NationStates Jolt Archive

Second International Futsal Tournament
[Hosted by Yafor2 & The Macabees]

Welcome to the Second International Futsal Tournament, taking place in both Yafor2 and The Second Empire of the Golden Throne [The Macabees]. Sixteen national teams have decided to partake in the competition and have been formed into the following groups:

Group A
The Macabees (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13673260&postcount=3)
Jeuna (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13677279&postcount=11)
Pablicosta (http://forums4.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13686058&postcount=27)
Lovisa

Group B
Starblaydia
Jeruselem (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13671903&postcount=2)
Milchama (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13681297&postcount=18)
Frontenax

Group C
Yafor 2
Bazalonia
Nethertopia
The Indonesian states (http://forums4.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13684331&postcount=23)

Group D
Cafundeu (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13679033&postcount=13)
Daehanjeiguk (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13673864&postcount=5)
Taeshan (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13673610&postcount=4)
L1011 Tristars

[General Information:
- Groups A & B, as already indicated (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13670804&postcount=25), will be scorinated by Yafor2 and Groups C & D by myself.
- Theoritically, scores will be posted every two days, with the first match day's results posted on Wenesday. Hopefully, this will give people time to role-play.
- Role-playing is scored from 1 to 3; with 3 being a post with a high rating - of course, as appears, the ratings are highly subjective as they are rated based on the tastes of the scorinator.
- Match days are - MD1: 4 vs 1, 2 vs 3; MD2: 3 vs 4, 1 vs 2; MD3: 1 vs 3, 2 vs 4 ; MD4: repitition of MD1; MD5: repitition of MD2; MD6: 3 vs 1, 4 vs 2.

Things To Do:
- Post your roster; these will not count as role-plays, unless the role-play is attached to the same post or the roster is completed like a role-play. Rosters will be linked to this post for easy access.
- Role-play!]

Stadia in The Macabees
Regarding Groups C and D, all games will take place in Fedala - the imperial capital, in the 'Imperial Province' - in two principle stadia.

Palac Víestaleg
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/da/Palacio_Vistalegre_01.jpg/250px-Palacio_Vistalegre_01.jpg

Palac Víestaleg is a small indoor stadium dedicated to sports such as basketball and futsal. For the purpose of the tournament, it has been set aside specifically for the competition. It has the capacity to hold up to 11,000 spectators. It's located in the business center of Fedala and is easily accessible by Metro [Víestaleg station in Metro Line 5], by urban bus [lines 34, 56, 108, 140, 316 and 540] and by Cerkaníe [urban train; Track 7 and 10]. It will host MDs 1 and 4.

Carabak Arén
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/159/403848787_7118d9d7e9.jpg?v=0

This stadium is slightly smaller than Palac Víestaleg, holding only 9,500 spectators. It's located far from the city's history center and business center, alike, but is accessible by metro [Carabak in Lines 4, 11 and 13], bus [check the bus schedule] and Cerkaníe [Track 3]. It will host MDs 2 and 3.

Stadia in Yafor2
All games take place in Cardarel the fifth-largest city in the Grand Democratic Duchy, and the one with the largest expatriet Macabean community.

The Varikanishkir Dome
The Varikanishkir Dome is a small stadium, seating around fifteen thousand. Primarily used for futsal itself, what is notable about the Dome is the fact that its surface is cleaned every two hours, and that people whose job it is to do so do voluntarily. The Dome is the home of IYC Cardarel, the reigning Yaforite futsal champions, and is easily accessible via tram, train, or bus.

Khahdir Center
Seating twenty-three thousand, the Khahdir Center is the largest soley futsal-based stadium in the Grand Democratic Duchy. Located somewhat to the west of downtown Cardarel, the Center has held weak national teams, but dedicated spectators, who have something of a reputation for violence. This is in the heart of the Macabean expatriet community, so expect a large number of knowledgeble and rough fans to attend. Despite being away from the center of the city, the Center is easily accessible via special bus and train lines to the stadium itself.

Jeruselem's Futsal Team

Coach
* Kate Bush (former WC coach)

Team doctor
* Sally Dallas

Main players
* Rocky Pointy Stick (ex WC player) - husband of deceased Rashina Dallas
* Monique Alexander (ex WC player)
* Bell Choc (GK) - Jeruselem's best Futsal goalkeeper
* Princess Marie Antoinette Dallas - Fiery little redhead
* Gorden Ramsey -Experienced veteran of indoor sports

Reserves
* Hikfie Dallas (ex WC player) - Housewife and mum these days
* Russ Clove - Also plays indoor hockey
* Fred Blindstone - Fitness professional
* Clem Sho - Some relative of Flak Sho
* Ahmed Khareem - Owner of Killer Kebabs in Jeruselem

Macabee International Futsal Team

Coaches
Alíest Tened - Head Coach
Pac Gerb - Assistance Coach
Yu Irst - Defensive Technician
Herst Fernsal - Offensive Technician

Players
Din Kíel
Henk Díertal
Sebas Bol
Paul Klein
Jasí Fernusten
Tíer Gal
Sebas Uríon
Mika Flas
Daví Tíerk
Jenst Zolit

Goalkeepers
Rabí Fergún
Tami Worst

Starting Lineup for the Purple Knights
GK Jake Austin #14 20
D Alexander Hamilton #11 22
LW Matt Morgana #7 21
C Jose Kensington #2 20
RW Herr Jino #13 19

Subs
D Oli Durango #4 23
D Andy Zeller
F Xavier Xiang #27 23
F Colby Gentia #40 25
F Seth Rinchin #19 24

Since the Han Empire does not have an official futsal league or even a futsal team, we decided to open this tournament to best team that came up to us. Unfortunately, we only had one contestant apply - a team of Buddhist monks from the Sholim (Shaolin) Temple:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcfour/cinema/images/shaolin_soccer_gal.jpg

They're all anonymous, they're all barefoot, and they're all trained in special martial arts practiced at the temple. They are currently led by the Temple's futsal coordinator, who is also anonymous. They're very friendly in person, but ruthless when in the chase.

My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers: Yes
Godmod Scoring Events: Yes
RP injuries to my players: Yes
Godmod injuries to my players: Yes
Hand out Yellow cards to my players: Yes
Hand out Blue cards to my players: Yes
Hand out Red cards to my players: no
Godmod Other Events: Yes

Im trying not to be rude or anything but you made a mistake in your schedules. Shouldnt teams 1and3 and 2and4 play on matchday 3 then it can be repeated.

[OOC: As far as I can see, you're correct (blame Mac - I didn't make the schedules! *wink* I'll tell him as soon as I can.]

[OOC: Fixed and thanks. I encourage everyone to put up their rosters and RP!]

The Macabees
Between the Di Bradini Cup and preparations for the Forty-first World Cup there was an obvious ecstasy within the people of the Golden Throne for football. Although futsal was not exactly football, it was close enough as to interest the people in Fedala – where half of the competition would be held. Due to the national team’s ‘success’ – if it can be called this – in the Di Bradini Cup, with a defending goal scored against Starblaydia [despite the 2 – 1 loss] and the shocking draw with Candelaria and Marquez [ 3 – 3], most of the city was looking for more excitement and hope. Until the beginning of the World Cup, the Second International Futsal Tournament proved to be this venue. Although due to the size of the stadia being used, only an average of ten thousand spectators per game, most would have to watch it through television or the internet. But, this year, these medias were not lacking, given that one public cross-empire [except for the colonies] station would transmit every game the Macabee team was playing in, while between thirty and thirty-five satellite channels were going to transmit every single game. So, for those who wanted to see the tournament, they had ample avenues of approach. It was expected that around forty-six million people, in Fedala alone, would see the tournament from their television sets; in total, all across the world, the expected audience was in the billions. On the other hand, one must admit that the sport might not be as popular in other countries partaking in the tournament – indeed, only shoeless Shaolin Buddhist monks agreed to form a team for the Han Empire’s national futsal team.

The teams hosted in Fedala had arrived around a week prior to the expected date of the first match, which gave them enough time to settle down, choose their training venues and start training for the first match. Depending on where their nation was geographically, most had landed outside of the region of Greater Dienstad due to range issues and the fact that few international airliners had intercontinental aircraft. As a result, Dienstad Airways flew most of the teams from wherever they stopped into the region and to Fedala, using their brand-new CA1000-500 (http://z4.invisionfree.com/NSDraftroom/index.php?showtopic=3189) intercontinental jumbo jets. From Jonach International Airport [named after Jonach I, who ruled the Empire from 2005 to 2015] the teams were bused to where they were to stay to sleep for the duration of the tournament, while private chauffeurs with much more elegant automobiles were prepared to drive them where necessary on a whim. Of course, all of this at the expense of the state. Fedor I [heir of Jonach I and his grandson] hoped to host a third competition in the future, and he would have to set a precedent for hospitality to persuade more nations to partake in the competition [sixteen nations was, admittedly, a small number – compared to near one hundred ultimately taking part in the World Cup]. On the other hand, things such as chefs for the team and whatnot would have to be paid by whoever was funding the team, since the Empire could hardly afford to pay all expenses! But, in general, the players were made felt pampered.

It was interesting to find out that both Palac Víestaleg [11,000 capacity] and Carabak Arén [9,500 capacity] had sold out only days before the tournament was scheduled to begin – a sign that most of the fad was thanks to ‘better than expected’ performance of the U-21 team in Starblaydia. But, due to the commercial success of futsal, the city government had agreed to the construction of a new, and as of yet unnamed, futsal-pure stadium in the heart of Fedala, with the capacity of seating twenty-two thousand spectators [a football sized stadium made little sense]. Reportedly, the city hoped to have this palace ready for the next international futsal competition, which was aimed to be hosted between both Fedala and Beda Fromm, to the West – the latter city was also constructing a general sports venue, with the capacity of seating around eighteen thousand spectators. Ideally, the third international futsal tournament would be much bigger than the second, as the second was only marginally more successful than the first. The aim was to host the competitions close together enough to keep nation’s interested in the sport; from the experience of the second tournament, which had originally been canceled and then restarted, holding off proved fatal. Nevertheless, there were dreams of making the futsal competition as popular as the world cup, no matter how unrealistic this seemed – but it was an interesting sport, and it could at least double in size. But, this was for the future and not for the present.

Due to the excitement of the Di Bradini Cup and the beginning of the Second International Futsal Tournament, Fedor I had declared the duration of the tournament as a quasi-holiday, although forcing workers to give basic services. Street cleaners and others that provided public necessities were paid double their wage to work during the holiday, while private institutions – such as food services – were left to their own devices to figure out how to continue operations during the holidays. Fedor I, himself, then flew to Yafor2, where he would watch the opening match between the Empire’s team and Lovisa, which was almost parallel with the match between the same two nations in the Di Bradini Cup – perhaps the futsal game would foreshadow the result of the football game? The emperor then had plans to attend some of the games at Starblaydia, but only if the imperial team managed to pull off two victories against Kenavt and Lovisa – Fedor hoped to attend the Jeruselem game, which most believed would be the decisive match. But, back in the empire most were taking advantage of the tournament to drink, party and dance, and there were several street festivals held, with a number of political groups – regardless of orientation – giving out free food, beer and other items. In fact, this was the longest festival to be held in the Second Empire [comparing against the year-long festivals of the ancient days of the First Empire prove difficult] – it would last weeks, in a post-war reconstruction era. It was, however, a necessary morale lifter.

Match Day #1: Cardarel, Yafor 2

The Indonesian States [2+4] 6 - 6 Yafor 2 [3+3]

Bazalonia [3+3] 6 - 5 [4+1] Nethertopia

L1011 Tristars [3+3] 6 - 0 Cafundeu

Daehanjeiguk [2+1] 3 - 2 [1+1] Taeshan

Legend:
[First Half + Second Half]

Standings:

Nation P GP GW GT GL PF PA
Group C
Bazalonia 3 1 1 0 0 6 5
The Indonesian States 1 1 0 1 0 3 3
Yafor 2 1 1 0 1 0 3 3
Nethertopia 0 1 0 0 1 5 6



Nation P GP GW GT GL PF PA
Group D
L1011 Tristars 3 1 1 0 0 6 0
Daehanjeiguk 3 1 1 0 0 3 2
Taeshan 0 1 0 0 1 2 3
Cafundeu 0 1 0 0 1 0 6


Reminder: Next match day will be scored on Friday! Role-play!

Matchday 1 - Fedala, The Macabees

Group A
The Macabees 12 [6,6] - Lovisa 6 [4,2]
Jeuna 2 [0,2] - Pablicosta 3 [0,3]

Group B
Starblaydia 9 [5,4] - Frontenax 1 [0,1]
Jeruselem 7 [2,5] - Milchama 6 [2,4]

[OOC: I'll have tables up after Matchday 2 - it's pretty clear who's leading after Matchday 1. *wink*]

Players
Starters
Zhang Tiaomu (GK)
Zhao Tianrong (FW)
Ma Rongbao (FW)
Wu Junrui (DF)
Seo Chang-Hee (DF)

Subs
Ai Aolan (GK)
Su Pinrong (FW)
Bai Kangning (FW)
Tan Hongguang (FW)
Bian Shentan (DF)
Li Baonu (DF)
Shi Binren (DF)

Coaches
Kong Jinai - Head Coach
Hatakeda Nakashima - Assistant Coach
Xian Huiren - Program Director

The unnamed monks performed a ceremonial incantation before the match, chanting the "Aum" ritual in the moments before the referee blew his whistle. And for some reason it worked - the monks took the pitch (or the arena...whatever it is) and fired a stray shot from half court - the ball went in. No ceremonies came from the monks as they chanted prayers again. The referee blew the whistle for the second time, to begin play again, and the players from Taeshan shot a goal from the same place. The monks, shocked to see the game continue so rapidly, tried to argue for time to pray. The referee was apparently unaware of Sholin-style futsal. Either that or he didn't speak temple-speech (Hansamun - "Han temple speech" literally, hánsìwén if you're Ad'ihan). In any cases, the monks were left to take a 1-1 head coming to their second time at the half court; and there were only 67 seconds down on the clock...

The monks were dressed in golden robes and they made daring moves around the court; it was uncertain whether or not they were playing futsal for a moment. Thanks to the Taeshan defense, they remembered that they were playing a match and managed to sneak a goal late in the first half. No was certain who did it - the ball just appeared in the net, and the monks all returned to their starting places without any show of emotion. It was unnerving really. And boring. By this time, half of the audience were asleep, and the other half were imaging that the monks were actually saying something.

Second half started off, and the monks immediately scored another goal from half court. The way that the monks attacked was particularly unsettling - why wouldn't they do anything else? It was as if they were possessed by spirits to do nothing. And of all things, upon the kick-off they let the Taeshan offense score another goal! Why you say? Well, perhaps it was their natural aversion to the number "4" - 4 goals scored was bad luck enough to let the Taeshan offense score one. But then, why not score one themselves instead of let the opponent score? Perhaps then winning was not the ultimate objective, but perfection of skill? Because that's what they did for the remainder of the match. They skillfully balanced balls on their heads, leaping in mid-air to catch the ball on various parts of their body. Unfortunately, the crowd didn't pay for a gongfu match - they wanted futsal. And when the referee blew his whistle (reluctantly, I might add), the crowd booed. Booed. The monks did nothing except continue to practice balancing the ball all over their body (in parts considered too painful to handle).

It was humbling to watch; and boring. Let's all hope that they actually play next match.

CAFUNDÉU'S TEAM:

Coach: Joel Merindo

Starters:
1- Gil (GK)
5- Émerson
7- Netinho
9- Chico Cabeça
10- Robertinho

Substitutes:
12- Maxel (GK)
2- Vítor Andrade
6- Manoel
8- Wellerson
11- Timóteo
19- Dé
21- Paulão Trator

Bell Choc: Great game Marie but I didn't have a good game. 6 bloody goals ...
Marie Dallas: We still won the game though.
Bell Choc: I'll need to play better next game.
Marie Dallas: Don't worry Bell.

Bell Choc: You were full of trickery today.
Marie Dallas: Me? Trickery? I'm a Dallas girl.
Bell Choc: I wish I had some of those skills.
Marie Dallas: I can my Mum. Saying that, no Dallas has ever been a goalkeeper.

Bell Choc: Your father was a goalkeeper.
Marie Dallas: Yeah, but Mum's genes are much stronger.
Bell Choc: I noticed that.
Marie Dallas: Hey, here's Dopey!

Hikfie Dallas: Hello, that was a close game.
Bell Choc: A bit too close Dopey. We can't go conceding 6 goals per game all the time.
Hikfie Dallas: Yeah, those purple people scored 9 goals.
Marie Dallas: Can't let them beat us, even though they probably will.

Bell Choc: Hopefully, I stop a few more goals next time too.
Hikfie Dallas: Don't stress!
Marie Dallas: Still we need to defend better.
Bell Choc: Good thing the coach isn't that Afredo fellow from Cafland.

Fedala International News; Sports
Golden-Whites Bulldoze Lovisa

FEDALA, the Golden Throne - His Imperial Majesty Fedor I chose the correct first-game to attend in his tour of different sports where the nation has sent teams to compete.[1] The Second Empire's ¡Golden-Whites'[2] have managed a landslide victory against Lovisa, finishing the two-part game twelve to six! Despite the more properly scaled first-half, the second-half was completely dominated by the Macabee team in their quest to seek victory in this year's tournament, after their dramatic 5 - 7 defeat against the Arridian National Futsal Team in the First International Futsal Tournament.[3] And, the imperial team will need as much of a head start as it can get for the next game against Jeuna, which is nominally more respected than Lovisa's.[4] Regardless, twelve goals is the highest amount of goals scored insofar in this competition, despite the fact that only one match has been played. This display of offensive talent has sparked excitement throughout the Empire, as most football-interested fans were eagerly keeping track of the game. This victory may also make 'The Macabees' a house-hold name in the nations competing in this year's international futsal tournament.

The first-half saw six of the twelve goals hammered into the opposition's net, although the Lovisan team also managed to net no less than four goals themselves, keeping their team in the game. Sebas Bol scored the first goal in the second minute (''2) of the game, whilst managing a second point thereafter in the fifth minute (''5). However, it was only in the sixth minute (''6) that the Lovisan team brought the game closer to them by scoring their first point. It didn't take long for Dan Kíel to slam a third goal in the twelfth minute (''12), though, bringing the game 1 - 3. Suprisingly, in a very aggressive play the Lovisan team turned the game around, in their favor, by scoring three goals in a row (''14, ''17 & ''19), but Sebas Bol managed a hattrick by scoring the fourth goal one minute later (''20), while Jasí Fernusten put in the fifth and sixth in minutes twenty-three and twenty-four (''23 & ''24), ending the first half at 4 - 6. The team's aggressive style paid off well, although at the cost of four goals scored in Rabí Fergún's net - perhaps they should have focused a little bit more on the defensive?

The second-half, on the other hand, showed what good training and endurance could do, as apparently the Lovisan team couldn't keep up with the Macabee rythm. In this case, the goals were 2 - 6, and Sebas Bol managed to elevate his hattrick by scoring another two goals (''35 & ''46), while Kíel finished his hattrick (''27 & ''30). Jasí Fernusten was benched for the second-half, replaced by Jenst Zolit, who put in another two balls into the Lovisan net (''39 & '' 42). The supremacy of the Macabee team during the second-half became apparent as the Lovisan team began to focus on the defensive, driving the ball to the opposite side of the court less and surrendering possession of the ball to the Golden-Whites. Although, admittedly, the Macabee team should have most likely put more goals than they did, at least they put in enough to shut-out the Lovisan team from any hopes of recuperating the possibilities of winning the match. As inferred, the game was won 6 - 12 for The Macabees, giving them a good start in this international futsal tournament. On the other hand, it does provide some views of perhaps weaknesses in the team's accuracy when shooting and perhaps their defensive capabilities for allowing six goals to be scored on them.

During the days between matches the team has been seen drilling hard for the next game against Jeuna, and to be able to meet other teams with the same success. Jeuna lost 2 - 3 against Pablicosta, but they managed to keep Pablicosta from opening the scoreboard even further, which signals a more powerful defense than the score would originally suggest. The Macabees' game against Pablicosta will also be difficult, although by the looks of it they are the most offensive-minded team in the group. Honestly, Group B seemed more 'interesting', as far as goals goes, with Starblaydia almost shutting out Frontenax nine goals to one [9 - 1] and Jeruselem defeating Milchama seven to six [7 - 6]. In Group C, Bazalonia defeated Nethertopia six to five [6 - 5] and co-host Yafor 2 managed a six to six [6 - 6] draw with the Indonesian States. Group D was equally as eventful, with the three to two [3 - 2] game between Daehanjeiguk's barefoot Shaolin monks and Taeshan, as well as L1101 Tristar shutting out Canfundeu six goals to zero [6 - 0]. This said, the Macabee game was the highest scoring game of the match day and many hope that subsequent games will be similar in excitement and goals to celebrate.

What most fans are comparing this first game to, however, is the upcoming match against Lovisa in Starblaydia's Di Bradini Cup, an under-21 football competition, which is expected to end in a Macabee victory - although, not as dramatic as in futsal, of course! We're crossing our fingers that this is so!

- Kenda Gíermen

[Notes:
1. Fedor I is planning to also witness the U-21 game between the Empire and Jeruselem, which may decide the team's future in the Di Bradini Cup if it manages to pull off a double-victory against Kenavt and Lovisa.
2. As they have been known as in the past.
3. This competition was originally known as the International Futsal Soccer Tournament (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=445034) and as the 'Golden Cup'. Although the tournament's prize remains the Golden Cup, both this and 'soccer' have mysteriously not been included in this year's competition title. Arridia went on to win the Golden Cup, as well.
4. Admittedly, Lovisa's sports reputation also has a lot to do with their current performance in the 5th Di Bradini Cup.
]

- by Rafael Gumbert (reporter following the competition)

SHAME! NOTHING CAN EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED!

No one can explain what happened with Cafundéu's team in the first game of the Futsal Tournament. Playing with the best players that the nation could offer, the team simply forgot to play good football and let a weak L1001 Tristars team take an excellent result against the black team, including the fact that they had a clean sheet, something extremely rare in Cafundéu's game, as the team has very good finishers and dribblers, being a very technical team.

About the game, the team didn't have a good strategy, and didn't move the ball well too. A complete disaster. The Tristars team noticed Cafundéu's bad start and attacked to take advantage of it. And they got it. Before the fifteenth minute, they were leading the game by the result of 4x0. Cafundéu's key player Chico Cabeça tried to score, but the marking against him was intense. Robertinho, who usually scores many goals, missed a lot of them today.

And in the remaining of the game Cafundéu wasn't able to recover too. Tristars increased their lead and then defended more, only waiting for the game to end to take this impressive and good victory over the black Monopolists team. Now, the only thing that remains to Cafundéu is to get prepared for the next game.

In the nineteenth showing of the Jeuna national futsal team, the new South Korean defender, Seo Chang-Hee, proved to be well worth his addition, agilely saving Pablicostan goals several times. Likewise, the Pablicostan team was on the defensive, closing up professionally and denying any Jeunese goals during the first half. However, Chang-Hee badly injured his ankle near to the close of the first half, taking him out of the game. He was replaced with Bian Shentan. The Jeunese coaches took this opportunity to swap out Zhao Tianrong for the untried newcomer to the squad, Tan Hongguang. Without Chang-Hee's help in defending—not to mention Shentan's dismal performance—the Pablicostans were able to score two goals with only little resistance, but after a fierce admonishment from the head coach, toughened their game significantly. Hongguang proved shockingly able in his position as a forward, blowing past Pablicostan defenses to score two goals in turn. With five minutes left, the Pablicostan team spiked in a goal from mid-field, and the Jeunese were at a loss to make it up, leaving it 2-3 in favor of Pablicosta.

"Whoa! This started!"

"Yeh and we already lost"

"Well that's typical, that doesn't matter but we don't even have a roster up yet!"

"We never do, just look at gridiron."

"Pfft... gridiron doesn't matter, but futsal! That's another matter"

"Ok then... can we get a roster up"

"Hold on, I'm trying to find out whose on the team"

"We have no idea! you know why, BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE A ROSTER YET!"

"Well what am I supposed to do?"

"How about you make up names"

"Ok"

The Milchamian Futsal roster:

"Wait a second!"

"what?"

"What does this roster look like?"

"Good question, how many players on it, how many starters?"

"Well there are 5 starters with one goalkeeper. The rest is up to us."

"Then the path is clear, 3 forwards."

"And how many subs"

"Let's make it like hockey, another sport we never posted a roster in, 3 lines of players, so that's 15 +5 = 20. So twenty players total"

"Perfect"

The Milchama Futsal Roster:
Starters:
Gk: Marcos Hassleman
D: Emery Jakol
F: Kenji Fukumore
F: Evan Sidelchuk
F: Mimi Fernandez

Line 2: (goalies never switch so it's the backup goalie on line 2.)
GK: Maris Hintermit
D: Dempsey Ryit
F: Thom Riootin
F: Evinitty Mekerichy
F: Olmos Emanayez

Line 3:
GK: Steve Dahlt
D: Yoni Lutar
F: Shimon Colot
F: Yonatan Florence
F: Keppell Homens

"Ok, that's our roster"

"But, that's only 15"

"whatever"

"Fine"

Match Day #2: Cardarel, Yafor 2

Nethertopia [2+3] 5 - 5 [1+4] The Indonesian States

Yafor 2 [3+2] 5 - 2 [0+2] Bazalonia

Taeshan [3+4] 7 - 4 [3+1] L1011 Tristars

Cafundeu [2+5] 7 - 11 [6+5] Daehanjeiguk

Legend:
[First Half + Second Half]

Standings:

Nation P GP GW GT GL PF PA
Group C
Yafor 2 4 2 1 1 0 8 5
Bazalonia 3 2 1 0 1 8 10
The Indonesian States 2 1 0 2 0 8 8
Nethertopia 1 1 0 1 1 10 11



Nation P GP GW GT GL PF PA
Group D
Daehanjeiguk 6 2 2 0 0 14 9
L1011 Tristars 3 2 1 0 1 10 7
Taeshan 3 2 1 0 1 9 7
Cafundeu 0 2 0 0 2 7 17


Reminder: Next match day will be scored on Sunday! Role-play!

Dear Mum

I'm having fun in The Macabees. People thought it was a stupid idea, sending me to play Futsal but unlike Jacinta who doesn't seem to have much football skills, I do. I score a few goals against fellow Jewbees Milchama. There's plenty of Dallas fans here in The Macabees too so I even got to see the local fan club with Dopey. Dopey was popular but the boys were only interested in me.

I've been training hard and working on my fitness. The coach (your friend Kate Bush) says it's a pity I'm a Princess and can't play for the World Cup team. I can only get into these tiny competitions.

It seems people have been asking for Razzle Dazzle store here. Mainly young girls my age, but even some older women have asked. Everyone wants to meet me as I'm your daughter. Everyone thinks I look like you too, which means it must be a good thing.

Dopey accidentally knocked herself out during training, but nothing seemed different when she got back into the conscious world. She didn't seem any smarter from the experience. Anyway, it didn't really have much effect on her in training.

Marie Antoinette Dallas
XXX

Matchday 2 - Fedala, The Macabees

Group A
Pablicosta 4 [0,4] - Lovisa 3 [2,1]
The Macabees 8 [7,1] - Jeuna 8 [4,4]

Group B
Milchama 9 [5,4] - Frontenax 3 [0,3]
Jeruselem 11 [6,5] - Starblaydia 4 [2,2]

[OOC: Actually, my main man Mac' made the tables (yay, alliteration!). Just scroll down.]

Jeruselem Government News

Princess Marie terrorises Purple Menace at 2nd Futsul Cup

It's the Second International Futsal Tournament in The Macabees. After the team's epic 7-6 over fellow Jewbees Milchama, they took on the Purple Menace (aka Starblaydia). Starblaydia has trashed Frontenax 9-1 last game so they they were looking really good but our team with Princess Marie Antoinette Dallas were determined to win too.

Well, it was Jewbee day! Both Jewish teams won their games. The hosts didn't win their game though. The Macabees should have won but blew a 7-4 lead to draw 8 ALL with Jeuna. They didn't but really that was one chance for win thrown away.

Milchama proved it was a force to deal with disposing of Frontenax 9-3 although our fellow Jewbees conceded 3 goals in the 2nd half. Frontenax has conceded 18 goals in two games - and then they have play Jeruselem next.

Jeruselem played the Purple Menace. Based on history, Jeruselem should lose! For some reason they always lift against us. Today, the purple faded. Mainly due the effort of a small girl called Marie. The poor old Starblaydia keeper conceded 11 goals! Bell Choc had an easy day conceding just 4. The architect of the win was Princess Marie Antoinette Dallas. The Starblaydis has trouble shutting her down as she put all Dallas trickery to score a goal. This enabled the other players a bit of freedom to score goals as the Purple Menace tried control our Princess. Marie managed to score 3 goals but the damage was done by the other players who latched onto her passes when she was marked out.

Coach Kate Bush said
"It was great team effort today. Marie's passing game was just top class. She set-up the plays while the team executed the plans. 11 goals in game is a lot and we had great day with scoring. I think Marie's small stature helped with most players bigger than her. Most of our team are chosen for their skills and experience but Marie is here for her zing and excitment factor. We're here to score goals, so most of the team are finishers. Even our reserve players can score goals. The key to winning is controlling the game, Marie stopped our opponents from getting settled down and forming a winning strategy. She unsettled them."

Indonesian States Futsal Team

Starters
Candra Jati (GK)
Bambang Hartono (DF)
Indra Pramana (DF)
Mohammad Abdul-jabar (FW)
Jiang-Bing Liu (FW)

Substitutes
Dwi Managi (GK)
Hans Jormansen (DF)
Soepano (FW)

Coach
Edwin van Briers

Now today was an exciting match! Cafundeu! And the Sholim Monks! And we got a lot of goals too!

The first half was a bunch of yelling, as the Monks simply made mincemeat out of the Cafundeu players. They scored off the opening kick again, since it seems to be a habit of the monks. But Cafundeu replied in kind with a similar attempt that was blocked out, only to have one of the Cafundeu forwards sweep up the rebound. Clearly upset at the loss, the Monks tried a similar attack, that seemingly failed as they conceded another goal, for the first time "losing". That seemed to upset the Monks even more as they went on a rampage, storming the Cafundeu goal for the remainder of the half, and racking an impressive 4 goals in the process.

But as the second half began, it seemed that the monks were more interested in playing a balanced style of play, as they let the Cafundeu players equal up in scoring, for each time the monks scored one. The second half added 5 goals to each side, and despite the big difference in goals at the end, the players all exited the arena with smiles, as did the crowd. Some of Cafundeu players offered to exchange jerseys, but the Monks, unaware of this tradition, opted to undress from their robes completely. I think it can be easy to say that the arena was vacated in the most swift manner that it could ever be be imagined after that.

- by Rafael Gumbert (reporter following the competition)

TEAM FAILS TO MEET EXPECTATIONS

A team that seemed good enough to reach a far stage in a futsal tournament seems now to be one of the worst on it. The Cafundelense futsal team, also known as the "crow", due to its entirely black shirt and shorts, lost the first two games, and doesn't seem to be ready to get many positive results in the next ones. This time, the loss was against the buddhist monks from Daehanjeiguk, a team with a lot of technique and fair play ideas, which played well against Cafundéu.

With a goal scored right after the start of the game, it seemed that the buddhists would easily destroy the crow, and that the Monopolists would repeat the bad performance of the first game. Star Chico Cabeça tried to show the supporters that that wouldn't happen, scoring twice. But in fact, it was the player that wasn't right, as Daehanjeiguk easily took the lead back, and finished the first half with a big win over Cafundéu. The coach couldn't believe that.

In the second half, things were a bit different. The Monopolists showed more ability, and played an equal half against the buddhist monks. The crow scored five goals, same number of the opponents. But, as predicted, Cafundéu didn't win the game, and now the team is worried about what will happen when they return to their country.

New and improved tables... now they actually line up!


Nation Name P W D L GF GA GD

Group A
Pablicosta 6 2 0 0 7 5 2
The Macabees 4 1 1 0 20 14 6
Jeuna 1 0 1 1 10 11 -1
Lovisa 0 0 0 2 9 16 -6

Group B
Jeruselem 6 2 0 0 18 10 8
Milchama 3 1 0 1 15 10 5
Starblaydia 3 1 0 1 13 12 1
Frontenax 0 0 0 2 4 19 -15

Group C
Yafor 2 4 1 1 0 11 8 3
Bazalonia 3 1 0 1 8 10 -2
The Indonesian States 2 0 2 0 11 11 0
Nethertopia 1 0 1 1 10 11 -1

Group D
Daehanjeiguk 6 2 0 0 14 9 5
L1011 Tristars 3 1 0 1 10 7 3
Taeshan 3 1 0 1 9 7 2
Cafundeu 0 0 0 2 7 17 -10

OOC:Well, I missed the first couple of games, but here's my roster!

First Team
Goal Lemar
Defence Serj Able
Defence Mike Alda
Forward Christopher Swit
Forward Don Reo

Second Team
Goal Leon Toledo
Defence Wade O'Reiley
Defence Tyler Chopper
Forward Evan Mash
Forward B.J Sanchez

Fedala International News; Sports
When a snag is hit ...


FEDALA, The Golden Throne - After the Golden-Whites' brilliant performance against Lovisa, winning a stunning match by twelve goals to six, the imperial team has hit a snag. In a game which they dominated for the entire first-half, finishing said half with a seven to four goal advantage, they managed to allow four foreign balls to enter their net and only scoring one, leaving the game at an eight to eight goal draw [8 - 8]! This has left Pablicosta has the undisputed group leader - for now, at least - and The Macabees holding second for dire life, as Jeuna has now gained one point. On the other hand, it has avoided a complete polarization of the group, which is always a good thing. Regardless, when used to hearing about good news, this draw is seriously a 'downer', although we can only be happy that we didn't lose - at least, some sort of testament to the ability of our players to play their game well and with style. However, with this experience we at least know what we should do to guarantee a victory over Jeuna in the second go-around in the group stage, to guarantee our position in the finals. In any case, it seems that some valuable lessons learned in our first match, against Lovisa, were not taken to heart and worked upon - well, this is the Golden-Whites' lesson learned.

All hope, however, is not lost! Our next game is against current group leader, Pablicosta, and if we manage a victory we will put ourselves in first place, while Pablicosta has at least second guaranteed - for now. If Jeuna wins their game against Lovisa they will be third and will have a fighting chance for second and first, while Lovisa will be doomed in last place and will have quite the adventure to try to advance past group stage. On the other hand, if Lovisa manage their first victory, Group A will be one of the most well distributed groups in the tournament, with all the teams having an equal chance of making it to the finals. This will make the second go-around just as interesting, just as intense and just as important. But, admittedly, we expect the Golden-Whites to win their game against Pablicosta and Jeuna to win their game against Lovisa, which may make the first, second and third teams competitive, but will limit Lovisa's possibilities. In this case, the nearest team (Jeuna) will have four more points than Lovisa, while the farthest team (The Macabees) will have seven more points. However, this is futsal, and as we all know the results of a futsal game are more 'up in the air' than they are in a fullblown football game! For all we know, Lovisa will win, while The Macabees and Pablicosta will tie, making the results much more favorable for Lovisa. This is the beauty of the 'Golden Cup'.

But, y'all are more interested in the goals anyways. As usual, Sebas Bol made his hattrick, scoring minutes '2, '14 and '45. Jerí Fernustal managed one goal in '6, elevating his total goals insofar to three. Dan Kíel scored two in minutes '17 and '23, both at long distances, proving his capabilities for a well-placed shot from distances most players would pass at. The other two goals were scored by Jersnt Zolit, minutes '20 and '24. As aforementioned in this article and indicated by our short recapture of the game, there was only one goal scored by part of the empire during the second-half, compared to the four goals scored by the Jeunese team. We can only attribute this to an overconfident team which slept more than played during the second-half and let the Jeunese team show that they could compete if the other team let them do so. In the end, it was a wasted game, given that it should have been a clear victory, whereas the Golden-Whites would now be disputing first place with Pablicosta and things would be much clearer and easier for us. This happened to us, as well, during the first-match, allowing six goals to enter our net when we were leading by twelve goals. On the other hand, that time the team learned and dominated the second-half; this was not the case during this game.

Scorers:
Sebas Bol - 8
Dan Kíel - 5
Jasí Fernusten - 3
Jenst Zolit - 2

For these reasons, we have seen the team train hard and most likely work on their overconfidence and unjustified superiority complex. We're not the only people to note the problem, after all. For example, Jeruselem's government news had to say the following:


The hosts didn't win their game though. The Macabees should have won but blew a 7-4 lead to draw 8 ALL with Jeuna. They didn't but really that was one chance for win thrown away.


We must say that we agree, as should be obvious by our obvious anger deducated through our rambling in this article! We hope that during training the team works on overcoming issues of sleeping when they are in the lead in order to guarantee victories in games which should end like this, as opposed to draws.

Match Day #3: Cardarel, Yafor 2

Yafor 2 [2,0] 2 - 4 Nethertopia [0,4]
Bazalonia [1,2] 3 - 3 Indonesian States [2,1]

Cafundeu [3,6] 9 - 4 Taeshan [4,0]
Daehanjeiguk [6,2] 8 - 6 L1011 Tristars [2,4]


Nation Name P W D L GF GA GD

Group C
Nethertopia 4 1 1 1 14 13 1
Yafor 2 4 1 1 1 13 12 1
Bazalonia 4 1 1 1 11 13 -2
The Indonesian States 3 0 3 0 14 14 0

Group D
Daehanjeiguk 9 3 0 0 22 15 7
L1011 Tristars 3 1 0 2 16 17 -1
Taeshan 3 1 0 2 13 16 -2
Cafundeu 3 1 0 2 16 21 -5

Matchday 3 - Fedala, The Macabees

Group A
The Macabees 8 [4,4] - Pablicosta 7 [4,3]
Jeuna 5 [2,3] - Lovisa 1 [0,1]

Group B
Starblaydia 2 [1,1] - Milchama 2 [1,1]
Jeruselem 4 [3,1] - Frontenax 0 [0,0]

Nation Name Points W D L GF GA GD

Group A
The Macabees 7 2 1 0 28 21 7
Pablicosta 6 2 0 1 14 13 1
Jeuna 4 1 1 1 15 12 3
Lovisa 0 0 0 3 10 21 -11

Group B
Jeruselem 9 3 0 0 22 10 12
Milchama 4 1 1 1 17 12 5
Starblaydia 4 1 1 1 15 14 1
Frontenax 0 0 0 3 4 23 -19

[OOC: I will scorinate later today to allow people a chance to role-play, if they'd like to.]

Fedala International News; Sports
Golden-Whites Secure Win for Leadership


FEDALA, the Empire - Despite the previous match's draw, which left the fan-base here in Fedala hoping for more and the position for group leader in the air, the Second Empire of the Golden Throne's national futsal team has achieved a very narrow victory against Pablicosta's team, the principle contestant for first place. As a result, the Golden-Whites now lead group A by a single point and hope to increase this gap, or at least maintain it, with a second victory over Lovisa today. Nevertheless, after the draw with Jeuna, the fact that Pablicosta's team only lost by a single goal shows that the Empire has serious competition in this group and doesn't allow for the forecasting of a prosperous future in this cup's finals - just like last year. Nevertheless, with all the teams having played each other once in sofar, the true test will be this second-round, where anything is still possible - especially in group A [well, that's if you still haven't seen group C - everyone has either four or three points!]. We can assume, however, that our team will not underestimate its opponents this time around ...

The game was, perhaps, more difficult than either the first game against Lovisa or the draw against Jeuna, despite the win. In both previous games the Empire had manage to have point dominancy during the first-half, and this was certainly not the case against Pablicosta, where the first-half resulted in a difficult to distinguish draw. As a result, if the team was as unnerved as ever it was during this game, and Pablicosta's two former victories against Jeuna and Lovisa didn't help the morale of the Imperials. Even during the second-half, a winning goal was never clear and the game finished with The Macabees only one goal ahead of their opponent. Certainly, it wasn't only the team that was worried about the game's outcome, but the team's fans as well. This futsal game had as much spectators over the media as the ones before, and especially with the national U-21 team defeating Lovisa in Starblaydia [see: our section on the 5th Di Bradini Cup] which managed rouse up interests in all football-like sports.

Indeed, the Second International Futsal Tournament seems like the only sport, insofar, which our national team will reach the finals. Even in the aforementioned Di Bradini Cup, where our team defeated Kenavt's national team three to one [3 - 1], our chances for passing to the finals are very slim, given that we have to pass up Starblaydia [two points ahead of us] and Candelaria and Marquez [three points ahead of us]. This would require Jeruselem to defeat Candelaria and Marquez and us to defeat Lovisa, while Starblaydia's victory against Kenavt is expected. Then, it would definately require an unexpected victory against Jeruselem . But, alas, this is futsal not U-21 football, and our chances seem much more positive [being first and all]. On the other hand, all should be reminded that if we [i]do make it to the finals we are likely to come across teams such as Nethertopia and Daehanjeiguk, both group leaders in groups C and D respectively [although, the latter seems to be having much more success than the former, despite the fact that those monks don't even wear shoes!].

If anything is clear is that nothing is clear, and that we have a huge mountain to climb ahead of us.

Marie Dallas: Hello! I have a question to ask.
Hotel person: Oh, you're Princess Marie Antoinette Dallas.
Marie Dallas: That's me! It is normal to have a camera in the bathroom?
Hotel person: Oh, err ... let me get the manager.

Manager: Oh, hello Princess ... what's the problem?
Marie Dallas: There's a camera in my bathroom.
Manager: You're in the Royal suite. It's full of cameras ... for your protection. You are a Princess so we had to put cameras in there.
Marie Dallas: Oh so it's not normal?

Manager: No, it's not. Everyone else has normal rooms, since you're a Princess you got the secure room and all them cameras.
Marie Dallas: I see! That's alright then. Say, I assume there's a monitoring room in here.
Manager: Yes, we have security watching this place.
Marie Dallas: Well, you're going have a camera in the bathroom! Point in the right place.

Manager: I don't quite get it ...
Marie Dallas: Well, it's point at a door. Why don't point at the shower instead?
Manager: The last tenant wanted some privacy.
Marie Dallas: Well, I think you point it at the shower.

Manager: Well, OK. If that's what you want ... say, won't that mean people will see in the bath.
Marie Dallas: Yeah, but if I slip or knock myself out then you can see it.
Manager: Oh you're not concerned about the guys perving on you?
Marie Dallas: I'm the daughter of Dazza Dallas. Anyway, the security guys know what I wear at night.

Manager: That'd be nothing?
Marie Dallas: Yeah, so just move the camera a bit.
Manager: No problems Princess.
Marie Dallas: Thanks

Manager: Actually your Mum stayed here once.
Marie Dallas: Yeah?
Manager: Yes, very entertaining woman ... the security people liked her.
Marie Dallas: She plays for the cameras, even hidden ones.

Manager: You don't seem any different.
Marie Dallas: Well, we don't have much shame really.
Manager: I guess it's people like you who stop us being bored.
Marie Dallas: It's our job to keep the world a happy place.

Match Day #4: Cardarel, Yafor 2

The Indonesian States [2+4] 6 - 4 Yafor 2 [4+0]

Bazalonia [2+4] 6 - 8 [4+4] Nethertopia

L1011 Tristars [3+4] 7 - 5 [3+2] Cafundeu

Daehanjeiguk [2+3] 5 - 7 [3+4] Taeshan

Legend:
[First Half + Second Half]

Standings:

Nation Name P W D L GF GA GD

Group C
Nethertopia 7 2 1 1 22 19 3
The Indonesian States 6 1 3 0 20 18 2
Yafor 2 4 1 1 2 17 18 -1
Bazalonia 4 1 1 2 17 21 -4

Group D
Daehanjeiguk 9 3 0 1 27 22 5
L1011 Tristars 6 2 0 2 23 22 1
Taeshan 6 2 0 2 20 21 -1
Cafundeu 3 1 0 3 21 28 -7


Reminder: Next match day will be scored on 15th of Thursday! Role-play! Only two more match days until the finals!

Oh no! After beating the Tristars in a tense match, Taeshan have rebounded with a thrilling 7-5 win over the monks. Some reason I'm getting bored writing these math reviews, but seeing as I'm the only they hired to do the job, I guess I'll write about something.

Butterflies. They're cute and cuddly. Well, maybe not cuddly, but they're cute. And they bring up memories of sunshine and rainbows, with prancing unicorns and grizzly bears. But not their catepillars. Scourges of the earth! They're so vile and ugly, they'll tear your mulberry farm into ruin! RUIN! So you've got to do your part to destroy all of the catepillars before they RUIN your mulberry farms. Otherwise, the world will be overrun with butterflies, and then it will be TOO cute and TOO cuddly. Well, maybe not cuddly, but definitely cute.

Bowling balls. They're heavy and they're round. Kind of like the Monks foreheads. They roll down a lane, and if you're lucky, they'll down someone else's lane and hit a strike. Then you can rack up a whole bunch of points that way! The secret is getting the right amount of twist when you throw the ball; otherwise, your neighbor is going to end up with a bowling ball for a head. And sausages. God, I love sausages. They make 'em pork and kosher too! Not that I need it kosher... but kosher sometimes tastes good, just as long as it's not made from deer meat. Or cockroaches. Ever wonder what makes a cockroach so cocky? It's because they're flat like bugs. They crawl around like they're man about town, and yet when you step on them, it takes about 500 steps, 1000 pounds of pressure, a blow torch, an alarm clock, and my girlfriend's brassiere to actually kill the buggers. If you're unlucky enough to have none of that stuff, you're stuck with an infestation of butterflies.

Oh, cute butterflies.

[OOC: Since Yafor2 has been busy, and we need to finish MD4 to make it seem as if this is still alive, I'm going to finish MD4. I haven't asked him, but I'm sure he will be fine with it. The RPs have been graded by a third-person - all two of them.]

Match Day #4: Fedala, The Second Empire of the Golden Throne

The Macabees [6+4] 10 - 5 Lovisa [1+4]

Jeuna [1+2] 3 - 6 [4+2] Pablicosta

Starblaydia [2+1] 3 - 5 [1+4] Frontenax

Jeruselem [3+6] 9 - 4 [4+0] Milchalma

Legend:
[First Half + Second Half]

Standings:

Nation Name P W D L GF GA GD

Group A
The Macabees 10 3 1 0 38 26 12
Pablicosta 9 3 0 1 20 16 4
Jeuna 4 1 1 2 18 18 0
Lovisa 0 0 0 4 15 31 -16

Group B
Jeruselem 12 4 0 0 31 14 17
Milchama 4 1 1 2 21 21 0
Starblaydia 4 1 1 2 18 19 -1
Frontenax 3 1 0 3 9 26 -17

So what's happened to those monks?

Well, they lost a match to Taeshan. Truth be told, I think the monks were getting tired at the end of it. But what can I say? The monks were getting tired at the end of it? No! In the spirit of MBC International's dramatization of the Daehan-Bostonia Qualifying match in WC 39 qualification, I should too do a dramatization of the tiredness of the monks. Unfortunately, I don't happen to have a crew on hand, so I'll have to act of the parts by myself.


"Brother! They are too strong!"

"Have courage, Brother. Though they are strong, we are focused on our thoughts. Come me must meditate!"

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"Okay, I'm just shooting now. I'll talk to you later."

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"Well, there it is! We've lost, no thanks to you." *tired breath* "Would you people stop meditating and back to playing the game?"

"You see, brother! That is the problem! You are trying to play the game. In truth, the game needs to play you."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Release your feelings and find the courage from within. The game needs to become you. To overcome you. You must make the game make you its master. And only then shall you achieve inner peace and harmony at soul. This game is not about playing, but being played. You must be the passive conduit through with life flows. Passive. Otherwise, desire shall kill you."

"You're making no sense at all. I don't even know why I joined the Sholim Monastery."

"Well, next time, young hopper. Next time."

Kate Bush: You're a freak Marie ...
Marie Dallas: Why'd you say that?
Kate Bush: Milchama lead us 4-3, I put you on and smash them in the 2nd half.
Marie Dallas: I was just doing my job.

Kate Bush: I know but ... you're just crazy.
Gordon Ramsey: What drugs are you taking Marie! I want some of that.
Kate Bush: Nah, she's just a freak like her mother.
Gordon Ramsey: Yeah, I thought we were goners with the Milchamians kicking our ass.

Kate Bush: Well, crazy Marie was on the job.
Gordon Ramsey: Why are you called Marie Antoinette? Didn't she get beheaded?
Kate Bush: Ask her mother about how she gets her names.
Marie Dallas: Because I'm crazy French girl.

Kate Bush: Don't worry Gordon, I know her mother very well. Her mother is worse.
Gordon Ramsey: You play any other sports Marie?
Marie Dallas: Tennis!
Kate Bush: She's good at that too.

Gordon Ramsey: You know, I've been reading a new book by Dan Brown. It's "The Perfect Mutant" where a woman is generically modified to become physically superior to other women. You kinda remind me of that kind of woman, you look totally normal but you're not.
Marie Dallas: I'm just a normal girl! I'm no different from other girls.
Kate Bush: I don't know, I think there's something funny about your mother.
Gordon Ramsey: Well, she's on our football team anyway.

Kate Bush: Mutant or not, we've got to keep playing well. At least we have our goal scoring mutant here.
Marie Dallas: I'm just part of the team.
Gordon Ramsey: Or maybe Jeruselem is full of these mutants ...
Kate Bush: Believe me, no normal Jeruselem girl is like these girls.

Fedala International News; Sports
Maintining leadership by the length of a hair...

The group's leadership, The Macabees and Pablicosta, have managed to maintain their position by their wins on match day four, but the race between themselves remains heated. The two team's wins mean that both remain one point from each other, and a draw or a loss can mean returning to second place for the Golden-Whites. Nevertheless, the team's chances of passing to the finals are almost certain, with the third team - Jeuna - six points away. Jeuna's team would require two wins (and two defeats for the Imperials) and score at least twelve more goals than their opponents. Lovisa's chances are non-existant and are no longer considered contenders for the tournament - with two games left there is no way they could score the nine required points to match Pablicosta. Besides, Lovisa is the only team in the tournament to not have managed to gain a single point, and has the second worst goal difference - only superceded by one goal in Frontenax's case [which has three points in favor, regardless]. So, in other words, the Empire's team have the best chance, insofar, to make it to the finals - although this is quasi-football, and anything could happen, as history has shown.

The last game was no disgrace either, and left very little to be desired. In the highest scoring match of the day, the empire managed to defeat the Lovisan team ten goals to five, proving once again that the Lovisan team would need much practice in order to compete on equal teams in a future futsal competition. On the other hand, it did go to prove the more offensive minded nature of the Macabee team, given the five successful goals nailed by the Lovisan strikers. The relaxed nature of the Macabee team the second-half and the second-half score tie should also serve as an alarm, given that had the Empire's team not utterly dominated the first-half then the game might not have been as glorious as it had turned out to be. In fact, the second-half the team found itself keeping up with the Lovisan scoreboard, trying to save face while making sure the game did not spiral out of control. Regardless, the Imperials were never able to recompose or gain in organization the second-half, concluding in the final score [a score which could have been much more lucrative for the Empire]. But, a win is a win and it has kept the Empire's team number one in its group - outranked in points only by Jeruselem (who won also four games).

Tomorrow, the team will play against Jeuna. Jeuna managed a draw with the Empire the previous match day they played together, but was soundly defeated by the Pablicostan team yesterday three goals to six. With the experience of match day two, it's possible that the team will not take Jeuna's men the same way they took the Lovisan futsal team and will play to its fullest capacity, guaranteeing a second victory. This will also help avoid falling to second place, as a victory for Pablicosta against Lovisa is almost reassured (given the latter's run insofar). However, it's interesting to note that a loss to Lovisa tomorrow could provde disastrous for Pablicosta if Jeuna manages to defeat the Empire, since it would put Jeuna in a position to gain on Pablicosta and even assure itself second place if Pablicosta loses against the Second Empire on the last match day of the group stage. As aforementioned, for everyone except Lovisa the group is still somewhat open. The next match day may be brutal, given that all four teams will be fighting for something; The Macabees to remain group leader, Pablicosta to gain position as group leader and to guarantee its permanence in the tournament, Jeuna to fight for passage and Lovisa to save face. On the other hand, if Pablicosta loses and Jeuna loses, then Pablicosta's permanence and passage will be guaranteed, whilst even if Pablicosta wins and Jeuna loses then both head teams will have guaranteed themselves the group stage.

Some of the other groups are even more contested. Although Jeruselem will remain undisputed leader of Group B, Milchalma, Starblaydia and Frontenax are all fighting for the group's second position, to remain in the tournament. The first two are tied with four points, while the latter is only one point away from those above him. This will guarantee some very interesting games in the two coming match days. In Group C there are no guaranteed victors, with the number one team with seven points and the last two teams tied with four - it means that any team can leave the group stage as first and any team as second. Group D is much the same, although Daehanjeiguk has more or less guaranteed its position by being six points above everyone else (who are strangely tied with three points). Nonetheless, this futsal competition is proving to be even in general, giving most teams clear chances to make it past the group stage and go head long into the finals. In fact, only Jeruselem is really guaranteed its passage and only Lovisa has lost all hopes. For everyone else, however, the game still has to be decided!

Match Day #4: Cardarel, Yafor 2

Nethertopia [0+4] 4 - 2 The Indonesian States [1+1]

Yafor 2 [2+4] 6 - 1 [0+1] Bazalonia

Taeshan [1+4] 5 - 7 [3+4] L1011 Tristars

Cafundeu [4+1] 5 - 4 [1+3] Daehanjeiguk

Legend:
[First Half + Second Half]

Standings:

Nation Name P W D L GF GA GD

Group C
Nethertopia 10 3 1 1 26 17 5
Yafor 2 7 2 1 2 23 19 4
The Indonesian States 6 1 3 1 22 22 0
Bazalonia 4 1 1 3 18 27 -9

Group D
Daehanjeiguk 9 3 0 2 31 27 4
L1011 Tristars 9 3 0 2 30 27 3
Taeshan 6 2 0 3 25 29 -4
Cafundeu 6 2 0 3 26 32 -6


Reminder: Next match day will be scored on 22nd, or Saturday! Role-play! Only one more match day until the finals!

Kate Bush: I heard there's a new movie being planned in Jeruselem.
Marie: Yes!
Kate Bush: So what's it called?
Marie: I think "The Loser"

Kate Bush: So, who is this movie about?
Marie: Oh, my father!
Kate Bush: But he's not a loser.
Marie: It's based on his life but they are making a few things up for the movie.

Kate Bush: I see ... so it's about a useless Jeruselem goalkeeper?
Marie: Well, Dad wasn't useless but in this movie he is.
Kate Bush: So why are so keen about this movie?
Marie: They are looking for a girl to play his girlfriend.

Kate Bush: Oh, you mean your mother.
Marie: You'd think I'd have a chance?
Kate Bush: I'd think you'd be perfect.
Marie: You'd think I'd make a good Dazza Dallas?

Kate Bush: Think about it, you can play football so they don't need an substitute player for football scenes. You look like your mother and act your mother all the time.
Marie: Cool, I'll audition!

Kate Bush: Don't worry about being a bad actor, because I think you're a great actor.
Marie: Really?
Kate Bush: I think your mother is great actor too, except she does it on the football field and ... err bedroom.
Marie: Hehe!

Kate Bush: I heard the movie requires a bit of nudity from the Dazza Dallas character.
Marie: That's alright! Suits me Kate.
Kate Bush: I heard I'm the movie too.
Marie: But your character isn't too hard to play.

Kate Bush: Yes, I'm a boring person. Playing Dazza isn't something for a normal actress.
Marie: Or should I play Monique Alexander?
Kate Bush: No, you go for the Dazza spot.
Marie: I think Mum would approve. You'd think Kate Sallad might try for it?

Kate Bush: She's too old for that spot now. I think it stops before Dazza's first World Cup.
Marie: Cool, I'm going be Mum then.
Hikfie Dallas: Hello, talking about the new movie?
Marie: Yes

Hikfie Dallas: I want be in it too.
Marie: You're too old for the main characters Dopey.
Hikfie Dallas: There's a spot for the dumb cleaner.
Marie: Hehe, you'd be sure to get that. You don't need to pretend to be dumb.

Matchday 5 - Fedala, The Macabees

Group A
The Macabees 7 [3,4] - Jeuna 2 [0,2]
Pablicosta 1 [1,0] - Lovisa 1 [0,1]

Group B
Jeruselem 8 [3,5] - Starblaydia 2 [0,2]
Milchama 7 [3,4] - Frontenax 5 [3,2]

[OOC: Tables edited in when I have time - have to run for now!]

Tables!


Group A
The Macabees 13 4 1 0 45 28 17
Pablicosta 10 3 1 1 21 17 4
Jeuna 4 1 1 3 20 25 -5
Lovisa 1 0 1 4 16 32 -16

Group B
Jeruselem 15 5 0 0 39 16 23
Milchama 7 2 1 2 28 26 2
Starblaydia 4 1 1 3 20 27 -7
Frontenax 3 1 0 4 14 33 -19



Fedala International News; Sports
Group Leadership Unwavering

After the team's position as first in the group being threatened by the small difference between the Imperials and the Pablicostan futsal team, the Golden-Whites' victory against Jeuna, and the Pablicostan draw with Lovisa, has guaranteed the Imperial's ascencion to the finals and position as group leader. Furthermore, Group A has been decided as far as hopes for moving past group stage, as neither Jeuna nor Lovisa have a chance to catch either Pablicosta or The Macabees, no matter what happens. As a result, the next match day is rather unecessary and will probably result in a relaxed game between The Macabees and Pablicosta, both of which have their position guaranteed [and Pablicosta would need to incriment their goal difference by fourteen goals in order to surpass the Imperials as group leaders; something which is not expected, especially since the next match day is the Pablicostan - Macabee game which everyone has been expecting. It's a shame that this game will not mean more, as it would have been one of the best games of the competition, similar to the third match day - but with much more to lose. Nevertheless, the happenings of this match day are nothing to scoff at, especially since the Lovisan team have gained their first point since the beginning of the tournament! Furthermore, Group B and C have nothing decided yet, while Group D is decided based only on the likelyhood of achiving the necessary goal difference for Taeshan or Cafundeu to ascend to the next level of the competition.

But, back to the Lovisan game. We saw a depressing amount of lack of action on the part of Pablicosta, and a well-played defensive game by Lovisa. On the other hand, what is normally a fast-paced, multi-goal game was turned into a slugging competition of defense versus defense, as neither team risked going on the offensive to press home a goal - wary of a potential counterattack. As a result, Pablicosta's lead by one goal in the first-half was equalized in the second by a Lovisan goal, giving Lovisa its first point in the tournament, as aforementioned. Of course, Lovisa remains the worse team in the competition, but they have managed to save face whilst playing against the second best team in the competition and after losing every other game previous to the fifth match day. It may have been the relaxed attitude of the Pablicostan team, playing against who they thought were 'inferior', or may have been an honest defensive wonder of the Lovisan team, with a smart counterstroke in the second-half of the game. Whatever it was, it has ruined Pablicostan aspirations to finish the group stage in first place and has guaranteed Macabee leadership.

The Imperials, as usual, shut out their opponents seven to two, dominating the first-half with three goals, and outscoring their opponents the second-half four goals to two. It may have not been the highest scoring game of the Golden-Whites' career, but it certainly was one of the most important games - ensuring that nobody can touch them until the competition's finals. Despite the less important aura of the next game, we're hoping that the Macabee team will preform as usual and give fans a good game - the stadium will be packed to the brim, with at least ten thousand tickets already sold (the game is sold-out). Although not large by football standards, this is large for a futsal game, and the amount of fans are growing with each passing day. Secondary news sources have provided information that a new stadium is being built in Fedala for the next International Futsal Competition which will seat 50,000 spectators - this will be one of the largest futsal stadiums existant in the world and will require a large array of televisation, so those sitting far from the events will be able to see their favorite players play.

In any case, it looks as if our team will be playing against the second team of Group C, which as of now remains co-hosts Yafor 2. This will be aan important game, although complicated, as the tournament winds down...

Match Day #6: Cardarel, Yafor 2

Nethertopia [2+2] 4 - 8 [4+4] Yafor 2

The Indonesian States [4+2] 6 - 2 [1+1] Bazalonia

Taeshan [3+4] 7 - 2 [2+0] Cafundeu

L1011 Tristars 0 - 1 [1+0] Daehanjeiguk

Legend:
[First Half + Second Half]

Standings:

Nation Name P W D L GF GA GD

Group C
Yafor 2 10 3 1 2 31 23 8
Nethertopia 10 3 1 2 30 25 5
The Indonesian States 9 2 3 1 28 24 4
Bazalonia 4 1 1 4 20 33 -13

Group D
Daehanjeiguk 12 4 0 2 32 27 4
L1011 Tristars 9 3 0 1 30 28 2
Taeshan 9 3 0 3 32 31 1
Cafundeu 6 2 0 4 28 39 -11


Reminder: Next match day are quarter-finals!

Yafor 2 vs. L1011 Tristars
Daehanjeiguk vs. Nethertopia

A man with a sexy redhead teenager who's been sweating a lot in a wet soccer strip ...

John: Hello, this is John James for Royal Watchers. I'm with Dazza Dallas!
Marie: No, that's my Mum.
John: Oh sorry! Kate Dallas than.
Marie: That's my sister who's in a prison.

John: Err, Jacinta Dallas.
Marie: That's my other sister.
John: Err, oh yes Marie Antoinette Dallas!
Marie: That's it it man!

John: Don't you want to get changed first?
Marie: Don't worry! So what's do you want to know?
John: What's a Princess doing playing football?
Marie: Well, it's one way of keeping fit!

John: But there's no need to be playing in an international tournament.
Marie: I like the attention. I'm a public person like my mother is.
John: You seem to be pretty good at this Futsal.
Marie: I'm great at fast games. I like fast!

John: Can the team win this cup?
Marie: Oh course, we can! We're going kick ass.
John: You seem to be shock player in this team.
Marie: Yes, I hit the opponent so hard they don't get up. That's my job.

John: Some people have complain of you changing on the sidelines there.
Marie: Me? What's the issue. Everyone changes on the sidelines. I don't see what I get singled out.
John: You change your underwear too, unlike others.
Marie: I don't wear underwear!

John: Oh ... that's why.
Marie: What's the matter with these people? They complain too much.
John: Are you going to be in the World Cup?
Marie: No, I can't. I'm not allowed to go.

John: Why?
Marie: Too many terrorists after the Dallas girls.
John: A high risk target?
Marie: Yeah, so sad. I wanted to be there too.

John: Err, nice boobies.
Marie: Thanks!

"Hey look"

"What?"

"Futsal is still going on"

"Really?"

"Yep"

"How are we doing?"

"Quite well, we're in second with a chance at advancing to the next round"

"Nice, how many matches are left?"

"Don't choose hands now, you're being handist"

"Shut up and just tell me"

"No"

"Goddamnit, you idiot, nobody gives a crap"

"I do"

"Will you just shut up and let me speak"

"No because you are excluding right handed people"

"The terms left and right are used for different purposes. Right is used instead of the word correct and left is used as the past tense of leave. This is not oppressive. Can I continue now?"

"Yes"

"Thank you so we are behind Jeruselem but ahead of Starblaydia. We do have a good chance of getting through to the next round. But I don't know how many matches we have left so we just should win the rest."

"That sounds like a good plan. Any reports on individual players?"

"Yes, Mimi Fernandez has scored a lot of goals and Kenji Fukumore scored a hattrick in our last match."

"Excellent"

"Anything else"

"Yes, Go Cubs!"

"Shut up"

"No you shut up!"

Not only did I manage to bore a panel of judges completely, the Monks have managed to win their last match in the most boring manner possible, scoring the winning goal off the opening kick. How ridiculous. They do it every single match, and somehow the fans are supposed to be amazed? What the %$#^ am I supposed to write if all that they do is juggle the ball all day and play keep away? The fans throwing rotten fruits, vegetables, and credit cards was more entertaining than one monks standing upside while rolling the ball around in place. WTF?

I'm personally hoping that the monks lose to Nethertopia this next match, because I'm sick of this assignment. Either that, or MBC hires someone else to take this position of writing about a bunch of monks. Oh, how I wish I were at the BoF, right now. Everyone's getting sooo high, I wonder how the players will even play!

MBC Disclaimer: The opinions expressed are not representative of MBC or its affiliates, or of the Han Empire in general. The reporter is just a bored %$#^ who can't take his assignment seriously and will likely be fired after this. If you have any complaints or concerns, please direct them to the Office of Complaints, Concerns, Criticisms, and Compliments.

Matchday 6 - Fedala, The Macabees

Group A
The Macabees 8 [4,4] - Pablicosta 3 [2,1]
Jeuna 6 [4,2] - Lovisa 5 [4,1]

Group B
Milchama 7 [3,4] - Starblaydia 6 [3,3]
Jeruselem 9 [4,5] - Frontenax 7 [4,3]

Group A
The Macabees 16 5 1 0 53 31 22
Pablicosta 10 3 1 2 24 25 -1
Jeuna 7 2 1 3 26 30 -4
Lovisa 1 0 1 5 21 38 -17

Group B
Jeruselem 18 6 0 0 48 23 25
Milchama 10 3 1 2 35 32 3
Starblaydia 4 1 1 4 26 34 -8
Frontenax 3 1 0 5 21 42 -21

Quarterfinals
The Macabees vs. Milchama
Jeruselem vs. Pablicosta

Letter to the editors of MBC
Respected colleagues and fellow professionals,

As residing president of the Golden Cup Association, organizers of the International Futsal Tournaments, I am dismayed by the comments of one of your authors. Although he showed as much disrespect for his own nation's futsal team, without weighing in the fact that they are not even shoed, his most blatantly bellicose comments have been directed to the tournament, in general. Due to his lack of commentary on other matches - even a passice glance - he means to infer through this article that the tournament has insofar been eventless and boring. Whilst this may not seem like a big deal, it is to the organization itself. This particular futsal tournament has proved to be a huge economic boost to us and both of the host countries, due to the large amount of people which have visited to see their teams play. Furthermore, millions of spectators around the globe watch the matches through their television sets or listen to it through their radios. Understandably, a journal with such a wide audience will make large impressions, and we rather not have potential viewers and fans scared by the words of a man who obviously knows nothing of the sport.

Furthermore, I am frankly shocked at the fact that his article was published in the first place. I believe that this is a clear lack of even a semblence of care for the journal's international relations with foreign associations and companies, and a disregard for the consequences which such a review could have. Although I admit that the editor did take the time to edit in that it was in no way the journal's opinion, I feel that the article should have simply been omitted from the final printing version. I hope that the editor will carry through with his promises and sack the author who wrote this article. Furthermore, I hope that future articles are not as obscene and are more strictly regulated. Although I hold the tennet of free speech clear and a paper has the right to publish what it wants, the journal's leadership must have a certain amount of values instilled. There are certain things which are not up to par, in order to be published.

I hope that the content of this letter remain anonymous, as there is no need for further publicity. This is just a, more-or-less, polite method of stating the association's feelings towards the words expressed over Daehanjeiguk's national futsal team playing in the Second International Futsal Tournament.

Thank you for your time and patience,

- Gerar't Tíel'hom

John:
Hello, this is John James for Royal Watchers in The Macabees talking to Jeruselem Futsal player, Princess Marie Antoinette Dallas whose team won today and play Pablicosta in the quarter finals. She's the tournament's star female goal scoring machine for her team and even the entire tournament. She's also the daughter of the famous Dazza Dallas.

Marie: Bike, bike!
John: Tough game today Marie, was too close for your team.
Marie: We needed a tough game before quarter finals. We got it today with Frontenax.
John: Now, Jeruselem, Milchama and the local team seem to doing well ... all Jewish.

Marie: Well, God is on our side! We think.
John: So which Jewish will make the final?
Marie: Jeruselem of course!
John: You seem confident.

Marie: Well, it's the only way to motivate one's self.
John: You seem to be pretty popular around here.
Marie: Well yeah, I'm a Dallas girl.
John: Any special training required for the quarters?

Marie: Better defending. We defend well but we must do better.
John: Pablicosta and Jeruselem had the best defense in their part of the draw.
Marie: We scored more goals, that's how we plan to win.
John: Now, I see you're advertising a cute cat with no mouth.

Marie: Yes, they are team sponsors!
John: But your family own the Hello Kitty! franchise in Jeruselem.
Marie: So? Everyone knows that in Jeruselem. We shamelessly advertise our stuff.
John: This team has a nickname?

Marie: The Kitties.
John: Doesn't sound very fearsome at all.
Marie: We're the killer cats of this tourny. We look cute and harmless but we're big hunters.
John: Lions in a kitten's dress.

Marie: Yes, that's it.
John: Good luck on the quarter final.
Marie: Thanks, we're ready to kick ass.

***MBC office***

Person1: *reads letter* Wait, this is a concern!

Person2: We're not supposed to receive letters of concern.

Person1: I think we should relay it to the Office of Complaints, Concerns, Criticisms, and Compliments.

Person2: No! IF they wanted to send a message there, they should have addressed it to the right place. We have no business telling people where they should or shouldn't mail their letters, especially if it's a complaint, concern, criticism, or compliment.

Person1: So... what do we do with this one?

Person2: *shreds letter* There. Problem solved!

Person1: Personally, I think that created new ones.

Person2: Like what?

Person1: Where do we put the shredded pieces of paper? There's so many of them!


***Foreign Correspondence***

Okay, so I've been told by my supervisors to apologize for calling the Futsal tournament boring. I don't think an apology is necessary. In fact, it's stupid. I never said that futsal was boring. In fact, if you've watched that Jeruselem match, whoa! Girls flying all over the place! And of course, there were a lot of goals, but girls flying all over the place! That's excitement. Now, compare Jeruselem girls to Daehanjeiguk monks. This is why no one likes the Archregimancy Football Team; they're anonymous, they're monks, and they always parade with that darned icon wherever they go! If God wanted men to carry a picture of some virgin harlot all over a football pitch, He would have done it himself.

Now, what the Imperial Futsal Team needs to do is drop with the monks and get a bunch of enthusiastic girls to play. Like Jeruselem! Look at them! They're red hot! They're so... dare I say, sexy ... and they're winning too! They're undefeated in the tournament! If we had a team like Jeruselem - instead of this boring monk team, we'd be on top of the charts. In fact, I'd suggest that the Imperial Football Team try the same thing. If we fielded a team of girls, we'd be unstoppable, especially because they'd be Asian harlots! And who could resist that? I'm drooling already!

MBC Disclaimer: The opinions expressed are not representative of MBC or its affiliates, or of the Han Empire in general. The reporter is just a bored %$#^ who can't take his assignment seriously and will still be fired after this. Furthermore, he forgets to mention that the one time Jeruselem went to the WC Final, they lost out to Arridia; ergo, the IFA will not be considering an all-girl's team. If you have any complaints or concerns, please direct them to the Office of Complaints, Concerns, Criticisms, and Compliments.

Kate Bush is using her Mac when it's making a lot of clicking noises. It's late at night, and everyone is asleep ... well except for one person. The Mac makes a "ding" sound and displays "Cannot save file". Kate Bush gets all panicky as the report she's been working on is going to be lost. She rings up the only person who can help.

Marie-Antoinette Dallas turns up in a bathrobe.

<Later>

Marie: What's up coach?
Kate: I can't save my report!
Marie: Oh, it's one of these MacBook Air crappy things.
Kate: Please save my report. It took all night to write this report.

Marie: Yo, I have my USB stick here. I'll save your report on my stick ...
Kate: I hope it works ...
Marie: OK, your report is saved. Let's look at this Mac.
Kate: Save you it?

Marie: Give me some time. I'm not Jesus Christ.

<Later>

Kate: Well?
Marie: Your solid state drive has decided to f**k itself.
Kate: Meaning?
Marie: It needs to be replaced.

Kate: Can we get one tomorrow?
Marie: But I have to reinstall the operating system still.
Kate: Oh, err I don't have those discs.
Marie: Then I can't save it then. You can use my laptop.

Kate: I don't want to ... there's stuff on it I don't want to see.
Marie: Like what? (smiling)
Kate: You and your videos.
Marie: Just ignore them! No need to look.

Kate: I noticed your background is an image of you drunk with Flak Sho.
Marie: He's a real man.
Kate: You weren't wearing anything.
Marie: Oh yes, I got trashed and stripped naked that night. Oh yes, it was Flak's birthday.

Kate: Don't repeat that here, we don't want a bad reputation.
Marie: But ... that's my reputation... I'm expected to behave badly.
Kate: Can that wait after the final.
Marie: OK coach.

Quarter Finals!

Yafor 2 [0,0] 0 - 4 [3,1] L1011 Tristars
Nethertopia 1 [1,0] - 9 [4,5] Daehanjeiguk


Semi Finalists
L1011 Tristars vs. Daehanjeiguk

Quarterfinals!

The Macabees 11 [8,3] - Milchama 4 [2,2]
Jeruselem 9 [4,5] - Pablicosta 1 [0,1]

Semifinal
Jeruselem vs. The Macabees

Ugh... Not only did the Monks win, they won by a lot. 9 goals to 1. It makes me want to barf. I'll have to give them credit that at least it was entertaining. Entertaining. Futsal should be one of those sports where every second is another goal. But unfortunately for us, it isn't. Especially when the Monks play.

But I'm not too pleased that I have to stay and hope that the Monks continue to play in such an entertaining manner. And my supervisors aren't too pleased that I'm stuck here too, because they hate what I write, despite the ultimate fact that they could just make up match reports out the wazoo instead of my stupid remarks (EDITOR: We read this too...). It just goes to show how lame and stupid they are if they're willing to have one renegade reporter say whatever the %$#^ he pleases without censoring anything he %$#^ing says (EDITOR: We just did...). They're unimaginative, and to prove that they're unimaginative, I've asked them to send me a purple monkey (EDITOR: We're working on it...). You'll know if they passed the test the next time you read this column. In any case, I'll be stuck following the Monks. It seems that they stop to pray every 15 steps; I have no clue why, and it's not like they say anything either. I didn't imagine Buddhist monks had vows of silence.

Well, here's your daily bread; take and do as you please, while I get stats of the Tristars.

The Futsal News

All hail Queen Marie-Antoinette!

The quarterfinals of the 2nd International Futsal Tournament are over.

In one semi-final it's the Monks from Daehanjeiguk vs the L1011 Tristars. L1011 Tristars held Yafor 2 scoreless to win 4-0. It wasn't the most impressive of wins, as the Tristars only managed 1 goal in the 2nd half compared to 3 in the first. The Han Monks impressed with a 9-1 destruction of Nethertopia and they march to meet the Tristars. In this case, it's the Monks who are expected to win this semi.

The other semi is all Jewish as the three quarterfinalists were Jewish in the first place. The hosts The Macabees accounted for fellow Jewbees 11-4, all the damage done when Milchama conceded 8 goals in the first half and could not peg back the diffrent in the 2nd half. Pablicosta ran into the rampant Kitties Jeruselem team and got smacked, losing 1-9.

It's not Jeruselem defended at lot but goal scoring machine Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas once again made life for the defense impossible. They tried to shut her down but when they did, the other Jeruselem players scored instead. Of course as soon as they let Marie loose to shut down the other players, she started scoring again.

The Macabees vs Jeruselem is semi to watch with both teams full of attacking options. It should be close game as both teams don't sit and defend. The locals must control goal machine Marie who seems to be in hyperdrive whenever she's on the court.


Dream final - Jeruselem vs Daehanjeiguk. Monks vs sluts. However if the locals beat Jeruselem, we think they will the final too.

Macabee team in the semifinals!
Fedala International

FEDALA, Second Empire of the Golden Throne - After a spectacular run through the group stage, failing to win only in the second game - against Jeuna -, the Golden-Whites found themselves pitted against Milchalma in the quarterfinals. Historically speaking, the Imperials have never been able to surpass the quarterfinals, loosing the first tournament in this part of the competition five to seven against the Arridian national team (who also went on to win the Golden Cup, that year). The Imperials have broken the spell of the last tournament and enter the semifinals, with a good chance to go the finals, by defeating the Milchalman team eleven to four. However, this victory means that the Golden-Whites will have to come up against Jeruselem's national team, which insofar has a perfect record in this tournament. In the last tournament their team made it to the finals, and even tied with the Arridian team during the first and second half, loosing only during the added extra time. Jeruselem's team is no joke and is one of the best in the world, or perhaps even the best given that the Arridian team has lost their position in the upcoming 'world futsal rankings' (which will be based on this tournament, with nations being eliminated if they do not sign up to the next consecutive Golden Cup). Nevertheless, the capabilities of the Imperial Macabee team should not be understated, as their performance insofar has been equally as stellar. In terms of points and goal difference, the Imperials are only second to Jeruselem.

This game against Milchalma has shown that the tournament will be dominated by three principle teams - The Macabees, Jeruselem and Daihanjeiguk. The two former were undisputed leaders of their group, although Jeruselem's position was guaranteed far before The Macabees', while Daihanjeiguk is perhaps lucky that they did not face any of the two previous teams. It's believed that Daihanjeiguk's peculiar team of shoeless monks (by the way, the next Golden Cup will require shoes!) will win their semifinals game against L1011 Tristars, who nobody understands how they got so far against teams which were considered favorites (especially co-hosts, Yafor 2). In the end, it's considered that the tournament will go either to The Macabees or to Jeruselem, based on performance throughout the cup - on the other hand, for example, Daihanjeiguk's performance during the group stage was just enough to get them by, against 'substandard' opponents. In fact, these were the words of the Golden-Whites' coach after the quarterfinals game:

''The games, to date, have been particularly easy and I never had a doubt that we would leave the group stage as group leaders. We were favorites, along with other teams which had participated in the first tournament - which are few. In my opinion, our upcoming match against Jeruselem will be more difficult than a match against either Tristars or Deihanjeiguk in the finals. I, in no way, want to offfend their team, but those are my feelings.''

From private interviews with the players, it seems that this is a consensus amongst the team, and they are placing priority in 'taking-out' Jeruselem from the tournament. However, everyone agrees that defeating the world's second-best futsal team will not be an easy task and the team's ambition to reach the finals is a lust which must be respected, but not overstated. Regardless, it's obvious that the Imperial team is getting better which each passing day and assuming a loss this year, the next tournament will likely se a much improved national futsal team. It should be mentioned that this upcoming game will probably be the most seen of the tournament, as the stadium it will be hosted in is completely sold out. The city has continued to express plans to build a brand-new stadium dedicated only to futsal, for the next tournament and for other international tournaments related to the sport. The stadium will also host national league futsal games, as local teams begin to gain popularity and there is a greater movement to establish a league in the Empire.

But, for now all eyes remain on Jeruselem and the Macabees!

- Díer Haníat

The Monks are sitting in meditation.

*Brothers, I have heard the news*

Silence. The monks are still seated in place, doing nothing apparently.

*The press call us lucky and say that our place in the tournament is unearned*

Silence still. A butterfly flutters into the room and lands on one of the monks' nose.

*They say that we will defeat Tristars, but that we will then face the true champions of the tournament, as if our contest means nothing to them*

The butterfly sits there for a while. Nothing stirs the air.

*The MBC reporter also harbors distrust and hatred for us, claiming that we are boring*

The butterfly goes to sleep on the nose of the monk.

*We are succeeding in our trials to remove ourselves of spiritual desires. We do not need to win this tournament to prove our excellence, for we will then achieve enlightenment. Our excellence shall be demonstrated through our steadfast humility and recognition that the world desires for us to do better or worse, but that we progress at our own will. And we will nothing*

The butterfly is still asleep.

*We are at peace, and peace flows through us like the waters of a dewey morning upon the leaves and petals upon a pasture*

The butterfly is still asleep.

*We shall demonstrate our spiritual excellence, and upon that arena, we shall be at peace completely and demonstrate our physical excellence*

The reporter comes into the room where the monks are still set in meditation.

"How stupid! They're meditating and the bugs are starting to invade the area. Let me a bug swatter..."

The reporter fetches the swatter and slaps the monk's face. The butterfly escapes his attack. The monk is still in meditation, leaving the reporter amazed. "They must really have no life." He leaves them as he found them.

*OH MY GOODNESS! THAT HURT!*

The monks are at peace.

*HE SWAT ME IN THE FACE! WHY CAN'T HE LEAVE ME AT PEACE, AS THE BUTTERFLY SETS UPON ME?*

*Be at peace, Brother. Pain is a desire for comfort. We must free ourselves from physical desires*

The lights suddenly go out and the monks are still inside meditating.

*Peace, brothers*

It is peaceful.

Kate Bush looked in the gym. The team were to supposed to have finished by now but Princess Marie-Antoinette was alone with a punching bag. Marie was giving the bag quite a hammering ... hitting it very hard. The bag was bouncing around and at times, about to fall off.

Kate: Hello, Marie. Letting out your aggression there!
Marie: Nah, toughening up.
Kate: You sure punch hard. The bag is looking worn out already.
Marie: It's no point hitting softly, you have hit hard and very fast.

Kate looked at young Marie. She wasn't bulging with muscles, more like a flighty supermodel. She didn't know where all that muscle was supposed to be.

Kate: I have to ask, how come you look so small and yet you hit so hard.
Marie: I don't know. That's why we surprise people. We don't look like people who kick the ball hard but we do. Great genetics.
Kate: I mean, I know people bigger and stronger than you and they hit things hard. They have big muscles and bulk, but not you.
Marie: It's all about focussing your energy in an efficient way. Don't waste energy.

Kate: Remember, we'll need all the energy for the next game. The Macabees are doing very well in scoring. The game will be more about who scores more goals than who defends better.
Marie: They are a good team but they have face Marie! Bike number 4.
Kate: Number 4?
Marie: Mum is the number 1 still.

Kate: Just don't use those boxing skills during the semi-final.
Marie: I won't. It was a way to toughen up and resist pain.
Kate: Err, what's the alternative?
Marie: Getting laid by strangers.

Kate: OK, stick to boxing then.

Semi Finals!

L1011 Tristars [3,3] 6 - 9 [6,3] Daehanjeiguk

Finals: Daehankeiguk vs. winner [Jeruselem/Macabees]
Thrid Place: L1011 Tristars vs. loser

***MBC International Board meeting***

MBC International Coordinator: So what's new in the world that's fit for news?

MBC International Reporter: Well, Canderlaria And Marquez are at war with some castle in Bostonia.

MBC International Columnwriter: I've heard that Milchama's going to get cremed in the World Cup.

MBC International Correspondent: I've heard that oil prices are going to get higher this summer.

MBC International Coordinator: That war might be interesting. If only there were some crickets now...or even the singing beans...

MBC International Sportswriter: The Monks have beaten Tristars!

MBC International Coordinator: Not interesting...that was yesterday's news...

MBC International Sportswriter: But they're going to face the whores of Babylon!

MBC International Correspondent: That would be interesting if they were Christian monks.

MBC International Columnwriter: Or Muslim.

MBC International Reporter: Or Antiestablishmentofwhoriest.

MBC International Sportswriter: Well, if we don't do something about it, that guy we said was going to be fired for making caustic remarks about everything is going to have a job for one more match. I personally think that it's time that we got rid of him.

MBC International Coordinator: That's it!

MBC International Reporter: What?

MBC International Coordinator: We'll create a drama!

MBC International Dramatist: Beautiful! I can see it now! The pure Buddhist Monks against the sluts from Jeruselem! With nukes!

MBC International Columnwriter: That's your idea for everything. Somehow, nukes... you know, we got into a lot of trouble the last time we had something like that happen. Bostonia got upset and we had to invade them to set thing right.

MBC Internatitonal Reporter: Didn't they invade us? I was pretty sure that something happened in Haenam...

MBC International Meteorologist: Didn't you read the news? It was a freak storm that managed to pick up some old relic tanks and dropped them on the island. You'd believe anything.

MBC International Coordinator: I want all of you to get started on this great and brilliant drama. The barbarian women of Jeruselem against the mighty Monk warriors of Daehanjeiguk! It will be a classic!

MBC International Sportswriter: What if we lose?

MBC International Coordinator: Who said anything about losing? Of course, we're winning the match!

MBC International Sportswriter: But I mean... the real match. I mean, the Monks are playing barefoot.

MBC International Reporter: The Monks have bear feet! *scribbles away*

MBC International Sportswriter: "Bare" does not sound like "Bear" (in Korean at least).

MBC International Coordinator: It's a great story. I like it! Why can't you be more useful and start writing for us? Oh, and send this purple monkey to that guy who asked for it. We couldn't find a real purple monkey, so we just chewed purple gum and stuck it all over the monkey. The monkey doesn't like it, but we told it that we could shave its hair. I think it was a bit more complacent after that.

MBC International Sportswriter: *sighs* I'm on the next flight out to the Macabees. I might as well remove the other guy...

Semifinals!

Jeruselem 11 [5,6] - The Macabees 8 [3,5]

Final:
Daehanjeiguk vs. Jeruselem
Third Place Match:
The Macabees vs. L1011 Tristars

Jeruselem Government News

Kitties win goal-fest to make Futsal final

Jeruselem's team made it into the 2nd Futsal final with heart stopping 11-8 win over the local hosts. The game recorded 19 goals with both teams not the type to sit and defend. From the outset, both teams didn't waste any time heading forward. The Macabees being the hosts had most of the local support but Jeruselem wasn't without it's supporters either.

Lead out on court by a female dressed as Hello Kitty! mascot, the Jeruselem were not the cute fluffy cats. The game was played at ferocious pace with Jeruselem never really secure at the local team fought hard to keep up with Kitties. Jeruselem lead 5-3 and many thought the game would slow down afterwards. It just got more hectic with referee worn out after game. The local team scored 5 goals in the 2nd half but Jeruselem kept them at bay scoring 6 to run out 11-8 winners.

The game was good natured despite the occasional non-directed outbursts by mercurial Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas who proved to be a decisive factor in the win. There was nothing wrong with the way the local team played, they deserved to make the final but they played the wrong team today.

The Kitties now face the Monks from the Han. The Monks had an easier time winning 9-6 but the Tristars did not give up. They just did not have same skill levels as the Kitties or local team to match the goal scoring frenzy. The matchup is a team of Holy Monks vs a team with known for its loose women.

We think The Macabees should be able to take account of the Tristars in the 3rd placed game with ease.

Official International Futsal Association Ranks!

Some basic things to consider:

1. These ranks are based only on points achieved in officially sponsored games (i.e. for now this means the Golden Cup, only - not friendlies).
2. The only importance goal difference serves is to offer a secondary category in case two teams are tied in points. If the goal difference and points are shared then the teams are the same rank.
3. Teams will get axed from the list after missing two tournaments.
4. Rank will come into effect during the third cup, adding +1 to the score modifier. The RP modifier will be extended from 1 to 4, instead of 1 to 3.


Rank Nation Name Points Goal Difference

1. Jeruselem 24 36
2. Macabees, The 19 29
3. Daehanjeiguk 18 15
4. L1011 Tristars 12 6
5. Yafor 2 10 8
6. Nethertopia 10 5
7. Milchama 10 3
8. Pablicosta 10 -1
9. The Indonesian States 9 4
10. Taeshan 9 1
11. Jeuna 7 -4
12. Cafundeu 6 -11
13. Starblaydia 4 -8
14. Frontenax 3 -21
15. Lovisa 1 -17

oh my god, we are last one. :(
I hope in next time we will be better then this time.

[OOC: Next time, you should role-play! :p ]


Entry to the final thwarted by brillian opponent...
Fedala International

FEDALA, Second Empire - One of the highest scoring matches of the tournament proved to be the Golden-White's demise, as the Imperials lost eleven goals to eight against Jeruselem. The win has made Jeruselem undisputed world leader in the rankings, while the Empire grasps onto second, requiring a win for third place tomorrow to guarantee their position, unless Jeruselem wins the final game against Daehanjeiguk. The loss has also put a sour taste in the mouths of the locals, who we're hoping for the host to win the tournament, given their brilliant performance insofar [although, it should be noted that Jeruselem's team has a perfect track record, while the Imperials don't]. In any case, Jeruselem finds itself in the finals for the second time, in two tournaments, with good chances of becoming world futsal champions. On the other hand, Daehanjeiguk's monk's win was no less stellar, leading by three points over their opponents - L1011 Tristars [who will play The Macabees next]. The final game will be full of emotion, and perhaps just as intense as this game between Jeruselem and the Imperials - indeed, a total of nineteen goals between both teams is nothing to scoff at! Well, at least, the Imperials made it farther than last time!

We should mention that the rules of the Golden Cup - which, for all intents and purposes, become the 'Futsal World Cup' - will change according to the International Futsal Association . Teams will be required to play fully closthed, including futsal shoes. Furthermore, this will be the first cup to take into consideration rank. The next futsal tournament should, thus, be more entertaining - with [i]many more goals per side! For this tournament, it will just have to be used as a stepping stone for greater fame and importance, as the Golden Cup's popularity increases world wide. It will be a tedious task, but the next tournament is likely to attract many more teams. It is scheduled to occur two years after World Cup XLI [football], and will thus alternate with the Football World Cup. It will likely be hosted in conjunction with a possible Díenstad Cup, for nations in the region of Greater Díenstad. Indeed, the popularity of the sport will most likely increase throughout the entire region [well, both futsal and football].

In any case, the Imperials will be fighting for third place tomorrow. Third is better than fourth, at least...

In the Jeruselem team hotel ... the cleaner knocks on the door of Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas's room

Cleaner: Your majesty, it's the hotel cleaner. Can I come in?
Marie: Yeah, sure!

<Cleaner opens the door. Marie is topless holding Wii controller>

Cleaner: Oh sorry, you want put something on first ...
Marie: Just ignore me! Just do your work.
Cleaner: I've never seen Topless Wii for real.
Marie: I was just playing Wii Tennis. It's safer than real Tennis.

Cleaner: You play Tennis?
Marie: I'm French girl, of course I play Tennis.
Cleaner: I thought you were Jewish ...
Marie: No, that's my sister Jacinta. She's Jewish.

Cleaner: I'd better get to work, can't stand around and talk all day.
Marie: I like talking. I can't stop actually.
Cleaner: I'd better work. I'm behind schedule today.
Marie: You like your job?

Cleaner: Well, you get to meet lots of interesting people.
Marie: People like me for example.
Cleaner: A lot of hotel visitors are just snobby pricks. People like you make this job worthwhile.
Marie: I'm just a normal girl really.

Cleaner: I'd like get enough money to my girl one of those Wiis. She wants one but we can't afford it.
Marie: Poor man.
Cleaner: She wants the good one. We've saving up.
Marie: I've got the special Hello Kitty! model.

Cleaner: We looked at one of those. Can't afford it.
Marie: Aww ...
Cleaner: Back to work ...

<Later>

Cleaner: All done Princess. You can have your privacy back.
Marie: Privacy? Don't worry about me.
Cleaner: Oh yes, you seem to feature a lot on Internet videos.
Marie: Normally in some state of undress too.

Cleaner: Anyway, have a nice day and err goodnight.
Marie: See you around.

FINAL


Daehanjeiguk [4,2] 6 - 8 [3,4] Jeruselem

Rankings:


Rank Nation Name Points Goal Difference

1. Jeruselem 27 38
2. Macabees, The 19 29
3. Daehanjeiguk 18 13
4. L1011 Tristars 12 6
5. Yafor 2 10 8
6. Nethertopia 10 5
7. Milchama 10 3
8. Pablicosta 10 -1
9. The Indonesian States 9 4
10. Taeshan 9 1
11. Jeuna 7 -4
12. Cafundeu 6 -11
13. Starblaydia 4 -8
14. Frontenax 3 -21
15. Lovisa 1

Ooc - 3+4 = 7 :)

THIRD PLACE MATCH

The Macabees 5 [2,3] - L1011 Tristars 2 [1,1]

Jeruselem Government News

"Little Ariddia" wins 2nd Futsal Cup

In the first Futsal cup, Jeruselem lost to Ariddia. 2nd time around, Jeruselem went one better winning the cup with a thrilling 7-6 win over the Holy Monks from the Han. Still, some people think Ariddia still had a hand on this win with some of Jeruselem team being Ariddian descended especially Princess Marie-Antoinette Dallas.

The Han Monks seemed to have all the answers leading the Kitties 4-3 at half-time. They seemed to have found a way to slow down goal-machine Marie and at the same time score needed goals. While not a goal fest, the game was far from passive. The Kitties play with skill and passion, while the Monks brought their skill and discipline. Nothing much really separated the teams as both fought hard to control the game.

It seemed the Monks had all the answers. But the Kitties weren't here to lose another final. Princess Marie wasn't satisfied with the team's efforts, she didn't another 2nd place. The team responded in the 2nd half ... with defense. They stifled attacks instead of going all out attacking, probably surprising the Han Monks. This had the effect of making forcing the Han to push harder into our defense, opening holes in their own defenses.

Of course, one cannot show holes in defenses with Jeruselem's potent strike force. This allowed our Marie to once again cause trouble for the Monks who had trouble with the pint sized powerhouse towards the end of the game. Jeruselem scored 4 goals to the Monk's 2 to snatch the momentum and game back.

Official MBC Inquiry

Just in time to make amends for the %$#^ broadcasts from the Macabees, MBC International brings you the final match between the Han and Jeruselem. In what seems to be a recurring theme this season, the Han and Jeruselem butt heads again, this time for the prize Golden Cup in this Second International Futsal Tournament. The Han team has been graciously headed by the Sholim (Shaolin) Monks of Song Mountain, who have made surprising progress despite several handicaps, the most obvious of which being the lack of shoes and proper equipment. Furthermore, the media reaction has been pretty hostile, even from some idiot we hired to follow the team (he thought he was given an assignment to watch an ice skating competition...).

Well, anyway, we've arrive, just in time to hear the scores - Han 6-7 Jeruselem. I think the closest high-scoring match in the tournament (of course, I've only been here for about 20 minutes); but still pretty darn close if not. In fact, our Monks managed to do what others had failed in previous matches - pull ahead of the girls at all. They were 4-3 at half time and ready to tear more holes in the Jeruselem defense. With two offensively minded teams going head to head, it was obvious that the Monks were the better in quality, but the Jeruselem team had one quality that Monks lacked altogether - flexibility. I'm not talking about the kind of flexible where the Monks can reach their head from behind on their tippy-toes (I don't think anyone can best the Monks at that...but if only it were a competition...); the Jeruselem girls changed their tactics and surprised the Monks. It was this change that turned the whole match. Still, the Monks had to adapt, and they managed to salvage 2 goals against the girls' 4. It was even close to the end, when the Monks had several chances to pull it to a third period before the dreaded penalty shots. But fortune did not favor them, and the change in tactics was enough to seal the win for Jeruselem. But come on - the Monks were playing barefoot! And in robes! Next time, when the IFA sponsors the Monks' team, we'll be a force with which to reckon, and perhaps we'll take the cup. But it's a long time until then, and much can change. In the meantime, I've got to figure out what to do with a painted monkey and an unemployed reporter.