NationStates Jolt Archive

This is my first proposal, and I want to know what I did wrong and right.
Thanks for any feedback.

Nature Preservation Act


NOTING that the World Assembly lacks environmental guidelines;

SEEING that industrial activities are taking a toll on ecosystems around the world;

REALISING that some kind of action must be taken in order to prevent the further degradation of nature;

The World Assembly establishes the Resolution, “Nature Preservation Act”.

Resolution:

1. Every Nation must create a special research centre, responsible for the preservation of their fauna and flora, in particular, their national animal.
2. Each Government should encourage ecological behaviours.
3. Each type of industry must pay a special tax, in accordance with the level of pollution it is responsible for.
4. Every Nation will reward industries that chose ecological forms of production.
a. Rewards may range from money prizes to special partnerships with the government.
5. All expenses related to the preservation of nature will receive support from the Nation’s government.
a. Such support will be in the form of tax cuts.
6. A special World Assembly Committee, the “WA Nature Preservation Committee”, will oversee the environmental situation of each Nation and the implementation of this resolution.

This is my first proposal, and I want to know what I did wrong and right.
Thanks for any feedback.

Nature Preservation Act


NOTING that the World Assembly lacks environmental guidelines;

SEEING that industrial activities are taking a toll on ecosystems around the world;

REALISING that some kind of action must be taken in order to prevent the further degradation of nature;

The World Assembly establishes the Resolution, “Nature Preservation Act”.

Resolution:

1. Every Nation must create a special research centre, responsible for the preservation of their fauna and flora, in particular, their national animal.
2. Each Government should encourage ecological behaviours.
3. Each type of industry must pay a special tax, in accordance with the level of pollution it is responsible for.
4. Every Nation will reward industries that chose ecological forms of production.
a. Rewards may range from money prizes to special partnerships with the government.
5. All expenses related to the preservation of nature will receive support from the Nation’s government.
a. Such support will be in the form of tax cuts.
6. A special World Assembly Committee, the “WA Nature Preservation Committee”, will oversee the environmental situation of each Nation and the implementation of this resolution.

First, posting your proposal here for feedback is a good idea unless you've already submitted it to the WA. Once it's submitted, you can't edit it and you're basically stuck with what you've got. In the future, make sure you post the draft here, get some feedback on it, and then post it.

Second, some things I have to say:
--What are the "ecological behaviors" that should be encouraged? The wording is way too vague here.
--You say that a tax should be collected "in accordance with the level of pollution," but didn't define how these levels will be determined or how much the tax would be. Also, I think that might be illegal, but I'm not sure.
--"Ecological forms of production" would be what?
Overall, I think this resolution is poorly written and has no chance of survival. Better luck next time, ace.

Have a pleasant day.
-October Siles-Vadice

Guess I got a little carried away... Thanks for the feedback.