NationStates Jolt Archive

The People of our ever-expanding nation are tired of this IGNORE CANNON and want it destroyed.

So, I am contacting our allies of the World War, to ban together with us to annihilate the IGNORE CANNON. Our Absolute Zero bombs are armed, the bombers are fueled and ready.

Any nation that has been affected by this IGNORE CANNON, get your Air force ready!

So instead of learning the rules of the game, you're going to do this? You aren't going to win over anyone with such empty gestures. If these players are ignoring you, they won't see it. It's pointless.

So instead of learning the rules of the game, you're going to do this? You aren't going to win over anyone with such empty gestures. If these players are ignoring you, they won't see it. It's pointless.
Besides, the IGNORE CANNON can only be destroyed with the Seven Stones of Assington, during the full moon, upon the Altar Of Broken Sorrows, in the month of Geldof.

Everybody knows that.

I nuke you.
Good game, sir.

Cut it out, guys. If you don't want to play -- and all it would take is a couple of well-intentioned regulars to help the newcomer turn it into a light-hearted RP -- then just don't post. Cluttering up RPs with OOC posts is spamming.

Besides, the IGNORE CANNON can only be destroyed with the Seven Stones of Assington, during the full moon, upon the Altar Of Broken Sorrows, in the month of Geldof.

Everybody knows that.

Yes, everyone does indeed know that :rolleyes:

Fool! We of Perimeter Defense had a part in designing the IGNORE CANNON's primary systems - in fact, we were the architects of its Subjectively Awesome Mass Noob Depolarizer! The IGNORE CANNON will recycle its energy far faster than you can mass troops and weapons to attack it! Your campaign shall be brought to its knees by the MADE OF FAIL™ Field Generator and the Isolinear DEAT™ Projector!

Yes, everyone does indeed know that :rolleyes:

The requisite Merekat Observation Team, headed by the Iguana of Atrocities, are not a pre-requisite, however.

The People of our ever-expanding nation are tired of this IGNORE CANNON and want it destroyed.
The best way to avoid being ignored is to be interesting.

The ASD Experimental Weapons Lab
WANTED: Nation to test new experimental "INTERESTING" Spray. if effective this INTEnse REgenerating Shield Tuner (testING) will provide at least partial immunity to the effects of the IGNORE cannon essentially allowing a nation to overcome the effects of all but the most powerful of IGNORE Cannons.

WARNING
Side Effects may include: Reduced Nuclear Weaponry, loss of missile spam, Realistic Combat Losses, Spontaneous Outbreaks of War, Natural Disasters, Spontaneous school and/or embassy creation, ZOMBIES!, plagues, Suspension of reality and time warp.

Fuzz Cholmondely-Featherstonehaugh ran a nervous finger round the inside of her uniform collar. She hated that collar. She hated the uniform.

Earlier generations of Cholmondeley-Featherstonehaughs had borne it with pride. Each had done her duty nobly by the navy of Burning Sappho. Fuzz's life was laid out clearly ahead of her: a brief period as cabin-girl, rising on merit to midshipwoman, a meteoric dash through the ranks via battlefield promotion and, ultimately, Rear-Admiral the Hon Lady Felicity Cholmondeley-Featherstonehaugh, Rtd.

Except it wasn't going to happen. Because here she was, standing beside the Ignore Cannon, waiting for the "Load!" command, and she wouldn't be able to do it!

She knew, because she'd practised on the quiet, and she just couldn't get it right. The secret to loading an Ignore Cannon was to Ignore the ammunition. You had to just toss it in any old how without thinking about it. But how could you not think about it when that was what you were there for? She'd fail, and she'd be cashiered, and what would they say at Home? Ah, Home ... in her mind's eye she pictured the church clock, which was right twice a day, and the green sward beneath, where she and Davie would eat their honey sandwiches on the way home from tutoring with the vicar.

"Stands the church clock at ten to three? And is there honey still for tea?" she mused ...

"Cholmondely-Featherstonehaugh!"

Well trained, Fuzz saluted. "Ma'am?"

Too late, she remembered she had been holding the great Ignore cannonball. It tumbled from her grasp and ...

ROAR!

A buffet between the shoulderblades threw her to the deck. She knew nothing till a strong hand hauled her up by the hated collar.

"You did it! First go!" cried Captain Anna Bligh, pounding her back again in congratulation and shaking the youngster in her excitement. "Haven't seen anything like it since your mother was a pup, here on this very deck! No doubt about it, Cholmondely-Featherstonehaugh, you're a chip off the old block!"

Amazed, Fuzz opened her eyes -- opened them on the placid, empty sea. No sign of the dread ranks of vessels that had blackened the vista as far as the horizon. Nothing but her comrades aboard the Supply, the distant Sirius and the flagship, the renowned Petulant Snit.

"They -- they've gone!" she said, wondering.

"Well and truly Ignored!" cried Bligh, "Huzzah, ladettes! Three times three for our newest midshipwoman! Hip, hip ..."

"HURRAAAAAHHHHH!"

As the jolly tars enthusiastically raised the cry that stood for order and law around the globe, Midshipwoman Cholmondely-Featherstonehaugh, standing straight and tall, bowed at last to tradition and Ignored them all.

Fool! We of Perimeter Defense had a part in designing the IGNORE CANNON's primary systems - in fact, we were the architects of its Subjectively Awesome Mass Noob Depolarizer! The IGNORE CANNON will recycle its energy far faster than you can mass troops and weapons to attack it! Your campaign shall be brought to its knees by the MADE OF FAIL™ Field Generator and the Isolinear DEAT™ Projector!
Lies and slander! The Shogunate of Reploid Productions, along with the old War-Mongering N00b Killer alliance, took the lead in the development of I.G.N.O.R.E. cannon technology!

Professor Kuromori Giichi
Researcher, TYCS Camp Restricted

A standing ovation for Burning Sappho - one of the finest Ignores I've ever read.

The entire bomber force got new orders to carpet bomb The New Soivet Union again with even more RickRoll bombs. Everyone in the bomber force said at the exact same time "NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN!" They all got into their bombers cursing loudly. They all then took off and headed to the New Soivet Union and then dropped billions of RickRoll bombs all over that worthless nation which blared out "Never going to give you up" by Rick Astley.

Ah, Home ... in her mind's eye she pictured the church clock, which was right twice a day, and the green sward beneath, where she and Davie would eat their honey sandwiches on the way home from tutoring with the vicar.

"Stands the church clock at ten to three? And is there honey still for tea?" she mused ...
Companies from our nation can supply many different varieties of Honey, at quite reasonable prices; also Rock Treacle (either raw or refined), and Maple Syrup.


Arra-Dawn o BriarRose,
External Trade Office, Committee for Rabbit,
The High Council of Clans,
The Confederated Clans of the Free Bears of Bears Armed.


______________________________________________________

OOC: Bravo!

Navidas 43, 2012
37:00:00 QST
Official Statement from Cyvils, Perimeter Defense

ALL SHALL BURN!

Close

Silly vertebrates and their antics.

~ [Indecipherable series of clicks & a sharp smell of cinnamon]

The requisite Merekat Observation Team, headed by the Iguana of Atrocities, are not a pre-requisite, however.

They're not?

*sigh*

Back in the box, lads...yes, Piotr, that means you, too...

Koryatsky was running around the offices screaming his head off like normal. Something about purple-stinging nellies making his soup taunting or whatnot. It was just him.

Kowak was busily reading up the news of the day, muttering to himself.

"Someone wants to destroy all of the IGNORE cannons in the world. Well, thankfully we don't have any."

Koryatsky, somehow overhearing the remark through his shrieking, paused only for the moment and sat by the Prime Minister, wondering what he meant. "We don't?"

"We don't."

"Then how would we defend ourselves from all of the other harmful and destructive harmful random n00bs and their PWNZ0R armies and n00ks? We're vulnerable! Especially since we don't have any harmful destructive random n00bs and PWNZ0R armies and n00ks in our country!"

"Not to worry, President," Kowak said. "We've got something better."

"We do?"

Kowak nodded. Placing the news by his chair, he got up and pressed a special button on his collar. "Beam us up, Scotty," he said. Instantly, the floor opened up and both Kowak and Koryatsky fell through to a watery chute to some underground bunker. They managed to fell all of the way down to the bottom, where they came upon an empty room with the emergency lights lit. Kowak was not too happy about that.

"I said 'Beam us up, Scotty'! Not down."

A voice replied on the radio. "Oy, and I've told ye, I'm not Scotty. I'm Ron. Get ye names right, laddie."

"Right, Ron... beam us up."

Instantly, both Kowak and Koryatsky were sucked back up the chute and into the ceiling via a very powerful vacuum that managed to suck up the entire President's office into the small emergency air-bunker room.

"Ron, we're going to have to calibrate the vacuum mechanism. This is way too many people in here."

"Oy."

"So what's so great that it's better than an IGNORE cannon?" Koryatsky asked again, getting straight to the point.

Kowak nodded. "Mr. President. This is OGNORE, the latest in self-defense technology against harmful destructive harmful random n00bs and their PWNZ0R armies and n00ks. OGNORE, short for [u]Oscilliating Granulaton of Neutralizing Objectivity Radiation Emitter, has the same capacity as most IGNORE cannons, but is far superior in many ways."

"How?" Koryatsky asked instantly.

"Well, first of all, it's got a different name, so whoever is looking for the IGNORE cannons won't be looking for us. Secondly, it works by replacing the harmful destructive harmful random n00bs and their PWNZ0R armies and n00ks into less harmful destructive harmful random stuff. Say daisies. Thirdly..."

"No, I mean how... did we make it?"

"Oh... I don't know. I'd like to say that the purple-stinging nellies built it."

"Impossible! They're just purple-stinging nellies!"

"Oy!" Ron then said. "But they're a wee smart bunch! They built this thingie with thar bare claws and it works using thar great science. Ye know? They might be shmarter than we are."

"That's impossible!" Koryatsky replied. "They're always harassing me! If they're so smart, they'd know to avoid me."

"Oy, they're not harassing ye. They're hugging ye. See thar? They're hugging ye."

"Where?" Koryatsky only needed one moment to spot the purple-stinging nellies affixed to his leg and started to run around. Ron glanced over at the Prime Minister as they both watched the President ram himself through the glass frame.

"Ye figure this thing might work on him?"

"Not likely," Kowak replied. "He's a n00b, but he's harmless."

"Oy then..."

In Soivet Russia, the IGNORE CANNON destroy you!




Sorry, that was bad.

For your edification, gentlemen, behold! The History of the I.G.N.O.R.E. Supercannon. (http://forums2.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=294969)

While I myself laud the willingness to take on such a monumental task of eliminating something of such power and longstanding acceptance - not to mention, success ... I am afraid that history will show this to be a vainglorious and in the end, futile attempt all the same.

In service to the annals of History, and to you good gentlemen,

--Pasquale De Michelis, Head Archivist for the Libreria Sansovini in Devras

The People of our ever-expanding nation are tired of this IGNORE CANNON and want it destroyed.

So, I am contacting our allies of the World War, to ban together with us to annihilate the IGNORE CANNON. Our Absolute Zero bombs are armed, the bombers are fueled and ready.

Any nation that has been affected by this IGNORE CANNON, get your Air force ready!



The Ignore Cannon is useful is certain curcumstances. :eek:

Due to a complete lack of things to do in their own region, the government of Kemball Island has joined in the international condemnation of the Soivet Union for generally sucking at international relations and sent out 50 airplanes to bomb its anti-ignore cannon thingies because quite frankly thats all thats needed for such a small, insignificant nation.

That's a tad harsh, surely in the grand scheme of things we are all insignificant. As the ancient revered texts of our land have shown, all men and all nations are insignificant and only the Sun God Ara'kh is mighty enough to be considered greater than any person in existence.

The followers of Ara'kh condemn those who wage wars to a firey hell, a fiery hell filled with terrible demons and snakes and maybe a torture rack, but that's open to interpretation, after all we're reading from ancient texts... and they're a little on the archaic side as language goes

The followers of Ara'kh condemn those who wage wars to a firey hell, a fiery hell filled with terrible demons and snakes and maybe a torture rack, but that's open to interpretation, after all we're reading from ancient texts... and they're a little on the archaic side as language goes

Allenfolk translation: "The happy children of Ara'kh boo-hoo the folk who play with swords, guns, and nukes to live upon an island in the sunny open seas, complete with coconuts and bananas, with a giddy population of smiling snakes, and crazy preachers declaring their bad news with an old book standing atop a pool bar at 6:00 in the morning, although we can't say that that's what you'll get. We might run out of ships to send people there... and sometimes, you run into pirates."