NationStates Jolt Archive

My fellow delegates and members of the United Nations, the people of Nevermoore would love to know what this institution has come to. I am referring to the current proposal on the floor of the U.N.: The Dolphin Protection Act. Surely there are more pressing matters than the protection of some fish - I am sorry - mammals. Has this proud institution become so bogged down by bureaucracy that it is losing meaning? Are we passing resolutions just for the sake of passing resolutions? Surely there is a war or something we could all butt into! I mean, sheesh!

In conclusion, We bid you all to reject this petty act. Some lands do not even HAVE dolphins! I mean really! We have better things to do with our time than to consider the safety of dolphins!

If you want to butt into a war, you're on your own.

Have you read the passed resolutions?

In a recent examination of the UN building, we found drugs in the water, booze being used to make all of the coffee with (I was wondering why it tasted so good), the air itself full of hallucinogens, a nuclear reactor (complete with flesh-eating mutants) in one of the basements (note the building suspiciously lacks lead in any part of it), and a reality-warping vortex in one of the restrooms that has allowed Cthulhu and his friends complete access to every part of the building.

Oh, and this should really go on the official topic, not as a new thread.

You forgot the water coolers with cherry-limeaid, the maids have a horrible tendency to eat anyone who watches them work, the rugs occasionally jump passers-by, the candles that ignite when anyone enters certain hallways...

It's a lovely place to be.

Nevermoore, just in case you missed the bottom part of DLE's post, this type of post should be put in the official topic, rather than cluttering up the forum.

My favorite is the multitude of adult entertainment business that operate inside the building. However, dodge the brothel on Floor 666. We've heard tales of the occasional tentacle and suspect Deep Ones are using the place as a breeding ground and duping their customers into helping.

The Elder Gods... breed? ::imagines the result of a nyarlathotep/cthulhu cross::

What have we done? How have we stood by and let this occur?

....and just where did you think Council and Board members came from? Not to mention the occasional secretary...

Of course the Elder Gods breed. It was Yog-Sothoth's sons who caused all of that trouble in Dunwich a few decades back. Hell, one of them tried to steal the Necronomicon, after all.

If the Elder Gods breed, then certainly their children need food. I doubt a baby Cthulhu can eat humans, so why not dolphins?

Oh wait. That's going to be outlawed. Looks like Papa Cthulhu isn't gonna be happy.... :rolleyes:

By all evidences we have, they prefer live blood, usually straight from the vein.

However, luckily we don't have any known Elder God children running around the UN building, though I suspect a couple are lurking somewhere. But the Deep Ones, on the other hand...

Oh, did any of you guys notice that security started hiring Elder Things? Guess they got tired of us bribing the humanoid guards.

As much as I deeply love good Lovecraftian humor (and I do, trust me), this is off topic. And even if it was on topic, it should be in the stuck thread. So, I'm afraid I'll have to just lock.

IÄ!