Ardchoille
28-01-2007, 07:09
The leader of Ardchoille's UN delegation, Dicey Reilly, has been copping flak from her national bean-counters over the size of her Strangers' Bar bill. Luckily, all Ardchoilleans are push-overs for Academia, so she told them she had been doing research for a paper.
Ah, they said, then where have you published? And when did you submit it for peer review?
Consequently, and to keep Dicey honest ... peers, please review.
The BarLordian Conventions
1. No Weapons. You can bring them in, but they will turn into something else, owing to the weird and unreliable Acme machinery Neville the Barlord constantly orders from catalogues.
2. No killings. If you kill anyone, one of the bar staff will turn on the alternate timeline machine (Acme's, of course) that will switch you to a timeline where it didn't happen. This upsets people's innards and is therefore frowned upon.
3. No (obvious) bodyguards. Please leave them in the poker-machine room just off the Bar, where the pretty lights will keep them amused (Bahgum's Mother-In-Laws are an exception, because no-one but Sir Albert can do anything with them anyway. If you meet them, throw them a knitting-pattern and run.)
4. No explicit sex (as per usual RP guidelines). The Bar does not have any regular purveyors of negotiable affection in attendance, nor does it have any short-term-hire rooms, though some patrons live in rooms on the upper floors, as in a regular Club. It does have a portal to Mme Zamunda's House of Wonders, a meeting-place for powerful courtesans, members of the demi-monde and shrewd spymasters. CPESL employees are, of course, welcome anywhere.
5. Food can be ordered at the bar, or delegates can adjourn to the dining-room, presided over by Dazza, the Australian-fusion-cuisine chef (thanks to a generous donation by former Prince, now King, Byron of Venerable Libertarians).
6. Every alcoholic beverage known to NSkind can be obtained at the Bar.
6(a). Watch the tea. It brings on dreadful outbreaks of lovey-doveyness and one tea-drinking delegate ended up with twins.
7. Please be considerate of the Kawaiian shrine (that thing like a birdhouse at one end of the bar). Try not to go on too much about things that are Cute, such as kitties, puppies, lambies and babies, as this may lead to a manifestation of the Cute One.
8: Please, except in desperate emergencies, do not use the Frying-Pan that hangs above the mantlepiece near the fireplace, beside which stands a battered rocking-chair that irreverent members of the UN sometimes go to sleep in, but reverent members eschew, on the grounds that it's Komokom's and One Day He Will Return. Lost Nations' inscribed pewter tankards hang behind the Bar, for the same reason.
9. Messages can be conveyed to patrons by leaving flyers about, pinning them on the noticeboard, writing them in magical letters of fire on the air or anything else that takes your fancy. (However, excessive use of magic is seen as rather gauche.)
10. Brawling is encouraged and enjoyed, but Neville appreciates it if you give him time to pull the metal shutters over the big mirrors behind the bar. Please open the window before you defenestrate.
11. Games of all kinds take place smoothly wherever patrons choose to play them. This, regrettably, includes karaoke.
12. Please respect other players' characters. All bar staff can be represented as doing ordinary bar staff things, such as serving drinks, wiping tables or chattering inconsequentially. Neville is a "tied" character (only Ardchoille's player knows what he's thinking or doing); Violet has a politely acerbic personality but is generally usable, just don't make her too sweet; and Jimmy is the generic (part-time) barman, usable for any RP purpose, though do remember that he will probably spill anything confidential to the Drae Nei rep. Other bar staff may appear as members invent them.
BUT a nation's characters are its own. You can't even have, say, Ausserland's Old Baldy nod in agreement; Auss might not agree with you. But you can have, "Old Baldy seemed to nod; Pxtlfzsk hoped it was in agreement." Then, if Auss wants, he can just say that Old Baldy had nodded sleepily and hoped the wretched kid hadn't taken it for agreement, because he in fact thought what she had said was the greatest load of (etc) ...
13. The proceedings of the General Assembly are assumed to be broadcast on video-monitors or any other appropriate technology. They are, however, largely irrelevant to what goes on in the Bar. Debate it in the GA, duke it out in the Bar.
14. TIME in the Bar is nothing like what is laughingly called Real Time, possibly due to all the portals, Acme machines, twisted sisters, etc. Once characters enter the Bar, they stay there until their biographer writes them leaving the Bar. Yet delegates may be in the Bar and addressing the General Assembly at the same time. (In one corner sits a cobwebbed lump that is the East Hackney delegate, who hasn't left since the Bar opened). The effect of this chronorrhea is that delegates sometimes reply smoothly to a conversational gambit that was offered months ago. So what? The Bar is not a chat room. (It is, however, temporally stable enough for the Tardis to navigate arrivals).
15: APPEARANCE of the Bar: clearly set out in the Ancient Posts, but overlaid since then with the perceptions of many, many beings, including those responsible for the pole-dancing equipment. Assume that if you' ve seen it in a pub, it's in the Bar somewhere.
16. Free drinks and doughnuts for all Mods in uniform, 24/7. Mods in civvies take their chances.
(Newcomers: These are not, of course, NS rules or mod-given rules. The Bar is an extended roleplay and its only genuine rules are the rules that govern any NS RP or thread post.
Not actually submitted, but certainly mulled over in passing, by members of UNOG.)
Ah, they said, then where have you published? And when did you submit it for peer review?
Consequently, and to keep Dicey honest ... peers, please review.
The BarLordian Conventions
1. No Weapons. You can bring them in, but they will turn into something else, owing to the weird and unreliable Acme machinery Neville the Barlord constantly orders from catalogues.
2. No killings. If you kill anyone, one of the bar staff will turn on the alternate timeline machine (Acme's, of course) that will switch you to a timeline where it didn't happen. This upsets people's innards and is therefore frowned upon.
3. No (obvious) bodyguards. Please leave them in the poker-machine room just off the Bar, where the pretty lights will keep them amused (Bahgum's Mother-In-Laws are an exception, because no-one but Sir Albert can do anything with them anyway. If you meet them, throw them a knitting-pattern and run.)
4. No explicit sex (as per usual RP guidelines). The Bar does not have any regular purveyors of negotiable affection in attendance, nor does it have any short-term-hire rooms, though some patrons live in rooms on the upper floors, as in a regular Club. It does have a portal to Mme Zamunda's House of Wonders, a meeting-place for powerful courtesans, members of the demi-monde and shrewd spymasters. CPESL employees are, of course, welcome anywhere.
5. Food can be ordered at the bar, or delegates can adjourn to the dining-room, presided over by Dazza, the Australian-fusion-cuisine chef (thanks to a generous donation by former Prince, now King, Byron of Venerable Libertarians).
6. Every alcoholic beverage known to NSkind can be obtained at the Bar.
6(a). Watch the tea. It brings on dreadful outbreaks of lovey-doveyness and one tea-drinking delegate ended up with twins.
7. Please be considerate of the Kawaiian shrine (that thing like a birdhouse at one end of the bar). Try not to go on too much about things that are Cute, such as kitties, puppies, lambies and babies, as this may lead to a manifestation of the Cute One.
8: Please, except in desperate emergencies, do not use the Frying-Pan that hangs above the mantlepiece near the fireplace, beside which stands a battered rocking-chair that irreverent members of the UN sometimes go to sleep in, but reverent members eschew, on the grounds that it's Komokom's and One Day He Will Return. Lost Nations' inscribed pewter tankards hang behind the Bar, for the same reason.
9. Messages can be conveyed to patrons by leaving flyers about, pinning them on the noticeboard, writing them in magical letters of fire on the air or anything else that takes your fancy. (However, excessive use of magic is seen as rather gauche.)
10. Brawling is encouraged and enjoyed, but Neville appreciates it if you give him time to pull the metal shutters over the big mirrors behind the bar. Please open the window before you defenestrate.
11. Games of all kinds take place smoothly wherever patrons choose to play them. This, regrettably, includes karaoke.
12. Please respect other players' characters. All bar staff can be represented as doing ordinary bar staff things, such as serving drinks, wiping tables or chattering inconsequentially. Neville is a "tied" character (only Ardchoille's player knows what he's thinking or doing); Violet has a politely acerbic personality but is generally usable, just don't make her too sweet; and Jimmy is the generic (part-time) barman, usable for any RP purpose, though do remember that he will probably spill anything confidential to the Drae Nei rep. Other bar staff may appear as members invent them.
BUT a nation's characters are its own. You can't even have, say, Ausserland's Old Baldy nod in agreement; Auss might not agree with you. But you can have, "Old Baldy seemed to nod; Pxtlfzsk hoped it was in agreement." Then, if Auss wants, he can just say that Old Baldy had nodded sleepily and hoped the wretched kid hadn't taken it for agreement, because he in fact thought what she had said was the greatest load of (etc) ...
13. The proceedings of the General Assembly are assumed to be broadcast on video-monitors or any other appropriate technology. They are, however, largely irrelevant to what goes on in the Bar. Debate it in the GA, duke it out in the Bar.
14. TIME in the Bar is nothing like what is laughingly called Real Time, possibly due to all the portals, Acme machines, twisted sisters, etc. Once characters enter the Bar, they stay there until their biographer writes them leaving the Bar. Yet delegates may be in the Bar and addressing the General Assembly at the same time. (In one corner sits a cobwebbed lump that is the East Hackney delegate, who hasn't left since the Bar opened). The effect of this chronorrhea is that delegates sometimes reply smoothly to a conversational gambit that was offered months ago. So what? The Bar is not a chat room. (It is, however, temporally stable enough for the Tardis to navigate arrivals).
15: APPEARANCE of the Bar: clearly set out in the Ancient Posts, but overlaid since then with the perceptions of many, many beings, including those responsible for the pole-dancing equipment. Assume that if you' ve seen it in a pub, it's in the Bar somewhere.
16. Free drinks and doughnuts for all Mods in uniform, 24/7. Mods in civvies take their chances.
(Newcomers: These are not, of course, NS rules or mod-given rules. The Bar is an extended roleplay and its only genuine rules are the rules that govern any NS RP or thread post.
Not actually submitted, but certainly mulled over in passing, by members of UNOG.)