NationStates Jolt Archive


An empire wide ban on waterballoons

Rave Shentavo
06-12-2006, 05:44
Attention United Empire Allies:

Water balloons, hoses, large buckets, obnoxiously large lakes, and rain has been banned from the territory of the three united empires due to the fact that Tarlachia utilizes the above to get me, Ravelyn Shentavo, the empress of these countries, drenched. Water balloons were the original instigator of this incident. I was walking down the street in a brand new shirt I had custom made for me from Sigma Octavus, which produces basically everything, especially really good cookies. Anyway, a Tarlachian was visiting my fair empire and decided it would be funny to throw a water balloon at me and ruin my new shirt. Such audacity will not be tolerated!

I thought it would stop there, but I was wrong. Not but a month later, not only was I rained on, poured water over with a large bucket, and received more water balloons, I was thrown into a lake. I thought that the black T-shirts were signs of peace offerings from other nations, but these events still occur. Therefore the aforementioned have been permanently banned. Water is not allowed within two hundred feed of me, save for showers, bathes, and…well that’s all I really need. During this time, no one is to be near me unless I give them written permission or am otherwise involved.

To the leader of Tarlachia:
No, no, no my dear. It ends here. No more wet T-shirts for you!


-Ravelyn Shentavo
Empress of the Three United Empires
Central Worlds
06-12-2006, 16:19
*Begins designing the T-shirts that crumble under perspiration*
Dalsus
06-12-2006, 16:39
Surely your not serious? Won't people complain?
Rave Shentavo
06-12-2006, 17:14
I am very much serious. Most of my population will have to reside underground. Quite beneficial due to the habitat, and the great wars that occured some two hundred years ago. Luckily my population is quickly reaching the billions it had before. People learn to adapt, all the aformentioned have been banned in my empire.
Dalsus
06-12-2006, 17:22
Arn't you afraid of mutants emerging to overthrow you with mutated water balloons?
Rave Shentavo
06-12-2006, 17:24
No. My people follow me whatever their decision considering I gave them life. *waves her hand in dissmisal* There have already been cities constructed underground and people have been fine.
Dalsus
06-12-2006, 17:32
What about the U.N? arn't they bound to intervene?
Rave Shentavo
06-12-2006, 17:54
I am not part of the UN, and considering the people have no objections, what are they to do? There is nothign depriving them of the essential elements of life, so why should anyone intervene. In my empire, what I says goes. I have saved these people on numerous occasions, and they owe me their loyalty.
Tarlachia
06-12-2006, 18:19
A newspaper begins rolling off the presses with the latest commentary from the Tarlachian Empress, Aeris Greenwood:

"My citizens see it as a national sport to throw water balloons at one another. They're currently in the process of creating a new type of water bearing technology."

A picture with the article shows a scientist holding up a prototype paintball gun.
In captions below, it states:

"We respect your laws. Do note that we are still abiding by all your so-called "laws".

**************

Somewhere within the Shentavo Empire, a careful (or careless?) daredevil raises his modified paintball gun sniper rifle; dully dubbed as Waterball Rifle. Switching on a camera that links up to a satellite to broadcast live throughout Fatal Terrain, he whispers: "This is gonna be fun!"

Moments later, the gun fires and through the scope, the daredevil sees the target hit successfully. A video auxilary link into the scope shows Rave Shentavo looking up with a furious look and cursing.

"Time to go!" the daredevil declares as he hightails it out of there in a one person hovercraft. Within seconds, it is gone from the area...
Rave Shentavo
06-12-2006, 21:53
Dear Aeris Greenwood,

Do to a recent attack on our empress, she wishes to deliver you this message: If another Tarlachian attacks Miss Shentavo again with any form of water, upon first offense all Tarlachians will be banned from the empire. Upon second offense, you’ll be getting a visit from her personally in which she will gradually peel the skin from your body and gouge your eyes out with a spoon. Make no mistake, this is no warning. The empire is on red alert, and Tarlachians may be shot on sight should this happen again. Have a nice day.

The Cabinet of the Three United Empires


P.S.
You know I’m serious.

Ravelyn Shentavo
New Propagandia
06-12-2006, 22:46
If water is not allowed within two hundred feet of you, will you not die of thirst?
Rave Shentavo
06-12-2006, 23:29
I don't drink...water.