NationStates Jolt Archive

Mélanie Dupré (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/M%C3%A9lanie_Dupr%C3%A9): "... and with us in the studio this evening are the Cluichstani Minister of Sport, Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich, who's now also the manager of the national football team, and Drarreg, captain of that same team.

Good evening to you both, and thank you for coming. Now, Cluichstan isn't new to football, of course. In fact, some of your players made a... erm... rather memorable (http://z8.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Paradise/index.php?showtopic=88&st=0&#last) visit to Ariddia once. But this is the first time the Sultanate takes part in the big world event.

We've invited you both here this evening so you can tell us a little about your hopes and expectations for this competition. Also, many Ariddians tend to have a... certain image of Cluichstan, known mainly through Sheik Nadnerb and the CPESL, for example. Tonight Ariddians, and people around the world, will be able to hear new Cluichstani voices.

Sheik Ecraep, if I may start with you... What led you to signing Cluichstan up for its first ever World Cup?"

Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich: First, Mademoiselle Dupré, thank you for having us. Before I respond to your question, let me apologise for the events that occurred during our last meeting with your fine nation six years ago. We deeply regret the destruction that was caused. However, as to the pregnant Arridian women, well, Drarreg here assures me that they were all really hot and that the boys just couldn't resist them.

Drarreg: Oh, they were bloody slammin'!

Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich: Now, to your question. Um, well, we've been out of the sport spotlight for quite some time now. Cluichstan boasts many excellent athletes, and they deserve the opportunity to shine on the international stage. So where better to give them that chance than with the world's most popular sport? I mean, we've got a phenomenal buzkashi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buzkashi) team, but let's face it, how many nations actually play buzkashi?

Dupré: "Uhm, not... any... that I know of. But since you mention... events that surrounded the previous... travels of Cluichstani football players abroad, some will be wondering whether measures have been taken this time to prevent a repeat of... well, such unfortunate occurences? And are you concerned that security forces in the nations your players will be travelling to might... expect unruly behaviour from Cluichstani players?"

Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich: Oh, of course not. With me managing the team personally, I'll be sure to keep the lads on a tight leash. No extra security measures will be necessary. We'll be there to compete this time around, not trash nightclubs and impregnate random women.

Drarreg: What?!?

Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich: Okay, well, we won't be trashing any nightclubs, at least.

Dupré: "I'm... sure the organisers will be very pleased to hear that. Let's talk about the competition itself, then. Cluichstan will be facing experienced teams. What are your expectations? Are you hoping to qualify? How hard has the team been training?"

Drarreg: We've been busting our bloody arses! We're out on the practice pitch at least eight hours a day. And after that, we spend no less than four hours at a CPESL (http://z8.invisionfree.com/Antarctic_Paradise/index.php?showtopic=23) facility. Lemme tell ya, that's gruelling work! Oh, and the stuff on the practice pitch is tough, too.

Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich: I think what Drarreg is trying to say is that we're working very hard, and that we hope to qualify, even if this is our first World Cup. We're not an inexperienced football nation. It is, along with buzkashi, one of our national sports. If we don't qualify, we will be extremely disappointed.

Drarreg: Yeah, and that's when the nightclubs'll burn!

Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich lets out a heavy sigh, then glares at Drarreg.

Dupré: "Well, I'm sure the hosts will take due note of that. Have you finalised your team roster yet? Which brings me to another point, actually... As you may know, there are no regulations saying that a team has to be all-male, and many countries field mixed-gender teams. Will there be any lady players on the Cluichstani team, or will it be all boys?"

Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich: No, the roster's not been finalised yet, though we do have a good idea of who'll make it. The biggest question for us will be whether or not to let Azzag onto the squad, given his past history. We're trying to avoid a repeat of our past performances off the pitch in our international competitions, and we're not sure if it'd be wise to have him on the squad, frankly. He would be a great asset, as he's a fantastic footballer, but it could end up being a public-relations nightmare if he were to go nutty on us as he's done in the past. We don't really want to suffer through that again.

Drarreg: Maybe if we send a bunch of CPESL girls to his hotel room, he won't venture out and cause any mischief.

Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich: This isn't the time for that discussion.

Dupré: "But it will be an all-male team, then? And regarding security... Haven't you got your own security forces to keep Cluichstani players in line? Who... erm, what exactly is the issue with Mr. Azzag?"

Hl-Per calls up his boss Noz-Tf, head of the Az-cz football federation, one of the hosts of the upcoming world cup.

"Boss.... I think there's a show you might want to watch. It's a PINA broadcast......

Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich: Ah, yes, definitely an all-male team, I should think. In Cluichstan, females typically serve the males. That has been changing of late, though, with the appointment of Bala (http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/9276/bala8if.jpg), for instance, to our nation's UN delegation. This isn't the time to speak of politics, though.

Drarreg: She's so feckin' HOT!

Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich: Anyway...as for security, we will absolutely be bringing a security contingent (http://theforce.net/swtc/Pix/dvd/ep6/arrive9.jpg) of our own, assuming this meets with the approval of the host nation.

And Azzag? Well, let's just say he's been a bit of a troublesome lad in the past -- got a bit of a problem, y'know. *mimes drinking*

Dupré: "Ah. I see. That is a bit of a problem...

Mr. Drarreg. Ariddia, for the first time ever, will be the defending World Champions in this Cup. Would you look forward to playing against the Rouge-et-Noirs?"

Drarreg: The Rogue whats?

(OOC: Sorry, couldn't resist the UN joke. :D )

Dupré: "Oh, sorry. The Rouge-et-Noirs are the Ariddian national team. What would you think of playing a qualifying match against them?"


(OOC: Yes, I should have seen that coming. ;) )

Drarreg: Oh, right. That's the Red and Blacks, right? I seem to recall being forced to read Stendahl when I was at uni. Well, having someone read it for me and write my report for me anyway. Well, of course, we'd rather not have to face them in the qualifying round, but if we must, me and my mates'll put up quite a fight, I can guarantee you that. I just hope that fight doesn't result in a bunch of red cards, especially for our striker Yenoor. He's got quite the temper, but he's a great footballer, and it'd be a shame to lose him for other matches.

Dupré: "Indeed. Having a player suspended always makes things more difficult. There will of course be matches played in Cluichstan during the qualifying stages. Sheik Ecraep, is the country ready to welcome the nations and football teams of the world? What's the mood in Cluichstan? Are people looking forward to the Cup?"

Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich: Oh, the people of Cluichstan are very excited about our participation in the World Cup. It's been too long since our football team has been involved in serious international competition. We're looking forward to hosting qualifying matches in Cluichabad, too, and not just because of the business it will bring in -- especially to CPESL. We're very pleased that, once again, peoples from across the world will get to sample all of what our great nation has to offer. We're not just a nation of rich sheiks and hot hookers, you know. We've got a long history, fantastic architecture and art -- oh, and hot hookers. All in all, there's really a lot of culture in Cluichstan for the international community to experience, and we will welcome them with open arms. In fact, I already hear that CPESL will actually be welcoming visitors with open legs.

Dupré: "Uh... yes." *cough* "Right. Well... I'm sure the world will be... enchanted by your welcome. And it'll be interesting to see... new aspects to Cluichstani culture and society. One of the functions of the World Cup being to increase contact and understanding between nations.

Perhaps, since you're here, you could tell viewers a little about your country's unique art and culture? What should visitors expect when they arrive in Cluichstan?"

Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich: Well, there's our extensive pornography industry, first and foremost, although I doubt anyone in the world has yet to see an issue of Knockers or Pink Taco. But we also have splendid historical sites that highlight the great architects of Cluichstan's past, such as the Cluich Citadel (http://www.orientalarchitecture.com/afghanistan/citadel.jpg), which sits just outside Vader Air Force Base. There's a lot to see in Cluichstan. I'm sure those who think of Cluichstan as nothing more than just a bunch of porn peddlers will find their visit to our country quite eye-opening.

Dupré: "And the World Cup will give you an oppotunity to show off Cluichstan's many wonders to the world. One last question, perhaps. I understand your football team is known as the 'Steamed Crabs'. That's a rather unusual name. Why the Steamed Crabs?"

Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich: The steamed crab is the national animal of Cluichstan, and it's even represented on our nation's flag. It doesn't start out steamed, of course. We take care of that bit. But if you steam the crabs with a generous helping of Old Bay seasoning, you've got one of the tastiest foods on the planet.

Drarreg: And if that was really that last question, Mel, care to join me backstage for a quick shag?

Dupré: "Uhm, thank you, I'm flattered, but... no. Well, thank you both for talking to PINA, and best of luck with the World Cup! We'll be watching your team's progress throughout the competition, and perhaps we can get further reactions from you both as the competition unfolds."

Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich: No, thank you, my dear. And we'd be more than happy to sit down with you again.

Drarreg: [muttering to himself] Bugger all. She's a damn fine piece of ass. The things I could do to her...

Dupré: "Well..." [coughs lightly] "That concludes this interview. Thank you again.

You've been watching the Cluichstani Minister of Sport, Sheik Ecraep bin Cluich, and Drarreg, captain of the Cluichstani national football team. Now a reminder of the latest headlines..."

Drarreg: [snickering] She said "head"...