Golgothastan
26-04-2007, 16:14
The following is an explanation of the principles guiding Golgothastan's government. More may be added later.
The key to modern Golgothastani political philosophy is Fluffarchism, the phenomenally successful theory popularised by UN representative Jack Weisgaarden. In his time at the United Nations, Weisgaarden noted the tendency of other nations to blame everything on the damned fluffies, yet equally the curious absence of anyone actually admitting to be a damned fluffy. He decided that such a position would actually prove quite convenient: if one did something right, then it would boost the global image of fluffies and more people might associate with it, and if one did something wrong, then people wouldn't care and instead simply say, "Oh, don't worry, he's just a fluffy".
Drawing together the key elements of supposed fluffy disposition - social and political liberalism, environmentalism, social justice and anti-militarism - and combining them with his somewhat inelegant take of bits of Rawls and Mill in a crude utilitarian/anti-utilitarian mix, he came up with the Nice/Not Nice principle. His book, Let's Be Nice And Not Be Not Nice, was a bestseller and many Golgothastanis try to live their lives by it, while laws are usually attempts to put its tenets into operation.
Fluffarchism holds that we should do things that are Nice, like making stuff for people, sharing, and listening to what others say. Equally, we should avoid doing things that are Not Nice, such as hurting other people, littering, and being selfish. However, Fluffarchism's teachings on the role of government action are sketchy and controversial, usually making use of the How Nice? scale of approximation. Hence although it is Not Nice to be a Nazi, censorship is so Not Nice that censorship of Nazism is Not Nice.
Naturally, this leads a lot of political questions at best vague, or at worst totally unanswerable. For example, killing is definitely Not Nice. But so is forcing others to suffer pain. Hence euthanasia can be accepted as Nice even though it can involve a Not Nice practice. When such confusions arise, the natural response of Golgothastanis is to shake their head and say "oh dear oh dear oh dear". Then they have a drink. They think about it a little more, and then mumble "no good will come of it". Then they have another drink, and although they are now feeling better, still have to have a couple more drinks before they can stop scratching their heads and saying "what a pickle". Then they get up on the table and dance!
The final ingredient of Fluffarchism - and the reason for its not being called simply Fluffism or Fluffyism - is Jack Weisgaarden's mental state. First, it must be said that he is probably a very nice man who has had a rough time of it (though in his darker moments some of his statements do tend to pour doubt on this). He has worked very hard, well, he's worked, and he is a bit tired now, with very little to do. Hence, silly and unpractical as his cock-eyed theory might be, no one has the heart to tell him this and worries that doing so might be the last straw, and so people go along with it and effusively praise it within his earshot, because otherwise it would be Not Nice.
The key to modern Golgothastani political philosophy is Fluffarchism, the phenomenally successful theory popularised by UN representative Jack Weisgaarden. In his time at the United Nations, Weisgaarden noted the tendency of other nations to blame everything on the damned fluffies, yet equally the curious absence of anyone actually admitting to be a damned fluffy. He decided that such a position would actually prove quite convenient: if one did something right, then it would boost the global image of fluffies and more people might associate with it, and if one did something wrong, then people wouldn't care and instead simply say, "Oh, don't worry, he's just a fluffy".
Drawing together the key elements of supposed fluffy disposition - social and political liberalism, environmentalism, social justice and anti-militarism - and combining them with his somewhat inelegant take of bits of Rawls and Mill in a crude utilitarian/anti-utilitarian mix, he came up with the Nice/Not Nice principle. His book, Let's Be Nice And Not Be Not Nice, was a bestseller and many Golgothastanis try to live their lives by it, while laws are usually attempts to put its tenets into operation.
Fluffarchism holds that we should do things that are Nice, like making stuff for people, sharing, and listening to what others say. Equally, we should avoid doing things that are Not Nice, such as hurting other people, littering, and being selfish. However, Fluffarchism's teachings on the role of government action are sketchy and controversial, usually making use of the How Nice? scale of approximation. Hence although it is Not Nice to be a Nazi, censorship is so Not Nice that censorship of Nazism is Not Nice.
Naturally, this leads a lot of political questions at best vague, or at worst totally unanswerable. For example, killing is definitely Not Nice. But so is forcing others to suffer pain. Hence euthanasia can be accepted as Nice even though it can involve a Not Nice practice. When such confusions arise, the natural response of Golgothastanis is to shake their head and say "oh dear oh dear oh dear". Then they have a drink. They think about it a little more, and then mumble "no good will come of it". Then they have another drink, and although they are now feeling better, still have to have a couple more drinks before they can stop scratching their heads and saying "what a pickle". Then they get up on the table and dance!
The final ingredient of Fluffarchism - and the reason for its not being called simply Fluffism or Fluffyism - is Jack Weisgaarden's mental state. First, it must be said that he is probably a very nice man who has had a rough time of it (though in his darker moments some of his statements do tend to pour doubt on this). He has worked very hard, well, he's worked, and he is a bit tired now, with very little to do. Hence, silly and unpractical as his cock-eyed theory might be, no one has the heart to tell him this and worries that doing so might be the last straw, and so people go along with it and effusively praise it within his earshot, because otherwise it would be Not Nice.