NationStates Jolt Archive

After two devastating wars with Doomingsland and its evil allies, one driving Kahanistan from its old home in the Middle East, the second killing or enslaving many of the survivors and displacing the rest, the remnants, some 150 million, had, with Allanean assistance, found and colonised an island distant from many of its foes, but not so far removed from civilisation that it would become an isolationist society.

http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i206/Kahanistan/newrepublic.jpg

Generous foreign aid packages and desperate economic reforms, such as allowing foreign businesses to set up shop with extreme largesse, had rejuvenated the economy, but the leftists in the Senate and elsewhere opposed the moves as promoting income inequality and gradually turning Kahanistan into a capitalistic society not unlike the Questarian Commonwealth which had aided Doomingsland in its second invasion.

President Khalid bin Abdullah al-Omari, having lost much of his credibility with the left for capitulating to the Praetonian and Vetalian businesses which set up shop like so many McDonaldses, sought to restore some of his prestige before leaving office, as he felt certain he would lose the upcoming elections (http://www.forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13197822&postcount=1), most likely to the Communist or Nationalist Parties, the two most popular political parties after the upheaval.

To that end, he sent ambassadors to the Western Atlantic nations; Kahanistan had had experiences with some of the local nations before, but those relations had long since fallen apart acrimoniously...

---

Official Statement of the Free Republic of Kahanistan

Greetings!

We approach our neighbours in the spirit of peace, friendship and harmony, and those of us we have had relations with, we seek to renew them. In the interests of international cooperation, we invite ambassadors from all neighbouring nations to come to our new capital city of New Masada for discussions of international relations.

Signed,
Dr. Khalid bin Abdullah al-Omari,
President of Kahanistan

The Elders of Zion are interested in establishing diplomatic relations with Kahanistan.

The Elders of Zion are interested in establishing diplomatic relations with Kahanistan.
Official Statement of the Free Republic of Kahanistan

We have progressed much since the founding of our nation, for Allah's sake. I do not trust these Elders of Zion; do they follow the Protocols? If they do, I have no reason to trust them; if not, they should explain their support in the international polls for far-right religious extremists who are a tiny, marginalised minority these days.

Signed,
Dr. Khalid bin Abdullah al-Omari,
President of Kahanistan

"Our troops are mobilizing for war. We will destroy your dirty Arab government. "

Official Statement of the Free Republic of Kahanistan

"Dirty Arab government?" I am Arab, yes, and Muslim, and proud of it. However, we have been what the Hebrew-speaking segment of the population calls a medinat kol isracheha, a state of all her citizens, for many decades now, and have enjoyed a secular rule for that time. In fact, I am the only Arab Muslim candidate in the election. Most of the candidates are white, even though Arabs are roughly 40% of the population here.

Signed,
Dr. Khalid bin Abdullah al-Omari,
President of Kahanistan

[Trying to establish diplomatic relations with Western Atlantic. I don't think this is a war forum; I have yet to see a war in it.]

President of the Confederal Council Sarah Sacker had never even heard of most of the nations which littered Kahanistan's history, although an intelligence report informed her that one was a psychotic dictatorship under the absolute role of a heretic anti-pope who considered himself a Catholic theocrat, another was an aggressive corporatist state, another a relatively benign state known for opposing slavery and at least one had completely vanished from the plane of reality on which the Confederated Peoples existed in a fractal event. However, seeing as how the Kahanistanis were now in the Western Atlantic, she considered a relationship only fitting and conveyed this sentiment to President al-Omari in writing before seeing to all of the formalities involved. Of course, it was possible to expedite things somewhat and it wasn't particularly long before Ambassador Abban Kane was on his way to New Masade to establish, for the first time, a Confederal relationship with Kahanistan. The ambassador was a slim, muscular man in his late thirties with a full head of naturally red hair and a pair of striking blue eyes. He carried himself with an air of confidence as he arrived for the first time in this new land.

From the gallery of the Argäduränt, or Hall of Sighs, Eléanor Sabelinà spied on the future ambassador to Kahanistan like a butterfly collector examining some strange specimen. He drifted amidst the ministers and diplomats, nodding gravely, casting knowing glances, uttering a few sober words. A person was introduced to him and he was effusive with his courtesies, matching them to the status of the person before him, smiling his false smile. He wore a high wing collar and an air of too much dignity. His eager face betrayed a look of queasy illness.

When a superior approached he would pay servile attention, nodding agreement with every word. When he encountered an underling he acted aloof and unconcerned, occasionally providing a minor direction or a cryptic observation that he always found amusingly intelligent. He gravitated mostly towards the foreign delegates, where unsuspecting diplomats occassionally took him seriously. The countess kept hearing how something was quite out of the question, his government would never countenance it. She also often heard him observe that the next six months would be a make or break period in one endeavour or another.

‘What grade is he currently?’ asked the countess, frowning slightly.

‘He’s a functionary of the third class, Minister,’ replied the permanent secretary.

‘My god, what a fool,’ Eléanor exclaimed. ‘Where do you find these people, Vórtimer?’

‘I’m told he’s quite able, Minister,’ the gentleman assured her. Eléanor looked unconvinced.

‘Just make sure he doesn’t say anything when he gets there,’ the countess explained. ‘Don’t let him do anything, don’t let him talk. We might do well to be rid of him but not if he causes more trouble there than he would here. I have enough calamities of my own without any more to deal with.’

‘Yes, Minister,’ nodded the permanent secretary. ‘I’m told he usually gets along very well with everyone though. He has absolutely no opinions whatsoever, he tends to agree with whomever it is he’s talking to at the time.’

‘That’s part of what I’m concerned about,’ Eléanor frowned. ‘Do I need to write a letter of recommendation or anything?’

‘I’ll have the necessary documents placed on your desk, you need only sign,’ the permanent secretary explained. ‘I wouldn’t worry, Minister, he’ll probably be so shocked with the appointment that he won’t know what to do.’

‘Very well, make all the arrangements and we’ll have him promoted to the rank of diplomatic minister,’ the countess ordered. ‘Now on to more important matters, I think. First though, will you lunch with me at the Vernaùndel?’

In the capital, the President greeted the incoming visitors at the airport. He had much work to be done and so little time before the election results came in that would remove him from office; polls showed him receiving about fifteen percent of the vote, with slightly over half being split between the Nationalists and Communists, who so far were nearly tied.

He first extended his hand to the Confederal. "As-salaam alaykum," he said to the diplomat as he shook Mr. Kane's hand. He then spotted a man who, from the manner of his garb, could only be a Xirniumite; he knew it well. He gave the same greeting to this man.

"The Presidential Palace isn't too far from here," he said. "We can discuss relations there." He did not let on that he was slightly tired from showing around some royalty from Canadstein; his position did not admit of fatigue, not when he had mere weeks to establish diplomatic relations and a decent legacy before having to hand over power to whoever won the elections.

The Confederal smiled at al-Omari, "As-salaam alaykum, Mr. President. I'm certainly honored that you choose to meet us in person." He took the man's hand and shook it vigorously, "That sounds excellent, sir."

The Xirniumite smiled with cultivated effeminacy and casually nodded, shook the gentleman’s hand, repeated some meaningless platitudes that he had memorised on the trip, mentioned once or twice that Kahanistan’s latest foreign policy venture would constitute a make or break, kissed the president on the cheek in the traditional manner of greeting, nodded gravely to the Confederal beside him and exchanged a few unasked for solemn points of view, checked his pocket watch and looked important.

"I agree," said Mohammed Hassan ibn Malik, the Deputy Foreign Minister. "This will be a make or break." It was considered most unwise to have the Foreign Minister present; it was no secret that the Xirniumites wanted to get ahold of her for her actions while she was in the military. One thing was certain: whoever won the elections would be forced to remove her from her position.

"This is why we sent out communiques to all the Western Atlantic states. We are hoping to cultivate a new impression of our nation, one of a peace-loving state. To be honest, we had been working on this since the first disastrous Doomani invasion, but we have unfortunately been forced to increase defence spending at a time when our population is weary of war." A light bulb clicked in the Deputy Minister's head. "Ah. We have not been introduced." He extended his hand to the Xirniumite as the President introduced him. "This is Dr. Mohammed Hassan ibn Malik, Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs."

The ambassador nodded understandingly, but also as someone in the know, made a few excessively thoughtful observations on the deputy minister’s remarks, utilised three different mixed metaphors (‘how can we let sleeping dogs lie unless we stop beating the dead horse?’), overused his abstract nouns (“grandeur”, “solidarity”, “liberty”, “destiny”) and managed to describe something as a “turning-point” at least twice.

The honour of introducing the ambassador fell on his personal secretary. ‘His Excellency Sir Quintián za Varënnën, Baronet of Fimbúlorn, Knight Commander of the Order of the Silent Swan.’

‘Just “your Excellency”, please,’ the ambassador smiled, frightfully gracious and effete.

Dr. Ibn Malik nodded politely at the use of big, long words as his brain struggled to filter them out. "Your Excellency... might be pleased to know that our population is fed up with Allanea. During their last intervention to assist us, they saved many millions of people, but also burned down the Presidential Palace, killed many, derided our military capabilities, and kidnapped our leader at the time - and there is talk of Field Marshal Kazansky becoming a dictator. I can assure you that regardless of who becomes the next president, we will no longer be allied with Allanea, we will change Foreign Ministers, and we aren't remotely in position to be overtly interventionist for quite some time."

From the moment the deputy minister suggested zá Varënnën might be pleased until ibn Malik finally finished speaking the ambassador never stopped nodding his head approvingly, doubtless certain that the Kahanistanian would believe in his good faith implicitly. The news was encouraging and quite overdue, the ambassador remarked, it was the right decision, it would be a turning-point, but it was entirely for Kahanistan’s sake and not for his country’s – “all we can do is lead the horse to water, it’s up to you not to look it in the mouth”.

The Deputy Foreign Minister finally stopped talking. He eyed the Xirniumite politician quizzically, as if expecting a response now that he would no longer have to cut him off to speak.

The ambassador replied by looking questioningly at the little man, flashing him the smile of collusion he usually reserved for his peers. He panicked when the silence dragged on for too long and quickly took out a handkerchief so that he could clean his frightfully debonair monocle (purchased last year when the under-secretary of the economics section started wearing one).

After taking as long as he dared on his diversion (and all the while looking tremendously important and grave, as though weighing a paramount issue in his mind), the ambassador accepted that he had to say something.

‘Well as I say, we’re now at a turning-point in international affairs. But the right decision must be made, if Kahanistan remains locked in a vicious cycle she’ll only continue to spiral out of control.’

Mixed metaphors temporarily exhausted, the ambassador drew on his final resource, interesting conversation.

‘You know, speaking of spirals…’ za Varënnën began, ‘this reminds me a little of the curious bony pleural lobe structure of the Cambrian trilobite.’ The ambassador spent the next ten minutes describing to ibn Malik and the Confederals the various trilobite shale rocks he had collected on the Continent, certain that when he eventually finished everyone would have blissfully forgotten what they had been talking about in the first place.

"I am not familiar with that species," said the Deputy Minister. He turned to engage the Confederals in discussion, figuring that he'd at least ended the hostilities with Xirnium.

"It's only a pity the Amestrians couldn't be here," said ibn Malik. "If my memory serves me, they have undergone a change in government as well. I wonder how their new government would look upon us."

The Hogsweatian Government is interested in setting up relations with Kahanistan, a victim of the imperialistic designs of capitalist powers.

On behalf of the Communist Party of Kahanistan, I thank you for your compassion. My understanding is that this meeting, while aimed at Western Atlantic states, is open to any nation seeking relations with the Free Republic of Kahanistan.

While I personally cannot attend, if the Communists are fortunate, I will be elected President when the elections are finished. I look forward to meeting with fellow Communist leaders.

Signed,
Lt. Gen. Nadia Sklenova,
General Secretary, Communist Party of Kahanistan

Ambassador Kane shrugged slightly. He had mostly just observed the discussion between the Xirniumites and Kahanastani. The Confederated Peoples had not been involved in any of those events, "I haven't heard of it, either. Perhaps the Amestrians might pay their respects later. I am certainly eager to begin our discussions."

"Agreed," said Ibn Malik. "I have little information on your nation, or even its form of government. For our part, we're a socialist democracy with strong secular emphasis." His computer beeped, suggesting he had a message, but did not give the signal it would if it were very urgent. Probably election results.

"Despite the strained relations we have had with Xirnium, we're actually rather similar, especially with us now in less of a position to intervene militarily in other conflicts. We are both secular, left-leaning democracies, although we have a Washington-style executive and they have a Westminster system."

Kane was, in all honesty, a bit taken aback by Ibn Malik’s frank admission of ignorance regarding the Confederated Peoples. It was not exactly unusual. Confederal representatives meeting with other nations with whom the Confederated Peoples lacked any prior contact often reported the same thing. It was simply something that no one associated with the Confederal Department of Foreign Affairs would have ever done, even if they were meeting with someone from a tiny island republic with a population of 4,000, a subsistence economy and only one telephone. If they really hadn’t heard of a nation, the appropriate research was rarely a matter of more than a couple hours and rarely required more than a simple search engine.

Kane paused for a moment as he considered his words, speaking first to the President, “Your people are certainly welcome in the Western Atlantic. No civilized people could fail to be moved by the story of your people, suffering occupation, genocide and then exile from your original homeland. I don’t know if words…I don’t know if words can mean anything to your people after all of that. I can only, on behalf of my nation, bid you welcome. My sincere hope is that Kahanistan might come to be included in a broader regional collective security agreement which would ensure that the attacks launched upon your people in the past could never follow you here.”

He then turned back to the Deputy Foreign Minister, “The Confederated Peoples is a liberal, federal, post-colonial, multi-cultural, modern, social democracy with a collective, concordance-based political executive after the Helvetic model and a bicameral legislature consisting of a dominant lower house proportionally elected and an upper house serving only as a house of review and representing the Members, which is to say, the sub-national units of the nation. The working language at the national level is English although over a hundred languages are spoken. Secular might be too strong a word but we equally value our many different faith communities as well as our more secularly minded citizens.”

He paused a moment as though he were about to say something else and then returned his gaze to the President, inclining his head. “We would be honored to join you, of course.” He had simply replied to the President’s original offer to discuss more substantive matters at the Presidential Palace as though the group hadn’t been discussing other things for some time. He was ready to get down to business.

The Deputy Foreign Minister nodded. "We do plan to improve our own security. While the nationalist movements in our nation would oppose a mutual defence pact, I could see allowing nations to erect military bases in our nation that we are not hostile with, and especially with every other investor in our nation wanting bases... we could use a balance."

"We have four official languages: Arabic, English, Hebrew and Latin, as well as several other languages with over a million speakers. Almost everyone is capable of speaking intelligibly in English, and 90% of the population is bilingual."

"By secular I mean that there is no state religion, and virtually no religious influence in public policy. We don't do things like preach abstinence or teach creationism - well, not in science anyway, it comes up in theology classes. Religious organisations are forbidden to lobby politicians, so we don't become a breeding ground for one religious faction over another. There are a few small religious political parties, but they have collectively less than 10% representation in the Senate."

Kane shook his head slightly, "We have no interest whatsoever in establishing permanent military bases in any foreign state and it is both perplexing and a matter of some concern to us that you would choose to allow other nations to do so. That might be another matter for our discussions at the palace." He was slightly put off that, despite the invitation, the conversation continued to take place standing about outside, although he mostly hid it.

"How rude of me!" said Ibn Malik. "Come with me into the palace, it looks like it's going to rain in a few minutes. The reason we need bases is because we constantly get attacked and need a deterrent while we get our own military rebuilt." He led the foreigners into the palace.

Kane frowned slightly, his thoughts his own for the moment. He followed along behind the two ministers quietly. He clasped his hands lightly behind his back, keen eyes taking in every detail of the palace's architecture. He glanced briefly at zá Varënnën, studying the Xirniumite's expression. Shortly, his haze returned to his host.

Ibn Malik led the group to a table and sat down. "Mainly, of course, we're interested in forming new friends, new allies in this part of the world. Secondly, we're looking for economic and trade partners, and thirdly... we're trying to repair our international reputation."

Kane nodded as he took a seat himself folding his hands in front of him. "Obviously, I'm not authorized to commit to any formal agreement on any such matter but simply to open normalized relations between our two countries. However, I can assure you that the sort of invasions you've experienced in the past are simply not tolerated and won't be tolerated in this part of the world. I can also be of some assistance to Kahanistani businesses trying to set up operations in the Confederated Peoples."

"That is great, once our businesses gain strength to compete against the foreign ones flooding our market with APOC crap. If it were up to me, I'd enact an embargo on that whole alliance, even if it totally destroyed what economy we have."

The Alliance for the Preservation of Civilisation was a conglomerate of capitalist states with widely disparate forms of government. Some, like Praetonia, were liberal democracies, albeit with an imperialist bent. Others, like Doomingsland, were absolute monarchies with tyrannical, brutal rulers. A few were blatantly racist and misogynist, like Questers.

"Our businesses have their work cut out for them just surviving. I could see foreign shores being a less hospitable environment, though..."

Kane nodded, "I must stress once again that I am not authorized to enter into any official agreements on my own authority. However, I will say that both on principle and because we seek to minimize the influence of organizations like APOC on the Western Atlantic, my government wants to limit the influence and the presence of these nations who force their imports and their bases onto you and might be willing to provide substantial defense and economic aid to make their expulsion more feasible provided that Kahanistan were also willing to permanently sever such connections."

"We cannot formally act without provoking military action," said Ibn Malik. "We have two million soldiers, but only about fifty thousand are veteran combat troops. Most of the rest are either logistical... we have about 90% of our troops tied up in logistics. The others are ill-trained recruits and activated reserves. But when our strength increases to the point where we can resist them, we will. It's an open secret that we're merely biding our time."

Kane sighed heavily and spoke rather more bluntly than he would have liked, "Then why did you bring them with you when you resettled your entire population to get away from them? I don't know if endless forced foreign bases and trade are common in the parts of the world where you come from but in my entire life I have never heard of or encountered anything like this and, quite frankly, it would be silly if it weren't so tragic. This sort of thing simply does not happen in the Western Atlantic. The governments of this APOC thing are the dregs of the Earth and are not welcome in the region."

Kane held up his hand, "I'm sorry. I'm sure this will be something of an issue regionally but I shouldn't say anything else until I've received instructions from my government. Let's keep ourselves to the formalities of the presentation to the head of state and the establishment of the ordinary mechanisms of normalized relations in the meantime."

[OOC: While there's been a change in governments in II, since this started before the elections finished I'll use the old leader.]

"The President is in his office, I believe, unless you meant me to speak to your Head of State. He does have a tendency to pull a disappearing act. As for why we brought in foreign trade... they say hunger is the best sauce. When people are going hungry, a poor nation will accept unequal treaties. We moved our population to resettle, after our nation was irradiated in battle. They offered us trade and we accepted. There are few even among the Nationalists who will starve our people for political principles."

"Of course, the people will be discontented when they see themselves exploited as cheap labour. Our people are very patriotic. Some would prefer to be 'thin heroes than fat cowards.'"

‘But my good, dear fellow, this is simply intolerable!’ cried Sir Quintián after he had summoned the courage to speak, standing to his feet as he slammed his fist theatrically upon the table.

If the slightly effeminate, cultivated diplomat was za Varënnën’s staple persona, the mask he showed his more cultured colleagues, lisping slightly yet stuffy in his mannerisms, polite but casually callous, the very model of sophistication and worldliness, he also held in store other useful yet contradictory archetypes, interchangeable as the situation dictated. This was his swashbuckling, tough-guy character, his Churchillian statesman, casually disregarding of authority, laughing in the face of danger and adversity, wooing Xirniumite countesses with his dashing rugged manliness and offending those limp-wristed aesthetes as he simply told it like it was.

‘If it’s friends you need then, by Jingo, you’ll have them!’ Sir Quintián declared, puffing out his chest and jutting out his jaw in the manner of a fascist dictator, a thumb inside his jacket just the way he’d always imagined addressing the Houses of Parliament. ‘The good Ambassador is right, we don’t tolerate any of that nonsense here,’ he added with a grave shake of his head, pounding his index finger on the table. ‘The Europe-Atlantic is a civilised region, sir, under Goddess and Law. Send those cowards and villains packing! They can do their worst, we’ll just have to do our best,’ he promised grandly, with a knowing smile towards the Confederal.

Kane nodded a little, "My colleague makes a good point. There's no need for you to wait until you can stand on your own. You're moving to our region. We'll give you the economic and military support you need to make a fresh start in the Western Atlantic if you're willing to make such a thought. You are moving hundreds of thousands of miles and setting up on entirely new territory. It wouldn't be at all unreasonable simply to state that you were, not renouncing all these past associations, but simply leaving them behind and that continuity did not exist in regard to such unequal treaties."

"I would say economic before military. We'll only need military forces if we actually come under attack, God forbid," said Ibn Malik. "With a developing economy, we can produce or import arms at a lower cost relative to our purchasing power."

[OOC: Kstan - could you get on MSN at some point today?]]

‘Economics, man? Economics? But this is appalling!’ cried za Varënnën, who really was starting to get into the swing of things, and was rather enjoying this broad-chested character, this Don Juan. ‘Do you believe this, friend Kane? Economics!’

The ambassador flustered and puffed and generally worked himself into a state of uncomprehending, indignant exasperation.

‘I, sir, am appalled. And dismayed,’ declared za Varënnën, evenly. ‘That you can sit here, in all your complacency and arrogance-’ that a Xirniumite was saying this didn’t strike the ambassador as ironic at all, ‘-and talk of economics, whilst the slave-driver never ceases the crack of his whip, astounds me. Have you no self-respect, man?’ he asked, slamming his fist on the table, knocking over a glass of water, and then scrambling clumsily to pick it up off the floor and soak the puddle with pieces of paper from his folder.

After a moment he was ready again, though he blushed slightly and the moment had all but passed.

‘Economics!’ he scoffed, trying to get back to the point. ‘My good fellow, you don’t need economics,’ explained the ambassador with a sad, patronising shake of his head. ‘Just a few good sharpened feet of cold, Xirniumite steel would be enough to see these cowards off!’

"Yeah..." muttered Ibn Malik. Maybe if they didn't have one of the best navies in the world... While the average fighting man (or woman) of Kahanistan might stand a chance against the average APOC soldier, they were a lot more vulnerable to blockade, and there were a lot more APOC soldiers than soldiers of Kahanistan - even allowing for the fact that Kahanistan included women in its military and many APOC states did not.

"We do possess a nuclear deterrent, if the dung really strikes the overhead fan... but we have fought many wars, and our people tire of them. Let me simply state that we are biding our time."

Kane made little effort to hide his displeasure. This first visit to Kahanistan had turned sour rather quickly and without any proper discussions even beginning. He wondered if this was why new ambassadors to the Confederated Peoples were greeted by the Council, presented to the High King and then escorted to their embassies without much dilly-dallying.

He still didn't understand why the Kahanistanis, who were, after all, moving to the other side of the world, couldn't just have done with all those people who had neither interests nor any place in the region and start afresh with a formal break in continuity but he had given up and, by his silence, he indicated that he was simply waiting for the formal presentation so he could go rest.

"You seem irritated," said the Deputy Foreign Minister. "Perhaps a recess is in order, while we relax and I get Dr. al-Omari?"

"That sounds wise," Kane said. "I believe we've gone beyond the sort of discussions appropriate for such an initial contact. It might be best to continue with the ceremonies and leave the subject for the time being."

"That should happen sometime tomorrow. He is preparing to hand power over to his successor, but he will find time for the ceremony. Hopefully, the next administration will continue the good work we have started here, and the international community will stop laughing at us."

"Sounds good," Kane said.

"In the meantime, might I escort you to your hotels?"