Knootian East Indies
31-01-2007, 07:32
((If Mark Twain were alive, this is what he might have said about Knootian and Chimaean Colombia, as well as Knootian foreign policy in general. Particularly the Excalbian Isles and Tanah Burung come to mind. ;)
(Knootian Colombia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Knootian_Colombia) is part of the Knootian Federation (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Knootian_Federation), and ruled jointly with Chimaea. Uhm. If Chimaea exists right now. >_>.
))
To the Person Sitting in Darkness
Shall we? That is, shall we go on conferring our Civilization upon the peoples that sit in darkness, or shall we give those poor things a rest? Shall we bang right ahead in our old-time, loud, pious way, and commit the new millennium to the game; or shall we sober up and sit down and think it over first? Would it not be prudent to get our Civilization-tools together, and see how much stock is left on hand in the way of Glass Beads and Theology, and Maxim Guns and Hymn Books, and Trade-Gin and Torches of Progress and Enlightenment (patent adjustable ones, good to fire villages with, upon occasion), and balance the books, and arrive at the profit and loss, so that we may intelligently decide whether to continue the business or sell out the property and start a new Civilization Scheme on the proceeds?
Extending the Blessings of Civilization to our Brother who Sits in Darkness has been a good trade and has paid well, on the whole; and there is money in it yet, if carefully worked -- but not enough, in my judgement, to make any considerable risk advisable. The People that Sit in Darkness are getting to be too scarce -- too scarce and too shy. And such darkness as is now left is really of but an indifferent quality, and not dark enough for the game. The most of those People that Sit in Darkness have been furnished with more light than was good for them or profitable for us. We have been injudicious.
The Blessings-of-Civilization Trust, wisely and cautiously administered, is a Daisy. There is more money in it, more territory, more sovereignty, and other kinds of emolument, than there is in any other game that is played. But Knootoss has been playing it badly of late years, and must certainly suffer by it, in my opinion. She has been so eager to get every stake that appeared on the green cloth, that the People who Sit in Darkness have noticed it -- they have noticed it, and have begun to show alarm. They have become suspicious of the Blessings of Civilization. More -- they have begun to examine them. This is not well. The Blessings of Civilization are all right, and a good commercial property; there could not be a better, in a dim light. In the right kind of a light, and at a proper distance, with the goods a little out of focus, they furnish this desirable exhibit to the Gentlemen who Sit in Darkness:
LOVE,
JUSTICE,
GENTLENESS,
ATHEISM,
PROTECTION TO THE WEAK,
TEMPERANCE,
LAW AND ORDER,
LIBERTY,
EQUALITY,
HONOURABLE DEALING,
MERCY,
EDUCATION,
-- and so on.
There. Is it good? Sir, it is pie. It will bring into camp any idiot that sits in darkness anywhere. But not if we adulterate it. It is proper to be emphatic upon that point. This brand is strictly for Export -- apparently. Apparently. Privately and confidentially, it is nothing of the kind. Privately and confidentially, it is merely an outside cover, gay and pretty and attractive, displaying the special patterns of our Civilization which we reserve for Home Consumption, while inside the bale is the Actual Thing that the Customer Sitting in Darkness buys with his blood and tears and land and liberty. That Actual Thing is, indeed, Civilization, but it is only for Export. Is there a difference between the two brands? In some of the details, yes.
We all know that the Business is being ruined. The reason is not far to seek. It is because our Galadriël, and Greater Prussia, and Melnemacar, and the Reich have been exporting the Actual Thing with the outside cover left off. This is bad for the Game. It shows that these new players of it are not sufficiently acquainted with it.
It is a distress to look on and note the mismoves, they are so strange and so awkward. Galadriël manufactured a war out of materials so inadequate and so fanciful that they make the boxes grieve and the gallery laugh, and she tries hard to persuade herself that it isn't purely a private raid for cash, but has a sort of dim, vague respectability about it somewhere, if she could only find the spot; and that, by and by, she can scour the flag clean again after she has finished dragging it through the mud, and make it shine and flash in the vault of heaven once more as it had shone and flashed there a thousand years in the world's respect until she laid her unfaithful hand upon it. It is bad play -- bad. For it exposes the Actual Thing to Them that Sit in Darkness, and they say: "What! Knootoss against Tanah Burung? And only for money? Is this a case of magnanimity, forbearance, love, gentleness, mercy, protection of the weak -- this strange and over-showy onslaught of an elephant upon a nest of field-mice, on the pretext that the mice had squeaked an insolence at him -- conduct which 'no self-respecting government could allow to pass unavenged?' as Miss. Nos Círdan said.
Was that a good pretext in a small case, when it had not been a good pretext in a large one? -- for constantly the Reich has affronted the elephant and survived alive and unsmitten. Is this Civilization and Progress? Is it something better than we already possess? These harryings and burnings in Tanah Burung -- is this an improvement on our darkness? Is it, perhaps, possible that there are two kinds of Civilization -- one for home consumption and one for the heathen market?"
It was bad play, for it could not fail to have an evil effect upon Persons Sitting in Darkness in Tanah Burung. They would muse upon the event, and be likely to say: "Civilization is gracious and beautiful, for such is its reputation; but can we afford it? Is this a better civilization than ours, and holier and higher and nobler? Is not this rapacity? Is not this extortion?
Knootoss, our old Master of the Game, plays it badly -- plays it as Allanea was playing it in Haven. It was a mistake to do that; also, it was one which was quite unlooked for in a Master who was playing it so well in Ale-Yarok. In Ale-Yarok, he was playing the usual and regular Knootian game, and it was winning, for there is no way to beat it. The Master, contemplating Ale-Yarok, said: "Here is an oppressed and friendless little nation which is willing to fight to be free; we go partners, and put up the strength of seven billion sympathizers and the resources of the Dutch Democratic Republic: play!" Nothing but all our enemies combined could call that hand: and our enemies cannot combine on anything. There, in Ale-Yarok, he was following our great traditions in a way which made us very proud of him. The memory of that fine liberation will be outlived by the remembrance of no act of his but one -- that he forgot it within the year and its honourable gospel along with it.
For, presently, came the Colombian temptation. It was strong; it was too strong, and he made that bad mistake: he played the Allanean game, the Prussian game. It was a pity; it was a great pity, that error; that one grievous error, that irrevocable error. For it was the very place and time to play the Knootian game again. And at no cost. Rich winnings to be gathered in, too; rich and permanent; indestructible; a fortune transmissible forever to the children of the flag. Not land, not money, not dominion -- no, something worth many times more than that dross: our share, the spectacle of a nation of long harassed and persecuted slaves set free through our influence; our posterity's share, the golden memory of that fair deed. The game was in our hands. If it had been played according to the Knootian rules, the Knootian navy would have sailed away from Colombian shores as soon as it had destroyed FARC insurgents -- after putting up a sign on shore guaranteeing foreign property and life against damage by the Colombians, and warning the Powers that interference with the emancipated patriots would be regarded as an act unfriendly to the Dutch Democratic Republic. The Powers cannot combine, in even a bad cause, and the sign would not have been molested.
Knootoss could have gone about its affairs elsewhere, and left the competent Colombian army to starve out the little FARC resistance and send it home, and the Colombian citizens to set up the form of government they might prefer, and deal with the rebels and their doubtful acquisitions according to Colombian ideas of fairness and justice -- ideas which have since been tested and found to be of as high an order as any that prevail in Knootoss.
But we played the old game, and lost the chance to add another Ale-Yarok and another honourable deed to our good record.
The more we examine the mistake, the more clearly we perceive that it is going to be bad for the Business. The Person Sitting in Darkness is almost sure to say: "There is something curious about this -- curious and unaccountable. There must be two Knootoss': one that sets the captive free, and one that takes a once-captive's new freedom away from him, and picks a quarrel with him with nothing to found it on; then kills him to get his land."
The truth is, the Person Sitting in Darkness is saying things like that; and for the sake of the Business we must persuade him to look at the Colombian matter in another and healthier way. We must arrange his opinions for him. I believe it can be done; for Prime Minister Daatman has arranged Knootoss' opinion of the Colombian matter, and done it most cleverly and successfully. He presented the facts -- some of the facts -- and showed those confiding people what the facts meant. He did it statistically, which is a good way. He used the formula: "Twice 2 are 14, and 2 from 9 leaves 35."
Figures are effective; figures will convince the elect.
Now, my plan is a still bolder one than Mr. Daatman's, though apparently a copy of it. Let us be franker than Mr. Daatman; let us audaciously present the whole of the facts, shirking none, then explain them according to Mr. Daatman's formula. This daring truthfulness will astonish and dazzle the Person Sitting in Darkness, and he will take the Explanation down before his mental vision has had time to get back into focus. Let us say to him:
"Our case is simple. Some years ago, Knootoss and Chimaea jointly destroyed the FARC rebels. This left the country in the hands of its proper and rightful owners, the Colombian nation. Their army numbered a couple thousand men, and they were competent to whip out or starve out the little FARC rebellion; then the people could set up a government of their own devising. Our traditions required that Knootoss should now set up his warning sign, and go away. But the Master of the Game happened to think of another plan -- the old plan. He acted upon it. This was, to send out an army -- ostensibly to help the native patriots put the finishing touch upon their long and plucky struggle for independence, but really to take their land away from them and keep it. That is, in the interest of Progress and Civilization. The plan developed, stage by stage, and quite satisfactorily.
We entered into a military alliance with the trusting Colombians, and they hemmed in the capital, and by their valuable help the place was captured -- a thing which we could not have accomplished unaided at that time. We got their help by -- by ingenuity. We knew they were fighting for their freedom and that they had been at it for years. We knew they supposed that we also were fighting in their worthy cause -- just as we had helped the people of Ale-Yarok fight for peace in Ale-Yarok -- and we allowed them to go on thinking so. Until Colombia was ours and we could get along without them. Then we showed our hand. Of course, they were surprised -- that was natural; surprised and disappointed; disappointed and grieved. To them it looked un-Knootian; uncharacteristic; foreign to our established traditions. And this was natural, too; for we were only playing the Knootian Game in public -- in private it was the the old game. It was neatly done, very neatly, and it bewildered them. They could not understand it; for we had been so friendly -- so affectionate, even -- with those simple-minded patriots! We had lent them guns and ammunition; advised with them; exchanged pleasant courtesies with them; placed our sick and wounded in their kindly care; entrusted our FARC prisoners to their humane and honest hands; fought shoulder to shoulder with them against "the common enemy" (our own phrase); praised their courage, praised their gallantry, praised their mercifulness, praised their fine and honorable conduct; borrowed their trenches, borrowed strong positions which they had previously captured from the Spaniard; petted them, lied to them -- officially proclaiming that our land and naval forces came to give them their freedom and displace the bad FARC rebels -- fooled them, used them until we needed them no longer; then derided the sucked orange and threw it away.
What we wanted, in the interest of Progress and Civilization, was Colombia, unencumbered by patriots struggling for independence; and War was what we needed. We clinched our opportunity.
At this point in our frank statement of fact to the Person Sitting in Darkness, we should throw in a little trade-taffy about the Blessings of Civilization -- for a change, and for the refreshment of his spirit -- then go on with our tale:
"We and the patriots having captured FARC leaders. A united Colombia and their sovereignty over it were at an end -- obliterated -- annihilated -- not a rag or shred of either remaining behind. With our Treaty ratified, Bogota subdued, and our Ghosts secured, we had no further use for FARC and the Colombian government. We forced a war, and we have been hunting Knootoss's guest and ally through the jungle and mountains ever since."
At this point in the tale, it will be well to boast a little of our war-work and our heroisms in the field, so as to make our performance look as fine as Allanea's in Haven; but I believe it will not be best to emphasize this too much. We must be cautious. Of course, we must read the KNN headlines to the Person, in order to keep up our frankness; but we can throw an air of humorousness over them, and that will modify their grim eloquence a little, and their rather indiscreet exhibitions of gory exultation.
Before reading to him the following newsticker reels, it will be well to practice on them in private first, so as to get the right tang of lightness and gaiety into them:
"ADMINISTRATION WEARY OF PROTRACTED HOSTILITIES!"
"REAL WAR AHEAD FOR COLOMBIAN REBELS!"
"WILL SHOW NO MERCY!"
Knootoss knows how to handle disagreeable people who are fighting for their homes and their liberties. During the last ten months our losses have been 268 killed and 750 wounded; Colombian loss, three thousand two hundred and twenty-seven killed, and 694 wounded.
We must stand ready to grab the Person Sitting in Darkness, for he will swoon away at this confession, saying: "Good God, those simpletons spare their wounded, and the Knootians massacre theirs!"
We must bring him to, and coax him and coddle him, and assure him that the ways of Providence are best, and that it would not become us to find fault with them. Having now laid all the historical facts before the Person Sitting in Darkness, we should bring him to again, and explain them to him. We should say to him:
"They look doubtful, but in reality they are not. There have been lies; yes, but they were told in a good cause. We have been treacherous; but that was only in order that real good might come out of apparent evil. True, we have crushed a deceived and confiding people; we have turned against the weak and the friendless who trusted us; we have stamped out a just and intelligent and well-ordered republic; we have stabbed an ally in the back and slapped the face of a guest; we have bought a Shadow from an enemy that hadn't it to sell; we have robbed a trusting friend of his land and his liberty; we have invited our clean young men to shoulder a discredited rifle and do bandit's work under a flag which bandits have been accustomed to fear, not to follow; we have debauched Knootoss' honour and blackened her face before the world; but each detail was for the best. We know this. The Head of every State and Sovereignty in this world and ninety per cent. of every legislative body, including our Staten-Generaal are members of the Blessings-of-Civilization Trust. This world-girdling accumulation of trained morals, high principles, and justice, cannot do an unright thing, an unfair thing, an ungenerous thing, an unclean thing. It knows what it is about. Give yourself no uneasiness; it is all right."
It will give the Business a splendid new start. You will see.
Everything is prosperous, now; everything is just as we should wish it. We have got Colombia, and we shall never give it up. Also, we have every reason to hope that we shall have an opportunity before very long to slip out of our contract with Ale-Yarok and give her something better in the place of it. It is a rich country, and many of us are already beginning to see that the contract was a sentimental mistake. But now -- right now -- is the best time to do some profitable rehabilitating work -- work that will set us up and make us comfortable, and discourage gossip.
We cannot conceal from ourselves that, privately, we are a little troubled about our uniform. It is one of our prides; it is acquainted with honour; it is familiar with great deeds and noble; we love it, we revere it; and so this errand it is on makes us uneasy. And our flag -- another pride of ours, our chiefest! We have worshipped it so; and when we have seen it in far lands -- glimpsing it unexpectedly in that strange sky, waving its welcome and benediction to us -- we have caught our breath, and uncovered our heads, and couldn't speak, for a moment, for the thought of what it was to us and the great ideals it stood for. Indeed, we must do something about these things; we must not have the flag out there, and the uniform. They are not needed there; we can manage in some other way. Others manage, as regards the uniform, and so can we. We have to send soldiers -- we can't get out of that -- but we can disguise them. Even Mr. Daatman himself takes pride in Knootoss' honourable uniform, and makes the army down there wear an ugly and odious and appropriate disguise, of yellow stuff such as quarantine flags are made of, and which are hoisted to warn the healthy away from unclean disease and repulsive death. This cloth is called khaki. We could adopt it. It is light, comfortable, grotesque, and deceives the enemy, for he cannot conceive of a soldier being concealed in it.
And as for a flag for Knootian Colombia, it is easily managed. We can have just our usual flag, with the white stripe painted black and the democratic slogan replaced by the skull and cross-bones.
We do not want the Dutch Democratic Republic represented there, but only the Game.
By help of these suggested amendments, Progress and Civilization in that country can have a boom, and it will take in the Persons who are Sitting in Darkness, and we can resume Business at the old stand.
(Knootian Colombia (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Knootian_Colombia) is part of the Knootian Federation (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Knootian_Federation), and ruled jointly with Chimaea. Uhm. If Chimaea exists right now. >_>.
))
To the Person Sitting in Darkness
Shall we? That is, shall we go on conferring our Civilization upon the peoples that sit in darkness, or shall we give those poor things a rest? Shall we bang right ahead in our old-time, loud, pious way, and commit the new millennium to the game; or shall we sober up and sit down and think it over first? Would it not be prudent to get our Civilization-tools together, and see how much stock is left on hand in the way of Glass Beads and Theology, and Maxim Guns and Hymn Books, and Trade-Gin and Torches of Progress and Enlightenment (patent adjustable ones, good to fire villages with, upon occasion), and balance the books, and arrive at the profit and loss, so that we may intelligently decide whether to continue the business or sell out the property and start a new Civilization Scheme on the proceeds?
Extending the Blessings of Civilization to our Brother who Sits in Darkness has been a good trade and has paid well, on the whole; and there is money in it yet, if carefully worked -- but not enough, in my judgement, to make any considerable risk advisable. The People that Sit in Darkness are getting to be too scarce -- too scarce and too shy. And such darkness as is now left is really of but an indifferent quality, and not dark enough for the game. The most of those People that Sit in Darkness have been furnished with more light than was good for them or profitable for us. We have been injudicious.
The Blessings-of-Civilization Trust, wisely and cautiously administered, is a Daisy. There is more money in it, more territory, more sovereignty, and other kinds of emolument, than there is in any other game that is played. But Knootoss has been playing it badly of late years, and must certainly suffer by it, in my opinion. She has been so eager to get every stake that appeared on the green cloth, that the People who Sit in Darkness have noticed it -- they have noticed it, and have begun to show alarm. They have become suspicious of the Blessings of Civilization. More -- they have begun to examine them. This is not well. The Blessings of Civilization are all right, and a good commercial property; there could not be a better, in a dim light. In the right kind of a light, and at a proper distance, with the goods a little out of focus, they furnish this desirable exhibit to the Gentlemen who Sit in Darkness:
LOVE,
JUSTICE,
GENTLENESS,
ATHEISM,
PROTECTION TO THE WEAK,
TEMPERANCE,
LAW AND ORDER,
LIBERTY,
EQUALITY,
HONOURABLE DEALING,
MERCY,
EDUCATION,
-- and so on.
There. Is it good? Sir, it is pie. It will bring into camp any idiot that sits in darkness anywhere. But not if we adulterate it. It is proper to be emphatic upon that point. This brand is strictly for Export -- apparently. Apparently. Privately and confidentially, it is nothing of the kind. Privately and confidentially, it is merely an outside cover, gay and pretty and attractive, displaying the special patterns of our Civilization which we reserve for Home Consumption, while inside the bale is the Actual Thing that the Customer Sitting in Darkness buys with his blood and tears and land and liberty. That Actual Thing is, indeed, Civilization, but it is only for Export. Is there a difference between the two brands? In some of the details, yes.
We all know that the Business is being ruined. The reason is not far to seek. It is because our Galadriël, and Greater Prussia, and Melnemacar, and the Reich have been exporting the Actual Thing with the outside cover left off. This is bad for the Game. It shows that these new players of it are not sufficiently acquainted with it.
It is a distress to look on and note the mismoves, they are so strange and so awkward. Galadriël manufactured a war out of materials so inadequate and so fanciful that they make the boxes grieve and the gallery laugh, and she tries hard to persuade herself that it isn't purely a private raid for cash, but has a sort of dim, vague respectability about it somewhere, if she could only find the spot; and that, by and by, she can scour the flag clean again after she has finished dragging it through the mud, and make it shine and flash in the vault of heaven once more as it had shone and flashed there a thousand years in the world's respect until she laid her unfaithful hand upon it. It is bad play -- bad. For it exposes the Actual Thing to Them that Sit in Darkness, and they say: "What! Knootoss against Tanah Burung? And only for money? Is this a case of magnanimity, forbearance, love, gentleness, mercy, protection of the weak -- this strange and over-showy onslaught of an elephant upon a nest of field-mice, on the pretext that the mice had squeaked an insolence at him -- conduct which 'no self-respecting government could allow to pass unavenged?' as Miss. Nos Círdan said.
Was that a good pretext in a small case, when it had not been a good pretext in a large one? -- for constantly the Reich has affronted the elephant and survived alive and unsmitten. Is this Civilization and Progress? Is it something better than we already possess? These harryings and burnings in Tanah Burung -- is this an improvement on our darkness? Is it, perhaps, possible that there are two kinds of Civilization -- one for home consumption and one for the heathen market?"
It was bad play, for it could not fail to have an evil effect upon Persons Sitting in Darkness in Tanah Burung. They would muse upon the event, and be likely to say: "Civilization is gracious and beautiful, for such is its reputation; but can we afford it? Is this a better civilization than ours, and holier and higher and nobler? Is not this rapacity? Is not this extortion?
Knootoss, our old Master of the Game, plays it badly -- plays it as Allanea was playing it in Haven. It was a mistake to do that; also, it was one which was quite unlooked for in a Master who was playing it so well in Ale-Yarok. In Ale-Yarok, he was playing the usual and regular Knootian game, and it was winning, for there is no way to beat it. The Master, contemplating Ale-Yarok, said: "Here is an oppressed and friendless little nation which is willing to fight to be free; we go partners, and put up the strength of seven billion sympathizers and the resources of the Dutch Democratic Republic: play!" Nothing but all our enemies combined could call that hand: and our enemies cannot combine on anything. There, in Ale-Yarok, he was following our great traditions in a way which made us very proud of him. The memory of that fine liberation will be outlived by the remembrance of no act of his but one -- that he forgot it within the year and its honourable gospel along with it.
For, presently, came the Colombian temptation. It was strong; it was too strong, and he made that bad mistake: he played the Allanean game, the Prussian game. It was a pity; it was a great pity, that error; that one grievous error, that irrevocable error. For it was the very place and time to play the Knootian game again. And at no cost. Rich winnings to be gathered in, too; rich and permanent; indestructible; a fortune transmissible forever to the children of the flag. Not land, not money, not dominion -- no, something worth many times more than that dross: our share, the spectacle of a nation of long harassed and persecuted slaves set free through our influence; our posterity's share, the golden memory of that fair deed. The game was in our hands. If it had been played according to the Knootian rules, the Knootian navy would have sailed away from Colombian shores as soon as it had destroyed FARC insurgents -- after putting up a sign on shore guaranteeing foreign property and life against damage by the Colombians, and warning the Powers that interference with the emancipated patriots would be regarded as an act unfriendly to the Dutch Democratic Republic. The Powers cannot combine, in even a bad cause, and the sign would not have been molested.
Knootoss could have gone about its affairs elsewhere, and left the competent Colombian army to starve out the little FARC resistance and send it home, and the Colombian citizens to set up the form of government they might prefer, and deal with the rebels and their doubtful acquisitions according to Colombian ideas of fairness and justice -- ideas which have since been tested and found to be of as high an order as any that prevail in Knootoss.
But we played the old game, and lost the chance to add another Ale-Yarok and another honourable deed to our good record.
The more we examine the mistake, the more clearly we perceive that it is going to be bad for the Business. The Person Sitting in Darkness is almost sure to say: "There is something curious about this -- curious and unaccountable. There must be two Knootoss': one that sets the captive free, and one that takes a once-captive's new freedom away from him, and picks a quarrel with him with nothing to found it on; then kills him to get his land."
The truth is, the Person Sitting in Darkness is saying things like that; and for the sake of the Business we must persuade him to look at the Colombian matter in another and healthier way. We must arrange his opinions for him. I believe it can be done; for Prime Minister Daatman has arranged Knootoss' opinion of the Colombian matter, and done it most cleverly and successfully. He presented the facts -- some of the facts -- and showed those confiding people what the facts meant. He did it statistically, which is a good way. He used the formula: "Twice 2 are 14, and 2 from 9 leaves 35."
Figures are effective; figures will convince the elect.
Now, my plan is a still bolder one than Mr. Daatman's, though apparently a copy of it. Let us be franker than Mr. Daatman; let us audaciously present the whole of the facts, shirking none, then explain them according to Mr. Daatman's formula. This daring truthfulness will astonish and dazzle the Person Sitting in Darkness, and he will take the Explanation down before his mental vision has had time to get back into focus. Let us say to him:
"Our case is simple. Some years ago, Knootoss and Chimaea jointly destroyed the FARC rebels. This left the country in the hands of its proper and rightful owners, the Colombian nation. Their army numbered a couple thousand men, and they were competent to whip out or starve out the little FARC rebellion; then the people could set up a government of their own devising. Our traditions required that Knootoss should now set up his warning sign, and go away. But the Master of the Game happened to think of another plan -- the old plan. He acted upon it. This was, to send out an army -- ostensibly to help the native patriots put the finishing touch upon their long and plucky struggle for independence, but really to take their land away from them and keep it. That is, in the interest of Progress and Civilization. The plan developed, stage by stage, and quite satisfactorily.
We entered into a military alliance with the trusting Colombians, and they hemmed in the capital, and by their valuable help the place was captured -- a thing which we could not have accomplished unaided at that time. We got their help by -- by ingenuity. We knew they were fighting for their freedom and that they had been at it for years. We knew they supposed that we also were fighting in their worthy cause -- just as we had helped the people of Ale-Yarok fight for peace in Ale-Yarok -- and we allowed them to go on thinking so. Until Colombia was ours and we could get along without them. Then we showed our hand. Of course, they were surprised -- that was natural; surprised and disappointed; disappointed and grieved. To them it looked un-Knootian; uncharacteristic; foreign to our established traditions. And this was natural, too; for we were only playing the Knootian Game in public -- in private it was the the old game. It was neatly done, very neatly, and it bewildered them. They could not understand it; for we had been so friendly -- so affectionate, even -- with those simple-minded patriots! We had lent them guns and ammunition; advised with them; exchanged pleasant courtesies with them; placed our sick and wounded in their kindly care; entrusted our FARC prisoners to their humane and honest hands; fought shoulder to shoulder with them against "the common enemy" (our own phrase); praised their courage, praised their gallantry, praised their mercifulness, praised their fine and honorable conduct; borrowed their trenches, borrowed strong positions which they had previously captured from the Spaniard; petted them, lied to them -- officially proclaiming that our land and naval forces came to give them their freedom and displace the bad FARC rebels -- fooled them, used them until we needed them no longer; then derided the sucked orange and threw it away.
What we wanted, in the interest of Progress and Civilization, was Colombia, unencumbered by patriots struggling for independence; and War was what we needed. We clinched our opportunity.
At this point in our frank statement of fact to the Person Sitting in Darkness, we should throw in a little trade-taffy about the Blessings of Civilization -- for a change, and for the refreshment of his spirit -- then go on with our tale:
"We and the patriots having captured FARC leaders. A united Colombia and their sovereignty over it were at an end -- obliterated -- annihilated -- not a rag or shred of either remaining behind. With our Treaty ratified, Bogota subdued, and our Ghosts secured, we had no further use for FARC and the Colombian government. We forced a war, and we have been hunting Knootoss's guest and ally through the jungle and mountains ever since."
At this point in the tale, it will be well to boast a little of our war-work and our heroisms in the field, so as to make our performance look as fine as Allanea's in Haven; but I believe it will not be best to emphasize this too much. We must be cautious. Of course, we must read the KNN headlines to the Person, in order to keep up our frankness; but we can throw an air of humorousness over them, and that will modify their grim eloquence a little, and their rather indiscreet exhibitions of gory exultation.
Before reading to him the following newsticker reels, it will be well to practice on them in private first, so as to get the right tang of lightness and gaiety into them:
"ADMINISTRATION WEARY OF PROTRACTED HOSTILITIES!"
"REAL WAR AHEAD FOR COLOMBIAN REBELS!"
"WILL SHOW NO MERCY!"
Knootoss knows how to handle disagreeable people who are fighting for their homes and their liberties. During the last ten months our losses have been 268 killed and 750 wounded; Colombian loss, three thousand two hundred and twenty-seven killed, and 694 wounded.
We must stand ready to grab the Person Sitting in Darkness, for he will swoon away at this confession, saying: "Good God, those simpletons spare their wounded, and the Knootians massacre theirs!"
We must bring him to, and coax him and coddle him, and assure him that the ways of Providence are best, and that it would not become us to find fault with them. Having now laid all the historical facts before the Person Sitting in Darkness, we should bring him to again, and explain them to him. We should say to him:
"They look doubtful, but in reality they are not. There have been lies; yes, but they were told in a good cause. We have been treacherous; but that was only in order that real good might come out of apparent evil. True, we have crushed a deceived and confiding people; we have turned against the weak and the friendless who trusted us; we have stamped out a just and intelligent and well-ordered republic; we have stabbed an ally in the back and slapped the face of a guest; we have bought a Shadow from an enemy that hadn't it to sell; we have robbed a trusting friend of his land and his liberty; we have invited our clean young men to shoulder a discredited rifle and do bandit's work under a flag which bandits have been accustomed to fear, not to follow; we have debauched Knootoss' honour and blackened her face before the world; but each detail was for the best. We know this. The Head of every State and Sovereignty in this world and ninety per cent. of every legislative body, including our Staten-Generaal are members of the Blessings-of-Civilization Trust. This world-girdling accumulation of trained morals, high principles, and justice, cannot do an unright thing, an unfair thing, an ungenerous thing, an unclean thing. It knows what it is about. Give yourself no uneasiness; it is all right."
It will give the Business a splendid new start. You will see.
Everything is prosperous, now; everything is just as we should wish it. We have got Colombia, and we shall never give it up. Also, we have every reason to hope that we shall have an opportunity before very long to slip out of our contract with Ale-Yarok and give her something better in the place of it. It is a rich country, and many of us are already beginning to see that the contract was a sentimental mistake. But now -- right now -- is the best time to do some profitable rehabilitating work -- work that will set us up and make us comfortable, and discourage gossip.
We cannot conceal from ourselves that, privately, we are a little troubled about our uniform. It is one of our prides; it is acquainted with honour; it is familiar with great deeds and noble; we love it, we revere it; and so this errand it is on makes us uneasy. And our flag -- another pride of ours, our chiefest! We have worshipped it so; and when we have seen it in far lands -- glimpsing it unexpectedly in that strange sky, waving its welcome and benediction to us -- we have caught our breath, and uncovered our heads, and couldn't speak, for a moment, for the thought of what it was to us and the great ideals it stood for. Indeed, we must do something about these things; we must not have the flag out there, and the uniform. They are not needed there; we can manage in some other way. Others manage, as regards the uniform, and so can we. We have to send soldiers -- we can't get out of that -- but we can disguise them. Even Mr. Daatman himself takes pride in Knootoss' honourable uniform, and makes the army down there wear an ugly and odious and appropriate disguise, of yellow stuff such as quarantine flags are made of, and which are hoisted to warn the healthy away from unclean disease and repulsive death. This cloth is called khaki. We could adopt it. It is light, comfortable, grotesque, and deceives the enemy, for he cannot conceive of a soldier being concealed in it.
And as for a flag for Knootian Colombia, it is easily managed. We can have just our usual flag, with the white stripe painted black and the democratic slogan replaced by the skull and cross-bones.
We do not want the Dutch Democratic Republic represented there, but only the Game.
By help of these suggested amendments, Progress and Civilization in that country can have a boom, and it will take in the Persons who are Sitting in Darkness, and we can resume Business at the old stand.