NationStates Jolt Archive

OOC: This is the RP, scores and roster thread for the World Championship in Hockey (Field Hockey World Cup 13).

For those unfamiliar with field hockey, you may refer to the Wikipedia article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Field_hockey) on it.

Final signup list:
Liverpool England
The Turkic Shahdom
Kura-Pelland
Candelaria And Marquez
Taeshan
Unified Capitalizt States (Capitalizt SLANI)
Lovisa
Bazalonia
St Samuel
Novapsolu
Casari
Beer Served Here
Rejistania
Zwangzug
Magnus Valerius
Fujisawan Territories

Every team will start on equal footing with no rank, meaning RP bonus and skill/formation modifiers will play a bigger part than normal for this cup. Games last for 70 minutes (35 minutes each way). For the purposes of this tournament each team must field a minimum of 8 players on the pitch at the start of each match, although the standard is 11. Rolling substitutions will be used, 5 may be named for each match.

In pool play, a win will count for three points and a draw for one. In the knockout rounds, if a game is tied after 70 minutes a golden-goal (sudden death) extra time period will be played until a team scores, or until 15 minutes of such is played, at which point both teams will settle the game on penalty strokes (similar to football's penalty shootout).

When posting your roster/squads, please include the following information:
Style modifier (-5 most defensive to +5 most attacking)

If my opponent RPs first, they may:
Choose my goalscorers - Y/N
Godmod goalscoring events - Y/N
Injure my players - Y/N
Godmod injury events - Y/N
Give my players disciplinary cards (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Field_hockey#Warnings_and_suspensions) - Y/N


All matches are hosted in Liverpool England. There is currently minor political instability on the mainland, but it's nothing major. You may wish to incorporate this into any RPs you make. No matches are held outside of the mainland.

The 16 teams will be split into 4 pools - each with four teams. The two 4-team pools will play each other once. The pool winners and runners-up will progress to the quarter finals.

IC information to come in next post. The pool and knockout draws will be conducted and posted here this Saturday, the 5th of January.

OOC: Pardon me for being dim, but doesn't that list include a rather more convinient sixteen teams...?

[OOC: So it appears. Uh... Right then, so much easier.]

To the participating nations of the World Championship in Hockey:

I am pleased to inform all of you that the inaugural World Championship (the thirteenth World Cup, but renamed) is going ahead in Liverpool England as planned.

Here is information about the places your teams will be staying and playing in.

Pool A games will take place in the commercial capital, Orean. The Dome, a 21,000 capacity stadium, will host all Pool A games. It has a retractable roof and is thus not affected by adverse weather.

Pool B games will take place in Neverend, with Erfin Caws Field, an 18,000 all-seater arena, hosting this pool.

Pool C will also play in Neverend, at the Tamworth Grounds, an astroturf stadium on the outskirts of Neverend that can hold a crowd of 19,000.

Pool D games will take place in Folenisa, entirely in the air-conditioned Indoor Recreational Facility, which boasts support for five different sports. A crowd of 6,000 can watch each field hockey game.

After the pools are drawn, your teams will be flown to your respective hotels in the correct cities. We will try to accommodate any special needs (we're looking right at you, Mr. Lyndon Hernández of Candelaria And Marquez) if informed in advance.

We wish everyone the best of luck. Enjoy the hockey, gentlemen!

Justin Hunt
President, Liverpool England Association of Other Sports
Chairman, Organising Committee, World Championship in Hockey

Candelaria And Marquez National Hockey Squad Roster

Style modifier -2

If my opponent RPs first, they may:
Choose my goalscorers - Y
Godmod goalscoring events - Y
Injure my players - Y
Godmod injury events - Y
Give my players disciplinary cards (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Field_hockey#Warnings_and_suspensions) – Y
Brutally murder travelling fans – Y
Threaten the very fabric of time and space – Y
Wear Spock ears and pretend to have players called Everwind Nightsong and stuff
in order to unnerve my players – Y
Encourage my players to engage in homosexual orgies – Y
Engage in homosexual orgies while RPing match reports – N. Sorry. The line has
to be drawn somewhere.


Head Coach: Ross Cooney, 52, an air-conditioning engineer from Le Thipp Judek nr Clotaire.

Cooney will likely play with a 4-3-3, with the 11 players squad numbered 1 to 15 most likely to start. With rolling subs and that though, anyone could find themselves involved.

1. Donny Sackett, Aged 30, Goalkeeper, a personal trainer from Abiodun
2. Seth Latal, 23, Left/Right Defender, a fitness instructor from Southertown, SW Candelaria
3. Oliver Day, 25, Defender, a physiotherapist from Bove
4. Patrick Cheng, 28, Defender, a software designer from Thompsontown, Albrecht
5. Paul Philips, 22, Right Defender/Midfielder, a junior civil servant (Ministry of Social Affairs) from Arrigo
6. Joel Laziz, 26, Midfielder/Striker, a data entry clerk from Khatib-Gassett
7. Harvey Watts, 33, Midfielder, Captain and Deputy Head Coach, a Pacitalian teacher at Liverpool Hills Girls Grammar School, Albrecht
9. Leandro Etorena, 18, Right Midfielder/Striker, an architecture student at Onwere University
10. Alex Fox, 20, Striker, a financial risk management student from La Basílica de la Costa
13. William Ward, 27, Left Midfielder/Striker, a Croupier from Caires
15. Raul Fábio, 26, Striker, a lumberjack from Lugar, NW Marquez
18. Christoffer Schagerlind, 22, Defender, a journalism student from Fallon, Fallon Island
20. Zachary Pettengale, 28, Midfielder, an aspiring novelist from Brodoff nr Vo
21. Cryton Quinn, 32, Goalkeeper, a Casino Host from Lower Wessaxontown nr Clotaire
24. Caine Roeken, 17, Striker, a student from Thoth Town nr Caires
25. Jake Bizley, 25, Midfielder/Striker, a rag-and-bone-man from El din
26. Josh Woodward, 27, Defender, an electrician from Hoxton, Albrecht
30. Wesley Nazim Naeem, 26, Left/Central Defender/Midfielder, a navvy from Lavange

The Albrecht Herald Online/Sport/Other/Hockey
Blue Sticks ready for sternest test
By Randy Sampson

Harvey Watts appeared before the media today, bent on drumming up support for his team of amateur field hockey players as they face the greatest challenge of all – competing as one of the fo… sixteen nations at the newly resurrected and rebranded World Championship in Hockey.

Watts has spent almost a decade coaxing oral performances out of recalcitrant schoolgirls, but now faces two of the greatest challenges of his young life: Pulling together a team of civil servants, students and railway workers into a group of athletes capable of taking on the world, and convincing the Candelariasian press and public that his seventeen charges are worthy of their support.

He may have a job on his hands. Once upon a time, the archetypical plucky Candelariasian would have received unfettered backing from a country happy enough to see one of their own competing among the world’s true greats. But times have changed, and we have become lazy. We have seen how our tiny islands in the middle of nowhere has stepped up to the soccer plate* and become a team to be, if not feared, then at least respected by countries far larger than our own. Indeed, the Blue Sticks may face a challenge for the nation’s affections from even our football-playing youth, should Adam Williamson’s Under-21s shown signs of coming anywhere close to repeating their heroics in Starblaydia once more.

TTO will be desperately hoping otherwise; but viewers will simply no longer tune in if they expect to see a bunch of no-marks in blue being taken apart by the more experienced and better paid representatives of bubbling metropoli such as Beer Served Here and the Fujisawan Territories. That is what they should expect of course, for whatever our unexpected prowess on the football field in recent times we cannot realistically hope to compete in other spheres of international sport, not least in one who’s popularity has vanished since its height decades ago.

For many today, the warm-weather variant of hockey is a less appealing competitor to netball; a game suitable for women but long since abandoned by the country’s menfolk. If nothing else, C&M’s presence in this tournament may show such individuals the error of their ways, once they have watched ankles being viciously broken and defenders leaving the field of play in the manner of John Wayne. No quarter is asked or given in this sport, and it would not deserve recognition for skilled prescience to suggest that many a Candelariasian will return home from Liverpool England seeking state welfare and a nice long lay-off.

Even Time is against them, with this expected to be one of the first international tournaments C&M has played in which time dilation technology will not be employed. Instead, though Watts and his men will be in Liverpool England for well over three weeks LEN-time, over here fans will see games nightly over the course of three days (or up to three more in the unlikely event of post-group stage participation) – considered rather too few by Sport-on-TV analysts for the team to build a real word-of-mouth following back home.

Watts remains confident however. “We’re perfectly capable of capturing hearts and minds over there,” he told the assembled press prior to the team flying out to the Heartland for the group stage draw. “And what anyone says, we’re really not just going to make up the numbers. Make no mistake; we’re young and eager and ready to compete. At the very least we’ll actually get a chance to finish this tournament and make it home with tales to tell,” he joked.

Watts’ thinly-veiled reference was of course to his counterparts from the national rugby union squad, who due to immigration difficulties and general cock-handedness have been forced to remain in Taeshan after the ninth Rugby World Cup collapsed. A number of players from other marooned teams, several dozen Huge Blues supporters and the players’ wives and girlfriends have also been forced to reluctantly set up home there, with coach Krishna Crow elected as the Acting President of their hastily constructed city-state of New Rugby. Crow is now believed to be in the process of petitioning Taeshanese authorities to recognise New Rugby as a semi-autonomous province.

Watts will certainly be hoping to avoid the Purple Hockey Knights considering the frosty diplomatic relations between our countries, though he will also be mindful of the wish to avoid a thrashing on the pitch.

“Taeshan are a threat here,” he admitted, “As are Liverpool England of course, though it’s bad form to win on home astroturf really, isn’t it? I think everyone’s got to worry about Casari here, Ulospavan have always got plenty to play for to avoid being boiled alive, and if Zwangzug can get their act together…”

For the sake of the written record, it should be noted that Watts shuddered at this point.

*What?

"What the hell is Field Hockey??" Scott Norman yelled, the leather Tyrmani ball taking that moment to hit him in the back of the helmet. "Damnit, what the hell?!?"

"Hey, keep your eye on the game, eh?" Michael Worren said in return, rolling his eyes and picking the ball up on his stick.

"Ass." Norman said, looking back at the official from the KNSA. "What the hell is field hockey?"

"It's more or less the same. No blocker, the net's kinda different... you'll do fine, just play your normal game."

This team was intended to play in the Islands Tyrmani Championships, but that was clearly out, and Norman was more than a bit upset. "We don't even know the damned rules, and you're sending us off to... wait, where the hell is this, even?"

"Liverpool England."

"Oh fuck all."

"It's not as bad as you're making it out to be. You'll even get paid."

"Wait, paid?"

"Aye, paid."

"That'll ruin our amateur status." Norman said. Seeing as all the Karini sports are designated as amateur, accepting any money except the specific amount designated as the player's standard pay at a particular level resulted in one getting thrown out of the league.

"Well... you're not being paid to play anything but Field Hockey, right?"

"Well, I suppose."

"So nobody in the administration seems to have any kind of problem with that specifically."

"You're a bunch of slimy bastards."

"And you're off to bring us home a trophy, eh?"

"Hey, that's just what we do." Norman said, walking back onto the field, the ball jumping off a stick and hitting him again, this time in the facemask.

"Damnit, guys!"

"Watch the bloody game and shit like that won't keep happening!"

"Worren, I'm going to beat you within an inch of your life."

"No you won't."

==========

The Casari Tigers

Starters
No. Name G Pos
1 Jim Nomar M F
2 Michael Worren M F
3 Scott Norman M F
4 Andrea Laurri F M
5 Oliver Cartwright M M
6 Peter Lorsar M M
7 Megan Corria F B
8 Robin Warsaran F B
9 Yori Eranni M B
10 Arlin Rowe M B
11 Rell Gellar F GK
12 Arthur Peterborough M F
13 Robert Darr M F
14 Kyle Worren M M
15 Davis Anderson M M
16 Mina Quarran F B
17 Kelly Cameron F B
18 Reina Norrin F GK


RPing is per the typical Casaran standards- Match reports can pick goal scorers and yellow cards, more innovative writers can do more or less anything they want- however, consider whether you'd like it done to yourself before doing it to my players, as I reserve the right to reciprocate in kind. :p

Team
1 Jane doe 23 years Gk
2 john doe 23 D
3 Jack doe 23 d
4 Joshua doe 23 D
5 Jose doe 23 d
6 Jorge doe 23 M
7 Josie doe 23 M
8 Jackie doe 23 M
9 Vie doe 23 A
10 Jacy doe 23 A
11 Fred doe 23 A
12 George doe 23 D
13 Smokin doe 23 M
14 Deras doe 23 A

Manager Geo gonsaleaz
Purple knightss Modifier deathly defensive

Yes to most

(In Zwangzug, field hockey is seen as a primarily women's sport, with men considered to lack the agility necessary to be successful.)

Coach: Melinda Komodo, who competed on the women's team in Querzakhi. Nicole Merse and Teresa Dean were also on that team.

Starters are #1-11. Style modifier: -3. My opponents can do whatever they feel like.

Goalkeepers:
1. Faith McMahon
12. Abigail Weatherby
Defenders:
2. Teresa Dean
3. April Johnson
4. Marie Hamilton
5. Lynn Mishra
6. David Montgomery
13. Lewis Wark
16. Sandra Elmquist
Midfielders
7. Nicole Merse (captain)
8. Sydney Dodinas
9. Paul Schrieber
10. Shannon Milstead
14. Sara Hartwich
Forwards:
11. Lois Winter
15. Anthony Clay

The pool draw was conducted in the #nssport IRC channel, and aside from Liverpool England being in Pool A, the rest of the draw was conducted randomly with no seedings.

Pool A (Orean)
Liverpool England
The Turkic Shahdom
Novapsolu
Candelaria And Marquez

Pool B (Neverend)
Kura-Pelland
Beer Served Here
Bazalonia
Fujisawan Territories

Pool C (Neverend)
Zwangzug
Lovisa
Magnus Valerius
Casari

Pool D (Folenisa)
Unified Capitalizt States (Capitalizt SLANI)
Taeshan
St Samuel
Rejistania

Matchday One will be scorinated tomorrow at around 01 UTC.

EDIT -
The knockout draw was carried out at 0945 UTC. The only caveats were that pool winners could not play each other (and runners up similarly) and teams from the same pool could not play each other.

Quarter finals:
Pool D winner v. Pool C runner-up - to be played in Folenisa
Pool A winner v. Pool D runner-up - to be played in Orean
Pool B winner v. Pool A runner-up - to be played in Neverend
Pool C winner v. Pool B runner-up - to be played in Neverend

The winner of QF1 will play the winner of QF2 in Orean , while the two Neverend quarter-final winners will play each other in Folenisa.

The final will take place in Orean, with the third-place playoff at the Tamworth Grounds.

Schedule [all matches scorinated at 0100 UTC unless specified]
MD1 (1v2, 3v4) - Jan 6
MD2 (1v3, 2v4) - Jan 7 2330 UTC
MD3 (1v4, 2v3) - Jan 9 2330 UTC

Quarter finals - Jan 12 1330 UTC
Semi finals - Jan 14
Third-place playoff - Jan 15 2330 UTC
Final - Jan 16 2330 UTC

Kura-Pelland face a drunken start to their field hockey exploits when they take on Beer Served Here; the main problem should be the intimidating noise by the crowd. Bazalonia are undoubtedly the biggest dangers in the group, at least in theory based on other sporting history; the Fujisawan Territories have been almost dismissed.

The aim is to reach the semi-finals, but this young team may not have the stamina or consistency to deliver. They certainly have no lack of skill, though, and their best may yet be to come - and with field hockey growing in popularity in the country, particularly in schools where the appeal of mixed teams is great, the future looks bright.

Key players include sweeper Joanna Pringle, a tall and muscular blonde who has become a slightly unorthodox sex symbol, and goal-getter Charles Northwood.


Style modifier: +0.8
RPing permissions: anything that isn't godmodding
Expected first-choice starters are numbered 1-11; however, I will post my starting 11 before each match.
General formation is 1-4-3-2; the full-backs like to attack, the sweeper (Pringle) tends to stay back and the midfielders and attackers tend to at least start centrally.

Squad:
GOALKEEPERS
1. Melinda Corrington
12. Paul Younis

DEFENDERS
2. Mickey Melton (left full-back)
3. Joanna Pringle (sweeper)
4. Sara Webb
5. Stephan Varoosi (right full-back)
6. Keith Knight
14. Ella Corton (right full-back)
15. Vincent Varoosi
19. Lisa Mpenza (left full-back)

MIDFIELDERS
7. Emma Harlington
8. Alan Morton
9. Tom Hurley-Darke
13. Ulrika Meitensen
17. Brian Melksham-Wolfe
18. Briony Simpson

ATTACKERS
10. Benji Holte-Jenkins
11. Charles Northwood
16. Vicky Rotheroe
20. Maurice Aubrey

The Liverpool England squad for the World Championship in Hockey

Starting players bolded. You may do anything when RPing.

Modifier is +3.

Team manager: James Vos, 31, is a professional baseball player in Liverpool England with a passion for field hockey. He volunteered to coach the team as soon as the WCH was announced.

Goalkeepers: Dennis Graham, 18, is unemployed, and hopes to use the tournament as a stepping stone to getting a contract at a professional sports club. Starting goalkeeper Mike Stone, 24, is an ice hockey goaltender in the national league.

Defenders: Scott Nicely, 23, who plays mostly on the left, is a well-known storm chaser in Liverpool England who claims he'd be playing football as a wing-back had he not fallen in love with tornadoes. His opposite number on the right is also a Scott, Scott Wertz, 29.

Starting sweeper Dave Tillery, 19, is also joined in defence in front of him by Stephen Neace, 24. Craig Laux, 29, an electrical engineer from Folenisa, as well as Daniel Horton, are the defensive subs.

Midfield: Alan Siegel, 22, Antony Bodreux, 20, Tim Gladden, 19, Carl Wheatley, 26, and Jerry Hays, 24, make up the midfield. The three starters have actually played together before, on the Folenisan inter-city championship team.

Attack: Paul Apple, 22 is the sole out-and-out attacker, assisted by Sam Irving, 19 and Nick Greaves, 24, behind him. Victor Wheldon and Josh Lamm, both 23, are the backups.

Two men – though the latter word must be taken under advisement – wandered down an anonymous street just outside the heart of Orean, flinching occasionally as a car zipped particularly close to the pavement, or particularly quickly. Thirty-something years spent in Candelaria And Marquez helps prepare one for the heady smell of human transportation in action, at least until relatively recently, but not for what you get when you trust the general public to be able to ferry themselves around without resorting to trams, trains and the like. On several occasions already the pair had had to nip over a garden wall to avoid being mown down by cars, taxis and, on one particularly exciting occasion, a double-decker bus.

As they climbed carefully over a picket fence, the pair watching as overhead a slightly incongruous gull of some description, on an extended and as it would turn out very final trip away from the Sea of Cervidia, wheeled and laughed (the technical term, apparently, but this is wikipedia we’re talking about) in the afternoon sky. This isn’t strictly important, and certainly has nothing to do with hockey that I can think of, but it helps to bulk up the RP and establish Mood.

Any road up, after a short while it produced a distressing squawk and plummeted to the ground, out of sight behind the huge, ostentatious houses that lined the street, where it was presumably grabbed by one or more of the residents of the working-class slums that occasionally dared to spoil the otherwise shimmering commercial capital of the Grand Federation, and cooked up to serve as the Sunday roast.

“He’s a long way from the coast, isn’t he?” Lyndon Hernández mused joylessly.

“It could well have been infected by a parasitic trematode, more commonly known as a fluke, sir. Microphallus piriformes, possibly. I believe researchers at Albrecht University have recently corroborated long-standing elfish belief that they do more than effect the behaviour of periwinkles.”

“Gosh. Poor thing.”

Daniel Martino waited patiently for a gag related to Microphallus, but perhaps suitably it didn’t come. He looked at the Minister for Rational Thought (and… all that other stuff) with concern.

“You seem a little preoccupied, if you don’t mind me saying, Lyndon, sir? Is the pressure of fame not sitting well with you, sir?”

Hernández had known his three hundred-year-old assistant for almost four of those years, but still struggled to know when he was being sarcastic. “I can assure you I’m not about to ask you to remove all the black jellybabies, Dan, no…”

“I should hope not. The Social Equality board would have you castrated. Um,” he added after a pause, suddenly aware of the darker side of Hernández’s ancestry.

But the Minister knew perfectly well he should be happy with the week’s events. Oh sure, he’d been bloody pissed off when the bloody Liverpudlian English sons of whores had managed to draw the Blue Sticks to face Novapsolu in their first game. He was still convinced they’d done it on purpose. Strictly speaking it couldn’t have been a worse draw, the Novapso..lese? being the only country among the sixteen with a claim to proper weirdness. But Hernández rather liked them. Any nation that chose to remain so tight-lipped about their origins was fine by him.

After a great deal of pacing up and down he’d decided that as far as the media were concerned C&M would be playing a hitherto unheard of country called Novapsolu. Initial press reports that Ulospavon would be present at the tournament were soon proven unfounded, and no-one thought to notice that there was a certain amount of backwardsization going on there. Or rather, they did, but rapidly dismissed the notion that the government and football authorities had created a whole other country to take their place. That would be silly. The editor of The New Moon had tentatively raised the suggested in this week’s edition, much to Hernández’s annoyance, but the bulk of the issue was taken up with the far more interesting business of re-awakening your Atlantian DNA through the celestial power of horses, and came with a free vibrating Mary Magdalene, so it looked as though Ulvaspavongate would quickly slip out of the public consciousness.

They’d still had to work out ways to keep the small parties of Candelariasian and Novapsoluan hockey groupies apart, of course. Hernández had had nightmares about trying to explain the jovial “Greetings, Terrans!” the Candelariasians would be regaled with otherwise. Letting it be known that the Novapsoli lived, ate and slept in their long cloaks had helped, and he’d thrown some rumours into the Albrecht Mercury to the tune that they openly practised all manner of interestingly deviant sexual practises just to make sure. He was pleased to see that the few hundred individuals milling about in blue were duly keeping their distance from their opposite numbers, though a few of the more inquisitive members of Harvey Watts’ young fan club had had to be detained overnight on some questionable public order offences to stop them trying to establish for themselves whether the second set of rumours had any weight to them. Hernández applauded their spirit of discovery, but was more than a little relieved that the local constabulary had been more than happy to play ball. That nice Justin Hunt had put the lean on them.

Which was, of course, the problem in and of itself and currently accounted for the Minister’s irritable expression. Martino patted his shoulder.

“It was always going to happen, sir. We go to these kind of lengths, we get noticed. Just as long as they don’t report it back home, does it really matter?”

“I never asked to be in the public eye, Dan.”

“You’re a politician, Lyndon. Come on.”

“Yes, alright… I just always thought I’d be a back bencher, you know? Co-authoring bills on pensions and reform of the National Council and stuff. Sitting on committees on constitutional affairs and – and adoption and –”

“Rushmori agricultural subsidies.”

“Rushmori agricultural subsidies, yes, thank you… Not being mentioned in dispatches…”

“I thought you’d be flattered. Shows what a good job you’re doing, sir.”

“I just don’t want to be famous, that’s all… I don’t want us to be famous, either. It’s bad enough we actually have to compete in all these blasted sports tournaments without being noticed as well…”

He kicked at a pebbled thrown up from the road which skipped a few feet along the path and bounced off a pale shoe. A pair of tourists looked up.

“Greetings, Terran!”

“Oh, shove it up yer arse,” Hernández muttered, pushing past them.

#1 Casey Eastham - Keeper
# Suzie Faulkner - Backup Keeper
# Peta Gallagher - Left Defender
# De-Anne Gilbert - Right Defender
# Emily Halliday - Sweeper
# Kate Hollywood - Defense
# Nikki Hudson (Captain) - Midfield
# Rachel Imison - Midfield
# Fiona Johnson - Midfield
# Amy Korner - Attacker
# Kobie Mcgurk - Attacker
# Angie Skirving (Vice Captain) - Attacker

Style: +1
Permissions: Just don't serverly injure them - You can take them out for your match but that's it.

Matchday One

Pool A
Liverpool England 6-2 The Turkic Shahdom (scorinated by Bostopia)
Novapsolu 2-2 Candelaria And Marquez

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Liverpool England 1 1 0 0 6 2 4 3
2 Novapsolu 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
Candelaria And Marquez 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 1
4 The Turkic Shahdom 1 0 0 1 2 6 -4 0

Pool B
Kura-Pelland 2-0 Beer Served Here
Bazalonia 6-1 Fujisawan Territories

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Bazalonia 1 1 0 0 6 1 5 3
2 Kura-Pelland 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 3
3 Beer Served Here 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0
4 Fujisawan Territories 1 0 0 1 1 6 -5 0

Pool C
Zwangzug 2-4 Lovisa
Magnus Valerius 2-4 Casari

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Lovisa 1 1 0 0 4 2 2 3
Casari 1 1 0 0 4 2 2 3
3 Zwangzug 1 0 0 1 2 4 -2 0
Magnus Valerius 1 0 0 1 2 4 -2 0

Pool D
Capitalizt SLANI 1-2 Taeshan
St Samuel 0-1 Rejistania

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Taeshan 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
2 Rejistania 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 3
3 Capitalizt SLANI 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
4 St Samuel 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0

"And welcome to On The Field - Your 10 minute source for Field Hockey news around Bazalonia."

"Today we'll be looking at the first match for the World Championship in Hockey. Today the Bazakey's faced up against the Fujisawan Territories and dominated the match getting 6 goals past the Fujiswan Territories keeper. While Casey Eastham, our very own star keeper managed the thwart alll but one of the goal attempts."

"Let's have a look at some of the highlights of the match"

<Video except of the match>

"Hudson passes it back to Imison, Imison holds it for moment going deeper into the Fujiswan territory and passes back to Hudson, Hudson traps and does a long pass to Mcgurk, Mcgurk fakes a shot and then passes it to Skirving, who passes it right back to Hudson who shots for the goal. And yes Score, Bazalonia now 2-nil up. A get set play there from the captain."

<back to the studio>

We're lucky enough to have a sattelite link to The Heartland region, specifically to the Captain of the team, Nikki Hudson in Liverpool England."

<The screen splits to show "Studio" broadcast and the "On Satellite" broadcast>

"Thank you for agreeing to speak with us Nikki, you've certainly earned this win."

"Thank you, it's just great it's so good to win our first and so convincingly too, it's settled our nerves but I think having the strongest win of the tournament so far, with only our hosts getting 6-2. We can't be comlpacement we've got a win, a good win under our belt, but there are plenty other teams that we have to face yet."

"We have just seen your goal, how did scoring the second goal for the team feel?"

"Great as always, I mean it's always a high but really every goal is the result of great teamsmanship. This belongs to the entire team."

"One last question, there are rumours that some of the team had a late night encounter in a hotel room of members of another team. Any comment on those?"

"No, I'm not going to comment."

"Alright, well, that's all we have time for now, thank you for coming."

"Thanks, it's been a pleasure."

With the emphatic win the Bazakeys are sitting on top of the table with 3 points, Kura-Pelland in 2nd place also with 3 points. The Bazakeys next match will be against Kura-Pelland while Fujiswan Terrotories and Beer Served Here fight it out for which may have the dubious honour of the Wooden spoon in Pool B. Now lets have a quick loot at the other pools.

In Pool A - The Hosts Liverpool engand have pulled off a decisive win over The Turkic Shahdom while Novapsolu and Candelaria And Marquez match has resulted in a draw.

In Pool C - Lovisa and Casari both saw 4-2 wins over their opponents Zwangzug and Magnus Valerius. Who knows what is going to happen in this pool and finally...

In Pool D - Taeshan had pulled off a 2-1 win over Capitalizt Slani while Rejistania scored the only goal against St Samuel. The Karelans should be happy with that.

"and unfortunately that is all we have time for see you next time... On The Field."

A fine defensive performance against Beer Served Here resulted in a cruise-control 2-0 win to set up the expected group decider against Bazalonia.

Two goals in the first twenty minutes proved the difference. The opener came in the ninth minute, Mickey Melton's pace down the left and fine pass making it too easy for Charlie Northwood. The second, ten minutes later, came from a penalty corner, and this time it was Benji Holte-Jenkins who applied the finishing touches. The rest of the match was nothing special, though Joanna Pringle showed her class in the sweeper position. That or the attackers were too busy drooling over her - and in a post-game interview, Joanna suggested that wasn't really the case. 'There was one guy who seemed rather too keen to be, erm, man-marked by me... but that was it. The great thing is, that took him out of the game most of the way, and that took pressure off the central defenders allowing Melton and Varoosi to do their thing.' Not sure which game she was watching, Varossi was quiet to say the least and was replaced by Ella Corton, who acquitted herself very well.

It appears Varoosi took a bump from a beer bottle thrown from the crowd; Corton has been thrown into an otherwise-unchanged side for the Bazalonia game.

Victory in that, and almost certainly by implication the group, will produce a quarter-final with the runners-up in group A, potentially a hugely exciting clash with Candelaria And Marquez; second in the group would mean a clash with group C's winners (almost certainly Lovisa or Casari after their wins); failure to qualify just isn't an option looking at how poor the Fujisawan Territories were in their opener.

Starting 11 vs Bazalonia (1-4-3-2): Corrington; Pringle; Melton, webb, Knight, Corton; Harlington, Hurley-Darke, Morton; Holte-Jenkins, Northwood.

Ratings for match vs Beer Served Here (aired on NTV2); 2.3/8, 4th in timeslot

we beat slani 2-1 on goals by jane and john doe yeah

Arlington Moon-Tribune
Zwangzug silenced in opening match

Melinda Komodo had nothing to say after the Zwangzug national field hockey team lost their first game in Liverpool England.

She didn't need to.

It's clearly an awkward transition for the coach, a former player, and there's a fine line between how much confidence, or lack there of, is appropriate and inappropriate to exude. Although no one would admit it now, there was general speculation that the notorious Lovisans should have been comparatively easy to beat, compared with the always dangerous (in more ways than one?) Casari and potential wild cards Magnus Valerius, who lost 4-2 to the Tigers, the same scoreline of the Lovisa-Zwangzug game. But that would have been an overestimation: Lovisa is an experienced participant if nothing else, and the opener revealed they were plenty more.

They scored two goals in the first half before Zwangzug could respond, with Lois Winter flicking in a pass from Sydney Dodinas. Another Lovisan goal followed after halftime. When Shannon Milstead blasted in a long shot, the Zwangzug contingent allowed itself to get a little excited (and wonder where the offensive was coming from), but a late goal from Lovisa quenched those hopes.

The performance of Lynn Mishra at sweeper can arguably be considered Zwangzug's best news from the match: flashes of brilliance alleviated some of the pressure on Faith McMahon (and for twenty minutes, Abigail Weatherby). Although the group stage is short, if the team could match that level of play, nothing's ruled out yet.

"The problem about any rejistani national team is that it doesn't exist." okay, this pun works far better in rejistanian, but the essence is clear: a national team without a nation is not quite an easy issue to manage. The Hockey Association at least existed and they did manage to send a team without receiving too much hatemail:

The Asene Tani'ny linux rejistaniha field Hockey team

1. Tyiki Ilat, Goalkeeper
2. Saname Hi, substitute goalkeeper
3. Syja Kalanaei, left defender
4. Huriiu Uiakau, defender
5. Isam Kansu, defender
6. Elit Sydi, defender
7. Karela I Aka, right defender
8. Ky Atanha, midfielder
9. Y I Jusuvasuheli, midfielder
10. Sanja Siki, midfielder
11. Ẋağłeŝıg Kigduvə, attacker (pronounce: Shjalethig Keedoovey and you are not too far off, X-Sampa: Za_B_L5e_MDi_\ Ki_\du_MveI_M)
12. Yjen I Ji, attacker

Style modifier: -2

If you RP first you can do whatever you please as long as it's in good fun.

Even though they were slightly less padded than they were used to, the sticks were far lighter than any of them would have preferred, and they had the constant nagging feeling they were a person down, the lack of a bastard Firanian trying to slide a stick around their ankle and drop them to the turf made Field Hockey seem like a much better option to their traditional sports.

"Laurri, up!" Norman yelled, receiving a quick pass and hitting the ball into the goal to up the Casaran lead to three-one.

"Not too bad, for someone who keeps taking the ball off the back of their head." Worren said, yawning and running past, towards their own goal.

"For someone who's supposedly such an excellent shot, you seem to have a problem getting it in the net." Norman replied, following back to the center of the field.

"Bet I get the next one."

"How much?"

"A hundred sels. You're bringing so little to the table today it's a guarantee."

"What a joke, you're on."

"I'll take that action!" yelled Gellar from the goal. "You got nothing, Norman!"

"Pfft, please, Worren couldn't put it in the net if he was playing Saint William's School for the Blind!" Darr said from the sideline, prompting a hit in the shin from Michael Worren's brother Kyle, who gave his brother the thumb's up."

"Well, this is getting rather interesting." Norman said.

"You have no idea, clearly."

http://www.natlenq.co.len/sport/wch/pools/a/md1/1.html
National Enquirer
Sport
Field Hockey

Shahfted!
By Jason Rowett
Deputy Sports Editor

You know what they say about Liverpool England. "There's only two sports in Liverpool England - (association) football and baseball." And this theory, brilliant as some thought it was, was roundly disproved by the national gridiron team last year, who outdid all expectations in the Gridiron Football World Championships.

Two sports Liverpool England used to dominate, however, have slipped far down the radar of Liverpool England fans. Two forms of hockey, one played on ice, the other on hard ground. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Liverpool England DOES play field and ice hockey! Remember those glory days of the Field Hockey World Cup and Cherry Cup, anyone?

Probably not, they all occurred too long ago. In the case of field hockey, two hundred years ago... until now.

Liverpool England is hosting 15 of the world's finest hockey teams in the World Championship in Hockey. Indeed, the home side seem strong, too - shafting The Turkic Shahdom six goals to two.

Tim Gladden started the scoring early on, barely minutes into the game. A neat flick-on by Antony Bodreux from a Dave Tillery clearance found its way to Gladden, who coolly poked the ball home with his stick. Bodreux added a second and Gladden got his second before the Shahdom could even get an attempt on goal; Mike Stone in goal the equal to the effort.

Stone was beaten the second time around, though, and things looked like they could get out of hand when he conceded a second in just four minutes. However, the hosts regained control, with Tillery striking the ball home from a well-worked penalty corner.

The attack finally got into action in the winding moments of the game, with Sam Irving scoring a beautifully-built up shot from distance, and substitute Josh Lamm rounding the scoring off in the dying moments of the game.

6-2 the final score in front of 14,000 fans. Not a great crowd, but substantial. Justin Hunt, the event's chief organiser, expressed his hope for the future of the sport.

"Field hockey is back in Liverpool England. We want to regain our status as one of the top sports in the country, and I hope the fans will come out to see the matches, whether in Orean, Neverend or Folenisa. Come out, have some fun, watch some good hockey, learn the game."

This reporter hopes, for the future of the sport, that that is exactly what will happen.

Jason Rowett is the National Enquirer's Deputy Sports Editor. He has written extensively about Liverpool England sports. His latest book, Inside the Park, Out on the Diamond: The Story of Baseball in Liverpool England, sold over 5 million copies in a month across the nation. He can be contacted at jrowett@natlenq.co.len.

The Albrecht Herald Online/Sport/Breaking News

The Blue Sticks’ bid for World Championship in Hockey glory got off to a slow start in Orean despite the heroics of Bass youngster Alex Fox. C&M’s early play suggested that pre-tournament jitters were unfounded, and the Candelariasians appeared more comfortable as a unit, helped undoubtedly by a recent extended tour of the region. The Novapsolese were quiet on and off the field, with the small contingent of C&M fans making most of the noise and willing their team forwards. But the amateur nature of the hockey set-up in the Candelarias soon showed as the older members of the team seemed to struggle to get up and down the field, and final efforts by William Ward and Harvey Watts lacked power behind the shots.

After that initial flurry the game settled down into a horribly staid affair, and the Mexican waves flowed from an increasingly bored crowd of impoverished Anglo-Liverpudlians bussed in by the coach load on cheapy tickets to try and fill the Dome. It was suitable that a miss-hit would finally break the deadlock, Donny Sackett ending up in the wrong place to make anything but a perfunctory effort to keep out the Novapsoli opener.

Novapsolu are of course even newer than us to this international sport lark, and could be forgiven for being under prepared after replacing Ulospavon in the draw at the last minute. They presented a real unknown quantity for Ross Cooney but happily after going a goal up it became apparent that the Novapsoluans are just as bad as us, as they failed miserably to deal with Alex Fox who drove home with ease shortly before the break.

The second half was a masterclass in donkey work without reward for both sides, until the three points suddenly looked destined for the Novapsolians when their star forward wiggled daintily through Seth Latal and Oliver Day’s challenges and swept past Sackett. With moments left on the clock however teenager Leandro Etorena took a penalty corner that after an extended scramble fell at the stick of young Fox again, who proved as crafty as his namesake by scooping home the second Candelariasian equaliser.

With Liverpool England’s thrashing of the Shahdom, it looks likely that the all-important second place in the group (and the potential for that clash with Kura-Pelland) will go to the team who can put the most past the group’s likely whipping-boys. To that end reliable scorer Jake Bizley looks set to replace Joel Laziz in an otherwise unchanged starting XI.

OOC:

Tag!

Hana Kansu: Hejida Sethan, what is new in the world of sport?
Sethan Aie: The field hockey world kahees (cup is) underway and the
associate team is present and competinh.
Hana Kansu: There was quite a discussion about this, right?
Sethan Aie: ve-hy (yes, indeed)! The Asenes were not kuvait (quite) gettinh their acts together ntisuva (and this was) makinh things hard for the enthusiasts, who want this no-lonher-nation to eshis (exist) in the
competition.
Hana Kansu: Can you tell me what exactly made the different national and
transnational associations cooperate?
Sethan Aie: What always happens when the interests of fanatics are
violated. We had some high ely (trouble) in Sike, you can guess. You do not want to deprive rejistanian fans of their competition.
Hana Kansu: in soccer they are deprived and the nation did not collapse...
Sethan Aie: ... so far. Well it was advantageous that the transnational
asene has a charismatic person in charge like Jini'he. While the ASR...
Hana Kansu: (interrupts) It never happened!
Sethan Aie: veee (yes!!)
Hana Kansu: So, the asene shenteera (central association) managed to field a team and played their first match?
Sethan Aie: si-iva-hashind (this is what happened). The transnationals faced St Samuel in their vee-ers (first) match in this cup. And what can I say? Good sport hashinz under the worst conditions. The asene'ny might have been fightinh, but the lasane got their act together and just played their game.
Hana Kansu: Coach Xy'he had done good work?
Sethan Aie: veee, he was one of the reasons why the lasane mana-id
(managed) to be a worthwhile opponent instead of just a bunch of... well... slani'he'ny.
Hana Kansu; So, how high did they lose?
Sethan Aie: what mayiz (makes) you think they did?
Hana Kansu: So... how high were they trashed?
Sethan Aie: not at all.
Hana Kansu: You mean that they drew?
Sethan Aie: to nil... did they play but they scored one goal. The transnationals won by 1-0.
Hana Kansu: You are tellinh me somethinh!
Sethan Aie: I am tellinh you nothinh but the truth.
Hana Kansu: How then could that possibly have happened?
Sethan Aie: I tried t give some reasons in the very unlikely case that you listened to me and not took care of your fingernails while I talked.
Hana Kansu: I can do my fingernails and still listen to you! errr I mean, I did pay attention.
Sethan Aie: cohzeh (of course)! For those, who were not busy doing their fingernails, I want to add that it was I Ji'he who acored for us.
Hana Kansu: Great! Now for domestic news... *we zone out*

Matchday Two

Pool A
Liverpool England 2-3 Novapsolu (scorinated by Bostopia)
The Turkic Shahdom 1-4 Candelaria And Marquez

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Candelaria And Marquez 2 1 1 0 6 3 3 4
2 Novapsolu 2 1 1 0 5 4 1 4
3 Liverpool England 2 1 0 1 8 5 3 3
4 The Turkic Shahdom 2 0 0 2 3 10 -7 0 E

Pool B
Kura-Pelland 4-1 Bazalonia
Beer Served Here 3-3 Fujisawan Territories

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Kura-Pelland 2 2 0 0 6 1 5 6 Q
2 Bazalonia 2 1 0 1 7 5 2 3
3 Beer Served Here 2 0 1 1 3 5 -2 1
4 Fujisawan Territories 2 0 1 1 4 9 -5 1

Pool C
Zwangzug 3-3 Magnus Valerius
Lovisa 1-2 Casari

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Casari 2 2 0 0 6 3 3 6 Q
2 Lovisa 2 1 0 1 5 4 1 3
3 Zwangzug 2 0 1 1 5 7 -2 1
4 Magnus Valerius 2 0 1 1 5 7 -2 1

Pool D
Capitalizt SLANI 2-4 St Samuel
Taeshan 0-0 Rejistania

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Taeshan 2 1 1 0 2 1 1 4
2 Rejistania 2 1 1 0 1 0 1 4
3 St Samuel 2 1 0 1 4 3 1 3
4 Capitalizt SLANI 2 0 0 2 3 6 -3 0 E

Kura-Pelland sent the clearest possible message to rival teams that they are a genuine title contender after a stunning 4-1 defeat of Bazalonia.

The game was virtually settled by three goals in just eight minutes, two of them Northwood goals from penalty corners, the third a brilliantly-executed solo goal from Micky Melton who ran 50 yards almost unopposed before slotting in.

The fourth, ten minutes from time, wasn't bad either, Northwood completing his hat-trick with a thunderous strike from distance. The Bazalonian consolation in the last minute, scored by Hudson, meant nothing.

The manager does not want to break up a settled XI, nor does he want to do a disservice to Beer Served Here and Bazalonia by fielding a weakened side against The Fujisawan Territories, who can still progress if they win, Bazalonia don't and manylots of goals are exchanged. And thus:

Starting 11 vs The Fujisawan Territories (1-4-3-2): Corrington; Pringle; Melton, webb, Knight, Corton; Harlington, Hurley-Darke, Morton; Holte-Jenkins, Northwood.

Ratings for match vs Bazalonia (aired on NTV Sport 1): 3.1/8.4 (6th in a tough timeslot)

knights tie 0-0 still lead group

That was it!

"I don't care what your distracted with out there, I don't care what you think. What I care about is your performance. You guys were distracted out there... in the first 8 minutes you practically handed to match over to Kura-Pelland on a silver plater."

The Bazakeys manager was absolutely livid at the result from a great 6-1 victory over the Fujiswan territories to a 4-1 loss to Kura-Pelland. Something dramatic had happened.

"So tell me. What's going on?"

"It's on the field... There saying we had a wild orgy with another team."

"And I take by our complaining tone that you didn't?"

"No way, we wouldn't do that."

"So why would they think you did?"

"How would I know, perhaps someone anonymously rang up and told them that we did or something."

"Who would do that sort of thing?"

"Could be anyone... It could even be... one of us." She made a creepy noise.

"Oh, shut up."

"Girls come on, what did they actually say on the field."

"The Kura-Pellandi's said nothing on the field... oh, you mean On The Field, you need to capitalise the way you say it so we know that your talking about the show and not what happen actually... on the field."

"Alright, anyway so what happened.. on th... On The Field"

"We've got a clip somewhere here. We taped it..."

"Because Nikki was on it?"

"Yep."

Alright, let's see it... The video tape or recordable DVD was put in whatever technology they had at their disposal was put in where it was meant to be put in and the play button was pressed, after a bit of fast forwarding they came to the appropriate spot which played



"One last question, there are rumours that some of the team had a late night encounter in a hotel room of members of another team. Any comment on those?"

"No, I'm not going to comment."


"That rumour could have been anything... and it was suspicious that it was made just before the Kura Pelland match, perhaps the most decisive match of the tournament. well pool B. And anyway why didn't you flat out deny it?"

"I dunno. Seemed like the natural sort of response 'No comment'."

"Anyway, of course the media aren't going to give us their source. We are going to have to do this the old fashioned way."

"You mean like Nancy Drew. Oh, yeah"

Davis Anderson and Mina Quarran were hunched over a small laptop computer, conversing in hushed tones as the rest of the team nervously looked around the room as they prepared for the match. Everyone took a sideways glance at the two every few minutes as they continued their preparations, until Kyle Worren just couldn't take it anymore.

"Damn, what are you two doing, watching porn?"

"Fine, sheesh. You think God would've seen fit to give you a measure a patience." Mina said, shaking her head slowly.

"Quit talking like an old Irish Priest and Let's see the numbers!"

Shrugging, Anderson turned the computer around as the rest of the team crowded closer.

"For first goal, we have Old Worren at +410, followed by the other two forwards at +540." he said, pointing out the stats on the screen.

"That's Bullshit, I should be higher than +540." Norman said, rolling his eyes.

"Then bet on yourself and score and we wouldn't have this problem."

"What about me?" Gellar said, sticking her head through the crowd.

"+51000."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"If you bet one hundred sels, you win 51000 if you score first."

"Woah balls."

"... indeed. Anyway, for second, Norman's in the lead at +350-"

"What a load of crap." Norman muttered."

"What the hell is it now?"

"Should be lower than 350."

"Oh go to hell." Quarran muttered. "Now, we have about six minutes to get out the gate, so hurry up and bet!" she said, glancing at the door for the officials to call them out onto the field.

"Is this even legal?" Darr said, looking around.

"Who cares."

Arlington Moon-Tribune
Field hockey fervor not following 3-3 tie

Zwangzug's national field hockey team drew 3-3 with Magnus Valerius in the Tamworth Grounds in Liverpool England, continuing its participation in the World Championship. (It's an open tournament.)

Despite the wavering scoreline, the two teams are as evenly matched as their identical records would indicate. A Valerian opened the scoring in the eighth minute, Lois Winter tied it in the thirteenth, and Sydney Dodinas gave Zwangzug the lead in the twenty-first. The Valerians equalized after halftime: Winter scored again, but the opposition responded in kind.

Zwangzug must win to qualify for the knockout rounds they reached in Querzakhi, and they'll need help: Lovisa cannot. Since Lovisa holds the edge in goal differential, an outright victory for Magnus Valerius would be slightly better for Zwangzug (that's what Teresa Dean said, anyhow, after throwing around far too many figures), who could advance by winning by a wider margin (or outscoring the Valerians if both games were won by as many goals). In any case, Zwangzug will need to score goals, which is proving somewhat easier than expected-though Melinda Komodo must think her side can achieve more, at least defensively.

But efforts to promote the game among youth, especially boys, cannot be said to be successful. The team, only now open to men, features only two: Anthony Clay hasn't broken into the starting eleven, and Paul Schrieber, in his own words, "[isn't] here to be a role model. Sorry." The wintry climate in Zwangzug doesn't help much either: with ice plentiful, its sort of hockey must compete with the Plutonian steam league for importance, and the national team is likely to remain in an obscure niche.

The Albrecht Herald Online/Sport/Breaking News

Blue Sticks smash young Turks Ross Cooney’s men left it late in Orean, but C&M ultimately emerged with a four-one win over the Turkic Shahdom to go top of topsy-turvy group A of the World Championship in Hockey in Liverpool England.

Anything but victory was unacceptable for either side following the upset of Matchday Two earlier in the day, when hosts and bookies’ favourites Liverpool England were downed 3 – 2 by Novapsolu. The Bostopian officials present in that game have already come in for some stick over undue influence in the final result – on our shores at least, and surely over in the Heartland too – while it was the Kura-Pellandi umpiring team of Matthew Dezotti and Louisa Giles later in the day that would receive the bulk of the Turkic ire.

Neither umpire would have expected to find international fame twenty-four hours ago. A day later, and the pair were the toast of Albrecht… and of Al-Kose too, although in this case that was on account of the effigies being burnt across the Turkic capital. Where one finds a Louisa Giles effigy at short notice is uncertain. Whoever banged them out over lunch surely made a killing, at any rate.

With the two-all draw with Novapsolu looking all the more impressive after the morning’s result, Cooney named an unchanged starting XI and adopted a counter-attacking outlook against the Shahdom’s finest. The Blue Sticks were able to soak up anything thrown at them for quarter of an hour without making in-roads themselves, before finally getting their chance to hit the Turks on the break. Some slack defending gifted William Ward the chance to take C&M one-up through a penalty corner, and the Caires native duly obliged.

But as the game progressed it became clear that the Shahdom were no mugs despite – or perhaps as a result of – their previous demolition at the hands of the hosts. They were soon forcing good saves from an increasingly overworked Donny Sackett before finally securing the equaliser from a penalty stroke after Patrick Cheng was drawn into a foul.

But that would effectively be the last time that the Shahdom got on the right end of an umpire’s decision. Soon after half-time, a Turkic forward found himself sinbinned after a seemingly innocuous clash of bodies with Joel Laziz. His five-minute suspension was instantly doubled for dissent.

And thus was the story of the second half, as the Shahdom were pulled up over every incident and lost out on every 50/50 decision. Many such were fair, others were highly questionable, but the Turkics failed to transfer their anger at their treatment into an improvement in their play. C&M meanwhile were wily enough to continue frustrating the Turkic efforts, limited them to distant, hopeful chances.

The Candelariasians finally took back the lead at a time when the Turkics were just about getting their act back together, thanks inevitably to a soft free hit granted by Giles. The move was well-worked however, and allowed Ward to hit his second goal of the game. C&M then pounced on another counter-attacking opportunity which eventually resulted in a penalty corner, sent over by Leandro Etorena and flicked home by the substitute Jake Bizley.

Any remaining Shahdom threat was eliminated moments from time when the same forward saw red. Raul Fábio limped off to be replaced by the youngster Caine Roeken, who comfortably pushed the subsequent penalty stroke past the Turkic ‘keeper.

To say that four-one flattered the Blue Sticks would be a great understatement, but Harvey Watts’ defended his players and the match officials in the face of what he described as ‘extreme provocation’. He was willing to admit however that C&M’s fate still hung in the balance, with Novapsolu’s win leaving the group wide open. Nor will the Candelariasian go into the Liverpool England clash in the best of shapes, with Fábio ruled out for at least a game and the key defender Seth Latal banned for a match by the CAMAFHA following an unelaborated ‘off-field incident’.

Controversy surrounding Kura-Pellandi officials has marred the national team's fine performances thus far and thrown Louisa Giles and Matthew Dezzoti into the international spotlight after claims they were biased in favour of Candelaria And Marquez.

Several key decisions went against their opponents The Turkic Shahdom, who had shown great improvement from their previous performance and were level at 1-1 when one of their key players was shown a yellow card for what appeared to be an unintentional clash with C&M's Joel Laziz, the five-minute penalty doubled for dissent. Dezzoti continues to stand by the decision, but surprisingly Giles seemed unsure; 'he made that decision, I wasn't sure but he had a better view than me. Once he'd made the initial decision he had to give the extension for dissent, but I believe if I was where he was I would not have made that call.'

Candelaria And Marquez withstood a subsequent period of pressure largely through innocuous challenges being called as fouls, and after a disputed free hit led to a goal the match was never in doubt, the Candelariasians going on to win 4-1. Most Kura-Pellandi analysts believe there was no bias in the refereeing but do think they were overly strict and pedantic, and the most disdain in the media is directed at the fans in the Shahdom burning hastily-made effigies of Giles in particular. Some have likened such intolerance, controversially, to the Morality Party, who in turn have taken this as a favourable issue in their suddenly-surgent election campaign.

Two more Kura-Pellandi officials, James Morland and Yvette Daniels - both known for allowing a game to flow - have been called in as prospective alternatives. They are already in Liverpool England as spectators, and were present for Kura-Pelland's 4-1 defeat of Bazalonia.

Quick note that MD3 will be delayed <s>a couple hours</s> 14 hours today. The rest of the schedule is unaffected.

The Albrecht Herald Online/Sport/Breaking News

Stars suspended over Mercury claims C&M national hockey team players Joel Laziz, Christoffer Schagerlind and Jake Bizley have been withdrawn from the squad to face Liverpool England in the key Group A decider following allegations of improper conduct featured in today’s Albrecht Mercury. The CAMAFHA had yet to formerly confirm or deny the reports, but a spokesman told TV1 that it was “only right and proper that all allegations are investigated fully.”

The lurid front page story, continued from pages 4 to 7 of the paper and in the editorial, claims that Laziz, Schagerlind and Bizley were involved in a pre-arranged orgy of sex and drugs in an Orean hotel suite, with the paper asserting that up to fifteen young Anglo-Liverpudlian women were involved alongside members of at least two other national team squads and Louisa Giles, the controversial Kura-Pellandi umpire.

Bizley and Schagerlind have thus far been unavailable for comments, but Laziz angrily rounded on the international press early this mornings, describing the reports as a “complete fabrication” and “the product of a few hacks’ fevered imagination”. He added that; “we’re all in Liverpool England to play hockey, and that’s what we’re going to do whatever the hot and flustered gutter press back home might want.”

The Candelariasian 'hockey orgy' has suddenly become major tabloid news in Kura-Pelland, but mostly in two of the tabloids in particular - the sensationalist, pro-National Democrat right-wing rag The Echo and the not-sensationalist, pro-National Democrat-and-Morality-Party right-wing rag The Trilan Mail. The left-wing rag The Star continues to bang on about pollution and inequality, and their message seems to be popular as they have now become the country's most-read newspaper, which is seen as a stronger sign than any opinion polls of how out-of-touch the National Democrats are so close to this incoming election.

This crude - in every sense - attempt to distract the tabloid readers has backfired spectacularly. A poll for NTV found that 69% - hah-hah - believe the media is being manipulated in favour of the National Democrats. A poll for the proudly centrist Daily Kangaroo found that over 70% would support the renationalisation of NTV even if it meant paying a higher license fee than before.

Meanwhile, Joanna Pringle has turned down a request to appear on a Kura-Pellandi remake of Gladiators as a Gladiator, saying she would rather focus on playing.

Bazakeys Deny Involvement in Tawdry Affair!

Speculations about the Hockey Teams from Candelaria And Marquez and Kura Pelland today have today hit on the Bazakeys with allegations that other national team squads were involved. These allegations first aired in The Albrecht Herald Online where Joel Laziz, Christoffer Schagerlind and Jake Bizley have "withdrawn" over apparent sexual encounters between themselves, controversial Kura-Pellandi umpire and others.

A source that wished to remain annonymous but apparent eye witness has stated. "I saw them [the Calandarians and Kura-Pelland umpire] enter the Orean Hotel, first I was surprised I didn't expect them to be together, and soon afterwards I saw Casey Eastham, Peta Gallagher and um, whatsher face... that's right Suzie Faulkner. I just couldn't believe my eyes...

Story continues on Back Page

~~~~

"What, I even there... "

"Me neither"

"nuh-uh, that wasn't me"

"Alright so what do we know so far...

1. We thrashed Fujisawan Territories 6-1
2. We lost to Kura-Pelland 4-1 .. Which just didn't seem right.
3. And now we've got people claiming we're involved in some kind of sex scandal.

"

"That's a pretty concise sum up."

"That means that there can only be one possible cause of all this."

"What's that?"

"We've got a spy amung us... one of us isn't as loyal as we should be."

"but..."

"Yes, that's right... We have been infiltrated by..... Northern Bettia."

Loud gasps of Astonishment was heard as the team that assembled reacted in quite melodramatic way to the situation, but the fact remains that she was right. Not about the Northern Bettian, that was just silly. But amung them there was a traitor... but who?

Matchday Three

Pool A
Liverpool England 5-4 Candelaria And Marquez (scorinated by Bazalonia)
The Turkic Shahdom 1-0 Novapsolu

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Liverpool England 3 2 0 1 13 9 4 6
2 Candelaria And Marquez 3 1 1 1 10 8 2 4
3 Novapsolu 3 1 1 1 5 5 0 4
4 The Turkic Shahdom 3 1 0 2 4 10 -6 3

Pool B
Kura-Pelland 4-2 Fujisawan Territories
Beer Served Here 2-2 Bazalonia

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Kura-Pelland 3 3 0 0 10 3 7 9
2 Bazalonia 3 1 1 1 9 7 2 4
3 Beer Served Here 3 0 2 1 5 7 -2 2
4 Fujisawan Territories 3 0 1 2 6 13 -7 1

Pool C
Zwangzug 2-1 Casari
Lovisa 1-2 Magnus Valerius

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Casari 3 2 0 1 7 5 2 6
2 Zwangzug 3 1 1 1 7 8 -1 4
Magnus Valerius 3 1 1 1 7 8 -1 4
4 Lovisa 3 1 0 2 6 6 0 3

Playoff match:
Zwangzug 3-1 Magnus Valerius

Pool D
Capitalizt SLANI 1-3 Rejistania
Taeshan 0-1 St Samuel

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Rejistania 3 2 1 0 4 1 2 7
2 St Samuel 3 2 0 1 5 3 2 6
3 Taeshan 3 1 1 1 2 2 0 4
4 Capitalizt SLANI 3 0 0 3 4 9 -5 0

Quarter-final matchups are as follows:
Rejistania v. Zwangzug - in Folenisa
Liverpool England v. St Samuel - in Orean
Kura-Pelland v. Candelaria And Marquez - in Neverend
Casari v. Bazalonia - in Neverend

Kura-Pelland didn't actually need to do anything to seal top spot in their group given that Beer Served Here held Bazalonia to a draw (not enough for their faint hopes, either - they needed a three-goal win), and so it was rolling substitutions a-go-go and a 3-0 lead became a 3-2 lead before Joanna Pringle picked up her first goal in living memory to seal a 4-2 win.

The match was officiated by the Northern Bettian referees Alice Foulup and Benjamin Rute, and as such only two fouls were called in the entire match. Credit to the Kura-Pellandis, they played fair even though it was clear they did not need to, and did not commit a single foul. It'll be the same XI again for the quarter-final, and what an incandescent encounter it is, against Candelaria And Marquez - always a big game regardless of surrounding events, but especially so in light of the Turkish Shahdom match and the Orean sex scandal.

The officials for this match are from Zwangzug. This is a country known for pedantry, and some fear this will spoil the game as a spectacle and possibly lead to unnecessary fouls. Speaking of Zwangzug, they had to beat Magnus Valerius in a playoff to go through, and with the extra fatigue they will probably lose to the officially stateless Rejistania. Casari face Bazalonia after defeating Zwangzug to top their group; the other quarter-final sees the hosts Liverpool England face St Samuel.

Hana Kansu: Hejida listeners, you are listening to radio RejisCAST. Today reporters are in a lot of different nations to bring the best from the transnational leagues and international competitions to you. For us in KaMaRi is Tajiki Alaki to report from the H3SR where Mikedi Veran meets Matix Omeh and for us far, far away is Sethan Aie to report of the hockey world cup. The match today is against Taeshan, init (isn't it)?
Sethan Aie: Hejida Hana, yes, the match is against Taeshan.
Hana Kansu: It is rather ironic that their name has 3 syllables and still, the citizens are very tight-lipped.
Sethan Aie: Indeed. The Taeshanji are often reduced to grunting and pointing. Their newspapers are in the size of the lady from page 3 in Teneki newspapers.
Hana Kansu: Or the gentleman...
Sethan Aie: ucozeh (of course)! If you prefer that...
Hana Kansu: As we would say in KaMaRi: "Ha-i veee!" (indeed)
Sethan Aie: You mean that you are not attracted to 50% of the possible partners because they are of the same gender?
Hana Kansu: You mean, you don't?
Sethan Aie: I mean what I said.
Hana Kansu: And I go by the maxime: no dementi exists where no statement
was before.
Sethan Aie: ...which is sensible for a 'candidate'.
Hana Kansu: Do I hear irony there?
Sethan Aie: I have no idea how well your ears function - if at all.
Hana Kansu: Well, I promised the bosses not to use this show as an opportunity to advertise, so I ask you to discreetely and efficiently change the topic.
Sethan Aie: (quiet and in Revjan) shit, here goes the opportunity to see her fired (loud and in English). So I guess you prefer talking about the match?
Hana Kansu: (in quiet Revjan with bad grammar) Later is we talk about that, be in anticipation. (loud and in English) Yes, I would prefer that.
Sethan Aie: Well, so far no goals happened. I am not sure whether these yellow-clad persons have anything to do with this...
Hana Kansu: Monks of Karela?
Sethan Aie: That or Taeshan-fans.
Hana Kansu: Same difference! So, the match is concentrated on the defence?
Sethan Aie: The Transnationals actually are. Maybe because their attack is as bad as my English.
Hana Kansu: I guess. How did you get the job as reporter?
Sethan Aie: I thought you did not want to hear anything about my sexual life!
Hana Kansu: (laughs) I get what you mean.

Later the match ended 0ja0.

Playoff RP coming later/tomorrow, most likely

Thoughts on the game's first goal (seventeen minutes):

Teresa Dean: "We had to be on the offensive if we wanted any hope of staying in contention. This formation may not be suited for that, but we do what we can."
Shannon Milstead: "I'd been trying long shots and they hadn't gotten anywhere, but Lois was able to field it as a pass and send it in."
Melinda Komodo: "We got lucky. That wouldn't have happened if their goalie hadn't been out of position."

Thoughts on the game's second goal (fifty-five minutes):

Melinda Komodo: "We got lucky. That wouldn't have happened if Lynn hadn't been fouled."
Sara Hartwich: "Even I can score after set kicks."
Scott Norman: "It's not illegal in tyrmani."

Thoughts on the game's third goal (sixty-seven minutes):

Rell Gellar: "We've already qualified, why not have some fun?"
Mina Quarran: "Scott, you owe me several myriad sels."
Melinda Komodo: "They got lucky. That wouldn't have happened if their goalie hadn't been out of position."

What the Papers Say

Be they guilty as charged or the subjects of vile mistruths used to boost the sales of tabloid newspapers, Jake Bizley, Joel Laziz and Christoffer Schagerlind may have done more for field hockey in the Candelarias than any men in history previously. That’s the view of both the Albrecht Herald and El Periodico del Arrigo, who reflect on the fact that the lurid allegations over the trio’s private lives since arriving in Liverpool England have forced hockey onto both the front and back pages for the first time in Candelariasian history.

Never ones to miss out on a perfectly good opportunity to chase ratings, C&M’s main commercial network TTO shifted the country’s final group game from their subscription sports channel onto their main terrestrial station, on the pretence that the tournament had ‘captured the mood of the nation to a far greater degree than had been anticipated’. In truth, the high viewer figures came out of the country’s curiosity to see just what would happen next in one of the most eventful sporting tournaments the republic has yet been involved in. And perhaps a nagging sense of destiny too, with the against-all-odds victory in the second Di Bradini Cup still snuggling in the national consciousness.

And what a game they were treated to. The highest scoring of the competition thus far, and one of the most topsy-turvy as the two sides proved perfectly evenly matched. The National Reporter and Albrecht Republican have C&M edging it, the Herald, Candelariasian and even the Albrecht Mercury rather more soberly give it to the hosts, but all find praise for Alex Fox, the Blue Sticks’ 20-year-old hero of the WCiH, who notched up a hat-trick in a ten-minute spell either side of half time. The last of the three, a fine scooped effort, gave the visitors a 4 – 3 lead following young Caine Roeken’s opener, but that simple qualification was not to be. After three excellent goals of their own, James Vos’ side was helped by some sloppy Candelariasian defending, with Paul Apple pouncing on a mix-up between Patrick Cheng and Donny Sackett before being granted a well-taken chance to score the winner with a penalty stroke. If it was a soft decision, as the Daily News and the Mercury claim, few can have any arguments. C&M have by their own admission received more than their fair share of umpire’s decisions in this tournament.

Apple elicited a collective groan from Blue Sticks players, fans, officials and management alike, and millions watching back home, but the news that the Turkic Shahdom were somehow still one-nil up over the Novapsoluans helped keep the faith. TTO switched to that game for the dying seconds (despite the fact it was being played in the same stadium, but come on, it always happens like this) as the Novapsoli pounded the Turkic defence to no avail. C&M would ultimately sneak through by the skin of their teeth. “It seems a little odd now that we’re thanking the Shahdom from the bottom of our hearts,” the Republican admits, “But, hey, it wasn’t our refs they were burning, was it?”

Yet despite this victory, the ongoing Oreangate story takes up no less column inches; particularly since the very public – and on the face of it rather incriminating – denial by the Bazalonian hockey association. Reports of the events of the night in question remain highly speculative and variable, with ‘onlookers’ regularly contradicting themselves even within the same papers. ‘I knew him when’ articles have been popping up, particularly in the local press, with co-workers of Joel Laziz admitting to the Candelariasian that “we always thought there was something a bit odd about him.” A childhood friend of Christoffer Schagerlind tells the Fallon Town Sentinel-Gazette that “He was very quite, our Chris. Bookish. Always polite but… well, I for one always thought there was something a bit odd about him. A Mrs Elbertina Cerqueira tells the El din Observer meanwhile that her local rag-and-bone-man, Jake Bizley had; “Always been a jolly chap, jus’ like ‘is papa. I wouldn’t be without ‘im, I tell you, I wouldn’t, proper salt of the earth, but… The way ‘ee looks at yer sometimes… Hand on heart; I can’t say any o’ this really surprises me.”

Several of the mainstream papers focus on the “great stoicism in the face of adversity” [the National Reporter] of Ross Cooney and Harvey Watts, and comment favourably on their calm attitude towards the crisis engulfing Candelarias hockey mid-tournament. The non-Candelariasians alleged to have been involved in the Incident also come in for some extra attention, particularly the Kura-Pellandi umpire Louisa Giles. “I ask you,” a National Reporter editorial grumbles, “Candelariasian soccer is already irreversibly in bed with the Kura-Pellanders. Who told our bloody hockey players they could go down the same route?”

That Kura-Pelland will be C&M’s next opponents attracts mostly groans across the media. Most point out that the country’s record against Vircais teams in knock-out tournaments is far from favourable – “Just look at our two Cups of Harmony,” La noticias en las islands moans, “We really don’t stand a chance.” The Herald agrees, although is less keen to invoke history. “Let’s just look at this sensibly – Kura-Pelland are the bookies’ favourites now and rightfully so, while Cooney’s men are in the last eight only by pure chance. They can do this, but it would be one hell of an upset. Let’s just hope they don’t embarrass themselves out there. Again.”

From the Rushmore Sports Daily’s Brian Kennedy column.

Competition odds from official bookmakers BetToday

The World Championship in Hockey's official bookmakers, BetToday, have released competition odds on the eight remaining teams left in the tournament. With the early stages over and the unlikely challengers eliminated, BetToday have seen fit to finally announce the official bookmakers' favourites.

BetToday CFO John Stinger made the announcement at the competition headquarters in Orean. Rather unexpectedly, hosts Liverpool England have not been installed as favourites to win, sparking widespread discussion on online noticeboards and radio talk shows across the nation.

"BetToday, as the official bookmakers of the World Championship in Hockey, are proud to announce that the official favourites to win the title, at 4 to 1, are Kura-Pelland, with Candelaria And Marquez, their opponents in the quarter-finals, right behind them at 19 to 4. Having analysed every scenario, BetToday feels that the winner of that particular quarter final will have a strong run through to the championship."

Hosts Liverpool England were made third favourites, at 15 to 2, with Casari at 25 to 2. The surprise of the lot was Pool D winners Rejistania, who alongside Pool D runners-up St Samuel were made rank outsiders at 55 to 1.

Stinger said that BetToday would revise its odds after the quarter-finals are been completed.

Full odds on winning title, from BetToday:

Team Odds Successful L£10 bet
earns
Kura-Pelland 4-1 L£40
Candelaria And Marquez 19-4 L£47.50
Liverpool England 15-2 L£75
Casari 25-2 L£125
Zwangzug 40-1 L£400
Bazalonia 40-1 L£400
Rejistania 55-1 L£550
St Samuel 55-1 L£550

Arlington Moon-Tribune
Playoff power

The group stage of the World Championship in Hockey wasn't enough to separate Magnus Valerius and Zwangzug: both teams lost 4-2, drew 3-3 (against each other, unsurprisingly), and won 2-1. Oddly enough, the wins and losses came against separate teams: Zwangzug beat group champions Casari and lost to Lovisa, while the Valerians did the comparatively sensible reverse. But after matchday three, the teams were in a statistical tie.

And so a playoff match was held. Through the first half, which ended at one goal apiece, the equality of the two sides was evident. Lois Winter tipped the first goal in off the far edge of her stick, while a blinding series of Valerian passes cumulated in a shot that powered past Faith McMahon in goal.

But in the second half, Zwangzug simply stepped up their game. Anthony Clay dug out a pass from Nicole Merse to score the go-ahead goal, and Sydney Dodinas scored a third. The defense held strong, and Zwangzug were through to the knockouts, where they will face a team representing the Association of Free Nations of Rejistania.

The official bookmakers of the tournament, BetToday, have listed Zwangzug at 40-1 odds to win the championship. This is tied for fifth out of the eight remaining teams, but ahead of the Rejistanian squad. The two favorites, Kura-Pelland and Candelaria And Marquez, will play each other next, with a pair of Zwangzug citizens refereeing.

Despite having a team there, nobody in Casari really knew what Field Hockey was. They knew it was there during the Olympics and Ylompics, but it was one of those tickets you had to buy to get tickets to actual interesting events, like Lawn Bowls at the Commonwealth Games. Who wants to go see lawn bowls?

However, they had managed to make a sport that was similar enough to be negligible, but that still doesn't mean anyone cared about Field Hockey.

So, of course, when CBA announced coverage of the knockout rounds, nobody really batted an eyelash- after all, Casari is notoriously bad at knockouts in most things, if not everything, so tuning into the first televised match of the team just to see them lose didn't seem that interesting.

But, you never know, so a pair of commentators were flown out. And, of course, because nobody at CBA knew anything about Field Hockey, the first two sports announcers that showed up at the office were given a rule book and put on the first airship to Liverpool England... and what else is there to do on one of those than drink, of course.

"Bleh... has to be better places to land these things than damn fields..." Andrew Stevenson said, dragging his suitcase down the small walkway towards the waiting car.

"Hey... mere." Ryan Weslosky said in return, staggering a few steps behind.

"What?"

"Mere!"

Andrew stopped, allowing Ryan to catch up. "What?"

"Isn't it bright here?..."

Andrew looked around, the sun having set two or three hours previously. "Yup. Come on, Ryan." He said, starting to walk again.

"Hey."

"Yes?"

"Mere."

Sighing, Andrew retraced his previous few steps. "What?"

"I'm gonna blow."

Andrew pointed over towards the grass. "There."

"Thankyousir." he said, stumbling over a few steps and regurgitating the contents of his stomach onto the empty landing field, a few crew members nearby who were tending to the landing lines turning to look.

"Come on, the sooner we get out of here, the sooner we can get out of here."

"You make a lot of sense, sir." Ryan said, walking back and pulling his suitcase again, heading towards the provided car again.

"Oh, I know I do."

Hana Kansu: Hejida listeners, and good morning, we're here for you to report from Liverpool England and about the field hockey match against the Capitalizts. Well, we're is of course an exaggeration since I am in KaMaRi kali like always, but Sethan Aie is still there for us! Hejida Sethan!
Sethan Aie: Hejida Hana, how's life in the asosieshan (association)?
Hana Kansu: Ohm, but much changed except that quite a group of people at Radio RejisCAST will get a pay rise.
Sethan Aie: What? Why was I not informed?
Hana Kansu: Because you are not included?
Sethan Aie: Slani! Inivlexan (inflation) ate quite a an amount of my wage and corseh (of course) they did not compensate.
Hana Kansu: (rather amused) Maybe in a few days you are informed as well. Anyways, we should move to the match, shouldn't we?
Sethan Aie: Vee... we should. The rejistanis are quite anxious about this match, after the scoreless match against Taeshan was not exactly graceful.
Hana Kansu: You did not make it appear that bad on the match report.
Sethan Aie: It was Taeshan, so there was no need to. If Hetkali Hetaki has a close match against Sike kaletri, you do not need to thee that it is a disgrace because everyone knows.
Hana Kansu: Good point.

(...after a while in the match...)
Sehtan Aie: This situation did not look good, the rejistani attacker makes a gesture to coach Xy'he and now the coach does something the reporters all over the world will thank him about. He replaces the seleken attacker Ẋağłeŝıg Kigduvə who already scored the first goal by substitute I Kansu'he.
Hana Kansu: Nothing against selekens but don't make me pronounce them?
Sethan Aie: indeed!

(...after the match...)
Sethan Aie: And that was it, that is the end, Rejistania, errr, the transnationals win 3-1 against the Capitalizts.
Hana Kansu: The transnationals are now on the first place in the group tables?
Sethan Aie: Indeed, they are. Let's hope that Ẋağłeŝıg Kigduvə will be playing again in the kuvatevynas (quarterfinals), because Tehra I Kansu was not a match for him. Goalie Ilat'he had some unlucky moments, but made a good match, and We should eshvet (expect) more from I Ji'he. This match he had some great moments! Back to the studio in KaMaRi!
Hana Kansu: Good bye! (you hear a click) should I have told him the wage rises were a joke?

QUARTER FINALS

Quarter Final 1 (Folenisa)
Rejistania 6-4 Zwangzug

Quarter Final 2 (Orean)
Liverpool England 5-4 St Samuel (scorinated by Zwangzug)

Quarter Final 3 (Neverend)
Kura-Pelland 2-3 Candelaria And Marquez

Quarter Final 4 (Neverend)
Casari 0-2 Bazalonia

Semi-final matchups:
Rejistania v. Liverpool England in Orean
Candelaria And Marquez v. Bazalonia in Folenisa

So much for that, then. Candelaria And Marquez sealed their transformation to unlikely, unwarranted favourites while Kura-Pelland squandered the best and perhaps only chance of a world trophy in any sport they will ever get, sacrificing a 2-0 lead to lose 3-2.

The second-half performance was by all accounts horrendous, with simple mistakes setting up all three goals and several more being left unpunished. The first half looked so much more promising, with Northwood scoring two goals from penalty corners, but as the teams switched sides, the tables turned so suddenly, so spectacularly. Quite honestly, both sides looked nervous, overwhelmed by the media hype surrounding this game (most of it unrelated to the teams themselves, in honesty), and one would strongly bet against C&M winning the whole thing. They just met worse opposition.

They now face Bazalonia, who were destroyed 4-1 by Kura-Pelland earlier in the tournament, while Liverpool England - who with home advantage have to be any rational punter's choice - face a nation that isn't, Rejistania. Hey, it works for Valanora...

“… game headed towards a sudden dead play-off; Roeken, Fábio and Pettengale combined for arguably the finest Blue Sticks move of the game which took – perhaps fittingly – a deflection off Joanna Pringle to seal surely the greatest come-back in Candelariasian international sport. To say that ‘the crowd went wild’ would be a true understatement – no matter what the sport our travelling fans love any opportunity to sock it to our buddies from Vircais, and this was certainly no exception. It was a good hour before any were prepared to leave the Tamworth Grounds and confidence – if nothing else – was certainly flowing when they finally did. But C&M fans and players are still prepared to face the reality that no-one but the bookmakers can possibly have us as anything but favourites for a fourth-place finish. But after a turnaround like that, and the character shown in putting aside the off-field dramas blighting this squad, can anyone truly doubt any more that Ross Cooney’s men have what it takes? This has been Keenan Bailey, for TV1, Nevere–”

*Click*

“Oh, Stefan, you… Why can’t you be a real man, like those Candelariasian hockey players…? You hang around here, simpering at me and… I’m a woman, Stefan! I have needs, I–”

*Click*

“…unavailable for comment. Seth Latal was also quiet today, ahead of a major interview with the National Reporter tomorrow. He als–”

*Click*

“…to say nothing about Ulospavon, but that’s getting away from the point. No, it’s perfectly clear here that their short spell amid the greater energy fields of the Heartland have already begun to set the three players on the course to Atlanticism! We can see that in their faces; fear, yes, but such joy, such joy! And we, y’know, we can have this too, it’s those in authority that know just how shaky their control over us is! Why else ‘hotelgate’, really? They’re blinding us with ‘facts’, but we the citizens of the six worlds can rise beyond that, if we’re brave eno–”

*Click*

“…orena now, providing for Pettengale… This is a good little move actually, Naeem coming up the left and he’s past Varoosi, Ward… Oh, and that’s an awful slip by Melton and WilliAM WARD! AND IT’S TWO-ALL and Ward’s sec-OND of the gAMe! Fantastic stuff, he ju–”

*CLICK*

“Fuck.”

Daniel Martino sighed happily. When the minister had switched from Spanish swearwords to English he knew he was calming down. “Everybody’s talking about it, then?”

“Yes… So it seems, Daniel. They’re even re-dubbing Le Vieux et l'Émiettage to feature hockey references. And repeating the game on TV3…”

“Mr. Jonathan was good though, I thought. A masterful bit of deflection.”

“Sailing too close to the truth, if you ask me. I need to have words with him when we get home,” Lyndon Hernández sighed. “Tell me truly, old friend,” he continued, “Am I rubbish at this?”

Martino frowned. “We’ve only known each other barely three years, sir, I’d hardly–”

“I wasn’t using ‘old’ in that sense, O pointy-eared one. Answer the question.”

“No, sir, you’re not. By the standards of your predecessors you’re doing very well in extremely trying circumstances. The Novapsolu problem was handled with particular aplomb.”

“Yes… It was, wasn’t it?” said Hernández, brightening up. “But why do they keep winning though? I was convinced they’d fold after Schagerlind and Bizley were suspended. And managing to get Laziz caught up in it, taking away one of their best players into the bargain… And then planting the suggestion that Giles and whatshisface may have had ulterior motives for that ghastly refereeing performance–”

“Umpiring, sir.”

“Umpiring, whatever… It should’ve worked.” The Minister for Rational Thought stuck out his lower lip. “It’s not fair, Dan.”

“We couldn’t take into account the Kura-Pellanders collapsing like that. These things happen. But look, Bazalonia are very good, there’s no way they’re going to get past them…”

“You keep saying this… Haven’t they got problems of their own?”

“Nothing they can’t handle, I’m sure. Trust me, Lyndon, three months from now no-one will remember a semi-final exit in a minor tournament. It won’t have any long-term affect on the national consciousness, mark my words.”

“Not if we win the Di Bradini Cup again…” Hernández replied morosely.

BetToday: Home advantage to give hosts title

Official World Championship in Hockey bookmakers BetToday have released their final set of odds for the tournament title following the quarter final matches in which previous official favourite Kura-Pelland were eliminated by the also-popular Candelaria And Marquez.

BetToday's Chief Financial Officer, John Stinger, as well as Chief Executive Officer Lewis Hayden, made the announcement via an internet press release and at official tournament headquarters. It comes as some surprise that previous second favourites Candelaria And Marquez, which so easily disposed of favourites Kura-Pelland, have not been upgraded to the role of favourites, which has instead gone to the hosts, Liverpool England.

"BetToday feels that home advantage will give Liverpool England a significant boost in their challenge for the title. Whilst we did argue that the winner of Quarter-final 3, in this case Candelaria And Marquez, would have a strong run to the championship, at this later stage of the tournament, with the hosts still involved, it would be unwise to not tag them as favourites."

The press, both local and international, have widely anticipated the shock result for the Candelarians would see the hosts becoming more favoured to win the tournament - something BetToday now agrees is likely.

Liverpool England have been made 6-1 favourites to win the title, followed by Bazalonia, who have been given a huge decrease in odds by BetToday, from 40-1 at the quarter-final stage to 10-1. Candelaria And Marquez, Bazalonia's semi-final opponents, take a fall from 19-4 to 14-1, whilst Rejistania remain rank outsiders at 22-1.

Full odds on winning title, from BetToday:

Team Odds Successful L£10 bet
earns
Liverpool England 6-1 L£60
Bazalonia 10-1 L£100
Candelaria And Marquez 14-1 L£140
Rejistania 22-1 L£220

"And welcome to On The Field - Your 10 minute source for Field Hockey news around Bazalonia."

We'll start with confirming the news, the number of Bazalonian players implicated in the sex scandal has today been confirmed as having no part, with the number of contradictions in the news reportsd Bazalonian investigators have cleared the players of any wrong doing.

The team in a 2-nil win over Casari advanced to the Semi-finals when many pundits expected the team to fellow group B nation Kura-Pelland but when they had a shock 3-2 loss against their opponent, that means the Bazakeys will now be facing Candelaria and Marquez in the Semi's at Folenisa.

The BazaKey's which where at 40-1 odds to win the tournament are now 10-1. Liverpool England, the hosts are at 6-1 and Candelaria and Marquez at 14-1. The Rejistanian team is on the outside with 22-1. Whatever happens the team are are a good chance to not only progress to the finals but also win the tournament.

Now lets have a look at the match against Casari..."

*blimp*

The TV was turned off, Nikki Hudson was sitting there pausing for a moment her brain going a hundred miles an hour. After the Pool had been played through BetToday listed the Bazalonian, and Rejistanian chance of winning as 40-1 and 55-1 to one each... compared to the 10-1 and 22-1 now. Granted most of the Rejistanian decrease was due to the reduction of opponents, but Bazalonia did a massive leap-frog over the C&M team which went 19-4 ($1 wins you an extra 4.75 to 1-14 (1$ earns you and extra 14).

And then it hit... the reason for the low initial Bazalonian odds was majorly because of the thrashing it received by Kura-Pelland. Granted the draw with Beer Served Here didn't help either but now.... with 1 win. Such a dramatic change in the bids.

She smelled, match fixing... but who would be the person to do it. She went and grabed the tapes she had of the Kura-Pelland match and was determined to get who was the problem. It was clear to her within the first 5 minutes of the match. The goalie was the problem, Casey Eastham . She was letting them through, but she needed proof. And there was only one way to get it.

While most sport-watching Kura-Pellandis recoil from the crushing disappointment of losing to Candelaria And Marquez, Minsten University's statisticians have once again exploited an opportunity to increase the university's already substantial endowment courtesy of the innumeracy of Liverpool England bookmakers BetToday.

Almost all of the university's K77m endowment has been staked in a strategic pattern that guarantees a 160% profit at the end of the tournament. K32.15m has been staked on Liverpool England, K19.29m on Bazalonia, K13.78m on Candelaria And Marquez and K8.77m on Rejistania. Regardless of who wins, this will produce a return of almost K193m. K2m of the K7m stockpile of the Statistics Department has mostly been invested in a similar way, though other statistical analysis on all four teams has meant that the remainder has been placed disproportionately towards Candelaria And Marquez, though again in a manner guaranteeing profit (K1.3m on LE, K900k on Bazalonia, K400k on Rejistania and K2.4m on C&M, for a profit of at least K2.8m and a massive K33.6m if C&M win).

Minsten University had tentatively planned for the K29.3m gained in an identical manner in the 28th Cup of Harmony - left unspent for several years - to be spent on a new building for the Languages Department. Plans for the new windfall have yet to be announced, but it is rumoured that a new concert hall/theatre - potentially even a rival to the major venues in Trilan - is on the agenda.

Hana Kansu: Hejida, I am Hana Kansu and you are listening to Radio RejisCAST. I present the kwartehfynaz (quarterfinals) of the shampjanship (championship) in hockey. For us in Liverpool England is Sethan Aie. Hejida Sethan!
Sethan Aie: Hejida Hana!
Hana Kansu: How is life in Liverpool England?
Sethan Aie: It could be worse if the Senhi'ny returned! The Liverpool English police arrested a group of Karelan acivists, who tried to get into the stadium and apparently attempted to karelize the teams.
Hana Kansu: Really?
Sethan Aie: They seemed to be part of a movement which is known as unification front, a group, which wants to unite Rejistania under Karela.
Hana Kansu: These people are nuts!
Sethan Aie: Nuts like a bowl of muesli. They can not seem to understand that some people like the occasional goal.
Hana Kansu: What is the reaction among the rejistanis?
Sethan Aie: Oh... they are rather embarassed about the situation. Here are some soundbytes:
Random rejistani: Haaa-i veee, ai setaimz whanda whua h~sez slani'he'ny comvair! Maikinh all evenz in ezvor suj a h~seatre! (I sometimes wonder what these people think to make every sport event such a theatre!)
Another rejistani: I am shocked about this. I did hope people did stop these things for a ideology which forbids goals. I hope it won't appear to the world that all of us are a bunch of fanatics!
Yet another rejistani: I hope h~sese dirteaters will be put in a cell, locked away and let starve!
Sethan Aie: I think the message is clear here. people do not want a karelan dictatorship but however many nations there are at the moment in democracy, prosperity and tolerance.
Hana Kansu: om to other news: can we expect Ẋağłeŝıg Kigduvə this match?
Sethan Aie: No, I think not, at least I have heard no sources indicating otherwise. I guess this is one of the reasons why the local bookmakers BetToday see as outsiders in this tournament.*
Hana Kansu: They do?
Sethan Aie: Well, not so much as some other teams but they do not see us at a place where the Asene would see us.

(later)
Sethan Aie: This was not a clever move for the transnationals, zwangzug's Sydney Dodinas advances, outsmarts Syja Kalanaei... but there is Uiakau'he ... this situation as well cleared, catch a breath, listeners!
Hana Kansu: I am amazed that you learned how to pronounce the names of the Zwhanhzug team - and yet fail to pronounce tha name of one of our midfielders.
Sethan Aie: You mean Y?
Hana Kansu: Indeed, I do.
Sethan Aie: Doesn't it suffice to call him Y?
Hana Kansu: No!
Sethan Aie: Y I Jusuvasureli
Hana Kansu: It's Jusuvasuheli.
Sethan Aie: Weeeell, okay... I'll not to make this mistake again. Xkore is still 1 both.
Hana Kansu: This is funny. The term xkora came into rejistanian from English and at least in some dialects has replaced the old term 'score' - and now you even use it in non-kires-hi.
Sethan Aie: Yeah, it is funny, even if one ignores the insult to me.

(even later)
Sethan Aie: The score is still at 3:2 for the transnationals, but of course this is a challenge for the Zwangzug team, Shannon Milstead again in the attack and (static)
Hana Kansu: Sethan? Sethan suuuu? This connection abort was brought to you by Alari Telekumunikatije'ny.

The match ended 6:4 for Rejistania

*OOC: I expected similar odds before the maches as well, correct me if I'm wrong

Arlington Moon-Tribune
Out with a bang

A ten-goal game?

Liverpool England, okay: they'd won 5-4 before, and would win 5-4 again. But the field hockey quarterfinal between the associate Rejistanis and Zwangzug-two sides fairly committed to defensive play-wouldn't on paper seem like the most likely place to find such an offensive outburst. The transnationals hadn't scored six goals throughout the group stage.

And yet...

Perhaps it should have been seen coming since before the game. Rejistani protesters were arrested after attempting to karelize the teams, that is, brainwash them to accept an ideology that while not unappealing theoretically, has become profoundly flawed due to its historic association with political oppressors (sort of like some other ideologies we could name...). At any rate, with their influence removed, the game could begin.

And what a game it was.

Yjen I Ji began the barrage with a fourth-minute goal, but Lois Winter retaliated in the sixth. In the tenth, Y I Jusuvasuheli scored (and made foreign newspaper reporters thankful for copy-and-paste), while in the very next minute Tehra I Kansu increased the scoreline to 3-1. Anthony Clay brought Zwangzug back within one in the twentieth minute. With Lynn Mishra and Tyiki Ilat particularly impressive, the scoreline lingered there for a comparatively long time before Shannon Milstead tied the game in minute thirty-three.

After halftime, Zwangzug took its first and only lead as Winter scored again, but Ky Atanha pulled the transnationals back into it. With rolling substitutions, Ẋağłeŝıg Kigduvə limped off the bench just long enough to give his team the decisive lead, and I Ji added an insurance goal.

"That was...I'll look back on it as exhilarating, I guess, though I don't really that way now," summarized Faith McMahon after the game.

"It was sloppy, yes, but even I'll say it was entertaining. The better team won," Melinda Komodo said bluntly.

In another quarterfinal, Bazalonia did indeed score two goals, but Casari, contrary to rumor, did not score six.

SEMI FINALS

Semi Final 1 (Orean) - Scorinated by Bazalonia
Rejistania 3-3 Liverpool England
AET
Liverpool England win 3-2 on penalty strokes

Semi Final 2 (Folenisa)
Candelaria And Marquez 4-0 Bazalonia

Final round matchups:
3PPO: Rejistania v. Bazalonia in Neverend
Final: Liverpool England v. Candelaria And Marquez in Orean

Third Place Playoff match: Rejistania 2-0 Bazalonia

“… Ward now, turning Hollywood, he’ll have to drive now…”

“No.”

“… well-tackled Halliday but Fox has it, now here’s the reverse strike…”

“No.”

“… aaaand… Oh-ho-HO! Ghastly goalkeeping there and it’s four! This is just incredible John, I’m speechless. Oh, I’m certainly speechless as well John. Absolutely John, lost for words…”

*CLICK*

“I don’t know why you keep putting yourself through this, Lyndon,” Daniel Martino remarked after a bit.

“I can’t help feeling I’ll eventually find a channel where the result was different… I mean, will you just look at that!” The Minister groaned as the third replay of the fourth goal kicked in. He wiped a hand over his face. “How do they do it, for crying out loud!”

“If you stamp your foot any harder, sir, you’re going to get it lodged in the floor.”

“Wouldn’t be so bad. I could put ‘Rumpelstiltskin’ on my ID card and retire on the Person of Otherwise Humanity benefit. I wouldn’t have to spend the best part of my life working out ways to stop our sportsmen giving undue weight to our worlds-standard prowess as a country by bloody winning all the time. For god’s sake, Bazalonia are four times the size of us anyway. We shouldn’t be winning games like this! It’s almost as though all that hotel business made them stronger…”

“Who’d’ve thunk it?”

“Hm?” Hernández asked sharply.

“Nothing, sir.”

They watched a self-indulgent replay of the second goal.

“I dunno… I don’t know much about hockey, Dan, but that’s appalling goalkeeping.”

“The um… The possibility of match fixing has been raised in some quarters.”

“Hangonhangonhangon… Their goalkeeper was being paid to defend like that!?”

“We think so. Hard as it may be to accept sometimes, sir, there are other people with other agendas out there.”

“Ugh… other people. Alright, brainstorming session, Dan. There’s no way this game can go ahead. Us winning, against Liverpool England, on their own freakin’ turf… It could cause untold damage.”

“They did beat your lot five-four just a few days ago.”

“With us having been four-three up. Not to mention them conceding four goals to the Samuelese and three to the Rejistanians. If we aren’t careful we could find ourselves winning, Dan, we really could. Now look; could you get one of them weather machines shipped over? Get the game called off, give us more time t’prepare…”

“The Orean Dome has a roof, sir.”

“Oh. We could get them to remove it? The Liverpool England authorities have been most helpful up until this point. I’m sure they’d do an itty-bitty thing like that…”

“I believe that roof was put on at great expense for the Heartlandish Capital of Culture celebrations… or something. I’m not sure–”

“Oh, this is so frustrating! Well, what about another scandal, we–”

“Don’t you think that would be pushing credibility just a tad far?”

“Daniel, how long have you been working among the Candelariasian people?”

“Even so… Look, listen Lyndon–”

“It’s never good when you say that.”

“Now that they’re here, if they win or loose is it really such a bad thing? They’ve managed to come this far, despite ridiculous sex scandals and thanks to terrible referring and obviously corrupt goalkeeping and the Shahdom somehow getting a result… Isn’t there a chance that that could actually enhance those ‘li’l ol’ C&M’ memes we’ve been trying to cultivate? I know this hasn’t all worked out they way we planned; but if we’re clever, and with a few choice newspaper articles to back us up, this could all work to our advantage.”

“Yor blurk is talkin sense, ah think.”

“I know, I know… It’s just the risk… We can’t account for the vagaries of the Candelariasian mind…” The minister paused. “Who said that, by the way?”

They turned to see a svartálf sitting on the bed, legs a-dangling.

“Aareet?”

“Oh… Don’t tell me they have svarts over here as well?”

“Nar na!” the svartálf exclaimed, looking affronted. “Candelarianandmarquezian, me. Deed propor, leek. Born an’ bred.”

“Well, it’s nice of you to finally make an appearance, I must say.”

“Oh, wuh are elwis thor. But ah reckon yee cud dee wi' me help, if yee want it.”

Martino gave Hernández a prickly look. The minister shrugged.

“Sorry, Dan. What can I do? You divvin – uh, you don’t get an offer like this every day.” He turned to the svart. “The goalkeeper, Sackett? Can you give him a night to remember?”

“Ah cud give him a neet tuh forget, if yee want. An' I'll tie eez hair up in wee knots, fo' a biscyeut.”

“Uh… We’ll see how it goes. Either way, I want that man too tired and nervous to see the nose in front of his face, d’you here me? Let’s have it ten-nil, or something. Really show the watching millions back home where C&M really belongs.”

“As yee wish, mistor Hernández,” the svart nodded, jumping down. “Hawa’ the lads!”

“Uh, yes…” Hernández muttered uncertainly. “You do that…”

http://www.natlenq.co.len/sport/wch/breakingnews.html
National Enquirer
Sport
Field Hockey

BREAKING NEWS
Liverpool England team bus in accident – three team members critically injured

The Liverpool England national field hockey team has been involved in a traffic accident while returning to their hotel from training just one day before the World Championship final.

Team coach James Vos, starting goalkeeper Mike Stone, and captain Nick Greaves have all been rushed to hospital with severe injuries. Another four players are receiving outpatient treatment while three needed treatment for shock.

The accident happened when the driver of the team bus failed to stop for a red light and a cement truck drove into the side of the bus. The truck driver was killed instantaneously, while the bus driver as well as two team officials have been taken to hospital where they are expected to make a full recovery.

Orean police have arrested the bus driver at his hospital bed, said a police spokesman. The police are appealing for witnesses.

World Championship in Hockey organiser Justin Hunt confirmed that he had received the news of the accident, and would be discussing with officials from both Liverpool England and their opponents, Candelaria And Marquez, about whether the final, scheduled for tomorrow, should go ahead as planned.

Team officials have told the Enquirer that they would suggest the match should go ahead, but would ask the organisers for approval to call in replacements that were not on the final squad list submitted prior to the start of the competition.

Correspondents say this will come as a blow to Liverpool England, who had been widely tipped to defeat Candelaria And Marquez in tomorrow's final. The Candelarians, facing squad problems of their own, would now be favourites to win should the organisers refuse the Liverpool England request for new players.

In other developments, BetToday, previously the tournament's official bookmakers, have been dropped as such after match-fixing allegations came to light. Federal Police have arrested BetToday's CEO, Lewis Hayden, and its CFO, John Stinger, on suspicion of fraud and match-fixing.

All bets have been refunded.

The Albrecht Herald Online>Breaking News

CAMAFHA offers sympathy, cooperation after Orean smash The Candelaria And Marquez Amateur Field Hockey Association has informed the WCiH organising committee and the Liverpool England hockey association that they will defer to the host nation’s judgment regarding the immediate future of the World Championship final.

The organisation’s comments, issued to TV1’s Evening News by their director of communications Theo Tucker, follows the confirmation from Orean that Liverpool England team coach James Vos, captain Nick Greaves and goalkeeper Mike Stone are seriously ill following a multi-vehicular incident in the Liverpudlian English commercial capital. Vos’ and Greaves’ condition is said to be serious but stable, while Stone remains in a critical state. A number of other players also received injuries that would likely keep them out of any imminent final match.

Tucker told the Evening News’ Julia Moss; “Our first thoughts are naturally for the players and officials in question, and their families, at this difficult time. We would fully understand and appreciate that worrying about the trophy match is some way down their list of concerns right now, and we leave the decision regarding any rescheduling of the game in the WCiHOC’s hands for as and when they feel it appropriate to make it. Naturally, we fully appreciate the unwillingness of the fit and ready Liverpool England players to take part in this game whilst their colleagues remain in this situation – it goes without saying that the news has also hit our squad pretty hard. We’d be happy to accept the trophy by defau… uh, hang around in the Heartland for just as long as they need us to.”

Tucker was unwilling to be drawn on press reports that Jake Bizley, Joel Laziz and Christoffer Schagerlind, the ‘Orean Three’, had failed CAMAFHA-organised drug tests in the last three hours and had already been sent home from the tournament.

Internet wags have already been quick to suggest that the organisation buys up property in the heart of Orean’s tourist district to form the basis of a new colony of New Hockey. “It doesn’t look like this tournament’s going to be finished any time soon, after all,” remarks candidCAMera.cam. “The Conservatives have always said C&M needs foreign outposts – here’s the way to do it! Ross Cooney for Transitionary President!”

So much for that, then. Minsten University's outlandish dreams of taking Liverpool England bookmakers BetToday for a mammoth profit finally fell as two of the company's leading figures were arrested on suspicion of fraud and match-fixing.

CEO Lewis Hayden and CFO John Stinger were both charged, BetToday lost their status as official bookmakers, and all bets were refunded.

Many are simply relieved that the 'no-lose' bet did, indeed, not lose.

Kura-Pellandi bookmakers GetLucky have themselves offered odds for the final:


TO WIN THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP
Candelaria And Marquez 8/13; Liverpool England 5/4

TO WIN THE FINAL
Candelaria And Marquez 11/10; Liverpool England 7/4; draw 15/4

Final to go ahead

The World Championship in Hockey final will be played with a delay, the organising committee announced in the early hours of this morning, following discussions with both the Liverpool England and Candelaria And Marquez teams.

Liverpool England will be allowed to call up seven replacement players for the game, which will now take place a day after it was originally scheduled.

(Read: scorination delayed a day since Bostopia can't scorinate today)

World Championship in Hockey FINAL

Scorinated by Bostopia

Liverpool England 1-4 Candelaria And Marquez

Congratulations!

“I’ll have them shot.”

“Oh Lyndon, honestly…”

“No, I will. I can, you know. I’ve got a proper licence ‘n’ everything.”

“Sir, I really don’t think the Bostopian umpires can be blamed for the result. We weren’t to knows Sackett wouldn’t be picked and Cryton Quinn’d have such a good game, and the hosts were using a scratch squ–”

“CHAMP-EE-OH-NAY, CHAMP-EE-OH-NAY!”

“THERE’S ONLY ONE ZACHARY PETTENGALE!”

“That’s a safe bet…” Hernández muttered as another torrent of over-exuberant Candelariasian hockey fans flowed through Orean.

“As it happens, there’s a young Zachary Pattengale that ran a marathon in Kelssek a few years ago, si–”

“…OREAN SLUMS, THEY LOOK IN THE DUSTBIN FOR SOMETHI–”

“Perhaps we should decamp to the hotel, sir!”

“…DEAD RAT AND THEY THINK IT’S A TREAT, IN–”

“You may have a point there, yes!”

The pair slipped down an alleyway to avoid an affectionate rendition of ‘Christoffer Schagerlind takes it up the arse!’

“Now do you believe me?” the minister grumbled when they had made it to safety. “Never mind anything else; Candelariasians just can’t cope with winning.”

“Never mind, sir,” Martino said brightly as the seas of Time Dilation washed over them. “Have you seen ‘our’ group in the Di Bradini cup? With the squad Williamson’s picked they should fail miserably and then all this’ll be forgotten.”

“Oh, you always say that…”

Martino opened his mouth to answer, but picked up the sounds of sobbing moments before his boss.

“Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh… *sniff* *sniff, oh! uh-huh-huh-huh…”

“It’ll be a Liv Eng fan, Dan. None of our business.”

“Oh, cheor up Donny lad. It's neet the end iv the warld. Honest tuh God, neene iv that wes real, yee knar?” a small voice hissed earnestly.

“Oh-kay, maybe it is our business,” Hernández conceded.

They turned a corner to see Donny Sackett slumped by a wall, crying his eyes out. The svartálf in front of the goalkeeper noticed them, and bit a lip.

“Aareet…?”

“No.”

“Oh, ahm soz, leek. Ah wasn't tuh knar the final wud be delayed by an extra da. Aa'd tuh ride him twa neets in a ra an' that is neet canny fo' anyone. Spehully neet we's who’s on the edge alreedy.”

Sackett snivelled pathetically. Hernández frowned.

“He’ll be alright, though? Long-term.”

“Oh, as reet as rain, sir! Once he's ha’ a few yeors tuh git owor the shock, leek.”

“Nobody can stop the polar bear, Gerald… Not even you…” Sackett mumbled.

“What did you do to him?”

“Oh, ah tyeuk him intee the heart iv eez deepest, darkest desires an' feors. Yee shud hev seen the polar beor, Mistor Hernández!”

The minister rolled his eyes. “I just wanted you to make him so tired he’d bugger up the final. Not so doolally he’d miss the game and end up like–”

“Stop! Stop the chicken, for the love of god!”

“Like that. What are we supposed to do with him now?”

The svartálf shrugged expansively. “Neet neermally me caal, tha’.”

“Great…” Hernández glanced at his assistant. “Dan, do we know if he has a family at all?”

“No children, no significant other. Mother dead, father advanced Alzheimer’s. And if I may, sir, I think I know a decent place to take him. We need to get to Starblaydia soon anyhow…”

And so Lyndon Hernández, Daniel Martino and an intermittently dribbling and weeping Donny Sackett travelled to Starblaydia. They climbed to the highest peaks of the western mountains atop llamas, correctly answered the riddle of the Guardian of Kh-T!ng (who was in Gar-Hallad on a geography field trip), covered themselves with forget-me-nots and entered the caves of the Fair Kin. Upon sighting the worlds’ most beautiful creatures Sackett’s weepy eyes lit up, and he joined in their moonlit dance while Hernández and Martino, taking care not to thank the Kin for their kindness (for that would never do), slipped out of the caves and began the long way trip to Hallad.

And Sackett danced and danced. Some say he dances still.

He doesn’t actually; having been rescued, much to his annoyance, by a party of skiers. Sackett eventually settled in Jhanna, where he resumed his old vocation as a personal trainer. He married a psychiatric nurse, a kindly, patient woman who was prepared to share her husband with the polar bear, and had two children. The eldest, Samantha, became a popular Starblaydi comedienne and joined with her childhood friend Cecilia to form the double-act Sackett & C., who went on to have a top seventeen single with a comedy version of Chesney Hawkes’ The One and Only. Donny Sackett died happy aged fifty-three, during an impromptu seal hunt.