NationStates Jolt Archive

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Official Group Draw and Opening Ceremony

Before the start of the group draw, the emperor Van Tocco decided to speak to all the participating countries:

“In those boxes there are small papers with the names of twenty-one countries. Many people from these countries are here, some to play in the name of the country, others to support the team and others to give assistance. And we prepared everything for this competition. Hotels, hospitals and stores were built, so you can have a good stay here in Cafundéu and give us some profit too, of course! I hope you find our opening ceremony enjoyable and buy everything that you want, we’ll give you fair prices on our products!”

After the emperor’s speech, the president of the confederation decided to start the group draws. She started to talk:

“First of all, let’s tell which team are the top seeds. In the first group, Cafundéu is the top seed, as the host country. In the second group, Qazox is the top seed. In the third group, Rorysville is the top seed. And in the last group, Wentland is the top seed. Now let’s start the draw.” – she gets the first box and continues talking – “Now let’s invite the Counselor-Minister of Education, Paul Badder, to start the draw.”

Badder puts his hand inside the box and removes from there a small papers, giving them to Ariella, who says:

“The second team of the Group A is... Jeruselem!”
“Another team in the Group B is... Toranat!”
“Yafor 2 will go on Group C!”
“And, finally, Green Wombat will go to Group D!”

After the first box’s teams were put into their respective groups, Ariella invited another person to pick the teams of the second box: “I’ll invite the Counselor-Minister of Finances Asano Pender.”

Asano picks the papers of the second box, giving them to Ariella, who says on which groups will the teams go:

“In Group A, we’ll have... Haraki!”
“Another team in the Group B is... Starblaydia!”
“Group C will have the participation of Sativaville!”
“And Quakmybush will go to Group D!”

Ariella continues to invite famous people of Cafundéu to draw the group: “Now, the Counselor-Minister of Foreign Affairs Ray McKeen will pick the teams from the third box.”

McKeen does the same things that the others did, and Ariella continues with the ceremony:

“Kulikovia is another team in Group A!”
“Marceau State is now in Group B!”
“Cafundéu’s main rivals Estresse Intenso will go to Group C!”
“And Algal States is in Group D!”

With only one box left, Ariella invites another person: “And, finally, the Counselor-Minister of Sports Samuel Makas!”

Makas continues with the ritual, and Ariella continues saying:

“In the Group A is... The Great Monty Python!”
“Lovisa will go to Group B!”
“In Group C, East Lithuania!”
“And, finally, Jeru FC will go to Group D!”

“Yes, I know that one country remained, Every Citizen is a Man. We’ll now put his team in one of the groups” – a globe with four balls start to rotate, and Ariella picks a ball – “Group B!”

“So, these are the groups”:

Group A
Cafundéu (20)
Jeruselem (4)
Haraki (8)
Kulikovia (NR)
The Great Monty Python (NR)

Group B
Qazox (1)
Toranat (15)
Starblaydia (7)
Marceau State (11)
Lovisa (NR)
Every Citizen is a Man (NR)

Group C
Rorysville (2)
Yafor 2 (9)
Sativaville (10)
Estresse Intenso (24)
East Lithuania (NR)

Group D
Wentland (3)
Green Wombat (13)
Quakmybush (16)
Algal States (20)
Jeru FC (NR)

“Soon we’ll release the games schedule and the city details.”

(OOC: rosters are in this thread: Click here for the rosters thread (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=514299))

City Details

Most of the stadiums were improved after Cafundéu was chosen as the host country.

Group A Cities:

Cafundó do Juta: capital of the country, is a big metropolis, with many things to do, good nightlife and shops, and also many tourist points. The police are well funded and is important for the economy of the country.
Climate: warm and wet(high rain probability).
Stadium: Praça Maior.
Capacity: 120,000.
Infrastructure: *****

Tijhus: is very near from Cafundó do Juta, and it’s very big too. But doesn’t have the same importance as its “sister”. But is attractive too.
Climate: warm and wet(high rain probability).
Stadium: Tijhus Stadium.
Capacity: 60,000.
Infrastructure: ****

Elville: a peaceful city, with few high buildings and many farms. But its citizens love sports. There you can buy some homemade products, like desserts and craft.
Climate: warm and wet(medium rain probability).
Stadium: Parque do Sol.
Capacity: 60,000.
Infrastructure: ****

Compos: a small city in the countryside, Compos is a quiet city, but very important for the primary sector of the economy. Its people is very friendly.
Climate: warm and wet(medium rain probability).
Stadium: Latifúndio.
Capacity: 50,000.
Infrastructure: ***

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Group B Cities:

Lasft: second biggest city of the country, Lasft is more beautiful than Cafundó do Juta, since it’s on the seaside. People from around the world come to Lasft every year because of its beaches and businesses.
Climate: hot and wet(medium rain probability).
Stadium: Obelisco Monumental.
Capacity: 100,000.
Infrastructure: *****

Espinal: tourists come to Espinal because of its wonderful nightlife and big parties. As the city is located on the seaside, its beaches are much visited too, although the government has some problems with violence.
Climate: hot and wet(medium rain probability).
Stadium: Honesto’s Ground.
Capacity: 55,000.
Infrastructure: ****

Submiria: another city located on the seaside. But Submiria has only one beach, the other parts of the city are flooded. But special houses are built on these parts. The city is very interesting and has a very good nightlife. Also is interesting to see the flooded parts of the city.
Climate: warm and wet(high rain probability).
Stadium: Aquário Nacional.
Capacity: 60,000.
Infrastructure: ****

Lux: has the highest IDH in the country and one of the highest in the world. So, it’s considered one of the best cities to live. It has good security, education and healthcare, but nothing very interesting to tourists.
Climate: cold and wet(medium rain probability).
Stadium: Arena do Imperador.
Capacity: 60,000.
Infrastructure: *****

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Group C Cities:

Dunboor: this city is big, but it isn’t too visited by tourists, because of its very cold weather. But it’s good for business and has the biggest mines of the country are in Dunboor. So, it’s jewelry and coal factories are the most important of the country.
Climate: extremely cold and dry(low rain probability).
Stadium: Maracatu Arena.
Capacity: 76,000.
Infrastructure: *****

Penderia: the city is very big, and is an important city because of its location, in the border of the country. A huge fort was built in the city, and some tourists like to see the old buildings. A historic city, but still important today, as an defense and economical centre.
Climate: cold and dry(low rain probability).
Stadium: Campo de Batalha.
Capacity: 85,000.
Infrastructure: ****

Al-Zalabahad: Arab immigrants founded this city, and surprisingly it became the biggest source of petroleum in the country. Most of the population of this city is Muslims and they have a very good relationship with the other citizens. They have beautiful homemade crafts and is a wonderful city.
Climate: extremely hot and dry(no rain probability).
Stadium: Mohammed Field.
Capacity: 70,000.
Infrastructure: *****

Astari: another economic centre, is the home of two of the biggest companies of Cafundéu: the C-Electronics and the Uranium Kings. Businesses are constant there and the nightlife is very good. It’s called the “city of colourful lights”, as the public lights are of many colours. Its roads are very interesting too.
Climate: extremely hot and wet(high rain probability).
Stadium: C-Electronics Stadium.
Capacity: 80,000.
Infrastructure: ****

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Group 4 Cities:

Central City: as the name says, this city is located in the centre of the country. It has one of the biggest airports of the country and has a chaotic traffic. As the city is located in an area of mountains, it has many tunnels. Its altitude is very high, so some players can have difficulties in playing in this city.
Climate: cold and dry(low rain probability).
Stadium: Toca do Tatu.
Capacity: 65,000.
Infrastructure: *****

Carandirú City: this city was very interesting in the past, but now it’s only used to hold prisoners. Cafundéu’s army is located there, too. It’s the prison city, but is very safe and has many exotic food shops.
Climate: hot and dry(low rain probability).
Stadium: Presídio.
Capacity: 75,000.
Infrastructure: ****

São José: the oldest city of the country, São José has many historic buildings and tourist points. But nowadays it doesn’t have economic importance. But has a religious importance, as is the headquarters of most churches in Cafundéu.
Climate: extremely cold and wet(medium rain probability).
Stadium: Estádio Pioneiro.
Capacity: 120,000.
Infrastructure: ***

Srieth: like São José, is a very old city with historical importance, but not important in economy. Is the hometown of the emperor and it’s a religious place too. But is the less important of all the 16 cities.
Climate: warm and dry(low rain probability).
Stadium: Templo Colossal.
Capacity: 50,000.
Infrastructure: ***

The rules

All the teams play against all the other teams of their group once. The top two teams go to the quarterfinals, where another draw will be made, and all the games will be between first placed against second placed teams. The winners play the semifinals and the winners play the final. The champion will play a commemorative game against the best players of the championship. No players of the champion squad will be used in the Dream Team.

In the group stage, if two teams finish it with the same number of points, the team with more victories will be placed higher. If the draw continues, then the winner of the game between these teams will be placed higher. If the draw continues, the team with a better goal difference will be placed higher. If the draw continues, the team that scored more goals will be placed higher. If the draw continues, both teams will play a game until someone wins.

The results will be posted in the afternoon(Brasília Time/GMT - 3). The first games results will be posted on Tuesday.

The schedule

So, mixing the countries in their groups, the hosts got these formations:

Group A
Jeruselem (4)
Cafundéu (20)
The Great Monty Python (NR)
Haraki (8)
Kulikovia (NR)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stadiums:
1-Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta
2-Tijhus Stadium, in Tijhus
3-Parque do Sol, in Elville
4-Latifúndio, in Compos

Group B
Toranat (15)
Every Citizen is a Man (NR)
Qazox (1)
Starblaydia (7)
Marceau State (11)
Lovisa (NR)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stadiums:
1-Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft
2-Honesto’s Ground, in Espinal
3-Aquário Nacional, in Submiria
4-Arena do Imperador, in Lux

Group C
East Lithuania (NR)
Sativaville (10)
Estresse Intenso (24)
Yafor 2 (9)
Rorysville (2)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stadiums:
1-Maracatu Arena, in Dunboor
2-Campo de Batalha, in Penderia
3-Mohammed Field, in Al-Zalabahad
4-C-Electronics Stadium, in Astari

Group D
Quakmybush (16)
Jeru FC (NR)
Algal States (20)
Wentland (3)
Green Wombat (13)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stadiums:
1-Toca do Tatu, in Central City
2-Presídio, in Carandirú City
3-Estádio Pioneiro, in São José
4-Templo Colossal, in Srieth

The schedule(letters are the teams(in order, for example, Cafundéu is B) and numbers are the stadiums):

MD1:
A x D (1)
B x E (2)
C x F (3)

MD2:
B x C (4)
D x E (3)
A x F (2)

MD3:
A x B (3)
C x E (1)
D x F (4)

MD4:
A x C (2)
B x D (1)
E x F (3)

MD5:
A x E (4)
C x D (2)
B x F (1)

*please note that F only exists in Group B. In the other groups, the team which would play F has a rest day.

Andrea Childress Turner looked at the fax she received about the Group Draw for the WWC in Cafundeu....

GROUP C
East Lithuania (NR)
Sativaville (13)
Estresse Intenso (24)
Yafor 2 (9)
Rorysville (2)


Schedule:
MD1- Rorysville at Campo de Batalha, in Penderia
MD2- Estresse Intenso at C-Electronics Stadium, in Astari
MD3- East Lithuania at Mohammed Field, in Al-Zalabahad
MD4- Yafor 2 at Maracatu Arena, in Dunboor
MD5- Bye

"Great.. once again we get screwed and have to face the defending champions. Then we finish with a 2-time finalist. Well we did it once before, and we'll do it again.!"

VOTE SATIVAVILLE FOR WWC9 HOST!!!!

The squad chosen for WWCVIII was identical to that for WWCVII at which the Blue Tits had come agonizingly close to a first-ever World Cup triumph. Once again silver had been adopted as a theme for the kit; it was the colour of the change kit and present on the first choice in V form. "Hopefully it will bring us success this time - a victory V..." suggested boss Edwina Bluff.

But this was likely to be the final fling for at least one of the players. Lucinda Rhodes was a controversial choice at centre-half as she had not had the best of seasons. "Lucinda's experience will be vital," claimed Bluff, deflecting suggestions that youngster Annie Anderson should have been chosen. "She knows about world cups and so on."

Another controversial choice was Leigh Fraser; the youngster had missed most of the season with injury and Jemma James had been touted as an inclusion. However the most enigmatic of Wentland players reportedly refused to join the squad and Bluff fell back on Fraser. "I don't know where these rumours start," claimed Bluff, "Leigh Fraser was always going to be my first choice for the reserve berth."

And how about the rivalry between Petterham, Oldhill and Oldfield, which had seen the Pets steal their first title in acrimonious circumstances after a controversial penalty against Oldhill, in the penultimate match and a fairly brutal last game where Oldfield's Nella Horner was accused of faking injury to have goalkeeper Kirsten "KC" Cassidy red-carded, ultimately costing the Academy the title? "All under the bridge," claimed Bluff, "they're all in this together."

With regular opponents Algal States, Green Wombat and Quakmybush in wait, together with unknown newcomers Jeru, Wentland will need to be on top form to reach an unprecedented fourth final.

We Will Beat Your Women.
The Every Citizen is a Man soccer team is prepared to win. Our Men will beat your women. The first victim on our schedule is The Marceau State. At least they exist this time, and we don't have to play games with the State of Marceau, how embarrassing that would be. We got thrown in a group of 6, all other groups have 5. But that works out nicely, because that means that in each group, there are five female teams. We simply get the luxury of beating an entire group full of women.

We are looking forward to this task. We enjoy beating women and we will take our wins proudly. We apologize to those who we may defeat over the course of the tournament, but please, leave your handbags at home and take it like a man.

The Every Citizen is a man team is proud to reveal the captain for the tournament. Dick, our influential forward, has been named captain of the squad. Should Dick be off the mark during the match and need Mr. Harley to show him his place, the captains arm band will be passed to Mr. Big Shot or The Manly Man, respectively.

Dick has impressed with his ability to place his head in the right spot and produce the goods in the nations pre-cup warmup matches, and is sure to be an aerial threat for all teams to be worried about as the cup progresses.

The Every Citizen is a Man Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12207861&postcount=6)

Lake Porter Sun
How many of these things are there? They just keep coming.

Once again, Qazox, the best team in the world, at least according to the rankings, is in the Women's World Cup. But new challenges abound this time as they will be in the only 6-team group, and thanks to a law-suit, an entire squad of men, from Every Citizen is a Man is competing. When asked about having to face an all-male squad, Head Coach Kylie Rena had this to say: "Just makes beating them all the better."

The schedule has just been released and its a decent one:
Group B
Toranat (15)
Every Citizen is a Man (NR)
Qazox (1)
Starblaydia (7)
Marceau State (11)
Lovisa (NR)

MD1: vs. Lovisa(NR)

MD2: vs. Every Citizen is a Man(NR)

MD3: vs. Marceau State (11)

MD4: vs. Toranat (15)

MD5: vs. Starblaydia (7)

And once again, for all ZERO of you that care: the NSwiki page: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_OCHO (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_OCHO).

(ooc to Cafundeu: Please use the current ranks, the ones that don't have the Q-Cup bonus applied. The draw is fine, just change the ranks.. thanks.)

#3- Wentland
#13- Green wombat
#16- Quakmybush
#20- Algal States
UNR- Jeru FC

After loking at the schedule sent to her, the HC of the Ermines threw her computer against the wall.. "$#!T, we get a pissed off Wentland, a good Quakmybush team and a rising Algal states and what the F@(< is a Jeru FC?"

Schedule:
MD1: Jeru FC
MD2: Wentland
MD3: Algal States
MD4: BYE
MD5: Quakmybush

Jeruselem Government News

Dazza to retire from football!

Dazza Dallas, the Paris Hilton of Jeruselem football announced today the Women's World Cup 8 in Cafundeu will be her last international tournament. She will retire from local footbal to but she will not disappear from the TV screens. In fact, you'll see her more on TV and less on the football field.

Dazza said her knees could not handle the wear and tear anymore so she is putting all her effort into the media career. So no more Dazza running amok during a World Cup or Women's World cup after this one, just her running amok on TV more. She said she might think of coaching but for now, standing around in miniskirt talking crap suits her.

When asked about the group was put in Dazza Dallas said
"Poor old Jeru FC, that's one nasty group. I see Haraki and and the hosts Cafundéu are out biggest threat, but from recent history we should have not trouble making the next round. Kulikovia and The Great Monty Python should not post problems for us or the other good seeds. I think Cafundéu are a big threat due to home support as we found out when Rorvville beat us. Err, Jeru FC need a pretty big arsenal with the 3rd, 9th, 10th and 21st seed in their group! Oh, itchy undies ... hang on"

In other news, Debbie Dallas returns to football as a coach! A champion player and now back as the coach of the women's team along with ther sister Dazza (resident reporter and team captain). Debbie's daughter Rashina is back too. Yes - football is a family affair!

Debbie Dallas said "It's weird having Dazza and Rashina in the team. At least you know what they get up to at night."

Jeru FC - the Jeruselem female defense force team did not post a roster due to the secrecy provisions. This will be revealed when needed.

Jeru FC coach Major Thom Hasselton said to media "It's tough group, well, a really tough group and we have no Dallas girls in our team either. We'll do the best like any army person will, and cheer on our national team if we fail. Don't expect the girls to win at the moment. I've only had them 4 weeks you know."

...

Jeruselem team

Formation: 4-4-2 (4-4-1-1)

Coach - Debbie Dallas, former World Cup and Women World Cup player. Dazza's older sister too.
Reporter - Dazza Dallas (who else?)
Players - See attached

...

Jeru FC

Coach: Major Thom Hasselton (from Milchama)
Reporter: None
Formation: Military
Team: Classified

<<AND>>>
<<Pretty much anything excepting death, destruction and red cards. No RPing Dazza as well but you can make her a goal scorer. Comments about Dazza's lack of inhibition is fine - just do it>>

OOC: Sorry, but I can't post my team or RP tonight or tomorrow morning/afternoon. I'll probably be back tomorrow evening, if i'm lucky. Sorry again, I will post them as soon as I can.

Time is very short, but here are the first results!

Round 1 Results:

Jeruselem 3x1 Haraki
Place: Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta(Attendance: 108,560)

Cafundéu 4x0 Kulikovia
Place: Tijhus Stadium, in Tijhus(Attendance: 60,000)

Toranat 1x1 Starblaydia
Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft(Attendance: 93,898)

Every Citizen is a Man 0x1 Marceau State
Place: Honesto's Ground, in Espinal(Attendance: 48,320)

Qazox 7x0 Lovisa
Place: Aquário Nacional, in Submiria(Attendance: 60,000)

East Lithuania 2x4 Yafor 2
Place: Maracatu Arena, in Dunboor(Attendance: 76,000)

Sativaville 3x3 Rorysville
Place: Campo de Batalha, in Penderia(Attendance: 75,000)

Quakmybush 1x2 Wentland
Place: Toca do Tatu, in Central City(Attendance: 64,400)

Jeru FC 0x2 Green Wombat
Place: Presídio, in Carandirú City(Attendance: 73,000)


Group Standings:

Group A

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Cafundéu 1 1 0 0 4 0 4 3
2 Jeruselem 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 3
3 T.G.M.P. 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
4 Haraki 1 0 0 1 1 3 -2 0
5 Kulikovia 1 0 0 1 0 4 -4 0

Group B

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Qazox 1 1 0 0 7 0 7 3
2 Marceau State 1 1 0 0 1 0 1 3
3 Starblaydia 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
3 Toranat 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1
5 E.C.I.A.M. 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0
6 Lovisa 1 0 0 1 0 7 -7 0

Group C

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Yafor 2 1 1 0 0 4 2 2 3
2 Sativaville 1 0 1 0 3 3 0 1
2 Rorysville 1 0 1 0 3 3 0 1
4 Estresse Intenso 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
5 East Lithuania 1 0 0 1 2 4 -2 0

Group D

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Green Wombat 1 1 0 0 2 0 2 3
2 Wentland 1 1 0 0 2 1 1 3
3 Algal States 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
4 Quakmybush 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
5 Jeru FC 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0

Die Animal Boy!!!!.
Sorry, hasn't anyone seen Ace Ventura, Pet Detective before? Well, I think all of the men of the Every Citizen is a Man soccer team were off in lala land too when they played their first match of the cup against the state of Marce... err the Marceau State.

Yes, as unfortunate as it is, Every Citizen is a Man lost its first EVER game. that's right. Before this match, Every Citizen is a Man had never lost. They had a right to brag. Now, however, all bets are off. No longer is Every Citizen is a Man a perfect sporting regime. No longer does the taste of their sweat rival that of champagne. Just pungent, now, the taste of defeat.

Fortunately, all is not lost. Unlike other groups which have just 3 games remaining, Every Citizen is a Man has still 4 more matches to try to record some victories to advance to the next stage of the competition. The most unfortunate situation does arise, however, when looking at the next opponent for the team aptly dubbed the E.C.I.A.M. by tournament officials. The known champions and suspected transvestites from Qazox.

Transvestites or not, it should be a good matchup for Every Citizen is a Man to test its sporting prowess. A defeat could spell an early exit, but a result could propel the Citizens to a new level in the competition.

The Every Citizen is a Man Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12207861&postcount=6)

Die Animal Boy!!!!.
Sorry, hasn't anyone seen Ace Ventura, Pet Detective before? Well, I think all of the men of the Every Citizen is a Man soccer team were off in lala land too when they played their first match of the cup against the state of Marce... err the Marceau State.

Yes, as unfortunate as it is, Every Citizen is a Man lost its first EVER game. that's right. Before this match, Every Citizen is a Man had never lost. They had a right to brag. Now, however, all bets are off. No longer is Every Citizen is a Man a perfect sporting regime. No longer does the taste of their sweat rival that of champagne. Just pungent, now, the taste of defeat.

Fortunately, all is not lost. Unlike other groups which have just 3 games remaining, Every Citizen is a Man has still 4 more matches to try to record some victories to advance to the next stage of the competition. The most unfortunate situation does arise, however, when looking at the next opponent for the team aptly dubbed the E.C.I.A.M. by tournament officials. The known champions and suspected transvestites from Qazox.

Transvestites or not, it should be a good matchup for Every Citizen is a Man to test its sporting prowess. A defeat could spell an early exit, but a result could propel the Citizens to a new level in the competition.

The Every Citizen is a Man Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12207861&postcount=6)

"Long ball forward...easy for Rhodes...ohh, she's let it bounce and has missed it...and here's a chance...1-0! Quakmybush take the lead and this is exactly the sort of start Wentland wanted to avoid..."

Captain Anna Kumble consoled Lucinda Rhodes. "Bad luck, Sis...these things can happen to anyone..."

Meanwhile on the bench there was muttering. "Should not have picked her," whispered Oldhill's Sammie Grady to her team-mate Imelda Davies. "Past it."

"What was that, Sam?" asked Edwina Bluff sharply.

"Nothing, boss...just coughed."

Grady and Davies smiled.

But Anna Kumble was having difficulty keeping things together. The Petterham midfielders were playing well amongst themselves but Cadman and Kumble seemed out of it, with everything bypassing them. And Flack and Pellegrini up front were not receiving service from Cadman's through passes.

At half-time Bluff had had enough. "Time for a change...Anna, I think we need someone a bit more attacking..."

"You're subbing me, boss?"

"No - suggesting you move up a bit. We're not penetrating enough."

Anna Kumble had a quiet word with the manager. "That's cos those others are keeping it amongst them...they're not playing as a team..."

"No matter, if you get up more we shall have more of a chance."

But Anna Kumble was not a natural attacking midfielder and struggled in her role just behind the forwards. When she bumped into Kaz Flack as Dougall put in a deep cross Bluff had to act.

So up went the board.

"Number 7? They're taking you off, Gwennie!" remarked a shocked Dougall. "What have you done wrong?"

"Nothing," said Edwina Bluff when a distraught Saunders went off. "Just a tactical change. We're going 3-3-4. Katie Barnfield's on to join the forwards and we're pushing Rosie up as well."

Dougall and Stephens looked a little lost without their team-mate and Dougall in particular was unused to a forward role. It was not surprising when with 20minutes remaining she was subbed in turn by tiny Nella Horner so the Blue Tits were finishing with 4 recognized forwards. Dougall sulked on the bench wrapped in a jacket with Saunders.

However, within six minutes the change had paid dividends. A long ball saw panic in the Quak defence and Horner instinctively drove in a snapshot to see Wentland level. And in a further three minutes it was 2-1 thanks to Barnfield finishing off after a Pellegrini header came back off the post.

To kill off the game, Stephens was substituted as well and Quddus came on to go back to a 4-4-2 as the goalscorers dropped to midfield. And Quak had shot their veritable bolt and failed to trouble the Foyster in the remaining few minutes.

So a winning start - just. But a lot of disgruntled squad members.

Dazza Dallas and Monique Alexander were reading some local papers in the women's dressing room when the coach Debbie Dallas turned up.

Debbie: What's got your attention now Dazza?
Monique: This new team from Every Citizen is a Man, Dazza's wondering how that they even got into the cup.
Dazza: You seen their roster sis?
Debbie: No no, let me have a look.

<Debbie reads article>

Debbie: Goodness me, those players sound feminine as that wrestler Dwayne "The Rock"
Dazza: It's a worry to me.
Debbie: Well, it is the Women's World cup but I guess transgender males are probably females in a way
Dazza: Actually, they are all males - they are playing due to a legality.

Debbie: Oh
Monique: (yawns)
Debbie: You two related?
Dazza: No? Why? Just badly behaved.

Debbie: Anyway, you have a report to do for JGN soon.
Dazza: Don't worry!
Debbie: Well, time to put something on apart from those towels.
Monique: It is keeping kinda cold around here too

Debbie: Have to go, don't forget the media report Dazza.
Dazza: I won't, I just need to remember to wear something.
Sasani: Hi Captain and Monique
Dazza: Call me Dazza, no need for this Captain stuff. Hey - great game. You made Haraki look like a bunch of kids.

Sasani: Thanks but I only do it for the team.
Dazza: Come on, two goals in your first game. That's an achievement, people have to notice these things.
Sasani: I don't want the credit - all I want is to do my job. You can take all the credit Dazza
Dazza: Monique scored too and she's happy to take the blame

Sasani: It was a weird kinda goal though
Monique: I specialise in the sliding goals! You have to get under their radar.
Dazza: That's because both of us spend a lot of time sliding around.
Sasani: That too, you two are very naughty.

Dazza: Ooooh, time to get ready for my TV report.
Monique: Since Sasani doesn't want to be interviewed, you can talk to me.
Dazza: Why not? Let's get dressed and dazzle them viewers.
Rashina: Auntie! Here's that document you wanted.

Dazza: Good stuff, something to talk about on my report.
Rashina: Yeah, men playing in a Women's world cup. It's really hard to understand.
Dazza: It's a legal document - which allowed that Every Citizen is a Man to play here.
Rashina: You can understand that stuff.

Dazza: I did a bit a law for my journalism. Time to get dressed for TV
Monique: Didn't you do your first Women's World Cup report in a bathrobe
Dazza: Yeah I did, but it's not legal anymore
Monique: Apparently, the highest rating report for the Women's World Cup ever

Dazza: Funny that

Lake Porter Sun
How many of these things are there? They just keep coming.

Once again Qazox finds itself setting records, as they score a record 7 goals (not an all-time record, we still got that one with 11.) in the cup opener demolishing Lovisa. Stefany Heisel lead the way with 3 goals, giving her 47 in her carrer, making her the all-time Women's scoring champion, passing her coach and Dazza Dallas who were each tied at 45 goals (ooc: NOT AN OFFICAL RECORD). Gretchen Bucci added 2 more, making her the fastest Qazoxian player to reach 15 goals (9 games), breaking Heisel's team record of 11, set back at WWC6. The last two goals were scored by the H'Wu sisters, with I'hin breaking Bucci's record of youngest player to score, at the age of 17 Years 5 mo. compared to 18 yrs. 1 mo, set at WWC7. Her sister, O'thi finished it off with a penalty kick goal in the 95', which set a WWC record for latest goal in regulation. Overall a great way to start the climb back to the top of the heap. Up next for the Lady Oxen is Every Citizen is a Man, who have claimed that we are transvestites. That claim is absurd and Qazox will prove it by playing nude.. that's right NUDE against the "men" of ECIAM.

Scoring Summary:
Qazox: Bucci (1,2)- 15', 56'; Heisel (1,2,3)- 23', 42', 67', H'Wu O.- 79'; H'Wu I. -95' (pk).


And once again, for all ZERO of you that care: the NSwiki page: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_OCHO (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_OCHO).

Lawyers brought to Cafundéu.
The best lawyers in Every Citizen is a Man have been called to Cafundéu in light of recent comments by the supposed transvestites who play for Qazox.

It is apparent that the Qazoxians want to prove their natural feminity by playing the upcoming match against Every Citizen is a Man in the nude. While many of the men were excited at this prospect, Spanky, who came out of the closet years ago, was able to keep the proper head in control.

Spanky quickly warned of the possibility of the implications of any contact with the women of Qazox, most notably in their most private of areas. In order to prevent any controversy, the entire Qazox team will be required to sign waivers by the Every Citizen is a Man lawyers prohibiting any resulting lawsuits from any inadvertent or forced contact between the Every Citizen is a Man players and the nude women they will be coming up against. If the Qazoxians refuse to waive their right to privacy in contact, the Every Citizen is a Man legal team will move to have the match forfeited in favor of Every Citizen is a Man due to non-compliance with kit regulations. Of course, however, the straight men on the roster are really hoping that the Qazoxian's sign the forms, regardless of if it costs them 3 points or not.

The Every Citizen is a Man Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12207861&postcount=6)

Lawyers brought to Cafundéu.
The best lawyers in Every Citizen is a Man have been called to Cafundéu in light of recent comments by the supposed transvestites who play for Qazox.

It is apparent that the Qazoxians want to prove their natural feminity by playing the upcoming match against Every Citizen is a Man in the nude. While many of the men were excited at this prospect, Spanky, who came out of the closet years ago, was able to keep the proper head in control.

Spanky quickly warned of the possibility of the implications of any contact with the women of Qazox, most notably in their most private of areas. In order to prevent any controversy, the entire Qazox team will be required to sign waivers by the Every Citizen is a Man lawyers prohibiting any resulting lawsuits from any inadvertent or forced contact between the Every Citizen is a Man players and the nude women they will be coming up against. If the Qazoxians refuse to waive their right to privacy in contact, the Every Citizen is a Man legal team will move to have the match forfeited in favor of Every Citizen is a Man due to non-compliance with kit regulations. Of course, however, the straight men on the roster are really hoping that the Qazoxian's sign the forms, regardless of if it costs them 3 points or not.

The Every Citizen is a Man Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12207861&postcount=6)

Sativaville Stoner
This Time its For Tacos!!!

Andrea Childress-Turner is a damn good coach. After falling behind twice by 2 goals to the defending champions, Rorysville, the Lady Stoners pull off a miracle comeback, as the Kim Mathe, just 18 years old, scored one of the biggest goals in Sativaville history as they finsih in a 3-3 draw.

Kim Mathe's goal in the 88th minute finished off a 3 goal second half, after Rorysville took a 2-0 lead on goals in the 23rd and 37th minutes. Apolonia Santone scored in the 50th minute to cut the deficit to 2-1, but Rorysville scored again in the 58th to boost the lead back up to 3-1. Su Mathe, who missed most of WWC7 with an ACL injury, showed little of her usual spark, and was taken out in the 65th minute, replaced with her niece, Kim Mathe. The younger Mathe's presence seemed to bolster the Lady Stoners, and just 3 minutes after her subsitutuon in, a well timed pass to Jolyn Wigg, cut the lead down to 3-2. But Kim's best came at the end when she leapt high and headed home a long pass from Wigg, that tied the match up.

With Su Mathe and most of the team retiring after this cup, Kim Mathe, her younger sister Terri and their cousins, Vicki and Dana Mathe, (Su's kids), representing the next generation; the Mathe's may surplant Jeruselem's Dallas' clan as the next great family in football.

Scoring:
Rorysville: 23', 37', 58'
Sativaville: Santone: 50', Wigg: 68', K. Mathe: 88'

VOTE SATIVAVILLE FOR WWC9 HOST!!!!

Green Wombat Herald

A good start for the Ermines as they defeated newcomers Jeru FC 2-0 to start WWC8. Miyasaka scored both goals, one in each half as the military team from Jeruselem seemed a bit out of step during most of the match. Despite being out shot 11-5, the Ermines solid midfield play kept Jeru FC from taking advantage of a red card in the 60th minute when Bonds nailed a Jeru player with a hard tackle. Up next for the Ermines is Wentland, the best team never to win a World Cup. I feel sorry for the Ermines, as they have never beat Wentland. It will be closer than many think, but Wentland wins it 4-2.

Summary:
Jeru FC: 11 shots/0 goals
1 yellow card (34')
Posession: 42%
Corners: 1

Green Wombat: 5 shots/2 goals Miyasaka (1,2): 33', 51'
1 Yellow Card- Laperle- 23'
1 Red Card- Bonds- 60'
Posession: 58%
Corners: 5

WP PRESS, WARPSTONE, 9am.- A sudden stampede for tickets for the Women's World Cup has caught the Wentland FA unawares. Each competing nation has been granted an allocation for every match, but whereas the tickets for Wentland's team sold out quickly, those for other games were slower sellers.

However, there has been a sudden deluge of requests for tickets for the Qazox-ECIAM game to be held tomorrow in Carandirú City. Many fans have declared that they want to see the Qazox team in action, to see whether they pose a threat to the Wentland team in the latter's quest for a first world crown, or to see the controversial ECIAM team in action.

The putative purchasers have denied it is because the Qazox team has decided to play sans strip. "No," remarked Otto Sump of Maitland, "I'm not just thinking of Sierra Lopes in the buff. No, not just Sierra. I want to see Gretchen Bucci in action as well, so to speak."

Qazox has already caused controversy by trying to play in a 4-4-3 formation, until referee Miss Demeanour noticed they had 12 players on the pitch for their opening game. -staff reporter

<Jeru FC ONE not Jeruselem>

Major Thom Hasselton was really annoyed at his female team, 11 shots on goal and none scored ...

"What is know with you girls? If we shot like we did today in a war, we'd lose. We didn't score at all and well, we LOST too. If Dazza's girls can score three against Haraki who are ranked 8th, then we should have score one goal at least against Green Wombat. Come on, sure you can shoot straight with a gun but we have to get it right on the football field too. Where's all that military discipline gone? Get to the important stage of scoring and we panic then mess it up! Good thing we aren't playing with weapons here or else we'd all be dead because the opponent can shoot straight. I know you are not Dazza Dallas - she's Dazza and you are not. BUT look when she shoots - hard and straight like from a gun, not this wobbly crap you girls are doing. Now, I want all of you to train harder and no slacking. No luxuries - none of you are superstars and none of you will be if we can't keep up the military discipline. No more Red cards! Play fair and don't give the opposition a free shot at you. Play hard, play fair but don't give things away. That's all, I expect you all to be here half an hour early. We are going to practice shooting at the goal, straight. I want team effort, not like today."

(ooc: damn there goes my ace up my sleeve.. curse you Wentland!!!! it has been changed. sorry all :( )

Lake Porter Sun

How many of these things are there? They just keep coming.

Controversy surround the Lady Oxen today, as it was found out that for the entire match vs. Lovisa, Qazox had 12 women on the field. In a statement from WWC organizers, due to the fact that the referee apparently couldn't count, the match will stand as is in the record books, but the Lady Oxen were warned that any further attempts at their now infamous 4-4-3, will result in the team being sent home and will forfeit thier remaining matches.

Head Coach Kylie Rena had this to say about the matter: "A'int my fault the referee couldn't count. Granted it did give us an unfair advantage, but by my count Lovisa had 13 women out there and we still stomped their butts. As for our next opponents, We were going to be playing nude, but in light of certain sensitivities, ie: Fans from Wentland, we will wear body paint, as it will still show those pigs from ECIAM that we are no trannies. And yes.. I'll be wearing body paint in support of the team as well."

Within moments after Rena's speech hit the airwaves, bodypaint shops in Qazox reportly received a 500% boost in sales. A fan interviewed outside one such shop, when asked why she was buying some, gave this response: "Finally, I have always wanted to walk around naked, but was afraid of being oggled. Now I can walk around in the buff and not be worried!" The Qazoxian school system has banned students and teachers from wearing bodypaint during classes, but for reasons unknown allowed usage during Gym and sporting events.

CAFUNDÉU 4x0 KULIKOVIA
GOOD FIRST GAME FOR THE GOLDEN GIRLS

Cafundéu played a good first game in the Tijhus Stadium, defeating the newcomer team of Kulikovia by the result of 4x0. Ana Laura scored two goals, and Luana other two, proving that the team can score with different players and by different ways. The first goal was scored in the seventh minute, when Ana Laura received the ball inside the area, dribbled an opponent and shot in the right corner of the goal.

After the first goal, Cafundéu started to control the ball possession and the game, resulting in few goal chances, but lot of nice plays, but unfortunately they were unsucessful. But, in the thirty-fourth minute, Luana invaded the area and passed the ball to Ana Paulo, who gave the ball back to her who shot to score the second goal of the game. The first half ended 2x0, but Cafundéu's supporters wanted more.

Kulikovia tried to play better in the second half, but Cafundéu's defenders did a very good job in blocking their attacks, mainly with the two centre defenders, Morena and Sarah. Soon Cafundéu scored, in the tenth minute, when Vanessa passed the ball to Ana Laura, who dribbled the goalkeeper and scored a beautiful goal. After the third goal, Kulikovia had many chances, but the defense continued playing very well.

Then, in the fortieth minute, Cafundéu scored the last goal of the game. Letícia passed the ball to Fernanda Garcia, who crossed it to the area. Luana headed the ball and scored the goal. The supporters were satisfied with the good result and are hoping to more good results, although they know that the opponents are very difficult. The coach said: "We need to work hard if we want to make a good campaign."

After scoring two goals and having a very good game, the full-back Luana talked with the press: "It was a wonderful day for me. Scoring two goals for my country is amazing!" The midfielder Fernanda Garcia also talked with the media too: "We played very well, but we need to understand that this won't be our most difficult game in the competition, so we'll need to be prepared for the toughest games."

The squads:

CAFUNDÉU: Caroline, Vanessa, Luana, Morena and Sarah; Letícia, Alice, Joseane(Nanda) and Fernanda Garcia; Ana Paula(Luísa) and Ana Laura.

KULIKOVIA: no team released.

GOALS: Ana Laura 7'/55' , Luana 34'/85'.

Round 2: The results:

Cafundéu 2x0 The Great Monty Python
Place: Latifúndio, in Compos(Attendance: 50,000(full)).

Haraki 4x1 Kulikovia
Place: Parque do Sol, in Elville(Attendance: 51,200).

Every Citizien is a Man 2x3 Qazox
Place: Arena do Imperador, in Lux(Attendance: 60,000(full)).

Starblaydia 2x2 Marceau State
Place: Aquário Nacional, in Submiria(Attendance: 58,510).

Toranat 3x0 Lovisa
Place: Honesto's Ground, in Espinal(Attendance: 50,002).

Sativaville 2x1 Estresse Intenso
Place: C-Eletronics Stadium, in Astari(Attendance: 80,000(full)).

Yafor 2 0x0 Rorysville
Place: Mohammed Field, in Al-Zalabahad(Attendance: 70,000(full)).

Jeru FC 1x0 Algal States
Place: Templo Colossal, in Srieth(Attendance: 42,210).

Wentland 4x2 Green Wombat
Place: Estádio Pioneiro, in São José(Attendance: 111,220(nearly full)).



Group Standings:

Group A

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Cafundéu 2 2 0 0 6 0 6 6
2 Jeruselem 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 3
3 Haraki 2 1 0 1 5 4 1 3
4 T.G.M.P. 1 0 0 1 0 2 -2 0
5 Kulikovia 2 0 0 2 1 8 -7 0

Group B

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Qazox 2 2 0 0 10 2 8 6
2 Toranat 2 1 1 0 4 1 3 4
3 Marceau State 2 1 1 0 3 2 1 4
4 Starblaydia 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 2
5 E.C.I.A.M. 2 0 0 2 2 4 -2 0
6 Lovisa 2 0 0 2 0 10 -10 0

Group C

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Yafor 2 2 1 1 0 4 2 2 4
2 Sativaville 2 1 1 0 5 4 1 4
3 Rorysville 2 0 2 0 3 3 0 2
4 Estresse Intenso 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
5 East Lithuania 1 0 0 1 2 4 -2 0

Group D

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Wentland 2 2 0 0 6 3 3 6
2 Green Wombat 2 1 0 1 4 4 0 3
3 Jeru FC 1 1 0 1 1 2 -1 3
4 Quakmybush 1 0 0 1 1 2 -1 0
5 Algal States 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 0

CAFUNDÉU'S OFFICIAL LETTER ABOUT THE "QAZOX-EVERY CITIZEN IS A MAN CASE"

In this short letter, I would like to inform that Cafundéu decided that any confusion or incident that happened in the game between Qazox and Every Citizen is a Man is a problem of their directors, unless this was something that the referee wrote in his match report. If he wrote this in the match report, the CFFC will judge who is guilt.

Qazox's decision increased the revenues of the game, although some organizations criticized this. So, Cafundéu's government, including the emperor, decided that all the complaints must go to Qazox, since Cafundéu had no responsibility on this confusion, although they liked what happened and would like to see more games with naked women.

Since most of WWC's rights are possessed by Cafundéu, many TV channels and newspapers are showing the game, including adult and child channels.

Any doubts, please contact us.

Best regards,
Ariella Grahna, president of the CFFC.

Deceitful Decieta!!!
As advertised, The Qazoxian team showed up without garb for their matchup against Every Citizen is a Man, in full body paint to reflect the national colors, even down to the numbers on their backs. It was actually quite funny because they must have used a different type of paint on the numbers than on the rest of the body, so as the match wore on, the numbers were running, and of course, gravity from that position will only take the running paint in one direction, splitting the cheeks almost as if it were planned from the start.

That is, on all of the Qazoxian players but one. That is because there was no apparent crack in the rear of 28 year old midfielder Decieta. Decieta was the lone Qazoxian on the pitch who opted to have some protection during the match, raising questions as to the validity of Decieta's femininity. Shortly after half time, it became apparent to the Qazoxian's that the dripping paint was not taking the same path along Decieta's backside as on the rest of the players bodies, and the starter was quickly substituted and ushered to the lockeroom.

Unfortunately for Decieta, it was too late. The whole world now knew that She... or he... or it... had something they wanted to hide.

As for the match, it was a cracking affair which saw Every Citizen is a Man take the early lead, but in the end the lack of protection on the Qazoxian's bodies saw them go down far too easily over the course of the match, each time being rewarded by the referee and a trio of set pieces would lead the favored side to a 3-2 victory over their male counterparts.

The Every Citizen is a Man Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12207861&postcount=6)

Lake Porter Sun
How many of these things are there? They just keep coming.

It was quite a stunning match, as the Lady Oxen came out wearing naught but body paint, but for some reason, probably due to the fact that they are all gay, (ooc: no offense to gays..) ECIAM took a shocking 2-0 lead into halftime over Qazox, but the ladies recovered, in both senses, to pull off a thrilling 3-2 win.

Gretchen Bucci, whose jeresy was worn by the majority of fans that actually wore anything, scored her 3rd goal of the tourney in the 56th minute,cutting the lead down to 2-1, after ECIAM's captain, only known as D!(< (sorry folks printing his real name is a punishable offense) scored in the 30th and 40th minutes.

Stefany Heisel in the 73rd minute, scored as well, leaving her just 2 gaols short of becoming the first Woman with 50, well at least in WWC play. Gretchen Talley finished off the match in the 78th minute, giving Qazox the win in a game many didn't think would be close.

Scoring Summary:
Qazox: Bucci (3)- 56'; Heisel (4)- 73', Talley (1)- 78'
ECIAM: D!(< : 30'; 40'
Cards: D!(< (ECIAM) Red in the 89th minute (for grabbing Bucci's ass.)

Up next for Qazox is Marceau State, a team better than most think.A win would just about clinch a 2nd round berth. In a close one, Qazox prevails 2-1.


And once again, for all ZERO of you that care: the NSwiki page: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_OCHO (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_OCHO).

Every Citizen Appeals Dick Red Card
The Every Citizen is a Man Football Association has launched an official appeal against the red card handed out to Dick in the 89th minute of the high-energy matchup against Qazox at the full capacity Arena do Imperador.

Dick was sent off just moments from full time after a strategic push-off was interpreted by the referee as a deliberate ass grab. The play, in which both Dick and Gretchen Bucci were fighting for position on an up-coming free kick, put a stain on an otherwise well-played encounter.

In a post match interview, Dick had the following to say about his dismissal: "It's not my fault. We were jostling for position. I went to grab her at the waste and move around to the other side to gain position on the kick, but she must have sensed my move and moved just far enough right so that instead of grabbing hip I got all ass cheek. If she had shorts on nothing would have happened, but the ref was standing right behind us and saw those cheeks spread wide and blew up right then. I've never been thrown off for an ass grab before, and we made them all sign waivers before the match stating that they should not be given any special treatment on the pitch on account of them playing nude against members of the opposite sex. Apparently, that bitch of a female ref ignored the waivers and went on with what has to be the first ever card for an improper ass grab. Either way, theres no way it can stand. They signed the waivers, its not a foul to jostle for position, it's not my fault there was more to grab then usual."

The Every Citizen is a Man Football Association has yet to hear back from the tournament organizers in Cafundéu on the matter, but since it was in the ref's match report, the complaint does go through the hosts and not the opposing football association of Qazox.

The Every Citizen is a Man Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12207861&postcount=6)

Green Wombat Herald

4-2. Didn't I predict it? Well It was a good match, but the Blue Tits are just still a bit better than us as they jumped out to a 3-0 lead before halftime. Although the Ermines scored twice early int he 2nd half, Wentland was in no danger of losing this match. The Ermines did show that they are not a pushover, but I think they still have a ways to go until they can compete consistantly at this level. Up next is Algal States. A win against them might be enough to get us into the next round, but it won't be easy as both teams are evenly matched. I'm going to say a 2-2 draw.

Summary:
Wentland: 12 shots/4 goals Thalia Pellegrini- 13', 27'; Kaz Flack- 38'; Stacey Cadman- 85'
No Cards
Posession: 60%
Corners: 8

Green Wombat: 7 shots/2 goals Miyasaka (3): 53', Cieloha (1): 64'
No Cards
Posession: 40%
Corners: 4

(OOC: WARNING!!! IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY A NUDE BODY COVERED IN BODY PAINT, PLEASE DO NOT CLICK ON THE LINKS IN THE BELOW ARTICLE. ALSO IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, PLEASE AS YOUR PARENTS FOR PERMISSION TO VIEW THEM. Hope i don't get banned for this.)

Sativaville Stoner
This Time its For Tacos!!!

Halfway there and Sativaville is most likely only a win away from possibly emerging as a surprise qualifer from this group. A tough 2-1 win over Estresse Intenso has the Lady Stoners tied for the top of the group at 1-1-0, with Yafor 2. Up next is East Lithuania. Don't know much about them but we should win. If we do we'd be 2-1-0 going into the Yafor 2 match. A win there or a draw may get us into the quarterfinals. But first we got to beat East Lithuania and then we can start worrying about Yafor 2 and the future.

In other news around the Cup, Qazox' team shocked most everyone in Arena do Imperador as they came out wearing nothing but bodypaint. due to the sensitivies involved, only Cafundeu's Channel 77 could air the match, and it had to have a disclaimer warning parents about the match. All cameras ware banned, to prevent photos, but one of our reporters managed to get a camera past security and the Stoner has no qualms about showing the photos the world wants to see so here they are:

Photo of Gretchen Bucci just before leaving locker room:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/df/Body_painting.JPG/450px-Body_painting.JPG

Photo of a couple of Qazoxian fans:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/85/Football_World_Cup_Berlin_20060624_Bodypainting.jpg


Scoring:
E.I: DE VRUM: 14'
Sativaville: S. Mathe- 42', Santone (2)- 75'

VOTE SATIVAVILLE FOR WWC9 HOST!!!!

Dazza's Blog 2007-01-18

Well well, our army girls did well. They upset the Algal States ONE NIL, and that's only their second game! Mind you their style is not exactly super exciting but they are the armed forced who don't know what flair is even if it hit them in the head. But well done to them after a brave effort against the Green Wombat. Any nation named Algal States should be treated with respect as you don't want to be hit with lots of Green algae - unless maybe you are from Wentland.

Not too keen on that green and brown army uniform Jeru FC wear, and they even wear army boots (well not quite but you know what I mean). Most of those girls look butch but then it is the armed forces girls who have lug around all that stuff in their day job. I noticed they didn't release girl's names but the team sheets show only their military code names.

I think the Qazox team have been watching way to many Dazza youtube movies. The entire team turned out nude except for body paint, but I think the shoes were real. You can't paint shoes really. The press here didn't want to discuss this matter and refused to show the game at all. Well, most of of the press except from JGN - because they figured showing Dazza and a nude Qazox team would mean ratings. Yow, it it worked. Best ratings ever. They didn't really need me, 11 nude Lady Oxen did the trick.

Oh our game - we had the bye so no nude Jeruselem girls OK? Well, that's not going to happen except most males in Jeruselem have seen me in some state of nudity already. All you have to do is look in youtube! Back to the Qazox vs ECIAM, Qazox won THREE TWO, naked.

Err, is Dazza going to body paint herself? Already done it folks. My husband had a party and well I turned up in body paint as a bunny girl. Didn't wear much except for a pair of shoes. Good party in the end, and yes I was very popular with the males there. Got videos too, but can't show them. I'm not the biggest fan of body paint though, you have remove it in the end. Some of it stains the hair too.

"...and Wentland overcame rumoured team difficulties to squeeze past a feisty Green Wombat side 4-2...Winthrop Tuesday is there with the report..."

"Er, yes...4-2...Thalia Pellegrini scored the first...phwooooarr...sorry, someone's put up the highlights of the Qazox game on the television screens...the second one was when the defence misjudged the bounce...wow, look at THAT bounce...sorry...and Pellegrini was onto it like an eager, erm, beaver...ohhh...damn, sorry...it was three just on half-time when the Flack Attack stretched her legs...wooooowwww...for the third..."

"Winthrop, how did the Ermines get back into the game?"

"Er, I don't really remember...oh jeez, Sierra madre...I think they had some shots...oh dear, there I go...pass me the kleenex...but Cadman settled it right at the end. Sorry, gotta go now, need bathroom."

"Well, looks like Winthrop enjoyed the match. Don't know which one though."

CAFUNDÉU 2x0 THE GREAT MONTY PYTHON
A TOUGHER GAME THAN THE FIRST ONE

Cafundéu defeated the newcomer squad of The Great Monty Python by the result of 2x0. The goals were scored by Fernanda Garcia and Alice, both on the first half. The first goal was scored after Joseane made a perfect pass in the midfield to Fernanda Garcia, who invaded the area and shot with ability to score.

The second goal was scored after Luana crossed the ball to the area and Ana Paula headed it. The goalkeeper gave the rebound and Alice could shoot with strength to score the last goal of the game, and bring another victory to the supporters that were watching the game in the stadium. The Great Monty Python had some good chances, but couldn't defeat the goalkeeper Caroline.

Cafundéu also had many chances with both attackers, the Anas, but they weren't playing very well. Ana Paula commented her performance: "Today wasn't a good day for me, but it was for our team, and this is what matters." Alice talked too: "I scored a goal and we win, so everything is good for us. I hope that it continues good."

The squads:

CAFUNDÉU: Caroline, Vanessa(Ribeiro), Luana, Morena and Sarah; Letícia(Alessandra), Alice, Joseane and Fernanda Garcia; Ana Paula(Maria Lúcia) and Ana Laura.

THE GREAT MONTY PYTHON: DP Gumby, MTFG 1, MTFG 2, MTFG 3 and MTFG 4; Praline, RJ Gumby and Timerina; Cohen, Arthurina and Black Knight.

GOALS: Fernanda Garcia 19' , Alice 38'.

OFFICIAL LETTER ABOUT "D-CASE"

I'm writing to inform that the red card sent to a player of the Every Citizen is a Man's National Team in the last minutes of the game against Qazox really wasn't fair. In my point of view and in the judge's point of view, it really was a foul, as the player was trying to pull the opponent to get advantage in the play, but surely wasn't for a red card, it was only for a yellow card.

The fact that the player grabbed the opponent's ass wasn't considered, as physical contact is part of the game and isn't considered an agression. But the only thing that we can do is to remove the suspension of the suspended player, so he is ready to play the next game. The result and other details will continue the same.

Best regards,
Ariella Grahna, president of the CFFC

Round 3 - The results:

Jeruselem 5x3 Cafundéu
Place: Parque do Sol, in Elville(Attendance: 60,000(full)).

The Great Monty Python 1x0 Kulikovia
Place: Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta(Attendance: 82,300).

Toranat 1x1 Every Citizen is a Man
Place: Aquário Nacional, in Submiria(Attendance: 60,000(full)).

Qazox 2x0 Marceau State
Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft(Attendance: 100,000(full)).

Starblaydia 3x1 Lovisa
Place: Arena do Imperador, in Lux(Attendance: 57,512).

East Lithuania 0x2 Sativaville
Place: Mohammed Field, in Al-Zalabahad(Attendance: 64,802).

Estresse Intenso 2x6 Rorysville
Place: Maracatu Arena, in Dunboor(Attendance: 76,000(full)).

Quakmybush 4x1 Jeru FC
Place: Estádio Pioneiro, in São José(Attendance: 102,310).

Algal States 0x3 Green Wombat
Place: Toca do Tatu, in Central City(Attendance: 64,820(nearly full)).



Group Standings:

Group A

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Cafundéu 3 2 0 1 9 5 4 6
2 Jeruselem 2 2 0 0 8 4 4 6
3 Haraki 2 1 0 1 5 4 1 3
4 T.G.M.P. 2 1 0 1 1 2 -1 3
5 Kulikovia 3 0 0 3 1 9 -8 0

Group B

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Qazox 3 3 0 0 12 2 10 9
2 Toranat 3 1 2 0 5 2 3 5
3 Starblaydia 3 1 2 0 6 4 2 5
4 Marceau State 3 0 2 1 3 5 -2 2
5 E.C.I.A.M. 3 0 1 2 3 5 -2 1
6 Lovisa 3 0 0 3 1 13 -12 0

Group C

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Sativaville 3 2 1 0 7 4 3 7
2 Rorysville 3 1 2 0 9 5 4 5
3 Yafor 2 2 1 1 0 4 2 2 4
4 East Lithuania 2 0 0 2 2 6 -4 0
5 Estresse Intenso 2 0 0 2 3 8 -5 0

Group D

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Green Wombat 3 2 0 1 7 4 3 6
2 Wentland 2 2 0 0 6 3 3 6
3 Quakmybush 2 1 0 1 5 3 2 3
4 Jeru FC 3 1 0 2 2 6 -4 3
5 Algal States 2 0 0 2 0 4 -4 0

(OOC: probably won't be able to post results tomorrow, so next matchday can be delayed)

Ass Grabbing Dick Rises High
It was a milestone for the Every Citizen is a Man team in round 3 as the men stole a draw from the rated Toranat women who came into the match placed 2nd in the group.

The men looked in trouble as Toranat took an early lead at the packed Aquário Nacional. However, it was a late goal by Dick who had his head placed perfectly for the score on an 85th minute corner kick delivered by the Manly Man.

Dick was only given clearance to start the match 9 minutes before kickoff, after his audacious red card for 'ass-grabbing' was overturned by the Womens World Cup Cafundéu organizing committee. However, the CFFC was clear to state that they did agree with the referees decision to award a free kick on the play.

After the match, Dick had this to say: [i]"Well, I'm real thankful that the fine folks in Cafundéu agreed that the sending off was quite harsh and allowed me to play in todays important game. I'd like to apologize to Gretchen Bucci - though I can assure her that I am still feeling the after affects, as I think my agent has counted some 30,000 e-mails and letters have been sent in asking me what it was like to grab Gretchen Bucci's ass. I don't have time to respond to all of them, but she is very athletic and, needless to say all of her muscles do show it, including the ones she's got back there. As for the match, I'm a little dissapointed as we really needed a win to stand a chance of advancing to the next stage. We're going to have to win the next two now against Starblaydia and Lovisa, and just hope that both Toranat and Starblaydia fail to win any of their remaining matches."

The Every Citizen is a Man Roster (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=12207861&postcount=6)

Date: 17-01-2007
The Great Monty Python

"Oi, Tim- I mean, Timerina, pass me that lip-stick!" yelled the captain, Mrs Eric Praline. If they were ever going to convince the organisers they were women, thay had to at least try and look pretty. They had been transvestites before- but that was at a screening of the "Rocky Horror Picture Show", not a World Cup tornement that will be seen by millions of people.

Monty ran through the dressing room, shouting at all of them to get thier dresses on, practice the "Fish Slapping Dance" for the opening, and, most important of all "Act feminine, but score!"

He looked around at his team, and he thought how such a collection of misfits had come into his team.

"OK. You may all be men, but we have got to act like women. We can't let Every Citizen is a Man know our secret."

"Secret!" the D.P. Gumby roboticly replied. "Brain Surgery!"

"No, Mr Gumby, our secret is that we are men."

"Men!" the D.P. Gumby roboticly repeated in the same style. "Bricks!"

"No, Mr Gumby, bricks are not men. They're just bricks."

A Cafendeu representive walked into the dressing room of Latifúndio, signaling for the team to walk on.

"Alright, it's time to go on."

(Cue traditional TGMP team chant...)

"Are we dead?" asked Monty.

"No, we're just resting!" the team replied.

The team walked out onto the pitch to meet the Cafundeu women and perform the "Fish Slapping Dance".

"Wow. Look at Letícia." whispered the Black Knight to Eric Praline. He tried to seduce her, with his world-renowned stare. Letícia stared back in disgust.

"Shit. She thinks I'm a lesbian."

OOC: Sorry about the lack of posts- this one was meant to be posted a few days ago, but I never got round to it.

Dazza's Blog 2007-01-19

It's excitement central here! Two Jeruselem teams playing at the Women's World Cup 8, my team and Jeru FC. Jeruselem took on the hosts Cafundéu while Jeru FC wanted to avoid their bush being quacked! I love bush quacking jokes! Been there, been done as they say.

Now - we played the wonderful hosts here. Great team and with local support, an opponent who could win. Mind you, a lot of teams get all panicky when they find they are playing Jeruselem but not Cafundéu, or Rorysville - the defending champs. The hosts did really well and score a few goals for the crowd but we scored more. Defense got thrown out the window along with a few chickens, baby and bathwater today. Super game, my team won FIVE THREE.

The hosts came out swing scoring the first goal with burst as they hammered home from a header. Slinky me equalised after two defenders decided Dazza should be on the ground instead of standing in the penalty area. They should realise small people like me fall over quickly. Planted the ball under the keeper, who likes moving to corners. They struck back after my niece planted a rather rough tackle one of their players - and they fired home of those free kicks. Little old Debbie O'Hare didn't stand a chance. Just before half was over my friend Monique sent home a screaming header to equalise the game. She uses her head a lot and not just during football, but we won't go into that as we know her other job. TWO ALL at half time.

Now that Lindsay Lohan had been doing diddly squat for the first half. Don't what happened but she decide to do something apart from look busy - and run through the defense. I had to chase after her as they ignored me - then she muffed her shot totally as the ball rolled sideways to me. I finished the goal. Well, we were in the lead but then Rashina got sent off after a few too many funny tackles. She told the ref her mind which didn't help. A few nice words like "Bitch" and "F**k off she said. And then they score when she went off, so 3 ALL. And then that Sasani girl who wasn't doing much snuck around the host's defense and shot from the side. The ball bounced off a defender and own goal. We were back in the lead. I've got a sore tummy after a defender accidentally elboed me in the ribbs and we got a free kick and scored from it. Great game but sore ribs. Hey, I'm only a small woman you know.

Jeru FC, the army chicks got quacked. My fave team QuakMyBush (also one of my pickup lines) did them in FOUR ONE. Can't blame them losing, since they don't have the class players to do the job but they will get better. Hey, they won a game - so it's not all bad. I think the hundred over thousand people watching got to them.

People send mail what Dazza's going to if she's not playing football? I won't be bored - radio, TV, modelling, sleeping, being a community nuisance. Maybe even a fashion label called Bad Bunny or Bitching. Send me some ideas!

Jeruselem 5x3 Cafundéu
Place: Parque do Sol, in Elville(Attendance: 60,000(full)).

Quakmybush 4x1 Jeru FC
Place: Estádio Pioneiro, in São José(Attendance: 102,310).

Lake Porter Sun
How many of these things are there? They just keep coming.

Well Qazox is just about in the Quarterfinals again after a very boring 2-0 win over Marceau State. The girls came out wearing thier unis once again, so the crowd was less than pleased and most left the stadium after the introductions. Gretchen Bucci, whose picture was taken by a sneaky Sativavillian reporter, managed to score both goals midway through the first half. In somewhat related news, her picture is now the 2nd most downloaded pic on the internet, after the Dazza Dallas' infamous nipslip at the Jeruselem Oscars a few years ago. When asked about her new-found celebrity, Ms. Bucci only had this to say: "I'm not into the fame thing, only winning counts."

Scoring Summary:
Qazox: Bucci (4,5)- 52', 63'
Marceau State: NONE
Cards: Qazox- Yellow- Decieta- 15'; Shamia- 77'

Up next for Qazox is Toranat, a tricky team that is ready to make noise on the international stage, But not against Qazox. the Lady Oxen clinch a quarterfinal berth 3-1.

(ooc: Cafundeu, in group B Marceau State's record should be 1-1-1 3GF/4GA -1 4pts. thnx.)


And once again, for all ZERO of you that care: the NSwiki page: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_OCHO (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_OCHO).

Green Wombat Herald

Well in a slight shocker, Algal States seeming didn't even show up as the Ermines rolled to a 3-0 win. The win puts Green Wombat into 1st place with only one match remaining. We have the bye next, then take on Quakmybush in a match that will probably determine the 2nd team from this group to advance. It should be a great match.

Summary:
Algal States: 3 shots/0 goals
No Cards
Posession: 29%
Corners: 0

Green Wombat: 9 shots/3 goals Cieloha (2,3): 23', 67'; Erard (1) 52'-pk
No Cards
Posession: 71%
Corners: 11

Sativaville Stoner
This Time its For Tacos!!!

1st place.. the Lady Stoners??? Yep with one match left the Lady Stoners are in position to advance to the Quarterfinals again, after a 2-0 win powered by 2 Su Mathe goals. Right now it looks like we only need a draw to advance, depending on the out-come of Yafor 2's next game. If they some how lose, We're in. So go East Lituania or E.I!!!


Scoring:
E.L: None
Sativaville: S. Mathe (2,3)- 42', 75'

VOTE SATIVAVILLE FOR WWC9 HOST!!!!

OOC:I am so mad that I missed this much of this Cup Thanks to 3 Things(they always say it happens in three)
1-Unable to log into the forums for a few days
2-No Email Updates at all even though I had subscribed
3-RL Took the hell out of me

well heres to the QF's and Finally getting a Roster posted for that at least

Round 4 - The Results:

Jeruselem 3x0 The Great Monty Python
Place: Tijhus Stadium, in Tijhus(Attendance: 60,000(full)).

Cafundéu 2x2 Haraki
Place: Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta(Attendance: 120,000(full)).

Toranat 1x3 Qazox
Place: Honesto's Ground, in Espinal(Attendance: 55,000(full)).

Every Citizen is a Man 2x4 Starblaydia
Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft(Attendance: 91,320).

Marceau State 1x0 Lovisa
Place: Aquário Nacional, in Submiria(Attendance: 57,550).

East Lithuania 3x4 Estresse Intenso
Place: Campo de Batalha, in Penderia(Attendance: 85,000(full)).

Sativaville 0x0 Yafor 2
Place: Maracatu Arena, in Dunboor(Attendance: 76,000(full)).

Quakmybush 1x1 Algal States
Place: Presídio, in Carandirú City(Attendance: 70,002).

Jeru FC 0x5 Wentland
Place: Toca do Tatu, in Central City(Attendance: 65,000(full)).



Group Standings:

Group A

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Jeruselem 3 3 0 0 11 4 7 9
2 Cafundéu 4 2 1 1 11 7 4 7
3 Haraki 3 1 1 1 7 6 1 4
4 T.G.M.P. 3 1 0 2 1 5 -4 3
5 Kulikovia 3 0 0 3 1 9 -8 0

Group B

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Qazox 4 4 0 0 15 3 12 12
2 Starblaydia 4 2 2 0 10 6 4 8
3 Marceau State 4 2 1 1 4 4 0 7
4 Toranat 4 1 2 1 6 5 1 5
5 E.C.I.A.M. 4 0 1 3 5 9 -4 1
6 Lovisa 4 0 0 4 1 14 -13 0

Group C

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Sativaville 4 2 2 0 7 4 3 8
2 Rorysville 3 1 2 0 9 5 4 5
3 Yafor 2 3 1 2 0 4 2 2 5
4 Estresse Intenso 3 1 0 2 7 11 -4 3
5 East Lithuania 3 0 0 3 5 10 -5 0

Group D

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Wentland 3 3 0 0 11 3 8 9
2 Green Wombat 3 2 0 1 7 4 3 6
3 Quakmybush 3 1 1 1 6 4 2 4
4 Jeru FC 4 1 0 3 2 11 -9 3
5 Algal States 3 0 1 2 1 5 -4 1

Sativaville Stoner
This Time its For Tacos!!!

And now we wait. After a 0-0 draw against Yafor 2, Sativaville still sits atop group C, but if Yafor 2 wins by 2 goals and Rorysville win by any amount, the Lady Stoners will unfortunately be heading home. So all you Lady Stoner fans out ther, drop your bongs and root for Estresse Intenso and East Lithuania tommorrow. If one of those teams manages to pull of a very shocking win or a draw, we're into the quarterfinals.

GO EAST LITHUANIA AND ESTRESSE INTENSO!!!!!


Scoring:
Yafor 2: None
Sativaville: None

VOTE SATIVAVILLE FOR WWC9 HOST!!!!

Green Wombat Herald

Well its come down to this. Sharks vs. Ermines. In the real world, no contest, but on the football pitch, anything can happen. Both of these teams want to advance, but we have the slight advantage of only needing a draw to advance, while Quakmybush has to beat us tommorrow. In a tooth and nail dog-fight, the match ends in a 2-2 draw, and the Ermines go on to the next round. But that's my opinion, here's some of yours:

Joe Watt, Wachovia- "De ermeens are gonna whip the floor wit dem Snarks 3-0 and kick all the A$$ and win da Cup!!"

Helen Fetter, Doet- "Well, I think that women playing soccer is unlady-like and I don't care one way or the other. No get out of my way, Ms. Fluffykins needs to get herself a bath, right Ms. Fluffykins?"

Anonymous, Quakmybush- "I feel real sorry for you all, as the Lady Sharks, are gonna rip the Ermines to shreds. And just what the heck is an Ermine anyway??"

(ooc: Quak i hope you don't mind that i "used" one of your countrymen)

Summary:
No Match

Lake Porter Sun
How many of these things are there? They just keep coming.

Quarterfinals once again, the way the last few cups have gone for Qazox, they might as well just put us, Wentland, Rorysville and Jeruselem into the quarterfinals and have everyone else fight it out for the other 4 spots. Alas, we still have to 'qualify' and that we did with a 3-1 win over Toranat, who is just about eliminated.

Stefany Heisel provided all the goals the Lady Oxen would need in the first 25 minutes as she scored her 49th and 50th goals of her carrer, making her (ooc: unofficallly) the 1st woman in the WWC's history to score 50 goals. After her historic goal, she asked to be taken out of the game and I'hin H'wu came in her place. H'wu would add the final Qazoxian goal int he 60th minute giving them a 3-0 lead, but a late goal by Toranat would cut it to 3-1. But stellar defence by Chelsea and Lorrie Daley, who were last minute starters, kept Toranat from getting any closer.

Up next for Qazox is Starblaydia, the only team in the last 3 cups to beat Qazox in group play. Starblaydia needs either a win or a Marceau State loss or a draw and a a Marceau State loss to get in. Even though Head Coach Kylie Rena might start some younger players, the game is important, as we can determine the 2nd qualifer from our group.

Scoring Summary:
Toranat: 77'
Qazox: Heisel (5,6)- 13', 25'; I. H'wu (2)- 60'
No cards.


And once again, for all ZERO of you that care: the NSwiki page: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_OCHO.

Round 5 - The Results:

Jeruselem 4x0 Kulikovia
Place: Latifúndio, in Compos(Attendance: 50,000(full)).

The Great Monty Python 1x2 Haraki
Place: Tijhus Stadium, in Tijhus(Attendance: 60,000(full)).

Toranat 1x1 Marceau State
Place: Arena do Imperador, in Lux(Attendance: 58,890).

Qazox 2x2 Starblaydia
Place: Honesto's Ground, in Espinal(Attendance: 55,000(full)).

Every Citizen is a Man 2x1 Lovisa
Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft(Attendance: 89,523).

East Lithuania 0x4 Rorysville
Place: C-Eletronics Stadium, in Astari(Attendance: 80,000(full)).

Estresse Intenso 1x2 Yafor 2
Place: Campo de Batalha, in Penderia(Attendance: 85,000(full)).

Quakmybush 0x1 Green Wombat
Place: Templo Colossal, in Srieth(Attendance: 50,000(full)).

Algal States 2x3 Wentland
Place: Presídio, in Carandirú City(Attendance: 75,000(full)).



Group Standings(red ones qualified):

Group A

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Jeruselem 4 4 0 0 15 4 11 12
2 Cafundéu 4 2 1 1 11 7 4 7
3 Haraki 4 2 1 1 9 7 2 7
4 T.G.M.P. 4 1 0 3 2 7 -5 3
5 Kulikovia 4 0 0 4 1 13 -12 0

Group B

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Qazox 5 4 1 0 17 5 12 13
2 Starblaydia 5 2 3 0 12 8 4 9
3 Marceau State 5 2 2 1 5 5 0 8
4 Toranat 5 1 3 1 7 6 1 6
5 E.C.I.A.M. 5 1 1 3 7 10 -3 4
6 Lovisa 5 0 0 5 2 16 -14 0

Group C

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Rorysville 4 2 2 0 13 5 8 8
2 Sativaville 4 2 2 0 7 4 3 8
3 Yafor 2 4 2 2 0 6 3 3 8
4 Estresse Intenso 4 1 0 3 8 13 -5 3
5 East Lithuania 4 0 0 4 5 14 -9 0

Group D

Pos Team P W D L GF GA GD Pts
1 Wentland 4 4 0 0 14 5 9 12
2 Green Wombat 4 3 0 1 8 4 4 9
3 Quakmybush 4 1 1 2 6 5 1 4
4 Jeru FC 4 1 0 3 2 11 -9 3
5 Algal States 4 0 1 3 3 8 -5 1

"OK, it's 2-0, let's make some substitutions, we've got this game won. Gwennie, Rosie and Becki, you're on..."

"Great!!"

"Hang on, boss, that's unfair...what have we done wrong?"

"Nothing, I just want to keep everyone match-fit...and avoid suspensions, yes, I'm looking at you, Imelda..."

"Dunno why, that Jeru bitch was asking for it."

"You were very lucky not to get a red for that. I saw what happened..."

"Yeah, whatever..."

The Petterham Pets went on and put on a midfield maestro display in the second half and Rosie Dougall added another two goals to make it four. "Let's beat the first half, girls," she grinned as she was being congratulated for her 25 yard worm-burner with 12 minutes to go and the Blue Tits went nap almost on the 90 minutes when Becki Stephens wove her way through the collapsing Jeru defence and tactfully picked out Thalia Pellegrini who notched her first of the match.

"5-0!!! Not bad, eh, boss?"

"No, not bad indeed...puts us through with a match to go..."

QUARTERFINALS - THE DRAW

As previously said, in the quarterfinals the first placed teams will play against the second placed teams in the group stage. So, these are the teams:

1st placed: Jeruselem, Qazox, Rorysville and Wentland.
2nd placed: Cafundéu, Starblaydia, Sativaville and Green Wombat.

The draw was made in the CFFC headquarters in Lasft, in the building called "Sporting Skyscraper". People from all the involved countries and some curious ones that shouldn't be there saw the draw made by Erasmo Carlos Jowenguard, director of Cafundéu's National Teams:

"Jeruselem, one of the first placed teams will play... Sativaville!"

"The second game will be between Qazox and... Cafundéu!"

"In the third game we'll see Rorysville playing against... Green Wombat!"

"And the last game, of course, is Wentland against Starblaydia."

So, the games will be the following ones:

Game A

Jeruselem x Sativaville
Place: Arena do Imperador, in Lux.

Game B

Qazox x Cafundéu
Place: C-Eletronics Stadium, in Astari.

Game C

Rorysville x Green Wombat
Place: Tijhus Stadium, in Tijhus.

Game D

Wentland x Starblaydia
Place: Presídio, in Carandirú City.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The semifinals will work in this way:

Game A Winner x Game B Winner
Place: Maracatu Arena, in Dunboor.

Game C Winner x Game D Winner
Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft.

Third Place Game will be in Toca do Tatu, in Central City
The final will be in Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta.

Lake Porter Sun
How many of these things are there? They just keep coming.

Controversy swirled around the Starblaydia-Qazox match as with Qazox leading 2-1 with 10 minutes left to go, the final score of the Toranat-Marceau State match flashed on the screen: 1-1 final, Qazox seemingly let Starblaydia score a goal a few seconds later, which tied the match at 2-2. With the draw, Starblaydia advanced to the Quarterfinals, while Marceau State went home. After the match, Head Coach Kylie Rena was asked about the goal. Her response was, quote: "We just lost our heads out there when the Starblaydi fans began cheering, and they took advantage of our momentary distraction to tie the match up. That's it, we lost our heads for a moment and it cost us." Marceau States coach, when told of the possible incident, replied: ":upyours: Qazox." (ooc: Rorysvile, hope you don't mind)

The Quarterfinal draw has held after all the final matches, and Qazox draws the Hosts, Cafundéu. A win against the hosts sets up possibly another match with Jeruselem. On the other side of the draw, a possible Wentland-Rorysville semifinal looms. So quite possibly we could have Qazox-Wentland III in the finals.


Scoring Summary:
Starblaydia: 32', 85'
Qazox: Gretchen Talley(2,3) 17', 56'
No cards.


And once again, for all ZERO of you that care: the NSwiki page: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_OCHO (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_OCHO).

Also the Following teams are here by invited to the 3rd Q-CUP. Sign-ups are here:
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=515335

Haraki
The Great Monty Python
Kulikovia
Marceau State
Toranat
Every Citizen is a Man
Lovisa
Yafor 2
Estresse Intenso
East Lithuania
Quakmybush
Jeru FC
Algal States

Sativaville Stoner
This Time its For Tacos!!!

Thank you very much for scoring that one goal Estresse Intenso. After 4 matches, Rorysville, Yafor 2 and Sativaville each beat Estresse Intenso and East Lithuania. And all three teams draw against one another, so a unprecedented 3-way tie for the 2 quarterfinal sopts. Rorysville took the top spot after their win over East Lithuania, and the final spot came down to, one goal. That's right one measly little goal, the goal that Kim Mathe scored in the waning moments to tie Rorysville 3-3, was the difference between going into the quaterfinals and going home.

Up next for us is Jeruselem, the 3-time World Cup Champs. The last few cups they've been average, and hopefully for one more game, they will be average, but it is Dazza Dallas' last run, so in a very close game Jeruselem advances to the Semis 2-1 on penalties.

In the othe Quarterfinals, Qazox should have a rought time with the Hosts Cafeuneu, but their experience will carry them 3-1. Wentland will edge Starblaydia, who under the notice of most was undeafeated in group play, 4-3. Rorysville will have a tough time with the Ermines of Green Womabt 3-2.

In the Semis, Qazox will beat Jeruselem 2-1, and Wentland will avenge the loss in the WWC 7 final, 2-0 over Rorysville, setting up Qazox-Wentland once again. But this time the Blue Tits finally get over the hump and win their 1st Cup 2-1.


VOTE SATIVAVILLE FOR WWC9 HOST!!!!

Green Wombat Herald

WE'RE GOING TO THE QUARTERS!!!!

For the 2nd straight cup Green Wombat is going on, not going home,a nd this time we will be in our 1st ever quarterfinal, against Defending Champs Rorysville. But back to the game against Quakmybush. Neither side held anything back, but a late miscue by Quakmybush, let a open Cieloha get one by and the Ermines held on to win 1-0. The Ermines were outplayed for much of the macth, but the brilliant goalkeeping of Hill kept them in it until the goal.

Up nest is Rorysville, as mentioned before, the defending champs. They didn't look too impressive against either Yafor 2 or Sativaville, but did so against Estresse Intenso and East Lithuania, so who knows which Rorysville team will show up. All I know is the Ermines are roughly in the same position Rorysville was in 8 years ago, so in a shocking upset the Ermines advance to the Semis 2-1 in extra time.

Summary:
Quakmybush: 10 shots/0 goals No Cards
Posession: 59%
Corners: 8

Green Wombat: 5 shots/1 goal Cieloha (4)- 86'
No Cards
Posession: 41%
Corners: 5

"...and the Blue Tits troop off...two-nil down to the Algal States...there is a major shock on here and Wentland is simply not playing as a team..."

"Wonder what the boss will say?" whispered Kaz Flack to Thalia Pellegrini as they came off. "We're just not getting the ball."

"Yeah, the midfield is trying to score itself..."

"It's not our fault," retorted Rose Dougall as she came off. "We're not getting anything from behind..."

"Don't worry," said Pellegrini, "it'll just be a gee-up for the second half."

But Edwina Bluff was incandescent. "What the *** do you think you're ****ing playing at??? You're not in the ****ing league now..."

Bluff tore into her team for the entire fifteen minutes. "I don't care if you're Old ****ng hill or Petter ****ing ham or Old ****ing field or Warp ****ing stone or Winnie the ****ing Pooville or whatever. When you're wearing the royal blue shirt you are Wentland, Wentland, Wentland. And you play as a team or else.

"Sammie, if you get the ball you CAN pass it to Rosie. Or to Anna. Doesn't matter. Same for you, Meld. Stop trying to kill people. And you have ten minutes to get it back or I'll take all of you off."

Chastened, the Wentland team went out and started to pass it amongst themselves. A bit too rigorously. There were 67 passes consecutively in the first three minutes but they went nowhere. Then Pellegrini went around the goalkeeper but tried to find the advancing Davies rather than try to finish it off. "AUUGGHHH!!! They're trying TOO hard..."

"Stuff this," thought Rach Horne at right back. When she picked up a roll-out from Cassidy, she advanced. The Algal States players backed off, expecting a pass, but Horne continued over the half-way line. When 30 yards out Horne just hit one and the ball was later timed at 73 miles per hour. Horne was known for having the hardest shot in the Wentland team, along with Imelda Davies, but that was something special. The net could not keep it in and hurled it back out as the Wentland team celebrated.

That had broken the genie out of the bottle. Anything you can do, thought Davies, I can do better, and she hit one from 35 yards. Not as hard and not quite as accurate, the ball bounced back off the bar. But within five minutes it was 3-2 as a through ball from Gwennie Saunders bisected the Algal defence and Pellegrini eased it home. And with Flack taken off to rest her top spot in the group was wrapped up by Katie Barnfield who pounced on a short back-pass to take the ball around the keeper and into the empty net.

Three-two. Had that sorted the team problems?

Dazza's Blog 2007-01-22

Who's ya Bitch?

Yo ho ho! My team are taking the Sativaville team - I think the Stoners they are. We should win this one, really. Yes they are good but on form, we are the team with record and we are yet to lose or draw a game so far - and I'm making sure it stays that way. They are Qazoxian puppets so they know what expect from Jeruselem!

Qazox take on the hosts Cafundéu. Qazox should win even if the team play naked. Well, that was one trick which worked, hehe. Don't think Jeruselem management would allow that to happen. I expect the Lady Oxen to be dressed for this game anyway.

Rorysville, the defending champs play Green Wombat. Now the Rorysville team have been flat - two draws and two losses compared to our record of four wins. Green Wombat had one loss and three wins. You know I'm tipping the Wombats here!

Wentland play our nemesis Starblaydia. On form, the Blue Tits have better record and the female Starblaydia didn't impress much. 3 draws and two wins - compared to Wentland's four wins. Yeah, go Blue Tits.

If my predictions are right, Jeruselem play Qazox and Wentland take on Green Wombat! Yeah of those, three have been there and Green Wombat not. If Rorysville win, then the semi-finalists are all known. They all know each other and well, are the BEST. All but one have cups, and that's Wentland who lose finals for fun. Mind ya, the current hosts could win but looking at the other teams - they have to play well real well. Jeruselem and Qazoz are handful and then Wentland can beat the best. The current champs are still in the running so it's going to be hard for the hosts. Starblaydia are there too.

Right! Some women want Debbie's, my sisters gym to be an all female one. As a part owner, that's a bad idea. Sure, we would have no issues filling the place with women but it would be boring. The current mix is about 50-50 and for me, that's what it should be. I've seen some women's only gyms - and the place is so sterile. Guys might bring in unwanted illicit drugs and steroids but at Debbie's we kick them out. Sometimes I see a lot of bitching between women at those gyms. The control freaks come out and form little cliches of women who try to be the supremos. On the whole this is rare as most women want to turn up and just get on with their business. Alas, the bitches come out and hog the best equipment and try outdo the others. I get on with men better! Why they know I'm the boss around their and well, they want impress me too. Most women want to just look good but some want to be better than me - so they go to Debbie's and show off. These are the higher class women with something to prove. Well, mixed gyms for me. A better social atmosphere where the men try to impress the women and girls try pick up the best guys. All women - a recipe for bitch fights.

Actually some of the regulars at Debbie's complain I get too friendly with their partners. I'm Dazza Dallas and Dazza likes a tease or two. Look if husbands want to chat up Dazza, yeah go ahead. People are just a little jealous because a short nympho cheerleader is now a famous journalist and footballer, and all round babe. I made my luck, people should do the same and STOP BEING LAZY. Take your chances, they don't turn up everyday. Oh I'm rich too, hehe - but they know that too.

I've got to go! Dazza needs her beauty sleep. No peeking under the sheets, I'm not wearing anything.

QUARTERFINAL RESULTS

*all games with full attendance now.(OOC: game details can be ignored in other RPs, of course).

Game A

Jeruselem 1x1 Sativaville
2x1 for Jeruselem after Extra Time
Place: Arena do Imperador, in Lux(Attendance: 60,000) - played at day.

Game details: There was snow in the first twenty minutes of the game. One of the linesman was injured during the first half and had to be substituted. The supporters were calm and there wasn't confusions in the stadium.

Game B

Qazox 0x0 Cafundéu
8x7 for Qazox in Penalty Shootouts
Place: C-Eletronics Stadium, in Astari(Attendance: 80,000) - played at day.

Game details: Game had some violent fouls, and the referee had to work hard. Some supporters became angry with the goalless draw and threw peanuts in the field. Each team shot ten penalty kicks in the penalty shootout.

Game C

Rorysville 0x2 Green Wombat
Place: Tijhus Stadium, in Tijhus(Attendance: 60,000) - played at night.

Game details: The game was played without strange incidents, but the level of this game was very good, one of the best of the entire championship until now.

Game D

Wentland 3x1 Starblaydia
Place: Presídio, in Carandirú City(Attendance: 75,000) - played at night.

Game details: Someone with a Mickey Mouse costume who was selling popcorn in the stadium invaded the field before the game to get autographs from the players of both teams, but the security arrested him. Many prisioners from the city watched the game in a special place, with many policemen looking at them.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next Games: Semifinals:

Jeruselem x Qazox
Place: Maracatu Arena, in Dunboor.

Green Wombat x Wentland
Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft.

Jeruselem Government News

Dazza - the Prophet?

Anyone reading Dazza's last blog - must be dazzled now. She picked ALL the semi-finalists! She did pick the Green Wombat to knock over World Champ Rorysville, and it happened. OK, picking the semi-finalists of the Women's World Cup isn't that hard but in the past, we had a lot of upsets including Jeruselem not making the semi-final because of Rorysville knocking them out.

The semis - Jeruselem play Qazox and the Green Wombats take on the Wentland team. Between Jeruselem and Qazox, FIVE CUPS. Between Wentland and Green Wombat, ZERO CUPS. So we will have either another cup for an ex-champ or a cup for a team without a cup.

Picking the results? Impossible. Jeruselem and Qazox are both super teams and this game will be HUGE. The Lady Oxen who played nude in one game against the team lead by the foxy Dazza Dallas. Sure to be a sellout - where you want to go perv or watch a football game. Between you and me, I think the WWC's sexiest teams are playing in this game. Come on, Dazza's team with foxy Dazza herself, and her friend Monique Alexander - who's nude for her other job. Dazza's niece Rashina is another foxy girl. Nothing wrong with rest of team either. The Lady Oxen - they showed all their stuff, and they can play football too. So don't miss this game.

The other game - Wentland should be favourites against Green Wombat but then Green Wombat did knock over the World Champs. We can't pick this either! Wentland look good but then they have a good knack of losing finals. If Wentland win, they face Jeruselem or Qazox - and they have lost all finals to those teams so far.

Stay tuned to see if Dazza can lead her team to finish off a brilliant career or Qazox can claim their third cup. Or will Wentland break the duck, or can the Green Wombat team win their first cup. Either way, we watch this cup because women can play football. Dazza maybe going out the game but she's changed the way we see women's football.

Dazza popped up in Women's World Cup 5 as a naughty little 14 year old and she's retiring as a naughty 30 year old. She has not changed much really. Yes she's older, has kids and a husband but she's still kid at heart. That's why people probably love or hate her. She's the big kid on TV we wish we were. OK, one with lots of cars and money too. Not to mention she's really good looking too but you know what I mean. Most football women look more manly but not Dazza. The Lady (of the night maybe) on the football field.

I heard at JGN, she's going to have her own TV show. I think it's YAP YAP, a show about well - current affairs with Dazza the host and special commentators. You heard it here first. Dazza maybe not on the field, but she's still playing the media field - clothed or not. Reminds me, have to go buy some Dazza Dolls for my kids.

The Angels had to overcome Sativaville - and just did. The Qazox puppet put up one big fight and a late goal by Jeruselem in extra time gave Jeruselem a TWO ONE win. Dazza was not at her best today but she's at her best in the final. Dallas girls always do well in finals. Qazox had a lot of trouble with the hosts Cafundéu. Both team failed to score in normal and extra time and Lady Oxen won 8-7 in a thrilling shootout. The hosts almost did the impossible, well done.

Green Wombat punched out a disappointing World Champ Rorysville TWO NIL. The Wombats were the better team and the Rorysville team did not look like a team who could beat Jeruselem at all. Well done Wombats. The Blue Tits beat underachieving Starblaydia THREE ONE. Wentland looked good and well, the Starblaydia team were awful.

Joe Finkelstein
JGN Sports Writer

Lake Porter Sun
How many of these things are there? They just keep coming.

What a match! In the longest game in WWC history, Qazox finally beat the pesky hosts, Cafundeu 8-7 on penalties to advance to the Semifinals. Both teams came in red hot, Qazox going 4-1-0 during qualifing, and Cafundeu only losing one match to Jeruselem. The first 45 minutes saw both teams squander scoring chances, due to either great defensive plays, excellent keeping or a poor pass to two. As was the case in the first half, the second half saw each side have oppertunities, but Cafundeu's Caroline Frescho, literally stood on her head, on two Stefany Heisel shots, and Qazox' Carmella Bucklew, whose good play in between the pipes was largely unnoticed until today, also had great saves, stuffing Ana Paula Tobiashiy Klaeigh, with just under a minute left in regulation. As extra time wore on, each side seemed spent, and it was little surprise when after extra time, it was still scoreless.

Qazox won the coin flip, and elected to shoot 2nd.

Cafundeu's Ana Paula was up 1st, but her shot was wide of the far post.
Qazox' Gretchen Talley came up and finally a ball was into the net, putting Qazox up 1-0.

Ana Lopes came up for the hosts, and got on the board with a bounce off the near post tied 1-1.
Gretchen Bucci was next of the Lady Oxen and was stuffed by Caroline.

Fernanda Garcia scored sending the home crowd crazy, and up 2-1
Stefany Heisel silenced the fans a bit and tied it at 2-2

Each side then scored on the next 5 shots each, sending the crowd into fits of increasing frenzy as niether team seemingly could miss.

Up stepped Sarah Ohmar Águas, with the penalties tied at 7-7, lined it up and it went over the crossbart, and the crowd became deathly quiet.
Qazox' Julianne Haverly took her turn at the spot, but slipped and whiffed on the shot, send the crowd into a frenzy of laughter and cheers.

Down to the last players before the keepers, Cafendeu sent out Joana Guglielmi Moreira, who promptly set herself, and launched a rocket at Bucklew, who got enough of the ball to knock it over the net.

The last person Qazox' wanted to take a penalty was Neva Rehder, who in practice before the match, couldn't get the ball with in 5 feet of the net. She placed the ball down, marked off her steps and ran at the ball. The crowd of 80,000 fans collectively held their breath as the ball flew towards the net, and over the hands of Caroline Frescho, and its was over. 8-7 Qazox.

Up next for the Lady Oxen is Jeruselem, whom we haven't played in 12 years since the WWC 5 final in Quakmybush. Both teams have changed mush over the last 12 years, but the one constant is DAZZA vs STEFANY, each whom started their WWC carrers at WWC5. Like Ali-Frazier or Red Sox-Yankees or Michgan-Ohio State, these two ladies, and in Dazza's case using the term very loosely, respect each other, but on the field only one can win. Will Dazza Dallas take Jeruselem to another final or will Stefany Heisel cement her place as the greatest WWC player of all-time? In a match that could go either way, Qazox goes back to the finals, while Dazza jsut goes home 1-0.


Scoring Summary:
Cafundeu: None
Qazox: None

Shootout Results:

Cafundeu: NG-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-NG-NG
Qazox: G-NG-G-G-G-G-G-G-NG-G


And once again, for all ZERO of you that care: the NSwiki page: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_OCHO.

Sativaville Stoner
This Time its For Tacos!!!

Well, I was only 7 minute from being right. Jeruselem ended the Lady Stoners dream 2-1 in extra time as Lindsay Lohan scored in the 113th minute and the 3-time champs held off a late attack to advance to the semifinals. Su Mathe, in her final game got her 30th carrer goal, in the 35th minute to give Sativaville a 1-0 lead, but the strong midfeild play of Jeruselem kept them off the rest of the match. Cue Epie scored the equalizer in the 50th minute, and the 2 teams just went at each other hammer and tongs for the next 63 minutes until Lohan's goal.

This was a good Cup of Sativaville, but a sad one as well as 17 of the 18 players on the are going to retire, but the future looks bright as Kim Mathe, Su's niece and her younger sister Terri and their cousins, Vicki and Dana Mathe (Su's daughters) will lead the Lady Stoners for the next 3 or 4 cups.

In a shock Green Wombat knocked off defending champs Rorysville and will take on Wentland in the one semifinal. Qazox was taken to the limit by Cafundeu and will take on Jeruselem. I still say Qazox-Wentland III in the final, and Wentland will still win the Cup.


VOTE SATIVAVILLE FOR WWC9 HOST!!!!

Green Wombat Herald

SEMIFINALS HERE WE COME!!!

I predicted it, the only one, besides a person named Dizza Dulles or something like that from Bethlehem or somewhere near there; but back to the point, the ERMINES ARE IN THE SEMIFINALS!!!

In a masterfull performance by Hill, who shut down the quick attack of Rorysville and behind goals by Miyasaka and Cieloha, the Ermines took it to the champs and will advance to take on Wentland.

Yes, the same Wentland that beat us 4-2 in group play earlier this Cup, and the same Wentland that we have not ever beaten. But there is such things as destiny, and somehow after that loss to Wentland earlier, the Ermines have not given up a goal in 3 straight games, totaling now 275 minutes. Not even Qazox or Jeruselem can claim that (those two at it again in the semis. Qazox 2-1) nor can Wentland, who has given up on average a goal every game since.

I'm going out on a limb again, and the Ermines continue the Cinderella Story 2-1 over Wentland and will take on the hated Oxen in the Finals.

Summary:
Rorysville: 12 shots/0 goals No Cards
Posession: 48%
Corners: 11

Green Wombat: 9 shots/2 goals Miyasaka(4)- 63'; Cieloha (5)- 89'
Yellow Cards- Mattice: 42'; Laperle- 77'
Posession: 52%
Corners: 2

"...penalty to Wentland and Imelda Davies has seized the ball...Rach Horne wants to take it but Davies will not let go...Anna Kumble has gone over to mediate...there's chaos here..."

"OK, girls...let's play paper stone scissors..."

"You must be bloody joking, Cap. I've not scored for ages, I'm gonna bloody bury this one."

"Don't be daft, Psycho...I'm first choice penalty taker, I know how to hit these things..."

"You're only first choice cos I got suspended..."

"If it ain't broke don't fix it..."

"For God's sake, chill..."

Referee Mrs Ippie came over. "Ms Kumble, if one of your players does not take this penalty in the next ten seconds I shall book you and those two squabbling over the ball..."

"Right. Meld, think of a number from 1 to 2."

"Er, 2."

"Correct. You take it."

Imelda Davies smirked as Rach Horne turned heel and ran back to her normal defensive spot. She placed the ball and drove home to make it 2-0. Grady and Fraser ran to congratulate her but Anna Kumble had run back to console Rach Horne, who smiled wanly and concentrated on the ensuing kick-off.

Half-time came soon after and he team was split into various cliques as they came off the field. It had already been a strange game, with that bizarre rodent jumping on Thalia Pellegrini demanding signatures, the strange collection of miscreants in striped shirts (an innocent Leigh Fraser asked if it was the Blackport supporters' club, given their similar kit) and the freak goal for Gwennie Saunders straight from the corner.

The second half saw Davies and Horne conspicuously avoiding each other as the team came out of the tunnel - Davies first out, Horne very much last. And Davies was now playing on the left with Kumble inside, well away from Horne on the right. But it did not disturb the Wentland dominance overly, Stacey Cadman making it three with a free-kick after Pellegrini was fouled (and Kumble handed the ball straight to Cadman to prevent any claims from Davies or Horne). It was only in injury-time when Horne misplaced a square pass to give Starblaydia their one chance and one goal that spoilt a clean sheet.

The team came off, applauding their fans, apart from Horne who vanished down the tunnel sharpish. But she excitedly emerged beaming. "Rorysville are out!!!! We've got the Wombats!!!!"

Edwina Bluff however was worried. Green Wombat had steadily been improving. It would not be like the Group stages...and the fractious Blue Tits might just be a little over-confident.

Dazza Dallas and Monique Alexander reading some news ...

Dazza: Dizza Dulles from Bethlehem?
Monique: I think that's you.
Dazza: <bursts out giggling>
Monique: What's funny Dazza?

Dazza: Oh, makes me sound like the Virgin Mary
Monique: Now, that's funny!
Dazza: That Green Wombat reporter, worth a read.
Monique: Well, you did get it right!

Dazza: Yeah I did, me a prophet - that's a long shot!
Monique: Sometimes you just get things right.
Debbie: What are you two up to?
Dazza: Nothing

Debbie: I know you Dazza, nothing means something
Monique: That's Dizza Dulles from Bethlehem, not Dazza.
Debbie: I'm puzzled - oh the Green Wombat report
Dazza: So does that make the Virgin Mary?

Debbie: More like Mary Magalene
Monique: Well, you Mum was a whore once
Debbie: Good point, Dazza's carrying on the tradition I guess
Dazza: From now on, I'm Dizza Dulles from Bethlehem to the Green Wombat fans!

Edwina Bluff invited the world's media for the final training session before the Green Wombat semi-final. "See," she cooed as she led the media to the various squad members, "there's no discontent in the squad. We are as one and are looking forward to the game with Green Wombat. Is that right, Anna?"

"Er, yes," replied the captain. "All for one and so on. We're desperate to get the Cup, we've come so close bef..."

"What's that?"

The cameras turned aside to see Katie Barnfield in an argument with Rosie Dougall. "Don't you do that again, you cow..." yelled Barnfield.

"It's not my fault you're not good enough to start...some of us know how to win League titles, you know..."

"Take that back! Bloody take that back!"

"Make me!"

With that Barnfield hurled herself at the Petterham midfielder and the two were writhing on the grass. The other Petterham players were quickly there to pull the two apart but as they did so Kirsten Cassidy hurled herself at Beckie Stephens and was quickly followed by Imelda Davies and Sammie Grady. Before long most of the squad was embroiled in a mass scrap of hair-pulling, shirt-dragging and scratching.

The press surrounded the melee as Edwina Bluff and Anna Kumble desperately tried to get the team to stop. Eventually Kumble turned a hose for pitch watering onto the writhing team and they were shocked and frozen into halting.

he press members were delighted. "Er, that was all off the record..." trailed Edwina Bluff as the media went away with their headlines. "Too late now, Mrs B," said one of the reporters. "But at least your team is showing a good fighting spirit."

SEMIFINALS RESULTS

*all games with full attendance

Jeruselem 3x2 Qazox
Place: Maracatu Arena, in Dunboor(Attendance: 76,000) - played at night.

Game details: Some neutral supporters came to the stadium and showed some newspaper pictures of the game Qazox-Every Citizen is a Man to the other people of the stadium. It was a very exciting game, and a group of musicians played their music during all the game.

Green Wombat 0x2 Wentland
Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft(Attendance: 100,000) - played at day.

Game details: Green Wombat players looked very nervous during the game. A TV commentator of Globo Multimedia Channel shouted during all the game and he could be heard from the playing field. After the game ended, a game of the local league was played.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next games:

3rd place game: Qazox x Green Wombat
Place: Toca do Tatu, in Central City.

Final: Jeruselem x Wentland
Place: Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta.

Green Wombat Herald

MIDNIGHT!!!

Well it was very fun while it lasted, but the Ermines won't be bringing back the Cup, after a horrendous 2-0 loss to Wentland. It started well for the Ermines as they got 3 shots on net in the 1st fifteen inutes, but a Red Card given to Mattice, who by my view didn't evn touch Pellegrini, stopped all momentum and sent it back to the Blue Tits. Pellegrini scored ont he ensuing penalty to make it 1-0. The rest of the half was marred with numerous fouls, most of which were against Green Wombat. but the 2nd red card given, almost turned into a bench-clearing brawl, after Laperle, going after the ball, was called for a foul for going into Pellegrini's leg. The two ladies then began to scream at each other until Laperle just cold-cocked her in the face, drawing a Red Card. Cooler heads prevailed, but Pellegrini played the remainder of the match with a shiner the size of a grapefruit on her face. Pellegrini added a second goal in the 70th minute, ending any chance for a comeback.

Well up next is, we don't know, since the game has just started between Qazox and Jeruselem. If history proves anything, I'm betting who ever wins that match will win the Cup.

Summary:
Wentland: 17 shots/ 2 goals: Thalia Pellegrini- 23'(PK), 70'
Posession: 72%
Corners: 12

Green Wombat: 5 shots/0 goals
Red Cards: Mattice: 21'; Laperle- 63'

Posession: 28%
Corners: 3

Jeruselem Government News

The Ho strikes Back!

Recently with Dazza Dallas retiring, people have been having a few pot shots at Jeruselem's favourite media Ho. It's quite normal as Dazza's off-field behaviour gets her in a lot of trouble. People do forget she's also Jeruselem's Women's World Cup captain too, and she actually can play football too. She may not score a lot of goals but she's more of a provider than a scorer (unless it's with good looking fella).

The Jeruselem Angels took on the mighty Lady Oxen from Qazox. Three cups to the Angels and two to the Lady Oxen - both know what finals football is all about. Well, Dazza's girls (or women) hacked their way into their fourth final lead by their retiring leader. Dazza was back at her best today too.

Qazox played well - and deserved to make this final but Dazza had other ideas. The scheming bitch of female football lead the troops by example. Things looked really bad when the normally dependable Jeruselem defense leaked two goals in the first half. Debbie O'Hare had a terrible time of it with the Lady Oxen forcing the defense back and making them work hard. Rashina Dallas had hard time with Lady Oxen targetting her bad temper to get some fouls and it worked. Qazox scored from two free kicks.

Looking really bad but Dazza was playing she started the fightback. Dazza and naughty friend Monique started a charge down the field. Lady Oxen tried to shut them down but fired in a looping cross to Monique put in the header which almost knocked the goal over. Cue Epie equalised later when Dazza slipped in a pass between many Lady Oxen - and she fired the shot deflecting off a defender baffling a stricken keeper. Dazza struck the sword into the beast when she took them all on with her classic tricks. Qazox were throwing the entire defense at Dazza but she wasn't going to be detered at all. In the play of game, she beat them and then threaded the ball through the keeper's legs.

Jeruselem won THREE TWO lead by women's football smallest player. The Angels take on the Blue Tits from Wentland for the first time in a final! Wentland once again march into the final removing Green Wombat from the equation with a TWO NIL win. Debbie Dallas's girl against the team coach by Edwina Bluff. It's Dazza Dallas vs Anna Kumble here too.

History is on our side, Wentland have one zero finals against Jeruselem's three. It's a game not to miss when Dazza goes home a legend with or without a cup. I have a sneaking suspicion if we do win this cup, Dazza's going put in a show. That's what she does best.

Qazox play Green Wombat for 3rd spot and the Lady Oxen should win. Green Wombat have done well just to get here but as you see - the class teams are the best. Jeruselem, Qazox and wentland - the benchmarks. Maybe Rorysville but they flopped away from home.

My kids are happy with their new Dazza Dolls. Maybe I might have a potential Dazza here at home! That will be interesting.

Speaking of interesting, the show of unity at the public team appearance of Wentland. The whole team ended trying beat each other up - and they still beat the Wombats. Wentland are a good team and they made finals - it's winning finals that's the issue here. Jeruselem love the final, 100% record so far. Wentland need the unity now.

Jeruselem 3x2 Qazox
Place: Maracatu Arena, in Dunboor(Attendance: 76,000) - played at night.

Green Wombat 0x2 Wentland
Place: Obelisco Monumental, in Lasft(Attendance: 100,000) - played at day.

Joe Finkelstein
JGN Sports Writer

Lake Porter Sun
How many of these things are there? They just keep coming.

CHOKE JOB!!!!

Qazox choked, period end of story. Having a 2-0 lead at the half, Qazox's vaunted defense just dissapeared, and one last time Dazza stuck to Qazox, scoring the winner with just over 5 minutes left. So now the Lady Oxen will play once again in the 3rd Place match, aganst Green wombat's Ermines, while Jeruselem will take on Wentland in the final.

Stefany Heisel got the ball rolling with her 7th goal of the tourney in the 23rd, and Grethen Bucci added her 6th in the 38th. Jeruselem at the half looked lost, tired and consigned to the fact they would not get a 4th title. But what ever Dazza said in the locker room, the Angels came out swinging and in the 54th minute, Monique Alexander launched a shot that took Carmela Bucklew off her feet and into the net. Early estimates of the shot clocked it at 60 MPH, quite possibly the fastest shot ever recorded at the WWC. 4 minutes later, Cue Epie knocked a shot off of Shamia's leg and it bounced off of Bucklew's leg and tied the match at 2-2.

After that flurry of goals. both sides ran up and down the pitch, sending wave after wave, shot after shot, at each keeper, but both held firm, until Dazza, somehow weaved thru 4 defenders and snuck one right between Bucklew's legs for the winner.

Well it appears Dazza is still the best player in the world, but thankfully for the world, and Qazox, she only has one more game left to play, and then a new debate can begin.

Up next is Green wombat, and as every one in Qazox knows, if it weren't for their recent help in our Civil War, the Golden Dusk would have succeded in their plans for Global Conquest. While for most of history, these tow nations have regarded each other with contempt, recent events have forged a new bond of trust, and quite possibly friendship. But that won't help the Ermines, as Qazox should win 3-1.

Scoring Summary:
Jeruselem: Alexander- 54', Epie- 58', D. Dallas- 85'
Qazox: Heisel (7)- 23', Bucci (6)- 38'




And once again, for all ZERO of you that care: the NSwiki page: http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Women%27s_World_Cup_OCHO.

The shock in the media centre was evident. Both Dougall and Davies to start. Was this wise, given their differences?

Edwina Bluff spoke to both of them before kick-off. "I'm hoping you both try to outdo each other..."

And it seemed to be working. It was a fractious start as Wentland could not get going but Davies put in a couple of crunchers.

Then it happened.

Rosie Dougall sent in a magnificent tackle that sent the ball forward - and between the defence. Pellegrini latched onto it and was clean through.

Then went down.

"PEEEEP!!!"

The benches erupted. "Penalty!" "Dive!"

The Ermines surrounded the referee. "No way! Didn't touch her!"

And the first Wentland players on the scene were Davies and Dougall. "It was a foul! She clipped her ankles!"

The referee was not to be dissuaded. A penalty and Davies and Dougall stepped aside to let Pellegrini take it. Straight down the middle. 1-0. Against ten.

(tbc)

The red card seemed to galvanise the Ermines and they redoubled their efforts to get back on level terms. But Dougall - moved to the middle after Fraser was ruled out - and Davies were magnificent, diving in for tackle after tackle and both came off grinning at half-time.

In the second half they gained control of the midfield and started spraying passes forward. Kaz Flack was unusually profligate, missing four good chances to put the Blue Tits in the final. But the game flared up again just past the hour. A Green Wombat corner was cleared by - who else? - Imelda Davies and the ball was passed by Kumble up the wing to Pellegrini. She flicked the ball on and was caught on her instep by Laporta.

The Wentland bench jumped as one and the Ermines bench rose to oppose. Pellegrini and Laporta squared up to each other with some pushing and shoving but just as team-mates arrived Laporta threw a punch at the unsuspecting Pellegrini, knocking her flat.

Then it all went off. Davies and Dougall went at the Ermines like whirling dervishes, as the team piled in and the benches joined. The calmer heads of Anna Kumble and Lucinda Rhodes managed to extricate the warring Tits from the melee and drag them aside, as the referee restored calm by waving a red card at Laporta and booking Pellegrini, Davies, Dougall and a host of Ermines.

With eleven against nine, it was now easy for the Blue Tits and within a few minutes he defence was carved open again. Kaz Flack rounded the goalkeeper for an easy second, but instead of finishing it off herself rubbed salt into the Wombat wound by tapping it for their scourge Pellegrini to make it 2.

The remainder of the game consisted of Wentland playing keep-ball and the referee sensibly ended it at 91 minutes dead. The Blue Tits were in the final.

Davies and Dougall were interviewed together after the final whistle. "At times it seemed like the two of you against the Green Wombat team..."

"Yeah," smiled Rosie Dougall. "Bit unfair on them, eh?"

The defining image on the front page of the Wentland press was Imelda Davies and Rosie Dougall, supposed rivals, battered, scratched, bruised, arms across each other's shoulders, shirts torn and blooded, but smiling defiantly at the camera with victory Vs aloft.

Fourth time lucky?

<Ad in Jeruselem newspapers>

Get the Dallas treatment at Debbie's!

You feeling unfit or want to tune up to impress that guy with big car? Well, at Debbie's you can fix that. The co-owners are Debbie and Dazza Dallas who know what a real gym should be like. It's a mixed gym where you and your friends can get and have a social life too. We cater for the fitness fanatic or corporate groups who just want to have fun.

At Debbie's, no joining fees. If you turn up and there is space, you pay a fee for that session and that's all. No people pushing illegal drugs or steroids on you either, we want our members to be clean of drugs. The bonus is - the more you attend, the more discounts you get on your next visit. We have a range of top-line gym gear, premium energy drinks, and lots of that funny health food too available.

None of this male or female only club rubbish either. We want everyone to get together and have fun - we do not want segregation of any kind. We even have specialised kids equipment for those want start young. You overdid it? We have a few beds for those people who can't go on as well. It's all about community and family at Debbie's.

This is not just a gym, there's a cafe restaurant attached to it as well as store where you can buy the best fitness gear in town. If we don't stock, we'll order it for you. Once in while Dazza or Debbie might turn up to see their customers are happy. Ask for autographs, don't be shy.

So, whatever the reason - go to Debbie's. We want the people of Jeruselem to be healthy and happy. It's not just any old gym, it's a lifestyle and social center too. The Dallas philosophy is "Live and love life, but make your own fun".

Want to learn more? Get our web site at www.debbiesgym.com.jew. Learn about the co-owners at www.dallasgirls.com.jew as well. Most football fans know who Debbie and Dazza Dallas are, and it's time for these fans to maybe get fit for their own World Cup. Just do it - as Dazza says.

Edwina Bluff's team-talk was all made for her. "Look what one of their bloggers says...'Wentland lose finals for fun'..."

The team laughed.

"And how about what those Wombats have said? Whoever wins out of Jeruselem and Qazox will win the cup?"

More laughter.

"And these headlines..."Serial Losers To Come Up Short Again"..."Wentland? Goneland!!!"..."Dallas Soap Opera To Have Happy Ending For Dazza"...

But Bluff turned more serious. "We know Jeruselem have a record in this competition second to none. Three wins. We know we have an awful record in finals. Three defeats.

"It's time to change that. We have nothing, NOTHING, to lose. The world expects us to lose. It's about time THEY lost one.

"Just remember the taste of defeat last time. Remember that. And it will guide you to the grail. You don't want it again. They've never tasted it.

"We destroyed their Jeru mob...time to repeat the destruction.

"Now go out there and kill 'em. And Rosie and Meld, remember our little plan..."

"Right, boss..." The combative midfielders grinned.

The Wentland team trooped out into the tunnel with the Jeruselem team waiting there already, to be led out into the stadium. The team was to start as follows:

1 Anne Foy - the energetic and acrobatic keeper GERONIMOOOOO!!!ed her way into the tunnel.

2 Rach Horne - right-back, penalty-taker and general joker.

5 Lucinda Rhodes - experienced centre-half, now lacking pace, replaced with tactical acumen.

15 Sammie Grady - forced her way into the team as Zoe Pike could not cope with 3 at the back

4 Anna Kumble - the captain played in a sweeper role ahead of the full-backs

7 Gwennie Saunders
6 Becky Stephens
11 Rosie Dougall - the Petterham midfielders knew how each other played and were strung along the middle, Stephens recalled after the Wombat game on the basis that Davies would come on later when some steel was needed (and there was less risk of being down to 10 for most of the game)

8 Stacey Cadman - blonde bombshell hung around behind the forwards

9 Thalia Pellegrini - now recovered from the blow to the head

10 Kaz Flack - disappointing in the semi, but generally impressive

As the team lined up, Rosie Dougall needled Imelda Davies. "Shame you couldn't start, Meld...I guess they needed the A team for the final..."

"You take that back, you Petterham prat."

"Why? I'm in the final, you're not."

"Riigghhhttt!!!"

Imelda Davies flung herself at Rosie Dougall and it needed the combined efforts of their respective team-mates to pull them apart, just as the referee emerged. "Hey! What's going on here?"

"Nothing, ref," said Rosie, "just someone barging in where she's not wanted."

Davies looked daggers at Dougall and the Petterham players suddenly found themselves at the opposite end of the tunnel to the Oldhill Academy players.

The Jeruselem players found it highly amusing. While Edwina Bluff crossed her fingers...would it work?

Last Results

*yes, full attendance

3rd Place Game

Qazox 1x2 Green Wombat
Place: Toca do Tatu, in Central City(Attendance: 65,000) - played at day.

Game details: Qazox shot five times more to the goal than Green Wombat, but their defense was near perfect in the game. Many Qazox players complained about the referee and about the linesman, and a fight was close to happen, but hopefully it didn't.

Final

Jeruselem 1x1 Wentland
2x2 After Extra Time
Wentland wins 3x0 on penalties
Place: Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta(Attendance: 120,000) - played at night.

Game details: It rained during all the day in Cafundó do Juta, but luckily it stopped just ten minutes before the start of the game. This game had the record of corner kicks in only one match. The penalty shootout was very short, only three penalties for each team.

WENTLAND 1st PLACE
JERUSELEM 2nd PLACE
GREEN WOMBAT 3rd PLACE
QAZOX 4th PLACE
QAZOX Fair Play Award
GREEN WOMBAT's coach named coach of the competition

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next game:

Commemorative Game: Wentland x WWC 8 Dream Team
Place: Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta.

http://img99.imageshack.us/img99/1007/wwc8cafundeuve2.png

DREAM TEAM OF WOMEN'S WORLD CUP 8 ANNOUNCED

22 players are related in the Dream Team of the competition. Please note that there aren't first team players or reserves here:

GOALKEEPERS
Hill (Green Wombat)
Carmella Bucklew (Qazox)

DEFENDERS
Decieta (Qazox)
Luana (Cafundéu)
Rachel Horne (Wentland)
Rashina Dallas (Jeruselem)
Maggie Thatcher (Jeruselem)
Mikkelson (Green Wombat)
Allie Slone (Rorysville)

MIDFIELDERS
Eleonore Cogill (Sativaville)
Anna Kumble (Wentland)
Stacey Cadman (Wentland)
Katlin Forrester (Rorysville)
Dazza Dallas (Jeruselem)
Fernanda Garcia (Cafundéu)
Richie (Green Wombat)
Saundra Marci Harris (Qazox)

ATTACKERS
Kaz Flack (Wentland)
Thalia Pellegrini (Wentland)
Stefany Heisel (Qazox)
Lindsay Lohan (Jeruselem)
Su Mathe (Sativaville)

As 5 Wentland players are related, they'll be substituted by the following players:

Lauryn Bonato (Sativaville)
Rafaela Maulnus (Estresse Intenso)
Ana Laura (Cafundéu)
Mrs. Eric Praline (The Great Monty Python)
Dick (Every Citizen is a Man)

So, this is the team for the game against Wentland:

--------------------Hill--------------------
--R.Dallas--Mikkelson---Decieta----Luana--
-------------------Cogill------------------
-----Forrester--------------Marci Harris---
------------------D.Dallas----------------
----------Lohan------------Heisel--------

Coach: Green Wombat's coach

Substitutes: Bucklew, Thatcher, Slone, Bonato, Maulnus, Richie, Praline, Fernanda Garcia, Su Mathe, Dick and Ana Laura.

(ooc to Wentland: ABOUT DAMN TIME YOU GOT OFF YOUR ASS AND WON.)

(ooc to Jeruselem: WTG ON MAKING THE WORLD CUP FINAL)


Lake Porter Sun
How many of these things are there? They just keep coming.

GOING OUT WITH A WHIMPER

After the hard fought matches against Cafundeu and Jeruselem, the Lady Oxen just ran out of gas, and were shocked in the 3rd place match by Green Wombat 2-1. Stefany Heisel, declined to play, citing a sore calf, leaving her with 51 goals in her brillant carrer, but only one title. The Lady Oxen will be going young next Cup, and after the last couple of results, Qazox probably won't be a favorite at the next Cup, but you never can count them out.

Scoring Summary:
Green wombat: Miyasaka(5)- 12'; Cieloha (6)- 42'
Qazox: Bucci (7)- 53'

Last chance!!!!
http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index...World_Cup_OCHO.

Jeruselem Government News

No dream final for Women's Football Cheerleader

Well, it had to happen. Wentland had win a final for once. They did today, Wentland won their first EVER final - beating Jeruselem, yes in a shootout. Both teams were not in the most forgiving mode at all, and the game was never slow at all. Both teams hit each other hard and after 120 minutes it was impossible separate the teams. Dazza's team had trouble breaking down the Wentland defense while Wentland team were frustrated by the Jeruselem defense all game.

After normal time, it was 1 ALL with all goals score not easy ones. Both had to be crafted to defeat solid defenses. Extra time didn't seperate the teams either - each team scoring goals as well and none were going to give up. The crowd were on their toes all game with the best teams trying to score the killer blow but could not. There were no bad players in this game - everyone played at 150%.

Penalty shootouts! And as predictably Jeruselem lost it there. They have not won penalty shootouts for quite a while - the last time being Starblaydia a long time ago. Even Dazza missed this time. So the Blue Tits finally win a final and Jeruselem lose one, but all the game still gave Dazza Dallas a big cheer in her second last game. The Jeruselem players were understandly upset by losing but they picked up the little Dazza Dallas and carried her around the stadium as if they had won the cup. They was no doubt - Wentland had the champion team but there is only one Dazza Dallas in Women's football.

The crowd got even more excited when Dazza threw her top into the crowd (that will be worth a fortune!) and ran off the field, well topless. The officials didn't do much, as they did allow the entire Qazox team to play naked one game. Dazza wasn't one to hide herself either, she made sure every camera could see her properly. A few years ago, Dazza was voted women with the best tits ... are we not surprised. Rachel Kool may have retired as Queen of Football, but Dazza is worthy replacement. Dazza will still be on our TV screens for a while and she looks 20 not 30.

Dazza's not done yet, she's in the Dream team to play against Wentland. Dazza promised the fans to put on another show and end her career. She can't win all the games for her team but she makes sure the people are entertained.

Well done to Wentland to winning the final, but with no Dazza - Jeruselem is not finished yet. Rashina Dallas is making her move to take over from her Mum Debbie, and now her Auntie Dazza. However, we cannot forget a rival to Rashina - Dazza's friend Monique. Monique has her won set of fans and she's in the mould of Dazza in most ways. Look to the future, it's good - and if Dazza has more kids - WATCH OUT.

As for the dream team, Jeruselem have also Rashina Dallas, Maggie Thatcher and Maggie Thatcher. The rest of team were filled from Wentland, Qazox. Green Wombat, Cafundéu, and Sativaville. Wentland had the most players as you'd expect. We think this team could win a World Cup too.

Jeruselem coach and Dazza's sister Debbie Dallas said
"We should have won but it's not all bad. Thank God Dazza didn't take everything off, she's done a lot worse at parties. The girls did their best and that's all you can do. If Dazza strips next game, don't blame me - she's her own person"

It was a solemn moment at St Valerian's Convent. Sister Angelica was entrusted with the Scarlet Key to the Television Cabinet and watched by expectant nuns she turned it clockwise. Television was only for very special events - papal convocations, archepiscopal blessings and women's World Cup finals.

Up at Vinson Polar, Bob the Beard was trying to shake snow off the antenna in minus forty temperatures. Eric Spudgun suddenly shouted at him that they had a picture and Wentland's most remote supporters were ready.

In Warplands Square a crowd of approximately twenty thousand were present to see the match on big screens. There was a party atmosphere as the inhabitants hoped to see their own finally lift the trophy. For Lucinda Rhodes it was probably a last chance.

Wentland's streets were otherwise deserted. Ratings for the coverage were through the roof. Despite the disappointment of losing to Rorysville this time there was a real optimism that they could beat a team ranked lower - the one fly in the ointment being the reputed disharmony and a sour-looking team as "Keep Right On" was being sung from a capacity stadium.

But from the kick-off Jeruselem were swamped on the damp pitch. Passing movements took the ball forward and O'Hare had to make several smart saves. Despite a run of corners Wentland could not score - until it happened.

21st minute. A foul on the right on Rosie Dougall. Dougall was up quickly and sent a cross towards the penalty area. Thalia Pellegrini rose highest and glanced it down to an onrushing Kaz Flack and the Flack Attack nearly burst the net. One-nil to the Blue Tits.

Wentland continued to press forward but O'Hare was in inspired form, perhaps smarting at her failure to be included in the all-star team. And Jeruselem fought their way back into the game and just on half-time it was Anne Foy's turn to parry for corners.

Into the second half and the nuns were praying, the polar explorers were thinking of going out for some time and the Warpstoners were frantic. A tactical substitution had Wentland on the ropes and the Blue Tits were having to rely on the break. Dallas hit the bar with Foy flat-footed from a long ranger and Lohan wanted an age where a snap shot would have provided an equalizer.

There were some very unChristian remarks made at St Val's about Sister Moki's challenge on Gwennie Saunders that put the latter out of the game and brought on Imelda Davies, who promptly was rewarded with a yellow card for her retributive challenge that saw Moki off injured as well. But this at least had the benefit of bringing on a penalty-taker. Would that be important come the end?

It didn't look like it as the game entered injury-time and Wentland clung on to their lead. Indeed it looked as if it might be 2-0 as Pellegrini tried a long ranger that an unsuspecting O'Hare clawed away. But Rhodes also cleared off the line from a Lohan header and the final minutes were a siege.

In the end the wall was breached in the cruellest of circumstances. A cross was punched clear by Foy, the ball driven back in by Fashina off-target but a deflection from Grady's ankle sent the ball into the opposite corner. Wentland - the team, the country - collapsed. 1-1.

Pellegrini took the kick-off and the referee promptly blew for the final whistle.

Edwina Bluff's team-talk was short. "You've beaten them once, girls...go out and beat them again."

To perk up the side a little the tiring Stephens was taken off and replaced by Matsushita, the tiny dynamite midfielder making an immediate impact on the left post with a 20 yard drive and then sending Flack through for an easy chance that was woefully miskicked.

Bluff still had one substitution to make and she took off Flack - who almost collapsed through sheer exhaustion - for the speedy Barnfield. Defence was not in Bluff's nature.

The second period started with the substitutions being justified. Matsushita collected a tired pass in midfield and drove forward. As she approached the penalty area Thatcher and Falsha left their positions to close her down - which left Barnfield free. A sideways flick to the Oldhill striker and she drove home under the advancing O'Hare. 2-1.

Bluff had one message. "CONCENTRATE!!!!" But it went unheeded as straight from the kick-off Jeruselem equalized. A long ball was only partially cleared by Rach Horne and Epie's shot was perfectly placed into the top corner. 2-2 with eight to go.

The teams were left to resort to long range shots and no further goals were threatened. Penalties.

"Well, we know the first four...Rach, Meld, Rosie, Sham...who will take the fifth?"

"Captain's responsibility, boss..."

"Thanks, Anna...have we the right order?"

Becki Stephens was pretty clear. "Boss, it is statistically better to have our finest taker go first, to put pressure on. I worked it all out at Donno Univ."

"OK, boffin...we'll go with it. OK, Rach?"

"Yeah, I owe everyone one..."

"Don't worry, we wouldn't have got here without you...now, Exy...you know how they will take 'em?"

"Yeah, I'll watch their body language..."

"OK."

Anna Kumble went off for the toss and came back with the news Wentland would take their penalties second. Most of the team grimaced.

"Well, at least we know what to do..."

Edwina Bluff finished with a word. "Good luck, everyone."

***

First penalty. Lohan up for Jeruselem. Not either of the Dallases? Bit of a surprise. Anne Foy was bouncing on her line, adrenalin up to eleven. "Come on, give it to me, come ONNNN!!!!"

Lohan looked almost distracted by the Wentland Wall of Sound that poured down from the terraces. Her penalty was struck weakly and Foy, who had not committed herself until the ball was kicked, found she had an easy save to her left.

Rach Horne was up next. The best penalty taker in Wentland knew exactly what she would do with it and had the skill to do it. Didn't care what O'Hare did. And she hit it high, to her right, and there was nothing O'Hare could do.

Second penalty. Still no Dallas. Falsha stepped up and clonked it one. But Foy had read her as a clonker and stayed still. It bounced off Foy and away. And the nuns were exultant.

Up stepped Davies. Another clonker. Everyone was expecting a clonk. A long run-up and Davies delicately side-footed it just inside the right post. O'Hare was flat-footed and it was 2-0. With 3 to go.

Now, thought Bluff, it was time for a Dallas. But no, it was Epie who stepped up and her penalty was well-struck and sent Foy the wrong way. And came back off the post. Epie stood in dumb consternation as Wentland went ballistic.

Rosie Dougall now had the chance to win the World Cup. A big embrace from Imelda Davies and Wentland fell silent.

The convent was on its collective knees.

The polar winds seemed to still.

Warpstone had never been so quiet.

The coolest person in the stadium was Rosie Dougall.

She ran up to the ball and *dink* delicately chipped it as O'Hare went to her left. Dougall was wheeling away before the ball even hit the net.

COMMEMORATIVE GAME

The stadium was filled for the commemorative game between Wentland and the Dream Team, and both teams were announced. First the dream team, who played with: 1-Hill, 2-Rashina Dallas, 3-Decieta, 4-Mikkelson and 6-Luana; 5-Cogill, 7-Forrester, 10-Marci Harris and 11-Dazza Dallas; 8-Lohan and 9-Heisel.

Then Wentland players were announced: 1-Foy, 2-Horne, 5-Rhodes and 15-Grady; 4-Kumble, 7-Saunders, 6-Stephens, 11-Dougall and 8-Cadman; 9-Pellegrini and 10-Flack. The game started close, as both teams attacked with full strength trying to score first.

The first goal happened in the eleventh minute. Cogill passed the ball to Rashina Dallas who shot to score the first goal of the game. In the twenty-third minute, penalty for Wentland, as Luana pushed Flack inside the area. Flack shot, the ball hit the post, but Cadman took the rebound and shot to score.

Few minutes before the end of the first half, another penalty. Horne fouled Dazza Dallas and received the yellow card. She complained and the referee showed the red card to her. Heisel took the penalty kick and scored the second goal of the dream team. End of the first half.

Many changes happened in the dream team before the second half and in the first minutes of it. The fourth goal of the game happened when Saundra Marci Harris dribbled an opponent and passed the ball to Su Mathe who hit the ball with a volley to score. In the last minutes of the game, Ana Laura got a rebound after a free kick that hit the wall and shot to score the last goal of the game.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FINAL RESULT: WWC 8 Dream Team 4x1 Wentland
Place: Praça Maior, in Cafundó do Juta(Attendance: 119,892).

DREAMTEAM: Hill, R.Dallas (Bonato 60'), Decieta, Mikkelson (Slone 45') and Luana; Cogill (Richie 60'), Forrester (Dick 45'), Marci Harris (Fernanda Garcia 74') and D.Dallas; Lohan (Su Mathe 45') and Heisel (Ana Laura 81').
Coach: Green Wombat's coach.

GOALS: WWC: R.Dallas 11' , Heisel 42' , Su Mathe 66' , Ana Laura 94'.
WEN: Cadman 23'.

"We'll be *hic* theeeeeeere..."

"WHERE????"

"At the eeeehhhhnnnddd...of the roaaaaad..."

"YEEAAAHHHH!!!!"

The Petterham midfield finished their somewhat drunken rendition of the National Anthem and half-a-dozen Blue Tits doused them in a champagne shower. "AGAINNNN!!!" yelled a delirious Rosie Dougall, seeking more drink.

Elsewhere Rach Horne had invented a fiendishly complicated drinking game, at the end of most of which rounds she downed a double vodka. Sally Summers was demonstrating how she could stand cold temperatures by sticking ice cubes down her little black dress. Lucinda Rhodes and Stacey Cadman were yelling "campeones!!! Campeones!!! Oh ay oh ay oh ay!!!!" for hours on end.

The manager at the Hotel Splendide had put on a magnificent spread for the new World Champions and hoped it would be a memorable night. It was. Edwina Bluff had absented herself and silently thanked her lucky stars that the hotel was exclusively booked for the Blue Tits. She had discreetly promised the manager that any damages would be covered. And after about four minutes the Blue Tits - in their finest dresses - were also covered as the food was liberally distributed in a massive food fight.

Bluff had decided that plenty of steam needed to be let off and it was best that the manager not be present. For the same reason Anna Kumble thought it best for the captain to join in and she was downing pints with the rest of them. By 3am most of the players were involved in a conga, apart from Anne Foy who was trying to crowdsurf and teaching Kirsten Cassidy how to do so.

The drinking was still continuing at 6am for some of the team, with others passed out hither and thither around the reception area and dining room. Rosie Dougall was still demanding drink and Qutie Quddus had decided to tidy up, but was having difficulty working out which way was up, let alone which chairs went with which tables. Katie Barnfield was involved in quite a passionate embrace with Sammie Grady saying that she was her beshhhht mate, Ellie Beavan was swigging the last of the champagne from the trophy and Lulu Matsushita was swinging from the chandeliers claiming to be Tarzanne.

At 11am Edwina Bluff, packing for the return journey, received a telephone call from the Cafundeu organizers. "Ah, er, just checking the arrangements for the match?"

"What match?"

"Your match against the All-Star team?"

"Ah, yes...that thing. Be with you shortly."

Bluff put down the phone. "AUUUGGHHHH!!!"

She dashed to Anna Kumble's room and hammered on the door. After half-a-minute the only response was a muffled "go 'way".

"Anna, we're due to play in a few hours..."

"I'm asleep. Sod off."

"Anna, it's Edwina. Open this door now!"

"Ohh sh..."

A rather dishevelled captain fumbled and opened the door. "What do you mean, boss?"

"Against the select eleven...we've got to get ready...where's the team?"

"Er, when I left at four they were still...celebrating..."

"Auuggghhh..."

***

It was a tired-looking Wentland team that took the field against the Elite. A few lucky spectators had seen the coach arrive and park as close as possible to the players' entrance but even so reports had got back that most of the team seemed to stumble off the coach. Black coffee had not done that much and Bluff had felt bound to start with the winning team. The only hope was to charge and charge from the start, try to score a quick goal or two and sit back. But it was only a friendly so there should not be too much of a problem.

Unfortunately the referee Miss Adolfa Schickelgruber got in the way. After awarding a softish penalty to Wentland, which Kaz Flack took for practice (and missed), she awarded an even softer one to the select eleven. Rachel Horne went to complain about her booking, but the double vodkas had their effect and she threw up on Miss Schickelgruber's foot, which was taken as dissent and Horne was sent-off - much to Horne's relief.

At half-time the team was not fit to continue so Bluff substituted the whole lot. After all, there were no restrictions. The crowd was not entirely pleased with this but there were still three Cup winners on the pitch - albeit Katie Barnfield was not exactly at her best. Even Lisa Clark got a game, but the third keeper made her World Cup debut up front after Barnfield passed out and Homer, not one best able to hold her drink, complained that she was seeing several balls.

It ended 4-1 but that mattered little. The Blue Tits would return home world champions. At long last.

Jeruselem Government News

Dazza's last game - going home a winner!

Yes, Dazza's football career is over. The Women's World Cup 8 dream team featuring two Dallas girls smashed the Wentland team FOUR ONE. To be totally fair to Wentland, they were probably too hung over to win this game as the dream team tore them to bits.

Jeruselem's perennial number 13 in the World Cup and Women's World Cup will not longer play on the green fields of football but she's not retiring from life. In an interview after the game Dazza Dallas said this

"Well, I'd like to thank everyone who's helped me with my career. People said I was too small, too dumb and too passionate. Well, it's worked all my favour. I worked hard to get where I am and will work hard to make my family continue on. Too many people to thank including all my coaches, my friends, my family and those critics too. And the fans - I'd like to thank them the most. I would not be here without them! I'm a fragile person and the fans make me go on when things go bad. Sure I get dirty messages from fans saying they just want to to dirty things to me, but that's alright. I'm not going missing - I have media career and well, that's what feeds the family now. Most of all - my man. Sure I well, sleep around a lot, but he knows me. When I go home, he's there to keep Dazza happy and alive. He puts up with me is I am and me waking up drunk after parties. My kids too, that's why I don't give up on life. A lesson to all you Mums - take care of your kids because that's what you have left when you die. Well, I have to go! Some people from Playboy want to talk to me."

Rashina Dallas who score the first goal in Dazza's last game said
"I don't need a hero - I have my Mum and auntie Dazza. When I go home, I know I have them to support me when I take over Dazza's title as the team Dallas girl. I'm not going to be Dazza, because there's only one Dazza. I'm going to be Rashina Dallas - and that's what matters in the end. Dazza's taught me a lot and well, I'm going to keep on doing what I want to do. I'm going get married, have kids and play football like my Mum."