NationStates Jolt Archive

Hey, I have a proposal for UN, but the system doesn't allow me to post, since I don't have any endorsements...how can I get two?

Ask people in your region: a good way is to endorse your delegate and some other members, and they will normally endorse you in return; or, simply post 'can I have two endorsements' (presumably in Portuguese) on the RMB.

In any case, can we ask what the proposal is? It can be a good idea to post a draft of it before submission, so you can get advice on it.

Yes, you can, but only if you don't take the credits :)


Protocol of Students Trading

Objective - Creating more business opportunities for recently graduated students of the UN community, and supporting friendship along all member states, thought social inter-cambium.

Article I - Every student of a state member in UN, frequenting college in public universities will have access, in the last year of the attending course, to the possibility of ending the course in a foreign country.

Article II - This access will be conditioned by and oral and write exam, with the purpose of testing the skills of the language spoken in the country the student has chosen.

Article III - The resolution will only take effect 6 months after it's approval dewed to bureaucratic agreements needed to uniform education systems across UN.

Article III - The evaluation of the last year of the course will be made by the university who received the student, in a 1-20 scale, according to the skills shown in a final exam, which the content is determined by the host university.

Article IV - Scholarships will be given to students, with a median of the tree previous years of university frequency superior than 18, in a 1-20 scale.

Article V - There will be created a new committee responsible for selection of students available for scholarships, entitled "Erasmus", having the following organization:

a) A rotative presidency between state members of UN, with a two years duration.

b) A committee responsible for surveillance of possible illegal activities in scholarship attribution.

c) A sub-committee entitled "Erasmus Business", which main goal will be to insert recent graduated students in the labor market in the host country.


Article VI - Private Universities can also join Erasmus Program, submitting their candidature to Erasmus committee. Prizes will be awarded to incentive best Private Universities to invest in this area, and will be determined by Erasmus Presidency.

Article VII - Every year, the President of UN will choose the "Best Erasmus Student of the Year".

In order to promote equal jobs opportunities, and abolish Education barriers, so as increasing business opportunities "Erasmus - Students Trading" was proposed on 13/5/2007.



Any suggestions?

Yes, you can, but only if you don't take the credits :)


Protocol of Students Trading

Objective - Creating more business opportunities for recently graduated students of the UN community, and supporting friendship along all member states, thought social inter-cambium.

Article I - Every student of a state member in UN, frequenting college in public universities will have access, in the last year of the attending course, to the possibility of ending the course in a foreign country.

Article II - This access will be conditioned by and oral and write exam, with the purpose of testing the skills of the language spoken in the country the student has chosen.

Article III - The resolution will only take effect 6 months after it's approval dewed to bureaucratic agreements needed to uniform education systems across UN.

Article III - The evaluation of the last year of the course will be made by the university who received the student, in a 1-20 scale, according to the skills shown in a final exam, which the content is determined by the host university.

Article IV - Scholarships will be given to students, with a median of the tree previous years of university frequency superior than 18, in a 1-20 scale.

Article V - There will be created a new committee responsible for selection of students available for scholarships, entitled "Erasmus", having the following organization:

a) A rotative presidency between state members of UN, with a two years duration.

b) A committee responsible for surveillance of possible illegal activities in scholarship attribution.

c) A sub-committee entitled "Erasmus Business", which main goal will be to insert recent graduated students in the labor market in the host country.


Article VI - Private Universities can also join Erasmus Program, submitting their candidature to Erasmus committee. Prizes will be awarded to incentive best Private Universities to invest in this area, and will be determined by Erasmus Presidency.

Article VII - Every year, the President of UN will choose the "Best Erasmus Student of the Year".

In order to promote equal jobs opportunities, and abolish Education barriers, so as increasing business opportunities "Erasmus - Students Trading" was proposed on 13/5/2007.



Any suggestions?

You have my endorsement. Anything that encourages international relations as well as bringing more people into further education sounds like a good idea.

EDIT: Sorry, didn't realise you could only endorse in your region.

Don't worry (http://z15.invisionfree.com/Reclamation/index.php?showtopic=203), I won't take the credit.

Just some general comments:

The idea in itself seems reasonable. Promoting exchanges is something the UN can usefully do in education.

It needs checking for spelling and grammar (for example: 'an oral and written exam'; 'its approval'; 'due to'; 'encourage' instead of 'incentive'; that list is not complete).

Some bits of this proposal are illegal, and will need to be changed/removed. For example, resolutions have immediate effect, not after 6 months. Also, there is no President of the UN.

The Erasmus committee violates the proposal rules on committees (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=420465). For example, the rotative presidency idea is illegal. However, you could bypass all that by simply allowing an existing committee - the UNEAF - to award scholarships and administrate the system.

You're right about the english mistakes, and I'm sorry, because I'm not an english mother language speaker. I will see what I can do and post it in 15 minuts.

You're right about the english mistakes, and I'm sorry, because I'm not an english mother language speaker. I will see what I can do and post it in 15 minuts.
Yeah, don't worry. From the region, I'm guessing your native language is Portuguese, and I'm certainly not having a dig: it's just worth checking through carefully.

here it is, a fast draft...the ideia i have is that this is somehow uncomplete, but let me hear you opinions...


Protocol of Students Trading - Erasmus

Objective - Creating more business opportunities for recently graduated students of the UN community, and supporting friendship along all member states, thought social inter-cambium.

Article I - Every student of a state member in UN, frequenting college in public universities will have access, in the last year of the attending course, to the possibility of ending the course in a foreign country.

Article II - This access will be conditioned by an oral and written exam, with the purpose of testing the skills of the language spoken in the country the student has chosen.

Article III – In order to uniform the education system across the world a graduation should contain three years plus two optional for post-graduation. Erasmus Program is also available for Masters Degree students.

Article IV - The evaluation of the last year of the course will be made by the university who received the student, in a 1-20 scale, according to the skills shown in a final exam, which the content is determined by the host university.

Article V - Scholarships will be given to students, with a median of the tree previous years of university frequency superior than 18, in a 1-20 scale.

Article VI – UNEAF will be responsible for selection of students available for scholarships.

Article VII - The main goal will be to insert recent graduated students in the labor market in the host country.

Article VIII - Private Universities can also join Erasmus Program, submitting their candidature to UNEAF committee. Prizes will be awarded to encourage best Private Universities to invest in this area, and will be determined by United Nations Educations Affairs.

Article IX - Every year, the UN Secretary will choose the "Best Erasmus Student of the Year".

In order to promote equal jobs opportunities, and abolish Education barriers, so as increasing business opportunities "Erasmus - Students Trading" was proposed on 13/5/2007.

There is no UN Secretary either, and you don't want to include the proposal date, which is totally unnecessary. You also need to specify what category and effect you plan on using.

There are still quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes, and you don't seem to use definite articles. Please don't be in a hurry to submit this - let a few people help you with the English phrasing, and give it a few days of review. It needs a lot of work before it's ready for the UN.

Sure, can you point out what grammar issues are still up? Because my English is really terrible and I don't think I can figure it out alone =/

This is an interesting idea, worth thinking about seriously. The draft needs a lot of work, but it's a start.

South Pacific Island.... Pay careful attention to the advice you get from the Moderators and experienced members like Quintessence of Dust. They know what they're talking about. Don't worry about the English. There are those of us here who have great respect for people who can communicate in more than one language and will be glad to help you get the words right. And forget about endorsements and submitting for now. You need to get your proposal in the best possible shape, then we can get you some help on submission if you need it.

And welcome to the UN.

Balthasar H. von Aschenbach
Prime Minister

Protocol of Students Trading - Erasmus Just for the sake of clarity, you might want to change the title of your proposal to something along the lines of "Exchange Student Initiative". As it is, the title won't make much sense to many people, and you'll lose a lot of potential approvals.

Objective - Creating more business opportunities for recently graduated students of the UN community, and supporting friendship along all member states, thought social inter-cambium. The word 'thought' should be replaced with 'through'. I have no idea what 'inter-cambium' means, though.

Article I - Every student of a state member in UN, frequenting college in public universities will have access, in the last year of the attending course, to the possibility of ending the course in a foreign country. Since UN resolutions only affect those nations that are members of the UN, I'm not sure how effective or legal the first part of this article is. However, if you wish to keep it and are allowed by the rules, It could use some rewording. Consider saying "Every college or university student attending educational institutions located in UN member states..."

Article II - This access will be conditioned by an oral and written exam, with the purpose of testing the skills of the language spoken in the country the student has chosen. Ok, this one is also a little confusing. I'm not sure what you mean by "access will be conditioned", but it sounds like you're saying that the students applying for this privilege will first be tested to make sure they can understand the language of their chosen country, and those who cannot understand it will not be allowed to transfer. Not sure how you'd go about it, but this needs rewording.

Article III – In order to uniform the education system across the world a graduation should contain three years plus two optional for post-graduation. Erasmus Program is also available for Masters Degree students. Try using 'unite' instead of 'uniform', but the meaning of this article is a little foggy.

Article V - Scholarships will be given to students, with a median of the tree previous years of university frequency superior than 18, in a 1-20 scale. I believe you meant to say 'three' instead of 'tree', but other than that, I have no idea what you're saying here. I defer to my colleagues for this one.

That's about all I can contribute at this point. I hope your proposal turns out well. It's a really good idea and deserves to become part of the UN Charter.

added, thanks for the tips

Protocol of Students Trading - Erasmus
I'm afraid Erasmus might be a reference to the real life ERASMUS programme in the EU, so you probably don't want to use that. Try "Exchange Student Programme" or "Exchange Student Initiative" as suggested by the representative from Intellect and Art.

Objective - Creating more business opportunities for recently graduated students of the UN community, and supporting friendship along all member states, thought social inter-cambium.
I think you mean "among", "through" and "interaction".

Article II - This access will be conditioned by an oral and written exam, with the purpose of testing the skills of the language spoken in the country the student has chosen.
Try saying "Prospective exchange students must pass oral and written examinations proving they have adequate skills in the language spoken in the country the student has chosen."

Article III – In order to uniform the education system across the world a graduation should contain three years plus two optional for post-graduation. Erasmus Program is also available for Masters Degree students.
I'm not sure what you're saying here. Are you proposing that graduation requirements be standardised for all colleges and universities across the entire UN? I'm not sure that's really necessary or even a good idea.

Article IV - The evaluation of the last year of the course will be made by the university who received the student, in a 1-20 scale, according to the skills shown in a final exam, which the content is determined by the host university.
Drop the part about the 1-20 scale. The university should be left to determine that.

Article V - Scholarships will be given to students, with a median of the tree previous years of university frequency superior than 18, in a 1-20 scale.
This is a sticky one. Where would the money for the scholarships come from? Private contributions, an endowment, national education budgets? I think you need to decide how the scholarships would be funded and then just leave it at that. Let UNEAF decide on the criteria.

Article VI – UNEAF will be responsible for selection of students available for scholarships.
Good.

Article VII - The main goal will be to insert recent graduated students in the labor market in the host country.
Why the host country? They only attended college there for a year, what if they want to go back home? They should certainly have the option of remaining in the host country if they are welcome there, but they should be under no pressure to stay.

Article VIII - Private Universities can also join Erasmus Program, submitting their candidature to UNEAF committee. Prizes will be awarded to encourage best Private Universities to invest in this area, and will be determined by United Nations Educations Affairs.
I would drop this article and instead include private institutions in Article 1.

Article IX - Every year, the UN Secretary will choose the "Best Erasmus Student of the Year".
I would drop this.

In order to promote equal jobs opportunities, and abolish Education barriers, so as increasing business opportunities "Erasmus - Students Trading" was proposed on 13/5/2007.
As has already been mentioned, this part is unnecessary and should also be dropped.

This is a very worthwhile idea and one which New Leicestershire is likely to support.

David Watts
Ambassador
The Dominion of New Leicestershire

I believe you meant to say 'three' instead of 'tree', Not if you're on the "sout" side of Chicago.

Article I - Every student of a state member in UN, frequenting college in public universities will have access, in the last year of the attending course, to the possibility of ending the course in a foreign country.

[...]

Article IV - Scholarships will be given to students, with a median of the tree previous years of university frequency superior than 18, in a 1-20 scale.


I like the idea very much, and I'll be very glad if it succeeds, but I have got one question.

I suppose this means those who don't qualify for a scholarship have a merely theoretical "access [...] to the possibility of ending the course in a foreign country", depending on their ability to pay their own way?

This does pose a slight problem for students from Third World countries.

So what exactly did you mean by article 1? Can every student (within the defined parameters) claim a legal right to study abroad in practice?


Christelle Zyryanov (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Christelle_Zyryanov),
Ambassador to the United Nations,
PDSRA

<modsnip>

The Goverment of Angelitis would not support this if it went before the UN voting. We do not believe in out citizens having anything more than basic Education. It is is much easier to hold them down this way.

What I mean is that you have to somehow earn it. It would be great if everyone could study the last year in a foreign country, but like you said, that is not the 3rd World Countrys reality. So, my proposal is to add the possibility to study for "free" in a richer state, but only if the student is hard-working(18, in a 1-20 scale I guess they must be :)), even if inhabiting a under-developed country. I guess if there is no pre-requirement for scholarships we will see lots of abuses, and the effect we want is something like: "No mather where you born, how your family survive, how you country is, if you're good, you have a chance in this world".
Anyway, this has a good effect in companys too. If you want a competent team, where will you find your best employes? Search for scholarship students, if they got it, they must be good. This kind of puts together the social concerns and economic viability.
Is the article unclear in the subject? What should I change?

This is a really very good idea. I'll skip the parts the have already been commented on, for brevity.

Article III – In order to uniform the education system across the world a graduation should contain three years plus two optional for post-graduation. Erasmus Program is also available for Masters Degree students.
I appreciate what you're trying to do, but the UN Educational Aid Act (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11663193&postcount=172) unfortunately rules it out. That states that:
6. Entrusts nations with the right and responsibility to decide on the structure of their public education systems and the role of private institutions, mandatory, encouraged and prohibited subjects, skills and course elements in educational institutions, and the financing of educational programs, subject to previous UN legislation still in effect;
So unfortunately you can't tell educational systems across the world what constitutes a degree, I think, though it's not completely clear on reading it that that's true. Hmm. Ignore me, I need to think about this a bit.

Article IV - The evaluation of the last year of the course will be made by the university who received the student, in a 1-20 scale, according to the skills shown in a final exam, which the content is determined by the host university.
The 1-20 scale is a bit of a distraction. Would it be simpler (and accurate) to say "The evaluation of last year of the course will be made by the university who received the student, according to its normal procedures."

Article V - Scholarships will be given to students, with a median of the tree previous years of university frequency superior than 18, in a 1-20 scale.
I'm not quite sure what you meant, but forcing universities and colleges to offer scholarships is definitely forbidden by UNEAA (see above). You can encourage them to do it, though. It's probably also a good idea to leave them some flexibility in who gets the scholarships, rather than fixing it to an achievement scale. Some nations, like Gobbannium, may prefer to offer scholarships to students who wouldn't otherwise be able to afford to go on the exchange course, rather than those who have already demonstrated their academic excellence, for example, while others would take the opposite view. Something like:

"Nations and universities are strongly encouraged to offer scholarships to deserving students for the Erasmus Program."

would keep us both happy.

Article IX - Every year, the UN Secretary will choose the "Best Erasmus Student of the Year".
Stricly speaking we don't have a Secretary, so this doesn't work. If your heart is set on a "Student of the Year" prize, make the UNEAF committee do it.

Finally, thank you for coming up with a really good idea for a resolution. I appreciate the work that's gone into this, and hope that we've been able to offer you some improvements.

(PS: your English isn't terrible. For a non-native speaker, you've done better than many allegedly native speakers manage!)

Based on all types I will present here on 20th May the "final"(let's hope so) version of my preposition, and then, propose it for UN aprovall. Thank you all for your contribuition.