NationStates Jolt Archive

Dear people,

Could you please all support my UN Alien Bill?

I provide you with a copy of the content:


Description: Aliens from outer space are a real problem in the modern world.

We all know that extraterrestrial beings are a problem. We all suffer of them and therefore we should do something about it.

What’s the problem?

A lot. The following list is not complete but gives an insight in the alien problem.


· Most of them don’t learn any of the earth world languages. The result is bad communication. We don’t understand them et vice versa. It is the Alien who is the visitor. They are the ones who should adopt.

· They are lazy. Yes, most of them don’t work instead they misuse our welfare systems to get a cheque each month.

· They don’t eat Earth food and they import Alien food. We give them welfare money and what do they do? They sponsor their own economies with OUR money. That’s ridiculous! We have to stop this taxpayers wasting.

· They keep their strange religions. Most of them believe that all dogs are blessed. Some extreme orthodox aliens committed violent actions in the Far East. And what is worse they don’t clean the mess of their own dogs. Streets are pulling out of the dirt.

· They smell. They all smell. If your woman smells like a pig then she probably misused an alien.

· They look so alien and absolutely not sexy. Do you get excited of a green/blue-striped alien with 8 breasts?

· ...


This has to stop, even a child can see this.


The solution


· We should start with an alien-sterilisation-program for the ones who live here permanently.

· Criminal aliens should be returned to the planet of origin.

· We should have an alien immigration quota.

· Aliens may visit Earth but only for 3 months.

· It should be law that aliens should wash themselves.

· We should modify our alien welfare system.


The world is designed for us, not for them.

OWN LIFE FORMS FIRST!

You think aliens are nice?

Read the following press releases:

25 Dec 2003

From our PPC Correspondent

“Ultra orthodox aliens killed 5 dog eaters in a restaurant in Pekong Town. “I was eating a Snoopy burger when they came in”, said a survivor of the brutal attack, “And suddenly they started to beam people down. It was a bloody adventure”.

Local police took the aliens in custody.

The alien high priest YouKZLim#A said, “It’s normal that more and more aliens revolt against dog eating humans”.

The aliens will be judged soon and are risking the death penalty.



4 Jan 2004

From CIE EN EN

The monetary chief Allen RedSpam is having big concerns about the rising costs of our social security systems. “Aliens don’t work. Only 1 alien out of 100 is having a job. Thus too much human taxes goes to keeping those aliens alive”.

RedSpam said also that we should think about a separated social security system for the aliens. “That way each specie is taking care of his own and this would release the pressure on human taxpayers”.



4 Feb 2004

From Game Illustrated

Angie Van Bimbo is writing in her column: “I had sex with an alien and I must say they certainly come from Mars. When he was getting his orgasm he started to bark. Woof Woof, and this for 3 hours! The alien also forced me to listen to “The Backstreet Boys” while we had our sex. Yes, this is unusual, weird and creepy. It was the first and the last time that I had sex with an alien”

Rumors say that Angie is maybe pregnant. She would be the first Earth woman who will give birth to a human-alien.

More news:



14 Nov 2003

From the The Observing Garbagian

A secret report, suppressed by the World Food Administration (WFA) chiefs and obtained by The Observing Garbagian, warns that aliens don’t eat Earth food, instead most of them buy food from outer space.

This is resulting in a financial flee out of this planet. And what is worse: it is almost all human taxpayers’ money. More than 99% of the aliens are having a life of an unemployment cheque, which is funded by the humans.



29 Aug 2003

From The Language Police website

GrowlzynRs is already on the planet for 143 years but he doesn’t want to learn an earth language. When David Hasselhof, director of the LP website, asked to GrowlzynRs why he doesn’t learn English, French, German or whatever Earth based language he received the following answer:

“Hesj kvork lilo lilo DprZk sssssssssssZlik ?”

In plain English “Why should I?”

It seems that those aliens do not understand that the key to assimilation is founded in the mastery of a tongue of this world.

“They just don’t want to learn it”, said David, “Maybe we should link the unemployment cheque they receive with their language progress, that would certainly help a lot”



14 Feb 2004

From The Hawk Soap Corporation

CEO Soapy Fingers admit that aliens do not buy his products. “They don’t buy soap at all”, he said, “It would be better for my wallet and your nose if they changed their attitude”.

“The government should initiate with a massive worldwide PR campaign, to make the aliens clear, that they have to wash themselves”

He also adds: “And if this is not enough, we should go for a law, a soap law”

** BREAKING NEWS **

From a secret source of the VBI

The following text is a part of a phone tap between an insider of the United Nations and Olosimi Bonch Loden, an alien terrorist.

KA: Yes, I make sure that The Alien Bill will not reach a voting status
OBL: Very good, that’s why we are paying you.
KA: By the way, thank you for the lovely twin sisters. I had a good time with them.
OBL: No problem, we, aliens are munificent. We know the humans their weak spot. Wahaha!
KA: What will you do with the leader of Moocah?
KA: It is clear that there is a risk that he will redeposit a new Alien Bill.
OBL: We are already infiltrated in the highest regions of the Moocah society.
OBL: We made it happen that humans can eat human flesh now. Wahaha!
OBL: The result is funny. Moocah was the only country in the world with no murderers. OBL: That is adjusted, now.
KA: So he will be eaten, the leader of Moocah?
OBL: He will be eaten! Wahaha!

What is the point in this?

Aliens are probably too smart to visit this dump of a planet anyway, let alone have sex with humans or eat "earth food"

Nothing Doing,

I don’t know on which planet you live but on Earth aliens are visible.

If we don’t do anything all humans will be broke. Governments have already huge problems to keep the bills in balance. Aliens are too expensive and they smell anyway.

And what about our human culture? If they mix up too much with humans, pure humans could disappear. Several studies predict that in 2350 the last pure human will turn off the light. Unless we do something about it NOW!

If you would know what the average alien is eating then you would consider Earth food as a ‘delicatesse’.

blobidy blobidy blah blah.

This bill is one of the most idiotic bills I've seen in my life. If this bill makes it to querum I'll not only resign, I'll shoot myself.

---Post deleted by NationStates Moderators---

f--- YOU ALL!!!! THE MODS ARE DICK f--- WHO SHOUD HAVE THIER DICK RIPPED OFF AND SHOVED DOWN THEIR THROATES!!! thank you all! :)

Wow, theres an eye opener into the psyche of the idiot.

Mate, I think once again its a case of some one (Points at you) having their dick ripped off and stuck to their frontal-above-the-face-bit.

Is this not the kind of thing that makes moderators pull nations out of their data banks in the night and make them never be seen again? Or is it all just a wonderful if-only conspiracy theory? :wink:

The Rep of Komokom.

This bill is one of the most idiotic bills I've seen in my life. If this bill makes it to querum I'll not only resign, I'll shoot myself.



Well, you can load your gun already.

May we videotape the shooting?

I would just like to point out that this is a kind of random resolution :wink:

We at Guaifenasin have received intelligence reports that Moocah is using the idea of these alleged "aliens from outer space" to thwart its own government's misdeeds. We are launching a full investigation. We will get to the bottom of this. We encourage our fellow UN member nations to offer assistance on the matter of the alleged "aliens" epidemic. Meanwhile, we suggest Moocah start addressing its own governmental problems within its own borders and stop being so melodramatic in the UN forum, wasting our representatives' time with conspiracy theories that will surely only serve to come back and bite them in the ass.

This resolution is completely absurd.

~ Guaifenasin International Intelligence

We at Guaifenasin have received intelligence reports that Moocah is using the idea of these alleged "aliens from outer space" to thwart its own government's misdeeds. We are launching a full investigation. We will get to the bottom of this. We encourage our fellow UN member nations to offer assistance on the matter of the alleged "aliens" epidemic. Meanwhile, we suggest Moocah start addressing its own governmental problems within its own borders and stop being so melodramatic in the UN forum, wasting our representatives' time with conspiracy theories that will surely only serve to come back and bite them in the ass.

This resolution is completely absurd.

~ Guaifenasin International Intelligence


Guaifenasin,

We do nothing wrong in our country and your allegations are very vague and untrue.

In fact the people love us:

· Almost no crimes in our society
· Clean beaches
· There’s almost no pollution
· Marihuana is legal and affordable for everybody.
· …

There is no alien epidemic but the aliens are still a huge problem. If you are sitting on one single nail then you don’t talk about an epidemic of nails, no you just investigate the problem and in the case of the nail you remove it.

But if you prefer to sit on a nail then be my guest.

I hope you reconsider the alien problem and vote for the bill.

Yours sincerely,

The ruler of Moocah

Hey, we never said our intelligence were reliable. We just said we got reports from them.

If you have this "alien" problem, we wish you luck. We don't really believe in aliens, so we find it difficult (despite your offering of press releases) to fathom this problem is real. We envision someone's overactive imagination has gotten the best of your government. But, we reiterate: good luck.

~ Guaifenasin Peacekeeping Party

Guaifenasin,

We offer you 1 ton of Marihuana for free. Just to enhance our political relationship.

It will be shipped as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely,

The ruler of Moocah

Far be it from us to refuse such a gift. We hope it wasn't interfered with by aliens. :)

This propasal clearly discriminates against Extraterrestrials! It should not be allowed to pass!

Mendevia,

Aliens are guests. If you invite a guest then it is only a guest if it behaves as one.

If your visitor rips your wallet or is looking too much to your partner or is stinking too much then you throw him or her out.

I do not want that aliens leave the planet. But we have to face reality.

Or we don’t do anything and then we are doomed or we fix the problem.

The nation of Rockfort would like to submit our approval towards this bill and all that it entails. So let it be written and so let it be done.

Alfred Ashford
President of the Democratic Republic of Rockfort.

Hmm, looks suspiciously like a none-too-subtle anti-asylum bill to me. Simple answer: no.

Good to see the shadowy assassinations of idiot nations are still going strong...

Maya Toitovna
Speaker for Home Affairs

I banish thee, Moocah, back to thine own continuum, with thine smelly homophile aliens. Bother us no more in this, the real world.

LMAO

The nation of Antiascroftopia ademently denies the existence of extraterrestrial life! There are no aliens living among us, and any nation claiming there are such life forms on earth is simply trying to divert attention from something they are either doing or plan on doing. As the regional delegate for the AHA, I officially declare that a full investigation into the allegations will be headed and funded by Antiascroftopia to prove there is no alien problem because there are no aliens.

Anyone who attempts to get in the way of this investigation risks retaliation by our well trained military. Individuals who propagate rumors that support the claim of alien life on Earth will be detained and questioned if found inside the borders of our region. Those outside of our jurisdiction will be marked and detained if they visit the Aqueous Humor Alliance. (or they might befall a tragic accident at home in the dead of night... which ever is quicker...)

When we have compiled enough proof to cover up.... er... um... refute the claims of aliens living on earth, they will be made public.