NationStates Jolt Archive

This Assembly,

DEEPLY AWARE of the importance of punishing criminals to the fullest extent of the law;

BLATANTLY DROOLING over the Thessadorian ambassador's goods;

BEFUDDLED WITH IGNORANCE over the definition of "plea bargain";

CONSCIOUS that a definition of plea bargain may be necessary, you know, since we are planning on rewriting criminal statutes in all member nations and all;

SEARCHING Webster's Dictionary, and finding its definition of the term wholly inadequate;

INSISTING that we do too know what mens rea is; we saw the last 20 minutes of "Legally Blonde" on HBO last Saturday night too, Little Missy;

STILL SEIZED of the matter of finding an acceptable definition for "plea bargain";

STILL OGLING the Thessadorian ambassador, and that tight little T-shirt she's wearing:

1. HEREBY DEFINES "plea bargain" as an extinct mutant species of elephant; you know, the really big elephants that roamed the Earth during dinosaur times with the humongous tusks and marched through the forests knocking down trees and going "RAWR!!!" and scaring the snot out of all the little woodland creatures. No, not Woolly Mammoths; those had wool; the ones we're talking about didn't ... they were elephants, just really big ... Umm, you ever seen the remake of "King Kong"? ... Those elephants;

2. DECLARES plea bargains to be cute, cuddly and beloved of children everywhere;

3. FORBIDS the intentional harm of plea bargains over international waters;

4. DEFINES "murder" as "like a totally heinous crime";

5. BANS all future performances, public and private, of "She'll Be Comin' 'round the Mountain When She Comes," as it condones the murder of the Ol' Red Rooster, and as previously stated murder is a heinous crime, and what did the Ol' Red Rooster do to anyone? And why are people so gleeful when they sing about slaughtering him when "she" comes? And what if the Ol' Red Rooster is a sapient being? And who the hell is "she" anyway? Catherine Gratwick? Doesn't she take sadistic joy in torturing innocent animals? See? Ya gotta think about these things;

6. ENACTS the Protection of the Ol' Red Rooster Act;

7. PROCLAIMS that anyone who kills the Ol' Red Rooster, or sings about killing him, shall be trampled to death by rampaging plea bargains;

8. PROHIBITS placing protectionist devices on the trade of teddy bears in perpetuity throughout the universe

9. DECLARES that "Damn, the Thessadorian ambassador looks so fucking hot today!"

10. ORDERS Jack Riley to undergo intensive psychological therapy.

Click Me! (http://img106.imageshack.us/img106/852/giantrun6rv.gif)

Do you know what the actus reus is? You can't give mens rea a whole clause and forget poor actus reus. There is no crime unless the brothers work together.

The government of the Queendom of Randomea wishes me to declare that it has no knowledge of an 'Ol' Red Rooster' although it believes that there is a mountain and six white horses.

The Queen herself is, however, the guardian of the collection of 'why did the chicken cross the road?' answers.

Ms. Hodgelett Tirith,
Her Royal Randomness, the Queen of Randomea, in the RuneScape Hallian Region's Randomean Representative for the not-so-random United Nations.

Ps. I might suggest you have another drink before you amend it.

You forgot to declare Plea Bargains not necessary for national defense.

[Ambassador Ahlmann snorts]

"Makes as much sense as that 'Murder and Manslaughter Laws' thing. Probably more."

[Goes back to reading Shuffleboard Today]

:D

*pours shot of Wild Turkey(TM)* I like it.
Excelsior,
Sen. Horatio Sulla

"Ummm, if we did it before this resolution passes, is it legal?" Asks the Dancing Bananalandian delegate, while clutching ol' Red Roosers bloody, severed head.

Blatant violation of national sovereignty. Opposed.

Blatant violation of national sovereignty. Opposed.

Touche.

Hmmmm, it appears someone has been studying my grand theory on how to fool a fluffy through defining legislation. Actually I stole it from G. Orwell, but Orwell isn't fluffy enough. Yes, I feel that this reslution would pass with a 2/3 majority in the currently fluffy oriented UN, with a massive debate in the Jolt forums 95% opposed to the resolution.

After all who in their right mind would approve the "Old Red Rooster Protection Act of 2006?" :D

(Points a laser thermomiter at the Thessadorian ambassador.)
"It appears she is the average temperature for her species."

"Ummm, if we did it before this resolution passes, is it legal?" Asks the Dancing Bananalandian delegate, while clutching ol' Red Roosers bloody, severed head.

"Oh don't worry", called out Otterby, "Roosers are scum and vermin and can be killed without any difficulties. It's just these damn Roosters that get people's emotions up, turns them all into animal-loving fluffies for some reason. And may the blessings of our otters be upon you".

"..."

Thus Serph, the Chief Paladin of Krioval's Guild of Paladins, had made his opinion of the resolution clearly and completely known to the general assembly.

This proposal is maybe it's probably kind of totally illegal, though. Too bad. That stuff about the Thessadorian ambassador gets my vote!

Greg Awesome
Not the Caratian Ambassador to the United Nations

Please note that under this resolution there is a loophole where it is either possible to give the Old Red Rooster a youth drug to no longer make him old, or another drug to make the Old Red Rooster an albino thus no longer making him both Red and Old and thus allowing you to kill him when she comes.

"Oh we'll kill the young albino rooster who was formerly old and red when she comes."

Please note that under this resolution there is a loophole where it is either possible to give the Old Red Rooster a youth drug to no longer make him old, or another drug to make the Old Red Rooster an albino thus no longer making him both Red and Old and thus allowing you to kill him when she comes.

"Oh we'll kill the young albino rooster who was formerly old and red when she comes."

But won't she be driving six white horses? What about the horses? Think of the horses!

Lorelei M. Ahlmann
[who must be hung over again]
Ambassador-at-Large

But won't she be driving six white horses? What about the horses? Think of the horses!

Lorelei M. Ahlmann
[who must be hung over again]
Ambassador-at-Large

http://img133.imageshack.us/img133/7294/horselol4be.gif

http://img133.imageshack.us/img133/7294/horselol4be.gif

OOC: Thanks! I love that GIF! You just gave me my morning grin. :)

But won't she be driving six white horses? What about the horses? Think of the horses!

Lorelei M. Ahlmann
[who must be hung over again]
Ambassador-at-Large
For that matter, won't we all have to go out to meet her when she comes? What about us? Think about us!

Bob Flibble
UN Representative

You forgot to declare Plea Bargains not necessary for national defense.

Ridiculous! Plea bargains are clearly necessary for national defense. How else will we stop youth in asia from exercising their right to self-protection when their parents take away their car keys so they can't go to the global library and look at the world heritage list as a punishment for having an abortion because they used their sexual freedom so that their friends could exercise their gay rights and get it on in a lab so that scientific freedom would be respected and we can find a way to fight the axis of evil that threatens to legalize prostitution and guarantee education for all so that our progeny can practice DVD region removal and eschew female genital mutilation so that we can end slavery and make citizen rule required in an effort to stop privacy intrusion and keep the world disease-free?

Think of the bloody dolphins!

Ridiculous! Plea bargains are clearly necessary for national defense. How else will we stop youth in asia from exercising their right to self-protection when their parents take away their car keys so they can't go to the global library and look at the world heritage list as a punishment for having an abortion because they used their sexual freedom so that their friends could exercise their gay rights and get it on in a lab so that scientific freedom would be respected and we can find a way to fight the axis of evil that threatens to legalize prostitution and guarantee education for all so that our progeny can practice DVD region removal and eschew female genital mutilation so that we can end slavery and make citizen rule required in an effort to stop privacy intrusion and keep the world disease-free?

Think of the bloody dolphins!
You forgot that they do all that while possessing nuclear armaments.

Bob Flibble
UN Representative

You forgot that they do all that while possessing nuclear armaments.

Bob Flibble
UN Representative

Damn kids! We need to get them some teddy bears. :mad:

Who wants to trade tequila for teddy bears?

Damn kids! We need to get them some teddy bears. :mad:

Who wants to trade tequila for teddy bears?
Would you rather they do it while advocating the promotion of solar panels?

Bob Flibble
UN Representative

Would you rather they do it while advocating the promotion of solar panels?

Bob Flibble
UN Representative

Of course. How else will we legitimize the taxation ban so we can achieve the protection of historical single-hulled tankers from mandatory recycling, I ask you?

Of course. How else will we legitimize the taxation ban so we can achieve the protection of historical single-hulled tankers from mandatory recycling, I ask you?
Easy, we'll provide education for all via the UN Educational Committee.

Bob Flibble
UN Representative

Either that or we'll use gay science.

Easy, we'll provide education for all via the UN Educational Committee.

Bob Flibble
UN Representative

Either that or we'll use gay science.

:D

You win, my friend.

You guys really frighten me sometimes. :D

You guys really frighten me sometimes. :D

The correct phrase is "You Guys Scare Me". :cool:

Easy, we'll provide education for all via the UN Educational Committee.

Bob Flibble
UN Representative

Either that or we'll use gay science.

All whilst banning capital punishment and establishing a Forced Banishment Ban.

May the blessings of our otters be upon you.

Leonard Otterby
Ambassador for the Republic of Compadria to the U.N.