NationStates Jolt Archive

First Draft:

Gentlemen, telephone monkeys must be made legal at once!

There are many minorities who are in dire need of telephone monkeys: The elderly, the obese, the elderly obese, EverQuest junkies and fat rich eccentric people. These telephone monkeys would not only be able to answer telephone calls and alert their owners of the calls but also, if in infected with a mild form of rabis, can protect forced entry to their owners' houses.
The legilization of telephone monkeys would create many thousands of jobs for the oppresed native-monkey population who are already denied welfare!
Would it not be the greatest deed for one's country and one's planet to make monkey telephone operators legal?
The Holy Empire of Bastard-Squad certainly supports this draft and on an unrelated note this draft does in no way create profit-making monkey smuggling NON GOVERNMENT FUNDED illegal mobs which would in turn massively increase Bastard-Squad's strangehold over the illegal monkey smuggling trade and allow it to mobilize its war machine and persecute minority groups.

Second Draft:

The legilization of monkey suicide attack platoons.

If the above was to be made legal and employed into employment then world's nations could significantly reduce the amount of casualties when attacking machine gun nests from the front for no reason. The monkeys in question would have high explosives attached to them and would be trained to jump on and claw the enemies face, preferably, off. They could also be sent down air vents to blow up enemy power generators or other strategic targets such as pillow factories.
The legilization of this proposation would be extremely beneficial for the whole world and on an unrelated note this draft will in no way further increase the Holy Empire of Bastard-Squad's strangle hold on world monkey smuggling rings and world monkey training fees as Bastard-Squad is the only country that knows how to train suicide attack monkeys. Note: The Holy Empire of Bastard-Squad has not trained illegal monkey suicide attack squads. This is illegal.

Thank you for your time gentlemen.

This is absolute genius!
Genius, I say!
We must pass it at once!

I think that the different drafts belong in different categories.

We definitely need more than one telephone monkey proposal.

We definitely need more than one telephone monkey proposal.
I don't think we need even one.

A brief note from Krioval:

Please stop with these kinds of proposals! All they do is clog up the queue and make delegates spend less time willing to wade through them to find the ones that actually merit UN attention. Not only that, but they get nations kicked out of the UN. When proposing nations spend the kind of time I do going through twenty-five pages of proposals to endorse the three I find worthwhile on a daily basis, then by all means propose these kinds of things. Until then, think of the poor delegates!

~ Kriovalian Diplomat in charge of reading UN proposals

attacking machine gun nests from the front for no reason.

For some reason, that just killed me.

I'll approve if it hasn't been deleted by the time I get my delegacy back.

p.s. i was hoping this would turn out to be the second proposal from monkey island.

p.p.s. bastard is legal in a nationstate name, but ass isn't. *grrrrrrr*

A brief note from Krioval:

Sir, are you mad? Do you not see the urgency of monkeys? The massive profits they could create in all industries?

Sir, are you mad? Do you not see the urgency of monkeys? The massive profits they could create in all industries?

Kriovalian leaders watch the Superbowl, so we are well aware of the economic prowess of simian-dominated companies. We remain unimpressed.

OOC: Yeah, it was a RL reference. Deal.

In the early, low population days of my nation, we toyed with the idea of Monkey butlers and other such monkey related services. However it all ended in tears when my monkey valet forgot to have my best suit ready for an important regional meeting and i had to go in a blue tux.
And then there was the incident where the Silverback Ape governess ate 3 children.
Reluctantly we had to reemploy these hardy workers in our space program as low paid engine scrubbers.
Would any one like to buy a thousand spare typewriters??

And another thing, in all seriousness.

watch out those goddam monkeys bite, I'll tell ya.

Monkeys are totally viscious and unsuitable for domestic work.


...ever since one of those sacred monkeys bit me, I've hated the little fuckers. and it was in a temple of Shiva, so I didn't dare beat the little bastard up either.

shiva's not a god to mess around with.

Monkeys are totally viscious and unsuitable for domestic work.
I've never found monkeys very viscous, myself. We've spent years trying to genetically engineer more viscous monkeys, but we still haven't gotten any to flow through a tube yet.
Damn.
:(

how did i mean to spell it?

Vicious = Nasty, cruel, brutal, ferocious, fierce........etc

Viscous = Thick, sticky, gooey, gelatinous, glutinous..... etc.


Good to have you back ass, oops i mean YGSM :D

how did i mean to spell it?
Actually, you didn't say "viscous", you said "viscious", which is partway between the two, but I used it as a springboard to my viscous monkey rant.

Actually, you didn't say "viscous", you said "viscious", which is partway between the two, but I used it as a springboard to my viscous monkey rant.
enough scotch, and any letter that look s like it might beliong is voted in!

p.s. i'm laughing at my own tpyos in the above, but i wanted you to see it as i wrote it.

LEGALIZE IT DAMN YOU!!11111!!11ONEONEoneoneone one

LEGALIZE IT DAMN YOU!!11111!!11ONEONEoneoneone one
I WILL NEVER LEGALIZE MONKEYS!!1@!

p.s. i was hoping this would turn out to be the second proposal from monkey island.

p.p.s. bastard is legal in a nationstate name, but ass isn't. *grrrrrrr*

Point 1: This would be a good proposal to come from monkey island. :)

Point 2: Bastard is a word that is used to describe a child born out of wedlock. It isn't a body part, so I can kinda see a bit of a difference here. (Though a small one.)

On this point, should I change the link from your old nation to YGSM in the UN Resolution voting links or are you going to redo that?

Point 1: This would be a good proposal to come from monkey island. :)

Point 2: Bastard is a word that is used to describe a child born out of wedlock. It isn't a body part, so I can kinda see a bit of a difference here. (Though a small one.)

On this point, should I change the link from your old nation to YGSM in the UN Resolution voting links or are you going to redo that?
I'll copy and redo.

I might not agree with everything that bastard tool-a said anyway.

I don't understand why people join the UN simply to submit proposals of the "crap" nature such as this... can someone enlighten me?

I don't understand why people join the UN simply to submit proposals of the "crap" nature such as this... can someone enlighten me?

OOC: Is it beind discussed or was it actually submitted too? I would guess that the mods would zap this if it looked like it was close to reaching to floor. Fortunately the Hippos resolution was fired down by UN members when the mods let it slip by.

I don't understand why people join the UN simply to submit proposals of the "crap" nature such as this... can someone enlighten me?

It's not crap :(. It was the best thing I could come up with to save the monkeys. Won't somebody please think of the monkeys??!

It's not crap :(. It was the best thing I could come up with to save the monkeys. Won't somebody please think of the monkeys??!
No, now could we please let this topic rest in peace.