NationStates Jolt Archive

Greetings to all you nations curious enough to pop in, have a beer, a party hat and a blank flag to decorate as you wish. Bahgum has arranged this workshop for all of you who are a little jaded by RBTS (recurrent boring topic syndrome).
The aim of our little meeting is to come up with some amusing, off the wall resolutions on new topics, or surreal twists on RBTs. So drink up, and share some strange thoughts.......
A big bag of cookies to the first idea!!

Ambassador Threllfall of Bahgum

*holds a hand over the mouth of the delegate from Pitsylvania who is trying to outlaw cookies*

Cookie ban eh? Not bad, better have a cookie binge in anticipation....
.....quickly orders a dozen cart horse loads of cookies to be delivered to the workshop.

I propose that as the 100m sprint is always over too quickly at sporting events, each competitor will from now on have to run while carrying their grandmother.

*waits expectantly for his cookies*

Yngwie Malmsteen,
Nibbleton UN Ambassador

Cake or death?

Death, please.

No, no wait, I meant cake. Yeah, I'll have cake, too.

Due to the ongoing cookie binge, Bahgum is delighted to throw a couple of sacks of cookies to Nibbletons delegate.
Would we have to weigh the grannies first?

Hi, I'm John Marat and I've come to share in the energy, ok?

I propose that we cover the streets in an extremely thick blanket of candy floss, or as some people call it 'cotton candy', so that when people jump out of tall buildings, instead of dying, they find themselves wrapped up in a tasty treat! Now wouldn't that make you feel warm all over? Hmm? Yes? Okay?

Now I know what you're thinking, people hardly ever leap from tall buidlings but believe me, I've seen it happen a lot. One minute they're okay and the next they start running in the opposite direction towards the nearest window. Yes, *sigh* it's sometimes a heartless world.

So whaddya say?

You've been great, I've been John Marat, thanks for listening. ^_^

Acknowledging that last night's pub session was a lengthy one;
Shamefacedly admitting that, perhaps, too much alcohol was drunk;
Dimly recalling through a rum-soaked haze that an attempt was made to purchase bar snacks;
Being horrified to find, on purchasing said snacks, that the blue packet of crisps he had obtained was not, in fact, salt and vinegar but the dreaded cheese and onion;

Comrade Guevara hereby proposes the UCPC, or Universal Crisp Packet Code.
This is a Free Trade proposal of mild strength, whereby all UN members would adopt a universal colour scheme for crisp packets, thus avoiding future alcohol-related wrong-flavour catastrophes. The proposed scheme is as follows:
Salt and vinegar - pale blue;
Cheese and onion - green (preferably with a big red danger symbol as well)
Ready salted - red
All other flavours are to be treated as an abomination against t'pub and not fit for the UN's consideration.

Comrade Guevara
Delegate for Rum and Other Alcohol-Related Matters

"So THAT's why the rum's gone," a beffuddled-looking Captain Jack Sparrow was quoted as saying.



Sully Pher
Minister of Really Bad Eggs

Bahgum feels that our most splendid comrades from East Hackney have thought of an excellent proposal. What is more, it is inspired by the pub, as all the best ideas are! We would like to humbly suggest that as well as colour coding of the crisp packets, there should also be a specifically shaped transparent window for each flavour. e.g. diamond for salt and vinegar, round for cheese and onion, square for ready salted. This would be helpful to colour blind people amd also add another frame of reference for happy pubgoers who have imbibed one more drink than they ought to have.

Due to the ongoing cookie binge, Bahgum is delighted to throw a couple of sacks of cookies to Nibbletons delegate.
Would we have to weigh the grannies first?
Thank you Bahgum.
To be honest, I think it would be more fun if we didn't

Yngwie Malmsteen,
Nibbleton UN Ambassador

Nibbleton, you're right, not having standard weight grannies would be much more fun. I think you should suggest this sport in the international games thread which Polecats have started, should go down a storm.

Those of us living in A Van Down by the River are concerned at the fabrications and distortions being crammed literally down the throats of citizens of the world concerning food labels!

We are kicking around a proposal that would require:
- All hot dogs to be made from dogs
- All buffalo wings to be made from buffalo
- All bleu cheese dressing to be colored blue

... but we feel we need more examples for this proposal to be ready to go. Can the workshop help?

Nathan,
bass player for Jonathalia
UN Delegate for A Van Down by the River

Hmmm...
Fish Fingers...real fingers with fish flavouring
Love Heart Sweets....real lovers hearts
Shepherds Pie....containing minced actual shepherds
Bloody Mary....contains blood from a Mary
Spotted Dick....real spotty dicks

Micro Chips - Actual silicon chips
Mountain Dew - Real dew collected from mountain slopes
Dr. Pepper - Containing ground pepper

Great ideas!

Cases for trading standards:

Slow Comfortable Screw
Sex On the Beach
Screaming Orgasm.

I know, I know...

American 'beer'?

Splendid. Can we nail American "football", too, while we're at it?

I'd like to see the following:

Lemonade - actually made from lemons
Gatorade - made from freshly squeezed alligators
Sweetbreads - sweet and made from bread, not, uh, something else...

Incidentally - is East Hackney in accord with Bahgum's suggested amendments to the UCPC?

and the 'world' series?

although that and american football could be a separate sporting descriptions act....

East Hackney finds itself in full agreement with Bahgum's suggestion for the UCPC. We would like to add that this proposal does not seek to limit national sovereignty on the matter of preferred crisp flavours - it is not the UN's job to outlaw such exotic Eastern delights as the Magic Masala crisp so common in Mumbai and Delhi, nor the peculiarly English charm of the Brannigan's Ham and Pickle. Despite pressure from the free peoples of East Hackney on the matter, we will not seek to ban the warped parody of a crisp known as the Dorito. We simply seek to reserve these three basic colours for the three timeless and universal truths of pub snackery.

It looks like East Hackney have the outline of a glorious crispy proposal. Bahgum also fully supports the suggested food descriptions declaration. We would encourage the submission of these proposals and in the meantime will commence work on our proposal to use the mother in law as a deterrent to nuclear war. Our idea is that any nation which threatens major hostilities is immediatley influxed with a crack battalion of mothers in law. They will interefere (naturally!) with that nations affairs to such an extent that waging war will become impossible or such a minor priority that it is no longer a threat. This will lead to the redundancy of nuclear weapons as no nation will dare risk the wrath of the UN mother in law!

Please fill in the workshop feedback forms!

A Resolution On Animal Rights

Whereas Humans are living beings,

whereas animals are also living beings,

In the name of equality we do hereby remove any rights that have been given to human beings other than the rights to be treated equally under the law so as to make them equal to animals in the eyes of the law.


<it could be expanded, but this is the gist of it>

MSL takes it back, we are serious about that resolution, and we are going to draft a new proposal in the same vein for submission to the UN.

Hi, I'm John Marat and I've come to share in the energy, ok?

I propose that we cover the streets in an extremely thick blanket of candy floss, or as some people call it 'cotton candy', so that when people jump out of tall buildings, instead of dying, they find themselves wrapped up in a tasty treat! Now wouldn't that make you feel warm all over? Hmm? Yes? Okay?

Now I know what you're thinking, people hardly ever leap from tall buidlings but believe me, I've seen it happen a lot. One minute they're okay and the next they start running in the opposite direction towards the nearest window. Yes, *sigh* it's sometimes a heartless world.

So whaddya say?

You've been great, I've been John Marat, thanks for listening. ^_^

I could go one better, lets make all windows on floors above 10 stories to be like clear rubber so that if smacked against on the inside only bounce the jumper back gently, but breakable from the other side so fire rescue personel can save people in emergencies... ?

The Rep of Komokom.

The free peoples of East Hackney thank the gloriously unpredictable nation of Bahgum for its support. You have our assurances that we shall be hammering out a final draft of this resolution in the next couple of days. Down t'pub, of course, over a pint of Samuel Smith's finest, and with due caution taken in the matter of purchasing pub snacks...

Thank you all for the suggestions on literal food names -- I should have drug my feet long enough to have first read the Screaming Orgasm and Gatorade examples -- those are terrific!

Anyway, it's on the list for endorsement, and it's now into double figures...

Nathan, bass player for Jonathalia
UN Delegate from A Van Down by the River

Excellent, a most promising proposal has been submitted. Bahgums benevolent and, of course, glorious leader sends his bounteous and most splendiforous blessings to the wise and noble nation of Jonathalia and sincerely hopes that you all get that bigger van you wanted.

It has come to the attention of our most worshipful leader that the menfolk of our great nation are being accosted by a most unneeded situation.
This is the proliferation of 'beauty' products for men. Our minister for pies has only just come out of shock after popping into his local shop to pick up some shaving foam, only to be confronted with a least 1000 options promising to moisturise, de-wrinkle, de-grease, calm skin with tea-tree oil and other suspected carcinogens.
We put it to you that this is an abomination. All a man wants is no more than one shaving foam, two shampoo choices (normal or really skanky), one soap, and one razor choice. These should be good quality and have none of these airy fairy added spurious benefits. Our men are not women with genetic preferences for shopping, they cannot and do not want to handle such stress.
We propose that mens beauty products are banned forthwith as an infringement on a blokes human right to walk into a shop, grab what is needed to do the job and get back t'pub as quickly as possible.

Greetings I am Lord Geoffrey of Merwell my wife doesn’t know I’m here so kindly do not tell her.

I am all in favour of banning beauty products for men. Let women stay the fairer sex I say.

Now, fancy a pint?

A pint is always more than welcome, perhaps we can discuss your need to hide from your wife over a beer or six and draft an appropriate reolution??

Silly woman has some ideas about me meddling in politics. She says that I make a fool of her every time I come down to the building.

Perhaps we could draft a resolution to make everyone get drunk on a friday. It would bring down embarrassment rates with everyone doing utterly stupid things. The only problem is that we would have to produce more traffic cones as they obviously attract drunken men...

Now on to the real issue; my local or yours?

Perhaps we could draft a resolution to make everyone get drunk on a friday.

Is this not the equivalent of drafting a resolution to make everyone close their eyes while asleep? It certainly is round our neck of the woods.

Comrade Guevara
Delegate for Rum and Other Revolutionary Beverages

Friday??? theres a whole day that bahgum has drunk out of the calendar???

Perhaps we could draft a resolution to make everyone get drunk on a friday.

Is this not the equivalent of drafting a resolution to make everyone close their eyes while asleep? It certainly is round our neck of the woods.

Comrade Guevara
Delegate for Rum and Other Revolutionary Beverages
Ah yes but the problem with my wife is that she goes to see Her Royal Majesty Queen Rosalind I on a Friday night, in fact most nights come to think of it... If only she would get drunk, perhaps then I would annoy her less.

Hmm a resolution to insist the missus goes down t'boozer too? Fruaght with difficulties methinks. The time honoured tradition of skulking in past midnight totally rat-arsed would bcome a thing of the past....do we want that?