NationStates Jolt Archive

OK this is just a VERY very rough idea/draft would like some input,also would classifying it as enviromental be wrong.Funding and other details to follow




The Legacy Project

Category-Education and Creativity
Strength-Mild
Submitted By-Chaotic Nightmare


SUMMARY

The rapid growth of population and industry,climate change and destruction of the natural enviroment has resulted in an alarming rate of decline and extinction of native species.It is Therefore proposed that a non-partisan,W.A. sponsored "gene bank" be established.It's mission will be to collect,analyze and archive genetic samples from all species of plants and animals
in the Nation States.

(note)-hereafter the proposal will be refered to as "the project"

PROPOSAL

1.Establish non-partisan,non-profit foundation headquartered at W.A. to oversee the project.
2.The construction of a hardened indestructable facilty to house the genetic material
3.Establish regional field offices in each country for the collection of genetic materia.




The Legacy Foundation

Staffing will include all administration and planning.Also will include research labratories and educational classrooms.It is futher proposed a international zoo and aboreteum be built on site.A investment team will manage funds with the goal of the project to be self sustaining;regular accounting to W.A. quarterley.


The Bank

The facility will be a "hardened" facilty able to withstand a nuclear detonation.Staff will be kept to a minimum.


Field Offices

Will be staffed by reaserachers and teams who will hire local people,students to collect samples in their areas.The most endangered species will
have priority.

I am not very good at writing proposals, but I would support the idea. My national animal, The Celtic Horse, teeters at the edge of exection and is in the need of saving. Get back to me about supporting the plan.


Brigdet
Prime Minister,
Republic of Neo-Celts.

This proposal indeed a good on and the Empire of Jabica will support this proposal. This proposal seeks to conserve the environment and also make sure that there are impact assessments before development takes place. The The Imperial Treasury will assist with funding for this proposal to implemented. For to long the environment has been side-lined for money and all nations should make the environment #1 at the present moment in our earth's history.


Rt. Hon. Jmoul A. Francis
Prime Minister of the Empire of Jabica
Second Lord of the Imperial Treasury
Minister of the Civil Service & Energy

I thank you for your support,the proposal has been submitted

So is there one central gene bank or one per country?

Evidently one central gene bank, with national offices to make collecting easier.

First off, Education and Creativity has an area of effect, not a strength. I see you've submitted it as Educational. I think I could go with this (OOC: for what my opinion is worth -- I'm not a mod, after all) as a fairly decent fit.

I don't like the way the proposal is written at all. Quite apart from small but bloody annoying details like not having put spaces after any punctuation marks and not having spellchecked it, the proposal reads more like an uncosted business plan than international law. What the WA will actually do to set up the Legacy Project is mixed indiscriminately in with bits of the Project's mandate, micromanagement of its setup and rank optimism about its finances. You need to restructure it to separate those elements out, something like this:

The World Assembly

WITTERS ON A BIT about the Legacy Project being a good idea,

CREATES the organisation or committee that is actually going to run the thing,

DOESN'T GIVE A TOSS about what kind of building it's in beyond it being fit for purpose, since that's what you create organisations or committees to deal with,

AUTHORIZES the organisation/committee to collect genetic samples from all member nations, take them out of their country of origin and archive them in the central gene bank, giving priority to samples of endangered species,

ALSO AUTHORIZES the organisation/committee to build an international zoo and arboretum, complete with research labs, classrooms and water slides,

MIGHT HAVE BEEN KIDDING about the water slides,

PERMITS the organisation/committee to create field offices as may be convenient and affordable to help collection of genetic material,

FERVENTLY HOPES that it will get enough donations to get the thing up and running eventually, unlikely though that may seem,

WILL BE SURPRISED, SHOCKED AND POSSIBLY EVEN HORRIFIED when no one wants to take on the whole cost of building this thing,

REQUIRES that the organisation's accounts be audited regularly by an outside body, and that it gives quarterly financial reports to the WA, who might after all have a few ceiniogs left in the pickle jar.

You probably want to recast that sketch into more reasonable language, but dividing it up into distinct Preamble/Action/Mandate/Finance sections and being disciplined about keeping things separate will help make some of the muddy thinking clearer. For instance, I notice that there's nothing in the proposal on the queue that requires member nations to let the Project remove genetic material from the country.

OK this is just a VERY very rough idea/draft would like some input,also would classifying it as enviromental be wrong.Funding and other details to follow


Madam,

I appreciate your taking the time to view and appraise my proposal.I have taken your points under advisement and should the proposal reach the W.A. floor my advisors will re-draft the proposal into it's final form.Again you input has been appreciated

Respectfully

Wazoo of Chaotic Nightmare

should the proposal reach the W.A. floor my advisors will re-draft the proposal into it's final form.

Nope. It's the other way around. You mold your proposal into its final form, THEN you submit it.