NationStates Jolt Archive

Dedication & Excellence: BoF 33, Deddick + 1, ERR

17-04-2009, 17:25
Ununngu oot a Nginkaralirimarringuma Ngo 33
(Oo (lit): Have rain, friends, at the first-washing-of-the-infants-after-birth-ceremony for Fire 33)

Irileptha at Vendi-me ma-me ot Sosira Zi 33
(Zu-vendi (lit): Welcome to my friends at the Naming Day of Fire 33

Welcome, my friends, to the Baptism of Fire 33, a contest of Dedication and Excellence taking place here in northern Errinundera. We look forward to hosting your teams and wish you luck in your endeavours. The Baptism of Fire is an opportunity for nations new to the World Cup to gain valuable experience before mixing it with the big guys.


Before settling in to your new homes away from home, we suggest you check out our official website (

From here there are many links to help you familiarise yourself with this singular nation. In particular we recommend you visit the Deddick province ( page to familiarise yourself with the area.

Errinundera is a vegetarian, pacifist (mostly), non-automotive nation. When you arrive in McKillops Bridge from the north by riverboat down the mighty Snowy River you will be confronted by an enormous receptacle and a sign that reads:

Please leave meat, leather, guns and cars in bin provided.

The paradox is that Errinundera has no law enforcement agencies, no military and no restrictions on movement. There are, however, our famous sniffer wombats (

Don’t worry about leather footballing gear. Errinundera has a flourishing micro-fibre industry. Our micro-fibre is indistinguishable from leather except for the odour, which is fortunate with all the Sniffer Wombats about. We will happily provide all the gear you need for the tournament and are more than happy to label all products with your sponsors’ logos. If you prefer, we will provide the necessary microfibre to your own manufacturers. Treat it exactly if it were leather. Because our beliefs may cause you some inconvenience all costs will be borne by Errinundera.

Food may be of greater concern. We suggest you consider carefully your team’s dietary requirements for the tournament. To assist your team we will provide a dietician and chefs who will work closely with your support staff to ensure that your players are properly prepared for the tournament.

Almost all matches will be played in the Deddick Province. Some games will be played in the nearby city of Bonang in the Delegate Province. Unlike the central and southern parts of Errinundera, Deddick, for the most part, does not have suitable housetrees. Visiting squads will enjoy the hospitality of our travellers’ inns. Although spartan (Errinundera is not a wealthy nation) they are warm, comfortable and friendly. In fact, when it comes to romance, Errinundrians are very friendly indeed. Nevertheless they have an abiding respect for the beliefs of others.

Just a note of warning to the nations being hosted by Sawpit. This is a tree town so your players and entourage will be billeted with local families in their trees. The Sawpitters see this as a singular honour.

The Tournament

The tournament will have five groups of five teams. Each group will have two home locations and games will be played in those locations. The teams in each group will play each other once with the top 3 teams in each group progressing to the 2nd round. The highest ranked 4th placed team will fill the 16th spot.

There will be three points for a win and one point for a draw. Rankings will be determined by most points, then largest positive goal difference, then most goals scored. If necessary a deciding match will be played to determine who proceeds to the next round.

Round 1 results
Match Day 1 (
Match Day 2 (
Match Day 3 (
Match Day 4 (
Match Day 5 (

Round 2 results
Match Day 6 (

Quarter Final results
Match Day 7 (

The 16 teams will then play a knockout series to determine the champions. In any match, if scores are level after 90 minutes plus injury time, then standard extra time will be played. If scores are still level, the normal penalty shoot-out will take place.

Note: teams in black have posted a roster. Click on the link to see the roster. Click on the town name to learn about your temporary home.

Group A
Amboyne Crossing ( Landau Institute (, Metallo Pesante, Astholm
Much ( Somewhereistonia (, Steroga (

Group B
Tubbut ( Kagdazka (, The Bear Islands (, Yelda
Sawpit ( Stargate Centurion (, Threetime

Group C
Whittakers ( Norwellia (, Tyrrin (, Wessia
Tingaringy ( Australiazia (, Italia Orientale (

Group D
Dellicknora ( Carpathia and Ruthenia, Lemetel, Banten States
Pinch Swamp ( Golgothastan (, Terra Anatidae

Group E
Cabanandra ( Phillips Island (, Swartaz (, Dave Campbell
Bonang ( Nong Nang Ning (, Pasarga (

The 2nd round venues will be:
Amboyne Crossing

Off to McKillops Bridge and Deddick
From here on in matches will be played at the most famous grounds in the Deddick Province. Teams will stay in the former royal palace in Milosis (McKillops Bridge) and at the former royal estate in Deddick.
Former royal estate, Deddick

McKillops Bridge ( Liberation Stadium (
McKillops Bridge ( Milosis Coliseum (
Deddick (city) ( Stade de siaros (

Stade de siaros (2 games)
Liberation Stadium
Milosis Coliseum

Semi Finals
Liberation Stadium
Milosis Stadium

3rd Place play off
Liberation Stadium

Stade de siaros

Lastly, the frightening giant two-headed leech (, unique to Errinundera, has never been sighted in the Deddick province.

<OoC> The nations were allocated to towns for round one on a completely random basis. (I whited out the nations in my spreadsheet, jumbled them using a random number generator, and then applied towns without being able to see the whited out nations.) That Terra Anatidae ended up in Pinch Swamp, that Nong Nang Ning ended up in Bonang, and that Stargate Centurion ended up in the most backward town in the province were complete flukes.</OoC>
17-04-2009, 17:41
Golgothastan has not participated in international sport before, but now Starálfur Bort Chocowitz has dispatched a squad for World Cup 46 and the preceding Baptism of Fire. Football is very popular among Golgothastanis, but they are not very good at it, a diet of root vegetables and mostly dead horse failing to provide the kind of balanced diet top-flight athletes really need. This, and the fact the squad consists of 23 unsigned international novices, does not bode well, but the Golgothastanis plan on playing with pride and aggression, and will be very pumped up after hearing their national anthem, which is 12 minutes long; ( they often insist on an encore.

Nation: The Svefn-g-englar of Golgothastan (GOL)

Demonym: Golgothastani

Team nickname: “Ný batterí” (“new batteries”; it was more sensible than some of the proposed alternatives)

Kit: Black (away kit: also black). Instead of player numbers, Golgothastanis have their squad numbers expressed using 4 4s ( e.g. Guðni Rúnar's number is not 6, but 4!/4 x 4/4. Naturally, this plus the name issue (see below) can lead to substantial confusion among foreign commentators.

Coach: Jack Barryson.
Formerly known as Jack Weisgaarden, the coach's shockingly unimpressive revenue includes writing for the popular TV comedy show An Introduction to Libertarian Economics, lengthy service as a tractor salesman, and 3 years at the UN, despite Golgothastan resigning from that organization after a few months, but shows no obvious mention of footballing prowess. However, he is the only person from Golgothastan to have any experience of foreigners and as such has mainly been assigned to make sure the younger players don't get into too much trouble, or at least to show them where to bury the bodies afterwards.

TEAM (starters in bold)

1. Valdímar Bragason (31; samskeyti conservation technician)
12. Guðmundur Stefanson (26; textile factory worker)
21. Reynir Alexandersson(28; insurance salesman)

2. Þorvaldur Hallgrímsson (25; tractor parts store detective) - LD
4. Hrafn Víðisson (20; independent religious memorabilia salesman) - RD
5. Arnþór Finnsson (24; improv actor) - LCD
6. Guðni Rúnar Steingrímsson (35; tractor factory worker) - RCD
14. Þorgeir Sturlason (22; forklift truck driver)
17. Eyjólfur Jóhansson (26; good cop)
18. Haraldur Arnórsson (26; bad cop)
20. Guðberg Þorvaldsson (25; design tech teacher)
23. Jon Smarason (33; guitar technician)

3. Birgir Friðbjörnsson (28; doctor) - DM, captain
8. Rúnar Þór Hauksson (26; he's not really sure, but it seems to involve computers) - LM
11. Ásgeir Ríkharðsson (20; trainee tractor engineer) - RM
15. Òmar Ingvason (24; turnip farmer)
16. Helgi Juliuson (28; tractor operator)
19. Agust Elfarsson (36; secretary)
24. Stigur Guðbjartsson (19; office assistant) - AM

7. Þorður Sigurgeirsson (21; nursing student) - SS
9. Bjarkí Þrastarson (24; travel agent) - CF
10. Ìngmar Bragason (25; TV cameraman)
19. Atli Vigfússon (24; dividend clerk)

If you RP first, you can... do as you wish with regard to goals, cards, broken fingernails and career-ending decapitations, godmodes, golden satsumas, etc etc.

But please note: Golgothastan has recently been renamed after Sigur Rós songs by executive fiat, and as such all players now have Icelandic names. These names are patronymic (or, in a few cases, matronymic) and players should be referred to by their first (or full) name, not their surname. If Hrafn Jóhansson gets a yellow card, then “Hrafn” would be booked, not “Jóhansson”.

General RP theme: Golgothastanis will probably spend a lot of time setting fire to things, or trying to defect.
17-04-2009, 18:00
RPing hints for the Baptism of Fire 33 Tournament

The scorinator for BoF33 is reasonably straightforward with two components: random number and RP modifier.

The RP modifier will have a large bearing on the results and could give your team a significant advantage. There are two ways you can improve your RP modifier.

1. Post a team list (aka roster in some cultures) in this thread. The moment you post a team list you get a significant RP bonus.

The team list should display:
Team colours - You can link to an external picture storing site such as Photobucket. If you need technical advice there are people who are happy to help you via the World Cup Discussion Thread.
Team members with optional descriptions
The following table to advise your opponents how much latitude they can take if they RP first:
Choose my goalscorers Yes or No
Godmod Scoring Events Yes or No
RP injuries to my players Yes or No
Godmod injuries to my players Yes or No
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Yes or No
Hand out Red cards to my players Yes or No
Godmod Other Events Y Yes or No

2. Post reports about the matches
The previous five match reports will be judged, subjectively, and a bonus will be added to the RP score as the host sees fit. Above all, I want to be impressed or entertained. Even the most basic report will earn a bonus, however good reports will be scored well.

The types of match reports that could score well are:

Straight reports written in creative language. We all know good journalism when we read it. It could range from Gonzo to Classical. Please note that my only languages are English and rusty Latin. If you post in other languages I can only judge it on its appearance.

Straight reports that are well illustrated. There are some very creative pictures in World Cup threads.

Surreal posts – I like to be surprised and bewitched.

Funny posts – always a winner.

Interacting posts – The more interaction between players the better. They can be angry, petulant, funny, whatever. If nation A does something to nation B and nation B retaliates by doing something to nation A both will receive RP bonuses.

One thing to remember. Many people who post do not have English as their first language. There will be NO penalties for the standard of your English. Besides, you may want to RP poor English skills.

Also, Errinundera has restrictions on civil liberties, ie no dead animal products, no guns, no cars etc. On the other hand, there are no enforcement agencies so, by all means, feel free to RP defiance of these restrictions. It will add to the enjoyment. I would simply advise you read this post from World Cup 34 to see how I may respond. WOMBATS AMOK (

Once the teams are finalised a draw will be posted.

Goo Woongara. Zu Mandi. Good luck.

...General RP theme: Golgothastanis will probably spend a lot of time setting fire to things, or trying to defect...

I recommend you read my NSwiki page on Corporate Torching (
17-04-2009, 19:47
Choose my goalscorers Y
Godmod Scoring Events Y
RP injuries to my players N
Godmod injuries to my players N
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out Red cards to my players Y
Godmod Other Events Y

Pasarga Roster

Nickname: Wanderers


Home Alternate

Manager: Rezsx Erdôs, age 54
Assistant: Noemi Genovese, age 47

GK: Moricz Vincze (, age 26, Khalmar-Tijhus (Cafundéu)
GK: Levente Havasi, age 27, Baskita FC
LB: Jónatan Gwrtheyrn, age 25, Lunas FC
LB: Márió Balla, age 31, Baskita FC
CB: Zoárd Szathmári, age 21, KT Hotspur (Candelaria And Marquez)
CB: Zsuzsi Széll, age 23, CA Paulinthal (F)
CB: Áron Mihály, age 22, Tanrısal
CB: Metody Jaworski, age 22, Tanrısal
RB: Éva Sebeôk, age 21, El Din Marbles (Candelaria And Marquez)
RB: Eric Koch, age 25, Tulduroc United
RW: Charlot Léveillé, age 24, CA Paulinthal (F)
RW: Lucas Gerste, age 21, Stein-los Turkish
MC: Szescx Halász, age 24, Baskita FC
MC: Montague Hachée, age 25, SC Troubalose
MC: Fernando Lori, age 26, Club Stein-los
MC: Gerzson Illés, age 22, Ironside Talinger (Candelaria And Marquez)
LW: Levente Földessy, age 24, Baskita FC
LW: Aba Forgáts, age 23, Peynol-Lunas
ST: Bratko Vrzić, age 23, SC Sardin
ST: Djoko Markovčič, age 26, Stein-los Turkish
ST: Samuka Szatmári, age 21 McDonald FC (Candelaria And Marquez)
ST: Ausilio Calabrese (, age 24, Galactica

Koch Szathmári Széll Balla
Léveillé Hachée Lori Forgáts
Markovčič Calabrese

Captain: Ausilio Calabrese
Corner Taker: Charlot Léveillé
Set Piece: Aba Forgáts
Penalty: Ausilio Calabrese
17-04-2009, 20:15
[OOC-when will the tournament begin?]

Somewhereistonia's young side were performing reasonably well in the Empire Charity Cup, so manager Toomas Ergma had decided to use a larger number of under-21s in the Baptism of Fire tournament than would have been previously expected.

Nation: Somewhereistonia
Team Nickname: Eagles
Style Modifier: +5
Kit: Keeper kit (second keeper kit is the same style but grey). 1st Kit 2nd Kit 3rd Kit

Manager: Toomas Ergma (lead Qasarian Sparta to the league title last season, narrowly beating fierce rivals Dinamo Karrakiv).
Assistant Manager: Priit Vilba (Previous assistant to Dinamo Karrakiv manager, brought in to avoid splits between Dinamo and Spartas players)
Head Physio: Gustav Tolving (Owner of a sports physio centre outside Qasarian, he has shown a brilliant ability to bring players back from injury sooner than expected).

Team roster. Positions shown within [square brackets]

First 11
1. Svante Klug, 23 [GK]. Klug has been a member of the Dinamo Karrkiv squad from age 16 and has already established himself as one of the best keepers in the Meistriliiga (the first division).
2. Justinas Volrat, 25 [LB]. Reliable and agile Skonto player who is hoping for a long and fruitful career. He can also play on the wing or on the right is necessary.
3. Kazys Kadleks, 26 [LCB]. Strong centre-back who is strong in the air. Kadleks is expected to make a solid back line with Lurich.
4. Andrus Lurich [vc], 30 [RCB]. The Qasarian Sparta centre-back and captain has performed exceptionally well in the previous season, ensuring that their team conceded on 29 goals; 17 of which were when he was out injured for 6 games.
5. Romualdas Sokk, 21 [RB]. Part of the winning Qasarian Sparta squad, having already made himself the first choice RB at 21, he will expect a long career for the Eagles.
6. Vladimir Paposki, 27 [DMF]. The solid Dinamo Karrakiv player has repeatedly helped to make sure they are title contenders by bolstering the defence. A strong tackler, he has a number of cards to his name; however he almost always wins the ball.
7. Vincas Taska, 18 [RMF]. The young star of the Dinamo team, voted MIP in the league last season after getting 10 goals and 18 assists during the season. Quick of the mark, he can trouble even the most experience LB.
8. Czesław Keres [C], 28 [AMF]. The Dinamo captain has had mixed success at home during has career, but has worked brilliantly with Taska and has helped make Dinamo favourites for next seasons title.
9. Kukas Skormilonski, 32 [CF]. The Dinamo Karrakiv striker holds the record for most goals in a season (38), and most career goals (211) in the Meistriliiga
11. Mart Kusnets, 17 [SS]. The talented striker has shown himself to be something of an enigma is the Empire charity cup, scoring in the first 3 games, including an incredible winner against Secristan. Qasarian Sparta have thus far managed to keep the striker in the wave of bids from other local clubs.
13. Vladimir Nolakk, 21 [LMF]. The hardworking Skonto midfielder has become the under-21 captain and has already been marked as the future national captain and champion. He can play in most areas of midfield.


10. Petras Zoltoks, 20 [CF]. The young Kalev Talla striker will most likely be used as a substitute for the aging Skormilonski. He has had mixed succes at the Empire Charity Cup.
12. Nikolai Baskovic, 32 [GK]. A long term, reliable keeper for Qasarian Sparta. His experience will be of great benefit to help Klug train. Whilst he knows he will probably never win a national cap, he is proud to be selected.
14. Algirdas Astra, 26 [SS]. The Qasarian City forward was expected to be in the first team, but an injury hit season and the success of Kusnets has meant that he will now start on the bench.
15. Kazimeiras Oper, 25 [CB]. The Skonto defender has shown himself as a strong and hardworking defender, however he has had trouble when made to mark quick players such as Taska and Kusnets.
16. Kasper Grinius, 20 [CB]. First choice centre-back for the charity cup team, he has shown strength and determination, even when let down by his other defenders. He currently plays for Qasarian City but seems keen to move.
17. Jurgis Ģipslis, 23 [FB]. The only Vetra Karrakiv player in the sqaud, he is hoping to bring his club success next season. Something most pundits regard as unlikely at best.
18. Povilas Drozdova, 24 [Wing]. A fast-paced player, he is seen as a crucial part of the winning Qasarian Sparta team. He would be unfortunate to not get many caps in the Baptism of Fire tournament.
19. Vytautas Törk, 19 [MF]. The player is a surprise choice, but his good work as a substitute in the Charity cup have almost certainly won him the place in the squad. He currently plays for Qasarian Sparta and hopes to have a long term future there.
20. Marek Oll, 30 [MF]. The Koltelcia captain is surprised nobody else in his team made it into the squad, despite their lacklustre performance in the previous season where a late dash managed to get them into 6th place.
21. Jaan Schmidt, 25 [SMF]. The Metalurgs winger has repeatedly shown his ability to break through defenses, with excellent dribbling skills and the ability to provide the killer passes to the forward men.
22. Kazys Grodzinski, 31 [DMF]. A solid player for Metalurgs, this is likely his last chance to make it as an international player.
23. Klass Oim, 20 [GK]. The upcoming keeper for Qasarian Sparta, despite making few appearances for his club, Ergma has selected him due to his place in the charity cup squad.

If my opponent RP's first they can:
Choose my goalscorers Yes
Godmod Scoring Events Yes
RP injuries to my players Yes
Godmod injuries to my players No
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Yes (only up to 3 a match)
Hand out Red cards to my players Yes (no more than 1)
Godmod Other Events Y Yes
Landau Institute
18-04-2009, 02:01


Style is +3

It was a long time ago. In World Cup 39, the Landau Institute, representing the whole country of Estresse Intenso at that time, had a difficult qualifying stage. No, we can’t say this. This team has nothing to do with that Estresse Intenso team, because we aren’t Estresse Intenso. We are the Landau Institute, which is a part of it, truly, but a very special part. We alone can be considered a true society, a true nation, although not an official one.

So let’s restart. In World Cup 39, our doctors and patients of the Landau Institute that were in the Estresse Intenso team faced many difficulties. The qualification for the World Cup, as happened in WC36, was far away, and the team was even losing its home games in the Sector-Delta Sporting Field. But the final blow that completely destroyed the motivated of the Institute members was the illness of The Machine, the team’s coach. Constructed to lead the team to glory, by Pascal Caelaphyluso, a mystical person from the Dreamed Realm, The Machine, which was built with common mechanical objects, including the oven that represented his body, became more human as time passed, and ended suffering a serious illness due to this, which ended bringing him to death by the end of the qualifiers. After that, Estresse Intenso could even finish second in the Cup of Harmony, but that was the end of the team. The Machine’s death led Estresse Intenso to announce its retirement from the World Cup, giving space to the Independent Territory of Terreiro de Ogum, which had an average performance in the World Cup.

But now it is time for Landau Institute to really enter in the World Cup, no more representing a failed country, no more carrying a flag that isn’t ours! It is time for the Institute to play football representing all the doctors and patients of our island. And we have the right players and the right staff for it... including our coach, our biggest motivator and leader in this competition, the one that will give us all the hints for success. Now that we are playing as ourselves, the Landau Institute, we have to show the world the ability of our habitants, doctors and patients, united in a new team, revived from the ashes of Estresse Intenso!

(IMPORTANT: it is preferable to use the names in BOLD of my players when writing your RPs , as these are the names that they use when playing [the names in their shirts], instead of using their full name. Now to the most important: please do not write the names of my players in all capitals, this is important for me too. When writing a name of one of my players in your RP, write like you would write a name for any other player)

The List:


1- Doctor Germano MALDONADO (Team: Cardiologists)
Age: 40
Occupation: member of Cardiology department - common patients’ area
Bio: Maldonado has just become the goalkeeper of the Cardiologists team, and impressed the whole Institute with his excellent performances. As the team is composed by the top performers of the league, Maldonado won this place, even without having much experience. His long hair is his signature mark. He jumps on practically every ball to make a save, loving to impress everyone watching him.

12- Professor Tobias BROWN (Team: Neurologists)
Age: 67
Occupation: permanent member of Neurology Institute department; teacher in the Institute University; member of teaching council in the University
Bio: the most famous goalkeeper of the country, Brown is one of the leaders of the Neurologists team and of the Institute department of Neurology. So, his importance is inside and outside the football field, being one of the most respected doctors of the place. Due to his advanced age, Brown is likely to not start the games, but he is surely the most talented keeper, and the attackers can’t underrate him.

22- Doctor Heraldo ARAGÃO (Team: Orthopaedists)
Age: 38
Occupation: member of the Orthopaedic department – stable patients’ area
Bio: the Orthopaedists have a team that is rising on the Laifódi league, conquering some important results, and the arrival of doctor Aragão is one of the things that helped them to win many games. Aragão is a concentrated and efficient goalkeeper, and also a talented doctor, who likes to talk with his patients.


2- Professor Matias ROCHER (Team: Otorhinolaryngologists)
Age: 51
Occupation: head of the Otorhinolaryngology Institute department; member of the Breath High Council; head teacher of his department in the Institute University
Bio: Professor Rocher is a symbol of the Landau Institute. Was born here, raised here, studied here and now is head of his department. Studying medicine since he was just a child, Rocher surely has a huge knowledge, and is one of the most famous doctors of the Landau Institute. Also, has a good relationship with most patients and with the doctors too, being a person that most people like. As a football player, Rocher is fast and is able to make some excellent passes, long or short.

6- GABRIEL Leite Cruz (Team: Physical Trainers)
Age: 26
Occupation: member of the Sporting Activities department
Bio: Gabriel is a young player of the Landau Institute team, and due to that is a player with a very good physical condition. Usually all players of the team are in perfect health conditions, but Gabriel is the one least likely to suffer an injury. His crossings are his best ability, and he is a quiet person.

14- Doctor Mendelúcio SOBRINHO (Team: Psychiatrists)
Age: 46
Occupation: member of the Psychiatry department – I. T. Patients’ area
Bio: Doctor Sobrinho works in the dangerous area of the Institute, where the patients can’t be controlled by the medicines given by the doctors. Due to that, he is a cautious person and one who can deal with most difficulties in his work – something that happens when he is playing football too.

16- Professor Jair VALENÇA (Team: Neurologists)
Age: 74
Occupation: permanent member of the Neurology Institute department; member of the Brain High Council; teacher in the Institute University
Bio: an experienced doctor and football player, Jair Valença is one of the most important neurologists of the Institute, probably just behind the department chief Professor Arthur Costa, who doesn’t like football. Valença usually don’t work directly with the patients, although can enter in some really difficult cases, where a top neurologist is needed. Doesn’t like to work in the University, and that’s why he wasn’t able to have a good academic career, being just a normal teacher there.


3- Doctor Renato RIBEIRO (Team: Neurologists)
Age: 53
Occupation: permanent member of the Neurology Institute department
Bio: the Neurologists team is mostly composed by experienced doctors, so its average age is one of the highest of the league. But it also has many top players, and Ribeiro is another of them. Fanatic for football, he isn’t much dedicated to his work, although years of service granted him a place among the leaders of the department. But you can’t expect him to work until late hours in the night.

4- VALDIR Marrocos Pitoco (Team: Security)
Age: 30
Occupation: member of Landau Institute’s security – island area
Bio: a member of the security team in the Institute’s National Team? Yes. Although the team isn’t a very good one, it often has good defenders. We don’t need to say that Valdir is a highly physical player, who uses his strength to defeat his opponent, sometimes with fouls. But, outside the field, he is a nice person, and loves watching soap operas.

13- Doctor Augusto MENDES DÍAZ (Team: Toxicologists)
Age: 33
Occupation: member of the Toxicology department – common patients’ area
Bio: Doctor Mendes Díaz is a young doctor, who still didn’t have any big achievements inside the Institute as a doctor – he is only a working doctor in his department, nothing special. But, as a football player, he has already shown his ability as defender, and he also claims that he can discover if a player is using drugs or not by just smelling his watch or socks.

21- Doctor Kléber LA CODETI (Team: Gynaecologists)
Age: 56
Occupation: permanent member of the Gynaecology Institute department; member of Sexual MEDICAL Studies High Council
Bio: Doctor La Codeti is surely the best player of the Gynaecologists team, an average one which has a good teamwork and tactical awareness that makes them get some good results. La Codeti is a talkative person, and loves to invent stories. He is also a member of the Sexual Council, which had to have the work medical written in all capitals in its name due to many people thinking that the council was intended for other activities.

Defensive Midfielders:

5- Professor Tarcísio DUPONT (Team: General Practitioners)
Age: 45
Occupation: member of the General Practice department – I. T. Patients area; teacher of the Institute University
Bio: Professor Dupont is a very determined person, and one who never gives up when he has an objective. Working with unstable patients, he had already many problems about insisting in giving medicines to patients that were having bad reactions to them, with some fatalities involved. He also is a very demanding player, as much as he is with his students, with his classes being one of the most difficult of the university. Dupont wanted to be the captain of the team, but probably the fact that he is a general practitioner didn’t help him in this.

8- Doctor Paula Raquel Fernandes SPLITSSCHER (Team: Psychiatrists)
Age: 24
Occupation: member of the Psychiatric department – stable patients’ area
Bio: one of the few women in the Landau Institute Natioal Team, Doctor Splitsscher is also the youngest player of the team, and also a very talented football player, with an excellent vision and positioning, being able to start good counterattacks. Her career in the psychiatry area is still beginning, so she doesn’t have any titles or awards.

15- Professor Haroldo BARBEIRO (Team: Neurologists)
Age: 73
Occupation: member of the Neurology department – I. T. Patients area; teacher of the Institute University; member of teaching council in the University
Bio: Professor Barbeiro is loved by his students. A top teacher, is great in doing classes in the Institute’s University. Curiously, as a doctor, he is nothing special, even with years of experience, being unable to get anything more than just a basic position in the intensive treatment area. Barbeiro’s advanced age has highly affected his football ability, so he won’t move much on the field.

20- Caio MOTTA Vagrandini (Team: Stable Patients)
Age: 38
Situation: under observation by psychologists – former mental illness
Bio: Motta is one of the two patients that got to the Landau Institute National Team. Currently Motta is considered cured by the doctors responsible for him, and under observation in the stable patients’ area. But he used to have severe hallucinations, which made him completely unable to communicate or to act with his free will until these hallucinations ended, which made him pass years of his life in the intensive treatment area. Well, glad that he is cured now... is he?

Offensive Midfielders:

7- Doctor Giuliana Carvalho LEÓN (Team: Psychiatrists)
Age: 30
Occupation: permanent member of the Psychiatric Institute department
Bio: another female psychiatrist in the National Team, she is considered the main responsible for leading her team in the Laifódi competition, due to her incredible dribbling ability. She is very good at humiliating other players with her dribbles and inventive shots, and people say she acts the same way when counselling patients. She is very stubborn and short-tempered, and can engage in long discussions. She is also fast when controlling the ball, but dislikes long-ranged shots.

11- Doctor Sidney Harmangi Hill "DR. ALIEN" (Team: Otorhinolaryngologists)
Age: 44
Occupation: member of the Otorhinolaryngology department – stable patients’ area
Bio: Doctor Hill isn’t a famous person inside the Landau Institute. In fact, even in the Laifódi (the Institute league) scene he wasn’t a well-known name. But last season he showed everyone that he is simply the best set pieces taker of the entire place. Also, his heading abilities are extremely useful to help the team to score goals and defend. He is slowly becoming famous inside the Institute, but still has to improve his treatment methods. After an experience with an extraterrestrial creature infected him with an unknown toxin, Hill suffered a complete mutation, developing supernatural strength and stamina, becoming much taller and heavier, with purple skin and a deformed face, turning himself into a monster. Now he is called Dr. Alien.

17- Professor Nathan WAMBROCKING (Team: Cardiologists)
Age: 80
Occupation: head of the Cardiology Institute department; head of the Heart High Council; member of Landau Institute’s presidency chamber; head teaching of his department in the Institute University; member of the teaching council in the University
Bio: Professor Wambrocking is, without doubt, the highest-ranked of the doctors in this National Team, being even part of the group of doctors that lead the Institute. He is also a good football player, known for distributing well the ball and making some interesting moves when attacking. Due to his age, will probably get only ten or twenty minutes of playing time in a game he enters. As a doctor, Wambrocking usually doesn’t have personal contact with patients, leading a group of doctors under his command, who do all the dirty work for him.

19- JOHANN Brass (Team: I. T. Patients)
Age: 32
Situation: under intensive treatment by cardiologists, psychiatrists, psychologists, endocrinologists and hypnotherapists; illness not yet identified
Bio: a ferocious player – literally. Johann is a member of the intensive treatment area, due to having an uncontrollable rage, which starts without warning. His rage attacks are impressive to watch, as he tends to completely destroy a beef or eat a latrine in seconds. A huge group of doctors is actually trying to control him, but only hypnosis has some effects – which lasts for little time. When playing football, Johann is known for his long individual runs and potent shots, and is sometimes called Johann Foguete.


9- Doctor Eduardo da Cunha GADESCU (Team: Pulmonologists)
Age: 47
Occupation: member of the Pulmonologist department; member of the Research department; member of the General Practice department – all in the common patients’ area
Bio: surprisingly the only doctor of this team who has more than one specialty – something that is common in the Institute – Doctor Gadescu plays for the Pulmonologists, as this is the area where he acts the most, and where he has shown big talent, being considered one of the possible future leaders of this area inside the Landau Institute. A calm person, doesn’t like to take risks.

10- Professor Fabrício ABRAHIM Mendoza (Team: Oncologists) – team captain
Age: 64
Occupation: head of the Oncology Institute department; head teacher of his department in the Institute University
Bio: the top scorer of the Laifódi league and one of Landau Institute’s legends in the attack. Professor Abrahim is a goalscorer by nature, he seems to have born with goal instinct. He can be sleeping on the grass during the game that the ball will surely hit him and enter the goal. Because of his fame and his experience in football, the coach’s choice of putting him as the captain was accepted by everyone. As a doctor, he is very humble, and likes to personally check the situation of his many patients. Is surely the key player of this team, although some people claim it is Doctor León.

18- Professor Raimundo Nonato PASCOAL (Team: Psychiatrists)
Age: 58
Occupation: permanent member of the Psychiatry Institute department; member of the Brain High Council; teacher of the Institute University
Bio: an experience psychiatrist, Professor Pascoal seems to have updated his skills to a mythical level. Many people say that the legend that Pascoal can read the minds of other people and fully predict what someone will do is true, although the doctor denies this. But, if this is not true, how can he shoot exactly where the goalkeeper won’t go?

23- Doctor Aline Merengue DE FRUTI (Team: Dentists)
Age: 32
Occupation: member of the Dentistry department of the Institute
Bio: she is an attacker who provokes the same feeling in both her patients and the opponents’ defenders and goalkeepers: fear. Her patients scream: “please have mercy of my mouth!” while her opponents scream: “please have mercy of our goal!” But she is deadly (not in the literal sense, she didn’t kill any patients), and can score goals with ability.

The Staff:

Head Coach: The Memory Ball
Age: unknown
Occupation: ball made of something that looks like glass, or maybe it is some rock... I don’t know, it is orange... wait, it changed the colour to blue... I give up
Bio: this is what (or who) gave the Landau Institute the motivation to return to world football. This ball, according to Gaspar Aecalyopheno, stores all the memories of the creator of The Machine, Pascal Caelaphyluso, who used his abilities from the dreamed realm to give life to the former coach of the Estresse Intenso team. Pascal was dead, but now this ball is considered to be him, as it has his memories and does what he would do in each situation. Most people, then, seem to agree that the ball is Pascal himself, and that it is his soul which is stored. The memory ball floats on the air and can move with good speed. Gaspar says that the ball talks, but as no one has never heard anything from the ball, it must be through telepathy. The Memory Ball has a huge knowledge about football tactics, and seems to be preparing well the Landau Institute team for the competitions.

Assistant Head Coach: Gaspar Aecalyopheno
Age: 50
Occupation: member of Landau Institute’s presidency chamber; member of Mythical Debate High Council
Bio: Aecalyopheno is the apprentice of Pascal Caelaphyluso, who came to the Landau Institute from the Dreamed Realm when his master was still alive. He seems to have learned a lot from his master, but not everything, and is clearly considered as a person with inferior knowledge and talent than the much missed Pascal. With the arrival of the Memory Ball, Gaspar saw the return of his old master, and his extremely happy and motivated. As he is the only one who can communicate with the ball, he has now the position of assistant head coach, and he also is the one who will give the ball’s orders to the team, and also the one who will discuss with the referee if needed.

Common Coach: Doctor Aristides Igaben
Age: 73
Occupation: member of the Surgery department of the Institute
Bio: Doctor Igaben is the coach of the team, the one who will actually give the team the training and make them fit for the games. He will have no participation during the games, being only responsible for pre and post-game events. As a doctor, Igaben is a good surgeon, although not one with the highest reputation inside the Landau Institute.

[I]Main line-up:

Kits: ( (first) ( (second) ( (third)

(if someone wants to make Landau Institute’s kits, please tell me!)

Background Detail: differently from Cafundéu, Estresse Intenso is an absurd place. In every corner, you'll find riots, prophets saying that the world will end soon, crazy people walking on the streets, cars being exploded, huge holes on the ground that probably lead to Hell, big helicopters sending the most different types of messages to the people. No police. No proper government to contain the people. A true chaos. The only place where the people can find protection is inside the office buildings, huge skyscrapers controlled by Cafundelense companies estabilished in Estresse Intenso. These office buildings have security guards that defend the place and negotiate with the gangs that "work" on the streets. These normal people that decide to live in the office buildings have to work to "pay" for their stay, food and security. In fact, there is no money in Estresse Intenso. This situation comes close to slavery. Because of that, the office buildings have some influence in the country.

The Landau Institute is a part of Estresse Intenso, but there things are different. It is located in the Lowrni island, between the country and Bazalonia, and seems to be completely independent from the country. The Institute is a place where the people that succumbed to the stress (or became crazy in the middle of the chaos) go to get a treatment. The doctors there are excellent, and the patients well-treated, receiving attention and the help necessary. A much better and calm place to live, the Landau Institute is a paradise in the middle of Hell. The doctors control the place, but they don't live in better conditions than the patients (a lie! They do, although it is not such a big difference).

If my opponent RP's first they can:
Choose my goalscorers - Yes
Godmod Scoring Events - Yes
RP injuries to my players - Yes
Godmod injuries to my players - Yes (no only to the duration of the injury)
Hand out Yellow cards to my players - Yes
Hand out Red cards to my players - Yes (max of 3)
Godmod Other Events - Yes (although avoid really unreal things)
Nong Nang Ning
18-04-2009, 03:13
OOC: Despite not being available for a week... I'll at least post this roster so people can get an Idea of my Nation.

The piece of paper was blank until letters swirled onto the page to form words.


Pinging Tree... Goal Keeper. The Pinging Tree doesn't seem to exist except when it thinks that the goal's in danger and then pings up through the ground and well and truly over the height of the goal posts before returning back underground. This is it's only form of movement which can cause some problems should there be a huddle around the post.

Jibbering Teapots - With their spout it can only say Jibber Jabber Joo, but there is a very complex language that is hidden with tone and unnunciation very important to the meaning of each Jibber Jabber Joo. There are 3 of these as Defenders

Clanging Mice - The mice are the pranksters of the team always making noise, bt being mice, they are fast and quick and are very confident in their speed and ball handling abilities, these are the 3 midfielders

Monkeys - Monkey's who like to say Boo when they go for shots at Goal but also can get easily distracted by Bananas. They like to monkey around play games, shifting the ball them easily, findinfg unique ways of gertting the ball around the defenders and even on occasion using their tails. These 4 make up the strikers of the team.

No Team Colours/Uniform - Have you ever tred to find a way to clothe a tree?

The piece of paper seemed to suddenly float into the air meeting an open envelope it folded it self up and entered the Envelope which letters appeared on the envelope detailing it's address, the envelope continued to float around and found itself flying right into an open letter box, which closed itself the letter had opened and raised a flag on the side.

Choose my goalscorers Yes
Godmod Scoring Events Yes
RP injuries to my players Yes to Monkey's, No to everyone else
Godmod injuries to my players Yes, subject to above restrictions
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Yes
Hand out Red cards to my players Yes
Godmod Other Events Yes
18-04-2009, 05:58
(What is meant by style on a couple of these rosters?)
18-04-2009, 05:58
The Rainbow Warriors will send the same team that flamed out in the Empire Charity Cup.

My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers: Y
Godmod Scoring Events: Within reason - rare goals are OK as long as they're *rare*
RP injuries to my players: Within reason
Godmod injuries to my players: N
Hand out Yellow cards to my players: Y
Hand out Red cards to my players: N
Godmod Other Events: N

Time: Fall 2010

The nation
Official name: The People's Republic of Norwellia
La República Popular de Noruelia
Common name: Norwellia
Sports nation code: NOR
Motto: Another Way
Otra Manera
Anthem: My People
Mi Gente
Official languages: English, Spanish
Government type: Democratic Socialist collective (
Head of state: President Yusuki Watanabe

The team

Nickname: Rainbow Warriors
Los Guerreros del Arco Iris
Manager: Alexandre Fréchette

Preferred Formation: 3-5-2

Roster (starters in bold, league leaders marked with *):


Syku Lanja
Age: 36
Club team: Cataluña Heroica
Height: 6'2", Weight: 190 lb.
2008 stats: 28 GP*, 17 SO*, 15 GA*, 0.536 GAA*
2008 team stats: Third place, Globe Cup seed, 13-7-8 (46)

Алексей Александрович Глинка (Aleksej Aleksandrovič Glinka)
Age: 27
Club team: Winston F.C.
Height: 6'3", Weight: 210 lb.
2008 stats: 28 GP*, 17 SO*, 18 GA, 0.642 GAA
2008 team stats: Champions, TQCC seed, 13-11-4 (50)

Павел Ильич Каганович (Pavel Il'ič Kaganovič)
Age: 34
Club team: Forest Glen F.C.
Height: 6'2", Weight: 220 lb.
2008 stats: 28 GP*, 15 SO, 19 GA, 0.679 GAA
2008 team stats: Fourth place, 12-8-8 (44)
Notes: Achieved four straight shutouts to set a record; suffered from team's lack of attacking force compared to Winston


Age: 25
Club team: Winston F.C.
Position: Outside defender (Starts at RD)
6'1", 185 lb.
2008 stats: 27 GP, 4 GS
Notes: Possesses a rare combination of size, speed and skill

Kew Gerry
Age: 33
Club team: Merseault Strangers
Position: Central defender
6'1", 175 lb.
2008 stats: 26 GP, 5 GS
2008 team stats: Seventh place, 4-12-12 (24), 29 GA (4th)
Notes: Strong on the tackle; very effective in the air; strong, physical man-marking ability

Metheven Tangye
Age: 27
Club: Cataluña Heroica
Position: Left/central defender
6'0", 170 lb.
2008 stats: 28 GP*, 5 GS
Notes: Possesses unusual strength, deceptive speed, powerful legs, and an ability to quickly close down attackers

Mason Camus
Age: 27
Club: Winston F.C.
Position: Right-side defender
5'6", 145#
2008 stats: 28 GP*, 0 GS
Notes: Small but swift; great man-marking ability and passing skills; one of few Warrior defenders with little to no emphasis on attack

윤신일 ('Yun Sin-il)
Age: 29
Club: Forest Glen F.C.
Position: Central defender
6'2", 185#
2008 stats: 28 GP*, 0 GS
Notes: Solid CD with good organizational skills and intelligent reading of the game

Hydoc Pedlar
Age: 26
Club: Merseault Strangers
Position: Left/central defender
6'1", 178#
2008 stats: 5 GP, 0 GS
Notes: Smooth and elegant runner with tenacious man-marking ability; strong in the air; 2008 season cut short due to leg injury

Aaliyah Morris
Club: Cataluña Heroica
Position: Left-side defender
5'10", 155#
2008 stats: 24 GP, 0 GS
Notes: Speedy winger; strikes dangerous free kicks and serves creative crosses from the left, preferring to assist rather than score

Kentisesh Voreght
Age: 32
Club: Durdenheim F.C.
Position: Central defender
6'1", 180#
2008 stats: 27 GP, 1 GS
2008 club stats: Second place, TQCC seed, 13-8-7 (47), +12 GD (3rd)
Notes: Dangerous in the air on set pieces with his height and vertical leap; has a flair for the dramatic


Barbara Senior
Age: 32
Club: Winston F.C.
Position: Right-side defensive midfielder (starts as RM)
5'8", 155#
2008 stats: 18 GP, 3 GS
Notes: Speedy with tenacious defense; disrupts opposing defenses with speed and tireless work rate on the right side

Sherri McGuire
Age: 24
Club: Oceanview City F.C.
Position: Left-side attacking midfielder
5'8", 145#
2008 stats: 27 GP, 4 GS
2008 club stats: Fifth place, 11-7-10 (40), 35 GF (3rd)
Notes: Lightning speed, quick feet, intelligent defensive instincts

Misina Ponten
Age: 26
Club: Durdenheim F.C.
Position: Left/central attacking midfielder (starts as LM)
5'8", 150#
2008 stats: 26 GP, 12 GS
Notes: Strong and swift; thunderous left foot; can quickly start or join the counterattack

Mia Frost
Age: 26
Club: Durdenheim F.C.
Position: Central attacking midfielder
6'1", 170#
2008 stats: 28 GP*, 8 GS
Notes: Versatile player, high level of technical skill, confidence going at defenders

Sala Ikaru
Age: 24
Club: Winston F.C.
Position: Attacking midfielder
5'8", 148#
2008 stats: 25 GP, 20 GS (2nd)
Notes: Quick of foot and a quick thinker; deadly finisher from set pieces and the run of play

Δημήτρης Ρουβάς (Dmitris Roivas)
Age: 29
Club: Engels F.C.
Position: Central defensive midfielder
5'10", 170#
2008 stats: 23 GP, 0 GS
2008 club stats: 6th, 11-7-10 (40)
Notes: Hard-nosed tackler and tenacious ball winner with speed and exceptional ball control

Chris Padilla
Age: 28
Club: Cataluña Heroica
Position: Left/central defensive midfielder
5'8", 145#
2008 stats: 27 GP, 2 GS
Notes: Sublime ball handling skills; great vision and subtle, intelligent reading of play

James Howe
Age: 29
Club: Forest Glen F.C.
Position: Attacking midfielder
5'8", 140#
2008 stats: 26 GP, 7 GS
Notes: Versatile midfielder, hard worker, with palpable imagination and passion

Mesit Xura
Age: 33
Club: Engels F.C.
Position: Central midfielder
5'10", 160#
2008 stats: 28 GP*, 4 GS
Notes: Incredible skill, vision, composure; experience leading the midfield


Alain Vermeeren
Age: 28
Club: Engels F.C.
Position: Center forward
6'1", 195#
2008 stats: 27 GP, 22 GS*
Notes: Excellent work rate, strong finisher; this tall, dreadlocked Achtervolgingan was affectionately nicknamed "The Flying Dutchman" by hometown fans while leading Engels to the league lead in goals scored

Natalia Richter
Age: 22
Club: Cataluña Heroica
Position: Center forward
6'0", 180#
2008 stats: 27 GP, 15 GS
Notes: Physical game, lightning quick first step, clever first touch

Doshese Pagliloe
Age: 34
Club: Durdenheim F.C.
Position: Center forward
6'0", 175#
2008 stats: 24 GP, 12 GS
Notes: A battler with an impressive workrate, prefers to score with her head

Nίκος Αμπάτης (Nikos Ampatis)
Age: 29
Club: Engels F.C.
Position: Right/center forward
5'9", 160#
2008 stats: 22 GP, 10 GS
Notes: Quick, unpredictable; remarkable pace; possesses an ability to create space for himself and his teammates

Richter Vermeeren


Ponten Xura Senior


Tangye Voreght 백일일

18-04-2009, 06:05
I recommend you read my NSwiki page on Corporate Torching.

:O Will you marry me?
18-04-2009, 06:44
[OOC-when will the tournament begin?]...

How does Monday night, Eastern Standard Time Australia (ie, Monday evening/afternoon for Asia, Monday morning for Europe/Africa and middle of the night Sunday/Monday for America) sound to people? Gives players the weekend to post team lists.

(What is meant by style on a couple of these rosters?)

Refers to attacking or defending style of the teams. In other competitions the scorinator adjusts for playing style. Scorinators tend to favour attacking sides unless a complex formula is used, so I'm not adjusting for style. By all means take a team's playing style into account in your RP.

:O Will you marry me?

My cat would have a thing or two to say about that.
18-04-2009, 07:00
Baptism of Fire 33 draw

1st Round

Match Day 1

Group A
Landau Institute v Metallo Pesante @ Punters, Amboyne Crossing
Steroga v Astholm @ Much Park, Much
Somewhereistonia - bye

Group B
Kagdazka v The Bear Islands @ Marstuna Ground, Tubbut
Threetime v Yelda @ The Snake Pit, Sawpit
Stargate Centurion - bye

Group C
Norwellia v Tyrrin @ The Espy, Whittakers
Italia Orientale v Wessia @ The Tingaringy Municipal Park, Tingaringy (The TMP)
Australiazia - bye

Group D
Carpathia and Ruthenia v Lemetel @ The Nora, Dellicknora
Terra Anatidae v Banten States @ The Swamp, Pinch Swamp
Golgothastan - bye

Group E
Phillips Island v Swartaz @ Joyhill Avenue, Cabanandra
Pasarga v Dave Campbell @ The Bonang Cricket Ground, Bonang (The BCG)
Nong Nang Ning - bye

Match Day 2

Group A
Steroga v Landau Institute @ Much Park
Astholm v Somewhereistonia @ Punters
Metallo Pesante - bye

Group B
Three Time v Kagdazka @ The Snake Pit
Yelda v Stargate Centurion @ Marstuna Ground
The Bear Islands - bye

Group C
Italia Orientale v Norwellia @ The TMP
Wessia v Australiazia @ The Espy
Tyrrin - bye

Group D
Terra Anatidae v Carpathia and Ruthenia @ The Swamp
Banten States v Golgothastan @ The Nora
Lemetel - bye

Group E
Pasarga v Phillips Island @ The BCG
Dave Campbell v Nong Nang Ning @ Joyhill Avenue
Swartaz bye

Match day 3

Group A
Landau Institute v Astholm @ Punters
Somewhereistonia v Metallo Pesante @ Much Park
Steroga - bye

Group B
Kagdazka v Yelda @ Marstuna Ground
Stargate Centurion v The Bear Islands @ The Snake Pit
Threetime - bye

Group C
Norwellia v Wessia @ The Espy
Australiazia v Tyrrin @ The TMP
Italia Orientale - bye

Group D
Carpathia and Ruthenia v Banten States @ The Nora
Golgothastan v Lemetel @ The Swamp
Terrea Anatidae - bye

Group E
Phillips Island v Dave Campbell @ Joyhill Avenue
Nong Nang Ning v Swartaz @ The BCG

Match Day 4

Group A
Somewhereistonia v Landau Institute @ Much Park
Metallo Pesante v Steroga @ Punters
Astholm - bye

Group B
Stargate Centurion v Kagkazka @ The Snake Pit
The Bear Islands v Threetime @ Marstuna Ground
Yelda - bye

Group C
Australiazia v Norwellia @ The TMP
Tyrrin v Italia Orientale @ The Espy
Wessia - bye

Group D
Golgothastan v Carpathia and Ruthenia @ The Swamp
Lemetel v Terra Anatidae @ The Nora
Banten States - bye

Group E
Nong Nang Ning v Phillips Island @ The BCG
Swartaz v Pasarga @ Joyhill Avenue
Dave Campbell - bye

Match Day 5

Group A
Steroga v Somewhereistonia @ Much Park
Metallo Pesante v Astholm @ Punters
Landau Institute - bye

Group B
Threetime v Stargate Centurion @ The Snake Pit
The Bear Islands v Yelda @ Marstuna Ground
Kagdazka - bye

Group C
Italia Orientale v Australiazia @ The TMP
Tyrrin v Wessia @ The Espy
Norwellia - bye

Group D
Terra Anatidae v Golgothastan @ The Swamp
Lemetel v Banten Stantes @ The Nora
Carpathia and Ruthernia - bye

Group E
Pasarga v Nong Nang Ning @ the BCG
Swartaz v Dave Campbell @ Joyhill Avenue
Phillips Island - bye

Notes on 1st Round Grounds

The Bonang Cricket Ground, Bonang – the largest, and one of the most famous, grounds in Errinundera. Accredited for the World Cup, the facilities are, quite simply, superb, especially when compared with some of the other grounds being used in this Baptism of Fire tournament. Capacity is 101,000. In the past, when Errinundera has entered the World Cup, the biggest drawing matches were scheduled here.

The Espy, Whittakers - Named after the Esplanade, a tree-lined boulevard that runs outside the ground. Normally holds 6,000, however temporary seating has increased this to 14,000. Often criticised for its slippery playing surface.

Joyhill Avenue, Cabanandra – Although located in a run down, industrial part of the city, the 40,000 capacity ground has good comfort and facilities

Marstuna Ground, Tubbut – Located near the ruins of Old Marstuna Town, now a suburb of Tubbut. Seats 56,000 with good facilities.

Much Park, Much – Normally holds 14,000 but, with the addition of temporary stands, the capacity has been increased to 21,000. If you get one of the original 14,000 seats you will find them spartan but comfortable. The temporary seats are rather more exposed.

The Nora, Dellicknora – Good quality ground holding 40,000.

Punters, Amboyne Crossing - Named after the home team (the Punters, of course) who play in the Errinundera Football Association. Capacity is 55,000, all seated. Facilities are excellent by Errinundrian standards.

The Snake Pit, Sawpit. Not as bad as the name suggests, but the 25,000 fans that can fit in make do with basic amenities. Another couple of thousand fans can watch games from the trees outside the ground.

The Swamp, Pinch Swamp. Universally admired ground. The playing surface is billiard table smooth, the 32,000 stadium intimate and the surrounds attractive.

The Tingaringy Municipal Park, Tingaringy – Remote and, let’s just say, honest. Infamous for its cold wind that howls down the pitch. Normally holds just 1,000 people who huddle in the one small pavilion or line the boundary fence. Temporary seating has increased the ground capacity to 10,000.
18-04-2009, 07:03
Notes on the weather

It’s mid-autumn in Errinundera (located in the southern hemisphere) and the Deddick River Valley has some of the mildest weather in the nation. In all, it’s not a bad time to be visiting.

The exceptions will be the higher altitude locations, especially Tingaringy and Whittakers, which will be subject to below zero nights and, to a lesser degree, Sawpit.

For other locations, the rule of thumb is – the further down the Deddick River Valley you go the warmer and drier the weather.

The warm to cool gradient: McKillops Bridge -> Deddick -> Amboyne Crossing -> Much -> Tubbut -> Cabanandra -> Dellicknora and Pinch Swamp -> Bonang -> Sawpit -> Whittakers -> Tingaringy.

Wet to dry gradient: Sawpit -> Bonang -> Dellicknora and Pinch Swamp -> Cabanandra -> Tubbut -> Much -> Amboyne Crossing -> Deddick -> Whittakers -> McKillops Bridge -> Tingaringy

Each time scores are posted, I will also give a weather forecast. It’s up to the players how they choose to RP the weather, if at all.
Phillips Island
18-04-2009, 16:13

Choose my goalscorers- Yes
Godmod Scoring Events- Yes
RP injuries to my players- No
Godmod injuries to my players- No
Hand out Yellow cards to my players- Yes
Hand out Red cards to my players- Yes. No more then two please.
Godmod Other Events- No

Jerseys- Our home jersey is orange with a dark blue vertical stripe along each side with blue numbers. The away jersey is the inverse. Keepers wear red and black.

I have bolded the starters for you. We play a 4-4-2.


1. Mamoru Miyamoto
25 years old. Starter. Acrobatic keeper ready to make a big impression. Very self-confident.

20. Keiji Yamada
27 years old. Relies on reflexes. Knows his role as a subsititute.

30. Saburo Hamasaki
32 year old reserve. Wishes the Island entered World Cup competition in his heyday.


2. Hideki Nakahara
The 23 year old patrols the left side. Great awareness for his age.

3. Raiden Tachibana (Captain)
Captain of the team. 29 years old and a fan favorite for his aggressive and physical style of play.

5. Naoki Ueda
Intelligent 27 year old. Plays in a conservative manner.

8. Tamotsu Nishimura
The 26 year old patrols the right side. He can get physical too.

22. Yasushi Sato
Teenage sensation, but the 18 year old will only be a sub this time.

23. Isamu Sato
Yasushi’s older brother by three years. Also a sub.

32. Michi Wakahisa
The 28 year old will be a reserve for now.


7. Sadao Yukimura
A 25 year old with a powerful leg. Will take most set pieces.

9. Shoichi Matsumoto
The 22 year old can do great things with the ball. A very exciting playmaker.

11. Takeshi Suzuki
Defensive midfielder, and the 27 year old doesn’t mind being rough and risking a booking.

12. Kazuhiko Fukiyama
Oldest starter on the team but the 34 year old can’t pass up this opportunity.

24. Masaaki Minami
The 26 year old will be a sub when a defensive midfielder is needed.

25. Atsushi Kagome
Sub when an offensive midfielder is needed. He is 25.

33. Fumio Kurosawa
Seventeen year old will get a feel for what this level is like in pracitce.


10. Daisuke Oshiro
24 year old playmaker. He will set up more goals then he scores.

15. Hideaki Matsushita
The 27 year old should be the leading scorer of the team.

26. Katsuo Matsushita
Hideaki’s brother is three years younger and will probably see action in many games.

27. Manabu Fujiwara
The 21 year old has amazing speed and skill but lacks stamina. He is a sub.

34. Takayuki Yamamoto
A 33 year old veteran has a great shot still.


Kei Watanabe
He’s 48 years of age and a former defender and usually mild mannered. He will lead the team to battle.

Koji Nomo
At 66, Nomo has been through a lot and now gets to be the assistant coach. He retired two years ago but comes out of it for this chance.
Bears Armed
18-04-2009, 16:43
(Oops! Posted under the wrong name: This is 'The Bear Islands'...)


The Bear Islands are sending the same team that they sent to AOCAF26 -- which I am taking to have preceded this tournament, completely, despite the fact that its 'Matchday 1' results have only just been posted.
All of the team's members are Ursines, and are basically similar to those of 'Bears Armed' but not quite as heavily built (and therefore a bit more manoeuverable) on average: however they typically have eyesight at closer to normal 'human' levels than do those other Ursines. In most cases their fur is some shade of reddish-brown.

None of them speak any languages apart from 'Ursine', but they have brought a 'kindness' of [sapient] Ravens along as interpreters.

They are from a low-tech culture: Think of this as being along similar general lines to those of the 'Eastern Woodland' or 'NW Coast' Native Americans, or maybe Maori (or other Polynesians), as I'm borrowing elements from those cultures for theirs...

Yes, they wear leather; yes, they eat meat: Unfortunately we'll have to sort out exactly how they're reacting to local rules on these matters later, as I have to log out of the internet now and probably won't be able to return until Monday evening (BST).
Does the ban on "meat" cover fish, or is eating those still considered acceptable here? Are the locals prepared to supply 'microfibre' substitute belts & breech-clouts -- and possibly other items of clothing too -- to replace all of the leather ones that would otherwise be worn by the travelling fans, as well as to replace those worn by the actual team & its support staff?
And how will those 'sniffer wombats' react to the fact that Ursines smell a lot diferent from Humans, anyway?

Nation: ‘The Bear Islands’.
3-letter code: ‘YRU’.
Team nickname: 'the Braves'.

National Soccer Organisation: None as such, because the ‘Team Chief’ (i.e. ‘Manager’) reports directly to the national government.
Home pitch: South Beach (This is only useable around low tide, which will affect the timing of their ‘home’ games…).
Anthem: ‘We Are Best’.

Team Chief [i](= Manager): Listens-To-Parrots.
Medicine Man (= Doctor & Chaplain): Red Owl.
Physio: Moonshine (female).

They favour an attacking style (about +3 on a 0-5 scale).

Their players will precede each match by performing a traditional war-dance, the 'harrdiharr', although their version of this is quite different from the one favoured by teams from 'Bears Armed'.
Their fans have drums, horns, and other noise-makers.

This is the team’s starting line-up, until further notice _


Stands-Like-Oak (very tall, so that the ball’s unlikely to go over him & still be inside the net; good at reaching out to the sides without moving his feet much, too, although he can move around — and do so very well — if it’s really necessary…)


Left: Stone Turtle
Centre: Turtle-Blue-Twin (actually a pair of identical twins, legally a single person under this nation’s own rules, who will generally remain close together and function as a single player…)
Right: Wide Boy

Defensive Midfielders

Left: Running Joke (seems to be as good at running sideways, or even backwards, as he is at running forwards… and is very likely to do so..)
Right: Leaping Walrus (wonderful moustache!)

Offensive Midfielders

Left: Mighty-Like-A-Rose ('Game Chief', i.e. Captain)
Right: Harefoot (the team’s fastest runner)

(Left to right…)

Running Bare (plays in minimal loin-cloth)
Head-in-Air (very tall, which is relevant for headers and high shots…)
Thunderbolt (takes kick-offs, and most ‘set pieces’)

(They are all Ursines, and all males. Their identifying numbers will be re-assigned before each match, on a complicated basis that I’m not going to explain here but might get around to describing in RP at some point…)


Goalkeeper: Son-of-The-Moon
Defenders/Defensive Midfielders: None-Shall-Pass (big and strong, but surprisingly agile for his size too)
Midfielder (Defensive/Offensive): Floats-Like-Butterfly
Midfielder (Offensive)/Offender: Stings-Like-Bee (non-identical twin of ‘Floats-Like-Butterfly’)
Offenders: White Lightning (another very fast runner; half-brother of ‘Moonshine’, the Physio…), Hears-Strange-Ghosts (claims to be advised by spirits whom the team’s other members — and their nation’s specialists in such matters — can’t detect…).

Are they bringing any ‘reserves’ along, tool?
Maybe, but if so then these haven’t been publicly named yet… because to that would be implying that they will actually need these which would be inviting bad luck.


Kit: The team plays in a variant of their normal clothing, rather than in a more ‘conventional’ kit. This consists of a ’churra’ (a sort of short poncho, that doesn’t extend far down the arms) in a red-&-black chequered pattern, held in place by a belt around the waist, with a leather breech-clout under this. They will play bare-footed, unless the organisers forbid this.


If my opponent RPs first then
My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers: Y
Godmod Scoring Events: Y
RP injuries to my players: Y, but nothing too serious without prior permission.
Godmod injuries to my players: Y, ditto.
Hand out Yellow cards to my players: Y
Hand out Red cards to my players: Y, but not more than 2/game without prior permission.
Godmod Other Events: Y, as long as it’s funny… and it doesn't make the Bears look like either "wild animals" or wimps.
19-04-2009, 13:10
News item for the McKillops Bridge ( New Statesman


In scenes not witnessed since Errinundera last competed in a World Cup (edition 37 – has it been that long?) half a million football fans and the just plain curious lined the banks of the Snowy River here in McKillops Bridge to welcome the first teams arriving by riverboat.


A flotilla of boats sailed upstream to meet the first paddlesteamer, the RB rosaniel (named after Errinundera’s most famous international footballer, the angelic genderqueer rosaniel) as it approached with the Golgothastani national team. The New Batteries, as they like to call themselves, seemed quite unfazed by the massive welcome and the sight of sniffer wombats on the wharf.

After a formal welcome by a delegation of unionists and co-operative representatives and a very brief performance from the McKillops Erotic Dance Company, the team was invited for informal drinks at the former royal palace. Over the next twelve hours not much damage was inflicted on the palace.

It seems that the Golgothastanis and Errinundrians have much in common, although this writer has formed the view that the former are more aware of their absurdities than we are of ours.


Next to arrive, on the RB Workers’ Rights, were the Wanderers from Pasarga. Volunteers from the Boat Crews Union had re-painted the boat in visitors national colours of green, red and yellow. A fine sight it made as it docked.

There was no public performance from the Erotic Dance Company as it seems they had somehow got on board the RB Workers’ Rights upstream. We hope the visitors enjoyed the private performance.

Another delegation, this time from the Errinundera Football Association, welcomed the entourage and like their predecessors the entire mob trooped off to join the celebrations at the former royal palace.


The arrival of the Eagles from Somewhereistonia on the RB Rainforest caused some conniptions among the many thousands of fans. The players and support staff were greeted rapturously enough but, when fifteen very shiny, squat and sleek looking cars were unloaded, the masses were aghast. Well, the half that knew what they were, were aghast.

The welcoming delegation from the health and welfare co-operatives kindly pointed out to the visitors that there weren’t much in the way of roads in Errinundera other than a few unmade goat tracks. This was soon apparent when they walked to the city end of the wharf and, saw for themselves that this was a city without roads.

The idea of throwing their cars in the bin caused the Somewhereistonians almost as much angst as the sight of the cars caused the locals. A quick conference with the welcoming delegation reached a solution that pleased everybody. An official automotive display was set up at the Town Hall. Going by the numbers attending in the first few hours the Town Hall coffers and the Somewhereistonians have got themselves a nice little earner there.

Anyway, off they went to join the others at the former royal palace. I envy our social reporter.


Following quickly in the wake of the Eagles were the doctors and patients from the Landau Institute on board the RB Liberation. Fans were keen to see the patient representatives, hoping they will enliven the forthcoming tournament. That there are just two patient reps on the team caused considerable disappointment until the welcoming delegation of rail workers pointed out over the loudspeaker system that, with a ratio of over ten doctors for every patient, the Landau Institute must have the universe’s best medical care. The sight of 500,000 heads nodding thoughtfully in unison was something to see.

The seriousness suddenly changed to awe as the coaching staff alighted. The Memory Ball quite simply amazed everybody present. Before you could shake a tambourine, the rapidly shifting colours had the entire crowd dancing. Who would have thought that a reggae band was so close at hand – with full sound equipment too. Whatever the reason, their calypso beat did the trick beautifully. The Memory Ball flashed in time to the beat, much to everyone’s enjoyment.

After dancing with the crowd for an hour so the visitors retired to the former royal palace where, by all accounts, the dancing proceeded apace.


Jibber jabber nong ping pang pung poo. Habba lab roo roo bally bally boo. Ribber rubber RB Goolengook gang gok goo. Fibber fubber wee bee ping ping tree. Ran tan wham bang tannin tannin tea. Rot rot teapot too. Mice? Spice! Monkeys? Spunkees! Helly welly smelly belly off to the palace with you.

That's how this reporter saw things. Well, something like that.


With the arrival of the Norwellian team on the RB Sophie Turenge not expected until after nightfall, the Errinundrian Football Association organised, much to everybody's expectation, fireworks to be let off from the riverboat as it arrived at McKillops Bridge. We weren't disappointed.

The highlight was to be two massive airbursts in the Norwellian national colours. The first airburst will be remembered by McKillopians for the rest of their lives. The rainbow colours could be seen from every point of the city.

The second, supposed, airburst, turned out to be more problematic. The charge ignited prematurely, throwing all the pyrotechnicians in the water and putting a hole in the bottom of the boat. Fortunately, by this time, all the Norwellians had already disembarked.

After a hasty official welcome from the 84 year old still angelic genderqueer rosaniel, Errinundera's greatest ever footballer, the fireworks continued, by all accounts, at the celebrations in the former royal palace.

During the confusion caused by the sinking riverboat, the Phillips Islanders arrived without anyone noticing. Not quite everyone. The McKillops Bridge Erotic Dance Company, having refreshed themselves after entertaining the Wanderers, gave the team a warm welcome and accompanied them to the former royal palace. The dancers reportedly spent considerable time teaching the Islanders the basic erotic dance moves.


The next morning saw the arrival of the Braves from the Bear Islands. Most of the half million or so fans had either partied all night, camped on the banks of the river or returned early in the morning. Whatever the overnight arrangements had been, the sore heads did not dent the enthusiasm with which the crowd awaited this unique team.

Half a million silent people is a remarkable thing. As the Braves alighted from the RB Collective Action everybody, and I mean everybody, was utterly speechless. No-one had ever seen a bear before. They are simply awesome. We look forward to their performances on the football pitch and elsewhere.

Forewarned that the Braves would be bringing sapient crows as translaters, the entourage was greeted by a delegation from the animal linguistics department of the McKillops Bridge Polytechnic, accompanied by a parliament of Little Ravens (Corvus mellori). Unfortunately the two raven species crowed different dialects and had considerable difficulty conversing.

The quiet dignity of the bears inspires all those present. It has been subsequently reported that matters quietened down at the former royal palace once the latest international squad joined the throng there.

This is only the beginning. Everybody keenly awaits the arrival of the rest of the international teams.

<OoC> Cut off for RP each round will be after I get home from work, usually around 6pm – 7pm (about 8am – 9am GMT). Scores will be posted shortly thereafter. </OoC>
Phillips Island
19-04-2009, 14:06
Islanders arrive unnoticed

Members of the Phillips Island national team departed their plane and went off to Cabanandra which is serving as the team’s headquarters for the Baptism of Fire. It is a rundown industrial area further showing that the Islanders are not being treated as well as others here. That was the first impression but once the team got settled in they found that their accommodations weren’t too bad after all. The work out facilities weren’t that bad either and everyone seems to be getting comfortable. It may be fitting that the team is in an industrial section of Errinundera’s Deddick Province because they plan on having the same hard-working style of play that the locals here too. Also, the team is doing their best to get to know the people here and have been asking them questions about their lifestyles. These are hard working people in Cabanandra, and if not for their contributions then the rest of this province would not function nearly as well.

For the team, and for soft-spoken coach Kei Watanabe, the biggest slap in the face to the team came when he picked up this morning’s New Statesman. He saw the big article on the Baptism of Fire teams that had arrived so far and was excited to see what they might say about his Islanders. Golgothistan, The Landau Institute, Norwellia, Pasarga, Nong Nang Ning, Somewhereistonia, and The Bear Islands all got mentioned. They were the seven teams that were acknowledged, but there had been eight teams that had been to Errinundera. Watanabe slammed the New Statesman down to the ground. Phillips Island is being disrespected already. He went for a stroll around the city to try and clear his head and saw the hard working laborers likely working too much for too little compensation. It occurred to him then, how often does their work get acknowledged? Or do they get ignored as well?

Watanabe introduced himself to the laborers. Much of them were aware that there was a Baptism of Fire going on but weren’t too interested as it was another thing for the rich to enjoy. He told them about Phillips Island and invited everyone he saw to the team’s first practice that evening. He would give each an orange and blue shirt to proudly wear. In return, each player will be wearing a union t-shirt under their jersey. He shook hands with the union leader as a bond had been formed.

Phillips Island would play hard for them and be their team. Soon enough a bunch of people had noticed the Islanders, and it didn’t matter if the New Statesman never spoke a word about it. He promised that if Phillips Island had any success that they would give back to Cabanandra and screw the rest of the country. As for his players, he let them know about the snub too. It seems as though Errinundera is more excited about these other teams.

Let us with the support of the working class, crash this party! Bears? Trees? Magic balls? Screw it. How about a little heart of the working class. Let’s Go Islanders!

(That bit about us must have been in your edit, it wasn't there when I read it!)
19-04-2009, 14:17
OOC: Simply brilliant. I had no idea there was already another co-op here, let alone one whose most famous footballer is a genderqueer person. ICly, it just so happens that most of Norwellia's population is genderqueer or at least mildly androgynous. I have a short little RP for that--I swear I was thinking about it yesterday before I knew anything about gender in Errinunderan culture--but I'm fugging tired. We'll see if I wake up in time to submit it.
19-04-2009, 14:26
Islanders arrive unnoticed...For the team, and for soft-spoken coach Kei Watanabe, the biggest slap in the face to the team came when he picked up this morning’s New Statesman. He saw the big article on the Baptism of Fire teams that had arrived so far and was excited to see what they might say about his Islanders. Golgothistan, The Landau Institute, Norwellia, Pasarga, Nong Nang Ning, Somewhereistonia, and The Bear Islands all got mentioned. They were the seven teams that were acknowledged, but there had been eight teams that had been to Errinundera. Watanabe slammed the New Statesman down to the ground. Phillips Island is being disrespected already...

...(That bit about us must have been in your edit, it wasn't there when I read it!)

Apologies. I noticed my error before you posted.

OOC: Simply brilliant. I had no idea there was already another co-op here, let alone one whose most famous footballer is a genderqueer person. ICly, it just so happens that most of Norwellia's population is genderqueer or at least mildly androgynous. I have a short little RP for that--I swear I was thinking about it yesterday before I knew anything about gender in Errinunderan culture--but I'm fugging tired. We'll see if I wake up in time to submit it.

Thanks. You can learn about quer here (
19-04-2009, 14:57

Expect to hear that chant often. Our people are very excited about the Baptism of Fire and ready to show that strong defense can win games.

Colors: Red and white. Home kit is all red with white numbering and the away kit is all white with red numbering.

Style: We are very defensive and play a 5-4-1. We are extremely physical so win or lose your players will have several bruises and cuts after the match.

RP Permissions: Everything is a Yes. I will be disappointed if you do not have us play rough and get a few bookings.

Manager: Dakshi Patel, Age: 63
Assistant: Hemdev Patel, Age: 55 (not related)

#51- Utkarsh Nayak, Age: 29. Starter and the undisputed best at his position in the country. Very passionate.
#52- Randhir Kapadia, Age: 30. Longtime rival of Nayak. They might not get along. He is a sub.
#53- Anshuman Shah, Age: 23. Reserve now maybe a starter one day.

#70- Chanakya Motallebzadeh, Age: 26. Starter. Don’t mess with him if you want to play the next game.
#71- Yamir Singh, Age: 28. Starter. Very tall often will win the battle for a header.
#72- Rishit Kumar, Age: 32. Starter. Least physical of the bunch. He also has a lot of personal problems.
#73- Sanjay Naidu, Age: 21. Starter. Highly intelligent for his age.
#74- Soumil Naidu, Age: 23. Starter. Plays like his younger brother.
#75- Iravan Patel, Age: 26. Sub. Very speedy, not related to any of the other Patel’s.
#76- Abhijay Surhato, Age: 27. Sub. If he’s in, watch your knees.
#77- Ekagrah Alizadeh, Age: 24. Sub. Least likely to be entered amongst the subs.
#78- Sandeep Dijay, Age: 33. Reserve. Has stamina issues.
#79- Champak Jitrenda, Age: 18. Reserve. On the team to learn from his peers.

#49- Jaisukh Pattnaik, Age: 27. Starter. Used as a sixth defender often.
#48- Avinash Singh, Age: 24. Starter. He is our Mister Everything and the Captain.
#47- Uddunath Siddharth-Nabhendu, Age: 26. Starter. Aggressive but also has a nice shot.
#46- Pritam Gupta, Age: 25. Starter. Impressive two-way player.
#45- Sabal Karnataka, Age: 29. Sub. Probably will play in every match near the end.
#44- Pradeep Kokradi, Age: 24. Sub. Has a lot of speed.
#43- Swami Parsi, Age: 39. Reserve. More like an assistant coach who could possibly play.
#42- Naman Gandhi, Age: 21. Reserve. Despite surname he has serious character issues.

#63- Devdarsh Panigrahi, Age: 27- Starter. Our main man for offense.
#64- Bhupad Ahuwalia, Age: 24- Sub. Will be brought in when we really need a goal and will replace a defender.
#62- Kapoor Wamankar, Age: 28- Reserve. Hopes to get some playing time.
#65- Jaival Subudhi, Age: 17- Reserve. A future legend, we are told.
19-04-2009, 15:27
To: jack.weisgaarden@golgomail.go
Subject: Errinundera Football Cup


Another bad day here. This time I tried to go out through the window, but they'd already thought of that and built some sort of net contraption. If the Secret Service applied the same ingenuity to preventing me escaping they did to preventing assassination attempts, well, let's just say I'd still have the left one.

When you get the first chance to use a computer - do they have computers down there? - or can get to a phone, please let me know how things are going. Remember, Jack, we have to be on our best behaviour: I don't really care about the football, but I do want to present a good image of ourselves to the world. I know boys will be boys and everything, and I don't expect you to keep them on a chokechain, but if you could at least make sure they wear clothes when they're outdoors? We don't need a repeat of the economic summit.

By the way, don't let on that bit about not really liking football - no, wait! Leak it! Maybe they'll impeach me and I'll get to retire!

Obviously, I will happily wire over funds/diplomatic assurances/crowbars baked in cheesecake as may prove necessary, so just give me a bell if you need any assistance.

Anyway, must dash, I have to go give a commencement address, and I think there's a chance I might be able to convince one of the students to let me hide under their robes.


PS. Why haven't you changed your email?

To: bort.chocowitz@golgomail.go
Subject: Arrival in Errinundera


So, we've arrived in Errinundera. By the way, the tournament is called the "Baptism of Fire". They've got us stabled in some place called Pinch Swamp. There's meant to be some Terra Anatidaeans turning up, but no sign so far. Weather is medium heat, very humid, the boys are struggling a bit and I've given out extra rations of deodorant. (The Errinunderans confiscated all the Golgo Love Musk for some reason - the man at customs said something like "147 prohibited chemical substances" but I can't understand their accents very well - but they provided us with some replacements in biodegradable green canisters.)

It's pretty nice here, quite picturesque but a few houses, some mines and farms, creaky railway line, the works. Not too shabby. But the bloody mosquitoes! Yuk yuk yuk. The boys are a bit out of their depth - they can handle polar bears, but mosquitoes are crafty buggers - and some of them are taking anti-malaria pills as a precaution (I have no idea how they afford them - maybe they're counterfeit, I don't really like to ask). Anyway, as it turns out, these pills do NOT mix well with alcohol. But, um, more on that later. Fortunately, I came prepared, seasoned traveller that I am. I'll be having gin and tonic for breakfast every day.

They've confiscated all our boots as well and given us new ones. These ones are a bit weird: they're sort of...clean? And they don't have holes where the toes are - are they meant to be like that? And they're the same size left and right. Oddness.

Confiscation and insect woes notwithstanding, the Erris have been pretty decent to us. We were the first ones to arrive on a boat named after some old footballer. This caused a bit of an incident later on when we actually met them - but don't worry, I told them off. We weren't really sure whether it was a man or a woman, and I found out some of the boys had been placing bets. When they went to the toilet - the women's, as it turned out - Hrafn started cheering; everyone was a bit unnerved. I've given them all a stern talking to, now, and they'll be a bit more respectful.

They have a lot of wombats roaming around, sniffing us to make sure we don't bring in meat or anything. I warned the boys beforehand, we knew this would be a thing, and they haven't smuggled in any contraband that I know of, but already the pressure's cracking them a bit. This morning I found Bjarkí sobbing into his quorn sausages and Not Bacon. When we got home I'll take them all out for steak, but while they're here it's going to be a test of willpower.

There were also a lot of young woman. I thought maybe they were a greeting party or something, but as soon as the boat got into port they all whipped out their baps! Now, you know me, I like my women natural, and some of these were, well, very natural indeed. It was really quite a tasteful affair, obviously the team enjoyed it. These girls had class, not like the Golgothastani women who'd do it in the back of a Skado for a couple of tins. Oh, by the way, they don't allow cars here, either, so it's boats and trains and all that malarky.

After all the dancing we went off for a reception. Some of the reps we'd met, good chaps, mostly from the mining unions, came along, and we got talking. We ended up in some palace, cracked a few tubes, and had a nice chat. I think our countries have quite a lot in common, except the really remarkable thing is they don't seem to care about property or anything. It's wonderful! I was very annoyed when Rúnar Þór knocked over some antique vase and it smashed, but they were just like, oh it doesn't matter. I suppose the other thing is they can't pronounce our names - though they're too polite to labour the point - and we can't really understand their accents, but if you call everyone "mate" it seems to work out ok. Except, I think I may have said "mate" once too often to one of the union reps and accidentally committed us to an international labour agreement.

Anyway, bit of bad news, please don't be angry, but at the palace some of the boys slipped out of my sight. Don't worry, it all worked out! I think the girls wiggling their jum-jums rather affected some of the team, and they found the party a bit boring after the first seven hours (though that didn't seem to stop them smuggling out a few cans under their jumpers, cheeky bastards). By this time the Pasargans had showed up, quiet lot, nice lads, and the Somewhereistonians - tell you what, they know how to make an entrance, five minutes in the country and they've already set up a bloody car museum!

I sent Guðni Rúnar out to find out where the players had gone. Jon and Agust were visiting the car museum and looking for a way to boost the stereos. Don't worry, they didn't get far, and I had Guðni Rúnar make them return them. They've had a stern talking to from me. Ásgeir and Arnþór had gone to see some sort of rave, which actually turned out to some psychiatrists who are playing in the tournaments. They got home in time for breakfast, and I decided not to tell them off too badly, I think they learned their lesson: they were obviously having a pretty bad come down, as they were jabbering something about walking bears, talking crows, exploding homosexuals, and cows going bong!

I ended up chatting to some of the Islanders at the party, who were a bit put out by the way they'd been treated on arrival. Told them we'd had no complaints, and it turns out, well, they got quite a bit more time with the dancers, and unfortunately this seemed to upset Òmar who had to lie down outside in the cool for a while. Everything was going pretty well till the end when Valdímar laid one on Þorður; seems he's still a bit annoyed the youngster's taken his brother's place in the team. Ìngmar got involved, and it all kicked off. We ended up breaking some stuff and I sent them all home.

When we got back we found Stigur and Hrafn. Seems they'd both got lucky, or so they thought, and brought back a couple of the dancers. As it turned out, Stigur had; Hrafn had actually brought back one of the sniffer wombats. I'm not sure what a wombat's pillowface looks like, and I'm not sure Hrafn wanted to find out. Anyway, don't worry boss, the only fire started that night was on the Norwellian boat, and Ásgeir assures me he had nothing to do with it, so I've managed to keep a lid on any trouble so far.

I've planned a light day for today as it's our bye. After that we have Banten States at The Nora, and then back to The Swamp for Lemetel, Carpathia And Ruthenia, and Terra Anatidae - 'fraid I haven't sussed out much about any of them yet, but I'll keep my eyes peeled. So, the boys have been ordered to attend morning training, no matter how bad they're feeling, and then we've organized a trip to the monazite mine. Valdímar, Guðni Rúnar and Òmar are going to look at the farms instead; nominally to see whether turnips can be introduced to Errinundera, in fact so the two of them can keep Valdímar and Þorður apart.

That's all then, everything's going well so far, and I'll let you know how the visit goes, but I'm taking a bunch of young men with criminal tendencies and cirrhosis-inducing blood alcohol levels to a radioactive mine, so I really can't foresee anything bad happening.


PS. Sorry for not changing my email. I know you wanted all government ministers to adopt Icelandic names - and believe me, over here, I'm going by Jack Barryson - but it turns out some bastard has already taken jack.barryson at Golgomail, and I didn't really want to have jack.barryson14.
Italia Orientale
19-04-2009, 17:45
Team: Italia Orientale
Nickname: Golden Eagles
Uniform: (Home) Green Jersey with Red Numerals and White Team Name across the chest; (Away) White Jersey with Green Numerals and Red Team Name Across the Chest; (Alternate) Black Jersey with Red Numerals and Green Team Name Across the Chest

Formation: 4-3-1-2
Coach: Hossein Lippi
Captain: Roberto Torinese
G – 1 Amir Amir
LB – 3 Davide Baddoglio
CB – 28 Hassan Qaddafi
CB – 9 Roberto Torinese (C)
RB – 54 Paolo Mastino
LM – 7 Hossein Bolognese
CDM – 2 Carlo Conti
RM – 92 Adbullah Marchetti
CAM – 10 Ishmael Tarablus
LS – 13 Luca Del Castello
RS – 21 Muhammad Paoloni
Style of Play: Physical and tough, our players look for contact early and often. Our defense is the strongpoint of the team and features our captain, Roberto Torinese, and one of our best young and up and coming players, Davide Baddoglio, who is only 20. Paolo Mastino is a notoriously tough, some say dirty, player and he is never afraid to stik his nose in any situation and try to make a play. Our mid-field is our most inexperienced area with the ages of players being: Bolognese, 23; Conti, 19; Marchetti, 21; Tarablus, 22. Our strikers are sound players but not prolific scorers, though they are both tall, 6’4” for Del Castello and 6’5” for Paoloni. They are not great with footwork but can be lethal on crosses and corners due to their heading skills.

OOC: I got the message for this a little late so I didn’t want to get left out, I know I haven’t put much detail in my write-up my ill make up for it later.
If my opponent RPs first then he/she may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers
Godmod Scoring Events
RP injuries to my players
Hand out Yellow cards to my players
Hand out Red cards to my players
Godmodding any events as long as the Golden Eagles play tough, scrappy football and don’t give up no matter the margin
19-04-2009, 17:56
Swartaz Football accosiation

1. Matt Craig (1st team)
32. Daniel Southend (Sub)
99. Julio (reserve)
2. Tom Williams RB(1st team)
5. Carl Eastbourne CB (1st team)
18. Michael Smith CB(1st team)
22. Frank McDonald LB(1st team)
3. Jason Simonsen (sub)
34. Jack Edwards (reserve)
7. Aaron Kilkenny RM(1st team)
4. Gareth Jones CM(1st team) (captain)
8. Brendan Carter CM (1st team)
17. Steven Cole LM (1st team)
23. Joe Salmon (sub)
50. Harry Van Rere (sub)
21. William Jones (sub)
77. Jose Villa (reserve)
10.Kevin Hunt CF (1st team)
9. Andrew Henley (1st team)
20. Cameron Davidson (sub)
6. Zac Alex (reserve)
15. David Trench (reserve)
19. Peter Young (reserve)

Home: Black shirts, white shorts, Black socks
Away: Gold shirts, black shorts, White socks
19-04-2009, 18:00
Pasarga National Team Guide

Player Profile
Name: Ausilio Calabrese
Place of Birth: Torgos
Birthdate: November 4th, 1897
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 164 lbs
Club: Galactica
Favorite Foot: Left
Favorite Club: Tanrısal
Favorite Food: Beef Stew

Calabrese is the current back to back winner of the Golden Boot award in the Pasarga Super League, scoring 19 goals this last season and 18 goals the previous. He does not have a great amount of pace, but knows how to find himself in opportune positions and capitalize them more often than not. While his place in the strike partnership is very secure, the same can not be said for Markovčič after Szatmári had a very good first season in Candelaria And Marquez. It believed that Calabrese will be the man to see the Wanderers through if they are to be among those in the mix for winning this initial tournament before World Cup Qualifying gets started later in the year.

In his downtime, Calabrese is an amateur chef who has a fine hand when it comes to pastas. His signature meal, which won him the amateur chef competition in Torgos last year, consists of an Italian chili as an appetizer, bowtie noodles with a spicy marinara sauce as the main dish, and a rich chocolate cake with a dab of vanilla ice cream as the dessert to leave you completely satisfied. He has said that if it were not for the joy he had in playing on the pitch, he would be in the kitchen, and his success in the amateur competitions surely has shown he has the quality. For now though, the people of Pargis and Peynol are looking forward to see this young man putting the ball into the back of the net a great many times.

OCC: This will be part of my ongoing RP theme in this tournament, and every player that gets profiled will have that profile linked to in the roster post.
19-04-2009, 19:23
Somewhereistonia had a bye for match day one, and Ergma was going to make the most of this, the day after their arrival then immediately went into training wearing the new boots provided by Errinundera for the tournament. The players generally found them comfortable and soon stopped noticing the difference. The young 'magician' Kusnets said that they were even better than his normal boots.

Training started slow whilst the players acclimatised; but as the first matches approached, they were going through rigorous exercises and drills. They were going to take this much more seriously than the Empire Charity Cup, which was now a distant memory to those who took part. By the time they were to play Astholm, they would be more than ready. The Eagles felt certain of soaring in this tournament.

The 'automotive display' was getting an impressive number of visitors, and apart from wages, just about all the costs of the world cup had been payed for, and the cup hadn't even started yet. For this, Somewhereistonia sent an official thank-you message to the Errinunderans.

Back home, huge city centre televisions were erected to allow the crowds to watch their team in action. The premier sporting daily; the Qasarian Evening Sport would be following the tournament closely. Whilst thousands of supporters were busy arranging to go to watch the Eagles in Errinundera; which is not a short trip!

Qasarian Evening Sport

Eagles prepare for Baptism of Fire

The Somewhereistonian football team arrived in Errinundera last night to warm celebrations from a surprisingly huge welcome force. I use the the term force deliberately, the group was so massive that it cannot be called a party. Returning quickly to the point, the first night the the hot country was meant to be a relaxing night for the team, but the heat and the excitement meant that few were able to relax much.

After realising that cars could not be used, it was agreed that they were to go on display, something which seems intriguing to the locals as thousands have payed to see the exhibition of our players cars. This is just one of the quirky things that the team have found at the torunament. They are also allowed no meat or leather, and as such have been provided synthetic boots for the tournament. This is something the team seem to like and it has been suggested that future national team boots will be purchased from this distant country, but this is only speculation as is their quality.

Manager Toomas Ergma has now begun the drilling of the squad to prepare for their first game against Astholm. In an earlier interview Ergma stated that “this will be the best prepared team in the competition, I guarantee it”, the title winning manager who has just left Qasarian Sparta for the national side surely knows what he's talking about and we expect the Eagles to be ready when the day arrives.

The players seem to agree with Skormilonski stating that “we are being pushed really hard, but we know the benefits at the end of it. I just wish it wasn't so hot!” As far as this reporter can see, the team is working exceptionally hard, and is trying to make sure that they don't get caught out unprepared.

So, on to the tournament, Somewhereistonia seems to be facing a fairly difficult group, Steroga, the Laudau Institute, Astholm and Metallo Pesante will join Somewhereistonia in group A. From what we can see at this early stage Laudau Institute and Steroga are likely to be the Eagles main opposition at this stage but in the Baptism of Fire, you cannot rule out surprises.

In other groups, Norwellia, Golgothistan and Philips Island are currently my favourites although the curious Ning Nang Nong are almost impossible to compare. One thing is for certain, this will be a highly entertaining tournament, and I along with my colleagues at the Qasarian Evening Sport will be with Somewhereistonia all the way, hopefully to the final.
19-04-2009, 21:59
Interesting....why does everyone have their name in all lower-caps?
Landau Institute
19-04-2009, 23:22
The National Team of Landau Institute rests after the first day in Errinundera.

AECALYOPHENO - "So, Pascal, was your trip a pleasant one?"

(Gaspar looks at the Memory Ball, which nods to his friend - now just imagine the mechanic of a ball nodding as an answer to a question, and you'll be able to enter in the Landau Institute... but I guess it'll be as a patient)

AECALYOPHENO - "Well, it was your decision to not come in the boat with us and to travel from Lowrni to Errinundera floating... although even if you came with us in the boat you'd have to float all the time. Have you ever thought of asking for some kind of a platform where you can stay?

(the ball seems to be thinking)

AECALYOPHENO - "Like those crystal balls..."

(the ball moves to Gaspar's direction)

AECALYOPHENO - "Okay, okay, Pascal, I didn't mean to offend you. I know you aren't a common ball... you can keep floating. Now to another issue, my master. Have you been watching Doctor Igaben's trainings?"

(the ball changes its colour to green, which can mean that it said yes)

AECALYOPHENO - "Good, it will be important for us."

(the ball becomes red, and in its centre a white interrogation point gets formed)

AECALYOPHENO - "Why? Well, we need to know better the players' weaknesses and strengths to prepare the team for the game. Don't say this, you know that the players are an important part of a team's strategy. Okay, I am sure you saw them many times in the Laifódi league, but now they are playing together. What? You already have the formation for the first game?"

(the ball floats around Gaspar, turns blue and a number 1 gets formed in white in its middle)

AECALYOPHENO - "Maldonado in the goal. Well, that was expected... wait, this is simply the team that was intended to start since the beginning, then! Rocher, Gabriel, Ribeiro, Valdir, Splitsscher, Dupont, León, Hill, Gadescu and Abrahim. No surprises. Well, let's see how they'll perform then... I'll rest a bit now, see you tomorrow."

In another room...

PROF. ABRAHIM - "So, the time is coming... the members of the Landau Institute will return to play in the World Cup related competitions."

PROF. DUPONT - "Yes, but I don't think we'll get too nervous for the game. After all, most of us have seasons of experience in international football, playing in the TQCC and the Globe Cup."

DR. LEÓN - "Ah, but this is an entirely different feeling. Now you aren't playing for the Otorhinolaryngologists against some team from Cafundéu which half of its players are from foreign nations. We'll play as a nation, against other players who have their home country in common, and are proud to represent them."

PROF. DUPONT - "You know more than me about these internal feelings... but I'll play with the same will I play my games in the Laifódi league."

DR. SPLITSSCHER - "I don't remember when we were part of the Estresse Intenso team, so this World Cup thing is new for me."

DR. GADESCU - "Well, we stopped some fifteen years ago. Two cups after Errinundera."


DR. GADESCU - "One? But if our last was in World Cup thirty-nine and theirs in World Cup thirty-seven..."

PROF. ABRAHIM - "Theirs was in World Cup thirty-eight."

VALDIR - "But they commented that last participation was in thirty-seven."

GABRIEL - "Professor Abrahim is right. Their last participation wasn't in thirty-seven. I can't believe you have such short memories."

VALDIR - "But how can the people of Errinundera forgot this?"

PROF. ABRAHIM - "It is just because World Cup thirty-eight meant nothing for them. It was as if they were already out of the World Cup in fact. Maybe that's why they say thirty-seven was their last participation."

DR. HILL - "Now that you're commenting about this, I remember World Cup thirty-eight. How can we forgot Errinundera's participation if we played against them?"

DR. SPLITSSCHER - "Oh, we played against Errinundera in World Cup thirty-eight?"

PROF. ROCHER - "Just two notes. First, it wasn't the Landau Institute that played against Errinundera, it was Estresse Intenso."

PROF. DUPONT - "Which is practically the same thing."

PROF. ROCHER - "That's your opinion. Second, it wasn't in the World Cup, it was in its qualifying stage. One thing is very different from the other."

DR. SPLITSSCHER - "Understood. And did Estresse Intenso play well?"

PROF. ROCHER - "There was much difference between the teams. Errinundera was one of the best footballing countries in the world at that time, mostly because the team finished second in World Cup thirty-six, so they were the top seeds of the group."

DR. LEÓN - "And what happened in the end?"

DR. HILL - "Errinundera easily won the group, and Estresse Intenso didn't qualify. The other spots went to Cafundéu and Novapsolu."

DR. MALDONADO - "Cafundéu! Now I remember this World Cup qualifying stage... Estresse Intenso against Cafundéu! Old rivalry!"

PROF. ABRAHIM - "Maybe we'll be able to revive this rivalry!"

DR. RIBEIRO - "And Errinundera did well in the World Cup?"

PROF. ROCHER - "Three draws and went out."


GABRIEL - "Let's change the subject. How do you think Pascal will prepare our team for the next game?"

PROF. ABRAHIM - "Our opponent is called Metallo Pensante. Well, does anyone here know something about them?"

PROF. PASCOAL - "Nothing."

DR. GADESCU - "If you don't know then no one knows."

MOTTA - "Except maybe Pascal. I think he is the only one who can know more than Professor Pascoal about something..."

DR. MALDONADO - "You know what I think? I think that, even if Pascal knows a lot about this Metallo Pensante team, in the end we'll use our typical strategy, it's too risky to change it now and, in theory, we have a more experienced team ready to adjust its strategy if the game doesn't work on our favour."

PROF. ABRAHIM - "That's right."

PROF. WAMBROCKING - "Come on. Why discuss such an useless issue? It's Pascal who'll decide the team, so let him worry with this, we have other things to think about."

DR. RIBEIRO - "Give us an example."

PROF. WAMBROCKING - "What are we going to eat?"

MOTTA - "Now that you commented... I'm really hungry."

VALDIR - "I think they'll send a nutritionist here."

DR. DE FRUTI - "He or she'll really have to be a good one, as we will probably end up analyzing the advices..."

DR. LA CODETI - "Have I ever told you the story of the nutritionist that was kidnapped by the crazy patient in the I. T. area?"

PROF. BROWN - "Oh, please keep your stories for another time... I wonder why we didn't provide our own nutritionist?"

PROF. DUPONT - "Blame the Nutritionists team. It's not our fault that they aren't good enough to provide our National Team a player, so we'd have a nutritionist here."

DR. MENDES DÍAZ - "I'll look closely at any food that comes to us. Who knows which kind of substances can be in them?"

PROF. ROCHER - "Talking about the National Team composition... I guess the people here got really impressed that our team is composed mainly by doctors... they think we have some ten doctors per patient."

PROF. WAMBROCKING - "That could be an idea. It would highly improve the quality of the Institute. I guess the rate now is a bit more of two doctors per patient, am I right?"

PROF. ROCHER - "No idea. But this leaves a question. How can there be so few patients in the team?"

DR. MALDONADO - "Their teams aren't good enough."

PROF. WAMBROCKING - "And because, you know, we doctors command the Institute. So we can favour our work mates a bit more..."

Meanwhille, in a place far away, located in the island of Lowrni, in the underground basements of the Landau Institute...

SECURITY MEMBER - "To all the patients! The Landau Institute is going to play its first game in the Baptism of Fire! All the interested in watching please give us your names so you'll be able to watch it in the video room."

PATIENT 1453 - "The video room! How I missed it! Is it serious, there will be a game?"

SECURITY MEMBER - "Yes, patient. The medical committee has already sent our best football players to Errinundera, where the competition is happening."

PATIENT 3357801 - "Certainly Professor Abrahim is there!"

CONVERSATION INTRUDER DOCTOR - "Yes, he is. We wouldn't keep our best striker out of such an important competition!"

PATIENT 3357801 - "So I'll want to see the game! Put my name: patient three million three hundred and fifty-seven thousand eight hundred and one!"


PATIENT 10934712 - "Ah, we returned to the World Cup footballing scene! Can't wait for the games to start, I really miss those old times."

PATIENT 9811 - "So tell me... that's why some doctors are missing from the Landau Institute?"

SECURITY MEMBER - "Yes, some doctors did leave... but only a few, there won't be a shortage of doctors, this I assure you!"

PATIENT 9811 - "So that's why my appointment with Doctor La Codeti was cancelled?"

CONVERSATION INTRUDER DOCTOR - "Yes, La Codeti is part of the team."

PATIENT 9811 - "It can't be. I need the examination!"

SECURITY MEMBER - "There are many other gynaecologists who can help you."

PATIENT 9811 - "But I want Doctor La Codeti!"


PATIENT 9811 - "Well, I have my reasons."

PATIENT 101 - "You can't tell me that Professor Wambrocking is in the team too..."


PATIENT 101 - "I'll die without his medications, and only he knows the formulae! And he'll probably die with such a long travel too! Poor old man!"

PATIENT 7777 - "There are patients too in the team?"


PATIENT 7777 - "Oh, this must mean that Johann is in the team... too bad, I thought he had died. He bit my arm once."

SECURITY MEMBER - "Let me continue writing the names..."
20-04-2009, 02:02

Правда Кагдазкы
A Proud and Patriotic Ecosocialist Newspaper

The Kagdazka Football Association is proud to present the National Football Team of Kagdazka. In their first appearance on the global stage, twenty three young men will attempt to bring pride to their home nation, which watches raptly.

Kagdazka is a small nation in the Siberian wilderness. Recently freed from a conservative corporatist dictatorship, the nation's inhabitants have embraced an (equally dictatorial) egalitarian, environmentalist, socialist ideology known as ecosocialism. They hold their civil rights as their most prized possessions, and are passionately in love with their government (according to us here at Правда Кагдазкы.)

Consequently, it is fitting that this morning, minutes before the Kagdaz national team's departure for Errinundera (hosts of the Baptism of Fire tournament), Chairman of the E/C Party and Grand Chancellor of the People's Assembly, Timo Zivkovic, was named manager for the lads in wisteria and green! All of our great nation's people should rejoice that the product (in form of a man) of the working people's victory over capitalism shall be assuming yet another role in our leadership!

Chairman Zivkovic can boast upon his resume an extensive list of political foes whom he has had killed, deported, or imprisoned, several allegedly illegal connections with generals who ensure co-operation of the populace through martial might (poppycock in our humble opinion), and the ability to instigate violent insurrections against people he personally dislikes! Surely all of these fantastic skills will be required in international football competition, and so it is quite plain to the trained eye why appointing the Grand Chancellor to the post is a brilliant idea.

In addition to this happy news with regard to the national team manager, Правда Кагдазкы is thrilled that some of our countrymen will be able to spend time in a country with such admirable political views. We applaud Errinundera for its strong stances on treatment of animals, use of polluting motorized vehicles, and oneness with the environment. It goes without saying that very few of Errinundera's traditions, customs, or laws will be violated by any Kagdaz person during this tournament, for they would (and WILL) be much more severely reprimanded for any similar infractions back home.

For instance, all Kagdaz citizens, the members of the national team of course included, enjoy more than anything else a good arugula and kale smoothie. While meat is not illegal, most people do not eat it anyway. Processing standards are deliberately set so high that he majority of the populace cannot afford it. Consequently, Kagdaz team doctors and cooks are very interested in talking to Errinunderan dieticians, not for the reason that most teams will have to, but because they are very curious about potentially discovering some tasty new types of fresh produce.

While cars are also not banned in Kagdazka, persons found to be in possession of any mechanical devices made within the last twenty years that violate specific carbon footprint standards face prison sentences north of ten years. To be frank, Kagdaz officials are startled that such an unforunate event as an automotive exhibit is taking place in Deddick Province. Sergei Rakhyusov, KFA Vice President for Social Events is personally organizing a protest of this, in his words, "offensive capitalist smut." Any interested participants in the protest at the McKillops Bridge exhibition, be they foreign or domestic, are encouraged to bring bricks.

Finally, on behalf of the Kagdaz nation (and government, since we are technically run by it, but don't tell anyone), we at Правда Кагдазкы would like to extend a warm greeting to all the other participants of the Baptism, particularly to the Landau Institute, Pasarga, Norwellia, and The Bear Islands. (These sides were not selected arbitrarily; Chairman Zivkovic has specifically instructed media outlets to suck up to these four because he is afraid of losing to them.) However, a very perplexed captain Grigoriy Kyznetsov mentioned in passing that "Franz Kafka called and wants his Nong Nang Ning back."

Specific thanks are due as well to the city of Tubbut, our hosts. Press accomodations are impeccable; this writer is currently enjoying a beautiful view of Tubbut's Sacred Tree from his room window. In discussions we have had with team members, officials, and diplomatic staff, it seems that the other Kagdaz visitors are enjoying their stay just as much. Many thanks to the people of Tubbut.

Without further ado, here is the roster for the Kagdazka national football team!

#1 Anton Denisov - Age: 20 - Team: Ксенон
#16 Pasha Filimonov - Age: 27 - Team: ФКМ
#23 Alek Aleksandrov - Age: 23 - Team: Динамо

#2 Roman Popov - Age: 28 - Team: Ястрабы
#3 Boris Zaitsev - Age: 27 - Team: ФКМ
#5 Pyotr Mikhailov - Age: 24 - Team: Креветка
#6 Vlad Belyakov - Age: 19 - Team: Ксенон
#13 Plamen Radic - Age: 21 - Team: ФКМ
#15 Stepan Sokolov - Age: 26 - Team: Динамо
#17 Timotei Petrov - Age: 20 - Team: Метеориты
#19 Georgiy Sakarzov - Age: 18 - Team: ФКМ
#20 Pavel Kozlov - Age: 23 - Team: Метеориты
#21 Boris Timriz - Age: 20 - Team: Метеориты

#7 Lazar Nikolic - Age: 20 - Team: Вулкан
#8 Misha Spiridonov - Age: 22 - Team: Вулкан
#9 Aleksei Vazavorski - Age: 19 - Team: Креветка
#10 Grigoriy Kyznetsov - Age: 25 - Team: Ангельс КДЗ (Captain)
#11 Slava Semenov - Age: 21 - Team: Ангельс КДЗ
#14 Misha Anisimov - Age: 24 - Team: Вулкан
#22 Zhenya Lobanov - Age: 27 - Team: Метеориты

#4 Yordan Stefanovic - Age: 19 - Team: Вулкан
#12 Gosha Grigorev - Age: 25 - Team: Ангельс КДЗ
#18 Vasiliy Zaitsev - Age: 23 - Team: ФКМ

Home on top, Away on bottom

A quick perusal of the roster uncovers several noteworthy subjects. First, both of the Zaitsev brothers, as had been speculated, were named to the squad. It was never really in doubt that older Boris would make an appearance, as his valuable left foot would have been hard to duplicate in a different player. However, it was not known whether Vasiliy would be called up, as other options were available. Obviously Chairman Zivkovic and the rest of the KFA have some confidence in the lad. The brothers are both currently with ФК Мурманск.

In connection to the previous issue, it was a privilege indeed for Vasiliy Zaitsev to be named to the squad, as well as for Yordan Stefanovic and Gosha Grigorev. This is because, as one can quickly see, they were the only three forwards named to the roster at all. Speculation is abundant amongst we the press as to why this decision was made, though the most common theory is that Mr. Zivkovic is very serious about using a more defensive 4-5-1 formation. Which forward will be used is still a mystery, though most regard Yordan Stefanovic, a youngster from Вулкан, as most likely to get the nod.

Finally, the Kagdaz team will feature as its captain the 25-year-old Grigoriy Kyznetsov, a box-to-box midfielder from Ангельс КДЗ. Kyznetsov is still quite young, obviously, but his strong play for his Dyurtyuli-based domestic side since his teenage years makes him a savvy veteran. It is widely hoped by all that he will be turned loose and given a more attacking role than the central one he has at Ангельс.

My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers: Y
Godmod Scoring Events: Y
RP injuries to my players: Y (TG me if you plan on murdering anyone)
Godmod injuries to my players: N
Hand out Yellow cards to my players: Y
Hand out Red cards to my players: Y
Godmod Other Events: Absolutely
20-04-2009, 02:33
The Hardy Boys #71473299
The Clue of the Cannibalistic Witch
by Franklin W Dixon

Chapter 1 - The Feathered Guest, the Near-Exorcism, and the Blowtorched Camry

Aunt Gertrude's thin-lipped smile was fading. Although she was sitting at the dinner table with the pleasant yellow morning sun pouring in the open window as she read her favorite book of the Bible (Leviticus), there was something vexing her.

Her eighteen and seventeen-year-old nephews were normally quite charming young men, but this time, thought the late-middle-aged spinster, they had gone too far. Yes, they had asked her to endure unusual visitors to the Hardy home in the past, and yes, sometimes she was proud of the exciting hijinks that had befallen her nephews as a result of these visits, but never, never anything like this...

An excited cry rang out from upstairs! Normally she would have investigated the source of this fuss, but she had been asked to stand guard. At first the task had not appeared terribly difficult (though she had forseen it being a bit awkward, which it was), but now it had become absurdly annoying.

For, waddling around the dining room and dropping fecal matter at every other step, was a large black goose.

"Look, Frank! I've found something else!" once again cried out the voice Aunt Gertrude had heard a moment before. "Our feathery friend downstairs lives in the northern regions of polar tundra for half the year!"

"Hmm," Aunt Gertrude heard Frank reply, and it was surely Frank, she knew, because the other voice had clearly been Joe's, "It could be Kagdaz, then!"

"Kagdaz?" Joe rssponded, confused. "I've never heard of such a place."

"Oh, you silly numbekull," Frank chuckled pompously, "we talked about Kagdazka in our social studies class last week! Weren't you listening? I suppose you were too busy 'investigating' Iola then?"

"No, I was making sure you weren't being a big smelly turd!"

"Joe!!!" shouted Aunt Gertrude. She had put up with this horrendous, honking beast up until now, but if she was to be subjected to inappropriate language as well, her patience would disappear! "Come down here this instant! I shall turn you on my knee and spank you to within an inch of your life for vulgarity like that!"

"Now we're in for it," moaned the Hardy boys in unison.

In the dining room, Frank and Joe found themselves the subject of a withering glare from their irate aunt.

"It is one thing to gleefully accept into one's home a large wild goose as though it were a normal letter. That poor mailman..." The man had been very confused indeed, both at the contents of his delivery, and at the boys' excited expressions upon it's reception.

"It is further one thing to leave me here alone with the creature, without either of your parents here to help me. Why, I ought to have called the police! But it is quite another thing indeed to go upstairs to your father's very delicate and important study and foul it up by using despicable language like that, terrifying me in the process! Now, I shall give you one chance to explain yourselves before I fetch Pastor Harold and have h perform an exorcism!"

"Now now, dear Auntie, we can explain!" said Frank condescendingly. "You see, Joe merely forgot something we learned in school, and so to admonish him for not having payed attention, I decided to give him quite a joshing about Iola. In retrospect, however, if he had mocked ms about Callie in that way, I would have most certainly reacted in a similar fashion!"

Iola Morton was a girl at school who, it was well known, was a rather 'special friend' of Joe's. Callie Shaw, on the other hand, was a girl Frank held in 'very high esteem' indeed. Double-dates were (much to the boys' private disappointment) quite frequent.

"Oh," lamented Joe, "if only I had not been so silly as to forget Kagdazka, and this mess never would have happened! Frank, mightn't you give me a refresher on it, if only so that Aunt Gertrude can rest assured that we don't need an exorcism?"

"Certainly, Joe," answered Frank knowledgably. "Kagdazka is a nation in the upper regions of the vast Siberian tundra. They only just achieved independence a short while ago, embracing a form of Communism known as ecosocialism."

"Sounds like they might be some tough characters, Frank."

"Sure does, Joe. But the real question is, why would someone send us a goose from Kagdazka?"

"By golly, it sure beats me."

"Let's dust this goose down and look for prints!"

"Bully idea, big brother!"

And before Aunt Gertrude had a chance to exact her terrible punishment upon the boys, they had snatched up the bird and rushed off to their eight hundred thousand dollar forensics lab to look for clues! She looked forelornly at the crowbar in the corner of the room. She had been so close to teaching them a real lesson this time...

* * * 21 hours later * * *

"No luck yet, Frank."

"Well, we can't just give up, Joe."

"Sure we can. We do it like once every book. Remember in The Mystery of the Evil Algerian Rent-a-Cop? We gave up like twelve times in that one."

Indeed, on their most recent adventure, What Happened At IHOP, they had been pursuing a ninety-seven-year-old woman in a wheelchair through a rice paddy before giving up the chase due to a request from their mother that they not be up past 4 PM.

"Look at it this way, Frank. Our asses always get saved by some awesomely convenient 'deus-ex-machina' style plot twist right about now. Let's just go to Tony's."

And so they did. After stashing the goose away in their father's liquor cabinet and driving their "red convertible" (it was actually just a '96 Toyota Camry that their father had blowtorched the roof off of and his sons had been dumb enough to believe him when he said it was a Jaguar) several blocks down the street, they walked up the driveway to a pleasant, small home that belonged to their olive-skinned friend Tony Prito.

"Hey fellows!" announced the stocky boy upon their arrival. "My papa's making lasagna! Why don't you come in?"

When Frank and Joe entered the house, they were both promptly overwhelmed a strong odor!

Both boys fainted on the spot and fell to the floor!
Phillips Island
20-04-2009, 03:14
Watanabe deems Islanders Ready

Kei Watanabe told the Phillips Island press and others that might care that the Islanders are ready for the beginning of the Baptism of Fire following a series of strong practices that have been overseen by many locals during the week. Watanabe doesn’t believe that any of the fans who have viewed the open practices can turn around and use the information that they collected against us, but if that does seem to be the case, then the Islanders may use more of a closed door policy. He is firm on wanting to make Phillips Island the team of the people, and not just some foreign country that has come to Errinundera who just want to get in and get out as quick as they can. This was Watanabe’s statement:

“It all began on our first day here. The New Statesman told me that I had purchased the first edition of their paper and that the second edition included the small bit about us. That’s all fine. We haven’t come here seeking recognition, what we are here for is to win the Baptism of Fire. That’s a lofty goal because there are a lot of teams here that play very good football, but it is what we want to do. If we cannot win it all, then we want to have a good showing and leave people with a positive impression about the Island. The citizens of Cabanandra have treated as well, and likewise, we have gone out of our way to treat them well. We relate to the identity of this town, a town with an unimpressive exterior but a deep, strong, and positive character on the interior. The people here don’t care about looking good or fancy and don’t need gimmicks to draw attention to themselves. They wake up early in the morning to work and go to bed late at night, as long as they get results, then they are happy. That is the team the Phillips Island will be. We have opened up our practices to all of them and feel that they are enjoying it. It has encouraged us to practice and work hard, and when we play Swartaz, we will be ready.”
20-04-2009, 08:22
None of the other teams had arrived yet, so Jack had plenty of space to potter around in at Pinch Swamp. After a couple of long gin and tonics, he'd spent the morning supervising, his instructions limited to "kick it!" or "kick him!", after which he'd had a relaxing time catching up on the newspapers from home. A light rain shower drummed on the windows, sending him off into a pleasant afternoon doze, from which he was wrenched awake by an almighty crash. The room was dark, the sky clouded over with night.

"What's going on?" He ran downstairs.

Guðni Rúnar, Òmar, Valdímar, and two bemused-looking Errinunderan farmers were marching around, treading thick clods of mud into the floor, and singing at the top of their lungs a traditional Golgothastani love song.

"Oh, the girl with the long black hair,
And her lips pursed in a sweet pucker,
Oh, the girl with the lovely dark eyes,
How I'd really like to f-"

"Guðni Rúnar! Are you drunk?"

Guðni Rúnar answered by failing to correctly pronounce "no", which rather settled matters.

"We have a game tomorrow! What happened?"

"They...they have turnips! But not a lot of turnips. Mainly parsnips! Parsnips are ok, but I like a good turnip."

"I know you do, Òmar. Look, I'm sorry if they've caused any trouble, I'll try to sort it all out in the morning."

Relieved that they'd got their charges home, the Errinunderans scampered off.

Valdímar, eyes rolling wildly in his head, leaned against the wall.

"The two of you were meant to be looking after him. Go to bed, all of you. You have a match tomorrow - you'd better be ready for it, no excuses. I'll speak to you at breakfast, but I am very disappointed."

Guðni Rúnar and Òmar steered off unevenly towards the sleeping quarters, continuing to sing loudly.

"Oh, the girl with the soft smooth skin,
She looks just like Venus.
Oh, the girl with the delicate chin,
I hope she grabs my p..."

"Valdímar? Valdímar, go to bed."


"Valdímar, look, I'm sorry Ìngmar isn't in the team anymore, but I just want to give Þorður a chance. Please don't be angry."

Valdímar didn't answer, but crawled off, muttering dark threats. Jack sighed. Their first game was going to be a challenge and no mistake. A mosquito chased Valdímar down the corridor, and Jack retreated to fix himself a restorative gin and tonic. No sooner had he begun cutting a slice of lemon for the vital medication than he heard a sound. For a Golgothastani, there is only one thing worse than a loud bang: a curious silence.

He poked his head out, to see Ásgeir and Hrafn on tip-toes.

"Oh...hi Jack."

"Hello boys. Where are the others?"

"They're just behind us. We wanted to get a head start, you know." They exchanged such obviously conspiratorial glances that Jack momentarily wondered what the point of his country's policy of presumption of innocence actually was. "You know, we wanted to..."

"...get a start on some of that yummy lentil stew for dinner!"

"Yeah, yeah, right, we're hoping if we get there earlier there'll be...extra peas."

Jack stared them down, and they averted his gaze.

"Go on then. But if I found out something's been burned down, or if I have to deal with one angry Errinunderan father, you two know whose door I'll be knocking on first."

In due course, the other players returned. While red noses and cheeks abounded, they seemed a little more stable than the first party. The visit to the mine had gone down well, and they'd enjoyed talking with the cooperative workers. He'd asked Þorvaldur to keep an eye on things, and he reported no trouble.

"Ok, go have dinner, then I want you fresh for the first game, so please limit your nightcap to a single six-pack."

There were groans of disappointment, but the players trundled out obediently. Birgir stayed behind, and settled down with Jack to share a late tea-with-wodka.

"So, everything went ok at the mine? No trouble from the youngsters?"

"No, no. The Errinunderans told us there'd be plenty of time to burn stuff down later."

"Haha, good. Well, I'm just glad no one stole any of the thorium. That really would be a pickle. Can you imagine, thinking they'd lifted some precious mineral, and making off with a lump of radioactive material? I'm glad no one in the squad would be so...I mean, I'm just relieved that...I mean, I mean. Birgir, this is where I'd really like it if you...oh, god, the little bastards!"

Jack shot up and began running to find Hrafn and Ásgeir, but his progress was felled by tripping over a hefty lump of fur at his feet. For a moment he thought Rúnar Þór had fallen asleep on the floor again, but then he felt some...sniffing? He looked down. The corridor was full of sniffer wombats, standing three deep, their snouts to the ground and eyes shrivelled in a peculiarly marsupial approximation of concentration. The line of wombats was silently moving, down towards the room of the young Golgothastanis.

"Oh boys, what have you done?" sighed Jack.
20-04-2009, 12:33
News items from l’Humanité, the daily newspaper from Amboyne Crossing (


The national team of Steroga has settled into Amboyne Crossing very nicely thank you. Ever since the arrival of our guests last week, huge crowds have followed their every movement.

In a clever move to encourage voter turn-out at the Mayoral election in AC district #63, the Fair Elections Central Committee invited the Sterogians to monitor the proceedings. The plan was fine in principle but it took two and half hours to explain to the visitors what an election was. Young defender, Sanjay Naidu, was intrigued by the power given to the winner of the ballot. “You mean, yesterday some guy is nobody, and then, today, there’s a popularity contest and now this nobody gets to tell everybody what to do?” he asked the Committee. “What’s wrong with guns?”

As expected, the turn out was the best in memory. The successful candidate was melipt, representing the Deddick Marxist Union. Her first decree as Mayor of AC district #63 was to hold a Mayoral District banquet with the Sterogians as guests of honour.


Following the dismissal of sorrellj from the McKillops Bridge New Statesman for inaccurate reporting, the entire editorial staff of that august masthead have gone on indefinite strike. It has come to our attention that, not only did he overlook the arrival of the Phillips Island national team, but he forgot that Errinundera took part in World Cup 38 (without losing a single game! – ed).

We spoke with union representative, pattism, who said that sorrellj had been unfairly singled out. “It’s not simply a matter of a journalist writing a newspaper article. There are editors and sub-editors, you know. Where were they? Why aren’t they held accountable?”

It has also come to our attention that pattism is, in fact one of sorrellj’s sub-editors. Further, the newspaper is entirely owned by its staff. “For sure, we are crippling ourselves,” says sorrellj’s colleague wattoe, “but it’s a matter of principle.” That the union executive and the management committee are made up of the same people has everybody scratching their heads. wattoe sums it up thus, “You have to follow the proper procedures, whether as a manager or as a workplace representative.”


The Golden Eagles, like 21 other teams, blew through on the way to their temporary home for the first round of the Baptism of Fire. In their case they are off to Tingaringy. We don’t envy them. It’s too early in the year for skiing but late enough to be bitterly cold. Some folks in the Errinundera Football Association must have a streak of Schadenfreude in them.

To mark our sympathy the Amboyne Crossing Knitting Mill Co-operative donated three complete sets of thermal underwear to the team – in their national colours of red white and green, of course. The embarrassed players promised to wear the underwear to bed.


As a sign of solidarity with our comrades in McKillops Bridge and our comrades from Phillips Island we will only make a token mention that the national team from Swartaz passed through on the way to its first match against the aforementioned Phillips Island, to be held in Cabanandra.


A concerned spokesperson for the Pinch Swamp Ethics Co-operative, tersingr, has admitted that an inventory audit has revealed that stocks of the Pinch Swamp Monazite Mine’s thorium are unaccounted for.

“It’s not that the stuff is worth anything,” says tersingr. “The latest international price is about β140 per kg or about 73 US cents. The catch is the harm the stuff may do. We are missing about 2 large sacks of the stuff in powdered form. Now, it’s only mildy radio-active so, so long as it isn’t swallowed, there shouldn’t be any harm from radio-active poisoning. My real concern is that, if it isn’t handled properly, it can combust spontaneously. I would hate to think what might happen if it got into the hands of arsonists.”

The Mayor of Pinch Swamp, indaboo, has called on the local Sniffer Wombat Handlers Guild to assist with investigations.

1. Cut-off for lodgement of team lists. By all means still lodge them if you haven’t already done so, however the bonus cannot apply now until the next match day

2. Norwellia, please refer here ( for an explanation of the lower case usage in names.

3. The welcomes are over. I leave the bulk of RPing to the competing nations. Please don't kill or maim too many people or trash too many structures. May the luckiest team win. ;)

4. Scores will be posted shortly.
20-04-2009, 13:17
Group A
Landau Institue 4, Metallo Pesante 2
Steroga 0, Astholm 2
Somewhereistonia bye
Landau Institute 1 1 0 0 4 2 2 3
Astholm 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 3
Somewhereistonia 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Metallo Pesante 1 0 0 1 2 4 -2 0
Steroga 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0

Group B
Kagdazka 3, The Bear Islands 2
Threetime 1 Yelda 1
Stargate Centurion bye
Kagdazka 1 1 0 0 3 2 1 3
Threetime 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Yelda 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Stargate Centurion 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
The Bear Islands 1 0 0 1 2 3 -1 0

Group C
Norwellia 2 Tyrrin 1
Italia Orientale 1 Wessia 1
Australiazia bye
Norwellia 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
Italia Orientale 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Wessia 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
Austaliazia 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Tyrrin 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0

Group D
Carpathia and Ruthenia 2 Lemetel 2
Terra Anatidae 3 Banten States 0
Golgothastan bye
Terra Anatidae 1 1 0 0 3 0 3 3
Carpathia and Ruthenia 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
Lemetel 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
Golgothastan 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Banten States 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0

Group E
Phillips Island 0 Swartaz 3
Pasarga 0 Dave Campbell 1
Nong Nang Ning bye
Swartaz 1 1 0 0 3 0 3 3
Dave Campbell 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 3
Nong Nang Ning 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Pasarga 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
Phillips Island 1 0 0 1 0 3 -3 0

Weather conditions
Possible showers
Amboyne Crossing 7º C – 20º C
Tubbut 6º C - 18º C
Tingaringy 2º C – 10º C

Warmest to coolest: McKillops Bridge -> Deddick -> Amboyne Crossing -> Much -> Tubbut -> Cabanandra -> Dellicknora and Pinch Swamp -> Bonang -> Sawpit -> Whittakers -> Tingaringy

Most to least likely rain: Sawpit -> Bonang -> Dellicknora and Pinch Swamp -> Cabanandra -> Tubbut -> Much -> Amboyne Crossing -> Deddick -> Whittakers -> McKillops Bridge -> Tingaringy
20-04-2009, 13:53
A Primer on Norwellian Social Customs for Footballers and International Fans

We here at the Norwellian World Football Association often hear questions about how to avoid offending our nationals in the context of world football tournaments. We understand that our people's customs are unusual to many, so we have put together this short pamphlet to help foster intercultural communication, something that all Norwellians treasure.

Perhaps the most confusing thing about Norwellian culture to many foreigners is that the majority of Norwellian natives are what many others might call "genderqueer" or "transgender". The national idea of gender is much less binary and much more fluid in Norwellia than in most other countries, and it is quite common for us to express our gender in ways that can leave outsiders scratching their heads. Thanks to the anti-LGBT bigotry that is unfortunately still common in most of the world, Norwellian citizens--a people known for their love of travel and lifelong learning--tend to be thick-skinned with regard to insults and patient with regard to questions about this unusual aspect of our society. Only two things are absolutely taboo in this regard: asking a Norwellian what his/her biological sex is, and referring to an individual Norwellian with both gender pronouns, i.e. "he/she". Using a neutral pronoun like "their" is acceptable, but linguistically awkward. It should also be noted that it is offensive to refer to anyone of any culture as "it", regardless of their gender expression.

Norwellians are aware of the limitations of most languages, as both of our official tongues use a gender binary to describe people and objects. We are also understanding of the confusion that our gender expression tends to cause, and most androgynous Norwellians are not particularly attached to the idea of one gender or another. Therefore, the most acceptable way to handle a confusing gender situation, according to Norwellian customs, is to pick one of the two gender pronouns and refer to the person with that. There is no need to agonize over this decision: you can pick one at random, pick your favorite, or use a different one each time you refer to the person--none of these solutions will offend a native-born Norwellian. Make sure that you do not ask for permission to assign them a gender first, and that you do not ask for clarification or forgiveness if you feel you've made the "wrong" choice. Remember that there is no wrong choice, unless it is absolutely, completely, blatantly obvious which gender the person belongs to; even then, picking one for him or her will not be considered insulting, and will not start a loud disagreement. But asking questions about the specific Norwellian's gender will cause embarrassment and shock.

All of that said, we hope you use this opportunity to ask your new Norwellian friends and neighbors about the practice of gender expression in our country in general, and anything else you want to know about our customs. While quite shy about their own individual details, Norwellians love to educate anyone who will listen about the generalities of our culture.
The Bear Islands
20-04-2009, 18:38
Six large canoes, each of them made from the trunk of a single 'stonebark' tree (a species whose wood is very hard to work, but that then provides very strong -- and pretty-much fireproof -- timber) are making their way along two-abreast the Snowy River, to the sound of a repetitive chant from their Ursine paddlers.

“Harrooh-hiy-yaaay, harrooh-hiy-yaah;
Harrooh-hiy-yaaay, harrooh-hiy-yaah;
Urrgrroh, harrgrroh, harrooh-frarr.

Harrooh-hiy-yaaay, harrooh-hiy-yaah;
Harrooh-hiy-yaaay, harrooh-hiy-yaah;
Urrgrroh, harrgrroh, harrooh-frarr.

Harrooh-hiy-yaaay, harrooh-hiy-yaah;
Harrooh-hiy-yaaay, harrooh-hiy-yaah;
Urrgrroh, harrgrroh, harrooh-frarr.”

The crews and [relatively small number of] passengers in this flotilla are all supporters of The Bear Islands's soccer team, coming here to cheer them on: They've missed the first game that the 'Braves' played in this tournament, due to the distance from the river's mouth upriver to Deddick Province, but should arrive in time for the second one that's scheduled...
(The 'mother-ship' that brought these canoes across the oceans awaits their return a few miles offshore from the river's mouth. Although nearly a third of a mile long, it looks -- especially if viewed from above -- strangely like a gigantic turtle!)

As they draw close to McKillops Bridge a large Raven flies out to meet them, and converses briefly with an elderly male Ursine who's seated about a third of the way back in one of the first pair of canoes. After a few minutes this male nods, and calls out an order in a surprisingly LOUD voice:
Most of the rowers lift their paddles out of the water at this command, although a few continue driving their craft onwards -- albeit at a rather slower rate -- and steering them in towards the town's quays. Eventually they dock there, and most of the Ursines go ashore leaving only eight in each canoe (which is about an eighth of their total number...). The apparent leader gives some more instructions to the rest of them, and all of those who are wearing any leather items (belts, breech-clouts, capes, and so on...) -- which is most of them -- take these off and return them to the canoes. With the aid of their companions who'd stayed aboard the vessels they then unload a number of small crates and barrels, with poles below which each of these can be slung for carrying between two people. Then, following the Raven, they set off inland. Some of them are carrying drums of various types & sizes, and tapping semi-idly on these: The drumskins are also made out of 'leather, of course, but the only three 'sniffer wombats' that this party pass on their way inland from the docks all seem unable to detect this fact over the distinctive odour that the Ursines themselves (although they've bathed quite recently) possess to those beasts' sensitive noses.
20-04-2009, 19:22
Qasarian Evening Sport

Ergma prepares to attack!

The game with Astholm is fast approaching, and Ergma has been readying his team for the event. From all appearances he will be attacking Astholm as much as possible, as is his and the nations way. This man is not shy to attack and he knows how to do it successfully, his Qasarian Sparta team managed to score 135 goals last season, and that amazing feat will surely count for something.

The team have been drilled hard, excellent passing moves and intricate-interplay have been the results in training, with the team showing positive signs in front of goal. The defenders are also working well. They look on form and ready, Luckis especially making some fantastic blocks during a training match. The game against Astholm seemed to the squad like a certain victory, something that Ergma wanted to cut out. In an after-training press conference, Ergma said “I have reminded the players, no game will be easy. Every match we need to play 100%. We need to go forward like a battering ram and relentlessly hammer their defensive line. We must win at all costs.” Seventeen year old star player Kusnets, who was also in the conference added “we have done well in training, we have attacked and we know we can score, and win. But each game will be tough, I hope I can score to help beat Astholm.”

Meanwhile Astholm were busy getting a 2-0 win over Steroga, this means the next match will surely be a test for a confident looking Eagles team, but my money is on Somewhereistonia for tomorrows match. We just look too strong and I don't think Astholm will be able to deal with that. In the other Group A match, Laudau Institute beat Metallo Pesante 4-2. Laudau will surely be difficult opponents to beat, but their defensive frailties mean that I still put the Eagles as favourites for the group.

In the other groups Kagdazka beat the The Bear Islands in an exciting 3-2 match whilst Terra Anatidae managed a 3-0 victory over Banten States, Swartaz managed to get the same scoreline against Phillips Island. These teams look strong, and I can see them going far.

Tonight the Eagles rest, tomorrow I am sure they will play their hearts out and get the victory they will deserve.
20-04-2009, 20:50
To: gretl.barrysdóttir@golgomail.go
Subject: Day 1, everything going well

Things are going well down here. The lads had a good training session. Stigur is looking sharp. He's a nice kid, really, hard-working too, and very talented...I dunno, is there a chance he's not really Golgothastani? Adopted, maybe? I still haven't found out much about who we're playing against tomorrow, but I suppose that'll just help us make sure we do things on our own terms, don't want to get too "in the head", you know. Especially Rúnar Þór, don't want to overtax him, you know how his brainrage is.

So, tiny thing, really tiny, that I wanted to ask your advice about. You know the Starálfur and I go back a long way, and Bort's really keen this whole football thing not go tits up. Well, like I say, everything so good so far, well, almost, except, I'm fairly sure my starting right-back has stolen some radioactive and highly explosive material from one of the mines here. Like I say, it's only a little thing, but it could be sensitive, you know? If we end up blowing up Pinch Swamp or accidentally causing some bizarre mutation - believe me, the wildlife down here is already weird enough - I'm not sure it'll really reflect well on us. "Exploding zombies from Golgothastan take on world at football", not really the headline we were hoping for.

Now, how do you think I should tell him? I mean, I don't want to worry him, he has more important things to concern himself with: the latest recession (I mean, I assume we're in recession again, it'd be remarkable if we weren't), the way everyone keeps finding laws to break, and his approval numbers. Have you seen them lately? They just keep going up. Poor bastard can't catch a break. So, I was thinking, how does the following sound: do you think if I said, hey Bort, one of the other coaches was telling me the funniest story, I was just dying, here, I'll tell it to you...and then I see how he'll react.

Do you think it might work?

Give my love to your kids, hope everything is ok, will be in touch,

To: jack.weisgaarden@golgomail.go
Subject: RE: Day 1, everything going well

You even have to call me Gretzky in your emails??? whens that going to get old?

Look I dont know anything about bloody football and I dont know anything about bloody uranium or whatever it is but I think it would be best if you just came right out and said it. Bort wont like being messed around and believe me he is a lot smarter than you so he will know what to do. I dont like the idea of you exploding in a radioactive cloud it will give Ben terrible nightmares. So please just sort it out and stop bothering me I cant be answering your silly emails all day.

Ben is doing very well he is hoping the team do well tomorrow and we will be watching on the TV so please give him a wave if the camera points at you and PLEASE try not to swear I am still trying to wash his mouth out from the last time you visited. Eric and Joyce are both getting grades at university and I will be seeing them soon it would be lovely if you came along as they both miss their uncle Jack.

Good luck tomorrow and just give Bort a ring he is a nice man on the television so I am sure he will understand.

sis xxxJack closed the email of his computer and sat back thoughtfully. The exertions of the day had played to hell with his nerves and he was sipping some calming tea-with-wodka to help the beer settle. He'd already talked with someone from indaboo's office, and was a little alarmed at just how laid back they'd seemed about the whole thing. Oh yeah, it'll turn up, the wombats are on the case...didn't they realize how dangerous a situation this was? He'd managed to keep the wombat in abeyance, but had bought whoever the culprit was at most a day. They were definitely suspicious, and had been sniffing around the training session in earnest.

Right now he should be devising complex tactics for the Banten States match, or running over the list of the day's results to see who'd be a threat down the line, if it ever came that far, but the reassurances of the Errinunderans that the sniffer wombats would find out the location of the thorium did little to allay his broader concern. He was sure it had been Hrafn who'd stolen it. Hrafn prided himself on being a salesman of "religious memorabilia", or in effect an equal opportunities purveyor of cheap tat. A nifty right-back with a powerful foot, he provided great crosses from the right, when not providing plastic Crosses with glow-in-the-dark Jesus figures.

What he wanted with the thorium was not clear to Jack. Its chief threat was of explosion, not radiation poisoning, but neither was a particularly appealing prospect. He'd have to tell Bort. Hmm. Maybe explosion wouldn't be so bad.

After a couple of restorative glasses of red wine he lit another cigarette - the wombats had eyed him with suspicion before, and he wasn't sure whether smoking was actually illegal here or whether it simply interfered with their tracking - and dialled the phone. After a few rings he got a connection.

"Jack! I thought you were going to email today."

"Oh, I didn't want to worry you..."

"It's when you don't get in touch that I worry."

"Well, um, ok, yes of course. I talked to Gretl earlier, she sends her regards. How was your day?"

"Same old same old. I dozed off a bit during the environmental briefing, I was thinking whether I might be able to fake my own death using the contents of the drawers in The Lovecraftian-Hellshape Office, and when I snapped out of it they asked me if I agreed, so I thought I probably did, and now I think I may have approved a new nuclear power plant."

"Really? Well, um, uh...oh! On that subject, I got talking to one of the other visiting coaches, and he told me the funniest story, you'll never believe, it turns out he, he had this friend that -"

20-04-2009, 21:25
38' Goal: Unknown (Tyrrin)
53' Goal: Richter (NOR)
67' Goal: Vermeeren (NOR)

Lanja: 1 GA


45' Padilla for Roivas
67' Gerry for Voreght

Stat Tracker:

Alain Vermeeren: 7 caps, 4 GF
Natalia Richter: 7 caps, 1 GF
Mesit Xura: 7 caps, 1 GF
Sala Ikaru: 7 caps, 1 GF
Misina Ponten: 7 caps
Barbara Senior: 7 caps
백일일: 7 caps
Metheven Tangye: 7 caps
Kentisesh Voreght: 7 caps
Syku Lanja: 6 caps, 17 GA
Dmitris Roivas: 6 caps
Chris Padilla: 4 caps
Aaliyah Morris: 3 caps
Mia Frost: 2 caps
Kew Gerry: 1 cap
Aleksej Glinka: 1 cap, 5 GA


Richter's first international goal
Norwellia's first international win

Next match:

Gerry starts for Tangye
Italia Orientale
20-04-2009, 23:28
La Repubblica Sports

Golden Eagles Draw Opening Game with Late Goal

-Tingaringy, Errinundera --- Italia Orientale's national soccer team tied Wessia 1-1 in their opening game of the group stage. The game was played in very cold conditions and the Golden Eagles were a little slow out of the gate. Making the trip from the balmy Mediterranean climate of their homeland, the Eagles clearly showed they needed some more adjustment time.

Wessia dominated the Eagles for most of the first half, controlling possession and creating a whole host of chances. If it were not for the skill of goalkeeper Amir Amir, the Eagles may have been buried early. Amir did allow a goal, but also made five saves in the opening period.

Wessia's goal came on a free kick in the 28th minute after Left Back Davide Baddoglio committed an excessively hard foul by going into an opponent's chest shoulder first and knocking him down. The Wessia player was down for a few moments in pain but sonn got back up and resumed playing. Baddoglio was ejected as punishment, receiving Italia Orientale's first Red Card of the tournament.

Despite being down 1-0 and a player, Italia Orientale responded well in the second half, playing much more loose and aggressive. The defense found its proper form and only allowed one more shot on target the rest of the match. The Eagles had several opportunites to tie the game early in the second including a shot from Ishmael Tarablus which Wessia's goalie just pushed away with his fingertips.

The equalizer finally came in the 76th minute on a cross from Left Midfielder Hossein Bolognese. Bolognese brought the ball quickly up the left flank avoiding two defenders and managed to get a cross into the box. The Wessia defence went out too far to the left to pursue Bolognese and left the 6'4" Luca Del Castello marked by a much shorter defender. Del Castello was able to box out the defender, and found himself in perfect position to head in Bolognese's cross.

Italia Orientale actually had a chance to steal a win in the 88th minute when Bolognese again got a cross into the box, this time to the 6'5" Muhammad Paoloni. Paoloni got his head on the ball but pushed it just over the cross bar and out of harm's way.

The other Group C match for the day was played by Norwellia and Tyrrin, which resulted in a 2-1 Norwellian victory. That win puts the team at the top of Group C. The fifth team in the group, Australiazia, was idle.

The Golden Eagles will next play group leader Norwellia in what should be an excellent game. More coverage to follow in La Repubblica, including an interview with Coach Hossein Lippi and the rising star Hossein Bolognese who had an excellent day against Wessia.

Box Score:

Wessia - Striker '28
Italia Orientale - Luca Del Castello '76 (1)

Italia Orientale - Hossein Bolognese '76 (1)

Wessia - Defender '64 (Yellow)
Italia Orientale - Davide Badoglio '28 (Red), Carlo Conti '49 (Yellow)
21-04-2009, 01:37
Australiazia present our team:

Choose my goalscorers Yes
Godmod Scoring Events Yes
RP injuries to my players No
Godmod injuries to my players Yes
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Yes
Hand out Red cards to my players No
Godmod Other Events Yes

We play a 4-3-3 formation
Home jerseys are brown and yellow vertical strips
Aletrnative strip is a Blue and orange strip
Keepers wear Red or Green.

TEAM (starters in bold)

1. Marcus Brown
3. Bradley Marsich
7. Joshua Silic

2. Danny Vettel
8. Daniel Klim
11. Boris Lav
12. Christian Johnson
13. Paul Ashcroft
15. Jacob Alwell
16. Ashley Bryant
17. Brian Nicholas
19. Greg Wiliams

20. Josh Webber
22. Victor Wells
23. Stefan Helms
27. Cliff Minton
29. Brian Callaghan
34. Corbett Kennedy
31. Adam Lenard
38. Drew Stockwin

39. Jayden Buckland
43. Berne Lester
4. Jeremy Mcgirr
10. Eddie Mcgrath
21. Dean Edwards
28. Sebastian Lopez
40. Matthew Pavlich
21-04-2009, 04:07
The Torgos Times
"Ghosts" Dish Out Defeat To Wanderers

It was the first time for many of these players to set foot outside of league competitions, and the fact of the matter is, the inexperience of not having had a global or even regional competition under their belt showed. As the Wanderers were felled in their ever senior international in Errinundera, it is clear that the road to becoming a World Cup power will be long and hard for the folks from Pargis and Peynol. Amid turbulent times back in their home islands, the Wanderers were looking to make a giant splash into the international stage, despite a few players having had some matches in the International Club Competitions, in the first match in one of the largest stadiums in the host country. While playing in The Bonang Cricket Ground, with it's 100,000+ capacity, was initially seen as a great place for the side to make their debut, the huge crowd might have contributed to the shaky first match for the Wanderers.

Their opponents, to their credit, were well prepared and were able to use the guise of anonymity to their advantage, as the side did not give the host officials a team sheet. It was a very nervy start for the Red, Green, and Gold, as Vincze was unable to stop a shot from thirty yards out by the opposition forward in the fifth minute to give Dave Campbell the early advantage. Despite his praise in the National Team Guide, Ausilio Calabrese was hardly noticeable out on the pitch. To be fair, the service that was being provided from the midfield was not what he is used to with Galactica, but true great strikers find a way to get that magic goal, and he failed to do so in this opportunity. Truly, it was an inaugural first match to forget for the majority of the squad, and the turnaround is just in three days time as the squad will have Phillips Island in the same stadium as their loss to Dave Campbell.

If the Wanderers had a first match to forget, then the first match for Phillips Island was a nightmare from Hell. The Island lost heavily to Swartaz by a scoreline of three to nil, and really never did look like they were going to be on their way to any sort of result, moral or points wise. Inevitably, despite only being the second match of the tournament, this is a crucial one to both teams' chances of continuing on to the next round. A second loss will all but eliminate the loser from any realistic chance of advancement, while the winner puts themselves back into the hunt. Djoko Markovčič and Ausilio Calabrese both need to show more bite in the area and the midfield needs to provide a much better service to the strike partnership if the side wishes to have its' best chance of getting the result needed. That's the danger of these shortened group stages, a single off day can kill your entire effort. Rezsx Erdôs will need to have his lads and lasses well prepared mentally and physically, which he should be accustomed to after a seventeen year career as a manager, the bulk of those at Club Stein-los. It's terrifying to say this is a do or die situation, but it is my friends, and it is time for those players to show themselves well, for they know Pargis and Peynol are behind them, as is the entire Rushmori collective. That kind of support surely will be the key to making the quick turnaround and keeping the hopes and dreams of a first tournament bliss alive in the hearts of the supporters.
21-04-2009, 04:45
The Hardy Boys #71473299
The Clue of the Cannibalistic Witch
by Franklin W Dixon

Chapter 2 - Blackish-Green Smoke in the Land of a Thousand Environmental Laws

The boys woke up in a daze fifteen minutes later at the Bayport Area Hospital. A doctor was bent over Frank as he drifted awake.

"Joe? Joe, are you all right?"

"Your brother is fine, young man. You were both simply overwhelmed by the smell at your friend's home."

"I'm awful sorry, fellows." Frank and Joe were still rather confused and had trouble seeing, but they recognized the voice as belonging to their friend Tony.

"It's surely not your fault, Tony," replied Joe thickly, "but we have to call Chief Collig! Someone chloroformed us as we walked into your house! The thug might have left a clue, or he might even still be there!"

"I'm afraid that nothing that dramatic happened, boys," said the doctor with a poorly-veiled smile on his face. "Your friend's father was simply cooking up some lasagna, and the garlicky scent caused you two WASPs to pass out."

"We don't buy it, Doctor!" answered Frank hotly.

"Yeah!" exclaimed Joe in agreement. "We're going back to Tony's house right away!"

The three boys did return, but much to Frank and Joe's frustration, they found no clues. In a dejected mood, they sat down to have some grub with Tony. (Sticking to apple wedges and oatmeal paste and avoiding anything ethnic seemed wise to Frank, and Joe agreed.) They told him all about the mysterious black goose and about their research on the subject.

"It must be a message of some kind." concluded Tony thoughtfully.

"I agree, friend," mused Frank. "But who wanted to send the message, and even then, what is the message?"

"Have you tried using Wikipedia?" offered Tony's father, Luciano.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Prito, I don't speak a word of Italian. Could you translate for us, Tony?"

"No, he was speaking English, Joe." replied Tony.

"Nonsense. Joe and I know our foreign languages, and that sounded like Italian to me!"

"I'm a fifth generation Italian-American, boys! In fact, since I married a Swede, Tony's more Swedish than Italian."

"What a fascinating language!" said Joe.

"Yes, Joe. We must learn Italian. Then we could actually communicate with Tony's dad!"

"Ugh," sighed Tony. "He was speaking English the whole time, guys, but whatever, I'll 'translate.' He suggested that you use Wikipedia."

"Wikipedia?" asked Frank. "Is that an Italian soccer team or something?"

"Forza Wikipedia!" exclaimed Joe knowledgably.

"No, it's a website! Here," an exasperated Tony pulled out his laptop, "I'll do it myself."

Tony checked the article immediately. He gasped! Frank and Joe were still pretending to be playing soccer for F.C. Wikipedia Milano, shouting loudly in made-up Italian-sounding words, but when Tony said, "Look at this, fellows!" they stopped.

The article for 'black goose' had been completely erased! Instead, in its place was a curious message:



"Wow!" said Frank.

"But who could 'V' be?"

"Beats me, Joe. But if someone needs our help, we have to go, don't you think?"

"For sure!"

"Cool, guys! Can I come along?" asked Tony hopefully.

Frank and Joe's smiles faded.

"Well... you see, Tony, if you came, then that would mean we would have to bring Chet and Biff, too."

"Yeah," said Frank, nervously toying with the gold watch on his wrist, "our Dad's not made of money, you know."


"Tony, you're third on the list. You can't just 'come along,' because if you did the ethnic balance would look way out of order. I mean, that would be as bad as if we'd brought along a Chinese person or something."

Joe gasped out loud, but Frank continued.

"We're not doing a documentary about racial tension in America; these are kids books."

"But I'm just a regular guy! It doesn't matter what color my skin is!"

"Shut up, Tony, stop trying to invade white America!"

And with that, the Hardys stormed out of the house!

* * * Later that day * * *

Shocked from the harrowing race war at Tony's, the boys retreated to one of their favorite eating places, Whitey's Soda Fountain. Upon getting seats, they ordered some good homestyle American food: synthetic plastic foot-long hot dogs and colesaw made with Skittles instead of cabbage.

"Boy, it sure feels good to dig into some REAL food," said Joe, fear of the Prito's lasagna still on his mind.

"Yeah," said Frank absent-mindedly. "Say, how do you think we ought to try and get to Kagdazka?"

"I just figured since Jack Wayne is practically Dad's indentured servant we could get him to fly us there."

A pilot, Jack Wayne apparently had nothing better to do with his life than to ferry the Hardys around in a private jet. Rumour around Bayport was that Fenton Hardy paid him in methamphetamines and Starbucks coupons.

"Joe, that's just the problem. Dad and Jack are on that mission to build a gigantic wall in the sea around Cuba, remember?"

Joe smacked himself in the head with a foot-long, splattering ketchup everywhere. "Jumping Jupiter! I forgot! What are we going to do, Frank?"

"Don't worry. I think I have an idea."

* * * 19 minutes later * * *

Joe rubbed his ribs a bit as they stepped onto the tarmac at Gelendzhik International Airport. "I bet Tom Swift will be more careful the next time he and Clarissa Jenkins want to mess around in the showers of the boys locker room at Bayport High School."

"No doubt. If we hadn't walked in on them last year we would never have been able to blackmail him into letting us use this nuclear-powered flying contraption."

The gizmo had seven propellers, ten jet engines protruding at random angles, sixteen flimsy paper wings and, apparently, a bedroom with a walk-in closet and minibar (Frank and Joe had not had the time to threaten Tom into telling them how to get into it). Though it had just been powered down, it was still belching quite a bit of blackish-green smoke into the clean, cool air.

The boys took a look around. This was no ordinary airport; it was the smallest international one either of them had ever seen. The runway was isolated, and seemed to be located in he middle of a large clearing in a pine forest. The trees were not thick; the boys could see through the forest for quite a distance on two sides as it seemed the small airport was on a ridge. There seemed to be an impressive snow pack on the ground for miles in every direction.

There was a small wooden log hut on one side of the clearing. An old-looking, beat-up black sedan and a pickup truck that must have once been gold but was now covered in rust were parked outside of it. Three astonished-looking people stood nearby. One was a red-headed, mustached mechanic in blue, another an elderly woman in a wheelchair wrapped in a thick black fur coat, and the last a girl about their age with long blond hair tied into a braid. The girl was wearing a shabby full-length white cloth coat. Joe noticed she was very pretty.

Frank managed to yank the crate holding the goose 'V' had sent them free from a tangled safety harness. Setting the bird on the ground next to their contraption, he brashly walked towards the three locals.

"Hello!" he shouted. "Is one of you V?"

The three people continued to simply stare at the Hardys, their stunned expressions unchanging. There was an awkward silence.

"Do any of you speak English? Neither Joe nor I had the courtesy to learn Russian before we came."

A slight breeze slithered across the silence until the lady in the wheelchair finally said something, pointing at their vehicle as she did. Unfortunately, it was in Russian and said rather quickly. Had Frank and Joe not been total dunces they might have noticed that she sounded extremely irritated.

"Yes, it's very interesting, isn't it?" responded Frank cheerfully. "Would you like to try it out?"

"She told you to shut that contraption off." said the blond girl crossly in perfect English. "It's spewing pollution into the air; you could get arrested before you even have a chance to help me."

"How's that?" said Joe.

"I'm V. Now shut that thing off, are you deaf? This woman is the airport warden and if you don't keep her happy there'll be trouble."

"It is off. It's not actually ours, though, and we're not entirely sure how to get it to stop belching smoke." said Frank quickly, not wanting to be one who violates traditional values or laws.

Without pausing for a moment, the girl turned to the old lady and said something empathetically to her In their language. The old woman did not seem satisfied, as she merely continued to rant and point. It seemed to be going poorly, thought Frank and Joe simultaneously, before the red-haired mechanic finally spoke up, speaking in a slow mutter. Both 'V' and the airport warden stopped bickering as the mechanic had apparently offered a compromise.

"Good then," said the girl, looking quite relieved. "Stanislav here is curious to examine your... thing anyway, so he will have a look at it and try to shut it off."

Joe made a big to-do of wiping his brow, as he was apparently eager to demonstrate his willingness to cooperate just as much as Frank. The old lady, meanwhile, seemed to want nothing to do with any of them, and rolled herself back to the hut which she evidently was the caretaker of. Stanislav the Mechanic went to work on the flying machine.

There was an awkward moment between the three youngsters, and none of them spoke for several seconds. Finally, 'V' spoke up.

"My name is Vasilisa." Her voice seemed to have lost some of the boldness it had exuded earlier, and she sounded rather cautious and frightened. "Thank... um... thank you for coming. I wasn't sure you would. I've read all about you boys, you know, and I... I just didn't know who else to ask."

The Hardy boys puffed out their chests annoyingly at this, as they were glad to hear they were known of in such a remote place as this.

"How can we help, dear lass?" said Frank warmly.

"Now is not the time. Come on, get into my truck," she said, pointing to the rusted gold vehicle.

"Okay," said Frank quickly, "but hold on. We don't want to forget your goose! We left it by our gizmo!"

"Oh, that." said Vasilisa. "It isn't actually mine, it's just a normal wild black goose, our national animal. But it was the only way I could think of to contact you without my own government finding out. I only asked you to return it so that we can release it back here in its home."

So Joe immediately returned to let the bird go free. It seemed more than relieved that its journey was finally over and it honking irritably one last time as it flew up above the trees towards the horizon.

They got into the girl truck packed side by side. Frank had to slide aside a small pocket radio as he sat down.

"Oh, turn that on," said Vasilisa as she started the truck and pulled away from the airport. "I want to hear how the national team did."

"What?" asked Joe.

"Kagdazka's national football team is participating in their first ever international tournament right now in Errinundera. I want to find out what the score of our first game was."

Frank switched on the radio.

"You Are You Are You Are Listening Listening Listening... To Kagdazka Sport Radio!!!"

A short theme song played, and then the annoucer chimed in.

"Welcome to Kagdazka Sport Radio, I'm Zoya Chistyakov! No point in waiting around for it today, folks, we all know what we want to hear about! The national team played their first ever match earlier today. Did they win, lose, or draw? Here's Sasha Khokhlov from the field, recorded earlier..."

"...whistle blows as the teams get started, that's right folks, Kagdazka are currenty in action in their first ever match. The Ursines of the Bear Islands are their opponents today, sure are an usual lot, but their ravens seem like pretty effective translators. It seemed for a moment as though this match would never occur, as the Bear Islands team had believed that their late arrival had caused them to forfeit their first match. But in a show of sportsmanship, the Kagdaz players and coaching staff arranged with Errinunderan officials to have the game delayed a few hours. They have to play it in the middle of the night, now, but..."

"...and the flow of play does seem to be favoring the wisteria-and-greens right now, a half hour into the match. Here's Kyznetsov driving forward on the edge of the area, passes to Stefano- no! Nice dummy by Yordan Stefanovic as Popov drives in from the right, he's got some space and- IS THAT NOT A PENALTY?!?! It is! It is!"

"Stefanovic would ultimately take the penalty and score. The two clubs went into the break with both teams playing conservatively though Kagdazka could boast the one goal lead. However, on the other side of half time, both came out flying, and the game opened up considerably. The wisteria and green were the first to benefit from this open play, as Kyznetsov was able to make it two nil on a fifteen yard blast after managing to isolate himself from his marker in minute 52. The Bear Islands snatched one back in the 68th after a sloppy Kagdazka back pass fell into their hands (or paws, I suppose). Had Kagdazka been able to hold serve until the end of the match it would have been an easy task with their defensive 4-5-1 formation, but events in minute 78 changed that. Back to Sasha Khokhlov..."

"...the wisteria and green looking a little tired here as the Bears are very effectively controlling possession. Out to the wing for Mighty-Like-a-Rose. Back to center. Oh no, look! That's a great through ball and Running Joke is through on keeper Denisov! He's levelled it! Easily beats the Kagdaz keeper in a one-on-one situation, and we are tied at twos..."

"Kagdazka looked disheartened by the Bear Islands equalizer, and a draw looked well and truly on the cards, but the Russian-speakers didn't give up and they were pushing hard for the winner from the 85th minute onwards. Three consecutive corners came to nothing as Turtle-Blue-Twins' great strength and size repeatedly thwarted Kagdazka. But in the 89th minute, one last great offensive push threatened the Bear Islands goal..."

"...Misha Spiridonov controlling the ball from thirty yards out. Lazar Nikolic on the overlap. Spiridonov's touch is a little heavy and Bear Islands will regain possessi- no, that's Nikolic winning the ball on a tough 50-50 challenge. On his back, he gets it to Stefanovic in space. Stefanovic. Stefanovic will drive- no, he lays it off for Slava Semenov! Semenov with the shot! What a blast!!! GOAL!!!!!! Semenov on his weak right foot!!! Kagdazka have surely won it!!!"

"The match was indeed over. Kagdazka's defense, ostensibly their one great asset, appeared less than impressive, but in a competition as stacked as the Baptism of Fire, three points is three points. The Landau Institute and Norwellia (as well as others) will know this as well, as the doctors and patients who formerly represented Estresse Intenso dispatched Metallo Pesante four two, and the bilingual genderqueer Rainbow Warriors snapped up minnows Tyrrin two one."

At this, despite whatever was clearly worrying her, the girl smiled. She reached across Joe's lap (making him rather 'nervous' in doing so), and switched off the radio.

"Good. That was the tough match;" she said ruminatively, "the other games will be less difficult."

"Were they playing against a team of bears?" asked Frank.

"I try not to ask too many questions."

"Well let's change the subject then, shall we?" Frank responded. "What do you need from us, dear?"

Vasilisa sighed. "Well, I suppose I ought to start at the beginning. When I was very young, my mother died. She loved me very much, and I wish with all my heart she were still here today, for I am sure she could help me. Before she died, however, she left me a magic rag doll. She told me that if I gave the little doll a little food and drink every night, no harm would come to me."

"Magic!" gasped Frank. "Isn't that the devil's work?" He looked over at Joe to get some agreement, but he seemed to be very preoccupied with listening to Vasilisa.

"Friend, I assure you that any beliefs you may have had about the nature or ferocity of the 'devil's work' will be put to shame by the terrible things that lie hidden here. You see, my father remarried about four years ago to a woman who already had two daughters. My stepsisters and mother were terrible to me, and resented the love that father showed to me and not them. So last year, just after my birthday, when my father went on a business trip to Norwellia, they deliberately tricked me into going into the Cursed Northern Zagavinsk Forest. That forest is inhabited by some horrible creatures indeed, but there is none more horrible than the one I found."

"What?" asked Frank and Joe excitedly.

"A witch. A very infamous and evil witch named Baba Yaga."

Joe whistled. Unperturbed, Vasilisa continued.

"Baba Yaga captured me and held me prisoner. However, she had no intention to keep me for long, for her ultimate objective, as she described plainly to me, was to cook and eat me."

Frank reeled in his seat. Joe puked.

"Luckily the doll, my mother's doll, helped me escape. It summoned for me Morning, Day, and Night in the form of three horsemen. They helped me exploit a loophole in Baba Yaga's child-eating policy and the witch let me go free of her own accord, though she seemed very angry that I had outwitted her. My escape would have been flawless were it not for the fact that I forgot the doll in Baba Yaga's hut!"

"Crumbs and carrots!" exclaimed Frank with frustration.

"So, you see, I escaped, but at great cost. I returned home to my stepmother and stepsisters, who were very surprised to see me alive."

"Wasn't your father angry at them when he got back from his trip?"

"Oh, indeed he was. However, while in Norwellia he grew very enamoured with their culture and customs, and realized that like most Norwellians, he is genderqueer. Because of this he had been planning to divorce my stepmother upon his return home anyway."

"So it all worked out!" exclaimed Frank.

"Unfortunately, no. My father is currently in prison and is set to be executed."

"Because of his gender? Those bigoted Communists!"

"Actually, no, Joe," said Vasilisa tersely, "the Ecosocialist/Communist Party tends to be very accepting on GLBT issues. They are not so lenient, however, on people who utter the name of the corporatist dictatorship to our east, for they used to rule over Kagdazka with an iron fist. They even banned our national color, wisteria. So the Kagdaz government punishes those who use the country's name with death.

"But one day my father and I were at the Kagdaz version of Red Lobster and in passing he accidentally dropped the name and a government official sitting behind him had him put on death row. I have tried every method I can think of to free him, but nothing has worked. The only hope I have left is that I will find the magic doll that granted me a miracle at Baba Yaga's hut and pray it can save me once more. Please, Hardy boys, do not let them execute my dear father."

There was a pregnant pause. Finally, a softness in his voice, Joe broke it.

"What did he have to eat at Red Lobster?"

"Battered Garlic Shrimp."

Joe puked again.
Landau Institute
21-04-2009, 05:44
Hill falls screaming without reason; team substitute nearly bits referee (
Abrahim and Gadescu ready to kickoff

The Landau Institute doctors, patients and other members (although no patient took part of today's game) finally could return to the scene of National Team games, in the first game of this Baptism of Fire in Errinundera. The game was in Ambyone Crossing, a nice stadium by the country standards. Of course, we can't compare it with the Sector-Delta Sporting Field in the Landau Institute (mostly due to the fact that the field is strictly preserved, and that no supporter can enter it) or the Aterro Sanitário in Estresse Intenso (mostly due to the fact that there is no proper field in this one, as it is a landfill). The Memory Ball showed no surprises when releasing the first eleven, and the Landau Institute played with the strategy they used to practice in the trainings, with long ranged passes and many through balls, with an offensive style using mostly the centre of the field.

The centre of the attentions of this game was surely the team of doctors commanded by a colour-changing ball which could even leave the coaching area floating (although the referee tried to warn the ball once or twice about this). And that wasn't only because the Landau Institute won the game, but because it was with their players that the two mysteries of the game happened. As for Metallo Pesante, they played good football, and even scored the first goal of the game, using the speed of their attackers against the pure strength of Valdir, dribbling him before shooting to the goal. But when things seemed good for the Institute's opponents, one of their defenders forgot that football is played with the feet and handballed inside the area. Penalty for the Landau Institute, taken and converted by Professor Abrahim.

Still in the first half, the first mystery of the game happened. It started when one player of Metallo Pesante did a bad step on the field and had to be substituted. The referee waited for their coach to put another player in his place but, when the coach was choosing the player, Johann, Landau Institute's reserve, bit his arm in a rage attack! Bleeding, their coach left the stadium to be assisted. As Johann was under hypnosis to control his rage, no one understood why that happened, as the patient was under control. With no one to command them, the players of Metallo Pesante started to fight to see who would enter, and the game continued. Before the players fighting could decide who would enter, Landau Institute scored again, this time with Doctor Hill, after a brilliant individual play. And to take even more advantage of having a player more, Doctor Splitsscher scored the third goal of the Institute, after a good exchange of passes involving her, Doctor Hill and Doctor Gadescu. With the third goal of Landau Institute, finally Metallo Pesante choose someone to enter in the game, but the first half ended three seconds after that.

When the teams were getting prepared to return to the second half, Metallo Pesante did two more substitutions, as the fight involving the players wanting to play in the first half continued in the dressing room and ended involving all players. To stop the fight, two of the starters decided to give their positions to the ones who were fighting the most. Playing with calm due to the advantage built in the first half, the Landau Institute team didn't control well the game and ended suffering the second goal, in a fast counterattack. But the opponents didn't have much time to commemorate, as the player who scored the goal was the same one who handballed the ball, and he ended being sent off for taking his shirt off in the commemoration. So now Landau Institute returned to have one player more.

With the player advantage and superiority in the field, the doctors (and other members of the Institute) had no problems to set up the fourth goal. And it was the top goalscorer of the team, Professor Abrahim, who scored. Winning the game with a comfortable lead, the players started to hold the ball possession. At that time, the opponents from Metallo Pesante had no more hopes of a positive result... but they certainly didn't expect another fury attack by Johann, which happened when Hill came close to him to take a throw in. He ran to attack the players from the opponent team in the bench. The referee even tried to stop him, but had to run to avoid being bit. To make things even more stranger in this end of the game, Doctor Hill fell on the ground, screaming with pain. This is the second mystery of the night. No one understood what happened with Hill, who left the field screaming, although he had no injury. Just one minute after, the referee was forced to end the game, because the Metallo Pesante players who were in the field went to help his team mates to stop Johann.

Landau Institute's line-up: Maldonado; Rocher, Gabriel, Ribeiro and Valdir; Dupont, Splitsscher (La Codeti 67'), León and Hill (Wambrocking 77'); Gadescu (De Fruti 45') and Abrahim.
Coach: Memory Ball.

Goals:LID: Abrahim 20'/71' , Hill 33' , Splitsscher 36'.
MEP: Player 8' , Player 59'.

After the game, in the players' meeting room:

AECALYOPHENO - "Interesting game, wasn't it?"

PROF. WAMBROCKING - "More than that. Can someone explain what was happening? That simply can't be explained by science!"

PROF. PASCOAL - "It's very strange, as Johann was fully controlled by hypnosis..."

PROF. ROCHER - "Yes... and that started when Hill came close to him to take a throw in..."

PROF. PASCOAL - "Do you think that there must be a relation between what happened with Hill and what happened with Johann?"

DR. SPLITSSCHER - "For me that's impossible!"

DR. LA CODETI - "Well, probably it isn't, it happened in front of our eyes! There must be a relation!"

DR. GADESCU - "Let's think just about good things... the victory and our next games..."

AECALYOPHENO - (after looking at the Memory Ball and "talking" to it) "By the way, have you heard of Doctor Hill? Pascal is worried with him."

DR. LEÓN - "Is in his room. I bet he wants to rest after what happened to him."

PROF. ROCHER - "And the question is... what happened to him?"

(The Memory Ball changes colours, but can't find an answer)

Inside the Institute:

PATIENT 70914 - "What? The game has ended? But there are still three more minutes for the end of normal time!"

CONVERSATION INTRUDER DOCTOR - "But can't you see that Johann broke a fight! Someone must have provoked him!"

PATIENT 70914 - "Hey, it's not my problem, the game must end! I want my money back!"

CONVERSATION INTRUDER DOCTOR - "But you watch this game for free!"

PATIENT 70914 - "Are you implying that I am a liar? Or that I tried to avoid paying to enter here? That I am a criminal? That I have no money? Who do you think you are? Do you know who I am?"

CONVERSATION INTRUDER DOCTOR - "Nurses, please! Paranoia attack in the video room!"

PATIENT 70914 - "Nurses? What do you think this place is, a mental institute? Are you crazy? Do you want me to call my boss?"

(the patient is carried away by the nurses)
21-04-2009, 06:27
Pasarga National Team Guide

Player Profile
Name: Moricz Vincze
Place of Birth: Lunas
Birthdate: August 17th, 1895
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 177 lbs
Club: Khalmar-Tijhus (Cafundéu)
Favorite Foot: Right
Favorite Club: Galactica
Favorite Food: Pizza

After Tijhus got relegated, many of their stars left the club, and they had to go out and search for new talent. Vincze just happened to be one of the players who had just ended his contract and was open for a move. With their numerous needs, Khalmar pounced on the opportunity to sign a decent keeper without having to dish out a transfer fee. With him between the pipes, KT was able to look elsewhere for their other needs, and was able to resupply their club and repromote. With their promotion came a berth into the SBCC, where Vincze has recieved some much needed international competition. It is the belief that this exposure to the global game that will be the difference between Vincze and the rest of the keepers that are playing in this tournament.
21-04-2009, 13:21
Sorry about the delay. I've just got back from an interminable Labor Party branch meeting.

Cut off for Match Day 2. Results will be up in the next hour or so.
21-04-2009, 15:00
1st Round, Match Day 2

Group A
Steroga 2 Landau Institute 4
Astholm 2 Somewhereistonia 1
Metallo Pesante - bye
Landau Institute 2 2 0 0 8 4 4 6
Astholm 2 2 0 0 4 1 3 6
Somewhereistonia 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
Metallo Pesante 1 0 0 1 2 4 -2 0
Steroga 2 0 0 2 2 6 -4 0

Group B
Three Time 1 Kagdazka 2
Yelda 0 Stargate Centurion 1
The Bear Islands - bye
Kagdazka 2 2 0 0 5 3 2 6
Stargate Centurion 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 3
Threetime 2 0 1 1 2 3 -1 1
Yelda 2 0 1 1 1 2 -1 1
The Bear Islands 1 0 0 1 2 3 -1 0

Group C
Italia Orientale 4 Norwellia 0
Wessia 2 Australiazia 1
Tyrrin - bye
Italia Orientale 2 1 1 0 5 1 4 4
Wessia 2 1 1 0 3 2 1 4
Norwellia 2 1 0 1 2 5 -3 3
Austaliazia 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
Tyrrin 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0

Group D
Terra Anatidae 2 Carpathia and Ruthenia 1
Banten States 1 Golgothastan 0
Lemetel - bye
Terra Anatidae 2 2 0 0 5 1 4 6
Banten States 2 1 0 1 1 3 -2 3
Lemetel 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
Carpathia and Ruthenia 2 0 1 1 3 4 -1 1
Golgothastan 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0

Group E
Pasarga 4 Phillips Island 4
Dave Campbell 0 Nong Nang Ning 0
Swartaz bye
Dave Campbell 2 1 1 0 1 0 1 4
Swartaz 1 1 0 0 3 0 3 3
Nong Nang Ning 1 0 1 0 0 0 0 1
Pasarga 2 0 1 1 4 5 -1 1
Phillips Island 2 0 1 1 4 7 -3 1

Weather conditions
Mostly cloudy
Amboyne Crossing 7º C – 20º C
Tubbut 6º C - 18º C
Tingaringy 3º C – 10º C

Warmest to coolest: McKillops Bridge -> Deddick -> Amboyne Crossing -> Much -> Tubbut -> Cabanandra -> Dellicknora and Pinch Swamp -> Bonang -> Sawpit -> Whittakers -> Tingaringy.

Most to least likely rain: Sawpit -> Bonang -> Dellicknora and Pinch Swamp -> Cabanandra -> Tubbut -> Much -> Amboyne Crossing -> Deddick -> Whittakers -> McKillops Bridge -> Tingaringy
21-04-2009, 16:13
Jack was furious. He'd tried to contain his anger in front of the team, worried that any public display of fury might give the young arsonists ideas. (Apparently the Golgothastani tool shed - where the Parliament convenes - had burned down again - though, from what he'd been reading, his kinfolk were amateurs compared to the Errinunderans.) But now, once he'd invited Birgir, the captain, to the kitchen for an evening gin and tonic - the clouds seemed to have agitated the mosquitos into a frenzy - he let it tumble out, slamming the door with rage.

"What was that!? You were all bloody hopeless! Do you know how much the tickets over here cost - we're expected to prove a point, not behave like a bunch of addled wankers!"

"But, Jack..."

"Yes, yes, I know we are a bunch of addled wankers, that's not the point, is it? We're meant to show the better, more competent side of our country. My instructions were very simple: kick the ball into the net and don't let the other team kick the ball into the net. And now? Bottom of the group, no points!"

"I think your instructions might have been a little too simple, that's the thing. We need a bit more to go on. Tactics?"

"I've had...other things on my mind."

Jack sat down, lit another cigarette, and to reward himself on finishing his second packet of the day, poured some wine. It was Golgothastani wine, so it wasn't that much of a reward. Birgir tentatively helped himself.

"Has anyone seen Hrafn yet?"

"No. He won't survive for long, though; the sniffer wombats are after him, and he won't be able to make his own in the Forest. Plus, he has no way of making money - don't think a religious capitalist will have much truck down here."

"He's not really religious..."

"Well, my point is the only thing Errinunderans worship are trees, and I don't think they'll show too much hospitality to someone who'd sell the rainforest for a carton of Unlucky Stripes. Speaking of, do you have a light?"

Birgir obliged, and Jack continued.

"So, what happened with Þorvaldur? Why did he run off screaming? We brought plenty of reserves, but we'll run out if we keep losing defenders."

"He thought he saw some Golgothastani fans liberating some Errinunderan property and he went off to stop it. Yes, I know, but he's a store detective; it's his natural instinct."

"What did it turn out to be?"

"Well, they probably were trying to steal something; I'm just not sure how fussed the Errinunderans were."

"Bah. They actually seem to like us, for some reason."

"I think people who regularly spend their days staring into the burning husks of corporate headquarters tend to share an affinity."

"True. But then, shouldn't we be winning? I'm sure the preparation manual I read had something about 'home advantage' in it."

"Out there it doesn't really feel like home. The grass is all...well, grassy, the referee isn't armed, there's no sounds of gunfire, even the changing rooms are clean. It feels like an alien planet."

"Hmm, well now all our matches are here at The Swamp so maybe it'll improve. Look, I have to suspend Rúnar Þór for the red card, so will you make sure to explain to him that he can't play tomorrow? I spoke to him earlier but I'm not sure how much got through."

"I'll try, but he'll probably come out for the national anthem anyway. He gets very emotional."

"Hmm, well, while we're down here let's find him a rabbit or something to play with."

"What about Valdímar and Þorður? If they hadn't been fighting so much, we might have done better."

"I'm going to speak to Þorður, sit him down for tomorrow and give Ìngmar a run, but I want you to talk to Valdímar. He's 31, not a little boy, and if his brother doesn't get to play then he's just going to have to learn to live with it."

"Alright. Tactics for tomorrow?"

"Try to kick -"

"Yes, I know. I meant, how should we do that?"

"I don't...sigh...I don't know anything about football, Birgir. You and Stigur will have to figure it out. Try not to give away so many of those things where they get to shoot directly at Valdímar."


"Yes, don't give them away. That was bad. And try to get some. You know, pretend a bit, if you have to. And if they've got someone really good, bugger his ankle."

"Not sure that's really the spirit of the game."

Jack reached for the wodka. "No, this is the spirit of the game."
Italia Orientale
21-04-2009, 19:36
La Repubblica Sports

Italia Orientale Crushes Norwellia

Italia Orientale --- 4
Norwellia --- 0

Tingaringy, Errinundera --- The Golden Eagles of Italia Orientale put on a show today in their second match against Norwellia. The Eagles scored four goals, including three in the first half to move into first place in Group C. Coach Hossein Lippi said after the game that he “fully expected to win, but I never thought it would be this lopsided. Norwellia is a good team and they won their opening match, so we all thought we were going to be in for a dog fight.”

Italia Orientale played physical, tough soccer from the start and were able to keep Norwellia on the defensive all game long. Even when Norwellia did manage to bring the ball into Italia Orientale’s half the defense led by Captain Roberto Torinese stifled their attack. 21 year old Tommaso Fiorentino played very well in defense starting for the suspended Paolo Mastino. Golakeeper Amir Amir only had to make one save all afternoon, though the save he did make was a very good one against a shot by Norwellian forward Alain Vermeeren when Italia Orientale was still up only 1-0.

Italia Orientale scored their first goal early, in the 11th minute, on a breakaway by Ishmael Tarblus and Luca Del Castello. The play began when Hossein Bolognese stole the ball from a Norwellian player crossing midfield. Bolognese immediately fired a through ball up to Tarblus, who shook a defender and found himself in the clear with Del Castello coming in to his left. With one defender left between them and the goal Tarblus passed it to Del Castello to get past the defender and then Del Castello passed it back when Norwellian goalie Syku Lanja charged. The pass left Tarblus all alone in front of the net and he put it away easily.

Del Castello would get his goal later in the 27th minute on a corner kick. Hossein Bolognese struck the ball into perfect position and the 6’4” Del Castello headed home his second goal of the tournament. The Eagles scored again in the 41st minute to cap a dominating first half, when Muhammad Paoloni headed in a cross from Abdullah Marchetti.

At half time coach Lippi stressed that Italia Orientale should not give an inch and they certainly followed through with that order. The defense did not allow a shot on target in the second half and the offense kept the pressure up, though not as high as in the first. The final blow was administered in the 61st minute when forward Tariq Aziz, in replacement of Muhammad Paoloni, sent a beautiful through ball that broke Del Castello free on a breakaway. Del Castello fired a shot past Lanja for his second goal of the day and third of the tournament. The rest of the match was relatively uneventful though Italia Orientale almost added a fifth goal when Aziz hit the post in the 76th minute.

In other Group C news, Italia Orientale’s previous opponent, Wessia defeated Australiazia 2-1, leaving Wessia and Italia Orientale tied atop the group standings with 4 points each. Norwellia is in thid with 3 points and Austaliazia and Tyrrin have yet to score a point, though they both have only played one game. The Golden Eagles are off for the next match day.

Box Score
Italia Orientale – Ishmael Tarblus ’11 (1); Luca Del Castello '27, ‘61 (2,3); Muhammad Paoloni ’41 (1)

Italia Orientale – Luca Del Castello ’11 (1); Hossein Bolognese '27 (2); Abdullah Marchetti ’41 (1); Tariq Aziz ’61 (1)

Norwellia - Metheven Tangye (Yellow)
Italia Orientale – Carlo Conti ’21 (Yellow); Hassan Qadafi '37 (Yellow)

Man of the Match:
Luce Del Castello, Italia Orientale --- 2 Goals, 1 Assist
The Bear Islands
21-04-2009, 21:13
The islanders' team, the 'Braves', have taken the opportunity that having the second matchday as a bye presented by practicing hard for their next game, with the intention of doing MUCH beter than they did in their first game of this tournament. Now, they are ready to travel to 'The Snakepit' to face the players from the nation of 'Stargate Centurion'.
Well, fairly ready, anyway...

"What's a 'snake, chief?" wondered Running Bear, out loud.
"It's a sort of land-dwelling eel, or so I've been told," Mighty-Like-A-Rose replied, "so you don't have anything to wory about.."
"Hr'rmm, hokay..."

"How much do you know about our opponents?" None-Shall-Pass, who will be the starting 'Centre Back' for this game because of Turtle-Blue-Twin's red card, enquired.
"Only that they're apparently Humans, and the results of their games here so far," grumbled Mighty-Like-A-Rose. "They haven't even supplied a list of their players' names yet..."

____________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________

Just before the game actually starts_

All of the Braves dance onto their end of the pitch, already in the first stage of their traditional 'harrdiharr'. Each of the ones who's down to play as a starter is brandishing a ceremonial club, with brightly-coloured strips of [FlaxTree-fibre] cloth wound around the heads of these (and without any 'greenstone' blades inset into their striking surfaces), and Mighty-Like-A-Rose is wearing a "chiefly" cloak in which a backing of such cloth supported a dense coating of [rare] ]'DoomDuck'[/i] feathers in red, black, and white. Fiercely they advance, turn, jump, and clash their clubs together, chanting menacing messages to their opponents -- who should get the general tone, I think, even though they don't understand the words -- and interspersing these with growls!
After a few minutes they cease this, and hand their clubs and the chief's cloak to the substitutes -- who place these items carefully on a rack that they've erected temporarily just next to their bench -- before spreading out to take their positions for the beginning of the match.


OOC: Jolt won't let me post actual links with this nation yet, but you can learn more about the 'Doomduck' at
21-04-2009, 21:57

Wholesale Changes for Rainbow Warriors

WHITTAKERS, Errinundera - Alexandre Fréchette was furious.

The young manager's Norwellian side, having kicked off the Baptism of Fire tournament with their first ever win, had just stumbled through a 4-0 drubbing by Italia Orientale. "Is this really the best the NFL has to offer? Really? I'm starting to wonder if I made the wrong choices", spat Fréchette through teeth that might as well have been clenched tight, for the tone he displayed in discussing his team's failures. "We are a footballing nation which asks much more of our best and brightest", he continued, before shocking a nation by announcing a laundry list of changes to the starting lineup for the game against Wessia, who are tied for first in Group C.

Everyone from Matchday 1's starting lineup who had not yet scored a goal will be benched, according to Fréchette's announcement, and the team will also change to a 4-3-3. "I know this is unusually abrupt for a mid-tournament change", said the head coach, "but desperate times call for desperate measures, as they say, and this is a formation I've had the bench players practicing in. These folks will be ready to bring the noise to Wessia, as it were. Let's just hope we remember to bring the funk as well."

The new starting formation is as follows:


Pavel Il'ič Kaganovič
Age: 34
Club: Forest Glen (Norwellia)
International career: No apperances

Defenders (left to right)

Aaliyah Morris
Age: 32
Club: Cataluña Heroica (Norwellia)
International career: 3 caps

Hydoc Pedlar
Age: 26
Club: Therpian (Peisandros)
International career: No apperances

Kew Gerry
Age: 33
Club: Merseault Strangers (Norwellia)
International career: 2 caps

Mason Camus
Age: 27
Club: Winston (Norwellia)
International career: No appearances

Midfielders (left to right)

Sala Ikaru
Age: 24
Club: Winston (Norwellia)
International career: 9 caps, 1 GF

Mesit Xura
Age: 33
Club: Engels (Norwellia)
International career: 9 caps, 1 GF

Mia Frost
Age: 26
Club: Durdenheim (Norwellia)
International career: 3 caps

Forwards (left to right)

Alain Vermeeren
Age: 28
Club: Engels (Norwellia)
International career: 9 caps, 5 GF

Natalia Richter
Age: 22
Club: Thessaly F.C. (Peisandros)
International career: 7 caps, 1 GF

Nikos Ampatis
Age: 29
Club: Engels (Norwellia)
International career: 2 caps

The new lineup is expected to take pressure off of the heretofore leaky midfield, which was previously expected to both stop opposing surges and generate its own offense. Pedlar and Morris offer an infusion of speed and finesse into the left side of the defense, while the Catalonian should be able to bolster the Norwellian attack on that side of the field as well. Camus, the only Norwellian international who is always content to sit back and defend, will ground a defense which has been caught flat-footed at times. Gerry brings a physical component to the defensive game, and is expected to win 50/50 contests in the air on corner kicks. He scored five goals for Merseault in 2008 and may well knock one in with his head during this tournament.

In the midfield, Ikaru and Xura, the only scorers from behind the front line, remain. Mesit Xura is the closest thing to a defensive anchor in the middle, while Frost, an active member of the right-wing Democratic Socialist Party, should add goal-scoring flair to a campo medio which utterly failed to move the ball forward against Italia Orientale. (INTERNATIONAL EDITOR'S NOTE: The term "right-wing" is used here as a relative term in Norwellian politics. The DSP would be considered a leftist party in most countries.)

Up front, the only change is the addition of Ampatis, whose chemistry with fellow Engels striker Vermeeren helped the pair score 32 goals for the NFL's best attacking side. Nikos's game is more technical than the other forwards, who live and die on their striker instincts. Colleague Ampatis is expected to create room for himself on the right side and stretch the defense, feeding deadly crosses to the Flying Dutchman on the left or shimmying past his own marker to net one himself. Richter, who has been criticized for her lack of scoring in seven appearances thus far, will feel Durdenheim striker Doshese Pagliloe breathing down her neck, should she fail to score against a talented Wessia side.

Vermeeren Richter Ampatis

Ikaru Xura Frost

Morris Pedlar Gerry Camus

Stargate Centurion
22-04-2009, 02:53
Dramatis Personae

First, some info about Stargate Centurion. Okay, I know it says down there in thah siggymaphone that this is an "NSified version of Stargate Atlantis". Yeah. I've recently discovered that Hulu has a strangely large amount of episodes of SG-1, which is a much better show, with better acting, more personable characters, and a mythology that actually makes sense. As such, "Stargate Centurion" is a combined spin-off - it's set in the "Bellerophon Galaxy" (the inspiration for the really intelligent name should be clear (, for those who have seen Atlantis). It's on an independent, former Ancient city (also copied totally), but with its own SGC, military system, and SG teams. So an SG-1 set in another galaxy.

Also, as this *is* a Stargate-inspired nation, there will be enemies. That means *no* Ori. I hate them. According to me, Ori do not exist. They are godmodish creatures. Because the Goa'uld are fun, there will be enemy Goa'uld. Also will be enemy Wraith. Because I said so. The enemy Goa'uld will be lead by Irandran (who was the Hindu god Indra) and his ancestral enemy Aginir (Agni. Look, I'm a Hindu. I can play with my gods all I want). The Wraith are lead by the hives of "Bill" and "Jimmy". Since apparently my version of Lt. Colonel Jonathan Sheppard also gives Wraith amusing names.

Every "episode" (that's a "post" in el forum terms) will be a self-contained episode of Stargate Centurion. That means that either before, during, or after a game, members of SC-1 (goalies + defense), SC-2 (midfield), SC-3 (offense), or SC-4 (bench) will disappear. I imagine that Erri doesn't in fact have a random Stargate on his territory (that would be odd - also potentially confusing, since a Stargate code is to a planet, not a Star, as evidenced in SG-1 Season 2 episode "Touchstone"), so the Icarus has a Stargate aboard it. That's possible - Klorel's Goa'uld ship had one, and I believe various Wraith facilities have also had them).

So, what's the Icarus? It's a battleship with obvious name ( Since I'm combining SG-1 and Atlantis, I'm going to be using the latter's ship, but the natural flow of the nation will take place more on the land than in space, as with the former. So the tech will be a bit confused, since some Atlantis tech is different from SG-1. Think Jumpers, but little else. I'm sticking to the basics, 1990s SG-1, mostly.

Yeah. I doubt you followed much of that. If you're into Stargate - great. I'll just note that this nation is made mostly for the purpose of mocking the show(s), and its absurd amount of drama. So don't be offended. If you don't follow, please read and enjoy nonetheless. Oh, and we play a 3-4-3. Descriptions for my players are short - they're either based off of characters from the shows or not based off of anything, so their "descriptions" are usually online in some form. Not sure why we're playing soccer, but what does not make sense is to be assumed as truth.

At least, that's what Stargate's taught me.

NAME: Tual'c
POSITION: Goalkeeper
RACE: Jaffa, Goa'uld symbiote inside.
BASED OFF OF: Teal'c (SG-1).
DESCRIPTION: Big, scary Jaffa who has the Jaffa thing on his head and he's good with staff weapons and that zat-thingy with a long name that I don't want to look up.

NAME: James Wilner.
POSITION: Defender (left).
RACE: Human.
BASED OFF OF: Carson Beckett (Atlantis).
DESCRIPTION: A doctor with an accent from some other-place who does things when the time is necessary, but is usually in the background when it comes to solving problems, unless he's actually in the episode.

NAME: Amarya Voan.
POSITION: Defender (center).
RACE: Athosian (just go with it, 'kay?).
BASED OFF OF: Teyla Emmagan (Atlantis).
DESCRIPTION: Cool-headed, good against Wraith, dead-family, talks a bit like a stereotypical dead-family person in these shows.

NAME: Amanda Sorenson.
POSITION: Defender (right).
BASED OFF OF: Samantha Carter (SG-1).
DESCRIPTION: Good with computers and medicine and all of that, she's basically a stereotypical second-in-command.

NAME: Sarah Farris.
POSITION: Midfielder (right).
BASED OFF OF: Janet Fraiser (SG-1).
DESCRIPTION: Another docter, she's generally good at giving rather medically-obvious diagnoses, and then saying "but I don't know what to do" in multiple ways.

NAME: Connor O'Hara..
POSITION: Midfielder (center).
BASED OFF OF: Jack O'Neill (SG-1).
DESCRIPTION: Rather wry and often a way that the show can bear to poke fun at itself, he's strong, quick, the commander of the unit, and someone who generally knows what he's doing.

NAME: Conan Lex.
POSITION: Midfielder (center).
BASED OFF OF: Ronon Dex (Atlantis).
DESCRIPTION: Strong, athletic, taciturn, quick, likes to sword fight (in space?!?!) and other stuff.

NAME: Alexandra Kasey.
POSITION: Midfielder (left).
BASED OFF OF: Jennifer Keller (Atlantis).
DESCRIPTION: A doctor who seems strangely good at doing lots of random procedures in the middle of crises. As well as the fact that she's generally just a nice person.

NAME: Derek Johnson.
POSITION: Striker (right).
BASED OFF OF: Daniel Jackson (SG-1).
DESCRIPTION: He's an Egyptologist whose abilities with a gun/in the field make Indiana Jones look like Andrew Wiles.

NAME: Gregory Sharper.
POSITION: Striker (center).
BASED OFF OF: Jonathan Sheppard (Atlantis).
DESCRIPTION: He's laid-back and rather sarcastic most of the time, but he can pilot most ships and quip about it, too.

NAME: Robert McCarran.
POSITION: Striker (left).
BASED OFF OF: Rodney McKay (Atlantis).
DESCRIPTION: He's another doctor-type, who's very good with computers and, while periodically having outbursts, seems to be an expert at everything.

NAME: Stephen Curtis.
POSITION: Striker (backup).
BASED OFF OF: George Hammond (SG-1).
DESCRIPTION: A hard-line manager of the area, as well as someone who's traditionally in control, but hate bureaucrats, as well.

NAME: James Samsung.
POSITION: Midfield (backup).
BASED OFF OF: Richard Woolsey (Atlantis).
DESCRIPTION: The ultimate bureaucrat, who generally follows orders, but breaks them when the time comes for breaking rules, as well.

NAME: Madeline Sidney.
POSITION: Defender (backup).
BASED OFF OF: Elizabeth Weir (Atlantis).
DESCRIPTION: The real deal when it comes to managing places, as she has a firm hand when necessary, but generally decides to save mankind by breaking those silly rules.

SC-1, SC-2, and SC-3 start. Those who know the series know who is in SC-4 and why they do not start. Fun teams, no?
22-04-2009, 03:44
The Hardy Boys #71473299
The Clue of the Cannibalistic Witch
by Franklin W Dixon

Chapter 3 - The Exposition Chapter

Frank woke up the next morning more sore than he had thought he would have. Tom Swift's machine was obviously unparalleled for speed, but bumpy was a kind way to describe the contraption's elegance of movement. Joe looked similarly defeated, but he had had a rougher day than Frank, what with all the barfing and such.

They were in a wooden log hut much like the one they had seen at the airport, but they knew from having walked in the day before that it was much prettier. The exterior was painted a soft pink color, with delicate little designs, and the interior had similarly-colored wallpaper and a different patterning. They were in a southern suburb of Gelendzhik, Kagdazka's capital and Vasilisa's hometown.

Their host was scrubbing something over the small cast-iron tub in the corner of the main room that the boys assumed was a sink of some kind. "There's hot oatmeal on the stove, you two." The Hardy's were a bit taken aback, as thanks to Aunt Gertrude they had never in their lives served food to themselves before. But, as Frank surrupticiously whispered to Joe, after Goosegate that might be changing anyway, so they might as well improvise.

Vasilisa kept working as they ate out of wooden bowls. "Why do you reckon she isn't eating with us?" Frank muttered to Joe quietly.

For once, Joe was the cleverer of the two. "She has to do all the things her father would have done, Frank. Have some sympathy for the poor girl."

"Oh. Hold on, I'm not unsympathetic. And why do you care so much?"

"Don't you?"

"Of course, but... wait. You've been awfully quiet since we met her. Do you-"

"She sure is pretty, isn't she?"

"Oh, fiddlesticks, you do have a crush on h-"

"What are you talking about?"

Vasilisa had obviously overheard something and had walked over to the table.

"Nothing!" they both said, unusually loudly.

She looked suspiciously at them and went back to whatever she was doing.

Frank went right back into yelling at Joe. "Oh, nice work, you stupid idiot. That's just what we need, for you to fall for one of our clients. Again."

"Clients? Is that what you call the people you solve mysteries for?" There was artificial curiosity in Vasilisa's voice, as though she had only spoken up because she wanted them to know she had heard every word.

"UHHHH..." Joe fumbled for words, pathetically uncomfortable. "Anyone got some ideas as to how to start working on this case?"

Frank rolled with it. "I do, in fact. Vasilisa, you escaped Baba Yaga the last time, didn't you?"

She turned around this time, in disbelief at her guests' idiocy. "No, she ate me but I survived her digestive system and came out the other end."

"Really?" Joe had missed the sarcasm but Frank slapped him and went on.

"Are you the only one who's survived an encounter with her?"

Vasilisa stopped scrubbing. Actually, she had never thought about it, and Frank might be on the right track. "I'm not sure. Good question."

"Who could we ask to find out?"

She thought for a moment. "I don't know, but I know someone who might. Let me phone my 10th-year history teacher."

She made the call and asked her former instructor. He wasn't sure, but he recommended a professor at the University of Bakaban, which as Vasilisa told the Hardy boys, was halfway across the country in Dyurtyuli. She made another call, and asked the professor about other Baba Yaga survivors.

"There's a girl who lives somewhere in Gelendzhik, and it was last year-" (Vasilisa realized the professor was talking about her and he didn't realize who she was, so she stayed silent) "-but there's only one other. Leave him alone, he's had a hard life. The last thing he needs is for someone to bring up something that happened sixty years ago."

"So he's elderly then?"

"Yes. Like I said, leave him alone."

"He has a hard life, you say?" Vasilisa repeated. She was fishing by using this turn of phrase and hoped he would fall for it.

"No, I said he has had a hard life. But for that matter, he does have a hard life now, yes."

It had worked! The Hardys had no idea why Vasilisa looked so happy as she hung up the phone, but listened intently as she described what she had learned.

"It's a Kagdaz thing. When an elderly person is described to 'live a hard life,' it's usually understood to mean that they're at Yahakadstok. That's where we have to go. The other survivor is at Yahakadstok."

"What?" said Frank.

"In Kagdazka, we believe that the elderly should be given no special privileges as they are in other nations. It is a drain on our economy and our nation to have a significant portion of the potential workforce sitting around in retirement (and from what I hear about America, a lot of old people just end up wishing they could be working again anyway). We also don't believe in age discrimination, no matter how old you are, you have everything you need to be a good worker. It's a privilege to be a worker, not something you should be relieved to retire from.

"But the policy isn't perfect. Some businesses, if you can call them that, since they're all either government agencies or co-ops, still practice age discrimination. So not only do some elderly people not have work, they may have lost the income that a late spouse might have been bringing in. For these people, the government has set up the camp at Yahakadstok. There they have good housing, decent food, and work."

"What do they do?"

Vasilisa looked uncomfortable. "Well... nothing, really. Some farming, making tracks for the new national rail line. Some would say it's busy work."

"It's a gulag!" exclaimed Joe.

"No!" Vasilisa said innocently. "I mean, it's not perfect or anything, but... they're well-fed..."

"But they can't leave?" asked Frank, a note of persecution in his voice.

"Well..." Vasilisa looked at them sadly, her attempt to defend her country's backward ways going badly. "What would you do with them? We are a poor country, with the exception of Dyurtyuli, I suppose. We need their labour."

Frank and Joe disagreed, but they decided to lay off for now and brought things back to the issue at hand.

"Where is this..."

"Yahakadstok? A long, long ways from here, to the northeast. About fifty kilometres west of Igipsi. That means absolutely nothing to you, doesn't it?"

"Pretty much," said Joe honestly.

"But we have to go, then, don't we?" said Frank. "It's our only lead."

"Pack. The trip will take a several hours, we might have to stay for a few days, and... and..."

"And what?"

Vasilisa sighed and shuddered a little.

"I'll tell you later. Just pack."

They did. Luckily, neither of them had packed very much since the goose crate had taken up an extraordinary amount of space. Once again, they were packed side by side in Vasilisa's crappy truck, and once again, Joe was in the middle (though Frank suspected that this time it was not because of coincidence as it had been before, but because Joe wanted to sit next to Vasilisa).

They had to drive through the whole city of Gelendzhik in order to head northeast on the beat-up highway. The city was a sprawling, dumpy, concrete morass. The prettiest houses seemed to be the log ones, like their host's, but the gigantic gray stone government buildings of downtown were boxy and ugly.

On the north side of town, they passed a group of children playing football in an empty lot, with rows of snow for touchlines. Vasilisa swore loudly. The boys both pulled out their pocket New Testaments and began slapping her with them.

"Ow, what the... ow... okay, stop it, I'm sorry. I only swore because we're missing the sport on the radio; there was another match for the national team!"

Joe made a massive show of shoving Frank's hands out of the way to get to the radio. He was genuinely curious about the game, but more than anything (and it was totally obvious to both of the others in the car), he just wanted to impress Vasilisa with his radio-tuning skills. He had picked most of them up during an internship with Edward R Murrow.

"Do you play?" Frank asked Vasilisa.

"Football? Sure, all the time. I like to think I'm pretty good, too."

"Ha, ha, you mean for a girl," Frank snickered good-naturedly.

Vasilisa was about to tell him off for being sexist, but Joe got there first. "Frank, will you shut the 'H'-'E'-double-hockey-sticks up, the game summary is on!"

"You Are You Are You Are Listening Listening Listening... To Kagdazka Sport Radio!!!"

"Welcome to Kagdazka Sport Radio, I'm Zoya Chistyakov! Whether you support Xenon, Vulkan, FKM, or anyone else, there was someone on the pitch today for you! The National Team endured the cold and wet today in Sawpit, Errinundera. Could they beat Three Time? Here's Sasha Khokhlov on the pitch, recorded earlier:"

"...conditions like this could end up benefitting strikers, as when the ball is wet it's harder for defenders to gauge. Counterattacking may be key. There's the kickoff, some great athletes on the pitch..."

"...and oh boy, was that a mugging, a really well sized Three Time player came in studs up on Slava Semenov, this will be a booking... yes, it is! Three Time picking up the first yellow card of the match in the 23rd minute. Ooooh, looking at this on the replay, it was much worse that I first thought. This really could have been a red, Kagdazka could have been a man up for that. And Semenov isn't getting up. They'll have to cart him off. Chairman Zivkovic looks to be preparing a sub... it's Misha Anisimov. Understandable substitution, since Anisimov is very used to playing with Nikolic and Spiridonov in the midfield for Vulkan. Most of Vulkan's starting midfielders will be on the pitch for the national team now... shame though, Semenov's winner against the Bear Islands was beautiful..."

"...and Three Time are really hustling up the pitch here, looks like they want to snatch a goal here, right out of half time. A lob out to the left wing, will he attack? No, he back heels it to a teammate, that wasn't bad... here's a long ball from midfield, switching the field. There will be an aerial challenge. Oh, no, that's a handball. Ironclad handball on Anisimov, the substitute. He'll get booked, too. That's a bit harsh, referee, isn't it? Anyway, Three Time will send an outswinger into the box... OH! What a header! Three Time have scored! 48th minute and Three Time have grabbed the lead!"

"The lead wouldn't last, however. Three Time looked at their worst when they tried to play conservatively. As the conditions grewer colder and the rain became much steadier it was the wisteria and green, used to a much more frigid climate back home, who looked stronger. Back to Sasha Khokhlov-"

"...56th minute and Denisov preparing to play the ball up the pitch after an easy save. Kagdazka and Three Time in transition here... Denisov will throw the ball out to the right for P- oh! Was that a fake keeper throw or a mistake? It is raining pretty hard here, but no matter, because now he's hurled it the other way, and the veteran Boris Zaitsev is streaking down the left wing with the ball... he's to midfield, plays a pretty one-two with 52nd-minute substitute Grigorev... Zaitsev still on the ba- no, quick pass to Kyznetsov, he'll hammer it from DISTANCE... GOAL!!! All, right, Kagdazka!!! Kyznetsov from Zaitsev!"

"From there on out it was never close. Kagdazka totally controlled the second half. They might have gotten three more goals, but some decent goalkeeping by Three Time prevented that. But the winner gave the keeper no say in the matter. When Lazar Nikolic dribbled a Three Time centre half from torty yards out, there was no one to help the keeper. The breakaway goal was the final one of the match, and Kagdazka would win two one. They can consider themselves lucky, because a couple of the other strong teams in the Baptism of Fire field suffered shock defeats today, chiefly Golgothastan and Norwellia."

"We won again! Yay!" Vasilisa grinned happily. "Maybe we can actually win this tournament!"

The drive continued out of the city and into the same sort of snow-covered thin pine forest the airport had been in. As they drove, the terrain became more and more hilly. Finally, Frank remembered something Vasilisa had said earlier.

"Say, Vasilisa?"


"What was it you were going to tell us back at your house?"

"Oh, that's right." She took a rattling breath and paused before continuing. "I didn't want to alarm you before we left, but you'll have to find out eventually. I don't know whether this is fortunate or unfortunate, but If I remember correctly, the Yahakadstok camp isn't far from the start of the path to Baba Yaga's hut."
22-04-2009, 03:56
Tyrrin is a nation of great military tradition, and all of the team’s members serve in the armed forces, as required by law. This makes them highly disciplined and cohesive, even in the toughest of situations. Their coach, Graig Montcalve, is also a senior advisor to the emperor, and also knows his way around the game.

Their kit is red with a gold vertical stripe down the middle, and vice versa for away. They play a 4-5-1. They prefer to control the midfield, and then give the ball to Willem for a spectacular goal.

Starters have their positions next to their names.

Oengus Aulay GK
Club: Iclyrri Icebirds
7’2” 214
Aulay was the main reason that the Icebirds only allowed seven goals last season (all to Tyrrin). Not only is he outrageously tall, but he also understands the finer points of goalkeeping as well. He serves with the 4th Foot Division.

Ainsley Emir
Club: Mertag F.C.
6’5” 195
Emir is one of the foremost goalkeepers in Tyrrin, and he frequently makes acrobatic saves. Some controversy remains as to why he is not starting for the national team. Serves with the 8th Air Cavalry.

Tjaard Fedde CD
Club: Tyrrin Royale
6’4” 180
Fedde is an incredibly smart defender. He is able to spot plays developing, and he puts himself in a perfect position to make a stop. He serves with the 5th Air Cavalry.

Neil Colin CD
Club: Iclyrri Icebirds
7’0” 228
Colin is another reason for the Icebird’s outstanding defense. His size makes him an imposing presence in the backfield. He will also move forward on corner kicks for an aerial advantage. He served with the 17th Ground Battery.

Yavuz Aonghas RD
Club: Oclia Mariners
6’3” 168
Aonghas is a strong player on the right, and he excels at shutting down crosses. He serves in the 4th Transport Division.

Greer Erol LD
Club: Coranto F.C.
6’3” 166
As well as an excellent defender, Erol is very fast, and will commonly run up the sidelines to join an attack. He serves in the 12th Foot Division.

Meine Ruaridh
Club: Kowa Foresters
6’7” 192
Ruaridh is recovering from a combat wound, but he is expected to make a full recovery by the time of the Baptism of Fire. He served in the 21st Air Cavalry.

Seoc Pierrick
Club: Foroch Raiders
5’11” 162
Pierrick is the son of the famous actress Lea Pierrick, who died when he was a small child. Thus, he is heavily covered by the media, and his accomplishment on the field are generally overlooked. He serves in the 6th Ground Battery.

Alasdair Savas LCDM
Club: Tyrrin Royale
6’5” 175
Savas organizes the midfield for Tyrrin, and has the calm demeanor of a Tyrrinian colonel, which he is in the 3rd Foot Division. It is his job to make sure they win the midfield battle.

Suleiman Donnchadh RCDM
Club: Racaw Sultan
6’2” 165
Donnchadh is an excellent defender, and will often be put on the other team’s best midfielder. He also has a lethal left foot from long range.

Allan Donnchadh CAM
Club: Mertag F.C.
5’10” 158
The second Donnchadh often links up with his brother to control the midfield while they play for the national team. Both the Donnchadhs serve with the 18th Foot Division.

Winoc Ata LWM
Club: Oclia Mariners
6’6” 172
Ata is a brilliant ball handler, which he demonstrates as he streaks down the sidelines. He earned a medal of valor with the 13th Air Cavalry for bravery in the assault on Terthia.

Alan Fionnlagh RWM
Club: Tyrrin Royale
6’3” 170
Fionnlagh is responsible for setting up Willem on Royale, so he is expected to do the same on the national team. He communicates excellently with Tyrrin’s star striker. He served with the 11th Transport Division.

Gregor Elias
Club: Coranto F.C.
5’9” 152
Elias is usually brought on late in games because of his speed and versatility in the midfield. He is also a superb penalty taker. He serves with the 2nd Foot Division.

Ludwig Yasen
Club: Foroch Raiders
6’9” 202
Yasen was a late addition to the team. He is a rising star for the Raiders, and led them in scoring last season. He serves with the 8th Armored Troop.

Lothair Willem S
Club: Tyrrin Royale
6’5” 191
Willem broke every record in the books last season, averaging nearly five goals per game. His amazing ball handling skills are matched only by his finishing ability, with his feet or his head. He has a knack for avoiding defenders, even when they are deliberately trying to foul him, and he has never been seriously injured. After carrying Tyrrin to an undefeated season last year, he looks to do the same against tougher competition on the international level. He serves with the 20th Air Cavalry.

Hanke Marcellus
Club: Racaw Sultan
6’4” 195
Marcellus is a veteran player, and at 55 years old, is one of the oldest players in the tournament. An army workout regimen keeps him fit to continue playing. He is the commander of the 9th Armored Troop.

Bernd Brecht
Club: Iclyrri Icebirds
6’1” 164
Brecht is another young talent, and he led his team in goals. Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean much, because the Icebirds only ever play defense. He serves in the 15th Transport Division.

---------------A. Donnchadh
---------Savas----------S. Donnchadh
Landau Institute
22-04-2009, 04:25
This time, no strange incidents happened (
Professor Rocher controlling the ball

After the victory in the game against Metallo Pesante, which was full of curious incidents, the Landau Institute players went to Much in order to play the second game of the Baptism of Fire competition. The team seemed much more comfortable in playing in Much than in Ambyone Crossing, mostly due to the amount of supporters watching the game. This happens because, in the Landau Institute football league (the Laifódi), most of the games are played in "stadiums" which don't allow spectators, only being accessed by team members and officials. So, playing in Much made they remember, although just a bit, the calmness of a game inside one of the Sector Stadiums of the Institute. Once again The Memory Ball decided to use the usual starting eleven, even after rumours that Doctor Hill wouldn't play the game due to having a lethal illness. He seemed pretty fine in the game, if you ask me.

The first minutes were difficult for the doctors, with the opponents from Steroga holding the Institute team with a tight defence and some ugly challenges. But, on another side, the goalkeeper Maldonado could even sit down below his goalposts, as no attacker from Steroga reached close to him in the first minutes. The physical game of Steroga worried many people who were watching the game, as the doctors aren't young players, and could get really injured. But no injuries were seen at that point in the game, only a boring game in which the referee was using his whistle everytime because of a foul. That situation lasted until the Memory Ball decided to act, floating around the field looking for the best strategy in that situation. After floating a lot (and amusing the supporters in the stadium), the Memory Ball returned to the bench and contacted his assistant Gaspar Aecalyopheno.

Aecalyopheno, of course, knew that the Memory Ball's orders couldn't be bad ones, and immediately shouted to the team what they had to do. Honestly, we didn't see much difference on the playing style of the Landau Institute, but something surely happened, as just two minutes after Doctor Gadescu received a pass from Doctor Splitsscher, invaded the area and shot with strength to overcome the goalkeeper. The lead in the game motivated the Institute players to attack even more, but at the same time the Steroga players became even more violent, stopping all the attacks with a foul or a physical tackle. A red card was even expected at that time in the game, and the defender Motallebzadeh was the unfortunate, after a foul over Doctor León. Doctor Hill took it and scored the second goal of Landau Institute. With this result, the first half ended, and things were really promising for the white-blue team.

The second half began with a goal for the doctors. The security guard of the Institute Valdir made a very long and direct pass to Doctor León in the attack. She lobbed a defender, controlled the ball, and shot to score her goal in the game. But she couldn't commemorate, as the defender hit her when she was shooting the ball. The result of that is that she had to be substituted to avoid forcing an injury. This event led to two things in the game: first, the second player of Steroga being sent off, this time Kumar. Second, finally a patient was actually playing in the Landau Institute NT in this Baptism of Fire, as Motta was the chosen one by the Memory Ball to play in León's place. And he seemed to be really motivated, as in his first chance he received the ball and shot it. Unfortunately the ball hit the post instead of entering the net, but his attempt impressed everyone in the stadium.

With two players more in the field, the Landau Institute had full control of the game. The victory was guaranteed at that point. And, if someone said that it wasn't, surely this person shut up when Professor Abrahim scored the fourth goal of the game, the fourth for the Institute. No one could avoid to comment the curious fact that Steroga, a team that came to the Baptism of Fire to show a good defensive power, ended conceding four goals, and this mostly due to the fact that they tried to defend too hard, and being more violent than defensive. When the supporters in the stadium started to shout "olé" at each pass between Landau Institute players, the opponents reacted with anger. Gupta took the ball from Professor Dupont and started a play involving him and Panigrahi, which ended with the same Gupta scoring a goal. Only five minutes later, Karnataka got the ball after a wrong pass by Doctor Ribeiro and shot from outside the area, surprising Doctor Maldonado and scoring the second goal of his team in the game. The supporters had stopped to shout "olé" after that, but that wasn't enough to keep Landau Institute away from the victory.

Landau Institute's line-up: Maldonado; Rocher, Gabriel (Mendes Díaz 78'), Ribeiro and Valdir; Dupont, Splitsscher (La Codeti 62'), León (Motta 49') and Hill; Gadescu and Abrahim.
Coach: Memory Ball.

Goals:LID: Gadescu 28' , Hill 36' , León 48' , Abrahim 70'.
STE: Gupta 81' , Karnataka 86'.

Major incidents: red cards to Motallebzadeh and Kumar (both from Steroga).

After the game, in Aecalyopheno's personal place:

AECALYOPHENO - "Two victories, Pascal. It seems that we started with the right foot this Baptism of Fire."

(the Memory Ball nods positively)

AECALYOPHENO - "By the same result. Do you think this means something?"

(the Memory Ball seems to disagree)

AECALYOPHENO - "I agree with you, this really means something. Means that our team has a good offence but a poor defense. Maybe counting with a player from the security team wasn't a good choice?"

(the Memory Ball moves up and down, communicating)

AECALYOPHENO - "Yes, we surely can test. Put Mendes Díaz in a game. Do you have other ideas, want to change another thing in the team?"

(the Memory Ball changes colours, moves, makes acrobatic moves)

AECALYOPHENO - "You want to see Johann playing? That seems risky. But, as León is not in her best physical conditions, it may be worth a try. Also put Pascoal in the game? If he can really read minds as people say, he surely will be helpful. But I wasn't so comfortable in putting Gadescu in the bench."

(the Memory Ball moves around Aecalyopheno)

AECALYOPHENO - "Sorry, master, didn't mean it. Of course, it'll be as you wish. Maldonado, Rocher, Gabriel, Ribeiro and Mendes Díaz; Dupont, Splitsscher, Johann and Hill; Pascoal and Abrahim. Right."

AECALYOPHENO - "By the way, why didn't you create a different communication method for this ball, Pascal? Like... talking. Communicating with you this way seems so strange... okay, okay, I know you had more things to worry about than to make your eternal restplace a talking one, but... okay, understood, I'll shut up."

In the middle of the forest:

DR. HILL - "It seems that we are getting improvements here, my friend. I didn't expect this to be so strong the first time I took it, but now it seems that my body is getting adapted to you. Look at you... so small, inside a bottle, but moves with anger... your strength broke countless bottles before, and your speed would make you impossible to catch if we weren't in a closed room at that time... you are smaller... I presume making liquid out of you is weakening you. No problem, as long as I have what I want."

(Doctor Splitsscher notices Hill in the middle of the forest with many experiment bottles)

DR. HILL - "Time for my notes. After the bad reaction of the essence during the first game, today I took the same dosage. And everything went fine. I was unnafected, and so was Johann, which means that I am getting adapted to the essence, and with this being able to control it within my body. This doesn't mean that the essence doesn't bring up the most basic instincts of those with less control of their own body. They do. But as long as people with full control of their bodies take the essence, I can't see what harm it can do. Only positive things, as I am clearly with more stamina and strength. I wonder if increasing the dosage will give me even more benefits."

DR. SPLITSSCHER - "Doctor Hill?"

(Dr. Hill suddenly vomits)

DR. SPLITSSCHER - "Are you okay, doctor?"

(Dr. Splitsscher looks at his vomit. It is dark purple)

DR. SPLITSSCHER - "Oh my, this is sooooo disgusting!"

Inside the Institute:

DR. CARAMUNES - "Surgery knife, please."

NURSE - "Here it is."

DR. CARAMUNES - "Bandages, please."

NURSE - "Here it is."

DR. CARAMUNES - "Blood suction, please."

NURSE - "Right now."

DR. CARAMUNES - "Tiring, isn't it?"

NURSE - "Yes. This surgery is a very delicate one, the patient is in bad conditions... one mistake and he can die."

DR. CARAMUNES - "Thanks for the words of motivation."

NURSE - "You're welcome. After twelve hours of surgery, I had to say this."

DR. CARAMUNES - "Electrodes, please."

NURSE - "Here they are."

DR. CARAMUNES - "Screwdriver, please."

NURSE - "Here it is."

DR. CARAMUNES - "Chainsaw, please."

NURSE - "Here it is."

DR. CARAMUNES - "Naked women magazine, please."

NURSE - "Here it is."

DR. CARAMUNES - "My dog, please."

NURSE - "Here it is."

DR. CARAMUNES - "Lasagna, please."

NURSE - "Here it is."

DR. CARAMUNES - "The TV's remote control, please."

NURSE - "Here... what for?"

DR. CARAMUNES - "After twelve hours of surgery, I deserve to rest a bit. Nothing better to watch a football game eating lasagna!"

NURSE - "But the patient can die!"

PATIENT - "What? Football game!"

NURSE - "How did you wake up? You were under full anesthesy!"

PATIENT - "My love for football overcomes everything!"

DR. CARAMUNES - "Now we surely can't resume the surgery. Let's just watch the game."
22-04-2009, 06:22
Qasarian Evening Sport

Unknown team catches Eagles off-guard

A disaster for the Eagles today, losing 2-1 to unknown team Astholm, nobody seems to know who these guys are but they have won two out of two!

It was a disgraceful performance from Somewhereistonia, they were obviously too confident as they repeatedly gave the ball away carelessly to Astholm, who were not exactly emphatic as they often just gave the ball away themselves. Manager Ergma had made a mistake by resting Kusnets, Taska and Lurich for the 'easy' starting game. Astra and Oll were drab up field, adding nothing to the vague attacks, whilst Oper was surprisingly slow to get to the ball.

The first half was literally the worst football I have ever had to witness, with neither side doing anything really. At least not until one of the Astholm players booted the ball down field only for another one to miss-hit the ball. The ball bounced wildly passed Klug and trickled into the net. Absolutely dire. 1-0 down on 38'.

On 42' Astholm actually put together a decent attack, the first of the game. Switching play to the winger, who slid the ball passed a lazy Oper for the striker to slot home. 2-0 and everything was turning into a disaster.

It was only in the 86th minute, when substitute Taska's simple cross set up substitute Kusnets to get one back from a well timed volley. A lazy and tired looking midfield didn't supply the substitutes well so it stayed 2-1. A shocking performance by the Eagles which left Ergma fuming, and rightfully so. Expect something better in the next game. Ergma doesn't often make the same mistake twice.

I just can't continue this article, I must leave it at that, there is too much shame.

Astholm (2) 2-1 (0) Somewhereistonia
? [?] (38) Kusnets [Taska] (86)
? [?] (42)

Yellow cards: Oper (43), ? (54)

Substitutions: Astra, Oll off Kusnets, Taska on (75)
22-04-2009, 09:05
Cut off will be in about an hour. 7pm Eastern Standard Time Australia (9am GMT).

7:15pm edit - We have cut off!
22-04-2009, 11:07
1st Round, Match Day 3

Group A

Landau Institute 0 Astholm 0
Somewhereistonia 2 Metallo Pesante 0
Steroga - bye
Landau Institute 3 2 1 0 8 4 4 7
Astholm 3 2 1 0 4 1 3 7
Somewhereistonia 2 1 0 1 3 2 1 3
Metallo Pesante 2 0 0 2 2 6 -4 0
Steroga 2 0 0 2 2 6 -4 0

Group B

Kagdazka 1 Yelda 2
Stargate Centurion 3 The Bear Islands 2
Threetime - bye
Stargate Centurion 2 2 0 0 4 2 2 6
Kagdazka 3 2 0 1 6 5 1 6
Yelda 3 1 1 1 3 3 0 4
Threetime 2 0 1 1 2 3 -1 1
The Bear Islands 2 0 0 2 4 6 -2 0

Group C

Norwellia 4 Wessia 1
Australiazia 0 Tyrrin 2
Italia Orientale - bye
Norwellia 3 2 0 1 6 6 0 6
Italia Orientale 2 1 1 0 5 1 4 4
Wessia 3 1 1 1 4 6 -2 4
Tyrrin 2 1 0 1 3 2 1 3
Austaliazia 2 0 0 2 1 4 -3 0

Group D

Carpathia and Ruthenia 1 Banten States 0
Golgothastan 1 Lemetel 1
Terra Anatidae - bye
Terra Anatidae 2 2 0 0 5 1 4 6
Carpathia and Ruthenia 3 1 1 1 4 4 0 4
Banten States 3 1 0 2 1 4 -3 3
Lemetel 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 2
Golgothastan 2 0 1 1 1 2 -1 1

Group E

Phillips Island 4 Dave Campbell 0
Nong Nang Ning 3 Swartaz 2
Pasarga - bye
Phillips Island 3 1 1 1 8 7 1 4
Nong Nang Ning 2 1 1 0 3 2 1 4
Dave Campbell 3 1 1 1 1 4 -3 4
Swartaz 2 1 0 1 5 3 2 3
Pasarga 2 0 1 1 4 5 -1 1

Weather forecast
Mostly sunny
Amboyne Crossing 7º C – 21º C
Tubbut 6º C - 19º C
Tingaringy 2º C – 11º C
22-04-2009, 12:10
Q: What do you call a Golgothastani in a suit?

A: The accused.
"Birgir, a couple of points I wanted to raise."

"Yes, I know..."

"Now, I'm not an expert on football at all, but I do have a few observations."

"Yes, I know..."

"Firstly, I note that almost none of my tactics were used. I still think scoring more goals than the other team is, strategically, the best option, and instead you messed around with some fancy technical notion of scoring only as many goals as the other team."

"Yes, I know..."

"Also, their striker's ankle went noticeably unbuggered. And while you did win a penalty - well done to Ásgeir, he could make the Olympic diving team - I think Bjarkí made a crucial error, insofar as he seemed to kick the ball, you know, not so much into the goal as not into the goal, which seemed the render the whole exercise rather trivial."

"Yes, I know..."

"And, finally, I am of course delighted that Bjarkí scored a goal. It was very good, and I was very excited that we got our first goal in international football. It was excellent, in fact, and, I would say, worth celebrating."

"Yes, I know..."

"However. And this is a BIG however. However, I feel that our celebrations might have been just a tad, just a teensy bit, just one iota, too excessive. Running to the corner flag, waving to the fans, spending a minute dry-humping one another's faces - these are reasonable ways to celebrate a goal. GOING TO THE PUB WHEN THERE'S 20 MINUTES OF THE GAME LEFT IS NOT!"

"Yes, I know..." Birgir had little else to say. "I mean, some of us stayed behind..."

"Yes, congratulations to you and Stigur - not a lot of bloody use against a team of 11 players, though, is it! I'm amazed you only let one goal in."

The late night tactical discussion, fuelled by wodka and cigarettes, had turned sour, and for a moment the old friends sat in silence.

"Are we still bottom of the group."

"Yes. And some teams have already qualified! What do we have to show for all the effort and expense. You know, over a third of Golgothastani children live in poverty, and we spend all this money so you lot can come and get one lousy point. It's not really a great advertisement for the country, is it?"

"We'll do better next time. I'm going to give them a good talking to once, you know, they've calmed down." Birgir pointed upstairs, from whence loud chanting was echoing as the players attempted to sing their victory song, Sæglópur.

"Don't they realize they drew? The other team scored."

"I haven't told them yet. They were all pretty oiled when they got back."

"Hmmpf. I am so looking forward to tomorrow's game."

"I assume Þorður will be starting."


"And Haraldur?"

"I think he'll have to. There's still no sign of Hrafn. I wonder where the little bugger's got to -"

There was a sharp knock. Being Golgothastanis, Birgir and Jack were both unaccustomed to people knocking this late; usually they would simply kneel outside your window and howl that they demanded your organs. Jack took a precautionary shot of wodka, and wobbled down the corridor to answer the door. He opened it to find a very sorry looking Hrafn, covered head to foot in black soot.

"Oh great, putting on a minstrel show are you? That should do our PR the world of good. Come in, before anyone sees you!"

Hrafn stepped forward forlornly, and Jack realized there were some people clustered behind him. They identified themselves as sniffer wombat minders. He could see a couple of the large animals in the background, chewing something.

"They ate my wallet," reported Hrafn.

Jack invited the minders in, though they declined to share in the bottle Birgir had opened. Hrafn sat in the corner like a naughty schoolboy, staring at his tea and avoiding eye contact with Jack.

"I'd like to apologise for whatever it is he's done, and I assure that if he's stolen anything, it will be returned, and if he's impregnated anything, well, we'll see what we can do."

The minders explained what had happened. Hrafn had stolen two sacks of refined thorium from the mine during the day visit, assuming the minerals would be valuable. Once the sniffer wombats had been assigned to the case, he'd gone on the run, and then come back for his wallet, which proved to be a rookie error as they were instantly driven into a frenzy by the scent of leather, hitherto masked by the liberal doses of Golgo Love Musk Jon had been using.

Realizing he couldn't outrun the sniffer wombats in the Forest, he'd headed back down to the railway station and tried to make a getaway on one of the trains, running alongside a passing car and hurling his first sack on board, with predictably explosive results.

"Was anyone hurt?"

"Fortunately it was a freight train, so there were no serious injuries. One of the signal guards got a length of railway sleeper lodged up his -" Jack struggled to understand the next word in the Errinunderan dialect. There was some noise from outside and one of the minders, heavily covered in scars, went aside, where he began talking to the animals in some strange language.

"Well, I'm glad no one was hurt. Of course, we will pay for the damage, and once again, I truly apologise for the theft."

"It's not the theft that's the problem. If Hrafn had returned the thorium we would consider the matter closed, but the damage to the tracks could mean delays to rail services while we make repairs, and we have vital shipments coming into the Medical Centre. Also, a number of TREES were damaged by the explosion. Because of the damage and injuries, it is considered a more serious matter."

"Is he..." Jack looked confused, and lit a cigarette to clear his mind "...under arrest? I thought you didn't have that here?"

"No, but he is going to have to report before the magistrate tomorrow. I'm sorry, but he won't be able to play in match. itheringoo will decide what should be done with him."

The minders left, herding the sniffer wombats with them, and Jack and Birgir were left to deal with the situation.

"Say what you like about them, I enjoy a country that apologises for arresting you!"

"Hrafn, you idiot, why did you steal those sacks? This is serious trouble. I'm going to have to tell Bo- to tell the Starálfur."

"I'm sorry."

"You'll need a lawyer tomorrow. Do you have money?"

"No. But I do have a plastic statuette of Ganesh with rotating arms; a T-shirt embroidered in traditional Islamic calligraphy saying "I'm With Stupid"; and a cigarette lighter shaped like a menora."

Jack and Birgir looked at him askance, and then resumed.

"Well, Jack, you'll have to go. You're a lawyer, right?"

"Yes...well, I didn't actually...graduate."

"You flunked law school?"

"I prefer 'parted on creative differences'."

"Oh dear."

"Well, there's no one else, I'll have to go. Birgir, you'll have to take charge of tactics tomorrow. Hrafn, wear your best clothes tomorrow and think of something to say in your defence. I'm going to bring along Þorvaldur, as well, to make sure you don't escape. Eyjólfur will have to start at left back."

The two players turned to leave.

"Oh, and Birgir, this time, if the team scores a goal, please try to wait till after the game to start drinking."
22-04-2009, 14:06
Norwellia 4 - 1 Wessia

Norwellian starting lineup: Kaganovič, Morris, Pedlar, Gerry, Camus, Ikaru, Xura, Frost, Vermeeren, Richter, Ampatis

Substitutions: 45' Yun for Gerry, 52' Howe for Ikaru

25' Goal: Midfielder (Wessia)
42' Goal: Richter (NOR)
54' Goal: Ampatis (NOR)
73' Goal: Frost (NOR)
85' Goal: Pedlar (NOR)

Kaganovič: 1 GA

First goal ever scored by a Norwellian defender (Pedlar, from a corner)
Most goals ever scored by Norwellia in a game (4)
Nikos Ampatis's first international goal
Hydoc Pedlar's first international goal

Norwellian adult international football Stat-Tracker (includes AOCAF, BoF and ECC):

Syku Lanja: 9 caps, 24 GA, 2.67 GAA
Aleksej Glinka: 1 cap, 5 GA
Pavel Kaganovič: 1 cap, 1 GA

백일일: 10 caps
Metheven Tangye: 10 caps
Kentisesh Voreght: 10 caps
Kew Gerry: 3 caps
Aaliyah Morris: 3 caps
Hydoc Pedlar: 2 caps, 1 GF
Mason Camus: 1 cap
윤신일 ('Yun Sin-il): 1 cap

Sala Ikaru: 11 caps, 1 GF
Mesit Xura: 11 caps, 1 GF
Barbara Senior: 10 caps
Misina Ponten: 9 caps
Dmitris Roivas: 7 caps
Mia Frost: 5 caps, 2 GF
Chris Padilla: 5 caps
Sherri McGuire: 2 caps, 1 GF
James Howe: 1 cap

Alain Vermeeren: 11 caps, 7 GF
Natalia Richter: 8 caps, 2 GF
Nikos Ampatis: 4 caps, 1 GF
22-04-2009, 15:38
Qasarian Evening Sport

Eagles win, Oll Disappears!

During a pre-game press conference Ergma revealed that he had told the disappointing Oll that he would have no further part in the competition. Ergma was also forced to reveal that he was missing this morning. Oll had disappeared, there seemed to be no trace of him. Sniffer wombats have been called in to help locate the out of favour midfielder. “We do not know where he is and are extremely concerned for his safety. Please, please can anyone with information come forward. For now we have a game to win, we can't waste time talking.” Ergma said rather confusingly.

At least he had made sure he knew what the rest of the team were doing, as Somewhereistonia gained a convincing 2-0 win over Metallo Pesante to put them firmly in third place. We are still looking at an automatic place thanks to this, we could even finish top of the group if we win both of our remaining games.

The opening half hour, Somewhereistonia remained tentative in possession, holding the ball well looking to avoid the disaster that was the first match against Astholm. As half-time drew closer the Eagles cracked into routine, with Nolakk, Taska and Skormilonski forcing saves from the Metallo keeper. The breakthrough came on 44' when the energentic Taska took on three defenders before putting in a perfect cross for Skorminonski to nod home. 1-0, and Taksa had his second assist of the tournament.

In the second half Somewhereistonia were again strong with Skormilovski's volley from another Taska cross crashing off the bar on 48'. A great back heel from Kusnets narrowly missed after he was put through by Keres. Keres also had a chance when his drive from the edge of the area was tipped round the post by an increasingly bombarded Metallo Pesante keeper. Metallo tried to attack, as they had against the Landau Institute, but a solid defence and great possession reduced their threat substantially.

The second goal came on 64', Paposki, slid a perfect through ball to Skormilonski, who had his shot saved magnificently by the keeper, only for the ball to fall to the incoming Kusnets, who thumped it emphatically into the net. There was no way he was missing that one. Several other opportunities came the way of the Eagle forwards, but the score remained at a respectable 2-0.

A fantastic performance by the Eagles, who now look to be in a good position to qualify for the next round. This was especially good after the dire first match against Astholm and the disappearance of Oll, which will surely have affected the team.

So far all we know is that he is missing and the wombats are on the lookout. Hopefully those Golgothians won't take up too much of the wombats time with their nuisances.

There is one other thing about this world cup, some other team is trying to call themselves the Eagles, or at least the Golden Eagles. I think its about time they came up with a more original animal, we had it first! They could always call themselves the Goldens or something you know, anything but the Eagles, thats reserved for us.

Back to the match:

Somewhereistonia (1) 2-0 (0) Metallo Pesante
Skormilonski [Taska] (44)
Kusnets (64)

Yellow cards: ? (58)

Substitutions: Nolakk off, Schmidt on (60), Paposki off, Grodzinski on (75), Lurich off, Grinius on (82)

Man of the match: Taska
23-04-2009, 00:47
Tyrrinians rejoiced today after their first ever football victory in international play. Lothair Willem scored both goals for the squad, as expected. Tyrrin managed to control the midfield with a more disciplined and organized showing than they had against Norwellia on match day 1.

“After that dismal outing against Norwellia, I had a long talk with the boys,” commented coach Graig Montcalve. This “talk” consisted of a thirty mile run through scenic Whittakers. Needless to say, the squad was prepared for their next match.

In other news, an IST belonging to the 28th Air Cavalry was shot down over Terthia yesterday morning. The twenty survivors of the crash were evacuated after prolonged fighting in the Terthian hills. As we all know, Terthia was banned seven years ago from several major international alliances for refusing to comply with WA regulations. Our armed forces have been active in that area for nearly that entire time.

The Grand Emperor has canceled plans to visit the national team in Errinundera, citing a difference in customs. He wishes no hard feeling to the host nation, and suggests that we continue to do things our own ways.

Construction of a new embassy building is under way in the city of Tyrrin, as the former building was paved over to make way for a military supply factory. Because of the Baptism of Fire, the Grand Emperor wishes to show the world what Tyrrin is like.

OOC btw

Choose my goalscorers N Willem always scores
Godmod Scoring Events Y
RP injuries to my players Y
Godmod injuries to my players Y
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out Red cards to my players Y
Godmod Other Events Y as many as possible please
Landau Institute
23-04-2009, 04:51
The Memory Ball's decisions considered wrong by critics; Institute members deny (
Dupont has a chance to score... missed as all the others

The Landau Institute, after two praised wins against Metallo Pesante and Steroga, by the same 4x2 result, returned to Ambyone Crossing for the third game, against Astholm. Expectations for the game were very high, as the two teams were the ones with the best campaign in the group, winning both of its first games. So, the winner would take the temporary lead of Group A. For the Institute players, the pressure seemed to be over them, as while the entire population of the Landau Institute is following the Baptism of Fire, the population, media and even players from Astholm are ignoring completely the football competition. And maybe it was this pressure and responsibility of making a good result in such an important game that made the doctors and patients to miss many good opportunities of goal, being unable to score. And, in front of a filled stadium, both teams held each other, leading the game to a goalless draw.

For this game, for the first time in the competition the Landau Institute had changes in its main line-up: Doctor León asked to not play this game in order to get recovered from the ugly challenge she suffered in the game against Steroga. For her place, the Memory Ball ordered Gaspar Aecalyopheno to put the unstable patient Johann, whose ferocity could bring many benefits to the Institute offence, or could harm the team with a early red card. Other two changes were made: the entrance of the smaller but more technical defender Doctor Mendes Díaz in the place of the muscular and strong security guard Valdir, and the entrance of the nearly-supernatural psychiatrist Professor Pascoal in the place of opportunist attacker Doctor Gadescu. With these changes, the Memory Ball looked to improve the technical quality of the team, and maybe reinforce the defence to get better victories.

In the beginning of the game, it seemed that the Memory Ball made good choices, as Mendes Díaz was a defender who could set up counterattacks with speed, and Johann battled for every ball in the midfield, working hard to impress his coach. But Pascoal didn't have a good game, missing many opportunities and stepping over the ball in a play, in a humiliating and ridiculous image. Soon it was proved that the team lacked chemistry with the new formation, which seemed more a 3-5-2 (with Mendes Díaz playing like a defensive midfielder and restricting the attacking moves of Gabriel and Professor Rocher) than the usual 4-4-2 of the Landau Institute. When the first half ended with practically no good goal chances for both sides, it became clear that the Memory Ball did a mistake. But no one in the Institute team wanted to admit it: "Astholm is reading well our plays and defending too much. It'd happen with any strategy," said assistant Aecalyopheno.

When the Landau Institute team returned for the second half, there was a substitution: Doctor Gadescu returned to his position, in the place of his substitute Professor Pascoal. But the players didn't admit that this change was to correct a mistake of the Memory Ball. According to Professor Abrahim, the team captain, "Pascoal was too tired after playing the full first half and wasn't fit enough to play now, so Gadescu had to enter." It seems that, for the Institute members, the Memory Ball has to be a perfect coach, one that can't make mistakes, and every action of it (him, I mean, as it is considered a person) has a proper reason and will certainly benefit the team. Well, at least the decision to return to the original line-up helped the team, as Doctor Gadescu participated in some good plays of the game, although he also was unable to breach the tight Astholm defence.

The Institute was attacking a lot, and it seemed that, if one of the teams was going to score, it had to be the blue one. But the supporters were surprised by a fast and intelligent counterattack made by the Astholm team near the middle of the second half. Fortunately for the doctors and patients, the attacker's finish was poor, and Doctor Maldonado could make a save, saving with this the team. The counterattack opportunity that appeared to the opponents of the Landau Institute seemed to worry the Memory Ball, who decided to change the line-up, putting Doctor La Codeti (who before this game was getting adapted to play more as a defensive midfielder than as a central defender) in Gabriel's place. That substitution simply killed the speed of the Landau Institute's offence, and the attacks became easily predictable. Improving the defence and killing the attack, the Memory Ball guaranteed... the goalless draw. Surely another mistake by this mysterious coach, although no one will admit it. Ah, and remember Doctor Hill? He had a very good performance today, before running to the bench asking to be substituted. Professor Wambrocking went into his place, and Hill immediately went to the dressing room.

Landau Institute's line-up: Maldonado; Rocher, Gabriel (La Codeti 69'), Ribeiro and Mendes Díaz; Dupont, Spitsscher, Johann and Hill (Wambrocking 83'); Pascoal (Gadescu 45') and Abrahim.
Coach: Memory Ball.

After the game, in Aecalyopheno's personal place:

AECALYOPHENO - "Things didn't go well for us today, master. But those players of Astholm knew how to defend well, and worked only to get this goalless draw. It isn't our fault."

(the Memory Ball moves a lot)

AECALYOPHENO - "Worried about your decisions? There is nothing to worry, master, you did the best for the team. If it wasn't you, we could have lost this game, surely. Any club would only benefit with your knowledge of football.

(the Memory Ball changes the colour to orange, then to pink, then to a pale brown)

AECALYOPHENO - "Can't get why you are so worried. You seem upset with your decisions in our last game. I've already said that no one could do better and, if we didn't get the victory, it's because nothing could give us this. It's our players' fault."

(the Memory Ball moves towards the window)

AECALYOPHENO - "No, no, no, you didn't make mistakes. Not you, you are the ultimate coach!"

(the Memory Ball floats above Gaspar's head)

AECALYOPHENO - "The Machine did mistakes? Well, of course, but it..."

(the Memory Ball hits Gaspar in the chest)

AECALYOPHENO - "Sorry, master, I mean he. He didn't have your knowledge, only part of it. And he couldn't think as a human being, he was just a machine built to be a football coach, based on an oven. You are different, master, you are truly someone who can think and figure the solution for all problems in a football field."

(the Memory Ball moves slowly)

AECALYOPHENO - "I don't agree. So you are human and that's why you make mistakes too? It wasn't a mistake, and I won't discuss about this anymore. What about changing the subject? Are you worried with Doctor Hill's health? Yes, me too. I wonder what is happening to him."

(the Memory Ball changes its colour to dark blue)

AECALYOPHENO - "I noticed that too. He was more muscular, faster, a much better player today. But I didn't get when he asked urgently to be substituted, and he still didn't leave the dressing room..."

(the Memory Ball nods)

AECALYOPHENO - "Something must be happening with him. Since the first matchday... I just hope this isn't something serious, or something very bad."

Inside the Institute:

ISABELLE ALAMO - "Hello, Professor Yatch!"

PROF. YATCH - "Hello, Isabelle."

ALAMO - "So, why are you packing your things? Am I too late for today's class?"

PROF. YATCH - "No, of course not. You are even early, at least compared to the time when you usually arrive, just one hour after the time intended for the beginning of today's class."

ALAMO - "So, my dear teacher, tell me why there is no one here."

PROF. YATCH - "I dismissed everyone. That's why I am about to leave the University. There will be no class today, sorry."

ALAMO - "I see. Can you tell me why?"

PROF. YATCH - "No problem. I'll have lunch with my wife's family, and she asked me to come early home so I can help her to prepare the meal."

ALAMO - "Hehe, I don't know if this is good or bad..."

PROF. YATCH - "Just think how you would feel if your boyfriend asked you the same thing."

ALAMO - "I don't have a boyfriend."

PROF. YATCH - "Girlfriend, then."

ALAMO - "I don't have one, teacher. I want to hear from you! Is this a good or bad thing?"

PROF. YATCH - "I love my wife, but..."

ALAMO - "It's bad! I knew that!"

PROF. YATCH - "I can explain."

ALAMO - "Go ahead, I'd love to hear."

PROF. YATCH - "...the bad thing is that I know that today I'll have to see her mother... and talk to her! It's a nightmare!"

ALAMO - "Ooh, so you don't like your mother-in-law!"

PROF. YATCH - "Me and the whole Petardos S/A fan group! She looks like a fat cow, and her face is one of a dead fish... she smells like one, too!"

ALAMO - "Don't be so cruel to her."

PROF. YATCH - "And she surely must have been sent by the devil himself! She's a snake, loves to tell bad things about me to my wife, and to humiliate me whenever possible."

ALAMO - "Good luck then."

PROF. YATCH - "I'll need, surely I'll need. At least I'll be able to come home early today, and to eat lemon pie after the lunch."

ALAMO - "Lemon pie! Love it! Can you bring a piece to me tomorrow?"

PROF. YATCH - "Yes. If I survive..."
23-04-2009, 07:15
The Hardy Boys #71473299
The Clue of the Cannibalistic Witch
by Franklin W Dixon

Chapter 4 - Inside the Camp

The next day, the three teenagers could see on the very distant horizon a range of enormous white snow-covered mountains as they drove north. The drive had taken much longer than the boys had expected. There had been a terrible snowstorm as they drove the day before, and Vasilisa had insisted that they stop at a motel for the night. (Joe had hoped that a shortage of bedding would "force" himself and Vasilisa to share a bed, but Frank had vetoed that immediately.) In the morning, the horrendous conditions kept them from leaving the lodge until about midday, and even then the going was quite slow. They were relieved when the girl with very long braided blond hair behind the wheel said quietly, "We're almost there."

"I don't see anything but those mountains," said Frank grimly.

"It's just behind that really big hill up there on the left."

The pine forest had become thicker, but seemed all the more invisible against the gray sky as every tree was coated in a heavy layer of ice and snow. As they rounded a long curve in the highway, which seemed to no longer be made of concrete, but now of gravel, a wee clearing came into view. There were long black buildings, but they were tough to see through three layers of barbed wire fence. There were four watchtowers, one at dry corner of re rectangle the fence created.

"That's it?" asked Joe.

"Yeah," replied Vasilisa.

Frank spoke two words through a very artificial-sounding cough: "concentration camp."

Vasilisa looked slightly offended, but didn't care to reignite the argument from the day before.

They pulled off the road into a long driveway which stopped at a massive gate in the fence, manned by a young-looking guard in a fur hat. The Hardys were worried they would not be able to get through, but Vasilisa turned to them and said, "Let me handle this." The boys were perfectly happy with this arrangement.

The guard walked up to the truck. Vasilisa said something to him very hastily in Russian. The guard was apparently satisfied, as he immediately waved them through without saying a word.

"What did you tell him?" asked Joe as she rolled up her window.

"That we're here to visit our grandfather. I made up a random resident number; I know for a fact they never check it. To be frank, they couldn't care less who gets in. It's getting out that will be the problem."

Her casual tone alarmed Frank and Joe. They drove further down the driveway and through the gates. There was a decently-built parking lot and receiving center. They pulled the truck into a spot and got out.

"The residential bunkers are this way," said Vasilisa.

"You seem to know your way around this concentra- oh sorry, I mean forced labour- oh sorry, I meant... um... glorified nursing home strangely well, V," said Frank a bit suspiciously.

"If you insist on butting into my personal life, my grandfather used to... live here at Yahakadstok. We visited him one or two times. But he, uh, he... died."

"What a surprise," said Frank dryly. Vasilisa ignored him.

They felt like they were walking on gravel or crushed rock of some kind as they approached the residential bunkers, but it was impossible to tell through the pack of snow.

"Hold on a second." Joe had stopped walking. "What are we doing? We don't even know this fellow's name. We don't even know where he is. We don't even know if he's alive."

"No, we don't," she said impatiently. "But no one here will care if we ask around. He has to have told at least a few people, even if it is a sore subject. If I know old people right, they simply cannot help but ramble on about 'the good old days' from time to time."

"Yeah, I guess that's kind of true," Joe said resignedly as they walked up the dilapidated steps to the first dormitory. They walked inside the long building, but it was empty.

The same was true of the next building, and the next! Frank and Joe's imaginations wandered terrifyingly, videos from World War II flashing before their eyes, Vasilisa assured them that Kagdazka wasn't that bad, and that there had to be an explanation.

After a moment, it came to her. She checked her watch. "Of course! It's 4 PM! Old people always eat supper really early! Did either of you see a sign pointing to the mess hall?"

Frank had, and they set off. There did indeed seem to be a commotion from inside the building Frank pointed them to. The mess hall was a gigantic square-shapes concrete monstrosity. The interior had very few windows, was poory lit with flourescent lamps, and was very crowded with guards, residents, and cooks.

"Where do we even start?" wondered Joe out loud as they dodged a very stressed-looking guard in a dark blue uniform.

"Get out of my way!" he cried in a panic, "I'm going to miss the wisteria and green results!"

"The national team!" Vasilisa cried, "I almost forgot completely!"

"Shall we follow him?" asked Frank.

"Lets," said their host as she pursued the man in blue. He jogged up to a small table in the corner of the mess hall, were several guards and a two people who Frank and Joe supposed must have been cooks were sitting tensely, gathered around a radio like the one Vasilisa had in her truck.

"You Are You Are You Are Listening Listening Listening... To Kagdazka Sport Radio!!!"

"Welcome to Kagdazka Sport Radio, I'm Zoya Chistyakov! The wisteria and green faced off against the mysterious nation of Yelda at Marstuna Ground. Unlike the conditions Kagdazka's last game, the weather was beautiful and sunny. Whether this would benefit our boys or not was unknown at the opening kickoff. Recorded earlier, here's Sasha Khokhlov."

" sophomore slump versus Three Time, but is the third time the charm for Kagdazka? Yelda have possession from the opening kickoff... there's the whistle, we're off! Items of note for the wisteria and green are that Slava Semenov is out for the duration of the duration of the tournament with a broken ankle. The left side of midfield may be a vulnerability today as the inexperienced Vasiliy Zaitsev will start there, out of position..."

"The first half proved to be very conservative from most sides. There was a nervous moment in the 12th minute when Yelda were on the attack and their striker made a nice run into the box. The man went down after passing close to Vlad Belyakov. A replay confirmed that no contact had ever occurred; that the Yelda striker had dived. However, the Yelda fans were furious, screaming for a penalty. In all honesty the fellow should have gotten a yellow for the terrible acting. But anyway, on to the 39th minute..."

" half time approaches the match is still goalless. Looks like we are pushing for that first one here, as Vazavorski is shielding the ball on the right side of the pitch. He's had a nice first half, lots of touches and has been seen all over the pitch. There he's found a seam, plays it off for Stefanovic, who will SHOOT! Oh, it went over the bar. What a shame, he placed it really nicely with the side of his foot. Actually, look! The assistant is pointing for a corner. Oh yes, the replay does show a deflection. Kyznetsov will take the corner. Here it is, lengthy outswinger! Ball is loose! Someone has to either clear this or shoot this! Oh, that's an awful clearance, Yelda have played it along the ground to the defensive midfielder Nikolic, who will rip it from disTANCE! GOAL!!! They've broken the deadlock! One nil Kagdazka!"

"But Chairman Zivkovic's pre-occupation with politics back home, with debate over which languages to teach in primary schools raging, seemed to become a liability in the second half. Yelda looked inspired and athletic, whereas Kagdazka looked to be more interested in the Pixy Stix their very distracted manager had handed out at the break. The back line seemed to be executing the trap reasonably well for a few minutes, but it cracked in the 56th minute. A good through ball finally sliced the offside trap, and the Yelda striker put the ball into the top corner of the goal. Denisov's inconsistent tournament continued, as his first half, which contained a few decent saves, gave way to a poor showing, particularly on this goal. Things only got worse. Down to the pitch, recorded before."

"...oh no, we've given it up again. Stefanovic with a terrible touch, much too strong, and now Yelda are on the counterattack in the 62nd minute. There's a pass to the center. Out to the wing on a soft lob, good first touch by the Yelda attacker to beat Vazavorski, plays it to his striker... he'll get past Nikolic! This could be troub- OH NO! Not again, he's gone down again! This one IS a penalty. No! Look at the replay, it was another total dive! NO! That is a TERRIBLE CALL! Shocking refereeing today. Absolutely shocking. Ugh. And they convert the penalty. Yelda lead two one, as Denisov furiously drop kicks the ball up back up the pitch..."

"That is how the game would end. With Stargate Centurion beating the Bear Islands, Kagdazka are no longer in first. It's not over yet, but the matchday four tie between Stargate and the wisteria and green will surely decide Group B."

"Bummer," said Joe sympathetically to Vasilisa, but her face was set. She was obviously disappointed, but she wanted to find the other Baba Yaga survivor and knew there was no time to waste. Supper might end soon and this was a perfect opportunity; all the residents were in one place.

She turned away fron the small table and walked briskly to the long table closest to them and bent over to speak to the resident at the end, an elderly woman.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" Vasilisa said in Russian. (Miraculously, the boys could understand her as 24 hours in a country was apparently enough time for them to pick up the entire language.)

"What?!?!" the elderly woman shouted back at her, pulling out an old-fashioned ear horn.

"Ma'am? Do you know of another resident here who has met Baba Yaga?"


"Baba Yaga! Has anyone at Yahakadstok met Baba Yaga?!"

Despite having been shouted louder than either time before, Vasilisa's question went totally unanswered as the old lady had not heard Vasilisa speak at all. The bald old man three places down the table had, however, and yelled, "Baba Yaga? No one meets her and lives!"

"Not a soul!" shouted another old lady.

"She'll cook you and eat you!" said a third.

"What are you, stupid?"

"Everyone knows she'll eat you!"

"She will indeed!"

"I used to go fishing for teradactyls in West Mawaeshu, but the potatoes were too heavy!!!"

Confused by that last one, the three young people kept walking. The visit to a second table went similarly...

"Baba Yaga is a horrible witch. Stay away from her, children!"

"Stay away from her!"

"There are no survivors!"

"They all became her dinner!"

"My atom is arguing with me in the tiger-meat pantry, but the Devil rents each competitor!!!"

Losing some optimism, they went to the next table. They half expected to see yet another ear horn produced, but the boys were surprised to hear a voice they recognized from back in Bayport!

"Fellows! Fellows, over here!"

Chet Morton was at one of the tables in a prisoner's jumpsuit!
23-04-2009, 07:39
The huge game against the Landau Institute was soon to begin and Ergma had decided to gather the team to discuss tactics, and make sure that they don't make the same mistakes as they did in the game against Astholm.

Ergma: Right guys, this is a huge game, and one that we have to win, we cannot give them any chances they are a big team.

Volrat: You think we can win this one coach? We could get through with a draw.

Ergma: Don't be an idiot, first, never settle for less than the best, always make sure you win the match. A draw is most certainly not a safe option. Second, they have already conceded four goals in this competition. Their backline is weak, our intricate passing should cup them to ribbons.

Skormilonski: What about them scoring? They have quite a few goals now.

Ergma: If we defend like I know we can and the way we did against Metallo Pesante, we should have no problems. I expect a clean sheet from you lot.

Kadleks: Any news on Oll?

Ergma: I know what you know, he's missing. Now lets get back to tactics, we have a game to win.

Kadleks: What exactly did you say to him? I mean it must have been bad for him to run off.

Ergma: I just told him he wouldn't be playing anymore, I may have cursed a bit. Can we get back to the game?


Ergma: Right Taska, keep up the good work, see if you can cut inside a bit more, take them on, they don't seem to like that. Keres, Nolakk, make sure your passes stay on target, we can't give the ball away from these guys. Defenders, keep tight to the men, I don't want them getting lots of space, there's a reason we did all that fitness training you know.
23-04-2009, 11:29
Cut-off in about ½ hour (9pm AEST, 11am GMT).

Got distracted by the 1984 thread. Cut off. 2+2=5 and it's still 9pm AEST.
23-04-2009, 13:09
1st Round, Match Day 4

Group A

Somewhereistonia 0 Landau Institute 3
Metallo Pesante 1 Steroga 2
Astholm - bye

Steroga and Somewhereistonia are playing each other in match day 5. The 3rd placed team will therefore have a minimum of 4 points, making it impossible for Metallo Pesanto to qualify for the second round.
Landau Institute 4 3 1 0 11 4 7 10
Astholm 3 2 1 0 4 1 3 7
Somewhereistonia 3 1 0 2 3 5 -2 3
Steroga 3 1 0 2 4 7 -3 3
Metallo Pesante 3 0 0 3 3 8 -5 0

Group B

Stargate Centurion 2 Kagdazka 4
The Bear Islands 1 Threetime 0
Yelda - bye

The Bear Islands and Yelda are playing each other in match day 5. The 3rd placed team will therefore have a minimum of 5 points, making it impossible for Threetime to qualify for the second round. The fourth placed team can have a maxiumu of 4 points, meaning the worst possible finish for Stargate Centurions is third.
Kagdazka 4 3 0 1 10 7 3 9
Stargate Centurion 3 2 0 1 6 6 0 6
Yelda 3 1 1 1 3 3 0 4
The Bear Islands 3 1 0 2 5 6 -1 3
Threetime 3 0 1 2 2 4 -2 1

Group C
Australiazia 0 Norwellia 3
Tyrrin 1 Italia Orientale 3
Wessia - bye

Again, the 3rd and 4th placed teams (Tyrrin v Wessia) are playing each other in match day 5.
Norwellia 4 3 0 1 9 6 3 9
Italia Orientale 3 2 1 0 8 2 6 7
Wessia 3 1 1 1 4 6 -2 4
Tyrrin 3 1 0 2 4 5 -1 3
Austaliazia 3 0 0 3 1 7 -6 0

Group D
Golgothastan 3 Carpathia and Ruthenia 1
Lemetel 0 Terra Anatidae 0
Banten States - bye
Terra Anatidae 3 2 1 0 5 1 4 7
Golgothastan 3 1 1 1 4 3 1 4
Carpathia and Ruthenia 4 1 1 2 5 7 -2 4
Lemetel 3 0 3 0 3 3 0 3
Banten States 3 1 0 2 1 4 -3 3

Group E
Nong Nang Ning 1 Phillips Island 0
Swartaz 1 Pasarga 2
Dave Campbell - bye
Nong Nang Ning 3 2 1 0 4 2 2 7
Phillips Island 4 1 1 2 8 8 0 4
Pasarga 3 1 1 1 6 6 0 4
Dave Campbell 3 1 1 1 1 4 -3 4
Swartaz 3 1 0 2 6 5 1 3

Weather conditions
Late Shower
Amboyne Crossing 9º C – 19º C
Tubbut 8º C - 17º C
Tingaringy 3º C – 8º C

Warmest to coolest: McKillops Bridge -> Deddick -> Amboyne Crossing -> Much -> Tubbut -> Cabanandra -> Dellicknora and Pinch Swamp -> Bonang -> Sawpit -> Whittakers -> Tingaringy.

Most to least likely rain: Sawpit -> Bonang -> Dellicknora and Pinch Swamp -> Cabanandra -> Tubbut -> Much -> Amboyne Crossing -> Deddick -> Whittakers -> McKillops Bridge -> Tingaringy
23-04-2009, 14:09
"Who breaks a butterfly upon a wheel? Who punishes a young man whose only crime is curiosity? Hrafn stole a dangerous mineral and caused damage to Errinundera as a result of his actions, these are the facts; but are they the whole facts, I ask. I put it to you that, well, yes, actually, they are the whole facts. But, as the great Cato said..."

Jack had been mentally rehearsing his courtroom speech, so when the man in front of him told him "you're out of line", his reaction was inevitable.

"No, YOU'RE out of line!!"

He snapped to, and looked around. Some bewildered Errinunderans took half a step back.

"Excuse me, but you're out of the line. If you're queueing for food, you need to stand on the right."

"Oh...thank you."

He queued up and ambled off with the vegetable-based concoction he was served. At least it wasn't stewed turnip. He tucked in, until Hrafn appeared, looking dejected.

"Is it time for the hearing?"

"No, it's already happened."

"What!?" Jack shot up. " speech! The great Cato!"

"Sorry, they're pretty quick around here. The magistrate has a lot of corporate torchers to summarily acquit in the afternoon, apparently."

"So. What happened?"

"It's all ok. I didn't get fined or put in jail; I just have to leave the country."

"Oh, well that's go- what? Leave the country? Hrafn, we still have another group game to play! This is a disaster."

Hrafn shrugged. "I guess I'll miss this place. No police, no concept of property..."

"No bacon sandwiches." Þorvaldur stared at his meal morosely.

Jack sighed. "Oh, alright. Just go on, get out of here then. We don't want to cause any more trouble." Hrafn shuffled off, though not before stopping at a nearby table to ask the assembled Errinunderans whether any of them were interested in buying a saint's earbone. They weren't.

"Þorvaldur? Let's get drunk."

* * * * *

Jack and Þorvaldur rolled into the house, arms around one another's shoulders, singing at the tops of their voices.

Hendumst í hringi
Höldumst í hendur
Allur heimurinn óskýr
Nema þú stendur!"

"Wait...wait...ssshh a minute...s'very quiet." Jack peered into the gloom. A nervous Birgir appeared.

"Jack? What's going on?"

"Oh, Birgir. They sent Hrafn home. It'sh very shad." Jack tumbled forward onto the captain, sobbing onto his shoulder. "And to think...sniff...I never told him I loved him..."

"No, Jack, you didn't. This is Hrafn we're talking about, you didn't even like him. This is just the beer talking." He looked across at Þorvaldur, who was trying to take off his third shoe. "The wodka talking, the...dear god man, what have you been drinking?"

"I think it"

"I see, well, time to go bed now, we have a game tomorrow. And please be quiet, sing Ára bátur or something if you have to; the lads are all asleep and I don't want you to wake them up."

This suspicious statement had an instantaneous sobering effect on Jack. He looked up suspiciously. "Asleep?"

"Yes, well don't worry about that now."

"Birgir, it's night time. Why are they asleep? Are you covering for them?"

"No, they're just tired..."

"Tired from...dragging off precious works of art? Tired from heroin withdrawal? What, what is it?"

"They really are just tired! They've been playing football all day."

"Pffft, a game only last 90 minutes."

Birgir paused thoughtfully. "Yes, well, let's..."

"Oh no, Birgir, not again?"

The captain nodded, slightly abashed. "Sorry."

Jack turned round. "Þorvaldur, go upstairs, get some sleep; you'll be starting tomorrow." He pointed to the kitchen. "Tea." Birgir followed reluctantly.

"So what was it this time?"

"Well, Þorður played very well, and once he'd scored a goal we decided to give him a break, and brought on Ìngmar. Which was nice for Valdímar, to play with his brother, and I had to stop them going off to buy a bottle of wine to celebrate. While I was sorting that out..."


"...Ásgeir stole the battery from the stadium's electric clock."

"Ah. Didn't the referee have a watch? - no, wait, I think I can guess. Ásgeir stole that too."

"I think that one might have been Helgi."

"Fantastic. So, no way of keeping time?"

"No. We ended up playing for four hours before the referee collapsed from exhaustion. I felt a bit sorry for Carpathia and Ruthenia, really: four games on the trot, and then that."

"So, did we win? You said Þorður scored."

"Yes, we did win, 3-1."

"Oh, well...hey, wait, that's fantastic! I'll email Bort and let him know. I think this is the first time a Golgothastani's ever won anything."

"There's always the lottery."

"Yes, but they always use the money to emigrate, so I don't think that really counts."

"Our last match is against Terra Anatidae. They've already qualified, so maybe they won't try as hard."

"Already qualified? Hmm, in that case they could be competitors. I want you to make sure to injure as many of them as possible."

"O..kay. Jack, you do know I'm a doctor, right? I don't really approve of deliberate injury."

"Birgir, I want to hear less complaining and more SNAPPING BONE."

Birgir sighed, and got up.

"Where are you going?"

"Big game tomorrow...I want to rest."

"It was a big game today, and you won - let's celebrate!"

Jack reached for the wodka.

* * * * *

Hrafn stood at the dock, waiting for the riverboat that would take him out of the country. He looked back into the leafy wilds, sighing. He certainly wouldn't miss all the damn wildlife. The sniffer wombats. That...fresh smell when you woke up, sort of like home except without the burning tyre stench. Having to eat fruit and vegetables not delicious...unspecified meat products served with turnips. People not caring what you took. No policemen. Riots every weekend.

He could hear the boat approaching in the distance. It was beginning to rain lightly. He looked around. They hadn't even escorted him here to make sure he left. They didn't seem fussed. The boat was getting closer, and the river was beginning to ripple as the warm rain intensified. Hrafn cast another look about him, and then hitched his bag over his shoulder, turned, and sprinted back into the Forest. Buggered if he was leaving yet...
23-04-2009, 14:43
Australiazia 0 Norwellia 3

Starters: Kaganovic, Morris, Pedlar, Gerry, Camus, Ikaru, Xura, Frost, Vermeeren, Richter, Ampatis

Substitutions: 45' Howe for Frost, 62' Pagliloe for Richter

Box score:
25' Goal: Ikaru (NOR)
36' Goal: Vermeeren (NOR)
68' Goal: Ikaru (NOR)

Kaganovič: 0 GA

First ever shutout by Norwellia
First ever advancement by Norwellia in a tournament

Norwellian International Stat-Tracker:

Syku Lanja: 10 caps, 25 GA, 2.5 GAA
Aleksej Glinka: 1 cap, 5 GA
Pavel Kaganovic: 2 caps, 1 GA

백일일: 11 caps
Metheven Tangye: 11 caps
Kentisesh Voreght: 11 caps
Hydoc Pedlar: 4 caps, 1 GF
Aaliyah Morris: 4 caps
Kew Gerry: 4 caps
Mason Camus: 2 caps
Yun Sin-il: 1 cap

Sala Ikaru: 13 caps, 4 GF
Mesit Xura: 13 caps, 1 GF
Barbara Senior: 11 caps
Misina Ponten: 11 caps
Mia Frost: 7 caps, 2 GF
Dmitris Roivas: 7 caps
Chris Padilla: 6 caps
Sherri McGuire: 3 caps, 1 GF
James Howe: 2 caps

Alain Vermeeren: 13 caps, 9 GF
Natalia Richter: 9 caps, 2 GF
Nikos Ampatis: 6 caps, 3 GF
Doshese Pagliloe: 1 cap
The Bear Islands
23-04-2009, 18:35
The 'Braves' and some of their supporters are having a bit of a party, to celebrate the fact that they've "finally" won a game in this tournament, in a secluded clearing in the woods behind their hotel. Some are drumming, some are chanting, many are dancing, plates of food aare being passed around, and the 'Korr-Barrachk' -- a variety of strong drink, produced in the islands -- is flowing freely.
A bonfire is burning in a pit close to the clearing's centre, and three Ursines -- namely the team's manager Listens-To-Parrots, their 'medicine bear' Red Owl, and captain Mighty-Like-A-Rose -- are sitting on the trunk of a fallen tree looking into this.

"Hokay, the boys did better this time," said Red Owl, "even if that was against weaker opponents than in their previous two matches. Do you think that those fish we got from the fans, to supplement that meatless diet that our hosts provided, really helped?"
"Sure-sure," Mighty-Like-A-Rose replied, "And we've got something even better than that to eat before our next game..."
"Oh?" enquired Listens-To-Parrots. "Did somebody manage to smuggle some real meat in as well? I could just devour a rabbit or two right now."
"Not exactly," answered the captain _ "Be werry, werry quiet:we're woasting wombat!"
"One of those 'sniffer wombats' that the locals use for law-enforcement?"
"Yerrup. It came sniffing around when we were grilling some fish, and when Stings-Like-Bee hit the beast it fell down dead. 'Want not, waste not', eh?"
"Yerrup. Urrm, what happened to its' handler? You didn't..." Listens-To-Parrots let his words tail off, uncertain whether he really wants to hear the answer that he more than half expects...
"Nahr, don't worry, chief: he was nowhere around."

(And outside the front of the hotel, a single lonely Errinunderran wandered through the night calling out plaintively_
"Primrose! Prim-rose! Here, girl!
Where are you, you daft sheila?")
Italia Orientale
23-04-2009, 20:29
La Repubblica Sports

Tarblus Hat-Trick Lifts Italia Orientale Past Tyrrin
Tyrrin --- 1
Italia Orientale --- 3

Tingaringy, Errinundera – Ishmael Tarablus had maybe the greatest game of his career on a freezing cold night in Tingaringy, netting three goals against Tyrrin to give the Golden Eagles their second straight win and secure passage into the next round. Tarablus’ best goal of the day was a cannon shot during injury time at the end of the first half from 35 meters out that sailed past the Tyrrinian keeper to give Italia Orientale a 2-0 advantage going into halftime. Tarblus’ first goal came in the 23rd minute off of an assist from Luca Del Castello.

Tyrrin drew closer when Lothair Willem managed to shake defender Hassan Qaddafi and place a well aimed shot into the bottom right corner to make the game 2-1 in the 67th minute. After the goal it seemed as if Tyrrin regained the momentum they had following their victory in the previous game. Over the next ten minutes Tyrrin brought an all-out attack that managed to place four shots on target, but Golden Eagles’ goalie Amir Amir was up to the task making several impressive saves. Italia Orientale went down a man in the 76th minute when Qadafi was ejected for a vicious foul on one of Tyrrin’s forwards. The injured player was carted off the field and Tyrrin was awarded a free kick just outside the penalty box.

At this point the game took a stunning turn. Willem lined up the free kick and fired it on net. Amir was able to just get a fingertip on the well placed shot a deflect it towards the post. The ball then rolled across the front of the goal but no Tyrrin player was able to get to it and Amir managed to scoop it up. He immediately hurled a long and perfectly placed pass to Hossein Bolognese who took off streaking up the left side of the field as soon as he saw the ball hit the post. With all but one Tyrrin defender up trying to make a play Bolognese found himself running up field with only one defender to stop him. Tarblus took off running as well to create a two on one opportunity. Bolognese saw the chance and fired an excellent lead pass to Tarblus who was able to side-step the Tyrrinian keeper, who had charged out to try and intercept the pass. Tarblus found himself completely alone in front of the net to knock in his third goal of the game and give Italia Orientale an insurmountable lead.

Following the goal Italia Orientale packed it in defensively and was able to prevent any further opportunities for Tyrrin to score. After the game coach Lippi said he was immensely proud of the display, but warned that Italia Orientale was still far from finishing the job they had set out to do.

The victory guarantees Italia Orientale a passage to the next round, though the team said their goal now is to win the group outright. A win in the next match against Austrliazia, who has yet to record a point in the tournament and is mathematically eliminated, would guarantee winning the group, while al loss or tie would leave Italia Orientale in second place behind Norwellia. Norwellia is off next match day while Tyrrin and Wessia square off to determine which side advances to the next round with the 3rd position in Group C.

Box Score:

Tyrrin – Lothar Willem 67’ (3)
Italia Orientale – Ishmael Tarblus 23’, 45’, 77’ (2,3,4)

Italia Orientale – Luca Del Castello 23’ (2), Hossein Bolognese 77’ (3)

Italia Orientale – Hassan Qadafi (Red) 76’

Man of the Match:
Ishmael Tarblus --- 3 Goals
24-04-2009, 00:59
The Tyrrinian national team refused to be dissapointed by their 3-1 loss to Italia Orientale yesterday.

Coach Graig Montcalve said,"We really didn't expect to win. We can still advance with a win against Wessia tomorrow. We have to pick our battles. We are just going to prepare for our next game."

Lothair Willem commented,"I have to tip my hat to Tarblus. He was really there when it mattered." Willem did score in the match, but he missed a key penalty that ended up as a goal on the other end by Tarblus, who had a hat trick in the game.

In other news, Terthia has surrendered as a protectorate of Tyrrin. A statement has yet to be released by the Terthian government.
Landau Institute
24-04-2009, 04:38
Players performed like champions - Dr. Hill collapses (
Camera shot of the game

The goalless draw in the game against Astholm raised questions about the Memory Ball's capacities as a coach: all these questions raised by people outside the Landau Institute. Inside the Lowrni island and between the members of the NT, no one could accept the idea that the Memory Ball could make strategical mistakes, and they defended their coach without exceptions. But the defensive approach in the last game, which harmed the team's praised offence, put the Memory Ball's reputation under doubt: was he really the ultimate coach as proposed by the own Landau Institute members, the one who has total knowledge of the football rules and tactics, who can take the best out of any team, or is he just a common coach, without special abilities, who can fail like any other, whose only difference is the fact that he floats on the air and can change colours when he wants to... ah, and he doesn't talk too... and is smaller than most... and doesn't have a heart or brain... and other things (I could continue with this all day).

And the last game of the Landau Institute team in the group stage of the Baptism of Fire was against Somewhereistonia, a team which had ups and downs in the competition, and was looking for the qualification. The Institute, on the other side, was already qualificated, but wanted to continue with the solid positive campaign. To reach this objective, the Memory Ball selected the main starting eleven, without experiences, using the same team and tactics of the games against Metallo Pesante and Steroga. Just this gave the team a huge advantage for the doctors and patients in the game, as the plays and moves of the team happened naturally and with efficience. The team soon took control of the ball possession, not letting Somewhereistonia reach their attacking area, and pressing the opponent with many shooting attempts. In one of them, the first goal of the game was scored. Professor Abrahim found an open space inside the area, but was unable to invade it further as he was blocked by Andrus Lurich. The rebound went to Professor Dupont, who shot it first time and scored a beautiful goal.

The goal motivated the Landau Institute team, but also showed to Somewhereistonia that the doctors wouldn't relax in the game just because they were already qualified. The Memory Ball, through his assistant Gaspar Aecalyopheno, shouted (Gaspar shouted, but you know what I mean) for his team to be careful, as only one goal wouldn't guarantee the victory. This became even clearer when Kukas Skormilonski received a wonderful pass near the entrance of the area, dribbling the security guard Valdir with ability, and invading the area with clear chances of scoring a goal. But Doctor Maldonado impressed all the people in the stadium saving his shot, being applauded by his team mates and most of the supporters, even some from the opponent team. When the first half ended, the Institute was with a deserved positive result, although Somewhereistonia seemed to be recovering and ready to react.

For the second half, the Memory Ball decided to make changes, even knowing that all eyes would be pointed to the effects of these changes in the game, with his critics ready to accuse him of anything that would went wrong with the team. The entrance of Doctor Sobrinho in the place of Doctor Ribeiro raised some eyebrows, but this didn't affect much the team. And, just a bit more than ten minutes after the start of the second half, the main character of today's game showed his talent. Doctor Hill took the ball in the midfield, dribbled two opponents and hit the ball magnificently with a lob shot to overcome the goalkeeper and scored a real, real incredible goal. This goal motivated the Memory Ball to make another change: Doctor De Fruti in the place of the unfit Doctor León. For some minutes, the game seemed to return to balance between the teams involved, although Somewhereistonia seemed to lack the necessary offence to go after a better result.

And Doctor Hill was really willing to leave his mark in the game, as he scored his second goal in the game and third of the team. He muscled Petras Zoltoks off the ball, showing an unexpected strength, and sprinted to the attack, with more speed than the much younger players from Somewhereistonia. Close to the opponent's area, he exchanged passes with Professor Abrahim, before shooting to the goal, scoring the decisive goal of the game. And the otorhinolaryngologist's participation in the game wouldn't end there. Soon after the half of the second half, while controlling the ball, he stopped. Put his hands on his knees, and vomited. Players from both teams and the referee went to help him, but he didn't move. Suddenly he collapsed on the ground, and his fingers turned purple. Everyone was worried, some thought he was dead. He was being removed from the field when he opened his eyelids... there was nothing inside there. The remaining of the game seemed to be affected by that horrible situation, and few things happened.

Landau Institute's line-up: Maldonado; Rocher, Gabriel, Ribeiro (Sobrinho 45') and Valdir; Dupont, Splitsscher, León (De Fruti 60') and Hill (Johann 71'); Gadescu and Abrahim.
Coach: Memory Ball.

Goals:LID: Dupont 19' , Hill 57'/66'.

After the game, in the players' room:

PROF. DUPONT - "Let's celebrate, today we got a wonderful victory!"

DR. GADESCU - "You're right, we have the right to be happy after such a great result!"

PROF. ABRAHIM - "Are you guys stupid? How can we be happy if one of our work mates is ill?"

PROF. DUPONT - "Doctor Hill still didn't recover?"

PROF. ABRAHIM - "No. And because of that today is not a day to commemorate. We are really worried."

DR. SPLITSSCHER - "This is such a sad situation... what if he dies?"

PROF. ROCHER - "We are doing our best, and our best is the best he can receive, this you can be sure!"

DR. RIBEIRO - "We are as concerned as you, Doctor Splitsscher. But we believe we can help him to overcome this illness."

PROF. WAMBROCKING - "Do we know exactly what is affecting him?"

PROF. ROCHER - "I'm almost sure it is a toxin... but no idea which one. Soon Doctor Mendes Díaz will figure this out, though."

DR. RIBEIRO - "We have to hurry."

DR. SPLITSSCHER - "Look! He is opening the eyelids again!"

PROF. WAMBROCKING - "This is unpleasant... where are his eyes?"

AECALYOPHENO - "Hello all."

(the Memory Ball enters too, moving fast)

AECALYOPHENO - "Pascal would just like to congratulate you for your great performance today. If we keep this good form, our future in this Baptism of Fire is really promising!"

PROF. WAMBROCKING - "Thanks a lot, coach. Most of our success is thank to you!"

(the Memory Ball changes colours)

AECALYOPHENO - "We are glad to hear this. By the way, Pascal is worried about Doctor Hill... has he got any better?"

PROF. ROCHER - "Not many improvements, but he didn't get worse."

DR. GADESCU - "He is moving!"

DR. SPLITSSCHER - "Finally!"

PROF. ABRAHIM - "Wait... the purple in his fingers is spreading through his body..."

PROF. DUPONT - "And his nose and mouth look so strange..."

DR. HILL - "Are you okay?"

PROF. ROCHER - "I guess the question is if you are okay, friend."

DR. HILL - "I am great."

PROF. ABRAHIM - "That's good. But I suggest you to look at a mirror."

DR. HILL - "I'll use the Memory Ball... let's see... GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

AECALYOPHENO - "That's quite a surprise, really."

(to be continued)

Inside the Institute:

DR. JANUÁRIO - "So, Frederico, I am here to hear you. You can tell me your feelings, what is making you so upset... I am here to guide you, to help you, you need to trust me."

FRED - "I know doctor... you're my favourite psychiatrist here. It's because this is such a worrying situation. I can't even think about it."

DR. JANUÁRIO - "Don't keep it to yourself. You know you want to talk about this to me. What is wrong?"

FRED - "I don't know exactly how to say this... it is my pet snail, Abigail."

DR. JANUÁRIO - "You have told me about her before. You are pretty close, you like her. Is she sick?"

FRED - "Worse than that, doctor."

DR. JANUÁRIO - "So divide with me your worries... tell me what is happening with her."

FRED - "I think she is cheating on me!"

DR. JANUÁRIO - "Wh... what?"

FRED - "You know, yesterday I went back to my room in my Institute area... and I saw, with my own eyes, her together with some useless worm from the I. T. Patients area! I saw!"

DR. JANUÁRIO - "So she was close to a worm... and that's what made you so angry?"

FRED - "But doctor, can't you see it? She is all I have... and now she is giving attention to some stupid worm... more attention then she is giving to me!"

(Januário tries to control his laugh)

FRED - "She started avoiding me, doesn't eat all of her food. It is very suspicious. Will she leave me?"

DR. JANUÁRIO - (joking) "If she leaves, you'll be able to catch her... after all, she is a snail, she isn't so fast... (laughs)"

FRED - "Are you laughing, doctor? Are you making fun of my sorrow?"

DR. JANUÁRIO - "Sorry, can't help it... this is so stupid... you think your pet snail will change you for a worm, and that's why you are so upset... this is one of the funniest things I ever heard in all these years in the Institute!"

FRED - "And I thought you respected my feelings! (cry)"

DR. JANUÁRIO - "Hahahahaha, this is amazing, please continue, I want to laugh more." (
Dr. Hill's future is still unclear
24-04-2009, 06:19
Qasarian Evening Sport

Somewhereistonia loss puts Eagles on brink of exit

A 3-0 loss was certainly not what was expected by the manager today. Generally it was a strong performance for the troubled Eagles who have a lot of poistive to take from the game. A lack of clinical finishing coupled with a nervy defense allowed a 3-0 loss to the Landau Institute.

"The opening goal from Dupont was unlucky, but he should have been closed down earlier. We need to focus more" Stated an annoyed looking Ergma after the match.

The second goal was a disaster, with Hill getting passed two before lobbing the oncoming Klug. The defenders seemed too scared to get a tackle in, and that kind of defending will see us out of the tournament.

Another goal from Hill and the game was all over. Now comes a match with Steroga, the winner will go through, the loser out, a draw gives a slight possibility of getting through on goal difference, but with only one fourth place qualifier, this is hugely unlikely. Somewhereistonia need a win, and I sincerely hope they get their tactics right this time. The defense is looking more unstable as each match passes.

Oll still missing, wombat search intensifies

Midfielder Oll is still missing from the Baptism of Fire squad in Errinundera, it has now been two days since his argument with manager Ergma and his disappearance.

Increasing numbers of sniffer wombats have been called in to help locate him but this is looking increasingly unlikely to yield results.

"This is becoming hugely disruptive to the rest of the squad. I hope they find him soon, this is a worrying situation." Stated Ergma, who is trying to guide the rest of the Eagles team through the group stage of the Baptism of Fire tournament.

There have been early reports of Somewhereistonian police arriving in Errinundera to investigate Oll's disappearance. As yet, this reporter hasn't seen any of these police.
24-04-2009, 09:12
Cut off in about 1 hour, 7pm AEST, 9am GMT.

Cut off!

What happened to Baba Yar?
24-04-2009, 11:18
1st Round, Match Day 5

Group A

Steroga 1 Somewhereistonia 3
Metallo Pesante 0 Astholm 0
Landau Institute - bye
Landau Institute 4 3 1 0 11 4 7 10
Astholm 4 2 2 0 4 1 3 8
Somewhereistonia 4 2 0 2 6 6 0 6
Steroga 4 1 0 3 5 10 -5 3
Metallo Pesante 4 0 1 3 3 8 -5 1

Group B

Threetime 2 Stargate Centurion 1
The Bear Islands 4 Yelda 1
Kagdazka - bye
Kagdazka 4 3 0 1 10 7 3 9
The Bear Islands 4 2 0 2 9 7 2 6
Stargate Centurion 4 2 0 2 7 8 -1 6
Threetime 4 1 1 2 4 5 -1 4
Yelda 4 1 1 2 4 7 -3 4

Group C

Italia Orientale 4 Australiazia 0
Tyrrin 2 Wessia 0
Norwellia - bye
Italia Orientale 4 3 1 0 12 2 10 10
Norwellia 4 3 0 1 9 6 3 9
Tyrrin 4 2 0 2 6 5 1 6
Wessia 4 1 1 2 4 8 -4 4
Austaliazia 4 0 0 4 1 11 -10 0

Group D

Terra Anatidae 1 Golgothastan 5
Lemetel 0 Banten Stantes 2
Carpathia and Ruthernia - bye
Golgothastan 4 2 1 1 9 4 5 7
Terra Anatidae 4 2 1 1 6 6 0 7
Banten States 4 2 0 2 3 4 -1 6
Carpathia and Ruthenia 4 1 1 2 5 7 -2 4
Lemetel 4 0 3 1 3 5 -2 3

Group E

Pasarga 0 Nong Nang Ning 3
Swartaz 1 Dave Campbell 1
Phillips Island - bye
Nong Nang Ning 4 3 1 0 7 2 5 10
Dave Campbell 4 1 2 1 2 5 -3 5
Swartaz 4 1 1 2 7 6 1 4
Phillips Island 4 1 1 2 8 8 0 4
Pasarga 4 1 1 2 6 9 -3 4

Weather conditions

Amboyne Crossing 10º C – 17º C
Tubbut 9º C - 15º C
Tingaringy 3º C – 7º C

Warmest to coolest: McKillops Bridge -> Deddick -> Amboyne Crossing -> Much -> Tubbut -> Cabanandra -> Dellicknora and Pinch Swamp -> Bonang -> Sawpit -> Whittakers -> Tingaringy.

Most to least likely rain: Sawpit -> Bonang -> Dellicknora and Pinch Swamp -> Cabanandra -> Tubbut -> Much -> Amboyne Crossing -> Deddick -> Whittakers -> McKillops Bridge -> Tingaringy

Overall Rankings
Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Italia Orientale 4 3 1 0 12 2 10 10
2 Landau Institute 4 3 1 0 11 4 7 10
3 Nong Nang Ning 4 3 1 0 7 2 5 10
4 Kagdazka 4 3 0 1 10 7 3 9
5 Norwellia 4 3 0 1 9 6 3 9
6 Astholm 4 2 2 0 4 1 3 8
7 Golgothastan 4 2 1 1 9 4 5 7
8 Terra Anatidae 4 2 1 1 6 6 0 7
9 The Bear Islands 4 2 0 2 9 7 2 6
10 Tyrrin 4 2 0 2 6 5 1 6
11 Somewhereistonia 4 2 0 2 6 6 0 6
12 Stargate Centurion 4 2 0 2 7 8 -1 6
13 Banten States 4 2 0 2 3 4 -1 6
14 Dave Campbell 4 1 2 1 2 5 -3 5
15 Swartaz 4 1 1 2 7 6 1 4
16 Phillips Island 4 1 1 2 8 8 0 4
17 Threetime 4 1 1 2 4 5 -1 4
18 Carpathia and Ruthenia 4 1 1 2 5 7 -2 4
19 Pasarga 4 1 1 2 6 9 -3 4
20 Yelda 4 1 1 2 4 7 -3 4
21 Wessia 4 1 1 2 4 8 -4 4
22 Lemetel 4 0 3 1 3 5 -2 3
23 Steroga 4 1 0 3 5 10 -5 3
24 Metallo Pesante 4 0 1 3 3 8 -5 1
25 Austaliazia 4 0 0 4 1 11 -10 0

Draw for Knockout Rounds

Based on 1st round rankings. There will be a rest day before the 2nd Round scores are posted, ie Sunday evening AEST, Sunday morning GMT. (Mainly coz I'm going to see School of Seven Bells at the Corner Hotel in Richmond on Saturday night.)

2nd Round
Match Day 6
Match 1: Italia Orientale v Phillips Island @ The Tingaringy Municipal Park, Tingaringy
Match 2: Terra Anatidae v The Bear Islands @ Much Park, Much
Match 3: Kagdazka v Banten States @ Marstuna Ground, Tubbut
Match 4: Norwellia v Stargate Centurion @ The Espy, Whittakers
Match 5: Astholm v Somewhereistonia @ The Snake Pit, Sawpit
Match 6: Nong Nang Ning v Dave Campbell @ Joyhill Avenue, Cabanandra
Match 7: Golgothastan v Tyrrin @ The Nora, Dellicknora
Match 8: Landau Institute v Swartaz @ Punters, Amboyne Crossing

Quarter Finals
Match Day 7
Match 9: Winner Match 1 v Winner Match 2 @ Stade de siaros, Deddick
Match 10: Winner Match 3 v Winner Match 4 @ Milosis Coliseum, McKillops Bridge
Match Day 8
Match 11: Winner Match 5 v Winner Match 6 @ Liberation Stadium, McKillops Bridge
Match 12: Winner Match 7 v Winner Match 8 @ Stade de siaros, Deddick

Semi Finals
Match Day 9
Match 13: Winner Match 9 v Winner Match 10 @ Liberation Stadium, McKillops Bridge
Match 14: Winner Match 11 v Winner Match 12 @ Milosis Coliseum, McKillops Bridge

Third Place Play Off
Match Day 10
Match 15: Loser Match 13 v Loser Match 14 @ Liberation Stadium, McKillops Bridge

Grand Final
Match Day 11
Match 16: Winner Match 13 v Winner Match 14 @ Stade de siaros, Deddick
24-04-2009, 12:40
Qasarian Evening Sport

Eagles qualify, Astholm drawn again

A fantastic performance from Somewhereistonia, winning 3-1 against Steroga to set themselves up in the second round. Surprisingly the Eagles were drawn against Astholm, to whom they lost in the first game. A chance for revenge seems on the cards as Astholm drew their last group game to Metallo Pesante after losing to Steroga.

Somewhereistonia controlled the game well from the start, with Keres and Nolakk showing why they were selected controlling the midfield and passing excellently. After several early attempts were thwarted by the Sterogan defence, which wasn't exactly gentle. In the 21st minute the first goal came, Kusnets was brought down on the edge of the area, Rishit Kumar earning a yellow card for hauling the young star down. The wall was set up well, but Skormilonski smashed his shot past it into the bottom corner. I'm not sure how fast it was exactly, but the keeper had no chance.

The attacks from Somewhereistonia continued will 14 shots on target before the break. On 34' a perfect lob was drifted over the keeper by Taska, only to be cleared off the line by Yamir Singh with a diving header. A brilliant bit of defendint to keep his team in the game, and in the competition. The Sterogans defended well, but couldn't stop the attacks coming from midfield. Somewhereistonia went in 1-0 at the break, but surely deserved more, despite the defending heroics of Steroga.

Somewhereistonia came out in the second half more dominant than the first with Taska delivering a brilliant cross in the 46th minute, which Skormilonski then knocked across the keeper into the opposite corner. The linesman waved it offside so it didn't count but replays show Skormilonski was clearly kept onside by Rishit Kumar.

The next goal came on 48' with Taska again putting in a teasing cross, Kusnets took the ball down at the front post and flicked it past the keeper with his opposite heel. Another mindbogglingly amazing goal for the 17 year old. He has a long future ahead of him and that goal meant the team would surely go through.

Being 2-0 down, Steroga were forced to attack and open up, whilst the Eagles took a well earned break. Relaxing more, whilst still passing it well in midfield. On 82' this caused disaster, Steroga picked up the ball through Uddunath Siddharth-Nabhendu who hit a long ball to Devdarsh Panigrahi who hit the ball first time past Klug. It was now 2-1 and the Eagles were looking at a comeback from Steroga.

The goal forced a rethink, with Törk replacing Paposki to create a more attacking performance. It worked well with him passing a brilliant through-ball to Kusnets on 84'. Kusnets was taken out by a desperate Motallebzadeh earning Kusnets a penalty and Motallebzadeh a well deserved red card. Skormilonski took the kick, only for it to be saved by Utkarsh Nayak, the ball cleared away to cause Steroga some celebration.

These celebrations were short lived with Keres hitting the ball over the defensive line, a well timed run by Kusnets allowed him to hit it on the volley, bending the ball round the keeper and into the bottom corner on 85'. It finished a well deserved 3-1 to Somewhereistonia, who go on to face Astholm in the second round, looking to get some revenge.

In other news, there is no news on Oll. The lack of news is making this news reporter wonder what exactly the news will be when it arrives.

Somewhereistonia (1) 3-1 (0) Steroga
Skormilonski (21) Panigrahi [Siddharth-Nabhendu] (82)
Kusnets [Taska] (48)
Kusnets [Keres] (85)

Yellow cards: Kumar (21), Soumil Naidu (44), Gupta (65).
Red cards: Motallebzadeh (84)

Somewhersistonia substitutions: Paposki off, Törk on (83)

Man of the match: Kusnets
24-04-2009, 14:31
What happened to Baba Yar?

OOC: Just relaxing on the bye date, mate, but now that I'm worried I've drawn Norwellia in the quarters, that'll kick me back into shape... :D
24-04-2009, 20:54
OOC: Enjoy the gig! Saw them in Shoreditch last year - they're great live.
For the below, please note Golgothastani tabloid journalism is noted for its rigorous factual accuracy and scrupulous attention to detail.

The Sæglópur Sentinel
Previously known as The New New York Times

Special Report by Della Frye & Cal McAffrey

The Ný batterí have claimed victory in what pundits have dubbed the "Group of Dearth [of interest]" at the Baptism of Fire in Errinundera after beating runners-up Terra Anatidae in a brutally one-sided game marked by the repeated and coordinated infliction of horrifying violence on the opponents by the Golgothastani players. For the first 45 minutes the Ný batterí appeared more preoccupied with chasing their screaming opponents around the pitch in what onlookers described as a "frenzy of blood" than they were in actually scoring, perhaps explaining the 0-1 half-time scoreline after the Terran striker bemusedly walked the ball into the goal while Valdímar Bragason assailed one of their midfielders with a corner flag.

Central defender Arnþór Finnsson and striker Bjarkí Þrastarson were both sent off, and more red cards might have been issued had the experienced Guðni Rúnar Steingrímsson not taken things into his own hands, in this case the thing in question being the referee's head. Having felled one of the linesmen with a straight arm jab, the other immediately fell into line and failed to call substitute Agust Elfarsson on either of his two, clearly offside, goals. Rúnar Þór Hauksson headed in a corner despite possibly being guilty of shirt pulling; after celebrating his goal, he handed the shredded garment back to the shivering Terran defender. Bjarkí and Þorður Sigurgeirsson scored in slightly - slightly - less blood-soaked circumstances. Coach Jack Barryson was unapologetic after the match. "I told the boys to go out there and, you know, play tough, mark tight, tackle hard, and drink from the skulls of their enemies."

But there was more drama to come. In a post-match development reported exclusively by the Sæglópur Sentinel, news has emerged about Hrafn Víðisson, the right-back who is yet to play a single game in his black 4/.4 - 4!/4 after stealing uranium from a top secret weapons facility hidden in the Forest and using it to develop a crab-sheep hybrid warrior that he used to cause untold damage to the Errinunderan rail system. "Um, that's not what happened at all..." said one eye witness. After being ordered to leave Errinundera or face vengeance at the sword of his defeated foes' bloodkin, it now appears Hrafn did not show up at Golgothastan International Airport, meaning he may still be on the loose in Errinundera.

Is Hrafn on one last mission before he retires from this shit, dammit? Is he on course to discover an ancient treasure, previously unknown to man and wombat? Has his terrorist sleeper cell been remotely activated? Is the Space Jew sending him psychic messages to bring about about a race of lizard kings? Probably not, but wouldn't it be cool if he was?? When asked, Jack Barryson was understandably horrified. "BY THE HAMMER OF ÞOR!!" he exclaimed. However, finding Hrafn did not appear to be a priority, as he instead led the team off for a 19-hour bender in preparation for the rest day, when he said "the serious celebrations would begin".

The Ný batterí have not actually accomplished anything more than progress to the second round, along with 15 other teams, but for a nation used to making do with less it has brought radiant cheer to millions at home. "My children is dying I cannot afford medicine plz help," posted one excited fan on the team's fan page, Inní mér syngur vitleysingur. "I have lost interest in football since my crack addiction made both my feet fall off," said another overjoyed supporter. The team will next play the disciplined Tyrrin side; the match should be prove an interesting clash as the military men take on the slightly less martially adept Golgothastanis (


Golgothastan 5 (0) — (1) 1 Terra Anatidae

Golgothastan: Valdímar; Þorvaldur, Arnþór, Guðni Rúnar, Haraldur; Birgir (c) (-> Agust (2)); Rúnar Þór (1), Stigur, Ásgeir; Þorður (1); Bjarkí (1)

Terra Anatidae: no one cares :(
Italia Orientale
25-04-2009, 00:25
La Repubblica Sport

Italia Orientale Cruises to 3rd Straight Win
Italia Orientale --- 4
Australiazia --- 0

Tingaringy, Errinundera – Italia Orientale defeated Australiazia 4-0 on Friday for their third straight victory in yet another match played in frigid conditions. The win also secured the Golden Eagles as Group C winners, and the number one overall seed in the knockout stage. Prior to the game, the two sides observed a moment of silence to commemorate the dead of the war in Australiazia that has taken the lives of many civilians and devastated the country. In a show of solidarity following the game, Italia Orientale’s players all pledged to donate to Australiazia’s relief fund to help alleviate the dire humanitarian crisis in that country.

Despite the more important events happening worldwide, there was still a soccer game to be played, though it wasn’t much of a match. The Golden Eagles dominated from the start against an Australiazia team that finished the tournament with losses in all four games. The Golden Eagles scored their first goal just three minutes into the game when Captain Roberto Torinese scored his first goal of the tournament. Torinese headed in a corner kick from Hossein Bolognese, who continued his outstanding play in the tournament. The midfield was supposed to be the Golden Eagles’ weak link, but with outstanding play from Bolognese, Marchetti, and the others, this area of the game may turn to be one of the team’s greatest strength as the young players mature.

Italia Orientale would score two more goals in the first half, including one by back-up Tariq Aziz in the 21st minute, his first career international goal. Aziz got the start for Ishmael Tarblus who was given the day off after his outstanding performance in the previous game. The third goal of the match was scored in the 30th minute by Luca Del Castello when yet another well placed through ball from Bolognese sprung the streaking forward past the flat-footed defense and alone towards goal. Del Castello chipped a shot over the charging Australiazian goalie for his fourth goal of the tournament.

Goalie Amir Amir had a light work day having to only face two shots the entire afternoon and neither was particularly threatening. Also, several of Italia Orientale’s starters had the day off taking the time to rest up for the next round. Defender Paolo Mastino, along with his suspended colleague Hassan Qadafi, and forwards Ishmael Tarblus and Muhammad Paoloni all had the day off. Several of Italia Orientale’s younger players had the chance to play, including two who scored goals. The fourth goal came in the 54th minute when another back-up, Giovanni Rahman starting for Paoloni, fired a perfect shot from just inside the penalty box into the lower right corner of the net to make it 4-0. The goal was set up by a pass from Tariq Aziz after he drew two defenders to cover him, leaving Rahman wide open.

Italia Orientale will now face Phillips Island, the final team to qualify for the next round. I am sure Phillips Island will be a tough match,” said coach Lippi, “they played in a tough group and have earned their way into the next round like everybody else. We can no longer afford to underestimate anyone anymore because one bad day could end your tournament. At the beginning we were kind of like the unknown underdogs, but now, we’re the ones that everybody is gunning for since we’re the top seed coming out of the group stage. You have to play with a different mind state when you know that you are now the hunted, and not the hunter.”

Asked how he felt on winning Group C, Hossein Bolognese asked, “does that even matter? Will anyone even remember that? If we lose to Phillips Island next game, it doesn’t matter how many games we won or how many goals we scored in the group stage. We are certainly not satisfied yet. The only thing I’m happy about is that we get to stay here in Tingaringy where we’ve been so successful. A lot of the other players were hoping to get a game in a warmer climate, but staying here suits me just fine.”

In other Group C news, Tyrrin defeated Wessia 2-0 following a two goal effort by their star, Lothair Willem. With the win, Tyrrin takes the last qualifying spot from Wessia and advances to the next round. Italia Orientale’s next game against Phillips Island will also be played in Tingaringy, news that no doubt will upset the players, who were hoping for a warmer venue.

Box Score

Italia Orientale – Roberto Torinese 3’ (1); Tariq Aziz 21’ (1); Luca Del Castello 30’ (4); Giovanni Rahman 54’ (1)

Italia Orientale – Hossein Bolognese 3’, 30’ (4,5); Abdullah Marchetti 21’ (2); Tariq Aziz 54’ (2)


Man of the Match:
Roberto Torinese(C) --- 1 Goal, 7 Tackles
Landau Institute
25-04-2009, 01:11
Doctor Hill returns as a new being ( (
The first training session of Dr. Alien

Doctor Hill has finally recovered from the still unknown illness that almost killed him. But he returned completely changed. Not in mind, thoughts and attitudes, as he seems to be the same Doctor Hill people used to know. But his physical attributes are entirely different. Forget the 1,73cm tall doctor, the image of a bald man, his brown eyes or his big mouth. The new doctor has a new face... and a new body. Of course, the first thing you'll notice about Doctor Hill now is that he is purple. Yes, his entire body is purple-coloured, result of the toxins to which he had been exposed, the toxins which caused his health problem. The second thing you'll notice is his deformed face, which looks like the face of an extraterrestrial being... the big empty eyes. And, to end all the changes in his face and head, now Doctor Hill has hair! And it isn't just a bit of! He developed a full long hair, although it is purple just like his body.

Reading about this, you must be thinking that Doctor Hill is a really unfortunate person, and that this change simply destroyed his life and footballing career. You are wrong. Now the doctor has a supernatural body, with even more strength, stamina and direction sense than what he had before. If we think that the wonderful goal he scored in the game against Somewhereistonia was thanks to a small bit of the toxins which entered his body, imagine how he can perform now that his body is entirely full of this toxin. More than 2,10cm tall now. More muscular than Valdir, the team's defender/security-guard. Doctor Hill now is really a monster inside the field, and certainly his opponents will fear him... if not for his footballing qualities, then for his extremely ugly face and huge body proportions.

But now forget about Doctor Hill. Now he has a new nickname: Doctor Alien. A name given by the Memory Ball after Dr. Alien confessed that he was making a performance-enhancing potion made with the fluids of a creature found inside the Institute. This creature was never seen before in any part of the world, and it is strongly believed that it is an alien. So, as Doctor Hill practically mixed his body with the creature's, now he is a doctor-alien. That's why his new name. In his first training with the Landau Institute team, thousands gathered at the stadium to see the strange purple-coloured player, who did well. Doctor Alien is still getting used to his new face, but surely it won't get long for him to show his talent. Ah, just one last thing: it was discovered that Doctor Alien can't play together or close to Johann, as this will trigger Johann's uncontrolable rage... this seems to be just one of many things the alien body can alter in people close to him... the others haven't been discovered yet.

Landau Institute's next game's line-up: Maldonado; Rocher, Gabriel, Ribeiro and Valdir; Dupont, Splitsscher, León and Dr. Alien; Gadescu and Abrahim.
Coach: Memory Ball.

After the game, in the players' room:

PROF. ROCHER - "You heard that? We ended in the first place of the group, and second overall!"

AECALYOPHENO - "That's a good thing, but we surely should now think about the knockout stage... we don't want to just win our group and then leave the Baptism of Fire."

PROF. ABRAHIM - "Surely, coach. We are training hard for this second round game."

AECALYOPHENO - "Remember... we only have one chance... we can make something that Cafundéu didn't make, to have something that they will never have for the first time!"

PROF. DUPONT - "Oh... I want that! I'm hungry for it!"

DR. LEÓN - "Good, so let's go after it!"

(silence for some two minutes)

PROF. ABRAHIM - "Er... strange silence, don't you think?"

VALDIR - "Yes, I think I could even hear the wind during this moment of silence."

PROF. ROCHER - "That's because we have nothing to talk about..."

DR. LEÓN - "But this is so weird..."

DR. ALIEN - "Don't worry, I have the solution!"


DR. ALIEN - "Here! Let's play Risk! Too bad that there is no purple here..."

Inside the Institute:

PROF. HERMANO - "I don't miss this soap opera for anything! It took years for this to reach the Landau Institute, after being passed in practically all the countries in the world!"

(sound of the television)

PROF. HERMANO - "People here say that it was shown even in Terreiro de Ogum before it got here! It is incredible how our leaders are slow for some things... this soap opera is so good!"

(someone knocks the door)

NURSE - (outside) "Professor Hermano, there is a patient who says that he wants desperatelly for your help!"

PROF. HERMANO - "Send him for a walk. I'm not a saint, I'm a urologist!"

NURSE - "But he seems pretty bad... he's coughing blood..."

PROF. HERMANO - "Send him to Professor Macarena, he is a pneumologist, would treat him better than me!"

NURSE - "He says his problem is his bladder... he can't control it anymore, and there is too blood in there too... that's what Doctor Boomerang said."

PROF. HERMANO - "Send him back to Doctor Boomerang, he isn't good, maybe he saw it wrong... he is one of the worst general practicioners of the Institute... that's why others doctors are always sending patients back to him once they leave his room."

NURSE - "But Professor..."

PROF. HERMANO - "Shut up and do what I said! I want to watch "The Yaforite"!"

PATIENT - "Please, Professor, help me... it's too much pain, I feel I am dying!"

PROF. HERMANO - "An idiot patient won't make me miss a chapter of "The Yaforite"! No, no and no! Go back to Doctor Boomerang or go look after another urologist!"

PATIENT - "But you're the only one in this sector of the Institute! It would take me eight hours to reach other!"

PROF. HERMANO - "I don't care, go away."

PATIENT - "But I'll die!"

PROF. HERMANO - "If you don't leave I'll kill you myself!"

(noise of something hitting the ground)

NURSE - "Excuse me doctor, maybe this won't be needed..."
The Bear Islands
25-04-2009, 19:45
(OOC: Yes, I do remember that neither 'Yelda' nor 'Terra Anatidae' has posted any details of their players in this thread yet, but -- based on their posts elsewhere -- I'm pretty sure that what Im saying about their teams' general natures in this post is correct...)

____________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________

The 'Braves' are recovering after their match against the team from Yelda, in their changing-room, mostly in the baths. Head-in-Air, Running Bare and one half of Turtle-Blue-Twin are lying prone on benches, while Red Owl and the physiotherapist Moonshine inspect the injuires that they suffered during this game.

"It's not right," growled Mighty-Like-A-Rose, "Rabbits are supposed to be made out of meat, not metal!"

"Talking of meat," Listens-To-Parrots replied, after a quick look around to check (despite the fact that they were talking in 'Ursine', rather than in any 'Human' language...) that no Errinunderrans were in the room, "Yesterday evening's meal certainly seems to have helped you boys, doesn't it?"

"Yerrup!" answered Mighty-Like-A-Rose. "I mean, just look at our record here so far: on the meatless diet that the locals tried to feed us we lost two games 2--3, despite trying our best, and even after some fish we could only win by 1 goal to nil... but a 4--1 victory, today, now that's really good... especially against a team like that one. We've only got more Humans, nice weak Humans, next... Right?"

"Swans, actually."

"WHA_? 'Swans'? You mean largeish birds, flapping wings, long necks, that sort of 'Swans'?!?"

"Yerrup. Well, maybe a few Geese too, but probably mainly Swans anyhow..."

Mighty-Like-A-Rose thought about this for a few moments, and then used a term that he'd picked up from one of their hotel's staff:

"Well, look," Listens-To-Parrots reminded him, "We've cooked what's left of the animal well, so it should keep hokay for a few more days where it's still buried safely under the embers and ashes in our fire-pit; and Red Owl has not only placed his standard 'anti-vermin' charms around that site, to protect it, but souped them up a bit -- using the beast's very own skull as a focus in his ritual -- to hide any scent-traces that the incident might have left around so that none of its relatives are likely to sniff-out what happened there either!"

Red Owl raised his head, and temporarily stopped looking at his current patient, when he heard this remark.
"That's right," said the 'medicine-bear'. "Given that all the butchering took place within a deepening of the fire-pit itself, and the animal's blood and guts and bones are buried in its hide several paws deeper under the level at which we placed the wrapped meat to cook slowly in the ground under the fire, 'containing' things was pretty easy." He looked back down at Running Bare, and then looked up again.
"Turtle-Blue-Twin should all be fit enough to play again within just a couple of days," he informed the others, "but this one is definitely out for the next two or three games, at least, and Head-In-Air should really have a one-match break to recover from that concussion too ..."

"Hr'rmm," said Listens-To-Parrots. "We might have to bring a couple of the 'reserves' on as substitutes, then: I'll think about this, and announce any changes to the line-up early tomorrow so that you have almost a week in which to practice together before our next match..."

____________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________

New Line-Up


Left: Stone Turtle
Centre: Turtle-Blue-Twin
Right: Wide Boy

Defensive Midfielders
Left: Running Joke
Right: Floats-Like-Butterfly

Offensive Midfielders
Left: Mighty-Like-A-Rose ('Game Chief', i.e. Captain)
Right: Harefoot

(Left to right…)
White Lightning
Thunderbolt (takes kick-offs, and most ‘set pieces’)


Goalkeeper: Son-of-The-Moon
Defenders/Defensive Midfielders: None-Shall-Pass (big and strong, but surprisingly agile for his size too)
Midfielder (Defensive/Offensive): Leaping Walrus
Offenders: Hears-Strange-Ghosts (claims to be advised by spirits whom the team’s other members — and their nation’s specialists in such matters — can’t detect…), Toffee-Nose (the fur on his muzzle is distinctly different in colour from that everywhere else, and he got into a lot of fights about insults based on this while he was a cub; still only a teenager, talented but maybe a bit overconfident...), Bull-Killer.
26-04-2009, 06:40
The Hardy Boys #71473299
The Clue of the Cannibalistic Witch
by Franklin W Dixon

Chapter 5 - Chet's Most Unfortunate Hobby Ever

"Chet?!" the Hardys cried in unison. Vasilisa looked utterly confused, and for once the boys had to explain.

"Chet's one of our best buddies back home in America, Vasilisa! When he isn't pursuing some ridiculous new hobby, like falconry or Ebonics, he helps us out on mysteries." said Joe.

"Yeah, we've been on tons of adventures with him. Chet is a little chubby, as you can see, and he loves to eat just about anything he can get his hands on. Whether it be peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, pot roast, pizza, stir-fried ants, or airplane fuel, Chet will eat it!" added Frank jovially.

"But he's also a tough fellow. He's saved Frank and I more times than we can count."

"He also has a sister that Joe likes a lot." Frank said pointedy to Vasilisa.

"Frank, will you please just shut your huge pie hole for five seconds?"

"Hey, Frank and Joe, all this exposition is great and everything, but I could use some help here..." cried Chet.

"Oh, right," said Frank. "First of all, how in the world did you get here?"

"Well," Chet began uncomfortably, as a decrepit, white-haired woman to his left elbowed him in the ribs accidentally, "it all started six weeks ago. I decided it would be a cool sort of thing to do to go help out at Ferdinand's. Ever since Grandpa moved in there I've kind of felt bad for all the old folks cooped up in there all the time with no one to visit them."

Ferdinand's was Bayport's largest nursing home.

"So I eventually got to be pretty good friends with a gentleman named Dmitriy. He got talking about his past with me, mostly how he fled from Kagdazka when it was ruled by that country over there-" (Chet pointed to the east) "-to America. So when I heard this, I did some research on Kagdazka. And I found out what I suppose he didn't know, that Kagdazka had just regained independence after centuries of tyrannical foreign rule! So I said, 'hey, Mr. Lochelyov, guess what? Kagdazka is independent. Maybe I could take you to visit now that it's free.' He liked re idea and so we packed our bags, borrowed ten grand from your dad, and flew here. But then, after only a day here, some police officer stopped us on our way out of Dyurtyuli, said something I couldn't understand, and threw us into a truck. Next thing I knew, we were here."

Joe whistled. "For once, Chet comes up with a contructive hobby."

"And it still lands him in a labour camp of some kind," added Frank. "How many times has this happened now?"

"Sixty eight. Luckily on sixty seven of those times you guys just happened to show up and save me. The other time it never got explained, it was just a gigantic plot hole. But anyway, what are you fellows doing at Yahakadstok?"

"We're looking for the only person alive, aside from Vasilisa here, who has survived a run-in with the witch Baba Yaga."

Chet looked immediately to his right. This piqued Vasilisa and the Hardys' suspicions immediately. "Well... I know who he is, but he doesn't like to talk about it..." said Chet slowly.

"We know," said Frank immediately, "but we really don't have any choice."

As Frank spoke, a very old man with deep, dark lines on his face, sitting three places to Chet's right and seeming curiously interested in them, got up from the table casually and began to walk away. Immediatey suspicious, Vasiliaa whispered in Joe's ear, "I bet you a thousand rubles that's him. Stay here, I'll follow him."

Joe went decidedly weak in the knees from the extremely pretty girl being that close to his face, but managed to nod.

Vasilisa started after the old man. He seemed very determined and it took a great deal of effort for her to catch up to him, but being the beneficiary of an able body, which he was not, she did manage to. He had been about to slip into a cook's doorway behind a large cauldron of borscht when she grabbed his arm and said: "Sir, please! I promise you this is important! If it were not, I wouldn't have come this far to see you."

"You can only be pursuing me if you want to discuss Baba Yaga, and I assure you, young lady, that is precisely what I do not want to discuss."

"I know, sir. But my father's life is in danger!"

The man stopped briefly. "If he has been captured by her, there is no use in worrying for his safety; he's already dead."

"That's not it, sir," Vasilisa said in a whisper. "I'm like you. I met her, and I lived."

The lines on the old man's face faded momentarily as his expression shifted from disdain to disbelief. "No," he said after a brief pause. "You lie. Why would you lie to a poor old man like me?"

"I don't lie! I never, never have once in my life! Well, except for back in Chapter 3 when I was being really sarcastic, but that doesn't count as a lie."

"Oh? Where does Baba Yaga sleep?" he asked, sure he had called her bluff.

"On top of..." Vasilisa's voice caught in her throat. "On a fur on top of her oven."

The man's jaw dropped. "How... what... how did you escape?"

"That's just the thing. A doll. My mother's magic doll... it summoned three horsemen to rescue me."

"The rag doll?" he rasped emotionally. "The doll with the wisteria dress?"

"Yes," Vasilisa said slowly. "You know of it?"

"That doll is enchanted. Your mother... your mother was Nadia Fedorov Zhuravlev?"

"She was! You knew her?"

"One of my dearest friends... she was the daughter of one of my dearest friends. I gave her the doll just after she was born. After I escaped from Baba Yaga, I no longer had any need of it. And since I could have no children of my own... but... but I had heard she had died!"

"She did," said Vasilisa with as level a voice as she could muster. "She died when I was very young. But first she gave me the doll. She... she must have known its magical power."

"Nadia... your mother... when I knew her she was very young, but even then she had one of the cleverest minds of anyone I knew. She must have known... somehow... that you would someday need the toy."

"But I need it once more, sir! The government wants to kill my father for speaking of those to the east..."

"Oh no. Then the doll is all that can help you. Use it well."

"No, that's just it! I left it... I left it in Baba Yaga's hut, and now I must return to retrieve it! How will I survive this time without it?"

"This is indeed bad news," he said, frowning. "But the doll draws its power from the world beyond. Baba Yaga cannot die, ergo she can never touch that place. The borders of her dominion and her terrible magic grow out of this world, a product of living many centuries at one with the forest. She is an aberration of nature itself. But the doll is not like her. It remains where you left it in Baba Yaga's hut."

Though confused and frightened by the old man's words, Vasilisa now felt sure she knew what she had to do. The doll was in the larder in Baba Yaga's hut (next to a very large pumpkin), all she had to do was get there and retrieve it. She thanked the old man profusely and bade him goodbye. He grabbed her hand gently, and said, "You truly are your mother's daughter, child. I have no doubt you will succeed."

"Sir? Might I ask one more thing of you? I still don't know your name."

The lines on his face faded even more. They were indeed almost invisible as he smiled at her. "It doesn't matter. Go on, dear. You must hurry."

And with that, the old man turned and walked away.

Vasilisa returned to the Hardys. Frank and Joe were forcing the very hungry Chet to do dog tricks for an extremely old Snickers bar Frank had found in his pocket. They were elated, and praised her for her "sleuthing skills," which she found interesting since she probably could have done all the things they had accomplished since the Bayporters' arrival by herself.

Just then, a shrill whistle rang out, and all of the elderly residents in the mess hall jumped to their feet and began to attempt to get out of the room. The three supposed this meant dinner was over and their next shift had begun. Chet turned to them in a panic. "Fellows! About getting me out of here?!"

"Oh, gee, Chet... we really haven't had time to come up with a good plan for freeing you," Joe mumbled.

"Yeah, sorry about that," said Frank with a grin. "We'll be back for you, don't worry."

"But fellows... fellows!" The Hardys had turned to leave. Vasilisa didn't seem to think this was a particularly nice way to treat a friend, but she hadn't really thought of any way they could gtlet Chet out of there either, and followed the boys.

They were all surprised, for the guard at the gate waved them through without even speaking to them.

"Where to now, V?" asked Joe.

"Well," said Vasilisa said as they pulled back onto the road, "it's way too late in the day to try and get to Baba Yaga now."

"Yeah, it's freezing out. We'll die of frostbite before Baba Yaga even has a go at us," said Frank dryly.

"Precisely. I'm going to drive us to Igipsi. It's a tiny village at the foot of the mountains, several kilometres to the east. We'll approach Baba Yaga from a different direction, but..."

"But what, Vasilisa?" asked Joe.

"But to be frank, if we don't find her, it won't matter. She'll find us."

They reached the tiny city of Igipsi just after sunset. The town was much prettier than Gelendzhik had been, or so thought the boys. A very small inn, with only three rooms, two of which were occupied, was where they stayed for the night. Their room had a gorgeous view of the mountains to the north, still a brilliant white because of the moon. (Incidentally, Joe's previous wish that he and Vasilisa would be 'forced' to share a bed came true that night, as the room only had one mattress, but since Frank had also had to crawl in with them nothing as 'fun' as Joe had imagined ever happened. It was instead all very awkward.)

The next morning, they packed up, paid the innkeeper and left. As they drove to the southern edge of the city, which bordered the northern edge of the forest where Baba Yaga lie waiting, they tuned into the Kagdazka national team coverage once again.

"You Are You Are You Are Listening Listening Listening... To Kagdazka Sport Radio!!!"

"Welcome to Kagdazka Sport Radio, I'm Zoya Chistyakov! There's a great deal to cover today, so there' no time to chat. Let's get right down to Sasha Khokhlov on the pitch, recorded earlier..."

"...are lined up against Stargate Centurion, apparently a bunch of huge nerds shipped in from a different dimension of some kind. But that's peripheral, because it's very likely that the winner here today in Sawpit wins Group B. There's the opening kickoff. A lot to talk about today in terms of Chairman Zivkovic's selected eleven. Some unbelievable selections, and there's no point in trying to discuss them all, I'll just give you the starting lineup. Filimonov, Petrov, Sakarzov, Mikhailov, Radic, and Kozlov; Nikolic, Spiridonov, and Anisimov; Grigorev and Vasiliy Zaitsev. The most obvious change is the formation, from a 4-5-1 to a 5-3-2; the second most being the removal of captain Kyznetsov, star striker Stefanovic, and keeper Denisov. Why this was done is anyone's guess, but the rumour is that Chairman Zivkovic wanted to shake things up but didn't have the time to think about it, what with all the technicalities of governance weighing on him from back home, so just named a bunch of random people..."

"...but despite the bizarre lineup changes, Kagdazka looking very nice in early moments. Ten minutes in and Stargate Centurion giving the wisteria and green all the space they want as the latter attack here. Zaitsev and Nikolic exchanging the ball between the two of them, there's a layoff for Spiridonov, oh, what footwork from Spiridonov! Stepover, stepover, pas- no, fakes a pass inside, drives at the defender's back foot, short cross to the right FOOT OF NIKOLIC! Is he onside?! YES! GOAL!!! That was close, but the flag stayed down, and Nikolic smacked that one first time into the back of the net..."

"Kagdazka also scored just before half time on a corner kick, with Plamen Radic, in his first appearance with the national team (his first start, as well, actually), blistering a header past the Stargate keeper. After the break, Kagdazka's opponents looked the strongest they ever did in the game, with great pace and technical ability, and produced a goal from this spurt of excellence in the 50th minute to make it two one. But this was not to continue. Their spirits soon fell as Kagdazka's stingy new five-man backline made any and all penetrating runs much more difficult. This continued until the 70th minute..."

"...Nikolic! Nikolic! This man has been all over the field today. Nikolic past midfield. A one two with Anisimov. Still Nikolic. They just cannot seem to get the ball off of him! Nikolic! Looks like he'll finally look to pass to Kozlov on a run down the left- no, he turns back to center! Oh, look, now he's got space from about twenty-five yards. Takes a step. Two steps. Shoots! GOAL!!! A BRACE FOR NIKOLIC!!! Isn't that his fourth of the tournament?! And this is from a largely defensive midfielder. I suppose he does play more centrally for his domestic club Vulkan. Perhaps we've been playing him out of position..."

"It was Nikolic's fourth of the tournament. As the first ever season of the KFA League First Division approaches, one has to keep their eye on Vulkan, who can boast to their roster both this fine player and wonder teenager Yordan Stefanovic. At any rate, nine minutes later, in the 79th minute, Radic snatched himself yet another goal, in almost the exact same way as he had in the 45th. The FKM centre half's double made the match four one, and essentially ended it. Yet another terrible penalty call on a Kagdaz defender allowed Stargate to get a consolation goal, but it was obviously never going to be enough. The wisteria and green took the opportunities they were given, and all but clinched first place in Group B. Stargate would need to grab at least four goals and win in their Matchday 5 tie with Three Time in order to top Kagdazka, but they didn't even come close, losing to the second worst team in the group and thereby collecting third place.

"As winners of Group B, Kagdazka find themselves seeded as a home team and drawn against a team that barely qualified for the knockouts, Banten States. Not much is known about their upcoming opponents, but what is known is that playing in front of the fans at Tubbut, who have become very fond of the Russian-speaking ecosocialists, will relax the nerves of our national team. This relief is surely needed, for if we do advance, a monster of a quarterfinal against Norwellia likely looms."

All three smiled at hearing all of the news, excited to hear what would happen next. They had to drive along a very long country road that in places had not been cleared of snow particularly well in order to get to the forest. Finally, the road came to a dead end, cut off by a huge road sign, behind which a thick forest of ice-covered pine trees sprawled as far as the eye could see. The sign read:

26-04-2009, 09:03
RP cut off at 7pm AEST (9am GMT).

Cut off. 2nd round scores will be posted shortly.
26-04-2009, 10:23
2nd Round Results (Matchday 6)

Italia Orientale 4 Phillips Island 1
Terra Anatidae 0 The Bear Islands 2
Kagdazka 4 Banten States 0
Norwellia 1 Stargate Centurion 1 (3-2 AET)
Astholm 1 Somewhereistonia 4
Nong Nang Ning 2 Dave Campbell 2 (2-2 AET, penalty shots 11111-x1111)
Golgothastan 5 Tyrrin 0
Landau Institute 4 Swartaz 0

Weather conditions

Cold snap, possible showers falling as snow on the higher altitudes
Amboyne Crossing 6º C –> 12º C
Tubbut 4º C -> 10º C
Tingaringy -2º C –> 5º C

Warmest to coolest: McKillops Bridge -> Deddick -> Amboyne Crossing -> Much -> Tubbut -> Cabanandra -> Dellicknora and Pinch Swamp -> Bonang -> Sawpit -> Whittakers -> Tingaringy.

Most to least likely rain: Sawpit -> Bonang -> Dellicknora and Pinch Swamp -> Cabanandra -> Tubbut -> Much -> Amboyne Crossing -> Deddick -> Whittakers -> McKillops Bridge -> Tingaringy

Quarter Final Match Ups

Matchday 7 <OoC> Monday evening AEST, Monday morning GMT </OoC>

Italia Orientale v The Bear Islands @ Stade de siaros (, Deddick (
Kagdazka v Norwellia @ The Milosis Coliseum (, McKillops Bridge (

Matchday 8 <OoC> Tuesday evening AEST, Tuesday morning GMT </OoC>

Nong Nang Ning v Somewhereistonia @ Liberation Stadium (, McKillops Bridge (
Landau Institute v Golgothastan @ Stade de siaros (, Deddick (

The tournament now moves downstream to the two most important cities in the Deddick province: McKillops Bridge and Deddick. Because of the lower altitudes and rainshadow climate, these locations are generally warmer and drier than the upstream districts.

The two cities were important centres for the former Milosian royal family: McKillops Bridge was their capital and Deddick an important summer retreat. Depending on where their matches are scheduled, players will stay at either the former Red Palace in McKillops Bridge or the Royal Estate in Deddick. Both buildings have been restored to their former grandeur so players and their entourage will be treated royally. Mind you, it is over 250 years since the Milosian royal family was defenestrated at the Red Palace and, given that modern day Errinundrians aren't familiar with the lifestyles of the rich and tasteless, then the service may slip at times.
Deddick Royal Estate (left) and Milosis Red Palace


Doesn't impact on the drawer at this stage of proceedings. They're provided mainly as a guide for future KPB rankings.
Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Italia Orientale 5 4 1 0 16 3 13 13
2 Landau Institute 5 4 1 0 15 4 11 13
3 Nong Nang Ning 5 4 1 0 9 4 5 13
4 Kagdazka 5 4 0 1 14 7 7 12
5 Norwellia 5 4 0 1 12 8 4 12
6 Golgothastan 5 3 1 1 14 4 10 10
7 The Bear Islands 5 3 0 2 11 7 4 9
8 Somewhereistonia 5 3 0 2 10 7 3 9
9 Astholm 5 2 2 1 5 5 0 8
10 Terra Anatidae 5 2 1 2 6 8 -2 7
11 Stargate Centurion 5 2 0 3 9 11 -2 6
12 Tyrrin 5 2 0 3 6 10 -4 6
13 Banten States 5 2 0 3 3 8 -5 6
14 Dave Campbell 5 1 2 2 4 7 -3 5
15 Threetime 4 1 1 2 4 5 -1 4
16 Carpathia and Ruthenia 4 1 1 2 5 7 -2 4
17 Phillips Island 5 1 1 3 9 12 -3 4
18 Swartaz 5 1 1 2 7 10 -3 4
19 Pasarga 4 1 1 2 6 9 -3 4
20 Yelda 4 1 1 2 4 7 -3 4
21 Wessia 4 1 1 2 4 8 -4 4
22 Lemetel 4 0 3 1 3 5 -2 3
23 Steroga 4 1 0 3 5 10 -5 3
24 Metallo Pesante 4 0 1 3 3 8 -5 1
25 Austaliazia 4 0 0 4 1 11 -10 0

NSwiki Page

You can even read about the tournament here ( on NSwiki.
26-04-2009, 10:38
Norwellia 1-1 (3-2) Stargate Centurion

Box score:
23' Goal: McCarran (Stargate Centurion)
82' Goal: Richter (NOR)
91' Goal: Ikaru (NOR)
103' Goal: Vermeeren (NOR)
104' Goal: Kasey (Stargate Centurion)
The Bear Islands
26-04-2009, 15:11
(News in 'Bears Armed'; from the 'Sports' section of 'The Bear Necessities'...)


Terra Anatidae 0 -- 2 The Bear Islands

There's encouraging news for Ursinity from Errinundera, and the first 'knockout' round of the current 'Baptism of Fire', where the all-Ursine soccer team from a newly-revealed nation that's simply called 'The Bear Islands' looks as though it might be on course to repeat our own team's triumph of eight years ago.
Yesterday saw those islanders' selected 'Braves' pitted against a team of Swans and Geese, in a very exciting match indeed. Those avian opponents took the first kick-off, and maintained possession of the ball for much of the first half through a combination of aerial manoeuvering and surprising skill, but fortunately seemed to have even less success in staying within the "offside" rule than the Bear-Belles did in their debut tournament and had all of their three shots 'on goal' disallowed for that reason. In the second half they stuck mostly to the ground instead of flying, possibly in the hope that this would let them keep track of each other's positions more effectively, but once on the ground they were unable to compete as effectively against the Braves who consequently dominated that half of the game. The Anatidae had a very good goalkeeper, but Braves' captain 'Mighty-Like-A-Rose' finally got a shot past this bird to take his team ahead in the 67th minute. The Braves' next shot 'on goal' came five minutes later, from Thunderbolt, and although the goalkeeper successfully intercepted this the sheer power with which it had been launched left him (or her?) with a broken right wing and meant that a substitution was necessary... and the replacement, a grey-feathered goose, let another shot from Thunderbolt through in the game's 83rd minute after which the result never seemed in doubt.

The Braves' next match, which will be a 'quarter-final' one, is against the Human team of 'Italia Orientale', who are currently at the very top of this competiton's table and should be well worth watching.

(If any of our readers do travel to Errinundera, whether to watch any of this tournament's remaining games or for any other reason instead, then they are advised that meat-eating is prohibited there and neither meat nor any form of leather may legally be taken into that country.)
Italia Orientale
26-04-2009, 18:14
La Repubblica Sport

Italia Orientale has no Trouble in First Elimination Match
Italia Orientale --- 4
Phillips Island --- 1

Tingaringy, Errinundera – Italia Orientale turned in another brilliant offensive performance to advance to the quarterfinals of the Baptism of Fire Tournament on yet another freezing evening in Tingaringy. Their opponent, Phillips Island was clearly overmatched by the top-seeded Golden Eagles who scored two goals in the first ten minutes and cruised the rest of the way.

Luca Del Castello scored on a shot from the edge of the penalty box in 4th minute when a pass from Muhammad Paoloni found him all alone in the center. Then in the 8th minute Ishmael Tarblus and Hossein Bolognese managed to make a break on a counter-attack following a PI corner. Bolognese hit Tarblus with a pass to avoid the keeper and an easy goal ensued.

Italia Orientale scored again in the 34th minute to make it 3-0 when Abdulla defender Paolo Mastino scored his first goal of the tournament off of Bolognese corner. After halftime the Golden Eagles relaxed a little bit and subbed out Del Castello, Paoloni, and Mastino to play some of the younger players. Phillips Island’s only goal came in the 67th minute when Hideaki Matsushita got past young defender Tommaso Fiorentino who had been subbed in for Mastino. The Golden Eagles responded with another goal in 79th minute by Tariq Aziz off of a pass from Abdallah Marchetti.

The Golden Eagles will face Bear Island in the next round, a tem which dispatched Terra Anatidae 2-0. The next game will be played Stade de Siaros in Deddick, marking the first game Italia Orientale will not play in Tingaringy. Many of the players were quite happy to be leaving the frigid city, but some were sad to leave. “I wish we could play here the rest of the tournament,” said mid-fielder Hossein Bolognese, “we’ve had some good luck here and I think the cold weather keeps us focused.”

“This next match is going to be tough,” said Coach Lippi in an interview following the game, “I mean, just look at the size differential between our teams. We’re usually used to being the physical bruisers, but we may have to rethink our whole strategy for the next game, they are bears after all.”

Box Score

Italia Orientale – Luca Del Castello 4’ (5); Ishmael Tarblus 8’ (5); Paolo Mastino 34’ (1); Tariq Aziz 79’ (1)
Phillips Island – Hideaki Matsushita 67’

Italia Orientale – Muhammad Paoloni 4’ (1); Hossein Bolognese 8’, 34’ (6,7); Abdallah Marchetti 79’ (3)
Phillips Island – Takeshi Suzuki 67’

Italia Orientale – Hassan Qadafi 22’ (Yellow); Paolo Mastino 41’ (Yellow); Tariq Aziz 53’ (Yellow)
Phillips Island – Hideki Nakahara 30’ (Yellow)

Man of the Match:
Hossein Bolognese --- 2 Assists, 6 Tackles
26-04-2009, 18:45
The night before the Tyrrin game.

At the end of the 20th century, Golgothastan, historically a liberal republic, had voted to become a monarchy because they thought it would spice things up a bit (and form a welcome change from the constantly shifting coalitions that Golgothastani's political system, generally classed as "excessive[ly free]" or "widely abused" by the World Assembly, necessitates). The appalling mortality rate of the Gherkin family, however, meant that instead of Stephen Gherkin, Golgothastan ended up under the oppressive thumb of his cousin, Rudi Gherkin. Jack Weisgaarden and Bort Chocowitz had been the heroic leaders of the resistance, and Jack had been captured and tortured. In past times, his nightmares would be filled with visions of horror from his time in Room 102 (Room 101 was booked weeks in advance by an Asian couple). Now, though, he found his sleep filled with a different kind of dread.

In front of him lay a bacon sandwich, the warm smell rising to his nostrils, the fat glistening as the fresh bubbles slid across its rich, brown surface, grease melting into the spread on the thick, white bread. "Red or brown?" asked an appealling voice, and sauce squirted onto the delicious meat. He lifted it to his mouth, practically inhaling his first bite, only to look up into the baleful stare of a sniffer wombat...

"Gah!" He sat bolt upright. His sheets were soaked in cold sweat. He cast around for a moment for the sandwich, but all he could find was a cold plate of Chickpea Surprise. He had to settle for a cigarette.

He tottered out onto the balcony, and, looking up, saw light spilling out of Stigur's room. Usually the lad was exceptionally dutiful about getting to bed on time, especially before such a big game, so this was a bit odd. He could hear shouts. He hurried back, and ran up the stairs, pausing to wheeze and hack out a cough at the first junction, and rapped on the door. It swung open, and he found most of the team inside. They were gathered around a TV and a small device.

"Jack! You have to see this?"

"What is it?" He was barely awake - what time was it?

"You know they never recovered the second bag that Hrafn...liberated, right?"

"The second bag...the second bag of...the second bag of thorium? Oh please don't tell me he's -"

"No, no it's ok. He's done nothing bad with it. He sold it on eBay!"

Jack sat down heavily. "Please tell me this story takes a turn for the better soon."

"No, Jack, it's ok," pleaded Birgir. The usual rational captain's insistence on this point was as comforting as was Ásgeir's discomforting. Stigur wasn't looking, continuing to twiddle a small device connected to a box under the television.

"He sent us something. He used the money to buy a training manual."


"Yeah, well, no offence Jack, but..."

"I know shit-all about football. Yes. What manual?"

Birgir pointed proudly to the screen. Jack moved round, sat down, and sprang up. He turned round and picked up the object that'd intruded on his nether regions. There was a man with long hair on the front of the box.

"Who is this?"

"His name is Messy."


"Yes. He's a really good footballer."

"Ok. Messy?"

"Messy. I think it's pronounced different. Anyway, this is, like, a training simulation."

"Ok. What's it called."

"Pro Evo 4."

"What does that mean?"

"I...dunno. Maybe the people who made it want evolution taught in schools or something. Anyway, it's good! We're learning tactics." Rúnar Þór smiled proudly. Jack winced; there was something disconcerting about the conjunction of Rúnar Þór and 'tactics'.

Stigur waved Jack over. "Look, you use this one." He handed him a controller."

Behind them the others continued to jump around on the bed and shout largely incoherent instructions. Jack used the controller to make a player dribble round Stigur's player, and score. He looked at the screen thoughtfully as the simulation simulated celebrations.

"Birgir? Order some coffee..."

* * * * *

Ásgeir had picked up an injury, from broken glass, in circumstances that were unspecified but easily guessable. Haraldur yet again had to play instead of Hrafn. But otherwise, Jack was putting out his best XI, and as they scuttled off to line up alongside the Tyrrin side, all standing ramrod straight in military formation, he felt a rare emotion, for which there is no literal translation in Golgothastani but might be rendered in English as "confidence". God, he hoped this worked. Last out was Stigur.

"Remember The Tactic, Stigur," Jack warned him. They'd spent hours on the Pro Evo learning simulation, but in the end only one tactic seemed effective under all circumstances.

Stigur nodded, dashed off, and Jack headed for the manager's dugout. It was colder than they'd been accustomed to, but The Nora was an impressive venue - far better than anything in Golgothastan - and he hoped the players would wait till a good way into the game to start eyeing up the fixtures to strip.

They were able to implement The Tactic immediately, with surprisingly swift results. Tyrrin kicked off but Allan Donnchadh daudled on the ball and was smartly dispossessed by Stigur. It took all of Jack's willpower to resist shouting out "Kick it at the goal!" - NO! This was not The Tactic. He kept schtum, and Stigur dribbled downfield, weaving past Alasdair Savas, and coming up to Tjaard Fedde. Þorður and Bjarkí were running into the penalty area. Stigur looked up - was he going to shoot?

"TRIANGLE BALL!!" yelled Jack, and Stigur hit a 'triangle ball' - a through ball between the astonished defenders, who were transfixed by the sight of Jack running down the touchline holding an enormous sign with a triangle roughly painted on it, pointing wildly at it. They'd spent all morning on the practice ground trying this out. The ball rolled into space, Bjarkí leapt onto it, and flicked it into the corner with his left foot, leaving Oengus Aulay helpless.

"It worked!" said Jack excitedly to Birgir, who came across to grab a swift drink of water while the younger players celebrated by making angry love to the advertising hoardings (most of which showed scorch marks from a brief pre-game torching by the neutral supporters).

"I know. You know, Jack, you don't have to hold up the sign..."

"The sign is crucial. Without it we might forget to Triangle Ball it."

"I don't think so. It's pretty simple..."

"Yes, well, so is the average Golgothastani sportsman, so I'm not taking any chances. Get back and play." Birgir shrugged and ran back out.

Play remained in the Golgothastani half for the next ten minutes as the defenders passed it around thoughtfully. Jack wondered exactly what Guðni Rúnar was thinking about. Turnips, probably. Suleiman Donnchadh fired a long shot that Valdímar collected. He paused to give the finger to Þorður, and wave to his brother Ìngmar, sitting next to Jack on the bench, and then booted the ball upfield. Stigur was outjumped for the ball but won it in the tackle, nipped it past Savas and dashed upfield. The Golgothastanis streamed forward again. Stigur approached the penalty box, waiting, waiting...waiting...

"TRIANGLE BALL!!" yelled Jack again, whipping out the sign once more. Again it slipped between Fedde and Colin, and this time Þorður reached it first, slamming the shot in off the post to roars of approval from the Golgothastani fans. The announcer read out, "2-0 to Golgothastan after 11 minutes, with that goal coming from number 44/4 - 4, Þorður Sigurgeirsson, assisted by number 44 - (4! - 4), Stigur Guðbjartsson."

A few minutes later Jack was waving his sign again, and again Stigur hit a through ball. This time Aulay was out quick enough to smother Bjarkí's shot, and tip Þorður's rebound attempt round the post. Jack groaned in frustration - surely The Tactic wasn't failing already? But this time it wasn't needed. Stigur hit the corner deep, found Helgi unmarked at the back, and the header spiralled into the corner.

The Tactic had its problems occasionally. They tried an inventive move where Helgi crossed and Stigur dove to score a diving header, but the central defenders had wisened up a little and rushed out to block the inevitable through ball - leaving Stigur miles offside. But by the end of the half, they'd recovered their composure, and added two more goals, each helped on - in Jack's mind, orchestrated - by his waving of the giant sign and loud exhortations to "TRIANGLE THE FUCKING BALL!!" Þorður and Birgir, again played on by Stigur, scored. "That was Stigur Guðbjartsson's 5th assist of the night," read out the announcer.

In the second half, however, things fell apart. Tyrrin didn't get closer than a couple of long-range prods, but they were tight at the back. They'd somehow got wind of the Golgothastani Tactic, and every time Stigur got the ball and Jack began yelling, ran back to form a line that blocked the through ball. They tried experimented with crossing, but Rúnar Þór became confused - a "cross" equalling a sliding tackle in his mind - and he ended up being booked and crying a lot. By the end, the players were exhausted, and as they walked off Jack admitted a new Tactic might be needed for the next game.

"Stigur, fire up the device - we need to find some new Tactics," he said to the sweat-drenched midfielder...
26-04-2009, 22:09
Qasarian Evening Sport

Brilliant Eagles win gets revenge

An amazing result for the Eagles in Errinundera as the Eagles look to have finally found their form. The Eagles played well from start to finish, with the opening goal in the 3rd minute when the speedy Taska knocked in a cross for Kusnets to take on his chest on the edge of the box before smashing it past the keeper. The quickfire Eagles then continued to dominate and threaten with Keres, Skormilonski, Taska and Nolakk forcing saves during the first 10 minutes.

The relief came in the 21st minute when Keres received a good Taska pass to the egde of the area, and shot brilliantly into the top corner from the edge of the box. The captain's first goal of the tournament gave Somewhereistonia some well deserved breathing space, which left them able to relax and control the flow of the game for the rest of the half. Going in 2-0 at half time, the revenge was really taking shape.

The Eagles continued to dominate in the second half with Skormilonski going close, his shot shaking the outside of the post. Somewhereistonia got the third goal in the 55th minute when Keres flicked a delightful ball over the defenders which Kusnets brought down and knocked past the keeper into the corner, they were making this look easy.

A defensive error on 61' as [?] managed to pick up a loose ball on the edge and smash hope after the centre backs both left it. A poor mistake on an otherwise brilliant performance for the Eagles. The game was wrapped up on 80' as Drozdova took the ball himself from the left, took on two before curling the ball towards the top corner, the keeper just got his fingertips to the ball to knock it clear, but only as far as Skormilonski, who tapped the loose ball into the gaping goal. With 4-1 the final score, the Eagles will take their rest day well and be looking forward to their game with Nong Nang Ning, who narrowly beat Dave Campbell on penalties, despite easily winning their group.

Somewhereistonia (2) 4-1 (0) Astholm
Kusnets [Taska] (3) ? (61)
Keres [Taska] (21)
Kusnets [Keres] (55)
Skormilonski (80)

Yellow cards: ? (59), Nolakk (60)

Substitutions: Paposki, Nolakk off, Grodzinski, Drozdova on (62)

Man of the match: Keres

Oll reported seen

There have been reporters of Oll sightings all around Deddick province recently. One person said that they had seen him wrestling a bear, another a lion, another person claimed he had been wrestling a sniffer wombat, surely the most likely of the three. The confused set of sightings have so far not been taken seriously. When asked about the sightings Ergma responded “A bear? He ran away to wrestle with a bear? Where do you people get this stuff?”.

The sightings surely give hope for the survival of the missing midfielder, who has been missing for several days. If there are any more sightings of him, please give me a call so I can write about it, oh and tell the police or something.
Landau Institute
27-04-2009, 00:46
Swartaz defenceless against Landau Institute's offensive power (
Players commemorating Dr. Alien's goal

After good games in the group stage, now Landau Institute continues with the good campaign in the Baptism of Fire, defeating the opponents in the second round (oitavas-de-final) Swartaz by four goals, in a game the Institute had full control of the game, and could easily take the lead and the victory (the Institute didn't even receive many threats from Swartaz). The supporters who were in the stadium and the ones who were inside the Institute watching the game in the video room could be satisfied with the football quality showed by the players. The four goals came easily, and the difference could be even bigger, but the two attackers failed some good scoring chances, especially Doctor Gadescu, who is now a doubt for the next game (as is Doctor Ribeiro, whose performances are clearly inferior of those of Doctor Mendes Díaz).

Surely one of the main characters of this game was Doctor Alien, as this was his first game for the team in this Baptism of Fire. I mean, not exactly the first game, as Doctor Hill (as he was previously known) played all the other games of the team in the competition, even scoring many goals and becoming a key player. But, after his transformation into Doctor Alien, this was his first competitive game. And there was no doubt that the sight of Dr. Alien in the field is impressive. He is huge and he is talented. No joking, he really has an extraterrestrial ability. And it was him who set up the first goal, with an excellent crossing which went directly to Professor Abrahim's head, who sent the ball perfectly into the top right corner of Craig's net.

Although the goal gave the Landau Institute the lead, Swartaz was still hoping for an early reaction, and moved towards the attack. But most times their play was stopped still in the midfield, with the doctors dominating that sector of the field. One of the few times they were able to reach the attack, Andrew Henley could invaded the area with an interesting scoring chance. Being tightly marked by Valdir, however, he was unable to place a good shot and the ball went slowly to Doctor Maldonado's hands. Noticing the team's superiority in the game, the Memory Ball contacted Aecalyopheno, who ordered the team to be even more offensive, as there was a chance for the team to create a huge lead still in the first half. And that's what happened. With a strong long ranged shot, Dr. Alien scored the second goal of the Institute. Minutes later, in a good exchange of passes, Professor Rocher invaded the opponent area and, with a placed shot, scored the third goal of the game.

The return of the game in the second half saw a more balanced Landau Institute team, with less offensive power and more ball control, holding the ball and slowing down the pace of the game. Winning by three goals of difference, the decision to make the team more patient was a wise one by the Memory Ball, as the team should just keep the positive result and give the players a less physically challenging game in the second half. But even with this playing style the Landau Institute was able to score one more goal, in a good play involving many players. It all started with a pass by Professor Dupont to Doctor León, who turned around to see Dr. Alien in conditions of receiving the ball. He then dribbled Jones and made a short pass to Professor Abrahim, who invaded the area and passed the ball back to Alien, who then concluded the play by shooting to the goal, an excellent finish to a well done play.

The Landau Institute team was really lethal in the game, running over Swartaz to get the place in the quarterfinals like a compressing coil, with no mercy of the opponents. With this good performance, the team got the victory, and will now face Golgothastan. But the highlights of the game also included more supernatural abilities of Dr. Alien. We already know that the Memory Ball has to avoid placing Johann close to him, because Alien's toxins make the most basic instincts of some people control their bodies instead of their free will. But we also discovered now that Alien can, when touching objects or people, make them faster or slow them down, as soon as he is touching them. This proved to be extremely helpful for the team, as he slowed down some opponent defenders and, in his first goal, made the ball go faster to the goal after his shot. But we are sure that there are many other abilities of Dr. Alien that are still hidden.

Landau Institute's line-up: Maldonado; Rocher, Gabriel, Ribeiro (Mendes Díaz 55') and Valdir; Dupont, Splitsscher (Barbeiro 72'), León and Dr. Alien; Gadescu (Pascoal 80') and Abrahim.
Coach: Memory Ball.

Goals:LID: Abrahim 13' , Dr. Alien 29'/70' , Rocher 36'.

After the game, in the players' room:

PROF. ABRAHIM - "Brilliant team, brilliant! That's what we were needing!"

AECALYOPHENO - "I hope we now have the necessary motivation to make the run to the title... and this is possible, very possible, we are playing very well!"

(the Memory Ball floats around Gaspar's head)

AECALYOPHENO - "Of course, this game was easier than the others, and the players know this. I don't think they'll become too overconfident."

PROF. DUPONT - "You can relax about this, coach, we know that we must continue doing our best!"

DR. SPLITSSCHER - "But we also can't deny that we are a good team! And now we have even a supernatural being with us!"

DR. ALIEN - "I'd prefer to be considered just a player like any other, I'm not anyone special."

PROF. ABRAHIM - "You are, and you know you are. You have abilities no other player here has. Now you're this team's main player... I lost this status now that you became Doctor Alien."

DR. ALIEN - "Being or not the star of the team, my only objective is to help the Landau Institute."

PROF. ROCHER - "And now that you are half-alien, you can help us even more than when you just were a bald doctor!"

DR. ALIEN - "That's right. I am happy to have now these special abilities to help the team, although my face isn't how I expected it to be."

(the Memory Ball floats at Dr. Alien's direction)

DR. ALIEN - "What did he say, Gaspar?"

AECALYOPHENO - "He said that at least you have hair now. Because Pascal, when he was alive... I mean, alive in a physical body, didn't."

DR. ALIEN - "Yes, that's the good side of this transformation! I was bald, and now I have hair. I had tried to make lotions and medicines to make my hair grow back, but was unsuccessful. Now, suddenly, I have a full long hair!"

DR. LEÓN - "Er... should I say congratulations, then? I won't say that now all the women will go after you because this clearly isn't the case... you know, they wouldn't like a purple-coloured alien-faced doctor to date..."

DR. ALIEN - "Don't know if I should say thanks or be offended."

AECALYOPHENO - "So today we discovered that you can make things go faster or slower just touching at them... Pascal already has many ideas about how to use your ability."

DR. ALIEN - "I discovered that by accident... didn't knew that defender would run slower that time, but suddenly it happened. Then I tested it some times before noticing that I really could that. That's incredible."

DR. RIBEIRO - "I still can't fully believe this... it's so unreal!"

AECALYOPHENO - "Just look at Doctor Hill now... this is already something you would consider to be unreal. Not me. I saw The Machine, and after that I know nothing is completely unreal."

(the Memory Ball is still floating around Dr. Alien)

AECALYOPHENO - "Yes, Pascal, we'll certainly have to use this ability. And maybe see if he can develop others. Be prepared to make many things faster and others slower during the next game, Doctor Alien!"

DR. ALIEN - "I will. All for the Landau Institute!"

Inside the Institute:

DR. PACCARDI - "Okay Professor, let's get prepared for the surgery."

PROF. FRAZBERT - "Surely. First let's check the identity of the patient... patient twenty thousand two hundred seventy-one, name is Bergue Grando."

DR. PACCARDI - "According to the photo in his ID card, I'm certain it is him."

PROF. FRAZBERT - "That's good. We wouldn't want to make the same mistake we did last week, when we removed all the lower part of the body of a patient before discovering he was the wrong patient."

DR. PACCARDI - "But the removal was necessary. That bacteria had infected the full area and we wouldn't have time to treat that."

PROF. FRAZBERT - "Right, but the operation was to be performed in another patient, not in the one we actually did the operation!"

DR. PACCARDI - "Oh, yes. But this isn't so bad, at least he didn't die."

PROF. FRAZBERT - "He had his lower body removed when he was going to just have a liposuction! He didn't ask for that!"

DR. PACCARDI - "That's bad... but now this mistake won't happen, this really is the right patient!"

PROF. FRAZBERT - "This one is a routine surgery, it seems this patient is an athlete who frequently has knee injuries. He had another serious injury that demanded a surgery."

DR. PACCARDI - "Where is he?"

PROF. FRAZBERT - "Just noticed he isn't here! Call the nurse to bring him to the room!"

(the patient arrives to the room and is placed on the bed)

DR. PACCARDI - "So, Mr. Grando, another knee injury?"

PATIENT - "Yes, another one. I'm already used to these surgeries."

PROF. FRAZBERT - "So you already know the procedures. Let's start, Doctor Paccardi."

DR. PACCARDI - "Time is now three o'clock in the afternoon."

PATIENT - "Three o'clock? It's time of the Landau Institute game in the Baptism of Fire?"

PROF. FRAZBERT - "Really? Oh, I'll have to turn the television on then."

DR. PACCARDI - "They say something weird happened with Doctor Hill."

PROF. FRAZBERT - "Doctor Paccardi, prepare the anesthesy."


PROF. FRAZBERT - "What happened?"

PATIENT - "I don't want the anesthesy!"

PROF. FRAZBERT - "But without it we can't make the surgery!"

PATIENT - "Of course you can, just cut my leg and make what you've intended to do! But I want to see the Landau Institute game, and will do everything for it!"

DR. PACCARDI - 'But there'll be too much pain, you wouldn't stand it!"

PATIENT - "To watch the football I stand this, for sure. I won't discuss it, turn the television on and just start this surgery while I watch the game! I can resist!"

PROF. FRAZBERT - "Well, it won't be our first weird patient, Doctor Paccardi. I'll do it. Give me the surgical knife."

DR. PACCARDI - "All right, here it is."

PROF. FRAZBERT - "I'm cutting..."


DR. PACCARDI - "I said there'd be too much pain. Want the anesthesy now?"

PATIENT - "No, I can resist this. I can't miss the game."

PROF. FRAZBERT - "Hold him, Doctor Paccardi. If that's what he wants, that's what will happen... will continue with the cut..."


PROF. FRAZBERT - "Everything is going fine..."

PATIENT - "Yes, yes, it seems the team is controlling well the ball in the midfield."

DR. PACCARDI - "Now to reconstruct the damaged area... this will hurt even more."

PATIENT - "No, no, no!"

DR. PACCARDI - "Want us to stop?"

PATIENT - "I'm not talking about this, I'm talking about the game! Swartaz had open space, what our defence is doing? No, they can't let them attack this way!"

PROF. FRAZBERT - "It seems he is very concentrated in the game..."

PATIENT - "Yes! GOOOOOOAAAAAL! That's good, yes!"

(the doctors stop the surgery to see the goal)

PROF. FRAZBERT - "Nice goal."

DR. PACCARDI - "Time to continue the surgery, Professor."

PROF. FRAZBERT - "Okay, cutting deeper now..."

Dr. Alien running to the attack
27-04-2009, 07:03
The Hardy Boys #71473299
The Clue of the Cannibalistic Witch
by Franklin W Dixon

Chapter 6 - The Familiar Creek and the Temporal Flux

The three stepped out of Vasilisa's truck. There was a muffled crunch beneath their feet as they walked on the icy snow towards the forest. Icicles dangled sinisterly from the overgrown, unkempt pines. Vasilisa, the boys noticed, was already trembling, but she kept her chin up and led the way.

"At least we have the radio, Vasilisa," Joe said brightly to her, trying to lift her spirits by waving the hand-held device in a clownlike way.. She smiled at him. Maybe he wasn't such an idiot after all, she thought.

Frank obviously realized that something scandalous might be developing between the two others, for at this point he pointed at a spot far ahead in the forest and shouted, "Oh my God! Look!"

The others whirled around in terror.

"Just kidding," said Frank humourlessly.

"You giant barf bag! That was not funny!" Joe hollered. Vasilisa still looked too terrified to speak.

It may not have been funny, but it worked; they haven't made out yet, thought Frank. That this was his primary concern as he walked closer and closer to an evil witch in the forest didn't seem unusual to him at all.

They trekked on as the sun moved up from the horizon and a little bit of the bitter morning cold faded a bit. The trees became even more dense as they followed a very faint path. Soon, there were visible overhead massive flocks of black geese.

"Is it normal for them to be flying that close together this time of year?" asked Frank.

"Here? Yes. People say that Baba Yaga has enchanted them to watch the forest for her. They tell her if anyone has wandered in."

"So it's a good bet she knows we're here already," asked Joe.


"Awesome." he said sarcastically, obviously disappointed that they would not be able to surprise Baba Yaga. He plopped down on a rock nearby, tired from walking. The others sat down next to him. It appeared that they were at the top of what had once been a ravine, now overgrown with wildlife.

"I wonder if anything is on other than football reporting," Frank thought out loud, as he saw that Joe still had the radio in his hand.

"You might get some domestic league coverage, that would be good, said Vasilisa, still out of breath from the hike. (Although Frank and Joe's contant recaps of The Mystery of the Crappy Olympics, in which they had trained with Jesse Owens, got extremely old, they did appear to be in very good shape and set a fast pace.)

"Well all right then," said Joe amicably, tuning in.

"You Are You Are You Are Listening Listening Listening... To Kagdazka Sport Radio!!!"

"Welcome to Kagdazka Sport Radio, I'm Zoya Chistyakov! I don't want to give too much away too early, but I have some good news for fans of the Kagdazka national football team! The team's octofinal against Banten States is over, and I have the highlights!"

"What the-" began Frank.

"Holy sh-" exclaimed Joe.

"How can the national team result be known already? We just listened to the Stargate Centurion recap earlier today! This must be a joke!" said Vasilisa, as incredulous as the boys.

Frank paused for a moment, and then surmised: "Hmm. We're in Baba Yaga's forest, that must have something to do with it... there must be many people who want to get rid of her, you would expect her to protect herself... I know! Perhaps she employs some type of temporal flux to protect herself from Scud missile attacks!"

"Oh yes, that's it! Well done, brother!"

"Yes, I have to admit, that seems to be the only logical explanation," added Vasilisa.

"I know," said Frank. "I mean, I admit that if this were a story written for an online political roleplaying game, it would seem really unrealistic, like the author just pulled it out of his ass in order to resolve some difficult plot point. But since this is real life, and not some RP, it makes perfect sense."

They went back to listening to the radio.

"...but in my opinion, there was a reason no one knows anything about the Banten States. Here's Sasha Khokhlov down on the pitch, of course recorded earlier..."

"...and the opening whistle blows here in Tubbut. The fans here are out in force, as this is the last time they will get to see the wisteria and green play in their hometown; if Kagdazla win they will play the rest of the tournament in Deddick and McKillops Bridge, if they lose they will go back home. I'm very happy to announce that the lineup looks much more familiar today, though it still contains some of the bizarre selections that were present in the last game, here we go... Filimonov, Popov, Belyakov, Radic, and Kozlov; Spiridonov, Nikolic, Anisimov, and Kyznetsov; Stefanovic and Vasiliy Zaitsev. So yet again a new formation, and still some monkeying with the defense going on, but this looks like a pretty good lineup. To be fair, I was told that Chairman Zivkovic didn't even name it, Kyznetsov did because Zivkovic wasn't even paying attention..."

"...and Banten States' first corner of the game, in the 31st minute, results in nothing. Spiridonov manages to toe poke the ball just far enough up the pitch that Anisimov can control and attack. Now it's Stefanovic, he'll let Anisimov overlap, still holding... oh, he'll play it back to the center, here's Spiridonov again... great atmosphere here, the crowd really pushing Kagdazka forward... Spiridonov makes a nice move left, gets clipped... oh good, that will be a foul. Simple foul, no card, that's fair, referee. This is likely too far away for Stefanovic, Nikolic, or Kyznetsov to shoot with this... yeah, too far, it looks like Stefanovic will try and lob this in to a head. Here's the free kick... HANDBALL! HANDBALL, ISN'T IT?!?! It is! A penalty to the wisteria and green! What a silly, silly thing to do, Banten States! It wasn't even that good a free kick from Stefanovic. Totally unnecessary. Stefanovic will take the penalty kick... puts it away! One nil Kagdazka!"

"As the action heated up after the first goal, Banten States managed to win two more corner kicks. But they failed to convert them and Kagdazka went into half time full of confidence. Coming out of the break, they were immediatekly looking for another..."

"'s the 20-year-old Nikolic on the right wing... it does look like Zivkovic has finally figured out where this young midfielder belongs... he'll get tackled, but that's a Kagdazka throw in. Looks like Popov will come up to take this. Oh, I thought he might hurl it long into the box, but he played it back to Belyakov. Belyakov will hit a long one- oh, look, Stefanovic can win this! He does, and he's got Zaitsev wide open running straight at goal, can he find him?!?! YES, it's one on one, Zaitsev versus the goalkeeper, WHAT A CHIP!!! GOAL!!! It's two nil in the 49th minute!!! Vasiliy Zaitsev, the young FKM striker, scoring with a very cheeky little chip shot, but the keeper was off his line and it worked..."

"Banten States managed to get three of their players cautioned for dissent after the goal, arguing that Zaitsev was offside. However, the replay left no doubt in anyone's mind; Boris Zaitsev's little brother was onside. Play remained attacking and open in the second half, but Filimonov made several beautiful saves and put to rest many doubters who would rather see Denisov between the pipes. The 62nd minute saw the next goal..."

"...Nikolic again down the wing, great pace here, he'll play it into the middle for Zaitsev, who's played really well, definitely seems to be auditioning for a starting place... oh, he slips through, and he's got options, Popov is open down the right, he'll try to find him, oh no. Ball caroms off a defende- wait, Zaitsev's won it back! He'll cut left to the center, left foot through ball! He's found Kozlov in the 18, where did he come from? Kozlov turns, waits, touches, shoots, SCORES! WHAT A GOAL!!! THREE NIL TO KAGDAZKA!!! And this is looking like a rout, sports fans!"

"A rout it was. From then until then end of the match Banten States never mustered another shot. Feeling no pressure, Kagdazka subbed out their major attackers in Zaitsev, Kyxnetsov, and Stefanovic, but the wisteria and green still grabbed another goal, a brilliant Plamen Radic snap header off of a corner. The goal was Radic's third in two games.

"With Norwellia defeating Stargate Centurion, the quarterfinal of all quarterfinals, rivalled only by Landau Institute and Golgothastan, will take place in McKillops Bridge tomorrow. The team will move into the Milosis Red Palace for the next few days in the run up to their quarterfinal. However, rumours are flying that Timo Zivkovic, both manager of the team and Grand Chancellor of the People's Assembly, will not be moving into the Palace, with 'other issues to attend to.' Perhaps the ban on meat consumption is getting to our Dear Leader? At any rate, the boys will surely have a good time as they will get the chance to live it up in a royal palace and get to know some other players, as they will stay with the Eagles of Somewhereistonia and their opponents the Rainbow Warriors of Norwellia. The only downside is that they will have to put up with the Jibbering Teapots of Nong Nang Ning, too."

With this, the boys whooped and Vasilisa smiled faintly. She wished she could be as animated and excited as all the other Kagdaz people about this, but she was under too much stress at the moment.

They began to walk again as Vasilisa hollowly reassured herself that even if they did turn around now, it would have no effect, as they were far enough into the woods that Baba Yaga would pursue them if they tried to run. They were close, and they knew it.

Finally, after several more hours, they crossed a creek. They had already gotten to the other side when Vasilisa stopped in her tracks. She stood rooted to the spot for a moment before making two full 360-degree turns, trying to get her bearings. Finally, she spoke.

"Baba Yaga's hut is right over there."

"Really?" the Hardys asked.

"Yes. I remember this stream. There's a clearing over there."

"Then maybe we can still surprise her!" said Frank creatively. He made a series of very complex hand gestures to Joe, and crept forward.

"What should I do?" Vasilisa asked them.

Joe turned back to her and hissed, "You can either follow us or stay here. Either way we're just doing reconaissance, we'll be back here in exactly twenty minutes."

"Okay," she said quietly. She sat down next to a very large pine where there was only a little snow and watched them creep away.

The only significant sound was that of five or six birds chirping shrilly at one another in the tree above her. The minutes crawled by as she looked at her watch. Ten minutes until they got back. Would she have to go looking for them if they didn't come back? Five minutes. Vasilisa got up to run some cold water across her face to calm herself down. She lifted her cupped hands up from the stream and then...

She shook with fear before she even registered it in her ears. A sharp but low woman's voice was loudly cackling and did not seem to be very far away. It couldn't have been more than fifty yards. The frigid water was running through her hands like a sieve. Baba Yaga had caught them. Should I run? she thought desperately.

But she didn't have time to run. She could hear from just a few yards away someone running through the trees directly at her. She felt sure it would be Baba Yaga, but it wasn't.

"Joe!" she cried. She was surprised to find herself throwing her arms around him as the terror faded. "You frightened me, I thought you were... her."

Normally Joe would have gotten very red in the face and/or started drooling in the situation he was in, with the beautiful girl draped all over him, and Vasilisa knew it. But he was doing neither of these things, and that was more worrying to Vasilisa than anything.

"Joe, what is it? What happened? Why did I hear her cackling? Where's Frank?"

"She was standing outside the hut. Sh-sh-she was horrifying... it was like age knew we were coming. Waiting for us. Frank took the side she was watching. I saw it... she grabbed him... oh God, Frank..."

"Is he all right?"

"I don't know. She was... floating... floating six inches above the ground. She was too fast for him. I didn't see..."

"Then he might still be alive!"

"I hope he is. But the way she was cackling..." He shuddered.

"I know, I heard it too, Joe."

"If he is alive... I have to help Frank!" Joe said impulsively.

"Joe, wait, what will you do?!"

"I'll throw a rock trough her window," he said, picking up a large stone from the bottom of the stream.

"I'm coming with you this time!"

"No! You have to stay here! Just wait here! Just wait here, please!"

"God damn it, Joe, if you leave me here by myself I'll have no one to help me get that doll back! I am coming with you!

"Fine!" Joe said hotly. "I'm just trying to protect you!"

"I know, Joe. But between the two of us, only I've survived a direct meeting with her."

"Yeah..." Joe said resignedly. The forest was silent once again, and only the birds chirped above them. "Okay, let's go around to the back."

They walked back where Joe had come from, through a very dense thicket. On the other side, Vasilisa could see ahead the edge of a familiar clearing. Joe was in a rush, hoping Baba Yaga had not harmed Frank yet.

When they came out into the clearing, Vasilisa recognized the hut immediately. It was small and plain, made of logs like most of the houses in Igipsi, but this one was different. It stood on enormous chicken legs, and could move around the forest like terrible, gigantic perversion of a farmyard bird.

Joe didn't have a second to waste. He stepped into the clearing and chucked the rock as hard as he could into the witch's back window. His aim was true and the window shattered into a million tiny pieces. There was no delay.

The hut, on its legs, whirled around so that the front of the house was facing them. A loud, evil, booming voice rang out.


Joe and Vasilisa remained silent.


They still stood their ground.


"No!" bellowed Joe.


"It's a Faustian bargain," Vasilisa said immediately. "Don't do it, Joe."

Joe turned to her, with his back to the hut. "Even if she is lying," he whispered, "I have a surprise for her." Joe lifted up his shirt (a super-pretentious golf shirt typical of the Hardy Boys). Tucked into his 1950s-style khaki slacks was an Uzi submachine gun.

"How the hell did you get that into the country?" Vasilisa said, aghast. "You know guns like that are totally illegal in civilian hands here."

He held a finger up to her lips, which was extremly cliché, but she didn't really care anymore. "That doesn't matter. Just be ready outside that side window," he said, pointing. "I'm going to hold her off and then toss the doll out. Then run. I'll figure it out from there. Besides, if Frank is alive in there, maybe he can help me."

Without giving her a chance to say anything about it, Joe grabbed Vasilisa, kissed her, and then walked calmly at the house, covering the Uzi with his shirt once again.

"Joe!" Vasilisa hissed. "What good will it do? She can't die!"

"She can bleed," he said coolly as he put on a pair of sunglasses that he thought were really bad-ass (even though he had bought them at a Seven Eleven for $1.79) and continued his brave march toward Baba Yaga.
27-04-2009, 09:09
RP cut off for Italia Orientale, The Bear Islands, Kagdazka & Norwellia at 7pm AEST (9am GMT) - about 50 minutes away.

Cut off is here. Scores up shortly.
27-04-2009, 10:07
Match Day 7 Results - Quarter Finals 1 & 2

Italia Orientale 1 The Bear Islands 1 (2-1 AET)
Kagdazka 3 Norwellia 2

Semi Final: Italia Orientale v Kagdazka @ Liberation Stadium, McKillops Bridge

Weather Conditions
Possible Shower
Deddick: 4ºC -> 9ºC
McKillops Bridge: 5ºC -> 10ºC
(Don't worry - it was colder at the other venues!)
28-04-2009, 01:10
"So, we're going to be set on fire?"


"Punched and thrown threw a window?"

"No. Well, so long as Guðberg doesn't get really"

"Electrocuted in our bathtub?"


"Hung in the street?"

"It's 'hanged', and no! Stigur, no! It's just an expression. 'Treated like royalty' doesn't mean - it doesn' doesn't mean we'll be treated like we treated our royalty. It means we'll be treated like other countries treat their royalty."

The young midfielder looked puzzled, and put down his controller for a moment. He and Jack had been up all night, trying to figure out alternative tactis on the 'Pro Evo' football simulation. The face of Messy stared at them, as if in challenge, from the box the simulation came in.

"Look, Stigur, you were little when we got rid of our royalty, so it's understandable it had a big impact on you, the stories and suchlike."

"I heard you were in the resistance."

"Ah, no, that was an acid-punk I played in in college. The Resistance. We laid some slick rhythms."

"Ok...well, anyway..."

"Being treated like royalty is a good thing, Stigur, put it that way. It means they're going to, I dunno...give us nice food, fancy beds, change our clothes for us. That sort of thing. Like staying in a nice hotel."

"You mean like GolgoLodge?"

"No, I wouldn't call that 'nice'..."

"Oh, more like the Hotel Roach, on Upper Filth Street? You know, if you give the receptionist five flugufrelsarinns she'll su-"

"No, no, I'm thinking still more upmarket."

They carried on playing. At training they'd tried the triangle ball using codewords, but the confusion it caused Rúnar Þór was unbearable. After a while Jack paused the simulation.

"Five flugufrelsarinns? Really?"

"Swear to god..."

* * * * *
To: jack.weisgaarden@golgomail.go
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Errinundera Football CupJack,

I just got the news - we beat Tyrrin 5-0. THIS IS A DISASTER!

We are meant to be the hapless underdogs who everyone roots for but doesn't really want to touch because they think they'll get scabies. Then we pull off a surprise win, and only at the end do we get good, at which point it doesn't really matter if we win or not so long as we can look soulfully into the crowd and run in slow motion to our long-lost father/on-off old flame/sceptical child who's learned to hope again.

This is fixable, but it means that against the Landau Institute you need to pick up a few fleshwounds, try to convince the ref to give a dodgy penalty against you, that sort of thing: then save it all for the last five minutes. Make sure you have a copy of Hoppípolla standing by. It will be needed.

Here, things are ok. It turns out for once we're not in recession: the Finance Minister just had the graph the wrong way round. Twerp. Anyway, I fired him, and now the economy's doing quite well. Going to hold off appointing a new one as long as I can, although already the Parliament - they're meeting in a betting shop now, they think the people will be too afraid to burn that down - want me to appoint another one soon, and to place ten on the 4:15 at Suð í eyrum Downs.

Final thing Jack: I don't care what you did about this Hrafn kid, just GET HIM HOME. The Errinunderans actually seem to like us, and I will NOT have some footballer messing up our chance of finally making one vague international friendship. I have added enough for a sturdy hacksaw and several large black binliners to your expense account.


P.S. Check out this video - it's a panda bear, SNEEZING!!! HahahaTo: bort.chocowitz@golgomail.go
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Errinundera Football CupBort,

The lads and I are being put up in some old palace, now disused and a bit smelly, and being treated like royalty - well, you can imagine how scared the younger ones were! For once, I have to admit, Errinunderan hospitality has disappointed. They don't seem terribly interested in waiting on us hand and foot like I'd expected. Instead they just sit around playing cards or talking to animals. Maybe that is how they treat royalty, though.

I don't think your worries about no longer being the underdogs will be a problem. The Landau Institute look bloody good from what I've seen; and they've already been in this competition like five times, so I imagine they'll wise up to our secret Tactic (which I won't discuss in this unsecured email, just in case). Also: don't worry, I will kill Hrafn.

Looking forward to the game tomorrow? Apparently we're getting quite good viewing figures now: I read in yesterday's Sæglópur Sentinel our second round game was the second most watched sport in Golgothastani history, after the finals of the Beer Pong Cup.

Have talked to Gretzky again, she is doing ok and sends her love. The Sentinel seems to think you are planning some major urban redevelopment work in New New York: please don't bulldoze her block, she's just grouted the bathroom!!

Funny video. Check out this: I was killing time yesterday while Stigur was getting room service, and it seems like there's this website called lolsamskeytis.go full of pictures of samskeytis and other animals doing funny things. Awesome! I love the Internet.

JackJack fired off the email and headed down to dinner. They were eating in a spacious dining room, but most of the players were pretty tired after a double spell of Triangle Ball Training and were slumped over their meals, barely tucking in. A few servants loitered around. One of them asked Jack for a light. He saw another bringing over what he thought was his meal, but then the guy just sat down, and started eating while doing the crossword. Eventually he found a table setting and sat down.

"Would sir care for some parsnip?"

"Look pal, this meal appears to consist almost entirely of parsnip - and now you're asking do I want more on the side?" Jack looked up. He was thinking it was actually odd for the waiter to be being so attentive...

"Hrafn!?" he hissed.

The young man had cut his hair and was wearing the same formal suit as the other waiters; apart from the appalling smell of Golgo Love Musk and neat wodka, he fit in perfectly. He winked.

"Hi Jack."

"What are you doing here?"

"Working." This was typical. Golgothastan had an unemployment rate of, at minimum, 40% among young men. Yet here one had gone and found a job in a country he'd already been banished from. Hrafn expanded. "Really, it's a great gig. They're so lax they didn't need any references...and just look at this place!"

Hrafn tugged at the thighs of his trousers, and for a moment, Jack wondered whether his persistent criminality was the sign of some inner confusion. His trousers lifted reveal he was wearing his shinpads under them. Tucked inside each one was an elaborate silver candlestick, doubtless some priceless relic from the original royal family, or at least a high-class imitation. One of them probably cost more than Jack's...well, than Jack's everything, really.

"Hrafn, put them back!" Jack whisper-snarled.

"No, it's fine, no one cares. And look, if I get busted, I'll just say it's republican protest against the continuing veneration of the autocratic monarchic tradition that..."

"Fuck off, Hrafn." Jack sighed and returned to his parsnips.

Hrafn wandered down the table to serve the others. When Guðni Rúnar recognised him, he stood up and gave the lad a hearty slap on the back. This proved a key error. Hrafn jolted forward, and in the process an immense tide of silverware began noisily spilling out of his sleeve. The other players and servants looked round in astonishment. Hrafn froze with his best 'what, me, officer?' look already sealed on his face. He grinned warily, then said, "Oh look, an eagle!"

"Where?" gasped Rúnar Þór excitedly. The others were not impressed.

"Ah...does that sign say 'free beer'?"

That one worked. All the Golgothastanis rushed to the other side of the room, sweeping everyone in the room with them in a surging wave of dipsomaniac craving, and Jack had to smile as Hrafn pocketed some cutlery, tiptoed away, and then neatly completed an act of autodefenestration to complete his escape.
Italia Orientale
28-04-2009, 02:26
La Repubblica Sport

Italia Orientale on to Semis!
Ishmael Tarblus Scores Late Game Goal to put Golden Eagles Through
Italia Orientale --- 2
Bear Islands --- 1

Deddick, Errinundera – Ishamel Tarblus scored in the 118th minute in Extra Time to vault Italia Orientale past Bear Islands and into the Semi-Finals of the Baptism of Fire Tournament. The goal came after Bear Islands’ Goalkeeper Mamoru Miyamoto deflected a shot from Luca Del Castello which Tarblus fired into the back of the net. Pandemonium ensued following the goal and some of Italia Orientale’s fans stormed the field. The game had to be stopped momentarily while Stadium Security moved the fans off the field so that the game could be concluded.

The game was played on a beautiful, but frigid night in Deddick. It took some time for Italia Orientale’s players to adjust to the warmer weather and several players complained of cramping in the first half.The first half was defensive battle as each team tried to assert its will and play the physical game. Bear Islands had the size advantage but the Golden Eagles players stayed tough and held their own. The teams combined for only three shots in the first half, two by Bear Islands and one by Italia Orientale.

Bear Islands struck first after halftime when veteran midfielder Kazuhiko Fukiyama headed in a goal off of a corner in the 51st minute. He managed to find an opening in Italia Orientale’s defense and knocked in a perfectly aimed shot in the upper right corner of the net, just out of the reach of Goalie Amir Amir to make the game 1-0. Bear Island nearly went up by another goal only three minutes later when striker Hideaki Matsushita fired a blast that Amir just managed to tip over the cross bar.

The game bogged down into another defensive stalemate after that, with neither side being able to control the ball much on the opposite side of midfield. Both defenses played outstanding games and really managed to limit the offensive opportunities.

Italia Orientale looked dead in the water late in the game, having only managed one shot on target the entire second half. However, in the 83rd minute, Defensive Midfielder Carlo Conti hit Luca Del Castello as he cut towards the goal and the tall striker managed to kick the ball past a diving Miyamoto to even the game at 1-1.

Neither team came close to scoring for the rest of the game, with both sides seemingly content to settle for extra time. Bear Islands came out gunning in the beginning of the extra time, placing six shots on target in the first five minutes. It took a titanic effort from Amir Amir to keep Bear Islands from taking the lead. He made several spectacular saves, including on back to back shots in the 94th minute. Midfielder Takeshi Suzuki took a go at the goal from the edge of the box to the right of Amir, and placed the ball towards the left side of the net. Amir dove and batted the ball high into the air. Then, Forward Daisuke Oshiro headed the ball towards the net as Amir was getting. The keeper was somehow able to punch away the second shot before the ball was cleared by Paolo Mastino ending the scoring threat.

After the initial flurry of shots, the game once again bogged down as the players got tired. There was not a single shot on goal the rest of the way, until Del Castello’s shot, that Tarblus ended putting in the back of the net.

Italia Orientale will play Kagdazka in the semi-finals. In the quarters, Kagdazka defeated Norwellia 3-2, with an excellent offensive performance. The game will take place at Liberation Stadium in McKillops Bridge

Box Score
Italia Orientale – Luca Del Castello 83’ (6); Ishmael Tarblus 118’ (6)
Bear Island – Kazuhiko Fukiyama 51’

Italia Orientale – Carlo Conti 83’ (1); Luca Del Castello 118’ (3)
Bear Island – Sadao Yukimura 51’

Italia Orientale - Hassan Qadafi 53’ (Yellow); Carlo Conti 69’ (Yellow)
Bear Island – Naoki Ueda 34’ (Yellow); Tamotso Ishimura 49’ (Yellow)

Man of the Match:
Ishmael Tarblus --- Game Winning Goal
28-04-2009, 02:31
News item from Le Monde, Deddick's most popular daily newspaper:


The match between Landau Institute and Golgothastan here at the Stade de siaros has been sold out. So far, the only other match to have achieved the same level of interest has been the final, which was sold out weeks ago.

The convenor of the Errinundera Football Association, ouisdonohu, is excited by the match up. "These two teams have captured the imagination of Errinundrians. I would have said it was a pity they weren't meeting in the final, but this way we get two sold out matches. We could do with the money."

Fans are particularly excited by the newly uncovered star, Doctor Alien. Stocks of purple material have sold out in Deddick and McKillops Bridge and supplies have been rushed in from all over the country. It seems like the stadium will be awash with purple flags.

That's not to say Golgothastan doesn't have its own huge following. We spoke with local fan, penriftu, who loves the playing style of the Golgothastanis. "They're not fancy. They're not scientific. They run straight at their opponents. I can't wait to see how they take on the monster alien."
Landau Institute
28-04-2009, 02:48
In the training field of the Landau Institute team:

AECALYOPHENO - "Pass the ball to the right wing, to the right wing! Pascal wants the team exploring more the wings, let's surprise our opponents! Cross the ball on the head of Dr. Alien, he isn't tall for nothing!"

PROF. DUPONT - "Ball here, Valdir!"

DR. SPLITSSCHER - "Running on your left, Professor!"

AECALYOPHENO - "Wrong pass, Professor Dupont, let's make it better, we are missing too many passes."

PROF. ROCHER - "Here on the wing, I'm well positioned!"

DR. MENDES DÍAZ - "The pass should be on thirty-three degrees of curve to reach you, Professor, I don't think it would be right."

PROF. PASCOAL - "Also, you'd have to run in a speed one quarter faster than you usually do, Professor."

(the Memory Ball turns orange and floats fast)

AECALYOPHENO - "Yes, sometimes their intelligence makes them difficult to deal with..."

DR. ALIEN - "Ball here, ball here!"

DR. LEÓN - "To the Alien, to the Alien!"

(the ball is crossed to Dr. Alien, who doesn't even have to jump to hit it and score the goal)

AECALYOPHENO - "That's how it should be done!"

(the Memory Ball commemorates floating up and down)

PROF. ABRAHIM - "Ouch! My head!"

AECALYOPHENO - "What's wrong?"

PROF. ABRAHIM - "Something fell on my head!"

DR. MALDONADO - "Argh! On mine too!"

DR. ALIEN - "I felt it too, it hurts!"

PROF. PASCOAL - "Hailstorm!"

DR. GADESCU - "What? I thought today was going to be a sunny day!"

DR. LA CODETI - "So you were surely wrong... ouch, it hit me too!"

PROF. ABRAHIM - "These hailstones are surely big! The biggest I've ever seen! What could have caused such a thing? It isn't natural!"

(everybody looks at Dr. Alien)

DR. ALIEN - "You don't think I can actually change the weather, do you?"

AECALYOPHENO - "I don't know, you surely seem to have many special abilities... ouch, argh! This would be only one more of... ouch... them."

MOTTA - "These hailstones are so big they can actually kill a person! Let's leave the field and go to a... ouch, ugh... safe place."

DR. DE FRUTI - "Ugh, argh... you don't need to say twice, let's run... it hurts!"

(the Memory Ball had already gone to the building where the equipment is stored. The other members of the team reach there)

DR. ALIEN - "Now we'll have to run to the palace, and fast... can we do this?"

PROF. ABRAHIM - "You created this hailstorm, you should take us out of the middle of it!"

DR. ALIEN - "I didn't create it! And if I did, I have no idea how!"

(Dr. Alien uses his strong body to help people to reach the palace without getting hurt. After all the team members reach safety, they can relax)

AECALYOPHENO - "Yes, Pascal, ugly situation out there... Dr. Alien really have some strong powers!"

DR. ALIEN - "I said I didn't do this... I'll go to my room."

AECALYOPHENO - "Heh, he could do that again if we take the lead in the next game..."

DR. ALIEN - (from his room) "NOOOOOOOOOO!"

AECALYOPHENO - "What's wrong?"

DR. ALIEN - "The alien... the original one... has escaped!"

DR. SPLITSSCHER - "What? How could this be possible? Wasn't it inside a bottle?"

PROF. ABRAHIM - "Look there... a hole in the roof..."

PROF. DUPONT - "No doubt some of those hailstones hit the glass bottle and broke it... they were really huge!"

DR. ALIEN - "But that bottle was very resistent... because the alien was too strong... which is the probability of a breach exactly at that point? One in two billion?"

AECALYOPHENO - "We already know that unreal things often happen with us."

DR. ALIEN - "We need to capture the alien before it causes something... I never had the time to study it, but maybe it can affect people with the same toxin which affected me!"

PROF. ABRAHIM - "How we'll find this alien?"

DR. ALIEN - "Wait, I'm feeling something... I can feel something... I think I can feel where it is."

AECALYOPHENO - "A new ability! You can feel other aliens!"

DR. ALIEN - "But I also have the same feeling towards Professor Pascoal... and towards you and the Memory Ball, Gaspar."

AECALYOPHENO - "If Pascoal can read minds like some people say, then you can have the power to detect people with supernatural powers..."

DR. ALIEN - "If this is right... why I feel there is something in Professor Dupont too?"

PROF. DUPONT - "What? Me?"

Fear invades the region (
Unexpected hailstorm hits Deddick

We have just received the bad, really bad news. After the huge hailstorm that hit Deddick today, the Original Alien, name given to the small creature which toxins transformed Doctor Hill in Doctor Alien, was able to escape its glass prison, and is now somewhere in Errinundera. Now the whole region citizens have been advised to be cautious of that strange light-purple creature, which looks like a slime, and can move extremely fast. We also received an information that the Landau Institute government is trying to get permission from Errinundera to send a team of SBC, "Strange Beings Catchers", known also as AlienBusters. Until they arrive, Dr. Alien himself will be commanding the search after the creature, although he will be still taking part in the Landau Institute games in the Baptism of Fire.

The strong hailstorm happened minutes after six o'clock, local time. According to unofficial reports, it is believed that it caused a great deal of damage in the whole city and neighbour areas, especially the field where the Landau Institute team was practicing, as the hailstones seemed to be even bigger in that area. According to witnesses, the hailstones were able to breach several places in the roof of the estate where the Landau Institute team is staying. Curiously, one of these points was exactly closer to the place where the glass bottle was located, and the hailstones broke it or damaged it enough so the Original Alien could flee. Given its outstanding speed, it is believed the creature could have even left the country if it wanted.

But this isn't what Dr. Alien thinks. According to the offensive midfielder of the Landau Institute team, the Original Alien hasn't gone too far. He sent a note to Landau Institute telling that he could feel the presence of the Original Alien, and hoped this could help the AlienBusters to catch it when they arrive in the country. I wonder if the AlienBusters wouldn't end capturing Dr. Alien instead, as he is as alien as the creature they intend to catch! I've seen his photos, and surely he isn't the most pleasant thing to look at. I think that, if someday I see someone like him in front of me, I'll faint! Hmm... I think I had already had a similar feeling when I saw my wife once with that green cosmetic cream on her face...

Inside the Institute:

PROF. OLIDI - "So, today we'll learn more about how to prepare simple medications, which just need one or two components, but can be extremely useful. This can be a lesson of how things don't need to be complicate to help people... as I bet some of you think."

ARTUR GIMENEZ - "Heh, I bet for the real illness, the medicine has to be elaborate."

ERIC TONELLO - "You must be right, Artur. This Professor Olidi just doesn't want us messing with the chemical elements..."

RAFAELLA YOTA - "Shut up, you two! I'm trying to listen the teacher! Are you in the Pharmacology course or are you here to talk?"

PROF. OLIDI - "This day we'll produce some medicine against flatulence. It's very easy to do and very effective."

GIMENEZ - "Surely Professor Olidi doesn't know how to do it well..."

TONELLO - "Why do you say this?"

GIMENEZ - "Because if he did, this room wouldn't have this smell..."

TONELLO - "Oh yes, I can feel this. Maybe Professor Olidi want us to make the medicine for him, as he is so in need of it!"

YOTA - "Please, stop saying nonsense and pay attention to the lesson! Do you want to be a full member of the Institute or not?"

PROF. OLIDI - "Please be careful with the hot water, or you can get burned. Now take some of the substance in the blue glass, and start pouring it slowly in the boiling water..."

GIMENEZ - "This is so boring... why don't we try something different?"

TONELLO - "What? But we are supposed to make the flatulence medicine!"

GIMENEZ - "Come on, the teacher won't notice... there are so many students here..."

TONELLO - "And what about that girl? She is the kind of person who would tell him for "moral reasons"!"

GIMENEZ - "Now she is focused on making the medicine... it'll be fun, Eric, let's do it!"

PROF. OLIDI - "Now measure a small quantity of the liquid in the grey bottle, and mix it with the water which already has the other substance..."

GIMENEZ - "What would happen if we mix this green powder with that orange liquid?"

TONELLO - "Be careful..."

GIMENEZ - "And now we set fire to..."

(an explosion is heard in 1/5 of the whole Lowrni island. Minutes after, Gimenez and his classmates are removed from the laboratory, luckily with minor injuries. The laboratory now has to be closed down for six months to be reformed)
28-04-2009, 09:41
I'm just leaving work now. Cut-off for Nong Nang Ning, Somewhereistonia, Landau Institute and Golgothastan at 8pm AEST (10am GMT).

Sorry for any inconvenience.

Cut off! Scores up shortly.
28-04-2009, 11:07
Match Day 8 results - Quarter Finals 3 & 4

Nong Nang Ning 2 Somewhereistonia 2 (2-3 AET)
Landau Institute 3 Golgothastan 1

Semi Final: Landau Institute v Somewhereistonia @ the Milosis Coliseum, McKillops Bridge

Weather Conditions
Frost then sunny
Deddick: -1ºC -> 12ºC
McKillops Bridge: 0ºC -> 13ºC

Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Italia Orientale 6 5 1 0 18 4 14 16
2 Landau Institute 6 5 1 0 18 5 13 16
3 Kagdazka 6 5 0 1 17 9 8 15
4 Nong Nang Ning 6 4 1 1 11 7 4 13
5 Norwellia 6 4 0 2 14 11 3 12
6 Somewhereistonia 6 4 0 2 13 9 4 12
7 Golgothastan 6 3 1 2 15 7 8 10
8 The Bear Islands 6 3 0 3 12 9 3 9
9 Astholm 5 2 2 1 5 5 0 8
10 Terra Anatidae 5 2 1 2 6 8 -2 7
11 Stargate Centurion 5 2 0 3 9 11 -2 6
12 Tyrrin 5 2 0 3 6 10 -4 6
13 Banten States 5 2 0 3 3 8 -5 6
14 Dave Campbell 5 1 2 2 4 7 -3 5
15 Threetime 4 1 1 2 4 5 -1 4
16 Carpathia and Ruthenia 4 1 1 2 5 7 -2 4
17 Phillips Island 5 1 1 3 9 12 -3 4
18 Swartaz 5 1 1 2 7 10 -3 4
19 Pasarga 4 1 1 2 6 9 -3 4
20 Yelda 4 1 1 2 4 7 -3 4
21 Wessia 4 1 1 2 4 8 -4 4
22 Lemetel 4 0 3 1 3 5 -2 3
23 Steroga 4 1 0 3 5 10 -5 3
24 Metallo Pesante 4 0 1 3 3 8 -5 1
25 Austaliazia 4 0 0 4 1 11 -10 0
28-04-2009, 12:40
Qasarian Evening Sport

Eagles edge into semis after curious game

The Eagles managed to grab a last-gasp extra time winner today to beat Nang Ning Nong and grab a semi-final showdown with group winners the Landau Institute.

The game against Nong Ning Nang started well with good passing moves from the Eagles to set up good opportunities to score, the tree crashing out of the ground doing a good job of frustrating the front men. The makeshift team seemed to do well after Kadleks, Keres, Taska and Kusnets were all rested for the semi-final (Ergma obviously confident of overcoming the odd line-up of this Ning Nang..whatever it is team). Grinius, Törk, Drozdova and Zoltoks coming in for the first choice players.

The opener came from a corner in the 30th minute. The team stayed wide of goal to avoid being hit by the pinging tree but Skormilonski was still able to get a header onto the in-swinging corner, knocking the ball past the tree and into the bottom corner.

The odd opposition then grabbed a despicable equaliser on 37' as one of the monkeys climbed up Grinius to pass it to another monkey, who was surely offside to put it past Klug. The team were rightfully furious with the referee with Klug, Grinius and Volrat all booked for dissent after the goal.

The team went in at half time with the score 1-1 but clearly deserving of the lead after the terrible refereeing. A formal complaint has now been lodged by the Somewhereistonia Sporting Association after the incident.

Early during the second half the Eagles composure was obviously lacking slightly, with Grinius giving a needless free kick away on the edge of the area. One of the monkeys then stepped up to kick an awkward free kick past Klug. At 50' the score was an unexpected 2-1 to the Nonging somethings.

This sparked the Eagles back to life, with Nolakk soon taking the ball across and sending a long pass forward to Skormilonski. Somehow a teapot was able to intercept, but the ball only fell as far as Törk whose shot smashed against the rising tree. Zoltoks was the first to the ball as he tapped it past the stationary tree to gain a deserved equaliser on 62'.

The game continued for much of the second half, with Somewhereistonia dominating possession and territory, but unable to get any shots past that bloody tree thing. Fortunately, the mice were little trouble in midfield leaving little chance of Ning Nong scoring a late winner. With the game nearing its end, Ergma went all out on the attack, subbing Nolakk, Paposki and Grinius off for Taska, Kusnets and Keres, giving a 3-4-4 formation. Unfortunately, despite numerous chances, nothing got past the tree during the rest of the 90 minutes. The first half of injury time was also goal-less with the tree popping out the ground to make save after save to prevent the Eagles from getting the win.

During the second half of extra time, both teams were looking very tired and the attacks became slower and less frequent. It looked like it would end in penalties, something that would surely be disastrous for the Eagles. Just as the last seconds were ticking away, Taska picked up the ball near the Nang's area and after sidestepping an oncoming teapot drifted a ball across the box. Kusnets then bycycle kicked the ball towards the goal, his shot scraping the bark of the tree as it found the back of the net. An absolutely fantastic goal for Kusnets as the Eagles superstar gave them a deserved win against Nong Nang Ning (yes; that looks right) and that all important semi-final berth.

Somewhereistonia (1) 2-2 (1) Nong Nang Ning 2 (3-2 AET)
Skormilonski [Nolakk] (30) Offside Monkey [Fouling Monkey] (37)
Zoltoks (62) Another Monkey (50)
Kusnets [Taska] (120)

Yellow cards: Klug (38), Grinius (38), Volrat (39).

Substitutions: Nolakk, Paposki, Grinius off, Taska, Kusnets, Keres on (78)

Man of the match: Skormilonski

-After the match-

As the team celebrated their victory over Nong Nang Ning Ergma stayed out of the way, carefully working out how to get a win against the highly impressive Landau Institute and their bloody Alien thing they shouldn't even be allowed to play him, he's like two players in one he thought to himself. He moved some pieces around on the pitch layout on the desk in front of him. Hmmmm.

Two wombat handlers suddenly came running in, with such gleeful expressions they were almost scary. “We found him” one of them beamed, “We found your missing player”

Ergma: Really?

Ergma responded tentatively, this was surprising news, until now he hadn't given the handlers much credit.

Handler 1: Yes, look, here he is

Handler 2: We found him down by the river looking confused. When we asked him who he was he said he was the missing footballer

A poor looking man hobbled in slowly. He wore an array of tattered and non matching garments. Whoever it was, they were in a bad state.

Ergma: This isn't Oll!

Handler 1: Of course it is, he even said so.

Handler 2: Well, must be off. Another job well done.

The two handlers disappeared almost as soon as they has appeared. Leaving the confused looking pauper standing in the room. Ergma thought about what to say for a minute.

Ergma: So what's your name?

Imposter: I'm that there missing footballer guy, you know that what from that place, Somestonia.

Ergma: You are not Oll, what I..

Imposter: Yer, Oll that's it, that's my name.

Ergma: Well what's you first name then?

Imposter: Urm, well. I don't quite remember, its been a confusing urm whats the word, time and well urm...

The imposter's words trailed off meaninglessly. Ergma was finding this discussion quite surreal, even more so than the last game his team played.

Imposter: Ooo where's the reward?

The imposter suddenly burst out, causing Ergma to jump. Ergma composed himself before responding.

Ergma: Re-ward? Why would you get a reward, even if you were Oll you wouldn't get one. Why would...

Imposter: Cos I found the player

Ergma: Apparently you are the missing player, so I'm not sure how you can find yourself.

Imposter: Cos I got lost!

Ergma: But that would have been your fault, so you can't claim the reward.

Imposter: Sure I can!

Ergma: Well, how good are you at football anyway?

Imposter: Why would I know?

Ergma's face fell into his hands solidly. This was the worst impression of a person he had ever seen. The guy obviously just wanted some money. Ergma decided to give him a brief try-out, if he wasn't any good, Ergma would just give him some food and money before sending the confused man on his way.

'Oll' was sent out to the training ground with Baskovic, Oper, Ģipslis, Schmidt and Astra to train. Non of these players were expected to play much, if at all for the rest of the tournament, so there was no real worry if the imposter was a dodgy tackler. As it was, he didn't seem to know what a tackle was, or a football for that matter. It took a while, but eventually the reserves managed to get him playing something resembling football, he even managed to pass a couple of times. So Ergma sent him on his way after that nights meal with a few coins in his pocket. As he watched the man leave he laughed to himself what a strange evening, well back to work. Imposter
The Bear Islands
28-04-2009, 21:25
Bear Islands’ Goalkeeper Mamoru MiyamotoBear Islands struck first after halftime when veteran midfielder Kazuhiko Fukiyama headed in a goalBear Island nearly went up by another goal only three minutes later when striker Hideaki MatsushitaMidfielder Takeshi Suzuki took a go at the goalThen, Forward Daisuke Oshiro headed the ball towards the net

Box Score
Italia Orientale – Luca Del Castello 83’ (6); Ishmael Tarblus 118’ (6)
Bear Island – Kazuhiko Fukiyama 51’

Italia Orientale – Carlo Conti 83’ (1); Luca Del Castello 118’ (3)
Bear Island – Sadao Yukimura 51’

Italia Orientale - Hassan Qadafi 53’ (Yellow); Carlo Conti 69’ (Yellow)
Bear Island – Naoki Ueda 34’ (Yellow); Tamotso Ishimura 49’ (Yellow)

Man of the Match:
Ishmael Tarblus --- Game Winning Goal
'Italia Orientale' seems to have been playing against 'Phillips Island' rather than 'The Bear Islands'...
29-04-2009, 04:48
'Italia Orientale' seems to have been playing against 'Phillips Island' rather than 'The Bear Islands'...

Oh dear. I contributed to the error. The link to The Bear Islands on the first page actually went to Phillips Island. D'oh. Apologies.
Italia Orientale
29-04-2009, 05:28
oh damn, my apologies. I just clicked on the link i dont think i bothered to double check it.
Landau Institute
29-04-2009, 06:03
Teamwork helps Institute to proceed (
Professor Abrahim ready to score

This was the game of the quarterfinals most people in Errinundera were expecting the most. Although all other games were very important, the match between Landau Institute and Golgothastan. We can make many theories about why this game was so awaited. One is because both teams had won their groups, playing good football and performing well. Another is that both teams had constantly appeared on magazine, newspapers and the general media, with the people from both countries (or island, in the case of the Landau Institute) heavily interested in the Baptism of Fire. Third, because both teams had characteristics which interested the citizens of Errinundera. Golgothastan's players had attitudes which amused people from the host country, while the Landau Institute has in the team the most commented, intriguing and mysterious player of the competition: Doctor Alien.

And, when the Landau Institute players entered the field for the game, the supporters in the stadium cheered the team, waiting to see the giant purple creature wearing the white shirt. And finally he came, for the excitement of the fans, most holding purple banners, flags and even small handmade dolls of Doctor Alien. The player was clearly honoured for the homage, and waved to the people in the stadium. Even a smile could be seen in the middle of that ugly, purple and deformed face. When the players from both teams took their positions for the start of the football game, the difference between the body size of Doctor Alien and the other players was obvious, and that purple person in the middle of "average men" surely caught the attention of the people. It was impossible to not notice the presence of the Landau Institute's number 11 player in the field.

When the game started, the offensive mentality of both teams appeared in the game, with fast attacks and no many worries in hardening the defence. The battle for the ball possession in the midfield was intense, and soon the first goal attempts appeared. And Golgothastan threatened Doctor Maldonado's goal in a good move. Rúnar controlled the ball in the midfield, made a nice dribble over Doctor Splitsscher and, with a short pass, found Þorður in front of the goal. The attacker chose a side of the goal and tried to place the ball at it, but Maldonado was fast and could make a wonderful save. Landau Institute's reply came in a long ranged shot, when Doctor Gadescu protected the ball until Doctor Alien could come and shoot with all his strength. The ball hit the bar and brought the goalposts down. It took ten minutes for the goal to be placed in its position back.

The good shot of Doctor Alien motivated the Landau Institute to keep press in the attacking area, but this also opened the space for Golgothastan to attack in good counterattacks, and they seemed even more dangerous in the game. The defenders of the Institute had much work to do, and it seemed they could suffer a goal anytime. But, for their hapiness, Professor Rocher received a pass in the right wing and crossed directly to the head of Doctor Alien, who headed to score the first goal of the game, and the only of the first half. In the second half, both teams continued offensive, and Doctor Alien discovered another of his abilities: his sweat is extremely slippery and, as his sweat can be stored in his body, he can release a huge amount at a certain time to make the field near him practically impossible for someone to keep balance. With this, he knocked down two defenders and passed the ball to Professor Abrahim score another goal.

A victory by two goals of difference seemed a pretty comfortable result for the Landau Institute team, but suddenly Golgothastan returned to the game with a surprise goal, scored by Bjarkí, who avoided the man marking of Doctor Mendes Díaz and received the ball inside the area, having little work to do to score. For minutes, Golgothastan put some pressure over the Institute defence to try to get the draw. But the killing hit came when Professor Dupont took the ball from Arnþór, reached the entrance of the area and shot, scoring a nice goal. Unfortunately for him, in his commemoration he fell badly, and his leg seemed to practically get loose from his body... a horrible sight, although Professor Dupont seemed extremely calm. Reports say his health situation is good. And even better was Landau Institute's situation, as the team could finish the game with the 3x1 win.

Landau Institute's game line-up: Maldonado; Rocher, Sobrinho (Gabriel 77'), Mendes Díaz and Valdir; Dupont, Splitsscher, León (Motta 65') and Dr. Alien; Gadescu (Pascoal 70') and Abrahim.
Coach: Memory Ball.

In the players' room:

AECALYOPHENO - "Another excellent performance, another deserved victory! Congratulations to you all!"

(the Memory Ball is light blue, and moves slowly)

AECALYOPHENO - "Pascal is very proud of you all... and relieved that we were able to win this game."

PROF. ABRAHIM - "Yes, we were all worried about this game, there was too much expectation towards Landau Institute and Golgothastan, but in the end we were able to play better and take the victory."

DR. GADESCU - "But I was confident that we were going to win since the beginning. After all, we have a huge alien playing for us!"

PROF. ROCHER - "That's right, but don't forget that today he scored only one of the three goals..."

DR. MENDES DÍAZ - "In my opinion, the most important. Golgothastan was pressing hard, and I think our defence wouldn't stand much longer... and as the game was goalless at that moment, a goal on their favour could completely change the fate of the game."

DR. ALIEN - "So we must be glad that this didn't happen... let's not think about "if", and just commemorate our victory!"

(the Memory Ball's colour gets a bit darker, and it moves towards Dr. Alien)

AECALYOPHENO - "Pascal agrees with you, Doctor Alien. We can't think about how the past could be changed. Now we must focus on the future. There is an important game for the semifinals in front of us, we must get prepared for it!"

DR. ALIEN - "And we will."

PROF. ABRAHIM - "What about you, Professor Dupont? Are you okay?"

PROF. DUPONT - "Of course. I don't feel anything."

PROF. ABRAHIM - "You know that you have an ugly injury... your leg is nearly loose from the rest of your body!"

PROF. DUPONT - "Yes, I can see this... but I can't fell this... but I'm very resistant to pain, it happens since I was a child..."

(the Memory Ball moves at the direction of Professor Dupont)

AECALYOPHENO - "Pascal reminded me of an interesting thing, in fact. Remember that Doctor Alien can identify people with supernatural powers? And that you were one of us? Maybe your resistance to pain can be something supernatural..."

PROF. DUPONT - "Oh no, surely not. This is a condition, perfectly explainable by science!"

AECALYOPHENO - "And what about the fact that your leg is fully recovered now?"

PROF. DUPONT - "I have a good body, it gets better fast."

AECALYOPHENO - "For me this would be a good case of a supernatural regeneration ability..."

DR. ALIEN - "I agree. Professor, I think you are a special person... just like me, Pascoal and our coaches."

AECALYOPHENO - "You should be proud, Professor Dupont."

DR. ALIEN - "Stop everything! I sense something... it seems the Original Alien hasn't left this region of the country yet, like if it was still tied to this place because of something..."

PROF. ABRAHIM - "So the Original Alien is still close, huh? That's good... but what is it looking for?"

DR. ALIEN - "No idea... but I can feel it easier now... like if its alien essence was even stronger... I'm worried it can be harming people while it is free..."

DR. LEÓN - "Don't blame yourself, doctor. Soon we'll get this thing. By the way, do you have news about the SBC team?"

DR. ALIEN - "I received a message that the Institute already chose the members for this special mission. It is the most important mission of the team so far."

DR. LEÓN - "Let's hope they do a good job."

Inside the Institute:

PRES. PROF. ZETTI - "So we received this urgency message from the Landau Institute football National Team in Errinundera... it seems a dangerous creature, probably alien, has escaped from its security container, and it needs to be caught back."

PROF. SABIN - "Yes, this is a very dangerous and delicate situation. We couldn't have exposed the population of a whole country to a possibility of contamination by an alien being... it seems this creature had already infected one of our doctors."

PROF. BANGU MELO - "Professor Wambrocking send me a message clearing this situation. He said the transformation of Doctor Hill in the being called Doctor Alien happened because the doctor was directly studying the creature, so it wasn't really accidental."

PROF. SABIN - "But what happened with him, according to the reports, was a huge mutation... if this toxin really has the power for such a strong transformation, we need to worry."

PRES. PROF. ZETTI - "The main problem is that we don't know exactly how this creature is composed, and how it exactly affects other people. It can be completely harmless, or it can cause serious harm over people, animals and the nature... remember we are talking about an alien being... the Original Alien."

PROF. BANGU MELO - "What are we supposed to do to stop this menace, then, president?"

PRES. PROF. ZETTI - "I have decided to send a group of Special Beings Catchers to Errinundera."

PROF. SABIN - "A group of ThingsBusters?"

PRES. PROF. ZETTI - "I guess for this mission they'll end being called AlienBusters."

PROF. BANGU MELO - "That's a desperate decision, but we are in a desperate situation, president, so I agree with you."

PROF. SABIN - "Have you already contacted the SBC directors?"

PRES. PROF. ZETTI - "Yes, I did. The chosen SBC team members will reach here anytime now..."

(Suddenly, a smoke bomb explodes inside the room, and five people enter it doing acrobatic moves... lights of different colours appear in the room, nets, guns, containers... when the smoke goes down, the five members of the SBC team are in front of President Zetti and his vice-presidents)

PRES. PROF. ZETTI - "So here they are... just in time."

NED - "We don't waste time!"

TED - "We work fast, and with efficiency!"

JOE - "Nothing gets away from our equipments!"

ZOE - "And nothing can deceive our might and cleverness!"

ANTOINETTE - "And in the end... we always succeed!"

PROF. SABIN - "That was impressive, I think you really have what it takes to catch the Original Alien!"

PROF. BANGU MELO - "Let's not get too confident... we don't even know how difficult this alien is to catch... I've heard it has an impressive speed and amazing strength!"

NED - "We can slow down anything!"

TED - "And we can control even an elephant with our tools!"

JOE - "He can try to run, but will never escape!"

ZOE - "He can try to fight, but the victory won't take."

ANTOINETTE - "No one has ever escaped the AlienBusters!"

PRES. PROF. ZETTI - "I like them. I think they have good chances of catching that creature."

PROF. SABIN - "With all this equipment, it would be shameful if they didn't."

PROF. BANGU MELO - "Well, we'll have to wait to see. If these are the best ones we have, we must rely on them."

PRES. PROF. ZETTI - "By the way, what are your names?"

NED - "My name is Ned, the logistics chief!"

TED - "My name is Ted, the weapons master!"

JOE - "My name is Joe, the gadgets manager!"

ZOE - "My name is Zoe, the capture agent!"

ANTOINETTE - "Well, I'm Antoinette..."

PRES. PROF. ZETTI - "Antoinette? That simply destroy the magic of these names... they all seemed so similar one to other..."

ANTOINETTE - "I have no fault my name is different! It was already a huge coincidence that they have those names..."

PRES. PROF. ZETTI - "So what do you do?"

ANTOINETTE - "I deceive the creatures..."

NED - "She is the bait."

TED - "Or the creature's target."

JOE - "And when the thing least expects."

ZOE - "We get it by its neck."

PRES. PROF. ZETTI - "That seems excellent. Good luck to you, AlienBusters!" (
Alien controls the ball (person behind him is the referee)
29-04-2009, 06:53
The Hardy Boys #71473299
The Clue of the Cannibalistic Witch
by Franklin W Dixon

Chapter 7 – The Oven

Vasilisa watched Joe enter the open front door and into the dark interior or Baba Yaga's hut. The air seemed colder than ever as she stood alone, watching the window Joe had told her the magic doll would be tossed from. The moment she heard or saw anything she was prepared to run out of the brush were she was hidden and make a break for it.

For a long time she heard nothing. She had been about to panic when she heard the loud, rapid staccato of the Uzi. Joe had made his move. Vasilisa still thought he was done for, but maybe he could distract her for long enough to get the toy and toss it to her. She stealthily crept from her hiding place and approached the window. Because the hut was elevated on massive chicken legs, she could not see very much of the interior of the house; only a part of the hut's wooden ceiling.

But Joe never appeared. Something was horribly wrong. Vasilisa knew that she might have felt panicked as she had a few moments before, but instead she only felt numb. It seemed she was on her own.

But, she thought as she stood alone next to the bizarre building in the clearing. she had been alone last time as well. "My stepmother sent me to fetch a light from Baba Yaga," she had told the old hag when the witch had demanded to know why Vasilisa was there.

"Did she now?" the witch had said with a wicked smile. "Well, I am Baba Yaga, but you may call me Babushka."

From there on out Baba Yaga had led her into the dwelling. Vasilisa remembered the interior, surprisingly roomy, but terrifying on account of re gigantic oven in one corner of the main room. "I will give you a light and let you go free, but you must first complete three tasks for me. I am a woman of my word, and you have nothing to fear should you prove yourself an obedient worker. But if you fail, I shall cook you and eat you for my dinner!" She had cackles evilly at this, for the tasks were impossible; Baba Yaga's plan had been to deliberately assign Vasilisa futile tasks so that she cuuld eat the girl under the pretense of honesty.

But the doll had stepped in, summoning the three horsemen on three consecutive days in order to complete the chores. The witch had been beside herself with rage, but had indeed proved a woman of her word.

Now Vasilisa had to hope that if she entered the house, the witch would at least give her the chance to work for her freedom in some way. If the witch killed her immediately, however, it would be better to accept her father's death and run. But the girl had no time to consider this choice anyway.

For as Vasilisa stood, contemplating her options, smoke began to rise from the chimney of the hut. This could only mean one thing- at least one of the Hardys was already in the oven.

Suddenly, Vasilisa realized that she was no longer facing the window at the side of the house. The hut had rotated on its morbid chicken legs and was now facing her... almost looking at her.

And while it may not have been the hut looking at her, someone was. Standing in the front doorway of the house was Baba Yaga.

She was tall. Her bony figure was like a skeleton. She wore a dirty black dress that seemed too long in some places and too short in others. Her white hair was disorganized and frizzy. Her nose was long and bony. And in her hand she held an enormous broomstick. The horrible witch glowered at Vasilisa, fury flashing in her yellow eyes. This time it was certain: Baba Yaga would offer Vasilisa no bargain this time.

"I thought you once a bright child, girl," the hag spat. "But you have proven me wrong. How, then? Tell me before I eat you at last how you planned to kill the immortal Baba Yaga?"

"I have not come to kill you, Babushka," she said, shaking visibly from head to toe.

"Oh?! Why then, why did you send these pathetic mercenaries in here with useless weapons?"

"I... I asked them to help me, Babushka. I left a magic doll here the last time we met. That doll is the only tool that can save my father's life."

Baba Yaga paused, but her murderous expression remained. "Come in, child. Do not resist. We can either make a scene here outside or you can come inside to meet your end. But I would prefer that you enter, so you can see something first."

Vasilisa walked, her knees barely holding her weight, towards the witch. Baba Yaga stood aside to allow the girl through the door.

The hut was as Vasilisa remembered it. The huge oven, however, was now emitting a huge amount of heat. Her worst fears had come true. Several items that Vasilisa knew the Hardy Boys had been carrying, including the Uzi, the radio, a backpack, and an unopened pack of Collector's Edition Pokemon Cards were sitting on the floor outside the oven.

"Come look," Baba Yaga glared at Vasilisa in abject rage.

"Babushka, I know what I will see. Please. Please don't make me look, just kill me now."

"Come... look!" Baba Yaga shrieked.

Vasilisa felt like vomiting as much as Joe had after hearing about the Battered Garlic Shrimp at Red Lobster, but bravely put her feet one by one in front if each other and walked over to the oven. She peered in.

What she feared was inside was. She nearly fainted, but for the fact that she saw something else. Propped up against the thin window Vasilisa was looking through was something in flames. It was made of cloth. The doll.

Instead of feeling grief, anger rose in Vasilisa's heart. She turned on the witch. "How?! How did you destroy it?! It is of the world beyond!"

"Yes it is. But your friend, I'm afraid, was fool enough to pick the doll up and toss it in the oven if I promised to save his brother's life. He believed me. Apparently he cared less about helpng you than you had thought."

"But... you cannot tell a lie! You were bound by your word!"

"Child, that rule does not apply against Americans."

"You horrible witch! Now my father will be executed! Executed for no reason whatsoever! Because of your hatred and your wickedness you have seen to the death of an innocent person!"

"Innocence is a lie, you foolish girl! You think innocence has protected my victims in the past?! HA!"

Vasilisa snapped. She didn't know or care what she was doing. She grabbed the witch's hair and threw her with all her might against the wall. Baba Yaga recovered and reached for a long, sinister knife in her pocket. She stepped forward, but Vasilisa held her ground. The witch moved to stab her, but for some reason, she missed.

Vasilisa couldn't decipher why this had happened until she heard the sound. Baba Yaga was sprawling to the floor. She had tripped over the radio on the floor, and in doing so she had accidentally switched it on.

"You Are You Are You Are Listening Listening Listening... To Kagdazka Sport Radio!!!"

"Welcome to Kagdazka Sport Radio, I'm Zoya Chistyakov! What a quarterfinal! Your Kagdaz heroes took the pitch at Milosis Coliseum in McKillops Bridge and what a show it was...”

Baba Yaga stared at the radio.

“What is that?” she asked in a deadpan sort of way.

“A radio.”

“What is it talking about?”

Why Baba Yaga was so interested in the radio was beyond Vasilisa. She looked into the hateful old hag’s eyes, and while the look of fury was still there, it was as though it had been put on hold.

“It’s the national football team... in their first ever tournament.”

“And you listen to it on this... this... thing?”


“Do you like football?”

“Yes, Babushka, very much.”

Baba Yaga gently picked up the radio from the floor and set it on her table. She stood, listening to it. Vasilisa was taken aback. A moment ago the witch had tried to kill her, and now didn’t seem the least bit interested in either Vasilisa or the contents of her oven. There was a vague look in her eyes as she listened.

"…Sasha Khokhlov was in the stadium as usual, and he had the great pleasure of watching one of the most exciting matches in the tournament yet. Here he is, recorded earlier...”

“...and what a fantastic atmosphere here in this extraordinary stadium today! I can see the eastern edges of Errinundera on the far horizon as we are perched on the very top of a gigantic cliff. This is going to be a good one, folks. There’s the kickoff, and I have to see, I didn’t believe it when I heard the rumours, but it’s true. Kagdazka’s political leader and national football team manager Timo Zivkovic is AWOL today for this match. No one knows where he is. The last he was heard from was just before the wisteria and green moved into the Milosis Red Palace. I personally am sure he is running around the world making shady deals with foreign leaders. Anyway, the censor is frowning at me, so let’s continue... captain Grigoriy Kyznetsov is effectively managing the team at this point, and his starting lineup is as follows: Filimonov, Popov, Belyakov, Radic, and Kozlov; Spiridonov, Vazavorski, Anisimov, and Nikolic; Stefanovic and Vasiliy Zaitsev. No changes in the octofinal lineup, with the exception of Vazavorski’s reentry, as in a classy move Kyznetsov set himself on the touchline so that Chairman Zivkovic’s absence is less obvious. One interesting thing to note is that since Vazavorski is a pure right winger, Nikolic will be moved to attacking mid. This means that from the start of the Baptism of Fire until now he has moved from pure defending mid up through to being a pure attacker. Surely this is a consequence of his prolific scoring streak...”

“Despite a strong showing by Kagdaz supporters in the stands, our team looked weak in the opening minutes. Back to Sasha...”

“...Morris, Pedlar, Gerry, and Camus are the backline for Norwellia, same lineup as their last match, Looking mostly even in early moments... probably safe to say that the substitutes will have something substantial to say about the result here. Ball is Lanja’s for a goal kick here in the third minute, that’s a nice long one. Aerial challenge... and Belyakov will get a head to that... another aerial challenge just behind the halfway line in Norwellian territory... Gerry will head that one... what a header! Long one down the pitch, BRILLIANT first touch from Vermeeren, he’s knocked it on for Ponten! Ohhh, Kagdazka are on their heels here... here’s a chance for Ponten! Ponten gets to it, GOAL!!! Misina Ponten puts Norwellia up one nil!!! A left footer that rang off the left post into the back of the net!”

“Bad news very early for Kagdazka, but they seemed to settle down in the next few minutes. By the 24th minute they had snatched one back. An uncharacteristically poor pass into the midfield by Pedlar led to Nikolic snatching the ball in open space. He seemed to be drifting towards his favored right wing before cutting sharply back to his left. In a sheer show of great individual skill, Nikolic put on a spurt of wicked speed and found a seam from sixteen yards out. His blast to the back post left Lanja screaming at Pedlar.

“But Norwellia rallied immediately. Here’s the pitch in the 29th minute...”

“...Norwellia really passing well, the wisteria and green just can’t get the ball off of them! Oh, Camus has slipped... the pitch is a bit wet here. Kagdazka should... oh come on! Anisimov was FAR too casual there, and after Camus slipped he just let him stand up and play it down the wing! Here’s Ikaru, a BEAUTIFUL CROSS! GOAL!!! Absolute CLASS from Sala Ikaru, and Nikos Ampatis would have had to really work hard to not score there. Filimonov simply did not have a prayer on that one. So a horrendous play by Anisimov, an outstanding cross by Ikaru, and an easy header for Ampatis makes this two one...”

“The game was wide open at this point. Shots were raining down on both keepers and the fans were besides themselves with excitement. In the 36th minute, a series of shots rained down on Norwellian keeper Lanja, but he stood very strong. Pedlar cleared the ball away finally, and it seemed that a great opportunity for Kagdazka had been foiled. But a very low percentage long ball from Popov eventually found its way to Zaitsev’s feet inside Norwellia’s box. It looked as though Zaitsev would look for a seam and shoot, but he eventually whirled and played the ball back to Stefanovic in a very defensive position. But Stefanovic took a chance and drilled it from 27 yards. His knuckling, curling ball could not be saved by Lanja and the match was tied once again.

“The second half was far less interesting. The teams played conservatively, seeming content to head toward extra time. But in the 88th minute, everything changed. Sasha Khokhlov with the call...”

“...and one has to wonder if this game would be headed towards this stalemate if our manager wasn’t running around the planet looking for money. What a moron. Whoa, whoa, okay, secret service people, I’m sorry I said it, okay, it won’t happen again. Back to the game... ooooh, Kagdazka will have a throw in here in Norwellia’s half. And the throw from Anisimov... goes out for another Kagdazka throw. Here we are again... and another throw. Anisimov for a third time… and ANOTHER throw for Kagdazka, my this is dull... here we are, Nikolic collects here 25 yards out... he’ll pass to Vazavorski, SHOT! Oh, very odd carom off of Gerry, Stefanovic flicks it up and over Lanja!!! WHO WILL GET TO THIS FIRST, STEFANOVIC OR MORRIS?!?! .........STEFANOVIC!!!!! GOAL!!!!! KAGDAZKA ARE THROUGH!!!!! WHO NEEDS ZIVKOVIC!!!!! Hey! Wait! No! We just made it to the semis, don’t drag me off for criticizing our terrible manager! No! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

“Nothing more was heard from Sasha Khokhlov, and, like the Grand Chancellor he so foolishly disparaged, he is now missing (though you can bet he might be in a torture chamber back here in Kagdazka). But a color commentator for football is a minor concern compared to the Chairman. Where is he? Is he missing voluntarily? And if he does not return, what does this mean for our country? It is hoped that the distraction does not effect the wisteria and green, for in many ways, their country needs them to succeed as they march on to the semifinals.”

Vasilisa looked long and hard at Baba Yaga. She couldn’t tell what the old hag was thinking. She almost spoke up, but she didn’t have to. Baba Yaga’s voice was gravelly and sad as she spoke.

“I used to love football, Vasilisa.” The girl noticed that it was the first time the witch had used her name. “I used to want to play. But it was a very long time ago, and the corporatists didn’t believe in letting girls play. What a happy moment for the nation, even I must admit. Let me ask you this, child: do you think anyone will miss the Chairman?”

“No, Babushka, I don’t. But no one knows what’s happened to him... perhaps he will still be found.”

“Bah. The point is that no one cares, whether he is alive or not. Just like those obnoxious brats in the oven. You have to admit, my dear... they weren’t exactly charming.”

“No,” said Vasilisa. “I have been looking for a way to get rid of them for a while. I probably would not have killed them and cooked them, but...”

Baba Yaga actually looked up from her table, where she had sat down to listen to the match, and smiled. There was a very awkward moment. Finally, Vasilisa spoke up.


“Yes, child?” Baba Yaga sounded tired.

“Are you still going to kill me?”

The witch seemed to be contemplating her options. She looked out the window that Vasilisa had waited outside of earlier. Then she looked back to the radio, and around the hut. At last, she spoke.

“No. No, child, I am not going to kill you. And...” she sighed, “I feel I should apologize for assuming you were here with hostile intentions. I will help you save your father’s life.”

Vasilisa would have simply settled for being told she was not about to be eaten. This was totally unexpected. “Babushka?”

“Yes, child?”

“You will... help me?”

“Yes. But I shall want something in return.”
29-04-2009, 08:34
RP cut off prior to Semi Final results at 7pm AEST (9am GMT), about 90 minutes away. Just leaving work now.
29-04-2009, 08:36

The Imposter

I think one of his parents may have been a sniffer wombat.
29-04-2009, 09:16
-Just before the game-

Ergma: Right guys, we have to be careful, these guys beat us 3-0 once already, we cant let it happen again. You need to make this the game of the tournament.

Kadleks: How can we deal with that Alien guy?

Ergma: Well, he only scored one in he last game, if you ask me whatever happened to him is making him very unstable. Either way, we need to close him down fast, make sure he never has any space, even with his powers, he needs space to get through the defence. Paposki, you need to back up the defence well, cover this Alien guy.

Lurich: We should stay tight to all of them, they have a lot of threats up front.

Ergma: Yes, definitely, this game will be the hardest of the tournament so far, everyone needs to work harder than they have ever worked before, close them down and hold possession.

Baskovic: Any idea who that imposter was last night?

Ergma: Not really no, although I overheard one of the Errinunderans say something about his father being a wombat. I don't think they were serious though.

Baskovic: Well, those wombat handlers are a bit odd, I wouldn't be surprised if...

Ergma: Oy! Lets get back to the game shall we. Right, Taska push forward around the edge of the box, make sure you and the strikers give 'em hell.

Taska: No problem, they will probably underestimate us.

Ergma: Don't count on it, they are a strong team and this is a semi-final match. We can't afford to get cocky. We are the underdogs here, now lets show those critics why we're still in this tournament.

With this the team cheered. This was the biggest game of the tournament for the Eagles, and they were looking for revenge again.
29-04-2009, 10:00
Cut off. Scores up shortly.
29-04-2009, 10:11
Semi Finals

Italia Orientale 0 v Kagdazka 0 (0-1 AET)
Landau Institute 0 v Somewhereistonia 1

The underdogs win through.

Weather Conditions
Frost then sunny
0ºC - 15ºC

3rd Place Play Off
Italia Orientale v Landau Institute @ Liberation Stadium, McKillops Bridge (tomorrow)

Grand Final
Kagdazka v Somewhereistonia @ Stade de siaros, Deddick (Friday)

Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Kagdazka 7 6 0 1 18 9 9 18
2 Italia Orientale 7 5 1 1 18 5 13 16
3 Landau Institute 7 5 1 1 18 5 13 16
4 Somewhereistonia 7 5 0 2 14 9 5 15
5 Nong Nang Ning 6 4 1 1 11 7 4 13
6 Norwellia 6 4 0 2 14 11 3 12
7 Golgothastan 6 3 1 2 15 7 8 10
8 The Bear Islands 6 3 0 3 12 9 3 9
9 Astholm 5 2 2 1 5 5 0 8
10 Terra Anatidae 5 2 1 2 6 8 -2 7
11 Stargate Centurion 5 2 0 3 9 11 -2 6
12 Tyrrin 5 2 0 3 6 10 -4 6
13 Banten States 5 2 0 3 3 8 -5 6
14 Dave Campbell 5 1 2 2 4 7 -3 5
15 Threetime 4 1 1 2 4 5 -1 4
16 Carpathia and Ruthenia 4 1 1 2 5 7 -2 4
17 Phillips Island 5 1 1 3 9 12 -3 4
18 Swartaz 5 1 1 2 7 10 -3 4
19 Pasarga 4 1 1 2 6 9 -3 4
20 Yelda 4 1 1 2 4 7 -3 4
21 Wessia 4 1 1 2 4 8 -4 4
22 Lemetel 4 0 3 1 3 5 -2 3
23 Steroga 4 1 0 3 5 10 -5 3
24 Metallo Pesante 4 0 1 3 3 8 -5 1
25 Austaliazia 4 0 0 4 1 11 -10 0
29-04-2009, 16:44
Qasarian Evening Sport

Brilliant Eagles through to final!

A fantastic win for the Eagles against the Landau Institute, setting them up for a final showdown with Kagdazka. The game started slowly, with both teams wanting to hold possession and keep the other team at bay. In the 20th minute this all changed, with Keres releasing Taska down the wing. Taska then skipped past tackles from Rocher and Ribeiro before knocking the ball across the box, Skormilonski got a toe to it, but Maldonado parried it away superbly. The game had begun, and Landau had just about got away with it.

Landau were soon on the attack looking to break through a stubborn looking Somewhereistonia defence. Dr. Alien received a pass and was almost immediately set upon by Paposki and Kadleks on 24'. The Alien couldn't hold them off and suddenly Somewhereistonia had the ball and were breaking, Keres dribbling past half way before knocking a through ball to Kusnets who then ran clear of the defence to the edge of the box, before chipping over the oncoming Maldonado. The ball bounced nonchalantly over the line to rest in the net. A beautiful goal, and one that proved the Eagles had what it took to win this match, and the tournament.

Much of the rest of the half saw the Landau Institute trying to play the ball through the stern defence, with the Eagles working hard to close down the team that beat them so well in the group stage. It was 1-0 at half-time; the perfect situation for Ergma, who had taken a gamble on the defensive tactics to which his team were unaccustomed.

The second half was much the same as the first, with a tight and hard-working defence cutting out the Institutes's attacks. The best chance for an equaliser came in the 54th minute, when Abrahim hit a brilliant effort towards the top corner. Klug was just able to tip the ball round for a corner, the stop was itself as much of a matchwinner as the goal would have been. The corner was met by Dr. Alien, but the pressure of the defenders surrounding him meant the header drifted over for a goal kick.

In the 65th minute the Eagles had another good chance when Keres took the ball forward before knocking it wide to Nolakk who then took it forward down the wing. He crossed well, only for Skormilonski to header the ball wide. The game was opening up slightly, as the tired looking Landau Institute struggled for the much needed equaliser.

Again the Somewhereistonia defence held back the Institutes's attacks in the 70th minute, after Gadescu's drive was blocked. Paposki then sent a long ball forward, Skormilonski was free, he faced a 1-on-1 with the keeper, but a late flag stopped him from releasing that much needed pressure. With the defence beginning to look tired, Ergma brought on Grodzinski, Ģipslis and Grinius to leave Landau with an even tougher defence to break through.

The game continued to slow, with the Eagles now controlling the ball more as the attacking Landau became more tired and lost possession. By the time the final whistle went the Eagles were having almost all the possession and ending the game comfortably.

It finished 1-0, and this match will surely be remembered. The Eagles look set to soar as they take on the strong looking Kagdazka in the final. Only time will tell what tactics Ergma will choose for his side as they look forward the the prestigious title.

Somewhereistonia (1) 1-0 (0) Landau Institute
Kusnets [Keres] (25)
Yellow cards: Nolakk (44), Grodzinski (81)

Substitutions: Keres, Taska, Kusnets off, Grodzinski, Ģipslis, Grinius on (71)

Man of the match: Lurich
The Bear Islands
29-04-2009, 17:31
Oh dear. I contributed to the error. The link to The Bear Islands on the first page actually went to Phillips Island. D'oh. Apologies.oh damn, my apologies. I just clicked on the link i dont think i bothered to double check it.

Heh! That's okay, I can use it in the Bears' "departure" RP post (for which this is a placeholder...).

*(sinister chuckle... :D)*
Landau Institute
29-04-2009, 18:31
In a large field near Deddick:

NED - "So you are the famous Doctor Alien, the one will help us in the mission..."

DR. ALIEN - "I guess the news about my transformation have already reached the Landau Institute..."

NED - "Indeed they did. And we also know that you may discover where the Original Alien is..."

DR. ALIEN - "Yes, I can feel its presence... even stronger now, in a way I never felt before. Can you follow me?"

TED - "We surely can! Joe has brought us some special equipments for our transport."

JOE - "Yes, we have vehicles that don't pollute, but are extremely fast!"

DR. ALIEN - "So come with me, I'll follow its trace."

(they travel some twenty-five kilometers until a crater)

ZOE - "This is really a big crater... a perfect place for a alien being to use as temporary home."

DR. ALIEN - "The Original Alien isn't a big creature..."

(suddenly, a creature twice the size of Dr. Alien comes off from the crater... its colour is pale purple, and is looks like a giant slime)

ANTOINETTE - "If this isn't big, what is?"

DR. ALIEN - "It surely got a lot bigger... the contact with the outside world seemed to help it to grow. I guess this alien can transform oxigen in the toxin which supports its life!"

NED - "We have no time to think about this. Get prepared team, we have to capture this alien!"

TED - "I got the weapon, I'll shoot it until it falls!"

ZOE - "Get fast, Ted, we can't let it escape!"

TED - "Joe, help me, it seems the bullets don't work against this creature... all they do is to pass through its body, without any damage."

JOE - "I'll get something for help, I have lots of equipments here... found it! A special SBC vacuum cleaner... its sucking device can swallow the entire body of the Original Alien!"

TED - "Okay, go ahead!"

(Joe uses the sucking machine, but when it had already sucked most of the Original Alien, it explodes, and the creature can return to safety)

JOE - "Damn, it didn't work!"

ZOE - "What will we do now? We have no ideas and this creature can flee or attack us at any moment."

NED - "Use Antoinette! She can win us some time distracting the alien! This is her job, after all."

ANTOINETTE - "Okay, I'll do it. Think fast, okay?"

(Antoinette starts jumping at the direction of the Original Alien, and does many acrobatic moves to avoid being hit, although it seems that the alien isn't attempting to harm her)

JOE - "I know what to do! I have something here that may help! An air purifier!"

DR. ALIEN - "What will an air purifier help us?"

JOE - "This isn't a common air purifier... it is a special SBC team equipment! It transforms the air in a special gas that can't be transformed in other substances... it'll be perfect, as the Original Alien wouldn't be allowed to raise the amount of toxin in its body!"

NED - "That seems the perfect idea! Use it! Meanwhile, Ted, use the flamethrower on it instead of the plastic bullets... I think it'll be more effective!"

TED - "All right!"

ZOE - "And I'm getting the container prepared for its capture! We can't fail!"

ANTOINETTE - "Hurry up, people! I can't jump the whole day!"

TED - "Get out, Antoinette, it'll get hot now!"

(Antoinette gets back. Ted uses the flamethrower, Joe the air purifier. Zoe ends preparing the container and takes the vacuum cleaner. The Original Alien gets smaller thanks to the air purifier, and Zoe is able to use the vacuum cleaner successfully to "swallow" the creature)

NED - "Fast, throw it in the special container!"

ZOE - "Done! We did it, we captured the Original Alien!"

ANTOINETTE - "Good job, although it was somewhat easy... it didn't even try to harm us..."

NED - "Yes, now I wonder if this was really necessary."

JOE - "We did our job. If this thing was good or bad, that isn't up to us to decide."
30-04-2009, 08:56
Cut off for the 3rd place play off will be around 10:30pm AEST (12:30pm GMT). Like a dutiful son (notice I used the word "like") I'm about to visit my mother for the evening.

Cut off for Italia Orientale and Landau Institute.
30-04-2009, 13:37
Match Day 10: 3rd Place Play Off

Italia Orientale 2 Landau Institute 2 (2-3 AET) @ Liberation Stadium, McKillops Bridge

Tomorrow: Kagdazka v Somewhereistania @ Stade de siaros, Deddick

Weather conditions
Mostly sunny 5ºC - 17ºC
Italia Orientale
30-04-2009, 22:12
La Repubblica Sport

Italia Orientale Beaten in Overtime Again!
Valiant Effort for Bronze Derailed by Landau Institute
Italia Orientale --- 2
Landau Institute --- 3

McKillops Bridge, Errinundera – Italia Orientale was beaten in extra time for the second match in a row, to leave the Baptism of Fire Tournament empty handed. A victory over Landau Institute would have given the Golden Eagles a Bronze Medal and a 3rd Place finish, but they just didn’t have enough to do it.

However, the team needs to be applauded for its excellent play throughout the tournament both offensively and defensively. They outscored opponents 21-8 over the course of the tournament, and finished with 5 wins, 1 draw, and 2 losses. More important than the achievements in this tournament, is the development of several of Italia Orientale’s young players going into World Cup XLVI.

Hossein Bolognese, Ishmael Tarblus, and Davide Baddoglio all played outstanding in this tournament and showed that Italia Orientale has a bright future in all three aspects, defense, midfield, and attack. Tarblus finished with 7 goals, including one in the 3rd Place match to lead the Golden Eagles in scoring. Bolognese finished with 8 assists, leading the team in that category, and his ability to impeccably place corners will make him a threat every time the referees point to the corner flag. Baddoglio more than proved his mettle on defense, arguably having the best tournament out of all of Italia Orientale’s vaunted defenders.

Coach Hossein Lippi said he is very proud of his team and looks forward to playing in the World Cup. “It’s disappointing not to win the Baptism of Fire,” said Coach Lippi in his post-game newsconference, “but the great thing is that now we can look forward to the World Cup and being successful there.” Lippi said he is likely to keep the same starting line-up that was in Baptism of Fire though he did not rule out starting the quicker and more elusive Tariq Aziz over the slower, but bigger Muhammad Paoloni at forward.

The Baptism of Fire Championship is tonight pitting Kagdazka against Somewhereistonia.

Final Tournament Team Statistics
Italia Orientale --- 21
Opponents --- 8

Individual Goals:
Ishmael Tarblus --- 7
Luca Del Castello --- 6
Tariq Aziz --- 3
Muhammad Paoloni --- 1
Roberto Torinese --- 1
Giovanni Rahman --- 1
Paolo Mastino --- 1

Individual Assists:
Hossein Bolognese --- 8
Luca Del Castello --- 3
Abdullah Marchetti --- 3
Tariq Aziz --- 2
Carlo Conti --- 1
Muhammad Paoloni --- 1
Davide Baddoglio --- 1

Individual Goalkeeper:
Amir Amir --- 8 Goals Allowed; 44 Saves Made; 2 Shutouts
01-05-2009, 00:53
-The night before the final-

The team were 'relaxing' ahead of the final showdown with Kagdazka, at least that's the image they were trying to present to those outside. They wanted their opposition to lull into some sense of security. What was actually happening was deep scrutiny of Kagdazka's games by the whole team.

Ergma: You see there? You see how they work the wings, we need to close that down. Don't give them the chance to cross.

Sokk: So are the wingers going to come back to support, we don't want them coming through on the overlap.

Ergma: If the fullbacks come forward, the wingers come back. But they don't seem to run forward that much.

Sokk: Got it.

Suddenly one of the Errinunderan servants entered.

Servant: Sorry to disturb but..

Ergma: I specifically said we needed to relax and not be disturbed!

Servant: Oll is here, and for real this time, but urm well...

Ergma: Wait, what? Oll is back? That's great news! I can now send him home in disgrace.

Oll: Hi guys!

The sound of a roomful of dropping jaws echoed around the building, there was Oll standing there, only he was different but it was difficult to tell exactly what it was.

Ergma: Where the hell have you been?

Oll: Huh, I just went for a walk after our argument earlier.

Ergma: You have been missing for days!

Oll: What? Stop messing around!

Taska: We have to play the final tomorrow! You have been gone for ages!

Oll: Final? What are you on about?

Taska: We made it to the final of the Baptism of Fire, we...wait, you seriously don't know?

Oll: I went for a walk and when I came back the locals sent me here.

Ergma: I bet its them damn Landau people, they must have created some sort of time vortex or something...

Taska: Ha, yeh well we still beat them good.

Ergma: Yep, now lets get back to the match. Oll, you're still not going to play so go have a look at what the Kagdazka guys are doing will you.

Oll: Urm, ok sure. I guess...

Ergma: Thanks, you know you could fight for your place back in the friendlies soon. The World Cup qualifiers are going to start almost straight after the tournament.

Oll: Sounds good, I hope I do get my place back.

Ergma: Ok, now go watch those guys, see what they're up to. But don't be conspicuous, although that may be hard with you having been missing and all that.

The newly discovered midfielder then departed for his reconnaissance mission, leaving a very confused team behind.

Baskovic: Well, which is weirder, that or the guy pretending to be him?

Ergma: I'd say this hands down.... anyway, we should be working! Right Kusnets you see here...
01-05-2009, 06:11

Правда Кагдазкы
A Proud and Patriotic Ecosocialist Newspaper

Chairman Timotei Zivkovic
Found Dead
A patriotic nation's worst fear has been confirmed. In the deep forest of eastern Errinundera, just outside of Three Sisters in the Tonghi Jungle of Bemm Province, the body of the grand chancellor of the People's Assembly of Kagdazka was found by sniffer wombats. An autopsy is still to be performed, but it is strongly believed that he was killed by a giant two-headed leech, the terrifying genetically engineered predator of Errinundera. What Mr. Zivkovic was doing in the Tonghi Jungle, no one knows. What is known is that people across Kagdazka are grieving for the man who played such an instrumental role in the nation's fight for independence.

Timotei Zivkovic disappeared several days ago, just before the Kagdazka national football team's arrival at the Milosis Red Palace in McKillops Bridge and the quarterfinals of the Baptism of Fire. Although they cannot be confirmed, there are widespread rumours that he had grown delusional under the meat ban in Errinundera. As the rumour goes, the Chairman was apparently told that meat restrictions were more relaxed in Bemm Province (they are not) and so set off alone. How he got to Three Sisters is anyone's guess, but he obviously fell afoul of a giant two-headed leech and was drained of blood in an extraordinarily short period of time.

To our knowledge, this is the first leech attack in Errinundera in several years, and the first ever in Bemm Province. It was previously thought that all specimens alive were in captivity.

We at Правда conducted an (extremely) unscientific survey on the streets of Kagdazka's two largest cities, Dyurtyuli and Gelendzhik, to assess the state of national grief. Here are a few sample reactions:

"Oh, he got sucked to death? Good. OH! I mean, uh... WAAAAAAH!!! The grief! Our dear leader... and stuff... who created... um... a lot of good... stuff...... WAAAAAAAAH!!!"

"I think he deserved what he got; he was an evil dictator. Yes, I mean it. Okay, now there's a gun pointed at my head..."

"Zivkovic? He sucked. No pun intended. AAAAAAAGH, you shot me in the kneecap!!!"

"Ding Dong, the witch is dead, ding dong, the wicked witch is dead! Ah!!! Guys, shut up!!! You guys, SHUT UP, Pravda is here!!!"

National Team Undaunted, March to Final
The 23-men wearing the national colors of Kagdazka at the aforementioned international tournament are feeling the pain even more than other people are, as the now late chairman was the manager of the national team. However, despite hearing the news just before their semifinal against Italia Orientale, they were able to win the match in extra time, and an emotional celebration ensued.

As has recently been the case, captain Grigoriy Kyznetsov performed managerial duties and left himself out of the starting lineup (which, incidentally, was the same one used against Norwellia in the quarterfinals). Keeper Pasha Filimonov earned man-of-the-match honours in an exceptional performance, but could thank his backline of Popuv, Belyakov, Radic, and Kozlov, who were also outstanding.

Belyakov in particular had a fantastic match, with several key tackles and the extra time goal in transition. Though being far off his line in the 102nd minute was a huge risk, it paid off when he blasted a header into the back of the net, past Italia Orientale keeper Amir Amir, off a gorgeous cross from Nikolic's weak left foot. The crowd at Liberation Stadium went off the deep end. Amir Amir, for his part, truly deserved better. His absolutely sensational performance over the course of the tournament will likely snag him some offers from big foreign clubs.

Now, following the slick 24th-minute Kusnets chip to fell giants Landau Institute, Somewhereistonia await Kagdazka in the final at Stade de siaros in Deddick. There are widespread rumours that Kyznetsov will be back in the pitch for that game as the KFA will be sending a new manager for the wisteria and green. Unimaginable will be the pressure on this person, whoever he may be, as managerial debuts are hard enough when they aren't in major tournament finals.

We at Правда, however, are proud to be able to announce the starting eleven for the wisteria and green. They were leaked several minutes ago: Filimonov, Popov, Belyakov, Radic, and Kozlov; Spiridonov, Vazavorski, Anisimov, and Nikolic; Stefanovic and Grigorev. As one can see, the only change from the semifinal starting lineup is the removal of the young Vasiliy Zaitsev for the more experienced Ангельс КДЗ striker Gosha Grigorev. Zaitsev will, however, be available as a substitute should a late attack be needed.

Formal Complaint Lodged
Unnamed officials from the Kagdazka national football team have issued a formal complaint with the Errinundera Football Association. According to sources inside the national team, earlier today a young Somewhereistonian player, Marek Oll, was found stalking around outside a national team training session. Though no official assurances of privacy were ever guaranteed by the Errinundrian hosts, team officials and captain Grigoriy Kyznetsov have been outspoken in their frustration that security is so lax.

“We questioned him for about a half hour,” said Kyznetsov to Правда in a locker room interview. “We wanted to know what he was trying to find out.”

“Yeah, but he wouldn’t say anything,” added veteran defender Stepan Sokolov.

“We think it might be just to sneak a peak at our tactics,” suggested starter Misha Spiridonov.

“But they could be trying to find out who our new manager is going to be,” striker Yordan Stefanovic chimed in.

“Pfff,” scoffed left wingback Pavel Kozlov, “good luck to them. We don’t even know, and the game is just hours away!”

“Hey guys, this is kind of, um... my interview,” said Kyznetsov impatiently to his teammates.

Mr. Oll had been missing for an extended period of time earlier in the tournament, following his assurance from Eagles manager Ergma that he would not be receiving any more pitch time. Like Chairman Timo Zivkovic, wandering around Kagdazka was apparently no big deal to Oll, though the Somewhereistonian can boast that during his travels he was not sucked to death by a disturbing, mutated leech.

Emotions are already running high for Kagdaz people with regard to Somewhereistonia. At the beginning of the tournament, the Eagles’ motor vehicles were put on display in a macabre exhibit in McKillops Bridge. The Kagdaz delegation were furious that the vehicles, which were to the knowledge of this writer not modified to reduce carbon output, were not destroyed at once.

While both issues are moderately insignificant on the larger scale of things, the tension resulting from them may make for a cracking contest tonight. All of Errinundera, not to mention the whole world, will be watching.

SWAI Artist-In-Residence Unveils New Piece
The Southwestern Art Institute in Kagdazka's capital, Gelendzhik, has unveiled a huge 8-metre-by-20-metre oil piece by famous Kagdaz artist Nedelcho Layarvinski. The abstract painting, which is over six stories tall, is considered to be the climax of Layarvinski's decorated career.

"I began to develop the piece conceptually," says Layarvinski in an interview with Правда. "Several years ago I did a study in wisteria in advence of a piece I did for the Assembly House, which as you know was under construction at the time. I loved what I found; in addition to the cultural relevance of the color for us as Kagdaz, there is a very sweeping beauty but also a harshness to the aesthetic of the color, particularly when you complement it with a tiny bit of crimson. So when I began work on this epic, I used that knowledge, and I think it turned out very well."

As Mr. Layarvinski articulated, the value and tradition of the color wisteria has an historical meaning for Kagdazka. For centuries it was the color of the medieval czars of the country, and before that it was used by Kizatyut tribes on the eastern edge of Scythia.

All uses of wisteria were banned by the Unspeakable Commercialists of the East in an attempt to quell Kagdaz nationalistic movements. Over the centuries of foreign rule, many Kagdaz patriots were imprisoned for possessing wisteria items. The ban was so complete that the original medieval flag of Kagdazka, which was known to have been wisteria-based, has been totally lost.

But wisteria became the symbol of revolution during the recent civil war for independence. The Sahazhi-Odogof guerrillas were recognizable throughout the course of the conflict for the wisteria bandanas they wore on their heads. To this day, if you see a wisteria-colored dock hanging out a window, it means the person who lives there is a proud veteran of the war. The color has come to represent the extremist liberal-environmentalist beliefs the Kagdaz people are free (or forced) to hold dear.

Now the color is celebrated in all its meanings through Layarvinski's epic postmodern painting.

That the Southwestern Art Institute can boast a piece of such national relevance and importance is a significant achievement, as Dyurtyuli's reputation as Kagdazka's cosmopolitan, cultural, and arts capital regularly overshadows Gelendzhik and the SWAI. Perhaps as the SWAI gathers more and more clout that will change.

The SWAI Visual Arts Gallery is open from 9:00-17:00 Kagdaz time. Admission to the Layarvinski exhibit, containing other works by the Gelendzhik painter, in addition to the towering wisteria piece, is free.

Hardy Boys Epic Almost Complete
With only one chapter remaining in his War and Peace-esque novel, The Clue of the Cannibalistic Witch, author Franklin W Dixon was recently quoted (while having breakfast at Taco Bell) as saying, "Thank God it's almost over."
01-05-2009, 08:47
Cut off at 7pm AEST (9am GMT).

About 1.25 hours away. Woohoo!
01-05-2009, 09:16
Following the 'capture' of Oll from the Kagdazka's training ground, manager felt it was probably only fair that he should offer some sort of explanation, at least something that would get him and his team out of the blame.

I would like to apologise on behalf of the Somewhereistonian Sporting Association for what appeared to be Oll sneaking around. What he was actually doing was just relaxing and getting his thoughts straight.

He was unaware of any part of the tournament from the time he disappeared to last night, somehow he wasn't around at that time. As he was in no way guaranteed to be fit, there was no chance of him playing the match, so I left him out of preparations. He then must have stumbled upon the Kagdazka training by mistake. We are sorry for any inconvenience caused.

Toomas Ergma

As he sent the note to the Errinunderan 'officials' and to the opposing team he sighed, he never got any useful information anyway.

Meanwhile, at an observatory back in Somewhereistonia, a lone astronomy student watched on in horror as a distant planet disappeared only to reappear several hours later, when he had finally found someone else to look at it (such is the lonely life of astronomy). It seems whatever had happened to Oll had just happened to an entire planet, and that was both bizarre and worrying.
01-05-2009, 10:01
News items from Le Monde, Deddick’s major daily newspaper:


The most important football match in Errinundera since World Cup 38 (<OoC> nod to Landau Institute</OoC>) has gripped Deddick with anticipation.

All economic activity (well, what there is of it) has stopped in our great city for today’s final of the Baptism of Fire. An estimated 30 million people have gathered around public viewing screens across the city armed with the traditional champagne and Snowy River Mud Cake. The maximum forecast temperature is 16ºC so it’s a bit chilly to be dancing around naked but the partying is full-on, nonetheless. We can imagine, in nine months time, quite a few lads and lasses being named after the Kagdazkan or Somewhereistonian heroes.

The centre of activities, of course, is at the Stade di siaros. Dozens of giant viewing screens have been installed around the outside of the ground for fans who missed out on tickets. If the Semi Finals are anything to go by, they, along with everybody else, are in for a treat.

Go Eagles! Woohoo Ecosocialists.

Fans are evenly divided between the two sides. There’s no denying the political affinity between Kagdazka and Errinundera but the honest, straight-ahead style of the underdogs (maybe that should be undereagles) has won them many fans also.

Perhaps the success of the tournament will encourage the Errinundera Football Association to consider re-entering the World Cup. With the fiftieth and bicentennial editions coming up, surely it’s about time we took part?


News has just come to hand that no volunteers can be found to assist the Eagles in their preparation for the big game. It seems that the Somewhereistonians are referring to the volunteers as “servants”. This has outraged the sensibilities of the Deddiquois.

“Servants? Servants! Who in Nazidom to they think they are?” rages the convenor of the Baptism of Fire Volunteers Co-ordinating Co-operative, aggyveral. “We invite them to our country, put them up in the finest accommodation we can offer, wait on them hand and foot and they treat us like slaves. Well, they can wash their own dishes and make their own beds from now on, thank you very much.”

We were unable to get a comment from the Somewhereistonian entourage.


With several international footballers and their staff (well, three actually) going missing during the tournament along with the much-loved sniffer wombat, primrosaloo, rumours have been rife for some time that the dreaded giant two headed leech is afoot (if that’s the right word) in Errinundera. Everybody is huddling in their home in fear of these monsters.

Well, that’s not entirely true. There are a few million gathered around viewing screens here in Deddick and there are reports that most of the nation is doing likewise but let’s not spoil a good story…

We spoke with rometheoo from the Department of Engineered Zoology at the University of First Creek Falls who admitted that some of the creatures could not be accounted for. “Sixteen went missing earlier this year – about the time the department received a large private donation to expand our research. These creatures are deadly. Even if I were a bear from the Bear Islands I wouldn’t rate my chances against them. What on earth would someone want with them?”

Well known social commentator from the Arts Department of the First Creek Falls Lyceum, partialboltu, is apoplectic. “Those idiot scientists and engineers from the university say they can’t understand why anyone would want a two headed leech. Then why on earth do they want them? The breeding program should have been closed down decades ago. You just can’t trust those types of people.”

Sniffer wombats are now on the trail. Expect more developments as they come to hand.


Convenor of the Errinundera Football Association, ouisdonohu, has announced the panel to judge the Baptism of Fire All-Star Team including Player of the Tournament. They are the angelic, genderqueer rosaniel (captain of the Potoroos in World Cups 32, 33 and 34 and coach for World Cups 33, 37 and 38), onito (star goalkeeper and captain in World Cups 36, 37 and 38) and otemki (former local star and member of the squads for World Cups 36, 37 and 38).

<OoC> We have cut-off.

And nothing above should be construed to suggest we have any favourtism as far as the outcome of the scorination goes. Scores up shortly</OoC>
01-05-2009, 10:17
Grand Final of the Baptism of Fire 33

Played at the Stade di siaros in Deddick.

Kagdazka 0 Somewhereistonia 2

Weather conditions
Bright and sunny: 19ºC

Congratulations Somewhereistonia.

To all concerned, the RPing was sensational.

Final rankings for KPB calculation purposes
Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Landau Institute 8 6 1 1 21 7 14 19
2 Kagdazka 8 6 0 2 18 11 7 18
3 Somewhereistonia 8 6 0 2 16 9 7 18
4 Italia Orientale 8 5 1 2 20 8 12 16
5 Nong Nang Ning 6 4 1 1 11 7 4 13
6 Norwellia 6 4 0 2 14 11 3 12
7 Golgothastan 6 3 1 2 15 7 8 10
8 The Bear Islands 6 3 0 3 12 9 3 9
9 Astholm 5 2 2 1 5 5 0 8
10 Terra Anatidae 5 2 1 2 6 8 -2 7
11 Stargate Centurion 5 2 0 3 9 11 -2 6
12 Tyrrin 5 2 0 3 6 10 -4 6
13 Banten States 5 2 0 3 3 8 -5 6
14 Dave Campbell 5 1 2 2 4 7 -3 5
15 Threetime 4 1 1 2 4 5 -1 4
16 Carpathia and Ruthenia 4 1 1 2 5 7 -2 4
17 Phillips Island 5 1 1 3 9 12 -3 4
18 Swartaz 5 1 1 2 7 10 -3 4
19 Pasarga 4 1 1 2 6 9 -3 4
20 Yelda 4 1 1 2 4 7 -3 4
21 Wessia 4 1 1 2 4 8 -4 4
22 Lemetel 4 0 3 1 3 5 -2 3
23 Steroga 4 1 0 3 5 10 -5 3
24 Metallo Pesante 4 0 1 3 3 8 -5 1
25 Austaliazia 4 0 0 4 1 11 -10 0
01-05-2009, 16:19
Qasarian Evening Sport

Eagles triumph in Baptism of Fire

A magnificent victory in the Baptism of Fire final was achieved today over opponents Kagdazka, who had shown great quality throughout the tournament.

The game started tentatively with both sides looking to attack, whilst their main concern was always the defence. Ergma seemingly had got his tactics right in as the Kagdazkan wing play was reduced by the efficient full-backs. Nevertheless; Kagdazka had a great chance in the 15th minute as Grigorev hit a long shot, which crashed against the crossbar before going out.

The Eagles responded well, with Nolakk, Keres and Paposki passing well to bring the ball forward, Paposki then knocked the ball over the defence for Skormilonski. His shot battered away by a well-positioned Denisov. Minutes later Somewhereistonia were on the attack again, this time with Taska darting in, he cut inside the full backs before unleashing a deadly strike from the edge of the box. The keeper managed to get his fingers to it, but there was no stopping the shots as the net bulged dramatically, it was 1-0 at 26'.

Now leading, the Eagles grew more confident, keeping the ball well in midfield forcing their opponents to chase it, in the 34th minute the Eagles attacked well again, Taska squaring the ball to Keres, who flicked it back for Skormilonski. He looked certain to score but Denisov pulled off an unbelievable save to keep Kagdazka in the game.

It finished 1-0 at half-time, and the Eagles were firmly on top. The second half almost started very badly, as Zaitsev picked up a loose ball before firing his shot at goal, luckily, Klug was a match for it and knocked it wide for a corner, before preceding to berate his defenders.

The game settled down more as both teams grew tired, with Kagdazka becoming desperate and firing long shots, having practically lost the use of the wings which they usually used in attack. In the 77th minute, the goal that virtually won the tournament came, Keres picked up a through ball before chipping it across the box and past the defenders. Kusnets, arriving late then leapt in the air and volleyed fantastically across goal, with the ball bouncing off the inside of the post and going in. An incredible goal and his 9th of the tournament. Despite some late scares, Somewhereistonia held out for the memorable 2-0 victory.

As Keres lifted the trophy, a huge roar came from the small number of travelling fans, as well as the Errinunderan ones that had been picked up along the way. Somewhereistonia had done what few believed they could, they had won the Baptism of Fire overcoming stiff opposition on the way.

Somewhereistonia (1) 2-0 (0) Kagdazka
Taska (26)
Kusnets [Keres] (77)

Yellow cards: Vazavorski (48), Mikhailov (74)

Man of the match: Keres

Somewhereistonian goals:
Kusnets: 9
Skormilonski: 4
Keres: 1
Zoltoks: 1
Taska: 1

Somewhereistonian assists:
Taska: 6
Keres: 4
Nolakk: 1
02-05-2009, 08:18
The Hardy Boys #71473299
The Clue of the Cannibalistic Witch
by Franklin W Dixon

Chapter 8 - No Funeral for the Most Annoying Teenage Detectives on Earth

A thrill of excitement flooded through Vasilisa's heart as the tiny boat made its way up the river. Lush green vegetation covered both banks on either side, and it occurred to girl that she had neve seen this much life back home. Even during the summers in Kagdazka, there were regular snows and only the pine trees were substantially greener-looking than they were in the winter. But it was warm here, at least it felt warm here: her dress felt far too heavy and she had never had the sensation before.

Baba Yaga looked equally awed, but she had been through much more in the last few days than had Vasilisa. Instead of her typical ragged dress, quintessentially witch-like she was wearing a woman's professional suit. She looked good, thought Vasilisa. She could have easily passed for a 60-year-old businesswoman, her normally chaotic and frizzy white hair tied back and neat.

The small boat pulled up to the dock. They had arrived. A KFA represetative was waiting, his wisteria and green badge glinting in the soft yellow sunlight. "Baba Yaga. A... er... pleasure. Well then, we must hurry. The match is-" he checked his watch, "-just 23 minutes away. Due to the need for speed under these unusual circumstances, the Errinundrians have conditionally allowed a motor vehicle to take us to Stade de siaros. It's waiting over there. We'll take a route around the edge of the city, there are no roads suitable for cars."

"But I can see the stadium from here!" said Vasilisa.

"Yes," said the man, who looked hassled, "but the sniffer wombats still have to search you two. It'll take time."

"Oh," said Vasilisa as she saw the wombats scuttling immediately towards them. They searched her quickly, there was nothing in her person it in her small bag that offended them. They seemed much more interested in Baba Yaga. She could barely move as they searched her, and Vasilisa thought she saw a brief flash of the livid, demented hag who had nearly killed her.

"Is this really necessary?!" the witch cried irritably.

"Apparently," said a wombat handler who had stepped forward. He was pointing to a wombat who was staring at Baba Yaga crossly. It was holding brownish-red strips something in its mouth.

"Beef jerky is expressly forbidden in Errinundera, ma'am," said the handler, looking just as cross as the wombat.

"It's not beef jerky, you fool," Baba Yaga responded Baba Yaga fiercely.

"They're... um... keepsakes of two friends of mine," improvised Vasilisa on Baba Yaga's behalf. "They died, and we wanted to... uh... bring a piece of them with us. Pieces. She weren't planning to eat them!"

"Oh," said the handler. "Well all right then." The wombat did not look as convinced as its handler, but consented to handing the "beef" jerky back to Baba Yaga suspiciously.

"I thought you didn't ever lie, child," Baba Yaga whispered to Vasilisa.

"Those rules don't apply for Errinundrians, Babushka," said the girl with a wink and a smile.

Being from Kagdazka, the two did not find themselves in violation of any other statutes, an were on their way. Their car driver was clearly an Errinundrian, as she drove much too fast and nearly hit several trees during their breakneck journey to the stadium. However, since this was her first time behind the wheel, she seemed to be very thrilled to be trying out the taboo toy, as a smile was broadly spread across her face.

The last few days had felt a hundred times faster, however, than did this car ride, at least to Vasilisa.

After Baba Yaga had agreed to help her save her father, she had told her why it was that she wanted. It had seemed like an impossible task at first, but she was surprised when she ended the phone call with the KFA.

"Hello, my name is Vasilisa Zhuravlev Zakharov," the call had began. "May I speak to someone about the appointment of a new national team manager?"

"Sure!" the lady at the other end a said enthusiastically. "Hey Dima! Dima!!! There's someone on the phone who I think might be a Starblaydi or something! She's interested in the manager's job!"

"No way!" a man's voice had responded with relish. "Thanks, Olga! Hello, this is Dima."

"Yes, hello, my name is Vasilisa, I live in Gelendzhik but I'm calling from Igipsi."

"Oh," Dima had said, sounding very disappointed. "Sorry, I have to go."

"Wait!" Vasilisa had had a plan, though it seemed unlikely to succeed. "You don't understand, I'm being held hostage by Baba Yaga! She's going to kill me if you don't meet her demands! She wants to be named national team manager or she'll eat me!"

"Yeah, right. Put her on the line."

Vasilisa handed the phone to Baba Yaga, who was more than happy to cooperate. "Mmm, I think that very soon I shall be having a delicious meal of thinly sliced meat, tender and pink in the middle." To add a flourish, the witch had ground her teeth (which every Kagdaz person knew were made of iron) together to terrify the man on the other end of the line.

"Ah! Okay, hold on ma'am! Don't do anything to that poor girl! Dear God, this is unbelievable! Olga, Baba Yaga's going to eat that girl on the line if we don't make her the manager!"

"Hmph. Some story," Olga's voice could be faintly heard in the background.

"No, I talked to her! I heard her teeth! This is no joke!"

"You're kidding! Well we have to call Polachevich, don't you think?"

After a moment, during which Olga and Dima had evidently been explaining the situation to a superior, the man returned to the line.

"Okay, here's where things stand. Our negotiaions to get a quality manager from abroad have been totally failing. We can't even get one of the domestic clubs to give up their head man. So we're just going to hire Baba Yaga willingly. Even if she turns out to be rubbish, we figure she'll at least be able to motivate the players: if they don't perform, she can threaten to eat them or turn them into a dandelion or something."

Vasilisa had not believed her ears. It had actually worked. Baba Yaga had immediately barged into the prison camp outside Nizhnekamsk, a city near Gelendzhik, and threatened the guards, officials, and warden all with instant obliteration if they did not release Vasilisa's father. Apparently they had all figured that she intended to eat the man anyway, so they let him go. The reunion between father and daughter was emotional but short, for the KFA had arranged their transportation to Errinundera right away. Now here they were, right outside of the Stade de siaros.

The Kagdaz press were utterly terrified at the sight of Baba Yaga, and there was brief pandemonium. But the Errinundrian and Somewhereistonian press did not know the legend of the witch, and were excitedly snapping photographs as Vasilisa and the new national team manager stepped out of the car.

The moment the two were clear of the vehicle, several Errinundrians torched the car immediately, as they seemed to feel every second it was not on fire was a second it was defiling their nation.

Soon the Kagdaz press calmed down and Baba Yaga was having to fight off a barrage of questions. But they had no time to spare. About thirty KFA officials rushed the witch into a service tunnel in order to take her right to the locker room.

"Thank you, child!" Baba Yaga cried out to Vasilisa. "They've found you a seat in the stands! I'll see you again soon!"

Vasilisa asked the nearest KFA official where she was to go in order to watch the game from the stands, and he sent for a kindly Errinundrian woman, apparently an EFA representative, to take her to her seat.

The match was a spectacle in every sense. It was the first time Vasilisa had ever watched a football match in a stadium as big as the siaros. The experience was overwhelming. Though Baba Yaga's team seemed to be distracted, impatient, and disorganized, it was still a thrill to react with thousands of other Kagdazka fans to Grigorev's thundering early shot, and to cheer on Denisov as he made save after save . Vasilisa even smiled when she saw the Somewhereistonia supporters in their ecstasy following the two goals. By the end of the match, her voice was totally non-existant from screaming. Though the fans around her were looking dejected, she was grinning from ear to ear as she left her seat (which she had never sat down in).

Vasilisa went outside to where the press had met them and where she had least seen Baba Yaga. The press were there as they had been, but there was no sign of the Baptism of Fire runners-up. She decided to have a seat underneath a big and beautiful eucalyptus tree. Having just experienced that astonishing atmosphere, there was no doubt in her mind what she wanted to do with her life next...

Baba Yaga and the team emerged from the stadium. The press instantly gathered around. Vasilisa joined them. She noticed that Baba Yaga was holding her head high, but the boys on the team looked disappointed and depressed.

"If it's all right with all of you," began the witch, "as per the requests of the team the players will not be taking any questions at this point. I'm sending them back to McKillops Bridge so they can rest and then head home tomorrow. I, however, am willing to take one or two questions from you all."

The press all shouted their questions at Baba Yaga. Finally she pointed at one of them and he asked her without interruption: "Who are you?"

"I'm Baba Yaga, I've been a legendary child-eating witch throughout Eastern Europe for centuries. Luckily for Kagdazka, I've given up that occupation and I'll be managing this team during the upcoming World Cup qualifiers and, I hope, beyond."

"What are your thoughts on the loss, Baba Yaga? Were your team poor or was Somewhereistonia too good for you?"

"The former, I think. I don't mean to disrespect Somewhereistonia or anything, but there was for me little question that the best three players of the twenty two on the pitch were all in wisteria. That's not how games are won, though, aren't they? You've got to finish your chances, and we didn't. There were no shortages of opportunity, but we didn't have the confidence.

"I also think at least the first goal could have been prevented, as well. Taska's shot was decent, but if Kozlov hadn't let him cut inside none of it would have happened. The Kusnets goal, that one is tougher to fault our boys, but you would certainly have to call it a fluke. How anyone on the planet could have accurately volleyed a ball like that... I don't know. But he got lucky, and the woodwork helped him. Gosha's going home saying the opposite. Rotten luck is all it is. I'll also add that I think Kusnets was offside, but I suppose I can't be a referee as well, can I?"

"Do you take any personal blame for the loss? For instance, I can guarantee that a lot of the papers back home will criticize you for sending Denisov on at keeper when Filimonov had been in there and was in pretty good form."

"Ah... well, sure, I'll grant you that Denisov could have played better, especially on the two goals. Do I regret using him instead of Filiminov? Maybe. If I'm evaluating my decision in terms of short-term gain, yes, I would say I regret it. But you have to say, Denisov did show some flashes of real brilliance, though it was spotty. This guy has just turned twenty, let's not forget that, either. He is the future of this side at the keeper position. I want him to have the experience of playing in a major international final, because the next time he plays in one, and with any luck it'll be the World Cup final, he'll be ready to go."

"Speaking of that-"

"Can I also just add that in my and the players' defense, the whole Zivkovic soap opera has been a tremendous distraction. Not only that, but i take major issue with some of the selections that my predecessor made. I guarantee you that you will see some significant changes in the squad for World Cup qualifying."

"Okay. On that note, what are your goals for Kagdazka in the near and not-so-near future?"

"The Cup of Harmony."

"The Cup of-"

"I want us to win the Cup of Harmony. That's where I think we need to head. To be realistic, World Cup qualification is not likely on the cards for a few years here, so I think we ought to focus on the Cup of Harmony. If we win that, it will, I hope, get us plenty of international clout and surely give the squad some more big tournament experience."

"You mentioned that you will be looking to change the team dynamic substantially; three questions. First, will the major standouts of the Baptism of Fire squad, like Nikolic and Radic, be fighting to keep their place? Second, will you be looking to add younger or older talent, and third, which KFA League First Division clubs will you be scouting out for that talent?"

"The first question was... oh, yes, standouts losing spots. I don't think you have to worry about that too much, I'm not blind, I've seen (well, I guess only heard) how well some guys have played, and I'm not going to cut anyone who belongs on the team. Take Lazar Nikolic, for example. I'll tell you straight off, he's safe.

"In terms of the kind of players that I'll be adding, I intend to look for younger talent. I believe some of the players, particularly some of the substitutes, on this squad were too old. Good, maybe, bit they weren't going to become better players from being named to the team. So I'll be looking to get some youngsters in here. Plus muscle tissue is a lot less stringy when it's younger."

The crowd looked horrified. Baba Yaga coughed awkwardly.

"Joke. That was a joke. Anyway, Back To That Last Question, uh... I'll look at everyone to be perfectly blunt, I know it's not the answer you wanted, but it's the truth. I guess I'll be looking especially closely at Angels KDZ, Vulkan, and FKM, the consensus seems to be that they are the strongest three sides in the league, no? I'll have a look at those three. But I will say this to close things up here, as I've run over my time; I think Ergma's waiting, I do have a few specific players in mind."

She did not wait around, leaving immediately, but not before winking kindly at Vasilisa. Baba Yaga did not even look like the witch Vasilisa had stumbled across a year ago, thought the girl. She looked like the manager of the wisteria and green.

At some point it would be time to go home, Vasilisa knew. But there was no rush, and even though after a few hours all of the other internationals had packed their bags and headed out, she was still wandering around the massive city of Deddick. This country is a beautiful place, Vasilisa thought, and I'd like to see just a little more of it. There was a smile on her face as she chatted with the Deddiquois about the 33rd Baptism of Fire, the soaring emotions of its sensational goals, heartbreaking penalties, blistering speed, thrilling climaxes, and glorious victories still lingering in their enchanted hearts.

* * * Meanwhile in Bayport * * *

Phil Cohen knocked on the front door of Tony Prito's house impatiently. It took far too long, in his opinion, for the olive-skinned boy to answer the door. Finally, he did.

"Tony!" cried Phil. "We have to do sometiing about Frank and Joe!"

"I know. They've been gone far too long. I was mad at them for being racists, but they're my friends and I'm starting to get concerned."

"Ditto! Chet's missing as well, have you heard? That's really odd. You know how cranky he gets when he doesn't have his eight square meals a day, and no one's seen him at Whitey's in over a month!"

"I bet you a hundred bucks he went looking for them," Tony said grimly. "You're right, we have to do something!"

And they would, in the first volume of Franklin W Dixon's new series for young adults, Phil and Tony's Excellent Adventure(s), entitled The Mystery of the Totally Unnecessary Dead-End Trip to Tierra del Fuego.

"First of all, though, Tony, I'm awful hungry. Got any grub?"

"How's lasagna sound?"