NationStates Jolt Archive

Nobody quite understands why, but the majority of social gatherings within the McPsychovillian borders usually end in violence and/or incarcerations; scientists have theorised that it has something to do with the vast uranium deposits in the Sakic mountains poisoning the water, or maybe the entire country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground. Nobody knows, and fewer people really care enough to find out. This effect appears not to be affected by the age or the seniority of the people involved, and it seems to be little more than a miracle that the only casualties of the WWCX group drawing were some stray pigeons and the Sativaville representatives (who were held in custody at Boca Raton Airport after being discovered with a quite ridiculous quantity of marijuana).

Still, nobody was dead at the end of the proceedings, bringing the total number of successful international events held here to two. The foremost statisticians involved with the McPsychoville Football Association (better known as the Chairman's incompetent nephew Gerald and his pet monkey) were kind enough to work for their paycheque and construct some matchday schedules, while the nation's stadiums prepared for a veritable onslaught of foreign fans by instructing their staff to just let everyone with a ticket through rather than waste time finding translators. And angels sang out, in an immaculate chorus, as down from the heavens descended the group listings:

Group A

Wentland (2)
Sativaville (8)
Lovisa (16)
Harlesburg (Unranked)

Group B

Qazox (1)
Yafor 2 (6)
Estresse Intenso (12)
Swilatia (Unranked)

Group C

Jeruselem (3)
Cafundeu (5)
Starblaydia (9)
McPsychoville (Unranked)

Group D

Green Wombat (4)
Quakmybush (7)
Corneliu (Unranked)
Anadu (Unranked)

And yea, the Psychos did look upon their drawing. And there was no rejoicing. For they, and their mothers, and their mothers mothers, and their mothers mothers mothers, and their mothers mothers mothers mothers, and their goldfish knew that they truly would be getting knocked the fuck out. The official response from the MFA was a resounding "Well, cock". And now, the fruits of Gerald and his monkey's work, the schedules (complete with stadiums for your viewing pleasure).

Matchday 1

Wentland vs. Lovisa – Brookvale Oval, Camrose
Sativaville vs. Harlesburg – Salt Shaker Road, Tilson Falls
Qazox vs. Estresse Intenso – Northstar Stadium, Bourque
Yafor 2 vs. Swilatia – KML Dome, London
Jeruselem vs. Starblaydia – Ricoh Coliseum, Triela
Cafundeu vs. McPsychoville – The Racetrack, Boca Raton
Green Wombat vs. Corneliu – Landejieu Park, Fort Wayne
Quakmybush vs. Anadu – Sharona Spirit Stadium, Blind River

Matchday 2

Wentland vs. Harlesburg – Salt Shaker Road, Tilson Falls
Lovisa vs. Sativaville – Brookvale Oval, Camrose
Qazox vs. Swilatia – KML Dome, London
Yafor 2 vs. Estresse Intenso – Northstar Stadium, Bourque
Jeruselem vs. McPsychoville – Ricoh Coliseum, Triela
Cafundeu vs. Starblaydia – The Racetrack, Boca Raton
Green Wombat vs. Anadu – Sharona Spirit Stadium, Blind River
Quakmybush vs. Corneliu – Landejieu Park, Fort Wayne

Matchday 3

Wentland vs. Sativaville – Brookvale Oval, Camrose
Lovisa vs. Harlesburg – Salt Shaker Road, Tilson Falls
Qazox vs. Yafor 2 – Northstar Stadium, Bourque
Swilatia vs. Estresse Intenso – KML Dome, London
Jeruselem vs. Cafundeu – The Racetrack, Boca Raton
McPsychoville vs. Starblaydia – Ricoh Coliseum, Triela
Green Wombat vs. Quakmybush – Landejieu Park, Fort Wayne
Corneliu vs. Anadu – Sharona Spirit Stadium, Blind River

Matchday 4 – Quarter Finals

Winner Group A vs. Runner-Up Group C (1) - Northstar Stadium, Bourque
Winner Group B vs. Runner-Up Group A (2) - Brookvale Oval, Camrose
Winner Group C vs. Runner-Up Group D (3) - The Racetrack, Boca Raton
Winner Group D vs. Runner-Up Group B (4) - Ricoh Coliseum, Triela

Matchday 5 – Semi-Finals

Winner Match 1 vs. Winner Match 3 (5) - Ricoh Coliseum, Triela
Winner Match 2 vs. Winner Match 4 (6) - Brookvale Oval, Camrose

Matchday 6 – Final

Winner Match 5 vs. Winner Match 6 - Ricoh Coliseum, Triela

And the rules were spake thus - scores shall be scorinated every 48 hours. Rosters shall be posted here. Players shall specify what may and may not be done to their players. Smack shall be talked. Sativaville shall attempt to stay off the sticky lest they be thrown into jail. In thy mercy.

And God spake from the heavens, "Let the games begin motherfuckers lest I shove a lightning bolt up your ass". Amen.

Womens World Cup 10 - Cafundeu's chosen 23 - The Golden Girls:

The CFFC(Confederação de Futebol Feminino de Cafundéu - in English, the Cafundéu's Female Football Confederation), after a long year of preparations between the directors of the teams and the national coach, is sending the 23 players that will play the competition. Once again, the coach was changed, this time for a more experienced one, Mário Melkezedec Silveira.
See the 23 players:

Goalkeepers:

1-JAQUELINE Motta Lanna (Team: Clube Imperial)
Height: 195cm - Weight: 72kg - Age: 20 years old
Very tall, Jaqueline only appeared in the National League last year, and after an incredible first season, she became the National Team starter. She is considered the best talent of the whole team. After being prased so many times, she became a bit arrogant.
Rating: A - Team Relationship: C - Morale: A - Form: A

12-DENISE Marçal Pelenghi (Team: Atlético Jutense)
Height: 186cm - Weight: 70kg - Age: 25 years old
One of the best players of the last National Leagues, where she helped Clube Imperial to win the titles, Denise now moved to Atlético Jutense, as her former team decided to buy the new NT starter. Although she is in the NT for a long time, she never played as a starter.
Rating: B - Team Relationship: B - Morale: B - Form: B
WAS IN WWC 7
WAS IN WWC 8
WAS IN WWC 9

22-JANAÍNA ROQUE (Team: Abadia FC)
Height: 188cm - Weight: 70kg - Age: 18 years old
The new coach likes young players, so he decided to pick the still unexperienced Janaína Roque as the third goalkeeper. She is considered a common goalkeeper, without anything special, but has some talent. Surely won't play in this WWC.
Rating: C - Team Relationship: A - Morale: C - Form: B

Right Defenders:

2-VANESSA Van Tocco (Team: Clube Imperial)
Height: 178cm - Weight: 55kg - Age: 25 years old
The niece of the emperor continues in the National Team, after playing a good year in the still champion squad of Clube Imperial. Now she is extremely happy with her current life, but continues arrogant. Played all the WWC that Cafundéu played.
Rating: A - Team Relationship: D - Morale: B - Form: A
PLAYED THE WWC 6
PLAYED THE WWC 7
PLAYED THE WWC 8
PLAYED THE WWC 9

14-Isadora Mendonça Campos RIBEIRO (Team: Cafundó do Juta)
Height: 156cm - Weight: 48kg - Age: 20 years old
The "little star" improved, but still isn't a great player, but she was called because of problems in the full-back position. She isn't a developed player, so she probably won't play very much. But she is really excited to be in a important competition like this one.
Rating: C - Team Relationship: B - Morale: B - Form: A
PLAYED THE WWC 8
PLAYED THE WWC 9

Left Defenders:

3-LUANA Hissenfeller Sawini (Team: Clube Imperial)
Height: 177cm - Weight: 55kg - Age: 24 years old
Still very talkative and friendly(considered the spokesperson of the team), everyone in Cafundéu likes Luana and her simple style. She plays with a smile in her face(in fact, looks like she ever smiles), with a very fast style and with good passing and dribbling. Now she is more mature and ready to play in the National Team, now in the left-back position. Had some personal problems last year, so her morale was affected.
Rating: A - Team Relationship: A - Morale: B - Form: A
PLAYED THE WWC 7
PLAYED THE WWC 8
PLAYED THE WWC 9

13-KEYLA de Jesus dos Santos (Team: Abadia FC)
Height: 172cm - Weight: 66kg - Age: 27 years old.
Very catholic, Keyla is a woman of few words. Her team mates like her, but she stays quiet even when she must talk. She is very shy and become nervous in difficult situations, but can create plays very fast and can tackle her enemies with accuracy, although she isn't violent(when she makes a foul, she immediately apologizes).
Rating: C - Team Relationship: A - Morale: C - Form: B
PLAYED THE WWC 8
PLAYED THE WWC 9

Central Defenders:

4-Joana Guglielmi Moreira "MORENA" (Team: Atlético Jutense)
Height: 175cm - Weight: 65kg - Age: 29 years old.
After a very good first year in the National Team, Morena became one of the key players of the squad, with her vision and knowledge of the game. She has a good shooting ability and tackling ability, and is in good form.
Rating: B - Team Relationship: B - Morale: A - Form: A
PLAYED THE WWC 7
PLAYED THE WWC 8
PLAYED THE WWC 9

6-SARAH Ohmar Águas (Team: Clube Imperial)
Height: 164cm - Weight: 53kg - Age: 26 years old
Got a place in the first team of the National Team after very good performances and improvements on the technical area. She attacks very much, wanting to score goals, even using his head for this(she is short, but heads well). Her abilities aren't defensive ones, but she fights a lot for the ball, and is very known in the media.
Rating: B - Team Relationship: A - Morale: A - Form: B
PLAYED THE WWC 7
PLAYED THE WWC 8
PLAYED THE WWC 9

20-SABRINA Túlio Espaguete (Team: SC Lasft)
Height: 161cm - Weight: 53kg - Age: 22 years old
Sabrininha is naive and doesn't have enough experience to play often in the National Team, but her abilities surprised the coaches of SC Lasft, and now she is a starter in a great team. She has good tackling and passing, but isn't very good in other areas.
Rating: B - Team Relationship: B - Morale: B - Form: A
PLAYED THE WWC 8
PLAYED THE WWC 9

21-RAFAELA dos Santos (Team: Clube Imperial)
Height: 170cm - Weight: 65kg - Age: 22 years old
A very nice person, Rafaela is one of the few players of Clube Imperial which started to play in the team. She had a very good season as a starter and because of that got a place in the National Team. She is very fast and good at free kicks too.
Rating: C - Team Relationship: A - Morale: B - Form: B

Defensive Midfielders:

5-LETÍCIA Cabral Olivieri (Team: Clube Imperial)
Height: 165cm - Weight: 50kg - Age: 26 years old
Letícia continues being one of the most important players of the country, with her long passing, creativity and beautiful playes. Still one of the most beautiful women of the country, very famous inside and outside the field.
Rating: A - Team Relationship: B - Morale: A - Form: A
PLAYED THE WWC 6
PLAYED THE WWC 7
PLAYED THE WWC 8
PLAYED THE WWC 9

16-TATIana Frota Guimarães "PAÇOCA" (Team: Dínamo Lux)
Height: 162cm - Weight: 49kg - Age: 26 years old
After Viviane Paquetá had some problems with the police, Tati Paçoca was chosen to be an option as second defensive midfielder. She is considered a good player, but the supporters were surprised to see her in the National Team, and she is there for three cups! Her passing and defensive abilities are very good. She is also very funny and her team mates usually like her.
Rating: B - Team Relationship: A - Morale: A - Form: B
PLAYED THE WWC 8
PLAYED THE WWC 9

17-NINA Razet (Team: Cafundó do Juta)
Height: 170cm - Weight: 66kg - Age: 21 years old
Talented, wise and arrogant. This is Nina Razet, the best youngster of Cafundéu's Female Football League's last season. Good with the both legs, she is extremely intelligent, cold and with good passing and dribbling abilities. A cerebral player who wants to be a starter in the team.
Rating: B - Team Relationship: C - Morale: A - Form: A
PLAYED THE WWC 9

Neutral Midfielders:

8-ALICE Alvarenga Moura (Team: Clube Imperial)
Height: 170cm - Weight: 60kg - Age: 24 years old
A very intelligent player, who continues being one of the best midfielder of Cafundéu, she still will continue being a key player for the team, as she is passing by a good moment in her life and career.
Rating: A - Team Relationship: B - Morale: A - Form: A
PLAYED THE WWC 6
PLAYED THE WWC 7
PLAYED THE WWC 8
PLAYED THE WWC 9

23-MILENE Maria Aparecida (Team: Dínamo Lux)
Height: 167cm - Weight: 62kg - Age: 17 years old
Was called after good performances in the league, and is the youngest player ever to play in the NT. But he isn't a superstar, and will only be a backup option in case of injury. He is a very good dribbler and finisher, but has a poor physical strength.
Rating: C - Team Relationship: B - Morale: B - Form: B

Attacking Midfielders:

10-FERNANDA Xavier GARCIA (Team: Clube Imperial)
Height: 171cm - Weight: 65kg - Age: 25 years old
Still the best player of the team, her form is surprising, being very good since WWC 6. She seems satisfied with her life and ready to dribble her opponents again.
Rating: A - Team Relationship: A - Morale: A - Form: A
PLAYED THE WWC 6
PLAYED THE WWC 7
PLAYED THE WWC 8
PLAYED THE WWC 9

15-Denise SOUTO MAIOR (Team: Dínamo Lux)
Height: 178cm - Weight: 72kg - Age: 26 years old
Souto Maior left Clube Imperial's squad and changed teams twice since then. A very strange person, is a good player, who surprises everyone with her shots and passes.
Rating: B - Team Relationship: B - Morale: B - Form: A
PLAYED THE WWC 7
PLAYED THE WWC 8
PLAYED THE WWC 9

18- Marcela Paes de Merengue "MARCELINHA" (Team: Universidade Católica)
Height: 181cm - Weight: 72kg - Age: 19 years old
Another surprise in the National Team, Marcelinha is still a student. But her skills with the ball, mainly her ball control and excellent crosses, made her an excellent option for the team, and she can even play some games in the team.
Rating: C - Team Relationship: B - Morale: B - Form: B

Attackers:

7-LUÍSA Neves Matoso (Team: Clube Imperial)
Height: 175cm - Weight: 58kg - Age: 23 years old
When Maria Lúcia was ready to take the place of third attacker, Luísa appeared in Clube Imperial's starting team and showed all her ability, with many goals and assists. She looks like a complete striker and can play even as a midfielder, but still has a lot to learn, as she lack ability in certain areas. But everyone thinks that she is the future of the National Team.
Rating: A - Team Relationship: A - Morale: B - Form: A
PLAYED THE WWC 8
PLAYED THE WWC 9

9-ANA LAURA Lopes Veller (Team: Clube Imperial)
Height: 174cm - Weight: 58kg - Age: 27 years old
The goal-maker continues to score lots of goals. She also started to talk more with the press and became a symbol of the team. Scored many goals in her NT career.
Rating: A - Team Relationship: B - Morale: B - Form: A
PLAYED THE WWC 6
PLAYED THE WWC 7
PLAYED THE WWC 8
PLAYED THE WWC 9

11-ANA BEATRIZ Caprossi Grande (Team: Universidade Católica)
Height: 171cm - Weight: 68kg - Age: 23 years old
Ana Paula, one of the main strikers of Cafundéu, retired after the death of her husband. Ana Beatriz, who plays in a minor team of the country, has the same style of the former NT attacker, and many people think that she has the same ability too. So, she went to the National Team.
Rating: B - Team Relationship: B - Morale: B - Form: B
PLAYED THE WWC 9

19-NATÁLIA CAMPOS de Alvarado (Team: Atlético Jutense)
Height: 158cm - Weight: 48kg - Age: 30 years old
It took a long time for this short player to reach in the National Team. She can play some games, as she is very experienced and intelligent, but isn't the first option of the coach Mário Silveira.
Rating: B - Team Relationship: A - Morale: D - Form: A


Staff:

Coach: MÁRIO Melkezedec SILVEIRA
Height: 202cm - Weight: 100kg - Age: 59 years old
One of the most experienced coachs of the whole country, his objective is to make the best campaign of Cafundéu's Women National Team history. He is very good and can do that. He likes to work with younger players and with obedients players, as he is a competent tactician. He likes to talk with the press too.
Rating: A - Team Relationship: C - Morale: A - Confidence: A

Assistant Coach: BARÃO (Former Central United coach)
Height: 187cm - Weight: 92kg - Age: 61 years old
Has a lot of experience training young players and wants to help Franciele. He can improve the morale of the players very easy, as he is extremely fun. But when the players are playing, he wants them giving all their efforts, and shouts a lot from the bench. When the referee makes a mistake, he becomes very nervous and scares lots of referees.
Rating: B - Team Relationship: A - Morale: A - Confidence: B

Spy and Physical Trainer: XAVIER Jordão Jacarezinho (Former SC Lasft)
Height: 202cm - Weight: 101kg - Age: 37 years old
Former physical trainer of SC Lasft, "The black monster", as he is called by his friends and by the press, is very good in helping the players to get in shape. He is very friendly and is friend of all the players and the directors. He is very intelligent too and can help the coach with many other things. His family didn't want to see him travelling to another country, but he wanted to take this opportunity.
Rating: B - Team Relationship: A - Morale: C - Confidence: B

Entertainer: SERGINHO MALLANDRO (Former TV Gazeta)
Height: 175cm - Weight: 88kg - Date of Birth: ???(above 40 years old)
The players and the staff need to be relaxed to play all the games. So, Serginho Mallandro's job is to make jokes, play games and help to make everybody happy. Sometimes he can be a bit annoying with his phrases like "Glu-glu", or "Bilu-bilu tetéia" and other ones, and even the directors don't like him very much, but he will stay with the NT.
Rating: A - Team Relationship: E - Morale: A - Confidence: E

Doctor: Dra. CECÍLIA KALAMARES (Former Juta Hospital)
Height: 172cm - Weight: 68kg - Age: 50 years old
One of the most famous doctors in Cafundéu, Cecília is well paid and got this well deserved position. Is ready to take care of any injured player or member of the staff(many times Serginho Mallandro when someone gets irritated with him). She has some assistants that can help her too, including the masseur Tonho Dozorno.
Rating: B - Team Relationship: B - Morale: B - Confidence: A

(Obs: Ratings and the other stats were only made to compare the stats of the players between my team)

The formation: Mário has 2 options of formations:

-The first one is to use a 3-5-2 putting three defenders and using the right and left backs as midfielders. It's a more offensive strategy. Style of +2 (USED IN THE GAMES)

--------------------Caroline--------------------
-------Morena------Sabrininha---------Sarah-----
--Vanessa-----------Letícia------------Luana----
---------Fernanda Garcia-------Alice------------
-----------Ana Laura-----------Luísa------------

-The second is to use a basic 4-3-3(Style of +3) See:

--------------------Caroline--------------------
--Vanessa-----Morena--------Sarah------Luana----
--------------------Letícia---------------------
---------Fernanda Garcia--------Alice-----------
-----Ana Beatriz-----Ana Laura-----Luísa--------

The kits(Home and Away):

Home: golden shirt with golden shorts
Away: black shirt with details in gold and black shorts
Third: white shirt and grey shorts

P.S. - Please use in your RPs the names in BOLD of my players.

You can choose my goalscorers
You can godmod scoring events
You can RP injuries for my players, but don't specify
You can give yellow and red cards for my players, but no more than 3 reds
You can godmod other events, but it must make some sense (nothing too unreal and with not reason)

Swilatian Football Team Squad

Uniforms:
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c58/Krytenia/SWI3.png

Players:
#1 Dominik Kowalski, GK
#2 Synade Wassenza, GK

#4 Urszula Kapowska, D
#5 Jan Serelianski, D
#3 Falaja Tiskane, D
#7 Szymon Klonowski, D
#8 Maria Jankowska, D

#10 Piotr Szymański, M
#11 Stanisław Wak, M
#15 Kenysa Borlane, M
#16 Ryszard Anioł, M
#17 Ania Kotek, M
#29 Dominik Nitsolski, M

#21 Michał Dąbrowski, S
#22 Mikołaj Rycerski, S
#24 Mirosława Romańska, S
#26 Kanna Wejare, S
#30 Jarosław Zieliński, S

GK - Goalkeeper, D - Defense, M - Midfield, S - Striker
Starters in bold.

Stlye:
+3
3-4-3 Formation

My opponent, if they RP first, may do the following:
Choose my goalscorers N, this includes own goals by my team.
Godmode Scoring Events N
RP injuries to my players Y, but no deaths
Godmode injuries to my players N
Hand out Yellow cards to my players Y
Hand out Red cards to my players Y
Godmode Other Events N

Yes, there are men on our team. Deal with it.

LANDAU INSTITUTE'S LUCKY WOMEN

23 lucky women won the right to leave the Institute for some time to play football. They are the same players of the last WWC. Here they are:

Goalkeepers:

1- Tamires ZVEITEL: Zveitel is a good goalkeeper, tall and strong. Her stress level is low, the stress make her shout sometimes without reason, but she is well controlled. The Institute's doctors think that she is one of the most talented players of the teams.
Age: 25 years old
Years in the Institute: 11

13- Berenice Frios SOFT: Soft is shorter than Zveitel, but has the same ability. Her problem is serious, one of the worst in the team. She thinks that every clown wants to kill her, and avoids them. Her control is more difficult.
Age: 33 years old
Years in the Institute: 31

23- Francisca IGELEN: Igelen isn't a good goalkeeper, but she was chosen because she can control herself without use of medicines. The stress made her obsessed with grass, so she only sleeps on grass.
Age: 21 years old
Years in the Institute: 10

Wing-Backs:

2- Antonieta YEYTS: Yeyts is obsessed with cleaning. She becomes very angry with everybody who complains about it, she wants to clean everything. She likes to use the right side of the field, and can run very fast.
Age: 31 years old
Years in the Institute: 5

3- Raquel POLSTER-HEICH: Raquel has a serious problem. She hates food, and doesn't want to eat or drink anything. Because of that the doctors have to make her sleep to give some nutrients by a probe. She doesn't remember how the life is outside the Institute. Likes the left wing.
Age: 24 years old
Years in the Institute: 24

20- Leandra AMARO: Amaro doesn't have a serious problem. She only fears the loneliness, and wants somebody near her everytime. But she is a gentle person. Can play in both sides of the field.
Age: 33 years old
Years in the Institute: 18

21- Maria Eduarda CLUDENT: Cludent has double personality. The strange thing is that both of them play football well, although one plays in the right side and another in the left side. Both personalities are very similar, but one can't stand the other.
Age: 21 years old
Years in the Institute: 9

Centre-Backs:

4- Jurema EVERENKE: Everenke became so nervous because of the stress that, without her medicines, she starts to fight with everybody who touches her. She is trying to control it, but she doesn't seem to improve.
Age: 28 years old
Years in the Institute: 15

5- Carlota TERCART: Tercart has amnesia. This happened because of the intense work that she was doing. An interesting fact is that if she do somehting now, she will forget it seven days later, no matter what it was. This is very difficult to control, since she can forget important things, but the medicines can make she remember some selected things, like play football.
Age: 30 years old
Years in the Institute: 16

12- Priscila LAFERRO: Laferro is kleptomaniac. The medicines don't make much effect. Inside the Institute it wasn't a serious problem, but now in ECIAM it can give problems to her, so the doctors will be looking what she'll make.
Age: 21 years old
Years in the Institute: 5

14- Ivana NOVAES: Novaes is paranoic. After discussing with her last boyfriend, he started to go after her until she entered in the Institute. After that, she thinks that her boyfriend is in every place that she goes, and the doctors need to control her.
Age: 26 years old
Years in the Institute: 7

Defensive Midfielders:

6- Cíntia FONDERSON: Fonderson has a very strange mood. She can't show her feelings and becomes angry or happy with no reasons. She likes to play football and when she's playing the mood changes stop, without the need of medicines. Because of that she can be one of the most important players of the team.
Age: 23 years old
Years in the Institute: 17

8- Aline GHABAD: Ghabad sees things that doesn't exist. They are different things, sometimes are aliens, then ghosts. If she doesn't take her medicines, she can be distracted during the game by her visions. Luckily she know that they aren't real, but can't take her eyes out of them, looking at them with interest.
Age: 34 years old
Years in the Institute: 25

16- Carla HISSENFELDER: Hissenfelder is too anxious and hiperactive. Everytime she is doing something, maybe two or three things at the same time. In the field she is very fast and even when she isn't with the ball she is still running.
Age: 22 years old
Years in the Institute: 8

22- Valéria KOHLMEIR: Kohlmeir fears all insects, mainly spiders and ants. When she sees an insect, she stay quiet and scared, and doesn't move when she is still seeing it. She only returns to move when the insect leaves.
Age: 31 years old
Years in the Institute: 19

Offensive Midfielders:

7- Rafaela MAULNUS: Is completely sane, without any stress. Because of that doesn't need to control herself and doesn't need to take any medicines. She is also an excellent player, very good in set pieces, dribbling and finishing. She is the captain of the team and is very disciplined.
Age: 26 years old
Years in the Institute: since birth

11- Rachel SERRANO: It's the daughter of Gwen Serrano, who was also good in football. But like her mother, Serrano is antisocial and doesn't talk to anybody that she doesn't know. With her team mates and with the doctors she speaks, but very little. She has a very good relationship with the coach, who is trying to help her.
Age: 30 years old
Years in the Institute: since birth

15- Keyla ESTIFF: Estiff doesn't believe in nothing. If you tell her something, she won't believe, even if you prove. With her medicines, she can accept some things, like "your team is the white one" and "you need to shoot in that goal", but only if the doctors say it.
Age: 24 years old
Years in the Institute: 12

18- Nathália SAN JERLO: San Jerlo loves fire. After causing fires in more than 5 buildings, she went to the institute, where she sometimes causes a fire too. With the medicines she stops to want to put fire on something, but she continues to appreciate the fire and things burning. Outside the Institute she could be arrested, as she killed many people in her fires.
Age: 29 years old
Years in the Institute: 18

Attackers:

9- Silvana DE VRUM: De Vrum worships Landau. Yes, she thinks that the director of the Institute is a god and that the Institute is his temple. Everytime she prays for him and considers herself his highest nun. She creates rituals to increase the power of her "god". Landau seems to like that, and because of that De Vrum doesn't take any medicine.
Age: 27 years old
Years in the Institute: 25

10- Sabrina QUASTER: Quaster is beautiful, and because of that she thinks that her body is the most important thing of the entire world. She is extremely cautious, using lots of protections to play football and doesn't want to get hurt.
Age: 21 years old
Years in the Institute: 7

17- Stephany CATARY: Catary believes that she is a robot. She obey all the doctor's commands and her answers to certain questions seem all the same. When she walks, she makes a strange noise, and before the start of the game, she says something like "starting football mode".
Age: 35 years old
Years in the Institute: 16

19- Catarina BARCELLOS: Barcellos has depression. She needs the help of the doctors and some medicines. But she likes to play football and is starting to have a better relationship with her team mates. The doctors think that in 2 years she will recover.
Age: 25 years old
Years in the Institute: 7

COACH: Doctor Ivana Sanidad: Sanidad is a psychiatrist who helps most of these girls inside the Landau Institute. She has Landau's confidence and will control the players to play football.
Age: 54 years old

Landau also sent many other doctors to help the team, working as physical trainer, spy, doctor and other jobs.

The Formation: 4-5-1 Style of +1(used in the first games):

--------------------Zveitel--------------------
--Yeyts-----Everenke----Tercart---PolsterHeich-
-----Fonderson-----Hissenfelder-----Ghabad-----
----------Maulnus----------Serrano-------------
-------------------De Vrum---------------------

3-4-3 - Style of +1:

--------------------Zveitel--------------------
-----Everenke-----Hissenfelder-----Tercart-----
----------Fonderson----------Ghabad------------
-------Maulnus-------------------Serrano-------
------Barcellos-----De Vrum-------Quaster------

Kits:

Home: white shirt and white shorts
Away: blue/red (striped) shirt and white shorts
Third: blue/white (striped) shirt and blue shorts

(For RP permissions, use the same ones of Cafundéu)

Formation: 4-4-2 (4-4-1-1)

Coach - Dazzas Dallas, Jeruselem's favourite village bike! Yes she's over 30 but she looks much younger.
Assistant Coach - Kate Bush
Reporter - Dazza Dallas, again

GK Smetznova Kushava, 26 - Promising young girl who doesn't know the meaning of NO or CANNOT.
GK Debbie O'Hare , 29 - Q-Cup I player. Hero on one game and fought her way into the team despite her frail emotion nature

DEF - Angie Jolly, 22 - Tempermental bitch. No one likes her at all except herself.
DEF - Maggie Thatcher, 28 - Q-Cup I player. TOUGH girl, the iron lady of defense.
DEF - Fix Foster, 17 - Her Mum was from Qazox, and she could play for Qazox if wanted too but stays loyal to her new nation.
DEF - Lara Croft, 25 - Action girl, gets into the game from minute 0 and does not stop. Sometimes too energetic for her own good.
DEF - Silly Filly, 28 - Small girl with little going except she tries 200%. Lack of skill is her problem but she never gives up at all.
DEF - Rashina Dallas, 35 - One of Debbie Dallas's daughters. Another Dallas girl to terrorise the women's soccer world. Professional gymnast before following

Dazza into the soccer field (VICE CAPTAIN, was to be the captain of Jeru FC but they are not playing)

MID - Hikfie Dallas, 16 - NOT another Dallas. Yes, another of Debbie's daughters. A bit of a clown.
MID - Monique Alexander, 28, Q-Cup I player. Likes sex, lots of it like Dazza. Models with some mob who do pr0n (CAPTAIN)
MID - Bibi Goldstein, 19 - younger sister of Anna Goldstein the football player (not the reporter). A good talent and giggles like Dazza.
MID - Terry Henry, 23 - French chick! Uber fashionable off-field.
MID - Chrissie Ronaldo, 24 - Master diver, well 2nd to Dazza. Very skilled still but likes being horizontal when needed.
MID - Sister Moki, 30 - Nuns are meek, well mannered? Not this one! Quite a bitch, God's bitch. Don't mess with her.

STK - Shama Shaya Saja Sa, 23 - Otherwise known as Miss S, she's a threat to slow defenses. Great ball control and loves to chip sleeping keepers
STK - Dazza Folkstia, 23 - Nothing the real Dazza, keeps to herself but on the football field she turns into a demon.
STK - Natasha Greski, 29, Q-Cup I player. Lethal left foot to the ball and people she doesn't like.
STK - Dinkie Dosha, 22 - World Cup 33 player. A Jewish Dazza who keeps her clothes on.

Choose my scorers: Yes
Cards: Not red
Injuries: No thanks
GodMode: If it involves obscenity and Dazza

OOC - Group C looks nasty!

The Lady Oxen, Finally back atop the world of Women's Football, has for the 1st time in a while returned most of the squad, but as usual ther have been a few leavers, especailly in net as all three are new, but young so they'll be around a while. Head Coach Stefany Heisel will keep the 3-2-2-3 formation, with two sweepers. They will as usual play in a +3.


Starters in Blue, New comers are in Italics

GoalKeepers
June Breon, 20 yrs. old
Kelli Reio, 17 yrs. old
Darcy Tucker, 18 yrs. old


Defenders
Lenore Snowball 23 yrs. old
Amie Burr 22 yrs. old
Chelsea Daley, 29 yrs. old
Amiee Heisel, 17 yrs old (coach's kid)
Stephanie Greye, 18 yrs old.

Sweepers
Tabatha Philippi 24yrs. old
Lorrie Daley, 29 yrs. old
Marcie Pariseau 22 yrs. old
Paula Smthye, 19 yrs. old

Midfielders

Rene Rena, 26 yrs. old
Sierra Lopes, 26 yrs. old
Lilia Greeson 21 yrs.old
Annabelle Lorenzana 22 yrs old

Forwards
Gretchen Bucci, 30 yrs. old
I'hin H'wu, 25 yrs. old
O'thi H'wu, 26 yrs. Old
Sofia Yochum 24 yrs. old
Kathrine Facer 23 yrs. old


(ooc: NsWiki page for ya: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_10 (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_10))

Choose my scorers: Yes
Cards: Yes to both
Injuries: Yes only if a minor one
GodMode: Only if funny or weather-related.

(ooc: McPsychoville. I'll scorinate yours for you, if you don't mind. I'll TG them to you.)

Despite being harrassed about the great amount of "Medical Marijuana", The Lady Stoners WWCX team, will be coached by Qazoxian great Andrea Childress-Turner. And the Mathe Dynasty is mad.

Here's the team: a +3 style, in a 4-2-4 formation.

(note for Sativaville all #'s from 1-11 are retired.
STARTERS:

GK #19 Terri Mathe, age 21
Def. #20-Blossom Galdames, Age 22
Sweeper #21-Cherry Henig, Age 25
Sweeper #22-Aurora Duso, Age 22
Def. #18- Breanne Carloni, Age 21
Mid. #17- Dana Mathe, Age 21
Mid. #16- Becki Kiggins, Age 24
Forw. #12- Vicki Mathe, Age 22
Strik. #15- Rina Childress-Turner, Age 22 (yes the coach's Daughter)
Mid-Forw. #14- Lasonya Decena, Age 25
Forw. #13- Kim Mathe, age 24

Subs (all subs use Numbers 30-39)
GK- Danyelle Siwiec, age 22
Def- Cheree Hanigan, Age 23
Def- Carola Carrino, Age 21
Def/Mid- Hang Rubeck, Age 24
Mid- Jaye Hollenbaugh, Age 26
Mid- Annamaria Vinup, Age 21
Forw- Danelle Lehtinen , Age 21
Forw- Yulanda Hutchkiss, Age 23
Forw- Shirl Mandino, Age 24
And for the 1st time our formation:


T. Mathe
Galdames Henig Duso Carloni
D. Mathe Kiggins
Decena
V. Mathe Childress-Turner K.Mathe

Here's the roster:
The Ermines will play a 3-4-3 with a +2.


GK #33- Hill
DEF #35- Mikkelson
DEF #31- Mattice
DEF #30- Bonds
MID #3- Fifer
MID #9- Laperle
MID #10- Richie
MID #8- Erard
FOR #77- Miyasaka
FOR #75- Lambermont
FOR #79- Cieloha

SUB #20- Manx
SUB #22- Turley
SUB #23- Sandler
SUB #24- Greer

Do what ever you want. No killing please and pick my scorers.

Edwina Bluff proudly showed off the new women's kit at the squad launch. "The black is for mourning," she explained as the assembled media laughed.

http://img260.imageshack.us/img260/9457/ww10xs9.png

"What are your instructions for your squad?"

"To play in a plus two fashion. "

"And how about other teams?"

"They can do what they like. "

"Amd the squad?"

"Well..."

Just then a messenger appeared and handed Bluff a note. "I'm busy!" "No, you must read this first. "

"Apologies, everyone..."

Bluff read the note and let out a little scream. She made her excuses and vanished backstage. A flunky announced there would be no squad announcement that day and Bluff would release a statement in due course.

Lake Porter Sun
40 years Young and still going strong!

Our 10th preview, and we stand by our picks 87%.

Group A:
Wentland (2)
Sativaville (8)
Lovisa (16)
Harlesburg (Unranked)

Wentland is the class of this group, but the young Lady Stoners, led by the 4 Mathe Cousins will make them sweat it out on MD3. Wentland wins the group with a 2-1-0 record on Goal Diff. over Sativaville (2-1-0). Lovisa picks up the win against necomers Harlesburg (1-0-2 and 0-0-3 respectively).

Group C:
Jeruselem (3)
Cafundeu (5)
Starblaydia (9)
McPsychoville (Unranked)

Quite possibly the most stacked group ever. Jeruselem (2-0-1) edges out Starblaydia (1-1-1) who edges out Cafundeu (1-1-1) on Goal diff., while Hosts McPsychoville do upset Starblaydia (1-0-2).

Group D:
Green Wombat (4)
Quakmybush (7)
Corneliu (Unranked)
Anadu (Unranked)

The easiest group so far and both Green Wombat and Quakmybush should advance with ease. (2-1-0 for each, with GW winning on goal diff.) Corneliu will edge out Anadu for 3rd (1-0-2 and 0-0-3 respectively).

And now Our Group, Group B:

Qazox (1)
Yafor 2 (6)
Estresse Intenso (12)
Swilatia (Unranked)

Swilatia makes a comeback to the stage and pulls off an upset over E.I., but can't advance due to two bad losses to Yafor 2 and us. The Lady Oxen are clearly the class of the group, but Yafor 2 is no slouch.

Qazox 2-1-0
Yafor 2 1-1-1
E.I 1-0-2
Swilatia 1-0-2

So according to our predictions the Knock-outs will look and go like this (with scores of course):

QuarterFinals

Wentland vs. Starblaydia (3-2)
QAZOX vs. Sativaville (3-1)
Jeruselem vs. Quakmybush (2-2.. 3-2 A.E.T.)
Green Wombat vs. Yafor 2 (1-0)

Matchday 5 – Semi-Finals

Wentland vs. Jeruselem (1-2)
Qazox vs. Green wombat (2-2...2-2 A.E.T. 5-4 S.O)

Matchday 6 – Final

Qazox vs. Jeruselem (2-1)

Third Place-
Wentland vs. Green wombat (2-3)

So there's our prediction. QAZOX vs. JERUSELEM the battle for #4 for each team.

(ooc: NsWiki page for ya: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_10)

"Hoooooly shit."

Those two simple, elongated words were all that was needed to sum up the mood in the Psycho camp. Having been part of the earliest Women's World Cups, it was a significant culture shock to see their team both unranked and at the bottom of one of the least fair groups in history. The other unranked teams at least had someone they could beat - "But we have Starblaydia. STARBLAYDIA!" shouted Eddie Bluff, the team's outspoken and unpleasant coach (if the name sounds familiar, it's because he's some form of relation to Wentland's Edwina. Second cousin once removed, or first cousin twice removed, all the numbers get confusing after a while).

"Boss?" piped up goalkeeper Annie Black. "Didn't you say you were doing something to get us a good draw?"

"That's what pisses me off so much! I paid the officials to lie through their teeth, the bastards took the money and ran!"

"Starblaydia," murmured striker Jessie Turberville, rocking back and forth on her heels and almost in a trance.

"Is she alright?"

Strike partner Kelly Pilkins prodded her a couple of times. "I think she's gone into shock." Growling in frustration, Eddie threw a towel over the rocking girl and tried to take some good out of the situation.

"Sure, it could be better, but if we lose, at least we lose to the best, right?"

Eddie turned to the ridiculously upbeat girl who'd just taken the words from his mouth. "Shut it, Celery." Yes, the midfielder's name was Celery. Some people just have cruel parents, it's not that hard to believe.

"Who's our first opponent, boss?" Eddie threw a wadded-up copy of the schedule at the questioner, defender and captain Sara Summers. "Cafundeu...well, great."

"We're going to get fucking thumped, right?" shouted Sami Turk, just emerging from the shower wearing nothing but a towel around her waist. As Eddie struggled to control his eyes, the combination striker/midfielder went on to complain "Who messed up the schedules?"

"Nobody, Sami, they're just terrible for us."

"It's a conspiracy, that's what it is."

"Sami, you think everything is a conspiracy. Remember that Huskies goal? When it bounced off the goalie's skate? You thought that was a conspiracy as well."

"Prove to me it wasn't," Sami said, just to be contrary as everyone else rolled their eyes. "Wait a second, where are the rest of the team?" Eddie looked around in confusion.

"...hey, where ARE the rest of the team?"

---

[I have a Statistics assignment today from one to five, and I'll post up the scores at about six.]

When the news broke the footy fans of Wentland were incandescent. "How dare they? How DARE they?". "Suspended? Who can we play?" "They'll have to pull out..."

The announcement of three match suspensions for the entire Blue Tit squad from the previous World Cup was considered even by those close to the Committee to be harsh. But the Committee was adamant: by refusing to turn up for the third place playoff every player was deemed to have received a red card for gross misconduct and therefore banned for three games.

Even though Wentland had a case at being forced to play a team that looked suspiciously like men in the last semis.

But this had put Edwina Bluff into somewhat of a quandary. She could pick a squad of twenty-three to include some of the suspended players on the basis that they would get through and could be brought back, fresh, for the latter stages. Or she could muddle through with twenty-three reserves. Katy Torpenhow was still evergreen in goal, the likes of Moh Sule and Honey Weeks could still do a job, and there were promising youngsters like Becca Newman who might be worth a look. As well as those previously dropped like Hunt or Layton.

But that would be very much a second string squad.

There was another alternative that might be pulled off. Apart from withdrawal, of course. Bluff remembered a certain team in the men's cup...hmm...

"Did they agree to do it, Rosie?"

"Of course! Now we're number one the record company will agree to anything we want. Even barmy videos. "

***

The media was startled when the Wentland squad was announced. Or, rather, not announced, but introduced via a bizarre video.

"Anthropologists in the frozen wastes of the Northlands were astonished to find a nunnery where none had been thought to exist. "

The camera showed tracksuited nuns by some sort of igloo, all wearing balaclava masks.

"The Sisters of the Sacred Mask believe in practising their religion through means of sport. "

The nuns were shown kicking a ball around with no little skill.

"The Sisters believe identity is sinful as all is subsumed within the Eternal Being. Hence they all wear masks. "

More football footage was shown.

"After years of seclusion the Sisters have decided to preach their mission to the world at large. "

The video faded to black as the voiceover continued to intone.

"And now...please welcome Wentland's representatives for the women's World Cup...THE SISTERS OF THE SACRED MASK!"

Dry ice filled the podium as a screen lifted to show twenty-three familiar-looking figures...all wearing masks.

A teamsheet was handed out to the press. It was not too helpful.

1 Sister X (goal)
2 Sister A (defence)
3 Sister B (defence)
4 Sister C (midfield)
5 Sister D (defence)
6 Sister E (midfield)
7 Sister F (midfield)
8 Sister G (midfield)
9 Sister H (forward)
10 Sister J (forward)
11 Sister K (midfield)
12 Sister L (goalie)
13 Sister M (defence)
14 Sister N (defence)
15 Sister O (defence)
16 Sister P (midfield)
17 Sister Q (forward)
18 Sister R (defence)
19 Sister S (midfield)
20 Sister T (midfield)
21 Sister U (forward)
22 Sister V (goalie)
99 Sister Z (midfield)

The Wentland media snickered...the rest of the world bemused.

[That could be the worst roster in existence, and I've been responsible for some pretty poor ones. Also, USING #99?! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE~!]

---

Results for Matchday 1

Wentland 2 - 1 Lovisa
Sativaville 2 - 0 Harlesburg
Qazox 3 - 1 Estresse Intenso
Yafor 2 1 - 1 Swilatia
Jeruselem 3 - 1 Starblaydia
Cafundeu 3 - 2 McPsychoville (thank you, Qazox)
Green Wombat 0 - 1 Corneliu
Quakmybush 4 - 2 Anadu

Tables

Group A

Team Games Played Wins Draws Losses Points
Sativaville 1 1 0 0 3
Wentland 1 1 0 0 3
Lovisa 1 0 0 1 0
Harlesburg 1 0 0 1 0

Group B

Team Games Played Wins Draws Losses Points
Qazox 1 1 0 0 3
Estresse Intenso 1 0 1 0 1
Swilatia 1 0 1 1 1
Yafor 2 1 0 1 0 1

Group C

Team Games Played Wins Draws Losses Points
Jeruselem 1 1 0 0 3
Corneliu 1 1 0 0 3
McPsychoville 1 0 0 1 0
Starblaydia 1 0 0 1 0

Group D

Team Games Played Wins Draws Losses Points
Quakmybush 1 1 0 0 3
Corneliu 1 1 0 0 3
Anadu 1 0 0 1 0
Green Wombat 1 0 0 1 0

NECESSARY VICTORY FOR CAFUNDÉU

Cafundéu was placed in the worst group of the whole competition, together with Jeruselem, Starblaydia and the hosts McPsychoville. The first game was against the hosts, and the team needed the victory to start well in the competition. The coach Mário Silveira prepared a good formation, and his strategy worked well, as Cafundéu scored two goals in the first half, with Ana Laura and Luísa.

Things weren't so good in the start of the second half, when the hosts scored a fast goal in the first minutes of the second half. Ten minutes later, Jaqueline, nervous because of her debut, made a mistake and suffered another goal. Luckily, after some changes in the team formation, the team scored the last goal of the game in the thirty-first minute, once again with Ana Laura, still the best scorer of the team.

It is a good start for Cafundéu's NT, as said the coach Mário Silveira: "We had a good first half and took advantage of our attack's ability. Unfortunately we suffered goals in the second half, but we reacted in time." Cafundéu already played against Starblaydia and Jeruselem. The team has good memories of the games against Starblaydia, but not of the ones against Jeruselem.

Team used in the game: Jaqueline, Vanessa (Milene), Morena, Sarah and Luana; Letícia, Nina (Ana Beatriz), Alice and Fernanda Garcia; Ana Laura and Luísa.

Coach: Mário Silveira.

[That could be the worst roster in existence, and I've been responsible for some pretty poor ones. Also, USING #99?! THIS IS AN OUTRAGE~!]

---

Results for Matchday 1

Wentland 2 - 1 Lovisa
Sativaville 2 - 0 Harlesburg
Qazox 3 - 1 Estresse Intenso
Yafor 2 1 - 1 Swilatia
Jeruselem 3 - 1 Starblaydia
Cafundeu 3 - 2 McPsychoville (thank you, Qazox)
Green Wombat 0 - 1 Corneliu
Quakmybush 4 - 2 Anadu

Tables

Group A

Team Games Played Wins Draws Losses Points
Sativaville 1 1 0 0 3
Wentland 1 1 0 0 3
Lovisa 1 0 0 1 0
Harlesburg 1 0 0 1 0

Group B

Team Games Played Wins Draws Losses Points
Qazox 1 1 0 0 3
Estresse Intenso 1 0 1 0 1
Swilatia 1 0 1 1 1
Yafor 2 1 0 1 0 1

Group C

Team Games Played Wins Draws Losses Points
Jeruselem 1 1 0 0 3
Wentland 1 1 0 0 3
McPsychoville 1 0 0 1 0
Starblaydia 1 0 0 1 0

Group D

Team Games Played Wins Draws Losses Points
Quakmybush 1 1 0 0 3
Corneliu 1 1 0 0 3
Anadu 1 0 0 1 0
Green Wombat 1 0 0 1 0

YW... got a bit of a problem as Wentland is in Group A and C, and Cafundeu isn't in at all. I assume that the 2nd Wentland is supposed to be Cafundeu, right, and also Swilatia has only played once. I'll RP later tonight, but I need to rest a bit first....

Dazza Dallas was addressing her team

"OK girls, women or ladies, in my case strumpets! You saw who we are playing - it's not going to be pretty. Basically the hosts are playing a top 10 team every game. There's no easy way out his one, we have to win play well considering we have two other top 10 seeds in here too. OK, if we beat the hosts twice - and we should, it's a matter of working out other teams. Starblaydia are going be big trouble, we rarely beat them but this is the Women's World Cup girls. We have beaten them before and we need to. Lately, the Cherries have improved so we cannot write them off. And then there's the matter of the Caf... err, you know who. All we need to do is beat them once and hope they win their other games not against us. It sound hard but remember the World Cup 32? Yeah, we can do it. No Women's World Cup for us since five and a loss to Wentland in eight, so it's on. We are under pressure here! I want 150% commitment, and if you can't, please tell so I can play someone else who can. Now, Monique here is the captain so listen to her! I'm not going be running about too much as I'm pregnant so my assistant Kate Bush here is going to do all the running around, while I talk and shout. Right, no training today. Just go shopping or whatever you want today. Just don't get drunk and sleep around, err you know what I mean. That's it. Questions?"

Rashina: Are we going to any army training drills?
Dazza: Err, no. We're women football players, not trained military girls. This is not quite war.
Rashina: Good good

Dinkie: Can I do some reporting?
Dazza: Sure thing Dinkie, Dazza needs some beauty sleep sometimes

Maggie: Can I thump people?
Dazza: Yeah, just make sure you don't get booked.

Folkstia: Err, what happens if nosy cameramen ask the hard questions.
Dazza: Let me handle that. If ya wobble ya tits, look dumb and blink eyelids - they'll ask different questions. Well, I think that's it. I have a lot of things to do today - see you all tomorrow.

Kate Bush: Remember the curfew girls, well if Dazza doesn't forget either
Dazza: Me some kind of crazed sex beast? Eh, you're right. I'd better say indoors.
Kate Bush: Have fun girls, but not too much fun.

<Later>

MMM: This is Radio Man, the only radio station for real men. I'm Manfred Mann the real Man! I'm talking to the coach of Women's World Cup team, Dazza "the Village Bike" Dallas in some foreign nation.
Dazza: Hi guys
MMM: OK bitch, what's girls doing playing football in some psycho country
Dazza: Well, the same thing the World Cup do in other nations - play football for national pride.

MMM: Girls playing football? Rubbish!
Dazza: Eh? There's women in the World Cup team too. What steroids are you on?
MMM: That's why is so crap!
Dazza: Hey, my Assistant Coach Kate Bush was the captain at the time when we made the final in 32. She's a female with tits and you know!

MMM: I can coach better than you.
Dazza: So, why aren't you where I am then?
MMM: I ask the questions bitch
Dazza: OK Mr Man, you coach a team of men against a team of schoolgirls! I challenge you.

MMM: My men will trash those giggly schoolgirls!
Dazza: You are on. I'm going take a team of schoolgirls and beat these so-called men you coach.
MMM: You are on girly! Manfred will not fail
Dazza: And what happens if you lose?

MMM: I won't!
Dazza: If the girls lose, I'm going sit naked in your radio studio for a live show. If the men lose, you sit naked in my radio studio for a live show. How about it? I'm not scared, bring on the cameras.
MMM: Yeah, I'm going to win. Let's do it.
Dazza: I'll be seeing you in my radio station then.

<Later>

MMM: I'm going to win man! You watch my men win.
Assistant: You just took on a former World Cup and Women's World Cup player, as well as the new Jeruselem World Cup coach. You are going to lose! Dazza's schoolgirl teams are more like the Women's under 21 teams you know.
MMM: No way
Assistant: Dazza's the princess of Jeruselem football, she knows what she's doing. You've never coached before.

MMM: I will win
Assistant: Don't say I warned you
MMM: Don't worry
Assistant: This is going to be messy Manfred, I'd rather see Dazza naked than you.

MMM: I'm a MAN
Assistant: Precisely, the Village bike not the local trike.
MMM: Good point.
Assistant: Well, as I said - you were warned.

MMM: You like Dazza, don't you.
Assistant: I'd marry her, eh what about you - where's your girl? Mine's alright
MMM: I haven't found her yet
Assistant: I hope you're not Gay

Lake Porter Sun
40 years Young and still going strong!

A relatively easy match to get us started as we easily dipatched Estresse Intenso 3-1. Despite allowing a goal in the 14th minute, June Breon, in her International debut, performed well only allowing that one goal while stopping 10 shots. Gretchen Bucci, the oldest member of the team, and competing in her 4th and possibly last Cup, managed to control the offense efficiently getting 3 assists, as the H'wu sisters continue to try to one up each other. This time O'thi got the upper hand with her 2 goals, while I'hin got the other goal.

Up next for the Lady Oxen is Swilatia, who is making a return to the WWC after an absence of almost 30 years. Despite both competing in the 1st three Cups, this will mark the 1st meeting of the teams. Qazox is the best in the world and the defending champs.. so a 4-1 beat-down is in order.

SCORING SUMMARY:
EI: Silvana De Vrum- 14'
QZX: O'Thi H'wu-23'
O'Thi H'wu (2)-52'
I'hin H'wu- 68'

(ooc: NsWiki page for ya: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_10)

STUNNED!!!
GREEN WOMBAT HERALD

After a dissapointing finish to the last Women's World Cup, the Ermines traveled to McPsychoville in hopes of earning that elusive title, but the road to a championship hit a major speed-bump when unranked and newcomer Corneliu shocked the Ermines 1-0 on a goal in the 90th minute of play.

The Ermines' Coach has declined all interviews, and speculation is that if the Ermines do not at least advance to their first championship game, she will lose her job.

The match itself was a classic crap-fest as the Ermines had numerous oppertunities, but failed to convert any. This reporter believes that using women who are now probably well into their mid to late 40's, although no actual proof of their ages exist, may cost this team. Somehow new blood needs to be injected into this team, but dammned if i know how.

Corneliu Unknown - 90'

Sativaville Stoner

Good start for the Lady Stoners, despite having to wait for over 40 hours to clear airport security, due to the LEGAL medical marjuana issue. No disrespect to the hosts, but if a substance is banned in your country, it don't mean that you get to tell guests in yours they can't use said substance, but enough about that.

A 2-0 win over newbie Harlesburg and we picked up where we left off, in good standing. Kim Mathe scored her 20th international goal, leaving her just now 8 behind her aunt Su Mathe, for the most in team history. Su's daughter, Vicki scored the other to make it 2-0.

Up next is Lovisa, who gave Wentland all they could handle. A tough match-up, but Sativaville clinches a quarter final spot 2-1.

Three Stars:
Kim Mathe- goal 12'
Vicki Mathe- goal 53'
Terri Mathe- 9 shots/9 saves

[You didn't see anything, again. I had a rather unpleasant day yesterday, that would be the reason why.]

It was an odd start to the game. The Lovisa fans did not know what to make of the masked Sisters, and neutrals speculated as to what they would look like under the masks, but the Wentland fans did not look to perturbed and broke into a chorus of "We Are The Midfield" whenever Sisters E, F or K got the ball.

However Lovisa took a very early lead when Sister X flapped at an easy cross and totally missed it, leaving an open goal. The Lovisa fans cheered whilst the neutrals wondered if wearing a full hooded mask had interrupted Sister X's peripheral vision. Some of the wiser ones thought that she would have got used to wearing a mask after years in the convent and concluded that she might be a late convert.

They then thought that a lot of them might be late converts as a number of passes went astray and crosses were totally missed by Sister H, who seemed to be the focus of attacks.

However there was an unexpected benefit as the lack of peripheral vision meant it was more difficult to avoid tackles - as Lovisa found to their cost when Sister H ran slap-bang into a tardy defender and the referee pointed to the spot. Sister A stepped up and equalized.

The second half repeated the first, right the way until near the end - it was Wentland attackong but missing passes. And when another foul was committed, this time on the edge of the box, Sister A curved it around the wall to clinch the game.

The committee however was a little suspicious. They thought the squad list was "rubbish" and had honed on the number 99. Only one other player for Wentland had worn that and she was suspended. Why would a nun want that number?

Results for Matchday 2

Wentland 5 - 1 Harlesburg
Sativaville 3 - 0 Lovisa
Qazox 2 - 0 Swilatia
Yafor 2 0 - 1 Estresse Intenso
Jeruselem 1 - 0 McPsychoville (again, danke Qazox)
Cafundeu 2 - 2 Starblaydia
Green Wombat 3 - 1 Anadu
Quakmybush 1 - 0 Corneliu

Tables

Group A

Team Games Played Wins Draws Losses Points
Sativaville 2 2 0 0 6
Wentland 2 2 0 0 6
Lovisa 2 0 0 2 0
Harlesburg 2 0 0 2 0

Group B

Team Games Played Wins Draws Losses Points
Qazox 2 2 0 0 6
Estresse Intenso 2 1 0 1 3
Swilatia 2 0 1 1 1
Yafor 2 2 0 1 1 1

Group C

Team Games Played Wins Draws Losses Points
Jeruselem 2 2 0 0 6
Cafundeu 2 1 1 0 4
Starblaydia 2 0 1 1 1
McPsychoville 2 0 0 2 0

Group D

Team Games Played Wins Draws Losses Points
Quakmybush 2 2 0 0 6
Corneliu 2 1 0 1 3
Green Wombat 2 1 0 1 3
Anadu 2 0 0 2 0

BAD RESULT FOR CAFUNDÉU

In a difficult game, the Golden Girls couldn't defeat Starblaydia, in a game that the supporters thought that the team was the favourite. Cafundéu took the lead twice, but in both times Starblydia scored minutes after in fast counterattacks. Although the result wasn't so good, the coach said that the team performed well, and have good chances to qualify.

Cafundéu's goals were scored by Fernanda Garcia. The midfielder said: "Usually I'm not a goalscorer, but today I had two good chances and couldn't lose them. I'm very happy about my performance, but I think that we could leave the game with a better result." The attacker Ana Laura said: "We tried, but their defense played well and we couldn't create very good chances."

Mário Silveira, the coach, said in the press conference that he'll probably make some changes for the game against Jeruselem: "I'll probably return to the formation of the first game, as we didn't get the result playing with three attackers." Nina is expected to return to the starting eleven in the place of Ana Beatriz, although Luísa can go to the bench too.

Team used in the game: Jaqueline, Vanessa (Nina), Morena, Sarah (Sabrininha) and Luana; Letícia, Alice and Fernanda Garcia; Ana Beatriz, Ana Laura and Luísa (Souto Maior).

Coach: Mário Silveira.

Cafundéu's coach Mário Silveira saw the table and commented with the reporters: "Our name isn't Corneliu. Cafundéu should be in the tables as the second-placed of Group C. I hope to see it changed."

<In Jeruselem>

MMM
"This is Radio Man, I'm Manfred Man the real Man. I've picked my team of champion men to take on Dazzas's team of stupid schoolgirls. I'm coaching them to beat those girls, and Dazza's going to be sitting naked in my studio here. She is coach those women over there in another country where other female teams are wasting their time proving women can play football. I'll show those women how things are done. I'm going talk about the four women's teams and my true opinion of them."

"Firstly, Dazza's Jeruselem team of teenagers, ugly mothers, porno stars and her relatives. They might look good in that pink but don't be fooled. Useless bunch of actresses who can't play football as they have not won a cup since Women's World cup 5. Oh, their coach is a real prostitute too and her Mum was one too."

"Qazox, what beastly nation. Oxen women, so ugly no real men are not interested in them even if they play naked. They only won the last cup because the male team didn't want to look at them! Their cycling tour sucks too, cycling is for gay people not real men."

"Wentland, the Blue Tittie girls. "Sure they know how to have fun with slimey stuff but they can't play football either. I heard they are now playing a whole team of Nuns, because the real team got all knocked up. Wentland are nothing but useless entertainers!"

"Green Wombat, or the Ermines. All hairy women who look like wombats. At least our girls look like women. Ranked 4th, ha! That's because wombats are cute and they get sympathy from animal lovers. What can excuse for a football team!"

"Now, listeners. What do think? The forum is now open, be real men!"

Listener 1: "Hey, what drugs are you on there Manfred. I like watching the female game. All the football girls over are go good looking. And what's wrong with Dazza? She's so hot for her age. The Qazox and Jeruselem are so sexy too."

MMM: "Wanker!"

Listener 2: "You gay or something there. We have a World Cup and Women's World Cup team ranked in the top 5 and you moan the women are useless. We have best women footballers around and you complain. Shame on you"

MMM: "Go play with yourself"

Listener 3: "I don't see the problem with women's football. They are just as good as the men. Those teams you lambasted are classy teams who also could play in the real cup too and some do. My daughter wants to play for the team and what's wrong with denying our girls a chance to play football."

MMM: "This guy sleeps with schoolgirls"

Listener 4: "I've been a listener of Radio Man for a long time. I don't why you are still there. The other men there are fine but you are just a pig. No wonder no woman wants you. Leave our women footballers alone, they are doing a great job representing our nation."

MMM: "What a loser! Gay boy he is."

Listener 5: "You have an issue. You're just complaining because Dazza is real women and you want to be real man by putting down women. You don't even have a girlfriend while meek men like Dazza's husband can pick up hot chicks like Dazza. You're not real man."

MMM: "I AM A MAN, idiot."

<Later>

MMM: "What's wrong with the listeners out there? They support women playing football? Perverts. I will show them how to coach a team. My MEN will beat a bunch of schoolgirls coached by the best female coach. Listeners, Dazza will not beat me. You watch everyone."

<Later>

Boss: Hey Manfred, you'd better win this challenge.
MMM: Why boss?

Boss: If you do lose, you're out of a job.
MMM: Why's that?

Boss: Some listeners are defecting to Radio Dallas, our main rival. We don't need your antics to piss off our listeners. Radio Dallas is very popular with men and women, so it's all upto you.
MMM: I will win

Boss: You up against the Jeruselem World Cup coach
MMM: Don't worry Boss

Boss: I'm not, you have to.
MMM: I WILL WIN

OOC - Error in Group C table (a wrong name)

Lake Porter Sun
40 years Young and still going strong!

(I Apologize in advance...)

EIGHT STRAIGHT!
Eight times in a row,
To the Quarterfinals Qazox will go.
Swilatia played us tough,
But it was not enough.
Lead by the the Older H'wu,
Who scored not one goal, but two.
There is only one thing left to do,
That is to beat Yafor 2.
Qazox is good, and Yafor 2 is as well,
But a 3-2 win will be swell!

SCORING SUMMARY:
QZX: I'hin H'wu (2)- 28'
I'hin H'wu (2)- 56'

(ooc: NsWiki page for ya: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_10)

Sativaville Stoner

Quarterfianls here we come, as for the 3rd time in a row, Sativaville advances out of the group stage and onto the next round. Terri Mathe earned her 2nd straight shut-out, and has not allowed a goal this tourney, the only keep to do so. Kim Mathe added 2 goals and Vicki added the 3rd.

Up next is Wentland, who demolished Harlesburg 5-1. The winner will win the group and get a better quarterfinal match-up, but a draw will give it to Wentland. This could be one of the better games this tourney.

Three Stars:
Terri Mathe- 12 shots/12 saves
Kim Mathe- goal (2,3) 23', 57'
Vicki Mathe- goal (2) 39'

Still In It to Win It
GREEN WOMBAT HERALD

After the shocking 0-1 loss to Corneliu, Anadu tried to put one over on the Ermines, but this time, experience won out as Green wombat came back form a 0-1 deficit at the half to win 3-1. The win moves the Ermines into a 2nd place tie with Corneliu, with the match against Quakmybush left. A win over the Lady Sharks and Green Wombat is most likely into the next round, unless Corneliu wins by 3 or more goals, and Green Wombat wins by only 1.

Sumarry:

Anadu: Unknown- 36'
Green Wombat: Miyasaka- 52'
Lambermont- 61'
Cieloha- 68'

As the Sisters went 3-0 up, there was a bit of controversy from the Harlesburg bench who considered that the interplay between Sisters E, F and K suggested they knew each other a bit too well. Edwina Bluff was scornful, stating that perhaps the Harlesburgers should have chips with it.

But when one of the Harlesburg defenders pulled Sister J back by her mask late on, J's mask was torn and she dashed off the pitch, head buried in shir and with Sisters H and D running off with her also covering her head. The commotion somewhat surprised the Wentland team and Harlesburg took advantage to sneak a goal.

The Press asked Edwina Bluff about this later. "Your players seemed very keen not to reveal their identities when the number 10 nearly lost her mask...is there something to hide?"

"Something to hide? Of what are you talking?"

"Well...it's very suspicious, isn't it? Your players arrive at the stadium wearing masks, they play with masks, they leave the ground wearing masks...they probably shower in them as well..."

"So? It's the rules of their order. Identity is sinful, or something. They cannot reveal anything which might give themselves away."

"Now you are through to the quarter-finals, will you be seeking to make any squad changes? The three match ban for the first choice players expires after the Sativaville game."

"We shall have to speak to the Committee about that. It was some exceptional circumstances that forced me to make such radical changes to the squad. But maybe I will keep with what I have? 100% record, top of the group, seven for..."

Head Coach Stefany Heisel took a look at the local weather report

"Crap.. more rain.. so matches cancelled once again." the headline read.

Just then her phone rang...

"Hello.. Yes this is her... You got to be kidding me. You're serious. Head Coach of Qazox City? Why is Hestermann leaving? That's too bad, I hope Prynne gets better. Well if you are being serious, then yes I'll take the job, but not until after the Women's World Cup is done. About 2 more weeks, then I'll be there. Good night Mr. Pearson and thanks for the oppertunity.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

QSPNFOOTBALL.COM Special Report

We here at QSPN have just learned, that after Women's World Cup 10 is completed for the Lady Oxen, the Head Coach of the team, Stephany Heisel, will take the Head Coaching position at Qazox City of the QFL. Coach John Hestermann stepped down today after 16 years as coach, with 3 titles to his name. His wife Prynne Hestermann has taken ill, and the Coach will leave to take care of her. This coaching change will mark the 1st time that a female will head up a Division Une Squad in the QFL. Kylie Rena, current Head Coach at Joehio Ajax, was the 1st woman to become a QFL Coach 8 years ago, when she stepped down as the Lady Oxen coach. Reports are that Heisel, the all-time scoring leader for Qazox, man or woman, with 51 goals will sign a 5yr deal worth about 7.5 Million Zaqs, making her the highest paid coach in QFL history. There is talk that Kylie Rena might return the bench for the Lady OXen, but a team insider has stated that Gretchen Bucci is the front-runner for the job.

Group C

Corneliu 2 1 1 0 4

Group D

Corneliu 2 1 0 1 3



You still haven't got it right...

Wentland 1 - 1 Sativaville
Lovisa 2 - 0 Harlesburg
Qazox 2 - 1 Yafor 2
Swilatia 1 - 2 Estresse Intenso
Jeruselem 4 - 3 Cafundeu
McPsychoville 3 - 2 Starblaydia
Green Wombat 0 - 0 Quakmybush
Corneliu 3 - 1 Anadu


Group A

Team Games Played Wins Draws Losses Points
Wentland 3 2 1 0 7
Sativaville 3 2 1 0 7
Lovisa 3 1 0 2 3
Harlesburg 3 0 0 3 0
NB: Wentland wins in this group by virtue of scoring more goals. The goal differences are level, and the head-to-head record is useless.

Group B

Team Games Played Wins Draws Losses Points
Qazox 3 3 0 0 9
Estresse Intenso 3 2 0 1 6
Swilatia 3 0 1 2 1
Yafor 2 3 0 1 2 1

Group C

Team Games Played Wins Draws Losses Points
Jeruselem 3 3 0 0 9
Cafundeu 3 1 1 1 4
McPsychoville 3 1 0 2 3
Starblaydia 3 0 1 2 1

Group D

Team Games Played Wins Draws Losses Points
Quakmybush 3 2 1 0 7
Corneliu 3 2 0 1 6
Green Wombat 3 1 1 1 4
Anadu 3 0 0 3 0

Creating the follows matchups for the quarter-final stages:

#1 - Wentland vs. Cafundeu
#2 - Qazox vs. Sativavilla
#3 - Jeruselem vs. Corneliu
#4 - Quakmybush vs. Estresse Intenso

The whistle blew as the Jeruselem Angels put down a challenge from Cafundeu FOUR THREE. Dazza's team of veterans and newcomers had won all their games so far, but they were just warming up. The little Dazza Dallas, coach of the Angels was dancing around like a little girl after the win. Dazza wasn't your average coach as most football coaches don't grace the covers of girly magazines frequently. Dazza was even happier when they found our their quarterfinal opponent, Corneliu! A fellow Greater Prussian nation but it was clear which of the teams was favourite.

After the game when the girls went back to their rooms, Dazza the night owl she was, rang up the Qazox coach, Heisel, for a nice chat between the coaches of the two female World cup superpower teams. They both had good laugh about Manfred Mann the man and his challenge. Both women had much in common - contributing to winning cup teams, both teams with 3 cups each and both have been seen naked in some form (Dazza far more though).

After that Dazza plotted the downfall of Corneliu with assistant coach Kate Bush. She had a short talk to the family at home on the web cam on her laptop. Dazza's two nieces dropped by to say goodnight and then she showered, changed into a nightgown (no underwear) and finished some reports for JGN. Before she could get to bed, she fell asleep at her desk. Dazza drifted off dreaming of swimming naked in pool of golden water with the Women's World Cup in her possession.

<Meanwhile>

MMM:
Hi I'm Manfred Mann the real man, this is Radio Man - the alternative to Radio Dallas. I've got my team of real football men picked to take on Dazza's bunch of no good girls. Those schoolgirls might look nice and pretty like their coach but my men are ready. They are in training now with me as UBER COACH. We have been watching the Jeruselem women's world cup team playing so far to see how Dazza will coach her team. It's clear how she organises her team but I know how to counter that team. The useless girls from McPsychoville and Starblaydia as well as the slight less useless Cafundeu could not beat them. I am the master coach and the REAL MAN COACH. I saw how the other teams can beat the Angels, so I'm ready. Dazza's going to be sitting in my studio NAKED. Manfred Mann is the man, I'm declaring it now. My men can beat that Qazox ox girl team or that team of Nuns from Wentland as well as those stoned Sativaville girls. My team could beat the Jeruselem Angels too, so I know I am good!

We are broadcasting live from the Corneliuan Lockerroom where a celebration of passing the group stage is taking place.

"We are just happy to make it this far. Now that we are smelling it, we are going to go out there and play our very best in the next round." Head coach McPhearson told us.

Next up on the schedule is the quaterfinal round against regional ally Jerusalem. When he found out who they were playing against, McPhearson had this to say.

"They are a tough team. We sure are not going to overlook them. If we play hard and beat their bloody defense, we should force a shootout or actually win this game."

Other players were just as excited about making it this far but none would comment to us as they have been forbidden to do so by McPhearson.

That is all from here.

"Well, Geoff...a one-all draw...it could have been worse."

"Yes, Geoff...it looked at times as if Anne, er, Sister X had her balaclava, er, sacred mask on back to front."

"Yes, Geoff, a most unusual performance from Sister X. Perhaps she'd overdosed on the communion wine."

"Perhaps, Geoff. Or maybe the Fizzergy drink."

"Indeed, Geoff. Maybe it is time for Sister, er, what's her name?"

"Kirsten?"

"No, no, no, Geoff, she is suspended. Sister, er, M might make her ret- er, international debut - in the quarter-finals against Cafundeu."

"That might be right, Geoff. And the forwards did not look that good...perhaps tiny Sister Q might be recalled?"

"Well, Geoff, that depends. If Edwina Bluff does get permission from the Committee to replace the Sisters with the Blue Tits then we might see Kirsten Cassidy and Nella Horner in the team, but we'll have to see..."

***

Edwina Bluff recognized the envelope. It was from the Committee. She opened it up to read.

Dear Mrs Bluff

Thank you for your letter of 12th inst.

The Committee has decided against your request to replace your entire squad. We appreciate that your first choice team was suspended in its entirety but it would be an unfair advantage to allow fresh players to come in at this stage.

We are sorry that the quarter-final coincides with the Holy Feast of St Deceptica the Unmasked and that the Sisters might be otherwise indisposed, but that cannot be helped. If we paid attention to religious dogma we would have some very odd World Cups with all sorts of things happening. And that would never do.

We trust you will understand our decision.

Yours sincerely

Ogden Tables

Bugger, she thought. She called the captain to her. "Bad news, I'm afraid..."

Lake Porter Sun
40 years Young and still going strong!

Just hours after finding out that their coach will be moving on after the Cup, The Lady Oxen decided to give Stephany Heisel an early parting gift, a 2-1 win over Yafor 2, which clinched the group. In other group action, Estresse Intentso won vs. Swilatia moving on to the quarters.

The next match for the Lady Oxen is against Sativaville, our old colony. The Lady Stoners are looking to finally reach the semis, while we just try to make another semi as well. A close match, but experience wins out 3-1.

SCORING SUMMARY:
QZX: I'hin H'wu (4)- 47'
I'hin H'wu (5)- 53'
YF2: Unknown: 68'

(ooc: NsWiki page for ya: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_10)

CAFUNDÉU QUALIFIES, THANKS TO THE HOSTS

After not winning the game against Starblaydia (2x2), Cafundéu's chances of qualification were in danger, as the team would face the dangerous squad of Jeruselem, while Starblaydia would play the hosts. The team fought hard to try to win the game against Jeruselem, but lost. The first goal of the game was scored by Luana.

When the first half ended, Cafundéu was winning the game by the result of 1x0. But unfortunately, the team couldn't hold the pressure. Jaqueline suffered three goals, and the coach Mário Silveira was obligated to change the formation to a more offensive one. Soon it seemed to work, as Ana Laura scored. But five minutes later, Goldstein invaded the area, dribbled Sabrininha and shot to score.

It was impossible for Cafundéu to react. Ana Laura even score with two minutes remaining for the end of the game, but the team lost. The coach commented: "We attacked well. Our strikers had a good performance, but unfortunately our defense was... horrible. I'll correct it for the next game. I was hired for this."

Luckily for Cafundéu, the hosts defeated Starblaydia and now the golden girls reached the quarterfinals for the third consecutive time. Maybe this time they can go to the semifinals?

Team used in the game: Jaqueline, Vanessa (Ana Beatriz), Sarah, Sabrininha and Luana; Letícia, Nina (Marcelinha), Alice and Fernanda Garcia; Ana Laura and Luísa (Natália Campos).

Coach: Mário Silveira.

OUTRAGE!!!
GREEN WOMBAT HERALD

WE're incensed and that dumb-ass Referee from Az-Cz, who has slammed the WWC each time, is to blame. A 0-0 draw, coupled with Corneliu's earliers win, leaves the 4th ranked Ermines on the sidelines as the 10th Cup goes into the quarterfinals. A goal, clearly on all replays a goal, was dissallowed in the waning minutes of the match, a goal that would have sent the Ermines into the Quarters for the 3rd stright Cup. Other than that Corrupt offical, the Ermines were clearly out-classed, by the younger Quakmybush squad. We need new blood on this team, starting at the top right on down to the watergirl, who is now 35 i think. Youth rules in the Women's World Cup, and this time it bit Green Wombat right in the arse.

Sumarry:

No Goals

Sativaville Stoner

A 1-1 draw with Wentland gave the Blue ((Tits/nuns??) the group, bu the talk of the tourney so far has been the play of Terri Mathe in goal. The goal by Sister J in the 75th minute to tie it was the only blemish in over 275 minutes of action. Kim Mathe scored her 4th goal in the 56th to make it 1-0.

Up next in the Quarterfinals is....Qazox. The defending champion and a team we've never beaten. But witht he recent distraction of their coach leaving, there is a chance that we could pull off the upset. A great defence vs. a great offense. I'm not gonna jinx it this time with a prediction.

Three Stars:
Terri Mathe- 17 shots/16 saves
Kim Mathe- goal (4) 56'
Vicki Mathe- assist

Schoolgirl sitting in tree spying on a male team training with a video camera. It's one of Dallas daughters spying on Manfred Mann's tram. A man is shouting at his team after bumbling their way though a training schedule. They were pretty dismal and the coach wasn't too pleased. That's what you got for playing a team who people who didn't play football before.

Meanwhile two young schoolboys paid by Manfred Mann to spy were watching Debbie Dallas talking to Dazza's new team. The girls looked sharp and were very skillful during their first training session. The boys sneaked off to report the bad news to Manfred. It wasn't a bad job for the two boys, being paid to spy to attractive schoolgirls playing football.

After the spies did their job, the two parties planned ahead with Debbie reporting back to Dazza and Manfred Mann telling his men to play dirty.

Lake Porter Sun
40 years Young and still going strong!

QUARTERFINAL PREVIEW

It that time again to make our 78% accurate predictions.

QF1 -Wentland vs. Cafundeu. Two good offensive teams clash here, but Wentland is a smidgen better, The Blue Nuns advance 2-1 in extra time.

QF2 - Qazox vs. Sativavilla. Offense vs. Defense. Classic match-up as Qazox' offense will test the still young Sativaville Defense. But the student isn't going to beat the master 3-1.

QF3 - Jeruselem vs. Corneliu. 10-time quarterfinalists vs. newcomers. 4-1 Jeruselem.

QF4 - Quakmybush vs. Estresse Intenso. Possibly the most even match up amongst the Quarterfinals, Quakmybush will advance to a slightly better keeper 1-0.

Semifinals (based on our predictions)

SF1- Wentland vs. Qazox. Once again the teams meet with either a title or a spot in the championship on the line. Wentland, despite winning the title 8 years ago, still has only beaten Qazox once in the last 30 years. Qazox wins 3-2 via shoot-out (6-5).

SF2- Jeruselem vs. Quakmybush. The Angels will be too much for a team advancing this far for the first time, Jeruselem wins it 3-1.

Third Place Wentland vs. Quakmybush. Wentland will whip the Lady Sharks 3-0.

Championship- Jeruselem vs. Qazox. Once again the preeminent women's powers face off in the finals, but with Title #4 on the line anything can happen. It will go to a shoot-out, and Qazox becomes the 1st to FOUR and the 2nd to go back-to-back 2-1 (3-2 SO)

*** Three Jeruselem women watching a TV, a replay of the latest Wentland game while waiting for the next game to happen ***

Dazza: Hey, Sister Moki know anything about those Wentland Nuns?
Moki: Not much coach, I'm a Catholic nun, They are more from the Orthodox order by the looks of it.
Monique: What's up with the covered faces?
Moki: Oh, that. I'm come from a more mainstream order so we don't hide our faces. They must come from a more secret order who go into extremes to protect their identity. For me, I'm Sister Moki - Catholic Nun and footballer. I don't care if people see my face but they do.

Dazza: There are pretty good, but I don't think the masks actually help with peripheral vision a lot.
Moki: I tried once, hard to play if you can't see 180 degrees. I guess you can play that way if you wear those things 24x7. Saves on facial sunscreen I guess.
Monique: Why don't wear that Nun thing during world cups?
Moki: Takes too much space in my bags, and I don't too much attention to myself anyway.

<watch more of the game until it finishes>

Dazza: They sure don't like showing their faces.
Moki: It's sinful, that's why they were the mask.
Dazza: I wouldn't know, I'm far too sinful myself.
Moki: That's alright, I think God had a mission for you in this lifetime.

Monique: Hey coach, speaking of missions - you started planning for the schoolgirls game against those men coach by the man himself.
Dazza: Oh, don't worry. I've got the under 18 Jerusalem United schoolgirls getting ready for the challenge. My sister has picked out who's playing already.
Moki: Oh, you think that Mann man can coach?
Dazza: Him? He's a ego man who talks rubbush and bullies people. Don't know what sort of team he's going to pick, but none of the World cup teams will work under that tosser.

Moki: I heard he's picking a bunch of thuggish players.
Monique: Oh what a man, let's bash those little schoolgirls into submission!
Dazza: All under control. My girls will make sure Manfred will be exposed for who he is.
Monique: And his small object
Moki: I don't look for those things

Dazza: You don't have to sister, me and Monique here are experts on the matter.
Monique: I bet he's not going to turn up if he loses, making up an excuse.
Dazza: I'm not afraid of a bit of nudity, I've got a great body and nothing to be ashamed about.
Moki: Us Nuns don't do such things but this business of prostitution is pretty ancient too

Dazza: You can blame my mother for that.
Monique: You must be grubbiest Women's World Cup coach around then
Dazza: Sure am, but I'm Dazza Dallas. I didn't ask to be coach.
Moki: As they say, God works in mysterious ways.

Dazza: Why are you so insane on the football field there sister?
Monique: You don't want to get her way.
Moki: I'm doing it for my faith, it's all or nothing. None of this half-way business
Dazza: Just keep on kicking ass for God eh? You're doing a great job.

OOC: What is with the delay here?

[Two days? I'd put it down to being pissed at a big handful of people around here, but then two days isn't a delay.]

Wentland 3 - 1 Cafundeu.
Qazox 0 - 1 Sativaville (after extra time)
Jeruselem 2 - 1 Corneliu
Quakmybush 2 - 0 Estresse Intenso

Which create the following semi-final games, to be scorinated in two days time:

Wentland vs. Jeruselem
Sativaville vs. Quakmybush

The third-place game will be scorinated the day after the semis, then the final the day after that.

Lake Porter Sun
40 years Young and still going strong!

STONED!!!!

In a major Upset today, Sativaville, our former colony, and until now whipping post, stunned the WWC by knocking us out in the quarterfinals 0-1 on a goal by Kim Mathe in the 117th minute.

Perhaps it was a fluke, perhaps it was caused by the distraction caused by Stephany Hiesel leaving the team to Coach in the QFL, but this reporter's opinion is that We were too cocky. The team never seemed to take the Lady Stoners seriously during the match, and until that goal with 3 minutes left in extra time, the Lady Oxen played with little sense of urgency, and it cost them.

So for the 1st time in a while, Qazox will sit back an watch others play in the semifinals. The only good news is, it will give them an extra couple of days to look for a new coach.

Scoring Summary:
Sativaville: K. Mathe- 117'
Qazox: None

(ooc: NsWiki page for ya: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_10)

The Football Fan

Women's World Cup News by Debbie (not Dazza) Dallas

Well, my sisters team march on despite not playing at 100%. The Jeruselem Angels had to fight to overcome Greater Prussia neighbours Corneliu. A Debbie O'Hare fumble gave the team from Corneliu who scored from her mistake. Not the best of starts from the Angels, but that just woke them up more. After that the Angels piled on the pressure as they pushed for the winning goals. Sister Moki hammered home two quick goals as she ran around like a maniac on the field. Moki is so nice as Nun after and before games, but she's crazy when it comes to playing football - like a woman possessed. So Dazza's team scrape into the semis with the help of God's helper sister Moki. The Corneliu team played well and showed they could have won but champs step up when it's pressure time. Jeruselem like pressure with the exception of penalty kicks. Jeruselem's TWO ONE win was enough, just.

Speaking my sister, she's pregnant again. Before you all go complaining, she's some rabbid rabbit - it's her third and I've got 11. I'm the rabbit. The average female in Jeruselem has three or four children so she's very average that way.

The two Ox-y nations had to play each other as the two Greater Prussian ones did. Qazox should have beaten the Lady Stoners from Sativaville, but it was the Stoners who shocked their more favoured sisters. Heisel will not win a fourth cup for Qazox when the Stoners scored in extra time to stone out the Ox team. Actually, it's not a real shock as both teams know each other well so it would have been really tight and it was. Sativaville progress at the expense of the last champs ONE NIL.

The team from nation with a great Dazza pick-up line (Quakmybush), accounted for Estresse Intenso TWO NIL. Rather expected and this Quak team make the semi for the first time I think. Well done to Estresse Intenso, but I don't think they are quite up to the big time yet.

That team of Nuns from Wentland, dismissed Cafundeu THREE ONE. The Sisters are here to show the world God's women can play football as can our Sister Moki too. An awesome win against the team from Cafundeu who pushed Jeruselem to the limit.

The semis! Jeruselem who have three cups take on the super Nuns from Wentland (the Blue Nuns?). It's our Sister Moki and co vs the mysterious Nuns. Dazza said Moki comes from a totally different order from the Wentland Nuns so they have nothing in common really. SO it's the Holy Land team vs a team of Nuns.

Quakmybush play the Lady Stoners in a game where you'd think the Stones should win as they displosed of Qazox. But then this football, and anyone can win on their day.

I'd say the winner of this cup will come from the Wentland vs Jeruselem game but then it could come from the other game too. On form, Wentland look better that Jeruselem but Jeruselem haven't lost games yet. My sis is the world's weirdest coach but she's doing a great job so far.

Quarterfinal results
Wentland 3 - 1 Cafundeu.
Qazox 0 - 1 Sativaville (after extra time)
Jeruselem 2 - 1 Corneliu
Quakmybush 2 - 0 Estresse Intenso

Sativaville Stoner

A NEW HIGH!!!!

A stunning 1-0 upset over #1 And Defending Champion Qazox has the Lady Stoners reaching an all time high by making the semifinals for the 1st time in team history. A hard fought match, that at times seemed like Qazox was just going through the motions, until Kim Mathe scored in the 117th minute, then the Lady Oxen finally seemed to wake up. Terri Mathe was outstanding in net stopping a WWC record 26 shots, including 5 in the last 2 minutes of the game.

Up next is Quakmybush, also a surprise semifinalist. So there will be a new member to challenge the Wentland/Qazox/Jeruselem triumverate for the title. The way Terri Mathe has played this cup, it might be Sativaville.

Three Stars:
Terri Mathe- 26 shots/26 saves
Kim Mathe- goal (5) 117'
Vicki Mathe- assist

"Well, Geoff...that's better from the nuns...the Sisters of Blisters...the Blue Nuns...the Order of Disorder...the Masked Marvelettes...the Unknown Warriors...easy enough in the end."

"Yes, Geoff, they seem to be getting used to the masks."

"Er, Geoff, they already WERE used to the masks...they're just getting used to international football."

"That's what I meant, Geoff...hello, what's happening?"

Down at pitchside an irate priest had marched onto the pitch, yelling through a megaphone. "These are not nuns...these are the Blue...THINGIES!!!"

Edwina Bluff had a look of horror across her face. "Get off, girls...this bloke's a nutter..."

"DO NOT LEAVE THE PITCH!!! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A MASKED ORDER!!! THIS IS A SHAM TO BAMBOOZLE JERUSELEM!!!!!"

The Sisters were now trying to run off the pitch but the priest had a turn of speed and brought down Sister C with a rugby tackle before security could intervene.

"AND NOW BEHOLD AS I REVEAL ONE OF THE WENTLAND GIRLS MASQUERADING IN A MASK!!!!"

The security guards ran in to arrest...but the interest of the Chairman of the World Cup Committee had been piqued.

"What do you mean, "masquerading"?"

"I think that the Wentland team is just all those players who were suspended following the last World Cup. I think they came up with this as an excuse to get around the ban. I think they're all playing under masks."

"Well, this is a serious allegation..."

"It's obvious!!! There's no such thing as the order of sacred masks or whatever they called it. There is no record in any religion anywhere. It's a sham. They've pulled the wool over your eyes."

The Chairman stood on the pitch, a helpless looking Edwina Bluff on one side of him, a downcast Sister C on the other, and a furious priest in front. The world's press had surrounded the standoff with cameras at the ready.

"Well, Sister? Is this true?"

Sister C looked up, fear in her eyes. She did not say a word.

"You were quick enough to order everyone around in the match. What did you call them? I heard you. Exy. Rosie. Their nicknames."

Sister C gestured futilely.

"Chairman, I demand that she unmask."

Edwina Bluff interfered. "That would breach her sacred vow."

"Chairman, there is nothing in the World Cup regulations that means that you have to accept religious beliefs. You said that yourself. Don't you think it a little odd that they're not at the feast of St Deceptica like they said? There is no such saint. They've treated you for a fool."

Bluff intervened again. "They were given special dispensation by their Mother Superior, because of the publicity to the order thing."

The priest scoffed. "Funny, there's always an excuse..."

The Chairman however felt he had no choice. "Sister, could you please remove your mask?"

Sister C looked at Edwina Bluff. Bluff merely shrugged hopelessly.

Sister C therefore undid the lace at the back of her mask.

"Which one is it, then?" asked the Chairman.

"It's number 4, so I think it's that animal Davies..."

The mask was removed.

Flash bulbs popped.

Television cameras whirred.

And stood before them was none other than Anna Kumble.

The priest looked confused. "Huh? You're not Davies...I thought..."

Kumble answered. "I took, er, the vows after giving birth...I thought I needed something spiritual...so I went to the nun-place..."

The priest tried to interrupt but the Chairman silenced him with a look. "And what then?"

"I found they were good at football and joined in. It's complete coincidence that we were picked for the World Cup."

The priest protested. "I told you they had players pretending to be nuns...they should be banned..."

"But why?"

"Playing whilst suspended."

The Chairman suddenly laughed. "Kumble was not suspended...she missed the last World Cup...she was having a baby, so she was allowed to play..."

The priest crumpled. "Oh jeez...but...but..."

The Chairman cut him off. "Right, let's not have any more nonsense about masquerades or whatever...there's semi-finals to organize. You can put your mask back on now, dear."

"There's no bloody point now..."

***

Bluff and Kumble stormed off into the tunnel, gave an incandescent and barely coherent interview about the "Jeruselem plot" and the "deliberate attempt to destabilize us...they're scared...they can't handle the nuns...seeking sanctions", opened the dressing room door and slammed it shut.

And then both burst into uproarious laughter...to the surprised delight of the remaining nuns.

To Quote M. Night Shamalan: "WHAT A TWEEST!!!"

Dazza: Eh? What's this - Anna Kumble is a nun? What do you think Sister Moki.
Moki: Yeah, right. I really don't think so.
Dazza: So they found an old religious order and pretended the Blue Tits were part of this order.
Moki: These orders do exist as they are very similar to what Moslem women do now, but they are rare.

Dazza: Maybe a Wentland plot to put suspended players on the field as Nuns.
Moki: We've got men playing in this cup so nothing is impossible
Dazza: Well, we'll find out when we play them.
Moki: I'm a Nun, I have close look at these Nuns.

Rashina: Hey, sister! Those Wentlanders real nuns?
Moki: Anna Kumble a nun? It's like Dazza giving up sex for fun.
Rashina: Oh well, unless the entire Wentland team decided to join the Order.
Moki: Not very likely, most football women aren't the type to join such organisations.

Dazza: What if Anna Kumble is a nun?
Moki: I will have talk to Sister C - if she knows anything about being a Nun.
Dazza: (holds stomach)
Moki: You alright Dazza?

Rashina: She's OK, having kids and all.
Moki: Being a nun, no such experience. I'm not a virgin though.
Dazza: I'm the Sister of Pleasure!
Moki: The expert on Earthly pleasures and sin indeed

Dazza: Doesn't matter if it's the Blue Tits in masks or a bunch of Nuns, we have a job to do.
Moki: Yes, I'll be doing my best coach.
Monique: Am I missing a meeting here?
Rashina: Just talking about nuns from Wentland.

Monique: Oh right
Moki: What's that Monique?
Monique: My new video is out, not something nuns look at.
Moki: "Football Floosie?"

Monique: About a female footballer who sleeps her way to the World Cup.
Dazza: Sounds familar, what's the character's name?
Monique: Dazza, I'm playig Dazza.
Dazza: Well, I have to watch it then!

Moki: No thanks, but thanks for the offer.
Rashina: A movie all about Dazza, about time.
Dazza: I'm no nun. But with Sister Moki on our side, we hope to a few favours from God himself.
Moki: Eh, thanks. Question Dazza, why is there an Nun's habit in your luggage?

Dazza: Oh that, that's for sneaking around unnoticed. Want to borrow or something?
Moki: I was just curious.

The media had a field day with the closing incidents in the quarter-final. Edwina Bluff smiled at headlines such as "Nuns On The Run", "Kumble Is A Mother Superior" and "Monk-ey Business?".

The media attention however was less welcome. She was bombarded with queries from the international press. "What do you think of the allegations?" "Did you think of dressing the Blue Tits in balaclavas?" "Is Anna Kumble still a nun?"

Fortunately the team could hide behind an impromptu vow of silence. But Bluff had to front it out. And Anna Kumble had decided to do so, explaining that now she was unmasked she felt mortified by betraying her holy orders and had decided to quit the Sacred Mask sisterhood.

"Why would we dress the Blue Tits in balaclavas?"

"Well, cos they could hide their identities whilst suspended."

"And what would happen if they were unmasked?"

"Well, you'd probably be slung out."

"Precisely. And why would we take that risk?"

The media was silent on that. "They've got through to the semi-finals, despite the most trying of circumstances, and all you can do is talk about some silly subterfuge! Really, all the attention should be on how brilliant they have done to get to the last four. It's unprecedented, nuns at this stage of a tournament."

"Not quite," said a reporter from Jeruselem.

"Eh?"

"Well, Jeruselem have a nun, of course."

"Really? Oh, yes, I knew that."

"It might be interesting for her to discuss doctrine with the Wentland team."

"Ah. Yes. Perhaps."

***

Edwina Bluff terminated the impromptu press conference and discussed matters with Anna Kumble out the back.

"How is your catechism, Anna?"

"Errrr...I feed it twice daily?"

"That is the wrong answer..."

"Well, I'm not a nun any more. I don't need to know these things."

"But how about the others?"

"Errrrr..."

"Can they have a vow of silence during the match as well?"

"I dunno...how are they going to call to each other?"

"Dammit. Can we make up some random one? That they can understand?"

"The only thing most of them understand is the Church of Food Fighting."

"Hmm...there's something about breaking bread in the holy texts..."

"Nothing about sticking baked beans down Exy's cleavage, though..."

"But there's nothing that BANS it, is there?"

"No..."

"No, no, no. That's just being silly. The only thing to do is make sure there's a man marking, well, woman marking job on their nun."

"Who is capable of doing that? Sister M?"

"Maybe...she's certainly the most intelligent one...I'll speak to her tonight, she might yet have a special job to do."

Wentland 5 - 2 Jeruselem
Sativaville 2 - 2 Quakmybush (after extra time. Quakmybush won 3 - 2 on penalty kicks), resulting in a third place game of Sativaville vs. Jeruselem and a Women's World Cup X Final of Wentland and Quakmybush. Place your bets.

It all started in the tunnel as the teams were lining up to come out.

Sister Moki found herself next to Sister B. "So, what about the Assumption, then?"

Sister K found herself at a loss. "Er, what about it?"

"Well, do you think it was a bodily death, or that the Holy Mother was translated in a more literal sense?"

"Er...yes."

"And are you a Transsubstantiationist or a Consubstantiationist?"

"Err...the first one?"

"And how about..."

The cross-examination was curtailed by captain Anna Kumble, who yelled back down the tunnel. "Sister M! Orward-fay next to the un-nay!" These Mysterious Words of Power compelled Sister M, a substitute for this match, to march forward and stand next to the Jeruselem midfielder.

"Greetings, Sister," offered Sister M. "The second book of Esdras...what a work that was, eh? Personally I prefer some of the more apocalyptic writings that follow as part of the deuterocanonical writings, that impute a majesty into the unclear world of the doctrine, although the Septuagint fathers were remiss perhaps in their omission and I prefer the blessed St Augustine's view on these matters. Then there's the position of the blessed St Mascarita who founded our order and decreed anonymity and we only adopted names for the referee to book us, as no-one is perfect, apart from Himself of course, but St Mascarita (her name be hallowed) decided that certain other writings ought to be included, like the Gospel of Peter, the Gospel of James, the Gospel of, er, Peter, the Gospel of Thomas, the Book of the, er, Miracles, the Gospel of Luke, the Gospel of, er, did I mention Peter?, and various additional verses to the book of Esther that mention Nebuchadrezzar kicking a skull of a heathen around from which we derive our footballing sk-"

The tirade was interrupted by the call of the official World Cup Anthem that meant the teams were to go onto the pitch.

***

The Wentland players noticed something was up fairly quickly. In the first four minutes Wentland had six free-kicks for fouls, mainly grabs of the shirt, but a couple of grabs of masks. Edwina Bluff had noticed it too. "Con- er, Sister M - what did you say to that nun?"

"I just explored some doctrinal issues, that I, er, re-acquainted myself with last night."

"Strange, because they seem determined to unmask our nuns...I don't think they think they're proper devotees."

"I can't imagine how they could reach that conclusion. I was most accurate with my statements. Perhaps they have not heard of our order."

"They will have soon."

The referee was getting a little fed-up of the pulling and warned the Jeruselem players. It was to no avail, however, as when a cross from Sister F picked out Sister J the latter was unable to reach, as her jump was interrupted by a tug on the mask from Thatcher. Referee Miss Take noticed this and a peremptory blast from the whistle saw Wentland given a penalty, which Sister A dispatched with her customary aplomb.

A similar thing happened again a few minutes later, this time just outside the area, when Sister H ghosted past Jolly only to be tugged back by her opposite number. Sister K took the kick and postage-stamped it for a two-goal lead.

By half-time it was becoming a bit of a rout and Wentland went in four-nil up, the other two goals also arising from free-kicks from mask-pulls, Sister G with one and Sister D glancing home from a Sister K cross right on the break.

The second half saw a more focussed Jeruselem team emerge to concentrate more on football. They soon pulled back a goal through Dosha - Sister D said afterwards it was because she feared the touch of a heathen - and started to besiege the Wentland net, but the Sisters proved inviolate and dangerous on the break. Substitute Sister Q, who had been nicknamed the Flying Nun for her prodigious leaping, lived up to the name with a marvellous header from a Sister F cross on one of those breaks and the game started to wind down with the Sisters in an unexpectedly commanding 5-1 lead.

Only in the final minute did Jeruselem score a second, Sister D putting through her own net, in an act she described later as "an act of good nunnish charity as I felt sorry for them". The fact that she was under pressure from Dinkie Dosha was apparently irrelevant.

Miss Take also took pity on Jeruselem by not playing more than 2 minutes of time added on. The whistle blew and the Sisters, the Blue Nuns, the Mistresses of Distresses, the New World Cup Order, the Eremighty - were in the World Cup Final. Tabloid editors prepared their puns eagerly.

Dazza: Well, Monique was that a bunch of Nuns?
Monique: No, it was the Blue tits.
Dazza: Why's that?
Monique: You can't play like that against Jeruselem if you're bunch of Nuns who have never played us before. If you are real nuns, you might have the skill but beating Jeruselem like that requires actual experience against us.

Dazza: I'll really doubtful Nuns could play like that from just practicing.
Monique: Rather strange Kumble was in there.
Dazza: Doesn't matter, the Quak girls take them down.
Monique: What's that pickup line you use?

Dazza: Let's see, I'm from Quakmybush - I'm looking for a quak now.
Monique: Does it work?
Dazza: Yeah
Monique: I'll try it myself one day

Dazza: Oh well, looks we have to beat Sativaville now.
Monique: From playing faux nuns to bunch of stoned women?
Dazza: More like playing on the moon.
Monique: You would if you beat the Oxen women.

Dazza: Man I'm tired.
Monique: You'd better rest coach, being pregnant and all.
Dazza: So much to do!
Monique: Well, let Kate Bush take over for the next game. It's only the 3rd placed game.

Dazza: Good idea Moany
Monique: You can watch that video Football Floosie while you are resting.
Dazza: How dirty does Dazza get in then?
Monique: It's full on

Dazza: Like what?
Monique: A team of visiting male players does Dazza in the restroom?
Dazza: Whoa, never done that before. Actually, maybe ... err
Monique: Well, you have now.

Dazza: (sits down)
Monique: You look real tired
Dazza: Having trouble just standing
Sister Moki: Need some help coach?

Monique: Let's carry the coach back to her room.
Sister Moki: Good idea, she looks wobbly

(Girls carry Dazza back her room)

Kate Bush: What's wrong with Dazza girls?
Monique: Just tired
Kate Bush: I know the feeling.
Monique: She's asleep already

Kate Bush: So what's going for the next game?
Monique: You're in charge, Dazza decided to have the day off.
Kate Bush: That's fine, but what's she going to do all days.
Monique: Watch dirty movies!

Kate Bush: Why am I not surprised.
Sister Moki: Time for me to finish my religious duties
Kate Bush: See you later.
Monique: Now, isn't she cute curled up like that?

Kate Bush: Her man must a lucky fella.
Monique: I think he's cute too
Kate Bush: Poor guy, nymphos all around him.
Monique: Let's leave Dazza to sleep here.

Dinkie: Where's Dazza?
Kate Bush: She's asleep, so can you do the tv report instead? Oh, great goal Dinkie.
Dinkie: Thanks, but I wanted to win. I'll do the TV report for the coach.
Monique: Good girl - just wait! (takes Dazza's nun habit)

Dinkie: What's that for?
Monique: Wear it for the TV report and call yourself Sister Dinkie.
Dinkie: A jewish nun? That's funny. Yes, I've read the bible.
Monique: Good TV I say, act like a nun.
Dinkie: We making fun of Wentland? Cool! Sister Dinkie is ready to err, roll. So the Jeruselem players are sisters, Kate and Dazza are Mother Superiors right?
Monique: You got it, well Dazza is the superior mother right now ... we're the Order of the Fallen Angels, remember that.

(girls burst out laughing)

Dazza: (wakes up) What's I have done now?

Sativaville Stoner

The Want of an Inch

One inch, that's all that stood between Sativaville and the WWC Finals. Kim mathe, who has wowed the world at this cup, stood on the penalty spot in the 114th minute of a 2-2 game, and missed a penalty kick by one inch. But more on that later.

Quakmybush came out strong and took a surprising 1-0 lead just 5 minutes into the match as Terri Mathe slipped on a shot. But Kim Mathe provided an equaliser in the 17th. Both sides went back and forth until the 40th minutewhen , in possibly a bit of foreshadowing, Terri Mathe allowed a Penalty kick to go in, giving the Lady Sharks a 2-1 lead at the half.

Vicki Mathe managed to re-tie the match up again in the 86th minute as the Quakistani keep was feigned out of position due to Kim Mathe's presence.

Bith sides played an uneventful extra time until Kim was taken down hard in the 114th minute. Harking back just a few days against Qazox, Kim scored late in extra time to provide the win, and being the best penalty taker on the team, a finals berth seemed all locked up. But fate intervined and Kim's shot on net hit the far post just enough to deflect it out and extra time came to an end quickly there after.

In the shoot out, Quakmybush scored ont he 1st two attempts, while Lasonya Decena and Becki Kiggins each missed their shots. Down 0-2, Terri stopped the next two Quakmybush shots, while Vicki Mathe and Rina Childress-Turner each placed their shots home. Now tied 2-2, Terri took a gamble on the shot and just missed, and Quakmybush was up 3-2, with Kim Mathe coming back to the exact same spot she missed in extra time. Kim lined it up and launched her shot one inch right of where she shot the last time, but it went 2 inches to the right... and off the Quakmybush keeper's hands and Sativaville was sent to the 3rd place match, by literally inches.

Three Stars:
Terri Mathe- 21 shots/19 saves (5 shots/2 saves in Shootout)
Kim Mathe- goal (6) 17'
Vicki Mathe- Goal (2) 86'

THE THIRD PLACED MATCH ENDED
SATIVAVILLE - 4
JERUSELEM - 1

And no, this is not an April Fool's joke. Sativaville came third, congratulations.

THE THIRD PLACED MATCH ENDED
SATIVAVILLE - 4
JERUSELEM - 1

And no, this is not an April Fool's joke. Sativaville came third, congratulations.

OOC - April fools day is not good for Jeruselem it seems, losing both games scorinated.

Sativaville Stoner

NO JOKE WE'RE THIRD!!!

Seriously, the Mathes and the rest of the Sativaville team are scary good. Jeruselem, with all their accomplishemnts couldn't stand up to the youth movement of the Lady Stoners.

Kim Mathe scored her 7th goal just ten minutes in, and Vicki Mathe scored the last three for her 1st hat trick. Terri Mathe was outstanding in net only allowing a last minute goal in the 88th minute of play.

Where does the team go from here? Will they take after Wentland and Rorysville, two former almost teams that won the Cup? Or will they become the next Yafor 2; making the cup, winning a match or tow and then going home nowhere near a title? Only time will tell.

Three Stars:
Vicki Mathe- Goal (3,4,5) 21', 35', 72'
Terri Mathe- 13 shots/12 saves
Kim Mathe- goal (7 10'

And so ends the thing deemed "a quite utterly sordid spectacle" by nine out of ten militant feminist groups (but then who cares about them?) - Sativaville took third place yesterday and today, congratulations are in order for the Wentland Blue Nuns, the new Women's World Cup Champions with their 2 - 0 victory over Quakmybush. There would be a triumphant fanfare here if it were possible to accurately turn noises into words, but as it is it would look like "bwarh!"

But yes. Wentland 2 - 0 Quakmybush. Celebrate.

WTG Wentland... and GJ Quak. I'll have the new ranking up in a bit and post them here. as for WWC 11? It probably won't start until after the WC itself starts, and definitely after Tour de Qazox 4 ends.

HOT OFF THE PRESSES, NEW RANKINGS!

(rank-TEAM- rank pts. (prev. rank)
Current Champions are in BOLD
1 Wentland 4.319 pts (2)
2 Jeruselem 4.169 pts (3)
3 Qazox 4.119 pts (1)
4 Sativaville 4.080 pts (8)
5 Quakmybush 4.040 pts (7)
6 Green Wombat 3.943 pts (4)
7 Cafundèu 3.890 pts (5)
8 Estresse Intenso 3.800 pts (12)
9 Starblaydia 3.791 pts (9)
10 Yafor 2 3.733 pts (6)
11 Haraki 3.685 pts (10)
12 Lovisa 3.663 pts (16)
13 Toranat 3.620 pts (13)
14 Every Citizen is a Man 3.490 pts (14)
15 Jeru FC 3.180 pts (15)
16 Corneliu 2.270 pts (NR)
17 Coocoostan 2.160 pts (17)
18 McPsychoville 2.160 pts (NR)
19 Swilatia 2.080 pts (NR)
20 Anadu 2.060pts (NR)
21 Harlesburg 2.040 pts (NR)
22 Le Crap 2.000 pts (19)

The following teams will be dropped if they do not sign-up for WWC 11. If they do sign-up, please use the following rankings and pts, and bump the teams below them as needed:

12 New Montreal States 3.680 pts (11)
21 The Great Monty Python 2.040 pts (18)

“Well, Geoff, what do you think?”

“Well, Geoff, it ought to be easy enough for the Sisters…most of them have previous World Cup Final experience –“

“Er, do they, Geoff?”

“Er, yes they do, in the Masked Nun Mass Contest…Sister P particularly adept at her passing of the, er, grail thing…”

“And the Quakmybush team?”

“Without their three best players – suspended after yellow cards in the semi – it will be most difficult for them…”

“Geoff, we’re just getting news that three of the Quak players wish to join the Sisterhood of the Sacred Mask…and will enter the pitch so clad…what does this mean?”

“Er…”

***

It was however a bit tense in the tunnel as captain Anna Kumble approached Edwina Bluff.

“So, boss?”

“Yes, Anna?”

“Do we protest or what?”

“About what?”

“Well, those three players…numbers 15, 16 and 22…the ones in masks…”

“What do you think?”

“I think they’re the suspended players wearing masks…”

“And what do you think we should do about it, Anna?”

“Protest…force them to unmask…show the subterfuge to the world…”

“Now why would we do that, Anna? Surely they would merely protest us in return? And force us to unmask?”

“Yeah, maybe…”

“Which would not,” remarked Bluff as she noticed a camera lurking, “be good for the vows.”

“No…”

“No, I have a better idea. In here.”

***

“Goal kick…Sister L clears to midfield…it’s flicked on to K…K beats her opponent and feeds E who’s making a break from the middle…E tries to beat her masked opponent and IT’S A PENALTY!!!!! A rash challenge from the number 15, who presumably has less peripheral vision in her mask than that to which she’s used…but the referee Ms Anthrope had no hesitation in pointing to the spot…”

Sister A took the ball for her penalty and coolly stroked it into the corner of the net. Only six minutes and it was one-nil.

Within another five minutes the game was effectively over. A cross from Sister F was mis-headed by another masked Quak player straight to the feet of Sister Z who hit it first time from twenty yards.

“I’m not sure whether that celebration is strictly canon…” commented Edwina Bluff in despair as the ebullient Z was booked for removing her shirt and hurling it to the Wentland Barmy Army.

“And there’s a chance for three, as another masked player slips…off the bar!!! Wentland seem to be concentrating their attacks on the newcomers and it’s paying dividends…”

Quak had to make changes and within half-an-hour the electronic boards flashed with the numbers 15, 16 and 22 as the masked trio could not cope with their new attire. And when a couple of players hobbled off injured afterwards the Sisters adopted a charitable measure and did not press the advantage too much. Wentland cruised to their second World Cup and even indulged in substituting goalkeeper Sister L to allow Sister V to make her World Cup bow.

As Anna Kumble lifted the trophy high, the Sisters cavorted in most un-nun-like celebration and threw most of their clothing to the crowd, only keeping enough for the barest dignity.

***

“Gentlemen, thank you for attending the press conference. It is merely to announce that the Sisterhood of the Sacred Mask is hereby retiring from football. We have proved our point to the world and there is no longer any point in continuing with our public mission as the achievement will be there for ever. You shall never see Sister A, Sister B and so on on the football field again.

“Besides which, we’ve been expelled after our alleged striptease after the final whistle.”

***

Funty Cuckwit always thought there was something wrong and he was now going to prove it. Following extensive research of the video played at the initial Press Conference announcing the Wentland squad, he had pinpointed the exact location of the nunnery. And after a ten-day hike through the Northlands snows he was about to discover the secret retreat of the Sisters – and prove who they were.

He rounded the final valley pass and before him lay…an old ruined castle.

He approached the door. Surely they were not still there? He raised the knocker…and saw the sign handwritten underneath. “Sorry, we’ve given up the mission. We’ve all gone to other nunneries. See ya in the next life.”

Cuckwit howled the howl of the beaten.