NationStates Jolt Archive

Here are some rejistani-allanean jokes from the 'tani':
(some explanations are in white text)

To: all Rejistanis working in Allanea or Allaneans working in Rejistania
From: unknown coward
Subject: Confused about your nationality?

Hi, if you think that during your long time abroad you might no longer be a citizen of your nation, at least in so far as it is a mental state, read further. I have developped a set of easy questions, by which you can determine your true nationality:

1. Does your car cost a 5 digit amount of money?
If you answer yes here, you might be Allanean. If it was only because its worth is in lil'kansu, you might be rejistani.
If your answer is no here, you might be Rejistani. If it is because you actually spent more (in Allanean dollars), you might be Allanean.
1100 lil'kansu'ny = 1 USD
2. Did you watch more than one soccer match?
If you answer yes here, you might be Allanean.
If you answer 'this week? of course' or laugh hysterically, you might be Rejistani.
If you answer no here, something is seriously wrong with your life. We will not get into that. :P

3. What do you think is the solution to the problem of traffic jams?
If you answer 'more lanes' here, you might be Allanean.
If you answer 'more patience/etju' here, you might be Rejistani.
etju is public transport and for most rejistanis the best way to get from A to B
4. Do you always want to have the latest gadgets?
If you answer 'yes' here, you might be Allanean.
If you answer 'no, I can hack mine to include these shiny new functions' you might be Rejistani.

5. How many stations does your TV have (regardless of how many are actually used)?
If you answer with a one-digit number, you are most likely Rejistani.
If you answer with a two-digit number, you might be Rejistani.
If you answer with a 3 digit-number, you might be Allanean.
If you answer with 'as many as needed' seeing your media-center does not limit you in that respect, you are most likely Allanean.

6. What is the past tense version of: 'The cat jumps over the dog'?
If you answer: "The cat, it did jump over the dog" you might be rejistani.
If you answer: "That d*mn cat jumped over that f*cking dog" you might be allanean.

7. You hear someone outside your house trying to climb into the window. What do you do?
If you shoot that bastard until he does no longer move and then again to make sure, you are most likely Allanean.
If you help your kid in and then lecture him/her about coming home that late, you are most likely rejistani.

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A Mweni saw the Relekhakansa statues of Inkatil kali in Rejistania on TV and decides to visit them. He goes to the nearest station and asks how to get to Inkatil kali, Rejistania. No one knows where that is and he is sent to
Liberty City. In Liberty City, he again asks how to get to Inkatil kali. No one has the slightest idea where that is and they send him to Praeton. From there he is sent to Machinegrad, from there to Sike kali and from there to Inkatil kali. It took 3 weeks, but the statues and the temples were absolutely worth the time and money. When he wants to return to Alel-Semwunuenda, he goes to the central station in Inkatil and asks for a ticket and a travel plan to
Alel-Semwunuenda, Allanea. The rejistani clerk replies: "East or West Semwunuenda?"

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Syku and Kansu are maybe the most fanatic soccer fans in Rejistania. They did say that the one of them who dies first has to find out whether there is soccer in toheri and report the other one. After Kansu died happily after the victory of TAHAI!, Syku has a vision in his dream: He sees Kansu. "'jida, tahoj! I did not forget what we joked. 2 news, I have for you, one good and one bad!" - "you found out whether there is soccer in toheri?" - "There is, every sunday, there are matches between teams of the greatest players!" - "Oh... and what is the bad news?" - "Next sunday, you are on the lineup!"
toheri: the place where you wait for a new reincarnation
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An allanean general inherits a parrot from his secret rejistani 'relation'. For an obvious reason, he keeps him in his buerreau. The parrot knows only rejistani and greets everyone who enters with an informal: "Hejida, meru'he'xe!" (hello my friend). The general is annoyed by this but all attempts to teach the parrot a different behaviour fail. One day, somsone recommends to him to wear his best uniform to the bureau. the parrot will surely understand what that means. Since the general tried about everything else, he does so on the next morning. The parrot sees the general, seems to think a bit and then says: "Kansa'xen Neneriva!" (Glory to Neneriva!)

(traditional greeting on one of the numerous rejistani holidays, which involves dressing up in costumes and a parade to honor the god of lightning.)

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An allanean employer wanted to hire a programmer, but it is important for him that the programmer speaks honestly even to a higher-ranked person. Therefore, he prepared a test for the prospective employees: he asked them a write a small program, but the computer he leads them to has no compiler and no decent editor. The first programmer skims the system and does not find his tools, then tells the boss. The second programmer runs several searches and then tells the boss. After the third programmer, a Rejistani was led to the computer, the boss needed to go somewhere and later was distracted by other occurances in the company. Three hours later, the Rejistani came and showed him the program, which was very spartanic. It turned out that the rejistani wrote it completely from scratch in a hexeditor. The boss asked, slightly concerned about the madness: "Why haven't you said that there is no compiler?"
"I am rejistani. You think I run from a good challenge?



So, what are yours? Don't flame and use other nationalities only if they agree to it.

(I'm fine being the butt of anybody's joke, if I'm sufficiently well-known to insult.)

When Zwangzug and Unkerlantum had their space race, they found out that normal pens couldn't work in zero gravity. So Zwangzug spent years and lots of money to develop a pen that could work in high or low gravities, underwater, and in extreme temperatures. The Unkers used a pencil.

*

Someone from Zwangzug and someone from Unkerlantum go camping in the mountains. In the middle of the night, the Unker wakes up the Zwangzugian and asks, "What do you see?"

The Zwangzugian responds drearily, "I see hundreds of stars."

"Good. And what does that tell you?"

"Lots of things. By the position of the stars, I can see that we must be facing north. Astronomically, I can see that the moon is waxing. Meteorologically, I can tell that there will be clear skies tomorrow. Theologically, I imagine the beauty of the cosmos and our relative insignificance. What does it tell you?"

"Someone stole our tent."

How does an Unker put out a fire?

~By smothering it with corpses.

Kedalfaxian President James Linnenbach, Sheridanian President Charles White, and Audlanden President Amanda Duncan are in a plane. President Linnenbach says, "I will make someone very happy," and throws a one hundred Conargo bill out the window. President White says, "I will make two people very happy," and throws two one hundred Conargo bills out the window. President Duncan says, "I will make myself very happy," steps out onto the tarmac and picks up the three hundred Conargo.

A Jeruselem Protestant, Moslem, Catholic and Jews were talking about their sex lives.

The Moslem said "I have many wives, that's good!"
The Catholic said "I have one wife, and too many kids. Which isn't good."
The Jew said "I have one wife and not enough kids. Which isn't good"
The Protestant said "I don't have a wife yet, but I have two sisters. That's good."

The Catholic asked the Protestant how come he had so many kids without a wife.

The Protestant said "Well, my sisters have the kids for me. I don't need a wife."

...

You are true Jeruselem Geek if
10. Your computers uses more power than the rest of the house
09. Your PDA is more powerful than the neighbours new computer
08. Single-core CPUs are for babies
07. It ain't wireless it's not worth buying
06. You have one PC for yourself and PS10 for yourself and everyone else can get stuffed
05. Virtual Strumpet is a required piece of software
04. You allocate programs to each CPU
03. DRM is evil, it must be destroyed
02. Wireless broadband is your best friend
01. You've got a 16-core Hyperthreading Intel CPU-based PC with 8 nVidia 9900GTX video cards dedicated to rendering nude images of Dazza Dallas on a 100" screen as you don't have a holodeck yet

You know you are a rejistani geek if:
0. You know assembler and at least one high-level programming language
1. you use several operating systems
2. you optimized your kernels for your hardware
2a. you coded your own patches for that purpose
3. you laugh at the ideas of one CPU and CISC
4. you program mikre-ably (mikre (from english 'to migrate') is a program to transform text from one character set into another one)
5. your computers are passively cooled
6. you use either filesharing (Rejistania has very lax filesharing laws) or konihekta (the state-owned ISP, which only allows connections with 14.4kB/s)
6a. You own CDs which allow you explicitely to share them
7. You argued X11 vs SeA (two GUIs), TAREN vs SI-X, SI-X vs UNEK (operating systems) and SisViRe vs USisVi (filesystems)
8. you know more operating systems, more architectures and more window managers than you can count on one hand
8a. that takes into account you use binary.
8b. all of them are OpenSource
9. you probably get laid in the next life
10. 16 MB ought to be enough for every application

You know you're a Zwangzug computer geek if:

1. You went to the AIU
10. You've been to Plutoni
11. You programmed a robot to kickbox
100. Your robot speaks (descriptive) English better than you do.

This is Strators favourite joke, thus it is the people of Strators favourite joke:

Q: What do you get if you place Strator against the entire world

A: A desecrated landscape left with only the great nation and its leader

His personal favourite statement is:

"The majority of the world are below average intelligence"

But in terms of humor, the funniest thing in Strator is:

Torturing traitors and spies!

His personal favourite statement is:

"The majority of the world are below average intelligence"

Ironically, he used the word "are" in a place where the word "is" should have been used.

:p

Ironically, he used the word "are" in a place where the word "is" should have been used.

:p

the majority of the world are more than 1 person. Therefore, it should be treated as a plural, even though it's not really.

Anyway, to put that aside, i'm fine with my country being the butt of jokes.

the majority of the world are more than 1 person. Therefore, it should be treated as a plural, even though it's not really.

Actually, the subject of the verb 'to be' in that sentence is 'world', which is a singular noun. By every known rule of English (and most of the made up ones), the verb ought to be 'is'. If the sentence was 'the majority of the world's people...', then the subject would be the plural 'people' and 'are' would be appropriate.

EDIT: Also, that would resolve a great deal of ambiguity in the sentence. 'The majority of the world' would likely refer to water, as the majority of the world is water. Alternatively, it could mean the molten rocks which make up the earth's core -- that would seem to be a majority of the overall volume of the planet. Both of these meanings are more likely by a strict reading of the sentence than assuming that Strator meant the majority of the world's population. Oh, and 'population' is singular, unlike 'people', so that would take 'is' rather than 'are' as well.

I learned that it is acceptable american grammar to use the plural for several people even though they are one grammatical unit.

Q: How many Sikenians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, he stand on a chair holds the bulb and the world revolves around him
(Sike kali is the rejistani capital)

Q: How many Selekens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 5. One to screw it in and 4 to discuss which terms for the process are valid seleken

Q: How many Ehila~oans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, who needs lightbulbs when you have a fire to sit around?

Q: How many KaMaRians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, both hold one end of the neon lamp.
(KaMaRi kali is the industrial capital of Rejistania and neon lamps are always associated with industry or business in Rejistania)

I learned that it is acceptable american grammar to use the plural for several people even though they are one grammatical unit.

I'd rather not bog your thread down with an esoteric grammar discussion, so I'll just mention that the key is in the phrase "of the world", which does not limit his sentence to just people.

Q- how do you know if someone from schwullunde has visited your home.
A- the house has been redecorated, all of the radios refuse to play anything except techno,all of your wifes clothes have been replaced with designer origionals from all over the known & unknown universe, and the dog won't come out from under the couch for anything.
:rolleyes:

Ironically, he used the word "are" in a place where the word "is" should have been used.

:p

you are right, and as I do not use american grammar, I cannot use that arguement. But I originally said it to people as "The majority of the worlds people are below average intelligence" and they think I am refering to animals being smarter than us or something, so I am used to it in that way.

Actually, the subject of the verb 'to be' in that sentence is 'world', which is a singular noun. By every known rule of American English (and most of the made up ones), the verb ought to be 'is'. If the sentence was 'the majority of the world's people...', then the subject would be the plural 'people' and 'are' would be appropriate.

corrected. And you know what this means.

Anyway, let's put the grammar aside and see some more jokes!

A Kedalfaxian walks into a bar. Ouch.

Two Kedalfaxians were wandering in the woods, when they were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there.

A few minutes later, one of the Kedalfaxians started to laugh uncontrollably.

The other Kedalfaxian couldn't believe it! He said, ''What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?''

The other missionary replied, ''I just peed in the soup!''

How many Ri-anese does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
1, but first he or she has to get a stamp of approval from the department of waste certifing that the Lightbulb is well and truely dead, one from the department of public architecture to change the lightbulb, a new lightbulb from the department of commercialisim, given only when the department of internal approves that the lightbulb is okay, but then they won't give their approval into the person actually has the lightbulb.

How to tell if your a Ri-anese nerd:

Your computer software was made by hand, programmed by hand, and the OS was created from scratch, having no bugs, errors or issues at all what so ever.

You look at the so called advanced technology of other nations and laugh hystericly in a high pitched nerdy manner and walk away mutter things about childrens toys.

You married an Android.
>you built her yourself.
>>she gave you 2 children.

You continually speak to even the most unintelligent of people in a complex scientific manner, and expect them to know about it.

You laugh at anyone foolish enough trust corporate software.

Top Ten things not to do at Dazza's place

10. Kick her cat, she'll kill you.
09. Hurt her kids, she's a mother who will protect them at all costs.
08. Call her ugly, she really does not appreciate that kind of remark
07. Touch her breasts, it gets her aroused
06. Browser her DVD collection, you might be offended
05. Damage her cars, she loves her car collection
04. Insult her mother, she loves her Mum
03. Steal her underwear. It's expensive stuff even though she doesn't wear it all the time
02. Tickle her too much, it gets her very aroused.
01. Throw her onto a bed, she goes to whore mode.

A Qazoxian, A Green Wombati and a Sativavillian are walking through the woods when they see a bottle sitting on a tree branch. They open it and a Genie pops out.

"Since there are three of you, I'll give you one wish each." the genie says.

"Well, I wish that I was back home with all the money in the world." Says the Qazoxian. And poof he was gone.

"I wish that I was back home with all the marijuana in the world." Says the Sativavillian. And poof he was gone.

"Well, what is your wish?" the genie asked.

"Don't need to, you took care of it for me." Said the Green Wombati.

How many Qazoxians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

How many Green Wombati does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Four. One to bend over, the second one to spead open the first's ass cheeks, the third to take out the lightbulb, and the fourth to screw it back in.

A Qazoxian finds a genie bottle, and the genie says: Any thing you wish for, your worst enemy will recieve double. Ok the Qazoxian says. First, I wish that I had 5 million dollars, second I wish that I had a 12" penis, and third, i wish I was beaten half to death.

A Qazoxian and a Green Wombati find a genie's lamp on the beach. The genie comes out and says "you each will get 2 wishes." The Green Wombati goes first and says: "I wish that every woman on the planet would find me irresistible." The Qazoxian then wishes " That I could run at the speed of light." The Green Wombati then wishes "That every person on the planet except for me was a woman." The Qazoxian then says: "I wish that he was gay."

Did anyone ever see this on family guy?

peter: *walks into a bookstore* Hi, do you have books on toilet training?
clerk: Yes, we have the standard, everyone poops. Then theres the less popular, nobody poops but you.
peter: We're catholic
clerk: Then we have whats just right for you, Your a naughty child and thats conentrated evil comeing out the back of you

How do you identify a geek in Az-cz?

He or she steals your television from his or her bedroom.

Two criminal's were walking down a street, with their loot concealed underneath their shirt's, one, Bob said "Um, you know John that these people have personal machine gun's right?" John the other, stuttered and said "No?" Bob said "Well, I wanted to tell you that, because their's a house with somebody at the helm of the gun?" John blanched and fled down the street but got run over, and Bob tried to look non-chalant, but got mowed down by a MG42. The moral of that story is "Don't try to rob in Calizorinstan, and expect to live..."

What's the difference between an Az-czzer and a road spike?

An Az-czzer takes your bread.
A road spike breaks your tread.

What's the difference between an Az-czzer and a Quakmybushian?

An Az-czzer picks your pocket.
A Quakmybushian picks his nose.

What's the difference between an Az-czzer and a mountain?

An Az-czzer snatches the cow.
A mountain catches the snow.

What's the difference between an Az-czzer and a produce clerk?

An Az-czzer grabs some tapes.
A produce clerk tabs some grapes.

What's the difference between an Az-czzer and a pervert?

An Az-czzer steals your phones.
A pervert, well..... you figure it out.

Four perverts were talking about their bad habits

The Protestant admitted
"I have a thing for my female relatives. I can't help it. I don't know why"

The Catholic admitted
"I have a thing for Catholic schoolgirls. They are just so cute. I have keep away from my daughter"

The Moslem admitted
"I look at my daughter too much a a dirty way. I'm ashamed."

The Jew was quiet. The Protestant looked at the Jew ... and said "Come on! Admit something."
The Jew admitted "I ate some free pork yesterday ... well it was FREE"

...

A teacher was looking at four schoolgirls who were misbehaving. She told them to admit what they were doing
The Moslem said "I was being too friendly with some boys. I should be more discrete."
The Protestant said "I was talking to Catholic! I'm not supposed to do that."
The Jew said "I went near a pig ... I'm not supposed to be near them"

The Catholic paused and said "I'm Kate Dallas - I supposed to misbehave!"

Why'd the Green Wombati cross the road?
Silly person, there are no roads in Green Wombat.

Why'd the Sativavillian cross the road?
He heard it was a "high"way.

Why'd the Az-czzer cross the road?
To rob the bank.

Why'd the Jeruselemite cross the road?
He heard Dazza was doing a book-signing.

Why'd the Tynelian cross the road?
Who knows why they do anything?

Why'd the Qazoxian cross the road?
To get away from these lame jokes.

A Qazoxian walks into a bar and orders a bottle of Jack Daniels. After polishing off the bottle, he asks for another one.

"Hold on there, man. I just can't let you drink that much, not without telling me why." the barkeep says.

"Ok, you asked for it," the Qazoxain said. "I went back inside my house after working in the yard all day and found my wife having sex with my brother, the kids were running around breaking everything and on top of that my house exploded."

"Damn, that's pretty messed up man," The barkeep said, pushing a second bottle towards him. "Anyman that has that happen to him needs a drink to drown his sorrows."

"Sorrows?" the man replied. "My brother was adopted, those little bastards weren't even mine in the first place, and I knew my wife was cheating on me. Why do you think i spent all day outside in the yard planting dynamite around the house?"

How many Northern Bettians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
60 - one to hold the bulb, and 59 to try and turn the ceiling.


Dazza Dallas walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gives her one.

Dazza Dallas walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gives her one.

:eek::p

Prepare the WABAC machine for these ones!

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Q: How many Krytenians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two. One to change the bulb, the second to hang a Starblaydi from the cable.

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Q: What do you call a Krytenian girl in a purple dress?

A: Suicidal. (Purple is the national colour of Starblaydia)

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Q: What's the difference between a Druidan and a Bettian?

A: Twenty units of alcohol a day.

Of course, there's plenty of banter between supporters of rival football teams...

What's the difference between Ravenhill Park (Lorshill City's ground) and a hedgehog?
A hedgehog has all its pricks on the outside.

How do you know Grappenhall City are losing?
It's five past three on a saturday afternoon.

If you see a Ceffinton Town fan on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him?
He might be riding your bike.

How many Tiddles Park fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They'll never see the light.

How to spot a Jerusalem United fan?
His girlfriend looks like Dazza Dallas.

How many Jerusalem United fans does it take change a light bulb?
Five. One changes the light bulb, one is his girlfriend, one to hold his drinks and other two to keep the girlfriend occupied.

What's the difference between a Jerusalem United and other cheerleaders?
Jerusalem United cheerleaders don't wear underwear or clothes.

How to spot a Syrian North fan?
That girl hanging around him covered from head to toe is his sister, not his girlfriend.

How many Syrian fans does it take change a light bulb?
Ten. Five to pray someone does not electricute themselves, two to bless the light bulb, one to change it and the other two carry assault rifles.

What's the difference between a Syrian North and other cheerleaders?
Syrian North cheerleaders are all male.

Q. What's the difference between the Khilzistanian's and the Calizorinstanians?

A. They are both the same ethnicty, just the Khilizistanian's lost thier freedom in a war, and are known as "Dumbed down Calizorinstanian's", and make up 98% of the criminal population...

Q. What's the difference between a Calizorinstanian Air Force Pilot, and a Khilistanian Pilot?

A. They were trained both by Calizorinstanian's, but were fighting against each other, so techincally the same...

Q. What's the difference between Khilzistania and Calizorinstan?

A. They have the same territory, just that Khilzistania is full of bunch of mentally unstable people, and Calizorinstan full of sane, healthy people. Khilistania was the basis for the Imperial Trooper's parody of Crazy Train "Crazy Men..."

Qazox' rival football team jokes.

Where are all the dogs on days SaxerVilla plays Rockport?

In the SaxerVilla wives' seats.

How do you know Real Qazox and Qazox City are having a derby?

There are more cops in the stadium than on the streets.

What's the differnce between Fromburg Aston and FC Fromburg?

Two titles.

How do you know when Iguana de Mia and Deportivo Iguana are having a derby?

No-one in Qazox has had their yard mowed for a week.

What's the difference between Chivas Saxer fans and SaxerVilla fans?

50 IQ points.

Some rejistani soccer jokes:

Q: What is the difference between Karela Lines and Karela Veran?
A: 2 divisions.

Q: What is the difference between Hanin and Hades?
A: Jilih'meva vana'he'ny, jilih'vana meva'he'ny (these do much for their loved ones, those f*ck their mothers)

Q: What is the difference between a ly player and a seleken player?
A: The seleken paycheck has one more dash (=one zero more)

Q: How do 11 najajarans change a lightbulb (the isesi term lightbulb is "hijve~n", but in Na~ovi "heven", which means league is pronounced alike)
A: play as normal

Q: Why does the SLS R manager say it goes upwards?
A: He refers to the league ("'ehasalan" means "high number" is a rejistani term for "to be relegated" because the number in the name increases: H1SR, H2SR, H3SR...)

Q: What is the difference between "Sikane Sekhika" and "TAHAI!"?
A: Jilih'la'va, jilih'ki'va (these did, those will do)

Q: What is the difference between a homeless person stinking of booze and a Jinhes Lines fan?
A: One thousand lil'kansu (~90 cents), which someone threw into the hat of the homeles guy

Q: How does a Matixian get into the first league?
A: Eat the leafs of Mansajy plants and don't go near roads until the hallucinations wear off. (ie: the only way to get there is in your hallucinations)

Two Az-czzers are in a bar in Qazox.

They overhear this joke, "What's the differnce between Fromburg Aston and FC Fromburg?

Two titles."

So one of the Az-czzers says to the Qazoxian who told the joke "we've got one of those of our own, wanna hear?"

The Qazoxian tells the Az-czzer to go ahead and tell the joke.

So the first Az-czzer says "what's the difference between a Yang Knights fan and a Vertigo Slimes fan?"

The second Az-czzer replies "Well of course you shouldn't generalize over large groups like that. I mean my aunt's a Knights fan and my uncle cheers for the Slimes so clearly there's a lot of mixture amongst the fan bases. But if we're looking at the average fan there are a lot of difference. First off of course is the fact that Knights fans is mostly likely from Es-Ef and the Slimes fan is from Az-cz city. And of course Knights fans wear black kits and Slimes fans green ones, but there are many other differences as well. The Slimes fan base is much more likely to be related to a politician and there are more females and......."

<10 minutes later.

"..... and of course we can't forget about the fact that Slime fans have a longer history of showing up to matches fried on acid and other..."

The Qazoxian then buts in and says "where's the damned punchline?"

The Az-czzer holds up a spoon to reflect the Qazoxian's face at him. The two Az-czzers then grab some untensils and run out of the door of the bar to their friend waiting in their rented car.

So there's this football club in Zwangzug.

(That's a joke.)

(This next one is based on the Allanean stereotypes from the first post and a rejistani stereotype that I've noticed. It would probably be more popular in Rejistania, but...whatever. Maybe not that good.)

Two rejistanis go abroad for a while. When they come back, both of them complain to the other about how miserable their trip was.

"I didn't get to experience, any of Allanea," the first griped. "The first day I got there, these two thugs, knocked me into a coma."

"You think you got it bad?" the second retorted. "I went to Zwangzug and they knocked all the commas out of me!"

You're a Plutonian geek if you're Plutonian.

What's the difference between Dazza Dallas and Paris Hilton?


Both make dirty movies, Paris Hilton doesn't want hers released while Dazza makes them to be released.
Dazza has a real job; we don't what Paris Hilton's job is.
Most Paris Hilton fans are bimbos; most Dazza Dallas fans are perverts.
Paris Hilton has a famous surname; Dazza's surname is the last word of a famous porn movie.
Paris Hilton has an album and thinks she can sing, Dazza Dallas can't sing but doesn't pretend she can.
Paris Hilton is whore because she's got money, Dazza had to whore her way to earn her money.
Paris Hilton sleeps with celebrities, Dazza Dallas isn't too fussy who she sleeps with.
Paris Hilton stage-manages her appearances to avoid disasters; Dazza Dallas is famous for her disasters.
You don't have to pay Dazza Dallas for an interview; she'll pay you for the attention.
Cameras follow Paris Hilton; Dazza Dallas looks for the cameras.
People invite Paris Hilton to parties and they even pay her to turn, Dazza is better option. It's a party wherever she turns up for free.

First if anybody wants to use Milchama or Collonie as the butt of any jokes. Have fun.

So a Rabbi and a Catholic Priest were on an airplane and with nothing to talk about they started to talk about things that were banned in their specific religions.

The Priest asked first if the Rabbi had ever had bacon the Rabbi said, "Yeh once a long time ago when I was much younger"

The Rabbi then asked the Priest if he had ever had sex the Priest said, "Yeh once a long time ago"

The Rabbi then quipped, "Sure beats the hell out of bacon doesn't it?"

Football joke:

So one day Marisaw Klentall (manager of the Great Generals) got a phone call from the fire department

"Sir the clubhouse is burning house and we won't be able to rescue everything what do you want us to save"

In a panice Klentall quickly said, "Save the Cups! Save the Cups!"

The fireman then said, "Ok we'll get your mug sir"

You have two cows in Kelssek. The government takes one away on the 1st of the month as tax, and returns it on the 15th as a tax credit.


Q: How Many Kelssekians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five, One to change the bulb, one to act as shop steward, one to confirm the company that made the bulb meets the minimum percentage of worker owned shares, one to replace the one who broke away to form a new political party and one to update the website and make a podcast, to report on the new bulb.

The fierce rivalry between two of our biggest colleges, Kevin Smith University in Askewville and Elmer Tech University in Norton, has spawned many jokes between the KSU Berzerkers or "Zurks" and the ETU Engineers or "Engies".

Why do Engies hate M&Ms?
They're too hard to peel.

----------

Did you hear there aren't any cold drinks at ETU any more?
They lost their recipe for ice.

----------

How many Zurks does it take to unscrew a light bulb?
1,001: One to hold the bulb and 1,000 to turn the house.

----------

Two Engies and a Zurk are out in the woods hunting. After they each bagged a deer and dressed them, the Zurk exclaimed suddenly that he had to take a shit. As he ran into some bushes, the two Engies look at each other and one says to the other, "Hey! Let's put all these deer guts under his ass. That way he'll see it when he's done and he'll think he shit his guts out." The other Engie agrees and they proceed with their plan.

After an hour, the Zurk comes crawling out of the bushes, his face white as a ghost.

The first Engie asks, "Hey, what's wrong?"

The Zurk replies, "Guys, I just shit my guts out!"

The two Engies were trying to keep their laughter in check and the second Engie asks, "Oh, yeah?"

The Zurk replies, "Oh, yeah! But thanks to the grace of God and a big stick, I managed to get them all back in!"

Two Qazoxians are talking about a trip they took to Az-cz.

"I tell ya, I'm never going back there." said the first one.

"Why not?" said the second one.

"They stole everything I had on!" the first replied.

"That's nothing new, they stole every thing I had on too, so I'm worse off than you." the second one retorted.

"How are you worse off than me?" the first one asked.

The second one replied: "I was at a nude beach!"

Technically this isn't NS, but it's my favorite joke, hence, well loved by the people in the Droconic Empire ruled by yours truly

**********************************************

A guy walks into a bar located, of all places, on the top floor of a fifteenth story building, with a continuous service elevator running nearly non-stop.

As he sits down, he notices one gentleman drink, in extremely rapid succession, a beer, a Scotch Whiskey, a shot of Vodka, and another beer. As he sets the last beer down, he gets up, runs straight at the open window, and without so much as slowing, dives out. The first man is aghast, but is surprised when moment later the other man steps back into th bar from the elevator, only to order another two beers, a shot of vodka, and a glass of Scotch Whiskey.

As he's about to start drinking, the first man comes up and asks him about the death-defying feat.

"It's easy," he replied. "Yo drink this stuff fast enough, and the fizziness kicks in just as you're past the second story, slowing you to a floating standstill outside the main building entrance. Then you just pull yourself in, and wait as it wears off in the elvator."

"That's amazing," said the first man. "Can I see you do that again?"

"Sure," and this time watching from another window, the first man sees the feat repeated just as it is said to be done.

When the floating man returns, the first man orders up the selection, and quickly downs them in the proper sequence. Then running at the window, he leaps, only to fall to his untimely and rather messy death.

The bartender looks up at the one who floated, and glares. "Superman, you're an asshole of a drunk."

A man walks into a Londinian bar, and drinks a bottle of rum. Quickly finishing it, he drops the bottle on the floor in his drunkenness. It shatters, and the man fails to pick up the shards promptly. He is arrested for treason, and executed by giant blender, his family forced to drink his remains.

The Sheridan Islands:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a foreign corporation secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the nation, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet is provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

Audland:
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant other nations) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecified gender. You treat them equally to all the other cows.

Kedalfax:
You buy two cows. The government charges you tax on the purchase of the cows, and again on the gains of the receiving of the cows. The money you spent on taxes for the cows is taxed under the "unnecessary expenditures" law. You are forced to sell the cows to pay for the taxes. The income from selling the cows is taxed. You hire an accountant to help you out of debt. His fees are taxed. He finds a loophole, and your cows are returned to you along with the taxes you paid. Your refund is taxed.

Rejistani ecownomy: You do not have two cows, but take care of them for a foreign company, which does not want to get its hands dirty with them. You forget your duties when your favorite team plays. It wins 5:0. You celebrate with lots of hooch, you count your cows again and count 4 cows. Life is good.

HURDist ecownomy: You get your milk from Infrastructure. You are not quite sure how it works internally, but you cooperate with it and it suplies you with the goods you need. You sometimes hear a faint moo you can not locate.
(The HURD is one of my puppets)

Uploaded Minds Ecownomy: You have a simulation of one cow and copy it.

Allanean ecownomy: You have two cows. Since all you learned in school is self-defense, history and literature, you have no idea about cow-keeping. You hire Rejistanis, Hashis or Mwenis for the job. You then drive to your sister and [CENSORED] with her. Life is great!
(this was agreed upon with Allanea)
(yeah, I know, the right term is economy, but here it is about cows.)

Swilatian Ecownomy:
You buy two cows from one store. After a few weeks you decide they don't give you enough milk, so you sell them and buy 2 cows from another store. You repeat this if you consider it necessary, whioch you probably will.

A Green Wombati walks up to a fence, and sees a sign above a hole in the fence that says: "For a free Fuck insert penis here". He takes a quick look around and takes off his pants and proceeds to fuck the hole.

On the other side of the fence, a Qazoxian says to his goat, "There dosen't that feel better?"

What's the difference between Jeruselem Jews, Protestants and Catholics?

The Catholics have a few kids and lots of fun doing it, while the Protestants have lots of kids and no fun doing because they fell so sinful. The Jews have lots of kids and have no fun doing it because God said so.

How many Archregimancy monks does it take to place a candle in a candlestick?

Two - one to place the candle, and one to make sure he isn't doing it heretically

------------------------------

How many Archregimancy monks does it take to condemn a Catholic schismatic?

Just one

How many Archregimancy monks does it take to condemn an Old Calenderist schismatic?

Just one

How many Archregimancy monks does it take to condemn an Old Believer schismatic?

Just one

How many Archregimancy monks does it take to condemn a Mormon gnostic heretic?

Mormons? Who cares?

------------------------------

THE MONASTIC TIMES

Orthodox Monastic Rock Group Seeks to Dispel Rumours

SOLOVETSKY MONASTERY -- Calling themselves "The Monkles" and playing (loud) rock and roll music with a monastic Orthodox Christian message, four Slavic Archregimancy monks have made a name for themselves in the annals of Rock 'n' Roll oddities.

The four monks, Ivan, Pavel, Yuri, and Koltso, have made four CDs together, and have toured extensively throughout the Solovetsky sketes. "Next year, world tour!" grins Ivan, the group's de-facto leader and rhythm guitarist.

"But this is not what we wanted to talk to editor for," adds Ivan. "We want to dispel ugly rumours about our band. Pavel is not dead."

Apparently a rumour has been spreading through the band's fan base that bass player and co-lead-singer Pavel is dead.

"Rumours are premature," Pavel insists.

Apparently, the rumours got started when Pavel turned up at a gig wearing mismatched socks. "Is ancient Slavic sign of imposter standing in for dead bass player," explains Yuri, the lead guitarist and by far the most well-read of the group in the spiritual classics. "But it was big mistake. Pavel was not dead, he just didn't have enough clean socks."

Soon fans began noticing other "hidden indications" of Pavel's demise in the group's ouevre. For instance, on the band's most recent CD, Magical Monastery Tour, the icon of St Paul in the cover art is shown facing to the left, whereas most Slavic icons of St Paul show him facing to the right. Additionally, in the song "Back in the Commonwealth of Independent States", Ivan supposedly can be heard, in the run-off track, saying "I sang a Panakhida for Pavel." In fact what he actually says is "one spanikopita for Pavel," referring to the group's plans to tour the Hellenic monasteries later this summer.

And of course it didn't help that Pavel changed from playing the balalaika left-handed to playing the bass guitar right-handed after the band's third CD, A Hard Day's All-Night Vigil.

"There is not much interest in rock balalaika," Pavel admitted sadly. "But I am definitely alive, and will remain so, God willing."

The band has taken a break from touring right now, and is in the studio working hard on their next CD, tentatively to be called The White Russian Album.

"Please tell your readers that we would love to see them at our concerts, where we sing good music and tell young people about One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Faith. Or if they cannot come to Archregimancy, they can buy one of our CDs which will not only make their ears ring, but make their hearts burn with love for holy, consubstantial, life-creating, and undivided Trinity. Also this helps offset costs of running monastery, and pays veterinary bills for milk goat."

Koltso, the group's drummer, adds with a smile, "All you need is chotki."

----------------------------------

THE MONASTIC TIMES

New Orthodox Television Show Breaks Ratings Records

Monastic TV, originators of such original shows as "Thirty Minutes with Father Seraphim the Occasionally Dangerously Free-Thinking Theologian" and "What Are You Doing Watching Television When You Could Be Praying?", this past week announced a mid-season replacement for the flagging "Helpful Household Hints from the Phanar": a new reality-based show teasingly titled, "Monastic Eye for the Married Guy." The show's pilot aired this past Tuesday.

Each week five sombre monks invade the home of an Orthodox married couple and give advice for how they could make their home and their lives more completely Orthodox. From dressing up the icon corner ("I can see empty wall space!" chides Brother Anastasios), ridding one's home of sinful secular publications ("Reader's Digest? What could you be thinking?" tsk-tsks Brother Xenios), to caring for the family dog ("Flea shampoo: it's not just for monastics anymore," suggests Brother Boris), the monks do a complete make-over on the home and its occupants ("White is so not your colour," says Brother Philip; "Maybe something in a sombre head-to-toe black would be better?" adds Brother Zacharios).

Ratings for the new show have shot through the proverbial roof, smashing all previous ratings for an Orthodox television show. Network executives are pleased and suggest they may create other shows featuring the five charismatic monks. One possibility is a detective drama, to be called simply, "Monks."

-----------------------------

Top Ten Orthodox Pick-Up Lines

10. Can I offer you a piece of antidoron?

9. What's your feast day?

8. Have you been in this parish long? My grandmother used to go here.

7. I know a little restaurant not far from here where they serve great falafel and hummus.

6. Is that Bishop Kallistos' latest you're reading?

5. I'm doing an informal survey -- if you had to choose a Greek, Serbian, Russian or Romanian potluck, which would you pick?

4. Is that your perfume I smell or the Paschal incense?

3. I couldn't help noticing how gracefully you do the poklan before the icons.

2. Would you like to come over to my place and see my new icon of Mary of Egypt?

1. I'm a seminarian due to graduate next spring.



With acknowledgement to Orthodox humour page The Onion Dome (http://www.theoniondome.com/)for the shameless plaigiarism of the last three items

With acknowledgement to Orthodox humour page The Onion Dome (http://www.theoniondome.com/)for the shameless plaigiarism of the last three items(Nice site...Vasiliy seems oddly familiar.)

How many Siesatians does it take to change a lightstrip?

10

1 to remove the lightstrip
3 to research why it failed and devise a way to improve on it
2 to put it through extensive military grade tests to ensure quality
2 to buy out the Patent for Vector Intergalactic and market it with a new and fancy name
1 to reinstall the new lightstrip
1 to go take a look at the activation panel that controls the strip.



In some countries a 90% vote rate for a particular candidate is looked on with Suspicion, what do you call it in Siesatia?

President Crescent's Reelection... Again.

Orthodox Monastic Rock Group Seeks to Dispel Rumours


[...and so on]

Brilliant! :D


A common West Ariddian joke about Ariddians:

Q: How many Ariddians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: They have electricity over there?

A moral Crusader was barating Dazza Dallas
"Listen here. You're going to hell, you whore! You walk around like whore, you talk like a whore, you sleep with any man who pulls your panties off, you expose yourself in public in skimpy clothes and sometimes you take them off for fun. You're friends are whores and pretend to be Christian! How can you respond to that, you can't because you know you're wrong!"

Dazza looked dumb for a moment and replied
"Well, that's all true but why tell me this now we just finished making love in the back seat of your car when your wife is overseas? Can't this wait until you take me back home?"

...

A moral Crusader was with his kids when saw an amorous Catholic couple nearby. "Kids don't look! They are being immoral and you should not do that at all. You must not do these things in public" he warned his children. The daughter asked naively "How come you to that with Aunty in the garden when she visits on Tuesdays?"

...

A moral Crusader's wife was horrified when she found the XXX edition of the Dazza Dallas person installed in Virtual Strumpet installed on their computer. She got her oldest son to explain "What's this porn on our computer? Why did you install it?" - and expected him to confess. He shrugged "Wasn't me, Dad confiscated my Dazza Dallas DVD and I never saw it again!"

...

A moral Crusader was shocked at his son's choice of new girlfriend. "What's this - a Catholic whore? Look at her. Skimpy top, short skirt and no underwear. What's wrong with an innocent Protestant girl? At least Protestant girls don't dress like whores! What's wrong with you!" he shouted. The son was indignant "Dad, it's impossible to get a good Protestant girl when their brothers are dating them! And I don't have a sister."

...

Q. What's the difference between an Ariddian and Jeruselemite in Ariddia?
A. The Jeruselemites live at Dazza Dallas's place

Q. What's the difference between an Ariddian and Jeruselemite in Jeruselem?
A. The Ariddians live at Dazza Dallas's place

Two Green Womabtis are sitting on their porch, when Dazza Dallas drives by in a Corvette. A couple of seconds later they hear brakes squealing and the sound of a car crash. They run to the spot and find Dazza standing by her car.

"Oh my gosh I can't believe I'm still alive" Dazza said.

The two Green Wombatis look at here car and say "We can fix it, it's only a dent on the front bumper, It'll take about an hour."

After towing Dazza's car back and repairing it, the two Green Wombatis tell her that it's fixed.

"Thank you, I have to get back on the road. However can I repay you?" Dazza asks.

"Well, you can have sex with us." the two Green Wombatis reply.

"Ok fair enough, but wear condoms, I don't wanna get pregnant." Dazza Says.

So the two Green Wombatis put on condoms and have the best sex of their lives.

...40 years later, the two Green Wombatis see another hot chick in a Corvette drive by their house.

"Hey Joe," the first one says, "remember that time about 40 years ago Dazza Dallas drove by in a Corvette like that?"

"Yes Mike," Joe replies. "And remember that she had sex with us because she was so grateful?"

"Yep," Mike replied, "And she had us wear condoms so she wouldn't get pregnant?"

"Yes." Joe answered. "Hey Mike, do you care if she got pregnant?"

"No," Mike said.

"Good, I guess we can take these condoms off now." says joe.

Some jokes which popped up in the beginning of my election day thread:

Q: Are Rejistanis indecisive?
A: Err, Yeah,... I mean, No,... I mean, Maybe!


After the elections, Insadil Haxa addresses the public: "I'd like to thank everyone who voted for me, all three of you!"


And a soccer rivalry joke:
Q: What is the most unlikely thing you'll ever see?
A: a Hanin Sekhika fan in university

Q: What do you say to one if you see one?
A: Nothing, you normally do not talk to cleaning staff

And general rejistani racism:
Q: How many Ly does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 2, but how did they get there?
(the Ly are by for the on average less tallest people of Rejistania)

An Otiacicohan spends four hours in a queue for a new car. He finally arrives at the counter where he is confronted by a surly official.

'Do you have the necessary forms?' asked the official in a bored voice. The man lays a stack of papers on the desk, having spent three years getting the right form from the right office with the right stamp.

'Do you have the necessary letter of reconmendation?' asks the official. The man produces the letter, having spent four years trying to persuade his local Communist Party Official to sign it.

'And do you have the necessary money?' The man lays out his shillings on the counter, after having saved up for five years.

The official looks through the forms, letter and money. He finally looks up.
"Everything is in order," he said, "Come back in 12 years and your car will be ready."
The man nods and begins to turn away, but then turns and asks,
"Morning or afternoon?"

The Official stares in disbelief. "It is 12 years in the future," he splutters, "Why does it matter?"

"Because the plumber is coming in the morning," replies the man.

---------------------------------------

Woman walks into an empty store and says to the shopkeeper.

"Is this the shop which sells bread but has run out?"

"No," says the shopkeeper, "This is the shop which sells cheese but has run out. The bread shop is across the road."

---------------------------------------

A Pantocratorian and an Otiacicohan are arguing over whose country is best.

"The thing about the Empire," says the Pantocratorian, "Is that I can go to New Rome, walk into the Imperial Parliament, go into the Chancellor's office and say 'Monsieur, I do not like the way you are running the country.'"

"Pah," says the Otiacicohan, "That's nothing. I can go to Port Sunlight, go to the Palace of the People, march into the General Secretary's office and I can bang on his desk and say 'Comrade General Secretary, I do not like the way the Chancellor of Pantocratoria runs his country."

----------------------------------------

Fiefdom Economy:
You have two cows. The Government takes the cows and makes you milk them. You have a siesta and wake up to discover the cows have gone. You break for lunch.

Archregimancy Economy:
The Patriarchate has donated two cows to your monastery. You then argue, given the ban on women within the Holy Monastic Republic, whether or not the presence of female bovines is a breach of canon law, disrespectful to the Holy Theotokos, or perhaps even an outright heresy.

Holy Empire [of Alasdair I Frosticus] Economy:
You have two cows. Your neighbour merely wants two cows. When you wake up the next morning, you both have precisely as many cows as you need, but neither of you are sure whether or not the cows are entirely real. Nonetheless, they still produce precisely as much milk as you need.

Qazoxian Economy:

You have two cows and the goverment don't care what the heck you do with those eight hooves, after the government is done with them.

Sativaville Economy:

You have two cows, then 10 minutes later are hungry again.

Prestonian Economy:
You have a herd of cows for milking. Being concerned with improving your efficiency and protecting the cows, you invest hundreds of dollars towards efficient and animal-friendly milking machines. After you sell the milk, you're still in debt.

Q: Why is Pres. Preston's limo coated in Teflon?
A: So that the protestors' eggs are easier to wash off.

A Syrian North fan was arguing with Jerusalem United fan.

Syrian North fan shouted "You lot are immoral and hedonistic. Jerusalem United fans have a one way ticket to hell".

The United fan countered "Our team wins championships, because God let us win. You lot couldn't win even if there's only one team in the premiership."

Syrian North fan shouted "Your team is full of whores. Men should only play in football, women can't play -it's immoral."

The United fan countered "You're jealous because our women are worth looking at. God knows what your women look like, as they are covered up."

Syrian North fan shouted "Yeah, our women don't sleep around like yours! Look at the Dazza Dallas slut."

The United fan countered "Yeah? Then why were to trying to hit on my mother then!"

A Fauxhanite, Dragoian and Cantinopleite all enter a Bar, the snobbish Fauxhanite orders a clear liquer from the top shelf... the Cantinoplite just gets a glass of water.

The Dragoian gets a middie of Forhey's and starts drinking. The Fauxhanite and Cantinopleite look at the Dragoian in horror.

"How can you drink that unsophisticated stuff?" the Fauxhanite asks...

"How can you drink that when you are in a XXXX costume?" the Cantinoplite asks

"Easy, It's only water anyway..."

(A favourite joke of Kollarans - Fauxhan is in Victorland, Drago in North Bazalonia and Cantinople is in South Bazalonia.)

---

A Sheilas and Bruces joke:

Some foreign Shiela walked into a bar and ordered a Lemon Spritzer, a foreign Bruce came into the same bar and ordered Gin & Tonic. However they both got what looked like a brown amber liquid...

"We didn't order a beer!" the Bruce complained... The Barman looked at the foreign Bruce and blinked.... "It's all the same shit to me..."

Interesting read, thank you for this.


:D

Interesting read, thank you for this.


:D

Worst Joke Ever.

Worst Joke Ever.


*bows*

Why thank you! I try. :p

For each joke, the question is "How many Somabalbians does it take to change a lightbulb" and I will only show the answer.

Early version: Lightbulb? What lightbulb?

Standard version: Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to stand around with a gun.

More gruesome standard version: Three. One to try to change the lightbulb, one to accidentally shoot the first, and one to arrest the shooter, get rid of the dead body, and actually finish changing the lightbulb.

Tax-critical version: Two, One to call the government-provided lightbulb changer, and one to grumble about how the existence of said lightbulb changer means higher taxes for everyone.

Then there's the West Hill Beach Club version, in which the answer is: None. Lightbulbs are banned, you fool!

And the Sealand Reborn version: Two. One to change the bulb, and one to make sure that the bulb's civil rights are respected.

And finally, the Neo Bashkortostan version: In Soviet Russia, lightbulb changes YOU!

What do you get if you find a Laquari with a brain?

An anomaly!

(Laquar is a breakaway province of Bostopia)

A Jerusalem United and Syrian North fan were playing a World Cup Simulation game on a Playstation 10. The Syrian North was always losing because he was useless but he sabotaged the Jerusalem United fans's controller. After thrashing his opponent, the Syrian North fan was smug "Ha, I'm smarter, faster and better than you. Syrian North rules!". The Jerusalem United fan replied "Since when do own goals count against your opponent?"

How do you identify a geek in New Brittonia?

He enlisted in the Air Force.

How many New Brittonians does it take to screw in a lightbulbn?

Lightbulb, well this bulb better be a compact florecent bulb, and ooh, the electrical wiring is faulty, and your car has low gas mielage, and your home needs insu
lation, and this draft wastes electricity. . .

How many Otiacicohans does it take to make a cup of instant coffee?

None, because all proper tea is best.

What do you do if you see Kelly Firth walk into a clothes store?

Lay off the drugs!

A group of heretical fundamentalist Baptists are holding one of their repugnant 'revival' meetings in a tent somewhere in Ordinary Reality. The preacher is getting really fired up, and calls out to his audience "all of you who are good born again Baptists, rise up and shout 'Hallelujah!'.

And everyone except a little old lady at the back rises up and shouts 'Hallelujah!'

The preacher tries again. "I said, all of you who are good born again Baptists, rise up and shout 'Hallelujah!'.

And everyone except a little old lady at the back rises up and shouts 'Hallelujah!'

The preacher tries one more time... "I said, all of you who are good born again Baptists, rise up and shout 'Hallelujah!'.

And everyone except a little old lady at the back rises up and shouts 'Hallelujah!'.

The preacher is put out. "Little old lady, why is it that you don't rise up and shout 'Hallelujah'? Ain't you no born-again Baptist?"

And the little old lady replies "Why no. I'm Eastern Orthodox."

"And why's that, little old lady?"

"Well, my father was Orthodox, my grandfather was Orthodox, my great-grandfather was Orthodox, and so on, and so on, even unto ages of ages."

The heretical preacher thinks he sees an opportunity to make an example of the kindly, God-fearing Orthodox woman and says "Well, then, what sort of excuse is that? What if your father was stupid, your grandfather was stupid, your great-grandfather was stupid, and so on, and so on... what would that have made you?"

"Well, then.... I guess under those circumstances I would have ended up a heretical Baptist...."

Q. How many sandwiches can an Errinundrian make?

A. It depends on how thinly you slice them.

*****

Q. Why do Az-czers always leave Errinundera empty-handed?

A. Nobody owns anything so what's the point?

OOC: Az-czzers don't steal for profit, and they don't leave empty handed either.

How can you tell an Az-czzers been to Errinundera?

His hands are brown from stealing dirt.

Q. How many Jeru FC players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None - the job is outsourced to young female electrical apprentices. The players sit around and watch.

Q. What do Jeru FC players do if they want to ride a bike?
A. Ring up Dazza Dallas

Say... you hear about the Ordinary Reality mundie who tried to sit down on the ground and missed?


An Imperial bureaucrat, an Archregimancy monk and an Ordinary Reality mundie have been imprisoned and are awaiting execution. The bureaucrat is led out into the execution yard, and just before the firing squad pull their triggers he calls out 'tornado!'. The firing squad run for cover, and the bureaucrat makes his escape. The monk and the mundie can't believe how stupid the executioners are, and decide to try the same trick themselves. The monk is then led out into the execution yard, and just before the firing squad pull their triggers he calls out 'flash flood!'. The firing squad run for high ground, and the bureaucrat makes his escape. The mundie is then led out into the execution yard, and just before the firing squad pull their triggers he calls out 'fire!'......

How many Bazalonians does it take screw in a light bulb?

2, 1 to change the bulb and another to give the old globe some counselling

How many Rightists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Dunno, they don't surivive for long enough for anyone to know.

How many Mice (The Mice of Miceland) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, They've got a device that does it for them

Some You might be a Green Wombati jokes...

IF you have naked kids running around your yard and you call out "Get in here Johnnie!" and they all come in... You might be a Green Wombati.

IF you, your wife, your mom and your dad all have the same name, You might be a Green Wombati.

IF you go to a drive-in movie and order a pizza, You might be a Green Wombati.

IF your country qualifed for the World Cup with out even showing up, You might be a Green Wombati.

IF you see dead people, and your not in a morgue, cemetary or a church, You might be a Green Wombati.

Some More You might be a Green Wombati jokes...

IF you think that the Earth revolves around the Moon... You might be a Green Wombati.

IF you think that free healthcare is a bunch of crap... You might be a Green Wombati.

IF you think that flying cars will be created within your lifetime... You might be a Green Wombati.

IF you think The Matrix is based off real-life events... You might be a Green Wombati.

IF you think that The Wizard of Oz is based on a true story... You might be a Green Wombati.

IF you have 25 chickens running around your house, and your neighbors don't think that's strange... You might be a Green Wombati.

IF you have sex with a ferret and nobody thinks less of you... You might be a Green Wombati.

Some What's the difference jokes....

What the difference between a dead fish and a Green Wombati?
The dead fish smells better.

What the difference between a camel and a Green Wombati?
A camel only has one or two humps.

What the difference between an elephant and a Green Wombati?
The elephant can remember this joke.

What the difference between a wombat and a Green Wombati?
At least wombats have the sense to get out of the rain.

What the difference between Az-cz and a Green Wombat?
At least you can trust the Az-czzer not to steal the clothes of your back.

What the difference between Jeruselem and Green Wombat?
Too many too mention.

What the difference between a Qazoxian and a Green Wombati?
200 IQ points.

What the difference between a gerbil and a Green Wombati?
At least no-one from Green Wombat has been up Richard Gere's ass.

What the difference between a Northern Green Wombati and a Southern Green Wombati?
The tan-lines.