NationStates Jolt Archive

First, the text of the original resolution:
To give every person under the age of 18 the right to a free education

Now, the text of the First Draft of the proposed repeal:

RECOGNIZING the goal of quality education at low or no cost of Resolution #28 and

UNDERSTANDING this to be a major goal of this august body,

NEVERTHELESS it is felt that Resolution #28, hereinafter referred to as "the resolution", is redundant and, furthermore, unclear and in its unclarity somewhat dangerous. Since the passing of the resolution, numerous more clear resolutions regarding education have been passed.

FURTHERMORE, the vagueness of language and lack of definition in the resolution allow for vast interpretation, potentially bypassing the spirit and intent of the resolution. We recognize, further, that age of adulthood varies in some countries, ranging from 16 to 21 at least, and that setting a fixed age is somewhat pointless.

LASTLY and most importantly, we find that ensuring a "free education" is not a useful declaration, as no legislation in the resolution is given as to quality of said education, cost to be paid for each student, amount of supplies necessary or other items suitably handled in later resolutions on education.

THEREFORE, in the interest of preventing loopholes, beauracracy and redundancy, we repeal Resolution #28.

On a side note, greetings from newly-appointed United Nations advisor of the Continent Arcanum's United Nations Advisory Board, Thaddeus Grellins.

I wish to congratulate Master Grellins on his appointment, and hope he meets with great success in the position. I would also like to congratulate your nation on an excellent first draft. I believe this repeal proposal would stand a better than average chance of passage were it to reach quorum. Certainly, my nation would support it, and likely my region as well. Gatesville tends to be in favor of removing useless and unreasonable legislation.

Hellar Gray

A very excellent proposal, and I look forward to endorsing it after the draftinf phase is complete. However, I have some suggestions to make the draft better.

NEVERTHELESS it is felt that Resolution #28, hereinafter referred to as "the resolution", is redundant and, furthermore, unclear and in its unclarity somewhat dangerous. Since the passing of the resolution, numerous more clear resolutions regarding education have been passed.

This makes the proposal a bit lowbrow. I would remove the definition of Resolution #28, and simply abbreviate it to "UNR #28." Then, remove all references to "the resolution" and replace them with "UNR #28."

Also, there are a few grammar and word fixes for flow.

That would read:
NEVERTHELESS it is felt that UNR #28, is redundant and, furthermore, unclear and in its unclarity somewhat dangerous. Since the passing of UNR#28, more clear legislation regarding education have been passed.

That flows a bit better. In the final clause, it's spelled bureacracy. No problems other than that.

An excellent job for your first draft.

Most courteously,

THEREFORE, in the interest of preventing loopholes, beauracracy and redundancy, we repeal Resolution #28.

I would consider removing "loopholes" from this list. You don't get rid of a loophole by tearing down the entire law. Perhaps replace it with "ineffective resolution". And "preventing" should be replaced with "removing", and bureaucracy should be spelled as such.

Thaddeus son of Hiram son of Isus son of Simon son of Ignatius son of Samuel son of Corbin son of Edward son of Ogden
The Free Land of Eisophca

We thank you for your advice! I have taken it into account, and created a second draft of the proposal:

RECOGNIZING the goal of quality education at low or no cost of Resolution #28 and

UNDERSTANDING this to be a major goal of this august body,

NEVERTHELESS it is felt that UNR #28, is redundant and, furthermore, unclear and in its unclarity somewhat dangerous. Since the passing of UNR#28, more clear legislation regarding education has been passed.

FURTHERMORE, the vagueness of language and lack of definition in the resolution allow for vast interpretation, potentially bypassing the spirit and intent of UNR #28. We recognize, further, that age of adulthood varies in some countries, ranging from 16 to 21 at least, and that setting a fixed age is somewhat pointless.

LASTLY and most importantly, we find that ensuring a "free education" is not a useful declaration, as no legislation in UNR #28 is given as to quality of said education, cost to be paid for each student, amount of supplies necessary or other items suitably handled in later resolutions on education.

THEREFORE, in the interest of removing ineffective legislation, bureaucracy and redundancy, we repeal Resolution #28.

Most respectfully,
Thaddeus Grellins
UN Advisor, UN Advisory Board, The Continent Arcanum

I would also specifically mention "UN Educational Aid Act." Or have you proposed it already??

Nice proposed repeal!