NationStates Jolt Archive

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Welcome, one and all, to the thirty-second Baptism of Fire competition - The Turquoise Cup! We here at the KFA hope you enjoy our nation, and your first taste of true international competition. The draw for the first round will take place in approximately twenty-four hours, and the schedule of matches will follow soon after. We wish good luck to all fourteen competing nations, both now and in the forty-fifth World Cup which follows this competition.

The men of Logria arrived in Emberton yesterday to participate in international football for the first time. Manager Alan Burnett has picked a twenty-two man squad, as detailed below.

1. Glenn Money (GK, 30, Tunstall United)
2. Kevin Appleby (RB/LB, 26, Knaresholme)
3. Roy Williams (LB, 33, Croxby)
4. Adam Miller (CM, 26, Maccabi Totton)
5. Ryan Bond (CB, 28, Croxby)
6. Rob Black (CB, 27, Bethenall) - Captain
7. Adam Round (RW, 23, Croxby)
8. Ronnie Bowes (ST, 29, Speake)
9. Robert Woollingsby (ST, 30, Holmecaster Orient)
10. Jeff Harris (FW, 26, Bethenall)
11. Peter Martin (LW, 24, Bethenall)
12. Alan Bethenall (GK, 25, Holmecaster Orient)
13. Glenn Easton (GK, 25, Croxby)
14. Clive Neale (LW, 23, Maccabi Totton)
15. John Woollingsby (CB, 33, Liodence City)
16. Tim Carpenter (RB/LB, 23, Croxby)
17. Norman Gates (CM, 26, Holmecaster Orient)
18. Michael Summers (FW, 25, Holmecaster City)
19. Nigel Bowyer (CB, 24, Liodence City)
20. Callum Chivers (CM/RW, 22, Holmecaster City)
21. James Hargreaves (ST, 28, Maccabi Totton)
22. Tommy Peters (ST, 25, Speake)

Likely starting XI (4-3-3): Money, Appleby, Williams, Bond, Black, Miller, Round, Martin, R Woollingsby, Bowes, Harris

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West Newmanistan is obviously a puppet of Newmanistan, but here is some important information concerning this country:

Newmanistan is an Empire. West Newmanistan is a country that was taken over by anti-Empress forces that is to the Northwest of Newmanistan (it only borders Newmanistan on the northwest, not the entire western border). The anti-Empress forces have, on the surface, done this without much of a challenge. But to make a long story short, there’s a lot of behind the scenes stuff making that not really be the case.

Newmanistan does not recognize this country under the name “West Newmanistan” and continues to refer to it under the former name of “Mordavia”. If you are an opponent with an imperial style of government, your country would probably also not recognize the country as West Newmanistan and still refer to it as Mordavia as well. A democratic/socialist type government would likely refer to it as West Newmanistan.

Now let’s get to the roster! No domestic league has been formed yet.

Coach- Michael Dressler (46)

Starters: (the team will play a 4-4-2 more often then not)

GK: Sean Morrison #1 (27)
LB:Brad Shackford #4 (23)
LCB: Andrew Seymour #2 (26)- Alternate Captain
RCB: Thomas Morelock #5 (28)
RB: Kevin Moran #3 (25)
LM: Richard Borgetti #8 (28)
CAM: Corey Aguirre #9 (26)- Team Captain
CDM: Scott Hambright #14 (30)
RM: Shane DiCarlo #17 (29)- Most likely to be booked
LS: Michael Haller #10 (23)
RS: Chris Peckham #11 (24)- Is expected to be the leading scorer

Substitutes:

GK: Paul Jannelli #20 (21)
CB: Dominic DeFranceso #6 (28)
CB: Warren Morroni #7 (26)- Top choice of a defensive sub
MID: Edward Glass #13 (31)- Defensive midfield substitution
MID: Qin Chen #12 (26)- Offensive midfield substitution
ST: Neil McHale #16 (24)
ST: Josh Slattery #19 (27)- Preferred forward substitution
Roster Filler: (reserves)

GK: Jason McDonnell #21 (32)
CB: Donnie Willbrandt #22 (22)
CB: Richard Kuehl #23 (28)
MID: Eddie Howells #15 (19)
MID: Luke Chesky #24 (30)
ST: Ross Aarant #18 (24)

RP PERMISSIONS:
Select my scorers — Yes
Give out yellow cards to my players — Yes
Give out red cards to my players — Yes, but no more then one more then you give yourself.
RP injuries to my players — Yes, but only say they were hurt. I will determine the severity.
Godmod injuries — No
Godmod scoring events — Yes
Godmod other events — TG your idea for approval.

The group draw is made, and the groups are as follows:

GROUP A
Invisible Wabbits
Edward City
Patetopia
Greston
West Newmanistan
Mo Land 3
Garlano

Matches will be played at the New City Stadium, Avidia; Harbour Stadium, Stanton; and New Coalfields, Osteria.

GROUP B
San Plasciosi
San Castello
Allemenschen
Logria
Achtervolging
Lurikastan
Govindia

Matches will be played at the Southern Arena, Ousevale; Mercia Stadium, Bromham; and the Draconium Arena, Caversham.

The fixtures are as follows:
MD1 MD2 MD3 MD4 MD5 MD6 MD7
2v5 2v4 1v7 3v4 6v7 1v5 3v7 (Avidia/Ousevale)
4v7 1v6 3v5 5v6 2v3 3v6 1v4 (Stanton/Bromham)
1v3 5v7 4v6 1v2 4v5 2v7 2v6 (Osteria/Caversham)

The top four from each group qualify for the quarter-finals.

QF1 - A1 v B4 @ Harbour Stadium, Stanton
QF2 - A2 v B3 @ New Coalfields, Osteria
QF3 - B2 v A3 @ Draconium Arena, Caversham
QF4 - B1 v A4 @ Mercia Stadium, Bromham

SF1 - QF1 v QF3 @ New City Stadium, Avidia
SF2 - QF2 v QF4 @ Southern Arena, Ousevale

Third place match will be at Munitis Stadium, Norton.

Final will be at Isserson Stadium, Emberton.

The Football Authority of Achtervolging has announced it's squad for the BoF and the WCQ. Achtervolging has never participated in international play and just hopes to not completely embarrass themselves on the world stage.

Manager - Fredrik Anjema (44, Staadskannel FC)

Expected Starters:
GK 1 Edwin Nelisse (28, Wageningen FC)
DF 2 Roy Tracey (31, Staadskannel FC)
DF 3 Jesse van den Ouden (32, Huibertgat FC)
DF 4 Cees Schapendonk (27, VC Beullace)
DF 5 Baart Plet (27, VC Spoondork)
MF 6 Harald Wevers (29, VC Raadsel)
MF 7 Nelson Fielding (27, Southbrae Town)
MF 8 Jermaine Hes (24, Staadskannel FC)
MF 9 Bradley Sheron (22, Blitt FC)
ST 10 Aurelio Prats (27, VC Raadsel)
ST 11 Lasse Elestedt (26, Twenteraan VC)

Reserves:
G 12 Gijs van Schoonhoven (33, Kari FC)
G 21 Jerry Beranzzan (31, Staadskannel FC)
D 14 Bob Mahony (28, Felixstowe & Walton)
D 15 Edgar Arts (30, Verenigd Ulbeek)
D 18 Martijn Tammer (33, Schagen Verenigd)
D 29 Jurgen van der Slot (24, Delfzijl FC)
M 17 Ronald Hes (25, Delfzijl FC)
M 22 Maart Asmus (27, VC Tessenderlo)
M 21 Jason van Veen (32, BV Tytsjerksteradiel)
M 25 Hans van Otter (29, Verenigd Ulbeek)
S 16 Staerling Purchase (26, Northbrae City)
S 19 Sem Wijnands (19, Kari FC)
S 13 Johan Schot (28, BV Rijssen)

RP PERMISSIONS:
Select my scorers : Yes
Give out yellow cards to my players : Yes
Give out red cards to my players : Yes, but no more then one more then you give yourself.
RP injuries to my players : Yes, but only say they were hurt.
Godmod injuries : No
Godmod scoring events : No
Godmod other events : No

Schedule:
San Castello v Achtervolging (Ousevale)
Achtervolging v Govindia (Caversham)
Allemenschen v Achtervolging (Bromham)
Achtervolging v Lurikastan (Bromham)
Logria v Achtervolging (Caversham)
San Plasciosi v Achtervolging (Ousevale)

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Manager: Sergio Flavonne

Starters:
Alex Goohan #1 (GK)[Captain
Rudy Claren #5 (M)
Geld Rosvaal #7 (M)
Xavi Muesca #3 (M)
Wayne Terrace #10 (M)
Thomas Gardner #9 (F)
Juan Valle #20 (F)
Sergio Flores #17 (F)
Scott Delmoth #11 (D)
David Vouler #15 (D)
Hans Hinkel #2 (D)

Reserves:
Paul Roosa #4 (GK)
Arthur Mann #8 (M)
Peter Güdel #13 (M)
Dietrich Kahn #6 (M)
Alvaro Batán #18 (M)
Fernando Saber #16 (M)
Roland Murphy #14 (F)
Eddie Paterson #21 (F)
Jan Van Claes #19 (D)
Oliver Mann #22 (D)
Pau Glidner #12 (D)


RP PERMISSIONS:
Select my scorers : Yes
Give out yellow cards to my players : Yes
Give out red cards to my players : No
RP injuries to my players : Yes
Godmod injuries : No
Godmod scoring events : No
Godmod other events : No

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TRUE SKY BLUE

Avidia, Krytenia- Brian Nicholls turned on his TV, it is true. West Newmanistan is going to participate in the World Cup, and will start off with a showing in the 32nd Edition of the Baptism of Fire. Since taking over as the President of West Newmanistan, Nicholls has had a lot of tough work to do. First, he has had to convince the people that the former leadership of this country, which was once known as Mordavia, was inept and they needed to follow him and support him. He hasn’t exactly proven this to everyone yet, but his approval ratings are high as the former President, Mitch Barnett has apparently given Nicholls his blessing. Apparently. What they don’t know is the statements in which Barnett has been giving are being scripted by Nicholls. Barnett has no choice but to read them, and make his people believe that Nicholls is the man to lead the country. No choice, because his three kids, his wife, and his sister are in captivity by forces of Nicholls. Nicholls had formerly been a high ranking official in the Newmanistanian army before his move out to Mordavia. He had the trust of Empress Jessica, and he used it to his advantage. The Empress fails to recognize the country and some fear a war may be imminent.

Nicholls was concerned about the Baptism of Fire potentially being in Qazox. There were some rumors about that, after all, before the official announcement came that it would be in Krytenia. You see, Nicholls had entered West Newmanistan into the World Baseball Classic, and was originally told that the team would be accepted. A team was assembled of athletes looking to represent this country, but at the last minute, Qazox declared that West Newmanistan would not be allowed to participate. A “nation on strings” theory and “favorable numbers” explanation was given, but Nicholls knew that had nothing to do with it. It was a conspiracy. Everyone knows Newmanistan and Qazox get along, he thought. The Empress had convinced Qazox to not allow his entry into the baseball tournament. With the Baptism of Fire looking like it was heading there, Nicholls feared the same thing. In the end, it would be heading to Krytenia, and West Newmanistan’s entry into the Baptism of Fire would not be overturned. Thankfully.

So, this team that will be known as the Patriots, and wear the sky blue and white in pride just like their rival to east, how good will they be? No one really knows now, and there are not a ton of expectations associated with them. When Newmanistan won Baptism of Fire 27, it had a huge established population. It had an established league in which players could be chosen from. This is not the case with the Patriots. There are small leagues here and there, but nothing near the size of what exists in Newmanistan, and the country is much smaller then the Empire. A team has been formed, and they will play with pride. Other then that, who really knows. A Turquoise Cup should go to a Turquoise nation, we think!

The West Newmanistan schedule is as follows:
MD1: vs Edward City @ New City Stadium, Avidia
MD2: vs Garlano @ New Coalfields, Osteria
MD3: vs Patetopia @ Harbour Stadium, Stanton
MD4: vs Mo Land 3 @ Harbour Stadium, Stanton
MD5: vs Greston @ New Coalfields, Osteria
MD6: vs Invisible Wabbits @ New City Stadium, Avidia
MD7: BYE (Team will likely travel to watch a game of a potential QF opponent, if indeed, they are so fortunate to be heading there)

The Wabbits have arrived.

Goalkeeper: Roger "No, not that one" McWabbit.

Defenders: Peter Bunn, Elwood McWabbit, James Usagi.

Midfielders: Harry McWabbit (Captain), Ross W. McWabbit, Norris W. McWabbit.

Forwards: Peter McWabbit, Brian Erasmus Dion O'Hara, Robert 'Bobby' Bunn.

'Nomad': Jack McWabbit. (No fixed position, he might start play anywhere in their half of the pitch.)

No substitutes, yet, because the team's members are all pretty much impervious to injury... but if they do well in this contest then some more [potential] players might turn up for the actual World Cup, to join in the fun...

'Home' kit = all black, 'away' kit = all white, goalkeeper's kit (home or away) = bright green.

MATCHDAY ONE - SCORES

GROUP A
Edward City 2-2 West Newmanistan
Greston 0-0 Garlano
Patetopia 1-0 Invisible Wabbits

GROUP B
San Castello 1-4 Achtervolging
Logria 1-1 Govindia
San Plasciosi 0-2 Allemenschen

Matchday Two will take place tomorrow, and there will be a matchday every day until MD7 on Saturday.

DRAW STARTS CAMPAIGN

Avidia, Krytenia- The Patriots could only tie the team from Edward City as both nations scored a pair of goals in their opener. Coach Dressler seemed happy with the effort, but this seemed to more of a product that he was just glad to have West Newmanistan competing in the World’s greatest tournament. Edward City scored the first goal of the match, in the 11th minute, on a shot that most would have expected Sean Morrison to make a save on. It looked as though the Patriots were going to save their goaltender as they scored two goals late in the first minute, a 38th minute strike by Michael Haller, then a 43rd minute goal off the foot of Chris Peckham. The 2-1 lead held up all the way until minute 70 when Edward City got their equalizer.

At home, citizens flocked to stadiums to gather around and watch the game, but in the city of Hensdale, there was a bomb scare. According to President Nicholls, the stadium which had an estimated crowd of 11,000 had three bombs placed within the stadium, and an immediate evacuation was ordered. He claimed that the bombs were placed there by natives of the Newmanistanian city of Olympia in an effort to send a message of protest for the West Newmanistan participation. No arrests have been made, and it is unclear at this time if any bombs were discovered or if this was a hoax as Hensdale police have been very tight lipped about the incident. The President made a statement saying, “What we have today are those people from Newmanistan who refuse to recognize the legitimate leadership of your country. They also do not wish for us to be participating in any of this World Cup stuff because they are nervous that we can have the same kind of success that they have had. Of course, there isn’t a whole lot of success there anyway as they need to learn there is a more meaningful competition to get into then the Cup of Harmony.”

And so, the gold and blue was donned for the first time in anger by the men of Logria. Govindia were their opponents, and like all the teams in this curious competition, the two sets of eleven were unknown quantities to their opponents. The match itself ended 1-1, and as the Logrians swapped shirts with their Govindian counterparts, the Woolingsby brothers retired to the dressing room to reflect in their Baptism baptism.

It was a far cry from the way the game was played back home. There, it was a game played by amateurs, where gentlemen and the blue-collar masses could stand shoulder-to-shoulder in friendly competition. The Woolingsbys themselves, as the sons of a Shelcastle metal-worker, were firmly in the latter column.

The international stage, though, was something completely different. The team had been prepared for the rise from the leisurely pace of the domestic game, but the small things came as a big surprise. The fact that their opponents harried for the ball so much, and threw themselves into every challenge. The fact that fifty-fifty balls were got at so completely. And, most of all, the emphasis on direct passing and workrate rather than skill and inspiration.

Robert sighed after a tiring day, and John, who stayed on the bench, consoled him with an arm over the shoulder. Soon, the rest of the squad entered, and Alan Burnett had in his arms a crate of local beer.

"Here we go lads, celebration of a job well done. I'm proud of you!"

Robert and John both took a swig, and recoiled.

"Eh, Johnny," he gasped, "this Krytenian mush isn't up to much!"

Important host announcement

I forgot to send TGs at the start of competition. In the interests of fairness, I have decided to delay the scorination of MD2 until tomorrow.

My sincerest apologies to you all.

As the country is mostly populated by anthropomorphic non-self-aware androids, the Republic will be sending in footballing androids to play some footy. Some, if any, may note that the team is exactly the same team as that which just recently participated in the AOCAF 25.

GK
6748 - welder
9123 - door holder

DF
1245 - egg beater
1451 - onion chopper
2417 - energy recharging charger
1253 - random android needed to fill the team's empty spots
6271 - orgasm inducer
4210 - widow keeper

MF
2884 - triathlon runner
3001 - computer spammer
6783 - spam computer
1728 - milk-making coffee grinder
4444 - dummy killer
6748 - Doomsday preacher
7481 - mathematical algorithm calculator

ST
3910 - random joke maker
7188 - poached egg maker
0009 - really old machine
4301 - time stamp approval eraser
1101 - picture taker

Manager
2580 - telephone call disconnector

President Koryatsky was looking at the screen with a perplexed gaze. The latest headlines:

[San Plasciosi 0-2 Allemenschen]

He glanced over at Prime Minister Kowak. "So we're playing more football?"

Kowak nodded. "It so seems."

"Where?"

"In Krytenia, I believe."

"Who's gone to Krytenia to represent us then?"

"Um... I don't think we ever got an invitation actually."

"So how did we win 2-0?"

"I don't know." Kowak shrugged as he picked up the voice-communication link. He dialed the number to the Allemenschen head manager of the team. "Yes, 2580? Are you aware that the team in presently in Krytenia, playing in some football tournament?"

#2580 replied: "I'm sorry. The phone number that you have dialed is no longer in service. Please hang up and try again."

Kowak answered him: "Oh, yes. I'm aware that we were unaware, but you really should have gotten an invitation. Because we just won 2-0."

#2580 replied again: "I'm sorry. The phone number that you have dialed is no longer in service. Please hang up and try again."

Kowak nodded somewhat in understanding. "Okay, so you just got it? Then, send the team on to Krytenia. I'll have someone figure out how we won 2-0 without sending a team to Krytenia." Kowak hung up as he turned to Koryatsky with the news. "They just got the invitation."

"Just got it?" Koryatsky exclaimed surprised. "Who's playing inn Krytenia then?"

"I haven't a clue. But we'll figure it out."

*** Caversham, Krytenia ***

A horde of purple-stinging nellies was sweeping the pitch as the players posing as players from San Plasciosi were running away in apparent fear. Surprisingly, the purple-stinging nellies were very good footballers and indeed put whoever was on that pitch to shame. A very confused crowd of reporters came to see the head coach of the purple-stinging nellies lead the discussions at the post-match conference in perfectly fluent ... something ...

"*SCREECH* *SCREECH* *SCREECH* *SCREECH*"

A reporter confidently asked the coach: "How did your team manage to win, good... spidley spidey sir?"

"*SCREECH* *SCREECH* *SCREECH* *SCREECH*"

The reporter replied, "Well, how about on the record?"

"*SCREECH*"

The reporter happily sat in his chair as the other reporters wonder what exactly he was talking about. Others tried to get the report but no one could get anything beyond the screeching and the scratching sounds that the purple-stinging nellie made. Sometime later, you could read the report in a newspaper editorial.

How We Won

The spidley spiders of Allemenschen took the field in storm today, and confidently took all people by surprise. Interestingly, the players posing as players from San Plasciosi were extremely arachnophobic and thus the advantage was clearly for the purple-stinging nellies representing Allemenschen in absence of the atypically unfit android team.

Who then can defeat these spiders while they're on the pitch?

Ousevale, Krytenia - The Achtervolganian foray into international competition has started off on the right foot with a convincing 4-1 victory over San Castello on Sunday afternoon.

Frederik Anjema's side had the worst possible start when they went behind to a close-range goal from a San Castello striker after just two minutes but they stormed back as they hit four in their first ever match.

Aurelio Prats brought them level with a close-range volley from 29 minutes after Bradley Sheron's free-kick was flicked on.

Midfielder Jermaine Hes then made it 2-1 from another Sheron set piece as a left-wing corner was flicked on by Nelson Fielding to give Hes a free header six yards out.

The Lions then went on to dominate with Edwin Nelisse saving smartly from two San Castellan efforts before Prats ran on to Harald Wevers' cross to head the home side into a 3-1 lead on 50 minutes.

Jermaine Hes again added to the visitors' woes at minute 63 by converting substitute Maart Asmus' pass.

"We had a scare to begin with," said manager Anjema. "Conceding 3 minutes in tends to do you in for the rest of the match, but we regrouped well and managed to come out victorious."

He seemed pleased with the win, but captain Harald Wevers was wary of complacency. "We can't get cocky," stated the captain. "We're new here, just like everyone else. We don't know what to expect, so we have to be prepared to have to fight for all 90 minutes of every game."

Achtervolging next play Govindia at Caversham, Krytenia.
Achtervolging
---
Starting XI:
[1] Edwin NELISSE (GK)
[2] Roy TRACEY
[3] Jesse van den OUDEN (-46')
[4] Cees SCHAPENDONK
[5] Baart PLET (-77')
[6] Harald WEVERS (C)
[7] Nelson FIELDING
[8] Jermaine HES 38', 63'
[9] Bradley SHERON (-61')
[10] Aurelio PRATS 29', 50'
[11] Lasse ELESTADT

Reserves:
[12] Gijs van SCHOONHOVEN (GK)
[18] Martijn Tammer (+46')
[29] Jurgen van der SLOT (+77')
[22] Maart ASMUS (+61')
[21] Jason van VEEN
[16] Staerling PURCHASE
[19] Sem WIJNANDS

Manager:
Frederik Anjema (AVG)

Edward City has started its participation at the 32nd Baptism of Fire Cup with a 2-2 draw at its match against West Newmanistan. The first goal of the game came at the eleventh minute at the feet of Thomas Gardner, Edward City's highest scoring player. The second goal of the game and the first of the West Newmanistanian Patriots came at the 38th minute by Michael Haller. The next goal occured at the 43rd minute by Chris Peckham. The draw goal came at the seventieth minute by Sergio Flores.

MATCHDAY TWO - SCORES

GROUP A
Edward City 2-1 Greston
Invisible Wabbits 1-1 Mo Land 3
West Newmanistan 3-1 Garlano

TEAM P W D L F A GD PTS
West Newmanistan 2 1 1 0 5 3 +2 4
Edward City 2 1 1 0 4 3 +1 4
Patetopia 1 1 0 0 1 0 +1 3
Mo Land 3 1 0 1 0 1 1 == 1
Greston 2 0 1 1 1 2 -1 1
Invisible Wabbits 2 0 1 1 1 2 -1 1
Garlano 2 0 1 1 1 3 -2 1


GROUP B
San Castello 0-2 Logria
San Plasciosi 1-1 Lurikastan
Achtervolging 3-0 Govindia

TEAM P W D L F A GD PTS
Achtervolging 2 2 0 0 7 1 +6 6
Logria 2 1 1 0 3 1 +2 4
Allemenschen 1 1 0 0 2 0 +2 3
Lurikastan 1 0 1 0 1 1 == 1
San Plasciosi 2 0 1 1 1 3 -2 1
Govindia 2 0 1 1 1 4 -3 1
San Castello 2 0 0 2 1 6 -5 0

UPDATED SCHEDULE:
Wed 18 - MD3
Thu 19 - MD4
Fri 20 - MD5
Sat 21 - MD6
Sun 22 - MD7
Tue 24 - QF
Wed 25 - SF
Thu 26 - Final/3PPO

Achtervolging cruised to a comfortable win over a luckless Govindia.

The Lions took the lead after 32 minutes when Bradely Sheron latched on to a backpass to give Achtervolging the lead after a bright start from Govindia.

Achtervolganian keeper Edwin Nelisse denied two excellent Govindian chances with Jermaine Hes missing a penalty. The referee ruled the Govindian keeper left his line early and ordered another penalty. Hes made no mistake and firmly netted the second attempt.

The Lions wrapped things up with an 88th minute goal from Hes.

Edwin Nelisse recorded the clean sheet.

Achtervolging
---
Starting XI:
[1] Edwin NELISSE (GK)
[2] Roy TRACEY
[3] Jesse van den OUDEN
[4] Cees SCHAPENDONK (-75')
[5] Baart PLET
[6] Harald WEVERS (C)
[7] Nelson FIELDING (-75')
[8] Jermaine HES 43' pen, 88'
[9] Bradley SHERON 32'
[10] Aurelio PRATS
[11] Lasse ELESTADT (-64')

Reserves:
[12] Gijs van SCHOONHOVEN (GK)
[18] Martijn TAMMER
[29] Jurgen van der SLOT (+75')
[22] Maart ASMUS (+75')
[21] Jason van VEEN
[16] Staerling PURCHASE (+64')
[19] Sem WIJNANDS

Manager:
Frederik ANJEMA (AVG)

Edwardians easily won the Grestonian team after a 2-1 result. The first goal came at the fifteenth minute by Sergio Flores. The first and only Grestonian goal came at thirtyfifth minute. In minute eighty eight, the sentencing goal came when Juan Valle got the ball into the opposing goal with a bicycle kick.

MATCHDAY THREE - SCORES

GROUP A
Invisible Wabbits 2-2 Garlano
Patetopia 0-2 West Newmanistan
Greston 1-1 Mo Land 3

TEAM P W D L F A GD PTS
West Newmanistan 3 2 1 0 7 3 +4 7
Edward City 2 1 1 0 4 3 +1 4
Patetopia 2 1 0 1 1 2 -1 3
Mo Land 3 2 0 2 0 2 2 == 2
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Greston 3 0 2 1 2 3 -1 2
Invisible Wabbits 3 0 2 1 3 4 -1 2
Garlano 2 0 2 1 2 4 -2 2


GROUP B
San Plasciosi 1-0 Govindia
Allemenschen 3-2 Achtervolging
Logria 3-0 Lurikastan

TEAM P W D L F A GD PTS
Logria 3 2 1 0 6 1 +5 7
Achtervolging 3 2 0 1 9 4 +5 6
Allemenschen 2 2 0 0 5 2 +3 6
San Plasciosi 3 1 1 1 2 3 -1 4
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lurikastan 2 0 1 1 1 4 -3 1
Govindia 3 0 1 2 1 5 -4 1
San Castello 2 0 0 2 1 6 -5 0

MATCHDAY FOUR - SCORES

GROUP A
Patetopia 0-2 Greston
West Newmanistan 5-1 Mo Land 3
Invisible Wabbits 1-1 Edward City

TEAM P W D L GF GA GD PTS
West Newmanistan 4 3 1 0 12 4 +8 10
Edward City 3 1 2 0 5 4 +1 5
Greston 4 1 2 1 4 3 +1 5
Invisible Wabbits 4 0 3 1 4 5 -1 3
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Patetopia 3 1 0 2 1 4 -3 3
Garlano 3 0 2 1 2 4 -2 2
Mo Land 3 3 0 2 1 3 7 -4 2


GROUP B
Allemenschen 3-1 Logria
Achtervolging 2-0 Lurikastan
San Plasciosi 2-2 San Castello

TEAM P W D L GF GA GD PTS
Achtervolging 4 3 0 1 11 4 +7 9
Allemenschen 3 3 0 0 8 3 +5 9
Logria 4 2 1 1 7 4 +3 7
San Plasciosi 4 1 2 1 4 5 -1 5
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Govindia 3 0 1 2 1 5 -4 1
San Castello 3 0 1 2 3 8 -5 1
Lurikastan 3 0 1 2 1 6 -5 1

Koryatsky was a bit irate. "What the %$#^ do you mean we've got purple-stinging nellies playing on our national team? I thought we sign up androids to play!"

#2580 replied: "I'm sorry. The phone number that you have dialed is no longer in service. Please hang up and try again."

"What the %$#^? Is that your only response?" Koryatsky wasn't having any of it. He hung up quickly and sulked in his chair, wondering if his life-long nemesis was secretly plotting against him. Yes, indeed, the furry fellow that is the purple-stinging nellie (so called because of the blue-stinging nellie, the green-stinging nellie, the red-stinging nellie, the yellow-stinging nellie, and yes, even the orange-stinging nellie were already named. And so fitting it was that the purple-stinging nellie became the national animal of Allemenschen, supposely during another one of those episodes that Koryatsky frequently experienced. But the President was more concerned that the purple-stinging nellies were playing on the national team, for which he had originally sent androids. On a positive note, he figured out that the purple-stinging nellies played football much more efficiently than their mechanical counter-parts; but they were still purple-stinging nellies! And the scourging infestation that is the purple-stinging nellie was his greatest public (and private) enemy.

"This is a plot against the Republic!" he asserted once again.

"What plot?" Kowak idly chided. "We've already caught the imbeciles who thought it was a good idea to mail their spores from lab to lab and caused a national scare when cheese started growing in the sewers."

"Not that plot. The purple-stinging nellie!"

"Oh yeah. What about it?"

"They're playing on our national team!"

"Oh, yes. I've seen the lastest news. They're currently the only team with a perfect record in the Baptism of Fire thusfar. And those nellies, wouldn't you know? They've got really powerful knees. Of course, that's all that they've really got anyway... Anyway, they just beat some blokes from Logria... not too sure who or what they are. But the nellies are the spotlight of the country!"

"NOOO!!!"

"What's wrong?"

"First we make them our national animal, then we make them our pets, and then some freaks marry their pets, and now they're a national sports icon? This is the worst thing that could possibly happen! What happens when the purple-stinging nellies attack us?"

"Personally, I don't think they want to attack us. They just want us to stop attacking them."

"But with everyone else petting them..."

"They like that."

"But they're sooo... gross. You could just imagine one crawling up your leg, just like... AUGHHHHHHHH!!! THERE'S A PURPLE-STINGING NELLIE CRAWLING UP MY LEG!!!"

And with that, Koryatsky ran off into the heart of the building. Kowak quickly picked up the phone and dialed for the intercom: "Attention all government staff workers. The President has just received a visitor and will be summarily making his way through every single room of the building trying to get rid of him. Please do not be alarmed; this is absolutely normal. Again, please be advised that the President is now currently running around the building with a visitor crawling up his leg. Please do not be alarmed. Thank you and have a nice day." As he hung up the phone, Kowak returned to his magazine, reading up on the latest news from Allenmenschen.

The Edwardian hometeam has had a 1-1 result at its match against the Invisible Wabbits' national football team. The first and only Edwardian goal was scored at the 50th minute by Thomas Gardner. At the 87th minute, the opposing team scored the drawing goal.

PATRIOTS LEAD GROUP

After opening with a draw against Edward City, the Patriots have improved to 3-1-0 in Group A after getting victories against Garlano, Patetopia, and Mo Land 3. The results have come with little fanfare, and have allowed the team to focus on football instead of politics. Perhaps, things have been a little too quiet since the opening match incident that took place in Hensdale. We have not received any word from President Nicholls concerning the bomb scare or if it were declared a hoax. If something was discovered, the authorities have kept it under tight wraps, and no groups within Newmanistan have claimed responsibility for the scare, which seems a little unusual. You would think that any such organization would want to have its name be put out there. We would advise other media outlets to not say that this was staged by Nicholls as a journalist from a Hensdale paper did a few days ago. Said journalist was found dead in his home yesterday morning. We’re sure that was merely a coincidence, and our condolences go out to his family and friends.

As we try to keep our focus on football, West Newmanistan has pulled off three wins a row. The first of the streak was a 3-1 win over Garlano in which the Patriots stormed out of the gate to a 3-nil lead in the first half. Chris Peckham scored in the 8th minute, and Shane DiCarlo added a score in the 17th. In the 26th, it was goal number two for Peckham, and his third overall in the Baptism of Fire. Garlano broke up the bid for the clean sheet in the 61st minute. The clean sheet would be earned in the next contest however, as the defense did a fantastic job. Andrew Seymour and Kevin Moran were nearly flawless in their coverage, and Sean Morrison only needed to make two really challenging saves. The goals by the Patriots were scored in the 39th and 55th minutes, by Michael Haller and Corey Aguirre, respectively. Mo Land 3 did not present much opposition in the third game of the stretch as the Patriots scored five times. Aguirre picked up his 2nd goal of the tournament in the 14th minute, and Chris Peckham added his fourth in the 30th. That gave West Newmanistan a 2-nil lead, and Mo Land 3 did get one back to make it a seemingly close 2-1 match at halftime even though the Patriots held a 73-27 possession advantage. In the second half, West Newmanistan exploded, getting two quick goals, in the 48th and 51st minute, each by Michael Haller. In the 70th minute, Josh Slattery, who had only been substituted into the game two minutes earlier, added the fifth and final goal in the rout.

West Newmanistan’s final two games will be against Greston (1-2-1) and Invisible Wabbits (0-3-1). The Baptism of Fire has been pretty quiet thus far and is waiting for teams to really emerge from the pack. Perhaps, that team will be West Newmanistan with their 3-1-0 record. Achtervolging has looked pretty strong, and maybe they are a bigger favorite right now. Allemenschen also will hang tough, but in group A, it’s pretty much West Newmanistan and Edward City’s group right now.

MATCHDAY FIVE - SCORES

Apologies for the missed matchday...women, eh? Schedule is delayed by one day.

GROUP A
Mo Land 3 0-1 Garlano
Edward City 1-0 Patetopia
Greston 2-2 West Newmanistan

TEAM P W D L GF GA GD PTS
West Newmanistan 5 3 2 0 14 6 +8 11 Q
Edward City 4 2 2 0 6 4 +2 8
Greston 5 1 3 1 6 5 +1 6
Garlano 4 1 2 1 3 4 -1 5
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Invisible Wabbits 4 0 3 1 4 5 -1 3
Patetopia 4 1 0 3 1 5 -4 3
Mo Land 3 4 0 2 2 3 8 -5 2


GROUP B
Lurikastan 1-1 Govindia
San Castello 0-4 Allemenschen
Logria 2-3 Achtervolging

TEAM P W D L GF GA GD PTS
Achtervolging 5 4 0 1 14 6 +8 12 Q
Allemenschen 4 4 0 0 12 3 +9 12 Q
Logria 5 2 1 2 9 7 +2 7
San Plasciosi 4 1 2 1 4 5 -1 5
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Govindia 4 0 2 2 2 6 -4 2
Lurikastan 4 0 2 2 2 7 -5 2
San Castello 4 0 1 3 3 12 -9 1

MATCHDAY SIX - SCORES

GROUP A
Invisible Wabbits 3-2 West Newmanistan
Patetopia 2-0 Mo Land 3
Edward City 4-0 Garlano

TEAM P W D L GF GA GD PTS
West Newmanistan 6 3 2 1 16 9 +7 11 Q
Edward City 5 3 2 0 10 4 +6 11 Q
Greston 5 1 3 1 6 5 +1 6
Invisible Wabbits 5 1 3 1 7 7 == 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Patetopia 5 2 0 3 3 5 -2 6
Garlano 5 1 2 2 3 8 -5 5
Mo Land 3 5 0 2 3 3 10 -7 2 E


GROUP B
San Plasciosi 2-1 Achtervolging
Allemenschen 3-1 Lurikastan
San Castello 1-0 Govindia

TEAM P W D L GF GA GD PTS
Allemenschen 5 5 0 0 15 4 +11 15 Q
Achtervolging 6 4 0 2 15 8 +7 12 Q
San Plasciosi 5 2 2 1 6 6 == 8 *
Logria 5 2 1 2 9 7 +2 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
San Castello 5 1 1 3 4 12 -8 4
Govindia 5 0 2 3 2 7 -5 2 *
Lurikastan 5 0 2 3 3 10 -7 2 *

San Plasciosi is currently an ex-nation; if this is still the case when tomorrow's games are scorinated, they will be expelled from the competition. Govindia and Lurikastan are therefore not yet eliminated.

Tomorrow is a DOUBLE BONUS MATCHDAY. This does exactly what it says on the tin.

A messenger came into the room just after tea time. President Koryatsky was visibly alarmed at the interruption; Kowak didn't seem to mind it at all.

"Greetings, we have received reports from the Republican National Team competing in Krytenia at the moment."

"Did those androids manage to finally beat off those purple-stinging nellies?" Koryatsky said with a bit of excitement.

"Actually, that seems to be the problem."

Kowak shook his head. "It's probably those hunting laws..."

"Hunting laws?" Koryatsky replied. He was now visibly confused.

"Yes, precisely," the messenger affirmed. "The current state of the laws have made rounding up the purple-stinging nellies that are playing for the team at the moment. #2580 was a bit annoyed when the nellies started dialing a bunch of defunct numbers, as he had to answer each of those calls as they occurred, in the order in which they occurred. On a more positive note, I'm fairly confident that purple-stinging nellies do seem to display moderate levels of sentience, especially considering the manner in which they fluently react to the various actions of the national team. In fact, #1101 was reportedly providing photo ops for the team as they attempted to chase the nellies, and the nellies cooperated completely, freezing on cue."

"Wait a minute, we send a team to Krytenia to play football, and they end up chasing purple-stinging nellies?"

"Umm... yes. That is true. But the purple-stinging nellies are proving to be competent football players. They recently demolished San Castello and scared the cooties out of Lurikastan. They're currently the best-performing team in the tournament, and with the way that the nellies are playing, they'll be poised for a pivotal final match clash against someone somewhere at sometime. Of course, understanding how people and things from Allemenschen are, they'll probably strike and forfeit their next match."

"Wait wait wait wait..." Koryatsky said. He was having a great difficulty trying to comprehend the whole picture of what was really going around. Kowak and the messenger looked just as dazed (mostly because they were wondering why he didn't understand what they were talking about). After collecting a minute's worth of thoughts, Koryatsky carefully asked the messenger: "So, what's wrong with just killing the damned nellies?"

"Killing? That would be against the hunting laws. No killing allowed. No torture either."

"Okay, so how do people hunt these damned animals then?"

"Well, they chase them and then give a ceremonial 'tap' on the shoulder. Quite odd for a purple-stinging nellie, as you can't really say which shoulder to tap, or even if they have a shoulder to tap at all..."

"Please wait with me..." Koryatsky said, hoping to avoid another length discussion. "So... people hunt purple-stinging nellies by chasing them and then giving them a ceremonial 'tap' on the shoulder?"

The messenger nodded. "Of course, like I said, how can you tell what..."

"Just stop!" Koryatsky interrupted him again. "So... this 'tap' is supposed to do what?"

"Well... it's ceremonial. Instead of killing the animal, the hunter gets an opportunity to recognize that he's caught the animal and that he has won. Think of it like a game of tag almost!"

"So how was the idiot that passed that sort of a law?"

"Well, the Republican Assembly passed the law and you signed it. It was called the Humanitarian Animal Treatment Act."

"I don't remember signing that one..."

"You might remember the HAT Act."

"... so that was the HAT Act?!? I thought it was supposed to be about hats!"

"What on earth with the Republic deal with hats?" Kowak replied.

"I don't know," Koryatsky answered. He tried to formulate some justifiable excuses. "'Henceforth, hats are to be the only garment worn in public'?"

"I think we would notice that one if it were the law."

"Okay... so the HAT Act prevents hunters from killing those damned purple-stinging nellies. Can't we just put them into boxes and ship them to Burma or somewhere else? It's not killing them."

"Well, about that," the messenger said. "The team has been a bit odd in their execution of the laws. They will chase the nellies, but in an almost farcical exercise, they'll be chased in return by the purple-stinging nellies. In fact, a football match was interrupted when the androids tried to play tag with the nellies, and the nellies willingly played tag with the androids and the Lurikastanian players too. I think they got like 5 red cards that day..."

"That's not helping me solve this crisis!" Koryatsky yelled. "We need to attack the purple-stinging nellies before they attack us."

"But we don't want to attack you."

Koryatsky immediately turned around and gazed into the many eyes of a very big (albeit comparatively small to his size) purple-stinging nellie. And needless to say, the President jumped through the ceiling (yes, he did jump through the ceiling and started on his usual routine through the government offices. Prime Minister Kowak gazed up into the ceiling and noted to himself, "Well, that's a first."

“We’ve been screwed over! The Empress has had a role in this!” exclaimed President Brian Nicholls to his staff, who had no idea what he was talking about. They assumed he was referring to the team’s 3-2 loss at the hands of the Invisible Wabbits, in which the defense had a pretty difficult time containing their unconventional opponent. But nothing really happened during the game that would make one think that the Patriots were screwed over. His Secretary of Defense, Raymond Steele asked, “Is it something we should prepare war over, sir?” Nicholls shook his head no, so far he had not seen any negativity from the Empress concerning the country’s participation in the Baptism of Fire. It was almost as if Pocono City didn’t really care that West Newmanistan was participating. He pondered staging another bomb scare as he did in Hinsdale and blaming it on Newmanistan again. “Not now, we’ve advanced to knockouts. If we have to stage something again, or actually explode a bomb in a city center and blame it on the Empress, we’ll wait until then.” Secretary of Agriculture Walter Browning asked then, “How, sir, have we been screwed over?” Nicholls was surprised that his educated staff could not figure this out. “They announced this double thing. Whatever that means, prior to our bye day. We get no benefit from it! Surely the Empress worked together with the Krytenians to plan this like this.” exclaimed the President as the staff tried to figure out what he meant by the double thing, but they didn’t feel as though they should ask. But one member stood up, 22-year old Jillian Carter who said, “Well sir, the double thing is long lasting, not just for our bye day.” Nicholls grumbled. He knew that, it just wasn’t his point.

"San Plasciosi, lads. We're nearly there - let's go for victory." Alan Burnett marshalled his troops in the dressing room.

"Glenn, Kevin, Roy, Adam, Ryan, Rob, Adam, Ronnie, Bobby, and Jeff. You know what you have to do. Go make history."

MATCHDAY SEVEN - SCORES

GROUP A
Patetopia 0-1 Garlano
Invisible Wabbits 1-1 Greston
Edward City 2-0 Mo Land 3

TEAM P W D L GF GA GD PTS
Edward City 6 4 2 0 12 4 +8 14 A1
West Newmanistan 6 3 2 1 16 9 +7 11 A2
Garlano 6 2 2 2 4 8 -4 8 A3
Greston 6 1 4 1 7 6 +1 7 A4
Invisible Wabbits 6 1 4 1 8 8 == 7
Patetopia 6 2 0 4 3 6 -3 6
Mo Land 3 5 0 2 3 3 10 -7 2


GROUP B
Allemenschen 0-1 Govindia
San Plasciosi 0-2 Logria
San Castello 1-1 Lurikastan

TEAM P W D L GF GA GD PTS
Allemenschen 6 5 0 1 15 5 +10 15 B1
Achtervolging 6 4 0 2 15 8 +7 12 B2
Logria 6 3 1 2 11 7 +4 10 B3
Govindia 6 1 2 3 4 7 -3 5 B4
San Castello 6 1 2 3 5 13 -8 5
Lurikastan 6 0 3 3 4 11 -7 3
San Plasciosi 6 2 2 2 6 8 -2 0*
*San Plasciosi is an ex-nation; they have been stipped of all of their points, and are eliminated.

QUARTER FINALS
Edward City v Govindia @ Harbour Stadium, Stanton
West Newmanistan v Logria @ New Coalfields, Osteria
Achtervolging v Garlano @ Draconium Arena, Caversham
Allemenschen v Greston @ Mercia Stadium, Bromham

QFs will be scorinated tomorrow, SFs Wednesday, and Final on Thursday, in a change to the advertised schedule.

Koryatsky looked to the right of his screen, oddly glancing at the bit of text that was interfering with the normal conduct of his text. He quickly called over the technician droid, the script-writer droid, the proof-reading droid, and the common-sense droid to ask about the nonsense that was cluttering the right side of his screen.

"It's most peculiar," he remarked. "It's stuck at the top of the screen, right next to my text. And it's inviting me to join some online forum about knights or oil. It changes every-time too. See? It's asking me if I'm interesting in some arousal compounds, for maximum pleasure in my next session of intercourse with the spouse!"

The technician droid offered an explanation: "This is an advertisement. It is designed to attract your attention and cause you to click upon it."

The script-writer droid offered another explanation: "This is an embedded script describer. It uses the text that you write, in addition to any existing texts to reflect the reality that presented on the page at any given time."

The proof-reading droid offered yet another explanation: "This is grammatically incorrect embedded text. You don't introduce topics and subjects on the right-handed side of the page. It's always the left! The left!

The common-sense droid looked at the text and simply remarked, "That's just junk. Ignore it."

*** *** ***

"Yes!!!" Koryatsky was apparently happy over something.

"What's going on?"

"The purple-stinging nellies have stopped playing!"

"So?"

"The androids are playing as the national football team of Allemenschen!" Koryatsky explained. "Now we can focus on getting rid of these pests and making the world less purple-stinging nellie-esh."

"Is that even a word?" Kowak asked.

"It is now. And it's the epitome of everything disgusting, pestilential, and otherwise gross. We don't want these nellies starting to rule how we live."

"Well, I hate to say that the fans are upset."

"What fans? Don't tell me that the fans want to be helicopters too!"

The Cabinet suddenly tossed a pot at Koryatsky at that mention. "I am not a fan! I am a helicopter! Now, if you'd only get me fixed up, I could fly you around the town!"

"I've already said this before. You are not a helicopter. You are a cabinet. A cabinet holds pots and pans, not throws them at people because they disagree fundamentally with the original construction plans of the designer. You can't be a helicopter."

"Well, stick some rotors on me, and we'll see! I can fly better than half of those helicopters that are on the tarmac."

Koryatsky simply started to ignore his Cabinet. The Cabinet was still tossing the pots and pans out at him, but he managed to find a large deflecting device and tried to return to the original topic of discussion. "So the fans..."

"I think you're not talking about the same fans as I am... these fans don't blow air."

"Oh really? Then are they really fans?"

"Well, they do blow air, but not in the way that you'd imagine. These are people who cheer for a team. They normally follow the team around and cheer during the events."

"Cheers? Why don't they call them 'cheerers' then?"

Kowak tried to offer a reasonable explanation. "Well, that sounds awfully a lot like 'jeerers', which they do do sometimes, but not always. Besides, 'jeerers' just sounds bad."

"Okay. Why not call fans 'blowers' then?"

"Because there's already something called a blower that blowers a lot of air. In fact, some fans are called blowers."

"Why not call them all blowers?"

"Because blowers blow a lot of air. Not all fans blow that much air."

"Okay... I really hate this semantics discussion, so let's get back to the fans. Why are they upset?"

"Well, they love the purple-stinging nellies."

"Why?"

"Well, they actually play football. Well. They play football very well. In fact, the androids that played lost because they scored on themselves."

"How'd they manage that?"

Kowak plopped in a video recording of the match on a holoscreen, showing Koryatsky the events. True to his statement, the androids played awfully. In fact, only Govinidia played worse. But the androids managed to handle the ball at every opportunity, so the match officials spent the majority of the time stopping play to deal with the ball handling. By the end of the match, #1101 managed to score the only goal of the match, albeit coming from clear across the field off a corner kick to his own net. Koryatsky swat his face with his hands in a genuinely Allen (i.e. the proper demonym for Allemenschen) "doh" manner. Kowak stopped the recording after the match ended and explained further, "The purple-stinging nellies are protesting the blatant discriminatory practices of this administration and they're urging common citizens to protest against the government."

"They're protesting?"

"Yes."

"Why would citizens protest on behalf of animals?"

"Well, in some countries, people will actively protest on behalf of vegetables."

"Who cares about what people eat? These are just plain, old, dumb, creepy, crawly, animals!"

"Umm, that would actually be vegetarians. 'Vegetables' are the plants themselves."

"What sort of world is this? Plants and animals are protesting?"

"At least the androids aren't. Then we'd have a problem."

Koryatsky nodded. "So, what do we do in the meantime?"

"I suggest letting the purple-stinging nellies play for the team and stop discriminating them. They're kinda cute too."

"CUTE? Are you insane?"

"I don't think anyone is sane, actually. But just goes to show that insanity is the mark of genius gone to excess."

"No, there's a difference between genius and madness. Insanity has no mark of intelligence whatsoever!"

"Says you."

With that, President Koryatsky turned behind him, only to find a giant blob of hot cheese thrown at his face. Thankfully, that was all that he saw, because he had seen the giant purple-stinging nellie that had thrown the giant blob of hot cheese, things could have been worse. But nonetheless, the giant blob of hot cheese was still very painful, and Koryatsky could not help but run away in excruciating pain, yelling very loudly: "GAH!!! CHEESE!"

Another day at the office...

QUARTER-FINALS - SCORES

Edward City 3-1 Govindia
West Newmanistan 0-1 Logria (aet, FT 0-0)
Achtervolging 2-0 Garlano
Allemenschen 3-0 Greston

SEMI-FINALS
Edward City v Achtervolging @ New City Stadium, Avidia
Logria v Allemenschen @ Southern Arena, Ousevale

Yesterday, the Edwardian national football team beaten the Govindian football team at the BoF 32 quarterfinal. The matches' best performing player was Sergio Flores who scored 2 out of the 3 Edwardian-scored goals. The third Edwardian goal was scored by Thomas Gardner who has, this way, managed to retain his title as Edward City national team's highest scoring player.

SEMI-FINALS - SCORES

Edward City 2-1 Achtervolging @ New City Stadium, Avidia
Logria 0-2 Allemenschen @ Southern Arena, Ousevale

THIRD-PLACE MATCH
Achtervolging v Logria @ Munitis Stadium, Norton.

TURQUOISE CUP FINAL
Edward City v Allemenschen @ Isserson Stadium, Emberton

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it ws the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Clarity, it was the season of Turbidity; it was the hand of God, it was the other hand of God; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to the Final, we were all going the other way. And then there was cheese...

"CHEESE!" Koryatsky yelled with great pain and agony. "Why the %$#^ are my people tossing CHEESE at me?"

"Protests, would you imagine it?" Kowak retorted.

"But in my office?"

"Well, that's what you get for inviting the protesters into your office," he replied. Kowak was a bit right there too, because the protesters had come at Koryatsky's insistence for this meeting. Of course, Koryatsky had no intention of being whipped with cheese and furthermore to be confronted by so many people dressed up as purple-stinging nellies; this was to end the protests that had been plaguing the Republic for the past few days.

"So anyway..." Koryatsky said, trying to shrug off the cheese. "What's with the cheese?"

The protesters all tried to explain but the reasons were altogether superfluous and multiplicative. Koryatsky gave up on that. "Okay, so why can't we all get along and not protest?"

"We want to see the purple-stinging nellies at the World Cup!" they all yelled. They started to chant.

"Alright!" Koryatsky replied. "But don't you people agree that purple-stinging nellies are a pestilence upon this good earth?"

"On the contrary," remarked one protester, "I find purple-stinging nellies to be admirable company."

Koryatsky tried to dismiss his testimony. "Well, you talk to peoples' shoes. That's just weird."

Another person answered him. "I go to work with purple-sting nellies."

"That's understandable. You work at a silk factory."

Another person answered yet again. "Most of my friends are purple-stinging nellies."

"That's because you all dress like them."

"Purple-stinging nellies taught me how to derive logarithmic functions."

"Bah, math is just a bunch of hokey anyway."

"They baby-sit my 14 children at home!"

"Why the hell do you have so many children anyway?"

"They win football games!"

"Well..." Koryatsky thought about it for a moment. Everyone else could have been insanely wrong, but the fact that the purple-stinging nellies were winning all of their football matches (except the one where the androids played during their protest) was hard to dismiss. The fact that the androids played horribly didn't help much either. But if the purple-stinging nellies did play, the Republic's chances of winning the World Cup would be significantly higher (i.e. minimally plausible within 50 years), whereas having an Allen android football team would be just a huge farce (as the latest AOCAF venture confirmed). But they're so creepy.

"Alright..." Koryatsky said. "So they do win football games. But can they win important games?"

"Hell yeah!" the protesters all cried.

"So if they win the Baptism of Fire Final Match, I'll let the... purple-stinging nellies... play in the World Cup as the official team of Allemenschen."

The protesters all cheered loudly. Koryatsky was really hoping that he wouldn't have to deal with the nellies, but it seemed that nothing would go his way that day. Including the colony of baby purple-stinging nellies that crawled up on his leg to thank him. Of course, a grateful purple-stinging nellie looks the same as a vicious, attacking purple-stinging nellie to President Koryatsky, and I can imagine that you know what happened next.

The protesters still looked dazed as their President suddenly and inexplicably jolted out of the room. Kowak calmly explained to them, "It's his habit. We're all used to it by now."

"Aren't you ashamed that a publicly elected official is afraid of our greatest national treasure?" one of the protesters asked him.

Kowak reflected on that remark. "Well, if I were ashamed, I'd feel more inclined to join him so I wouldn't feel so ashamed. But as it stands, I'm perfectly fine with the way things are now. Besides, as our great and glorious motto grows, 'If you're reading this, a bunny will nibble your ear.'"

"Who wrote that, by the way? It's stupid?"

In that instant, a giant bunny pulled up the ceiling and yanked out the very protester and started to nibble on his ears. The protester yelled in excruciating pain, leaving the others to wonder their own fate. Kowak simply laughed. "Say, you know? That's what happened to the guy who made that suggestion the first time."

Yesterday, the Edwardian 11 won Achtervolging in a 2-1 semifinal match. The goals were scored by Sergio Flores and Thomas Gardner. With this victory, Edward City is automatically going to play a final match against Allemenschen. 'This will be a hard game' has said Sergio Flavonne, the team's coach, ' but we will be successful'.

THIRD PLACE PLAY-OFF
Achtervolging 0-1 Logria

TURQUOISE CUP FINAL
Edward City 3-2 Allemenschen (aet, FT 2-2)


Congratulations, EDWARD CITY!

the Salo Times

After going 0 3 and 3 in the Baptism of Fire it has become apparent that the vacation times of the PM and the Teams are synchronized. Playing horrible on the field letting almost anything through. PM Petkov's absence from goal diddnt help either, as his back up Tom Jacobson is very unpolished to play at this level. One can only hope our boys polish up in time for the cup it self.

Yesterday, a feeling of mass hysteria invaded the people of Edward City when, Port Saint Edward footballer Thomas Gardner scored the third and final goal during the Baptism of Fire 32 final extra time at which Edward City defeated Allemenschen in a 3-2 match. The Edwardian national team has remained undefeated during the entire cup and has been proposed for the Count of Edvard Stadt Award of Sports.