NationStates Jolt Archive

The Chairman smiled, exhausted, yet pleased. His new house, on Isle Gan, was not only completed, but full of his things. That said, he still cringed at the word his, as it failed to recognize that they were all new, having disposed of nearly everything replaceable in his old apartment. A shame to lose it all, he thought, yet we need to use the materials, and what better way than to just start anew with a big move?

Pushing that thought aside, the Chairman continued thinking about what needed to be done. As construction continued on the Isles of Kikkr, with large stadiums and resort-like villages nearing completion, the day grew near for the qualifiers to begin. However, there was still time to wait, time for friendlies and practice, as the world fought for the 30 spots not taken by the Novapsolan and Ad'ihani sides. In addition, all of the first-timers were still convening in Sel Appa, in their pre-cup tournament, much like the meeting in The Lowland Clans attended by the Novapsolans.

So until all was ready, the Chairman could do little but wait, and relax. He walked over to his bookshelf, picking up a copy of H.G. Wells' The Shape of Things To Come, picked up on his last official visit for the World Cup Committee, and smiled.

OOC: This thread is for all pre-cup related RPs and such. A full RP thread, with the qualifying draw, will be posted at the appropriate time. All friendly scores scorinated by the hosts will also go here.

<Top gear theme song with funky graphics of fast cars and fast girls>

Dazza: Welcome, I'm Dazza Dallas and this is Top Gear Jeruselem. The bestest car show in Jeruselem because we are the only car TV show in Jeruselem!
Garry Barkson: Yes, I'm Garry Barkson, who has put up with this underdressed short bimbo here.

Abe Gaye: Never mind those two, I'm Abe Gaye - the only one who knows what he's talking about on this show.
Dazza: Coming up on this show! The Bike, that's me, roadtests a sportscar you can drive in city without worrying about an insurance bill in seven digits. Garry takes out the new City Hummer, which claims to be greenest one yet - that's green environmentally, not as in a green coat of paint. And we investigate - what's better Diesel or Petrol. Which is better the fuel! In our own unique way, we help you decide.

Garry Barkson: And the special guest for this show is Hikfie Dallas, one of Dazza's airheaded female relatives.
Dazza: Firstly, Abe Gaye went out in the desert to see if he didn't get himself killed on our roads in a new survival campervan called the Monolith 500.
Abe Gaye: Well, I can say it was very interesting experience ...

<Later>

Garry: Yes, it's time to put a star in our really crappy car. Let's welcome Hikfie Dallas!

<Hikfie Dallas turns up, crowd cheers>

Hikfie: Ooh, so good to be here!
Garry: First question, you do know your Auntie works on this show?
Hikfie: Yeah, but I keep on thinking this show was called Hot Gear Jeruselem for some reason.
Garry: This show is about cars and not one of Dazza's porn movies, but you never know.

Hikfie: I get it!
Garry: Why are dressed in one of Dazza's dresses?
Hikfie: The guards almost threw me out because I was a dressed like bit a Goth. Dazza had to stop them.
Garry: You look pretty good like that.

Hikfie: I suppose I am a Dallas girl!
Garry: You're pretty well known as JGN weathergirl and a football player as well as being a Dallas girl. How do fit with rest of the family.
Hikfie: They all think I'm dumb for some reason. This thing called an IQ test, I scored a really high 90.
Garry: That's below average, Hifkie, didn't you know that? So how to you tell the people the weather while looking intelligent and looking like you what you are talking about?

Hikfie: Easy, they just put a screen up and I read it.
Garry: Surely you know more about the weather than we do, all that mumbo jumbo about highs and lows and synoptic charts and troughs and rubbish.
Hikfie: That's easy, I memorise all that! The hard bit is working out what it means.
Garry: So you just keep talking and it works!

Hikfie: Yeah, don't ask me what it means though! Ask Kate Dallas.
Garry: Now, you know the IQ results for your other relatives?
Hikfie: Let's see Dazza got 140, Kate got 150, my mother Debbie got 120, and my dead sister Rashina 125.
Garry: So you're the dumbo in a family of geniuses? Maybe we can help you!

Hikfie: I don't know about that. Oh yes, my grandmother Natasha got 130 or something once.
Garry: Now, to cars. What sort of car do you drive. We all know your aunt Dazza Dallas is a totally Ferrari freak but what about you. What drives you.
Hikfie: I like bugs!
Garry: Bugs?

Dazza: She means a VW Beetle!
Garry: Thanks Dazza for that. I was getting worried Hikfie drives around in an hollowed out dead bug.
Hifkie: Yeah! Beetle not bug.
Garry: Well, they are an icon but they aren't the most fashionable cars in Jeruselem. In fact, it's got a Nazi history - the local Jews don't like it.

Hikfie: All my friends have Beetles. I got the biggest flashest one around!
Garry: Your friends are Goths right? The weirdos with funny makeup and bad taste in fashion.
Hikfie: Yeah, them Goths.
Garry: What's your driving like, insane like Dazza?

Hikfie: She's drives too fast, I keep below 50 miles.
Garry: That's slow, Dazza tells you have driving fines for being too slow.
Hikfie: That explains the driving fines.
Garry: So you're that Beetle I keep on passing on Tuesday. Not the Ferrari who keeps on passing me, we know who that is.

Hikfie: Yeah!
Garry: So how do you think you went on our track?
Hikfie: Fast! I think ... super fast.
Garry: Shall we see Hikfie burn up the track!

<Crowd shouts YEAH>
<video of a really slow lap>

Garry: That was fast! So fast, we could watch a few Dazza movies while we wait!
Hikfie: Was I that slow.
Garry: I think the Stig fell asleep.
Hikfie: So what was my time?

Garry: Dazza, she's your relative ... you can tell her.
Dazza: Four minutes, fifty seconds and well add point five seconds to that.
Garry: That puts your down there, near the carpet.
Hikfie: I should drive fast next time ...

Garry: Dazza, do me a favour and drive Hikfie home. We don't want her clogging up our roads! Say a thank you to Hikfie Dallas!
Hifkie: Aw, thank you!

<Later>

Hikfie: Did I look dumb?
Dazza: Smarter than normal.

OOC Yes, Hikfie is a complete dope

Elven Times
Two Flames a Phoenix
1st Page

For many thirty-seven years now, the ESF has cared for their colony Vyinta as a protectorate, but after tonight that arrangement shall be no more. Tonight, on a broadcast shown throughout the country, region, and those nations who have get EBC stations, Great Leader Tobias Raynor will sign into history the most important document since the forming of the Elven alliance those miliennia ago. With his signature, Vyinta and the ESF will change from two seperate entitites to the "Valanora" and which will be ruled much in the same way as the ESF was, however there will be a few significant changes. Districts will be redrawn in order for Vyinta to be alloted eight Senators to represent them. In addition to this, the Senate is being granted more powers when it comes drafting laws. They will now have the ability to overturn a vetoed law by the Great Leader, so long as they vote 75% in favor of the law when it has been vetoed twice. Despite losing absolute authority when it comes to the law-making in the country, the Great Leader has been granted some power in the military branch. He, or she, will be able to force the Military Council to accept/offer peace terms if he or she sees fit and it benifits the country.

For those of you who are wondering, the Vyintians will still retain their nationality, as will we, but this movement grants them all the rights that we possess in our country, as well as being allowed to vote. Native ESFians will also retain their nationality, but each will now be addressed internally and by foreigners as Valanorians. Not only does this new nationaltiy strengthen this move to combine our nations, but it also will hopefully reduce the confusion that many foriengers have when trying to address someone from the ESF.

In other news, this upcoming World Cup qualifiers and potential Proper will be of historical significance for other reasons than representing a new unified nation. The first Islamic follower will be representing the country. Midfielder Ali Alidare, who came through the ranks of the famous Valanari Academy will be selected for the squad. While likely being on the bench, this move by Constant shows the changing in the thinking of many of the country, that as long as they are able to perform their position adequetely, that religion should make no difference in who represents the country in international competitions. Previously, only Elunists and Taoists were allowed to represent the country, but with this step, the door is open to all the other players who were denied their chance based on their faith.

Article by Jermaih Derlac

Kansiov Post

Sports news

Coach Vidaya Yesser called promised that Kansiov will perform better than the last world cup. Fans of the new coach had been writing to him asking mainly about how training for the players have been going and what would be the starting 11 for the world cup. Vidaya Yesser however had serious doubts that Kansiov might even get past the World Cup qualifiers.

Expected starting line up.

4-5-1

GK Gustaov
LB Beloski
CB Ganskeyv
CB Ruliev
RB Fansieski
LM Dansik
LAM Juskiski
CAM Entioc
RAM Sibieski
RM Martins
CF Halrimi

Star Players:
Halrimi
Juskiski (C)
Martins

Star players are most likely to be in the squad. Other expected line ups are 4-4-2 or 5-3-2

In the spirit of competition, the Imperial Han Football Team wishes to accept any challenge from anyone. In fact, we'll go as far and accept every challenge from everyone. In fact, why not challenge the whole world while we're at it? HUH?


The IFA would also like to report that they're currently seeking a new international reporter to broadcast their matches, after the brief fiasco with a die-hard Confucianist and an annoyingly childish purple dragon. Reporter MUST speak Han (Korean/Chinese - ooc: please do not use a translator to translate (insert your native tongue) into Chinese; in fact, just use English), and must be entertaining without being too entertaining.

If interested, please submit any inquiry to the IFA offices in Hangyeong; we'll give you the address after you apply.

Ty Reed had watched the World Cup all of his life, all 18 years of it anyway. He was born too late to celebrate the first time Qazox had ever qualified for the World Cup. But now 22 years after that day, and three more World Cup appearances, Ty stood on the pitch at Qazian Memorial Stadium, to earn his place in Qazox Football Lore.

The first rays of light had barely begun to pierce the notorious Konoran fog as Adept Perri Lositan manuvered his way down the nearly endless hallways of Airden Castle. The hallways of the pink castle, headquarters of the One Holy Church of Sarism, was covered in a thin layer of moisture, making the floors a bit treacherous for anyone who wasn't expecting it. Some novices were deeply involved in the setting out of small, yellow plastic "slippery when wet" signs and mopping up the moisture in what amounted to a fruitless exercise, hoping that their dedication would result in some kind of future advancement.

The hall of the Order of Saint Hillan, known otherwise as the "Great Hall", almost carried the tone of a throne room. Long, flowing tapestries lined the wall between glassless windows which looked out on the countryside. Solan and Tyral were visible in the distance on a good day, but at the moment the hall seemed to be floating in the clouds. Standing on the inside of the door, Perri handed his card to the page and waited for his name to be announced.

"Adept of the Order of Saint Lorren, His holiness Perri Lositan." the page cried, handing the card back. At the front of the room, the Partiarch Meia Lowe looked up from a newspaper. "Oh, yes, Lositan." She said, motioning him forward and taking a drink of her coffee. "Come in, I need some excitement this morning."

"I was summoned?"

"Yes, yes. Sorry to get you on a Sunday, but it was something of a critical nature."

Perri perked up a bit. "What is it, ma'am?"

The Patriarch growled and took of her hat, setting it aside next to a half eaten donut and ran a hand through her short brown hair. "Here's the story. Today will be your last ceremony with Lorren."

Perri felt his spirits drop for a second.

"We're forming a new order. Something unique. And you're going to be in charge. Comes with a promotion, too."

Perri blinked once or twice. "What?"

"Congratulations, Holy Father." The Patriarch said, tossing a green scarf at him. "You're going to be the head of the Order of Saint Vianna. In charge of spreading the word of the Church."

"What do you mean?" Perri asked, wrapping the green scarf of station around his neck and letting it hang down.

"Well, a wide number of other nations celebrate in a far more pagan fashion. Pity, really, that they're all going to burn in the afterlife. Which, of course, is why you're here. You are to spread the word of the one true path to the rest of the nations of earth so they may all be saved. You shall have free choice of clergy- the best and most skilled will be necessary, and you shall inhabit a new temple, that's been under construction for some time."

Perri stood there and blinked, watching the Patriarch pull her hat back on and stand up, taking the Holy Staff from a Novice who handed it to her and decended from the Seat of Saint Hillan. "But, of course, noone would want to deny you your curtain call. I believe it starts in a few hours, and I wouldn't want to miss it." She said, smiling and winking as she walked past, her long robes trailing behind her.

Perri waited for the Patriarch to exit, than turned and ran, skidding out the door and sprinting down the hall.

The ride on his motorcycle to the temple was a bit frantic, the end of his scarf flapping in the wind as he weaved in and out of traffic. Parking in the underground lot for members of the church, he quickly sprinted up the ramps, into what amounted to the dressing room. Other members of his order, what used to be his fellow Adepts, were already dressed for the service and deep in prayer, causing a number of angry looks when he barged in, followed by confused and shocked bowing for a member of higher station. Spitting out a jumbled, backwards version of what happened to him that morning, Perri quickly changed into the colorful uniform of his order for service and knelt, completing the interrupted prayers with his order. The lights in the dressing room swayed gently as they finished, the hymns and chanting of the faithful audiable though the layers of concrete above their heads.

A Primate, dressed in the cerimonal black of his station, stuck his head in the door and nodded, signaling to the order that the service was about to begin. Following the Primate, they turned down a series of hallways, joining the visiting order, looking out onto the temple pitch. Outside, the faithful jumped in unison, singing and awaiting the start, sending tremors though the entire building.

Then, with a nod, the players processed out onto the pitch. It was a beautiful day for a Final, and the Lions of Saint Lorren were neck and neck with the Friars of the Honorable Parish of Tyrol all season, and it was clear an on-match confrontation would be the only way to settle it. Perri looked down at the ball, marked with the crest of the Church to signify that it had been measured, weighed, and examned, suitable to take part in holy ritual.

The Head Primate for the day's festivities approached the center of the field, looking between the forwards of either team. "The Good Lord smiles upon us this day." She said, placing the ball back on the spot. "Make sure he doesn't regret it, eh?" she continued, glancing at the centers and withdrawing a coin from his pocket. "Home, Call it in the air."

"Heads."

"Heads it is."

"We kick off."

Nodding, the Primate withdrew, Perri's left wing moved in to take the kick, watching the patriarch walk outside.

"Ready?"

"Ready." The winger replied. "A great Sunday for the game."

Prux is happy to be involved in the 37th World Cup, and as such will be using President Glenn Quagmire as offical ambassador to all countries Prux will play in the qualifers!

To quote the President: "Giggity, giggity, .....Alll riiight!"

New team announced

Eight of the Rouge-et-Noirs from the World Cup 36 winning team have retired, opening up places for fresh new talent. The most familiar name among the remain players is undoubtedly that of attacker Iol Et, who has been announced as the Rouge-et-Noirs' new captain.

The team will benefit from a formidable attacking trio, composed of Et, Elmi Guirreh and Jamilah Shahrour, working together as starters for the first time.

Among the complete newcomers are brother and sister Yuto Takahara and Naoki Tonnelier, who complement each other as attacker and defender. They are not, however, listed as part of the starting eleven.

Finally, the team's new third goalkeeper, Jarl Knudsen, cuts a striking figure. 1m98 tall, with pale blue eyes and a broad-shouldered build more reminiscent of a rugby player, he is nicknamed “the flying mountain” by his team-mates. Tu Wesh will be the first goalkeeper, replacing Cassie Lee.

"It's a new generation," coach Jane Sanderson said. "Some are more experienced than others, but all are very skilled, and keen to show that their generation can live up to the example set by their predecessors."

"Buy yourself a Champion!" campaign

As always, the Ariddian Football Association is eager for Ariddia's top players to gain increased experience by playing for foreign clubs. Capitalising on the team's World Cup victory, the AFA has launched a campaign encouraging foreign clubs to "buy themselves a Champion!".

The players below are listed as available for transfer to clubs abroad:

Armel Moboko (gk, m, 30) from FC Riverton (Ariddia)
Wol Asu (fwd, f, 28) from Asuswe FC (Ariddia)
Ann Cove (mid, f, 32) from Cité-Belle Centre FC (Ariddia)
Heather Rodriguez (mid, f, 32) from Vilanglois FC (Ariddia)
Sylvain Bernard (fwd, m, 30) from New Hope FC (Ariddia)
Jamilah Shahrour (fwd, f, 27) from Rêvane-Est FC (Ariddia)
Hwang Kumchol (mid, m, 23) from none
Jarl Knudson ("the flying mountain") (gk, m, 22) from Rêvane-Est FC (Ariddia)
Si Ewe (mid, m, 21) from Club Espérence (Ariddia)
Es Chichirua (mid, f, 21) from FC Alasel (Ariddia)
Yuto Takahara (fwd, m, 22) from Blueton FC (Ariddia)
Naoki Tonnelier (def, f, 19) from Blueton FC (Ariddia)
Jean-Charles Thomas (mid, m, 23) from FC Nord Haven (Ariddia)
Marek Petras (mid, m, 23) from FC Clairsemis (Ariddia)

Kura-Pelland manager Andy Woolworth has declared he is targeting World Cup qualification at the second attempt after new KPB rankings put them above all other teams in the WC36 cohort and furthermore above the WC35 cohort as well.

Despite the disappointment of losing the Cup of Harmony final on home soil to Dance 2 Revolution, Woolworth is still optimistic.

'If we can play consistently - and we showed superb form at times in the Cup of Harmony, but weren't consistent enough - we will qualify,' he declared at a press conference. 'Our players are getting better and better, and we have some great young talent coming through.'

Kura-Pelland are likely to be fourth seeds in a group of eight working identically to WC36; the team punched above its seeded weight in finishing fourth last time, and anything worse would be perceived as disastrous. 'We're on the up, so the rankings do underestimate us a bit - if we can keep getting better, I think we can finish third, and then it just comes down to performance on the day really...'

Rushmore Independent News Association
Naomi Scott reporting

Baker admits Lan ‘handling’ errors

Mark Baker, the coach of the Candelaria And Marquez national football team, has admitted publicly for the first time that he and his staff made mistakes in their treatment of the Langate incident during the Cup of Harmony.

In a pre-written statement given in front of a gaggle of press; Baker acknowledged that he “had failed to take full heed” of doctors’ warnings over the right-back Lancelot Albret’s mental health, but that “responsibility must be shared around a great many people, who failed Lan and failed in their duty of care to the C&M travelling party and the safety of Kura-Pellandi civilians.

During the cup, the thirty-one year-old Albrecht FC star Albret eloped from the team hotel, re-emerging days later after a heavily-publicised search for the player atop a clock tower in the capital city of Trilan, clutching a young hostage and proclaiming the presence of a bomb. Baker is believed to have played a part in coaxing his player down. Albret was later detained by a local magistrate, on charges of abduction and public disorder, only to disappear again from his cell.

Despite the insistence of the C&M Foreign Ministry that they were not in any way involved in this second disappearance; the incident has caused a minor diplomatic kafuffle between Albrecht and Trilan, with full relations and trade between the countries temporarily suspended. Since the two nations had no previous formal relations prior to the Cup, this has not caused particular concern at either end, but both governments have expressed regret at the current state of ill-feeling.

The C&M government are, however, believed to have paid considerable reparations to Kura-Pelland for the damage caused to a historical clock in Trilan, the time spent by various security organisations, and mental anguish caused to Albret’s abductee.

Refusing to answer further questions from the floor on the matter, Baker claimed ambitiously that his statement would “draw a line under this affair”, and that he looked forward to concentrating on the Big Blues’ World Cup 37 qualifying campaign. He declined however to comment on the make-up of the squad, and the press conference dribbled away to something of a farce.

Scorpions strike for overseas signing?

Rumours continue to abound that Albrecht FC are set to unveil the most expensive arrival in the Candelaria And Marquez Soccer Championship’s (CMSC) history.

The champions of four of the past five seasons are one of only three Division One sides yet to confirm their one official international signing, alongside Marquez-Onwere and Turks KT who both have Cafundése money burning a hole in their pockets. Other clubs have struggled in attracting star names to the Candelarias, settling instead for players from regional neighbours, but new AFC boss Trevor Organ appears keen to replace his lost right-back with a talented foreigner.

*Entrance Theme*

Gary: Hello and welcome to match of the Day! i'm your host Gary with two other not quite beutiful guests Alan! and Pete!
Alan and Pete: Thanks Gaz!
Gary: Okay putting aside all domestic games today, we'll first take a look at the highlights of Solenial's 2-0 win over Siros F.C in a friendly today.

*Big TV starts the Highlights*
[5 Mins Later]

Gary: Alan, what did you think of Solenial's performance today?
Alan: Well, I think the Coach has done well to the club. He has lost Captain Van Frigh and Goalkeeper Palema for the time been due to injuries, and he's brought in two young players, King and Pieterson. here you see by the clip,

*Clip plays*

Beas King has everything spot on, with the Accomniement of Marisemo, the 32 year-old, he has gained experience and being a young lad is getting along very well. Here when you see the goal, Beas calculates it so brilliant, not being caught offside, running through and burying it past the keeper. As for the Second goal, the penalty, Marisimo is clearly tackled very badly and Physio's say that the striker has a broken ankle...

Gary: And the Ref didn't give a card...

Alan: I know, this was clearly a tackle from behind and, i think, a red-cardable offence. As for the actual penalty, King was the only candidate to take it and boy did he. King buried it in the bottom-left-hand corner, sending him in the wrong direction. Beas King scored two goals in his international debut, that's a good sign!

Gary: How do you think they'll do in the World Cup?

Alan: Given the way they played today i'd say the Squad has potential, and the sighting of a new talent. King and Van Frigh should do excellent in the World Cup and i think there's a possibility they could Qualify.

Gary: Strong words they're by Alan, Now to Peter, how d'you think Siros F.C did?

Peter: Yeah well, i haven't much to say, the team were rather strong but the most i could say is that they were Average. Siros couldn't survive on the next level unlike Sol F.C, i don't think they'll qualify but i think they'll do rather well indeed.

Gary: Before we go, Sol F.C have announced they're squad for the upcoming World Cup...

Freiderik Palema - 23 y/o Goalkeeper
Adam Huntley - 19 y/o Goalkeeper
Petr Harson - 29 y/o Goalkeerer
Cameron Shorez - 19 y/o Right Back
Kan Chong - 20 y/o Right Back
Graeme Bell - 21 y/o Left Back
Nicky Jones - 19 y/o Left Back
Thomas Wrightson - 19 y/o Centre Back
Xavi - 18 y/o Centre Back
Ricardo Nuno Fríse - 17 y/o Centre Back
Tommy Harses - 22 y/o Centre Back
Craig Tugay - 21 y/o Right Winger
Tom Shansk - 20 y/o Right Winger
Ben Eagles - 31 y/o Left Winger
Fenton Baines - 27 y/o Left Winger
Robinho Jonéz - 20 y/o Central Midfielder
Diago Marezonio - 19 y/o Central Midfielder
Wayne Cutter - 18 y/o Central Midfielder
Fred - 17 y/o Cental Midfielder
Neuville - 26 y/o Right Forward
Carlos Van Frigh (C) - 20 y/o Striker
Beas King - 17 y/o Left Forward
Partick Senna - 23 y/o Right Forward

That's all we have time for today, News on the Domestic League 7pm tomorrow Goodbye!

*Exit Theme*

The theme for the Sunday Game on in the locker room, a lively orchestral score which slowly faded away to the voices of announcers. "A fantastic finish for the league trophy today, with the Lions coming out of the top side of a hard-fought 3-2 victory over Tyrol. As always, I'm Albert Greenlay, here with Edward Lon, and I have to say, Eddie, a hell of a match today."

"That's right, a stellar performance by Perri Lositan, as we hear that he's being promoted to Father of the Order of Saint Vianna, with an eye to representing the Church and the Nation against the pagans across the world."

"Of course, now one has to wonder who will be tapped for service in the new Order. The most likely player, at least the first one to come to mind, of course, is Adept Karina Ross of Saint Richard, scoring champion of the last year."

"Turn that shit off." Perri said, changing in front of his locker.

"Yes Father." an adept said in hushed tones as he turned off the TV.

"You don't need to call me that, you know, I was given my position six hours ago."

"Yeah, but still, it's so... unusual to be promoted in such a fashion, though."

"It's a new order, it's not like I'm taking it over."

"Not to mention you're so young." Another adept, this one a woman said, listening to the radio on a headphones.

"I am not so young, I'm 26." Perri mumbled.

"You know that all of the Fathers in the last year were at least 33."

"Well, maybe they're out for my career earlier."

"That's true, you could be one of those 75 year old Fathers who are in charge of running one of those little kiddy youth leagues." The girl said, streching and changing out of her uniform.

"A heartwarming thought, to be sure." Perri said, shoving everything in his locker into an old gym bag. "Well, time to do some things."

A chorus of "see you later"s came from the other players as they gathered around the TV again, turning it on and listening to Albert and Edward break down the play by play of the holy service.

"Now, back to the upcoming Pagan World Cup- you've seen a good amount of international play in your day, Albert, any ideas on strategy?"

"Well, I figure that an immensely physical game played by the Church might present a unique challenge, but the strategy will center around those selected to play."

Perri sighed. That was the problem, actually.

Hacker yelled at the hacks. "YES, IT IS THE SAME BLOODY SQUAD AGAIN. YES, YOU CAN WRITE WHAT YOU LIKE. YES, WE ARE STILL GOING TO PLAY AS DEFENSIVE AS POSSIBLE. Now let me go on holiday in peace."

http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/kskfootballjersey.gif http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r56/kelchek/kskfootballjersey-away.gif


Pos. Age Caps Team
Richard Davis GK 34 21 Capital FC
Petr Zherdek GK 29 6 Kirkenes FC
Claude Chamonix GK 31 8 North York

Mikhail Gobrynin D L/C 32 34 Clayquot City
Pierre-Luc Dubois D C 22 19 CF Outineau
Jonathan Hanson D/DM C 22 6 Arlingsdale Eagles
Francois St. Louis D L 21 9 Castors de Outineau
Simon Avant D R/C 33 61 Kirkenes FC
Gordon Symonds D R/C 25 25 Coquitlam United

Ian Colwyn DM C 26 54 Coquitlam United
Jean Despatie M C 24 27 Vickery Jaguars
Sean Birtles M C 28 65 Pentiction Town
Kenneth Regehr AM R 25 22 Mazinaw Stallions
Kyle Anderson M L 29 74 SC Saint-Remy
Jean-Luc Fournier M C 21 9 SC Saint-Remy
Charles Fletcher AM L 26 12 Capital FC
Rory Smith M C 31 26 Castors de Outineau
Vincent Arsenault AM/F C 27 60 Ulyanov Wolves
Tony Archer AM/F C 26 31 Kirkenes FC

Ian Sinclair F C 24 19 A. F. F. (Cafundéu)
Douglas Crawford F C 29 20 Clayquot City
Henri Cournoyer F C 25 31 Langlois Oceanic
Denis Couture F L 23 7 Kirkenes FC

Hot chips, a BazaBurger, BazaCola and potato scollaps where spread across Andrew Coulter's table as he tucked into a bit of lunch...

"Let's see what we have here." he said as he pulled out some sheets of paper getting the grease from the chips on the paper...

"Good, the Archregimancy has approved our friendly..." he put the piece of paper down and looked about. In a bit of change of habit, tradition, Andrew Coulter put on the BazFM broadcast.

The radio blared as he finally finished his lunch, just as he was licking his lips before getting ready to get back to work a breaking news headline caught his attention. "Atheistic Right, A nation renouned for it's unusual take on evolution has suddenly disappeared, what is unusual about this national disappearance is that there it was immediately replaced by an already existing nation, a nation of mice. We have indeed confirmed that this nation is the nation of Miceland, who once performed in various sporting events in Atlantian Oceania and the World. It is unknown how or why they have returned but they have already signed up for the upcoming 37th world cup hosted in Adihan and Novapsolu. More on this breaking news as it comes, this is Edgar Heath for BazFM news."

"Why not?!" asked Andrew Coulter

"Why not, what?! What are you upto?" asked his secretary who always seemed to be around and the most inopportune moments.

"We're going to Miceland for a pre-cup friendly."

"but why?"

"To show we're friendly of course... and to wipe the floor with them."

"Riiight, Bazalonia who's what 17th in the world compared with a nation that was technically eligible for the BoF? Was there any doubt?"

"No, buit still, I believe it's a good gesture. We'd be extending our paws.. I mean hands to them in a sign of friendship."

"And shouldn't you like ask them if they want a friendly first, who knows the Miceland of first time might be totally different now?"

"Fine, I'm typing up a letter now...." He said starting to type a letter however before he could even go 2 sentences into his letter it seemed an envelope appeared on his desk addressed to him."

"I don't remember getting any new mail."

"Well, I don't remember giving it to you, come on open it.... I bet it's from Miceland."

And it was graciously accepting the offer of a friendly Miceland was agreeable on hosting the friendly.

'TWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET" The coach's whistle blew after the first day of practice. Ty Reed hustled over to the center circle from the corner, where his group had spent the last 2 hours practicing taking corners.

"All Right you wanna-bes. This here is the New Head Coach of the Pheonix, Jason Fowler. He's from Jeruselem. Spare your complaining, the QSC (Qazox Sports Council) decided that after 40 years of home-grown coaches, maybe what the teams needs is a new persective. So with-out further ado, your new Coach!" The coach in charge of the practice said, after everyone gathered around.

"Thanks Coach Marks. As you already heard,i I'm Jason Fowler. And no I do not know Dazza or any other of the Dallas Clan, to forestall those questions. I am from Jeruselem, originally, but have spent the last 5 years coaching in Cafundeu. Qazox is a team on the brink of greatness, and I'm here to kick the team up to the next level. Yes getting to 4 of the last 6 World Cups is good, but the team has fizzled out in the 1st round each time. No more. You 40 people are here to earn a spot on the team. I don't care if you've started every match for Qazox in the last 2 qualifers, or if you're here trying out for the team for the first time. As of now, no-one is on the team, except for me and the coaches you see here today. I know Coach Turek came up through the ranks, and his style was good enough to get your foot into the door, but my style is to kick it down and march right on through. If you don't want to work your ass off, leave now. First things first, I know you all just finished a 2 hour drill session, but i want 10 laps around the stadium... the outside. First person to finish, gets to take the first 20 minutes of practice tommorrow off. What are you waiting for.. GO!" Coach Fowler bellowed.

Ty Reed got up, and was the first to leave the stadium, and after the 10 laps were up, he lost out to another man, finishing a couple of steps behind him.

"Damn.. almost had it. Next Time it's mine." he thought as the rest of the 40 players started trickling into the stadium.

THE SERMONS OF FR. JOHN THE NEW DAMASCENE

'Let us Pray for Footballing Forgiveness'


Dear Brothers in Christ, I come to you today with joyous news. The reign of intolerance at the Monastic Football Association is over. Together with the Holy Synod of the Archregimancy, I can announce to you this day in this monastery devoted to the Blessed Theotokos that the conservative faction have been cast out, and control of the MFA has been returned to those of us who would take a more tolerant view of the sins of Ordinary Reality.

Is not God's judgement righteous indeed? Have we not seen this regime of intolerant denouncements lead to our international footballing ranking falling from 10th to 20th? As surely as the iconoclasts' constant defeats against the pagans and heathens led to the Triumph of Orthodoxy, so it is that the conservative faction's constant defeats against the nations of Ordinary Reality have seen the Triumph of a new approach of tolerance and love for all of God's children.

Now, let it not be thought for one minute that I approve of the waywardness and manifold sins of the nations that we must play in the World Cup. No. I stress again that it is our hope that, in time, all nations shall turn to the One True Church and embrace the Fullness of Orthodoxy.

But, I ask you, what is the best way to encourage these other nations to set aside heresy and schism and join the Orthodox Church? Is through intolerant denouncing of their customs and habits? Is through finding fault in each and every one of their actions? Or should we not indeed follow our Lord and Saviour's injunctions to do unto others as we would would have them to do unto us, to turn the other cheek, and to love our enemies. I tell you this day that only through gentle loving kindness can we bring our opponents into the Church. By all means let us kindly and gently point out the error of their ways, but not to denounce them as evil before they have a chance to understand the beauty of our ways. The behaviour of the conservatives turned other nations against us, and surely this was a most grievous sin, ultimately harmful to both the Church and our Holy Monastic Republic.

With this in mind, we have prevailed upon the Holy Synod to lift the anathema against Az-Cz, to permit our squad to accept a challenge of a friendly from the amoral crusaders of Jeruselem, and to offer forth this prayer:

Lord, God our Father, if during this day we have sinned in word, deed or thought forgive us in Your goodness and love, that we may glorify You, Your Son and Your Holy Spirit now and forever and ever. Lord Jesus Christ, in Your great mercy You prayed for the forgiveness of those who crucified You, and You taught us to love our enemies and to pray for those who persecute us. Lord, I pray that You forgive those who treat us unjustly and speak out against us, and that You bless them and guide them according to Your will. Take away any bitterness I may have in my heart against them. Lord, may Your forgiveness, goodness and love be revealed in all of us, to Your praise and glory. Amen.

Kate Dallas and Scarlet Ferris annoying Kate's husband

Prince: What you want girls?
Kate: Kids for the first thing!
Scarlet: I want what Kate's got.
Prince: Don't fight over me, you two. And you're not here just to talk about me.

Kate: We're playing the Monks in friendly! Now, isn't that what you call exciting.
Prince: Yes, that will be an interesting game. The Whore of Babylon vs the Holy Synod.
Kate: Yes, and I'm the Whore herself!
Prince: I can't disagreed there Kate.

Scarlet: So I'm co-whore then?
Prince: How about you get special jerseys printed up for that?
Kate: Hey - he's right. I'll wear a special jersey with 13 Whore of Babylon printed on it.
Scarlet: And me, 20 Co-Whore of Babylon!

Prince: Will the coach allow that?
Kate: Hey, I'm the Crown Princess - I have veto powers.
Prince: Well, that's settled then.
Scarlet: Hey, I heard Qazox has a new coach!

Prince: Jason Fowler of Jeruselem, no idea who he is.
Kate: I don't think my Mum has slept with him either.
Scarlet: I heard he does most of his coaching overseas
Prince: I'll ring your mother about him, she'll know - even if she hasn't slept with him.

<Later>

Prince: Hello, mother-in-law.
Dazza: Just call me Dazza, I don't like being called a mother-in-law.
Prince: I heard Jeruselem at playing the Monks
Dazza: I'm excitied, I want a piece of the action. I'll be there, don't worry. The monks better watch out, me and Kate are going test their Holinesses.

Prince: Anyway, I assume you're really geared up for the Monks.
Dazza: We'll make sure they'll know who the Dallas girls are
Prince: I think they'll try to avoid you lot
Dazza: We'll find a way, no man can resist a Dallas girl - isn't that right?

Prince: Yeah, your daughter has got me. Hey, who is this Jason Fowler?
Dazza: Oh the Qazox coach? Don't know too much except he's learn his trade outside Jeruselem. I heard unlike soft mushy me, he's a hard man.
Prince: Like tough army type
Dazza: Yeah, without being in the army. I heard he's really mean. I guess he gets results that way. I think spending to much time in Cafundeu turns people into hard-nosed capitalists who have no pity on the poor!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v338/Oli55/teleoliunlogo.png

Une nouvelle chaîne nationale de restauration ouvre ses portes en Oliverrie!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v338/Oli55/Timmiescafe.png

Two months ago, in one of my reports, I was speaking about a potential new restauration chain that could open, thanks to a join collaboration between two former Oliverrian pro sports star players. Antoine Larocque, player for the Oliverrian national soccer team in the 31st World Cup, and Stéphane Aubé, player on Team Oliverry in World Cup of Hockey 1, stated, two months ago, that they could start a new coffee shop in Oliverry. Well, the first store was opened on 11, Rue Centrale, Marshalliston. Why in Marshalliston's City Centre? "Because we wanted to have more people to come by here, say hello to the sympathetic people making them coffee, donuts and other eatable things" has said Stéphane Aubé when asked. The store has been dubbed Timmies' Café. When asked about the name, Aubé responded it was a reference to an online game he is playing, known as WorldNations. He told us he created a nation known as "Canada", where people would fight each other because one part of the country was English and another was French. He also told us the name came from the popular coffee shop located in that fantasy country. When asked about the name of that coffee shop, he never wanted to give it.

Antoine Larocque, on his side, is controlling the marketting aspect of the company. "We are planning to open a store is every Oliverrian provincial capital to begin. After a couple of months, we might open other stores, depending on the demand for it" Asked about the concept of franchises, Larocque said that he was open for franchises, but that he would wait until the company gets successfully implemented before selling franchises to other people. "For now, we're going on the principle of Owned & Operated, but things should change in some months, look for it."

Finally, both Antoine Larocque and Stéphane Aubé invited everyone to come drink some coffee, eat some donuts or to eat some Sandwiches. Decidedly, they're really interested in becoming a national symbol! For TéléOli, I am Benoît Melanson, in front of the first Timmies' Café, Marshalliston

The Albrecht Herald Online/Breaking News

Baker unveils WC37 Squad

Big Blues coach Mark Baker has confirmed his twenty-three for the forthcoming World Cup qualifiers, providing several surprises along the way.

Possibly the most notable omission is young striker Rex Sandstrom (Castillo FC), a regular substitute and occasional starter for Baker’s C&M, who is believed to have paid the price for his drink-fuled antics at away games. With fellow forward Joel Grillo the only retiree from the previous squad; Baker brings in Ignacio Vélez (MarquezOW) and Dan Davis (Port of C), players both in their early twenties. Their selection ahead of more experienced rivals has already caused indignation among certain club owners, manager and players; but Baker in his press conference was keen to stress the requirement of “bringing in outstanding young talents who can genuinely hurt opponents of international quality”. He extended his apologies to twenty-goal-a-season CMSC strikers such as John Galloway (Castillo FC), Alex Stromberg (Albrecht FC) and Carlo Hone (Turks KT); but these did not represent the last of the surprises.

In midfield, Baker drew gasps from the room by announcing that twenty-three year-old Ben Head would supplant Luis Enrique Torrealba (Albrecht FC) in the first XI. The Green Island holding player has yet to play a full season in the CMSC after last year’s Division Two campaign for the Negroes. Neville Bagshaw of KT Hotspur, seen by many as a shoe-in for the role, has already described the decision as “suicidal” on his personal website.

There will however be few qualms about the arrival of José Felipe Cassumba Domingos. The nineteen year-old “Cassa” has already established himself as a key player for Marquez-Onwere, with his club coach Garcia Gomis describing him recently as “the first player from the shores in modern times with a real chance of attaining ‘world-class’ status.

In C&M’s vital defence, the injury-prone Kieron Tomlinson (Albrecht FC) has as widely expected been sacrificed, with Cup of Harmony star Adrian Mazzeo (CandelariaAM) and newcomer Doug Szczechowicz (A.Turks) in competition for the starting berth at left-back. Walter Jordan replaces he-who-must-not-be-named as the second-choice right-back; while Albrecht FC captain Sam Young will get the chance to finally stake a claim in the centre if Peter Waddington starts to feel his age.

Oberon Martinez (A.Turks) is the sixth native Spanish-speaker in the squad, but will likely have to make do with the third goalkeepers' jersey.

Baker also confirmed his side’s availability for pre- and mid-Qualifying friendlies, for preference at home to top 50 countries, and away to lower-ranked nations and newcomers.

[Lyle] And that’s it for the final Premier League Review of this season, with Fort Boston regaining the title after going three seasons without it following a final day win against Port Flamerty. With the title back in Fort Boston, the capital won’t be sleeping tonight. So it’s goodnight from me, and see you in a few months time for next season.

The closing theme of Premier League Review plays, only to stop abruptly a quarter of the way through, with the scene cutting back to the studio, which had been quickly changed to show WC37 graphics

[Lyle] Well, couldn’t leave you another year without international football now!

But first, we’d like to tell you about a competition we’ll be running throughout the World Cup qualifiers, and the World Cup proper. We’ll be asking a series of questions after Bostopia games on World Cup Review regarding a number of football-related subjects. If you send in all the correct answers, with questions ending after the Group Stage of the World Cup, you win a brand-new SCOOTER!

We’ll be back with you in just a few moments, but first, a newsbreak.

*** Ad in local Jeruselem papers ***

Are your friends bored of looking at churches, synagogues and temples? They too lazy to get out in the desert to see ruins of old cities. Or are they not the religious type anyway? Sadly in Jeruselem, there's not many places too have fun. Sure you could cruise the illegal brothels on the outside of town but we recommend you don't even think about that.

No, we have a solution - it's called Kinky Kitties. It's the nightclub for the party animals in Jeruselem. Owned by the one and only Dazza Dallas and her family, it's the happening place. It's where bored visiting football players choose to have a little fun after a hard football game. It's where the girls and boys are hot, and where you can dance to latest music. The bar is staffed by Dazza Dallas look-alikes and you might even bump into Princess Katherine Alexandra Dallas in there too.

We have thousands of loyal fans of our club. So if you want to impresss your new partner, find a partner, enjoy the company of Jeruselem's young people or just pick up someone from the bar ... Kinky Kitties is your place. We have standards, we won't allow our patrons to get drunk or violent, nor allow bad manner people there. The food and drink is priced reasonably and we don't water down your drinks.

For those who prefer to live it up with the upper class, we have special rooms for those kind of people. If you prefer to avoid the peasants, we can cater for upper class events too. Business meetings with a bit of spice, no problems! What about that big party you want, we can so that too. If you want naughty, Dazza's got the men and women for the job.

So, Kinky Kitties - the place for fun and as our boss once said "Let's have some fun!". Admitted she was a drunk when said that.
We have clubs in all major cities except those stupid little towns in the middle of nowhere.

Check it out at www.dazza.com.jew/kinkykitties

For three weeks, the 40 men and women sweated, bled and at times cried, but finally the day everyone was waiting for had come, the day when 40 would become 20.

"All right folks. Gather round the center circle." Yelled Jason Fowler. As everyone finished gathering around, Fowler stood in silence for a moment. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I've been priviledged to see 40 hardworking people for the last three weeks. While only 21 of you will make the team, you all proved yourselves worthy to play for me. So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, the roster:"

Ty Reed heard name after name called. "Freel, T. Hacker, Hunker, Torres.." After twenty names had been called, and none sounding like his, Ty hung his head and slowly began inching his way towards the back of the group, so it would be easier for him to get into the locker room ahead of every one else.

"The final roster spot for the Qazox Pheonix World Cup 27 Squad is: Ty Reed," bellowed Fowler.

Ty awoke seeing the coach staring at him, "Wha.. what happened?"

"Son, I hope to hell that you don't have a history of fainting spells, or else you'll be cut," said Fowler.

"Cut?.. what huh?" Ty said shaking the cobwebs out of his skull.

"Reed, join your teammates, we got one more hour before it gets dark and we're going to practice until it is dark, Congrats kid, you impressed me very much."

Ty almost fainted again.

Ariddia prepares to welcome guests for World Cup qualifiers

The qualifying stages of the World Cup are a time of increased tourist influx into Ariddia, as supporters come to watch their national team take on the Rouge-et-Noirs. The influx may be relatively limited, but the Ariddian economy depends on tourism to a significant degree, and the PDSRA has an image of friendliness and inclusiveness to uphold.

“We have museums, a thriving culture, spectacular landscapes, forests and beaches, and a warm climate most year round,” says Secretary for Culture Serge Rivage. “We invite the world to come and experience all we have to offer.”

Consequently, Ariddian tourism authorities have unveiled a series of new posters welcoming foreign visitors to the country. These posters will also be displayed in Ariddian embassies and cultural centres abroad, and sent to travel agencies.

http://img255.imageshack.us/img255/3606/multicultural5b2vw3.jpg
Ariddia is often seen as a francophone country, but it is in fact multilingual and multicultural, welcoming visitors and immigrants from all over the world.

http://img65.imageshack.us/img65/726/promotionalot5.jpg
Most visitors who come for the World Cup will have heard of Cassie Lee. This poster will greet them as they arrive in one of Ariddia’s international airports.

http://img65.imageshack.us/img65/2576/promotional2eg9.jpg
Ariddia has promoted its image of unspoilt natural beauty, but visitors may also associate it with the the Snurfs (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Les_Schloumpf).

http://img65.imageshack.us/img65/1459/welcomebhm8.jpg
Associating natural beauty and human culture. The Wymgani people have a unique culture and traditions which have shaped Ariddian society as a whole.

Greg Hughes walked into his office and phoned up Jon Fields.

"Hey Jon"

"Hey Gary"

"World Cup time again"

"Woohoo"

"Ya"

"Ready to qualify second in our group, and then fail to get out of the group stage?"

"You know it"

"I'll get working on the roster then"

"Dictator Roland, it's World Cup Season!"

"Great! Now's Miroxia's chance to prove they're good at something! Work on the roster! It's our first Cup, and our home crowds will be huge! I want young talent, veterans, and some of the Miroxian Soccer League's best players!"

"Yes, sir!"

Solenial Herald

Sol F.C Update

Sol F.C have today announced that Carlos Can Frigh (Striker) and Freiderik Palema (Goalkeeper) are now fit to play. Palema, also known as the root of Sol F.C has been out for 5 months due to a fractured Rib after the Coshast Utd v Jerkravk City game last year. The Sub Keeper for Sol F.C Adam Huntley has done very well in the Root's absence and therefore the nation expects him to get 1 or 2 Caps in the Upcoming world cup.

http://www.soccerhypnosis.com/images/soccer%20goalkeeper2.jpg
Palema playing for Coshast Utd...

The Team have just came from the snowy nation of Dovent today, where they returned with another victory under there belt. A 19th Minute goal by Tom Shansk put Sol F.C ahead but an Eaqualiser soon came from Hoz Xadie, however Dovent's attack came to a halt when Partick Senna scored in the 61st Minute and a Goal by Carlos Van Frigh (Subbed on in the 69th Minute) scored in the 81st Minute with a cracking bicycle kick.

Beas King had to be subbed off in the Dovent game following Back Spasms, he was replaced by recently recovered Van Frigh who the scored. King is expected to miss the first one or two matches of the world cup, but with the excellent performance Senna, who plays for Oisi in the SKPL, is expected to replace him there as the manager also believes he has great potential.

That's all for today, thanks and Goodbye!

The Spenson Star

They're out there. (Football fans, that is.) And they're in here, too.

Step into the Larsen family room some afternoon after school, and you might find a brother and sister squabbling over who gets to use the computer: a scene repeated innumerable times worldwide. But a closer glance at the screen reveals an interesting program running: it's a simulated version of World Cup 36.

"Gimme the keyboard!" protests David, 9. "I wanna rename the monks."

"Uh-uh!" retorts Susanna, 11. "You're just gonna make it crash again."

"Naw, you did that. It doesn't crash when we don't play Zwangzug."

The program, like Spenson's twin city of Abadia, is from Cafundéu. The Larsens are from Zwangzug, however, and enjoying the game. Football has experienced an inexplicable surge in popularity nationwide, perhaps due to the success of the national team, which will soon begin the qualification campaign for World Cup 37. Its coach, Doodypants Mcgimpy, is still recruiting substitutes for a forthcoming roster.

"We used to get by with one substitute of dubious legitimacy," he said. "Now we've got three, and that's not counting four that look somewhat normalish." It is expected that the roster, when completed, will feature several female players, albeit none in a starting role.

"Come on, give it here," Susanna rolls her eyes at David. "Let's set up the set pieces."

"I want Andrew to take a penalty shot! Why can't he?"

"Cuz of what you did back here, doofus."

The "beautiful game" is attractive for its simplicity, and there's a definite irony in its popularity nationwide. Nevertheless, claims that one gets what one pays for certainly have arisen around this program. Getting any free programming from the notoriously capitalistic Cafundéu has been viewed as an achievement in itself. "Maybe the HURD hacked it", suggests Calvin Murry, 14, referring to a robotic team. Calvin's version of the Zwangzug squad won, lost, drew, and failed to advance because of goal differential. "Familiar, huh? How do we beat Ariddia 4-0 and lose 7-2 to Atheistic Right?"

"I think it has a lot to do with random numbers," suggests his cousin Miranda Chen, 17. "Like, every time someone tries to score, they take the skill of the striker and compare it to...hey, I think I know why it crashes."

The Larsens come to a similar realization. "Could I put myself in there as a player?" David asks. "I'm number one, woo!"

"What's Simon Ryne then?" Susanna retorts.

"Number..." A few deft clicks with the mouse later, "ten. And you're going to be on Jeruselem."

"So what?"

"So the girls are all...I dunno."

"Smart, huh? You see their IQs?"

"Fine, then, you die! And we'll have a moment of silence for you."

Susanna's eyes flare. "Uh-uh! That's stupid." (The Zwangzug team's reaction to Jeruselem's quiet memorial for a deceased player was not made public due to a media blackout, and that's probably for the best.)

The only thing special about these kids, though, is that nothing at all is. Soon, their parents, who grew up in total isolationism, will seem as quaint as their grandparents, who remember a disorganized collection of city-states. While a new generation grows familiar with the rest of the world, if only in these simplistic ways, they still retain arrogant disdain for some foreign tendencies.

"You're so short, you should be Az-cz."

"Hey!"

"They don't even have a one-three-seven in this game."

"I told you, you have to change the formations. Otherwise it crashes every time someone tries to score against Zwangzug."

"So? Then they never can."

It's Friday evening, 5:47pm to be precise. The sun has been setting earlier by the day in the northern Scandinavian island nation of Naleloospalakintula.

In the capital of Fynulùc, newly appointed national coach Þórir Hallbjörn hears a knock on the door; "Come in, it's open". His apprentice secretary, Sally, comes in and sits down on his lap.

"Oh Þórir, I've got some good news for you". She whispered as she plays with his hair gently.

"Your parents are away this weekend? You know I got a place of my own, right?"

"No, not that! It's actually business-related. Our FA's application to join World Cup 37 was successful, we're in the qualification rounds with around 100 teams!"

Mr Hallbjörn shifts Sally off his thigh, and walks over to the window which overlooks the national pitch. Upon the cold window, his breath creates a fog as he murmurs "...crap". He draws a frown, a picture that shows the emotion that's loomed the office for many years.

Sally tries to lift his spirits. "It's not that bad, surely? You've picked a strong team, thanks to the revival of the national league. Fans and players alike are roaring". She wraps her arms around him, "We're on your side, baby".

"Sally.." Þórir replys, "If everyone was on my side.. they'd flash me".

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v495/juvanya/turtletimes.png
New Squad Rumors
NEMNENAIT—Rumors are flying around the football world that the FFSA is putting together a new squad for the 37th World Cup. There has long been the belief that star player Estevez would retire as early as World Cup 33, but he and most of the team stayed on. Now with his public announcement of retirement from international football and soon domestic, as well, there is much speculation about the rest of the team. Goalkeeper Vasily Kashchenko reportedly put out his back during the Oxen CUP 3.

FFSA President Henri LePoivre announced he would not seek another term in office, clearing the field for a potentially heated battle for the FFSA presidency. Former Department of Sports secretary John Hunter and FFSA Boardmember Sharon Eiboln are front-runners in the upcoming race. Hunter plans to maintain the status quo, while Eiboln opened up the possibility of many new changes to the FFSA and the National Team. Some sportswriters think she may want to open up the National Team to females: a very divisive position.

Despite all the reshuffling and announced retirements, Coach Charles DuPont has elected to continue coaching and managing the team. His trademark optimism has been said to greatly boost morale and was once parodied (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12407364&postcount=705) in the Cabbage. DuPont is "open to any changes the FFSA has planned," including the inclusive inclusion of female players.

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FFSA Presidential Campaign Heats Up
NEMNENAIT—The sudden departure of longtime FFSA President Henri LePoivre has shaken up the football world just when 85% of the national team retires. The retirement of LePoivre leaves a huge power vacuum in the organization that governs Sel Appan football. Two people quickly stepped up for the prestigious office: former Department of Sports secretary John Hunter and leading FFSA Boardmember Sharon Eiboln.

Each of the two have radically different ideas. Hunter wants to maintain a status quo, rolling back some of Henri LePoivre's plans. Eiboln wishes to make huge changes, possibly even allow women onto the national team. After the initial stage of the race began, Senior Boardmember Georges DesMontagne has stepped in as a moderate, to solidly maintain Henri LePoivre's work.

How exactly is the FFSA president elected? It all starts with the announcements of candidacy. After they are filed with the Election Committee, speeches are given to coaches, boardmembers, and FFSA workers. A debate is held two days before the election to solidify the candidates' plans. The election itself gathers the entire FFSA board with all 30 coaches of the professional Domestic League in a meeting hall. The Chairman of the Election Committee opens up the meeting describing what is to happen and proceeds to begin the election. An electronic ballot tabulation system is used to tally up the votes. A 51% majority is needed and if achieved, the winner will become the new president. If not, a second round of voting occurs. If no majority is still achieved, the candidate with the least votes is eliminated each round until a majority is reached.

A straw poll is usually held among the existing boardmembers:
John Hunter - 5
Sharon Eiboln - 4
Georges DesMontagnes - 2

In a secret government office, officials and scientists were sitting for an important meeting at Jerusalem Cybernetics Corporation.

Boss:
OK everyone, we finally found the file for the missing subject experiment in Project New Human. As we all know, the project wasn't working well. We basically took a bunch a prostitutes a while ago and gave them disease vaccines for free, but they didn't know it was a special gene manipulation drug. All the girls were given the same drug to make them younger, smarter and stronger. James, tell them results so far.

James:
Yes, the drug was supposed to sterilise the girls so they didn't have kids. In all cases we've checked on, it is the case. Mixed success with this gene manipulation though. In most girls, the change didn't do much and most died naturally without kids or any children. A few are still alive, but those ones are single women with no kids and they are younger, smarter and stronger - and sterile. We misplaced one subject fle and we have found it.

Boss:
Now, let's open his file! Who is this girl we tested. I fully expect just another normal girl who's died already so let's the name first. We'll get our researchers to find out what happened to her. And the girl is Natasha Dallas ... oh ... OH MY GOD!

James:
Let me see that!

<Everyone looks the file to see if they made a mistake>

Boss:
OK, we checked - this is THE Natasha Dallas. The mother of Dazza and Debbie Dallas. Actually, people don't panic! I think this is good news. We tested it on local girls and it doesn't seem to work on our local girls but it works on Ariddians for some odd reason. Looking at things, we created the Dallas clan! A family of superwomen. I am disturbed it didn't sterilise Natasha though. Any thoughts James?

James:
Well, I think Natasha got the faulty test one in a handling mistake. That one did not have sterilisation component. It seems the final one was a dud and our test one was the good one. My theory is we made a mistake with final batch, we need to recreate the Dallas test one again.

Boss:
So our Crown Prince married one of our monsters James? What do we do?

James:
We do nothing, look what Debbie and Dazza Dallas has done for our nation, and I think Kate will be fine princess. The other Dallas girls all seem to be smart young professional girls with lots of ability above their peers. Well, Hikfie is a worry though.

Clerk: I think they dropped Hikfie on her head by accident during birth.
James: Good, and she's dumb but a good person - so she's doing well despite that.

Boss:
Good, we reopen Project New Human. We need the Dallas batch recreated. Actually, Dazza Dallas is coming over here for visit next week. Everyone here be real nice to her, she's our monster but if all genetic experiments looked like Dazza Dallas - it'd be heaven.

Ariddia announces referees for World Cup 37

The PDSRA has announced that it will be sending six referees to the 37th edition of the football World Cup. Most notable among them are Dharamjit Singh and John Namthavisay, who are expected to to serve as referees at high level matches.

Mr. Singh is known as a polite but no-nonsense referee, who applies the rules strictly.

Mr. Namthavisay is renowned for his smiling, friendly attitude, and assesses fouls on the basis of intent, cracking down particularly hard on obviously unsportsmanlike behaviour.

Ariddian referees for World Cup 37
Dharamjit Singh
John Namthavisay
François Gaspard
Jane Southerton
Marie Lecap
Vince Savaga

San Adriano to send referee to World Cup

The Sovereign Village of San Adriano's World Cup history has, so far, been remarkably brief. The tiny microstate took part in World Cup 27, played its sixteen qualifying games, and crashed out with only two victories - both of them 1-0 wins against the unfortunate Spaamanian Plijous.

After that, San Adriano vanished from the world football stage, and today lacks even an official national team. Its single club of semi-professional players (SA Village United) lingers on the lower levels of the Ropatopian Football League.

Now, the country is making its timid return. Not with a football team, but by sending a referee to the World Cup.

Arianna Ceccoli is San Adriano's only qualified referee. She mostly serves as referee in the lower tiers of the Ropatopian League, and has never refereed an international match. At the age of 27, she is eager to move into the world stage.

"It's a little daunting," she admitted, speaking English (to her, a foreign language) with an accent. "But I'm not inexperienced. And I hope to do my best for the Cup."

She said she was "very firm" with the rules, but "I think I know when to be flexible".

Ms. Ceccoli also has a part-time job as a professional garderner in San Adriano and neighbouring Uhuh-Topia.

Pasarap eyes qualification

MEICE -- The World Cup group draw is still months away, but that hasn't stopped team manager Ostalir Pasarap from setting high expectations for his squad.

"It's pretty simple," Pasarap told reporters gathered at the VFR headquarters in Meice. "I think this nation has the necessary footballing talent to make a concerted effort to qualify. Last time around, we were brand-new to this, and we came out of the qualifiers with a winning record. We're just a stone's throw from a top-50 ranking, and I think the momentum we have is going to carry us forward, maybe into Ad'ihan or Novapsolu. Of course, it'll depend largely on who we come up against in the qualifying group, but I think we can get it done."

It is likely that many other nations of the so-called "Class of 36" are feeling the same way, with Kura-Pelland, Candelaria And Marquez, Daehanjeiguk, and others finding themselves at a similar point in their development.

You whelps.

Guess who's back?

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FFSA President Elected
NEMNENAIT—After three rounds of tense voting, FFSA Boardmember Sharon Eiboln was elected president of the FFSA. She promised to "bring the FFSA into the future" and mentioned that females would be allowed onto the team for the first time ever. This news will finally allow the national team to resume selecting new players. Election results are below.

First Round:
John Hunter - 18 (44%)
Sharon Eiboln - 15 (37%)
Georges DesMontagnes - 8 (19%)

Second Round:
John Hunter - 17 (41%)
Sharon Eiboln - 16 (39%)
Georges DesMontagnes - 8 (20%)
Georges DesMontagnes is eliminated

Third Round
Sharon Eiboln - 23 (56%)
John Hunter - 18 (44%)

JUAN TZIMISCES

Or, A Vision in a Dream
A Fragment

By Samuelo Coleridges
An Imperial Poet


In our city fair did the Basileus
A stately stadium-dome decree :
Where Juan, the sacred player, ran
Through terraces measureless to man

Down to a sunless field.

So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round :
And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills,
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree ;
And here were forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.
But oh ! that deep romantic ground now planted
Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover !
A sporting place ! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By supporters wailing for their team and lover !

And from this ground, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
A mighty match momently was forced :
Amid whose swift half-intermitted play
Huge forwards vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail :
And 'mid these dancing squads at once and ever
Was flung up momently the sacred player.
Five miles dribbling with a mazy motion
Towards the goal the sacred player ran,
Then unleashed a thunderbolt as he alone can,
And sank in tumult to a lifeless ocean :
And 'mid this tumult Tzimisces heard from within
Ancestral voices prophesying the win !

The shadow of the dome of pleasure
Floated midway on his form ;
Where was heard the mingled measure
From the terraces and the stands.

It was a miracle of rare device,
A sunny stadium-dome with stands of ice !
A supporter with a dulcimer
In a vision once I saw :
It was a St. Mary's City maid,
And on her dulcimer she played,
Singing of the Meteora.
Could Juan revive within him
Her symphony and song,
To such a deep delight 'twould win him,

That with music loud and long,
He could win within that dome in air,
That sunny dome ! those stands of ice !
And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry, Beware ! Beware !
His flashing eyes, his floating hair !
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And scored a goal in Paradise.

Blackout to Lead Riskbreakers
Assegai Developments would like to formally present its new National Team manager, Blackout, who has not only undertaken the responsibilities of running the team, he will also provide transportation for his players in his Sikorsky HH-53 helicopter mode.

“I am proud to become a member of this organization,” said Blackout at the team’s pre-World Cup qualifying presentation. “I know that this team worked hard to get to where it is now, but I plan to take it all the way to the top.”

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Blackout addresses Assegai media at a formal press conference held at Cathedral Park.

Afterward, Blackout posed for media photos…

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Mikaela Eyre Reporting

As the sun started to dim, the stage was nearly set. Workers had brought out nine bowls, each containing 12 specially-made balls, circulated around the podium. 8 of the bowls were labeled with a number, with the last one containing the 12 groups they would be sorted into.

Looking over the placement of everything, the Chairman couldn't help but be uncomfortable. As he fiddled with his tie, he couldn't help but think about the odd wardrobe these Terrans felt they needed for formal events. All these layers? So unnecessary, not to mention this choke toy. He couldn't help but long for the traditional robes of the Novapsoli, though they were not fitting for this occasion.

However, there was no time to dwell. Soon would be the time for the entrance of the other WCC members, as well as the delegate from his co-host, Ad'ihan. A long night was to start soon.

OOC: The draw will be posted in the regular RP thread, which will open in the next few hours, as will the draw.