NationStates Jolt Archive

[OOC: This is the "everything" thread; scores, role-playing and rosters. Out of character questions and commentary should be reserved for the sign-up thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=564632). Thanks!]

Matchdays
Match Day 01 (9/24): [1 vs. 2; 3 vs. 4]
Match Day 02 (9/26): [1 vs. 3; 5 vs. 2]
Match Day 03 (9/29): [2 vs. 4; 5 vs. 1]
Match Day 04 (10/1): [3 vs. 5; 4 vs. 1]
Match Day 05 (10/3): [2 vs. 3; 5 vs. 4]
<repeated for MD06-MD10>

Group A
Yafor 2 (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14029169&postcount=9)
Myedvedeya (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14029183&postcount=10)
Blackhelm Confederacy
Greal (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14029304&postcount=11)
Tortuga y Hispaniola (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14029019&postcount=3)

Group B
kenavt
Jeruselem (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14029081&postcount=6)
Maimeiras
Ryou Black Islands,The
Sorthern Northland

Group C
Daehanjeiguk (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14031820&postcount=13)
Lovisa
Macabees, The (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14028980&postcount=2)
Magnus Valerius
Bazalonia

Group D
Castilla y Belmonte
Cafundeu
Maestro L Pavarotti
Deceased Writers Guild (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14029042&postcount=4)
Docky

Note: The Macabees will scorinate Groups A & B, while Yafor 2 will scorinate Groups C & D.


Stadia in The Macabees
Regarding Groups C and D, all games will take place in Fedala - the imperial capital, in the 'Imperial Province' - in two principle stadia.

Palac Víestaleg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/da/Palacio_Vistalegre_01.jpg/250px-Palacio_Vistalegre_01.jpg

Palac Víestaleg is a small indoor stadium dedicated to sports such as basketball and futsal. For the purpose of the tournament, it has been set aside specifically for the competition. It has the capacity to hold up to 11,000 spectators. It's located in the business center of Fedala and is easily accessible by Metro [Víestaleg station in Metro Line 5], by urban bus [lines 34, 56, 108, 140, 316 and 540] and by Cerkaníe [urban train; Track 7 and 10]. It will host MDs 1 and 4.

Carabak Arén
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/159/403848787_7118d9d7e9.jpg?v=0

This stadium is slightly smaller than Palac Víestaleg, holding only 9,500 spectators. It's located far from the city's history center and business center, alike, but is accessible by metro [Carabak in Lines 4, 11 and 13], bus [check the bus schedule] and Cerkaníe [Track 3]. It will host MDs 2 and 3.

Stadia in Yafor2
All games take place in Cardarel the fifth-largest city in the Grand Democratic Duchy, and the one with the largest expatriet Macabean community.

The Varikanishkir Dome
The Varikanishkir Dome is a small stadium, seating around fifteen thousand. Primarily used for futsal itself, what is notable about the Dome is the fact that its surface is cleaned every two hours, and that people whose job it is to do so do voluntarily. The Dome is the home of IYC Cardarel, the reigning Yaforite futsal champions, and is easily accessible via tram, train, or bus.

Khahdir Center
Seating twenty-three thousand, the Khahdir Center is the largest soley futsal-based stadium in the Grand Democratic Duchy. Located somewhat to the west of downtown Cardarel, the Center has held weak national teams, but dedicated spectators, who have something of a reputation for violence. This is in the heart of the Macabean expatriet community, so expect a large number of knowledgeble and rough fans to attend. Despite being away from the center of the city, the Center is easily accessible via special bus and train lines to the stadium itself.

Macabee International Futsal Team

Coaches
Alíest Tened - Head Coach
Pac Gerb - Assistance Coach
Yu Irst - Defensive Technician
Herst Fernsal - Offensive Technician

Players
Din Kíel
Henk Díertal
Sebas Bol
Paul Klein
Jasí Fernusten
Tíer Gal
Sebas Uríon
Mika Flas
Daví Tíerk
Jenst Zolit

Goalkeepers
Rabí Fergún
Tami Worst

EQUIPO NACIONAL DE TORTUGA Y HISPANIOLA

Goalkeepers:
Ricardo Juliano
William Teakhan

Field Players:
Eduardo Barbanegra
Jose Durham
"Gato" Riquelme
Jacques Paulsen
Jamie DeBoreveaux
"Crane" Rackham
Liu Xinghai
Norton Edgewater
Karl McDonague
"Pinguino" Lozano

Coach:
Señor Armando Nuñez

Official DWG Team

Attackers: (Starters in Italics)
Vladimir Nabokov
William Shakespeare
William Faulkner
Jean-Paul Sartre
John Steinbeck
Birger Sjoberg

Defenders:
Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
Anton Chekhov
George Orwell
Mikhail Lomonosov

Goalkeepers:
Leo Tolstoy
Henry David Thoreau

Coaches:
Head: John Calvin
Assistant: Thomas Hobbes

The Macabees- why do you have Maimeiras twice in one group?

Jeruselem Futsal Team

Nickname: "The Pink Panthers"
Coach: Kate Bush, former World Cup captain and coach

Players
* Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas of Jeruselem, Spokeschick for Jeruselem (CAPTAIN)
* Kara Kool, former World Cup captain and coach (VICE CAPTAIN)
* Fiskin Dallas, former World Cup vice-captain
* Gavin Gavin, he's very Gay
* Brother Beatle, tries to keep the Princess under control
* Kitty Flannigan, professional Irish dancer in another job
* Kevin Crudd, the team spin doctor
* Malcolm Talkbull, richie who bought his way into the team
* Sarah Palin, a hockey Mum with attitude
* Peter Parrot, does pretty much what the Princess asks

Goalkeepers
* Jane Darian, World Cup 42 captain
* Chloe Chibbie, member of GreenPeace

um... host... I was on the sign-ups list and you didnt schedule me into the tournament...

um... host... I was on the sign-ups list and you didnt schedule me into the tournament...

Sorry, you've been scheduled into group one. The seeding went horribly wrong, obviously. Which is strange, since it now seems we're over by one nation.

EDIT: You're replacing my puppet instead.

[OOC: Mac' drew the groups. Blame him for any problems. After all, last time...*wink*]

The Yafor 2 Collegiate All-Star Team

Background: Futsal, in the Grand Democratic Duchy, is not immensely popular at the league level - instead, the internal league consists mainly of sports clubs in the city of Cardarel (while people may have heard of IYC Cardarel, the "club champion", it is not very well-known beyond parts of Cardarel itself). However, at the collegiate level, futsal is not only well-known internationally (many current Macabean stars have come from it, as well as other foreign stars), but also well-followed in countries like The Macabees, Cafundeu, and Jeruselem. The current champions are Khahdir University, who play in the prestigious Khahdir Center, the largest futsal-only stadium in the Grand Democratic Duchy. Other prominent teams include the Cardarel Technical Institute (CTI), Chelmar International University (CIU), and Cardarel City College (CCC).
* - denotes starters

Manager: Wilson Agueras (Khahdir University). The tactical genius behind the recent success of Khahdir University, Wilson Agueras is known for his belief that, in defense, every player needs to be between the ball and the goal. He is especially known for his substitutions, often taking out attackers and bringing on defenders at key moments, when necessary, as well as his belief in rotating players as often as possible - it was bruising defense that lead Khahdir University to the top of the Collegiate Championship and it is expected that that very same bruising defense will lead the Yaforites to wherever that they go. Expect to see every player on the Yaforite team get playing time, as well as possibly every player on the Yaforite team being held accountable for his actions.

Attackers:
*Varitor Masheril (CIU)
*Madaan Marigonan (CTI)
Amash Vatarin (CIU)
Jyaad T'sarish (CCC)
Agora'an Mileshcu (Khahdir University)

Defenders:
*Carlos Correa (CTI)
*Nsaan V'radel (Khahdir University)
Hamaan Amerigor (Khahdir University)
Ashara Milaren (CTI)
Javier Ramirez (Khahdir University)

Goalkeepers:
*Alberto Valderrama (Khahdir University)
Ajanshar Jugaris (CCC)

Other notes: This is the Collegiate All-Star Team. However, Ashara Milaren is the only woman currently on the squad - as futsal has primarily evolved from the expatriate Macabean community, where mostly men play on the team, women are not usually futsal stars. However, Milaren made her way to the top on her own team and is expected to challenge for a starting spot (just like everybody else), so one should not expect her to bend over and fall apart. Another important note is that several of these players are of foreign descent, so they may face others who are of somewhat similar ethnicity to them during the tournament.

Myedvedeyan Roster

Keepers
Starting: Uri Slavkovitch
Darko Karolov

Field Players
Starting: Vladimir Ivanov
Sarting: Sergey Vassilev
Starting: Volyoda Dolohov
Starting: Misha Ulyanov
Roman Edmoninov
Konstantin Belovitch
Ivan Lobatsky
Konstantin Mirkov
Andrey Rostov
Pyotr Bolkonsky

Coach: Count Alexander Fedorov

The team will play in red kits, with the flag across the chest, and red shorts. All players wear their choice of footwear, and cossack hats.

http://s237.photobucket.com/albums/ff41/838millionman/th_Grealflag56-1.jpg
Greal announces its Golden Cup Squad

Coach
Barrack Winex


Players
Aurora Sanders
Mike Remmer
Jonas Jones
Jeff Washington
Adam Gage
George Greene
Remo Flag
William Lee
Harry Benedict
Danny Manhatt

Goalkeepers
Nathan Hardy
Arnold Williamson

Kara:
I'm Kara Kool! This is THE FOOTBALL LIFE in Yafor 2 for the 3rd Futsal Tournament. The co-hosts are the MacaBees and Yafor 2, and the defending champs are us. I'm the vice-captain of the team with the one and only Marie as the Captain. Kate Bush is our coach. Actually, we have four World Cup ex-captains in this team including Kate Bush. Jane Darian is the new keeper since retiring from World Cup games. With me is ... you know!

Marie: Hello Jeruselemites and everyone else who is watching.
Kara: Marie, we're top team but everyone is out to get us ... are we ready?
Marie: We're got a pretty good team of experience and youth here. I think we can win this again.
Kara: A remind to viewers, I'm also in this team.

Marie:
A hello to my sister Kate in Bostopia helping out Hikfie Dallas who hit by car, and a hello to Hifkie Dallas and her family. Hifkie is stuck in a wheelchair and can't take her place in the team so Kara Kool here has kindly helped out us out.

Kara: Actually, I just want get away from my kids a while. And we need more money.
Marie: See a dedicated Mum earning a crust for the kids! Hey, like my Mum did too.
Kara: Dazza didn't earn her money, she whored it.
Marie: Same difference.

Kara: So who's the biggest threat?
Marie: I think the two hosts.
Kara: That's a big call.
Marie: Local support is always a big plus but if you're losing - it can backfire.

Kara: Are we going we see any Dazza like antics?
Marie: Like what? (smiling)
Kara: You know Marie.
Marie: Well, you'll have to wait and see! I am Dazza's youngest daughter.

Kara: People call you Crazy Marie here.
Marie: That's because I'm a goal scoring machine. Nothing gets in my way.
Kara: You're not going set anyone on fire here as well?
Marie: Well, I can't promise I won't but it takes a bit to get me to that stage.

Kara: Still, you're quite popular too.
Marie: Well, it's a love hate thing so I take things as they are.
Kara: Well, that's it from me and bike face here. See you all later!

Following the success of the Sholim Monks in their debut at the International Futsal Tournament, the Imperial Football Association has agreed to allow the monks to return to the Macabees, under a few conditions:

(1) The Monks will all be named;
(2) The Monks will wear shoes;
(3) The Monks will wear professional attire;
(4) The Monks will be accompanied by professional and supportive media coverage;
(5) If the Monks succeed to reach the finals again, they will be granted rights to return to each successive tournament.

With that in mind, here's your official Han Roster!

GK:
Brother Sang
Brother Sang

Players:
Brother Sang
Brother Sang
Brother Sang
Brother Sang
Brother Sang
Brother Sang
Brother Sang
Brother Sang
Brother Sang

Coaches:
Brother Sang
Brother Sang

Home Kit - Gold top, gold shorts, gold shoes
Away Kit - White top, white shorts, white shoes
Alternate Kit - No top, no shorts, no shoes (will only be used in unofficial matches)

IFT3 - Group C
MD1: vs Lovisa
MD2: vs The Macabees
MD3: vs Bazalonia
MD4: vs Magnus Valerius
MD5: --BYE--
MD6: vs Lovisa
MD7: vs The Macabees
MD8: vs Bazalonia
MD9: vs Magnus Valerius
MD10: --BYE--

=== Deep inside the laboratory of Professor Hwang Wuseok ===

The Professor is deep at work in his lab. What is he doing there? Deep in research. What is he researching? Something secret. What's so secret?

"Ouch!!"

"Sorry, Master!" Igor said with a clumsy East Asian accent. "I didn't realize that the robotic arm would reach down so low."

"Keep that up where I can see it better! And not in my face!"

"Yes, Master!"

Igor did as the Professor wanted, and all was ready for the moment. What was that moment? Well, what the hell would I know that for? Let's just watch!

"Master!! There are some weird people with a camera taking pictures of us! Master!"

"Let them! We're too far in our experiments to let them sway us now!"

"But Master! They will know the truth!!!"

"Truth, smuth! We have important work to do!"

"But that's the truth!!!"

These two people obviously don't know what they're doing. Igor is chasing the Professor with two vials of mutagenized tissue and the Professor is wearing Bermuda shorts in a cryogenic freezer. And some weird freak just walked down the hall crying her eyes out.

"Master!!! The maiden is crying!"

The Maiden?

"Mother!" the Professor said. "What are you doing here?"

"I can't wait any longer! I want my baby now! NOW!"

"Patience, we must have patience."

"I've had enough with patience. We've been waiting 5 months for a baby! If I had known that it would take this long, I would have done it the old-fashioned way!"

"But we both know that I shoot blanks!"

"I doesn't matter. I'll find another man."

"Master! I could be another man!"

Both the Maiden and the Professor look at Igor - "NO!" Igor walks to the side. What exactly is going on in this lab? The Professor is making babies for his mother, because he himself shoots blanks? This must be some sick twisted family.

"Igor! Get me the forceps!"

"You've got the forceps on your belt!"

"I know!! Get it to me!" Igor furiously rushes across the lab and grabs the forceps from Professor Hwang's belt, handing them to him. "I didn't tell you to hand them to me! I said get them to me! Put them in my belt!" Igor, rightfully confused at this point, places them back on his belt. The Professor, apparently ready for his next task rushed into the cryogenic freezer and begins some process of which I can't see because this camera is stuck to the glue trap. Apparently, they've got a problem with mice.

"Actually, it's cockroaches!" the Professor then yelled from the freezer. "The damned bugs keep eating my crickets!"

That's a reasonable response.

"Igor!!! Turn on the heater!"

"Why? It's supposed to be cold in there, Master!"

"I know, but I've urinated and there's a stream that's frozen to the ground. Now, I can't move!!!"

"I'll bring the portable heater, Master!"

This is one freaking weird Professor. Just then, the Maiden comes over to me and smacks me straight. "How dare you call my son freaking weird!" Apparently, everyone can read my thoughts or something like that... "No, you're vocalizing everything that you're thinking," the Maiden says. "And you don't need to say that either!" Sorry.

"Get out of here!" she tells me, obviously thinking that I myself am crazy. "I don't think that you're crazy! Well, actually, now I do, but it's because you're standing on my poodle!"

Who the hell puts a poodle here? Oh, there's a dog food bowl. Sorry again! "You've killed POOCHY! POOCHY!!!!!!!!!!" I think that's my cue to skidoo.

"Come back here you freak!!!!!!!!" The Maiden is now chasing me as I try to get out. My camera is still stuck on the glue trap used to trap cockroaches, and for the first time, I notice that the Maiden isn't really a maiden at all - she's really old and ugly. She's also very fast. "How dare you call me 'ugly'??? I'll show you!" she exclaims as she nears me. Just as she grabs my neck, we hear a loud bellowing yell from within. "IT'S ALIVE!"

"My babies!" the Maiden says, letting go of me and returning to the laboratory. If I were any smarter, I'd leave then. But I'm curious so I'm going back. And I'm still talking every single thought, so... I guess we'll see what's going on inside.

Kara Kool talking to Jane Darian ...

Kara: You look tired ...
Jane: I am!
Kara: I thought goalkeepers had an easy time during training.
Jane: Not if the coach decides to test you with Marie.

Kara: The coach knows you are good.
Jane: I tell you, I maybe Jeruselem's best keeper but that Marie is some bitch to beat.
Kara: She is our top goal scorer for the last cup.
Jane: I never played when Dazza was around but you'd swear those two play the same way.

Kara: Yes, when it comes to going in for a kill ... those girls are quite good.
Jane: And she kicks the ball bloody hard too.
Kara: She's also a bit nutty on the field.
Jane: I thought you were nutty but she's worse.

Kara: Well, with me and Marie ... defenses should be scared.
Jane: Makes my job easier.
Kara: She's got a few tricks we could all learn.
Jane: Must be learning from her mother. Kate Dallas was also great striker but tempermental.

Kara: I'm like that too.
Jane: I think Marie is better than Kate Dallas.
Kara: Better than me?
Jane: Maybe

Kara: The coach was a great striker.
Jane: Yes, she got to the final of the World Cup.
Kara: Well, Dazza was part of the same team except she couldn't play for medical reasons.
Jane: Well, here we are and there's a mini Dazza in the team. Kate Bush is also one of Dazza's friends.

Marie: Hey girls, ya all ready to kick ass?
Kara: As you say your bikeness.
Jane: We won't slack around.
Marie: Looking a bit tired there Jane.

Jane: I'm not getting any younger.
Kara: Say, how come Jane is sweating so much and you ... look dry.
Marie: Well, I dunno ... Mum was like that too.
Kara: I notice you sweat in funny places.

Jane: Yes, makes interesting TV viewing that.
Marie: I don't care! It's just my job to entertain the masses.
Kara: Gladiators with nice boobs ...
Marie: Yours are pretty good too!

Jane: I'm a bit ... flat ...
Marie: Just wear one of those funny bras!
Kara: She's not into being an attention whore.
Marie: We're the Pink Panthers, we must look good and play like killer cats.

MYEDVEDEYA GROUP PREVIEW

Myedvedyea's Group draw for the Third Golden Cup was announced recently, here's Novy Moskva News' breakdown for you.

Myedvedeya has been placed in Group A, along with Co-Hosts Yafor 2, and 3 unranked nations; The Blackhelm Confederacy, Greal, and Tortuga y Hispaniola.

Group A
Yafor 2
Myedvedeya
Blackhelm Confederacy
Greal
Tortuga y Hispaniola

YAFOR 2- Yafor 2 will be the toughest game for Myedvedeya by far, as the Co-Hosts are ranked 5th in the world, and have the benefit of home-court advantage. Myedvedeya, however, will have the legendary fan support that made a huge impact at the IBCII's, and will have the benefit of being completely unknown and unscouted- We have watched tape of Yafor's play, but they have never watched our squad, who have never played an international match before.

BLACKHELM CONFEDERACY- The only team in the Group not to post a roster, This team is as unknown as Myedvedeya is. We do not expect them to be too fantastic, however, as most teams who do not make their rosters public have a poor track record at sporting events.

GREAL- While their Futsal team is unranked, Greal are a well-respected Multi-sport nation, and we expect tough competition. Myedvedeyan fans are looking forward to matches full of patriotism and intensity.

TORTUGA Y HISPANIOLA- A newcomer to international Sport in General, Myedvedeya hopes for some fun matches from this completely unknown and untested squad. They could be the next big surprise, or they could be the next nation to participate in one tournament and die out... who knows?

This concludes our group stage roundup, we will have updates for you on the Golden Cup whenever news becomes available.

for more sports news, visit www.novymoskva.mye/sports

Tortuga y Hispaniola
Ship's Log, The Twenty-Fifth of September, Eight and Two Thousands.
We set sail today for the Macabees, aboard the proud ship "Serpiente de Oro". She spent most of the day with a good tailwind at her back, and we should arrive by later tonight, if the winds remain kind to us. The crew, who will be our players, are in good spirits, and the rum is flowing freely on board. We plan to make port in the Macabees tonight, and then head out for some carousing on the town before our matches. We have come to the agreement (after much fighting) that since we are in a foreign country, and are at peace due to the futsal tournament, we must keep our activities non-fatal. The deaths of either players or foreigners would not be taken well by our hosts. Still, we can have fun without the cannons, eh. We look forward to rum, wenches, and some friendly, restrained brawling. The players have been singing all day, songs mainly of the joys of the sea. We encountered one merchant ship on the way, and proceeded to plunder it, gaining 30 caskets of rum, 25 pair of fine silk pajamas, a large shipment of women's jewelry, many assorted trinkets, and one player, Guillermo Vado, who will be playing as a second-string in the front. I must end my dispatch at this point, for we are preparing to make port.

~Ricardo Juliano, Ship's Recorder and Cartographer (Goalkeeper)

[OOC: Host's note; I have had two epic tests of death in both of my calculus classes, and so scorination has been postponed. I will post a new match day schedule with the first match day scorinated hopefully tomorrow. I'm sorry. Oh yes, if you look at Wikipedia's today's featured article... I wrote that.]

OOC: Why am I in two groups?

CAFUNDÉU'S TAX COLLECTORS ASSOCIATION TEAM
Also known as the Dark Lions

Starters:

1- Sérgio Liberato (goalkeeper)
2- Domingos Ferraz
5- Marcelo Marinho
8- Cido Günther
10- Leôncio Patinhas

Substitutes:

12- Flávio Benadiel
6- Emanuel Coimbra
7- Matheus Santos
9- Franck da Rocha
15- Ivan Guedes
19- Paulo Castanhola
51- O Pinguço

OOC: Why am I in two groups?

[OOC: The second you was Castilla y Belmonte. Ok, scorinating will take place on the same schedule ... but only next week. All my testing should be done by Monday, and so we will score Monday, Wednesday and Friday.]

[OOC:

New matchday schedule:

Matchdays
Match Day 01 (9/29): [1 vs. 2; 3 vs. 4]
Match Day 02 (10/01): [1 vs. 3; 5 vs. 2]
Match Day 03 (10/03): [2 vs. 4; 5 vs. 1]
Match Day 04 (10/06): [3 vs. 5; 4 vs. 1]
Match Day 05 (10/08): [2 vs. 3; 5 vs. 4]
<repeated for MD06-MD10>
]

Match Day 01

Group A
Yafor 2 7 [3,4] - 8 [6,2] Myedvedeya
Blackhelm Confederacy 7 [4,3] - 4 [2,2] Greal


Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
Blackhelm Confederacy 1 1 0 0 7 4 3 3
Myedvedeya 1 1 0 0 8 7 1 3
Tortuga y Hispaniola 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Yafor 2 1 0 1 0 7 8 -1 0
Greal 1 0 1 0 4 7 -3 0


Group B
kenavt 5 [2,3] - 12 [6,6] Jeruselem
Maimeiras 2 [2,0] - 4 [4,0] Ryou Black Islands,The


Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
Jeruselem 1 1 0 0 12 5 7 3
Ryou Black Islands,The 1 1 0 0 4 2 2 3
Sorthern Northland 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Maimeiras 1 0 1 0 2 4 -2 0
kenavt 1 0 1 0 5 12 -7 0

IFT3 - Group C
MD1: vs Lovisa
MD2: vs The Macabees
MD3: vs Bazalonia
MD4: vs Magnus Valerius
MD5: --BYE--
MD6: vs Lovisa
MD7: vs The Macabees
MD8: vs Bazalonia
MD9: vs Magnus Valerius
MD10: --BYE--

=== Deep inside the laboratory of Professor Hwang Wuseok ===

Hmm, it's been a while.

"No, it's not been a while," the Maiden yelled.

Well, it feels like it's been a while. What might have been 5 seconds seems like 5 days or even longer.

"Would you stop doing that? What are you, a narrator?"

Yes! That is what I am - the Narrator.

"Great, we've got a narrating freak in your lab, Dr. Hwang!"

"Egads! It's brilliant!"

Both the Maiden and I go to the Doctor, who's coming out of the cryogenic freezer with Igor. In his hand is a tiny seedling.

"What the hell is that?" the Maiden cried. "I wanted a baby! Not a freak plant!"

"This is no ordinary plant. This is ..." At that moment, a cued instrumental of impending doom played on the intercom. Sorry - I had to do that.

"I'm going to cut off your head," the Maiden said, making an unverifiable promise.

"But this is no ordinary plant. It's a mutant Ephedra gigantarbarthopodensis!"

"What the hell is that?"

"It's a cross between a low-lying plant that does harmless things with another plant that also does harmless things."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, if I'm correct, this harmless little creature will be the first cross-bred plant from my lab!"

"Brilliant. And I want a baby."

I noted to the doctor that if the mutant is harmless, then why would it be eating his hormone injections.

"What???" He turned around and gazed in horror as the tiny seedling was avariciously consuming Dr. Hwang's lab. And it was growing in size too. It was actually impressive for a little plant like that.

"Oh no! My calculations must have been incorrect! I've unleashed a giant horror upon the earth!"

"And I still want a baby," the Maiden said, whacking Dr. Hwang on the back of his head.

"I'll whack you too!" she said, chasing me with a broomstick. I forgot that she was faster, and apparently smarter too, as she threw the broomstick at me. Dr. Hwang was quick to stop the fighting though, as he warned us, "If we don't stop this creature, it could quickly go out to consume the country!"

"Master! Master!" Igor then called out. "The creature has headed out to sea!"

"Sea? Where to?"

"I don't know, Master! It's just gone!"

"Well, we've got to stop it!"

"Why? I want a baby!"

"Well, it could eat up any other country! What if that country has nuclear weapons? Towering skyscrapers? Graveyards? Or even massive communist revolutions?"

I began to chide at how this conversation was quickly turning into a Mad Libs contest. The __person__ hit me with a __noun__, as I was __verb+ing__ to note the circumstances. Dr. Hwang was __adj__ that we should __verb__ as soon as __noun__. I turned to the __noun__ and remarked that __national football team__ was playing in __country__ sometime very soon. Maybe the __noun__ was heading there? Dr. Hwang then suddenly yelled to everyone in the room, "Get to the __noun__-mobile!" Igor headed immediately to the __noun__ and pressed a __noun__, revealing a giant __noun__ in the __adjective__ chamber. Only the __person__ was __verb+ing__ to herself that all she wanted was a __noun__.

Jeruselem Government News

Double trouble for kenavt!

In Yafor 2, our Futsal team started the defense of their title of the International Futsal Tournament 3 with a bang. Lead by our own Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas - the "Pink Panthers" fired up - trashing 12-5.

With Marie and Kara Kool leading the fight, attack was the best form of defense. If Marie didn't cause issues running around like a maniac, the cool-headed Kara stepped in. The Jeruselem team simply feed the insatiable appetite of the two main attackers who tormented the kenavt defense all game. While kenavt did score 5 goals against former World Cup keeper Jane Darian, she wasn't complaining too much as the keeper on the other side had 10 times more trouble.

With the youngest daughter of Dazza Dallas and the daughter of Rachel Kool on the job, there was no rest. Scoring 6 goals per half, Kara Kool speaking for the team said
"We could have played better. I don't think kenavt was prepared for us. They must have thought - look at those pretty girls, surely they aren't that good."

And for those Top Geat Jeruselem fans, Matilda Dallas (daughter of Michael Dallas and grand-daughter of Dazza Dallas) is substituting for Marie while she is at this cup. Matilda is a professional race car driver and also holds a pilot's licence.

Matchday 1 - The Macabees

Group C
Daehanjeiguk [5,6] 11 - 2 [1,1] Lovisa
The Macabees [2,3] 5 - 2 [0,2] Magnus Valerius

Group D
Castilla y Belmonte [2,1] 3 - 7 [4,3] Cafundeu
Maestro L Pavarotti [3,4] 7 - 9 [4,5] Deceased Writers Guild

[OOC: Apologies for not having these up earlier. Group tables will come after Matchday 2.]

IFT3 - Group C
MD1: vs Lovisa (11-2)
MD2: vs The Macabees
MD3: vs Bazalonia
MD4: vs Magnus Valerius
MD5: --BYE--
MD6: vs Lovisa
MD7: vs The Macabees
MD8: vs Bazalonia
MD9: vs Magnus Valerius
MD10: --BYE--

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d27/hanraphael/shaolin_soccer_head.jpg

Sholim Monks Batter Lovisa

FEDALA - In only their second international tournament, the Sholim Monks went out in search of vengeance (I doubt it, they're monks ~ed.). And they showed no mercy to the poor people from Lovisa (don't know if they're poor ~ed.). It was an exciting match which saw an astounding 11 goals against only 2 goals - creating a 9 goal cushion from which the Han will look to storm Group C by force. The first half was marked by extreme diligence by the monks. They all wore golden kits, and with no physical difference between any of them (aside from height), you'd imagine that they were clones (you'd have to prove that ~ed.). It was notable that they all had shaven heads, which lent for a superior skill in the air against their opponents (really? ~ed.). In fact, 4 of the first 5 goals came from deflected shots that met a clean head on an empty patch of goal. The Lovisa side had no hope (didn't they score goals? ~ed.); it was a rout, and despite a late goal concession, the Monks didn't look like surrendering any bit of their power. Coming out after the half-time interval, the Monks began to express themselves more potently, performing neat tricks in mid-air while still scoring goals. Some might call it boasting or arrogance to show skill against a weak opponent, but I think it's better said that they were demonstrating their "excellence" (beating up a weak team is excellent, I presume? ~ed.). At the end of the match, it was a thrilling end as the Monks all bowed down in prayer and meditated for the whole half hour while the arena emptied out.

In Group C, the hosts took on a fair challenge from Magnus Valerius, beating them soundly 5-2. It was a tense affair in the second half, but after controlling the match so well in the first half, the Macabees could afford to loosen its grip on the match. Bazalonia had a day off (do we ever escape them?) (you mean how we are always playing against the Bazalopes in international cups? maybe not ~ed.). In Group D, Cafundeu had a field day against Castilla y Belmonte, with a round score of 7-3 (how the heck is that round? ~ed.). Deceased Writers Guild also had a field day, with a tense but exciting 9-7 win over Maestro L Pavarotti (those names don't sound like countries - are you sure you're reporting the 3rd International Futsal Tournament? ~ed.). Docky had the day off.

In Group A, the other hosts Yafor 2 had a disappointing run against IFT debutants Myedvedeya with a thrilling 8-7 match. Yafor 2 almost came back, but time ran out for them as Myedvedeya thanked their lucky stars for a first win (do you know if they have lucky stars? ~ed.). In the other match, players from the Griffencrest Corporation managed to beat their way to a 7-3 win over Greal (does Yafor 2 have oil? ~ed.). Tortuga y Hispaniola had the day break. In Group B, IFT incumbents Jeruselem managed a thrilling 12-5 win over kenavt. It seems that the two finalists in the 3rd edition are kicking off their games a great and high-bar start (what the heck do you mean? ~ed.). Meanwhile, the Ryou Black Islands played Maimeiras to a rather full 4-2 match, which saw the two sides come back for a even duller second half (sometimes not scoring is just as exciting as scoring itself ~ed.). Fortunately, Sorthern Northland got the day off (how is that fortunate? ~ed.).

For the next match, we'll be facing against the hosts in a match that the Macabees will be looking to dominate, considering the close resemblance in ranks between the two sides. I'm personally hoping for a thrashing win, so the Monks can have a great start to the Cup (I'm personally hoping for a draw ~ed.). And that's how things look at the end of the first matches in Fedala.

IFT3 - Group C
MD1: vs Lovisa (11-2)
MD2: vs The Macabees
MD3: vs Bazalonia
MD4: vs Magnus Valerius
MD5: --BYE--
MD6: vs Lovisa
MD7: vs The Macabees
MD8: vs Bazalonia
MD9: vs Magnus Valerius
MD10: --BYE--

=== Deep inside the laboratory of Professor Hwang Wuseok ===

We rode in the __noun__-mobile and headed to __name of a country__ where the mutant __noun__ was expected to arrive. I looked down below and __past tense verb__ the plant beast swimming across the __body of water__.

"Would you stop __verb+ing__ like that? It's really annoying!" yelled the __girl's name__.

"I AM NOT __girl's name__!" she yelled even more furiously. She reached for my __body part__ and started to __verb__ me. It become extremely __adj__ so Dr. Hwang had to __verb__ us. "This is no time to __verb__! We've got to stop the __noun__ before it __verb__ people! __exclamation__! I could imagine that people are __verb+ing__ right now!"

I noted that the __noun__ was steadily swimming below us. Everyone took a gaze out the same window, causing the __vehicle__ to tilt over. The __person__ couldn't handle the steering and the __vehicle__ turned over and spiraled out of control. We __past tense verb__ in the desert of __name of a country__.

"You see!" __girl's name__ shouted. "If you weren't so __adj__, we wouldn't be here right now! And you'd better stop __verb+ing__ that! It's driving me __adj__!"

Igor came over to me and whispered in my __body part__; "The lady is __adj__. I'd suggest that you __verb__ and stop doing this annoying saying everything that you __verb__. And I'm not sure just exactly why you're doing this fill-in-the-blank sort of stuff." He paused and then said, "You know, it's actually quite __adj__ how you do this. You should teach me how to do this." I nodded and said that we could try doing this together __adv__.

Then without a __noun__, the __noun__ suddenly appeared from the __body of water__. It had __past participle verb__ many times its original size and was a giant __noun__. The lady, taking some time stare in __noun__, rushed at me and continued to __verb__ me. Dr. Hwang had to __verb__ us before telling us of our __adj__ situation. "First of all, you'd better stop doing that, because my __noun__ is having a great difficulty __verb+ing__ these events. And secondly, we'd better __verb__!!!" Without a second warning, the Professor __past tense verb__ in one direction and we all followed him across the __adj__ country. Signs of a __adj__ war loomed as we ran past wreckage of a __noun__ not too long ago. The __noun__ continued to chase us, although I seriously __verb__ that the thing was actually chasing us. It seemed more intent on __verb+ing__ on getting to the next destination, wherever that was.

"STOP __VERB+ING__ AND KEEP __VERB+ING__!!!" shouted the Lady.

And __adv__, I saw things turn __color__ and fainted.

--- Moments later ---

I woke up. "No dip, you're talking again, you freak!" the Maiden yelled.

Hmm, apparently, there was a knob on my head. It wasn't there when I fell down. "That's because I threw my fucking shoe at you, you freak!"

"Now, deary, it's not right to get upset," the Professor said. "What's important is that we're all alive and that the mutant plant did not eat us. Instead, it went over to that town on the horizon and ate everyone over there."

Igor was running toward us from a great distance. He was shouting something, but I couldn't quite hear him. It sounded like, "Master! Master!", but it might have been something else. As he drew closer, I could hear that he was definitely saying "Master! Master!" but he didn't stop yelling that until he got within a pace of us. At that moment, I realized that it was really hot and that we were in the middle of the desert. And it looked like that it was the middle of the day. From a distant standpoint, we were in the middle of nowhere, and as you can probably tell, we were in the middle of trouble.

"Master! Master!" Igor continued to yell.

"What?!?"

"Master! I've discovered where we are!"

"Good! Where are we?"

"We're in Sarcanza!"

"Where's Sarcanza?"

Igor looked around him, hoping to get the answer from the lose piles of sand, rock, and weathered dead plants. It was as if the landscape would give him the answer. "I don't know."

"I could kill you!" the Lady said, rushing as Igor. "You too!" she screamed as an added thought.

"Let's not panic. We're in the middle of the Macabees. There's 11 billion people in this country. Surely, we'll run into one of them eventually?"

"Not unless the plant monster eats them first, Master!"

"First of all, it's called Ephedra gigantarbarthopodensis! And secondly, there's no way a plant can eat 11 billion people in the time it takes for us to get to another city. That's our first priority - get to a city. Then, we'll figure out how to stop it."

I would have mentioned that there weren't 11 billion people in the Macabees anymore, but I think that it would have been evident in any case, because of the unique manner in which I expressed my thoughts. "And why the fuck are you talking in the past tense?" the Lady said, choking me at that time. I don't really know. At that, she pulled out a shovel from her purse and hit me.

TAX COLLECTORS' ASSOCIATION NEWS
Your money goes to us!

We are glad to inform to all our work mates, tax collectors like us, and to all the others from which we collect the money, that our team won the first game in the International Futsal Tournament. Like expected, every Cafundelense can be a star in this sport, even common people like us with a normal job.

The result was a very good one, against the country of Castilla y Belmonte. The strong shots of Günther were enough to pass through their defence, and we could score twice in the first minute with them. They even tried to react with a goal, but that wasn't enough to scare us. Marinho and Patinhas (yes, our boss! The one with a huge moustache!) scored more goals.

In the second half, we could make the advantage bigger, proving that this team is more than able of making an excellent campaign: we'll be going after the title! Liberato seemed solid in the goal, Ferraz wise in his passes, Günther with strong shots and Marinho and Patinhas making the beautiful moves... it is a team to compete for trophies.

Third cup opens with a victory

Unfortunately, a not so spectacular victory. While Daehanjeiguk crushed Lovisa's national futsal team eleven goals to two, the Golden-Whites struggled to overcome Magnus Valerius, scoring only two goals in the first half and three in the second; the final score came to five goals to two. Although the fans are happy that the team has started the cup with a win, especially in such a difficult group (with the likes of Daehanjeiguk), many professionals feel that the team is lost if it does not step up its game immediately. For example, the team's head coach mentioned, "If we don't increase our efficiency as creating opportunities and scoring we're going to find ourselves in a lacking position when it comes to playing the well-tested and strong teams of this competition."

The team, accustomed to being at the top of their group, have expressed similar sentiments and most have promised to pull forward in the next match. The Macabee national futsal team is currently second, on account of their inferior goal difference as compared to Daehanjeiguk's. Today's game is actually against Daehanjeiguk, and will probably be the most difficult game of the group stage—the team's improvement during the game will be paramount to winning, and perhaps almost guaranteeing the team's ascension to the finals (if they can beat Daehanjeiguk, theoretically they could also defeat the other teams). On the other hand, a loss could put the team in a very precarious situation—struggling to overcome the other three teams in the group (including Bazalonia). This would be a rather bad start for a team looking to overcome its previous conclusion to the cup as third place and become world champions (a very powerful image, especially when its one of the host countries).

The other games went just as well and were quite interesting—a contrast to last cup's opening games. The power of the experienced teams showed rather well, except in one important case. Yafor 2 lost by one point (seven goals to eight) against newcomers Myedvedeya, after failing to match this team's impetus in the first half (despite a lead in the second half). Blackhelm Confederacy pummeled Greal seven goals to four, offering the latter team another not-so-good opening day. Jeruselem crushed kenavt twelve goals to five, offering them the lead position in their group, while the Ryou Black Islands managed to pull a small victory against Maimeiras. All in all, however, except for Yafor 2, the games came as expected (other than the games between newcomers). Interestingly, Cafundeu's national team defeated Castilla y Belmonte seven goals to three—an important victory for Canfundeu's team, given their less than spectacular run during the last cup.

However, all eyes seem to be on today's Daehanjeiguk v Macabees games, given that this is the game of the group stage. These two will meet again before passing into the finals, and perhaps they will meet again in the finals. This may also effect the Golden-Whites world rank, now second, and offer Daehanjeiguk the opportunity to take second away from them. But, this is something we will have to see after today's game!

Author: Daní Ter'hal

[N.B. This is also RP cut-off for today's scores.]

Match Day 02

Group A
Yafor 2 5 [4,1] - 4 [4,0] Blackhelm Confederacy
Tortuga y Hispaniola 1 [1,0] - 6 [4,2] Myedvedeya


Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
Myedvedeya 2 2 0 0 14 8 6 6
Blackhelm Confederacy 2 1 1 0 11 9 2 3
Yafor 2 2 1 1 0 12 12 1 3
Greal 1 0 1 0 4 7 -3 0
Tortuga y Hispaniola 1 0 1 0 1 6 -5 0


Group B
kenavt 1 [1,0] - 3 [2,1] Mameiras
Sorthern Northland 3 [2,1] - 13 [7,6] Jeruselem


Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
Jeruselem 2 2 0 0 25 8 17 6
Ryou Black Islands,The 1 1 0 0 4 2 2 3
Maimeiras 2 1 1 0 5 5 0 3
Sorthern Northland 1 0 1 0 3 13 -10 0
kenavt 2 0 2 0 6 15 -9 0

MYEDVEDEYA WIN FIRST TWO

Myedvedeya's First two games of the Golden Cup have gone perfectly for them, with an 8-7 victory over hosts Yafor 2, and a 6-1 victory over Tortuga y Hispaniola. The Kamchatka Grizzly Bears have played quite well in both games, playing Myedvedeya's all-sport trademark defense, and managing to put away some goals as well.

MYEDVEDEYA VS YAFOR 2
In our first match, against hosts Yafor 2, Myedvedeya came out swinging in the first half, outscoring our opponents by a score of 6-3. Misha Ulyanov scored a fantastic goal in the first few minutes to open the match, firing a shot off the post from slightly past half-field, which he then proceeded to volley past the keeper and into the lower-right corner. Uri Slavkovitch saved a few shots afterward, as momentum briefly shifted to Yafor 2, but the Myedvedeyans had the attack back shortly. Volyoda Dolohov, after dribbling 3 defenders, flicked the ball across the goal to substitute Ivan Lobatsky, who tapped it into the open goal. Yafor 2 responded in kind, making the score 2-1 until Sergey Vassilev blasted a rocket into the corner from far out. Scoring from both teams died down again for a minute, until Misha Ulyanov found net again, once flicking the ball past the keeper from about 5 yards out, and once on a penalty after he was taken down hard while going for goal. Yafor 2 then scored twice unanswered, bringing the score back to a more respectable 5-3, and Myedvedeya, on Roman Edmoninov's beautiful finish, took the 6-3 lead to the half.

The second half was lower scoring, although equally full of drama. Yafor 2 came out very strong, evening the game within 10 minutes of the half's beginning. Myedvedeya, facing the real prospect of letting this game slip away, tightened up their defense, and managed to score two more within the next 10 minutes. The goals came from Vladimir Ivanov, and Misha Ulyanov. Yafor 2 scored one more with 2 minutes remaining, but could not find the equalizer, and the game ended 8-7.

MYEDVEDEYAN SCORING

Ulyanov- 3, 17, 19, 43
Lobatsky- 10
Vassilev- 15
Edmoninov- 24
Ivanov- 41

BEAR OF THE MATCH
Misha Ulyanov

MYEDVEDEYA VS TORTUGA Y HISPANIOLA
The Second game, against Tortuga y Hispaniola went by for Myedvedeya with much less drama. Myedvedeya's defense was lights-out, as they cruised to a 6-1 victory over the untested Pirates of Tortuga y Hispaniola.

Myedvedeya once again dominated the first half, scoring 4 goals to their opponent's 1. Scoring was opened in the 8th minute by Ivan Lobatsky, who finished with a header from a gorgeous Sergey Vassilev cross. Tortuga y Hispaniola responded in the 12th, and this was to be their only goal of the match. Volyoda Dolohov bagged two, both from feats of dribbling ability, and Roman Edmoninov once again ended the half with a 24th minute goal.

In the second half, Uri Slavkovitch was the hero for Myedvedeya, as the Tortuga/Hispaniolan offense began to seriously pressure the Myedvedeyan goal, and Slavkovitch made 6 saves in rapid succession, culminating in a beautiful save off a penalty. The Myedvedeyans found the net twice in the second half, first from the incredible Misha Ulyanov, who nutmegged a defender before a 1v1 with the goalkeeper ended in a clinical finish. As the Tortuga/Hispaniolans began to get desperate near the end, they began to play wilder defense. A harsh tackle gave Misha Ulyanov a penalty, and he proceeded to smash the ball into the upper-right corner of the net, leaving the Keeper without a hope of stopping it, and scoring his second goal of the match. (6th of the tournament)

"We played a fantastic, shutdown defense game, and I feel that we 100% deserve our spot atop group A" stated Count Alexander Fedorov, coach of the Myedvedeyan squad.

MYEDVEDEYAN SCORING
Lobatsky-8
Dolohov- 16, 21
Edmoninov- 24
Ulyanov- 34, 46

BEAR OF THE MATCH
Uri Slavkovitch

for more sports news, visit www.novymoskva.mye/sports

Matchday 2 - The Macabees

Group C
Daehanjeiguk [3,4] 7 - 9 [5,4] The Macabees
Lovisa [2,2] 4 - 6 [5,1] Bazalonia

Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
The Macabees 2 2 0 0 14 9 5 6
Daehanjeiguk 2 1 1 0 18 11 7 3
Bazalonia 1 1 0 0 6 4 2 3
Magnus Valerius 1 0 1 0 2 5 -3 0
Lovisa 2 0 2 0 6 17 -11 0

Group D
Castilla y Belmonte [3,2] 5 - 6 [3,3] Maestro L Pavarotti
Cafundeu [4,4] 8 - 2 [1,1] Docky

Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
Cafundeu 2 2 0 0 15 5 10 6
Deceased Writers Guild 1 1 0 0 9 7 2 3
Maestro L Pavarotti 2 1 1 0 13 14 -1 3
Castilla y Belmonte 2 0 2 0 8 13 -5 0
Docky 1 0 1 0 2 8 -6 0

Marie: What's the problem Sarah?
Sarah: You know ... family stuff!
Marie: Do tell! I love family stuff.
Sarah: Well, one of my daughters got herself ... you know!

Marie: And what's the problem? Us Dallas girls always welcome a new arrival in the family.
Sarah: She's supposed to have kids after she's married.
Marie: Yeah, but there's a lot bad influences on girls these days ... like me.
Sarah: You have a lot to answer for.

Marie: Not me! Ask my mother. I just follow my mother.
Sarah: Young women these days ...
Marie: What's the problem with them?
Sarah: Loose morals, too much attitude, no respect for authority and no respect for God's word.

Marie: Want to go back to old days?
Sarah: Yes, the days when people had respect for God and his word for the people.
Marie: That is an illusion your church is telling you. Nothing has changed really.
Sarah: Look at kids these days, too busy with their social lives and not enough time for God.

Marie: Too much drugs, sex and vice going on?
Sarah: Yes, far too much sin! You're not exactly an ideal example of someone I would copy either.
Marie: I don't pretend to be the Virgin Mary!
Sarah: You could be setting a better example for our girls still.

Marie: You're not exactly a model of the perfect stay-at-home mother either.
Sarah: I have a good Christian marriage and kids who are well, mostly under control.
Marie: Yeah, but you scare men! You're like the Hockey mother from hell.
Sarah: Someone has got to lead the way to show our future generation the error of our ways.

Marie: Better you than me, I'm too much like Mum.
Sarah: I don't suppose you want to join our church to save your soul.
Marie: I think it's too late for that.
Sarah: There's still time Marie, God can save you.

Marie: What about that gay Gavin fella?
Sarah: He can be saved too, we can cure him of his Gayness too.
Marie: What about my mother?
Sarah: You can't save the Whore of Babylon from God's wraith.

Marie: But then I'm devil spawn too.
Sarah: I suppose you are. BUt I was thinking ...
Marie: Yeah?
Sarah: What you're the Whore?

Marie: I could be! So why are you playing on my Futsal team?
Sarah: I need the money, you know to feed the kids and all. Grandkids coming soon.
Marie: I thought your church would help out.
Sarah: Well, they do but one must work for a living still.

Marie: I don't get paid for this you know.
Sarah: You don't need the money.
Marie: It's more like a working holiday.
Sarah: Lucky you.

TAX COLLECTORS' ASSOCIATION NEWS
Your money goes to us!

After the nice win in the first game against Castilla y Belmonte, the players were motivated for the next games, and confident that they were in one of the best teams of the competition. Inside the dressing room, comments like "we have natural talent, it is in our blood", "no one can take things from us, we are the ones that take from the others" and "I'm hungry" could be heard, and the Black Lions seemed ready to do something that they like as much as taking money from the others: playing futsal.

Their second game would be against Docky, and the climate of "we already won this one" surrounded the players. They started in a slow pace, making nice tricks and showing their abilities (which weren't as good as they thought they were, as they aren't professional players, they're just tax collectors!) to the supporters. But, when Docky scored the first goal of the game, it became clear that they needed to do their best in order to secure the victory. They acted fast, and the first half ended in a good 4x1 win.

In the second half, the coach (who is Leôncio Patinhas, one of the players - he is just the "coach" because he is the boss in the association, the most respected tax collector of the country) decided to put the reserves in the game (most of - Günther and himself still continued in the game). But it didn't harm the team, which continued playing well. Cafundéu could repeat the scoreline of the first half, and win by 8x2. It's certain that this win will give them a lot of confidence for the next games.

"I thought we were going to watch Soccer?"

"We are!"

"This isn't soccer!"

"It is sorta, the BFSA have sent the team here, and it's indoor soccer."

"There's only five players and the field is much smaller."

"So, shut up and watch the game."

.....

Liesel gets the ball halfway down the field as a defended comes in to tackle, and she lobs the ball over the body of the Lovisian defender. A clear shot at goal and it's now 5-1 for the Bazas. Only minutes left in the first half as Lovisa takes the ball from the end and tries to counter-attack.

"Wow, this is certainly a much quicker game."

"Less people, smaller area, less time for the halves.

"Damnit, and the Lovisians have just scored ... 5-2

"I need a drink this is getting exciting but I don't want to miss anything, how long till the half?"

The signal went off that indicated the end of the half.

"Now."

"Oh, heh, be back in a moment." he left to go up and get some refreshments. His friend sat quietly, this was why he loved this game, it was faster than Soccer, and now it looked like his friend was enjoying it as well, and Bazalonia was in a commanding position at the end of the final half.

Someone sat down where his friend was... "Hey, that was .... uh, that seats taken a friend of mine just went up to get some food."

"I know, this is for national security, you must get this to Leisel Janhandle, the forward of the Bazas before the end of the tournament. Do not tell your friend."

He handed over a package, something wrapped up in a dull grey hankerchief and left, a few minutes later his friend came back.

"So, what's up?"

"I truly have no idea."

Deceased Writers' Guild Squad Triumphant

In the sporting world today, our squad of previously passed-on pundits won a triumph over a team seemingly made up entirely of clones of a certain overweight operatic tenor. Our squad defeated the plus-sized performers behind the stellar performance of Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, who singlehandedly scored five out of our nine goals. Further scoring came from Anton Chekhov, William Shakespeare, and two from late sub John Steinbeck. Our defense was not as inspired as our scorers, allowing seven goals past them. Keeper Leo Tolstoy is noted for capturing one particular save by entwining the ball in his extremely large beard. This moment of peculiar skill did not, however, mask a relatively poor performance from him as well. All in all, however, the team played quite well, and we earned ourselves a win. In other news, second-string defender Mikhail Lomonosov has been severely injured, and will be replaced on the roster by Ernest Hemmingway.

因为我的功课非常多，所以我今天晚上不可能rp。

IFT3 - Group C
MD1: vs Lovisa (11-2)
MD2: vs The Macabees(7-9)
MD3: vs Bazalonia
MD4: vs Magnus Valerius
MD5: --BYE--
MD6: vs Lovisa
MD7: vs The Macabees
MD8: vs Bazalonia
MD9: vs Magnus Valerius
MD10: --BYE--

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d27/hanraphael/shaolin_soccer_head.jpg

少林修士跟马哥比比赛。不赢了。

倍達喇 - 今天少林修士跟馬哥比在方球比賽，大韓隊沒有兩分，所以敗北了。没有另说话，找您们的新华在别的方家。我们在罢工。




=== Sarcanza ===

I was being dragged for a long distance apparently. "Oh fuck, he's awake again!" cried the Maiden. She forced my head to land upon a rock, but I didn't fall asleep again. Instead, I uttered some exhortations that would have sounded like an "ugh" if I weren't speaking my very thoughts as we were all being baked by the hot sun. Which begs to ask - where were we?

Igor started to talk - "We're in the middle of the desert!"

I could tell that, you idiot! Oops, in the midst of narrative, I lost my thoughts.

"That's okay. I do that too."

So the world continues to go on, and we're in the middle of the desert, whoop-di-do. How did we get here?

"Would you be quiet?" Dr. Hwang then yelled. "I'm trying to find the nearest town that hasn't been eaten by that god-forsaken plant!"

Where exactly was the plant? "I don't know!" the Doctor yelled in frustration. He was obviously affected by the intense desert heat. I thought that it would have been a good idea to find some shelter in the desert than some abandoned or eaten town that was probably too far to reach.

"That would be nicer if we didn't crash the plane thanks to you!" the Doctor yelled. "You had to tell everyone where the plant was located, and the pilot lost control!"

Speaking of the creature, where was the pilot? I looked around the area, in a vain search for the man. "He's somewhere else by now," the Maiden said also in frustration. It seemed that the theme of the day was frustration. "Just shut up."

"That's not very nice to say, my Lady," Igor then said, particularly in defense of me.

"What? The two of you are now up against me?" the Maiden then said, turning defensive herself. She pulled up her purse and unsheathed a large rubber mallet. Igor shook his head at the sight of the mallet. "Just shut up!!! Seriously!"

"All of you shut up!" the Doctor yelled, exhausted from the heat. "I'm not exhausted!" he yelled in return, trying to hide his ghastly exhortations. "Mother!!! Would you just shut him up?" The Maiden smiled eagerly and smacked my face. I moaned out the words that I'm speaking now, which infuriated the Maiden, upon which she whacked me again. I moaned again. "WHY WON'T YOU GO TO SLEEP?"

"My Lady," Igor passively noted. "You're stepping on his hand."

"Oh, and that's going to keep him awake?"

"Well, if you're stepping on his vital awakening cores. His Qi Energy Channels are keeping him awake. If you step off of them, he'll go to sleep."

The Maiden stepped off my hand - of which I had not been aware earlier - and whacked me again. I was still moaning, and instead of staying put and getting whacked again, I stood up and gazed to the horizon. "I thought you said that he would go to sleep!" the Maiden yelled furiously, whacking Igor with her rubber mallet. Needless to say, he went to sleep very quickly. The Doctor came over, irate that we were still arguing; the two had an incomprehensible argument - it sounded like bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar-bar, but that's just what I thought they were saying. And as always, the man with the rubber mallet always wins the argument - well, the woman in this case. The Maiden smacked the good old Doctor hard, and here we were - in the middle of the Macabees, arguing over something of which I had quite lost the track of its meaning - all the while a monstrous plant was ravaging the country. Oh, what pitiable fools we were.

Match Day 03

Group A
Myedvedeya 8 [3,5] - 7 [4,3] Greal
Tortuga y Hispaniola 3 [2,1] - 6 [5,1] Yafor 2


Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
Myedvedeya 3 3 0 0 22 15 7 9
Yafor 2 3 2 1 0 18 15 3 6
Blackhelm Confederacy 2 1 1 0 11 9 2 3
Greal 2 0 2 0 11 15 -4 0
Tortuga y Hispaniola 2 0 2 0 4 12 -8 0


Group B
Jeruselem 10 [5,5] - 3 [3,0] Ryou Black Islands,The
Sorthern Northland 2 [1,1] - 4 [1,3] kenavt


Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
Jeruselem 3 3 0 0 35 11 24 9
Maimeiras 2 1 1 0 5 5 0 3
Ryou Black Islands,The 2 1 1 0 7 12 -5 3
kenavt 3 1 2 0 10 17 -7 3
Sorthern Northland 2 0 2 0 5 17 -12 0

On Top Gear Jeruselem ...

Garry: Welcome back to Top Gear, the new series.
Abe: Yes, we're back! But notice anyone missing?
Garry: No one missing! All we need is just us.
Abe: Yeah, but some fans only watch this show for the girls.

Garry: If you're wondering where Princess Marie is ... she's actually in another country like she tends to disappear off to.
Abe: The producer wanted to get a replacement despite us not needing one.
Garry: We didn't want to get our pay cut so we had to agree.
Abe: So we've got a replacement while Marie is floating around this world somewhere.

Garry: We found our girl on a racetrack.
Abe: Yes, there was this young lady driving a pink car at very high speeds without embedding herself into the walls.
Garry: The concerning thing was she looked like a Dallas.
Abe: Garry, she was the driver for Team Dallas.

Garry: Anyway, it turned out she was a Dallas. Matilda Dallas ... grand-daughter of Dazza Dallas although she is the same age as Marie.
Abe: So give a big welcome to Matilda Dallas!
Matilda: Hello boys!

Garry: I see you are digging into Marie's wardrobe.
Matilda: I don't have Marie's excellent sense of style so why change it?
Abe: Matilda here is also licensed pilot.
Matilda: I have my own plane too. Kinda helps if you have rich relatives.

Garry: On with the show, we have an action packed show for everyone.
Abe: We road test the world's most powerful off roader.
Matilda: And Garry drives a Ferrari muscle car, yes FERRARI MUSCLE CAR
Garry: And Matilda shows us how to use those stupid F1 gear paddles which car manufacturers seem to be putting into new cars.

Matilda: Garry's too macho and many to use one of those.
Abe: Those paddles are for girls.
Matilda: You should try being a girl one day.
Abe: No thanks, I like being a real man.

Garry: Except Abe drives like a girl. Matilda drives like a man.
Abe: I'm more man than her still.
Garry: Still, you still drive like a girl.
Matilda: I've seen female drivers overtake Abe when he drives. Some of them are grandmothers.

Garry: First on the show, Matilda shows us how to use those stupid F1 paddles. Not the other paddles which involve her sex life. This is not a R or XXX rated TV show.
Matilda: I prefer whips.

Matchday 3 - The Macabees

Group C
Lovisa [3,2] 5 - 5 [2,3] Magnus Valerius
Bazalonia [4,4] 8 - 6 [3,3] Daehanjeiguk

Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
The Macabees 2 2 0 0 14 9 5 6
Bazalonia 2 2 0 0 14 10 4 6
Daehanjeiguk 3 1 1 1 24 19 5 3
Magnus Valerius 2 0 1 1 7 10 -3 1
Lovisa 3 0 2 1 11 22 -11 1

Group D
Cafundeu [4,5] 9 - 9 [3,6] Deceased Writers Guild
Docky [4,2] 6 - 6 [3,3] Castilla y Belmonte

Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
Cafundeu 3 2 0 1 24 14 10 7
Deceased Writers Guild 3 1 0 1 18 16 2 4
Maestro L Pavarotti 2 1 1 0 13 14 -1 3
Castilla y Belmonte 3 0 2 1 14 19 -5 1
Docky 2 0 1 1 8 14 -6 1

Match Day 04

Group A
Blackhelm Confederacy 5 [1,4] - 0 [0,0] Tortuga y Hispaniola
Greal 0 [0,0] - 8 [4,4] Yafor 2


Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
Yafor 2 4 3 1 0 26 15 11 9
Myedvedeya 3 3 0 0 22 15 7 9
Blackhelm Confederacy 3 2 1 0 16 9 7 6
Greal 3 0 3 0 11 23 -12 0
Tortuga y Hispaniola 3 0 3 0 4 17 -13 0


Group B
Maimeiras 5 [2,3] - 4 [3,1] Sorthern Northland
The Ryou Black Islands 4 [2,2] - 3 [3,0] kenavt


Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
Jeruselem 3 3 0 0 35 11 24 9
Maimeiras 3 2 1 0 10 9 1 6
Ryou Black Islands,The 3 2 1 0 11 15 -4 6
kenavt 4 1 3 0 13 21 -11 3
Sorthern Northland 3 0 3 0 9 22 -13 0

Matchday 4 - The Macabees

Group C
The Macabees [3,5] 8 - 5 [3,2] Bazalonia
Magnus Valerius [1,1] 2 - 7 [3,4] Daehanjeiguk

Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
The Macabees 3 3 0 0 22 14 8 9
Daehanjeiguk 4 2 1 1 31 21 10 6
Bazalonia 3 2 1 0 19 18 1 6
Magnus Valerius 3 0 1 2 9 17 -8 1
Lovisa 3 0 2 1 11 22 -11 1

Group D
Maestro L Pavarotti [9,2] 11 - 7 [3,4] Docky
Castilla y Belmonte [3,1] 4 - 8 [6,2] Deceased Writers Guild

Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
Cafundeu 3 2 0 1 24 14 10 7
Deceased Writers Guild 3 2 0 1 24 20 4 7
Maestro L Pavarotti 3 2 1 0 24 21 3 6
Castilla y Belmonte 4 0 3 1 18 27 -9 1
Docky 3 0 2 1 15 25 -10 1

TAX COLLECTORS' ASSOCIATION NEWS
Your money goes to us!

The first two games of our friends, tax collectors like us, were victorious ones. Two wins, and a proof that we can be good futsal players, as good Cafundelenses. Although we aren't professionals, we have the ability in our blood, and even tax collectors can become good players with training and dedication. Due to this discovery, the team was motivated for the third game, and ready for another victory, which could already qualify the team, which would be impressive.

Unfortunately, our opponents were special. They were members of the Deceased Writers Guild. We couldn't play with full strength against people like William Shakespeare, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, William Faulkner and so many others... we had to respect them. We did it, thinking we could control the game well to get a simple victory. But we were wrong. They play well. Maybe even better than our team of tax collectors. Surprised by their ability, we had to recover fast and play with full strength.

Even with the team doing its best in order to get a positive result, it became clear that the Deceased Writers Guild team was an excellent one, and that ours wasn't as good as we thought. They dominated the game, but hopefully we were able to get a draw, as they made many defensive mistakes. But we have to think if things would be different if they used more writers... maybe Carlos Drummond de Andrade, Fernando Pessoa, Aldous Huxley, Christopher Marlowe or Goethe.

Marie: Hey Mr Crudd!
Kevin: Just call me Kevin, I don't like being called Crudd.
Marie: But it's your surname.
Kevin: I know but I don't like being called Kevin Crap.

Marie: The coach said you might get a game in next.
Kevin: About time Marie.
Marie: So what do your parents do?
Kevin: My father works for the Royal Catholic Party.

Marie: Oh yes, I know him. Sir Howard Crudd.
Kevin: Yes, we're on the same side.
Marie: So why are you here?
Kevin: One needs sporting interests.

Marie: You want to be on a winning team?
Kevin: It'd be nice to be a sports hero.
Marie: Going into politics?
Kevin: Will do but I'm young still. I don't need to work for money.

Marie: Me too!
Kevin: A lot of Futsal players seem to be bored people with nothing to do.
Marie: I'm here to defend our title, since I'm not allowed to play at the World Cup.
Kevin: You don't look like a football player.

Marie: What do I look like?
Kevin: Football players aren't short, bimbos and good looking.
Marie: Well, in Jeruselem ... we're making sure even short stupid whores get a chance to play football.
Kevin: Yes, there's plenty of them around these days. You're a freak.

Marie: Nothing to with me, it's just genetics.
Kevin: People seem scared of you.
Marie: One has to be fearless in battle.
Kevin: Fearless? You're nuts ...

Marie: I'm out there to win, not playing around.
Kevin: Moderation, not extremism.
Marie: Since when did Jeruselem practice moderation?
Kevin: Good point, we don't.

Marie: Say, why does your jersey say Kevin Crap?
Kevin: What? Oh God ...
Marie: Oh poo then
Kevin: Great ...

MYEDVEDEYA UNDEFEATED AFTER
3

Myedvedeya has continued to impress at the Golden Cup, winning their first three games. First, they defeated Yafor 2 by the score of 8-7, and then defeated Tortuga y Hispaniola by the score of 6-1. In their third match, the Kamchatka Grizzly Bears defeated Greal, also by the score of 8-7. The Bears have accumulated a +7 goal differential, and are currently second in their group, less than a game behind Yafor 2 with a game in hand. They have continually defeated their opponents through a mixture of precise, analytical defense, a Myedvedeyan trademark in all sports, and the finishing ability of their forwards.

IFT3 - Group C
MD1: vs Lovisa (11-2)
MD2: vs The Macabees(7-9)
MD3: vs Bazalonia (6-8)
MD4: vs Magnus Valerius (7-2)
MD5: --BYE--
MD6: vs Lovisa
MD7: vs The Macabees
MD8: vs Bazalonia
MD9: vs Magnus Valerius
MD10: --BYE--

The Strike is Over!

FEDALA - So, the MBC management has solved the problem with another writer's strike by firing the old team and hiring a new team that doesn't go on strike because their wages were too high. So we're taking up the reins, and in the nick of time, because tomorrow, the Han take on the dreaded BYE. Who exactly is this BYE? Well, we're here to find out.

Every team that plays against this horrible BYE fails to win - it's not a matter of statistics, it's a matter of reality. Why do so many teams fail against what seems to be a harmless opponent?

"What do you mean 'opponent'?" Brother Sang of the Imperial Han Futsal Team remarked. He seemed just as confused as I was bedazzled at his apparent obliviousness to his next opponent. So it seems that the power of the BYE comes from knowledge - or lack thereof. But experience against a relatively common opponent should come eventually, so why doesn't it? It seems that most people fail to even show up at the match itself, which inevitably leads to the forfeit. But instead of counting it as a forfeit, most people just don't include it in their final standings - is this bias against the BYE, so that the perfectly good BYE can't progress to the next round? Perhaps there is a global conspiracy against the BYE (much as there is against the Han) to ensure that they are ignored in every competition in which they compete? After all, what kind of team can play 4 teams at the same time on the same day? It's impossible, and yet people let it slide, in the interest of destroying the BYE. It's true - they're the only undefeated side not to progress to the next round of every competition. It's tragic really.

But after beating Magnus Valerius, and losing TWO (2) (二) (२) matches - one to the Macabees, the other to Bazalonia - the Monks are poised to make a credible attempt to progress to the next round. A loss will put the Han at a severe disadvantage, as it presses to reach the next round again and make good on its attempt to WIN this competition (instead of losing the final like they did last season). In their way are the impressive Jeruselemite team, Yafor 2, Myedvedeya, and Cafundeu, and the likes of the Macabees, Bazalonia, and Magnus Valerius blocking the way out of this group.


=== Sarcanza ===

I began to ponder on the name of the province in which we were presently situated. The Maiden started to murmur to herself, perhaps idly complaining that I was talking too much and too often the past tense. But I still pondered about the name of the province, and what it meant. I thought of the word "sarcasm" but considering the extreme difference between the two ideas, I discarded that idea. I then thought about the Four Sodomizers (四姦者|사간자) - it seemed about right.

"Would you stop talking for one second? And stop repeating everything that everyone else says?" The Maiden was going insane with every word that I spoke. Perhaps it wasn't such a bad idea after all to keep speaking; especially now that the others were knocked out, it seemed like the perfect time to get out and watch the woman pull out her hair and strip naked - of course, it was the middle of the desert - who could be watching us at this moment?

And then somewhere in the distance, there were about 5 person in military uniforms. "Where?" the Maiden then cried. I didn't know where they were, but for some reason I said it - perhaps an impulse to drive her even more insane? "SHUT UP! Will you?" I ignored the Maiden. But it was not an impulse - in fact, there were 5 military commanders walking - they had the look of battle scars upon them, as if they faced a horrible foe and only just survived to live and tell about it. One of them fell down on a rock, collapsing on the ground, but the others picked him up. "We have to keep going, Señor Wences." The Maiden sighed - "Oh great. He's now narrating for other people that we can't even see!"

I thought to myself that this Maiden is so dumb. "I CAN HEAR YOU!" she yelled, oblivious to the fact that the monster now just heard her scream and was now imagining that she was its next tasty treat. But it just as soon lost sense of her screaming and went on its way scrambling across the earth with its branchy tentacles, eating any living flesh it encountered. "Why can't you use your narrating powers to narrate us back to the lab and give me a baby?" Haha, I imagined - that would be the easy way out. But there's never an easy way out. I could just say it, but then it wouldn't necessarily be the case, because it's all part of some grand scheme - the imagination living out its vile sadism in the routine of poor people. In the end, you'll all laugh at it.

"He's talking in the future now?" Igor asked, waking up from his slumber.

"It gets better - he's talking for other people now," the Maiden said, just as the five soldiers crept over the over and encountered us. "EGADS! The Han!" The Maiden turned around and sighed before she walked up to the tired and exhausted men and was ready to whack them with her frying pan. "But I'm not!" she suddenly yelled. "Because I'm not going to do what you're going to say I'm going to do." But I smirked as I aptly noted that I had not yet indicated that she was hitting them, which she was not. A mental dilemma entered the Maiden's mind, as she debated whether it would be worth the effort to avoid doing as I said she would do. But at an impulse, she whacked the soldiers down, frustrated as she did so. "I JUST WANT YOU TO SHUT UP!"

In a moment, a five soldiers were knocked out - exhausted and now growing lumps on their foreheads. And as the Maiden turned her frying pan upon, the growing plant monster changed direction and came heading for us. The Maiden didn't care one bit that she knew that it was coming - all she wanted was peace and hence knocked me out.

[OOC: So, after much testing for my mathematics classes and getting a new job, apart from continuing writing for Wikipedia [seven featured articles insofar], I can now safely resume scoring!]


Match Day 05

Group A
Myedvedeya 8 [5,3] - 3 [0,3] Blackhelm Confederacy
Tortuga y Hispaniola 5 [2,3] - 3 [2,1] Greal


Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
Myedvedeya 4 4 0 0 30 18 12 12
Yafor 2 4 3 1 0 26 15 11 9
Blackhelm Confederacy 4 2 2 0 19 17 2 6
Tortuga y Hispaniola 4 1 3 0 9 20 -11 3
Greal 4 0 4 0 14 28 -14 0


Group B
Jeruselem 11 [4,7] - 6 [4,2] Maimeiras
Sorthern Northland 5 [3,2] - 1 [0,1] Ryou Black Islands


Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
Jeruselem 4 4 0 0 46 17 29 12
Maimeiras 4 2 2 0 16 20 -4 6
Ryou Black Islands,The 4 2 2 0 12 20 -8 6
Sorthern Northland 4 1 3 0 14 23 -9 3
kenavt 4 1 3 0 13 21 -11 3

Young Fan: Are you Kara?
Kara: Yes, I'm Kara ... want an autograph?
Young Fan: Yes please. I really like your acting.
Kara: Err, I'm Kara Kool ... you're looking for Kara Keeley.

Young Fan: But I asked for Kara Keely ... no one can find her.
Kara: Kara Keeley is actually Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas.
Young Fan: A real Princess?
Kara: Yes, actresses pretended to be Princesses - we have Princess who likes to act.

Young Fan: Wow, this is getting better.
Kara: Stay here, I'll get Marie for you.
Young Fan: Please please!

<Later>

Marie: Hey, who's this little bike.
Kara: One of your fans.
Young Fan: Wow, a real Princess!
Marie: Yes, I'm a real Princess. What's your name young lady?

Young Fan: Agness ... I don't like name.
Marie: Why is that?
Young Fan: I get called Aggy, which sounds stupid.
Marie: When I was at school, I got called Headless Dallas

Young Fan: Why is that?
Marie: Because Queen Marie-Antoinette of France got her head cut off.
Young Fan: Why did Dazza call you Marie-Antoinette?
Marie: I don't know but it's better than something like Gertrude. So what do you want to when you grow up?

Young Fan: An actress, I want to make movies.
Marie: I'm not really an actress myself.
Young Fan: I want your autograph anyway. I forgot to bring my book.
Marie: I've a got signed Dazza Dallas doll for you.

Young Fan: How come you don't have your own doll?
Marie: Because I look like Mum so a Dazza and Marie doll look the same.
Young Fan: You're a great football player too!
Marie: I know but most people know me for other things.

Young Fan: Like?
Kara: Like forgetting to put clothes on.
Young Fan: Hey, I do that too!
Marie: That's my girl.

Matchday 5 - The Macabees

Group C
Lovisa [2,3] 5 - 7 [3,4] The Macabees
Magnus Valerius [3,5] 8 - 8 [4,4] Bazalonia

Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
The Macabees 4 4 0 0 29 19 10 12
Bazalonia 4 2 1 1 27 26 1 7
Daehanjeiguk 4 2 2 0 31 21 10 6
Magnus Valerius 4 0 2 2 9 17 -8 2
Lovisa 4 0 3 1 16 29 -13 1

Group D
Cafundeu [4,5] 9 - 2 [1,1] Maestro L Pavarotti
Deceased Writers Guild [3,4] 7 - 4 [3,1] Docky

Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
Cafundeu 4 3 0 1 33 16 17 10
Deceased Writers Guild 4 3 0 1 31 24 7 10
Maestro L Pavarotti 4 2 2 0 26 30 -4 6
Castilla y Belmonte 4 0 3 1 18 27 -9 1
Docky 4 0 3 1 14 32 -18 1

IFT3 - Group C
MD1: vs Lovisa (11-2)
MD2: vs The Macabees(7-9)
MD3: vs Bazalonia (6-8)
MD4: vs Magnus Valerius (7-2)
MD5: --BYE--
MD6: vs Lovisa
MD7: vs The Macabees
MD8: vs Bazalonia
MD9: vs Magnus Valerius
MD10: --BYE--

The Bye

FEDALA - The Bye has come and gone, and the Monks played against no one. A tragedy really, because the Bye continues its long, uninterrupted streak. Nonetheless, other teams continue their own streaks. Jeruselem ran a 4-game winning streak (not including their run from the last tournament) with a win against Maimeiras, while Sorthern Northland earned their first points on the board with a win against the Ryou Black Islands. In Group A, the hosts took a break, while Myedvedeya earned their fourth win against the puppets of the Griffencrest Corporation and Tortura y Hispanola seized the day with a win over Greal, who have yet to register a win in the tournament. In Group C, the other hosts, the Macabees, beat Lovisa with a slender 7-5 margin - not the best news as the Monks prepare ahead of their match against Lovisa. Meanwhile, Bazalonia and Magnus Valerius shared points after an entertaining exchange left them even at 8-8. In Group D, Cafundeu continued to display its prominent dominance with a 9-2 win over Maestro L Pavarotti. The Deceased Writers Guild also kept pressure on Cafundeu, winning their match against Docky.

At the moment, the Han sit in third position, behind the Macabees and Bazalonia. If progression to the next round is the real objective, the team will need to turn around its fortune with a win against Lovisa and get some points from the Macabees and Bazalonia. Otherwise, it will be an early trip back home, and considering the recent feat to reach the Final match, I'd doubt that the Monks want to settle for anything less than a championship.




=== Sarcanza ===

I woke up just as the sun set. "Good god! Doesn't he ever shut up?" the Maiden suddenly yelled. The Doctor was tending the five soldiers whom the Maiden had swat with her pots. And as evidenced by the state of her pots, she had been using them extensively. One wonders if she had any pistols too.

"I wish," she idly remarked. It was the setting sun that caught my attention, and as I watched it fall, I could the growing shadow of an oncoming terror. "The monster!" the Doctor said. Professor Hwang came to my position and looked out to the horizon where he too saw the monster. "I don't see anything."

I bade him to look carefully, lest my narration skills be corrupted by some person's inability to look carefully. The Doctor surveyed the horizon again, where he again located the monster. "I don't see it," he remarked. He was lying. "I'm not! I can't see it!" The Doctor really did see the monster, but he was hiding the truth, because in time, the monster had grown to be 1093 times its original size. It had swept across the province of Sarcanza, eating entire populations of towns and anything that sought to challenge its feeding frenzy. And now it was coming back home.

"Home?" Igor said. "We just came from home!" I couldn't dictate the course of the monster - but whatever was, it was going home. The monster was tired of eating people - it wanted something more than just people.

The Maiden pulled the Doctor aside, yelling at him. "What the heck is that monstrosity in the first place? And why aren't we getting me a baby?"

The monster heard the screams, and immediately started to dash for us. no one else could notice, but as I watched the monster approach us, the ground began to shake. The Doctor looked to his hands, to see if the ground was indeed shaking. "The ground isn't shaking. You're just lying!"

My credibility as a narrator was on the line, so I whacked the good old professor. He fell asleep like a baby. "I'm still awake!"

Oh no! My powers as a narrator have dissipated! What happened?

"I don't know," the Maiden sighed. "But whatever happened, would you just shut up for now?"

Kara: Is this beer?
Marie: Apparently it's an energy drink!
Kara: It tastes like beer ...
Marie: I can't find any alcohol in it.

Kara: I dunno, but I think it's beer.
Marie: I'll ask an expert.
Malcolm: What what, am I in trouble? I don't owe anyone any money.
Marie: What do you think of this drink?

Malcolm: It's like beer but doesn't seem to have any real kick. No alcohol.
Marie: See Kara, it's not beer.
Kara: Well, I still don't like it.
Marie: I think it's beer flavoured energy drink.

Kara: I think there's been a mix-up with our drinks.
Marie: What do you think Malcolm?
Malcolm: Well, it's not beer. There's some Caffeine in it but not much really.
Marie: Kevin! Mr Crudd!

Kevin: Yes ... we drinking beer now?
Marie: What is it?
Kevin: Well ... I think it's that eco-friendly organic energy drink.
Marie: That tastes like beer?

Kevin: It's not bad but doesn't do much for me.
Kara: It's crap in my opinion.
Marie: I think we need wine flavoured energy drink.
Kara: Now you're talking Marie.

Malcolm: I like a good Red myself.
Kevin: Me too, I don't this stuff cuts it.
Coach: Hey, no drinking alcohol during the game! What's this!
Marie: I dunno, it was just here.

Coach: Why are we drinking Auntie Bertie's non-alcoholic energy malt?
Marie: I guess someone got the energy drinks all wrong.
Coach: Never mind, I though this was happy hour for a moment.

Match Day 06

Group A
Yafor 2 5 [2,3] - 5 [4,1]Myedvedeya
Blackhelm Confederacy 6 [4,2] - 4 [1,3] Greal


Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
Myedvedeya 5 4 0 1 35 23 12 13
Yafor 2 5 3 1 1 31 20 11 10
Blackhelm Confederacy 5 3 2 0 25 21 4 9
Tortuga y Hispaniola 4 1 3 0 9 20 -11 3
Greal 5 0 5 0 20 32 -12 0


Group B
kenavt 7 [3,4] - 10 [4,6] Jeruselem
Maimeiras 3 [3,0] - 6 [2,4] Ryou Black Islands


Nation GP W L D GF GA GD Pts
Jeruselem 5 5 0 0 56 24 32 15
Maimeiras 5 2 3 0 23 30 -7 6
Ryou Black Islands,The 5 3 2 0 18 23 -6 9
Sorthern Northland 4 1 3 0 14 23 -9 3
kenavt 5 1 4 0 16 27 -14 3