NationStates Jolt Archive

Though any UN resolution (even well written ones) can be forced into something like this, I figured that the current resolution is so formulatic that it demanded the following ...

Name of Something That Chicks Dig: [thing #1]
Your Age: [number]
A Reason Chicks Dig Thing #1: [reason #1]
Another Reason Chicks Dig Thing #1: [reason #2]
What Will Happen if Chicks Don?t Get Thing #1: [effect #1]
A NationStates Resolution: [resolution #1]

RESOLUTION: UN [thing #1] Committee

Realizing that [thing #1] across the world is in danger of being destroyed,

Understanding that it is the UN?s mission to protect [thing #1], as established by the [resolution #1],

Understanding that if [thing #1] is continued to be endangered that [effect #1] will happen,

Emphasizing that if [thing #1] is also important because [reason #1],

Further Noting that [thing #1] is important because [reason #2],

1. ESTABLISHES a new UN committee called the UN [thing #1] Committee,
2. IGNORES all other existing committees and laws,
3. TAKES [age] percent of the GNP of every nation, especially evil ones that harm [thing #1] and gives it to the UN [thing #1] Committee,
4. MANDATES that the members of the UN [thing #1] Committee will be kept secret,
5. TELLS the UN [thing #1] Committee to save the world and especially [thing #1],
6. FORCES all nations to [reason #1],
7. FORCES all nations to [reason #2],
8. DECLARES [thing #1] safe and anybody who says otherwise is a Dictator.


I'd say that it is incredibly easy to write a really BAD resolution. The Education resolution shows zero research and does nothing but throw money at a national problem.

I promise you that if we pass this, we'll see people use my MadLib UN Resolution generator to make many more poorly written resolutions.

If you want to solve the problem of education, there have been some wonderful ideas: student exchange programs, declarations on student rights, teaching teachers / teacher exchange programs, and even advanced degree scholarships. But in each of these examples, something more than creating some stupid random committee is being discussed.

I urge you all to telegram the Delegates that have voted yes and encourage them to change their vote. It may not work, but since the debate is now focusing on "cafeteria" food, it is obvious that the Education resolution is as much a joke on us as whatever else it may be. I could easily put Meatloaf in this ... and PRESTO a new UN Committee on Meatload will be formed. ::sigh::

This is absolutely hilarious...and so true.

Wait a second...did we just agree? That can't be right...I must retire to confer with my ministers.

:D

Name of Something That Chicks Dig: Raccoons
Your Age: 5 years old
A Reason Chicks Dig Thing #1: cute
Another Reason Chicks Dig Thing #1: they make great hats
What Will Happen if Chicks Don't Get Thing #1: They will be unhappy
A NationStates Resolution: Protecting Wildlife

RESOLUTION: UN Raccoon Committee

Realizing that Raccoons across the world is in danger of being destroyed,

Understanding that it is the UN's mission to protect Raccoons, as established by the Protecting Wildlife Resolution,

Understanding that if Raccoons die there will be nothing that is cute,

Emphasizing that Raccoons are also important because they make great hats,

Further Noting that without Raccoons people will be unhappy,

1. ESTABLISHES a new UN committee called the UN Raccoons Committee (UNRC),
2. IGNORES all other existing committees and laws,
3. TAKES 5 percent of the GNP of every nation, especially evil ones that harm Raccoons and gives it to the UN Raccoon Committee,
4. MANDATES that the members of the UN Raccoon Committee will be kept secret,
5. TELLS the UN Raccoon Committee to save the world and especially Raccoons,
6. FORCES all nations to be cute,
7. FORCES all nations to make hats,
8. DECLARES Raccoons safe and anybody who says otherwise is a Dictator.

Though any UN resolution (even well written ones) can be forced into something like this, I figured that the current resolution is so formulatic that it demanded the following ...


I must respectfully dissent. This is not representative of the vast majority of resolutions that go to the floor for a vote...

...this one is far too well written. Throw in a few spelling errors, a few grammatical errors, and a few lines that don't actually make sense, and then you'll be on your way.

We'd been thinking for a while of writing a resolution like this:

SAVE THE PRETTY TREES AND ALSO STOP PEOPLE BEING MEAN

The General Assembly,

Recognising that many if not all trees are really pretty,

Further aware that the world has many mean people who are mean,

Convinced that the pretty trees need saving,

Troubled that mean people may not save the trees and may also be mean to each other and to non-mean people,

Recognising some past proposals 'cause that shows this is a real proposal that we've done lots of work on,

Gleefully aware that 90% of you haven't read this far because you've seen a big fat paragraph coming,

1. COMMITS to forming an international subcommittee to ratify the subproceedings of a focus group that shall have powers, subject to the veto of a super-majority of UN members, to provide wiffle and also waffle in order to flesh out Article 1 so that nobody can be bothered to read down to Article 2,
2. INSTATES the Community of Rehochipe as unquestionable overlords of the universe and grants them omnipotent powers including the ability to TAX you all, which then won't count as a direct tax because they'll be doing it and not the UN,
3. DECLARES that henceforth the UN forum cafeteria shall serve those spicy onion rings every day and not just Tuesdays,
4. INSTITUTES VAGUE AND INDEFINITE MEASURES to save all the trees and eliminate meanness once and for all. Also, once this measure is in place there will be no more terrorism because terrorists are mean and probably explode trees.

putting people on a commission to study something makes them feel
useful

it gives them something to do besides slashing tyres and bombing
mailboxes

perhaps a grand commission to study the creation of committees?

well the thing that seems to be missing here

is that any resolution that actualy proposes doing anything
usefull doesn't get enough time to get the study it deserves befor
it comes to the floor for a general vote

that is why only 'frivolous' ones that don't appear to require any
great thought (or make a great deal of sense)
make up the bulk of those that do

=^^=
.../\...

I have a feeling that this thread could (and should) rival the Strangers' Bar in the longevity stakes.

And Rehochipe raises an interesting point - aren't we due another 'save the trees' proposal? They appear to be a tradition in the UN...

Perhaps we should flood the proposal floor with a few of these and see how many come to pass.

perhaps a grand commission to study the creation of committees?


Actually I think this is a seriously good idea. We can then cite every resolution that has created a committee.

10kMichael

I call Chairman!

Same as above, except I picked something that would "taste" good for school lunches.

Name of Something That Chicks Dig: Ice Cream
Your Age: 10 years old
A Reason Chicks Dig Thing #1: it tastes good
Another Reason Chicks Dig Thing #1: it counts as food
What Will Happen if Chicks Don't Get Thing #1: They will be unhappy
A NationStates Resolution: Protecting Children

RESOLUTION: UN Ice Cream Committee

Realizing that Ice Cream across the world is in danger of being destroyed,

Understanding that it is the UN's mission to protect Ice Cream, as established by the Protecting Children Resolution,

Understanding that if Ice Cream discontinued there will be nothing that tastes good to eat,

Emphasizing that Ice Cream is also important because it counts as food,

Further Noting that without Ice Cream people will be unhappy,

1. ESTABLISHES a new UN committee called the UN Ice Cream Committee (UNICC),
2. IGNORES all other existing committees and laws,
3. TAKES 10 percent of the GNP of every nation, especially evil ones that harm Ice Cream and gives it to the UN Ice Cream Committee,
4. MANDATES that the members of the UN Ice Cream Committee will be kept secret,
5. TELLS the UN Ice Cream Committee to save the world and especially Ice Cream,
6. FORCES all nations to taste good,
7. FORCES all nations to count as food,
8. DECLARES Ice Cream safe and anybody who says otherwise is a Dictator.

Next, I'm going to replace "Education" with "Raccoons" and "Ice Cream" ... I think with only minor revisions you'll see that the current resolution is a cookie-cutter "throw money at a problem, make a new committee, and then ignore it solution". Personally I'm slightly offended by the Education resolution, as it shows a very elementry understanding of a serious issue. And I'm more dismayed that people seem to believe throwing money at a problem will make it go away.

10kMichael

The Republic of Cuiusquemodi does hereby decree that the aforementioned form is, unfornitually, how the United Nations would seem to work.



The Republic of Cuiusquemodi futhermore proposes the following resolution:

RESOLUTION: UN Cute Little Fluffy Bunnies Committee (UNCULIFLUBUCOM)

Realizing that Cute Little Fluffy Bunnies across the world is in danger of being destroyed,

Understanding that it is the UN's mission to protect Cute Little Fluffy Bunnies, as established by the Resolution Concerning International Nerve Gas Production,

Understanding that if Cute Little Fluffy Bunnies are continued to be endangered that a global lack of Cute Little Fluffy Bunnies will happen,

Emphasizing that if Cute Little Fluffy Bunnies are also important because they are cute,

Further Noting that Cute Little Fluffy Bunnies is important because chicks dig them,

1. ESTABLISHES a new UN committee called the UN Cute Little Fluffy Bunnies Committee (UNCULIFLUBUCO),
2. IGNORES all other existing committees and laws,
3. TAKES 300 percent of the GNP of every nation, especially evil ones that harm Cute Little Fluffy Bunnies and gives it to the UNCULIFLUBUCO,
4. MANDATES that the members of the UNCULIFLUBUCOwill be kept secret,
5. TELLS the UNCULIFLUBUCO to save the world and especially Cute Little Fluffy Bunnies,
6. FORCES all nations to be cute,
7. FORCES all nations to be dug by chicks,
8. DECLARES Cute Little Fluffy Bunnies safe and anybody who says otherwise is a Dictator.

Quote:
Name of Something That Chicks Dig: [thing #1 sweet, sad movies]
Your Age: [number um, 46?]
A Reason Chicks Dig Thing #1: [reason #1 emotional catharsis]
Another Reason Chicks Dig Thing #1: [reason #2 identifying with the heroine]
What Will Happen if Chicks Don?t Get Thing #1: [effect #1 sulking, complaining, and boycotting action movies]
A NationStates Resolution: [resolution #1]

Noble Resolution for All Decent Nations



RESOLUTION: UN Sweet Sad Movies Committee

Realizing that sweet sad movies across the world are in danger of being destroyed,

Understanding that it is the UN's mission to protect sweet sad movies, as established by the Noble Resolution for All Decent Nations,

Understanding that if sweet sad movies are continued to be endangered that sulking, complaining, and boycotting action movies will happen,

Emphasizing that sweet sad movies are also important because they provide emotional catharsis,

Further Noting that sweet sad movies are important because reasonable persons long to identify with the tragic heroine,

1. ESTABLISHES a new UN committee called the UN Sweet Sad Movie Committee,
2. IGNORES all other existing committees and laws,
3. TAKES 46 percent of the GNP of every nation, especially evil ones that harm sweet sad movies and gives it to the UN Sweet Sad Movie Committee,
4. MANDATES that the members of the UN Sweet Sad Movie Committee will be kept secret,
5. TELLS the UN Sweet Sad Movie Committee to save the world and especially sweet sad movies,
6. FORCES all nations to provide emotional catharsis,
7. FORCES all nations to encourage and foster identification with tragic heroines,
8. DECLARES sweet sad movies safe and anybody who says otherwise is a Dictator.

Perhaps you should simply submit the Mad-lib formula as a proposal, and then when we see something that fits the formula that someone submits, we can claim it's already been addressed?
By the way, I think I'll be submitting this soon:
Name of Something That Chicks Dig: Flowers [thing #1]
Your Age: 40 [number]
A Reason Chicks Dig Thing #1: pretty [reason #1]
Another Reason Chicks Dig Thing #1: smell good [reason #2]
What Will Happen if Chicks Don?t Get Thing #1: get dumped [effect #1]
A NationStates Resolution: Universal Freedom of Choice [resolution #1]

RESOLUTION: UN Flowers Committee

Realizing that Flowers across the world is in danger of being destroyed,

Understanding that it is the UN's mission to protect Flowers, as established by the Universal Freedom of Choice,

Understanding that if Flowers are continued to be endangered that UN will get dumped,

Emphasizing that if Flowers are also important because Flowers are pretty,

Further Noting that Flowers are important because Flowers smell good,

1. ESTABLISHES a new UN committee called the UN Flowers Committee,
2. IGNORES all other existing committees and laws,
3. TAKES 40 percent of the GNP of every nation, especially evil ones that harm Flowers and gives it to the UN Flowers Committee,
4. MANDATES that the members of the UN Flowers Committee will be kept secret,
5. TELLS the UN Flowers Committee to save the world and especially Flowers,
6. FORCES all nations to be pretty,
7. FORCES all nations to smell good,
8. DECLARES Flowers safe and anybody who says otherwise is a Dictator.

Name of Something That Chicks Dig: snuggling
Your Age: 21
A Reason Chicks Dig Thing #1: it provides emotional bonding
Another Reason Chicks Dig Thing #1: it keeps one warm
What Will Happen if Chicks Don?t Get Thing #1: sex may be withheld
A NationStates Resolution: Fight the Axis of Evil

RESOLUTION: UN Snuggling Committee

Realizing that snuggling across the world is in danger of being destroyed,

Understanding that it is the UN?s mission to protect snuggling, as established by the resolution Fight the Axis of Evil,

Understanding that if snuggling is continued to be endangered that sex witholding will happen,

Emphasizing that if snuggling is also important because it provides emotional bonding,

Further Noting that snuggling is important because it keeps one warm,

1. ESTABLISHES a new UN committee called the UN Snuggling Committee,
2. IGNORES all other existing committees and laws,
3. TAKES 21 percent of the GNP of every nation, especially evil ones that harm snuggling and gives it to the UN Snuggling Committee,
4. MANDATES that the members of the UN Snuggling Committee will be kept secret,
5. TELLS the UN Snuggling Committee to save the world and especially snuggling,
6. INSTATES Rehochipe as undisputable overlords of the universe,
7. FORCES all nations to bond emotionally,
8. FORCES all nations to keep warm,
9. DECLARES snuggling safe and anybody who says otherwise is a Dictator.

I take it back. Rehochipe's is far more valuable. The UN cannot side idle while sex is being withheld in those backwards, anti-snuggling, commie dictatorships!

Do you have any idea how suspicious it looks to my work colleagues when I giggle manically in my little corner? It's so obvious I don't do any work...

10kMichael, you forgot the cardinal rule, the proposal has to be introduced with some sentimental pathetic prose to ensure victory:

A small girl sits in her school cafeteria, her plain school dress worn and faded. She sadly wiggles her toes as they poke from the holes in her shoes. She comes from a broken home, in an area where the terrorists and mean people have blown up all the trees. Her pet racoon was killed this morning as part of the government's racoon culling programme.

She wearily gets up and staggers to the food counter.

"Ice cream please madam" she says in a small voice.

The grinning Dinner Lady laughs in her face, and proceeds to dump a large portion of hot chocolate fudge cake on her plate, then maliciously covers it with cream.

"No Ice Cream today, or any day" she cackles

The child bursts into tears.

I ask you, is this any way for a child to be treated? Surely any compassionate nation will see that Ice Cream MUST be a right for the little children.


Name of Something That Chicks Dig: Ice Cream
Your Age: 10 years old
A Reason Chicks Dig Thing #1: it tastes good
Another Reason Chicks Dig Thing #1: it counts as food
What Will Happen if Chicks Don't Get Thing #1: They will be unhappy
A NationStates Resolution: Protecting Children

RESOLUTION: UN Ice Cream Committee

Realizing that Ice Cream across the world is in danger of being destroyed,

Understanding that it is the UN's mission to protect Ice Cream, as established by the Protecting Children Resolution,

Understanding that if Ice Cream discontinued there will be nothing that tastes good to eat,

Emphasizing that Ice Cream is also important because it counts as food,

Further Noting that without Ice Cream people will be unhappy,

1. ESTABLISHES a new UN committee called the UN Ice Cream Committee (UNICC),
2. IGNORES all other existing committees and laws,
3. TAKES 10 percent of the GNP of every nation, especially evil ones that harm Ice Cream and gives it to the UN Ice Cream Committee,
4. MANDATES that the members of the UN Ice Cream Committee will be kept secret,
5. TELLS the UN Ice Cream Committee to save the world and especially Ice Cream,
6. FORCES all nations to taste good,
7. FORCES all nations to count as food,
8. DECLARES Ice Cream safe and anybody who says otherwise is a Dictator.

Joccia, are you trying to get me fired?

Name of Something That Rivetheads Dig: [thing #1-Stompy Boots] Your Age: [35] A Reason Rivetheads Dig Thing #1: [They look cool and sexy] Another Reason Rivetheads Dig Thing #1: [They're good for stomping and intimidating mopey goths] What Will Happen if Rivetheads Don?t Get Thing #1: [rivetheads won't be sexy and intimidating] A NationStates Resolution: [Resolution to Protect Noise Bands]
RESOLUTION: UN [Stompy Boots] Committee Realizing that [Stompy Boots] across the world are in danger of being destroyed,
Understanding that it is the UN?s mission to protect [Stompy Boots], as established by the [Resolution to Protect Noise Bands],
Understanding that if [Stompy Boots] are continued to be endangered that [rivet heads won't be sexy and intimidating] will happen,
Emphasizing that if [Stompy Boots] are also important because [They look cool and sexy],
Further Noting that [Stompy Boots] are important because [They're good for stomping and intimidating mopey goths],
1. ESTABLISHES a new UN committee called the UN [Stompy Boots] Committee,
2. IGNORES all other existing committees and laws,
3. TAKES [35] percent of the GNP of every nation, especially evil ones that harm [Stompy Boots] and gives it to the UN [Stompy Boots] Committee,
4. MANDATES that the members of the UN [Stompy Boots] Committee will be kept secret,
5. TELLS the UN [Stompy Boots] Committee to save the world and especially [Stompy Boots],
6. FORCES all nations to [look cool and sexy],
7. FORCES all nations to [stomp and intimidate mopey goths],
8. DECLARES [Stompy Boots] safe and anybody who says otherwise is a Dictator.


Mwah ha ha ha

Joccia wins.

Hmmm, I can see this thing becoming a tool of evil with ease...

:wink:

- The Rep of Komokom.

Ecopoeia, I'm glad I'm not the only one doing this at work.

Hope you don't get fired ;P

The Peoples Republic of Dopaz proposes the following resolution:

RESOLUTION: UN Committee of Investigation into the Investigation Processes of UN Committees Investigating Allegations of Incorrect Investigations of UN Committees (UNCIIPCIAIIC)

Realizing that UN committee credibility across the world is in danger of being destroyed,

Understanding that it is the UN's mission to protect the UN credibility, as established by the Resolution Concerning International Womens Baseball League,

Understanding that if UN credibility is continued to be endangered that a global lack of UN credibility will happen,

Emphasizing that UN credibility is also important because it is the foundation of UN legitimacy,

Further Noting that UN credibility is important because the council enjoys being paid,

1. ESTABLISHES a new UN committee called the UN Committee of Investigation into the Investigation Processes of UN Committees Investigating Allegations of Incorrect Investigations of UN Committees (UNCIIPCIAIIC)
2. IGNORES all other existing committees and laws,
3. TAKES 300 percent of the GNP of every nation, especially evil ones that raise the issue of UN credibility in the first place and gives it to the UNCIIPCIAIIC,
4. MANDATES that the members of the UNCIIPCIAIIC will be kept secret,
5. TELLS the UNCIIPCIAIIC to return credibility and restore world order whilst punishing nations against creidbility,
6. FORCES all nations to acknowledge credibility of UN,
7. FORCES all nations to agree to never agin doubt UN resolutions and investigations,
8. DECLARES UN credibility safe and anybody who says otherwise is a Dictator

(REMOVE LETTERS UN AND REPLACE WITH NAME OF MAJOR GLOBAL NATIONS - SAME S**T DIFFERENT COMPANIES)

Now that the vote has been passed and despite miki's valiant efforts to talk sense to then ridicule the idiot who proposed this stupid idea in the first place, I would like to say that my last shred of confidence in the UN has been lost. The point of voting on resolutions has been lost. The only feat that now sits in the way of legislation passing in the UN is the ability to gain enough approvals to warrant vote.

Recognizing this, I would further point out that a majority of nations in the UN have absolutely no say in this aspect of the UN, not having enough approvals. The UN has lost its democratic value as not a single resolution that survived to a complete vote has failed. Again I bring up the most recent passed resolution, with miki and others strongly against this resolution that read by any idiot would be questioned, still passed by a vote of over 11000 to less than 8000.

the UN has lost its value. It has become a conglomeration of robotic rubber-stamper who pass every resolution on the block