NationStates Jolt Archive

Ban Heater Hoggers.

(category) Spoilt Cats

(strength) Nukes may be necessary

Noting winter mornings have the potential to be very cold.

Further noting the necessity of using artificial sources to heat homes, and warm the occupants therein, when temperatures drop to an uncomfortable level. These sources may include, but are not limited to, electric heaters, oil heaters and open fires.

Believing humans, and/or other sentient beings, deserve to get the lions share of the heat output from these sources without fat black cats lying on the floor right next to them and soaking up most of said heat.

Demands action be taken so all people have the right to remove these warmth sponges without prejudice, threats from animal cruelty groups and/or attacks from cat armies and/or meow ins from feline protest groups and/or copping “the look” from the guilty party.

Mandates all sentient beings have the right and power to relocate fat black cats away from heat sources, using reasonable force if necessary.

Stating it is time we all banded together and reclaimed our heaters from these heater hoggers.
This proposal is a joke, and was inspired by my fat black cat which is lying between me and the heater right now. It has not, and will not, be submitted, but while I was writing it, an idea did come into my mind.

Being warm in winter, especially in cold nations, is important, and I am wondering how a proposal on the subject would fly. I don't mean the sort of thing that would mandate that every nation make sure all their people have access to warm areas, but more making it easier for people to provide warmth for themselves, such as freeing the market for goods like blankets, heaters, firewood. That sort of thing.

I'm not an expert on this sort of subject, and don't know a lot about free trade, but just wanted to put the idea out there and see what the rest of you think about it.

Joke Proposals.

Fun to make and even pretend to seriously debate here on the forums, but don't submit them. Hack will laugh, but if it looks like it might reach the UN floor he'll have no choice but to follow the rules and zap ya.

That said ... finding a category ... hmmm ...
Moral Decency. We don't want you getting shut out in the cold while your fat cat enjoys all your heat and animal rights activists will just have to deal "tough cookies" folks. ;)

I don't know if Bears Armed will swing by, but if such a proposal comes to the floor for debate (not via the queue as a resolution of course), I'll call our ursine neighbors attention to the legislation. They may have a unique perspective.

I know better than to even consider submitting this :).

Can't anyway, Witchcliff is in my own region at the moment with no endorsements. That is the reason my serious proposal, Orbital Space Safety Act hasn't been put into the list yet.

Bears Armed don't worry me too much, but I do hope the inflatable Gandalfs stay away. They are too bossy :p.

Bears Armed don't worry me too much, but I do hope the inflatable Gandalfs stay away. They are too bossy :p.
I don't know, I would think that putting an inflatable Gandalf between a cat and a heat source would prevent the cat from blocking access to it.

The great and half-furry nation of Ardchoille strongly opposes this discriminatory attempt at legislation, and will resist it with every fibre of our 50%-feline population's being!

Representatives are even now having discussions with our oppressed, tinier (and, apparently, dumber: don't you know how to keep your humans in check?) brethren in Witchliff. Strategies under consideration include an international ban on rodent-pursuit and mass white-fur-shedding in areas of greatest dark-suit concentration.

If police or military authorities attempt to intervene to prevent our advisors' entry, they will find themselves well and truly kneaded.

Should Witchliff not immediately withdraw this appalling, outrrrrrageous proposal, we will not hesitate to use the Lysistrata's Cat ploy. This would subject your not-entirely-innocent population to a complete refusal of all chin-rubbing, ankle-weaving and welcoming meows.

We have generously opened our borders to the shocked refugees who can already hear the bark of doom; those who recignise this for what it is, the growl that heralds an outright attack on the ancient rights of our peoples.

Your Felinity-in-Exile will have our not-inconsiderable support in reinstating your inconsiderate nation's cats to their rightful position, ie, that which is warmest, coolest, softest, newest or otherwise most comfortable.

Downtrodden cats of Witchliff, join with your brethren world-wide as we yowl the stirring words that record our faith in the symbol (http://www.nationstates.net/ardchoilleans) we have adopted (thanks, Ausserland) as our flag, to fly proudly over the hearts and minds of our citizens:

The People's Cat is deepest red,
It's shrouded oft our half of the bed;
And, lest our limbs grow stiff and cold,
We've anchored claws in every fold.

So raise the scarlet banner high!
Beneath this flag we're warm as pie!
Let tyrants fret and traitors sneer,
We've got electric blankets here!

EDIT: NOTING that I haven't actually said a word about the proposal contents, ummmm ... you can't "mandate" the power to do stop cats doing what they want, because that would suggest that the UN is capable of herding cats, which would be an incipient violation of our national sovereignty. Somehow.

Very funny. I like the part about "meow-ins" and "The Look". You have a few options on how to do this. Two easy, one difficult:
Social Justice: Mandating that states provide for less well of citizens, or that nations fund a Warm Distribution Committee.
Free Trade: As you mentioned, removal of tarrifs or something with heating supplies.
Human Rights: This is more difficult, and would likely be 'mild' as forcing anything would probably fall into one of the other categories.

I suppose, perhaps, you could spin Environmental Deregulation by removing pollution caps on coal and oil powered power plants during cold months. The Fluffy contingent would probably go nuts, though.

What type cat is this as here we have used cat fur to line gloves and boots.. Makes for warm wear... Believe this would help solve this issue and provide you for a warm time...

I don't know, I would think that putting an inflatable Gandalf between a cat and a heat source would prevent the cat from blocking access to it.

Well, true, but then we'd just be swapping one species of heater hog for another, and something tells me the inflatable Gandalf's would be harder to dislodge than fat black cats :p.


Very funny. I like the part about "meow-ins" and "The Look". You have a few options on how to do this. Two easy, one difficult:
Social Justice: Mandating that states provide for less well of citizens, or that nations fund a Warm Distribution Committee.
Free Trade: As you mentioned, removal of tarrifs or something with heating supplies.
Human Rights: This is more difficult, and would likely be 'mild' as forcing anything would probably fall into one of the other categories.

I suppose, perhaps, you could spin Environmental Deregulation by removing pollution caps on coal and oil powered power plants during cold months. The Fluffy contingent would probably go nuts, though.

I think the free trade would probably be the best way to go for something serious on the subject. Social Justice, aka welfare, would probably attract a lot of hostility, and I think going in the direction of freeing up the market should both allow people better access to warmth related goods, and keep most governments happy because of the possible economic benefits.

Maybe a recommendation for deregulation of fuel industries could fit in that as well. The fluffies may be less likely to notice if it is buried in the middle of the nice sounding stuff :p.

"Mrrrar. As the Ardchoilleans have already pointed out, sometimes the cats are sentient -- and, indeed, sapient -- beings themselves.
'Inflatable Gandalfs' as barriers? Don't you know that cats have claws?!?"

Lady Pyewhacket,
Security Officer (& head of Vermin Control),
St Edmundan Antarctic mission to the UN.

Ardchoilleans']The great and half-furry nation of Ardchoille strongly opposes this discriminatory attempt at legislation, and will resist it with every fibre of our 50%-feline population's being!

Representatives are even now having discussions with our oppressed, tinier (and, apparently, dumber: don't you know how to keep your humans in check?) brethren in Witchliff. Strategies under consideration include an international ban on rodent-pursuit and mass white-fur-shedding in areas of greatest dark-suit concentration.

If police or military authorities attempt to intervene to prevent our advisors' entry, they will find themselves well and truly kneaded.

Should Witchliff not immediately withdraw this appalling, outrrrrrageous proposal, we will not hesitate to use the Lysistrata's Cat ploy. This would subject your not-entirely-innocent population to a complete refusal of all chin-rubbing, ankle-weaving and welcoming meows.

We have generously opened our borders to the shocked refugees who can already hear the bark of doom; those who recignise this for what it is, the growl that heralds an outright attack on the ancient rights of our peoples.

Your Felinity-in-Exile will have our not-inconsiderable support in reinstating your inconsiderate nation's cats to their rightful position, ie, that which is warmest, coolest, softest, newest or otherwise most comfortable.

Downtrodden cats of Witchliff, join with your brethren world-wide as we yowl the stirring words that record our faith in the symbol (http://www.nationstates.net/ardchoilleans) we have adopted (thanks, Ausserland) as our flag, to fly proudly over the hearts and minds of our citizens:

The People's Cat is deepest red,
It's shrouded oft our half of the bed;
And, lest our limbs grow stiff and cold,
We've anchored claws in every fold.

So raise the scarlet banner high!
Beneath this flag we're warm as pie!
Let tyrants fret and traitors sneer,
We've got electric blankets here!

EDIT: NOTING that I haven't actually said a word about the proposal contents, ummmm ... you can't "mandate" the power to do stop cats doing what they want, because that would suggest that the UN is capable of herding cats, which would be an incipient violation of our national sovereignty. Somehow.

Now, now there is no need for all these threats. We are not aiming this at sentient felines, who are recognised fully as sentient beings. This is only aimed at non-sentient animal felines who, using only instinct not intellect, hog heat sources while the sentient beings who own the home, heat source and guilty feline, shiver.

You have obviously never met a fat, spoilt, Witchcliffian black cat. They have ruled the roost long enough. Most are pampered so badly it is shameful. It is high time these felines were shown their proper place in the household, which is keeping their owners laps warm, chasing mice, and beating up cheeky dogs.

Threatening to unleash a feline rebellion upon our nation in response to this perfectly resonable proposal is totally unacceptable. Any attempt by Ardchoillean agitatiors to enter our nation to foster this kind of unrest will be met with all the reistance we can muster. The dogs of war will be unleashed; litterally.

Expanding on the point made by the honorable representative of St Edmundan Antarctic, I'd like to point out that all cats are sentient and the vast majority are sapient -- much more so than some of those who take part in debates in this Assembly. (I make no specific references here. If the shoe fits, tug it on!)

Mortimer M. Mudge
Person Who Wandered into the Ausserland Delegation Offices and Hasn't Been Tossed Out on His Ear (Yet)

:p

[RANT] HAH! So much for the "benevolence" of your outdated monarchy! You fear the truth so much you would forbid your felinitry to hear it! Nonetheless, a crack squad of telepaths is even now gathering well within the legal borders of our nation to broadcast to your downtrodden cats ...[RANT continues in background]

Witchliff, can't remember whether we've exchanged ambassadors. If we had, mine would now be saying to your Minister for Foreign Affairs ...

"Actually, my government is (my, these shrimp patties are delicious!) extremely grateful you came up with this right now. It's just what we needed to distract attention from the lack of action in the Bast situation. I don't suppose you'd like to expel me for a month or so? Just between friends? It'd go over a treat ..."

While, on the crowded back-benches of the General Assembly ...

"Hey, this is fun! Is there anyone else we can denounce, while we're at it?"

"The Secretary-General?" suggested the Co-President of Ardchoille, Dicey Reilly. Mentally she reviewed that worthy's various comments on the subject of unions, workers' rights, public health, etc, etc. They still rankled.

The High Priest looked shocked. "What, denounce that preux chevalier, sans peur and sans rapproche? He for whom choirs of little children in white sailor-suits sing praises every morning? He to whom the international community sends container-loads of lozenges to soothe his hacking cough? He who ..."

"All right, all right, that's enough sucking-up for one post!

"Er, Fellow Members of the General Assembly, Ardchoille objects to this proposal's attempt to introduce free trade by stealth. Have the guts to bring it out into the open where we can stomp on it. Thank you. That is all.

Definitely all."

The fat black cat is in itself a source of heat, giving back what it has hogged. My concern is the tiny poofy cats that hog the heat without giving any back.

[RANT] HAH! So much for the "benevolence" of your outdated monarchy! You fear the truth so much you would forbid your felinitry to hear it! Nonetheless, a crack squad of telepaths is even now gathering well within the legal borders of our nation to broadcast to your downtrodden cats ...[RANT continues in background]

Witchliff, can't remember whether we've exchanged ambassadors. If we had, mine would now be saying to your Minister for Foreign Affairs ...

"Actually, my government is (my, these shrimp patties are delicious!) extremely grateful you came up with this right now. It's just what we needed to distract attention from the lack of action in the Bast situation. I don't suppose you'd like to expel me for a month or so? Just between friends? It'd go over a treat ..."

While, on the crowded back-benches of the General Assembly ...

"Hey, this is fun! Is there anyone else we can denounce, while we're at it?"

"The Secretary-General?" suggested the Co-President of Ardchoille, Dicey Reilly. Mentally she reviewed that worthy's various comments on the subject of unions, workers' rights, public health, etc, etc. They still rankled.

The High Priest looked shocked. "What, denounce that preux chevalier, sans peur and sans rapproche? He for whom choirs of little children in white sailor-suits sing praises every morning? He to whom the international community sends container-loads of lozenges to soothe his hacking cough? He who ..."

"All right, all right, that's enough sucking-up for one post!

"Er, Fellow Members of the General Assembly, Ardchoille objects to this proposal's attempt to introduce free trade by stealth. Have the guts to bring it out into the open where we can stomp on it. Thank you. That is all.

Definitely all."

I’m not too worried about your threat/promise of a telepathic attack. I doubt our over indulged fat black cats would stay awake or stop scoffing prime quality sardines long enough to listen.

I don’t really understand your extreme opposition to our proposed legislation. We don’t want to declaw these four footed menaces, or remove their vocal cords, or use them for bayonet practice. We just want to reclaim our heaters, and give everyone else with a heater hogging fat black cat problem in the NSUN the same right. What is wrong with that?

No, we haven’t exchanged ambassadors, but if we had, our foreign affairs minister would be replying to your ambassador….

You want us to expel you? Umm, that may not be such a good idea. We dispose of unwanted foreigners by catapult, and just can’t get the trajectory quite right. The last ambassador we got rid of was some strange joker we found in a zoo sharing a cage with a female gorilla, said he’d been there since before the rebirth. Not too sure about that, but we decided to send him back where he came from, though the gorilla put up a heck of a fight when we removed him from her cage. Anyway, after the catapult, which received huge ratings on Witchcliff TV, we got word that he didn’t make it back to his nation, though we are sure the co-ordinates were correct. Seems he crashed down through the roof of a neighboring nation’s biggest brothel. Now they can’t get him out for love nor money. You surely don’t want to share a fate like that?

... Seems he crashed down through the roof of a neighboring nation’s biggest brothel. Now they can’t get him out for love nor money ...

Promise?

Can't anyway, Witchcliff is in my own region at the moment with no endorsements. That is the reason my serious proposal, Orbital Space Safety Act hasn't been put into the list yet.


And that's a damned shame, because it's a fine proposal.

You ... you just complimented Waterana!! :eek:

You ... you just complimented Waterana!! :eek:

No, I complimented the proposal. ;)

Seriously, though, I've got no problem complimenting someone when compliments are due. She's written an excellent proposal and deserves to be complimented for the effort.

You ... you just complimented Waterana!! :eek:
No, he complimented Witchcliff. Waterana is just a shadow, a memory, something passed and forgotten ;).

Besides, I welcome the compliments. If I can write something a staunch nat sover like Cluich approves of, then I must be doing something right for once. Stop stirring the pot you :p.

The Witchcliff representative, after performing a sudden foot movement, stalks off as one single word passes around the room from the other representatives present. "Omigodshekickedkenny", they whisper to each other.

No, I complimented the proposal. ;)

Seriously, though, I've got no problem complimenting someone when compliments are due. She's written an excellent proposal and deserves to be complimented for the effort.
I've almost given up on my region. They are about as active as coma patients in there. Have decided to move Witchcliff to one of the Pacifics or the RR sometime today. Hopefully, I should have 2 endorsements by monday or tuesday, and can submit OSSA then.