemies. *coughing* they are persumed to be Tatzikistani-"
The radio cut out into static briefly.
Siobhan sat in silent rage, staring at the radio.
"-under fire..::The driver shouts something in the background about men wearing Tatzikistani colors. Shots are heard, followed by an explosion and the grinding of metal:: Ahhh! ::Seifer grunts in pain and the radio falls::"
"Seifer! Status! Are you alright?"
No response. Just the sounds of automatic fire which eventually cuts out into static.
"Commander..." began Siobhan softly.
Von Ranke looked to her, torn by the plight of his friend. He had jumped up at the sound of the explosion, and now forced himself to sit and release the edge of the table.
"Commander...I want troops ready in half an hour. This is an act of aggression against our military. An act we cannot ignore. If we don't hear back from Seifer and his command, we're going in."
22-11-2003, 21:45
The ambassador was driving a huge truck with a trailer, loaded with fertilizer and other barrels. All in all, he calculated, he was driving 50 tons. He'd been stopped and asked questions all over the place but waved his diplomatic passport and only said "Diplomatic immunity." as arrogant as he could manage. It had worked beyond his own imagination. At one point he even got a police escort through a cross point. And no one suspected anything. He giggled and kept going towards the border between Tatzikistan and Gaeltach. "Nature will have it's way, one way or the other!" he thought to himself and put on Highway to Hell and started to sing along.
23-11-2003, 02:36
"[i]-under fire..::The driver shouts something in the background about men wearing Tatzikistani colors.

OOC: The attackers were not supposed to be tazikistani soldiers, just some activists (you know, this group of students in the cellar). But maybe some of them are dressed in old tatzikistani army clothes.

No 2 was hit by a bullet in his shoulder and fell to the ground. No 5, the woman who had been lieing on the street, leaned at the lower side of the pitched vehicle and prepared another round of gas cartriges. This time the caartriges were filled with colored smoke instead of narcotic gas. These would give her comrads a perfect protection if she threw one the cartriges into the car and two or three on the street around the vehicle. She looked at No 1 and nodded. Then she threw the first cartrige through the window the soldiers had opened. Within seconds the whole inside of the RV was filled with yellow fog that came out of every opening of the car. Another couple of seconds and three cartriges later the vehicle was also surrounded by red, yellow and orange clouds of fog. The woman pulled her weapon (a SOCCOM, made by Plish & Plash 100% real looking Water Guns) and aimed at the first soldier looking out of the window. Then the other group members arrived with similar weapons (only No 2 was missing, he was still rolling on the ground and screaming for a doctor because of his light fleshwound).

No 1 yelled (aiming at a soldier who was starring at the gun [the only real gun the group had without the the guns they fired the gas cartriges with] a few inches in front of his head): "Alright guys. One move and you are dead. Let the prisoner free!"
"And the animals." another member of the group whispered.
"And the animals" No 1 yelled.
23-11-2003, 04:05
*a dark figure stands in shadow just below the hilltop. he (she?) is clad in woodland battle dress camoflage, and carrying a small back-pack - with an antenna coming out the top. he holds a small pair of day/night binoculars to his eyes. he is watching the skirmish taking place below. he raises the radio handset and reports*

- Chief, you can tell the boss not to worry. This doesn't look like ending any time soon. There's a bunch of 'em down there playing ambush with each other, and just shooting at anything that moves. Tossing grenades, smoke, sleeping gas - there's people and animals floppin' about all over down there - it's a nice little massacre.
- **********
- No, I don't think we need to stir up anything right now. They're doing all the necessary stirring themselves.
- ***************
- We'll keep an eye on things. If the pot needs stirring, we'll do 'er.
- ***
- Out.

*putting the handset and binoculars away, the dark figure quietly slips away through the shadows*
23-11-2003, 05:37
OOC: The attackers were not supposed to be tazikistani soldiers, just some activists (you know, this group of students in the cellar). But maybe some of them are dressed in old tatzikistani army clothes.

OOC: Sorry, you mentioned earlier that one of them was in old army dress, so I made an assumption that that one was there.. :?

Seifer struggled against the weight of the horse on his leg, unable to feel much below his hip on that side. He quickly became disoriented by the smoke and decided to lie low until the pain returned so he could focus on something. Most of the conscious soldiers had made it outside and were now facing the small vigilante group holding foreign unintimidating-looking weaponry. Lt. Herrick half-crouched inches from the muzzle of one of their weapons. He heard the man threaten and demand for surrender, but surrender was not an option. Article 2 of the Code of Conduct was far too ingrained into all of them. They would sooner die. Herrick strengthened himself, reciting to himself as he sprayed an arc of bullets. "I will never surrender of my own free will. If in command..."
23-11-2003, 13:29
The ambassador stopped his truck, turned off the music and concentrated on hearing. There it was again, takakakakak! Now he was sure about it, definately firearms. He hadn't really had a solid plan, insane as he was, but rather acted on some twisted instinct. He's degree in organic chemsitry had paid off at the end he thought to himself, sitting on 50 tons of highly explosive manure dynamite. But what should he do with it? His initial plan had been to blow up the border, but that had proven impossible. It was just too long and too well garded. His second thought was to join the gofers gerilla band or whatever they were. But they were hard to find. He started the truck and put on "School's out" by Alice Cooper, smiled and started to sing along...
23-11-2003, 14:27
*the man swimming laps in the olympic size pool rolls over and begins to backstroke. he spits some chlorinated water out, and looks up at the man walking along the edge of the pool, keeping pace with him. aside from the two armed security guards posted at the door, there's no one else here*

- She said she was watching a firefight?
- Yes, sir. An ambush, that developed into a skirmish.
- And a bunch of naked animals were running around?
- That was in the report, yes.
- Actual combat, eh?
- Guns, grenades, gas, shooting, shouting - the whole nine yards, sir.
- What about the guy in the truck with the explosives?
- We're not sure what he's up to, boss.
- Well, where is he going?
- Don't know. Our agents' motorcycle broke down, and we lost him.
- Eh, I guess it doesn't really matter. We've got this guy wandering around driving a huge bomb, and what are apparently a bunch of soldiers involved in a firefight. We've got a bunch of naked animals running around, and some armed prairie dogs?
- Yes, that's what we've been told, boss.
- Armed prairie, that's interesting.
- Sir, Decentralized Intelligence wants to know what to do.
- Oh, tell 'em to pack up quietly and slip home. Just leave the usual agent coverage.
- Sir?
- We don't need to get involved. Our guys were supposed to stir up something if they thought the whole thing was gonna cool down and fold up. But it's not gonna. The Gaels and the Tatziks are doing a fine job of keeping a fire burning under the whole thing. It's not gonna cool off, so bring the boys home - except for the agents we always keep in the field.
- Got it, boss.
- So...go tell DI.
- But you'll need your towel, chief.
- I think I can handle the towel on my own, Stan.

*as stan heads off to phone decentralized intelligence, the 'chief' rolls over and continues his laps*
Average Reporters
23-11-2003, 14:51
-How's it going?
-Almost there... *bzzzzzt* Ouch! But now! You're on the air!

-Ahem. We, cute but hunted animals, have hijacked this radio transmitter somewhere, in order to bring you people some very disturbing news. We're going to declare war on all humans if you don't stop this nonsence at once! No more executions of undressed animals. Animals have feelings too you know, altough we don't feel shame due to nudity except for some dogs and cats who are bred to be withouth fur by you!

We have formed an alliance with the bugs and the plants and we will strike without further warnings the next 24 hours just to get your attention. We will show our asses, if possible, all over this land! We will keep our fornication going as never before! We're animals and we're proud to be! The vegetaion will proudly display all their stamina and the bugs will bug you! Victory will be ours!

This broadcast was brought to you in cooperation with Average Reporters, the official media for opressed life forms everywhere.


-Good show, now let's get the hell out of here!
23-11-2003, 16:07
OOC: Sorry, you mentioned earlier that one of them was in old army dress, so I made an assumption that that one was there.. :?

OOC:Oh, err..yes, he is there.


No 7 and No 8 were down. The shock pinned No 1 to the place and he first was not able to react. Then, more or less by accident, he pulled the trigger of his gun still aiming at the shooting soldier. The bullet hit Herrick's forehead. No 1, still surprised by what happened and unaware of what he did, was hit by two bullets in his left arm. His body followed the pull and turned left. This way No 1, who was pulling the trigger again and again, hit two other soldiers before he fell to the ground and woke up.
All this had happend in less than three seconds and no other member of the activist group had been able to do anything (what would have been a little bit hard for them because they only had water pistols lol) but at the moment when No 1 fell to the ground No 5, the woman, kicked one of the soldiers into the (you know, the place where it really hurts :wink: ) with all her power (and her boots with metal caps). Her next kick knocked the, now kneeing, soldier out.
23-11-2003, 18:43
Walsh watched with rage as Herrick fell lifeless. Seconds later, he was hit in the throat and collapsed. All around him, the soldiers were being cut down. With a last strangled breath, he sprayed another round of well placed (if not a touch sporadic) bullets.

Seifer heard the gunfire grow progressively silent, and had the sense of mind to feign unconsciousness - a feat which would prove most convincing, as he was already bleeding from a cut above his eye, and appeared half-crushed by the unmoving horse. The three other soldiers in the cabin seemed to have the same idea, or perhaps they weren't faking it. He couldn't be sure, and the smoke was still to heavy to see. Silently, he felt around in front of him until his hand closed on the barrel of his M9. Beside the pistol, he found something even better...the radio.


In the War room, the radio crackled to life. Siobhan and Commander Von Ranke stared at it in disbelief.
Seifer's voice was hushed and punctuated by sporadic bursts of automatic fire, and occasionally faded into static or silence. "Commander, I urgently request not reply by least two confirmed dead....injuries...position is 2 miles from...High Border Road-"
"2 miles from what?"
"He has to mean the border. Ma'am, I'm going to take a chance here and send support and medics."
"Can you spare them with my prevous orders?"
"Seifer is one of my best men...I'll dispatch teams from that area. It won't interefere with mobilization."
"Very well then."
Within minutes, two Blackhawk helicopters were loaded with troops and medics, and tore off for the High Border Road.
24-11-2003, 00:25
OOC: I’m thinking a borderline between T (west) & G (east) in the north-south direction. The ambassador is arriving from south-south west and the wind is blowing from the north. You might have other ideas, but that really doesn’t matter as it is only a question of what kind of reference system you have. :wink:

The ambassador couldn’t see very much, even though he used his powerful binoculars. He had parked the trailer not far from the border and was sneaking around to get a clearer picture of what was going on. “Hmm” he thought. “All hell is going to break loose here within an hour perhaps. This much shooting and a road block…” Silently he went back to the truck. “One hour, perhaps one and a half or even two hours, before we have ground troops all over the place. Time to start unloading a little surprise for everyone, hehehe.”

He worked methodically and laid mines a bit careless all over the Tatzikistanians side of the border and rigged the trailer as a highly explosive road block. Without caring a bit of what was going on, he went over the border and started to lay out mines somewhat careless there as well. He checked the wind direction when he was satisfied, did some fast calculations in his feverish mind and went back to the truck. He drove it carefully about 50 meters north, against the wind direction, parked and started to search for… “Ahh perfect!” He found a natural trench running across the border with lots of molten leaves and other damp stuff. He ran back to the truck, picked up a keg with some manure explosives, and ran along the trench emptying the keg at the same time.

He looked at his clock. Well over one hour since he had started, but now all he had to do was to wait. If everything went as planned, the fire in the trench would spread rapidly as he lightened it and create a lasting thick smoke barrier, thick enough to be unpleasant but more importantly, thick enough to hide the mines. If it didn’t work out, he could always fall back on plan B or C. Plan B was to blow up the truck as well and plan C was to take the truck and go for it. He hadn’t really thought of exactly where he was supposed to go for it, but that could wait. “Hehehe, I feel McGywer on a sunny day!” he thought to himself. Of course, he hadn’t thought of the possibility that the Tatzikistanias might just as well arrive from the north and not the same way as he had arrived…
24-11-2003, 17:09
Seifer closed his eyes in the dual effort of concentration and attempts to resist the pulls of unconsciousness. The numbness from the initial shock in his leg was beginning to wear off. This coupled with the smoke and gas swirling about the main cabin were beginning to get to him, a welcome but unwanted darkness lapping at the edges of his vision.
I just hope the radio still works...
If fate had been with him, it would not be long now before the low thrum of helicopters could be heard on the horizon.
25-11-2003, 17:03
OOC:sorry, have been very buissy.

This had absolutly gone wrong. The soldiers should have been unconscious before they even knew what happened. But now three of the group were wounded and one dead. And the soldiers...the four remaining group members hesisated to leave the soldiers without any aid but they knew that the transport would soon be missed. They had to hurry. No 5 drove their truck next to the RV and they started load the unconscious animals and their captured friend into the truck.
When they tried to move the horse lieing on one of the soldiers, No 1 saw something that made nearly him panic: the soldier held a radio in his hand.
They all knew what it meant if he had been able to contact somebody.

"We have to go!" No 1 yelled.
"But the horse we ... we can't ..."
"We can't take it with us. It would take too much time. We have to leave now, Andrea!"
No 5 sobbed and looked down at the unconscious horse. "Alright. Let's go."

As fast possible they left the place to bring the animals to a hidden place in the forests.
25-11-2003, 18:37
OOC: No prob. But just a heads up, I'll be out of town over Thanksgiving, and won't have access to a computer, so I probably can't post again till Sunday. Might be able to get online for a little bit tomorrow, but it's hard to say.
NOTE: This is just for clarification. With no other evidence, Gaeltach must assume the Tatzikistani forces are to blame. They have no knowledge otherwise.

Composing himself, Von Ranke entered Siobhan's office and prepard to breif her of the recent developments.
"The extraction was successful. The mission, however, was not. Of an eight man team, we suffered 3 instantaneous casualties. Another died in transport. The rest are wounded, but are expected to make a full recovery. Of the original cargo, we are left with one horse."
"Keep it. It has potential benefits for us. Any sign of the attackers?"
"They were all gone when we arrived. We were able to take blood samples and will probably be able to ID at least one person this way. We also found tire tracks and have left scouts in the area to see what they can find."
"Four dead..." the Sovereigness was silent a moment in thought. "Commander, are your troops ready?"
"Ready at your command."
"Good. Dismissed. Send Sean in."
Von Ranke saluted and made his exit. Sean entered a few moments later.
"Sean. Send a message informing them of our intentions."

This message is to inform you of our serious displeasure with the attack on our military. We have recovered one horse, which we will hold in a facility of our choosing. We intend to move our military into your country to engage in conflict. If you have any concerns, please address them to me.

Sean O'Connor
Secretary of War
03-12-2003, 17:36
Never will we allow foreign armed forces to cross our boarders.
03-12-2003, 19:12
Never will we allow foreign armed forces to cross our boarders.
OOC: chuckle. can't help myself. i've got this picture in my mind of foreign armies trying to cross boarders.

Borders - Imaginary lines that separate countries, etc.
Boarders - People boarding (at least eating, usually "bedding" also - hence "bed and board") with you. :wink:
03-12-2003, 19:14
ahem... :oops:
03-12-2003, 19:41
Never will we allow foreign armed forces to cross our boarders.
OOC: chuckle. can't help myself. i've got this picture in my mind of foreign armies trying to cross boarders.

Borders - Imaginary lines that separate countries, etc.
Boarders - People boarding (at least eating, usually "bedding" also - hence "bed and board") with you. :wink:

OOC: ::choke:: lmao I was thinking boarders, more like pirates or whatnot, boarding another ship
03-12-2003, 19:44
Never will we allow foreign armed forces to cross our boarders.

If you wish to avoid conflict, we suggest you think of reparations or some other feasible solution post haste. You have killed members of our military, and this transgression will not remain unaddressed.
Earth II
03-12-2003, 20:45
We didn't kill anybody. We don't know who attacked your men but whoever this was: they were not part of our army or any other organisation we know.
You cannot proof that those aggressors were tatzikistans. And as long as you don't give us a proof we will not accept that they should have been tatzikistans.
03-12-2003, 20:58
One of my men saw Tatzikistani battle dress, and I trust his word far more than I trust yours. However, if you claim your military is not at fault, I suggest you look into old personnel files. There may be terrorists at work here. I will hold my men at the border for 2 hours. If you cannot prove a case against your military, I am left with no alternative.

Understand that I am trying to be as diplomatic as possible, given the situation. If you wish to avoid conflict as much as I, do not be difficult.

((OOC: I assume you meant to post that under the Tatzikistan puppet..?))
Earth II
03-12-2003, 21:19
(argh, yes, of course.)

[official message]

First of all: Tatzikistani battle dresses are avaible in every second hand store in Tatzikistan. That one of the aggressors wore such a dress is not aproof that he is a member of our armed forces.
Second: If you try to invade our country, if even one of your soldiers touches tatzikistani ground with his feet this means war. We do not wish to fight against you but we will if you enforce us to do so.

[end of official message]

[inofficial part of message]

Third: Hell, I am NOT difficult. I have never been and will never be.

[end of message]
03-12-2003, 22:30
When nothing happened in a rather long while, the former ambassador went back to his truck, tuned in the local country music radio station (there's bound to be one out in the woods, right?) and fell asleep.
03-12-2003, 23:15
The young Gael was nervous, but did his best to quell his fears and misgivings as he strode down the dimly lit hallway. He was dressed not in the uniform of a soldier, but in the rags of a rebel. He was unarmed, and carried no communications devices of any sort. He was truly on his own this time. He carried an unclothed puppy in his left arm, which whined and begged for attention. Taking a deep breath, he pet the dog, composed himself, and knocked twice on the old wooden door before him, deep in the basement of an even older Tatzikistani building. He prayed that he had been well-informed as he heard someone approach the door. It swung open with a slow creak. He snapped a salute of sorts and assumed an air of confidence.
"No. 10, reporting."
03-12-2003, 23:15
((...double post...))
03-12-2003, 23:16
04-12-2003, 16:02
She looked down at the young man with the puppy, then she checked the area.

"Alright, come in."

Behind the young Gael the door was closed by a man who had been hidden behind the leaf of the door. His AK-47 was unlocked.
The woman led the Gael to a staircase down to the cellar where there were other rebells and dozents of unclothed animals.
04-12-2003, 16:16
He followed her without any trace of hesitation or doubt, scratching the dog behind its ears. He glanced about slightly, orienting himself with the surroundings. The armed guard had not escaped his attention, though he paid no heed.
"I came as fast as I could. I'm only sorry it couldn't be sooner..."
04-12-2003, 16:23
"It's alright." a tall man, about 25 years of age, said.
"Give the puppy to Olga, she will take care about it. And now...what do you have to report?"
04-12-2003, 16:34
With a warm smile, he pat the dog a final time, and handed it to the woman.
"Opposition forces are growing in the north. The laws are not quite aa strict, as the towns there are small and far from the central government, but still they grow. They sent me to you, to see if there is any way we can aid."
He fixed the man with a calculating look, which was soon replaced with one of recognition.
"I don't know if you realize it, but you give the people strength and hope."
04-12-2003, 16:57
The man smiled exhausted.

"If only hope could change thinks. Anyway, it's good to hear that we gain support from your provinces. We need every help we can get if we want to save the animals. But you should be carefull. If the opposition in the north becomes to dangerous the government could decide to take further actions."
04-12-2003, 18:18
"We try to keep our operations far, it seems they have little knowledge of us...The time for action draws near, though, we can all see it. With the Gaeltach forces breathing down our necks...perhaps they could be the distraction or aid we need for a coup? Think of it...Take the nation's leadership into our own capable hands..."

The young man seemed intrigued by his own spontaneous plan.
04-12-2003, 20:03
"You are talking about an uprise. Sure, this would solve the problem with the unclothed animals but we can't do it. We are to weak, even if Gaeltach would attack Tatzikistan we wouldn't be able to overthow the government. Not at this point of time.
First of all we have to stay underground. We can't risk to have the army attack us or, even worser, the SSP.
We will be the sand in their gearing. But nothing more until we are prepared for bigger actions than freeing animals."
04-12-2003, 20:15
"Not to sound impetuous, but I think we could do it. Maybe not take on the army itself, or the SSP...but what if we could infiltrate the main building itself? Attack them from behind their own defenses? I know there are at least 100 in the north who would all be willing. You know far more of the strength in this area than I...what could you guess for support?"
11-12-2003, 16:24
OOC: :shock: ::poke:: You still alive over there?
11-12-2003, 17:22
(Argh...err, political difficulties didn't let me answer...ahem :oops: )

"We've got at least 500 here, maybe another 1000 if the thing runs."
11-12-2003, 20:22
"That many? It might very well be possible. We need to do something to inspire hope. And we need to do it soon. To stand here and do nothing is to lay down and accept this tyranny."
12-12-2003, 12:25
"But I doubt we are ready for the next step. Of course, we will have to do this. But is this the right time? Too many lives would be risked if we act rashly. We need time to prepare, to make plans, to arm our men."
13-12-2003, 04:22
"Perhaps you are right. With your permission, sir, I will return to the north and relay this information."
13-12-2003, 18:38
"Sure, sure. But your idea...we will think about it. Maybe we are not as far away from the right point of time as I thought. We'll think about it. Good job, my son. We need men like you."
14-12-2003, 02:36
The young man smiley broadly and saluted. "Thank you, sir." Briskly, he turned on his heel and found his way out. Once outside the building, he took a catious look around before jogging across the street cutting through alleys for three blocks until he reached his vehicle. Jumping inside, he locked the doors and picked up a cell phone he had left in the glove compartment. The keys glowed blue as he punched in a few numbers.

"Von Ranke."
"Sir, this is Operative BlueFang."
"Ah, good evening son. What do you have for me?"
"I have confirmed the existence of a terrorist organization, however I was unable to determine if they were responsible for the death of our soldiers. They are at least 500 strong in the capital city. Possibly 1000. And smaller numbers scattered about the country."
"Excellent work. I'll inform Sovereigness Kelley."
"Sir, wait. I have an idea..."
14-12-2003, 13:54
(hmm...a spy)

The walkie-talkie sounded and Ares, the man who had talked to the young man, took it up.

"Base, this is eagle-eye, you were right. He made a phone call. I wasn't able to catch up everything but he said something about 'Operative BlueFang' and mentioned the numbers you gave him. And he said something about killed soldiers and that he is unsure if we killed them."

"Well done, eagle-eye. Anything else?"

"No, Sir. This damn directional antenna...I lost the contact."

"Not your fault, eagle-eye. Return to base."

"Aye, Sir."

Ares switched the walkie-talkie of and turned round.

"Alright, we have to give up this base. Prepare everything for moving, we'll leave in half an hour. The new base is Point Alpha 3."
14-12-2003, 14:00
I noticed that you edited the first post for slpeling errors.

Better go back and look again. Many still remain. :roll:
14-12-2003, 16:35
I noticed that you edited the first post for slpeling errors.

Better go back and look again. Many still remain. :roll:

I'm sure you can point them out.
14-12-2003, 18:56
I noticed that you edited the first post for slpeling errors.

Better go back and look again. Many still remain. :roll:

I'm sure you can point them out.

OOC: LOL I love you BMV.

"An alliance with terrorists?!" The Sovereigness was completely taken aback by her military Commander's suggestion. "Vincent, have you lost your mind?"
"Not exactly an alliance, my Lady," soothed Von Ranke, maintaining his composure. "My young Lieutenent has come up with quite a brilliant plan."
Siobhan stared at him, incredulous, but willing to listen. She switched on a Comm unit on her desk and summoned the secretary of war to her office. Moments later, Sean entered the room and took his seat near Siobhan.
"The Commander has come up with somewhat of an unorthodox plan. I would like your opinion on the matter," she explained. "Continue, Vincent."
"As we are all aware, the government of Tatzikistan is stubborn and unrelenting at best. It is obvoius that they will never back down on their policies, and will not aid us in out efforts to identify those who killed my men. However, a major terrorist operation has been uncovered within Tatzikistan."
"And what if they are the ones responsible?"
"We have no proof of that, and it can be dealt with later. A much greater opportunity lies at our feet. This group has shown to be receptive to the idea of overthrowing the Tatzikistani government."
"And you suggest we help them.." prompted Sean.
"Yes. I believe that in siding with them, we will ultimately achieve greater results with a significantly lower cost of life."
The Sovereigness seemed lost in thought for several long minutes.
"Opinions, Sean?"
"I think it is absolutely absurd."
"I think it will work. Vincent, instruct your man to contact this group again. Sean, you will keep our forces on the border. I don't want the Tatzikistani's to get suspicious. They will think we are hesitating to avoid an all out war, which is not far from the truth. Gentlemen, you are dismissed."
Vincent Von Ranke saluted and left the room, immediately calling the operative to deliver his new instructions.
"Siobhan, I think you are making a mistake," began Sean, taking her hand.
The Sovereigness regarded Sean with a death-cold stare, and withdrew her hand. "Mr. Secretary. I will remind you that in my office, you are to maintain a professional standard. I said, you are dismissed."
Sean looked hurt, but tried his best to appear unfazed. "Good day, my Lady."
16-12-2003, 23:36
BlueFang turned off the cell phone and locked it in the glove compartment once more. For a few moments, he sat staring at nothing, shocked that they were actually going to act on his plan! But how to do it? Composing himself, he stepped out of the car and headed directly for the old building once more, still careful to stay out of sight. He had only been gone fifteen or so minutes...hopefully they would not be suspicious of such a hasty return.
18-12-2003, 23:55
The walkie-talkie sounded again.

"Sir." eagle-eye said," he... he's coming back."

"What? Ok, keep an eye on him if he doesn't try to enter the house. Don't let him see you."

"Aye, Sir. Eagle-eye out."

"What does this mean?" one of the men asked.

"No idea. But we'll see." Ares answered.
19-12-2003, 02:17
The operative approached the building cautiously. He couldn't shake the feeling that something here was strange. Bad vibes. He glanced back over his shoulder and thought for a moment that he saw motion in the shadows, but could not confirm anything.
"Probably just a stray..." he mumbled under his breath. "Get ahold of your self, and stop getting so spooky."
Taking a breath, he tried the doorknob and let himself in. He was beginning to wonder if it might have been wiser to grab the M9 pistol stashed under the driver's seat. Afterall, they might not like what he had to offer. Calming himself, he ventured inside and searched for the staircase that would lead him to the basement.
19-12-2003, 16:30
Ares was the last one to leave the cellar. He closed the hidden door that led to the coal-tunnels under the older parts of the city. Ares and two other members of the group, a man and a woman, waited, peeping into the cellar through a small hole in the wall next to the hidden door.

Eagle-eye slowly and carefully followed the mysterious guy untill he dissapeared in the building. He was unsure if he should follew him or wait but decided to do the last one.
He kneed down behind a trash can and waited.
19-12-2003, 19:25
I really need to stop letting this nation assume command...stupid puppet...
Tuesday Heights
19-12-2003, 19:45

Thanks, but no. I wrote that... :oops:

Good job! Very entertaining! LOL!!! :lol:
19-12-2003, 21:28
The operative found his way to the basement. He was very unsettled finding it deserted. Out of habit, he reached for his holster, and was quickly reminded that it wasn't there. Maybe this was not such a good idea after all.

If he didn't find anyone soon, maybe it would be best to start over...armed.
19-12-2003, 21:41
Silently Ares opened the door behind the man and stepped out. He closed it without any noise.

"What do you want?" he asked; the MP in his hands was ready to fire, although it pointed at the ground at the moment.
19-12-2003, 21:55
The operative spun around but tried not to look too caught off-guard. Unconsciously he held his arms away from his pockets to abate any suspicion.

"I have a piece of information you might find appealing..."
21-12-2003, 18:59
"Really?" Ares asked. He had decided not to talk about 'operative BlueFang'. Not now.
21-12-2003, 23:38
He flashed a cocksure smile at the terrorist and glanced quickly about the room.

"If you would please set aside your weapon and have a seat, I would love to enlighten you," he offered as he indicated a deserted table. His voice was calm and held a slight authoritarian edge.

"And please, since I suspect you have sharp shooters trained on me...have them stand down. I am not here for 'aggresive negotiations.'"
22-12-2003, 00:41
"Wouldn't be good for you." Ares answered but he sat down. The MP lay next to his hand on the table.

"Sergeii," he shouted," you have an eye on him!" He didn't mention that there was another shooter. Never trust anybody.
Maybe this was the moment to let the other man know that they knew a little bit about him? Maybe he'd give some informtions if he thought they would already know them.

"Alright, Mr. 'BlueFang'. Why did you come back? And don't tell me you'd want to ask questions about the dead soldiers."
22-12-2003, 01:41
"Ah, so you do know something about that incident. I had my suspicions..."

He took a seat across the table.

"No matter," he began flatly. The death of his friends was a tragedy, but it could be dealt with later. "It's obvious that you are high up on your organization's ladder, so I suppose it is only fair that I at least introduce myself. The name is 1st. Lt. Critz. As you may or may not have guessed, I am a member of the Gaeltach military."

That wasn't his true name of course, but he was known for his lack of trust. Besides, he couldn't afford any more mistakes after leaving his defenses in his vehicle.

"It seems that we have something in common here. However what I have to say requires privacy.." He glanced at the various shadows where he suspected men to be waiting.
25-12-2003, 01:15
"Don't worry, I absolutely trust him." again he didn't use the plural. Gealtach? Would be logical. If he says the truth.

"And what do you call an accident? That was the most unprofessional job I've ever seen. And all this for some animals and one, ONE, single man! Those guys must have been ... I don't even know how to call them, shit." he spat out.

"But if you are really a gael military," he continued after a few seconds of calming down," I'm sure we have at least some things in common. So, Lt. 'BlueFang' Critz, what suggestion do your leaders have?"
25-12-2003, 01:56
"They wish to help you." Plain and simple, there it was.

"I realize that you must be extremely wary to trust me, therefore I have come here unarmed to symbolize both my trust and my sincerity. Originally, I was here to look into aforementioned incident, but now my superiors believe that with our help, you can overthrow your oppressive government and start things over for the good of the people."

Critz paused to collect his thoughts.

"You must realize that your leaders will never reverse the animal legislatoin that has caused so many problems in both of our countries. Perhaps this way, we can avoid war and the unthinkable cost of human life that comes with it."
28-12-2003, 23:52
"That's good to hear" if it is true.
"Of course we are looking for ways to prevent a war. And I'm not sure if the government does the same.
But, even if I trust your words, how can we be sure that, in case of a sucsess, your government won't take over the control? This doesn't mean that I believe in that Gaeltach wants to do this but I'm sure some leaders of the resistance will ask this or similar questions. We don't like our current government -damn, we hate it!- but ..." Ares didn't finish the sentence. He was sure that Critz knew what he wanted to say: Better a corrupt tatzikistanian government than a foreign government.
29-12-2003, 04:21
"What would you like us to do? Name what proof you need, and I will look into it myself. In fact, I can set up a meeting with Gaeltach officials immediately, if you would like to discuss the matter personally."
31-12-2003, 17:06
Ares looked at Gritz who had suddenly utrned out to be a gael 'spy' (if not something else) and assked himself if he or anybody could trust this man. Then he made his decision.

"Alright, I think a personally meeting would be the best. As soon as possible of course. A neutral place. You, and only you, tell us who will come and then we will decide if we come too. Not more than three people, unarmed of course. We will do the same if we decide to come. Accepted?"
31-12-2003, 18:54
"If those are your only terms, then I must accept. I need to make a few calls. One of your men may escort me to my vehicle to validate this, and to relay the message of when and where."

Critz fixed Ares with a meaningful look. "I am putting quite a bit of trust and faith in you. Hopefully, you feel you can do the same."
31-12-2003, 19:42
Very impressive that a 1st Lt. of the Gael military is allowed to accept terms for a meeting between revolutinairs and leading personalities of his country. Ares thought sarcastically but didn't show his thoughts openly.

"I'll see what I can do." he took the walkie-talkie and switched it on.
"Eagle-eye, come in. I've got a job for you."

"Aye, Sir." eagle-eye responded. One minute later he entered the cellar room.

"Escort our new friend to his car. He has to make some important calls, so listen to the answers."

"Aye, Sir." 'New friend' was a code word for 'not absolutely reliable ally' and 'listen to the answers' meant that he had to leave his walkie-talkie switched on so Ares could listen.

Eagle-eye smiled bride when he placed his arm around Gritz's shoulders as if they would have been best friends forever:"So, lets go, eh my friend?"
31-12-2003, 20:09
Critz found himself once again overcome with a feeling of dread as the man known as "Eagle-eye" took a very sudden and very friendly liking to him. He would have to play his hand very cafefully.

"Let's," he replied with a smile and took the lead.

Critz took an indirect route to his vehicle, out of habit more than anything else. Unlocking the drivers door, he reached across to the glove compartment and retrieved a cell phone. As he punched in a series of numbers, he sat in the driver's seat facing outward.

"Von Ranke."
"Sir, this is Lt. Critz on special assignment."
"Ah. Did you make contact with the terrorists?"

Critz glanced up at Eagle-eye who remained within ear-shot, and decided to relay his answer in Gaelige, the ancient language of the Gaels.

((OOC: Critz's answers will be posted in English for convienence, but are spoken in Gaelige where indicated by a **))

"Sir, one is standing nearby."**
"Have you made a deal?"
"I told them we could have officials meet them. They want a neutral setting. Each side brings three people, unarmed."
"Sovereigness Kelley won't like that."
"See what you can do for me. Personally, I don't trust them either."**
"...go ahead and make the deal. I'll arrange for Kelley and O'Connor to be there. I trust your judgement, sir, and would like you to represent me."
"Very well. But they still need to know a time and place."
"Let them determine the time. Otherwise we'll meet either in Pats Atoll, or in FARWOLF."
"Thank you, sir."

Switching off the cell phone, Critz looked to Eagle-eye.
"It's done. Your leaders may choose the time. We will meet in one of two neighboring countries, depending on which one agrees to play host. No one comes armed."
06-01-2004, 08:11
[OOC: No thread! Don't die! -does CPR-]
06-01-2004, 13:10
[OOC: No thread! Don't die! -does CPR-]



*agrees and decides to help*

Don't loose that thread, FARWOLF!!! We need to see how this ends!

*pics up mobile phone and dials 911*

Ambulance! We've got a thread down with writer's cramp here in general! We need assistance immediately!
06-01-2004, 17:17
( could I forget about this thread again? :?: I'm very sorry :oops: *hits wall with forehead* stupid me!)

Eagle-eye looed at him, unable able to ban all of his mistrust out of his eyes. He had only understood few words of the gealige, not enough to determine the content and this made him nervous. Maybe they would find someone who could translate this later.

"Alright, I'm sure Ares will be satisfied." he pretended to switch his walkie-talkie on and then talked with Ares about the conditions. The rest would have to wait.

"Ares agrees. He says best would be in two days, around noon."
06-01-2004, 17:17
( could I forget about this thread again? :?: I'm very sorry :oops: *hits wall with forehead* stupid me!)

Eagle-eye looed at him, unable able to ban all of his mistrust out of his eyes. He had only understood few words of the gealige, not enough to determine the content and this made him nervous. Maybe they would find someone who could translate this later.

"Alright, I'm sure Ares will be satisfied." he pretended to switch his walkie-talkie on and then talked with Ares about the conditions. The rest would have to wait.

"Ares agrees. He says best would be in two days, around noon."
06-01-2004, 18:03
"That should be fine."
His cell-phone rang once, discreetly.
"Excuse me," he offered out of courtesy and answered. "Yes?.....wonderful." Clicking it off again, he smiled at eagle-eye.

"Well that was quick. Pats Atoll has agreed to host our little meeting. We look forward to prosperous negotiations."

[OOC: Two days RP time or RL time?]
07-01-2004, 18:25
(RP days I think)

"That's fine. So, what are you going to do in the meantime?"
07-01-2004, 20:48
Strange question...

"Well, I had planned on returning home to breif my superiors, and otherwise prepare," he responded with a somewhat dubious look.
07-01-2004, 21:00
"Oh, just thought we might mix up some night-clubs tonight." Eagle-eye said, pretending not to have recognized the look.
07-01-2004, 22:07
Critz laughed, having not expected an answer like that.

"So how's the night scene over here anyway?"
07-01-2004, 22:28
"We've got some nice clubs down-town that are pretty good. The 24 half is one of the best. And it's ... safe for guys like us, if you understand what I mean." he smiled.
07-01-2004, 22:36
"Heh. I'm assuming it's pretty discreet then? I'll have to check it out sometime."
07-01-2004, 23:13
"If you're hoping for discretion you will be disapointed...unless you're there with the right people." Eagle-eye blinked.
07-01-2004, 23:14
"If you're hoping for discretion you will be disapointed...unless you're there with the right people." Eagle-eye blinked.
07-01-2004, 23:37
"How so?"

Now he was just kind of confused.
09-01-2004, 11:36
"Let's just say...we're among friends when we go there. When they know you are 'one of Us' you'll have your discretion, else ... umm, rumors have it that there is a new communications technologie inside the club that beams every new information directly into the heads of everybody within a range of a few hundred kilometers. You know what I mean?" :wink:
09-01-2004, 16:45
"I think I understand. Sounds intreiguing. But for now, I really must return home and see that everything is in order. There will be time for socializing when this is over with."
09-01-2004, 17:35
"Uh..alright. But we'll have to visit the club once you have the time."
09-01-2004, 18:19


Back in Gaeltach, preparations were underway. Siobhan walked briskly with Commander Von Ranke.
"I want a full brief the moment he gets back."
"Yes, ma'am. Do you really plan to attend this unarmed?"
Siobhan sighed, breifly weighing her options once more. "I think that honoring this stipulation will exemplefy our sincerity. Yes, I know it is against better judgement, so I don't want to hear it. We'll have to trust P.A. and his security measures. Be sure you relay the signifcence of this event."

She took her leave of the Commander to complete her own preparations. Von Ranke scurried away to complete his tasks. Almost as an afterthought, he radioed his group commanders to begin new exercises with the troops. Just because things had been preternaturally quiet from the hostile end didn't mean they were out of the water yet.
09-01-2004, 18:30
"So, see you. And don't forget." Eagle-eye said, stepping back from the vehicle.
09-01-2004, 18:36
"I won't forget," he replied with a grin and pulled the door shut.

The engine coughed to life, and Critz pulled away from the curb. Starting towards home, he waited until he was out of sight to pick up his cell phone to contact Commander Von Ranke.
09-01-2004, 21:21
Attn: Pats Atoll office of internal security
From: Commander Von Ranke, Gaeltach armed forces
Encription: Basic EQ coding
Subject: Upcoming meeting

Greetings. On behalf of Sovereigness Kelley, I have been asked to facilitate final coordinations for the upcoming meeting you have agreed to host. One of the terms of the meeting was no weapons. Gaeltach representatives will abide by these terms, and therefore rely on your security teams. We do not anticipate any malicious or hostile intent during this meeting, but it is wise to be prepared.

Both parties will check in at your border, so that you may either escort them to the meeting place, or provide directions. I leave this to your discretion. Gaeltach will be sending Sovereigness Siobhan Kelley, Secretary of War Sean O'Connor, and director of special operations Danny McGuire. We do not have names for the other party at this point.

If you have any other questions, please contact me.

Our deepest thanks, and fondest regards,
Von Ranke.
10-01-2004, 21:26
Eagle-eye returned to the house and entered the cellar where Ares was still waiting.

"You heared everything, Sir?"

"Yes, very well done, Johnston. But now let's go, we have to prepare for the meeting and to find someone to translate 'Critz'' Geale."

"Right, Sir."

Ares turned round. "Baker, you'll stay here for contact. Krestow, you come with Johnston and me."

"Aye, Sir."

Ares, Johnston 'Eagle-eye' and Krestow left the cellar through the tunnel, only Baker stayed there.
15-01-2004, 11:27
Chapter 2. The meeting

or? :D
15-01-2004, 13:28
OOC: Sorry BMV...we're waiting for Pats Atoll to be able to actually make it through the server gauntlet.
16-01-2004, 18:18
OOC: Yeah, I understand. In the meantime, the reading crowd is waiting in anticipation! :wink:
16-01-2004, 19:02
OOC: Well if someone else wants to step up and play host, feel free.
19-01-2004, 00:13
OOC: Ok, I'm bored. None of the other threads I'm involved with are moving, so UL, hop in the driver's seat. Here's your chance to get some RP experience. Tatzikistan, pretend that I'm not in fact lazy, and that I have given you notice of a change in locations. An IC notification, of course.

The convoy travelled casually across the Gaeltach landscape on a course paralleling the border. The first and last cars held armed guardsmen, there just in case anything went wrong. The second car held three of Gaeltach's most important individuals, most notably the Sovereigness Kelley. Beside her sat Sean O'Connor, listening intently as McGuire finished his breifing. Danny McGuire was the director of special and covert operations. After leaving the terrorists, he'd wasted no time in making his way directly back to the capital to prepare himself and the Sovereigness.
"How receptive did they seem?" Siobhan questioned.
"I think if they had the numbers, they would have taken that course of action already. So in a sense, we need eachother."
"And how trustworthy would you call them?"
"They are wary. This is to be expected. Consider, Ma'am that they are a resistance group. I feel that they want to trust us, but are unsure of our intentions in this matter. They are afraid that we will install a puppet government."
"Thank you for a thorough recon, Mr. McGuire."

At the United Leslock border, Kelley, O'Connor, and McGuire stepped out of the vehicle and entered the protective custody of the Leslock border guards.
19-01-2004, 20:40
19-01-2004, 20:42
19-01-2004, 20:53
Captain Taylor stepped forward to recieve the Gaeltach officials.
"Ms. Kelley," he acknowledged with a smile, "how nice to see you again."
He stepped forward and kissed her hand.
"Gentlemen, madam, please follow me."
He led them to one of their transport vehicles. Two guards stood at post, and stepped forward as the three officials approached.
"Please inform us of any weapons you possess. You will be searched before entering the negotiations facility."
The second guard opened the door for the Gaels, and climbed in behind them. The first guard climbed into the passenger's seat, and Captain Taylor got behind the wheel. As they pulled away from the border, Taylor radioed ahead that they were en route. The position of the transport would be electronically monitered to ensure the dignitaries' safety. They drove for approxomately twenty minutes before approaching a military installation. Inside, they were taken to a conference facility where they were searched and any weapons were confiscated. This accomplished, they were admitted to the building, and led to a conference room.
21-01-2004, 14:37
Inside the facility, McGuire happily gave up his beretta. Afterall, that was the agreement. They entered the room, and looked about for a bit, killing time. Hopefully, the Tatzikistani's would decide not to skip this meeting. Siobhan took a seat at the polished table, flanked on either side by the two men. They were confident in the guards posted outside the door. Nothing to do now but wait, and mentally prepare.

[OOC: BMV, since this has turned into an RP, do you think it should jump forums to avoid irritating anyone, or is it alright here?]
21-01-2004, 15:54
OOC: I honestly don't know. I don't think people here mind since the thread moves slowly, and they don't spam it, but the thought of moving it has passed my mind too. Clearly, the last 6 pages or so indicate II or NS.

Take it where you want to, I leave it to you to decide. I'll continue to keep an eye on it where ever it is! :wink:
23-01-2004, 10:16
(sorry for beeing late, again)

Ares entered the garage of 'his' cell of the operation.


"Aye, Sir?" a tall man, dressed in a oil-stained overall came up to attention in front of Ares.

"Prepare a car. Its time to leave for the meeting."

"Aye, Sir. Which one do you want? The Yugo?"

"No. I think we'll take the Humvee today. Beeing underestimated may be good sometimes but not today."

"Alright, Sir. Will be ready in five mikes."

Few minutes later a Humvee, in Tatzikistani army colors, left the building, heading towards the border.

Aboard were Ares, Johnston and a man called Sergeij.

What none of them knew was, that they were not alone (litteraly). The electronical eye of an espionage sattelite watched them from several kilometers above.

"Subject Alpha is moving. Beta has already arrived, Colonel."

"Well, that're good news, aren't they?" the SSP colonel answered. "Its time for Chameleon. Execute now!" he ordered.

"Aye, Sir. Executing Chameleon."

(OOC: UL, same procedure for Ares and his fellows as for the Geals?)
24-01-2004, 20:44
Captain Taylor was ready at the border to intercept the Tatzikistani's. As they approached, he stepped out into the road, signaling for the HV to stop. The occupants of the vehicle would be taken into protective custody and ushered into transports to be shuttled to the designated complex.

[OOC: I think Gael wanted to start a new thread for this phase of the SL. Maybe in NationStates or II. What do you think about it?]
25-01-2004, 00:43
Johnston stopped the car in front of the UL army man and the three of them left the vehicle.

"You're here to bring us to the meeting?" Ares supposed.

(ooc: as long as nobody complains about this beeing in General I don't see any necessity for it to move.)
25-01-2004, 04:19
"Captain Taylor," he introduced himself with a slight grin. "And yes, we'll be your escort and guardians while you are in the country.
"Please inform us of any weapons on your person," Taylor instructed, with a hand on his holster for safety; not that he did not trust the Tatzikistani's, it was pretty much standard when intents were unknown.
Behind him, one of the other men readied the transport vehicle.
29-01-2004, 18:54
(sorry, had a very busy week)

Ares looked at the captain and nodded in agreement, he turned round.

“Sergeij, Johnston. Hand out your guns.”

Both of them grasped under their jackets and took their guns to give them Taylor.
29-01-2004, 19:12
Taylor accepted the weapons and handed them to another guard, who unloaded them and took them to a safe box in the guard stand.
"Thank you for your cooperation," Taylor began, ushering the men into the vechile. "As a heads-up, you will be searched before entering the compound. Standard protocol."
He hopped in after them, and two guards got in the front. After fastening his seatbelt, the driver set the vehicle on course.
Taylor radioed ahead to ensure their security. "To Bravo 34 to base, subjects in protective custody. I need a signal 13 Echo."
"Clear, 34."
That accomplished, he smiled at the Tatzikistani's hopefully to ease them up a bit. They seemed on edge.
"Nice weather we're having, eh?"
07-02-2004, 17:23
Meanwhile, the latest news in BMV is causing riots and the authorities are doing what they can to prevent further violence, a task which has proven difficult. Latest broadcasted news didn’t really help to calm people down…

Anchor Bean Buske: Good evening. Top story today is of course the further tumult caused by the evidence brought to us by our missing journalists in Tatzikistan, and our infiltrating journalists here at home. Today I have the pleasure to have Major Magnetorsk from the Military Intelligence Agency Unit, The MIAU, here with me, who is appointed spokesperson for this whole affair which now goes under the name the Dress code. First a short recapitulation of the events. The Tatziki regime reacted upon the fact that animal don’t wear clothes with a brutality only seen in the most psychotic hours in Stalin’s Soviet. The lame excuse they gave for this crack down on not only animal owners, but also animals, was that they were protecting their children from seeing highly inappropriate sceneries, such as, well, nature basicly.

Some of our reporters following up on the events are since then missing and no one has heard from them. However, some of their material has been returned to us under suspicious circumstances. Apparently, BMV agents infiltrating Tatzikistan got their hands on it only to be infiltrated by double agents or whatnot working for the news agencies here and one of the most despicable stories in modern time is a fact. I refer to the story written by one of our missing journalists regarding the Tatziki upper class former troika aristocrat Violet Andropov, which reveals an orgy in tastelessness. In order to keep her pet lioness properly dressed, Violet had several tigers slaughtered with the only purpose of dressing Jane, the pet lion, in tiger thongs.!z V!VCAqACJSD5YWblFHg/lioness-bikini.jpg

Two hours after the news was out mass demonstrations took place in the capital of BMV and the Tatziki embassy was overrun and literally ripped to pieces. The berserking demonstrators consisted not only of environmentalist and animal protection organizations, who were screaming incoherently about animal rights, but also by the entire BMV fashion industry, which demanded that the tiger thong should be outlawed and that the designers behind it should lynched due to not so much ethics but rather aesthetics. The BMV government knows their citizens and had evacuated the embassy staff, which probably saved our nation from another ‘situation’ with a foreign nation.

*turns to Major Magnetorsk*

There are lots of questions here. First, have you found any life signs from our missing reporters?
MM: No, nothing more fortunately. … Unfortunately I mean.
BB: What is the situation in Tatzikistan today?
MM: I’m not allowed to answer that except that the weather is bad. The regime might be that too, but I’m not allowed to elaborate.
BB: Representing MIAU, do you feel embarrassed by the fact that your own organization was infiltrated?
MM: It was rather expected. The nature of our people makes it quite possible to infiltrate us. If we drink enough vodka that is. We can’t keep our hands of the bottle and when we reach the bottom of the third bottle there are no enemies, just friends. If the counterpart also drinks three bottles that is. People who fall over after two are still viewed with suspicion.
BB: What is your take on the demonstrations?
MM: I think they show potential.
BB: Ehh, what?
MM: The demonstrators. If those tree huggers and sissymarys let their hair grow long and started to grow a beard, well with some basic training they should be fit to enter the raid season as every other man and woman here. Get a decent job you know. I especially liked how they busted that concrete-steel building to a heap of dust with their bare hands. Their ancestors are surely very proud. Such rage hasn’t been seen since I don’t know when. Ok, so greed, rape, revenge, gluttony or glorious death in battle wasn’t the motives, but they’ll get the hang of it in no time. I’d love to lead a squadron of those fashion people towards a monastery. With those fashion people onboard our sails would probably have the most terrifying logo and our food rations would be less of a burden. Not to mention that the competition over the beautiful women abroad would decrease in favor of the competition over the beautiful dark eyed men…
07-02-2004, 19:52
OOC: :shock: :lol:
LMAO That picture wouldn't be inspired by the recent message from the Lion, now would it? Dear god, BMV...only you. lol
07-02-2004, 20:12
OOC: Yes, of course I nicked that pic from the lion thread. A such great opportunity is not allowed to be missed. :wink:
11-02-2004, 17:29
(First of all the post I wrote nearly 2 weeks ago and have never been able to post. Sorry for this long break, but I had been at hospital for the last one and a half week)

Sergeij didn't even react while Johnston and Ares looked at Taylor, obviously unsure if they should answer or not.
After a few seconds Johnston finally showed mercy to Taylor and responded.

"Erm...yes, indeed."

"They crossed the border and have been intercepted by what seems to be UL military, Sir."

"Good. Do we know where this meeting shall take place?"

"Not yet, Sir. We're monitoring the convoi but there is no way we can be sure where they go to before they arrive."

"Alright. So we'll have to wait. But make sure that chameleon is ready when needed."

"Aye, Sir."
11-02-2004, 17:54
The tatzikistani government was outraged (officially) by the destruction of the embassy in BMV.

Minutes later the telephone in the office of BMV's highest ranked government member rang.
13-02-2004, 06:41
Sorry for this long break, but I had been at hospital for the last one and a half week)

Whoa, seriously? Are you ok?
13-02-2004, 06:49
-Tatzikistan on line three, sir.
-Oh shit already?
-Mhm afraid so, sir.
-Stall them with some stats on their staff. I know, they are perfectly alright, but tell them in detail exactly how healthy every single member of the staff are. I need to uh, think a bit. Get that lousy Foreign Minister's ass in here ASAP, understood? And some speachmakers. Pronto!
-Yes sir.
17-02-2004, 15:21
Whoa, seriously? Are you ok?
Yes, had a sweet tiny car accident.


This is what the poor BMV guy at the telephone had to listen to (censored edition) when he tried to talk to the angry Tatzikistan guy at the other end of the connection:

"You *************************** ********** ********* ***** *****!!! ******** your ****** ****** and your ********** ****** ********** *************!!! How could this ****** ****** have happened? You ******** ******** ******** **********!!! This ********* is an ****** affront against the benevolent government of Tatzikistan!!! If you can't controll your own people we could do this for you, you ************ motherless *********, ************ ,************* ******** and ****************."
23-02-2004, 14:23
-Eh, they were a bit upset sir?
-The Tatzikistanians, sir?
-Oh. Why?
-Weeell, their embassy...
-Heavens I know that, but didn't you tell them that their people was perfectly ok?
-Ehh, I didn't really got the chance, sir?
-What do you mean you didn't got the chance?!?
-They were mostly screaming, ...incoherently, sir.
-Aha. Hmm. Do you want me to scream at you too?
-No sir, I'd rather not...
:shock: -Right you are sir. I'll just scurry of and write an official thingy then Sir.
-Bloody marvellous idea...
Catholic Europe
23-02-2004, 14:42
Wow! This thread is still going strong.
23-02-2004, 15:15
"They believed you?" Finish EmAll, chairman of the High Council of Tatzikistan asked.
"I'm sure they did." E.X. Sessive, one of the Ministers of Puplic Information, responded.
"Alright. Butch, what about Cameleon?"
Butchy Hang-them-high-no-questions-asked Woodsaw took a short look at his notices and answered:" Everything is prepared and Cameleon is in position. As soon as we know where it has to hit it will hit hard. And then..." he didn't finish the sentence, but everybody in the room knew, what he didn't say.
01-03-2004, 10:32
Official Version of BMV's letter of apology to Tatzikistan:

Dear Tatzikistanians

We are devastated, truly sorry about what happened the other day to your embassy. Rest assured that we will not only build the building up, but also spare no efforts in finding the persons behind this terrorist act and prosecute them according to our law. We are happy to let you know that as for now, the (very unharmed) embassy staff is hosted at our very best hotel where they can operate as usual. We can guarantee that this incident won't happen again, at least for 6 months.

Best Regards, BMV

Inofficial Version of BMV's letter of apology to Tatzikistan:

Dear Tatzikistanians

Want some cheese with that whine? A house got busted, so what? It wasn't a very nice house anyway, you should be happy that you are getting a new one on our account. Btw, demonstrations are not illegal in BMV. If they were, we would be at war, constantly, with ourselves, which our history proves. You should know that. If you don't we suggest you replace your obviously incompetent embasy staff a.s.a.p.

Best Regards, BMV
03-03-2004, 16:21
"They ate it?"
"They did."
"Great. Prepare for phase two."
"Yes, Sir."

(OOC: more to follow; have to hurry and will write the rest later)
03-03-2004, 16:24
*falls over laughing hysterically*

That is rich - too good for words! I love it!
04-03-2004, 15:04
Somehow the bureaucracy of Tatzikistan "lost" the official version of the letter (tatzikistani post service isn't the best) and only the inofficial letter arrived at Chairman Finish EmAll's desk (this is what future generations will be taught [of cause only humans will be taught anything {the things they need to know}. Animals, especially naked animals will be shot if they try to learn something. Knowledge is power and the government doesn't want to give away even a bit of its power.]).

While the High Council still tries to find out how to react upon this insult (Finish EmAll showed them the letter) tatzikistani tanks and Mobile Infantry units start concentrating along the T/BMV border (to do some maneuvers).

(Gealtach, UL you still out there?)
05-03-2004, 21:07
I'm still here...gonna TM UL tonight and make sure everything is ok.
05-05-2004, 10:26
Is this thread dead or just suffering from server related illness?

I see different possibilities:

1. Keep it going.
2. Starting a new chapter and abandon/archive this thread
3. Letting it die...

07-05-2004, 10:43
definitively dead. We had another thread, but I'm afraid it died too.
07-05-2004, 10:59