NationStates Jolt Archive

Well, post your pre-cup RPs here.

OOC - the following has also been posted to the World Cup 33 roster thread. Apologies for cross-posting

INTERNATIONAL FOOTBALLERS WANTED

Are YOU a male Orthodox Christian or potential convert to Orthodoxy?

Are YOU attracted to the Orthodox monastic life?

Are YOU an international-class footballer?

If you've answered yes to all of the above questions, the Monastic Football Association needs you.

The Archregimancy is looking to expand its international football team base (currently limited to the limited demographic of devout Orthodox monks who don't mind being exposed to the corrupting influence of international football) by recruiting Orthodox players from outside the Archregimancy.

Immediate Archregimancy citizenship will be offered to players of any nation who pass a trial period designed to test both their footballing skills and devotion to Orthodoxy, to be held in the near future.

The Monastic Football Association

The Fine Print:
1) Individuals who have played international football for another nation at the Under 21 level or above are ineligible.
2) Qualification for the next World Cup will overlap Great Lent. Archregimancy players will be expected to fast accordingly.

Aew Oj woke up, ignoring the sound of tropical rain falling against the forest leaves, a sound which been a commonplace for the young Wymgani since birth.

But he couldn't ignore the mysterious package on the doorstep of his small suburban home.

It came from the Archregimancy.

"How did they know..." he thought, before deciding it was perhaps best not to ask.

He opened the package.

It contained a letter, a candle, and a small painting on a wood background that he knew from his research was an icon, though he didn't know which saint was represented.

He read the letter.

Dear Aew Oj,

Thank you for your interest in the Archregimancy's international football recruitment program. If you would like confirm your interest and join us in person, please place this icon in a corner of your home, light the candle, and repeat the following prayers to Our Father Among the Saints Innocent of Alaska, Equal-to-the-Apostles and Enlightener of North America, and Missionary to the Indigenous Peoples of Alaska:

O Holy Father Innocent
In obedience to the will of God
You accepted dangers and tribulations
Bringing many peoples to the knowledge of truth.
You showed us the way,
Now by your prayers help lead me into the Archregimancy.

You evangelized the northern people of America, Asia and the Pacific,
Proclaiming the Gospel of Christ to the natives in their own tongues.
O holy hierarch Father Innocent,
Enlightener of indigenous peoples, whose ways were ordered by the Lord,
Pray to Him for the salvation of our souls in His Heavenly Kingdom!

A true celebration of the providence and grace of God
Is your life, O holy father Innocent, Apostle to the indigenous.
In hardships and dangers you toiled for the Gospel's sake
And God delivered and preserved you unharmed.
From obscurity He highly exalted you as an example
That the Lord truly guides a man in the way he should go.

Your life, O holy father Innocent, Apostle to the indigenous,
Proclaims the dispensation and grace of God!
For laboring in dangers and hardships for the Gospel of Christ
You were kept unharmed and exalted in humility.
Pray that He may guide my steps in the way I must now go.

Yours In Christ,
The Monastic Football Association

Shivering slightly despite the warm air, trying to feel humble rather than thrilled, Aew did exactly as the letter instructed, placing the icon respectfully in a corner, lighting the candle, and reciting the prayer devoutly, in a humble whisper.

He had no idea what to expect - although part of him wondered whether he would sudenly be whisked into a cold monastery in the Dreamed Realm - but he forced himself to focus on the prayer, and on his faith, giving it his full attention.

"...From obscurity He highly exalted you as an example / That the Lord truly guides..."

Outside, the rain continued to patter against the leaves.

The time for the announcement was now, a review of Bazalonian soccer had been completed and press from around Bazalonia and the world had now assembled to see the direction that Bazalonia would take.

Andrew Coulter took the stand.

"Thank you everyone for coming, firstly there has been alot of discussion by the BFSA board and alot of plans put forward. We'd like to thank everyone who has submitted their opinion to the review. Indeed all of the ideas were seriously considered such was the quality of submissions. First shake up was the team, after discussion with the current team we realised something that their hearts were no longer in it. We arrived by mutual agreement by totally starting again with a new team. Now no longer does Bazalonia have a Bazacubs U21 team as they all now have come to the Bazalope team. The Bazacubs have all just recently turned 21 and so now are no longer elligible for the U21 tournament anway and with the wonderful AOCAF18 performance of the team, getting into the semi's, we feel that the team is primed and ready to take on the world and win. In fact we have already submitted the team roster to the hosts.

Another Shake up is that I will be permanently taking on the position of BFSA President, no matter what the results of the WCC presidential election James Gaines future is in his own hands, though indeed he would be the premiere candidate should we win. As well, there will be a number of organisational restructures to better lead the nations 2 leagues as well as youth programs as well. Peter Hobble and Andrew Creek have asked to say a few words and so now, I'll step down bt coin toss Andrew will be going first."

The coin toss remark illicited a few giggles in the assembled crowd as Andrew Creek took Andrew Coulter's place on the podium.

"Thank you Andrew, from my perspective, it really was time to move on from being a player, and I'd like to re-iterate the process of the review was fujlly consultative. At no point did we not know what the review committee or the board were thinking. I know I for one will be missing James Gaines but I do think that Andrew Coulter will do a marvelous job in his place. No to the future, I'd like to use this opportunity to express my wishes and desires for the future. I wish to be still involved in the sport I love and so to this end I have decided to move my footballing career from a player to a coach. So I am throwing my hat into the international coach market and I'll see what happens. Thank you."

and with that Andrew Creek stepped down and Peter Hobble took his place

"I'd like to pretty much articulate the same thing as Bandit here. The World Cup has been one interesting ride for me, and I'd also like to announce that the Ariddian internation broadcaster PINA, has agreed to an interview and so for now I can't say too much but I also will be entering the international coaching market, however I have already been approached and have accepted. And for now I have promised not to say anything more. So see you in the upcoming world Cup.

http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/2640/sbc7kd6.png
SBC Interview with Aleksander Szary, head coach of Swilatia's national football team

Niebiańska: So, it has been confirmed that the Swilatian National Football team has signed up for the 33rd world cup. Anyway, to start this off, I would like to ask, how do you think the Swilatian football team will do in this tournament?

Szary: Sadly, I don't think we'll even qualify. While most of the players on the team have experience from playing in the Swilatian football championships, this is international football. We don't know what we'll be up against, and our team has never qualified in our previous attempts. And with this try being 4 cups after the next, our chances are even lower.

Niebiańska: Well, what if you do qualify?

Szary: It would be good for the Swilatian team, as we finally ascend after 5 failed attempts. Of course, we won't really be proving ourselves, because we all know that having failed 5 times was a huge embarrasment for our team.

Niebiańska: Exactly what do you think was the reason for the team failing to qualify so many times in a row?

Szary: I'd rather not talk about it as it was just a terrible event for the team to experience. So let's put that behind, and focus on the upcoming cup, the new team, and our current attempt to qualify for the World Cup.

Niebiańska: So, if you want this to be to be focused towards Worlld Cup 33, then it will, be, as I have questions about this as well. What is will be the new team's strategy?

Szary: It will be something quite similar to the old team's strategy. Like the old team, we will be playing with a 3-4-3 formation. We will concentrate more on offense, as we will need to actually win mathces, not just keep the other team from winning. However, defense cannot be forgotten about, because no matter how many goals we score, we lose the match of the other team has more.

Niebiańska: Well, if you say that "no matter how many goals, we score, we lose if the other team has more", isn't that kind of saying that defense is more important then offense?

Szary: Not at all. I am merely saying that to say that we should have some sort of defense, instead off having an all-out attack formation like 1-2-7. After all, we it's the goals that determine who wins, and after all, once the enemy does slip a goal past the team, you will lose if you don't get back at them and get more goals, and that will be quite hard for a team without a good offense?

Niebiańska: I understand. No I see that less teams have signed up for world cup 33 then for world cup 29. Does this mean anything?

Szary: Well, it probably means smaller groups, and thats about it. And group size really means quite little, other then that the qualification round will be shorter. So no, it does not mean very much, other then if we are sent down, we will have less time to recover.

Niebiańska: Well, that can't be good, since chances are high of an inexperienced team being sent far down.

Szary: I am well, aware of that, and of the fact theat there is nothing i can do about such a fact. However, it's not like we are doomed, this does not necessarily mean we are doomed. I remeber back in the 29th cup, the Lisburn Mateys team, one with less experiance then the old Swilatian team in that cup, gave us quite some trouble. We lost to them both times, even though they were rookies. But then again, our team was not that great either. And they had the Baptism of fire tourney. We were not able to be in it.

Niebiańska What exactly is the baptism of fire?

Szary: It is a tournament for teams who have never participate in the world cup before. It gives the teams some experience before the qualifications. Yet we are completely inexperienced, yet a our country has entered the cup before, so we are mostly left in the dark.

Niebiańska: That sounds bad.

Szary: Don't worry, we will try hard to qualify, and this is just a sports tournament anyway.

Niebiańska: Well, this probably concludes the interview, thanks for coming over here and telling us about your attempt to try this qualification thing again.

Szary:You are welcome.

Breaking News

FC Anila and National Team Forward Lee Rehsom has announced his retirement from the national team and soon from all professional football. He plans to finish up the season at Anila and get a more "professional job", even hinting he might run for Parliament. This offers the much-anticipated and necessary lineup opening for new teammember Miquelinho. Rehsom was very humble about the decision, saying it was time to move on. Coach Charles DuPont said his goodbye and congratulated Rehsom on a spectacular career.

In related news, Estevez has stated he will stay on with the team through the World Cup and will give a more definite answer at the end of qualifiers. Early predictions are saying "THIS IS IT!", proclaiming that it is finally time for the Turtles to enter the World Cup proper.

OOC: Please TG me or Quak with information about Friendlies you have arranged or requests. We will sim them on any MD you like.

From the desk of Noz-Tf

Announcements for all competing nations,

There are a number of interesting changes and incentives for this world cup. The biggest and most dramatic change is in the qualifying procedure. As there are 90 teams competing in the qualifying stages there will be 9 groups of 10 teams, with the top three advancing from each group. The six teams with the most points amongst non-qualifiers will advance to a playoff for the last three qualifying spots.

Another interesting incentive is the first qualifier challenge. The team who qualifies first will get to choose whether they'd rather compete in Az-cz or Quakmybush. As no other spots are chosen it will not greatly impact the draw, nor give that team an unfair advantage as all other spots will still be decided at random.

The third important change is the announcement of a non-repeating schedule. Unlike recent world cups where teams played each other in the same order in the first and second half teams will play each other in differing orders in the first and second half. However the schedule has been designed to guarantee a balanced distribution of home and away matches and to guarantee that teams matches aren't too packed together.

We also want to encourage teams to arrange friendlies with us and each other.

And remember the motto of this World Cup Qualifiers: Get Points!

Announcements about the Az-cz team

We are proud to announce a further strengthening of our international ties and our coaching staff, with the hiring of Peter Hobble, star Bazalonian striker as an assistant coach. We hope he will greatly influence the strength of the Az-czid attack this cup.

Noz-Tf
President, Az-cz Football Federation

An intrigueing proposal had reached the desk of the Cheif Marketing Offiicer, it was the first one of it's type to reach his desk but he liked the proposal, so much so that highly encrypted transmission was sent back to it's source asking a meeting to occur in Bazalonia of all places.

A meeting was held in the middle of a giant domestic soccer match between Drago FC and Fauxhan Utd betweem a person from the Surrepticious collection department of TGM and the individual in question, an agreement was reached and things were agreed.

After the match they each went their own way after enjoying what was a wonderfully tight and agreesive match between the two top Bazalonian teams. Drago FC just edging out Fauxhan.

Rumours spread around the internet like wildfire that DC Inc, publisher of SuperDude and many other fine comics would once again do a world cup connected comic series during this world cup. In the unnumerable fan sites spreadout through the inter-connected network ideas for a potential world cup connected story seemed to be never ending, some of these ideas included.

SuperDude facing of IronyMan in a soccer match. IronyMan being the universes most dastardly SuperVillian being able to make the ironic a reality.

A team of SuperHeroes batting the world supervillians in a soccer match, the losers to be eternally banished from the world into a world were monsters byond anyones wildest dreams are there to rip them apart.

James Smith, SuperDude's alter ego gets drafted into the Bazalonian national soccer team.

and many more that are not even worth mentioning.

BC Inc. has not confirmed nor denied any plans but they have said "we are looking into it" exactly what that means for fans of SuperDude and the World Cup is uncertain but it seems that there is certainly a chance for it to occur. It indeed seems that BC Inc is waiting for something, maybe for inspiration, maybe for some third party investors no one knows, however fan pressure for another World Cup storyline is growing by the second.

WC33: There and back again, a hermit's tale
Chapter 1 - An unexpected visitor

In a turf hut deep in the swamp lands of Gnatanamo, and blissfully unaware that these swamps had been leased to Ariddia by the Uhuh-Topian government long ago, there lived a hermit. Not a dry, comfortable turf hut, but a wet, nasty turf hut, filled with dirt and a swarm of gnats.
It had an irregularly shaped hole that functioned as the hut's door and only window simultaneously. The 'door' opened on to a room: a very small room with gnats, a rickety chair, a bed made out of grass and leaves, and a large wooden crate.
This hermit considered himself to be a very well-to-do hermit, although he didn't actually know any other hermits to compare himself to, and his name was Kermit. Kermit the Hermit had lived in this hut for as long as he could remember, so it had to be at least for two weeks.

One morning Kermit was trying to start a fire, rubbing two sticks together while trying to remember where he kept his matches, a man in a suit came by.
"Good morning," said the man.
Kermit looked up in surprise. "Ribbit?" he said.
"Uh... Do you speak English?" the man asked.
"Ribbit," Kermit said with a nod. "Can I you help?"
"Are you Kermit the Hermit?"
Kermit shook his head angrily. "*Mister* Kermit the Hermit am I. Ribbit. Are you here came to me my name to ask?"
"No, I-"
"Ribbit. Why ask you it then?"
"Another hermit, Frank, told me about you. I think you-"
Kermit spat on the ground. "Ribbit!" he said angrily. "Frank is no real hermit. He was out of the hermit school kicked, because he in the city lived. He has tried to again to school go, by in the swamp to live, but the school refused and Frank has now no diploma! Ribbit!"
He looked at the man. "Sorry, I am not angry on you, but on Frank. Why are you to me came?"
"I think you have something that belongs to me," the man in the suit said.

Acapais Men's National Team press conference

Jessica: "Hello and welcome to today's press conference for the Acapais Men's National Team. I am glad all of you could make it this afternoon for this is the first press conference for the national team. In a moment, Mr. Anil Keswani, Manager of the Acapais Men's National Team, will present himself and give you information about this year's team. It is requested however that you save your questions until the end of him announcements. Well, my watch says one o' clock so, without further ado, I would like to introduce to you the first manager in Acapais Men's National Team history, Anil Keswani!"

Light Applause

Keswani: "Hello everyone. Thank you everyone for coming. My name is Anil and I will talk to you about the team that will be traveling to Quakmybush and Az-cz this summer. We are very excited for this is Acapais's first ever World Cup competition. World Cup XXXIII will be our first opportunity to bring home the highest honor in the sporting world. More people watch the World Cup together than anything else in the world, and by competing, it would bring even more spirit to the already proud citizens of Acapais. The World Cup has been known to stop wars and bring peace to nations, and my staff and I are thrilled to be apart of such a tournament. Since the tournament was started, we have always wanted to compete but didn't have the resources. Today, however, I am proud to say 'we will be competing in the World Cup.'

"Now, because this is our first World Cup tournament, other countries expectations for Acapais are rather low. However, my expectations for the team are higher than one might expect. Acapais is a young and inexperienced team with much to learn, but I can say that this is a team with a lot of potential. As an unranked nation, qualification in itself will be a difficult task. That does not mean it is out of our reach. Groups of ten and three qualify for the final tournament in each group. In our group we will have a team ranked in the top 9 nations and there will be a team ranked between 10 and 18 and between 19 and 27, and they will be the favorites to qualify regardless the group. Their players will be stronger than us, faster than us, and more experienced. None of this means however that we cannot upset these top ranked nations and take a spot.

"In this tournament we will play a defensive game to try to outlast these nations. With our youth we should be able to be them as far as conditioning. Offensively we have pace with, Duke, Jose and Van Savage. Our large goalkeeper is quick has a good coach for positioning. All players on the roster are familiar with each other because they all play in the Acapan Division I. Some players even have teammates the roster.

"Having said all of this, our goal, like the rest of the world, is simple; win the World Cup. Some of you might call me an optimist, but the members of the Acapan Football Association will do our best to bring home glory.

"Are there any questions?"

Points

Reporter 1: "Anil, How will you optimize the speed and skill of Van Savage and Salazar?"

Keswani: "We are going to put them wide and as attacking midfielders. Players with their pace and crossing abilities are optimized by sending them to the wings."

Points

Reporter 2: "What will be the best way to get through qualifying successfully?"

Keswani: "If we play a solid game and capitalize on opponents mistakes there should be no reason why we can't qualify."

Points

Reporter 3: "Will you expand on what you said about 'outlasting' you opponents?"

Keswani: "Sure. Since our team is very young we will have the ability to run at a faster pace for a longer period of time. I have confidence that when we play possession football and good defense, we should be able to make our opponents fatigued."

Points

Reporter 4: "Because we are unranked, what advantages and disadvantages do we have?"

Keswani: "The disadvantages are that our players have never played in a World Cup and therefore inexperienced, and that we will more than likely get drawn into a very difficult qualifying group. However, no nation has ever seen us play before. They will be blind and overconfident when they play us."

Points

Reporter 5: "Why is Murphy your captain of choice"

Keswani: "He has the most club experience for his team South Maypearl than anyone else on the roster, and he is a natural leader"

Points

Reporter 6: "There is a lot of controversy surrounding the roster you chose. Tell us please why you went with such a young roster when there are clearly older players that play in the AFA."

Keswani: "Ah, I was wondering when someone was going to ask me that. The reason is because I want to build a young team for future World Cup competitions. If I put players that are over 30 years old on the roster, then they would only help us for World Cup XXXIII and none there after. By selecting young players I can ensure that the team will gain experience not only individually but grow together as a team. Plus I don't want to physically rewrite the roster in four years."

Laughing

Keswani: "This concludes the press conference. Thank you all for coming."


-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acapais RP Threads
Roster Thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12292583&postcount=19)
Acapais PreWC Press Conference

"... long road ahead everyone. In the following months we will have our strength and will tested many times. People will question our heart, our skill, and our detimirmination during this process. But we will press on like we have the previous sixteen years, we will punch our ticket to the promised land, and silence all our critics as we will finally make it to the Proper. This is your hope, this is my goal, this is the expecaction of a nation. Accept this challange my friends, and let us immortalize ourselves in history."

The squad took it all in, taking in the words from their coach, who should they not fufill on this challange, would soon be replaced. They would have to beat out the odds and make it to the final thirty-two. This would the Marauders fifth attempt at doing so, and so far, all their attempts have fallen just short. Twice they were only one spot out, with one time falling just a point shy to their former colony in Demot. Many of the veterans were getting tired of performing soo well, but still having nothing to show for it. They know they likely are a far cry to win this Cup, but that is not their goal, they merely want to be in that final group. They want to be able to call themselves World Cup finalists, and leave the state of football in their nation better than it was when they took up the Marauder challange.

With these thoughts rolling through their minds, three elves were prepared to do anything to get them through. Samuel Tatum, Harden Swent, and Rick Cuellar were already formulating their plans to secure the ESF advancements.

(Originally posted here (http://z8.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Paradise/index.php?showtopic=88).)

Cluichstani Minister of Sport Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich leaned back in his chair and eyed the young man seated across his desk from him for a short while before speaking. "You do realise that you're asking quite a bit?" he said. "The last time we sponsored you lot, you trashed half a dozen nightclubs in Ariddia and left behind scores of pregnant Ariddian women."

Drarreg, center midfielder and captain of the Cluichstani national football team, slumped slightly in his chair. "Yes, Minister, that was shameful. But that was also six years ago. We've been rather well behaved since then, I should think."

"Yes, well behaved -- here in Cluichstan. Don't shit where you eat. Isn't that how the saying goes? What's going to happen if we send you to whatever country ends up hosting World Cup 33?"

"We have had a few friendlies abroad since then, sir, with minimal damage to the host nations," Drarreg countered.

"Minimal indeed. You call that fiasco in Kivisto 'minimal'?"

"Well, that time we only trashed three nightclubs and left behind no pregnant women. That's an improvement, innit?"

"An improvment, yes. You managed to halve your property damage," the sheik said. "But as for the other bit, well, let's face it, those Kivistan women aren't exactly attractive. And what of your friendly in Remba? That was an unmitigated disaster."

Drarreg sat upright and said indignantly, "That was not our fault! Our supporters started that riot and set fire to the stadium! All we did was have that scandal on the yacht with the CPESL (http://z8.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Paradise/index.php?showtopic=23) girls."

Sheik Ecraep pondered for a moment before responding. "Very well. We'll support your entry into the upcoming World Cup tournament. It's not as though this government has any relations with the potential hosts. How bad can the fallout be if you muck things up?"

Drarreg stood, grinning. "Thank you, Minister! You won't be disappointed!"

"There is one condition, however."

"Yes?"

The sheik smiled. "I will manage the team."

"Forgive me...but...you, sir?" Drarreg managed to stammer.

"I did play a bit of football in my time, you know," Sheik Ecraep replied with a twinkle in his eye...

Athesitic Right was once again in the World Cup. Hopefully that nastiness over trying to hold it's region to Ransom through the its nuclear weapons program was laid behind.

While the nation fell crumbled and segmented after the war it took a charasmatic leader by the name of Mallo Efferton to find a new homeland and establish a new democratic Atheistic Right with a proper government and services. However the Basic Tenets of Atheistic Right, the concept of Darwinian Evolution controlling and influencing everything in the universe though they have toned down their anti-religion stance (they even have passed a law now to legalise religions in AR)

However it does seem that some of the Old Guard Atheistic Right nutters are still running around, particularily in response to a strange piece of Terrorism that occured in Myrtannia, the old Atheistic Right neighbours. Wether this is indeed true or the new Atheistic Right showing their true colours is something yet to be seen.

However a new footballing Association had been formed ARFA is no more and it's place the national football association is AFA, Atheistiic Football Association.

Infact an apology has been issued to the entire World Cup Committee for what ARFA had done. Particularily to nations such as Bazalonia, The Archregimancy, New Montreal States for the actions of the ARFA in previous activities.

<On a TV show called YAK YAK>

Dazza: Hello everyone, this is YAK YAK - Jeruselem's favourite current affairs TV show. I'm the host Dazza Dallas - former World Cup and Women's World Cup player! Today we talk football and with me is the new Jeruselem World Cup captain. The man known as Tunk or tunkerhunker in some nations. Also with me is my niece, Rashina Dallas - the vice captain.

Tunk: Good morning to all the good peoples of Jeruselem.
Rashina: Hi everyone.

Dazza: Tunk, taking over from Kate Bush and me because I got myself pregnant during World Cup 32- are you feeling the pressure?
Tunk: Well, there is pressure. Making the final means the next team must try to the same - a burden of sorts.

Dazza: And Rashina, Dallas girl flying the flag again. You and Tunk must work together to make this one even better.
Rashina: Yes, and the benchmark is higher now. You lead the 30 team to the quarter final and Kate Bush almost won for us in 32. It's pressure but we can do well.

Dazza: A few new faces too. I retired, my husband retired and Kate Bush. Even GW Tree retired. So a new team of sorts
Tunk: Yes Dazza but we have core of the last team. They are ready - young blood is good for making the oldies play better as they have to or lose their positions.

Dazza: So, are we going keep the Kate Bush attacking tactics or the Dazza strangle their midfield tactics or something new?
Tunk: Well, we need to look at new team to see what we can do. Rashina favours a more defensive approach and me, I'm a striker. So we do have a conflict there.

Dazza: Tunk, 10 wedding anniversary coming up!
Tunk: Yes, I love my little wife. She's small and cute - well just like you. Small woman with lots to give to the world.

Dazza: Big man, small wife - always the way.
Tunk: She's my Dazza. Actually, she's a good girl and I make sure no one harms her.

Dazza: What's this spin the wife trick?
Tunk: I can spin my wife around my head, when I feel strong.

Dazza: Now, that's a strong man - give me a go!
Tunk: Sure Dazza?

Dazza: I'm her size. I'm not heavy either.
Tunk: I'd better not.

Dazza: That's alright, you can do it later.
Rashina: Dazza likes going for spin (smiles)

KINGSFORDER COACH DOOGAN COMMENTS ON NATIONAL TEAM

AP - Manager of the Kingsford National Team, Ean Harthshawe Doogan, was recently found asleep on a park bench in Quakmybush by a reported. He was allegedly "scouting the prospective territory," though the park bench was strategically outside of a local bar in which Doogan had been reportedly seen hours earlier. When asked about the state of his team, Doogan responded:

"I think the team has a chance of playing some good football this cup. Maybe even they're score a few goals, who knows?"

Doogan then began singing the lyrics to "Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran, with a few notable differences, including the line "Scent and a sound, I'm lost and I'm found" becoming "Wider baby, smiling, you just made a million," followed by Doogan vomiting.

It is believed that Doogan confused Hungry Like the Wolf with the song "Girls on Film," as the new line appears in the third verse of that song. There is some scholarly disagreement, however. Prominent figures in the academic community have argued the case that "Girls on Film" was released on the self titled album of 1981, while "Hungry Like the Wolf" was released on the album "Rio," in 1982. Therefore, they state, Doogan must have confused Girls on Film with Hungry Like the Wolf, despite the disproportionate amount of lyrics stemming from Hungry Like the Wolf. A third camp also argues that Doogan was so piss drunk he couldn't keep his Simon Le Bon straight.

Doogan's alcoholism sets the stage for a young, inexperienced Kingsforder team to take the pitch in a land none of them have set foot in before, playing at a level that none of them have ever played at. Most experts believe that Kingsford will be eliminated in qualifying, however a few unrealistic optimists hold out that they have a chance of being the perennial whipping boy in a group of the first round. Nevertheless, it should be an interesting cup.

http://members.lycos.co.uk/rockface2004/laveriteisolee.jpg

Schorteskatascansolani is pleased to announce "The Purple-Hearted Zmay" as their official mascot for the World Cup. It looks rather like a deformed dragon without any wings.

QSPNFOOTBALL.net POST

Well after a horrid 4 year layoff, its now time once again for the World Cup qualifiers to begin. While the Groups have not yet been drawn, Qazox is on the outside lokking in once again after a sub-par performance at the last qualifiers. Then came the Civil War which decimated most of Qazox and left our economy in even worse shape that it was before. And the sudden and shocking death of Reggie Hassok, who eariler today was nominated for the World Cup Hall of Fame commitee for induction after of course these qualifers, Our 7th attempt at getting to the Cup. Other Black Oxen nominees for induction were: Fernando Turek, current Head Coach of the Black Oxen, Alicia “Speedy” Gonzalez who scored 37 goals in the WC 27-30 qualifiers, John Frorr, who became the 1st keeper in 70 (ooc: not offical) years to score a goal durign qualifing and Marie Goya who holds the National team record with 43 goals from WC 27-30.

Stay tuned to QSPNFootball on Channel 102 on your Q-DISH Network or on Channel 79 on QT&T cable/ or Channel 45 on QCast Cable.

(ooc: Its my Birthday today 2/6.. and i'm 30.. how the heck did I survive that long???)

"Okay, so we lost a game. Forget about it. Baptism of Fire, who cares. We got serious competition now. This one's for real. So come on. More l33t 5k1ll5 and less of being pwnz0r3d." declared the manager, Mathieu de Jenken, "Right? Flight leaves at 4, meet at the duty free with the bazalope ice sculpture at 3:30. Everyone's got their boarding pass? Excellent. Off we go."

---
A conference room
Neorvins Police Service headquarters
---
"They call him 'Bob the Bookie'."

"Is that his real name?"

"'Bob', yes. 'the Bookie', no."

Another of the officers piped up, "Like 'Bob the Builder'?"

"Yes. And quite apt too. 'Bob the Bookie, can he fix it?'..."

"You mean..."

"No, he hasn't managed to fix anything. But operating a loansharking and gambling ring isn't illegal in any province, just the breaking people's legs and threatening them with hockey sticks part... so it's worth keeping an eye out for him. He lost a lot of money during the Baptism of Fire, then made it back when Kelssek got tossed 3-0 by some unknown team..."

Andrew Coulter was in his office, nervously waiting for the presidential announcement. Though voting is still occuring he just wanted to get it done. The Baptism of Fire was going well, despite one small media glitch. And things now longer needed presidential involvement, however he was watch TV and researching newspaper articles from the nations in the Baptism of Fire when he stumbled over the "The Purple-Hearted Zmay". Then an idea hit like him like an oncoming frieght-train doing 100km/h.

"BARRY THE BAZALOPE!" he exclaimed..

"Perfect, Soccer fans will abbreviate it to 'Baza the Bazalope' an then to 'Baza Baza'. I can't beleive I didn think of this before.

...

Later in a press conference Andrew Coulter brought Barry the Bazalope to the world. There was an actor inside a Bazalope costume.

"Well let me hear it Jill." Tynelian Soccer Federation Presiodent Niles Jones demanded sitting in his office where several ferret related merchandise is scattered around.

"Well sir," Jill replied, "First of all the press and public have taken your 'give Tynelia a mascot' contest to heart and our phones and websites haven;t been busier."

"Yes i thought that would be a good way to boost interest before the Cup, a lot of folk are getting disgusted with soccer after failing six straight times to qualify. But imagine, the Tynelian Towel was huge when we first started but all our fans have one already. Sp wee needed a new draw so i thought. Hey the local teams have mascots so why not give one to the national squad?" Niles preened.

"Yes sir and we set a record number of votes when we narrowed things to the final five and the winner was..." Jill started to say before she was cut off.

"No need to say it Jill, it was obvious after all. The ferret is our national animal after all, and when the Tyr Ferrets folded that left us an already established ferret merchandise machine. I guess i'll have them start production now." Niles interrupted reaching for the phone.

"Sir, ferret finished second..."

"What? How can that be, what on earth would people pick instead of ferret? Dragon because its such a powerful creature?"

"No sir, that was third. The winner was...um... hippos."

"HIPPOS!?! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND VOTES FOR HIPPOS!?!"

"Well sir, i believe it was a grassroots website called "the next Hypocria" which showed how similar our teams paths in Cup play and pushed for the continuing of the futility of the name Hippos and that Tynelia was the perfect choice for it based on our years of failure. The idea caught on and Hippos won by 11%. Sort of like our fans are poking fun at ourselves."

"No can do, we will not be known as the Hippos. Change the votes around, put ferret on top and we'll get to work."

"I can't sir, remember? You wanted to have live voting on the internet so fans could follow the race. Everyone knows the results now. The news is already calling us the Tynelian Hippos. If you change it the sport will suffer another black eye in the country. You have to let it stick."

"But...but... this is a disgrace."

"Sir sales for the game 'Hungry, hungry hippos' have increaded 850% since the announcement was made. People want to know when the merchendise is coming out."

"They do? 850%?"

"Yes sir."

"I see, well we have to give the masses what they want right Jill? Glad to see my brilliant idea bore fruit." Niles said relaxing and started to count his profits in his head.

<outside the royal palace King John IV sits with his son the Crown Prince John as his new military units parade below them>

“See son, thanks to these new mighty war machines we will no longer have to knuckle under to the likes of Spaam or any other foreigner thinking to use their superior military against my mighty knights.” The King boasted

“Yes father.” Prince John replied knowing another one of his father’s rambling speeches was about to come forth. The King was getting old so such things happened more often.

“That’s right boy. Look below as I have mastered the art of combined forces. Our Tessan Armored New Knights with their armored frames with easily acccessable interior arrow slits for our crossbowmen to shoot out a rain of death at our foes protected by the TANK’s armor. The steel lances on either side of the TANK will pierce any line of our foes as our mighty knights drive them against our enemies. To think some scoffed and called them wagons with steel. And this wonderous new power, what was it called son?”

“Steam, remember father- those black rocks , coal?”

“Yes, yes that;s right boy, who would have thought such powers existed but now we have mastered the technology. Too bad we can not keep enough of this coal in the TANK to keep it moving for more than a few hours. But more than enough time to rout our foes. Imagine son, a line of my TANKS leading an assault, my warriors and calvary follwing behind warded by their armored fury. And then. The air force strikes them from above!”

“Yes father.” The Prince agreed looking up at the balloons floating behind, each one tethered to a TANK by a thick rope. A large basket held three men, one to feed the small steam engine pumping hot air into the balloon and the others a pair of seemingly scared crossbowmen as they floated a few hundred feet in the air.

“No more shall our foes hold the high ground against us. No more can they swoop down and strike from above like the foreigners threatened us last time. I remember, how we had to seal the state to prevent the invasion. Bought us time I did son, you need to remember that if you want to be a great king like me when I’m gone.”

“Yes father. I know.” The Crown Prince agreed sighing to himself as he was much more traveled than his father and knew of the benefits of trading with the outside world. Prince John knew none of these things would slow down any of the modern forces out there but still to even get this far in only eight years was an accomplishment of sorts.

“So tell me son, when shall we celebrate our triumph in that soccer thing? Wasn’t it brilliant of me to use the idea those monks no doubt stole from us by keeping my team in hoods and masks while wearing physique hiding uniforms. They managed to confuse their foes and achieve great victories. Now we shall show them the proper way that only a mighty nation such as Tessan can use such trickery for our own triumph! Glory my boy, glory awaits us with this great plan!”

“Wahetevr you say father.” The Prince agreed as the parade moved on. Silently he wondered what father would think if the king knew what the prince did about that team. The prince agreed at the time that the king must never be made aware of what was really taking place or his temper would erupt again. Hopefully things would work out for the best and the king would never know what was taking place right under his nose…

Wentland FA meeting

AGENDA

1. Apologies and thank-yous (all)

2. Minutes of last meeting (all)

3. Financial report (FO)

4. Pension scheme alteration (Oldshire FA)

5. Proposed budget for trip to Walled City (FO)

6. Church bell complaint (CJ)

7. World Cup campaign (NH)

8. AOB

Heartwick House, Fort Boston

[Freimark] Hello, I'm Jeffrey Freimark, thank you all for attending. The Bostopian FA is pleased to announce that we have secured two friendly games against Sel Appa. One game will be played in the Bostopia Stadium, and the other will be played in Nemnemait, Sel Appa.

In association with the Ministry of Home Affairs for Bostopia, the Fort Boston State Affairs office and the Bostopian Tourist Board, permanent citizens of Sel Appa have now been placed on the Visa Waiver scheme. These citizens need only bring a passport and fill in the VWE-1 form before arrival in Bostopia. For more information, contact the Bostopian Embassy in Nemnemait, or the Sel Appan Embassy in Fort Boston, or any of the consulates dotted around the Bostopian Isles.

Thank you, and we'll be able to give you more information when we get it.

[Griffis] Alright, that was Jeffrey Freimark, and we'll be back with ongoing developments in Squigg, where Mrs.Tibbles' cat is about to be rescued, in just a few short moments.

[Narrator] Want your plants to grow as fast and strong as star-striker Jamie Trent? Then use Happy Puppy Fertiliser! The official fertiliser of the Bostopian National team!

From the desk of Noz-Tf

To commemorate both our friendship and our joint world cup, the Gnomes of Az-cz and the Sharks of Quakmybush will be playing a friendly to open up the world cup qualifiers. Before the match there will be a ceremony to honor all the players who retired from the two teams after last cup. Please come out to the match to be played in Quakmybush to support your home country and it's retiring stars.

The Schiavone Scribe
King Francesco RIP
63-139 A.S.

Schiavonia's monarch King Franesco has passed away, aged 76. Francesco had been King since the year 94 and leaves two sons, Alfredo and Winston, as well as five grandchildren, Horatio, Helena, Chad, Roberto and Juan.

Francesco was a popular figure in Schiavonia, introducing sport into a country where competitiveness was an alien concept.

Royal observer Winston Taylor paid tribute last night. "Francesco changed Schiavonia forever by introducing sport."

"Before Francesco, people were nice to each other, but there was a certain falseness about it all. Sport brought greater fitness to Schiavones, brought greater social togetherness, and taught us that we can do battle peacefully and still have a mutual respect for one another after all is done. Unless you're from Northern Caesarea, of course."

The nation is now in a period of national mourning, with millions taking to the streets of Kingsbury to pay their respects to their leader and to celebrate his life. The usual party atmosphere is a somewhat sombre one tonight.

Schiavone Monarchs

Winston 1 - 6
James 6 - 29
Margaret 29 - 37
Clyde 37 - 69
Fernando 69 - 94
Francesco 94 - 139
Alfredo 139 -

From the desk of Noz-Tf

Az-cz would like to offer it's condolences to Schiavonia on the passing of their king. We have fond memories of our matches against them in qualifying for world cup 31 and hope that football helps the nation get through this trying event.

Noz-Tf
President, Az-cz football federation

Wentland FA
Minutes of meeting 11.6

Present: The Chairman, The Financial Officer, The Shade of Menteith, Lord Autumnbottom, Sir Jolyon Snodry, Sir Duncan Short, Mr C Jellicoe, Mr N Hacker, Miss Widmore (secretary).

The Chairman read the apologies.

The Chairman offered congratulations to the women's team on their recent World Cup triumph and IT WAS RESOLVED that a basket of flowers would be sent to Mrs Bluff. (ACTION: DS)

The minutes of the last meeting were approved. NH commented on the lack of appreciation for qualification for the previous World Cup and his comments were noted.

The Financial Officer reported on the most recent management accounts. The profit over the last month of six guineas will be invested in new goal nets for the Rentwater County FA.

JS (Oldshire FA) presented proposals for the amendment of the pension scheme. At present executives within the FA accrue benefits on a sixtieths basis, capped at two-thirds, via uniform accrual. JS stated that this had not proved satisfactory as his predecessor had spent 47 years with the WFA and therefore his pension was capped. JS presented an actuarial report which stated that removal of the cap would not have a deleterious effect on the funding of the Scheme, which was currently in surplus.

DS remarked that there may be tax issues concerned, on the basis that the Pensions Accrual Act provided for the basic rate to be applied to all pensions that were above a certain limit and that it was possible that tax approval of the Scheme may be withdrawn in the event of said cap being exceeded. The Chairman commented that removal of tax-exempt status would ensure that the Scheme would face a tax levy that could erode the surplus and create a deficit, which would in turn mean that the PPA would be keen to impose a lev if appropriate.

JS stated that he had not considered the tax issues but would involve Brice Porterhouse if necessary and asked for a vote to be taken in principle. JC stated that a vote would not be appropriate in the circumstances and proposed that there be a vote about having a vote. On the Chairman's approval IT WAS RESOLVED by 5-1 (2 abstensions) that there not be a vote on the pension scheme.

The Chairman deferred consideration on the budget for the visit to Walled City on the basis that the six guineas had already been provided to another FA.

Bells: CJ complained that the church bells were disturbing Sunday league matches in the Borrowbrook area. Apparently several incidents have arisen because whistles have been drowned out by bells. The Shade asked whether the bells could be muffled. CJ will examine this. DS asked whether a reading had taken place to determine the loudness. CJ said it had not. IT WAS RESOLVED that CJ should take further action (action: CJ).

NH presented his World Cup squad details. The Chairman said he did not recognize the names but was sure NH knew what he was doing. His Grace gave a huzzah for NH.

There being no other business the meeting was closed.

"So, Professor, what do you think of this host country, Az-cz? What does it mean?"

"Well, Doctor, any schoolchild knows that CZ represents the Great and Glorious CZECH EMPIRE of which our country is a vassal. AZ is a little more difficult. My most educated guess is that it stands for Australia-newZealand. Granted that should be ANZ, but you can't account for people's spelling these days."

"What then is the meaning of the hyphen in the middle? What's that supposed to be?"

"There are, I suppose, a number of interpretations. It could possible represent the combination of Australia-newZealand and the CZECH EMPIRE, but I have heard nothing to the effect of the CZECH EMPIRE annexing those various southerly isles. Also, if we were going to be playing football in the nation of which we are a vassal, I suspect we would have heard of it. My interpretation is that it is a mathematical symbol. It means that the Greatness and Gloriousness of Az-cz is equivalent to the Greatness and Gloriousness of the CZECH EMPIRE subtracted from the Greatness and Gloriousness of Australia-newZealand."

"But Professor, that is a negative number."

"What else do you expect from an Inoffensive Centrist Democracy?"

"Professor, let's move on to this other host nation, Quakmybush. What is your opinion on that name?"

"Well, evidently Quak is a misspelling of Quack, and we all know that Quack means Ducks. My Bush could refer to a sort of foliage which is indigenous to that nation, but I rather suspect that it is analogous to a certain President of the United States."

"In other words, this other host nation has the approximate moral equivalency of a lame duck president."

"Precisely, Doctor."

"Sounds like two perfectly dreadful places to play football in. A good thing we will not be likely to be qualifying."

Once again the Stoners are attempting to qualify for the World Cup, but a recent poll taken in Sativaville shows that only 7% of the population even cares about soccer. Here is the full results of the poll:

What sport interests you the most?

Hacky-Sack- 62%
Ultimate Frisbee- 17%
Kickball- 10%
Soccer- 7%
other- 4%

So despite having one of the better non-qulaifing records the past three cups, the Stoners have little support from home, but if by some miracle they do qualify, Then maybe the stadiums in Az-Cz and Quakmybush will be filled with more nacho-hungry peopke than they thought.

The Enlightener: get your tin-foil Baptism of Fire replica cups here!
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/bettia/FAB.jpg

Bettia - We're Feeling Kinda Statty

Yes folks, it's World Cup time again, and although we here at the Enlightener had a vague idea of how great(!) the Aroras are, we just didn't know exactly how great they are. So we bullied an office junior into pouring over the result of every competitive senior international match that Bettia have ever played - the triumph of their Baptism of Fire campaign, the elation of getting past the qualifying stages for the first time then the shock of getting into the quarter-finals of World Cup 25, all the way through to the last World Cup where, once again, they lost on penalties to the eventual winners (who just happened to be wearing red - yuck!).

So, after spending the best part of a month locked away in a broom cupboard - okay, okay, so it's nearer an hour - the hapless boy wonder finally compiled a table of Bettia's all-time records against selected teams in both World and regional tournaments.



Head to Heads
(win and loss columns include penalty shoot-outs)

W D L F A
---------------------------------------------------------
Alasdair I Frosticus 2 0 0 8 1
Andossa Se Mitrin Vega 1 1 0 3 2
Ariddia 0 0 1 3 3
Aurendia 0 0 1 1 2
Bazalonia 2 0 0 6 1
Bedistan 2 2 2 8 8
Casari 0 0 2 1 6
Cataduanes 1 0 0 4 0
Commerce Heights 1 0 0 4 2
Cuation 4 1 1 15 11
Delesa 3 1 0 11 4
Demot 0 1 0 2 2
Dorian & Sonya 3 1 0 10 6
Druida 0 0 1 0 2
Falcania 1 0 0 2 1
Fmjphoenix 0 2 3 10 21
Geisenfried 1 0 0 3 0
Hockey Canada 0 0 2 4 6
Hypocria 3 0 1 8 6
Jerusalem 0 1 3 5 12
Kaze Progressa 0 1 0 0 0
Krytenia 3 3 0 15 9
Lamoni 1 0 3 4 8
Legalese 0 3 1 4 5
Lisburn Mateys 2 0 0 6 3
Liverpool England 0 0 2 2 8
Milchama 4 1 1 17 12
Myrtannia 0 0 1 0 1
Nedalia 2 2 2 8 9
New Montreal States 1 1 0 3 2
Oliverry 2 1 0 7 2
Pacitalia 1 0 1 3 4
Quakmybush 1 1 0 4 3
Sarzonia 0 1 0 1 1
Spaam 1 0 0 2 0
Spruitland 1 0 0 2 1
Squornshelous 0 0 3 2 6
Starblaydia 1 1 10 9 26
Tanah Burung 2 0 1 8 5
The Archregimancy 0 1 1 2 4
The Lowland Clans 3 0 0 8 3
Turori 0 0 3 1 8
Tynelia 4 1 1 12 5
Vilita 2 1 2 9 6
Vilita & Turori 0 0 2 3 7
Yafor 2 3 0 1 12 5


So what can we derive from this table? Well, the team we definately wouldn't want to meet are Starblaydia - with ten defeats and just the one victory from twelve meeting, it's safe to say our record against them is abysmal. Another team to avoid are Fmjphoenix - although the last meeting between the two nations saw an excellent 3-3 draw, the two 6-1 crushings in the World Cup 26 qualifying campaign still play on the minds of Bettian football fans to this very day.

Another dishonourable mention goes to the Islands of Vilita and Turori - just two wins in the ten matches played against them in their various guises, along with their penchant for wearing red makes facing them rather unpaletable.

So what will World Cup 33 bring for the Blessed Realm and its puppet? Only time will tell...

Shivering slightly despite the warm air, trying to feel humble rather than thrilled, Aew did exactly as the letter instructed, placing the icon respectfully in a corner, lighting the candle, and reciting the prayer devoutly, in a humble whisper.

He had no idea what to expect - although part of him wondered whether he would sudenly be whisked into a cold monastery in the Dreamed Realm - but he forced himself to focus on the prayer, and on his faith, giving it his full attention.

"...From obscurity He highly exalted you as an example / That the Lord truly guides..."

Outside, the rain continued to patter against the leaves.

Two days later, Aew woke up. A kindly, bearded, and elderly figure wearing monk's robes sat by his bedside. "God be praised! He's awake!" the presumed monk called out.

Aew struggled to speak. "Wha.....?" he tried to ask.

"You know, we really weren't sure that was going to work" beamed the monk. "We've never tried to extract someone from Ordinary Reality using a phrase-activated Dream Portal transmitter embedded in a holy icon. Must remember to send a letter to thank the boys over in the Holy Empire's oneirology labs. Some were arguing the phrase was a little long, mind, 'why not just use the Jesus Prayer' they said, but no... I thought the elongated prayer to St. Innocent of Alaska would be particularly relevant in your case, and..."

Aew was still trying to get his bearings.

"Oh! Sorry, my son. You must be terribly confused. Allow me to welcome you. I am Fr. Polycarp the Venerable, chairmonk of the Monastic Football Association. I am here to welcome you to the Archregimancy on behalf of the MFA, and to thank you for your interest in our football recruitment programme. Truly we give thanks unto the Lord that He has guided you towards representing us internationally. If that is truly your desire...."

Aew nodded, groggily.

"Excellent! At the same time, we do understand that you may have many questions about the Orthodox monastic life. We do not wish you to be precipitate and rush towards embracing something you do not fully understand. We have prepared some literature for you to read while you recover. This first one is a copy of an encyclopaedia downloaded from something called a 'computinger' - modern technology, eh? - and called an 'Orthodox Wiki' (http://orthodoxwiki.org/Main_Page). This second source consists mainly of monastic photographs (http://www.orthodoxphotos.com/), but contains some articles on monasticism you may find of interest. We share these simply to help your ongoing research.

Once you've recovered, and assuming you want to continue, your daily programme shall consist of morning prayer, late morning and afternoon football training, early evening theological training, and late evening and nightly prayer vigils in one of the nearby monastic cells. Team coach Fr. David the Water Drinker will be along later should you have any further questions, and, again, God bless you my son for joining us."

Aew had just enough strength to ask "But.... where am I? Are there any others?"

"You're in the guest house just across the valley from the Holy Monastery of St. Catherine's in the Desert - couldn't quite manage a tropical rainforest, I'm afraid, but this should suit you better than one of the sub-Arctic monasteries. And I believe that there's a couple of Bazalonians... an Arnold Potter and a Kennedy Lancer. They're in the next room. God bless, my son."

Fr. Polycarp left. Aew looked out of the window....

http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a319/vakraas/St_cats.jpg

"Oh well" he thought. "At least it's warm."

Sniff.

The mood of the average Krytenian fan after World Cup 32, if it were a smell, would be a veritable cornucopia of strange and interesting aromas.

Sniff.

The most obvious of these, to the naked nose, would be the overwhelming stench of disappointment, coupled subtly with the oddly familiar whiff of deja vu,. Another semi-final defeat for the Aces, as the elusive final slipped away over the horizon once again.

Sniff.

The musk of frustration, a cloying, loamy scent that expresses exactly how your average member of the Aces Army feels about the above fact.

Sniff.

The salty smell of millions of silent tears shed as the dream died for another four years.

Sniff.

But pay closer attention, and there is still another scent in the mix. An underlying, sugary aroma that almost speaks to you and says, "I believe!" That, you see, is what drives those who wear the sky blue, both on and off the field, to muster the will to continue. It is the sweet smell of hope.

It is, of course, too early to say whether the Aces can finally reach the big game, but with hope as the menthol wake-up call to tired and broken hearts, one thing is certain: Krytenia will never be accused of a lack of belief.

OOC: This was posted originally on the Atlantian Oceania forums, but as Druida is now involved in World Cup 33, and the AO Forums seem to have started to require a log in to view them (I only found this out when someone (http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi/page=display_nation/nation=errinundera) tried to use the duff link in my signiture ;)), it's only fair that I put it here for all to see. This should not be considered for RP bonus at all, what with it not having anything much to do with the World Cup whatsoever.

IC:

Preamble

Druida was destroyed during World Cup 25 by an anti-alcohol prohibition lunatic fringe group with giant dodgeballs they got from Krytenia. As a result, Druida was completely destroyed, as were all of hte people apart from a few small communites who escaped. The hisisims in the South-East and the Anwir Cymraeg who crossed the border into Hockey Canada. Since then, the Druidan people in Hockey Canada considered it too dangerous to go home, for the risk of being crushed be dodgeball-wielding maniacs. Anyway, that was thirty years ago...

Originally posted - Jan 17 2007, 17:55 UTC

"I'm fed up of it!"

Trefor wasn't a happy boy.

"Why do we have to do all this stuff about Hockey Canadian history?"

His friend Huw tried to put a different spin on it

"Because we're in a history class in Hockey Canada. That's generally what you learn here."

"Yes, but we're not Hockey Canadian, are we?"

"We are. It's on are passports, our birth certificates... we are Hockey Canadian, Tref."

"No, but we're not. Listen to them, talking about how fantastic they think they are and how the rest of the world underestimates them. The truth is, they're just a bunch of big-headed bastards who aren't nearly as good as they think they are."

"I know that. But if we had a Druida to go back to, I'm sure we would. Aren't you grateful to the people of this country for what they've done for our people?"

"I suppose... at least it's somewhere to live. But our personalities just aren't like theirs. We seem different."

"Well, we are."

"And we have a different history."

"I'm sure we do, but this is where our people live now. And so we have to learn about our surroundings."

"But what about us?"

"Well, what about us?"

"What's our history?"

"Well, what I've gathered from home is that the infrastructure of our country was completely destroyed by some alcoholic maniacs with dodgeballs. All the people were either killed in the ensuing madness or escaped over the borders and given asylum here."

"So why haven't we ever gone back to our homelands?"

"Well, I think everyone settled here."

"Here? But... I can't believe that for one minute. You're saying that the Druidans would rather stay in Hockey Canada than go back to their homelands?"

"That's what I've been taught at home. So we have to learn Hockey Canadian history, because that's who we are now."

"Riiight. Like I believe that. Huw, I think we've got a bit of reseasrch to do..."

- - - - -

Originally posted - Jan 19 2007, 13:41 UTC

The phone rang. Huw picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Huwie! You're not going to believe this!"

"What?"

"Apparently, we still own Druida!"

"What, me and you?"

"No, just the Druidan people."

"Oh. But isn't it a wreckage and a wasteland with rogue giant dodgeball players?"

"Well, that's what everyone says."

"So we can't just go back. We're stuck here."

"But think about it. Have you heard of Ereeland?"

"Um... they're our new neighbours, are they not?"

"They are. But their nation is within the old boundaries of Druida."

"So?"

"Well, surely if the place was full of renegades with giant dodgeballs, wouldn't they have attacked the Ereeish people?"

"Uh... I suppose..."

"So why don't we go back?"

"Because there isn't a Druidan army, and therefore we don't have anyone to fight back if they are sill there."

"But... if we had support?"

"And how the hell are two fifteen year old boys going to get support?"

"Don't worry. I've got a plan."

"But we don't have an army, either."

"Haven't you heard of the Druidan revolution?"

"No."

"Well, you wouldn't have. It's not part of Hockey Canada's 'glorious' history."

"So what was it?"

"It was where the people got fed up of their alcoholic despot of a president by force."

"But it's not an army."

"But we don't need an army. We just need to get enough togetherness amongst the people to believe that they can go home, and it'll all be OK."

"And two schoolkids are going to do that?"

"Why not?"

"Because we're fifteen, Tref. We're supposed to go to school and hang around on street corners. Not go around moving an entire ethnic minority back to their homeland."

"Look, it's OK. All we gotta do is make some -explicitive removed- up about going on some school trip, then we're free for a few days."

"You really think this'll work?"

"Why not?"

"Like the time when we tried to stop people drinking, just because that's what the Druidans did?"

"Huw, we were thirteen then. And obviously, going into bars and stealing peoples drinks isn't going to go down well with anyone."

"Well... OK. But only because, deep down, this sounds like it could be fun..."

- - - - -

Originally posted - Jan 24 2007, 21:36 UTC

"You sure this'll work?"

"Of course it will. Now, you got your fake IDs?"

"Drivers licence and Passport."

"Good. We're going to need them."

"What for?"

"Well, we're going to rent scooters to go to Druida on. It'll take days, otherwise."

"That's cool. But what's the passports for?"

"Oh, you know. Just in case."

"Heh. Fair enough."

"There's only one problem we have to overcome."

"And what's that?"

"The Druidan Border Patrol."

"Oh."

"They don't let anyone past at all."

"Really? And what if tey catch you trying?"

"They shoot you."

"Really!?!?!"

"Uhuh."

"I thought that Druidans were peace lovers?"

"They're odd guns. Send out an electric shock that temporarily parlyses you. Gives them enough time to cart you off to wherever it is they cart you off to."

"So we're not going to die?"

"Oh, no. But it's not exactly a thrilling activity."

"****."

"So shall we rent a couple of scooters, then?"

"Let's go for it."

- - - - -

Originally posted - Jan 30 2007, 19:47 UTC

Trefor and Huw are hiding behind a rock on their scooters, just yards from the border of Hockey Canada and the former Druidish Lands. Not that there'd be anywhere else for them to hide across the flat green landscape.

"Here it is then. The Border."

"Jeez, that is some patrol! How the hell do we get through there?"

"Simple. We just need to tempt them away with alcohol. No Druidan would be able to resist."

"And where do we get alcohol from?"

"Here." Trefor pulled out a bottle of vodka from his bag.

"How'd you get that?"

"Fake ID."

"Of course."

"So, all we have to do is throw it towards them, they'll pick it up, we'll use that as a distraction."

"Cool."

"Here goes then."

Trefor threw the bottle towards three of the guards. They walk forward to see what it is.

"Right, go!"

Trefor and Huw fly out from behind the rock on their scooters. A few too many revs there, however, and the border guards are distracted.

"You sure you've thought this through? We're a bit loud!"

"Look, we're on motorised scooters, they're on foot. How are they supposed to keep up with us?"

"On that," Huw told his friend as he turned and pointed at an oncoming 4x4.

"****!"

"And they've got guns, remember."

"Well, just weave, then!"

"What?"

"Weave about. If you don't stay in the same position... you're harder to get..."

"OK."

The pair of them weaved about as the guards fired at them.

"They're not going away. Hell, there's more of them!"

"We're going to have to hide somewhere, then."

"Where, exactly? It's just green on one side, green on the other."

"We're in the ****, aren't we."

"Nice of you to figure that out."

"Wait... there's an old house in the distance. If we can make it that far, this should be easy."

"And if we can't?"

"Let's not think about that. Put your foot down, keep weaving about, let's go!"

The boys put their foot down on the pedal, but a 4x4 is a hell of a lot quicker than the scooters. And an increasing number of them is pretty threatening. Swerving 180 degrees around, they send the army of cars the wrong way, giving them a temporary chance to regroup, then, as they turn around again, they storm back past the patrol. More of this dodging somehow manages to get the boys the few hundred yards they need to get themselves to the old house.

"And what good is it going to do us hiding in here?"

"The good that we're not being shot at?"

"But the bad that they know where we are!"

The boys hid, but meanwhile, the 4x4 was catching up again. Inside voices can be heard.

"26227, you see where they went?"

"They're round the back of that old house, 7393."

"Then let's go."

The car eats up the muddy terrain just like a fat person gobbles though chocolate. They turned around the back of the house, but the children weren't there.

"Go inside, 26227. Ask them if they've seen anything."

"OK."

26227 knocks on the door. A fairly young blonde woman answers.

"Ah, hello there, madam. We're from the Druidan Border control, we just wondered if you'd seen any young males on motorised scooters in the area."

"I can't say I have."

"Oh, sorry to have wasted your time... er... who did you say you were?"

"65848."

"Ah. Thank you 65848." He turns around. "7393, they've gone!"

- - - - -

Originally posted - Feb 9 2007, 13:38 UTC

"Where have you two been?"

Huw and Trefor's parents looked far from happy.

"On a school trip. Like we said."

Trefor's bluffing seemed to be working so far.

"So why do you smell like a latrine?"

"Well... it was a trip to... to a... a museum. The toilet museum."

Damn.

"And why is it that when we rang the school, they said that there were no trips on this week?"

"Um... er..."

The parents tried Huw. he was always easier to get the truth from.

"You're not telling us the truth here, are you?"

"Well... no mam."

"Come on then. Where've you been?"

"Over the border."

"Into the Druidish Lands?"

"Yes."

"And you've come back alive?"

"Of course."

"And the border guards didn't get you?"

"We went through the sewer system. It was the only way."

"And you didn't get flattened by dodgeball-wielding maniacs?"

"Well, no."

"Oh."

"Tell you the truth, there weren't any."

"What? Of course there are. Why do you think nobody lives there?"

"They do though. There's people and everything."

"What? What kind of people?"

"Just people. Like human people."

Trefor involved himself again.

"Except they didn't have names."

"Oh?"

"No. they had numbers instead."

"Numbers?"

"Yes. And they made wierd noises as the walked."

"But otherwise... it's safe."

"Of course. They've even entered a team into the World Cup."

"Really?"

"Yes. As Druida."

"But they're not Druidans. We are, normal people with normal names. Druidans are individuals, not numbers."

"So you're saying that they're not our people?"

"Of course they're not. But if it's safe to go back, it's safe to go back. It's our land under the old Druidan Decree."

"What's that, then?"

"Well, put simply, it says that the Druidish Lands should return to Druidan rule as soon as it is considered safe to do so."

"Really?"

"Yes. Apart from bits that other incumbants have taken. For example, we can't have the North East, because that's where Ereeland have set up their nation."

"Oh."

"I guess we'd better start spreading the news, then. Bethan, start ringing everyone you know. We're going home!"