NationStates Jolt Archive

(I know this is an RP thread, of sorts, but I hope it's ok in the UN forum. I think given many people use established characters as their reps, knowing a bit about their office will give us an insight into them, as well as allowing the 'lol we're stealing office supplies' jokes to flow like wine.)

Ex-Ambassador Weisgaarden's Office
Location: [unsure - haven't actually got one from UNBM yet]

The Ambassador's office is suitably messy. So many papers are strewn about that the notice of eviction from UN Building Management after Golgothastan's withdrawal from the United Nations is long lost. At present, they think it's beneath the wobbling stack of tax returns, but it's also possible it was torn up as bedding for the hamster, Bob, whose cage sits in a particularly document-festooned corner. Either way, no one seems to have noticed. This is not a problem for Weisgaarden, who has experience of being both a bachelor and then a divorcee (he prefers not to dwell on the bit in the middle), and so is well accustomed to turning living filth into respectable habitability. Narrow channels and corridors are carved through the piles of paper, and he maintains that he can find anything he wants - just not right now. His inbox has been flattened from the sheer weight of abusive telegrams he received during his brief return to the floor during the abortio debates, whilst his outbox houses his lunch - from about six weeks ago. It's green, but it was once some sort of meat product.

The air is stale, and the cheap 80s wallpower yellowing, overcome by his terrific rate of smoking. Ashtrays brim over with stubs, and anyone opening the "Moral Decency" drawer in the ungainly metal filing cabinets would in fact find stacks of cigarette boxes. Whilst writing, he usually flicks at his lighter anxiously with his left hand, but other assorted ones are scattered about, as he can never find one quick enough when he gets agitated, or blind drunk. There is a small cabinet housing a couple of fine malts, and a fridge that groans angrily throughout the night.

His desk is equally cluttered. A clunky wooden affair, its drawers brim with yet more papers and about three hundred biros - none of which work, yet all of which leak. He keeps his spare shirt in the bottom drawer, along with the emergency kit: hip flask, Camels, gnome repellant, ping-pong bat. On the desk is his computer, which he'll figure out how to use soon, his telephone, which he shouts at and likes throwing at people, and his shoes, which he takes off and forgets about.

Then there are the personal touches. A dartboard with his ex-wife's face sellotaped across it; an "I Hate Fetuses!" banner in gaudy purple stretched over the door; assorted certificates and photos stuck to the wall; on his desk, a small photograph of an old flame set in a dulling fake-silver frame; the charred remains of his national flag hastily pinned over his desk. The door bears his name tag - "Amb. J. Vicegarten". And blue-tacced in the window, is a cartoon:

http://www.redmeat.com/redmeat/2004-05-11/index-1.gif

What is your Ambassador's office like?

A van in the UN building parkinglot.

This reminds me... I gotta write up my wiki page...

34th Floor of the UN building. I imagine the temperature is in the 60's (Fahrenheit).

I'm still looking for mine as all I got was a key and take the elevator to sub-basement level seven. Then go just past the old boiler room down seven doors on left. Or was that on the right as soon as I find my way back to the elevator and ground level will check.

Dancing Bananland is there an open parking space next to you as may be moving in next door to you if can't find this dang office.

Open parking space?

Not really, its not so much a parking lot (which is always full) as a park, across the street from the UN building, under a big shady oak.

Down on the seventh basement level, you'll find the offices of the Ausserland delegation. Turn right as you exit the elevator and go down almost to the end of the hall. The sign on the door says "BOILER ROOM."

You'll first enter the reception office. There's a desk (spotlessly clean) and two folding chairs. The desk will likely be unoccupied, since our receptionist, Ms. Adeline Smertz, will probably be on her two-hour lunch break or one of her one-hour coffee breaks. No matter. Just go on down the short hall.

You come first to Ambassador Ahlmann's office. A desk, half a dozen file cabinets, three desktop computers and one chair for visitors... er... a visitor. You think it's a desk, anyway. There are so many papers piled on and around it, it's hard to tell.

Ambassador Barfanger's office is next. A rather nice, uncluttered desk, a file cabinet, and three comfortable chairs for guests. It would be quite nice if it wasn't for the ever-present pall of cigar smoke and the overflowing ashtrays.

Then you come to the office of Dr. Olembe, the Minister for Foreign Affairs. Nicely but not ostentatiously furnished. The thing that catches your eye is the large portrait behind the desk: a depiction of that admirable figure from the legendary land of RL: Harry S Truman.

Last, but certainly not least, is the largest room in the complex. It's obviously the sanctum sanctorum for the delegation. A large table flanked by a half dozen chairs is in the middle. Along the walls are a sink, cabinets with two microwaves, and four refrigerators. In three of them, you find the shelves heaped with packages of kielbasa, hot dogs, hamburger patties and sliced cheese. The vegetable drawers contain onions. And the door shelves are packed with bottles of more types of condiments than you knew existed. (Siberian mustard seems to be the most popular.) The last refrigerator is filled with bottles of Iron City, Foster's, Beck's Dark, and several brands of dwarven dark beer. Finally, you open the large cupboard on the left. Somehow, you're not surprised to find it stuffed with hot dog, hamburger and hoagie buns -- plus a good supply of Stagg's chili.

It's obvious to you now: dwarves definitely have their priorities straight. ;)

Stephanie Fulton walks into her office, again. Sure, it hadn't been officially made hers, but near enough.

She surveys the differences since her last retirement. The Darsomiri delagation had put in lots of things, and forgot to remove them. She decides she likes the look of the Darsomir flag, and the texts on the Law of the Flame look like they'd be good bedtime reading.


Interestingly, there is still a full set of furniture. Guess that's what happens when nations leave without telling anyone. She still has to see about getting control of the 29th floor back for Hannah, but this should do fine for now.

I had an office once. A rather nice office it was, even though somewhat small due to the general nature of Niftyonia not having many UN members (or even non UN members for that matter). Then one day. I'm evicted. Someone from management tells me I am no longer the regional deligate. Apparently our regional deligate was changed to some nation named "Blank." Well to make a long story short I was so upset I got DaVane to be the regional deligate and I don't think he's been in the office since he got the job.

Meanwhile I managed to set up a nice little space on the far table to the left in the Starbucks. I have a nice wide screen laptop with access to our pattented TARDIS system, so whenever you want to talk to my secretary I can always turn the laptop towards you.

In order to accomodate our large amount of representatives to these great halls, we ordered an office on the first floor. Unfortunately, this great office with a pool table, big screen tv, wetbar, its own conference room, and a fully integrated private internet network, only housed two representatives comfortably: the Presiding Jevian UN Representative Drew Domz and the Deputy Vance Aceon. The other 13 of the 15 representatives have been subjected to advancing our claims to the new wing of the UN Building consisting solely of port o pottys. We've claimed roughly 250 port o pottys since their opening for our other representatives and gladly retain sovereignty over each one. :)

The Forgotten Territories office forever resides on whatever is deemed to be the lowest habitable basement level available - and takes up nearly the entire floor. Most of it is controlled by offices and bunks for Angel Fire soldiers who continually rotate to fend against the enslaught of mutants from the lower basements - taking regular casualties. Ambassadors are advised not to approach hallway C as there is a lot of blood....and bodies....and puke from those that didn't heed the advice.

The actual ambassador office is held near the main stairwell from the upper levels. The floor is hard concrete with patches of rug from the various offices that have been sacked. A beer fridge full of cola and a sofa also lie here. A small desk and a single filing cabinet are all the ambassador gets to work with. Bagsy parties being enforced by the Angel Fire forces are fairly regular though often only in time to grab more rug - there are certainly disadvantages for being in the farthest corner from the action.

The walls are cracked and the paint is peeling - leftovers from the former mutant inhabitants. The floors are clean because Jones keeps getting mop duty. Other rooms nearby are empty, but reserved for any Aberdeen member who chooses to get offices down here - officially, this space is reserved for Aberdeen herself, not just the Forgotten Territories.

Perhaps we should remind the Dancing Bananland representative of that fact, but it would require us to go outside so perhaps not.

The van is a black custom 1982 GMC Van with red speedlines, purchased from a disbanded mercenary group. Origionally used as a spy van, the equipment has been moved to antoehr vehicel, and replaced with some cots, a hotplate, and a 20-inch tv with a little DVD player and a selection of videogame consoles at the back. The seats are old leather, and the A/C is unreliable at best.

At this time the tires are dangerously approaching 'flat' status, and a wasps nest has been constructed underneath the passenger side running board, which all the Van's four residents are afraid to remove. All UN Delegates are welcome inside for a party, jam session, or just to sit around get stoned and listen to "stairway to heaven".

Wait....is that the one Ronalk blew up?

No, it was one several vans before that. In case you don't get the hint, it was purchased from Mr. T by Funky G circa 1998.

No bells ringing, I'm afraid.

I've got a nice little place on the fifth floor. Unlike the rest of you mutants, I've got a real office complete with my very own futon. Of course, since the Hack isn't actually in the UN, we had to play a few games to get this place. And since I don't have any official ID, I can't leave the building until I retire. Luckily, I've got that futon, and the local pizza joints don't mind using my juryrigged dumbwaiter outside my window. It works pretty good, I think.


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v251/Tindalos/Random/doctor.jpg
Doctor Denis Leary
Ambassador to the UN
The Federated Technocratic Oligarchy of the Most Glorious Hack

Mr. T, the A-Team, his custom 1982 Helluva-fast GMC van?


Okay, anyway, the point is Funky g bought it, and it now serves is super-low-cost apartments for my UN reps.

Okay. I'll wing it now.

The UN Building's electrical bill will have a very noticable change in it this coming month. Norderia moved in on the 34th floor, and determined immediately that the default summertime temperature of 73 degrees Fahrenheit was entirely too high. The Norderian offices take up about one fifth of the floor, and in that space, the thermostat has plunged to maintain an average temperature of 59 degrees Fahrenheit.

The office is newly renovated. Norderia had nothing to do with that, for certain. It's only been in the building for a week or so. The front office is visible from the elevator bank. The wall is made of glass -- a floor to ceiling window, to be exact, that comes from the door to a wall just out of sight, to the left, of the elevator bank. The window has a large, opaque white decal on it in the shape of the NSUN Insignia on it. The door, likewise, has a large window, but is metal (one might imagine some inexpensive aluminum alloy)starting 5 inches from the border. It is on the right side of the large window wall A similar decal is placed on the door, though smaller, with the words "The Cold Shores of Norderia; UN Office" located beneath the UN symbol.

Entering the metal-framed door places the L-shaped Receptionist's desk to the left. Between the desk and the front window/wall is a space to walk in to a coat closet. There is nothing special about this coat closet. It's just for coats. Although I suppose one could fit a broom or two inside.

To the right of the door as you enter is a wall. It is plain white-washed. Hanging majestically from the ceiling a few inches from the wall, and a foot or so from the ceiling is a large Norderian flag: Three Vertical stripes, each one third of the length of the entire flag, colored black, dark purple, and black, in that order. Straight ahead are the windows to the outside. Across the street is the hotel that Tommo the Stout had been staying in while awaiting accomodations in the UN Building. A banner is hung from the roof. "Come back Mr. Stout!" Tommo the Stout was a healthy patron of their room service.

Behind the Receptionist's desk, the back wall (that is, windows) continues down a hall. Shortly, the hallway opens up into a modern cubicle farm. This is where the UN Ambassador Tommo the Stout's aides work. It also happens to be where MP Tommo the Stout's aides work. Parliamentary elections have not yet taken place, and Tommo the Stout still holds his position in the Norderian Parliament while abroad, serving in the UN. There are roughly 8 work spaces. Some are set up with computers, some aren't. A copy-machine/scanner/fax sits in the corner.

The entire office is located in a corner of the building, two of the four walls of the subicle farm are windowed. Moving along the wall, rounding the corner, and proceeding along that other wall brings one to the opposite corner from where they entered the cubicle farm. A short hallway ends in a large, wooden door. Walking down that hallway toward the door, one would pass an open doorway that leads to a kitchen on the left. Cabinetry, a sink, and a refrigerator can be found within, stocked with standard things. Bottles of water, cans of soda, loaves of bread, chip dip, salad-making stuff. Moving further down the hall, just beyond the kitchen, is a hallway. Portraits of Norderian landmarks and nature line this otherwise empty hallway that leads to the office's back exit which comes out to the left of the main door. Another room on the left shows up after the exit hallway. This one has a door separating it from the office, however. Inside is a set of couches, a coffee table, and some magazines like Time, This Week (a weekly Norderian publication), and a few newspapers from Norderia's bigger cities, lay strewn about.

Finally, the door at the end of the hall opens up into Tommo the Stout's office. A large (no kidding. Large) leather office chair sits behind a modern plastic and particle board desk. A computer with a monitor tree containing four flat moniters aligned in 2x2 is at the desk. The desk has three drawers to the right, and a cabinet on the left, both units beneath the desk top. The cabinet is really just a mini-fridge filled with such things as Norderian vodka, Powderlandi chocolates, Ladolian cold cuts, and other such regional favorites.

A nice pair of chairs sits across from the desk to handle visitors, but more often than not, the sitting room next door is where meetings happen. There is not much in the way of papers and clutter, but the garbage can is full of crumpled paper, snack wrappers, and Snapple bottles.

Bookshelves line the back of the office, filled with legal tomes, classic philosophy books of both the eastern and western persuasion, and fantasy novels. Diplomas and certificates are hung on another wall in the office for all to see. Proudly in the middle is Tommo the Stout's kindergarten graduation diploma. Norderian humor.

Filling a shelf among the books is a CD player and a collection of classical pieces, and modern experimental... things. Music is almost certainly being played when the Ambassador is in. Hanging on the wall opposite the diplomas is a wooden shield plaque with two handaxes crossed in front of it. The art of axe handling is well-respected in the heavily wooded country, and Tommo the Stout's national championship-winning axes hang proudly. He has since retired, but keeps up practice from time to time with wooden replicas.

A picture of the Ambassador shaking hands with the current Prime Minister, Larson Hietala, hangs nearby the axes. Tommo the Stout is a large man, about 2 meters in height, with a wide girth, long, wavy blond hair always tied back, and a blond beard from his sideburns and across his chin. The Prime Minister is a shorter man, but still remarkably tall, and thinner, with shorter blond hair and a thinner, better trimmed beard.

The desk will likely be unoccupied, since our receptionist, Ms. Adeline Smertz, Is she a short plump young lady wears bottle cap glasses. If so you'd better start looking for a replacement for her as think the Zombies found her.. and took her down to their office..

Also the cooling units down here were removed as part of some recycling program in place now so don't think the tempatures on the upper levels will stay cool long.

The boiler works fine as had diner with the fellow says he a janitor other day while trying to find my office and it put a nice even brown on our toast. Now all we need is to find where he left the jelly. Anyone know how to get to the level seven janitors closet in hall two?

OH! If anyone lost a pet gator it's down here at the end of the hall just off the elevator. Please come get it as it won't let us pass to find our office.

Probably an idea to put the NS Wiki link in: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/UN_Building

Randomean Office: 38th floor

The Randomean office is filled with the sounds of sawing, drilling and hammerring as the remains of a bar are destroyed and much of the kitchen too. Shelves, desks and chairs are slowly being installed, while neat piles of files and loose papers sit against a wall.
By the window with the best view the desk of the UN representative, Ms Hodgelett Tirith has been placed. Various small gadgets and business toys are arranged neatly upon it, from a laptop to magnetic sculptures, a holepunch that automatically finds the middle and an electric shock 'pen'. A small phalenopsis (moth orchid) is in one corner while a pretty mirror photoframe holds a picture of her 'Poli-princess', the baby Princess Tamela. Everything is neatly stored away as the Randomeans are used to having to work in a coridoor and the Strangers Bar, and not the whole floor.
Ms. Trith's secretary, a conservative, dryly-enthusiastic young man, is often to be found sitting at his new desk, perhaps spending far too much time planning his office.
A few other Randomean personel come and go, since aquiring the room the possibilities that meetings between ministers and Ms.Tirith would take place actually at the UN have increased, and so a coffee table in Randomean meanie wood and a few comfortable chairs wait encased in bubblewrap.
A small aviary waits in one corner for a few of the smaller Randomean birds and tropical potted plants are dotted around - usually scented such as gardenia, puffin plants and bubblegum trees.
Plans for construction are lying on the floor amid a train of sawdust which show the planned layout. A small pearly dragon pen plan lies discarded much to the secretary's relief.

The first thing you'll see as you walk along the corridor is a walnut pannelled door, with a highly polished name plate reading "The Offices of the Representation of the Governorate of Cobdenia to the United Nations". You open the door and walk inside; and see two doors, one to the left and one to the right, next to which are wooden desks with typewriters sitting on them, one of which has a rather attractive young female secretary in 1930's clothing behind it; one is neat and tidy, the other not. Behind each of the two desks are four wooden filing cabinets; on the wall opposite the main door is a rather magnificent portrait of the Governor-General of Cobdenia in the full Gubernatorial Navy dress uniform of an Admiral of the Fleet. On either side of the portrait their is the Cobdenian diplomatic flag and the flag of the UN, both with gold frilly edges. In the centre of the room are two high back leather chairs and a leather sofa around a low coffee table, with a gun metal ashtray in the centre. A man is waiting, and reading one of the paper magazines that are on the coffee table: A 1930 copy of The Weekly Dicky, devoted entirely of photographs of Dame Elizabeth Cutler-Newington in the nuddy. The walnut door on the left side has on it a brass plaque, about the size of an A4 piece of paper, that reads "His Exellency Sir Cyril Gordon Muffplaster Radionov Casaba O'Mahoney Askalan DeDerrier von Holsterman Wyznyjytski Ungern-Sturmberg Banerjee Svenssen M'Beki Vicenzo MacLehose-Strangways-Jones III, KCRC, LOG, Representative-Extraordinaire and Plenipotentiary of the Governorate of Cobdenia to the United Nations".

You go through the door. The room is walnut panelled with a parquet floor, in the centre of which is a Persian rug. Opposite the door is a coal fire place, roaring, over which is another portrait of the Governor. At each end of the mantlepiece are minature flags of Cobdenia and the UN. The coal scuttle and all the implements for tending the fire are highly polished. Next to each fireplace on each side is a long sideboard, both of which are filled with pictures of children, most in their late teens or early 20's, although some are younger, in matching frames. One sideboard has boys, the other girls. On each of the picture frames is a little plaque with the name of the person in it: Stephen, Arnold, Glenda, Frances, Francis, Partario are among some of them. These are photographs of Sir Cyril's children. To your right, there is a bay window with net curtains and large draping silk curtains and a large desk in front of it. The desk is of a good quality, probably Georgian, and is made from oak with a leather top and finely decorated. There are three neat wooden trays filled with papers, although none go over the top, and three pens laid, two pencils, an ink well and an ink blotter on a very nice writing set, as well as a shaded desk lamp. A well upholstered leather office chair sits behind the desk, facing into the room, and an armchair on the other side. There is a hatstand in the corner, on which is a bowler hat, a camel overcoat, an umbrella, a black jacket and waistcoat, and, oddly enough, a 1930's style woman's suit jacket. On the wall by the door (which opens the other way) is Sir Cyril's commision, framed, above which is a ceremonial bicorn hat and sword, in a special frame. You turn to the left, and behind the door is a row of neat wooden filing cabinets, and at the back of the room a brown leather sofa. Hanging over the sofa is a large magnificent painting of a sea battle, probably from the early 19th century. Around the sofa are a pair men's long johns, a pair of striped tousers, a pair of women's knickers, a blouse and a brassiere. On top of the sofa is the other secretary, wearing very little. On top of the secretary is Sir Cyril, resplended in nothing but a shirt. You shut the door very quickly, and move to the door on the other side of the reception area.

This door has a torn piece of paper attached to it using sellotape and a drawing pin; which has "Field Marshal Sir Brian "Pointy" Blatherstock, CRC, CGA, SBN, SBT, PNCW" in rather bad handwriting. Underneath this, on the same piece of paper "This man is an idiot. SBN, SBT and PCNW stand for Scout Badge for Needlework, Scout Badge for Tracking and Pot Noodle Competition Winner. This is how stupid he is" in a different pen and much neater handwriting. The secretary looks bored. You walk in through the door, and find a layout similar to Sir Cyrils office. Except there is no rug on the floor, the fireplace is boarded up, the windows have no curtains and have masking tape stuck over each frame diagonally. The portrait over the fireplace is of Sir Brian himself in uniform (and is slightly wonky). The room is very untidy, with papers and empty pot noodle pots scattered everywhere on the floor. Where, in Sir Cyril office, there were filing cabinets and side boards, there are racks full of weapons from different periods and different designs: Lee Enfields, Brown Besses, Lewis Guns, Martini-Henry's, the lot. None of them have been looked after. On the desk (similar to Sir Cyrils, but in bad condition) are a series of different hand granades and small bombs. The chairs are made from canvas, and where the sofa would be was a small camp bed. Behind the desk is a moron in an Army uniform eating a pot noodle and weilding a revolver. You leave quickly.

Back in the reception, you notice Sir Cyril's secretary is back, albeit with her hair messed up, the buttons on her blouse in the wrong holes and crooked stokings. Sir Brian's secretary is missing. You decide against enquiring...

'An office...' I mused, behind the wheel of my convertible amphibian craft that has over 1,000,000 miles on it, and which took about approximately 97% of the spending budget for the International office of the FRR government. 'That would save the 12 hour commute to work every day...'

-James Schmitt
Foreign Ambassador from the FRR

St Edmundan Antarctic has "inherited" the offices that formerly belonged to its mother-country St Edmund. These, as some of you may recall, aren't actually within the UN Building itself because the St Edmundan government decided against burdening its ambassador's staff with all of the paperwork that obtaining one there would probably have required: They are, instead, in an airship that's usually moored to a spire which a detachment from the St Edmundan army -- from the '5th Airborne Airbase Construction Company', the famous "Screaming Beagles", to be more precise -- erected on the Building's roof earlier this year...


(OOC: Oops! Out of time... I'll try to finish this entry later on today...)

Walk out of the lift on the tenth floor. . . past the main entrance to the library. . . continue on down the corridor, push open that annoyingly heavy double door, and it’s the first door on your left. No, wait, sorry. That’s the ladies’ loo. The first door on your right, just opposite that. The one with a golden oval sign on it, and red letters that read: Her Excellency, Comrade Ambassador Christelle ZYRYANOV. Beneath that is a piece of paper stuck on which reads: Extraterritorial Sovereign Ariddian Territory. If you were to take the paper off, underneath it still says: People’s Democratic Social Republic of Ariddia.

When you walk in, you’ll find the neat and tidy office of the Ambassador’s personal secretary, Ms. Kim Min-Sun (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Kim_Min-Sun). Ms. Kim is a smallish, slim woman and seems to be in her early twenties; her hair is dyed blond, and she has a silver ring through her left ear. She’s very neatly dressed, however, and will welcome you in a polite and helpful manner. Ms. Kim’s desk faces the door. It has a computer, scanner and printer. To one side of the desk is a pile of books, from escapist novels to literature and books on history, politics and cultural studies. Ms. Kim and Ms. Zyryanov are both notorious for borrowing books from the nearby library and “forgetting” to give them back on time. A pot of pens and pencils also contains two paper Ariddian flags. In one corner, beneath a large, emerald-green stone, are a stack of receipts from the supermarket on the 31st floor. Directly facing the visitor is a propped-up sign which reads: Ms. KIM Min-Sun. Secretary. And, in smaller letters, a list of the languages you may address her in: French, English, Wymgani, Korean, Chinese, Arabic, Spanish or Tetemelayu (Ms. Kim recently spent a year studying in Tanah Burung.) Opposite the desk are two chairs.

Behind the desk are metal shelves, cupboards and filing cabinets lining all available wall space. They are stacked with files and folders, loose sheets of paper, books, as well as boxes of tea, boxes of biscuits, a bowl of fruit, a CD player, a stack of CDs ranging from classical music to Indigenous Ariddian music, and several CD by West Ariddian pro-communist pop singer Ping (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ping), an aerial photo of Rêvane, the capital of Ariddia, several pictures of Ariddian rainforests, several pictures of Ms. Kim’s family and friends, and a picture of Ms. Kim standing with friends in front of the main building of Lovefest University, Tanah Burung. One shelf just holds two model ancient Wymgani (Indigenous Ariddian) ships, one of them completed and the other in its early stages. The shelf directly below that has a water boiler for tea, and several hand-painted cups. On the floor below that are several bottles of water.

On what little wall space is still available (and not taken up by the window opposite the door) are several large signs, partly obscured by the shelves and filing cabinets. One, beneath an Ariddian reunification flag (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddian_reunification_flag), reads: L’Ariddia est Une! Another reads: No Smoking. Another: Please leave your right-wing nonsense at the door. Thank you.

Draped over a presumably unused filing cabinet is a large Ariddian flag.

Still, the room does not appear excessively disorderly, and you may just notice a door at the far end of the wall to your left, behind the desk and a cupboard. This door leads to the ambassador’s office, and you can’t get to it without walking past her secretary. In most cases, Ms. Kim will not invite you to see the ambassador herself, but will simply ask you to leave a message, which she will diligently write down in whatever language you address her in.

If you do get into Ambassador Zyryanov (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Christelle_Zyryanov)’s office, however, this is what you will find: The ambassador’s desk is slightly larger than Ms. Kim’s, but still mostly functional. It is also a lot more cluttered, although the computer has neither printer nor scanner (it’s connected to Ms. Kim’s). Here too there are filing cabinets, albeit with less on them, for more recent documents. Books line the metal shelves, along with framed photographs of the ambassador’s family. The window is just next to the door, to your right when you enter, and Ambassador Zyryanov’s desk at the other end of the room, to the left. On the desk, you will often find a cup of steaming grapefruit tea, the ambassador's favourite. Opposite the desk are two chairs. Near the desk are a radio, a small television with a VCR, and, on the floor, a stack of newspapers, both Ariddian (mainly La Voix du Peuple) and foreign.

Against one wall are a fridge and an oven/microwave, beside a very small table with two fold-out chairs. One of the filing cabinets contains tinned food.

Despite the office being rather more disorderly than Ms. Kim’s, it also appears more formal in some ways. On one of the walls is a large Ariddian flag, and, beside it, a framed portrait of Prime Secretary Aj Ud (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Aj_Ud), looking younger and healthier than he is right now, and a fairly large photograph of Prime Secretary Xavier Gris, founder of the Social Republic. On the floor, leaning against a cabinet, is a portrait of Secretary Nuriyah bint Rashad Khadhim (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Nuriyah_bint_Rashad_Khadhim), presumably for when she officially replaces Ud as head of State. The opposite wall, right next to the door, has a map of Ariddia and a map of the Uhuhland continent. Propped on the floor beneath them is an insanely large and complex folded up map of the world. Also framed on that wall, above the maps, are various short legal documents, including Ariddia’s 1810 Act of Sovereignty, the national anthem (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Ariddia#National_Anthem), the 1986 Charter of Social Rights, the Charter of the Coalition of Anti-Capitalist Economies, the International Fair Trade Agreement, the Matebian Declaration, and the Act Establishing the Extraterritorial Sovereign Ariddian Territory. On the wall behind the Ambassador’s desk are the flag of the United Nations, a photo of the ESAT building, and a photo of the Ariddian campus of the Third World Open University.

Sen Sulla's office on the third floor, has a window, and long knotted rope for quick egress, stacks of old SOF magazines, some large locked liquor cabinets(stocked with Wild Turkey, Old Crow, and WV Mountain Dew),a fridge stocked with Iron City, and olde Frothingslosh, and a small arms firing range.

No specifics, but there is a minibar fridge. Within it, at the mid-point between restockings, is enough liquor to rot the livers of at least 100 Magical UN Gnomes. Also a hot tub.

No specifics, but there is a minibar fridge. Within it, at the mid-point between restockings, is enough liquor to rot the livers of at least 100 Magical UN Gnomes. Also a hot tub.

You have a hot tub in your minibar fridge? :confused:

You have a hot tub in your minibar fridge? :confused:
Why not, I've got a minibar fridge in my hot tub.

Also the cooling units down here were removed as part of some recycling program in place now so don't think the tempatures on the upper levels will stay cool long.

The Norderian government was considerate enough to invest in several in-window air-conditioners from an equatorial nation -- one that specializes in such climate controlling technology. Energy efficient (relatively) and powerful.

The coat closet is generally devoid of the largely Norderian staff's coats. It's rarely empty, however, as oftentimes visiters opt to wear one inside the office. Though communal, the coats are kept clean.

the Kirisuban UN mission is on floor 69 3/4's, acessible by a portal on the 40th floor.

Originally discovered by the Love and Esterel delegate this floor isn't techically part of the building but will do Captain Kaigan Miromuta and Captain Midori Kasigi-Nero for now.

their corner of the floor is sectioned of with sliding wood and paper walls and theres Tatami mats instead of carpet. a sign reminding people to remove their shoes hangs on the door.

the first thing you'll see is the secretarys desk. A busy looking young asian woman works away on a computer and a large desk and behind her is a Kirisuban flag on a short pole.

theres two other areas in the office. the first office belongs to the deputy ambassador and its very tidy with some of her homey touches. Her swords rest in a desk stand to remind people of the Kirisuban warrior tradition. theres also a filing cabinet, a hat and coat stand and a black leather chair where she sits. her green airforce cap ususally rests there.

the other office belongs to the Ambassador and its spartan in its decoration. a desk stand also holds his swords and his coat stand usually has his blue army cap hanging from it. Also on his desk is a model of a challenger tank, the standard MBT of the Kirisuban Empire.

theres the usual technology in both offices such as computers, filing cabinets and a 3 tier shelf system to hold books and the like.

all in all a normal looking office.

The coat closet is generally devoid of the largely Norderian staff's coats..

We figure at the rate some members are resigning from the UN we will have an office on at least the 5th level before we find the one we're suppose to have down here on level seven.

Unless there is room in your coat closet for a simple small desk and one chair, as we at this point would take it for and office. We don't have any staff as the next boat out of Zeldon arrives in sixty days and is bringing, I hope my computer and printer.. I expect to have a full staff here in place before I retire in about twelve years.

All we have to do is find our way past that gator then back to the elevator and we can be there in no time should your coat closet be open to us.

You have a hot tub in your minibar fridge? :confused:

Well, we like to simulate the climate of our nation sometimes. It does get cramped in there, though, so when we have hot-tub-in-minibar parties, we often have to take some of the liquor out and drink it.

We figure at the rate some members are resigning from the UN we will have an office on at least the 5th level before we find the one we're suppose to have down here on level seven.

Unless there is room in your coat closet for a simple small desk and one chair, as we at this point would take it for and office. We don't have any staff as the next boat out of Zeldon arrives in sixty days and is bringing, I hope my computer and printer.. I expect to have a full staff here in place before I retire in about twelve years.

All we have to do is find our way past that gator then back to the elevator and we can be there in no time should your coat closet be open to us.

I imagine we could put a folding metal convention chair inside, and if you can fit a type-writer on your lap, you could fit. It's about the size of a porto-John though, and you'd have coats (and the newly added broom) crowding you.

I said Norderian Staff didn't have coats in there. That's because they don't need them. Other people, however, borrow the coats that are in the closet while walking through the office. Warmer climate representatives might find the upper 50's a little inhospitable.

I imagine we could put a folding metal convention chair inside, and if you can fit a type-writer on your lap, you could fit. It's about the size of a porto-John though, and you'd have coats (and the newly added broom) crowding you.

We thank you for the offer but the janitor said we can use the old Air Conditioner Room they just took those units from... As there is lights in it and the bare wires are still live all we have to do is figure out which ones hook where.. As it's a nice small little room that with some minor overhauling will do very nicely for us. As is much larger than my office back in Zeldon and has better lighting so that is good... So we will be bringing in a small table and single chair for now. If we can figure out how we got here so we can tell them where to bring those items.

Also last time we spent any time with anything with longer bristles than our wives have we ended up sleeping in the doghouse for two weeks; so we must pass on sharing a room with a broom.

We don't expect a type-writer for at least six months as we are something like number 21 on the list to get one from our factory in Breakemmup. As they are the only ones that make the ones we need, since we have six fingers...

Again thanks and may catch you in the bar if we can find our way past this dang gator and to the elevator again.

We don't expect a type-writer for at least six months as we are something like number 21 on the list to get one from our factory in Breakemmup. As they are the only ones that make the ones we need, since we have six fingers...

We could probably get one for you in a much shorter time than that, from nation in our region which is called 'Happy Hexadactyls' and is populated almost entirely by people who have six digits (five fingers and a thumb, which I preesume is what you meant...) on each of their hands.

We don't expect a type-writer for at least six months as we are something like number 21 on the list to get one from our factory in Breakemmup. As they are the only ones that make the ones we need, since we have six fingers...

Most people I know only use two fingers to type anyway no matter how many they might possess. I use more but I often find that as a result my fingers often get in the wya.

Most people I know only use two fingers to type anyway no matter how many they might possess. I use more but I often find that as a result my fingers often get in the wya.

Remarkably enough, I use an average of three fingers total to type, and yet I can maintain a typing speed of 70-80 wpm or more. Astonishing, really. I've got some eXtreme dexterity skillz.

Most people I know only use two fingers to type anyway no matter how many they might possess. I use more but I often find that as a result my fingers often get in the wya.

OOC: I only use one. Right index. People who watch are often amazed that a single finger can move so fast over a keyboard. ;)

OOC: I only use one. Right index. People who watch are often amazed that a single finger can move so fast over a keyboard. ;)

Pwned the heck out of me... I've made additions to my office description, page 2 of the thread.

The Kenny UN Delegation suite is located on the eighth floor, oddly enough, right across the corridor from the Kawaiian suite, housing representatives from the nation with which the Kennyites are currently in the midst of a long and bitter cold war, which followed the stalemate that was the Kitten Revolution last Christmas. Kennyites are always sure to play unreasonably loud music at odd hours of the night, just to piss off the theocratic, holier-than-thou otaku scum. Near the entrance to the Kenny suite is a cluster of tall potted plants, behind which hide countergnome commandos -- constantly on the prowl for the UN's sneaky little enforcers -- or Kennyite security forces, conducting rogue operations at UN Headquarters. Such forces once kidnapped the Kawaiian Nuncio at Amb. Jack Riley's orders and dragged him down the hallway to the nearby men's restroom, where swirlies were administered.

Beside the door hangs an ornate plaque with a miniature Great Seal of the Federal Republic and gold lettering proclaiming "The Federal Republic of Omigodtheykilledkenny," crossed out. Below the lettering reads "The Kenny UN Mission of Omigodtheykilledkenny2," also crossed out; "The Dictatorial Anarchy of Mark Tom and Travis," crossed out; and now, childishly scrawled in crayon on the wall (since most of the plaque has already been used up): "The Rogue Nation of Boricuastan."

Enter the door and you'll find a triumph of 1970s decor: false wood wall paneling and bright yellow shag carpeting. On one wall is a large portrait of the Destructor from Del Fuego, Mexico, the president of the Federal Republic, donning boxing trunks and gloves, and a title belt draped over his shoulder, along with the GCRC regalia awarded him by the late Governer General last fall. On the other wall, a portrait of Vice President Antigone Morgan, wearing only a bedsheet. Seated behind a desk beneath the Destructor's portrait is the receptionist, a Kenny National University frat boy named Ryan, wearing baggy jeans and a green Delta Alpha Omega T-shirt. Usually accompanied by a bottle of Arrogant Bastard Ale, Ryan sits behind his laptop all day long with his iPod earphones in, bopping his head, downloading illegal MP3 files and computer porn. A small sign decorates the desk, advising visitors: "Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up." Good advice, really, since anytime a visitor approaches the reception desk to ask Ryan a question, he'll only take out one of his earphones and yell loudly (over the music in his ears), "What??!!!" And when the visitor tries to repeat himself, Ryan still won't listen -- and the mere mention of Kenny (his school mascot) will prompt him to shriek "Whooooooooo!!!!! KENNY RULES!!!", take a swig from his Arrogant Bastard, and return to his computer porn.

Beneath Morgan's portrait are a plain wooden table and several hard wood chairs. Meanwhile, on the wall facing the door is the Great Seal of the Federal Republic, hanging over the remains of a burnt UN flag. Hallways lead out from either side of the Seal; peer down one and see Kennyite gnomes chasing down Compliance Ministry gnomes, racing door to door a la "Scooby Doo," while the Benny Hill theme plays. Down the other corridor is Riley's office (the only one with a window) where lining one wall is a bookshelf with TV sets tuned in to various cable news channels (but not very many books), and framed photos and memorabilia from Riley's various past exploits as sportscaster, Fox News commentator and UN ambassador; and on the other wall, digital clocks announcing the time in locales across the globe, and a framed "Simpsons" animation cell worth 300,000 tree-fiddys. A dartboard emblazoned with Forgottenlord's portrait hangs on the door's far side, and an office recliner lined with fur pelts (genuine Compadrian otter) sits behind an L-shaped finely polished oak desk. A computer occupies the portion of the desk facing the wall with the clocks; on the portion facing the door sits a clutter of shuffled papers, a pencilholder with a miniature OMGTKK flag, a framed photograph of Riley with his hero (and sometime girlfriend) Ann Coulter, and a shapely leather-clad Asian vixen with the CPESL logo embossed into her corset over each breast. Beneath the desk cowers Amb. Riley himself -- wearing only his tighty whities, handcuffs and a ballgag -- letting out muffled whimpers every time the girl cracks her whip across the desktop.

Across the hall is the office of Deputy Amb. George Brown, who can be found either sitting behind his standard-issue stainless steel office desk, browsing a copy of Hustler, or rummaging through his medicine cabinet trying to find anything that might contain alcohol. Nextdoor is a conference room with long table and comfy leather chairs, designed for meetings of Kennyite officials; opposite this chamber is an elaborate sitting room furished with old-fashioned seats and couches, fine Persian rugs and fancy curtains. This room is reserved for meetings with diplomats and dignitaries; all the common nobodies can stay in the front room with Ryan. Adjacent the room behind a locked door is a little-known side room, where President Fernanda has installed a private shower, minibar, faded lighting and a king-sized bed with a 1930 copy of The Weekly Dicky, devoted entirely of photographs of Dame Elizabeth Cutler-Newington (the Cobdenian ambassador to OMGTKK) in the nuddy, hanging from the bedpost, and the Thessadorian ambassador's brassiere (the cup size easily giving away its owner) hanging off the side.

Occupying the end of the hall betwixt the doors to the conference and sitting rooms is the entrance to the HQ of the Kennyite security detail, guarded by velvet rope and a bouncer. No admittance, buddy; this is a private party!

Visitors may notice gaping holes in the ceilings; these originate from fits of rage in which Riley would grab his shotgun and fire upward into the General Assembly chamber whenever a fluffy ambassador incensed him just right. For some reason, the GA hall was recently moved to a safer locale above the UN lobby; we can't imagine why.

Visitors may also note penguins scurrying from room to room. Do mind them; they can go off at any moment.

The HotRodian office is located on the 13th floor of the UN building and at the same time in a bunker under the parking lot. This unusual dual-location phenomenon may be the reason our office misses messages sometimes.

Upon entering the office, you'll find piles of legal and philosophical books stacked mostly neatly against the wall to your left and a desk covered in papers, models of various automobiles, and empty bottles of HotRodia Tequila. Just behind the desk is a small steel shelf on which are displayed various informational tracts about HotRodian history, industry, culture, religion, political structure (or perhaps more accurately the general lack thereof), commestibles, and language. Adjacent to this shelf is a filing cabinet in which copies of old proposals and resolutions are kept for reference purposes, along with copies of the proposal rules that had been binding at various points, information on lawsuits brought against the HotRodian representatives for various reasons, and numerous bar receipts. On top of this filing cabinet is a highly advanced technology called a telephone, which can be used to contact the office if you so desire.

Behind the false wall to the rear of the aforementioned shelf and filing cabinet is the real office. It contains a bank of surpringly advanced computers and numerous forms of telecommunications devices. The right wall is a display of various devices (such as a solar-powered laser cannon, a Colt .45, anti-matter disruptor weapons, etc.) to be used in rare cases where self-defense is necessary for national sovereignty...wait...where am I again? Oh, the office. The office is staffed by the current UN Representative, one of the HotRodian AI, as well as a nice young lady who serves as janitor, security guard, and secretary. Occasionally the Minister of Hospitality shows up too.

There's a large python slithering around the office, and there are rumors of a pet alligator somewhere in the office, so watch where you step in the interest of not losing body parts.

If you've seen the Strangers' Bar, you've seen Ardchoille's office. In the summertime it's the barstool nearest the airconditioner, in the winter it's the one nearest the fire (though Dicey Reilly frequently kicks Brother Tim, the Findhorn rep, out of the rocking chair formerly used exclusively by the Representative of Komokom).

The others Ardchoillean delegate, Bast, curls up wherever he feels like it. A Cat can be comfortable anywhere, but he prefers to find a spot where his mere existence will be annoying. He is also partial to priceless brocade or anything else he can strop his claws on.

OOC: I only use one. Right index. People who watch are often amazed that a single finger can move so fast over a keyboard. ;)

OOC: I used to do that. Then I moved to using two fingers, then three and sometimes four. Currently I just use my left hand to type and my right hand to move the mouse. It works well.

"The Rogue Nation of Boricuastan."

*snip*

the Destructor from Del Fuego, Mexico, the president of the Federal Republic,

Boricua means Puerto Rican, not Mexican, hombre.

Boricua means Puerto Rican, not Mexican, hombre.

Interestingly, I didn't find an entry for Boricua on the Spanish-language wiki. Closest thing was this (http://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ej%C3%A9rcito_Nacional_Boricua).

I was under the impression that the term denoted a particular ethnic/racial classification in the Hispanic world, personally.

Most people I know only use two fingers to type anyway no matter how many they might possess. I use more but I often find that as a result my fingers often get in the wya.We tried that with these normal type-writers but found that we made more errors than got things corrent.

Also it depends on what language we are typing in as to how well we do on the getting things done right and fast.

Zeldon is a simple language to do but some of the others are a real problem as they have to many words over six letters in their language. The only words in Zeldon that are over six letters in lenght are ones I can't print here for you due to what they mean. Seems our ancestors figured if we were going to say bad things about somebody we would have to work at it; thus all bad words are long ones.

Interestingly, I didn't find an entry for Boricua on the Spanish-language wiki. Closest thing was this (http://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ej%C3%A9rcito_Nacional_Boricua).

I was under the impression that the term denoted a particular ethnic/racial classification in the Hispanic world, personally.


Nope. It's slang for Puerto Rican (in a vast majority of the cases). I live in Chicago, so I grew up around the communiy with Puerto Rican flags airbrushed onto their shirts with "100% Boricua" written on and such. Never seen Boricua with the Mexican flag anywhere near it though, and Chicago's the second largest Mexican population in this country.

Nope. It's slang for Puerto Rican (in a vast majority of the cases).

Yes, it's slang for Puerto Rican, but my impression from growing up down in Houston, Texas (not Chicago so that may be the cause of the disjunct) was that it was for Puerto Ricans of a particular heritage.

Yes, it's slang for Puerto Rican, but my impression from growing up down in Houston, Texas (not Chicago so that may be the cause of the disjunct) was that it was for Puerto Ricans of a particular heritage.

Hmm. That may be. I'll get to researching this sometime. I can't imagine it'd be hard to find out. All I have to do is drive to the Humboldt Park neighborhood and ask the first person I see. :p

Hmm. That may be. I'll get to researching this sometime. I can't imagine it'd be hard to find out. All I have to do is drive to the Humboldt Park neighborhood and ask the first person I see. :p

Heh. Personally, I'd rather consult an etymologist.

OOC: I used to do that. Then I moved to using two fingers, then three and sometimes four. Currently I just use my left hand to type and my right hand to move the mouse. It works well.

OOC:
I suppose so, once you get used to it. But trying to switch to two fingers or more would probably just slow me down.

Boricua means Puerto Rican, not Mexican, hombre.Already knew that. Your point?

OOC: I used to do that. Then I moved to using two fingers, then three and sometimes four. Currently I just use my left hand to type and my right hand to move the mouse. It works well.
ooc: my laptop is by my bed, on top of the freezer, so I lean on my left arm/hand and type with my righthand only. Although the fact my right-shift is being a sticky ***** which is a bugger. Also gives my left elbow the appearance of being rubbed with sandpaper.

Boricua means Puerto Rican, not Mexican, hombre.Already knew that. Your point?Well?

Already knew that. Your point? Well? Not to butt in--oh hell, why not? Did you have a dash of bitch with your coffee this morning? ;) When reading this (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11129107&postcount=39) it was easy enough to make the disconnect between your reference to Puerto Rico and your reference to Mexico.

As for the Rubinate office? Who knows? Should it ever be cleaned, the piles of old newspapers picked up, and the cats run out, we might be able to tell you. :D

What Rubina said.

The second post wasn't necessary, if I'm not at my computer to respond to you in the timely manner, I apologize for having more important things to do.

Edit: I really don't. That was sarcasm.

Edit 2: Apologize, that is.

ooc: my laptop is by my bed, on top of the freezer, so I lean on my left arm/hand and type with my righthand only. Although the fact my right-shift is being a sticky ***** which is a bugger. Also gives my left elbow the appearance of being rubbed with sandpaper.

I've perfected the art of laying on my side on my bed with my laptop and typing with both hands at the same pace as I would sit a normal sitting position.

My elbow also looks bad as a result.

You were online at the time, and I happen to be in a great deal of physical pain right now, so maybe my reaction is childish (stop giggling) when I notice you're online and seemingly have all the time in the world to make snippish remarks about how dumb you think I am, yet profess to have "more important things to do" when I respond.

FYI, "the Destructor" is the president of OMGTKK, which is a completely different country than Boricuastan -- a nation whose name I pulled out of my ass during a repeal debate last Christmas.

It says I'm online most of the time anyway, because I don't log off. Perhaps after I time out or something it will say I'm offline. Beyond that, if I'm online, it doesn't mean I'm paying attention to the boards. I'm usually off playing KoL, UD, CN, or writing stuff for my airsoft team's forum, or talking to people on my messengers, or watching Stephen Colbert and John Stewart on youtube.com, or any other things that allow me to satisfy my ADD and keep me from going stir crazy while waiting for someone to call me back and confirm plans to go out so I don't have to sit at the computer and rot all day. -takes a deep breath-

I don't mean to insult your intelligence, I know you're not stupid, in fact, I expressly ask for your help when writing proposals (or really, proposal) because you know how to read them, how to interpret them to the best and worst effects depending on what the Creative Solutions whatchacallit does. Don't misunderstand my attempting to correct or enlighten you as condescension, please. Hard to tell in the tonelessness of the internet, especially with me, but rest assured, I don't say those things to insult you or cause bad vibes.

See, now that you've explained what Boricuastan is, I understand better.

As for the Rubinate office? Who knows? Should it ever be cleaned, the piles of old newspapers picked up, and the cats run out, we might be able to tell you. :D

If you realy need to get rid of the cats send them down to sub-level-seven as that dang gator is still here and he's hungry.. As soon as we get in a Microwave oven we hope to get the gator and have a feast to celebrate this new office down here.. with BBQ gator as the main dish.. everybody needs to bring a dish and their own ware and plates as well as drinks..

We are now in the old AC room in hall C sub-level-seven and will send out notices of the coming event... when we know more and the MW arrives.

Black walls.Black floor.Black everything.chairs,desks etc.on the wall behind my seat in the back/center of the office is the illuminated symbol of my nation,the red hammer and sickle.2 lights in the entire room.one on my chair and the other on the entrant,in the middle of a vast open void of a room.

The two Witchcliff representatives share a nice large corner office with plenty of windows on the 10th floor.

This office was aquired when its previous occupant suddenly found he didn't need it anymore. Lets just say the girls still give him the occasional scratch behind his now feline ears. Saying no to a cranky duo of witches who are suffering the after effects of their first Ennish Shady isn't a bright idea.

The decor is still in the process of being changed to suit the tastes of its new owners. The pastel coloured walls have been repainted in red, black and gold. A deep piled blood red carpet covers the floor. The fluro lights are gone, and have been replaced by candles and torches. The broomcloset has been turned into storeroom. Two large wooden desks take up most of the floorspace, and piles of books, papers and scrolls cover every available surface.

Most worrying for visitors is the selected pieces of Panyer's toture implement collection that are carefully displayed around the walls.

The official UN embassy occupied by the democratic states of Hirota resides on the 7th floor of the UN Headquarters. There is a single entrance to the embassy, a thick, stout double door made from Hirotan Oak. A single plaque is fixed to the right-hand door with the single word “Hirota”

Within the next room, a dozen chairs line the cream walls. A single steel door leads beyond. Above this door are a single security camera and a speaker. If one looked closely enough, microphones are discreetly hidden away around the room.

If one was to pass beyond this room, the rest of the offices appear completely different. A large, open space lies in the middle of this room. A small pool of water bubbles away as the fountain cycles the water.

On one half of the remainder of the office is a dozen desks, each with a single computer. The absence of paper is notable, as is the thin layer of dust. On the other half of the office are a series of smaller rooms. Behind glass walls lie banks of servers. A vast conference room is observable through it’s open door, and the smaller room next to it appears to store cleaning products. Another room appears to be the bathroom.

One remaining room has a plaque marked “Ambassador” on it’s stout door. Within this room one whole wall is dominated by a series of large monitors, cycling through a myriad of information and broadcasts. A single desk, with only a keyboard, mouse and telephone stands in the centre of the office. The chair is functional, but unexciting. The draws are all locked.

Stephanie had cleared up her office, and now vaguely resembled what it was like when she had last abided there, with a few mementos from the Darsomiri occupation.

~~~

Upon entering, one first notices the large and impressive desk, constructed from a slab of petrified wood with steel supports (left over from Darsomir - Stephanie saw no need to give up such a piece).

Against the right wall is a bookshelf, one shelf taken up by a fine collection of alcohols, including the Ennish Shandy, Bahgumnian Blue Brandy and a salvaged bottle of Darsomiri Flamewater. A Twister mat is folded and used as a placemat for the drinks.
The other shelves show a variety of texts, including Hoyle's Rules for Card Games, Concerning the Enigmatic Empire, a battered copy of Anarcho-Communist Theory (a gift from an ancient Letilan representative) and a new copy of Destabilisation and Revolution in Enn - A New Society (not Stephanie's choice, but is part of the standard texts all Ennish diplomats are expected to have on hand).

On the wall behind the desk is the Ennish Flag. Above that is the Seal of the Triumvirate, showing Enn's heraldic icons (the guivre, the saffron flower and the triskelion).

On the left wall is a framed copy of the telegram sent by the UN, indicating that Habeas Corpus had become a resolution.

As soon as we get in a Microwave oven we hope to get the gator and have a feast to celebrate this new office down here.. with BBQ gator as the main dish.. everybody needs to bring a dish and their own ware and plates as well as drinks..

We are now in the old AC room in hall C sub-level-seven and will send out notices of the coming event... when we know more and the MW arrives.

We'll supply some more recipes for gator, and some cases of St Edmundan [105%-proof] rum.

Black walls.Black floor.Black everything.chairs,desks etc.on the wall behind my seat in the back/center of the office is the illuminated symbol of my nation,the red hammer and sickle.2 lights in the entire room.one on my chair and the other on the entrant,in the middle of a vast open void of a room.

I suspect that that's actually just a corner in one of the underground parking garages... ;)

My UN delagate's office is being relocated and he is being reassigned as a normal delagate. South Lizasauria plans on leaving the UN.

OOC: If I resign would it be possible to readmit?

Against the right wall is a bookshelf, one shelf taken up by a fine collection of alcohols, including the Ennish Shandy, Bahgumnian Blue Brandy and a salvaged bottle of Darsomiri Flamewater.

A bottle of Norderian Vodka arrives with a neat blue bow attached. A note attached to the ribbon reads "I noticed something missing from the shelf. -Tommo the Stout."

The cooler referred to as "Box-O-Gifts" isn't being emptied fast enough.

[UPDATE]

In a recent incident with a super-glued rocket booster and a homade jump ramp the Dancing Bananalandian office (read: van) is now located in the UN Stranger's Bar.



And no, we will not pay for the damages.

I've taken over the head janitors office who has mysteriously disappeared in the subbasement. It is a large room with a small wormhole gate device in it, a large table, and various devices floating around the room from a nokia hand set, to a disintegrator wastebasket, to a year 2500 floating sphere droid. There is a holographic secretary AI standing in the middle of the room..

The Ceoranan UN office originally took up the northwest corner of the 17th floor. However, it has sprawled out due to the immense amount of junk, mostly technological, and now occupies the southwest and northeast corners as well. (The karaoke bar is located in the southeast corner, although it could be said that has been integrated into the office as well, since it continually blares out the Ceoranan national anthem.)

The northwest corner houses a quiet room with a polished solid wood desk, that of the ambassador Robert Bobson. On the desk is a plaque indicating this, as well as a brand-new laptop computer flooded with wires, disks, and hooked up to a Stone Age-printer.

To the north side is a closet, housing every bit of junk imaginable, including no less than sixty-eight extension cords, pinned on the wall in the shape of the Ceoranan flag. The closet is also the page bunking area, so a small cot is squeezed in under the mess of shelves. Other features include a portable soapbox and last year's model of the Anti-Tariff Gun.

Off to the west is the pages' workroom, which houses all of the "hip" technology due to being inhabited six days a week with sixteen-year-olds through the mandatory page program in the Ceoranan education system. This room also houses the telegraph and seventeen phones including three mobile ones. (That's what Congress gets for appropriating so much money to the UN team.)

In the center of the building is the elevator shaft. The entrance to the elevator is barely usable, many parts having been taken off to use for repairs of the technology (as well as invention of new technology in the secret inventing lab in the back of the closet).

I've taken over the head janitors office who has mysteriously disappeared in the subbasement. It is a large room with a small wormhole gate device in it, a large table, and various devices floating around the room from a nokia hand set, to a disintegrator wastebasket, to a year 2500 floating sphere droid. There is a holographic secretary AI standing in the middle of the room..
At that moment Pamela Richards, the head of Janitorial Services for the UN building storms into her office accompanied by half of the Maintence of Order Deaprtment. She looks at the rep from Commonalitarianism and says, "Like hell you've taking over my office. You tried to lock me in a closet down in the basement, obviously forgetting that I'm part of the janitorial staff, ergo I have a master key. Now get your butt out of my chair before I have you thrown from the roof of the building."

[UPDATE]

In a recent incident with a super-glued rocket booster and a homade jump ramp the Dancing Bananalandian office (read: van) is now located in the UN Stranger's Bar.



And no, we will not pay for the damages.
Actually you will be paying for the damage you caused, either that or you will be performing the repairs yourself under the supervision of the Building Maintence department.

Ken Scott,
Vice President, Building Maintence
UN Building Management

At that moment Pamela Richards, the head of Janitorial Services for the UN building storms into her office accompanied by half of the Maintence of Order Deaprtment. Please advise Ms Richards that she needs to send some of her staff down to sub-level-seven and clean the gator poop out of the halls as two delagates have already slipped on it and are now in the local hospital for various broken bones. We've already taken care of the gator and those at the Wolfish celebration party on third floor seemed to have enjoyed the stew made from it.
Ken Scott,
Vice President, Building Maintence
UN Building Management
If you are the one we put in requests for new mops and brooms then we wish to ask you something... The mops you currently have on hand make my first wife wig look like a rug and thus she is not happy with that idea, could yuou for my sake get something ugly in a mop. My third wife wants to know where you buy the brooms as she wants to see if what they apply to make the bristles straight will work for... her hair..

Also we would like to be forewarned should you come up with plans to ever reuse the sub-level-seven AC closet as we have now occupied it as our office.

Also we have two cases of Zeldon Wine and some five blocks of Shark Cheese for you.. Also how long will it be before we can move to a regular office..?

Zarta Warden
UN Ambassador Zeldon

The NSUN Nunciate of the Holy Otaku Church of the Eternal Kawaii is, of course, a model of HOCEK design and taste. Which is to say, very cute. The Nunciate is located unfortunately on the 9th floor across the hall from the Embassy of Omigodtheykilledkenny, the HOCEK's mortal enemies these days. A series of tastefully decorated wards demarcates the line (both physical and spiritual) between Kennyite diplomatic territory and that belonging to the HOCEK.

Through the ornate hand-carved and pastel polychromed doorway of the Nunciate lies a labyrinth of offices, decorated with pictures of cute animals, flowers, and assorted picturesque scenes from the HOCEK lands. The outer offices are mainly devoted to the Nunciate Happiness Police detachment, where the sailor-suit clad young ladies are commonly found inspecting arrivals to ensure that nothing ecchi is permitted within the sacrosanct precincts further in.

Once past the HP guardpost, a vistor will find the entire office interior has been remodeled according the Concave of Beauty's best feng shui theoreticians to provide the optimal level of spiritual harmony. Beside the main offices for the Nuncio and his subordinates within the Conclave of Friendship ambassadorial staff, there are separate wings for the representives from the Conclave of Beauty and Conclave of Peace. Each wing has rings of outer and inner offices, depending on the rank of otaku it services.

The Nuncio and his deputy occupy separate offices in the innermost ring, just outside of the Shrine of the Cute-One-As-Protector-Of-The-Faithful-Amongst-The-Heathen. This enormous edifice, basically a room with an oversized statue of the Cute One in Its usual beneficent pose, is placed in such a fashion as to provide direct line-of-sight (at least on a map, walls being what they are) of the Shrine of the Manifestation found in the UN Strangers' Bar. This permits junior otaku who ordinarily would be forbidden to set foot in the bar (due to the overwhelming presense of heathen foreigners) to perform the necessary prayers for the Manifestation without fear of foreign contact.

In addition to providing proper spiritual harmony, the design and layout of the Nunciate is such as to enable the otaku and other staff to recognize the correct direction (towards Mount Sanrio in their homeland) to face during the Seven Daily Prayers. These, btw, are dispersed throughout the day from dawn til dusk, and the sound of the call-to-prayer is regularly heard booming throughout the 9th floor, over the sounds of the degenerate Kennyite music.

The wormhole gate opens and the holographic secretary says "Welcome to the entrance way, may I be of assistance. I am level one secretarial program Betty Smith" There is a shimmering bubbling blue light coming from the gate.

"Of course at your option you may speak to our representative using one of the floating objects. Our main representative Malthus Ohyay is busy right now filling out paperwork to present to the Eternals."

A Nokia phone floats towards the janitorial staff.

We realize you may want to acquire your previous stuff. It is through here, an eight floot tall blue cube appears in the corner.

The Gruenberger Office of UN Affairs began as a somewhat poky little office on the third basement level. The noise of the boilers hummed loudly through the thin, flaking walls, and Moltan Bausch had always complained that the damp "got his war wounds going" - although this was largely believed to be an excuse to get incredibly drunk (for "medicinal purposes"), tell increasingly extravagantly tall stories of wartime exploits, derring-do, and sadistic rape, and end up vomiting into McXiminez's hat. However, the departures of Pallatium and Glutopia from the UN, and a bit of strategic card playing, not to mention some inconspicious yet appropriately sizeable donations to William Smithers' off-shore holding accounts had seen the place swell to a mini-complex.

It began with the entrance door, bearing a large gold plaque: "The Holy Wenaist Sultanate of Gruenberg - We Came, We Saw, We Royally Fucked Off A Bunch Of Dolphins". Through that lay a microscopic lobby in which particularly unwanted guests would be forced to lurk. It smelt, mainly because Bausch had hidden his illegal otter-pelt stash beneath the floorboards, to which no one had yet twigged, but also because it was the sort of lobby that by the word of Holy Mother Wena/the way of the universe/Terry Pratchett just had to smell.

Through it lay the reception desk. Formerly, a succession of gravity-defyingly-buxom young blondes had been employed as secretaries, each leaving after a short time with a burgeoning bump and a hand-shaped imprint on their skirts that bore an uncanny resemblance to Bausch's mark. Now, with Jiffjeff looking after things, an elderly spinster with a passion for cross-stitch, light games of tennis and bombing abortion clinics had been installed. There was an assortment of publicity, promotional and tourism publications, and various posters advertising holiday retreats, famous shops, historic towns, death camps, sports resorts and notable temples in Gruenberg.

Then came Jiffjeff's office - neatly-ordered, spartanly-decorated. Pictures of or by her children adorned her walls, framing a portrait of her great-grandmother, Hacci Pullin, in a suitably noble pose, who had been instrumental in campaigning for the criminalisation of dildos and other "agents of evil", and had died a tragic death when she was clubbed to death with stuffed bras in an orgy of sexual violence unleashed by the repressed women of Gruenberg-of-yore.

There was a central meeting office, with a large, round, wooden table, perfectly polished and gleaming beneath an ornate chandelier. Off from it shot various small rooms, housing advisory, clerical and security staff. There was little to do at present, and so most of the offices presently lay bare. Rather like the members of the typing pool, congregated in McXiminez's office (they had been unable to prise him from the building after his firing, so he was being kept on in an "ancilliary position"). It was not the position he was at that moment engaged in.

Finally, the office of the Ambassador himself - sorry, Herself. In Bausch's time it had been far more interesting, with great works of art mingling with newspaper clippings on the wall, assorted boxes of horded staplers mingling with crack pipes on the thick carpet, and a mess of papers and antique weaponry mingling with small piles of unmentionable fluids on the broad desk. Now, though, it was being "made over" to suit the new Ambassador's more refined needs - the wallpaper was a gaudy pink, a small kennel, playpen and personal styling salon for Little Foofoo had been installed, and a disco ball was to replace the interrogation lamp. The liquor cabinet(s) remained in place.

Oleg Ivan'ch sits in his plain room, staring at the clock ticking away. Shifting uncomfortably in his chair, he waits for the phone on his desk to ring. With any luck, it will be Him calling for permission to leave for the night. Otherwise Oleg will be forced to sit in his cheap drywall room and count the cracks in the wall until he recieves said call. Having nothing to do presently except wait, Oleg removes his ornate revolver from a desk drawer and begins polishing it. It's going to be a long night.

Ambassador Natwar Kuṅchen, Dhānas, has an office in the fourth basement.[Scans UN Office Directory (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/UN_Headquarters) ...]

Sorry, Mr. Kuṅchen, I don't see your office listed here.

The wormhole gate opens and the holographic secretary says "Welcome to the entrance way, may I be of assistance. I am level one secretarial program Betty Smith" There is a shimmering bubbling blue light coming from the gate.

"Of course at your option you may speak to our representative using one of the floating objects. Our main representative Malthus Ohyay is busy right now filling out paperwork to present to the Eternals."

A Nokia phone floats towards the janitorial staff.

We realize you may want to acquire your previous stuff. It is through here, an eight floot tall blue cube appears in the corner.
Pamela ignored the hologram and walked over to the door. She pulled out her master key, unlocked the door and walked straight towards Malthus, looked him(?) straight in the eye and said, "You're right, I am here to claim my stuff, and the first thing I'm reclaiming is my office! Now you have 10 seconds to get your butt out of my sight! Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, zero! Time's up!" Noticing that Malthus had not moved an inch she reached down, grabbed him by the shirt, picked him up raised him over her head, and threw him through the wall. "By the way, don't bother coming back for your stuff it's now been appropiated by the UN Building Management. Just be glad we didn't put your nation on the World Heritage List (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/World_Heritage_List).

Pamela Richards (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Pamela_Richards)
Head of Janitorial Services
UN Building Management

[i]]Sorry, Mr. Kuṅchen, I don't see your office listed here.Check to see if that directory has a page 103 in it as we had to use a page from one since they have not restocked the TP in the RRs.. in several weeks.. and one was all we had in hand at the time or our visit...

Joshua Sarmin's office is a circle, with two windows, a door, and some phones, and one computer, the latest Malsitarian Model, a 12" screen, 10 feet high, and 20 feet long, encircling the place except for the other objects. Oh, there's a desk two. Joshua sits in a fixed swivel chair in the center of the room.

In line with our pragmatic ways of thinking, we possess an enormous former men's room on the 39th floor tastefully redecorated by having ivy grow over all of the walls. There's some lovely gold leaf on the walls, along with the Tarmsdenian flag above a beautiful mahongany desk. Some Dada-style art hangs in the lobby.

Other than that, most of the office is traditionally arranged, albeit with some fountains and small gardens. No, they are not grown with the "all-natural" fertilizer our predecessors left us.

There are some black onyx and white marble statues of various leaders, along with a reading room containing great works of political science and philosophy.

Behind the greeting desk and down the hall on the right there is an armory featuring functioning antique rifles and pistols, just in case OMGTKK shows up. All of the furnishings and equipment are Tarmsden-made, including the traditional hand-woven rugs.

There are a few beds arranged bunk-style with down comforters and nice maroon/burgundy quilts for dignitaries or leaders who are visiting the UN.

Also, there is a LCD-high def-plasma-wide screen-nuclear-powered television broadcasting the Tarmsden Daily News 24/7. We also stock up on The Tarmsden Sun newspaper every morning and evening.

The computers are drop-dead gorgeous work stations/entertainment centers/gaming rigs. Screams of "one more turn" are often heard from interns who cannot put down a certain civilization-building game after breaks to perform work duties, and many of our employees take a few moments to update digital countries they created online through a metagame.

Nerds.

The Ceorana UN Office has been remodeled from its original version (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11162711&postcount=70), which was organized by Robert Bobson. The old post is being kept for historical reasons.

The Ceorana UN Office, compared to its form during the Bobson tenure, is much more classical in feel. The elevator shaft has been moved into the southeast corner from the center, through the karaoke bar, which contrary to popular belief doesn't break the elevator, although independent investigators say it comes pretty close to breaking the karaoke bar. This is not generally considered a problem by the Ceorana UN team, as they've been campaigning to turn the karaoke bar into a coffee shop for a while now.

Once off the elevator, one reaches the office foyer shaped like an "L", which is made of elegant Ceoranan oak walls and furniture. A thermos of hot water and some tea bags sits in front of a marble doorway, on which is engraved the Ceoranan motto, "Ad Servo Medium". This is repeated on the other side of the "L".

The next layer is the general UN area. This is shaped oddly due to the fact that the ambassador's office is carved out of it on the northwest corner. It contains the Approve-o-Meter 2000 (tm), various general documents, two more thermoses and tea bags, and a refrigerator and minimal kitchen. This office is used for collaborative work on UN documents, for pages to live (in the closet off to the south side), for visiting ambassadors to visit and eat, and for other stuff generally UN-related. Marble statues of suitably important deceased figures line the walls.

Through another marble arch is the ambassador's office. A solid oak desk sits on the north side, containing a fairly recent computer, a very substantial pen, a huge stack of blank paper, another huge stack of documents, and a jar of paperclips as tall as the printed transcript of the Abortion Legality Convention debate. A plaque on the desk reads "Enrique Lopez, Ambassador", and a Ceoranan flag hangs on the north wall above the desk. Through a door on the south side is the ambassador's quarters, including a more substantial kitchen and refrigerator.

That's what Congress gets for giving so many gnors to the UN office.

John Mckay lazed back in his recliner office chair looking over the office. Normally there'd be some kind of potted palm-type tree in the corner and a giant window nearly encompassing from the entire external wall. However this was not a normal office, well okay it did have the potted plant and the window that did take up nearly entire the entire external wall.

But he frequently look down over the massive complex that is the UN, not only various UN institutions such as the offices for the myriad of United Nations organisations most notably he frequently saw him looking down at the barest of glimpses that he gets of the Strangers Bar. Don't ask how he doesn't even know himself. What was in the room that made it not a normal office was of course the laptop computer sitting at his desk, Or was it the fact that his office desk was a nice Cedar desk. No that wasn't it either there was something about this office that made it unusual John knew but he couldn't quite place it. Was it the nice but erronously named shag carpet. Well maybe but that was only there not because of it's name but he liked how it felt when he went around barefooted. Which he only did in his office.

Surely there was something unusual about the Bazalonian UN office. Well perhaps he needed to go out of his office and see what Jason asnd Johanna where up. Johanna his capabile but slightly deranged secretary. And Jason his Forhey's obssesed right-hand man. Jason almost pretty much knows everything hours before any official statements reach John's ears. Maybe because all the time he spends trying to get a drink and chin-wagging with people back in AO. Of course John who is also the Regional Delegate is in constant touch with his people back home communicating the decisions of the regions members to the UN. Luckily so far there was only one UN vote that he had actually disagreed with the regions decision.

The area outside his office also seemed totally normal... maybe there wasn't anything unusual about his office. Maybe that was the thing, a normal office in the UN... is like unnatural. John was once again proud with himself though for no particular reason, and he returned to his office but not before Johanna pressed something that he should deal with into his hands. "God She's annoying." he thought to himself but he knew there was no secretary better in all of Bazalonia.

The Free Land of Discoraversalism hasn't been maintaining it's UN Reps office recently. Occasionaly a clone of the rep comes out of the vat with a little too much bravery, and too little common sense. Such a clone will often boldly stride into said office.

68% of one such clone was eventually recovered, the land mine he stumbled upon sent him flying into the hallway. Scans of his visual cortex gave us our most recent picture of the state of said office.

We would like more information on the technology used to set the array of traps found inside. We invite any nation brave enough to enter our offices, at their own risk :) Sure the traps inside can't all be self sustaining! Feel free to study any weapons technology you find inside.

-Brother Rail Gun of the Short Path

Now, though, it was being "made over" to suit the new Ambassador's more refined needs - the wallpaper was a gaudy pink, a small kennel, playpen and personal styling salon for Little Foofoo had been installed, and a disco ball was to replace the interrogation lamp. The liquor cabinet(s) remained in place.

Do you have a waiting room? Does it play any music?

-DISC-0-RVR-SAL (Disco U 45)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v437/jerseydude28/Parallels%20II/vlcsnap-740673.png

I'd like to assure you that Mikitivity is an extremely peaceful nation, and that Ambassador Katzman is sincerely interested in a STRONG UNITED NATIONS.

Donning rubber gloves, old jeans and a T-shirt, and dragging a brimming garbage liner, Sammy emerged from a vigorous scrubbing session in his bathroom. He examined the sponges and toilet brush he was holding, shrugged, and threw them in with the rest of the trash, before pulling off his gloves and tossing them in too. The clothes he was wearing would have to go as well. "Damn," he said, to no one in particular. "I'm gonna have to burn all the shit in this bag; that Jack Riley was into some ... really freaky shit."

He realized he had just walked into a thick fog of smoke; the unmistakable orange brilliance of a burning bowl of reefer alerted him to Ace and Rico's presence in his office, the twain laid out respectively in his office chair and one on the other side of his desk.

The ambassador squinted, vainly trying to wave off some of the pollution with his hand. "Dammit guys!" he scolded them. "I dunno if that shit's even legal here! Where'd you get it, anyway?"

"You can get some pretty mad hook-ups in this joint," Ace informed him.

"Yeah? Well, if you guys are gonna be spending all your time lounging around my office smoking weed, I'm gonna have to start charging rent."

The two guffawed dramatically before breaking into mocking giggles. "Oh, no! Sammy's mad!" Rico said through the pipe in his mouth. "Better do what he says before he headbutts us with that huge head of his!"

Sammy's eyes were drawn downward. "What the fuck?! What have you guys done to my floor?" he yelled, lugging his garbage bag across the bright yellow shag carpeting so he he could properly dispose of Ace and Rico's carelessly tossed Arrogant Bastard Ale bottles and Doritos snack bags.

Ace and Rico mostly ignored their friend and returned to lazing about and listening to Phish on Sammy's stereo, casting their bleary, bloodshot eyes upon the shelves lining the wall; of all the stuff that used to decorate them during the Riley era (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11129107&postcount=39), only the small televisions remained, the ex-ambassador's framed photos and memorabilia having been replaced by several pairs of drumsticks, assorted photos of Sammy and his Army buddies and bandmates, and various Kawaiian artifacts and religious icons seized during the Kitten Revolution, of which Lt. Faisano was a veteran. The ambassador was careful to keep Sec. Tehrani out of his office as much as possible whenever he visited, because, though the Army by no means frowned upon wartime looting, the OMGTKK antiquities and historical artifacts office probably would not be very pleased to find these objects in private possession.

A portrait of Sammy's grandma now sat on the desk where Riley's Ann Coulter portrait had been, and though the digital clocks and the "Simpsons" animation cell remained on the wall opposite the shelves (Sammy had received many a threatening answering-machine message from his predecessor regarding the latter item), a (PG-13-rated) Kawaiian hentai manga poster, another Kitten Revolution souvenier, now joined them. Meanwhile, Sammy's schoolbooks and bookbag were strewn all over a coffee table and a small couch near to the office door. Next to them, a hallway led to a kitchenette and closet; disinfecting those of Riley corrosions would be next on the diplomat's to-do list. Luckily, UN Building Mgmt had already seen to patching up the holes in the walls and replacing the damaged molding left over from the former ambassador's violent confrontations with CPESL shake-down artists.

"Fuck," Sammy interjected as he stooped down to pick up the last of the beer bottles. "You guys better stop littering my office floor; your moms ain't coming in to clean up after you, you know!"

"And how do you know what my mom is doing?" Rico asked with a sly smile. "You stalking her again?"

"I only know 'cause I told her to quit bothering me at work!" Sammy retorted.

"Oooooohhhh!" Rico groaned sarcastically. "Sammy's a funny guy!"

"And you know what I just realized?" Ace laughed. "He's got a pretty nice ass!"

"Dude, shut up ..."

"He does!" marveled Rico in jest. "I can see what that vice president sees in you!"

"Man, you guys are such fucking losers--"

Ace ignored him. "Man, Sammy, I'm not gay, but if I was ... !"

"And if you didn't have such raging dick-breath," Rico added devilishly.

"I do not have raging--!" the delegate protested as his friends roared. "... Erm, you guys do realize that's a priceless Kawaiian ritual pipe you're smoking out of, right?"

"Oh, it's a priceless, ancient, Kawaiian, what?" asked Rico in a mock-intellectual voice. "You're such a dork, Sam."

"No, I'm serious, Rico; give it back!"

The stoner held it out of the envoy's reach as the latter tried to seize it. "Don't worry; we won't break it. ... Hey, later on you wanna come upstairs with us to scare the Tarmsdenians (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11694508&postcount=82)?"

"Yeah, sure; lemme just clean myself up ..."

"Sammy!"

"... first ..."

Jessie had just appeared in her superior's doorway, wearing naught but her black laced Victoria's Secret bra and panties. "Did you take my purple low-cut sweater?" she demanded. "It's the only thing tight enough to show up that stupid Thessadorian Ambassador at the Strangers' Bar."

Ace and Rico chortled immaturely at the sight of the former Playmate in her undies; the ambassadors ignored them.

"No, Jess, I didn't take your ... wait a sec; what would I want with your purple sweater?"

"Oh, I never know what you wear to those 'Rocky Horror' festivals!" Jessie said, sniffling suddenly and waving her hand in front of her nose. "Man, you boys need to stop partying in here! It's kinda funky! ... Anyway, Sammy, you done sanitizing your bathroom yet?"

"Yeah."

"Good," she said, pushing Sammy out of the way. "I need to use it."

"Hold on, hold on! Why do you need to use my bathroom?"

Jessie glared at him over her shoulder. "Because you're the idiot who told George Brown he could live in my bathtub when I took over his office!"

"Oh, that's right; I did," he giggled. "But wait, isn't there a spare office on the other side ... ?"

"That's where you keep Shirley Jackson caged!"

"Ah. I remember now."

"You better not be staring at my ass, Sammy!" the deputy admonished her boss.

"Don't worry; I'm not," he assured her, staring at her ass. He was used to seeing Jessie in her underwear; she had no shame parading around the Kenny office suite half-naked, even in the lobby where guests often were, not to mention the Kennyites' horny frat-boy receptionist. Sammy's drooling friends would also have to accustom themselves to Jessie's lack of modesty.

He turned on them as she slammed the bathroom door. "Speaking of paying rent," he said, "you gotta admit, that scene alone was worth at least 600 tree-fiddy a month!"

"Yeah," Ace agreed. "We still ain't paying you shit."

While waiting for the red tape to clear up, Ambassador Pendankr currently hides in a bathroom stall on the 8th floor, and keeps his important papers in the towel dispenser. This is beginning to become problematic, as people keep using important resolutions to wipe themselves with.

Since there isn't room enough for his entire cadre of officials and assistants, he hides in the toilet by himself and tells his staff to go on an easter-egg hunt throughout the UN building to keep them from complaining about not having an office. Of course, there are no eggs, and the Empire doesn't celebrate Easter, but that hasn't stopped staffers from bringing back brightly colored, festive eggs as gifts for the ambassador.* Generally, they're gone for days at a time, and sometimes they don't come back.**

However, the inconvenience has not dampened Pendankr's spirits. He has already named the individual tiles in his personal stall, and painted the toilet itself a pretty shade of green. A telephone was installed above the paper dispenser, and he has commandeered the condom machine to store liquor in. Most business documents are written on triple-ply in a purple crayon that was found in the corner.

The Empire waits patiently as the gnomes process the office request forms.



*We think they came from the Bloodthirsty Dolphins office, but we haven't ruled out the possibility that Neville has been trafficking in Easter Eggs on the black market. Or maybe Gruenberg. We aren't really sure.

**We blame the Kennyites.

The exact location of the office of the Delegation of the Lord of Hosts shall remain confidential, to avoid being targeted by anti-religious fanatics.

Our office is big enough to host the Ambassador to the UN and his personal secretary, with two big, fully-equipped desks. Three walls are covered with bookshelves, hosting the entire Religious & Legal Literature of the Lord of Hosts written during the last 3000 years, treatises on International Law, etc. The Wall facing Jerusalem has a Holy Ark and a Prayer Stand in it, with a few small windows above.

The exact location of the office of the Delegation of the Lord of Hosts shall remain confidential, to avoid being targeted by anti-religious fanatics.

Our office is big enough to host the Ambassador to the UN and his personal secretary, with two big, fully-equipped desks. Three walls are covered with bookshelves, hosting the entire Religious & Legal Literature of the Lord of Hosts written during the last 3000 years, treatises on International Law, etc. The Wall facing Jerusalem has a Holy Ark and a Prayer Stand in it, with a few small windows above.

You've got the Ark? Don't open it!

http://www.dvd.net.au/movies/r/08940-6.jpg

You've got the Ark? Don't open it!
Not The Ark. A holy ark. It's standard equipment in any place of prayer of Believers in the Lord of Hosts.

Not The Ark. A holy ark. It's standard equipment in any place of prayer of Believers in the Lord of Hosts.


Whew!

Whew!
Uhm. It's actually just an ordinary big wooden closet, containing some holy scriptures written on parchment... What's there to "Whew" about?

Uhm. It's actually just an ordinary big wooden closet, containing some holy scriptures written on parchment... What's there to "Whew" about?

Just relieved that there won't be any melting faces around here.

Just relieved that there won't be any melting faces around here.

Though beware, arks also cause:
(1) head explosions,
(2) cameras to turn into Death Rays,
(3) flames to jet into the heavens.

Though rats seem to be uneffected by arks.

I'm speaking hypothetically of course. My government will deny any knowledge of any sanctioned programs to collect the religious articles of the world for storage under an undisclosed mountain hidaway in Aslan canton. It did NOT happen, it will NEVER happen.

As many of the older members are aware, our offices are located in a bunker across the street from the UN building. I am not at liberty to divulge details about the interior (it's a very nice bunker though). However, here is a view of the entrance:
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b106/Yelda/bunker-1.jpg

Uhm. It's actually just an ordinary big wooden closet, containing some holy scriptures written on parchment... What's there to "Whew" about?

And there was I hoping we'd have somewhere to escape to if the Kennyians left the bath running.

Somewhere on the Streets of the City...Charity Starshine Shanti Freedom Peace-Love Haight-Ashbury Prairie Flower McGee rubbed her eyes as the bus driver shook her awake.

“C'mon, this ain't no hotel!” he snapped. “If yer gonna sleep, go to the homeless shelter!”

The Ambassador was too tired to argue; she picked up her wicker bags and slipped off the bus. Looking at a nearby clock, she saw that it was 5:07AM. Hurrying across the street to the all-night eatery - “Gus' Coney Island”, it was called - she got a booth, ordered a cup of coffee, and tried to decide if she could get another 30 minutes of sleep while the midnight cook destroyed what would have to pass for her breakfast, or if that would get her tossed back out on the street again. She decided not to chance it and pulled out her paper and pen.

Good thing, too. The night cook – obviously one of “Gus'” relatives – saw her and scowled. A moment later, he was whispering in a not quite inaudible voice to the middle-aged waitress with the bleached-blond beehive about “more of that homeless UN trash.” They were, of course, looking her way.

How many other NSUN delegations lived on the street like this, unable to get UN Building Mgmt (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/UN_Building_Mgmt) to assign them office space? she thought. There had to be thousands of missions that spent each night in the cold and dark of the city, facing danger from its seedier denizens and harassment from its finest.

This has to stop, the crusader within her thought, and it has to stop now.

Charity Starshine Shanti Freedom Peace-Love Haight-Ashbury Prairie Flower McGee, Community Property's Ambassador to the NSUN, uncorked her inkwell, dipped her pen into it, and began to write...

OOC(ish): LOL, I have to agree with that sentiment. Until UNBM writes us back, Wolfgang has been living in the Bar, occasionally returning to the Commonwealth by interdimensional doorways that his electronics can generate. While it's not that hard for him to do that, he'd like to have an official place in the building, anyway. :)

Charity Starshine Shanti Freedom Peace-Love Haight-Ashbury Prairie Flower McGee[OOC: Heh. Great name.

The Wolf Guardians;11709833']OOC(ish): LOL, I have to agree with that sentiment. Until UNBM writes us back, Wolfgang has been living in the Bar, occasionally returning to the Commonwealth by interdimensional doorways that his electronics can generate. While it's not that hard for him to do that, he'd like to have an official place in the building, anyway. :)[Actually, to resolve arguments about where the UN Headquarters are actually located, it's been suggested (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9957382&postcount=14) that all ambassadors take portals to UNHQ. The Federal Republic's portal is in the basement of a crackhouse in Paradise City.]

OOC(ish, again): Well, yes, but Wolfgang makes his own portals. However, many still have an office to go to. Wolfgang would probably stay in the building the rest of his (rather long) life, if he had somewhere to be. Oh, that's it: As he has no staff at all and conducts all business with just himself and his (extremely intelligent) computer, Wolfgang doesn't really need an office, per se, he needs quarters in the building. A place to stay. Sorry, that got a bit tangent-ish.

Tch, tch. You could always drop in at Mme Gazunda's House of Wonders. It's just down the block from the UN. The girls and boys and others welcome anyone, just anyone.

OOC: All right already, I'll check my telegrams.:D

Some where on the 42nd floor behind a door that was labeled The Democratic States of Arlette above a crossed out placard reading "Janitorial Supply" Jack Patch has his office. The desk is jammed this small space at an angle so he can sit behind it and comfortably think long thoughts about international policy (he has been accused of snoring during such long thoughts) while resting his feet on the desk. However, he must clamber over the desk to get to the chair in the first place. Which caused him to often :headbang:

The desk is made of oak and the chair upholstered in leather. Many replica "antique" nautical nik-naks adorn the walls and shelves, an ode to the Pirates of long ago who founded the principals of Arlette's nation.

The Wolf Guardians;11710048']Wolfgang doesn't really need an office, per se, he needs quarters in the building. A place to stay. Sorry, that got a bit tangent-ish.

OOC: I think that 'The Beltway' has ceased to exist, so maybe you could move into their mision's former quarters which are in part of an invisible floor that hovers some distance above the main building's roof...

Some where on the 42nd floor behind a door that was labeled The Democratic States of Arlette above a crossed out placard reading "Janitorial Supply" Jack Patch has his office.
OOC: Psst, the building only has 40 floors.

(maybe he managed to get onto the invisible floor somehow)

(maybe he managed to get onto the invisible floor somehow)

Couldn't be, that's floor 69 3/4.

Maybe his ambassador is just extremely high.

Which isn't much of a stretch of the imagination.

Maybe his ambassador is just extremely high.

Which isn't much of a stretch of the imagination.

Especially considering how many pro-pot folks seem to be cropping up in the hemp debate. ;)

I have a feeling that UN Building Management should check all the lifts to verify if all the floors are correctly marked on them. Some people are known for playing pranks of that nature.

Wonderful news! Allech-Atreus' application has finally come through, and has been assigned an office on the 6th floor, right close to the NSO saloon.

Already, Ambassador Pendankr has called in Imperial decorators to renovate and rebuild the offices. The doorway is solid mahogany, with a carved image of the Emperor supporting a jeweled inlay of the Imperial Great Seal.

The main vestibule is lined with polished Abdian marble, with inlays commemorating great figures in Imperial history inlaid in polished Wayland steel. Plants hang from the walls, innocuosly hiding cameras, and two Imperial Guards stand at attention at the inner door. The inner door is plain mahogany, and through this door is the main lobby. The main lobby is a large rectangular room with the receptionist's desk at the far end. The room is walled in Gishan sandstone, with silken tapestries draped across the ceiling. furnished with overstuffed leather and silk chairs, imported from Gish and Kazman Prime. Coffee tables display snacks and treats from across the Empire, and recent additions of the Imperial Herald are placed about.

The receptionist's desk is located in front of a few stairs leading up to another door. The receptionist hasn't been hired yet, but her desk is made of polished brass and cedar. Marble stairs lead up to a large copper door stamped to appear like the Imperial Flag.

The main offices are in this large, square room, with a large window at one end. The desks are simple oak, and there are about 6 of them for the Ambassador's staff. Chief of Office Affairs Pazirbashan Umdiroplach's desk is a simple, cheap teacher's desk, faded and stained, piled with papers. It seems out of place with the rest of the office. Through one door is a small inn-style restaurant for refreshments, including a few beds to lie down on.

At the other end of the room is Secretary Selvia Thar Mannuschrat's desk, and through a carved, scented cedar door at the other end is the Ambassador's office. The Secretary's desk is a slick, polished steel number, with a raised lip in front to prevent anyone from seeing what she was doing. In contrast to the Chief's desk, papers and documents are few and far between.

The Ambassador's office is slightly less opulent than the preceding areas. The room is slighly oval shaped, with the Ambassador's desk at the far end of the room on a raised platform. Upon entering, one looks directly to the Ambassador rand out a large window. The desk itself is carved mahogany, with Pendankr's personal crest superimposed over a faint Imperial flag. The room is lit with recessed sconces, and leather furniture is dotted about the room. There is a well-stocked bar on one side, and through a door on one side is his personal quarters. Several weapons are displayed on the walls, alongside the Ambassador's diploma from the Imperial University and his Decree of Assignation from the Emperor. Two Imperial Guards stand flank the door leading out.

The Imperial Offices are unusually lavish, but it's not particularly surprising given the vast material wealth of the Empire. Money can be requisitioned for any purpose, and the Emperor is fond of giving wonderful first-impressions. Pendankr had a secret door built into his office leading directly to the NSO saloon, so he can have his calls held and nip out for a drink.

"My office is within my reach... I'm going to be on the 69&3/4 floor, as soon as Management finalizes it!" Wolfgang begins sketching what he wants on his computer.

The Wolf Guardians;11734867']"My office is within my reach... I'm going to be on the 69&3/4 floor, as soon as Management finalizes it!" Wolfgang begins sketching what he wants on his computer.

Uh...we don't have that many floors...

You forget; CPESL used that floor as a lounge after LAE quit ...

"Hey, just because my floor 'doesn't exist' doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Ask Management."

You forget; CPESL used that floor as a lounge after LAE quit ...

OOC: and 'The Beltway' had an office there, and as that nation has apparently ceased to exist there's a space vacant...

You forget; CPESL used that floor as a lounge after LAE quit ...


Simply for humour value, my friend. ;)

In the Lobby of UN Headquarters (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/UN_Headquarters)

“Are you Charity Starshine Shanti Freedom Peace-Love Haight-Ashbury Prairie Flower McGee, Ambassador from the People's Democratic Republic of Community Property?” said the very official-looking man in the very-official looking suit to the bedraggled blonde diplomatic as she attempted to slip into the women's bathroom to freshen herself up before the day's debate.

“Uh, who wants to ... is this a bust?!?” McGee stammered, still half asleep and concerned that the repeal of hemp supports by the NSUN might have been interpreted by the Gnomes in some truly alarming way. Her clothes, after all, were largely made of hemp.

Well, if I have to play Lady Godiva, she thought, steeling herself. I could give that stupid bimbo from OMGTKK a run for her money....

The man produced an envelope from inside his suit coat. A warrant? A subpeona? A misdirected fax advertisement?!? The possibilities made Charity's heart quail.

He smiled and presented her the envelope.

“It's the keys to your new offices on the 27th Floor, right next to the All-Night Discotheque,” the representative of UN Building Mgmt (http://www.nationstates.net/un_building_mgmt) said. “Enjoy.”

Ambassador McGee was speechless. The man walked off with a smile before Charity could regain her composure and thank him.

Then her presence of mind returned. She tore open the envelope, looked at the letter and the key, and then broke into a run for the elevator...

Wolfgang childishly stomps his foot, "I want my office, dammit!" Wolfgang stomps out into the hallway, where his laptop and a pillow were sitting on a bench. He told the computer to blast some music, curled up into a little ball on the bench and went to sleep.

Wolfgang's computer pings and whispers a message to him. Wolfgang leaps up off of his bench, grabs his computer and pillow, and then mocks pressing an invisible elevator button in the air. A pinpoint of complete, utter blackness appears before him. It then became a vertical line, as tall as he was. It then gained width, and truly did look like some sort of elevator door. Wolfgang stepped inside, and the doorway vanished in a pattern opposite of that in which it appeared.

Up on the invisible 69&3/4 floor, the doorway reopened, and Wolfgang stepped out. Ecstatically, he began opening other portals and pulling his furniture out of 'storage'. He had simple tastes; a modern large desk; a huge and very comfortable articulate chair for himself and two smaller ones for if he ever had guests; a twin-sized air-style bed; a "LayZBoy" recliner from the funny dimension called "RL"; a huge video-screen, positioned so it could be seen from both the desk and his bed; multitudes of tiny, ultra-high-quality music speakers; and his wonderful autonomous cooking unit, since he couldn't cook to save his life. Gleefully, he collapsed into his huge desk-chair and looked about him. He finally had his office. There was only one thing missing. Hmm... oh, right! He swivelled around in his chair and looked out the huge sweeping windows along that entire wall, and was content.

The door to the office of -Mu-Mu- is merely a stable rift to the domain of -Mu-Mu-.

Most of the time this leads to a clearing nestled amongst several government offices. Other times it leads to somewhere else. Nobody knows where this "somewhere else" is - mainly because nobody has come back to tell anyone.

The door to the office of -Mu-Mu- is merely a stable rift to the domain of -Mu-Mu-.

Most of the time this leads to a clearing nestled amongst several government offices. Other times it leads to somewhere else. Nobody knows where this "somewhere else" is - mainly because nobody has come back to tell anyone.

OOC: Sort of like Wyoming.

Ambassador Camryn Langdon smiled appreciatively at the gleaming brass plaque which said, Diplomatic Offices for The Most Serene Republic of Drae Nei. Workmen were busy moving in office furniture and supplies, and the rest of her team would be arriving the next day. She walked into the large outer office/waiting area of their suite on the 38th floor. The first desk she encountered already had Ruth Fielding's name plaque on it. This is where her office manager would sit.

Behind Ruth's desk, past a couple file cabinets, was the door to the office that would be occupied by her military attache, Major Mike Robards. Just beyond his office was the small kitchenette, which would house a refrigerator, a standard small table, and the obligatory microwave oven and coffee pots, as well as a water cooler.

The next desk was that of Anne Harkness, secretary and personal assistant to her Vice Ambassador, Elliot Burnham. Anne's desk was conveniently located outside the door to Elliot's office.

She stuck her head into his office, to find him directing the workmen where to put his bookcases. "Getting settled in, Elliot?"

"Trying to, Cami", he replied with a grin. "Hopefully all our files will be here by this afternoon. Anne will have a lot to do tomorrow!"

"I think we all will, Elliot", she answered with a grin of her own.

To the right of Elliot's office was the desk of her own assistant, Jeri Taylor. Jeri was busy checking off boxes of books on her shipping manifest, and instructing the movers to place them outside the appropriate offices.

"Jeri, after the rest of the team gets in this afternoon, please inform them all that we will have an informal staff meeting tomorrow, at 10:00 am, in the conference room. Just sort of a meet and greet to introduce everyone. Oh, and let them know that tomorrow is a casual day, while we get settled in and finish unpacking."

Her secretary acknowledged the directive, and replied, "Yes, ma'am."

Cami ignored the closed door to her own office for a moment, but smiled as she noticed the brass plate on the door emblazoned with her name and title, "Ambassador Camryn Langdon". Moving past her office, she stepped in through the open door to their conference room. The gleaming cherrywood table was already in place, and the movers were unwrapping the dark green leather chairs. President Silverblade had authorized all new furniture for the UN delegation, and had provided a suitable budget for high quality goods.

Stepping back into the outer office, Cami made a mental note to send the President a thank you note. The remaining doorway opened onto a small fileroom, and storage area, strictly utilitarian. Satisfied with the other areas of the suite, she turned her attention back to her own office.

Hers, of course, was the largest private office in the suite, and best of all, it was a corner office with large windows on the two outside walls. The carpet throughout the suite was forest green, and in her office was a luxuriously thick deep pile. Her furniture was already in place as well, and included her executive style desk, with highbacked leather chair, a credenza, two bookcases, a seating area with a futon, coffee table, and two wingback chairs. In addition, there was a small mini bar, with a small refrigerator, and in the far right corner, a small private bathroom. It would be a while before Cami personalized the office, but at least now, they had a "home".

She smiled happily, and walked to the windows, to checkout the view.

After stepping off the 15th floor elevator and taking a right, one reaches a set of highly polished doors made of Altanari oak. Stained-glass windows with the Altanari Royal Seal (http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/smurfie_bucket/royalsealsmall.gif) inset into them occupy the center of each door. A golden plaque with the Royal Seal engraved into it next to the doors reads:

United Constitutional Monarchy of Altanar
Royal Mission to the United Nations
Hon. Jinella Agaranth, Ambassador
Hon. Ikir Askanabath, Deputy Ambassador

Opening the doors, a visitor walks into a large room. The walls and floor are made of highly polished granite from the Eagle's Backbone Mountains. The left-hand wall has two floor-to-ceiling windows, with a large Altanari flag suspended between them. The right-hand wall has a large picture of the King and Queen (http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/smurfie_bucket/aelkynmelika.jpg), with smaller pictures of the Altanari UN delegates (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Altanar_UN_Mission) below it. At the front of the room is a large granite desk with the Royal Seal carved into it. The desk has a computer, printer and phone on it, as well as several viewscreens for security cameras. The desk is usually occupied by either a Royal Guardsman, or a member of Altanar's Royal Intelligence and Security Directorate (RIS).

A small alcove to the right of the security desk holds several black leather and oak chairs, with end tables next to them. The tables hold Altanari newspapers and magazines, pamphlets about Altanar (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Altanar), and giveaway items such as Altanari flags and pens with the Royal Seal on them. Coffee and water are also set out for visitors on a small cart in the corner. Traditional Altanari music plays softly in the background. Another set of double doors like the entry doors stands to the left of the security desk, with Royal Guardsmen in full dress (http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/smurfie_bucket/rgfulldress.jpg) uniform standing at attention on either side.

Once the person manning the security desk clears the visitor to enter the Mission proper, they are ushered into the next room. This room is styled with the same floors and walls as the entry room. Pictures of various Altanari cityscapes and landscapes line the walls, along with a large map (http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/smurfie_bucket/altanar.jpg) of Altanar. Another granite desk sits at the end of this room, with a gold nameplate on the front announcing this is the desk of Deputy Ambassador Ikir Askanabath. A floor-to-ceiling bookcase behind his desk is stacked full of books, CDs and DVDs. The desk is profoundly messy, stacked high with papers, discs, books and other items. A computer, phone and printer sit on a smaller desk to the right, forming an L.

To the left of Ikir's desk is a hallway. On the right side of the hallway, an open area leads to a small lounge with two comfy couches on either side of a coffee table. A TV, DVD player and CD player occupy the right-hand wall there, above a smaller bookcase stacked with newspapers and magazines from many countries. The TV is typically tuned to ART (Altanari Royal Television) if someone isn't using the CD or DVD player. The left side of the lounge holds a kitchen area, with a refrigerator, oven and microwave. A coffeemaker and a teapot also stand in residence. If one were to go poking into the cabinets and the fridge, one would find fruit, snacks, canned and boxed food, as well as many beverages, both alcoholic and non-alcoholic. The wall facing the entryway holds three floor-to-ceiling windows, with framed pictures from Altanari artists between them.

On the left side of the hallway stands a carved wooden door, although the door is rarely closed. This room holds a narrow and long conference table of oak, with more black leather and oak chairs around it. Teleconferencing equipment occupies the wall at the left of the table. To the right of the table is a room with office equipment, a small work area and storage.

To the right of Ikir's desk is another hallway. The left side of the hallway has two doors, with gold signs announcing they are the mens' and womens' bathrooms. The right side of the hallway has a single steel door with a keypad lock. The gold sign next to it reads "Guardroom". A dark green sign mounted to the door reads, "Authorized personnel only - No admittance without Security Officer present". If one were to gain entrance to this room, they would find a spartan cubicle belonging to Security Chief Markus Paulanus. The desk has a small stack of papers, some family pictures, pens and pencils, and not much else. A computer, printer and phone occupy the desk as well, along with more viewscreens. The guardroom also has several locked cabinets with keypad locks. Another spartan cubicle with viewscreens is used by whatever Royal Guardsman or RIS agent is on duty after hours.

At the end of the hallway, another set of doors like the entry doors sits. A gold nameplate announces that this is the office of Ambassador Jinella Agaranth. The door is rarely closed if the Ambassador is actually present. Entering the Ambassador's office, one walks into a spacious room. Two thickly padded black-leather-and-oak chairs for visitors sit in front of a heavily carved wooden desk. Another similar chair sits behind the desk. A small stack of papers sits on the desk, along with a computer, printer and phone. Copies of several Altanari newspapers and magazines usually sit opened on the other corner of the desk. The left-hand wall has another floor-to-ceiling bookcase, which holds books on Altanari law and Akamian history, as well as CDs, DVDs and magazines. A DVD player, CD player and small TV also occupy the bookcase. A closet door stands next to the bookcase, flanked by the Altanari flag and an old, historic flag of Akamia. The wall behind Agaranth's desk has three floor-to-ceiling windows, with long and narrow tapestries between the windows. The tapestries are green and gold in color, with an abstract pattern.

Up until I fired my Secretary, Arnold, my office had nice white carpet... now it's a speckled red/white in the corner by my desk...

Since I am new, there isn't much in the way of clutter... nor will there be as I tend to computerize all documents, burn the originals and store the e-copies in three places for security... this included the audio/visual recordings that I feel are necessary for my protection...

The walls are a nice soothing creme colour (red/creme speckled in the corner by my desk, however), and the desk is a dark rich colour made from Steweystan Mahogany. I have artwork done by myself on the walls, and a few potted, plastic plants. Beside my desk is the mini-bar. I also have a small, comfy recliner with a built in massage unit that I got from a door to door salesman.

You can often hear, Steweystan music in my office- it's a combination of Celtic Gregarian chants, and 80's Hair Metal.

There is also a nice, large cappucino machine as well, as coffee is the major source of my peace of mind.

You are all welcome to drop by, and chat if time permits... and feel free to grab a cup of coffee...

Imperial Subspace Network accessed

...please enter confirmation code...

...ACCESS GRANTED...

...begin transmission...

Allech-Atreus UN Office
Excerpt from Official UN Office Update


...Beyond legislative matters, renovations to the UN Offices themselves are almost complete. While I have tried to maintain the prestigious and dignified atmosphere of the offices that was apparent during your own tenure as ambassador, we have succeeded in updating and expanding the office space to include more sleeping spaces, a small gynmasium, more office and desk space, several private offices and conference rooms, a legal library and lounge, as well as an expansive restaurant area. The Eye has also supplied electronics to surveil the majority of the building, especially the Kennyites. Advisor Hoogelhande, having had nothing to do since his arrival, has focused on these happenings, and is just now attempting to finalize details with the UN Stranger's Bar and the UN Building Management...

...Enclosed in this package are the documents you requested, as well as the Aushedar's report. John has also included pictures of the remodeling. Be well.

Prince Tang

...Accessing files...
Office Entrance and waiting room (http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a188/kuroutesshin/great-stairs-no-water-cooler-though.jpg)
Second floor offices (http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a188/kuroutesshin/wow-dizzy-just-looking-down-those-s.jpg)
Conference Room #1 (http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a188/kuroutesshin/no-coffee-no-creativity.jpg)
Legal Library (http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a188/kuroutesshin/law-library.jpg)
Official's Lounge (http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a188/kuroutesshin/506_7.jpg)
Corner office (http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a188/kuroutesshin/THE-corner-suite.jpg)
Delegation Lounge (http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a188/kuroutesshin/delegationlounge.jpg)
Surveillance & Intelligence Command (http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a188/kuroutesshin/e4star53.jpg)

...accessing security files...

...Security Classification: Vermillion.

ACCESS DENIED.

...ending transmission...

Thank you for accessing the Imperial Subspace Network.
/

Now this is a thread worth bumping! A description of the Paradican office is coming...eventually.

There's a sleeping bag, a shoe-shining machine and an internet connection for each new delegation to the UN in the crawlspace above the GA. We've got one of those at the moment. When our delegate is visiting the People's Republic, he lives in an apartment just like everyone else's.

Due to the enormous population of the UN Building, the Architectural Integrity Committee of the Grand Duchy of Ethorelia has deemed the building unsafe for human habitation. Therefore, the Grand Duchy has leased a suite of offices in a nearby building.

Upon entrance to the Hallitt-Polson Building, wlak through the lobby to the bank of elevators in the rear. Take the elevator to the third floor, turning left from the elevator and proceeding down the hallway. The third door to your left is marked:

Grand Duchy of Ethorelia
Diplomatic Mission to the United Nations

Entering the suite, you will find the outer-office. Mission Secretary Harriet Mueller occupies the desk in this office, greeting visitors, typing, and filing. Besides her desk are several Victorian-era wingback chairs that have faded to an undistinguishable color. A coffeetable that has survived several world wars holds coffeecups and outdated magazines (from the 1960's). There are two doors that lead further into the suite.

Door 1-This door simply leads to the main restroom. It is cleaned once a week and contains only a toilet and a sink.

Door 2-This door leads onto a hallway with faded green carpeting. There are four doors leading off of the hallway, marked A, B, C, D.

Door A-This is the Ambassador's office. Considering that Sir Errol Reudenhaus is nearly one hundred, his office is decorated in a style that is extremely outdated. His desk is enormous, containing a bankers lamp, rotary phone, photos of his great-grandchildren in silver frames, and two wooden boxes-one for incoming mail, the other for outgoing mail. Sir Errol's chair is another large Victorian-era wingback set onto rollers. However, his chair is leather rather than upholstery. There are three ancient wooden filing cabinets along the wall holding a number of useless documents. Sir Errol's upright humidor stands next to the cabinets, holding expensive Ethorelian cigars. There are also two guest chairs matching those in the outer-office.

Door B-This is the Military Attache's office. Jon Budriger maintains a very neat office with no clutter. His desk is Ethorelian military standard issue-metal with four drawers. He keeps a computer and desk lamp on it. He has several filing cabinets full of never-used invasion plans. His military issue desk chair and two folding guest chairs complete the room.

Door C-This is the Charge d'Affairs' office. Walter Hessen is the actual running force behind the Ambassador. Because of Sir Errol's advanced age, Hessen conducts most of the diplomatic business of the UN Mission. His oak desk is cluttered with proprietary documents and diplomatic communications. His computer is almost always on. Hessen's desk chair is ergonomic to help him relax during his 20 hour workday. Filing cabinets line all the walls, leaving very little room for the two armchairs reserved for guests.

Door D-This is the Mess Hall. Containing cabinets, a refridgerator, stove, microwave, and sink, the Mess Hall is where the diplomatic staff have their lunch and hold meetings. There is a large plastique table with chairs off-centered in the room to eat at. Another door leads into the staff restroom complete with toilet, sink, and shower.

Due to the enormous population of the UN Building, the Architectural Integrity Committee of the Grand Duchy of Ethorelia has deemed the building unsafe for human habitation.

We are dismayed at these spurlious allegations that the UN Building is unsafe for human habitation (the basements not withstanding). Not only is the current population of the UN Building within the originally designed specs, we have implemented upgrades which by our calculations actually increases the maximum capacity by about 75%.

Ken Scott
VP, Building Maintence
UN Building Management

We are dismayed at these spurlious allegations that the UN Building is unsafe for human habitation (the basements not withstanding). Not only is the current population of the UN Building within the originally designed specs, we have implemented upgrades which by our calculations actually increases the maximum capacity by about 75%.

Ken Scott
VP, Building Maintence
UN Building Management

I'm sorry, that misconception might have been our fault. Remember when we threatened to release nerve gas into the air ducts? Yeah, we made a mistake and released mustard gas. You know those tours the gnomes give, where they take people through the dungeons and show them what happens when you stay here too long? I think we might have caught the Ethorelian group. Our bad.

75%? Are we attaching Flibbleite dirigibles to the roof and using them as office space? Or is the Cluichstani Death Star now considered part of the UN Building, given how it's always so close?

Most courteously,

Are we attaching Flibbleite dirigibles to the roof and using them as office space?

Well, my delegation's offices are aboard an airship belonging to St Edmund that's moored to a spire which a team from that nation's military engineers erected (with the consent of UN Building Management) up on the roof... so why not?

Alfred Devereux Sweynsson MD,
Ambassador to the UN
for
the Protectorate of the St Edmundan Antarctic
(and still required to wear this bloody penguin costume...)

The office of Hentainova UN Representative Kagan Ulfar...


To step into the office of Kagan Ulfar, the young, inexperienced representative appointed by High Governor Scraps of Hentainova, was to step into the mind of a person used to living on the run.
The office had it's basic features. A hardwood desk already covered with papers that needed sorting. A metal filing cabinet, which acted as a pedestal for the offices only topiary feature, a Cactus. Away from the desk sat a computer, Kagans link back to Hentainova and High Governor Scraps. From that, he recieved his orders, and whatever it was he needed to relay to the UN.
Doctor Scraps put heavy enthasis that Kagan not say anything to the UN without his general consent. Scraps, personally, though Kagan was a simple minded oaf better suited in the armed services of his country. However, Kagan, for all of his bumbeling, was a good friend, and Scraps felt complied to put him in a place of influence...so he put him where the former Rebel would do the least amoung of damage: In an office at the UN. Maybe being around all those movers and shakers would rub off on him.

Besides the basic features of the office, Kagan had decorated it to at least give it a taste of home. Pictures of the lush countrysides of Hentainova, scenic shots of the cities, of the coast. In one corner he kept a stateu of Hentainova Tragic Heroin Semala, the daughter of the first ruling lord of Hentainova, who single handedly tamed the wild Tentacle Beasts that wandered the land. The statue, for all intents and purposes, was near pornographic, thus Kagan was often forced to toss a towel over it.
There were also mementos of the rebellion against Governor Ralast...his old rebel fatiques, various military trinkets scattered throughout, and a mesh canopy set up in one corner.

Kagan was satisfied with it...a little.
Suddenly, the computer dinged, "You have Mail!"
Another day at the office...

Well, my delegation's offices are aboard an airship belonging to St Edmund that's moored to a spire which a team from that nation's military engineers erected (with the consent of UN Building Management) up on the roof... so why not?

Alfred Devereux Sweynsson MD,
Ambassador to the UN
for
the Protectorate of the St Edmundan Antarctic
(and still required to wear this bloody penguin costume...)

A thousand pardons. I was mistaken, and confused the Flibbleite landing pad with your dirigible. But I am not mistaken in knowing that the Flibbleite nation is just a collection of floating islands and continents.

Hell, we could just build offices in the parking lot where Iron Felix dueled that guy.

75%? Are we attaching Flibbleite dirigibles to the roof and using them as office space?[/i]

I'll have you know that there is only one airship registered in The Rogue Nation of Flibbleites currently docked at the UN Building and it happens to be my personal airship so obviously that's not the case.

Bob Flibble
UN Representative

My apologies for any perceived slight against the UN building or its management. The members of the Ethorelian Architectural Integrity Committee suffer from vertigo and, therefore, deem any floor above the third to be unsafe for habitation. However, the gnomes did lead our delegation on a rather disturbing tour of the dungeons and sub-basement systems during which we lost our Ambassador. Fortunately, we later found him wandering around the catacombs.

Walter Hessen, Charge d'Affairs
Ethorelian Mission to the United Nations

My apologies for any perceived slight against the UN building or its management. The members of the Ethorelian Architectural Integrity Committee suffer from vertigo and, therefore, deem any floor above the third to be unsafe for habitation. However, the gnomes did lead our delegation on a rather disturbing tour of the dungeons and sub-basement systems during which we lost our Ambassador. Fortunately, we later found him wandering around the catacombs.

Walter Hessen, Charge d'Affairs
Ethorelian Mission to the United Nations

Seee?

Rang Erman
Advisor
Allech-Atreus UN Office

At the Altanar UN office, workmen remove the name plaques previously installed, and add new ones. The one at the front door changes to:

"Royal Mission of the Kingdom of Altanar to the United Nations. Hon. Jinella Agaranth, Ambassador."

A letter is posted on the front door from the previous Ambassador, Jaris Krytellin, in which he thanks his colleagues for their friendship and support. The letter mentions that anyone wishing to contact him can send a message to the Altanari Prime Minister's office.

The Akimonad Office of UN-Related Frivolity is located on the 42nd floor, for reasons that should be apparent to Douglas Adams readers. When you enter, you would see a stark modernistic waiting room with brushed metal anywhere it can be placed. Walk up to the desk in the middle of the room to find ou receptionist droid Tracy, who also provides not only reception services but can also optimize your laptop and tell you your IQ. (It is official policy that if your IQ is higher than Dr. Hodz's it will be amended.) To the left of the suprisingly metal desk is a hall that contains the Delegate's Office, Assistant Delegate's Office, Break Room and an elevator to the Akimonad Helicopter Pad on the roof. To the right of the desk is another hallway that leads to the Conference Room, the Work Area, the Hot Tub Room, the Penguin Storage Room, the Whale Habitat (home of Bessie the humpback since about two days ago), the Holding Cells, the Armory, Detention Block AA-23 and the Situation Room.

Dr. Hodz's office rivals a master suite in terms of size. Entering the room, you will find the cubicle Dr. Hodz's secretary, Leah, who will tell you (a) go right in, or (b) FLUFFY! DIE! and throw you into Bessie's tank (enjoy your 5-second stay before you drown). If you make it past Leah (only 1 in 5 do), you can enter Dr. Hodz's office. It is also bright, shiny and metallic. Take a seat in one of the brushed metal chairs, and sip some coffee from a brushed metal coffeemaker in a brushed metal mug. Dr. Hodz's brushed metal desk is in the center of the room, forming an encompassing C-shape around Dr. Hodz. Dr. Hodz, an avid geek, will normally be playing on one of is three PCs or five Macs. If you were trying to dispose of your gum or something and looked under your seat, you would have noticed that there is a MacBook fastened under your seat for your temporary use. Don't put your gum on the MacBook; it is frowned upon. And Leah will find out about it. You can use the MacBook, or you can Use the MacBook. Trust me, some way or another, during your discussion with Dr. Hodz you will have to use that MacBook. But back to the tour. If you look to the right of Dr. Hodz's desk, you will notice a medium-size room that is Dr. Hodz's personal break and restroom. In there is a (brushed metal) refrigerator, stove, microwave, etc. as well as a TV and a small bed. The restroom includes a very fancy toilet and a shower. If you look to the left of Dr. Hodz's desk, you will see a brushed metal door. Where it goes, no one knows.

The office of the Assistant Delegate, The Rt. Hon. Col. James Thomas Joseph William Timothy Peter Theodore Eric Stephen Michael Daniel Horton (aka "The Colonel"), is roughly half the size of Dr. Hodz's office. Inside you will find an antique desk surrounded by a room with wood-panelled walls. The antique desk does have a computer, but it is used only when necessary. You cannormally find The Colonel in the Armory, which explains the think coating of dust on everything in his office.

The Armory is, as the name suggests, a place where weapons are stored. There are enough weapons in the armory that it would take an invader a week to take the Office Complex. Each weapon is on a shelf ordered by type. There is a door at the far end of the armory that leads to the firing range. Watch your step, though, as the Security Personnel are rather careless with mines. Once inside the rather large firing range, you can do whatever provided you're on the appropriate less-risky side of the range. Don't be surprised by the rocket explosions, as this is standard procedure. Besides, the firing range is lined by 5-feet thick steel walls and is protected by a Halon fire suppression system (installed especially to tick off the Ozone layer protector fluffies).

Across from the Armory is the Penguin Storage Room, which is actually a lot less cruel than it sounds. Here, a staff of 28 penguins are nurtured and kept fit in order to disassemble the unfortunate gnome(s) that might enter the offices.

Next to the Penguin Storage Room is the Whale Habitat. Go on in and say Hello to Bessie, the 26-foot humpback whale. Also, feel free to laugh at the vile person who is floating perilessly in the tank, in a futile attempt to survive. And tip Bessie's caretaker Bob. Bob is old and therefore has plenty of long rambling stories to tell. Be careful though: the longer stories may induce comas.

Before entering Detention Block AA-23, please put on one of the Stormtrooper outfits provided for you. And don't bring a Wookiee in for a "Prisoner Transfer". That joke is so old. Once inside, grab a blaster rifle and take aim at any of the prisoners in the detention block.

The Break Room is home to as many as five watercoolers at one time. The watercoolers are droids, and therefore move about the room as they please. They also leave the room if your break is up. Say hi to any of the employees in the Break Room. Grab a soda out of the fridge.

This concludes your tour, thank you for coming, and please visit the UN Gift Shop on the First Floor, where you can purchase plush Robot Destructor Bunnies, Die-cast HotRodia Models, A DVD of the unfortunate attack on the Norderian Delegation, Stranger's Bar: Funniest Moments II The DVD, as well as many other fine items. Some temporary items in stock include the contents of the former office of Schwarzchild, as well as several whales (ask the clerk to see them). And whatever you do, do not attempt to enter the Stranger's Bar without a delegate clearance.

The Nunciate of the Eternal Kawaii, shut down when its staff was withdrawn following the attack of Lord Gojira and the subsequent collapse of the nation's government, has recently been re-opened. Not much has changed to the embassy itself, but the personnel are different. For one, they're almost exclusively female. The hordes of otaku that had been manning the embassy were all dismissed following the revolution that overthrew the former ruling priesthood. In their place are numerous out-of-work shrine maidens whose duties were made moot when Lord Gojira and his minions destroyed the thousands of shrines to the Cute one scattered about the country (along with every other standing building they could get their feet on).

The Happiness Police contigent still remains, although their duties these days are less keeping tabs on the diplomatic staff and more processing and monitoring a never-ending stream of Kawaiian pilgrims passing through the building on their way to the NSUN Strangers' Bar to pay their respects to the Shrine of the Manifestation, the last surviving Kawaiian shrine.

The former Nuncio's office is still present, but the Nuncio himself is gone. During the hectic rush back to his homeland and the crisis that followed as he saw his nation's government dissolve around him, he had some kind of religious experience involving Sanrio kittens and is now hailed as a Prophet. In practical terms, he's now a charismatic dictator, taking on the mantle of leadership and trying to keep his people together as they attempt an exodus from their now inhospitable homeland.

In his place at the NSUN is his niece, a rather young teenage shrine maiden (formerly assigned along with her grandmother to the Shrine of the Manifestation). It's all a bit much for the girl, and she's being run ragged answering missives from foreign leaders and making arrangements through her Uncle for the evacuation.

The Cookeslandic UN Offices (Hopefully on the 18th floor, hasn’t been confirmed.), once you walk through the big maple wood door, consist of the lobby and waiting area. You will probably see the first of the three UN staff there the secretary, Miss Sandrine DeMantier. Sandrine might look a little odd at first due to the fact that she is a non-human species known as Owlpeople (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Owlpeople) . Her desk on a typical day is covered in memos, office papers, and many photos that she takes around the building. The lobby and waiting room is filled with modern style furniture, Sandrine’s desk and PC, and on the walls are pictures of landscapes from Cookesland.

If you walk to the other side of the room past the big desk you will find another large maple wood door which leads to the main hall. The hall has three doors in it, one to the right, left, and at the end. The Door to the right is the Office of Deputy Ambassador Dr. Fiore Acquerello (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Fiore_Acquerello) which contains several shelves of legal and medical books, her desk and filing cabinet, as well as a stand for her pet parakeet Binks. Dr. Acquerellos office also has a two couches and a table used for meetings. The Door to left contains the Conference room.

The Door at the end of the hall leads to the office of The Blue Eyed Man (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/The_Blue_Eyed_Man) which contains his desk in front of a large panoramic window, a flat screen wall television, and a globe bar. The walls have paintings and a plaque that says “The Janvier Solana (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Janvier_Solana) Memorial Office”. On his desk are various WaWa receipts, loose change, and picture of him with his friends: Steven Andolor (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Steven_Andolor), Lostelle Caelia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Lostelle_Caelia),Milchama Banks (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Milchama_Banks) and, Patrick Andolor (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Patrick_Andolor).

The Akimonad Office of UN-Related Frivolity is located on the 42nd floor, for reasons that should be apparent to Douglas Adams readers.

OOC: Psst, the building only has 40 floors.

OOC: Psst, the building only has 40 floors.

That was several years ago. I think the increase in membership would necessitate more stories.
The noise you hear is the pounding of hammers and whirring of saws, as construction continues to attempt to keep up with the ever-present need for more offices.

Besides, what about the whole "Hovering Vulnerably 69 & 3/4 stories above the roof" thing?

But if you all don't want expansion to take place, I'll take one on the 21st floor.

It was only last year, actually, and besides, there are fewer UN members now than when the directory was established.

I don't know where the 69th floor business came from. Something lame LAE came up with.

BTW, you'll be squatting on the 21st floor until UNBM clears your office request.

That was several years ago. I think the increase in membership would necessitate more stories.
The noise you hear is the pounding of hammers and whirring of saws, as construction continues to attempt to keep up with the ever-present need for more offices.Those construction sounds you're hearing are coming from the UN Building South Tower which is currently under construction. Barring any construction delays, it'll be ready for occupants in about 10 years.

Besides, what about the whole "Hovering Vulnerably 69 & 3/4 stories above the roof" thing? We've never acknowledged the existance of such a floor.

But if you all don't want expansion to take place, I'll take one on the 21st floor.I'll pass the request along to the Directory Maintence Department.

William Smithers
Senior VP
UN Building Management

I'll pass the request along to the Directory Maintence Department.

William Smithers
Senior VP
UN Building Management

Could you pass our request for the 18th floor along as well?

The Blue Eyed Man
UN Ambassador
The United States of Cookesland

The Xiscapian UN office is a cardboard box on the top of the UN building with a bag of chips, a futon, and a old computor. Yes, we got kicked out of our old one. Someone needs to clean out all the bird guano up here!

The Great Commonwealth wishes acknowledgment of its office on the sixty... wait... what?

*random whispering...*

Oh, er... never mind. We... uh... have no office. I repeat, there is no official office for the CWG in this building. None whatsoever. Move along.

The New Manthian UN office is actually a seven-room hotel suite a few blocks away. We prefer to avoid the threat of offices the size of a closet and/or other delegates sleeping on your desk that comes with the UN Building itself. Ambassador Mattan travels to the UN by limo each day.

We were thinking that, given the circumstances of our departure from our first region, we might symbolically seize the now defunct offices of the UN Educational Committee on the 36th floor. There's no need for them anymore and presumably no one was using them prior to the repeal (nor have we seen anyone lay claim to them since). We'd even be willing to move out the disused blackboards and yellowing textbooks on proper apostrophe use ourselves.

Besides, what about the whole "Hovering Vulnerably 69 & 3/4 stories above the roof" thing?

But if you all don't want expansion to take place, I'll take one on the 21st floor.


OoC: That was me when I redid the page, I think. If I remember correctly, L&E claimed that their offices were near the top of the stairs between the 109 and 110th floor. Hence the hovering vulnerably thing...

The complexities and poorly drawn map of the building sold to us by a homeless UN delegate have caused the Parlesian government to purchase part of the park across the street from the UN Building. Using funds generated by the new Gambling Tax Act of 2006, Parlesia has constructed a ten storey office building on the lot with a fenced and gated parking lot in the rear. Visitors must have a pass to get past the guard at the gate of the parking lot.

Visitors enter the brick building, named the Kirsch Building, through the front doors, which let out into a finely appointed lobby complete with reception desk, building directory, plants in planters, and several armchairs. A bank of elevators occupies the eastern wall. To reach the offices of the Parlesian delegation, check the directory:

Parlesian Delegation to the United Nation....................Suite 7, 7th Floor

Take the elevator to the seventh floor. Upon exiting the elevator, you will find yourself in a small corridor. There is only one door as the delegation occupies the entire floor. It is glass and marked: Grand Duchy of Parlesia, Delegation to the United Nations. Enter into the reception room of our delegation offices.

The reception room contains a desk manned by Miss Wendy Wilson, age 18, our receptionist and daughter of the delegation's secretary, Julie Wilson. There are also a couch and two armchairs for visitors waiting to see a delegation member. A coffeetable in front of the couch holds current issue magazines replaced once a month. There are three doors that move visitors farther into the office. The first opens into the public restroom. The second into a corridor leading to ofices, and the third into the Ambassador's antechamber.

First, the Ambassador's suite. His antechamber is the office of Dame Helen Lansing, personal secretary to the Ambassador. Her desk, chair, and several filing cabinets take up one half of the room with armchairs for waiting visitors filling the rest of the room. A set of double doors open into the Ambassador's office. It is a large corner room with windows on two walls overlooking the park. The Ambassador's desk faces the set of double doors with his leather desk chair behind it. Along one wall are filing cabinets and a computer center. Two leather armchairs sit in front of the desk for visitors to use while visiting with the Ambassador. A leather couch rests against another wall with a mahogany coffeetable in front. A large painting of the Island of Parlesia hangs above the couch. A wetbar is built into the wall across from the couch next to two more doors. The left door enters the Ambassador's private restroom. The right door into the delegation's conference room.

The conference room contains a long mahogany table surrounded by leather chairs. A dry erase board fills one wall. Windows line the outer wall, overlooking the park. A set of double doors is across from the windows, opening into the corridor. The corridor is lined with doors, most on the righthand side. Each door is labeled with the name of the staff member occupying the office within.

The first door on the right contains the office of Michael Washburn, the Charge d'Affairs. A desk, chair, set of armchairs, filing cabinets, and couch occupy this medium size room. Windows line the outer wall overlooking the UN Housing Complexes next door to the park. The second office is that of Thomas Hart-Bennett, the Military Attaché. It contains a desk, chair, set of armchairs, filing cabinets, gun safe, couch, and military red phone. Windows on the outer wall face the UN Housing Complex. The third office is that of Delegation Secretary Julie Wilson. It contains her desk and chair, fax machine, copier, filing cabinets, storage cabinets, two armchairs, and a computer center. Her windows also overlook the UN Housing Complex. At the end of the corridor is an arch entering the delegation mess hall. A full kitchen resides at one end of the large room with tables and chairs scattered throughout. A door leading into the main delegation restroom is against one wall. Windows along the longer wall overlook the street out front and the UN Building across the street.

The local library branch and UN office of the Fine-Inducing Hotness of the Librarians is located on the first floor, near the stairs. Quite how a nation which has only recently joined the United Nations managed to obtain an office so near to ground level is a matter of rumor and dispute; most theories revolve around extremely aged, extremely expensive bottles of Tokaji Eszencia mysteriously presented to UN Building Management shortly after the inauguration of the UN Headquarters.

Certainly the door sports a paper sheet featuring the UN Building Mgmt seal and a pair of dates; the first is that of the inauguration of the UN, and the second is next year. The FIHTL neither confirms nor denies that the second date is that of the UN's dissolution (or, according to other theories, the UN Headquarters Building's utter destruction). The FIHTL considers itself to have been in possession of the office in absentia from the date of the UN's inauguration.

Inside the office one is greeted by a (small) lobby featuring a bare table, water cooler, a dozen chairs, and a copy of the General Library Rules of Conduct for Non-Members (Abridged). As the abridged version is still twelve volumes each the size of a standard Bible, it is accompanied by A Popular Summary of Library Etiquette (only five hundred pages long), which is in turn summarized by What Is A Library? A Guide for the Illiterate. As it is only three pages in length, this pamphlet is the one which tends to get read. There is no other reading matter in the lobby.

At the far end of the lobby the room ends in the desk of Verity Eleanor Katherine Jones, which holds a computer, two cacti, a desk blotter, telephone, fax/printer, and an assortment of pens which, Miss Jones asserts, have migrated there all by themselves from other offices in the building. The wall behind her desk holds her various academic qualifications, a calendar, and a bookcase furnished with various works of literature and transdimensional science. A framed sign bears the inscription "Books = Knowledge = Power = ((Distance x Mass) / Time)".

On the left-hand side of the lobby is a door leading to the break room; it is locked. On the right-hand side is a door leading to the office of Guinevere Persephone Smith, the FIHTL's Security Adviser. It is not locked, but is seldom entered, since Miss Smith's job description / sexual proclivities (the two overlap to some degree) tend to frighten most people. Notable features of her Spartan office space include several framed pairs of rare socks; things you'd probably rather not notice include multiple hooks and ropes about the walls and ceiling.

The back wall of the lobby features two doors. The one on the left leads to the office of Ambassador Margaret Andrea Morgan Cheltenham, which is fitted out with the traditional dark wood panelling and antique furniture which screams "I am IMPORTANT!" among UN ambassadors. Oddly, the antique furniture appears to be brand new, and the computer system is so brand new it will not be invented for several decades yet. The general effect of refined class is somewhat spoilt by the accumulated clutter of rare books and artefacts from practically any culture or historical period one can imagine (so long as it possesses a library).

The right-hand door leads to the local library branch, also accessible from the offices of the Ambassador and Security Advisor. The door off the lobby is usually locked. The local library branch itself is small and cramped, as the main aim seems to have been getting as many books as possible into the space provided; indeed, in order to create a sufficient information density, the books are printed in tiny, complex pictograms and must be read with a magnifying glass.

All these books in close proximity form an opening into L-Space, through which a skilled navigator can make her way to the Library which forms what passes for the "nation" of The Librarians, carved out of the cracks between alternate realities. An unskilled navigator may well end up in a library where the books are carved out of slabs of solid ice in a sea of liquid methane.

Glog go to UN Building Management, ask for cave in UN cave mountain. UN Building Management person spray Glog with flower-water thing, say "Glog stink! Go away. No cave here!" Glog go away.

Glog go outside UN cave mountain. Come to lake called "Vastiva Memorial Reflecting Pool". Swans swimming in lake. Glog kill swans. Eat. Swans GOOD!!! Taste like chicken. Glog look at hillside by lake. See cave. Look inside cave, check for bear. No bear inside but Glog find Rabbit Thing That Not Real Rabbit Belong To Sky People. Glog smash rabbit. Rabbit BAD!!!

Now cave GOOD!!! Glog move into cave. Cave look like this:

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b106/Yelda/cave.jpg

Cave have running water. Clean. Good to drink. Inside cave, Glog have firepit. Hang animal pelts on wall. Paint speeches on wall about UN law. Have straw and bear skin bed for sleeping and rutting.

Office? After the unforgettable experience of getting my ambassador papers approved (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11965675&postcount=1); I must confess I dare not even ask how to get one.

My "office" consists of large backpack, two foldable stools, a laptop, a pillow, a couple of blankets, and a one person tent.

Wow, you get a tent? Damn. All I have is a briefcase...

Now, if the wonderful people in the UN Building Management could see fit to giving me an office tucked away somewhere, I'd be -most- happy...

With the disappearance of Allech-Atreus from the halls of the UN, their offices (recently renovated and quite opulent) have sat empty. The Snefaldian delegatio, for the past few weeks living in hotels, cars, and various caves (Intern Jimmy compained about being attacked by a caveman), Ambassador Shandreth has decided, in lieu of a UN Building Management assignment, to move into the vacated offices of the Great Star Empire and reassign them to the Centralized Mountain States of Snefaldia.

The basic layout of the offices is retained, along with the more exotic decorations and furniture. Insignia, emblems, and official remnants of the Empire have been packed up for shipment to the Grand Library in Serasarda (an exhibit "Visions: Nations of the Cosmos" is being planned)

Shandreth and Mother Cargaminh chose their offices, and General Grakh was quite happy to set up shop in the old command center, but was reasonably disappointed to find the high-tech surveillance equipment and weaponry largely dismantled, removed, or destroyed.

Since the Centralized Mountain States has considerably less pecuniary support than the vast Empire did, various offices, halls, and rooms remain closed to the public and disused. As it is, the delegation only consists of some twenty people- Shandreth, Cargaminh, Grakh, and various other assistants, guards, and employees. Offices are being renovated for religious purposes, and Snefaldian artworks are being dispersed throughout the offices.

The only area to be fully utilized and expanded is the Legal Library of the old Empire. most of the books left behind were packed up and shipped back to Snefaldia for archiving, but the Snefaldian propensity for books and learning indicated that the library wasn't big enough. Books on law, history, UN law, nations of the world, and all manner of media are being archived and copied, stored, sent back to the capital and available for the public's use.

Office? After the unforgettable experience of getting my ambassador papers approved (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11965675&postcount=1); I must confess I dare not even ask how to get one.

My "office" consists of large backpack, two foldable stools, a laptop, a pillow, a couple of blankets, and a one person tent.Actually, getting an office is fairly simple. You simply fill out a one page form, no hard questions (aside from asking about the definition of antidisestablishmentarianism), and turn it into me. At which point it getted added to the bottom of the very tall and very unstable stack of applicants. Unfortuantly the current backlog of unprocessed applications is about 3 years long. It wouldn't be nearly as long if HR would lift this damn hiring freeze we've been under for the past 10 years.

Wow, you get a tent? Damn. All I have is a briefcase...

Now, if the wonderful people in the UN Building Management could see fit to giving me an office tucked away somewhere, I'd be -most- happy...

Consider yourself added to the list.
*Lucy slips a piece of paper into the stack which starts wobbling threateningly*
Oh no, not again!
*the stack collapses onto Lucy burying her under thousands of papers.*

Lucy Jones
Directory Maintence Supervisor
UN Building Management

It wouldn't be nearly as long if HR would lift this damn hiring freeze we've been under for the past 10 years.

I believe that can be arranged.

How many people do you need?

~Dr. Jules Hodz

Iris Fairchild, takes out her laptop, types furiously for a few minutes, grumbles in frustration, types some more.... and finally a smile comes to her face.

Antidisestablishmentarianism: a political philosophy that is opposed to the separation of church and state

Now I just have to wait for three years....

woo-hoo!

I believe that can be arranged.

How many people do you need?

~Dr. Jules Hodz

Oy Vey! The Building Management get's the pick of the crop all the time, already! Give us tailors a break; it's just me and Murray here, what with all the measuring, the cutting, the sewing, the second measurings, and the ordering of the cloth and the needles. It's just too much! We have a backlog here, you know. All these defenestrations have tripled the demand for black suits, Sir Cyril is demanding I get on with making his new court dress (he's put on weight, you see), the new Kennyite deputy ambassador wants me to make her seventeen new cat suits - do you know hard it is to sew leather? And make them fit perfectly? Exactly! And do you know how long it's take them to settle their bills? Don't get me started
So don't tell me that you pencil pushers are more important - the tailors need help!

Len Cohen
UN Tailor

Wow, you get a tent? Damn. All I have is a briefcase...A briefcase?! There were a hundred and fifty of us, living in a shoebox in the middle of the road (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo)!

Consider yourself added to the list.
*Lucy slips a piece of paper into the stack which starts wobbling threateningly*
Oh no, not again!
*the stack collapses onto Lucy burying her under thousands of papers.*

Lucy Jones
Directory Maintence Supervisor
UN Building Management
Oh my. I hope you're all right under there? I'd offer to help, but... Without an office to properly rest in, I'm afraid I'm always much too tired to deal with that much paper.

A briefcase?! There were a hundred and fifty of us, living in a shoebox in the middle of the road (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo)!

Hmm. Sounds to me like you were lucky. Cardboard box, and all that. Why, my briefcase is full of holes. And I've been tossed into a lake to live.

And if my superiors hear I've been making jokes, I'll never get home...

Iris Fairchild, takes out her laptop, types furiously for a few minutes, grumbles in frustration, types some more.... and finally a smile comes to her face.

Antidisestablishmentarianism: a political philosophy that is opposed to the separation of church and state

Now I just have to wait for three years....

woo-hoo!

I've heard that a little...aaahh....ummmm....."gift" *Wink! wink!* offered with your forms, cuts the wait down by quite a bit.
excelsior,
Sen. Horatio Sulla

The Divynian Minister for Gaffaen City-Building & Maintainance stepped up to the podium

http://www.ens-newswire.com/ens/jun2005/20050603_slum.jpg

As you can see from the overhead the best Gaffaen shack builders erected this series of rooms in the grounds of the UN building. Like most Gaffaen shacks it takes advantage of natural light and heating as well as protecting the environment by recycling unwanted materials. No wasteful fossil-fuels here! Semaphore is the communication method of choice although we take advantage of the Telegram Service thoughtfully provided by the UN.
As for sanitation...when not using those found within the Building we find the UN grounds' fountain (sponsored by Naive Mountain Spring) quite adequate for drinking and washing.
We have been having some issues with other UN nations' flags going up in flames when getting too close to our outdoor cooking fire but you can rest assured we are working on ways to solve this.

http://www.ens-newswire.com/ens/jun2005/20050603_annankofi.jpg
Hava Koffee

The Randomean office in what was formally the restaurant, is now abandoned. However the door is securely locked and will only be leased out on a monthly tenancy to those UN nations who can offer proof that they can keep up on the rental payments including a deposit of 6 weeks rent.

The suite of rooms have only been recently erected and are mostly unused, including studies, lounge, kitchen (once belonging to the restaurant) and large glass windows from floor to ceiling along one wall. Lush planting, fountains and blue-meanie wood furniture recall the Randomean rainforests. A small pen for pets (originally a pearly-dragon) can be found in one corner.

Those interested in a viewing should contact the former UN Ambassador Ms Hodgelett Tirith. Her contact details can be obtained from Mr. Neville (Not that one) Chamberlain, barlord of the Stranger's Bar.

Oy Vey! The Building Management get's the pick of the crop all the time, already! Give us tailors a break; it's just me and Murray here, what with all the measuring, the cutting, the sewing, the second measurings, and the ordering of the cloth and the needles. It's just too much! We have a backlog here, you know. All these defenestrations have tripled the demand for black suits, Sir Cyril is demanding I get on with making his new court dress (he's put on weight, you see), the new Kennyite deputy ambassador wants me to make her seventeen new cat suits - do you know hard it is to sew leather? And make them fit perfectly? Exactly! And do you know how long it's take them to settle their bills? Don't get me started
So don't tell me that you pencil pushers are more important - the tailors need help!

Len Cohen
UN Tailor

A 737 filled with tailors is en route to your location.

Ambassador Horgen Dush, Nomadic Peoples of Damanucus
Location: 29th Floor

Despite having been here for a year, Horgen's office is surprisingly clean and immaculate. Along one wall is a bookcase, containing, among other things, the latest copies of UN resolutions, including repeals and replacements, and graduating revisions of the Damanucan Law. There is also a textbook called "The Fine Art of Watercolour" in the shelf as well.

Part of the reason for the cleanliness of the office comes down to Horgen's lack of delegate duties, which allows him more freedom with his work and interests. As such, he has an easel in his office, complete with palette, paintbrushes and washjar (which is washed, rinsed and refilled when the water turns gray). Below his bookshelf is a series of cabinets containing pianola scrolls, which he uses in a self-automated pianola that sits on one wall.

Next to the shelf is a liquor cabinet, containing various "occasional" liquors stored in crystal bottles, along with a dozen glasses. He also has a Klein bottle stored there, given, for reasons unknown, as a present from a former schoolmate when he entered the UN. The Klein bottle is empty, and Horgen may not fill this bottle for some time.

The desk, an oak construction, is minimally dressed, containing simply a desk mat, title card, pens and a phone.