NationStates Jolt Archive

Rono Pyandran rises to address the General Assembly, who have taken a brief break from flinging poo at each other during the current "debate".

Colleagues, friends, gnomish scum, I come before you to give notice that as of two days ago, The Sleep Deprived Sultanate of Gruenberg is no longer a member of this body. I would like to take this moment to make a few brief remarks.

Firstly, we leave this body amicably. Although our scepticism towards certain excesses of the UN and its members is no secret, we retain in general our support for the concept of international law, and the notion that the UN can do good work. And there is no specific resolution nor action that has moved us to this action: it is simply part of a readjustment of foreign and domestic priorities, as well as a reflection of a growing apathy amongst Gruenbergers - one I partially share - towards some of the more lumbering efforts of this body. We intend to retain good relations with UN members, and indeed on pursuing unofficial "observer" status actively. I am pleased to announce that Captain Biggles McXiminez will remain at the UN building to represent our views.

Secondly, I now have the opportunity to speak candidly on the future of the UN, and I emphasise I do so as a friendly ex-colleague but not a representative of my government. The UN has done much good; it has also done much bad. If there is to be continued and sustained progress, we must not fear to strike out that bad legislation with the fury of Wena's own flatulence. And I certainly think there is nothing to be concerned about regarding the perception of a rightwards skew. The UN retains many civil rights, social justice and environmental resolutions - a couple of which I guess shouldn't be repealed - and any sobering of priorities towards a more diverse range of views can surely only be good. Plus, free trade rocks my socks.

Thirdly, and finally, I would like to thank all of you who have assisted in our efforts in this body, whether it be siding with us debate, contacting delegates, providing drafting assistance, telling people we don't like to go fuck themselves, or simply offering comments we found helpful, amusing or inspiring. I could not possibly list in full all those who have done so, nor even their constituent nations, so I will pick out only three, with no slight intended towards anyone omitted.

I heartily recommend to all of you, whether old or new, to seek out and pay heed to the advice of Dr. Olembe, Ambassador Barfanger and their associates in Ausserland's UN office. We may have disagreed on occasions, but we cannot fault their dedication to good legislation, and good caek. Perhaps my predecessor, Moltan Bausch, more than me, was inspired in particular by Samual Paleel and Johann Arneen of Powerhungry Chipmunks, whose legislation - notably Repeal "Ban Chemical Weapons", Representation in Taxation and The Microcredit Bazaar - we still hold in the highest regard. And of course, our perennial ally and source of consternation and constipation, the Federal Republic. I did not have the pleasure to meet Ambassador Riley, but I can vouch for Ambassador Faisano as one of the wisest heads in the building, whatever anyone says about his nation's standard of education: that they have persisted through the failures of good legislation and the petty slurs of bad ingrates is testament to their refusal to give up. If I ever get attacked by zombies, I hope they're not from Omigodtheykilledkenny.

On that note, I'll bid you all anon, except perhaps for one last round in the Strangers Bar. On a matter of protocol, we will be keeping our office, UNBM permission willing, as a place for McXiminez to recover on the morning after the 400 straight nights before; you can fight over our annexed offices, which we no longer need, if you wish, though. And Mrs Jiffjeff asked me to remind you all to think of the children.

~Rono Pyandran
Ex-Chief of Staff
Curer of Cancer
Killer of Puppies

"This Ambassador of Havvy is deeply saddened by your leave, and I wish you good luck for the future. Please take good care of yourself."

Dr. Sizofren
UN Ambassador

(Thinks to himself: What! Is that all you can think of? Come on!)

On behalf of The Ice Queendom of Ithania I thank you with all our heart and wish your nation great success in its independent endeavours.

The political clout of Gruenberg was immediately evident when we became a member of this organisation and since that time we have listened to your representative’s words with great interest, assigning even greater weight to them.

The Ithanian delegation would now like to take this opportunity to compliment you on your sound council and natural abilities to create legislation. Particularly in the case of the FSA which we, as a nation who prizes our national sovereignty and respect for the varying cultures in the UN, hold with high regard and we will attempt to use all of our resources to protect it.

The United Nations won’t be the same without the nation of Gruenberg and the perspectives of the esteemed representatives.

Anravelle Kramer,
UN Ambassador,
Ice Queendom of Ithania.

Moros Pelvar,
Deputy UN Representative,
Ice Queendom of Ithania.

It is with sadness that I have received this news. Upon learning of it, I rushed to the General Assembly chambers to wish a heartfelt farewell to my Gruenberger friends. The loss to the United Nations and to the world is incalculable. In the name of the Committee for State Security, the Yeldan Government and all the Yeldan people, I salute this great example and this great nation.

I shall defenestrate one hundred ambassadors in your honour.

Felix Edmundovich Dzerzhinsky
Chairman, Committee For State Security

"I think we can safely echo Ambassador Kramer's view that the United Nations will not be the same without Gruenberg. The Sultanate has left its mark on this august body, with some interesting legislation which may well inspire debate for many years to come."

Ambassador Telkijski (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Sergei_Vyacheslav_Telkijski) sat down again. Well, that was reasonably diplomatic. If only Christelle were not off in the Strangers' Bar canoodling her young lover, he would not have been left with the task of sounding like a diplomat...

"Oh, and thanks for the drinks!" he added as an afterthought.

On behalf of the Kingdom of Altanar and its delegation to the United Nations, we thank Gruenberg for their service to the United Nations and the international community. We wish their nation well in its future endeavors.

- Jaris Krytellin, Ambassador

It's a shame to see the nation responsible for some of the best legislation ever passed by this body leave it, but hell, I can certainly understand why you would leave.

The past and present members of the Gruenberger delegation are always welcome to as much of my HotRodia Tequila as they can stand before passing out.

HotRodian UN Representative
Accelerus Dioce

Leetha Talone rises as Representative Dioce sits down

The Gruenberg delegation has certainly had a significant impact on this body; their departure will leave a void that few will be able to fill. It can't be said that we were frequently on the same side of any issue, but that does not keep us from acknowledging the Gruenberger intelligence and effectiveness. I raise a toast to the members of the Gruenberg delegation.

Leetha looks up only to realize she's holding a tomato.

Oh... um.. consider it a Bloody Mary in the making. ;)

Good luck to all Gruenbergers everywhere.

Welcome to the ranks of the UN kibitzers, Mr. Pyandran.

You say you're leaving, but we know you can't just walk away. I can say with amusingly vindictive authority that speaking from the sidelines beats the hell out of standing in chambers and getting the shit kicked out of you by the ignorant and ill-informed. Plus, there's more time for drinking when you don't have to answer to roll calls, and you can smoke on the terrace and thumb your nose at the busybody gnomes.

Congratulations on leaving Hell. Welcome to Heck.

MJ Donovan, CEO Emeritus
UN Mission Chief, Emeritus
The Conglomerated Oligarchical Corporate States of Frisbeeteria

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v488/frisbeeteria/UN/MJdonovan1.jpg

We wish to offer the departing Gruenberger Delegation future success in their endeavors. However, we are deeply saddened by the departure of a nation and delegation that have impacted this body greatly. We also regret that Comrade Ambassador Khernynko could not wish you well himself, however he has been called to New Stalingrad on important national business.

Demitri Petrolovich
Secretary to Elleltation Ambassador to the UN, Vladimir Khernynko,
Acting Representative of the Elleltian UN Delegation.

(Remembering that Ardchoille celebrates Hogmanay bigtime, please make allowances for Dicey's condition.)

Oh, Rono, what a heartbreak ol' sinner you are, you are! You'll abandon us to the Gruenberg-Lite brigade, the ones who use abuse as a substitute for argument, instead of using it as an adornment, the way you do. Did. Whatever.

Ah, but you'ver earned it, you and the ol' Moltan, indeed you have. An' I never said a proper goodbye to him! But I'll say it to you, Roney-baby-sweetlips, an' if you'll just settle down and stop waverin' all over the room like that, I'll give you a great big smackeroo ... (blows kiss unsteadily) ... Oh, Roney, why'd you have to go an' leave us like this ... *sniffles, launches into Auld Lang Syne, tries to cross hands with nearby delegates, fails, falls over, slides down auditorium of General Assembly, comes to rest at foot of General Secretary's podium, curls up, goes to sleep.*
________________________________________
Dicey Reilly, Co-President of Ardchoille

Federal Republic to confer MFIA status on Gruenberg

PARADISE CITY (Town Crier) -- On the heels of shocking news that Gruenberg would withdraw from the United Nations, sources in the OMGTKK State Department say that the Fernanda Administration is ready to confer MFIA, or "Major Fucking Important Ally," status upon the Sleep-Deprived Sultanate. The title, much like that of "Dean of the OMGTKK Diplomatic Corps" and "Antarctic Oasis Charter Nation," means absolutely nothing.

It does, however, effect a "major" symbolic "upgrade" of relations between the two longstanding allies. The only other nation on Earth with MFIA status is The Palentine.

"We first encountered the goat-fellaters a year and a half ago during a debate on Amb. Jack Riley's first repeal," recalls Kevin Feldman, a Kennyite UN diplomat. "We were at first really suspicious of these newcomers: you know, crazed religious fanatics with nukes, nothing really known about them, totally silent on the international scene for most of their existence (even though they've been around for hundreds of years), and they suddenly come out of nowhere? But we were sold on them when we discovered they hated dolphins just as much as we did.

"We've been friends ever since," Feldman added, before being snatched back into the oblivion from whence he was summoned.

A high-ranking State Department official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, but whose name starts with "Alex" and ends with "Tehrani," said the MFIA status would be formally conferred at a brief ceremony in Flurthwel next month, during the secretary of state's planned tour of the Malibu Islands region. The source also said Gruenberg's resignation from the United Nations had "nothing to do" with the MFIA decision, though "it was a big part of it. ... What do you mean that doesn't make any sense?"

Meaningless diplomatic titles and contradictory explanations for their bestowment weren't the whole of the Federal Republic's response to Gruenberg's UN withdrawal. There were also some terrible jokes about "Gruen 'pulling out' early- tehe!!", and, of course, the standard conspiracy-theory rant.

"I witnessed the horrific destruction of my beloved viceroyalty," claimed Riley, now ambassador to The Eternal Kawaii. "The Sanrio kittens, plotting revenge for their foiled attack on the Kawaiian capital, and with the terrible powers of the Cute One, unleashed Godzilla upon the nation! The horror! The absolute horror!"

Asked what this, if anything, has to do with Gruenberg, Riley responded: "Don't you see what's happening? Kittens' revenge? Hello Kitty gods laying waste to entire nations? Gruenberg's departure? It all spells the ruin of the sovereigntist movement; it is a direct and undeniable sign the Fluffy Apocalypse will soon be unleashed! It's all over, people! There's no hope! We haven't got a prayer! AUGHHHHHH!!!!!!"

After a brief interlude (during which antipsychotic drugs were administered), Riley further expounded upon Gruenberg's resigning from the United Nations for no apparent reason. "Why else would they do it? It's puppetwank!" he charged.

And who is this elusive goat-enabled puppet?: "Isn't it obvious? Fluffiness? Cuteness? Kitty-cats? It's Artichokeville!! They are the evil fluffy puppet! We begin bombing in five minutes!!"

There were other Kennyite critics of the sultanate's departure from the UN, not the least of which, Paradise City's rent-a-rioters, who greeted Gruenberger diplomat Rono Pyandran's resignation notice Tuesday with (yet another) angry demonstration outside Gruenberg's embassy on Van Diesel Road.

Protesters shouted and chanted anti-Gruenberger slogans, such as "Ho-ho! Hey-hey! How many Gurglestani did ya kill today?" Some wore evil-looking oversized papier-mache goat masks; others danced to trance-like drum rhythms. None were wearing any clothes. Nor had any of them bathed in months.

"This move by Gruenberg to throw off all obligations under international law is just a prelude to unspeakable atrocities to come," said the self-described leader of the impromptu mob, Amb. Dr. Angela Heismanhortmer-Weisenheimerstraussburger (or whatever), who didn't let the annoying fact that she had a Kennyite embassy in Gruenberg to run distract her from baring it all with her compadres and raising Holy Wenaist Hell. Her breasts were a ghastly sight; they sagged lower than Manuelo Fernanda's jeans. A reporter had gouged his eyes out with a toothpick by the time the interview was over.

"The Federal Republic's decision to confer MFIA status on these rabid genocidal maniacs is an insult to all of humanity," scorned Heimwilder-Weisemthraussenschlessengoat.

Paradise City Police vehicles later showed up on Van Diesel Road to spray the demonstrators with purple dye -- not to identify them for later questioning; they just thought it would be funny. (Spraying protesters with dye is still allowed under UN protocols, isn't it?)

In related news, Human Rights Watch OMGTKK claims it is actively recruiting "human shields" to be sent to Gruenberg to prevent any crimes against humanity that may occur whilst the watchdog gnomes stage their cowardly retreat from sultanic lands. The State Department, however, has stated it would not protest if goat-enforcer policemen "accidentally" killed one or two protesters "in the line of fire."

"No more pesky UN in the sultanate means we'll also be able to transfer terror suspects to their control so they can be rightly tortured like the ravenous beasts they are," gushed Cmdr. Jenny Chiang, security attache to the United Nations. Asked a follow-up question about her remarks, she replied, "I never said that ... I don't care what you thought you heard a moment ago."

State officials say the MFIA designation entitles Gruenberg "to all rights, duties, privileges and perks afforded members of the AOEAA free-trade zone, the AAA mutual-defense treaty, and the Antarctic Oasis charter nations" -- but since Gruenberg is already a member of all three organizations, the officials admit the conferment is "redundant, pointless, unnecessary flash," much like this news article.

Thanks for reading, anyway.

On behalf of UNBM's entire Board of Directors we would like to congratulate Mr. Pyandran and his staff of surviving their time in the UN without going completely insane. And as for your request to retain your office, consider it granted.

William Smithers
Senior VP,
UN Building Management

What the balding guy from Frisbee(TM) said.



http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v251/Tindalos/UN/doctor.jpg
Doctor Denis Leary
Ambassador to the UN
The Federated Technocratic Oligarchy of the Most Glorious Hack

Well that's just GREAT. Who the fuck's gonna straighten me out when I grossly misinterpret proposals and resolutions NOW?!?

It is with a heavy heart and a profound sense of loss that...

He can't just fucking LEAVE! Can he? Aw, say it ain't so, Rono....

...excellent legislation, and what's more important, sound reasoning in defense of every legislative effort...

Who's gonna patiently explain that the point I'm making is in direct violation of NS rules, the letter of the resolution, or reality itself? THE SHEIK?!? Aw, HELL no...

...and so, on behalf of myself and the entire diplomatic corps of the Icocnoclastic Swingdicate of Intangelon...

...we were just SIGGED by the guy for the first time in eighteeen months! Doesn't he know what honor that bestowed upon us? He's gotta hang around so more people can see it, dammit!

...and the whole of Greater Seattle, we bid Chief-of-Staff Rono Pyandran and the participating diplomatic mission from Gruenberg a reluctant and heartfelt farewell:

*Ben Royce and every last official, functionary and towel boy from the Intangible delegation stand and offer the Intangible Spirit-Fingered salute while intoning the formal State Farewell*

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."

Benjamin Fangthane Royce
Minister UN
The Iconoclastic Swingdicate of Intangelon

On behalf of UNBM's entire Board of Directors we would like to congratulate Mr. Pyandran and his staff of surviving their time in the UN without going completely insane.Is that a crack about us?

You're a funny guy, Smithers! Ho! Ha! ... eh.

Well, if the shoe fits... :D

Hirota wishes the Sultanate of Gruenberg well in future endeavours.

P.S Do you need all the stationery?

It has been a privilege to share this hall with the honourable ambassador. Despite our many ideological differences him and his delegation have always conducted themselves with the utmost respect towards us and they have contributed greatly to this body. We are the lesser for his departure, and I would like to thank him and wish Mr. Pyandran all the best.

Eric Lattener
Ambassador to the UN

--
There would be hell to pay over the case of Wenederian wines he'd had delivered to the Greunberg offices on the Foreign Affairs budget if someone ever found out. But they wouldn't. As the receipt disappeared into the shredder he doused the machine in petrol and, standing well back, set it on fire for good measure.

Best Wishes

Who's gonna patiently explain that the point I'm making is in direct violation of NS rules, the letter of the resolution, or reality itself? THE SHEIK?!? Aw, HELL no...


I'll always be here for you, Benji baby.

Respectfully,
Sheik Nadnerb bin Cluich
Cluichstani Ambassador to the UN

P.S. Oh, and by the way...

http://test256.free.fr/UN%20Cards/office.jpg

Somebody had to do it. :p

Best wishes for your future life in RL (and NS).
Do we have already encountered your new NSUN nation or do we have to expect to encounter it soon?;)

Is that a crack about us?

You're a funny guy, Smithers! Ho! Ha! ... eh.

Actually, no, that was a general assessment of the UN as a whole.

William Smithers
Senior VP
UN Building Management

Ambassador Alfred Devereux Sweynsson MD (still wearing that bloody penguin costume) rises to his feet and speaks _

"My government notes with deep regret, but also with understanding, the departure of Gruenberg from this organisation: Our nation feels like that sometimes, too. There may have been a few times when your proposals to the UN were a little bit more extreme than we were entirely comfortable with, but we valued you as a political ally here and your contribution to the cause of National Sovereignty cannot be understated.
As you're being allowed to retain your office in this building, will you be holding a party there to celebrate this change of status?"

I'll always be here for you, Benji baby.

How...reassuring....






:eek:

We wish Gruen well.

We look forward to continuing diplomatic relations with the Sultanate of Gruenberg through our connections in the National Sovereignty Organization, UN DEFCON, and the UN Old Guard.

May your nation never fail, nor your people ever revolt.